The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 165 - The Past Times with Natalia Kvalem

Episode Date: March 13, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and Cameron Logsdon SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Mint Mobile  Rocketmoney 

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramer City Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh.

And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia. And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. All right. Welcome to the pastimes.

Some call this, Dave. It's a podcast, but it's basically like a radio. It's like a radio. show. I don't know what you're doing. You know what we do here each week. We go through a newspaper from a random date and history picked out by none of them, Dave Anthony.

I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest, the great Natalia Cavalum. Hello, Natalia. Hey, hi. Hello. Hello, David and Gareth. Thank you. We should go by David and Gerelyas.

I was just feeling that, you know. Wasn't that? It felt like that's, are you leaving the show? It's hard to tell. I've done my part. I don't say that's fine. We can figure it. Natalia, we just met you

shooting a little short for our buddy Prestus in Denver. And we just had such a laugh. We were like, you've got to come to do the show. So thank you for being here. Now, you're a hybrid. You're a multi-hyphenate. Where can people find you? and what will they what will they find when they find you?

Criminal records mostly, but beyond that. Beyond that, you can find me at Miss Kitty Devine. I am a multi-hyphenate. I do comedy, circus, and burlesque. You know, and for the right amount, I do take hits, you know. You take hits. What does that mean? You know, just, you know, wink, wink.

right nudge oh you do that right right yeah it's just a side business you know every artist you know that every artist yeah no day i i've never called them hits but i take them boy howdy do i yeah i got a specific memo for hit taking yeah yeah it's this gonna happen we're gonna go through this old weird newspaper uh prestis has picked it out Dave will go through it we're gonna start with a little guessing game a little warm up where we're gonna guess what year this paper is from this paper could be from the 1700s, it could be from the 1800s, could be from the 1900s.

Shit, I mean, we're quarter away through this one. It could be from the 2000-ish years, whatever it's called. But you, quiet now, or you're going to take a hit. But you get to start with the guessing. So you get to guess a year, no context, just a random guess. This is like a vibes thing. 1600s. Natalia is very clear.

Okay, great. Great. All right. Then I'm going to go 2026. Let's meet in the middle. See who wins this fucker. That's 1922. Hey, got you.

That's no winner. There is a winner. I can't give a winner to this one. That's a winner. You were both disasters. Natalia, the guest has won every episode for probably 100. You won one. I've won a couple.

Yeah. Like recently, you want one. I don't remember why. You and Josh and Josh lost. Yeah. So you're getting better. He is. Wouldn't go that far.

Okay, so here we go. So where are we looking for, Dave? It is the New York Herald on December 7th, 1922. Okay. Roaring 20s. Anything to do with you? Sometimes Prestis does stuff that's close to the guest, but maybe not this time.

No. Hmm. It's very interesting. It's interesting Prestus. Some call it sexist. Prestist is sexist. Where were you going on? I have heard that name before.

Yeah. That's actually how I met him. Yeah. Where are you born at, Natala? Natalia. You're close. You're close. Natalia.

I was born in Dallas. Oh, you were born down. So there's no connection. So nobody has any connection to this paper. So that must mean it must be good. Yeah. Wait. So remind me one more time.

Where is this paper? New York. New York. Where the socialists have to have taken. Oh, okay. That's it. This plaque. He must have known that.

I have. Oh, that's interesting. We both lived there. Yeah. Whole cooked chicken ham, Crout in pockets. Is that a scavenger hunt list? No.

How many pockets? I should say, whole cooked chicken, comma, Crout in pockets. Whole cooked chicken, comma, kraut in pocket.

Well, it's the 1920s. You could see Crout being a derogatory term. You could also assume that someone had shoved chicken and crout in their pockets. And ham. And hand.

See, I thought, I thought, Crout was like the original clout, you know? If you're walking around with a whole chicken, that's a lot of crout for someone. In Germany, actually, that is how it works. If you, he's like, oh, yeah, he's really popular. He's got so much kraut right now. He's got big pull in the government.

