The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 160 - The Past Times with Beth Stelling

Episode Date: February 6, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Beth Stelling SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH     MeUndies - Code: Dollop

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, we'll be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. And welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast. All right.

Someone's finally doing it. Hey, gang, you know what we do here. Each week we're going through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest. the great Beth Stelling.

Beth. Hello. It's always an honor to have you on things, and I'm not even being a jerk. We've been talking you up a lot. Your specials are now on YouTube, your Netflix one. You have a substack.

You're on tour, Bethstelling.com. You're at punch-up tables for nothing. I'm there. What aren't you doing, Beth? Yeah, what aren't you doing? Having children. and getting married. Good.

Okay. Good call. That's fair. Is that by design? I mean, I guess. Yeah. I'm getting of a second. Who could I pay to do that for me?

Is it hard? Do you intimidate men because you're funnier than them? This is. I feel like in my lifetime, I've definitely, like, I've, I've dated comedians just because I refuse to be happy. And there are times where, you know, like, there, I don't know. I don't know. there is a dynamic.

There's a strange power dynamic with popularity or who you're with or that person. But I always tend to be with the people who are like, I should, I should be bigger. Right. And I'm over here like,

I'm happy to have a job. Yeah. So I date those types. Although I've also dated, I've also dated the type of comic that's like kind of almost maybe looked up to me, which I didn't prefer,

not my style. sort of like dating a fan that would be weird for me. Like there's certain comics I'm sure there's women that do this. It's just not me, but I don't want to just throw it all on men, but it's not that shocking

that a male comic would marry or date a fan. Yeah, totally. No, I agree. And I think you're right. Men have been through enough. I'm kind of just bottom lining what you said. Totally agree with you.

Yeah, I would feel uncomfortable by that. Like dating a fan. Yeah, sure. I've done it. It's fucking weird. I don't like it. It's definitely weird. The truth is they do know stuff about you, but it wasn't from you.

No, that is, well, also with podcasting, they'll be like, is that when you were doing kids' birthday parties? And I'm like, this is not a conversation. Hey, you're not allowed to reference stuff that I didn't tell you directly. Hide it. You need to hide it. Fool me, babe. Pretend you don't know I'm a grower or not a show. Oh, here it comes.

I know it's. I know it's going to get better. I already talk to Dave about it. No, okay. So I'm just going to do some editor stuff. Obviously, that's a lift. But, okay, Beth, so we're going to go through this newspaper. You get to guess what year it's from having no context.

I will do the same. You go first, and then I'll go. And the reason you go first is because Dave is mentally unwell. He's, it's this whole thing. even get into it, but if you go first, it'll be helpful. Anywhere from like, anywhere from the six, 1600s up to today. Your Mike had a little pop there when you said pee, just so you know, we heard the pee pop a little bit there.

So just something to be aware of. That's what my, that's what my, that's what my dad, I guess. And by people, I mean some of my sister's kids. We call them peep. Peepop. Okay. So I'm going first. Grandma and grandpa names is a real joy.

It really is. It's true. Hey, this is Nunu. I like him to get creative. Yeah. My son just couldn't say. This is Naki. My son couldn't say,

Naki. My son couldn't say grandma, so he just started calling her Mimi, and then that just lasted. Mimi's good. Pooh-pooh. Let's go over to Nunu and Poopoops. All right, Beth.

Any year, it's old. That's what we know. The paper is old. Okay. Yeah. Hold on. Am I guessing? I'm guessing after I hear some stuff, right?

You hear nothing. We're making you do it just totally cold. Right now? We're going to see what kind of telepathy skills you have. This is the spotlight you've craved. This is what you wanted. Don't yell. Christ.

Nineteen ninety-three. Oh, wow. 86, 87. Okay. Well, anywhere in there. 1887, 1987. I'll say 1938. Are you looking at it?

No. Would it, does it have the date there? Beth wins because she did not try to cheat. And it is 1903. 19 what? 1903. You get, you get another guest spot.

We're doing iPads. You get another guest spot on the pastime. You're going to get an eye. In the future. You get to keep talking. You get to be on this show. You're allowed three more sentences, you know. Now we don't, I don't, I used to choose these,

but now our wonderful producer does. so I don't know them either, but he's been lately, he's been picking places or dates that have something to do with the... Oh, okay. So the Dayton Evening Herald, Dayton, Ohio, Saturday, April 4th, 1903. Are you from there?

Does that have anything to do with you? I'm from Dayton. Are you really? Oh, right. Of course. Yeah. So you're from Ohio, which is what the kids say,

but she's actually from Ohio. Yeah, right. Licensed to wear male attire. Huh. 1903, this is from... That's right. Okay. In Paris and the French provinces, there are 10 women who are authorized by the prefect of police to

wear full masculine costume. Yeah. That's how... That's how... That's... That's... This is how it should be. We're going to go back to this where you have to...

Do you have a license for pants? You should be an address, ma'am. Excuse me, ma'am. That hat is a problem. I actually do have my license in my pocket that I was afforded by these pants. Oh, here you are. Well, as you were. Good for you.

Among them were a lady artist, a bearded woman, a female house painter, and decorator, a mannish-looking directoress of a printing office. That one's a little rough. They're still doing this in the news. Yeah, we killed her, but she had blue hair and she looked ugly. She was a problem. And I heard she kisses girls. She kisses girls. She used to kiss a man.

Then she punched God. And several others who have obtained certificates to show that they ought to discard the entire of their own sex for that of the stronger and sterner one. Jesus Christ. Well, no notes. That's brutal, obviously. I mean. Actually, with Alex Pretty, they were doing, I saw, you know, I guess there was an image. that was released that was like a little doctored

and then all the right was going oh my God, what's with you people? It's like, aren't you the ones who are showing like Trump like butt fucking money and just like in a rocky outfit with like muslin? Like what are you talking about? You're the reason we have data centers.

