The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 158 - The Past Times with Rosalie

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Rosalie  SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Hims 

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th, the Gramer City Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast against all odds. We're doing it.

You know what we do here. Each week we go through a random newspaper picked out from a random date in history by Random Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, had never seen it, and neither is this week's guest, Rosalie, Rosalie, thank you for joining us. Oh my God, thank you for having me, guys.

It's an honor. You're in the Comedy Fort, Green Room. I am. I'm in the Comedy Fort Green Room. It's about 28 degrees in here, and I feel really good. Would you rather be cold or hot in life? See, here's the annoying thing about me. I really just kind of can't be bothered by temperature.

Sure. Bed, bed, bed. You'd rather be chilling. or hot? I would rather be chilly. That's the red answer. If you're going to cold. I would rather be cold.

Unless there's activity involved, hot's not good. Oh, wow. Okay, yeah, let's do that. I'm thinking about like sit-ups. Oh, yeah, I love it. I've actually done sit-ups in a hotel bed before. Of course you have.

And I think I was like, yes, I don't think it's doing anything. No, that's a weirdo stuff. Nice. I'm back. Rosalie, where can people find you online, What is your, are you on Instagram? Are you TikToking?

Have you ever done a TikTok dance? I have not done a TikTok dance. I am both very proud of that and deeply regret it. Okay. Because during COVID, when everyone else got on TikTok, and I was like, that's so cringy. That's not going to turn into anything. And now there's so many people famous from TikTok dances.

It is, yeah, but I mean, no, I mean, everything's wrong. I did enjoy the phase where people are like, like, TikTok's like the communist one. And then now you're like, Not anymore. So what's your Instagram? It's OMG, hi, Rosalie. L-M-G, hi, Rosalie.

All one word, all lowercase, baby. Okay. I don't know. Does the casing matter on Instagram? I don't know. Did someone have a cap, all caps, Gareth Reynolds? Sure, I do. What?

Okay. So, Rosalie, let's start by guessing the year that this paper is from. This is going to be an old newspaper. in many ways the guy reading it is also an old newspaper but uh what the fuck was that what year would you guess this is from could be 1800 could be 1900s could be 1700s could be 2000s I am going to say because I've had this number in my mind the last couple of days 1846 wow that's good that's just a number that's been rolling around yeah what's that

all about a couple days I don't know okay it's just haunting me sure sure if you have a Maybe there's a prospector in your place. We all get haunted by numbers. I have a prospector who haunts me. I'll guess I'll go 1912. Oh, Rosalie wins. It is 1927. Wait.

Oh, my God. No, hold on. By what? Wait. What did you say again? No, but I feel like. Okay. Sorry.

Would you say? Congrats on the win, Rosalie. You said 1912, right? You're not going to take a win from a trans woman in 2025, are you? Uh, that's right. But, okay, but if I may, you can take it away, aren't you also? So this is like a middle-aged white guy taking them? Oh, no, no.

First of all, middle-aged. Middle-aged six, white dude taking away a win. All right, here we go. Wow, wow. By the way. The thing was, don't. Go ahead. Are you going to talk over a trans woman in 2025?

Ahead of, ahead of. We're ready to move forward. I said, that's on the win. I said before we started, if you guess any of the numbers, it'll be held against you. and you had three of the numbers in yours. The Rosalie had none of the numbers. Just read the goddamn paper. It's the Fort Collins Express Courier from August 7th, 1927.

My birthday. Yeah. Is the birthday, your birthday? Nope. Okay. Nine-year-old Denver boy held for theft of automobiles. Nice. Plural.

Kid was good for him. Doing it. Yeah. Milton. It was probably so much easier to jack a car back then, though. Right? You just like turn the crank a few times and then you're like, ha ha! Oh, yeah, for sure.

And then you skeetle away. It's amazing. Yeah. Milton Snell. Okay. Nine years old. Hot name. Wait.

This said, yeah, nine years old. Nine years old ready to be 81 and talking about the heat of soup. The third of three brothers. Milton Snell's complained about his stew heat. He's the what? He's the third of three brothers. Okay, he's the youngest. So that's why, because his older brothers are like, yeah, we'll show you to steal a car.

Yeah, that's true. There's no way he does this on his own. Sure. Sure. Sure. Do you have brothers and sisters? I have one older sister who I hold very dearly to me. And then I think an odd number of step siblings who I'm pretty emotionally detached from.

Okay. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Yeah, it felt like... Like two or three. That sounds right. Whenever someone sighs before answering a family question, like, hey, you know what? This might be complicated.

The way you know that you're like, oh, that was not an A plus childhood. As soon as you hear that sigh, you're like, ooh. Yeah, right. Steve's got degrees for sure. Yeah. I had three step siblings, but after the divorce, that was it. They're out. Nobody asked you to the best.

Yeah, you can divorce step siblings too. Oh, to just drop them. Get rid of them. Yeah, they're gone. I love mine. It's so nice. I love mine. And I'd like to meet yours.

And I'd like, I have three. I'd like to meet yours. Okay. Okay. Yeah. And they're great. They're great. And are we recording?

Yeah, they're great. The third of three brothers to be arrested for stealing automobiles was held in a detention home today for juvenile court authorities after he and a nine-year-old companion were arrested at Lowry Field in. a stolen automobile. You know Lowry Field? I am familiar with Lowry Field. I'm more concerned. Why doesn't his companion get to get name dropped? That's a good question.

Truth. Yeah. Yeah. Because they're trying to point out that young Milton is from a family of crime. Oh, so the companion is affluent. Yeah. And the other kid was just like, you know, this is the bad influence. Milton.

And it's a bystander. Yeah, the poor. Well, you know, poor is airborne. The Ritchie caught it. The companion was Walt. Oh, now they're naming them. The companion was Walter Schmidge. What?

