The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 156 The Past Times With Myles Anderson

Episode Date: January 11, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian and YouTuber Myles Anderson! SOURCES OFFICIAL MERCH TOUR DATES   Rocketmoney  Mint Mobile

Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast. We're finally doing it. We heard about this thing when Corolla started, and we thought we should do one. You know what we do here each week. We go through a newspaper from a random date and history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, the great Miles Anderson.

Hello, Miles. Hello, fellas. Miles, we're big fans. Huge fans. I just met you in Vancouver, a college. couple weeks ago. And I was starstruck, Miles, because we've grown to love your work. We consume your content.

We've told people on this show before about what you're doing there over at the Bachelor's of Music YouTube channel. Public service. It seems like an interesting way you've gotten to it. but how would you explain the premise of the thing we've fallen in love with? It is hard to double explain the joke explainer. Yeah, yeah. I am asked to describe it a lot.

And a lot of the time, if I have to describe it, it's already too late. People have already left. They've already walked away. Yeah, yeah. But basically what I do is I, and I started out watching comedians and experience. explaining why their jokes are very funny. Comedians that often were very divisive on the internet, a lot of people seemingly didn't understand why they were so funny.

And so I took it upon myself to explain why they're hilarious. It's helpful. It's a helpful guide sometimes. You'll walk people through a comedian special or a longer clip. Yeah, I think the first one I saw, and I think I sent it to Gareth, was a friend of show, Chris Dahlia, and you really broke down his special in a great way that made me understand it

to a much deeper level. Yeah. Yeah, that was a good one. Chris Dalia, he was a guy that a lot of people didn't understand why he was so funny, especially after all the allegations. And I took it apart myself

to just watch him to stand up and explain that he's one of the best comedians working today. and go through joke by joke and break it down. And it's great because our fans, when you guys mentioned us on your podcast, a lot of your fans came over and immediately got into the comments section. And we're like, yes, Chris Delia, you know, just the way he stares at women,

very funny. Yeah, it is. One of the best working today. Who was the, who was the inspiration? Like, who was the first one that, you know, you broke the comedy down? Like, who was the one where you thought, this is such a great that I need to tell people why it's great?

It was actually, we did a triple feature. We were just sort of trying to find. This character kind of found us, I think, from heaven. And then he's evolved to be a bit more even deranged than we started. We did a triple feature. We did Jim Brewer, Elmar, and Roseanne. tremendous. Is it the, which, which Roseanne one is it?

It's not the one, because I've seen one where she's at an event where a computer doesn't work that you broke down. Yes. Is that? America Fest, America's biggest comedy festival, yeah. Is that the one? No, it was a different one. I think it was an earlier one. Okay.

I might have been, it might have just been a preview for her Fox Nation special. America's number one comedy network. But yeah, it was, it was fun going through all those. But I, three great. I felt like I was a bit too. I was almost too. And then we did Christa Leah second after that. I was almost too mean.

Like I hadn't fully found the character yet. And now it's purely nice. The character, it's very well done. And I, yeah, I mean, we really, I, we are obviously comedians. And we find it particularly hilarious. But it is, it's such a good watch. And we really are truly such fans. So thank you for joining us, Miles.

Have I ever told you my Roseanne story? Yeah, you dated her and then she put you on her show. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, um, goddamma. What's the fucking the comics, uh, reality show? Oh, that's a tough one. All the, oh, uh, last comic standing.

That was comic standing. So I, I went down and one time, and they called up and they're like, hey, can he come down in audition? So I did it. and Alonzo Bowden was one of the hosts and he accused me of stealing and it was crazy because it was a set up and not the joke.

I know you told me you have beef with him. And so I was furious and I was like, I'm never doing that shit again. And then a few years later they're like, we wanted to come on again. And then I was like, I'm not doing it. And they're like, we'll put them through, we'll put him in the house.

And I was like, okay. So I go to do it and I get past to that night. So it's like the big show when everyone gets through. And I go up and I do a set and I kill from start to finish. And Roseanne's like, you didn't build. And I was like, what? And she goes, you didn't build.

You got to build to a baker. And I'm just like, I just kill. Like, what are you talking about? How much better would last comic stand and be if Miles was one of the judges? Oh my God. It would be so awesome. It would be so awesome. Like a sign language interpreter off to the side.

here's why what he's saying is great um well miles what else can we promote for i know you're you're you teach piano oh yeah i teach private piano lessons here oh my gosh yeah can we get we can maybe we can get your rates up where else are you doing stuff you've got the uh the bachelors of music are there is there anywhere else to follow i mean is that really where we should drive people to go to i mean yeah that would be that would You know, I do stand up as well, but I'm trapped in Canada for work visa reasons. I don't know if you guys heard of the tariffs and stuff like that. If I go to America, I got to keep my elbows up the whole time.

You're welcome, by the way. You're welcome. Guys, I haven't had bourbon in like eight months. Yeah. I'm starting. We need it. We need it here. My skin is getting healthier and it feels terrible.

You're welcome. But, yeah, I don't know. I do stand up. But I mean, I would love to. to do YouTube more. It's very comfortable in my house. Yes. Well, it's great. It seems like you got the everything seems pretty easy except for watching a lot of the stuff you have to watch. It is tough. Oh, I should say I live stream twice a week too. And I, every Monday, I watch the show Gutfeld, which is the number one, like, number one show in late night. Oh, my God. And I, we play Gutfeld bingo. And so I try to predict, like, how we're going to get to Joy Behar through a press, right?

it'll start out it'll be like there was a bush crash in peru and i'll be like oh man and i'll pause i'll be like how are we going to get to the democrats like how are we going to get there sure enough it's because joy behaar's ass was in the way and i'll be like oh here we go fuck

i would love to be a part of that it is so amazing to me that they don't pay the comics to go on there man i'll tell you what i actually do watch it too I watch it just because I'm like It's like It's enjoyable because I go Wow this is

We're really at the bottom Of everything here And so I will watch it But I mean It doesn't even feel like The audiences really like love it You know what I mean? It's the number one

It's so big But I also feel like A lot of times like They'll throw out a break And he'll be like Well That's because she wore a bra That was too big

And nobody will do anything And then it'll be like Coming up We've got it And you're like, wow, they didn't sweeten it. It's so sweeten it? I don't know. I mean, some stuff is killing, but they, well, did you see the guy the other night he was on there?