He himself is putting out stuff. Yeah. The shitting. Ailerian. Yeah. That was actually real though. He never had a plane in his life. That no.

But the diarrhea was real, though. You don't get to say anything about anybody's looks when you have fucking Ghalem Stephen Miller in your corner. Okay. I'm going to draw a line. I think we leave him alone. Thank God he's in there. Thank God he's in there. Keeping everything a little bit on track.

And his wife's podcast is phenomenal. I don't know if Katie listens to Star Show, but I would love to do it. I believe milk is medicine. She does. She's a big listener. A big listener. On the other hand, a humble potato merchant in the guy who sells potatoes, if you don't know what that is.

Yeah. It's the worst time about a guy who sells potatoes. A humble one, too. I can't believe he doesn't have an ego. He makes a living just selling potatoes. Well, not a big deal. This had a bunch of potatoes on it earlier. Now they're gone.

Now they're gone. Where do you think they went? You don't have a table for six? I know it's 8 p.m. on a Friday. I'm a potato guy. If you can just Next table to be nice A humble potato merchant

In the suburbs Has been allowed to wear Female garments for reasons Which satisfied the prefecture police So they had to throw in it There's a potato There's a potato guy Likes to dress up like a lady

Yeah So that's where we're at in France Well he's got He has potatoes At his Convenience series Stuff him down the front of your shirt That's right

Yeah sweater potatoes. Just take a couple of potatoes. I guarantee he was doing that. If you have potatoes at your disposal, you think you're not putting them down the front of your shirt. Obviously. I put one in the front and I put two on the breasts.

He was just looking at basket potatoes one day and he was like, well, hold on here. Wait a minute. It is oddly progressive and then you involve the cops and it becomes really strange for them to be like, well, you pass the dress test. Welcome aboard.

What do you? You're telling the prefecture of the you're going in and going, So look, I would like to wear a dress. I've got my dress pitch tomorrow. Can I run you guys through it real quick? I deserve a dress. That to me have a dress. A broad dress.

I'm standing there for hours. I need the airflow. It would be way better. Yeah, you get a little airflow up your skirt. Oh, see, that sounds good. Even just hearing that now, that feels right for me. The Scottish got it down. Yeah, but that's like wool.

great in an A line. Do you mean that? I don't even know what an A line is. Do you think so? I don't know what an A line is either. It's kind of in the name, really. You know, like... It's A line.

Oh, yeah. I picture you're sort of like pleaded and flowy and flowers and... Yes. Love it. And what the top is all part of the dress or no, this is just way... You can wear what you have right now on top. I love that too. That's what the Scottish chef great.

They're just like, yeah, you wear your regular thing. And then you got an A dress. Then you put a big thing of pubes up front on the outside And it's a handbag We used to have two guys that always came to I don't know Is it dollops or was it walking the rooms in Oh yeah, we had kilt guys

Yeah, we had kilt guys Always And they were like, how are you? Yeah, they were big dudes too They were big guys Huge Huge, wonderful Pines

Don't they say they had no undies under there, don't they? No, no, you got to let that stuff flow Absolutely That's part of the charm. Aren't they sticking to stuff? Oh, yeah. No, they're sad.

To the side of your leg? It's like bat wings. Absolutely. Yeah. I'd be more concerned about sitting down and having to stick to, like, the vinyl on a chair than I would my leg. That's the reason, like, even sitting in shorts can be bad on a booth. You're getting stuck to that.

Well, that's why they say don't go to a movie in Scotland. It's just. Unless you want to get crabs. Yeah, unless you want an ass sponge. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. Cubs. Cubs.

Crabbs. Christ, crabs got me. Obviously, there's really nothing exciting happening in Dayton because the first three stories do not take place in Dayton. Which happens. Happens a lot. But your town. Really?

Okay. So they're reporting elsewhere. They're like, we don't have problems. Nothing going on. Nothing interesting. But in France, a guy wore a dress. Yeah. That's what they're up to over there.

And that's why you shouldn't leave Dayton. You got to stay here. It's not safe to leave. No, that's right. Never get out. Are you living in Dayton now? No. You're in L.A.

I'm in Los Angeles. Beautiful. Beautiful, Los Angeles. That's gorgeous. Well, that's evidence. For those of you just listening, Beth tilted the camera an inch to the left, showing a window that we couldn't see out of. I think, the idea that I'd be like, oh, you're on cold water.

Dave, are we over here in 15? Dave, Dave. So, I'll give it. They have such a little per. Okay, but here. So when I was doing, I did a podcast called the West Wing thing, which we talked about the horrible politics of the West Wing and how it was like, it turns out super bad. And we did.

Oh, wait. Oh, you mean on the show? No, me and another guy. Okay. Josh Olson, he wrote History of Violence. We did a podcast and we went through every episode of the West Wing. Okay. And we broke down its politics.

And why it turns out the politics are not that great, pretty concerned. conservative. But that led us into this thing about Prager You, where we did a bunch of episodes about Prager You was doing. And then my co-host went into a Prager You video where they were taking a tour of the studio. And he saw, they did one shot that was out of window. And then he saw a little strip mall. And then he saw the business. And he was able to locate where Prager You is. And they're totally freaked out that we know where it is. Wait, Prager users are hidden?

He has, it's one building, it's in, it's in the valley. And we went there and armed cops came out, armed guards came. Wait, I'm so sorry,

am I an idiot? What's Prager you? It is a super right wing, uh, thing. You're not an idiot. I wouldn't know about it unless I knew Dave. Well,

they're trying to get, it's good to know thine enemy. It's essentially propaganda that they've started, that they started a while ago. It's those dumb videos you see and you go, what the fuck? Like, they act like they're telling you history.

It's like a Rush Limbaugh college, basically. Yeah, yeah, basically. It's just really bad. Which, by the way, I'm starting. They're putting it in schools now, of course. So it's like, you know, propaganda nonsense. So when we found them, they lost their fucking shit. They like, but he did it through just seeing a window.

