The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 164 - The Past Times with Cameron Logsdon

Episode Date: March 6, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and Cameron Logsdon SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH Hims  MeUndies - Code: Dollop

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd will be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Oh, welcome to the pastime. It's a podcast. We're doing it.

Listen, you know what we do here each week. You guys love it. Hey, Dave, they're here because they already know it. What does that even mean? But for those of you who aren't familiar, here's the ruse to this one. Everybody's got a pie. Do you ever find that everyone has a podcast? Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none of

than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, the great Cameron, Logston. Cameron, thank you for being here. Hey, thanks for having me, guys. This is a lot of fun. I like going back in time. Is it good.

Are you having fun already? I'm having fun already. I mean, so far, I'm already reflecting on the moments we've had, like when you did the intro. Favorite part of the show so far. Yeah, I mean, you know, mostly you guys talking has been, I mean, really, really key. You should do this. Yeah. That really means a lot.

Like, we've been pretty down about the show. Is this your favorite podcast you've ever been on? Say, yeah. Well, cut out this part. Say yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I mean.

Besides Rogan. What are some other podcasts you've been on Cameron? Well, it was Rogan It was Theo Vaughn But only while I was running True or false Theo Ron Theo Von can't be racist

Because he's kind of dim Do you know what I mean Like I don't think he's allowed to be racist Because he doesn't get it It's a question we're facing Can a dumb guy be racist Can a shucker say the N word On an all new past times

Cameron, where can people find you? Where can people consume you in a non-cannibalistic fashion? No, cannibalistic also. Hey, you know, whatever is in vogue. I'm Cameron Logson on social media, and Cameronlogson.com is my website if you want to find out where I'm going to be performing, stand up doing live shows and dates.

And so, yeah, just kind of same, first name, last name, everywhere you can look. L-O-G-S-D-O-N. That's correct. And you don't have a podcast? I don't have a podcast. I've been, you know, waiting for more opportunities to be here and just, you know, get a feel for it. It's hard to meet your idols.

Yeah, what do you do? And right now with the new laws, you got to kill a podcaster to start a new one. Yeah, we're tapped. We've got, we've had enough. It's a capacity thing. It is so weird to be in podcasting as long as we have been and to just endlessly. I mean, part of it is that, you know, we're friends with comedians. It used to be a noble profession.

But it's like, at this point, I realize. I'm just like, what's next? This has got to stop. This is just so dumb at this point where it's just like literally endless booking conversation into micro, it's just, I don't know. There should be a light, you should have to get a license. You should have to, there should be a point. There should be some sort of entry point into this.

I think it should be to the death. Are you past the peak? I mean, is the peak of podcasting in behind us? I mean, or are we in the Renaissance? Is it still happening? I think we're maybe peaking. I think it peaked for people who aren't known, but I think the Amy Pollers of the world can jump in and just take off.

That's the best. Isn't that great? Hey, rich ladies, stay the fuck out of it for everybody else. It's so good to be like, have all your, like to have conquered entertainment and then just, on top of that, just be like, I'm bored. Just because. Just because. I'm going to take hello fresh money out of Dave Anthony's pocket for a change.

And then they're sitting there going like, I mean, it's really cool. Like all the onions are chopped for you. You're like, you have a personal chef. It's like when LeBron does McDonald's commercials. I'm like, no. No. Nope. Not okay.

No. No. All right, Cameron. Well, we're going to go through this old newspaper. All right. Okay. And you're going to get to guess a year what this, what year this paper is from. I'm going to do the same.

You'll start. There's a whole reason behind it. It's not worth getting into. But it could be from the 1700s, 1800s, 1800s, 1900s. Probably going to be in that zone. But just any year, no context, guess. I mean, I don't know. I'm feeling a little modern, a little metropolitan.

I'm going to say 1913. I like that. It's a good guess. It's a great guess. Yeah. A really good guess. Did I tell you I'm going to start doing Dave Portnoy Pizza reviews on the street?

I'm going to guess 1888. You're wrong. What is it? It is 1909. Cameron wins. Legit wins. As usual. Legit one.

I'm actually going to start doing spaghetti reviews on the street by my hand. I'm just going to go. Now, Cameron, good bounce. Do you get confused with Cameron Esposito a lot? Probably. Yeah, that happens. the time.

Mostly our voice and stature. Too many cameras in the business. I think it's like the podcasting of names. Shouldn't they have to fight to the death all the cameras? Seems like you've got a theme.

Dave's going through some personal stuff. It's coming out a lot in his pitches. Just wants to see some action. Yeah, he's just dying to see a little action. The world's boring. It is. Yeah, not enough's happening. It's March 21st, 1909, And it is the Sunday World Herald from Omaha, Nebraska.

Great town. Home of meat. We love it there. Great town, yeah. Great steak town. We have good steaks. And they also have pie, I think. I'll say this.