These two, this is like, I'm guaranteed. I think that they are the main characters and grumpy old men. S-M-I-D-C-H-E. Smidge. Smidge. That's a fucked up name. Like an ink plot. Police say they.

stole the machine of Art Quinn, 2905 Fillmore Street. The youngest name. What would it be the best thing is if one day we did this podcast and the guest lived at the address that we named? Oh my God, they just can't say anything. Rosalie, they give the address out of where people live before 1970 with great, it's just a very casual drop. They'll be like, like someone who could be in danger and they'll be like,

you can find him up on Turbine Avenue. Yeah, there's a lot of... One-four, one-one-one. It's victim or criminal. They just gave you everything. Yeah. Like, he's an address, his blood type, his mother's maiden name,

the name of his first three pets. And it's like, dude, that looks crazy. No one should have lived past, like, the mid-1900s. I agree. Well, the goodness is we're not going to make it much further. So we're about to make up for that. It would must be great back then, though, if you do find someone's address to just be like,

hey, you want to go meet that guy who stole all that vinegar? Let's just go to his house. You know, just go there. But why'd you do it? He's like, please stop. And the thing is, someone would get arrested for stealing all that vinegar. My family? It's like you put it on cuts and your fries.

In the afternoon and drove to aviation field to inspect the planes. So they stole a car and they went to look at planes. Because they're nine. Wait, but are they stealing planes? No, they're just checking them out because they're nine. Oh, okay. That is some cute shit. That's what you do.

if you're nine. If you steal a car to go check out like stray dogs, I'm like, all right. You all go look at the airplanes? Here, let me how are this shit. Let's get the fuck out of here to see the Cessna's. Schmidt is all. People shit.

Yeah, it is. Steel two cars just to go look at planes. There's a grocery store. There's a grocery store near my house where every Sunday it's just packed with old-timey cars. And these old fucking dudes just, I mean, You are genuinely just like, guys, guys, guys, anything else. They just part-

Anything else. He popped that hood. Can I look under it? Oh, whoa. It's all the same cars. That's a lot of tools. It's all the same guys and the same cars every single week. It's the same guys, same cars.

There's no new people coming in. You're like, I'm going to go buy yogurt. You're like, oh, fuck, it's old weird car guy day. And I, who made you tires, Frankie? We had, we have, there is a 9-11 remembrance day where. You're familiar with 9-11? So, I remind me, that was, which one again? So two kids stole some cars and then they flew two planes into our towers.

Right. Oh, that's right, that's right. One was nine, one was 11. Yeah, the P-EAS characters hijacked a plane. For sure. In our town, so they have 9-11 Remembrance Day and they have a couple of, of fire engines and an old fire engine and then a bunch of old cars

and they drive in front of all the schools and the kids come out and like stand there and watch and it's been going on obviously since the year after 9-11 and they tried to cancel it because they were like look it's been so long and it's not a thing and the car guys made it keep happening and you and you watch it you're like

guys there's no reason for you to be here also what is the 9-11 affiliation I don't know. They're just like... I don't know. They just decided that they would tag along with the 9-11 remembrance day. That was made in 1945. Okay.

Yeah. Because the old car guys are weird. That's why. Man on 9-11? Sir. There's people that are mad at us right now. Why? Because they have old cars.

Oh, well, fuck that. We lose you gladly. Milton's oldest brother, Olin, Laverne-Snell. What the fuck? fuck it's a name it's upsetting it is very upsetting it's not even like old timey where it's like a fucking Blake or something like no just feel like hodgepodge

together by the parents smidge is not a last name I'll go to I'll die for that statement and Laverne is traditionally a lady's name so back then that's weird I well also like such an old lady's name yeah Levin and Shirley or was Leverne popular back then like a cool I don't know I mean, at one point, Edna or Edith was popular.

Shit, I'm Gareth. Not for a natural dude, though. I can't talk about it. Rosalie hasn't been popular since 1950. I think that's shit myself. I think that's true. If I could go on a repick. If I could go on a repick.

Oh. That must be, how did you land on Rosalie? Why Rosalie? What is the genesis of this? Honestly, it was just like such a process. And the thing I truly, believe about like every trans woman is like we can't just be like a katie or an

Ashley or anything we always have to have something kind of extravagant I've like oh wow but isn't that is it isn't that because if you were able to pick your own name like this is is no joke when I was seven I wanted to legally change my name to Spike my mother refused and it was a big argument for us but I did want to go by Spike And my mother's a little British woman, and she pushed back a lot. And, you know, in retrospect, I'm glad. But, I mean, if you get a second crack in a name, it's like, come on. That's exciting.

Yeah, Aphrodite. I like that a lot. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But then, like, conversely, every trans man I know is just like Mark. That's sad. Smidge. They don't get their whole life just to be.

Bob. And I'm so, Bob, fully. So, wait, why Rosalie then? What led you to Rosalie? For me, it was just like, so roses are my favorite flower. And I always wanted a name that was like a longer name that people would condense down to a shorter version, like a casual nickname. Because my old name, it was just like, it was a one syllable, like one hit wonder. You know, it was never anything fun.

So I was like, oh, I could go by rose. And I was like, no, it's like a longer form of Rosalie. And then there was like Rosemary, Rosalind, Rosalie. And I said that one feels the least psychotic. Rosemary. Rosemary's not a good one. I just love the... Yeah.

Well, that baby fucked up. Really fucked up that baby. That fucking baby. But there's something so nice about being like, I want a name that can be short and do another name. If you're going, making your known name. Yeah. I'm looking for a few things. Like your name.

No. Can be short. Shut the fuck up, Dave. Sorry. Melton's oldest brother, Olin-Levern, Snell, 19. is now in the state reformatory at Buena Vista. He was arrested May 5th with three companions in a stolen machine. This is a Mr. Show sketch.

I'm not kidding. They're stealing cars. This is the time to steal cars. There's probably no door on the fucking car at this point. That's what I mean. You literally just hit the gas like a go cart. Yeah. I'm out of here.

Yeah, you just turned the crank. Jesus Christ. Off you go. Yeah. Police said the gang had stolen 38 Chrysler automobiles in a few months. They're joyriding. Wow. But they're not selling...

Nine years old. They're not stealing them to sell. They're just joyriding. I've done it. 38 cars. 38 is a high number for a nine-year-old. Even in 1927, that is... That's a grocery store parking lot on a Sunday number.