So just to bottom line, you think if we played that back, Josh could figure out where she lives. Okay, great. I'm saying, Beth, we know where you are now. As it matter, John. He just, he's like, she's at Prager You. She was playing dumb. Beth is at Prager You. He thinks everything's Prager You.

I am in that name. Yeah, you are. Sometimes I go over there, just say hi. Yeah. Hello. Through lime in pupils' eyes. Wow. Which kind of lime, though?

Fucking, hopefully the citrus. Yeah, because the other one would probably blind you, right? That's bad. Yeah. Have you ever done that? Yeah, yeah, I've done both limes. I'm a big lime guy. Sometimes I'll put lime in one eye and the other lime in the other eye just to see.

Yeah, it's like a nice. Sprite. Yeah. You ever been on a lime scooter? I have been on a live scooter, yeah. Tell her about you, Dave one time, Dave decided to ride the scooter as far as it would go. And he was like, I was 10 minutes away from home. It was like he went on it for like 40 minutes. I live up.

Cruising with a buzz. I love up in the hills above Glendale and I wanted to see how far it would go after a show. So I, like, night time. It's the crazy midnight text to be like, that thing went far. I was like, you are 49, my guy. You all right? But you're supposed to leave it in a zone. Oh, that was out of the zone.

Did you get in trouble? I don't know. I don't think I did. I will say that's the annoying part is like they won't let you leave it in certain zones, which is irritating. What do they do? They find you? Or they just don't let you end the, well, this is before they were doing that, before they

realized that people were throwing them in the ocean. Maybe it's been a while since I got on one. I did ride one through Italy, which felt dangerous. Yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah, that's dangerous. Yeah, that is. Yeah. And my friend was on the back of it.

That's very dangerous. Now it's not funny anymore, Beth. Now it's not. Now we think you're irresponsible. The comedy part of the story's over. That's just fucking nuts. This has turned into like a Rogan episode, just terrible ideas. But the first time I wrote when I was late to an audition and I felt so free.

That's such a great. Everything about that is great. Like, like late for an audience. Yeah, roll into an audition on a fucking scooter. Excuse me, I'm late for acting. Move! It was also like a leviton thing, so it's like I knew I already didn't have it. You just ride the scooter into the room.

How are you? I have bugs all over my face. Where do you guys put your scooters? I love to blame my hair on the scooter ride, but it always looks like. this. You know, I, I had a shirt that I really liked when I used to go for commercial auditions that I spilled coffee on. And so I still wanted to wear it. So every time I'd go into the audition room, I'd go, I just spilled coffee on this apologies. So I could keep wearing it. And I told my friend. And it's a pretty good acting exercise, really. It feels a good warm up.

Yeah, yeah, it was. At the end, you reveal, this has actually been on here forever. That would be the best. And as the door is shutting, just like, and by the way, that coffee. is from a year ago. See you guys later. Either way, good luck. One time I had to do a call back on Zoom and as I would, they were like, thank you so much.

And I kind of slowly was before I pressed end, it felt very like slow motion. And I heard one of them go, well, that wasn't. I mean, it could have gone in an okay way. But you're definitely right to. I doubt it too. I doubted it. That's definitely not.

You don't want to hear that. You don't want to hear like, who's just one of those things where this, this is why people who only act, like I understand why they go crazy or. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because it's like, it is maddening. Like, I'm a pretty normal person that would read something and go, yeah, I mean, I can get a gist. So when someone is like, well, that wasn't what we expect. You're like, what did you expect?

Yeah, what you want. Maybe. Have you thought about writing better? I think that. Isn't it interesting? Like, tell me, like, instead of being like, hey, go bake us something. And then you come in with something, oh, we're allergic to raisins. It's like, well, tell me that.

I guess that's what a breakdown's for, but no, I completely agree. Because if you actually think about what the project, it's going to be someone telling you what they want you to do, not just like, well, you just, you didn't do it right. So this movie's going to be pretty bad. They're rarely giving notes. Yeah. The best is when, because I used to do, I used to improv a lot during the auditions. and then they don't use you, but they hire someone,

and then they take the stuff you improv to me, and have that person do it. Well, that's just, that's a punch. That about me a few times, but the best was the mustache when I went into audition for a show, and I had a big handlebar mustache, and then they didn't hire me, but the guy they hired, they had them.

And then I ran into the showrunner, and I was like, dude, that was fucked. I don't, I actually don't think you're allowed to be like, I chose the facial hair for the character, But we knew that's what happened because we knew guys who were on the show. I'm actually with the studio on this. Through Lyme and Pupil's Eyes

at the trial of Jasper Abel, a school teacher charged with throwing lime into the eyes of Little Emerald Norman. So it is lime lime. I think it is. Holy shit. He peeped through a door. It developed that the teacher did not know

that Lyme was injurious to the eye. Well, doesn't it like, like, you put lime on, like, bodies to make them... I was just going to say, I think it's blinding. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, what did she think, what did he or she think,

Jasper? What did he think Lyme was for? I'll tell you what, that kid didn't fuck with him anymore. Judge Ellie gave the defendant a lecture and fined him $25. Well, what happened to the kid? Yeah, it's not good.

I'm telling you, the... I can't imagine that you... I just, it says it's a cost, highly infusible solid that consists of calcium oxide, often together with magnesium oxide. It's definitely going to fuck with your eyes. What happens if it, what? Scarring of the cornea, eye redness, eye pain, blurred vision, watery eyes. Gareth.

What? Are you reading AI? No, I'm not. I'm over here on Miriam Webster. Yeah. Same thing. I'm reading IA. It's what I do now.

It's far better. I'm an environmental guy. So I think for the audience, I think we should just say that he was blinded. Sure. Yeah. And the guy got a $25 fine. And then someone wrote a song and it was blinded by the lime. Okay.

