The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 162 - The Past Times with Nato Green

Episode Date: February 20, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Nato Green SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th, the Gramer City Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Hello, welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast. Oh, my God.

We're having a hell of a time. Are we? Shush. You know what we do. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history, picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest returning champion.

NATO Green. Hi, NATO. Hello, boys. Welcome back. It's great to be back. We've caught up on some stuff. You're recording your album at the end of the month, but nobody can go to that because you sold all your tickets.

February 28th in San Francisco, two shows, but they're sold out. It'll be coming out. It's really bragging. I mean, luck. But you have some warm-up. shows, which are very important. You're doing one in L.A., one in Sacramento. Where can people go, and when are they? Yeah, Saturday the 21st in Sacramento at the Sacramento Punchline, a club that you know well,

I believe, and then Sunday the 22nd in Los Angeles at the Lyric Hyperion at the age-appropriate time of 5.30 p.m. You know, I've done a couple of those times at the Lyric Hyperion, and it doesn't, It's not that bad. It doesn't feel that bad. I did a 4 o'clock last weekend. Now, that feels bad. That's a bad feeling one. What part of it feels bad?

Well, I like that better than a 10.30 because it was a three-show night. So I like that because then, you know, you're out at like a regular time. But just getting to a club when it's light, it's kind of got that like when you walk out of a casino in Vegas. And you're kind of like, oh, my God. the opposite of that when you're walking in and it's light out. I have a question. Yeah. At a Gareth Reynolds 4 o'clock show, are people drinking?

Yes. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Especially Gareth Reynolds. Hey, no. I did a run of shows at the San Francisco Punchline with, uh, with W. Kamau Bell at three o'clock on a Saturday.

And, uh, you know, that's like because, uh, the demographics skews older. Like, you know, people will. come in, they can, you know, have some tea. Yeah. Keep a chill. You want a fan base. I forget who I was talking to, but if you can get a fan base that's a four-pea,

like, if you, that is... Doug Benson. Yeah, Doug has that. Sometimes he's got those 420 starts. If you can do that, that is great. Walking out at 6.30 and being like, that's it. Oh. Heaven.

Now it's go to dinner. Now it's good. Yeah, now and then we can go do something. Where can people get tickets, Nato? Is that on your website? Or they just go to these club websites? Yeah. The Sacramento Punchline is at the Sacramento Punchline website.

Lyric Hyperion is through Eventbrite. And everything is also on my Instagram, Mr. Nato Green at Instagram to find me. Okay. Sacramento Punchline is the greatest history because back in the 90s, there was a manager and they really, he was stealing from the club. So they brought one of the San Francisco managers over to manage the club and, like, put everything in order. And then he stole from the club.

And then they fired him. And they brought another manager. And then he stole from the club. Well, a lot of people don't know. That's why it's called the punchline. Because it's hilarious how that kept happening. It was heightening. Well, Nato, we're going to guess what year this paper's from.

You get to go first. I know you know this already. But you get to go first because Dave is. Just a loose can. First of all, you can lose just from your attitude. That's fuck, fuck you. Okay,

well there. You're the winner, NATO, but go ahead and guess. Way to go, Nateo. Way to go. You won because Dave's out of his fucking mind. Terrible attitude.

Shut up. 1905. It's pretty good. It's 1893. Yeah, so there you go. Does Nate, you could have me lose on my actual merits.

Does Gareth, does his attitude remind you a little bit of a cop? more of like a meter maid what a terrible follow-up Neda that's just at least let me be the abuser the only cop that gets abused all of the attitude of a cop

without the power yeah just with a with a portable receipt printing machine just like a little scooter to ride around in that part I like yeah I said 1905 because, as we were saying about just before we started recording, this morning at 5.30 in the morning, the San Francisco teacher strike reached an agreement.

They've been on strike for four days. And my kids were out on the picket line. So I was feeling militant. And I was thinking about the strikes in Russia in 1905. But as it happens in 1893, there was also a strike wave in the United States. That's right. I would imagine this. And why did that happen, Gareth?

what economic thing occurred that? That it was the 2008 housing crisis. I think it was the tulip boom. Yeah. The tulip boom happened. Yeah, that's right. You nailed it. Well, yeah.

So now we just have the LA, the LA Teachers Union has to now be paid. Again, they're sitting on a pot of money and acting like they don't have it. They have a lot of money just sitting around. Well, did you hear that bits, I can't remember the name of the comedian, but he was going, layoffs, layoffs. No.

Talk about layoffs. What is that? What is that? That's that Colts coach. He was doing that. He did playoffs. Does anybody get what you're talking about? If there's like eight people and they're like, it's mid.

It's the perfect kind of reference, though, because. Thank you. You don't need to say more. I didn't understand what you were referring to at all, but it sounded funny enough that I was willing to roll with it. Sure. That's what I give it. four. I'm comfortable laughing. I don't understand why he's doing it.

You're like the male Whitney Cummings. It is the Louisiana Review Wednesday, March 29th, 1893. Why? Because I gave you a huge compliment. Very complimented. I'm very complimented. Dave, do you mean that he peaked in 2017? Or than a thousand Christalia? Stephen A. Smith might be writing for president. Let's do this. All right. So Louisiana review, personal gossip. Okay.

That's the right up here. Start. Right up top. Okay. It's just one sentence. Miss William. What's the date, 1893? March 29th.

Right on. Let's fucking go. Yeah, let's fucking go. Is leap, is that a leap? What is the leap day? February 29th. February 29th. February 29th.

He's the history. I'm the calendar. We should do a calendar show. Oh, my God. Horrible. Gareth, can you remind me when is Tishababov on the calendar? Tishabov? Yeah.

That is, I think it's a Thursday this year. Uh-huh. Okay, thanks. Sorry, Dave. Go ahead, Dave. Miss William W. Astor has a unique collection of photographs of beautiful women. Whoa. That's the entire story.

and let me tell you something. It's like the Epstein files. So what we know about rich people, this is bad. But that has more information in it. They release more about the gossip. It should have been redacted. Is it a woman who has the file of? It's a man.