That's high. Jesus. 38. The second brother, Harold Snow. 14 is in the state industrial home at Golden. He and a companion were arrested after they had stolen the automobile of Dr. W.S. A go from the grounds of the Denver Country Club.

So they like to ride. Yeah. And they like to, I mean, country club cars. I'm okay with that being stolen. If you're like this, if you're a young teen and you realize you can just get into a car without a key and start it. You're going to do it constantly.

Oh, yeah. I learned how to drive stick shift at 13, and I did start just, like, taking my mother's car out or friend's cars out about 14. That's insane. Yeah, and it was awesome. And I'm not kidding. Yeah, we just drove illegally.

I'll tell you what. You want to rush? Drive a fucking stick shift at 14 illegally. That's a ride. That's, why is everyone looking to me weird? Because it's very weird. I can't drive sticks, so if anything, I was looking at a lot of admiration.

Thank you. That's what I prefer that look. I used to know how to drive a stick, but you forget. No, I just drove one the other day. Did you? You remembered? Yeah. I probably haven't because I had two stick shifts when I started out and I don't think I could do it now.

You just get it and do it again? Really? Yeah. No. It's like, yeah, it's like riding a, it's like driving a stick shift. It comes right back. Don't ever say that again. But you have to learn, you have to know how to drive one because if you ever go to Europe,

it's all stick. It doesn't matter though, because they have it on the other side. side. So the second you go there, your whole skill set is useless. You're fucked. Yeah, you're just like, eh, eh, and everything's on the other side. Not every, not every country. Some are. Some are. Some get it. Some do it properly and do things the right way. USA.

USA, four more years. All the more years. There's no way. Let's watch him drool. There's no way he makes it four. Dave and I have a bet, and Dave says there's no way he makes it to the end of his term. Oh, God. I mean, wish. I mean, he says no way.

Dave's calling, Dave's calling like six months away. Yeah, he's not going. I'm, I feel like he will make it through, but then like, hopefully if he gets out, um,

like maybe three to six months afterwards, he'll finally just like, I mean, he's like definitely going right now, but I do feel like I just, I just, my instinct is always what is the worst? And I'm like,

he'll make it. The worst people last forever. Like Dick Cheney hit 90. He's like a canned ham that they took out of the can in 2016 and put in the sun. It's been in the sun the whole time. I don't even know what. What? He's like a canned ham.

You don't need to repeat it. Well, he's been out of the sun for a while. That man is slowly cooking. Anyway. I think we all agree the border is a lot safer. Go ahead. But someone did have a great picture the other day. of he clearly had filled his diaper

I love when they're able to do that when they got Giuliani shitting in a thing and his diaper and then Jerry Nadler they were like watch his walk change and James like oh Jerry Nadler just he's walking like the penguin because he just pooped his pants anyway these guys are in charge of where our money goes

uh no place for me says Parrot as Bolt Fell's girl what I don't even know what's going on here Rita Arita Ali 18 years years old senior at North Denver High School narrowly escaped death during the severe

electrical storm in North Denver yesterday when lightning struck a window of her home just as she was closing it. Wow. The lightning doesn't strike windows. There it does. It just can't do it twice.

Oh yeah. That is that. I don't know. Can I say something kind of contankerous? I don't care about hearing about how someone almost died. That's not news. People almost die every day. Constantly.

No, it's a good point. That's not cantankerous. And by the way, credit for cantankerous. No, I agree. And by the way, that is literally someone said that happened.

Yeah. Someone went there and was like, um, lightning hit my window. That's why I don't think it did. Yeah, I agree. I agree.

I agree. Yeah. Yep. The bold knocked the girl unconscious. Oh. Set fire to the window casing. I'm starting to think it happened. Filling the house is smoke.

I'm coming back. I think it happened. I believe it now. Her father, E.R. Allie, a director. E.R. Allie? Yeah. Okey dokey. A director of a squad of merchant police.

That sounds like a depressed donkey club. Go ahead. A director of a squad of merchant police. The way you look at me knowing that that's a crazy thing. Well, that's a crazy thing. That's insane. And we business guys We're making a police force

We're ice for money Who was in the basement at the time Carried his daughter out of the house And then beat out the fire with a rug Wow A lot just happened A lot did just happen I'm still not convinced

That lightning struck her window and did all this But the fire Are you saying what I think that she said she did it? I think she set something thing on fire and they were, I don't know, trying to cover it up. Maybe the dad's in on it. I don't know. Not to be content.

Rosalie is a good point. But I agree. Does, have you ever heard of lightning hitting a window? It doesn't hit windows. I thought he's a widow. Oh, this is bullshit. I thought it was God's way of bringing the widow to our husband. No.

I didn't know. It's a window. It doesn't hit windows. All right. I'll tell you what. It did when Bill. Gates came up with it. The pastimes is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

Mint Mobile is the best. Oh, we're not doing this? Okay, sorry, sorry. A pet parrot. Now, this is where it gets good. Yes. A pet parrot. The story was already pretty good.

Which was loose in the house. I'm fine with this. This is what... She lit it. It's her fault. I think if you have a parrot, it should be allowed to be free in your home. Completely agree. Flew about...

Right? Flew about wildly screaming, this is no place for me. So this is turned into an AI video on Instagram. It really makes you realize how great the things you could train the parrot to say are. Oh my God. This is no place for me. I'm here against my will. I know my right. Like that sort of stuff is great for a parent to be.

The people who like teach their parents to say fuck off. It's just so funny. It's great. It's the best. Great. It never doesn't hit. No, it always. I'm like,

that's amazing. It's great. It's great. And like, I like when, like, cops will be like, so we heard someone screaming. And they'll be like,

my parrot, then the parrot will be like, screaming. Like, Ah! have you seen the bacon and pancakes one? I don't know. Yeah.

Beck and bacon pancakes. And he dances because he goes, song song and then the person sings and he dances and make him bacon pancakes I love how guilty you feel about explaining a video I thought you're like I shouldn't be doing this

no no no I love that I know what you're talking about oh you know bacon bacon pancakes I thought you weren't on TikTok exactly no I'm groovy I may not be on TikTok but I know something about my people's pop culture and Rosalie is within this world I am of earth No.