Now I know that that was not a good joke. And the teacher was like, do you know how little I get paid? I had to pay for this lime myself. I got to bring it in my own lime to blind my students. Nothing new in it. A Missouri judge has gone to the trouble of decisive. that a woman has a right to hold her skirts out of the mud. What the fuck?

France is light years ahead of us. Missouri. I know. What are you saying? That in other countries there's like cops being like, you can wear pants, ma'am. And then here we're like, you are allowed to not get your dress muddy. We're clicking two stones together. They think we're using stepping in mud as an excuse to flash our calf.

Yeah, that's right. I just needed to get a little credit for this calf of... You're making men horny. There's mud. Gosh, mud's everywhere today. Is it so wrong to feel sexy over mud? Look at all this mud. Good Lord.

Think of the men. The women themselves had decided the question long before Missouri judges ever heard of it. Wait, what? They're saying that women were already doing that. They were going to fucking. Oh, thanks for allowing me to lift my skirt. I've been doing it. Yeah.

It's now legal. Some guy just got mad at it. took it to court. Right. Someone must have fined a lady, right? That's probably what happened. Yeah. If you don't like it, get rid of the mud.

Thank you. Isn't that your job as a man? Yeah, man. Wow. Get rid of the mud. Get rid of all the mud. You don't want me lifting my skirt. This is another story at Indiana.

There's no Dayton anything. There's nothing on Dayton? What if I like a muddy skirt? Oh, Christ, those guys. We should be muddard. We should be mudd in. Cut in the women. I'm going to do a quick note to the editor again.

So cut out the last 20 minutes. I apologize. You guys had some good stuff, but I don't think it's going to be able to live. I'm sorry. I have a hard out in two minutes. I also have a hard out. That's fair. Hard out's a great one.

In the audition, I have a hard out of four minutes. I noticed that you guys were running behind, and I do have a hard out. Oh, the hard out. out. So listen good. Listen good. Gareth. Dave.

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You and I actually do have matching underwear now. Yeah, we got the dinosaur ones. No. I have flowers and heart. Stegosaurus and the Ternosaurus Rex. No, okay. I guess we don't have matching ones, but... I'm going to get yours and put them on and wear them,

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Right. They are amazing boxer shorts. They are super soft. Good stretch, good comfort. Particularly when I put Garris on after he's worn them. Or at the same time. You and I have been walking around in the same pair a little bit. Over 300 million pairs sold.

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Are we going to upload pictures of us in our M&D's side? Probably not. Probably not. Probably not. Huh, I thought we were doing that. No, they can go to the website. They're great, but you don't need to see us in them. And I think, Gareth, you're selling used ones?

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I'm wearing them. They're soft. Gareth. Touch them. Hindu sleeper rudely awakened by robbers. This is out of Indiana. H.V. Seldenberg, who styles himself the Hindu sleeper

I don't know what's happening right now. I have no idea what's happening. I don't think you're allowed to say this stuff. You can't call yourself a Hindu sleeper if your name is Seldenberg. I think Beth is right. I don't think continuing to say Hindu sleeper is the right movie. Well, that's what he is. He's the Hindu sleeper.

It's really pleased up saying. What does it mean, Dave? I hope they tell us, but I bet they won't. had the most trying experience Wednesday night at J.P. Berger's Casino on the south side in the Glassworks District. Jesus Christ, okay. Late Saturday night, Seldonburg, oh, Sledon. Now his name has changed. Now it's Sledenburg.

Started on a seven days sleep or hypnotic expedition. Okay, so he's sleeping a long time. Sure. A hypnotic exhibition or seven days sleep. He's just. is depression. He's pretending to sleep. This is also classified. This used to be called Hindu sleeping, but now we know it as depression. And now I will sleep for seven days. It's like David Blaine's out of ideas. Christ, this is crazy. Okay, go ahead. He's watching a movie. Right here. He's sick.

Welcome to the casino. What an attraction that is. People come from all over. He's gone for 15 days. Thursday morning at an early hour, he was rudely awakened and roughly handled by burglars. The rough, what's happening? It's a weird tactic for a burglar to be like, Nash, wake him up. Gentle burglar. Yeah, I like to wake up and be like, my stuff. Instead they're like, we're robbing you. Hey.

So he, but he's at a casino doing this. So I assume it's like a show thing. A show goal. I think he's doing it for like a. Sleeping. Well, he's really. Entertainment was really bad back then. Boy, he's really sleeping.

The rough box in which he was sleeping was all at once stood on end and hurled across the room. What the fuck? While Sledonberg. This is actually, I actually do love this. A guy sleeping at the show is we're going to toss him around and see if we rouse up.

But it's called burgled. Yeah, the burgled part is really thrown me off. Yeah. Unless people put coins in the box. to reward him for such a good sleep. That could be happening. Bring it back. I'm barely buying this. These guys really out.

How do you push that corridor in? While Slettenberg says some of the rowdies struck him with pins. Oh, probably like bowling pins over like needles. Or pokey pins. It could be a pokey pin. But struck, I think, yeah, you might be right. Striking someone with a pin is insane. You like that?

there's more where that came from I actually don't Yeah He's still sleeping now Yeah Wakey wakey Later he heard Someone in the room

Robbing the Cash Register And called What the fuck is this setup I live in a grocery store Why is there a cash register Come on I don't know What do you do

It's a sleeping guy In a box And then there's a room With a cash register That he's in Yeah I'm so far What are buying

I'm buying this tale So far I've heard no red flags. I'm like... Sounds normal. Wait, where are we again? It's in a casino in Hartford City, Indiana. This is very normal.

Okay. Yeah, as someone who studies history, this is regular. Have you ever heard of Hartford City, Indiana? Never. Me neither. My numbers have been dipping there. We have two and a half stand-ups here, and we would think that one of us would know...