I know a comedian who has been paid healthily by Omaha steaks. And he's like, I'm running out of room. He does like Omaha corporate gigs. You're kidding. So they book them out? They just like like keep. giving him steaks and he's like, and then he was saying, he's like, I could send him a couple steaks.

I was like, dude, just chill with your steak shit. He's like, he's like, nobody's ever giving me a free steak. Yeah. You know, I mean, I wouldn't have to go to Sacramento, March 12th, if, if I knew it. That's how you do promotion, by the way. You see how we do it? I'm going to, uh, I want to try one of those.

I'll do that soon. Uh, yeah, no, it's like, when we're going on tour, dollar podcast.com, uh, slash tour, I don't think we're going to bring a bunch of steaks. why not? Fuck you. Because you can say, because I'll get a free one in Philadelphia when we're there. Oh, yeah.

And when Alex Perlman's our guest. Yeah, but they chop those up. That's not the same. You know, they put it on bread. It's not, you know, you want to just. You don't come into our house and do, and do what you just did. I think he does. I think it's fine.

Are we still in the promo? He's from Steakland. He can do what he, he can say whatever he wants about steaks. Oh. You're from fucking cheese hole or whatever. recall it she's old four farmers have fierce battle with pitchforks

Dave's dick just got hard this is what he was waiting for James like fuck yeah do you know when in Breaking Bad did you watch it? Yeah okay so the

the the when he has like 20 guys killed in prison in that one montage yeah literally I had like four my friends go well that was for you I'm just kidding all these text congratulations man

yeah thank you very much yes the best um one of them guys is spider man style you know the spiderman pointing at each other

the main yeah yeah i like shirtless too but with overalls yeah yeah you know i got a lot of trouble a few years ago when I joined Farmers Only and you know, those guys

get in trouble. They were looking for wives. Wait, did you, so you, what did you think was going to happen? Just wanted to meet up and talk about pumpkins. I didn't read the fine print, but

go ahead. No, I think we should sit here for a bit of time. I'd rather get going. one of them dying his brain pierced and three others are seriously injured his brain pierced is a really strange that's strange it's such a 1909 way of being a doctor you understand his brain got pierced so he can't think no more what is it have like a little ring that's like a clairs what do you guys think i got my grandpa this is at a storm lake iowa a course iowa Where else would they fight with pitchforks, those people?

Okay. As a result of a fierce encounter with pitchforks in which four farmers engaged, Charles Bilberg is dying, while the other three participants are laid up with severe injuries. The trouble started when James Scotthorn and Bilberg, his hired man, attempted to move a stack of straw from Ed Gitton's farm. Gittin and his son and the two others went at each other. I guess there's the last straw for them, I guess. Yeah.

Are you okay with what he just said? Yeah, Cameron said yeah, and he co-signed it just now. I think he's going along to be like nice to the host. No. It was a little, it was a little politeness. I mean, I will say farm puns, it's sensitive territory for my people from Omaha. You're offending him a little bit. A little bit.

I don't understand how the world works. These farmers are still big names in this town. Yeah. Okay. I'm a little guy from a small town. I don't understand how this big city folk stuff works. So this is that Theo Vaughn thing he was talking about. I don't get it.

I can't offend people. I don't even have a regular phone. What does that mean? I'm just dumb. I don't know nothing from nothing. I don't know nothing from nothing. I thought beans was an animal till two weeks ago. man i tell you i don't understand that is real stuff but no

then i had dinner with the trumps last week that i got away with now is that your pet beating there hey it's my boy got down pinta that's a good jelly roll thank you that's a good jelly roll oh man jelly roll i love watching people in entertainment try to not comment on ice it is almost the fetish It's like, it's just like, Hey, man, I don't even understand how,

man, I'm a stupid guy. I got a guitar or a voice, a bunch of tattoos on my face. I don't know what it's like to be murdering people in the streets who are innocent because of the color of their skin. I don't know what to say about it. What am I supposed to say that that's boring and shouldn't exist in any actual functioning

society? No, I'm just happy to win a Grammy. Mm-hmm. They shot him with what did you call it a gun? Hmm. Guns. Oh, man.

I don't even, I don't even, I don't even understand how the mechanics of the inside of a gun works. I wouldn't be allowed to comment on it. What a win. Bilberg's skull was pierced with a tine. I can't really read that word. Is it too tine?

I think it's yeah, time, T-I-N-E. And his brain injured. His relatives have come here from Illinois to prosecute the case. Is that how that works? Yep, absolutely. We're lawyers. That's the whole story.

A tough ending. That is a tough ending. A guy got his brain pierced so his family's like, we're lawyers. They went at it with pitchforks and one guy got his brain. I would assume in the face, right? It's hard to know how one reaches the brain. How would you, you're from Omaha, how would you put a pitchfork in a head? I mean, top down if you can manage it.