He's got a lot of crowd. I don't know. Have a laugh. It's good for the heart. Okay, so he's got, so he's like a walking pita. That is exactly what I was going to say. Okay. He's got ham, chicken.

Crout in his pockets. He's walking around. He's on the front page of the fucking newspaper. I mean, this is big stuff. Patrolman John Fornier of the Morissania, Morissania station, while waiting yesterday morning for a streetcar that would take him off duty and to his home, stood near Henry Cuslow, age 36 of 18 East 117th Street. They do the addresses.

It's a big thing they would tell where everyone lived. I think that's helpful. You know, if you don't like them, you can go confront them. Yeah, that's helpful. And also it's just, you can picture. I now know kind of the zone where he is. By the way, as you went through that,

I just realized there will be no justification for what he is about to do. Probably not. There's no rationale that's going to work for me as to why he's put, like, buffet-style eating in his pants. I mean, have you ever had a real history, Yes. Sometimes that's the closest you'll get to the loving warmth that you so dearly crave.

Excuse me. So you are suggesting that this was a now. Then defy, why the kraut? It's also. Why the crowd? The hot crowd was also. The hot crowd. Yeah, hot crowd.

Jesus, good. Who wants the hot crowd? You know why you bring the crowd? Because if the chicken or the ham is too hot, you have a little bit of a buffer, with the crowd. This is now it's all falling apart. You have me for a minute, but no. Temperature control.

Nope. Well, what if you ran into a vegetarian, you want to share your chicken, but they're like, oh, no, I must have the crowd. But the chicken is for warmth in your pitch. Yeah. The chicken is a heating mechanism. But like also emotional warmth. Okay.

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. Have you ever had a rotisserie chicken on a hard day? Stop asking if I've had a rotisserie chicken. Of course I've had a rotisserie. Yes. What about on a hard day? On a hard day? Yeah.

When I'm down to the dubs, boss can me. It's just one of those things. They found out I was embezzling. Make you feel a little bit better. Go to Costco and grab one of those sick-ass birds. That's right. That they've just admitted are terrible,

terribly chemical and everything. Sweet Costco. Oh, yeah, they did. I actually got sushi from Costco the other day. Jesus Christ. But you get twice the diarrhea. Wholesale diarrhea. Yeah.

All sale. Wholesale. good best diarrhea. So much of it. Henry Kozlau had just come from his work as a dishwasher at the bakery lunchroom of John Hermetz on 3rd Avenue in the Bronx. Delectable. Now it's a class issue.

Delectable smells. So far, I'm loving this. Delectable smells. You're just on the subway. I assume they're right. Subway, yeah. Street car.

You're on a street car. And just. You're like, oh my God, am I in a deli? It's awesome. Something smells good. Hey, why is that guy covered in grease? See, now I'm questioning, is this a news article or a personal ad? It could be a personal ad.

I would respond. Yeah. Delicious smells, crout and whole chicken. Come meet me and eat my pants. My address is already printed in the paper. Come take a hit. What if you have a job in a deli or wherever, or you're around, meets all day and then you decide going home you're going to give people an aromatic feast.

I know. I mean, it's a wild decision to be like, I'm going to get on the car and really make everyone happy with the smells. But this is what happened. This guy is poor and took it. That's what I think. Did you say tookish? Took it.

Tookish. There's no water during the show. I'm sorry, we go dry. Sorry. Take down the ladder. Yeah, if you could lose the ladder, then we're great. we go dry, no ladders. We're the opposite of a fire department.

What is going on with the ladder, by the way? It's actually the illusion of ladder. It's mirror. What the fuck? Mind blown. And there's a fan? All right, stop. Delectable smells assailed the nostrils of the patrolman,

who investigated and found Kozlo had one roast chicken, two pounds of sauerkraut, a fresh ham, and a bottle of ketchup concealed in pockets. of an overcoat. He's a sandwich. Why? You're right, though. It's none of your business. Meats aren't illegal. You don't get to search you guys. This is just classic cop bullshit. It is classic. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I was totally on support with him until they mentioned the ketchup. Get that guy. The ketchup is too much. A whole ham, a whole chicken,

sourcrow. That's, that's admirable. That's understandable. But what you- Ketchup is where I draw the line. Actually, she doesn't like ketchup. Well, actually, none of these go with ketchup. Ketchup, forget, get fucked.