Of course I know Bacon, bacon pancakes. Bacon pancakes. Uh, it might be making bacon pancakes. You can't really tell. You can't really tell you can't really tell

because it's a bird. I think it's bacon bacon pancakes. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Making bacon pancakes is a whole new level of what's happening. Yeah. Yeah, that's too much confidence for a bird.

Yeah, that's lightning hitting window weird. Ali said he had taught, I at least said he had taught the bird the phrase and that the parrot picked it out of all the other catch lines he knows apparently by instinct. Wait, and what was his? This is no place for me. Wow. So did he heard him say that? He was probably like, dude, don't take my depression public.

But birds are intelligent enough to understand circumstance and words that might be associated with circumstance. That's, I don't, I mean. But I also don't feel like a bird is just going to pick up on something at here is one. time. This bird had to hear this phrase. A lot. A lot for it to sink in. It's just be like, this is no place for me. He was like, step, please. This is no place for me. Basements. We need to go in the closets. We need to be finding trap doors. The fact that the dad was in the basement also a little strange. Yeah,

there was some going on there. It's a little strange to me. Murdering. Basement kicking. I was down there cutting up the bones. Yeah. Whoa. This is no place for me. Gareth, the pastimes is brought to you. by hymns. Ah, sweet hymns. So, uh, look, there's things, hymns can't help you out with,

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subscription plan. Seriously, don't, don't sit on this. Take care of it. Let's go. Let's go. Oh, here we go again. Ministers object to Sunday Ball. The no fun people are here. They have fun. At a called meeting of the ministerial association of Fort Collins, which was held at the YMCA this morning at 11 o'clock, the ministers made a formal protest to the city mayor and city council in which they ask that, I think it's certain persons who had petitioned the city council

for permission to play baseball in our city on the Sabbath day with the understanding that a admission fee will be charged be not granted that permission. Because you can't... It does sound like fun policing. It is fun because you're... Well, this was a big thing then. Like Sunday baseball was a big issue.

Like, you can't have fun on a Sunday. You're supposed to sit around and think about shit. How many days did it take for God to create Earth? Was it seven? 74. No. Wasn't it seven? Did you have any idea?

I think so. I think it was seven, but like, then late didn't come in until like the final chapter. I don't know. I never read the book. I'm waiting for a movie. Is that why we do a seven day week? Yes. It is.

Yes. We're sort of like honoring. Really? Yeah, yeah. Because the seventh day was the day he rested. So the seventh day is the rest day. And they're like, but no, that's God's day. That's when.

Here's the other thing. If God made the earth in six days and then rest. on a seventh, he wouldn't be hanging out. This would be like a little thing that he did that he doesn't care about. Yeah, right. He would be like off doing more complicated shit. Oh, okay. Well, like, why would you do, is there anything you made in six days that you'd like just

fucking hang around with forever? You don't care anymore. All I know is February 28, God, whatever you're ready, get to work. That's crazy. The past times is brought to you by Minmobile. No, we're not doing that. The formal protest further states that such a move is but the beginning of interests in our city, commercially inclined, which will shortly seek to open the moving picture theaters in our city on the Sabbath.

Jesus Christ. So it's a domino effect. It's, you know, give them an inch to take a mile. Once you start with the baseball. It's funny because Fort Collins is such a kick-ass town. well but then it's from you know there was a time where they're like no you don't yeah they were all no you don't for a long time all the towns there's a lot of no you don't i like fort collins so much that i don't tell people how great it is except for now i fucked up yeah i won't i'll be like

dallas is the place don't worry i'll throw people off the side by the way i'm just being nice to rosalie it's a shill it's a shithole it's a shit hole it's it's horrible it's fine it's most Disney's modeled after us. That's cool. How's the Sabbath there? Is it fun? What's your Sabbath like? Y'all got a good Sabbath?

My Sabbath is pretty cuckoo-cunt. You know, I like to... Wait. That's what my parents are going to say. Cuckoo-Cun is my 100%. I don't belong here. Cucco-cunt! Cuc-cun!

There we go. The ministers feel according to the protest that playing ball and the Sunday movie would do away with too large extent the Christian Sabbath, their memorial is as follows. We sincerely believe

that such indulgence on the Sabbath as is desired is contrary to the spirit and purpose of him who gave us the Sabbath and said, you know what? I think, I really do. If there is, like, let's say there is this, this, this very simple version of this.

And I, I would hope that if there's an all-seeing, all-knowing, being, that when you get up there to all-of-these people, like, the deity would just be like, you guys are such fucking nerds. Are you fucking, what the fuck? Yeah, get out. I gave you like four. Go, go do, you were mad about baseball? Yeah. What are you talking about? Yeah.

They could be like, you didn't. You guys fucked Sunday. day up so bad. Yeah, God doesn't care. God doesn't care what you're doing with your Sunday. I would hope. He doesn't care about any of this shit. I'm going to go take a nap on the seventh day

because I just made the fucking universe. Yeah. I'm a little tired. Couch passing out. You guys don't need a whole day. I agree. Yeah. He rest.

Yeah, I agree. He's like, why do you think I made heroin? And by the way, if you, well, I don't know about that day, but I think you have actually moved it in a weird direction. But if you got up there and the whole thing was like that, I'd be like, Yeah, I don't know. I'll go somewhere else. I mean, you know, at least at hell, I'd be like, hey, how crazy was, they were right about Sundays?

At least I can have people to talk to. Yeah. How weird is that about Sundays? No, I don't. He was really chill with everything else, but the whole Sunday thing got really clung on to that one. Yeah. And by the way, I was supposed to take eight wives. It was so confusing down there.

What just happened? Huh? I'm saying. You had full Mormon on us. Yeah. Yeah. He's manifesting eight wives right now. Yeah.

Please, that's that, by the way, that would be a fucking nightmare. You fucking go, I'd be like, no, please. What are you guys talking about? I would be out of my mind. I'd be like, nah, there'd be no. But I think, I think the idea. Go to your separate rooms. But I think that's all I do is.