Oh, no, Mrs. William. Yeah, you're right. Mrs. William. But, you know, based on all we've learned, I don't think that matters. There's a lot of ladies in the Epstein files that are not doing good things. Lee Camp.

Today, they did a video and he broke down. I had never really paid attention. He broke down how Epstein died, was clearly murdered, and all of the like missing information and time in the video. Time in the video that they clearly edited on like cap cutters. They can't find the noose. Well, there's a different, yeah, there's a different noose in there, which is like, what? The whole thing is just so crazy.

Yeah, yeah. The danger in cocaine. This is when cocaine Can you believe how stupid they were? This is when cocaine is like Everybody's doing it. Yeah, everybody's doing it. This would be someone being like, COVID.

Yeah, this is a guy who's like, maybe we shouldn't be smoking this much pot. It's that guy. Pot's okay. So it's cocaine. No argument. If cocaine wasn't good, would God have made it? Thank you.

The great danger of cocaine lies in the fact that it is the most agreeable and alluring of all. narcotics. Well, NATO, yes, agreed. I mean, for 1893, probably, is cocaine the greatest drug export of South America? Because what it got me thinking is like, what if people now, instead of taking ayahuasca journeys to

South America for guided tours on ayahuasca, we're going to South America for guided tours on cocaine, what a different type of journey that would be? Well, what you want is you want to do ayahuasca then into the cocaine because you don't shut up about the ayahuasca this will not shut the fuck up honestly a guided cocaine tour would really be the worst thing ever I mean honestly

you only a couple people could do it yeah you know but uh no I would love that that's the problem now you can't do coke anymore like you used to be I got to test it it's a whole thing oh yeah right back when I was a boy you could just end up in a bathroom with some weirdo yeah do it Just RFK it off a toilet seat. Just yeah, right off the toilet seat. Just Theo Vaughn.

You know, I used to sell RFK his toilet seats. Is that right? Yeah, people don't know that. My lord. Yeah. By the way, just, I want to give a lot of props to Theo Vaughn for having on every horrible human being on earth on his podcast. Congratulations. No, it's brave.

It causes no mental confusion, only a little more talkativeness than usual. Okay. I honestly agree. I agree with all of that. Little more, a lot more. Well, yeah, but I agree with the idea that you are locked in. You are locked in, but you don't shut the fuck up. There's, uh, you're a bad listener.

I'll go that far. You're definitely a bad listener. You're just thinking about what you could say. But yeah, no, you definitely don't shut the fuck up. So is that what it was like in 1893? Just a bunch of people just like, did I tell you about my other patient that I was experimenting with? Oh, go ahead, finish.

But then I'll tell you about my team. I mean, imagine what a hospital must have been like. Awesome. Well, but also, like, what else did the, like, what else did the, have to do. Like, they didn't have phones or cable. True.

You know. So it's like doing Coke, like doing Coke, some laudanum. Yeah. And booze. You know, moonshine.

Ah. Heroin, too. They had heroin then, opium. Just Coke and moonshine and just, I mean, what did they do?

Make swords? I don't remember. But the point is, the point is. 90% of people made swords. Tell you what, you do enough cocaine. You'll make a sword now.

You ever done coke off a sword? That's power. I have not done coke off a sword. You must try. I've also never done coke off a toilet seat. Yeah, I have. You know why? Because there's also the back of the toilet that you can use.

I've definitely done it off of a toilet seat. I've definitely done it off the back of a toilet. I've done it off the back of a toilet. But never the toilet seat. I did it one time on a shit-filled toilet, but that was just RFK. That's what I call him. is no headache. Both.

Both. Yeah, both. There is no headache or nausea, and the pleasant effects are produced with a comparatively small dose. I feel like they're underselling cocaine in this article. I actually agree. This is too clinical. This is like what the prescription bottle reads.

It's just like, you are going to be awesome. Tonight, you are a Greek God. Tomorrow have milk. Get ready to dance. Get ready to have the greatest night of your life. Yeah, it feels like they're describing cocaine like it's Earl Grey tea. Yeah. That level of...

Gives you a little bit of an edge. Instead of just like, you'll have the greatest stories and you'll fuck all night. Cocaine. Here's where they get into the bad part, though. But symptoms of poisoning are rapidly developed. There we go. And within three months, the commencement of the habit, there may be... marked in

dictation dickettations dickettish dickishans of they just start beatboxing yeah dictations

of degeneration degeneration loss of memory hallucinations and suspicions yeah it's amazing that they were

right away it's amazing that they were starting to kind of figure out the downside to come but after a few

months you kind of Andy Dick Too much, you are going to turn it to Andy Dick. I mean, this is, I like that they're doing it in the same way that we have like commercials now for Lexapro or whatever. Yeah. Side effects may include loss of dictations and lack of focus. All I want to do is make one of those commercials with like the B-roll being going up to like a food truck or setting up for a picnic.

Ask your doctor if cocaine is right for you. Because you're laying at a picnic. Side effects may include extreme paranoia, never shutting the fuck up. Running. A mouth so dry that spit no longer exists. Staring. If you unexpectedly get into metallurgy, please call. You'll think you are Zeus for about four to five hours.

Cocaine will make you do more and more cocaine. You'll keep doing it off the back of a dirty toilet seat. And sometimes if you do too much, you'll start to talk like this, but that's only rare. Ask your doctor if cocaine is right for you. Don't mix cocaine with... Other cocaine and also fentanyl. Stabbing your wife, accusing your wife of stabbing you. Thinking you can lift a car, but you can't.

Texting man furiously at 3 a.m. for more cocaine. Asking if he knows anyone, apologizing at 5.30 for all the texts. Finally coming down. It's just a five-hour commercial for cocaine. So here's the thing. Like, okay, ask your doctor if cocaine's right for you. If he says no, go to my buddy. His name's Dr. Tom.