What do you, what do you mean? What does you mean? No, it doesn't. Absolutely. You can dip cheese and ketchup. You'd be glad you did. What are you talking about? You could.

Yeah, but you could definitely dip chicken and ketchup. Have you ever had ketchup with eggs? Oh, I know. It's great. Delicious. Take that look off your face. Climb.

your ladder to your mirror and go y'all kill you in person right look yeah now she's hissing like that that is that is the that is the reaction that ketchup elicits um it's not that i it's not that i have anything against ketchup personally it's just the people that defend ketchup i do take personal issue with hmm interesting interesting how that's just who i was and now you have an issue i get it well let's see because i think at the end of the of the story we're going to be on this guy's side. I am actually now considering dipping roast chicken and

ketchup to see what it would be like. It's going to be good. Because I know it's not the ham. It's not the ham. The ham does not go to ketchup. Listen, I'm not going to keep doing this because we've got to get to it. But in England, when I was a kid, you'd have a bacon sandwich, two ingredients. Well, outside of the bread. Bacon and ketchup. Delicious. But that's not ham.

Bacon is not ham. Bacon is bacon and ham is ham. This show's lost the plot. As the owner of the lunchroom had been missing food for some time, Kozlo was held in $300 bail by magistrate Bernard Doris. 300 back then is a lot. That's a lot of fucking money back. That's a high bail.

Yeah, I stand by. I think this guy's in the right. I think the ketchup is, he probably was thinking of others. I think he's right, but it is nothing to do with ketchup. I think you should be able to pack your... Natalia, I have you... When you leave your job at a food place, you should be able legally, to put as much food in your pockets as you can care.

I actually do subscribe to the pocket rule. As much as you can load in yourself like a ham magician. See, I'm imagining him like one of those like, because again, he's walking around the Bronx, right? I'm imagining a trench coat full of like a Thanksgiving dinner. It looks like a streaker. Yeah. Yeah, he looks like a flasher, but instead it's just like, it's just buffet style. Yeah.

He walks down the street, which is. you like to see the meats? No. And then it's a rotissory chicken and ham. Oh my God. Is that ketchup? Hey, lady, check out the ham. Hey.

Hey, lady, love to see my ham. That's how my parents met, actually. Oh, that's nice. See, I like a good story. That's how we met Prestas. Oh, that checks out. Says Marnay Dog is deaf and thus can't do evil. Uh-huh.

Wait, say that again. Please. M-A-R-N-E, so it could be Marn. I'm going to go with Marn. Says Marnay dog is deaf and thus can't do evil. Okay. Anything, anything, any animal or person who is deaf can, it cannot do evil technically. Sure.

Okay. It's a loophole. Pretty sure. I don't hate it. name one deaf person who's been evil. Beethoven. Real jerk off. Real jerk off. Also a dog.

That's true. Oh, Beethoven was a dog. Yeah. Friends with Charles Grotin. But that's a plot tickets as to this big a nightmare. You don't know that. From what I hear, it didn't take direction, Greg. It was a rascal.

It's true. Just like the real Beethoven. The excuse offered by Amos. Chimos Shipley of 28 West 94th Street when he was in Yorkville court yesterday for walking an unmuscled dog in Central Park was that the animal was too tiny was a too tiny French poodle too small to damage anyone or anything. I don't think they've met a French poodle. No, yeah, I agree.

They are very, they are so smart. And like any doodle, anything in the poodle variety, way too sentient to be a dog. Dave is a doodle breeder at this point. Dave's got a fucking barn of doodles. Three doodles. Dave has three doodles. Do they want you when you sleep? It's hard to know.