Well, now we're all figuring out who the half is, because we know it's not bad. And knowing you, I think it's not you. Should I look up Hartford City? I mean, it'll be the first time it's been Googled. Hartford City, Indiana, it's real. It is real. Known for the sleeping Hindu.

Northeast central part of the state. That's well stated. That's where the best. That's everywhere. That's where the best stuff is. It's actually the state. So, yeah, I mean, there's nothing really there, right? No, that's why this guy can pull off such a good sleep.

He, okay, later he heard someone in the room robbing the cash register, and he called lustily for help, but though it came. Oh, please. Someone come up. Hey, someone help me. I've been robbed and I'm masturbating. Can you send up the boy? What does that say?

It's a peaceful place to live. peaceful. Oh, it's peaceful. That's why he was fucking crashing, bro. Yeah, it's a good place to sleep. Yeah, I like that he sleeps like Curly. He got on his hands and knees. By the way, I just read it something about the three stages.

What? I was considering to do one of them for an episode. And they kept going until they were really old. Oh, yeah. And they really couldn't do the stuff anymore because they were so slow. I've seen an old interview with them, like way after Curley's dead. and he's like Mo is just like, well, no, I think the characters,

the whole point of the boys, was to really find themselves and create a bot. You were just like, you're poking each other's eyes. He's like, at the heart, it was a story about brotherhood. It's like shocking. You guys were the first jackass. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, they really were.

Yeah, yeah. He then telephoned to get the proprietor, but could not get him and sat on his coffin until morning when the bartender arrives. Now it's like turned into like a vampire. An emergency bartender. Why are you sleeping in a coffin? You're just sleeping.

Is there an emergency? I'm the bartender. The thieves secured $12. Sledberg declares that he will never take on another spell in a saloon. Oh, he was doing this all in a saloon.

Okay, now it makes sense. Yeah, that would have been really helpful up top. Yeah. This is just like a, saying, you know, I'm not doing another bar show. If they didn't, if they weren't there, if it was an ambush and they didn't know that I was doing a show. They're trying to watch the game.

Ugh, that vibe. Do you want to hear the worst story ever? New York. Whoa. Nobody said, yeah. New York. You didn't give his time to. Yeah, you want to hear it.

New York. Christ. I am. So I've been there for like a year and I took a gig in a bar. And I get there and there's no stage. He's just like, yeah, I'm just going to be stand up in one of the booths. No. And the Rangers are in the playoffs.

And the playoff game is on. This is not a show. And he turns off all the TVs halfway through the second quarter of a Rangers game in New York. It tells me to just stand up on a booth. How bad is forced comedy, huh? You guys hate that? I got one worse. One time I show up for a bar show.

And the guy goes, okay, the show is behind the bar. So I go there and he goes, and all your jokes have to be making drinks. and I go, I think you just are forcing me to be a bartender. That's like a prank. That's a comedian that was a bartender working a chef. And he was like, you got a cover for me. Well. Commer's hard, desperate enough to do it.

He wasn't wrong. Oh, yeah. And everyone got gin and tonics at night. Of course. I would gladly. I'd still do it. Yes, and. Reunion hereafter, maybe.

disappointing. Rabbi Hirsch advises his hearers not to be too sanguine about the resurrection. What is, what? Oh, wait, the reunion? The reunion. I guess that makes sense now reunion. Yeah, okay. This is out of Chicago.

So, again, no Dayton stories. Beth, nobody cares about Dayton in Dayton. I think it's good, though. Yeah. No news is good news, man. Yeah. There's nothing important. until Beth got involved.

Beth put Dayton on the map. This is, if the life to come is to be a continuation of the life here, there is a possibility that a reunion there will be a disenchantment. With these words, Dr. Amil G. Hirsch, in a lecture at Temple Israel last night, is considered by some to have cast a shadow of question on the resurrection as generally believed by Christians. Emil Hirsch from Into the Wild?

That's right. Same guy. He's been doing stuff for a while. He's been crushing. Yeah. So the rabbi is downplaying the Christian reunion story? It sounds like it. So he's talking some shit.

He's talking to some out. Okay. But what do we mean reunion? When Jesus comes. When you get, I think when you die, then you go up and you get to see Jesus. And he's like, hey, man. He's like, oh, have you not heard?

He's a huge dick. Yeah. You get up there, Jesus is like, you guys fucked. You guys fucked me. Jesus, it's great to be here. Yeah, I'm kind of in the middle of something. Christ, anyway, what were you saying? Yeah, that's awesome.

I'm going to send you back. I don't look anything like those photos. Can you tell them? Honestly. Those paintings, not me. Good Lord. You guys are really overdoing the cross stuff. Jesus, I'm a huge fit.

Please, sir, I'm actually talking to a friend right now. And John wasn't really that involved if you want to go back and spend that. He was not. He's off doing his own shit. Yeah. It's always John. Went solo. In all religious and in all churches, said Hirsch, there is some idea of a resurrection after death. In most of them, the idea is too material. On the death of a relative or of a friend, we are expected to find comfort in the belief that sometime after we are dead, We are to be reunited. I agree with this guy.

We were setting up way too much stuff for the after. To place implicit confidence in that belief is wrong. I agree. I agree. I think we overdo it. We're always like, then you get to go back and take another picture at Sears in heaven together. This is an op-ed.

This is an op-ed. This is an op-ed. And it's an op-ed about the afterlife. I do love argument. You fools, that is not what happens when you die. Here's the answer. I have it. People who are reunited after a long separation

frequently find that the reunion is not all they expected to be. Who is he talking to? Having talked to many ghosts. But the whole, so he's, he's Jewish, so he's like undermining, you're like, look, you guys are all thinking you're going to go to heaven and be,

have this sweet ride, but it's not that great. Yeah, it's not happening. Yeah, it's the tough talk. Imagine if you'd be like, why did I show up to temple tonight. It's really a lot of bullshit. No cars on Saturdays. All right? Do not pin your faith to a vague hope of meeting of a meeting hereafter, which may disappoint you. That is hugely disappointing if you're showing up to temple or church for like 30 years. But the other thing is like nobody knows, bro. It's just some guys. It's really, it's an op-ed.