Yeah. Isn't that their idea that they can just hang out and then all the ladies will talk amongst themselves so they don't have to talk to them? I don't know. No, I think the women all hate each other. and the sister wives thing. If we're going off of sister wives. I've never seen it.

It's not great. You never go treat yourself to a couple episodes and feel real good about every decision you've ever. Honestly, if you can put your life up against Cody's, you're like, I'm making good calls. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm doing so much worse.

I'm not Cody. Cody, who'd be like, hey, bringing in a 19-year-old wife and then like the 51-year-old wife would be like, what? And he'd be like, you're not understanding. in God's plan. This is so fucking fun. Anyway,

him who gave us the Sabbath and said, remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy, that it would disrupt the quiet and peace of the Sabbath, that it is but the beginning of interest in our city commercially inclined, which will shortly seek to open the moving picture theaters in our city on the Sabbath and eventually do away to a very large extent with the Christian Sabbath, a practice which, if followed through our country, would mean retrogression and downfall as a nation. And anal.

And what was the last word? Anal. It's all about anal. Wow. Strong ending. Strong closer. Strong ending. And anal.

Yeah. These people. This is the worst plot for fluteless I've ever heard. This evil sucks. And anal. Yeah, they're just not fun. They don't want, these are the people who fuck with a sheet on.

Well, I mean. Or they hate, they, yeah, these people, they're just no fun. These people hated dancing. These are those people.

But isn't the sheet, is the sheet covering everything? Isn't it a hole in the sheet? Yeah, there's a hole in the sheet. Are you allowed to like take it down a little bit and just have the hole like it's kind of like skull fucking a ghost i'm sorry i think it's totally i think you're totally covered by the sheet except for the hole i don't think are you talking about like the face if you see

the face yeah what's the yeah i think you're covered by the sheet oh that is weird you get like a couple little like ipeepers or anything yeah that's just a little something they never talk about the glory eye holes you come in one night you're like okay so yeah okay so in this sheet i made three holes or you just also just so what do you look like yeah um um I'm like 5-9 and a pretty good build. I'm a little chunky. It's the holidays. Yeah, it's just love is blind.

Yeah, right. I'd be emotional. I'd watch that version. Convict had 21 wives, but none claims his body. Whoa, that's the nightmare. That's sad. That's the nightmare. You can get one out of 21 people to claim your fucking body.

That's fucked up. You suck as a person I mean to have 21 wives And not one of them's like into you That's tough You'd think numbers wise Not one of them is like I'll take it

I was like no one of them was like It was like okay dick Yeah I'll get him I mean it's I'll get him It's I'll pick him up from the morgue dick That's like the lair I'll snag him I'll snag him that's fine

I'll bury him in the ground dick You know like that I don't know I'll dig a one foot hole and put him in a dick. And I'm probably not going to put the soil back on top of him, dick. Wait, is the dick out? Is that the dick out there?

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no. That is my, that is, I honestly, I'm going to get a tattoo of my chest. So when I die, it says leave my undies on just for the mortician. Leave my undies on. It just seems so upsetting. Real quick, let me tell you about my first job off for when I moved out. This is not going to be quick.

Real quick. I got, I, I, I, I kept going in for, uh, JAG. Do you remember the show JAG? Yeah. Okay, so they had this show JAG. So I keep going in, right? And this, the casting director really likes me. And then there's this part, uh, for NCIS.

And she gives it to me and she's, and I prepare a shitload. And it's very emotional, all that stuff. I get called back and she's like, that one really good. The next day she calls me, or she calls my agent. And she's like, oh, yeah, you know, and they, they explain to me. They're not offering you that part, but they will offer you a part where you have to just be a dead body on a, a gurney. And I'm like, I did that good. So, so then, so I'm like, what? And they're like, yeah. Yeah. So then they're like, you're like, and they're like, you will have to be nude.

That was the thing. And I was like, what? And they were like, I know. I was like, they, don't they? And they were like, they, for some of it, you'll have to be comfortable being naked. And I was like, uh, I just get a little Epsi territory. It was weird. But, but so my agent is like, but you'll get your sag card. And so I talked. So it was like a featured body. Yeah, featured body. So my buddy and I were talking and I was like, you know what? All right, yeah, I'll do it.

And then I call my agent. I go, yeah. And then they were like, they already booked someone. And I was like, so I had to lower my standards to show my penis on NCIS for a sag card level. And then I got taken from me. And they're like, yeah, worst of all worlds. I was like, ugh. It was pathetic.

That's showbiz, baby. That's show business. That is so bad. They really did string me along, though. They said, will you show peen? And you said, I will. Yeah, but I needed some time to think. I was like, the penis, like a whole crew, an N-C-I-S-level crew.

Would you show whole for? I'll show whole. I'll show whole over penis. Would you rather, you would? Hole. Yeah. Yeah, I'd rather show whole. Yeah.

I wouldn't. I'd rather show pain. I insist on showing anything I book, I insist on showing whole. I'm like, is this guy a hole guy? Does he do hole? Like instead of the badge for N-C-I-S, I'm like, New Orleans Police Department, here's my hole. Nah. Where were you guys this morning?

How come when we knocked you earlier and nobody was here? By the way, you know about Preston and his hole, right, Rosalie? Oh, Rosalie. Oh, I am wildly aware. I will never think that it was. You know, just have another quick short story. Go ahead. was maybe a couple years ago. I want to say the nuggets were like in the finals or something.

This is, yep. He kept on. He famously, I just posted all the time about like, I'll post whole if this happens. And then he said, I'll post whole if they win. Just to slow down what you're saying, just because people, it's post whole because people might be like, we're very shorthand with it in the press than our editor again, but keep going. Yeah. So they won. And then I immediately went to Twitter. and lo and behold, at the top of my team, was just that angry little pink fruit loop. And I got so excited because all my friends were like freaking out about like the game winning. And then I started freaking out in victory too. Yeah.

Oh, you're into the game. And I was like, no, Preston pushed at home. Yeah, no one was nearly as excited as I was. It was a good day. A shocking piece of character development. Do we know how he did it? Did he do like a timer? No, I think he just, I think he, right?