Yeah, sometimes they do. Yeah? Pablo and Larry both do that. He's got Pablo, Larry, and Maple. So when you walk into the door, do they go immediately onto all fours and pretend like they weren't skin walkers walking around your kitchen? Pretty much. but I think that's fine.

Take the chef. As soon as the door open, it's like, chef hat. They're like, pretend to be a dog, guys. Pretend to be a dog. Look your asses. Remember we're dumb again. Hey, here's the guy who knows where the food is.

Fucking chick is. Furthermore, he said, the dog was born deaf in the trenches of the marn of shell-shocked parents. which he contends put it in the class of absolutely harmless things. Okay, so that's going to be a war. But it's also, this is an impot.

This defense is extremely weak. It's fantastic. So an extreme. Who's confronting him? Well, he bit. Oh, no, he just got in trouble because the dog wasn't muzzled. Trouble by who? I mean, we've got guys walking around with full fowls in their jackets and we're

spending a time with this dog that's just not muzzled. It actually doesn't say. But I assume some sort of. of animal authority or a Karen. Sure. The Marn is a 514 kilometer long French River famous for two decisive

World War I battles. I mean, I think it's a little messed up. I thought the dog's name was Marn and that's where they're like oh, we found you in this treacherous river. Let's name you after your origin trauma. You will be Marn.

Should everyone be named after their origin trauma though? Sure. I'll be bingo night. Isn't that right, C-section? This is my son, fish concert. Let's see, wife can't count up husband complains. Would you say this is one-tenth of the stories that we look at you? Yeah.

It's just some husband just being like, my wife ain't doing it right. Yeah. That was breaking news back in the day. Yeah, they're like, wife can't count. And now, thankfully, we had trad wives. So it's all blessed. Thank God, you know. Dress for the job you want.

Isn't that right, Gareth? Well, I did that. And then the cop arrested me for having a chicken ham crout and ketchup in the pants. Don't let them stop your dreams. You could be a Thanksgiving meal. Just laying down. Like Japanese businessmen, he Thanksgiving off of me. That's exactly what they want.

Add that tier to the Patreon. Tons of chicken on my... I put most of the chicken around my penis. Go ahead, Japanese businessman. Take a bite of my mashed potato bush. There you are. Enjoy. And there's also some bum ham.

you boys brought your appetites. Sorry about the kraut not staying put. It's a slippery, juicy sort of cabbage. Where was it? It's been armpits and underneck and mouth.

That's the last thing I say, I go, and by the way, there's more kraut in the mouth. And then some guys like, ask me a question. I'm like, ah, la la la. You want some ketchup? Belly button. Belly button full of ketchup. That's got to catch up.

Right out of the dude. Julius Berman, a close cutter of 321. Clothes cutter. Livonia Avenue, Brooklyn, just told Supreme Court to Justice Kapper in Brooklyn yesterday. It's phenomenal that this is all the way to the Supreme Court.

My wife can't count. Now, remind me, what year was this? 22. This is still, is this is still the, is this still the same guy with the chickens? No. All different. There's different people. Okay.

There was just a lot going on in the 20s. No, not very much at all. No, well, New York's a tiny city. Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of boring. Yeah. He told Justice Kapper in Brooklyn yesterday that Ms.

Sarah Berman was not qualified. for married life because she knew nothing of arithmetic and could not, therefore, handle the family budget. I don't understand. And I'm, listen, I'm a white guy. Yeah. But allow me to posit a question. A very pale white man.

Allow me to posit a question. So you live in the era where women aren't allowed to spend any money. They're not allowed to have their own bank accounts. I guess taxes probably don't exist in that form at that time. but you pretty much have eliminated the use of numbers other than maybe weighing and measuring different cups of flour. And yet, this guy's all the way at the Supreme Court because he's like, she can't budget. That's right. I don't allow her to touch a pencil, but she can't figure out math.