I think it's the only way. I mean, I don't know much, but I really do think you got to start. at the top. It would be crazy to go. Right, because if you're aiming for the brain, you don't want to mess around to hit an ear canal or an eyeball. Just a bunch of meat in the way. Don't do that. Omaha Steakdom.

A tine is a sharp slender, pointed prong, or branch found on items like forks, pitchforks, combs and deer antlers. I got a time. No, you don't. And they said people in the Midwest don't have a good vocabulary. Yeah. Thank you. 1909. Thank you.

Thank you. You guys really went backwards, though. Small has his troubles. Small has those troubles. It's not been easy. Charles Small was arrested in Aurora last Wednesday on a statutory charge.

Here we go. Should we just call it Epstein? What is statutory in 1909, by the way? I know. How are these his troubles? Yeah. small has been sorry about that smalls sorry smalls you got caught that's why they call me small it's tough yikes small has been uh for some time no wait uh small has been for some time

proceeding nears the manager of the lyric theater in aurora yeah he was immediately taken before a county judge washburn on april fifth he will have a preliminary hearing some time ago small married a woman in Wyoming who claimed to be a widow but later her husband appeared upon the scene and small took himself to other parts

that's fair to oh yeah for sure other parts yeah he moved but I hear you he was like I'll do butt how do we want to handle this now that you're alive I think you've already laid claim to the front I'll go back how do you want to handle this What are we doing?

Or, sir, with all due respect, you could just start sucking me. I mean, how do we... Other parts seems to be the only solution. What about this? All holes are open. All right. How about this? We all just put our face in one and it's another's crotch and we figure it out until we're on isosceles.

He later, he married another woman and afterwards moved to Aurora. Now, the husband of the first woman is dead and the woman is claiming small as her husband. This is phenomenal. instituting a suit against him. I am now a widow. Charging him with adultery. He cheated on me. Ma'am, your husband was alive.

So she came back. Well, he's not anymore. Yeah, you don't understand. So she married him. And then his already married. She was married to a living man who she claimed was dead. That guy came back in. So Smalls moved on, married another woman. Then that woman's husband actually died.

And now she's like, I told you I was a widder. No, now she's saying, You're an you're you've committed adultery. Yeah, because she's a widow now. Because he got remarried. Yes. But she's, but she's doing it because her husband died eventually.

Yeah. She was like, you lied to me. Yeah. Charging him with adultery with a woman with whom he is now living and whom he claims to be his lawful wife. The whole matter will be aired in court. I hope the judge is just like,

fuck off. I got to say, that's my ruling. Smalls must be, he must be good at giving it. Given what? The old tine. What?

He must be good at delivering some tines. Stabbing people in the brain? Well, shit. I hope it doesn't heard that, but. Don't you want the judge to say how'd that guy die? Isn't that the bigger mystery here? Yeah. There's obviously probable cause.

Smalls is out here swinging time. Right? There's a murder of foot. There's a murder happening. Swinging tine Me and the boys I'm gonna go to the club Swing a little time

You know what I'm saying Stabbing women You ladies looking for time I got a tied penis The East Island No No, wait My name's smalls

No Hold on you're gonna was it My name smells I got a time dick Hello ma'am I got a pitch fork in my pants Hello

Whoops Oh shit They call me small I'm married in three different parts 10. You know what I'm saying? 1,300 gallstones are removed. Fuck me.

Wow. Is that a lot? That's, yeah, that's buckshot. Yeah. That is a lot. How big are they? It can't be big, but 1,300 anything. I hope they're like.

That's what I'm saying. I'm picturing lentils. I'm thinking like quarters. Oh, yeah. You're picturing the whole man. like he's like a slot machine. How much usually come out at a time?

Yeah, I don't think gallstones come out. I think you've got to take him out. Kidneystone comes out. Kidneystone's like, I'm getting out of here. Because there's a way out. But a gallstone, you can't get out the gall. Well, I mean, you've got to have someone with real ambition to go for something like that. Someone who doesn't listen to reason.

Someone who's got the gumption to go in there and try something no one else has before. You're talking about small? I'm talking about go. Perhaps the most unusual operation ever performed at the Wichita Hospital was successfully made yesterday when 1,349 gallstones were removed from Mrs. J.C. care of Lambert, Oklahoma. She is much improved today. Oh, a little lighter. Fuck. That is, I saw this fucking video.

I almost don't even want to explain it. It's so crazy. But it was this guy. Like, he started to get nosebleeds. And he goes to the doctor. And he basically had just a colony of like bugs living in his nose and face. Well, you showed this to us. Oh, did I show it to you?

Yeah. Oh, no, Luke showed it to us. or was it you? I would have shown it to you. Yeah, it was, you shouldn't have done that. No, you did show that to us. Why did you do that? It was like, it was like tiny bugs.