Did you see this, Miles where, what's the thing, Tyrus? Tyrus. I can't remember his name. Tyrus. Tyrus is on every night. Tyrus is on every night. What are our favorites? Doesn't look like he's, he doesn't look like he's not a lot of improv because it's not, it doesn't feel like he's really playing with the other comedians very much.

but he was just like, he basically said whites were here first. And it was like he was giving a history lesson. I was like, oh, my God. How? Yeah. See, that's a funny joke there. That's a funny joke. White's were here first.

Yeah, I missed. You're right. See, this is why I need to watch with you because a lot of it goes over my head. All right, Miles. Why don't you help us guess what year this paper's first? from, it could be very old, it could be a little recent. The good news is Dave has some sort of issue with me, so he will say you win. But remember, even if he does, I win if I'm closer.

Just remember that. So go ahead, Miles. Weird person. Go ahead, Miles. Just guess a year. Oh, I just throw a year out. I don't get to hear anything. Just toss a year, yeah.

toss a year. Okay. I'm going to say 1898. That's a great guess. Wow. I'll say 1881. Uh, oof. It is 1919.

Okay. Congratulations. Nice. You won, that one he actually won, Miles. Nice. Yeah, excellent. What a rude thing to say.

Of course he won. He guessed better. It's a very weird way to frame it. You, like, what? I have, I actually,

I think we need to start hanging up on the walls some of that workplace stuff where they show how you help someone choking and also what's okay to do in a workplace. Because that's hostile. Go ahead. I feel like what you're doing right now feels a little... Do not fucking try to say I'm being hostile while you're actively being hostile.

Okay. Put your hand down. Are you attacking me? Ow! My wrist! Boys, boys. You Americans are always fighting. Just calm down.

Watch it. Just calm down, bud. Can I... Watch it. I got over there once. I'll come back there again. I'll meet you at the Rio again. He's very tall.

How much... That's what they don't. tell you. How much can I pay you to do an episode on Gareth special? I was going to say what was it? When you watched me do a show the other night,

were there a lot of times where you thought about hitting the story? Well, if listeners haven't seen Gareth stand up, it's actually, he goes out, first thing he does, takes his shirt off, it's crazy. He turns the shirt off and he drinks a liter of vodka.

right off the, and the crowd is chanting. Gareth, and he drinks the whole thing, and then he does two hours of stand-up. I wish I could pause it, but it's so full throttle, and he's so drunk. If you pause it, it goes on longer. That's the problem. Miles gave Dave and I pins that said

one of the thousand with a diamond on it, and I'll just let people figure out what that means. It is the Vancouver Weekly Columbian. Is that still around, Miles? Or the weekly Vancouver, Colombian. I think it was bought by private equity and rolled into a restaurant chain. But maybe. Awesome.

Awesome. So it's like everything. Italian barber, handy with gun. I mean, yeah. Wow. Yeah. So you used to be America. It used to be the United States.

This is Vancouver. No, this is the Vancouver, Washington. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Sorry. Do I not, do that?

No, you didn't say that. Fikes Vancouver. Yeah, Miles, you have every right to be. No, no, we don't do Canadian papers. Is there a Maka movement up there? A Maga movement? Yeah. Make American Canada again?

Make America Canada again? It was very, we had a truck convoy. We invented the truck convoy. Oh, yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We invented basketball and the truck convoy. Here's what I always say. Whatever gets Russell Brand on board with your cause, yes.

I've always said the same thing. too. He's one of the best to ever do it. Would you say, Miles? It's so funny. His accent. His accent is, you just can't understand what he's saying, but every once in a while, vaccines come out of that. I love it.

He's so funny. He's so funny. And he looks very smelly. He does look smelly. I just wanted to scare him, was the excuse given by Joe Polilla, a Waschugal Barber

of Italian This is hard to read Extraction for shooting Al Ennis of Washugel through the arm yesterday evening

at 4.30 That's just the arm On the North Bank Highway Okay that's fine Arm is Through In America Yeah through

In America Miles an arm shot Is sort of It's not really a gunshot It's a warning In the back Right It's a warning shot

That's a warning shot So our way of saying Hey I could get closer To the head Yeah Yeah So that's fine. Yeah.

Pallula. Yeah. This is the worst name. Polilla. Was arrested by Marshall Cochran of Camus and taken to Clark County Jail. Edens was taken to the hospital and given treatment. Well, that's nice. Yeah, that is.

That's good. I wonder where in the haircut it was, because if you like, he only did, like, the one half, you know. It's on the highway, so I don't think there's anything to do with the haircut. Well, that's the thing you get your neck cut on the side of the high. highway. You never got, you never done that? Mobile barber?

You've got the freeway cut? Guy with a pair of scissors in one hand and a gun in the other and you just just hitchhiking with scissors. How much? We'll cut for ride. That's actually, that seems possible to me that America could get there. So you're a barber,

huh? According to the story told of the affair, Ennis was in an automobile coming toward Vancouver while Pololo was traveling in a car going the other way. There we go. That's a problem. As they passed near Vancouver, Palilla is alleged to have suddenly seized a 22 caliber rifle.

A rifle. He shot a rifle while driving. Fuck yeah. At another driver. Yeah. Hell yeah. That's right. Yeah.

See, Miles, I know that it's not in your nature to say a hell yeah there, but I appreciate you. Maybe do one more just so we have it for her post. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Very casual. Don't laugh sweetly after you say it, though.