I think this man has not heard of girl baths. It's the phenomenon sweeping the nation. Walk me through it. Okay, okay. So let me give you an example of girl math. Okay. So I go into a store and let's say a $50 item is 50% off. I just made $25 by buying. I know this is mom math. This is exactly what my mother would do. It's 20% off. I'm like from the store, they're just, she's like, I've saved a lot of money. You spent $60, but I would have spent 90. I'm like, they really have got. not new. She's falling full into the pit. It's interesting. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. Two for three dollars. I'm like, well, these idiots. Okay, Berman is asking the annulment of his marriage on the ground.

Anulment. That his wife concealed this disturbing situation from him. That she doesn't know arithmetic. Being the lack of math knowledge. Yes. Her her inability to account. I think we'll find it. I think it's up that you should be up front with in a relationship. Like, I want kids. I also can't do math.

And I want to live near my parents when they get old. You know, like those are just the basis of a good relationship. Well, you don't even know how many kids you want. Imagine, look, you can't count them.

She's perfect. But math-wise, she's a disaster. Also, were women allowed to go to school at this time? because where was she supposed to learn math? Very, very few. Oh, when they were younger, yeah, they would go to like elementary school.

Yeah. But it is a catch-22. A term that she wouldn't understand. I learned math up until high school and I don't remember a lot of it. Now, well, that's because most of it is completely fucking useless. It is made up. It's... At this point, we're all going to die.

We're all going to die really soon. It teaches your brain to analyze it. I don't know about me. Sure. But there's other ways to... to do that. That is not like, once they got the X involved, that's where it was like,

enough. Personally, I think you could get rid of math and get the same sort of analytic understanding through porn. Yeah. It was at that moment that Gareth got terrified. You could do it through gardening. You could make people to stimulate it. I,

I hesitate to make porn a class. One plus two equals a threesome. I, maybe. Your son, his masturbating took a nasty dip this semester. Really? Oh, yeah. He's masturbating all the time at home. It just doesn't seem to have focused on the porn.

This is the- We have been having trouble locking him in. This is the kind of stuff that we on the left should push in schools, so the right is always fighting a battle. This is actually now, well, you started as an idiot, but now you're actually making a legitimately good case. because this is what they do. This is what they are just like,

you know what? We're going to like do the craziest thing ever. And then the Democrats are like, well, hold on a minute. Let's just only deport the bad guys with ice. Instead you should be like, we're going to teach your kids how to jack off. And then they'd be like, no, sex ed, sex ed, sex ed, sex ed.

So you get them fighting over there so they don't do their other stuff. Yeah, and then all the books are in the library still. That's right. Yeah. I like it. I like it. Strategy. Yeah, strategy.

Vote for David. Thank you. The Green Party wanted Dave to run for governor one time. I was contacted. She cannot, things are really bad here in this state. And with that party. She cannot be trusted with even a half dollar, Berman declares. Huh.

This is what we're getting at. It's not, it's not that she's bad with the rhythm of the dick. It's like, so I was engaged once. and twice you went through it is the second second time but the first time it's like she would like buy anything she saw on the way home from work so we'd have like 40 bottles of shampoo and I'd be like at some point you don't need any more shampoo so it's just like I think what he's saying is it's not that she's bad at the rhythm at I'm not trying to defend your act I have a controversial take here all right it might be kind of offensive to some of our male viewers but

I think he should be making more money. I think the problem isn't her math skills. It's that he's not making enough money to satisfy his wife. I don't just look, I think there is a victim in the story. It is the wife. More money. I mean, it is the roaring 20s. It's time.

I mean, this would be the time to make more money. It's just starting to roar. Yeah, it's just starting to roar. We're roaring. so huh there's only two words a lot of people have bad connotations what's your excuse the great depression

hasn't even happened yeah it's like men don't even want to go into the minds anymore you know now you are losing me so now you have lost me I was teetering for a moment I am now gone

because she does not know how much to pay the huckster and how much change if any she should receive I love the huckster So the like town Huckster goes to the door and she's like, what do we owe you for this month's Hucking? $74.