They didn't know what kind of bugs they were. Yeah, but they, but basically the guy at the end, he was like, I definitely need to wash my hands more. Like the whole thing, he was like, he said he'd go fishing and then he'd like wash his hands on the river and be like, we're good to go. Yeah. I've been going out to the gallon of water for home. Yeah. And then like the doctor was like, he's going to make a full recovery. and I was like, this man doesn't deserve a full recovery.

But I did think, my point being, the whole time I was like, man, we won't know relief like that guy does. Like to have a colony of bugs taken out of your feet, you know what I mean? Like a week later, be like, man, I feel good. There's nothing crawling around inside him. You know that feeling when you're all itchy in the face. Listen, I'm not making a case for diarrhea. Put your glasses back on.

I'm not making a case for diarrhea But I'll tell you what Is there a better feeling than when it's over? Come on I show you get to wash You wash your hands not in the river Yeah you put you put some fish Guts out a little bit

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Trash show. Mandi's. Back to our program. Enjoy the past, enjoy the rest of the podcast. But you're glad. This is back on. What's going on? I don't know if it's 1,300 gallstones out at a single time.

No, no, it's not. That's what I mean. This woman feels relief that I shall not know. She must have lost so much weight. Yeah. So I mean. Okay,

you ready? Yeah. I like, though, that they said that it's the greatest surgery that might have ever happened in Wichita to that point. Like somebody's going to, this is the best day of my life.

Surgery was like, most of the time, I'm just removing men from cattle. pitch voice they can range from a small as grain of sand or salt to as large as a golf ball fuck me god golf stones yeah take them out take them down to the course there we go knock a few yeah these are a little smushy rare cases a stone can be massive five centimeters or more that's how i'd do it she felt good though see even a great of sand 1300 pieces of like

1,300. That's a big bag of sand. Yeah, it's a good amount of sand if it's in your body. I heard there's as many gallstones as there are stars in the sky. Who told you? No, I don't think that. Who said that? No, he's from Omaha.

People know that. I don't think of ever heard that. That's a thing for real. Omaha guys know stuff like this. It's more of a natural. We're in tune with the environment. Okay. All right.

I just, okay. They grew up on a farm or whatever. Okay. Yeah. I didn't learn how to be sexist because I grew up on a farm. Returns money and says he was drunk when he took it. I got to be honest. Should be.

I relate to this very strong. Totally allowable. I agree. I completely agree. I remember one time I was in college, I went to my buddy, like my buddy was smarter than me, went to a smart college. I went to kindergarten college. And I got hammered at his frat house.

And I took a bunch of their like beer taps. Like they had, and I just stole them. And then like the next day I was home and I was like, what did you do? And I was like, I got to keep them because it's so embarrassing to be like, hey, I stole these. But as drunk me, it was like, this is a great plan. I think you bring them back and you go, gentlemen, I was blacked out. Now I do. Yeah.

Now I think that you definitely do that. You go, I'm, I got a bit of a rascal in me. And that guy loves whiskey. And he thought he was going to start a bars. I don't know. there you go does the crime forgiveness stop at theft

like where do you draw the line yeah i was drunk i wasn't driving i was you know yeah i think if you kill someone i think theft yeah theft is not okay yeah uh murder tining cheating they can't use that for cheating and cheating it's no cheating yeah

honey i was drunk i went what did you want i became a baby boy last night i made some weird calls What do you want from me? I drank so much I didn't understand how the world worked. And you're hung up on a little adultery? Do you know what I went through? You're lucky I'm alive. God, I basically time travel.

I became a nine-year-old with a credit card. You ever seen big? Oh, you like that movie. But when I'm living it, all of a sudden, you got a big attitude. Also, I'm begging in a brothel and you're angry. Good Lord. Do you have any idea how much my dick itches? okay I love you I'm my point is I love you that should I'm sorry I got I lost you about it that I went off course a little bit there's fine John Campbell the fugitive cashier of the first national bank who left Monday night with more than $6,000 of the bank's money because he was drunk yeah so he returned to 6,000 today in a letter written in Denver wait he did this in Oklahoma and then does that mean he went to Denver

and then wrote a letter with the money? It's weird. Either way, if you wake up with six grand, you run away. Shut up. Yeah, you take it and you be quiet. You go. You take it.

You're on the lamb, but $6,000 in 1922, you're... That's a lot of money. You're doing pretty good. It sounds like you should, you're like your other personality is great at theft, which I would embolden him. I'd move to Mexico.

Oh yeah Not right now And then only come to the US When I was gonna drink It's interesting Your drunk self is just Burglar Yeah

That was like that Yeah Crime Lord Yeah He's like Scarface on you're drunk It's like fight club You're like wait What happened

Sir with all due respect Not of nothing This is kind of the plot of moon night I don't know if you watch that It's basically that Yeah Is this Oscar Isaac That we're talking about

Who was this guy? No, John Campbell. John, that's right. He said he was intoxicated when he left and then he had no intention of stealing. He regretted his action and wrote and would return the balance of the amount in a short time. You know, that's coming back to you. That is awesome. I was really hammered.