That doesn't, that sort of takes away from it. I can't help it. I get, you know, all this gun talk, you know, I know we're talking through screens, but I just want to make sure you guys can't shoot me from where you are. If you bang, if you might be able to bank it. Oh, yeah, we, no, we are. No, we've got, in American Zooms, you're able to actually shoot. You can shoot.

Have you installed the latest? Yeah, we can actually fire at you. He fired it. Ennis who was in the front seat. The bullet struck Enon's in the arm, and after he was taken to the hospital, it was found that he was painfully, but not seriously injured. Well, yeah, no shit.

It's painful. I mean, it's such a fun. It did hurt him. Who writes this and say, why? Well. Who writes... Yeah, that is true. How do you not put why? I don't know. That is crazy. Because it's just a headline, what we just read.

There's nothing else. Why? Why would be helpful. A barber shot a guy with a rifle while driving. Yeah. Why? I don't know. I don't know. There's not that many cars back.

What year is this? 1911, you say? 1919. There's not that many cars in Washington. Like, what's going on? That might be why. I'm the only guy with a car. Hey, what are you doing?

I'm the car guy. I'm the car guy. I'm the car man. Jesus Christ, there's another car. Shoot him. The only facts we got. out of this is that one guy's an Italian barber. Nothing else.

Probably the most important part is that he was an immigrant. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they're saying. I think that's pretty big. This story is basically fucking Italians. Yeah. This guy is one of the best to ever do it, my opinion. When did that stop?

Did it ever stop? You know, the fucking Italians headlines? No. No, it's never stopped. Well, you know what? It did stop. But we paused it. Okay.

We're working our way through now who the real problem is. you know, very soon, we'll go back to it. We'll have like an Italian ice. I remember seeing there was like a Frank Sinatra PSA against racism from like the 1960s. And he's just describing different people that are now white. He's like, remember kids, even if people come from all sorts of races, Irish, Polish, Italian, Northern England, Southern England. Don't worry. Irish is now white.

white too. Treat them nicely. You guys don't have to go there. Treat them nicely. They're also white. A lot of these people are now white. We had a celebration. Black people are now white. We had a celebration at the U.N. I got to see if I could find this. It's so funny.

U.S. flooding world with movie propaganda. Oh, man. Thank God that stopped. For Top Gun 2? Fear that the United States by flooding the world with her movies is putting over clever American propaganda

is expressed by a writer in the actor official organ of the English Actors Association. Wow. We don't need this shit. I might have thought. Why don't you pipe down Englanders?

You find this Frank Sinatra clip? Tony Bennett I found, but I think he was doing the same thing. He's like, I'm now white. Leave me alone. I'm a white guy now. It's me. Official decree. That's all they needed.

Leave me alone. We can still be rude to the Asian people. It's me, Tony Bennett. The other evening, said the writer, I witnessed a drama dealing with the evils of strong drink. I've said that. Yeah. Now this type of screen drama is very suitable for the United States

where they are still at loggerheads over the drink question, but why on earth? but why on earth palm this rot into poor old Britain What? What? What?

Wow. Is it supposed to be said in an English accent? Palm this raw? Yeah. Palm this raw into old poor Britain. Yeah. Do you want to do an English accent? Don't laugh, Miles.

He's allowed to laugh. He's one of the best ever do it. So are you. Just keep doing Italian. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't be bottom.

Nope. Then there is the war drama in which all the naval and military glories of America are shown to the utter exclusion of the allies. This ought to be banned in this country. So who gives a shit? I do. You do? Yeah, this is how we got mega. This is big.

You seem, that's it. We're done. People in Canada like Trump, right, Miles? Tons of people do, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. Definitely Alberta as well. Super popular up there. one of the best to ever do it.

Yeah, he's, I mean, he's, yeah, Trump's very funny comic. Yeah, he's great. He is, yeah. He's trying to turn your country into a good country. Yeah. You know what I mean? He wants to absorb us, but it's so funny. Like, America already bought Canada, like 20 years ago.

Thank you. I mean, how long until he's, like, at the podium, like, Italians are no longer white. Yeah. Total disaster. Just people got to. just everyone starts getting shot while they're driving. Just taking 20-tooth to the arm.

Bada-bing! That's what we say when you shoot you in the fucking up. Bada-a-bang, 22. That's good. There we go. Pull that out of your fucking shoulder. Yeah. Gareth, the pastimes, is brought to you by Rocket Money.

Rocket Money. Let me tell you something. Pre-rocket money, I would spend so much time trying to keep track of my finances, the streaming and all the whatever I'm paying for. I had a magazine. Did I tell you this? I had a magazine that I was paying for for like 10 years that I didn't even know about. Discover magazine?

Wow. And it would just get charged. It would just get charged. Well, I had an old credit card that I'd never use anymore and I just don't really check. And so like every three years it would renew. And I'd be like, wait, what? Where was the magazine going? to another address to your house?

Yeah, old address. So some guy was like, all right, this is a good gravy train. So Rogat Money was like, hey, man, you're still reading this? And I was like, what is that? Actually, I'm not. So, yeah. But also just like in general, like, you know, trying to keep track of how many charges you're getting and where they're all coming from and what card are going to and all that stuff.

Rocket Money just saves you so much time because Rocket Money just organizes it all and says, hey, this is what you're getting. It is a fairly predatory industry. to some extent to get you to sign up for the free trip. They really play on how dumb we're getting. Because you're like, yeah, I'll do that. And then future you's like, wait, what? Not a year.

Yeah. And so now we have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unlocked and subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has found some of my kids video game things from years ago. Like I said, just found a magazine. it just keeps finding stuff.

And then there's stuff that I sign up for. Like I just signed up for an AFL playoff subscription and then forgot about it and the month later I get charged again. And Rocket Money is like, hey, hey, remember you're going to cancel this? And I'm like, listen, they do a lot of stuff over there, Rocket Money. But that is, to me, that's their legacy. The free trial bouncer.