It's just one guy saying a thing. So you do think we reunite, because I do like that. I think we, when we die, there's no heaven, but we go into Jesus. That's a really bad answer. Obviously, everyone's trouble. Beth, what do you think? What do you think happens after you die? Well, I think you do get to take a picture with God. Interesting.

And they send that to Facebook. Oh, in heaven's Facebook. It's interesting. Yep, you get a little photo op. Everybody knows you made it save. Okay. That makes sense. And depending on how many likes you get is how many likes you get is how many.

I think this is. Oh, shit. You could genuinely create this religion. There is definitely a market for what you're doing right now. Yeah, this could easily be done. Uploaded for heaven. Oh, you're living pretty comfy up in heaven. You get a couple extra pillows.

Turned out service. You take that to Silicon Valley and they would give you millions. Unfortunately, you've got 12 likes, so we're going to have to put you to hell. Yeah. Sorry. You're down. It's unfortunate. Married widow and her three daughters.

Married widow. Question arises. It's a strange way of saying widow. Married widow. It's redundant. Married widow is redundant, yeah. Married widow and her three daughters. Okay.

No, but are they not just saying like this woman? Well, widow carries the marriage part. Now she has a second. unless she's a widow who got married again. Yes, right. If she's a remarried widow. You're bouncing robots. Are you technically a widow?

We got our internet. Okay, there we are. Okay. But are you technically, once you get married, are you no longer a widow? Does it clean the slate? I think to me they're basically saying it's just another fun way to shame a woman

because I feel like it's remarried. But maybe I'm wrong. Yeah. If it's that, then I'm okay. Then I'll back off. It's basically saying like, hey, just so you know, she lost the first one. Yeah. He's gone.

But she's married now to the second guy. Yeah. Okay. All right. Because don't they like it when you're not divorced and just kept one of them alive forever? Yeah. Yeah. Well, because if why did your last relationship end?

If it's a, if it's a widow, it's not her fault. But if it's a divorce, then it's her fault. It is her fault. She's problematic. It is. She is problematic. Yeah. And that's holding true still.

That's why I never got married. Yep, and that's why I killed my wife. Go ahead. Information is reached here of the marriage. This is out of Tennessee. Information has reached here of the marriage of John Newberry and Miss Patty Barron. Newberry lives about 10 months.

She had kids? Yeah. Interesting. She's an oxymour and she's a married widow. She's barren. Three kids, she's barren. Newberry lives about 10 miles from Tala. Tallahoma, Tala Homa.

Tula Homa. There would be nothing unusual in the marriage if it was not for the previous matrimonial ventures of Newbury. John, that's John, or is that her? No, that's, she's barren. About 35 years ago, he married the widow Sally Barham. He's got a type.

He's a widow guy. Who was then the mother of three daughters, Judy, Martha, and Patsy. Is this a story about my stepdad? Man, stepdad? Pop-up. Four years after the marriage, four years after the marriage,

his wife died, leaving one child, a son by Newberry. After waiting about a year, he married Judy. I don't care. Old this daughter of his deceased wife. Now this just got...

Oh, oh, boy. We just Woody Allen without the dying part. He's a director. Oh, boy, that's so fucking weird. Jesus Christ. Will I watch you grow up? Oh, it's this the word. It is so bad.

It's so bad. We have a, on this podcast, we have a longstanding lack of understanding of how you can watch a girl grow up and then want to have sex. And yet we have Chris DeLeon, like, regular. And yet, Chris Leia is a friend of shows. It's weird the way we've, I don't know.

I guess it's the charm. He may, I'm okay with him doing it. Everyone else is weird. My favorite comedians are greasy-looking pedophiles. Yeah. He's great. What's that say about you, Dave?

No, just that I'm a classic guy. Dave is a type. I'm just, look, Austin does. I'm able to separate the art from the artists. We do good comedy in Austin. I don't know what everyone's fucking talking about. After waiting about one year, he married Judy, the oldest daughter of his deceased wife. In two years, Judy followed her mother to the grave, leaving a baby girl.

Oh, God. You better, I swear, I'm going to punch you if this goes. If he fucks that baby. If he fucks that baby, I'm going to beat you, Dave. Do you understand me? If he fuck you, he leave, he better leave her alone. Again, awaiting a reasonable. No, shut up.

Reasonable time to mourn. Newberry took unto himself Martha to wife. Martha is Judy's sister. So he married the second, it's a little better. The second daughter of his wife's house. He's just fucking sight. He's, yeah, he's in the cycle. Go out in town.

Wait a minute. There are other women in town? Oh. Oh. Does he leave the house at all? No. Don't sound like it. Doesn't sound like it.

Well, your sister's dead. Should we do it? Seems like there's no other option that we should be married. Or I marry the baby. As we do, we're going to make love on this casket. There we are. family traditions Well

Oh no What? What? It's a fine thing to say Nobody should be upset So I can need to I'm expensively that That's a quick lift

I'm running for city council So I'm going to need you to lift A few things out of the episode To be quite honest with you The thing has to go. And then you hear it. God damn it, dude. What?

I told you. I put an echo on it. I'm going to have all the wrong people voting for me. Jesus Christ. Okay, so he took himself Martha to wife, who, after living a number of years, followed her sister and mother to the grave. He's killing these women. So the marriage last week. No.

Of Newberry and Patsy absorbs the whole family. Patsy was the third sister. Oh, fuck. He married all the sisters. Jesus. He married all the fucking sisters. It's like cloning your dog. That is insane.

I don't either. I can't believe the third one is like, for sure. I mean, that is that everyone's mentally ill. Well, she, Gareth, you know, she didn't have a choice. But, you know. Excuse me. He's like, will you marry me? I was joking about the first two.