He actually works in Riverside. He works down in a sewer. His office is actually inside of a sewer. Guys. If you find a bike, there's an abandoned bike. If you're near that, it's got a rusty, spin it around. If it makes rusty, yeah. Hold on.

I realize, like, great work on the copy, but I just want to know, did you guys do cocaine while you wrote the ad? Yeah, well, just to figure out a way to, like, actually write the copy. And we didn't even get to the song part yet. Yeah, it's really long. Cocaine, it is pain unless you do it on your brain rain cocaine. Hey, let's do one, just one copy where we don't do cocaine before we write it. That's probably not going to be good idea. What if the ad is just us doing cocaine and writing the ad for cocaine?

Very meta. I love that. That's awesome. That's awesome. Let's do that. Side effects may include writing an ad for cocaine. Think you're working an ad agency when you really don't. You're just running away from your problems.

But you can't outrun them because you do not have any saliva in your mouth. I, now I, I watch. lot of sports like on apps you know and so they they have so many of of drug commercials my family they're in they are genuinely insane when i've like english family come to america that is the one thing they cannot get out like you'll be watching like a football game and they'll be like what the fuck is wrong with you yeah because the side effects are like you're you might bleed out of your asshole just the idea of advertised just being like do you need lipitor you're like if you have a need you go to the doctor you don't just sit at home and be like i could jump higher

Tell your doctor what drugs he should be giving you. Demand shoe enlarging. Do you feel like you get ads that are targeted like ads for drugs that are targeted to you? Not yet. But I feel like that's coming. Like I have been like. Call me cream. Right.

I periodically had like I have, I didn't periodically. I had a period of time where I kept getting served ads where I was like the algorithm seems to think that I am an HIV positive black man. I have honestly heard that. I have heard that before from people that like, they're like, I think Kulu thinks I have AIDS. Like, what is actually happening? I kept getting these ads being like, do you have AIDS belly? And it was like,

AIDS belly. AIDS belly. And, you know, you got to crap your AIDS. By the way, great band. AIDS belly. I keep getting like, like, just. I think it's the fake podcast set up one so it would be like Dave and I hear and just be like yeah but my my penis is so hard and you'd be like well surely you have headaches I'd be like

no headaches I'm like skip ass stop as soon as I shaved my head I started getting tons of like are you bald like are you bald or just racist because me and my wife probably were talking about a lot and now it's like this guy's bald yeah but your those ads are crazy it's like join in four months you can have all your hair back do you want to join Are you bald? Is your dick little? Do chicks hate you? Was high school tough?

Are you proud of being white in a weird way? So you know, one thing there, AI is very excited about, which would probably be the first and only decent use of AI. But they're going to put not just content in shows. So like you, if you eat Cheerios, you'll see the character pick up a Cheerios box. And I, if I eat Wheaties, I'll see the character. I'll see the character pick up a Wheaties box. That is absolutely fucking ridiculous.

And then, you know, all the ads will be specifically targeted like you're talking about. That's all it'll be. That's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Really good stuff. Really, everybody loves that. Hey, this guy likes the same bringles as me. This is my show.

I love Bosch. This guy likes Sour Creek Brinkles? Hey, now I'm on board with Bosch. Bosch, Electric Obliances. Special for you. Hey, you see that one with Bach was eating all the Pringles? You mean when he changed the tide? What?

What are you talking about, Bosch? No, Bosch's like sour cream Pringles. No, he likes saltines. That's his whole thing. He's always eating saltines. Miss Frank, by the way, I could have watched decades of Bosch. I never watched. He was the new Colombo.

I don't watch any Bosch. All right. Miss Frank Leslie is suing for a divorce from her English. English husband. Totally get it right there. Totally get it. He's attacking me NATO through an article. Go ahead. William. Anti-British thing. He is, this guy's a dual citizen. So I feel like he shouldn't be allowed in America. So does some Republican senators. But you know what's so funny about that is they're like, we're going to get rid of this dual citizenship thing. And it's like, you guys know about the whole

Israel situation, right? William, I say, Miss Frank Leslie is suing for a divorce from her English husband, William Wild, that a level-headed businesswoman like Miss Leslie should have committed the indiscretion of matrimony with a worthless foreigner as a puzzle. Wow. Holy shit. That took a turn. The British, by the way. Wow. All right.

Man, what did William, what's supposed to do? I don't know, but it sounds like it wasn't good. Like, we're definitely not down. But I agree with... Shut up. We should hit out. You know, NATO, I've been doing a show with him so long. I could tell when his eyes have shifted to attack.

We should attack... He got his predator eye. We should attack... He looks at me and he's like, there's heat over there. We should attack the British more. It's all I'm saying. Nice try. There's really no.

He doesn't come up. Remember Dunkirk? Yeah, you guys lost that shit. Well, no. But... then we got it in some houseboats. So. So I watched that movie and I was like, why is this a movie?

It's so funny when they do that. I'm like the dumbest thing. Dunkirk. We got houseboats. We can't. Thank God. The Germans were so tired. Look at us running housebooks.

And a bunch of the English were fishing. William Wilde. Oh, brother. of Oscar Wilde. Oh, well, well. Do we think that Miss Frank Leslie was the sister-in-law of Oscar Wilde? Is that possible? Yeah, I think that's what we're learning.

Yeah, yeah, she is. It looks like she is. Well, well, well. We called him Willie. His nickname was Willie. Willie's a bad nickname for a guy. Especially an English person, because it is cock. I know who else ended up in an ugly picture in the attic.

Sometimes we do... Frank Leslie. Sometimes we do literature jokes on the show. Yeah. By the way, who's us going on? I'm the calendar guy. Miss Frank Leslie was a formidable New York publisher. Who inherited her husband's illustrated newspaper.