Yeah, that's it. That's what Rocket Money is really best at. But Rocket Money does a ton of other stuff. It can consolidate checking. and savings and loans and investments into a single dashboard and give you just a clear view of the financial picture. So it's great. It's saved me a ton of money. Save me money on my, internet. They renegotiated that for me. A ton of money. We're pays for itself. Yeah. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Go ahead. I'll do the jingle. Oh, boy. Let Rocket

Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash dollop. That's rocketmoney.com slash dollop. Rogamoney. I get an email from them right here, and I'm reading it. We love the jingle, it says. No, absolutely not. Rocket money, rocket money, rocket money.

Go ahead and save yourself. Some pocket money. Well, if they like it so much, why does it change every time? They said find it forever is what they're no way. Gareth, the pastimes, is also brought to you by Mint Mobile. Mitt and Mobile, of course, a phone service, much like your other mobile phone services, I would say exactly like because they have the same quality.

It's the exact same kind of situation. You get your data, you get your phone calls, you get your texting, and it's way, way cheaper. Yeah. Oh, people, I think, just assume it's not going to be as good because it's cheaper. It's just as good. No, they have to. Yeah, you just save a bunch of money. So look, now that the holidays are over, you know, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover, right?

You spend a lot of money, the drinks, the holiday food, the gifts, blah, blah, blah. It just adds up. Piles up. But look, now you got Mitt Mobile. They're going to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off on limited premium wireless. Now they're just... What? I use Mint Mobile.

I've actually been with all the other big services. It's good. It works. There's no reason not to do it unless you just don't want to, unless you just want to have less money. There are people who like, they have that fetish where they just like to not have money. So if that's what to use, stay where you are. If not, make the jump. Yeah, but it's like it's, it just works.

Mintmobile's end of year sale is still going on, but only until the end of the month. you can cut out all these big bloated, grotesque other wireless plans. That's right. You get 50% off three, six, or 12 months or 12 months of limited. That's a year if you don't know what that is. And then they all come, all the plans, high speed data, unlimited talk and text through the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint mobile plan. Same number.

Bring your phone number, yep. Only thing I'm flagging so far is this 12 months is a year thing. I think that's in Europe, but I think we do it. You might be right. It might be 13 here. I don't know what a year is. I shouldn't have jumped. Yeah, it's okay.

That's okay. Yeah. So we use Mint Mobile. We like it and we think you should use it. Please do it. It works. And we drive all of the country. It works.

Yeah. So this January, quit overspending on wireless with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. Plans start at $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash pastimes. That's mintmobile.com slash pastimes. Limited time offer, upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for 12 months, plan required, $15 a month equivalent, taxes and fees, extra initial plan term, only over 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies. See, minmobile.com. Cost fair speeder $1 for slapping policeman. Oh, man.

Can you imagine if they were a business for $1 to slap a cop? Sweet. They'd be like, Gareth, you've had your 30 hits today, but can I do more or do it? He's 100. Yeah, he's 100. I'm going to beat the shit out of him. Garrett, that's not how this works. I'm going to shoot him.

Just bad apples. Just bad apples. It's a bad one. That's right. The 1%. This is out of Dallas, Texas. It just costs $1 to slap a cop in this town. At least that is the rate for slapping.

I bet they wrote that at the paper and the cops are like, can you not do that? Can you not run with that headline? At least that is the rate for slapping charge to pretty young women. Oh. I get it. So hot girls can hit cops. Unbelievable. Right?

Crazy. Crazy double standard. That is. Classic America. They just hate the white man. Women have always had it better. Hell yeah. Women are now white, too. Hey, I just found out women are also white. Tony, stick to the script. Frogs are now human beings.

Tony, what are you doing? Cars are you dead finally. Tony, I'm telling you, everything's different now. This week, when a cop tried to arrest Miss Eva Garling because she was pegging along in her new, Oof. Let's not. Let's not.

We're better than that. Are we? Wow. Hey, pegging is now penis. Pegging is a mode of transport. Pegging is now a way to get around for party and party. Tony, what are you doing? Buses are now cars and motorcycles.

This week when a cop tried to arrest Miss Eva Garling because she was pegging along and her new roadster at a 50 mile clip. She left the print of five dainty fingers on his ruddy complexion. She slapped his face so hard that he toppled over and lost his cap in the rear

of the car. But he recovered. Wow, that's a hit. He's okay? Is the hat all right? No. The hat didn't make it. We lost the hat. The hat's gone. But he recovered, got his motorcycle and chased her to her home. Then he filed charges against her.

and she was fined $1 on charges of speeding. Yeah, okay, what did he do? So they didn't even charge for the slap. She didn't slap him just for, yeah. Oh, what's your theory? It's a little bit of the old handy finger stuff. Don't worry, your fingers are now allowed to do that. Have you heard of President Trump, darling?

Oh, Christ. And no charge for pegging while driving either. No, that's fine. I'm sure when we distracted driving charge right there You've been drinking the night Oh no officer Were you pegged a minute ago She was pegged me

Step out of the car, sir Just once Just one Just one peg And we were on our wife Oh no I can't get pegged and drive What the fuck? Hey, now you can get pegged and drive

You're white Tony, what is this ad now You can sit on a stick the whole time It's called driving What? And you're white Italians are white You can get paid while you're driving

Your dad's your best friend He goes to school with you now I like this guy I like this guy Do you? I like this guy He's a funny fucking guy You see

I like Miles Miles is American now He's white Whoa no No I'm Sicilian Throw and throw I don't speak the language Sicilians are still a race I wish I hate them

Bowling dancing in church Pastor says Sins Modern churches should be equipped with bowling alleys and provisions for dancing Baptist ministers were told This guy is onto something He's onto something

This is exactly what they need Imagine if the aisle was a bowling alley Imagine if church was a Dave and Busters Do you have Dave and Busters there, Miles? I think we do actually Those are the restaurants that are really loud Right? They got lots of games Oh

Yeah Your first descriptor was way off Hey Miles tried to find the best arcade restaurant again We had a place We had a place called Johnny Z's In Victoria And it was very controversial Because we say Zed here in Canada

Yeah So it doesn't really have the same zing When you say Johnny Zeds Johnny Zeds. But I can still smell the carpet. It's been gone for a long time, but I can still smell a carpet. Legally, you're not allowed to anymore. No, I don't think you can't.