You're the one I always wanted. Well, now that I worked my way through the vegetables, time for the dish. It's time for the death dick. whoever it touches will perish. All right. What if he just has chlamydia in a game of them? That is a great mystery. And then I realized you have chlamydia.

It was me. Who was the problem? Oh my God, I'm the one. Oh, that's crazy. Boy, that actually makes a lot of sense. Okay, my bad. That makes a lot of sense. You know what?

I'm going to, I'll be. honest, I have some blame in this. I guess I do. Oh my God, baby, you're 16 now? Oh, God. Now the question arises, what kin to one another are the offspring of the four marriages? What? Well, they're like... Oh, what is the...

Yeah, what are they? Yeah, what are they? Well, they're all cousins or... Exactly. Yeah, they're cousins. and brothers and sisters. And daughters. They're cousins and brothers and sisters.

Okay, sure. As God wanted. Beth's leaving the podcast. Beth took off. Sorry, some dogs are pretty, we're going pretty crazy around here. Uh-oh. Oh, now we know where you are.

It's fine. It's just ice, Beth. No big deal. Josh figured out where you live. Oh. President, congratulates parents of triplets. Oh. The president?

Yes. President, it's a big deal. It's a big deal back then. We have a lot more triplets now. The guy from the previous story was like, are they sisters? Send them my way. They keep dying with their stay in the same age. I have a killer dick.

I think that there were more chiblets back, less chiblets back then because of the whole living thing. Right. Living through. Right. They'd die. Yeah, they would die. sends three photographs of himself as presents for the three Cunningham. That's a Trump.

That is such a Trump move. Congratulations on your wonderful womb. Here's three pictures of me. This is out of New Jersey. George Cunningham of this city, who recently became the father of triplets, all boys yesterday, received a letter from President Roosevelt, congratulating him. The letter reads, Mr. George Cunningham

My dear sir, I congratulate you And Mrs. Cunningham Oh, that was so nice to congratulate her Throw her name in there also That was really And your vessel A huge bully to you and all your work And that thing that held it

And the egg holder Congrats to you and the womb that you own There we are That is the kind of American citizenship in which I believe I send you three photographs of myself for the three new Cunningham boys and my compliments

to Miss Mrs. Cunningham with Beth wish, Best Wishes, Theodore Roosevelt. Wow, that is, that is a... So just, did he sign it? Was that a thing? He must have. He must have.

He must have. I don't know. It is interesting to wonder when... That is a very... That is an interesting question. Pictures are rare back then. Yeah, but signing it, the signature. Great. When did I bet it they were doing it then?

I think they were glossy. Or you just send a letter. It's just him and like the quads. Here's four different looks. I could be a doctor, a tennis player, the president. I'm betting AI gives us a total nonsense answer, so let's check it out. Well, I know in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Hitler signs his autograph book. So we know it was around in World War II.

Is that true? He sends like a proof sheet. He's like, circle which one you want. Which one? Which look is best? I'm in the westerns. Around the 1930s. So there was no autographs back then.

That had to be a weird first. That's a weird first. Maybe back then it was like stealing your soul. I can't show you my autograph. It's a weird thing to be like, will you sign here? someone like someone asked me can you sign this ticket and I signed it how I signed my credit cards and I was like oh shit I never thought of that because I do my full name versus my name do you have do different signatures yeah interesting oh smart that's actually very smart of you now I feel

yeah yeah you don't want to be giving out your signature you know what's funny is you did it once and are like huge faux paw so that's interesting and now everybody knows so that's even better. So Preston, it's Gareth again from the past times. You're going to really need your lifting fingers for this episode, McHing. Somebody goes back and recreat steals your identity, but I... I'm ruined. Okay, so it started...

I only ordered a Dyson vacuum. Yeah. Pretty expensive, though. It did start here in the... In L.A.? In the 20s, with the rise of film and baseball. That makes sense. But apparently in China, it was very common for emperors to do it.

Interesting. Another big folks. Okay. McCoy, again, seeks legal separation. The kid has sued wife's alleged lover for 100,000 in damages. What? 1903? Yeah.

It is a, yeah, it doesn't feel of the time. Wasn't, I mean, okay, so the wife has a sidepiece and he's suing the side piece. Oh, Kid McCoy is the guy's actual name. Oh, thank you. That threw me off. Okay. Okay, okay, there we go. That's, yeah.

Yeah, he's a boxer. This is from New York. He probably is. Look him up. No. Kid McCoy and his wife, who has divorced him twice and married him three times during the last six years. So they're still married. Yes.

Both shrink from the publicity of a trial in their third effort for separation and Justice Gildersleave. Gilder's a great judge, by the way. That guy is phenomenal. Gildersleve. Today appointed Alexander Lament referee to take testimony and report to him whether. This is normal law. I guess you guys might not be understanding, but I'm a legal mind. want a referee.

Fair and unbiased. Fair unbiased. Yeah, ref. Get a reference. Rest lament. We're in the whole outfit. There's the whole thing. He's got flags, a whistle.

It's a whole thing. Yeah, that's what you want in court. To take testimony, report to him whether the kid is entitled to absolute divorce. I would like to put out, referee spelled wrong, testimony spelled wrong. It's not a good article. No, that's fine, though. The kid charges that while he was in Europe last July, his traveling companion, Ralph Thompson, son of a Schenectady banker.

We don't need that part. And grandson of the founder of a great locomotive works gave him the slip, came back to New York, and visited his wife, who afterward went abroad with a party of which Thompson was a member.

So she's fucking around with another dude. With his European companion. But like, you know, if you've gotten divorced twice and married three times the same person, it's not going to work. No. We live this.

It only worked for Tom and Roseanne. That's right. The best. By the way, she's really coming around stand-up-wise. It's really getting good again. She's good. She found herself. Miss Selby.