So there you go. And their marriage was short-lived and unhappy. There you go. He was a night owl. Some people can't handle a Brit. No. Brits are hard to. take.

Trust me. Awesome. By the way, where's cocaine I've ever done? England without question. Really? Without question.

We're just cut to shit. I was just like, do you guys know that cocaine's supposed to have effects? It's a big component of the drug. It's like, it works. It does something.

It's easy to get this everywhere. Well, our cocaine would be better because we're closer to the source. Yeah. I've had bad American cocaine. You're still like, yeah. Like when I was in high school and I went to Florida,

I was like, oh. Right. Oh. Oh, I get it now. When you get the real stuff, you're like, that's better. It's like, yeah, it's like going to London and eating Indian food. You're like, oh, America doesn't have Indian food, really.

Yeah, or India and eating Indian food. I don't think that's a place. I haven't been to India, so I can't make that comment. But I hear they don't do good Indian food. I hear it's better in London. When I went to Thailand, I'm not like, the worst, the ugliest American, I got a pad Thai, and I was like, hmm. No, in Hollywood, there's a place. It makes it really good.

Who got spaghetti? Didn't someone get spaghetti? Nick Capper? Nick Capper. Jesus. A lunatic. He's so funny. A snowball starts a fire.

Here we go. This is a headline. A snowball thrown at a telegraph boy by a companion was the cause of a fire Thursday afternoon. The boy, when struck, remarked, that's a good shot. and stooped down to gather snow to return the shot. He stood up almost immediately, exclaiming that he was on fire, and it was found to be true.

Some matches, sometimes you get hit by snowball, and then you just burst in the flames. That would be the greatest thing I've ever seen. It really would. It sounds like God's wrath. That boy sounds like a sinner. Honestly, just hitting a kid with a snowball and he catches on fire.

I didn't need to. No, I really didn't think he would. You're under arrest. You murdered a boy today. Also, like, I'm fairly, it's the, the journalism here, like, like, it's, you know, like, you're in the newsroom and you're like, I'm going to go blow up in the snowball story. And then, and then the way, read it again because it's actually the, there's so much that you would love to know. But it was like, he caught on fire. There was matches near him.

The boy, when struck remarked, that's a good show. and stooped down to gather snow to return the shot. He stood up almost immediately exclaiming that he was on fire and it was found to be true. Some matches in his pocket having ignited by the blow of the snowball and communicated the fire to his clothing. That happens. I feel like saying that's a good shot, it was not, was an extraneous detail of the narrative here. Like, yeah, reporting that somebody said, that's a good shot is getting in the way. of the more important questions,

which is, why are you fucking on fire? It's a horribly written article. I want to know why a boy just has a pocket full of matches. Back then? It was like, that was it. You probably always had to have matches.

Yeah, you always like, it could be. Well, also, Dave, you have to remember as a student of American history that in Louisiana, in the 1890s, boys were especially flammable. They were mostly just clothed. in outfits that were made of like compressed oil. Yeah.

And they would- That's how gumbo started. And they would get up in the morning and dip their clothes in kerosene. They would dip their clothes and kerosene. Uh-oh. There you go, boy. Off you go to school now, boy. That's a boy.

Wait a minute, we ain't dunk him in a kerosene just yet. But those matches up you, you boy. Every boy's tender. I had seven sons because I kept setting fire to them. Well, you gotta have a few. Because four's gonna bone. Four down boys are gonna bone. Oh, this is an article for Gareth.

I rue the day. I set my kid on fire when I was making gumbo. I rue the day. That's how Roo happened. Yeah. That's how they made a first Rue. You ready? You shouting out.

A discussion about eggs. You know, all right. NATO, this is, a strange thing has happened. And now Preston, the guy who's, putting these papers together is clearly leaning. I like eggs. I like an egg. You like an egg in NATO?

I sure do. How many do you eat a day? Sure. Because I like eggs. Shut up. I had two eggs today. Shut up. Nate, I'll answer the question.

How many eggs do you eat a day? When I eat eggs, mostly I will have one. Okay. How many eggs do you eat like in a week? What's the most amount you should eat in a day? What would you cap yourself at on a day? I would cap it three. Three, three caps a day.

Okay, great. and I'm twice your size, so I do six a day. There you go. That's fine. How many a week do you do? That's for NATO? That's for both of you. And NATO, how many eggs do you eat in a week?

Also three. Yeah. Gareth, how many eggs do you eat in a week? Yeah. Well, he's 18th of my size. So I'll, yeah, I mean, right around the 42 mark. For the listeners at home. Gareth is much smaller than me.

I do a Coopsworth. How are your BMs? I do a B.M. in the P.m. I, now, like, I, you know, I'll make a frittata. I'll make a Spanish tortilla. Dave. We all have stuff. Yeah.

Have you ever seen a grown man at a gas station get out of a van? It's old. You got like, this is like the same story, dude. Nobody wants to hear it. anymore. A hard-boiled egg on the bumper of the van? I do a hard boilers now. Like that's normal.

Have you ever seen that? Sure. Let's see you're in Ohio at a gas station gas on up your tour van and a man that you're in the tour van with jumps out and cracks an egg on the back bumper. What do you do? I would say why the bumper? Thank you. I would say hard surface cracks shells.

Yeah, but why not any other part of the van? Because I was trying to get fucking laid. Was that a fucking 76 looking to score chicks, dude? Uh-huh. Did it work? Hey, I'm still here, aren't I? What does that mean? Hey!

Still breathing. A heated discussion about eggs took place in a downtown office and an argument as to the price resulted in a Delmonico diner. This is the first past. Dinner, sorry. Dinner, okay. Okay. I bet it's going to be eggs for dinner. Are you allowed to do it?

And the answer is yes. One of the disputants maintained that eggs cost him five cents apiece. Another declared the price to be four cents. While the third insisted that they were selling at 41 cents a dozen. Do the math, quick. To what? 41 cents a dozen. Do the math.