They asked you to leave. No, I do love that. Like, when I was a kid in, I'd go to England, you know, we had six flags or enormous amusement parks here, and there was only one in England, and it was called Alton Towers. And it was just like, you know, the fair that comes to town for four days. It was like that. It was so run down. and the costume characters,

you'd be like, what are you? To be like, oh, I'm sniffy bear! This is real dog shit. You just get on rides. They'd be like, it's shut down

because two of the children have been electrocated. It's very similar in Canada. We don't really do with parks here. We just have, sometimes a group comes through town

and they have something that spins you around until you puke, and then they leave. And you're like, well, maybe we should visit the United States,

stage for this. But again, we can't right now because of the tariffs. 30% tariff if you have fun. Yep. No, we're not allowing that. He was smiling. Get him out. Smiling is now me and you're not having a good time. You're white. Smiling is white now. Smiling's white. By the way, I'm noticing that the enthusiasm on the podcast is dying for my Tony Bennett. It's not going to stop me.

I know. Okay. Everyone's aware. It is Christmas time. It's a Tony Bennett season. Santa is officially a white guy. It's funny. When does it stopping funny?

Rudolph's nose is officially white. You didn't see that coming. No, I did. I'll see you in court. We'll sue you on this show. Modern churches should be equipped with bowling alleys and provisions for dancing. Baptist ministers here were told by Reverend J.J. a felon of Toledo, Ohio.

He says, quote, many amusements must be taken out of their present surroundings. Why should pool, billiards, or bowling have evil associations when they can be made into wholesome pastimes? Dancing can be overdone, but it is... We just said the title of the show, dude. Stop. You're supposed to look in the camera. Oh, shit.

Wait. Bowling, why should pool, billiards, or bowling have evil associations when they can be made into wholesome pastimes? Glasses off. And then we'll play the who. We got it, Preston. Dancing can be overdone, but it has true value as physical exercise and in the development of poise.

This would have made religion so much better and more people would go. That's what he's saying. Yes. Yeah, I completely agree. He's making a lot of sense for the time. Yeah, why not have a bowling? alley. What's the big deal? It's weird. I think he's really going very far, though, because he's basically saying these are not sins. And then he's going, we will turn it into a bowling alley.

I mean, the vibe in church is vastly different. I mean, and then you get stripper poles, and you just take it in a better direction. It's just bada bing. It's just Tony Sopranos play. Harry comes. It's coming back. More Tonys. More Tonys. Who? Who do you think? Who? I don't know who you're talking It is big basketball. Oh, wait, wait. So now you guys want it? These Italian guys there. Garrett, this is not how you win a Tony by doing Tony's.

That's not how the awards work. Can you, how much fucking better would the Tony Awards be if only Tony's got nominated and it had nothing to do with theater? Only Tony's. Number one Tony of this year, kill Tony. Tony Hinchcliff. Number one Tony. Just never do it. Tony.

Have you ever done a Kill Tony episode? I've never seen that. Yeah, I've done quite a few. In fact, it's one of my favorite episodes I did was watching Tony Hinchcliffe's comedy. And it's like a clip. It's like the first comedian, and he calls the comedian a racial slur.

But the first half is this comedian. It was a very controversial thing. It was a very controversial thing. But since the joke explainer, it's like an idiot. I watched the first comic as if I thought he was Tony Hinchcliffe. explain it for six minutes and then and then Tony shows up and I go oh

this is okay and then I we kept it we kept it all in and I just my first thing about doing this character is such a fucking idiot is because sometimes like

I'll be doing live series and people will throw comedies on there that I actually like and so the only way I can keep it funny is by leaning into being more of an idiot or like suggesting maybe they should say get or done after their punchline to like kind of up the value of the comedy of it but yeah it's been there's been a little bit of growth with the character but it is still pretty pure in what it is it's still very even when the

the the host is exasperated and not i'm not really sure what he's going for there but it's it's very funny the best way to watch a rogan special you've watched rogan special you've watched Yeah, of course. How many have you done? We've done so many now. We've done so many. And it's hard, like, some of them get more attention than others. I think, I don't know how the algorithm works.

The bigger the comic, maybe the more attention, I think. I think so, but I've done huge comics. I've done really big comics. And they don't get as much as people that are sort of in that. I watched you do a Howie Mandel, like, 80s special a little while ago. That was, that is, sometimes, that's why it's great. Like, do they not get taken down at all ever? Is it because you're at it?

Sometimes they do. But the Howie Mandel one was, it's a shocking, shocking performance. Shocking. He was great. It's, well, it's honestly, it's a nauseating episode. And in that one, too, I lean into how done it. He's going to die before this episode drops. Yeah, yeah.

Well, what if he, what if he, chill out? It'd be weird if that happens. What if he dies with a rubber glove on his head? That's how the coroner checks to see if he's still alive, puts a glove on his head. He's like, it's not inflated. I remember watching, I think what made me so, I did the Howie episode. I mean, he was on the radar for a while,

but I did it because I saw an interview with Howie, and he was talking about how he was explaining his act to a reporter. He's like, you know, I just put a, you know, a most CD, so I always had these rubber gloves. in my pocket. I put one on my head and I blew it up like a balloon and it really got a big laugh and you know, it may seem ridiculous, but I bought

my first house with that act. And I like, the life left my body. I was just like, that's a house amount of money for the glove on the head. I was like, what was life like back then? Like, what was it? In the 80s, it must have been

unbelievable. It's crazy. Yeah, but what's interesting to that and Tony Hinchcliff? Like, Yeah. Tony Hensler was the luckiest man in the history of comedy to me. Yeah. I don't agree. I think the, I mean, buying a hoist off a rubber glove on your face.