Do you know? I think he just went to the, I believe he did it in the sports bar where he was why. Oh, really? Yeah, he like didn't wait to get home. Like he did it at the sports bar. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I bet he had, yeah.

It was called like, he was like, it was like Chicago Times bars. He went like there because he's always said that. He's like, they don't even know. Like, yeah, they. Yeah. They don't care, actually. You know, it was just some little. bar, there's a hole in the wall. Go ahead.

And now he has one of the top only fans. Yeah. Holdenly fan. This is from, this is of course, back to the title. Convict had 21 wives, but none claims his body. This is out of New York State. George Schultz, 68 years old, Sing Sing's most married inmate, died yesterday,

and of the 21 women whom he was believed to have married during his career, none could be found to claim his body. See George Schultz this is the guy who did peanuts yeah this is the all right this the guy who did Charlie Brown um see being a convict wife it's different that that makes me feel like yeah that's a less like why are you gonna go claim that body like you probably you know what I mean yeah I I I don't feel like I'd be like this is kind of your guys's problem right yeah like completely I'd be like what you guys have a whole system right yeah

fuck you want me i'm just a guy you're gonna go like take it and like what am i gonna do with him like you guys took him for the rest of his life and two days after like i don't need this i don't need to be here if you go and get a body that means you're you're just like i'll i'll pay for this and so you're paying a bunch of money to get a casket and a burial oh yeah whatever even a cremation like you're paying money so

if you pick it sorry if you pick up the body is that just like going in your car? No, I think you got a project. Are you giving you a channel? Although a nine-year-old drives it to your house. In 1927, you know, steal the car. In 1927, maybe.

You might have just been rolled up and they threw it in the picture. I think they still had. They had something. They'd be like, yeah, but those delivery guys. But that's the thing. I'm like, so why did I have to pick it up? Couldn't the prison just be petty and be like, I think, we're just going to FedEx this to you?

Like, I've done. Yeah, you should try. Stop it off on a porch. If you can claim it, that's on you, but we're putting it in the box. Yeah. I think that by saying that's just, it's a, it's an industry term. You're going like, I'll pick it up. And then they're going, all right, what's the address?

And you're like, go to the paper. That's where I live. But they, then they bring it to you. If you have to physically fucking pick it up, I mean, that's, that's a big problem. No wonder they claim it. This one written again? 27. 27.

What's this article from? Okay. Yeah, I feel like that's old-timey enough Or maybe you did have to go pick up the body. Right? Just bring a trunk, like your trunk that you keep your clothes in and they Sure. Or you just drag. You just runs from your childhood.

Yeah. Or your prison husband. I'd get some of those other wives to pitch in. You could tie it to the roof of the car. Yeah, that's good too. Mm-hmm. I like that. Yeah. Or maybe it was on the Sabbath and they couldn't go pick him up.

That would be true, too. Oh, shit. See you Monday, boys. No baseball, no dancing. See you Monday. Keep him in his bed. Don't tell his celly. Before Schultz died, he gave prison authorities addresses of two of his wives, the only two he could remember.

Wow. How old was he? Damn. 68. Why isn't that old? I get it. However, inquiries at both addresses revealed that the women had moved. Okay.

Sentenced in New York last April By the way, if you've like moved on Like if you're dating or married and you're like Look, I haven't told my current husband About what I had with him. Okay, the last thing I'm doing He's taking his fucking body. Yeah. Who is that?

Nobody, honey. Nothing. Nothing. And sentenced to New York last April to a two and one half year term for grand larceny. Schultz was serving his eighth term in the state. previously he had served a 10-year term for bigamy in 1912 was sentenced for five years on a similar charge and prior to that had served a sentence for bigamy and on two other occasions had been sentenced for larceny. So he's a steely merry guy. Yeah, the old steely merry type.

Schultz was known to police throughout the country for his adventures with gullible women and for his schemes for deceiving them which netted him thousands of dollars. all of which he squandered. This is all tracking now. Yeah. So, yeah. Well, why would they want to pick him up? Yeah, he seems not great. And yet, he got a lot of ladies.

21. Look, you know how it is. And yeah. Different hose in the Franaria coast. Yeah, that's right. Yep. Shipbags do well. What did you just hold up, please?

Oh, I do this annoying thing where I like do the poetry snap. Oh. I thought you were. I thought you were doing like cassinettes or whatever. I do casinets. I'm Cassinettes. Let's cut all that. I actually should start carrying some of those.

That could be good for the show. No. If I had cassinets everywhere. Ha ha! I walk into a room. Let's eat. I think it could be good for me. I'm glad we did this.

I totally disagree with you. No. I think we're all saying this. I'm really sorry. I planted that seat. Hello, everybody. Oh, God. There we are.

Rosalie, really blown it. Can I get $8 on Pump 6? Ha ha! He's like off in his theater kid world. Hey. Yeah, he's gone. We lost them. Check out.

Now, what is it? Casonets.org? You're not looking up cassinets. Go ahead. New method of chicken stealing being tried out. I'm actually going to look up casinets while we have a story like this. It is often said that there is nothing new under the sun, but those who say this do not keep well informed as to the methods of chicken stealing in Larimer County.

Wow. I mean, chickens are big in Fort Collins, though, right? They are a lot of people here. A lot of their own chicken coop in the backyard. Yep. Yeah. And you got to stay. This is a big part of our heritage.

Are you at all impressed with the local knowledge? Because you don't seem to give a shit. Not at all. I don't care. Rosalie and I'm, Rosalie and I are doing like local talk. You know, I barely can care about it. That's Lee. Not now.

That's it. Everyone listen. This is just an extension of your egg eating disorder. It's got nothing to do with actual chickens. Oaky dokey, dude. Whatever. You sound so stupid. It's offensive.

From time to time, poultry men report the loss. Paltry men. Yeah. Yeah. The loss of chickens, usually due to the regular nighttime prowler. That would be me. That is a raccoon. An egg burglar.