For what? How many egg per? How much per egg is that? Three cents. Huh? Three cents. Three and a half. Okay, closer.

The five-cent man said he referred to Long Island eggs laid yesterday, whereupon the third man undertook to prove that the hens did not lay yesterday. It was too cold. Do they slow down there? They do? Yeah, yeah. Is that why they're all in those little terrible tent, warehousy sort of open, running around places?

Free rain? Those are free range. Technically, that is free range. That is free range because they're not in cages. If there's like a window slat open, they're like, look at the free range. Now vacuum them up. Nature is beautiful.

It is beautiful. If there's just somebody walking by just like blowing on them. Free range. That's free range. The discussion brought out the fact that limed eggs are worth about two-thirds as much as strictly fresh long island eggs. Lined eggs? This is a heated discussion in Louisiana.

Eggs are five cents. Break a bottle over the bar. I'll cut you. Four cents. And they're limed. They are limbed eggs as boys are walking the streets of blaze. Lamed eggs. Are you looking up limed eggs?

Oh, they're pickled. Do you like pickled eggs? Yeah. I never had one. One of my kids made an egg curry for dinner. Ooh. Interesting. That was tasty.

Ooh, that's pretty. How many eggs is he thrown in there? Eight. Eight eggs. But he didn't eat them all by himself. For a family of four. Nateo, hold on a second. That's four.

That's two eggs each. The math part of it's over. Two eggs a person. For dinner. It was a dinner eggs. Then you had your breakfast, then you lunch eggs. If an egg has a soapy taste, it is a limed egg. That is, it has been packed in,

Lime, the New York Tribune. Packed in lime. That's not pickled. That's lime. So, soapy taste. Why would you pack? I love a soapy egg.

So it's like, it would be a citrusy egg if it's limed. Yeah. I'm trying it. I agree. Yum. That says like an egg saviche. Yeah.

Oh. Ooh. Take me there. What? Name a, let's play a game. We'll do it after we record. But you try to pitch away the eggs are prepared.

And we see if I eat it. Egg pudding. Yes. Pudding is egg in it. Steak and eggs. Yes. No steak. You can have that.

Flan. Yes. I'm going to get my egg flam. Yes. 100%. Would you eat an egg cooked in beef fat? Well, I'd ask to not be told. Are you vegetarian?

I'm mainly vegetarian. vegetarian. Sometimes there's chicken now. We've gone through a lot of phases. We went through a vegan phase and now we're... Vegan was hard. Yeah, vegans are very difficult. A doctor said I had to get, had to have. So I said I conceded that I would have some chicken.

Speaking of people who won't shut up about stuff, a vegan on an ayahuasca journey. You know, I've been him. Yeah, let me tell you. All you need is love, man. A sign of mental debauchamp. Is this the same article? It's about egg eat eaters, yeah. When a man at the theater hums the airs as the orchestra plays them, and moreover marks the time by tapping with his foot, it is a sign that he is in the last stages of mental debility.

So humming means you're out of your mind? Well, you're humming and you're tapping your foot. Generally, you would say that that's like a guy having an enjoyable time. Yeah. Back then, especially. there was nothing. Experiencing pleasure is a sign of my zability. Yeah, truly, yeah, yeah.

They were like, oh, boy, that's a red flag. I think you're supposed to, because it's the theater, you're supposed to sit there quietly. Oh, this is during the production, I guess. You know what? I actually, I don't care for that, to be honest. Well, I remember a time when I, because when I was living in New York,

so late 90s, I was like, oh, I can't go to the theater anymore because people keep talking to the actors. Talking in what way? Like, disruptive? or they're just idiots? I remember very specifically I was at a play at Hal Linda was in it and people were talking back to the character

and I was just like, what are we doing? Yeah, that's weird. And then I went to a couple more and I'm like, people keep saying stuff to the actors. Well, I remember my mother, my mother would hum something she'd never heard. Like, she would be hearing something for the first time and be humming as well.

Well, that's insane. Yeah, and I'd be like, what do you? How do you hum with something you've never heard? So it would be like, you know, I don't know. She'd be like, we're all doing our own thing. They've got this produced track.

And I'm Pam. Shouldn't humming be illegal? Whistling should be illegal. Humming should be, you know, you're on a watch list. Neda, when's the last time you heard

like a guy, like just walking around whistling? It's kind of gone, right? I live in San Francisco. I have guys walking around saying shit all the time. Yeah.

Just making sense. Yeah. No, we know a whistler. This 1893 Louisiana is immediately before jazz was invented in Louisiana. So whistling and humming led us to this. Yeah. So like there's humming and foot tapping and people are like, this sucks. You're mentally disabled or whatever. And then these like, I'm Lewis Armstrong. Yeah, this might just be a racist piece. It could be.

This guy keeps going. Yeah. I mean, the flip out over like ragtime music and stuff gets really crazy. Every genre of music, weren't they like, that's it. It's over. Yeah, they lose their shit. They're just like, we're making it illegal in a town. It's disgusting.

Every generation has their own footloose. Yeah, it was. It was like, oh my God, I remember rap when I was a kid. They were like, oh boy, that's bad news. I was, I took a, in community college, I took some sort of music history class. And the teacher was like, this rap will be gone in three years. The best. It is a good omen for the proprietor of a private lunatic asylum.

So they're saying if you, a hum, you should literally be put away in a. Right. In a. For humming. For humming. in a private lunatic asylum. Like there's a guy in Louisiana being like, honey, I would have to get it to the lunatic asylum business.

We have the spare room. I know we wanted to rent it out, but could we just make it a place for Hummers to go? I used to be an English teacher, but I decided to pivot to lunatic asylums. When we open the blinds, it's called the free range asylum. Eating out of troughs.

you're intrigued. Are there eggs in them? Yeah, we're going to find out. All the men employed on the Manish estate in Sicily sleep on the property on weeknights and tramp back to town for Sunday. Okay. So far, I love it.