So I'm going to get that back to you in a bit. That, I mean, that, what, it really is amazing to wonder. That's like. In 1909, being hammered is such a great excuse. Oh, my God. Bank officials tonight decided not to prosecute Campbell and withdrew the reward offered for his arrest. I still think keep the fucking money. He wrote us a letter.

Keep the money, dude. He said, he said, I'm going to give it back. And they're like, drop, drop it, drop it all. He said. He said, it's pretty reasonable. Yeah. All right. That sounds fine.

That's good. I mean, sounds like a nice. I mean, we worked with them for so long. long. He's such a nice fellow. He's a hell of a guy. But when he drinks. God. Oh, my God.

He's Bugsy Malone. Drugsy Malone. Federal officers dump Spurious ketchup into sea. Spurius. Can't anybody else lost on spurious ketchup? Oh, yeah. What is spurious ketchup?

It's the only alternative to Heinz. in my opinion the waters of Nagasas is out of Rhode Island the waters of a Nagasat Bay were well seasoned with tomato ketchup today

when 650 cases containing 15,600 bottles were dumped into the sea because they did not meet the requirements of the federal pure food law now what is food law i feel like i is that jude's brother uh i feel like we don't have that anymore or is that what r fk is working on no we used to have this thing where uh they would try to keep

it definitely sounds like wait this ketchup is not ready so we will put it in poseidon's water it sounds like kindergartner's trying to recreate the boston tea party yes oh my god this is this is kindergarteners boston tea party that's that's really what it is. We're not eating dino nuggets until we fix this fucking ketchup sucks, dude. Is that a kid? That's a Bostonian. That's a Boston kid.

Yeah. Yeah, this fucking ketchup sucks. Dude, this fucking ketchup sucks. Like a five year old. Yeah, it's a child. The ketchup was intercepted here while in transit from Baltimore to Boston last September. It was ruled that the manufacturers had not

labeled the bottles in accordance with the pure food law. So it's fine. It just didn't, it's probably like edible. It's just not labeled correctly. So you got to, this is when the food law is new. So you got to you got to punish people. It's crazy to me to think

we monitor ketchup. Like any diner you've ever been and I'm like, probably shouldn't be squirting this on my plate, but. Oh, yeah. I've been on there for 30 years. Yeah, like, Red, they don't, there's no, but there's no diner manager who's ever been like, hey, today, we're going to watch the ketchup and mustard bottles. We really

got to give that a shot. Do you like when you're in a diner? Yes. And they, the waitress does the ketchup work where she takes all the ketchup bottles and then with a funnel and like bars catch up into the. Into the Heinz bottle? Yeah.

Yeah. Of course. That's always a good moment. You're just like, I honestly, I remember a time in my life where I would like fucking take so many catch. This is insane. I would take so many ketchup packets from like a fast food place and I would put them in,

I would empty them into a bottle. It doesn't, it doesn't sound insane. it is insane. It's tedious. I was like, it was tedious. Food from a packet.

Yeah, no, it was in retrospect. Now, now were you at this time in life, were you haunted by a 60-year-old spindler? I was, I,

it was right after Gilbert Godfrey pass, and I think he jumped into my body. That's good ketchup. That's free ketchup. I didn't know I had a Gilbert Godfrey. you do you can put it on anything it goes with anything i just think why not just skip the ketchup do you need it that bad yes uh next question i will defend it's got a point though it's delicious it's delicious it's delicious i mean you're you're you're squishing it out you're you're scraping

the you it's just resin at that point it's resin it's the only condiment i'll fight for It's tomato resin. It's delicious. I want, if I have to use the little packets, I just forego catch it. Well, that's crazy. It is worth it. 100% worth it. I don't know how long it's been in that little packet.

Thank you. That packet, it's like astronaut food. It doesn't matter. It's fine. It's going to live forever. It's not astronaut food at all. Okay. You know what?

You guys have had a weird, you guys are like, we're going to gang up on the normal guy. Go ahead. Yeah. Enjoy your lives. I think that way you're 200 packets of ketchup. He's squishing him in a month to go. You know, I'll tell you the biggest issue is the little, the little drip, the doy drip at the end of the packet. You're like, got to drop that out.

It takes a while. Are you ripping the whole packet in half? Are you doing the corner? No. Are you trying to get through this quick? No, no. You're doing the slow, like the surgical, like, you're tearing along the fiber line that they suggest. How long does it take to fill? I don't like that this is becoming a thing.

People want to know now. How long does it take you to fill up a cap, a ketchup bottle with that much? I didn't fill it. So I just got a lot more in it. So the, the, so you got just a bulk amount of these packets from. Are we doing condiment bits? Where did you get it from? Like Burger King probably. And you just took a bunch. Yeah. They had them out. Yes. Suckers. I mean, that's the way the monarchy's living. Did you put it in like a bag? My pants are bag.