I do a lot of stand-up at TP USA, and that is a hot crowd. That is the best room. That is the best room. Honestly, I sell so much merch there. Oh, yeah. It's a hot room. 200K in merch. Yeah, I sell my autograph.

I do the rubber. the rubber neck thing. Miss Shelby enters a general denial through Thomas Osborne, but her husband has also sued Ralph Thompson for 100,000 of damage for taking away. Oh yeah, so this is when you could...

You sue the lover. I like that. Actually, someone is doing that right now. There's like three states left that you can sue the... I like that. The other one. I like that. I pro that.

Yeah, this is very common to sue the... You fucked my wife? I want all of you. your money. Yeah, why not? Yeah. You're supposed to pay me for that. Yeah.

Your honor, this man fucked my wife. And he didn't pay me. And I'd like some money for it. Is that crazy? That's not crazy. That's a really good case. That was yours to use.

I'm Justice Gilded Sleeve. You can trust me. It's Gilder Sleeve. I'm Gilder Sleeve. Gilder Sleeve is when you don't have a tissue and you wipe your snot on your arm. You've got what's called the gilder's sleeve. Woman drugged and her hair clipped.

No. Oh, boy. Subject was a Barbie. That's a good idea for a doll. She drugged and her haircut. This is out of Pennsylvania. What did they take? As she was seated in her home, nursing her eight-month

month's old baby. Oh, God. Miss William Stevens. Mid-nurs. Of Dunbar was overpowered and chloroformed by two men. Jesus Christ. This is, uh... So chloroform's real.

They sucked her dry, and the baby hasn't woken up either because it's drinking the milk. What's good? Wouldn't that be amazing? They drug her, suck on her milk, drug themselves. Oh. By accident. She wakes up first. Oh, my God.

She sees these guys with milk around their mouths. They really had a time. All right, Todd. Take the left head. I'll go right. M num num num num num num num num num num num num num num. Wobob. Dried milk.

Oh, they were. Oh, my God. Her hair, which was exceptionally long and black, was clipped to the scalp. Oh, shit. So this is a wig theft. Sure. They're taking the hair for the wigs. I don't know if that is the actual legal term.

It is. There's a whole wig. Okay. Whig theft It's a wig lift Okay The bed We're seeing fleeing from the house

By neighbors Who made an investigation Because they saw these guys Running with hair Yeah It's never good They got her in his arms And found the mother

And baby unconscious What they chloroform the baby Just give a little bit to the kid The milk would go You think it would go I don't know if it's that fast I don't know I don't know how chloroform works

And by the way I just am saying that as an ally I don't know how chloroform works. I'm on the right side of history. I wouldn't know what to do. Do you need a rag? I've never looked it up.

I've never done it once. Never done it. I've never done it. Classic woke. The assailants are believed to be peddlers who will dispose of the hair. As no other articles in the house were disturbed,

the police conclude that the sole object of the raid was to steal, Miss Stevens luxuriant, I mean, this is bizarre. I guess I never looked up about this. I guess there's a good, that's good wig market, I guess. We got a couple minutes left, so we'll do this last one,

and this one goes out. And then we'll do thanks, and then we do the song. This one goes out to Gareth. This is special Gareth. It's about eggs. Babe smothered by cat. Oh, shit. That is how I want to go.

Baby by fat cat? Yeah. Babies kill cats. There was not a cat. today that said they did research and cats think they're training you. Yeah. It's an important part of the dynamic. Is it real?

That is real. The cats do think they're training you. Yeah, yeah. They think they're training people, not the other way around. Yep. And they don't meow unless they hear you talk. Anyway. The 10-month-old child of J. H. Whitman, a farmer...

And we should point out, this baby would already be dead if it were to have not had this done. Go ahead. It was killed last night by the family cat. Yeah, this is 1903, though. This is the so the cat... The family thinks the cat suck the breath out of the baby. The doctor's... That's a little far.

The doctor says the cat simply lay on the child and smothered. No, the cat definitely sucked air. I told you, cats are baby killers. We've been talking about this forever on this podcast. Cats will eventually exterminate the human race. Good night, everybody. If I could see a cat suck the air out of a baby, I would say that it's worth taking the life.

I would pay for that. That would be a good Broadway show. Yeah. They make the biscuits. He's breathing again. Oh my God, it's a miracle. The cat did it. The cat did do it.

Well, Beth, we took a journey through history. We did. 1903. Any lessons learned on this one? I don't think so, right? Yeah, I mean, the wig thing was, honestly, my biggest shock. Wig's big.

That's your biggest shock. I think the guy who hit the cycle through the sisters. And then I don't stick with me. No, but that. Here's the thing. If anything, it just shows how much is not changed. My ex-stepdad went on to marry two other women with three young girls. And I think it's also interesting that he was suing the side piece.

Because like I, like, look, everybody can be harmed by divorce and each party can lose money. It could be a, especially in California where it's a no-fault state. but it is quite interesting that back then the man was like and I'm I'm suing because the narrative has changed so much to women taking all men's money. Yes. And it's like and we should get a human thing. We should, you're right. We should get back to the old ways. I completely agree.

And I think that for every article in this paper. I'm actually going to go through Instagram and start suing all of my ex-boy friends. There we go. There it is. By the way, that's an after. That's going to be a great afternoon. That's a great way to spend the day. Well, Beth, people can go to beth-stelling.com to watch you on the road.

You are a fucking great comic. So we appreciate you being here. People should go check you out. Thank you, guys. That's really nice. And thanks for having me on. It was nice to take a stroll down back to the year I was born, 1903. In the town you was born in.

That's right. Yes. Hey, what's up, dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the, Dalop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to Give It Up Film.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening. So go to Give ItUpfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th and February 7th, three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers in Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st.

Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas, April 24th, finally. Houston, April 25th, two shows. Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th, and then San Antonio, April 28th, and Tucson, April 29th. Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information, but also if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, give itupfilm.com.