I really do. But so far, that's like probably not very uncommon for this time. I bet you have a great weekend out. But you only have Sunday. See, you're only going home for Sunday. So what if you have a family? Sucker. Light them up.

Throw a snowball. There, will you miss the eight egg, what was it that? Cury? Cury. I mean, you might miss the eight egg curry. Believe me. First of all, children from eggs,

ever thought about that? No. Oh, the gift that keeps on giving. Eggs are involved in every part of society that's important. Yeah, but you're not eating children, Gareth. Well, you don't know. You don't know that. You don't know that.

And second of all, are we, you know, is it weird to? Anyway, go ahead. Now I'm an Epstein email. I'm going to eat the kid's eggs. Their food is provided for them during the week. In the morning, they each have a large chunk of brown bread baked on the spot, a herring or a sardine. Yum. That's a good breakfast.

Well, that's the little fish toast. All right. I'm ready to work. Freshly baked bread sounds pretty nice. Throw some fucking tinned fish on there? Yeah. I'll get done with a sardine. Yeah, it's a hearty.

And as much wine as one can drink at a draft. Yeah, so that's, by the way. Morning wine. Morning wine. Let's go. It makes weird morning wine. Yeah. Fill them with a fish and then I get them drunk and then they're going to go to work.

In the ebb. Does this story ever have a Louisiana connection? No. No. Okay. Sometimes they just read about other places. Yeah, they ran out of steam. And make stuff up.

Yeah. In the evening, they feed like animals. There we go. There are wooden troughs on trestles in the open air arranged around three sides of a square and filled with all sorts of pasta. That, I mean, this has got to be written just from the POV of un-American who's never been to Europe. It's just like, they're eating spaghetti. of wooden troughs like big. The boss slaps the Sicilians.

The men stand around the troughs. That's going to be a good dinner. And feed with their fingers. This is so fucking crazy. Well, this is the time when Italians are like really looked down upon. There's a lot of fucking racism. And they hadn't invented the fork twirly thing yet. No, they didn't know.

So, you know, as Italians, they just couldn't understand any sort of silver situation. So they just digging with their head. Fully spaghetti out of their piggy troughs. That's a good dinner. That's right. Piggy's back to work. I got enough questions. I got a spice meat pot here.

That is a so good. It is in vain that their master has tried to induce them to eat out of plates with spoons. I tried to make them eat off of plates, but they just, these Italians just won't take to American culture. They only eat that of the trough. We like it a better. It's a better out of the... This is a better, because then your shirt is a napkin, right?

That's right, my little Italian boy. There you go. Stop giving me the spoon. I want a fork. Please. I'm going to eat with my hand, only, no plates. if you keep giving me spoons. Even if a spork would do. This is the best.

Hey, could any get better than this? These foolish Italians? They broke the plates and threw the spoons away. You have a bring a plate here again, and you're going to cut you. We eat out of the trough. We're a traffa based animal. Presumably, their idea is that sometimes there are lumps in the food, which, filling with their fingers,

they are able to seize upon so securing a large share. It's like how a baby eats. It's so made up. It's crazy. It's the only way to mash up of the chunky pieces. That's why we squeege it. You squeeze it. And it's a nice to squish it for your friend.

Oh, it's a grotto squishy for your friend. I'm a look at a for the pasta lump. There we go. That's so bad. Could someone mash it down with a spoon? You get her to fuck out of here. A spoon, God gave us two spoons. Throw the plate out of it.

They're out of you. Throw the plate out of head. This is the kind of article we now get about Chinese and North Koreans. Well, it's just sort of, like, we're always pitching it. We're just like, who do we hate? The Russians are eating with their hands from a trough again. Whoever it is, just the rotating wheel of ism. The does. Doctor will not sell.

This is a doctor- This is a story from Massachusetts. A low old Massachusetts man gave a surgeon now practicing at Great Falls, New Hampshire, a deed some years ago disposing of his body for anatomical purposes at his death for $10 cash in hand. Okay, so you get my body to experiment on. Give me $10. that's a good deal

how much would you sell your body for right now my body when I'm dead 10 bucks now yeah you can I don't give a shit and I want a bunch of eggs in my trough rolling down I don't want to be able to squeeze them to find the lumps I want to be able to squeeze them to make

it's called making an egg a curry I have an idea for your funeral in okay fill me with eggs we put you in a casket we put a bunch of eggs in me we put you in a casket we flip you over and everybody gets to

put eggs in you and we all try to Everyone who is at the service takes one egg and pops it in. I like it. Why don't we do it like this? To figure out who pays for the funeral, there will be a thousand eggs. Yeah. And you keep putting them in me until one pops out of my mouth and that person has to pay. Okay.

I have a competing pitch. Okay. For Garris funeral, open casket. Right. We scoop out the inside of Garris' body cavity. Loving itself. Okay. Fill it with cocaine.

Yes. The guests all do the blow. Yes. And then we have the longest eulogies ever. I like, but NATO, the A, I'm kind of missing a little egg. Are you doing anything with eggs? I really want to, I wanted to take the cocaine direction. I love the cocaine direction, but I'm just thinking maybe.

You want some egg cocaine crossover? Well, I mean, you've hollowed me out. We've done all the blow. Maybe we fill me with a bunch of egg salad. Maybe put a bunch of egg salad in me. Maybe some coked out egg salad. Deviled eggs or something. Once the Coke is done, then we fill them up with eggs.

Yeah, that's great. Yeah, I like that. Yeah. And they slowly- While you're doing the blow, you could start hard-boiling, because you're going to need a lot. I'm going to be real empty. Yeah.

How long do you hard boil your eggs? Well, I mean, what is this an egg pack? How white, how yellow you want your yolk? How runny? Pretty yellow. Not, yeah. Not runy. I want it.