Yeah, but the difference is that Mandel was actually a good actor. Like, he actually had some skill and talent. Watch the episode that Miles did. I'm going to really need you to point back to the, what they've done. The Bachelors of Music have, uh, I think you might be. be thinking a little bit on what you're saying right now, my friend. I really do. People accuse me sometimes, you know, a lot of time the comment section is wonderful,

but sometimes people are like, this is guys just jealous. And I'm like, yeah, of course I am. Are you kidding? But you get that all the time. Anytime you comment on anything, like there was a guy, what did the guys, this guy said something to me the other day. He said, I, this woman was making fun of Rob Reiner, Rob Reiner. She's like, I can't remember, but whatever.

made a snarky comment and I got a lot of the right wing going at it. And this one guy was like, you look like a background extra in a claymation movie about like. I saw that. And I was like, that's pretty good. I was like, it's pretty good. I was like, you're pretty good. It's a little wordy, but this is pretty good.

But they just, no matter what you comment on, well, you, you're just jealous because you're not, you don't have $100 million. I'm like, sure, great. Yeah, everybody's jealous of $100 million. Way to go. Way to go. All right. Good stuff. Now, can we get back to the actual facts of the conversation? I thought it was so like, and a lot of people when the, you know, we got some action on when the Riyadh Comedy Festival thing will happen and they were all, all that was in the news.

You know, we were, we were so ahead of everybody. Like, we've, we've, since we started, we've had a Patreon tier that is entirely written in Arabic that says for $2,000 a month, we will further the interests of the kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Like we've said it years ago. We've had it forever. And we've been just begging for Mohammed bin Salman to please. We'll do whatever. Well, you can steer the joke explainer to whoever you are. But at that point, you have no right to make fun of Riyadh. I mean, I know you know that.

But obviously, if you co-signed that dear for something. Honestly, that's pretty cool to see that coming. That is cool. Like, I just, it was, yeah. I mean, I could, I just thought that was so funny. the responses for that too were just like they did it for money and I just love how they weren't they were pretending they weren't like if I ever did that I'd be like yeah no I did it for money every day I hear mice fighting in my walls so I did this I did this for the check so that I can

have a dishwasher but I can understand like you know when they get a certain if you were like a mogul and they were like how much more money and I actually explained this on the joke explainer people were always asking why please Miles explain the odd comedy festival is say, well, when you get to a certain level of comedy, you know, like Kevin Hart, if Kevin Hart doesn't make a certain amount of money, he'll be acquired by Gabriel Iglesias and absorbed into his, like they're like businesses. Like the blob. Yeah, they're not like comedy anymore.

They're now huge empires that are fighting and, you know, China might buy all of American comedy if they don't maintain liquidity in the market. No, I think, you're lucky to be ahead of something like that because Dave and I were quite vocal being very disappointed in what took place we were on the wrong side of history you got you got in the old days you know

comedians would often try to get laughs but you got to get bags now you got to get the bag yeah that's true right get the bag hey everybody Riyadh is not white that one works because it's so bad like you've dropped into this level

Khashoggi's white we've reanimated Khashogi Is Tony Bennett alive? Is he dead now? I don't know. I died, but I'm white now. I died about a year and a half ago.

He did? Yeah, I'm dead. Okay, but who's this character you're doing? Tony Bennett, I'm white. I'm zombie Tony. Because it seems more like you're one of the guys in the background of the Sopranos. Hey, come on. They white.

What? Yeah. Ma's white. See, in the old days, if Italians weren't white, Gareth would be racist right now, but they've been white for 20, 25 years plus. And by the way, I'm getting away of this because of parody. How am I? He saved himself.

Cops not busy. Citizens use them for odd jobs. Okay. At a Steubenville, Ohio. With the rest showing a reduction from 400 to 60 in a month because of prohibition, the question of what to do with the policeman is the burning question here. That's a terrible sentence. It's not good.

Very upset by it. Citizens understanding the situation have sought out the idle cops for different odd jobs. Desk records at the police station show that there were 11 calls from women who wanted their automobiles cranked. One from a businesswoman who wished three mice killed. Hey, that's true stuff. And it's Miles Turt. that's why it's funny when I got the notes saying make sure you record in a quiet environment

I was just like I was banging on the walls just before this I was like you know fighting shut the fuck up well it's funny we sometimes where we record there's a guy who's in like the office next door who clearly thinks he's in boiler room oh my god

his dude is on the phone fucking closing the weirdest deals all day screaming yeah God, that's awesome. I mean, we're in here screaming, too, but we are a lot of times like, this fucking guy. Three calls from women who wanted dead rats buried.

One call to exterminate a swarm of bugs with about an arc light. Oh, yeah, okay. And four calls from women shoppers who mislaid their parasols. Mislaid. Their parasols. I don't believe that for a second. Yeah, I mislaid a parasol once. Did you?

What happened? Put it up my butt. I just, I'm upset about everything. Walk me through it. It's just so, it's just so bad. See, that was a call back to the Tony benefit. See, you get some. Explain the joke.

What I'm dealing with is called repetition. And it's no longer funny, but I do believe if I hold strong, you're wrong. Okay. Exactly. Places $625 a month value on his. toothache. Wow.