But the last theft reported adds a new method to the many resorted to by the poultry fancier who likes to raise his chickens in the dark of the moon. I'm picturing a guy holding them up. We talking wear chickens? He's a chick wolf. A wear chicken sounds awesome. We're chickens. White people do anything. Let's forget a personality.

Raising your chickens at night? What the fuck does that even do? I get it. I get it. Night chicken. You better start defending it because I don't get it. I don't understand. It's a dicey defense, but I work all day to be able to put feed on the table from my little chickens.

I get home. Shush. I get home and I got nothing to do. you know so i gotta like i gotta go out there and i don't have a life but i give and i give and i give for my coop you would love to be that's a very sweet idea of it this guy is trying to like stand out for himself in the big chicken industry of fort collins which apparently we have yeah he's like well have you had night eggs what makes night eggs so special oh let me tell you about nighttime eggs like that is

what i'm worried is actually happening here he would fall for that He'd fall for that in a heartbeat. I really like eggs. And by the way, night eggs. Okay. Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah, go ahead. If, if, if, let's all just, hold on, let's all just create a safe space to talk freely about eggs.

Go ahead. If there was such a thing. Dave Anthony the dollop. If there was such a thing as a wear chicken, you would want to get scratched by it. Because you would wait or beat. And so you would wake up. If you would wake up in the morning. Yeah.

And right, you've been through the night. So you're naked. Now you're back to human form. Oh, what happened last? And there's just eggs sitting by you. And they're mine? Yeah. What are you talking about?

Man, I'm fucking, whoo, I got good eggs. Would you eat your own eggs? Yes. Next question. Okay. Okay. Come on. Eating your own egg.

I don't know about that. It's not great. It's not great. Awesome. But it'd be great to serve to other people. How's the kish? Those are mine. to other people is hilarious.

Excuse me? Those are mine. That's like the show Hannibal. Those came from me. Enjoy? Good? How's everyone liking my eggs? I deviled myself.

God damn it. Miss George Hager. Miss George Hager, northeast of town a few days ago, heard her young chickens making a peculiar noise, which would be... Blu-w-w-la-l-w-w-w-----------------------. One after the other, and went out to invest.

She saw several small chickens in the orchard lineup and march like soldiers toward the fence and disappear under it, apparently protesting every step of their progress. It's interesting. It's insane. That's interesting. You can't march chickens off. Like, fuck you can. By the way, I saw a video on, I saw a video on Instagram of someone giving their chicken a ride on their jet ski. and the chicken was loving it.

Here's the thing. collapsing empires, it's terrible. But every now and then you're like, hey, but we, in order to get that, you know, you've got to, we have to have ice, you know? In order to get a chicken on a jet ski, we really have to allow a lot of seams to pop. Yeah. Yeah.

So. She couldn't understand. maneuvers so she went out to the fence to investigate and she found a fliver. It's a fliver. No clue. F-L-I-V-E-R? Fliver? Nothing.

I got nothing. Okay. Take a guess. When you throw a liver real far. A liver throwing contest? Yeah. It looks like it's flying. A cheap car or aircraft.

Oh. So it's a car. It's a shitty. It's a shitty old car. Okay. So she sees, just say, shitty car. She found a flibber parked near the

orchard fence and half a dozen Mexican boys were in the car. Here we go. Here we go. Here comes the races. Now it feels like Fort Collins. Yeah, now it's tracking. Now I'm seeing it. They had a number of chickens in the car and were hauling in a fish line to which

a number of small hooks baited with worms were attached. Whoa. And her chickens at that instance had the worms. and hooks down their throats. We chicken fishing? They're chicken fishing. This is genius.

Rosalie, pro, con. I can kind of go either way. We fish. Why not chicken fish? Well, why not just grab the chicken? I think we got to... What are we doing all these shenanigans for? I think there's probably just a hole in the fence or over the fence.

Yeah, there's a little... I guess it's a little less capery. You could just drop the pole. You could also just seemingly go get your own chicken. This feel like, here's the thing. I'm not interested in doing extra work for anything. Okay. Not even kind of a little bit.

I'm sorry. I'm currently set up on a bar stool. Like, I'm not fishing for a chicken. But I was just going to say you're at the Comedy Fort doing a podcast. I mean, there's some work there. You know, you could just. That's like where the effort stopped. I guess it was pretty easy.

After this, she's just going to sit around there. I'm pro-chicken fishing. I've decided. Well, it seems like you're very pro-chicken, a lot of things. Pro-chicken warwolf, pro-chicken night eggs, pro-chicken. Well, first of all, I'm not going to be boxed in. But, yeah, I guess on this episode, I've been agreeing to a lot of stranger chicken stuff for you guys. And my crew?

This is not abnormal. You're super boxed. You're boxed in. You boxed yourself in. Yeah. Whatever. You said you're doing this for us? I'm just saying right now there's a lot of people listening who feel fucking seen.

No, they don't. Yes, they do. There's nobody. Yes, they do. Yeah, yeah, unless you're negative on it, then don't fucking say a goddamn word. Egg nation, where are you at? Yeah, we're my egg people. The boys.

I love it. The boys, none of whom was over 12 years of age. Jesus Christ. having great luck at their fishing in the orchard. I get it. Now, you see me like my age right now with that crew of 12-year-olds? That's good, boys. Get them in there.

Let's get a bunch of them. A short time before this, Mr. Hagar found a man stealing chickens at his place at 3 a.m. and took a shot at him. He failed to bag the thief, but the thief left his hat behind in his haste. And Mr. Hagar still has this. The Hagar's have lost a good many young children. chickens, some laying pullets by theft recently.

I don't know what a pullet is either. Pull it is what you want to do when you see the egg up the chicken's ass. You're so excited you want to pull it. You also don't know what a pullet is. That is the craziest thing I've ever heard. It's the prize they give you for writing. No. Yeah.

You're right. Yeah, see. Pull it. Here we go. A young hen, especially one. less than a year old. Oh, all right. Yeah.

A chick. So they just, yeah, they just laid babies and then they were stolen. Well, whatever. I mean, again. So, wait, are they fishing for, like, adult chickens or for the baby chickens? I'll answer. When you're chicken fishing, when you're, it's fine. Yeah, when you're chicken fishing, I mean, whatever bites.