I want a hard. A hard joke. Ten? Ten. Yeah. I get your hardened ten. You can give me hard and ten? No problem.

Ugh. What? A guest is groaning. This is a good promotion for your stuff. He has since been in South America, has made a great deal of money and is now anxious to have a decent funeral and internment when he dies.

But counsel, whom he has consulted, advises him that the deed holds good unless he buys it from the holder. and this he has tried to do, but the doctor has refused large offers. Okay, so he sold, when he didn't have a lot of money, he sold his body post-life,

and then he made a lot of money. He's like, I don't want my body to be used by a doctor. I don't care. Do people care about their bodies? I don't understand why. I never understood why people give a shit when they're like, oh.

I think we all picture ourselves going, well, not all, but I think like the, youthful interpretation as you go to another place and you want your body intact. But yeah, it doesn't matter. I think the coolest way is the Tibetans are leaving for the birds to eat. You've seen that? I thought the Tibet, weren't they the ones who did the 69 with their best friend?

I think you're thinking of Peruvians. That's the one. Dave and I've already decided we're going to be buried 69 in the same casket. What? You don't like that one? Have we lost our Peruvian base? that's that's uh that's based on a fish uh fish fish thing i yeah yeah they have a big fish diet it would be nice to have a highlight of nato's groans during the last 10 minutes he's upset about the

peruvian thing yeah look we're just talking you know burial everyone has burial rituals guys guys what it's called the sessente nueva yes that would be like an indiana jones character. Just someone like, the Cicente Nueva. What does it mean? What? It would be amazing.

Looking at hieroglyphics. Wait a minute. But flip him. Their mouth to cock. Amazing for some. Indiana Jones. This iscente Nueva. Some guy's digging up like an old sight.

There's nothing. There's nothing. There's nothing better. Oh my God. Just for comedy. Look, it's all ending. Can we just start burying ourselves with our friends in 69s? Just so when aliens come here, they're like,

what? Or when they're with, you know, a lost civilization. There's like certain bones missing? Like, we've been able to recover 69% of the skeleton. Just archaeologists in the future. Another one. God, this is really sad. This whole society.

Oh, into crotch. It's a sign at the end of the civilization. People just 69. That's how we knew they were ending. Well, that could be like, I mean, that is like at funerals. And to save money, we would recommend that when your mother also passes, we'll put her in the past. In the family. But if you fit in there, we're going to need to go mouth to cock.

I think you should pitch that to nursing homes. So we're, so, and we can do that. there is a discounted option where we will bury your father with another, his best friend at the home, and we're going to do a head to dick. We do a head to dick, and again, they're dead. So who cares? It's just, it's easier to close the casket. It's like a suitcase when you kind of finally pack proper.

So we're going to put your dad's head on his best friend's dick, or his best friend's head on your dad's dick, depending on who goes first. And that's just $4,000 a month for that option. month? Well, yeah, but I mean, it's a subscription? Yeah, it's a subscription. It's a subscription to death. Yeah, no.

You know what? I'm surprised they haven't. I guarantee you. Right now, they're thinking of how to do a subscription. Straw grasping at this point is what, yeah, exactly. It's like what someone's pitching like a standing airline. You'll be standing. We also offer the 69 coach.

Have you heard of that? I am. That's when you face the dick with another passenger. Do I know this person? Well, we have a whole. thing where we're trying to match them, but probably it's just going to be size-based. What do you mean size-based?

By the way, that guy's eating a lot of eggs, and he would love to eat out of. Is there, I heard that there's a cheaper ass to face? There is ass to mouth, but that, yeah, that's, but that's international only. Okay.

Well, I guess I'm just going to stick to, I'm just going to stick to the human centipede train. Okay, dokey. Mexican street cars. This is not going to go well. Whatever the story is, it's not going to go well. Nope. In Mexico, you can hire a streetcar and ride all over town in it for a whole day by yourself for $3.50.

And you can stop at any one place for two hours without extra charge. Sounds great. It's like a train cruise. But what's the big, why is this a story? Because it's way cheaper. It's way better. Mexico's already better. I know, but this isn't a story.

It's just like. It's awesome. It's just You get like a cab for a day Yeah, but it's cheaper. NATO, right? Tourism. I was imagining

I was imagining like a trolley. So like you just, it's like a hop on, hop off. It's on a cab because a cab can go around corners. This is a trolley that has one route and you get it to yourself. Yep.

And then you can leave your eggs on the trolley when you get off to go. Weird. You need them with you to know you have them. But I hear them. everything up until then. What about this? What about an egg cruise? Yes. Absolutely. Perfect. Yes. So you're eating cocktails that have like mixed drinks that have like like an egg white iddom? Yeah. I don't love it, but I'm not opposed to it at all. To me I just go,

why are we wasting it on a drink? Let me get drunk and have scrambled eggs. But if you insist, Okay. Do you like... Go ahead. Do you have a favorite part of the egg, the yolk or the white? Oh, gosh. The shell's beautiful. I've eaten shell.

That's the craziest thing. Oh, gosh. I don't know. The whole thing works in conjunction. It's like saying, you know, do you like the moon or the sun? Like, I need both. I want both. Not only that, your friends can hire a whole new train of these street cars for your funeral at low rates.

Nice. This took a turn. We went from a... Hey, what about a nice day on a streetcar? Like, oh, if you die. Hell yeah. That too. Hell yeah.

Funeral procession. Yep. There's no other city in the world where you can have such a big funeral with a great deal of show for so little money as in the city of Mexico. This is what we need to do with Trump when he's done. We need to prop him up on a trolley and just send him around town. I think we need to. And then we shoot flaming arrows into it. I think we should be a.

allowed to be able to throw shit at him when he does. Neda, what is, what do you think is going to happen first, that you'll record your new album or that Trump will pass away? Do you know about this, like, witch prediction? Ooh, maybe. I'm intrigued. Like, like, multiple people have sent me this thing that's circulating the internet, that there's, like, witches that think that Trump is going to die on Tuesday,

on February 17th, Lunar New Year. Oh, oh, there's a bunch of witches that think that? Yeah. Are they ready for how excited the streets will be when he dies? Oh my God. The right wing, the right wing has no idea what's coming. On the one hand, I am excited for the idea of Trump to die next week. On the other hand, I am terrified at the idea of witches being fucking insufferable for the next thousand years.