Pants are bags. I'm going to go to the pocket. Pants are bags. Amazing if you got hit by a car and they're like, good God, he's pleading everywhere. I'm fine. I'm fine. Oh, wait, no, I am bleeding. Officer, you don't understand.

I'm resourceful. I walk away from like a guaranteed lawsuit with all the ketchup winning. You're idiots. Man, he's bleeding pretty bad. going to sue you for a lot of money. It's ketchup. How long did you take you? Like, how much time did you put it?

It's a tremendous waste of, but I would like, I would like get high and like sit in front of the TV and just be like, there you go. This was like a challenge on minute to win it. Yeah. No, this was like a really weird. It was a test. And I don't know who was testing me, but I failed.

You did fail. Was this at the apartment that you looked in when I met? Wow. So not that long ago. Not like. it's a while ago but not a not in like a it's still within the shame time period like you should feel it's not the greatest amount of years because a lot of people have a driver's license yes I don't want to yes yes okay a lot a lot of people would just if they're if they don't have a lot

of money they would just keep the packets in like a drawer and use it when the time came well Yeah. But, but I'm, you know, here's my deal. I'm a big, do future self favors guy. And I was doing future self favors. So I was looking out for future self. I was going, hey, that guy in the future. Future. Future guy is going to be like, fucking, I'm glad this guy did it. You know, meal prepping. Yeah, it was meal prepping. Yeah. It was meal prepping. And then did you go to in and out and get the little salt packets and fill up a, oh, if I'm being totally honest, I've probably done it with salt. I thought being totally. I'd salt like a dollar for all of it. But I definitely had. I definitely did do that probably. For sure.

I had like, but okay, here's what I'll say. Like sometimes you go at someone's fridge and they'll have like a ton of like Taco Bell hot sauces. Yeah. Sometimes you go in someone's fridge and you see that? Sometimes you break into a guy's house and you go into his fridge and you take the sauces

and you put them in your own bottle. So you're hanging out with people who in their fridge, they have a much of Taco Bell hot sauce. I'll be honest, I was thinking of Luke. I really was. That is not a person. Okay, you're right. But even then, nobody's handing you like a, like a tabasco bottle and being like,

actually it's all Taco Bell. Put it in myself. That's right. No, look. Look. You can keep the packets. Look, yeah, you could. Keep the packets.

Future self. You don't have like a jar that says like Taco Bell sauce that you've squeezed them all into. No, you put it in a phrase. Those are receptacles. That's the part. That's what. the diner does. We're back to, I'm a diner.

Come on, read another article. It's crazy. A national kiss. Sure. A very unusual scene occurred in the speaker's rooms at the National Capitol Thursday, which the American people will contemplate with full sympathy and great pleasure. It's a weird combo. Miss Mary McCabe.

who saved nine lives at the time when a thousand people perished in the burning of the steamer slocum, was presented with the medal voted by Congress. This presentation was made by Speaker Cannon, and as he concluded, his commendatory remarks, the Iron Duke of American politics took the young woman's blushing face between his hands and kissed her. okay the smell of a man doing that back back there's your reward it's just like someone's shit a cigar

man what are they called the Iron Duke that was his name name? Iron Duke yeah Iron Duke coming in a little lady Hey come in here good job Hey go

For your service I'd like to give you You ever kissed Pist into Becker The Iron Duke's here This is going to last a while. You think Trump's going to do that with those hockey players? Oh, my God. They all just leave with like orange around their face when they walk out.

Oh, my God, though. You're unbelievable. They're like, Mr. President. Heated rivalries is very popular right now. Happy to get involved on my end. If you've read the emails, I like. boys. Mw-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h.

There's a lot of players. M-Wa. Mr. President, you've already done that row. M-h-h-h-h-h-h-muh. We like to think of a girl. She was 14 at the time of the disaster, and is 18 now, called to the capital of the country to receive a token, especially bestowed, of the national recognition of her signal heroism.

It was an odd situation for Uncle Joe, but he never had a better grip on anything than on that girl's face. What? Fucking crazy. Absolutely fucking crazy. At what point, at what point am I supposed to be both sympathetic and pleased by this story? It's just crazy. It's insane. It's just disgusting.

And a better impulse never came to the old man than his impulse to kiss. her. You know, it's like, what was the name of Richard Dawson on Family Feud when he used to just like kiss. He's like, he just, he just, girls. Everybody. Everyone. It was like, nah, kiss them. It's like, dude, they, everyone feels weird. Imagine how many he gave herpes to. Oh, God, just kissing. That's my thing. We, I like to run my penis on the small of their backs. But I do it to all of them. We will forget all the. hard things that have been said about him recently for a moment while we approve that smack. It was not up to Joe.