So Cleveland, how much per month is a toothache worth? $625, I'm guessing. I don't know. I'm British. A jury will have to decide this question in a suit brought by a common pleas court here by Anton Smolick against the St. Clair Avenue dentist. Smolick puts it at $625 a month. He asks $5,000 in damages, claiming that he visited the

dentist last January and had the tooth treated and despite the dentist's assurance to the contrary, it continues to ache. Wow, that'd be, it would be really fun to sue your dentist. Yes. Wow. Right? Yes. Yeah, you don't think so. Is that just the American mentality, Miles? What, you, want good things for your dentist? Oh, are you, are dentists and Canada's, are the good people? Yeah. We have, yeah, we actually just got dental care passed. Big, big, big flex on you guys. It's funny to watch the way American and Canadian politics, how we get mad about stuff. Like, Americans get mad about the thought of doing something. And Canadians react to stuff that's already been passed.

Legislation happens. And then we're like, whoa, what just happened? Americans are like, whoa, we're debating. Our Italians white. Okay. Hold on. Go ahead. He came out of us.

He's coming. He came out. He's pretty hard. What he's saying is, Oh, teeth are part of the body. Not in America, baby. Yeah, fuck that. Teeth and eyes not part of the body.

Yeah, or ears. Not part of the body. What are you guys doing up there that you think the teeth and the eyes are part of the human body? Yeah. By the way. We don't have eyes yet. No eyes. Oh, okay.

Good. That's good. Have you seen these new crest trays that for your teeth? No, they're white. That was good. Oh, man. Come on. Oh, man.

That hurt your tooth? Why did you hold your mouth? That was a callback. I haven't been that upset since. I heard that Canadians have dentistry covered. Yeah, that is tough to hear. Have you guys thought about just not doing any of that and letting yourselves die in the street? I mean, we do that.

We don't have any shootings at malls. We still do that, but we have, you know, the teeth are looked after. Yeah. Okay. Okay, tell me this, buddy. How many thousands of dollars a month are you paying for health insurance? Bingo. We can't high five because if we.

break our hands. How much thousands of dollars a month are you paying for health for your health coverage? You guys are breaking up. You guys have, how's your electricity down there? You guys have electricity? You guys are you guys are all garbled. What's going on? What we were saying was USA. USA. You guys were just cheering America. I figured so. You missed three minutes of USA chanting. Yeah. USA, USA chanting. Yeah. Dave took his shirt off and pounded a pitcher. Canadians are very, we're very smug about our health care and I don't want to impose

that on you guys. You guys have a lot of good, you guys have a lot of amusement parks down there we don't have. Thank you. He's making good points. I don't think he knows what smugness is when he apologizes for doing it. We have more fun. These guys are all like, oh, I want to be healthy. Like a bunch of fucking nerds, you know, and we're like,

you know, if you die because you got a wart, fine. You know what nerds? are to us, Miles, it's a candy that has ingredients that are illegal in every other country. Thank you. Go ahead, Dave. That would be more funny if I hadn't spent the morning reading a

giant list of things that are illegal in other countries when you're just like, wait, what? Yeah, Gatorade's not allowed anywhere else. You're like, what? What? Made with gasoline. Skittles? No, what? Skittles. Breaks teeth

on Boston Baked Soes Heinz Company It's so British Do you guys have Boston baked beans in Canada? Bake beans? Yeah, we have Heinz ones. Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, we got the Heinz ones.

Oh, yeah. Boston baked. I don't know if we have Boston baked. I think those have been illegal since the revolution here. Miles, Dave is he's reeling from the fact that you guys now have dental insurance.

He's kind of grasping. to get one over on your country, so I do apologize if for the rest of this, it seems like he's trying to showboat over things that don't matter. Hey, look, we can go down to Mexico and get our teeth done

for like a third of the stop talking. In your face. Stop talking. Charging. Charging. You guys, you promise? Thank you.

Charging that she feels like it's going bad. It's, okay. Charging that she broke her teeth while eating beans. It's not cool that right after he brags about them having dental coverage, his whole fucking thing is about teeth shattering. Beans, from beans. America is so good that our teeth break from beans. Do you guys have soft teeth or hard beans?

We have hard beans. Boston big beans are very hard. Do you have soft teeth or hard beans? That's the jury. That's like the lawyer to the jury. As a gentleman, Jerry, you are tasked figuring out if she had soft teeth or if Heinz made a hard bean.

By the end of this trial, we will lead you to the solution to that question and we'll finally be able to answer. I would posit, they made hard beans. I'm a family man. Teeth are now white. I'm a family, man.

When I was a boy, beans were as soft as the cool side of a pillar. Imagine my face when I give my 11 children a handful of the hardest beans This side of the Mississippi My daughter eats beans I thought I heard shattering like a window pane in the breakfast room Sounds like someone threw a rock through a window We haven't beans daddy

What? I said chew harder don't be weak And that teeth flew out of their mouth Like the 22 bullet out of the rifle of an Italian man. Why? What? It just can't bleed into the next episode. Oh.

You're right. It can only bleed into every episode going forward. Now, why? You're why. The Dave just instituted no Italians policy, circa 1922? You're unbelievable. Unbelievable. Wow. That is disgusting.

But I've had that policy since I saw Jersey Shore. Oh, that's, come on. They gave us the smush room, you idiot. That's true. That's not real. Are those real Italians, or are those just New Jersey? They're American Italians, so they're real. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Okay. Mary Armstrong has brought suit against the H.J. Heinz Company of Cambridge for $2,500. It is contended that some foreign. substance was in a can of beans so that the fair name of Boston Bake is not blemished. Hmm. So some hard object in the beans, probably. Yeah, but if they, but they should have just.

Now with rocks. They should have just settled at a court because now this is in the paper. Yeah. People are suspicious. Yeah, I agree. Canadians don't know. Yeah, it's be a real cautious chew for me. Yeah, yeah.

After that one. EPS. Don't go all in on a bean. No, don't bite into the beans and the confidence. No, I couldn't agree more. Be careful. Bean careful. Go ahead.