It'll be so big for the witches if they bail that one. Holy fuck. We told you. We told you about. crystals. We told you about dream catchers. My witch has become insufferable since then. And when we predicted the Trump death,

yeah, I know. Here we go again. Well, maybe you should buy me another cauldron now that I get everything right. Well, look who should have listened to their witch? Teacher I have newt. I know what I'm talking about.

Fuck, that would be amazing. I mean, when he dies, it's going to be like Mardi Gras. Yeah, and we all know Vance is kind of, it's not even about, but good, it's going to be the best. Yeah. I mean, like, Vance is such a like the little like yappy dog of the old cartoons. He's just going to, hey, guys, what's up guys? Yeah.

Everyone in America is going to be going down on each other in the streets. Oh, it's going to be like a parental funeral. It's going to be like that famous picture when World War II ended, the guy kissing the girl, but it's just going to be people blowing each other everywhere. Everyone's sucking everyone off. I didn't know you were gay. I'm not. Trump's then.

Deaf persons and the telephone. What? This cannot be sensitive. Professor Lanoi of Leon says that persons whose organ of hearing is not perfectly sound should avoid the telephone. Pun intended. Yeah, honestly. Yeah. Of course, they should avoid the telephone.

phone, they can't use it. This is a theory. My opinion, it is so important for them to not use it because they're not going to be able to use it. What? Jesus Christ. Nothing. Even as even in a comparatively robust organ, its continuous use is followed by symptoms more or less grave.

Cephalalgia, vertigo, hyper-anesthesia, insomnia. So deaf people don't use the phone because there could be, first, their consequences. They're going to get vertigo. And sometimes disservances, which might be crying. It sounds like there's another problem. The deaf guy used the phone and then died. Yeah. Yeah, what's happening here?

Is he saying if you try to use a phone and your deaf, then things will get worse, like you'll have all these other issues? I keep telling it to Zen, but it falls on their ears. They don't pay attention. I don't know, man. That was really crazy. All right, one last one.

strange and Mr. A Gates of Philadelphia has invented an elevated electric car Ooh Elevated electric car

It is suspended 20 feet in the air What the fuck And moves on overhead wires Just just so we This is an Elon Musk thing This is absolutely not a car So we just put wires

All over every city and then we have cars. You can tell it took off because of how many there are now. Wire cars. It's just a ski lift. Yeah, it is a ski lift. That is all it is. A ski lift for your car.

Oh, my God. Self-driving. This is Hyperloop. Eastern Capitalists will test the car on a line that will be constructed between New York and Philadelphia. No, they won't. No, they won't. No, they won't. No, they won't.

It is Hyperloop. But then he puts it up and he goes, oh, shit, we got a problem. Because I got to get, I got to have poles, keep the wire up. So the car only goes from one pole the other. And then we got to take it down and put it back up. We're going to start doing this, but on the moon. Well, that was insane. That was a, that is so musk.

Oh, God. The pivot, his pivoting now to. The moon. The moon. It's so. The thing that's great about him is that he's not going to live too much longer from all the ketamine abuse. So, you know, he's able to buy himself more time because every year he's doing so much in the next year. Yeah.

It should be probably by the end of the year. Boy, that's going to be another celebration. Well, Nato, we hope Trump passes away before your album. What do you call in the album? Do you have a title? The tour has been called in the darkest hour. So there's a good chance that the... the album will be called that.

It will really, I mean, I'll take one for the team. It's an hour of political comedy. And so it would really fuck up my shit if Trump died before the tape. That is brutal. I recorded mine not too long ago, and the middle is all about billionaires.

And I'm like, man, they're, the Epstein emails are now, have soured so much. I'm like, Jesus Christ, they just don't stop. Yeah. They just, there's no bottom to their evil. But, well, then I guess for your sake, are you willing to go on record and say that you hope Trump lives?

You know, no, I mean, I will, I am willing to sacrifice the quality of my album. Okay. And the timeliness of my album. What a guy. For the greater good. And throw in with the witches. What a guy. It's nice.

You know, it might not be a bad idea to start thinking of, just because of the witch predictions. It might be a couple. Just pivot to a crowdwork album. So what do you do? I had a whole thing written and then Trump died last Tuesday. Well, and I'm not a crowdwork guy. And so like my crowdwork predictably is like,

anyone here have any fucked up medical stories you want to share? I'll do that. That's better though. That is better. Any witches here tonight? Any witches? Any witches make any predictions? I do a lot.

of egg stuff. A lot of egg-based crowd work. What do you favorite would have eggs, sir? People are like, dude, stop. What do you like, hard-boiled? Okay, how do you get potassium? Yeah. Oh, wow, do you love your cholesterol.

Well, NATO, people should go watch. You should go see you in Sacramento, in Los Angeles. And always a pleasure. And thank you for doing political stand-up. We need you, NATO. Thank you so much. We need you more than the actual NATO, according to Trump. Indeed.

Thank you, bud. I'm here for the people. Thank you. Yeah, you are. You're right here for the people. Hey, what's up, dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information.

If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up and it will be at the CineQuest Film Festival. you can go to Give ItUpfilm.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening. So go to Give ItUpfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th, and February 7th. Three shows that night.

Then I'll be at Flappers and Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th, for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st. Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas, April 24th, finally. Houston, April 25th, two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th, and then San Antonio, April 28th, and Tucson, April 29th. Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information, but also, if you want to go see my movie and you're the San Jose area, give it upfilm.com.