I mean, if you get a chick, you, like, you throw it back, you know. Oh, yeah. Humanitarianism. I mean, I think they're looking to, it sounds like they're looking to eat these chickens, so they're looking for bigger chickens. Wow. Okay, dude.

Your fucking energy is just, or if they get the baby chickens, then they can just raise their own chicken. I don't know. There's too many, there's too many angles for this story. You know, there's too much going on.

Why are there 12 boys? You know, why was it important about their Mexican? Like, why was that a detail that we needed? The Mexican details. The Mexican detail. Well, there was a crime. So if...

The way to guess the race back then is if they don't mention it, white. And if they do, yeah. A misguided youth. A Mexican boy. A troubled soul. A troubled soul.

A dirty, dirty immigrant. All right, should we do the last one? Yeah, last one. Rosalie, do you want to shout out to anyone this last one? Is there anyone you'd like to dedicate this last one to? I want to dedicate this to Preston because I did out him with that story a little bit. Oh, I've outed him. Believe me, every time I introduce him to anyone, I'm like, he posted his asshole on Twitter.

He's called Holmaster 2000. Yep. Whole Daddy. Pull-sitter sets record. Explain pole sitting just so make sure Rosalie knows. We've done a lot of stuff. I know about pole sitting. Don't worry, babe.

Finally, a topic we can talk about. Okay, continue. So there was a whole pole sitting situation. Any poll sitting is a whole pole sitting, buddy. One guy climbing up to pole and sat there for a while and then everyone was like, this is amazing. So all of the country, like for months, guys were just sitting on poles, breaking records. Like it was really something.

It was, you do it to be like, hey, we're opening up a new JC Penny. Can we get a pole sitter and a guy would go climb up front? It was really insane. And then kids did it and it was fucking nuts. And they would... We had planking like 10 years ago, so I can't really rip on this too hard. Yeah.

Damn. Just sitting on a pole. That's real. What else is new? That's Sunday. I call it Sunday, personally. Los Angeles. Like,

our attention, like, really shattered over the last few years with, like, social media and stuff like that, and you can't focus on anything smart. Hearing about pole sitting, we were never in, like, a good space with this. No. We've always just been kind of like, we'll watch anything.

Yeah. I think the lesson that if our show had really a thesis statement, it would be like it's always been really, really, really, really stupid. Mm-hmm. Everything. Everything. It's been racist and stupid. That's basically it.

Mm-hmm. The Phantom, is that a Los Angeles? The Phantom of the Flagpole. Los Angeles. Los Angeles' entry. Dan? No. Los Angeles's entry for national honors in flagpole sitting

tied the world's record in the event at 2 p.m. Thursday and a second later set a new long distance record for consecutive squatting on the pole. Do you want to guess how long? Rosalie, you can start. I'm going to overshoot. I'm going to say he was sitting on that pole for, 18 hours.

Oh, Rosalie. Sweet, sweet. I don't think you know how dumb America really is. They had toilets up there. They had, they were shitting in buckets like Preston. They had, they had, they had, they had, they're fucking big pole, high.

They would, they would put a tube. Think about a fucking telephone pole. It's like that. Yeah, like a telephone pole. I'm going to go 22 days. Although at the. at the first second after

2 p.m. he had broken the 17 day and 2 hour sit of VH. Crouch of New Bedford, Massachusetts. The Phantom announced he would remain perched until Friday when he will have completed 18

full days. You've got to... Yeah. You really have to see the way Rosalie said... Rosalie. You had the most genuine like

Rosalie there was a time when a guy walked there was a time when a guy walked across America backwards and he would walk through a town and the whole town would come out and he's not kidding isn't that just Forrest Gump? Yes

that's the other lesson it's all pretty much Forrest Gump oh shit so we've never had an original idea we're just rehashing the same thing every once in a while okay cool great great Great, great, great.

Got 18 days just sitting up there. They were, their guys did it for like three, four months at some point. Like, they just did it forever. For what? Are they, are they sponsored? Yes. Well, sometimes they were sponsored by a store, but also now you're famous. And you get to do.

The more that we answer, the less you'll understand. I really do think it's one of those. The more angry I'm getting. Every right to be upset. This is insane. You have to do so much now to just be even like kind of locally famous or have like any credibility. You used to just sit on a pole. Yeah.

That was it. That was it for talent. Oh my God. There are still people sit. There are still people sitting on polls and becoming famous. Is that right? Mm-hmm. Oh, are you doing?

Yep. I brought it back. Rosalie, people should follow you at OMG. What is it? Sorry, I'm an idiot. OMG, hi, Rosalie. That's what I thought. Thank you for joining us.

I hope that the, I hope you learned a lot today. I know I didn't. Yeah, I didn't either. I learned a lot of stuff that it's going to be great in the trivial pursuit someday, God willing. So here's that. I really don't even think it's going to help you in that direction. I think it's just, it's been a waste. It's been a waste.

Tell David, I said hi. Keep Fort Collins terrible. Nobody should go there. And thank you for joining us, Rosalie. Come back. Thanks for having the same place. Appreciate you. Thank you.

Thank you. Oh, hello there, dollheads. It's Gareth Reynolds. I want you to join the Air Force and come and see me. Do stand up on the road. I will be in Spokane, Washington, February 4th. I will be in Bend, Oregon, February 5th,

Portland, the 6th, and the 7th. Then I will be in Bakersfield, California, February 27th for two shows. And then, oh, boy, April, here we go. April 19th, I'll be in Albuquerque, Tulsa on April 21st, Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, April 23rd. Going to try to see a viral chiropractor that day, but that's neither here nor there. I'll be in Tyler, Texas, April 24th. I didn't even know that. I'll be in Houston, April 25th for two shows.

I'll be in Austin at Cap City on the 26th. And then the 28th, I will be rounding it out in San Antonio at LOL. Oh, my gosh, and I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. That's rounding it out. Go to garethrenolds.com for tickets and information. Also prizes. We're giving away a bunch of trucks and stuff over there. If you just log on and legally, that's not binding.

But go to garethrethrenalds.com. Love you.