Pays $5,500 for 110 cases of river water. This is definitely, by the way, I don't think this person knew they were buying river water. I'm like, this is heavy. You promised this is from the Alps? Pittsburgh for 110 cases of dirty river water, $5,500. That's what Louis Pestrucy paid to sharp-witted individuals here for whom the law officers are now looking. Petrucci, who lives in a neighboring city,

came to Pittsburgh to buy contraband liquor. Oh, well, there you go. Oh, okay. He was taken in hand by the sharpers and led to an abandoned wholesale shop. Here he was given a sample of some of the very best brand whiskey and was told all the cases he saw contained more of the same. Unsuspecting, Patrucci paid over the cash,

and after hauling the load home at a truck, he discovered his watered stock. Hmm. So, yeah, I mean, that's, like one time I went to a Green Day concert, and we thought we were buying a bag of weed. It was in a paper bag, and the guy said don't check it out and we were like that's weird

and then we gave him 30 bucks and it was pine needles how did you were you able to get high off them no and then another time one of my friends sold a fucking fake bag of weed to a kid at our school

this is horrible but he like we smoked the weed and he kept the stems and then he glued grass what are you talking about onto the fucking stems and he sold it to a kid at our school and we almost pissed our pants

this is terrible but when the guy was like what kind of weed was that? Some of that didn't go down too good And we were like, oh my God, my God, he was smoking glue. He has cancer now. Miles, does that? Oh, yeah, we used to smoke weed out of apples. Oh, yeah, cool.

You ever do a can? I thought, yeah. You ever do a can, tin can? And a Gatorade bottles are classic too. Yeah, that's a nice one. Nice one to do with the Gatorade in it. Nice bong full of river water. You can't go on record as far as smoking weed.

Can you, Miles? On record? Well, it's legal here in Canada. Oh, okay. Are you a recreational marijuana user? Sometimes if I'm on vacation, but I tend to go a little bit insane on it. I'm not going to lie. Weed is not good for my brain.

One time I took a weed gummy and 24 hours later, I thought I was going to be totally sober. But I couldn't, I was driving. I didn't pull onto the highway for like 20, minutes. I was just kept staring. I was like, I'm pretty sure there's more cars coming. And I just pulled over. But I was like, 24 hours should be enough. No. And you can't be smoking weed when you've got rats

fighting in your walls all around you. Like, you know, the paranoia. The paranoia is just too much to handle. Gypsy women asked to bless money. Next story, please. Gypsy women asked to bless money. Steal it.

St. Louis, two gypsy women. Christ. We're not supposed to use that word. We're bringing it back. After we get the other word back. Esmeralda. No, no, nice try. What's wrong? That what?

Two gypsy women entered the Notion store conducted by Joseph Bauer here. They bought a tray and three jellyglass. What the fuck is a Notion store? I'm sorry, what the fuck is a jelly glass? What, like for jams? Well, I think if we knew what a notion store was, then we could have more of an understanding. I think a notion store is their Apple.

Apple store. What? Notion store. You think a notion store is an Apple store? Well, you know, like the computer. Oh, the computer. No. So you think that three jelly glasses is the equivalent of...

Honestly, it's all about notion, the AI. Jelly glasses from a notion store. This story sounds like an AI. Yeah. You're not, Notion. It's so funny that Notion has just ruined figuring that out. What is the Notion store? Sells sewing accessories, tools like button, zippers, thread, needles, ribbons, and seam rippers.

Essentially a haberdashery rather than the main fabric. And a jelly glass, like we said. And a jelly glass. Just a thing for jams. Okay, well that's weird But that's what it says it is Yeah, there we go See, Miles, this is how this show works

Two curious idiots Using AI to figure out shit How much have you in the cash register Asked the older woman Bauer said he thought $3 was about the amount Show me, I bless it, said the woman Well, I'd love to have my money blessed Americans.

And Bauer accommodated her. So he just shows her the money. Here you go. If a couple ladies come into your store and they ask how much you have the cash register, you tell them and show them. Yeah. What else would you do?

And then they go bless. We got to go bless it at the church. We'll be back soon, women. How much money have you got in your pocket? I bless it also. All right. Well, I've got 18 in my pocket. Wow.

I'm glad you ladies walked in. I was walking around with all those heathen bucks. Bauer pulled out his purse and placed it on the counter. Here you are. This guy's a fucking idiot. Yep. A customer came in and Bauer went to wait on her. Excuse me.

You bless the money. I'll be right back. You ladies watch over my money, would you? Hello, lady far away. What can I help you with today? When he returned, the two women were gone, and so were two $5 bills that had been in the purse. Wait a minute.

I think witnesses said that the women had entered an automobile with two gypsy men and departed. Gypsies! Yeah, honestly. Yeah, get one more in. Gypsies! Okay. And that's that.

And that's the latest episode of... Never seen a catch. Yeah, and that's the end of that. Oh, gypsies. Stop saying it. Why? It's a good word. Oh, my God.

All words are back, my friend. friend. Yeah, we did fight for this. By the way, we record in Austin. Well, Miles, thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me, guys. People can watch you professionally explain jokes at the Bachelors of Music YouTube channel. Like I said, we encourage everyone to go there and really learn about the art of stand-up comedy because you're very good at explaining it, distilling it. I actually started stand-up after watching your tutorials. So we encourage people to go over there, subscribe, and enjoy.

Make it your algorithm like Dave and I have. My algorithm is you pop up a lot. Thank you, guys. I hope you learn a lot from the channel. I hope you learn a lot about, you know, all the different bits you can do and how, you know, possibly, you know, consider the Saudis. I'm just saying it. Yep.

That's very nice. You know what a good. It's the future comedy. I know it's Austin now. but I think for Riyadh might be the new location. I think you're right on the money with that, my man. Well, Miles, thank you again. We appreciate it.

Thanks, fellas. Hey, Dallup fans. I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch the Dallop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary. It's Gareth.

Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode, or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube. You can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff,

the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.