He was in scandal? Like he was involved in scandal at the time? There were other things negative being said. And they were like, this is the good story we have. This is the good thing. The only thing we could say is that he was a disgusting kisser. It was not Uncle Joe in his private capacity. The kiss was given on behalf of the whole American people by the Speaker of its House of Representatives.

not my America yeah and we are just you know that that is the one thing I swear to God there was a like I didn't think it was like 1909 when America was decent but I was like at a time of my life thought you know what we were we used to be better than this

and then truly the evidence just mounds on piles where you just go no we have always been a porta potty posing as like a fucking beautiful bathroom We are just a, just, we're a fucking urinal that someone's shit in at a concert. And we're just like, hey, who's got it better? It doesn't have to be a concert.

My buddy and her freshman year shit in the urinal at the dorms because he was drunk. So it doesn't have to be. People are, you ever, people are shit in urinals. And I'm always like, what if somebody walked in? How would you explain that? That's what I understand. This is what you do. Ah!

Come on. You don't like to know the other sausage gets made? Hey, all right, I'm the guy. You got me. You're kidding in a urinal. You walk in, the guy's looking at you. He just hits you with a, there he is. Hey, all right.

You're the guy. Yay. You've been on tour for a while. Oh, a long time. Long time. Welcome to the backstage. Oh, God. It turns out it's Theo Vaugh!

Hey, I do breaks too. Sometimes I go piss in the stall. But the thing is, Theo doesn't know the difference. I don't get it. Between the toilet, the year. I didn't realize a guy could be with another guy.

That's why I dropped the F-bomb. I just learned about that. You're 44, sir. I don't know nothing about Gaza. You're saying you can't say that? Huh. Huh. Something new every day.

I learned a lot. Amazing that he is on TV when he's younger saying that black people and white people shouldn't marry. And now everyone's like, he's fine. For real. I'll go on, right. Oh, yeah. He was on road rules. I've never seen that.

He was also good friends with David, dude. I'm never seen that clip. He's to work out with David, dude. By the way, that's where that official stance of a white and a black being together seemed crazy. Oh, shit. stray bullet story doubted by the police. Robert Schultz, 17 years old, who says he came to Chicago from Milwaukee.

Oh, so he's a piece of shit. I told you I went to that, I went to like a substack spelling bee thing last night, like a little event thing. And the people who were in the thing could go to the audience for help, like for one of the words. And the words are like cities or like medical shit or whatever.

So one of the people who was in the spelling bee, the word was Milwaukee. and they were like, audience. And I was like, I was going to raise my hand, but I was like, look, I grew up and the last thing I want to do is spell this fuck at the garage. And this woman, so I was like, I got it.

And she goes, M-I-L-W-O-K-E. And then everyone was like, what? She was like, what? Everyone was like, no. And then the guy was like, well, I'm out. Thank you. Fuck. He was like, why do you raise your hair?

She was like, is that an out spell? It was incredible. Oh, that's so great. That's what you do. If you're competing, you just got to plant some friends that are dead ones. Yes. Yep. You can bring her some.

Yeah. Milwaukee. It's a planet in Star Wars. The Milwaukee. Yeah, it's got the accent. God damn. Are we going to go out and find some beers tonight? My wookie's from Milwaukee. He's We should go ball and he's saying.

That's to go ball and get some grits. says he came to Chicago from Milwaukee last Monday in search of work staggered into a west side drug store early this morning with a bullet wound in his neck Hey, um, do you guys have It's RFK

wondering if you can do anything for this hole that I've got here. I normally don't love prescription medication, but I have a bit of a hole in my throat. If the pill's big enough that it could fit also I have a bear in the car

so we saved your son but now he has RFK syndrome what does that mean exactly well actually just have him come over here and just talk to your parent I told the surgeon to leave the scalpel in because a little bit of nickel can be good for the core of the body so he's going to talk like that and also have just maybe

the maybe after this we could go get some Denny's or something He's going to have a lot of really. Will he always be this color? Is he going to be this color for the rest of his life now? A reddish, a reddish tinge. And he's always going to be in jeezing. Breathing has become a major issue. But thinking has never been cleaner.

We would just recommend you keep him away from the beach or he'll start taking whale parts. Oh, we should go to the beach. I sap. I really want to get some fins. His neck seems tight. Pretty tight. It is tight, mom. It is a tight neck.

But it never felt better. He's not going to burst. or anything. He's going to burst. Yeah, eventually he burst. Well, I mean, look, your son was reconstructed by circumcision. We did everything that we could. If that moyle hadn't walked in with that wheelbarrow, I don't know if he would have been alive. The youth said, I've been shot by a stray bullet as he sank to the floor. Schultz was taken to a hospital and found to be in a serious condition.

This is pretty serious. got shot. He's been shot in the throat. This is a serious fucking thing. He says that he was walking on Monroe's street early this morning when he heard a revolver shot. I was walking on Monroe. And felt a stinging

sensation in his neck. And there was a bit of a beasting. He saw no one fire the shot. The police, after discovering a masonic charm and a valuable watch in Schultz's possession. Oh, that? Um, no, those are just, um, regular walking

a Kutra m. That's my outside stuff. Yes, I'm a mason. Why? So they were inclined to doubt his account of the shooting and they are searching for someone who may have been approached by a highwayman

and shot him as he fled. It came from that grassy knoll. It was the grassy knoll near the book depository. I feel like this guy's story would not have fit well in the highwayman song, you know, alongside the Dan Hilder and the I was a freemason. And they shop me in the throat. I don't know who gets that reference, but fuck me, do I?

That's always the funniest one where I think it's like Waylon Jennings at the interview. He's like, I was a starfighter. It's cash. whatever he was. It's junk. I was a spaceship operator. I had a Milwaukee by my side. Let's do the last one.

Okay, yeah. Editor challenges pastor to fight to a finish. Shall preacher and editor meet in the basement of a church for a fight to a finish? Marquis of Queensberry rules for the benefit of the church is the question to be decided by the Reverend Rupp pastor of a reformed church in Sigfried, the preacher and church involved. But that's a terrible sentence.

But basically they're asking, should the preacher netter be able to have a fistfight? Yes. Basement. And you should always be a... 100%. Basements should be for fistfighting. Yeah.

And preachers should do more fighting. Yeah, preachers should do a lot more. We have this whole version of a preacher where they're, you know, they're kind of like a little more demurred. But let's get out there. Yeah, let's get them. Let's get them work. Let's get them out there. Let's get them fighting.

Yeah. More and more. I'd like to see editors as return to power. Interesting. We don't talk about editors the same. I mean, citizen Kane. Yeah. Right?

I mean, nowadays, editors, they live in the background. We're just talking about the owners of the papers of this. I was an editor. I was an preacher in a basement. That's my favorite Johnny Cash song. That is so fucking. That song. It's so.

As the result of a controversy as to the real cause of crime, H. Seen Rice, editor of the Sig Fried Independent, has challenged Mr. Rupp. Sounds like Sig fried rice. Go ahead. The controversy.

Do you want to apologize? No. You're good? I'm good. Okay. The controversy started some days ago when Mr. Rice pointed out that of the 231 signatures on license petitions, 37 were those of members of Mr. Rupp's congregation. And remarked that the suppression of evil should begin in church.

100%. 100%. Uh, but I... I wish I knew what the petition was. I think it was for them to fight in the basement. Licensed petitions. I don't think so. This is going to lose to the place in the basement.

Law is weird. It doesn't mean like the stories from the past are often missing the biggest part of the story. Yes. Many times. Yeah, they're always like, well, you already know the part that it's obvious. It's pretty obvious why there was a corn argument. Like, what's going on? You know, corn arguments.

anyway His wife left him Like a psychopath scrap book in Dave's iPad What the fuck is this guy talking about You know You know how soil fighting Happing happened

You remember that right Then Mr. Rice asserts He was told that Mr. Rupp announced he would give $10 to the man Who would trash Thrash Mr. Rice So, no idea. So Mr. Rupp is the Reverend.

So the Reverend Rup is offering $10 to anyone who will beat up the editor. A bounty. A bounty. A reverend is putting a bounty on an editor. I mean, if I see that on the fucking info description on the guide, let's go. I'm interested. I'm very interesting. It was rock and roll.

Yeah. The Reverend, Mr. Rup, has. not as yet made any reply to the challenge, but the townspeople are urging him to accept. You should do that. I would definitely be one of those. You should totally do this. This is a good idea.

Yeah. I do want the Reverend to fight the battle himself. Period. Yeah. Yeah. And I want to see a workout montage where he's getting... I want like the robe ripped off the Reverend be like, God damn he's fucking ripped his shit.

He's like fucking in a ring box. Guy dressed up a devil. Yeah. He's doing burpees in a pew. Yeah. Yeah. Pew burpees. Oh, fuck.

Well, Cameron, come back on. Will you, buddy? You were a fucking riot. Appreciate it very much. But people should go find you on tour. Go find you. Cameron Logsden on the social bullshit. And thank you for being here, my friend.

Yeah. Thank you, guys. This is a blast. Love you. I have a blessed day. I love you. I love you. Is that how we're ending it now?

I can't hear anymore, but I think you said it back. Hey, what's up, dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the CineQuest Film Festival. You can go to Give It Up Film. for tickets and information.

It'll be March 15th is the main screening. So go to Give ItUpfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th, and February 7th. Three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers and Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st.

Bricktown comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd. Dallas, Texas, April 23rd. Tyler, Texas, April 24th. Finally, Houston, April 25th. Two shows. Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th. And then San Antonio, April 28th, and Tucson, April 29th. Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information.

But also, if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, give itupfilm.com.