There you go, sir. No change. And it's like $91. The best she could do would be to open her pocketbook and trust to the peddler's honesty. This is at the Supreme Court. Yeah. Well, it's for a divorce. You probably had to go to the Supreme Court back then.

Fuck me. How great with it. So how's the marriage? You know, I get that of what the Supreme Court's actually finally going to hear our marriage. Well, it's all you love this. There was a time when you had to go to your state legislature to get them to approve your divorce. Your Honor, I hate her. It's a fucking nightmare.

I mean, maybe she's playing this guy. She's like, I'm ready for a divorce. I'm ready for greener pastures. I'm going to start being really bad at math so that the Supreme Court will let me get this annulled. Okay. I love it. No notes. I love it.

It's like a primal fear. Miss. What the judges were, it was a four or three decision. So we tied. This lady. I can't with this woman. Miss Berman replied, all the mathematics, all the mathematics that is required for the wife of a man of his type is to know how to buy the bare necessities of life, such as coal, meats, and general food. for the table.

Unreal list. While I am not an expert in arithmetic, I have sufficient knowledge to add and subtract and am able to buy all the food for the house. Yeah, I mean, she's just... He wants her to buy nothing outside of the basics. And she's like, every once in a while, I would like... Honey, we're almost out of coal.

Where's the coal? I need my coal pancakes in the morning. You know how I get. You know, I'm eating coal mainly now. Don't talk to me until I've had my cup of coal. Oh, do not even bother engaging me in conversation till I've chewed the coal in the morning. That's the coal hard truth. Oh, yes.

Yes. Damn it. Miss Berman lives. We are fucking back. Wait, they don't live this. in the same. Miss Berman lives at 111 Eldridge Street, Manhattan. Justice Kapper

reserved decision on her application for alimony. Well, she got the address wrong, so she just lived in a different house. The numbers are holding. Also, the idea that she's going to get alimony, she can be like, how many pennies is that, huh? Yeah, you should take me out. If she doesn't know math, then the alimony

is his choice. But that is when she does the reveal, but she's like, you're 61 short. Wait, what? You idiot. I'm fucking your brother. All two of them. Do that math. Gareth, the pastimes, is brought to you by Mint Mobile.

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So this is another, judges are just peeling marriages apart. Like, I'll tell you what. Are they all from the 1922? Yeah. Same paper, yeah. Same paper? All 1922. Yeah, it's a big thing. People hate each other.

You know, there was a lot of news to report on that was, I don't know, no alcohol. It's all just divorces and chicken. Yeah, right, right. That's probably why a lot of these marriages are ending. They're like, look, this was a gin-based love. I love a gin-based love. That was also how my parents met. Yeah.

and a gin gin. Gin-based love. Gin-based love is my favorite Queens of the Stone Age Home. Judge rules husband off street where wife lives.

Edmund Ryan. You've got to be a real piece of shit for a judge to be like, you need to move streets. I mean, there was only three of them at the time. Yeah, this is before restraining orders. You go to another avenue. Do you understand me?

You're cul-de-sac material. This is not a great street. for me. Edmund Ryan of Orawampum Street. Orawam Pum, pump, yeah. White Plains, who was found guilty of disorderly conduct and intoxication

uncomplaint of his wife. Yeah, she's like this fucking loser. Was told by Judge Holden of the White Plains Court yesterday that he must not put his foot on Grand Street where Miss Ryan lives at number 37 for a year. Interesting.

But they're still married, though. I mean, I think he has hope for the relationship. It's like sit this one out for a year. Yeah. See how you feel when you step on 37th, 12 months from today. Avoid the road. That's the one-year complication. And then if this is prohibition, then he's probably...

It's not. It's not. Okay. So you're still allowed to get drunk. Yeah. It's a hell of a run. Ryan was also placed on probation for a year and was ordered to pay his wife $65 a week for the support of herself on their three kids.

Good amount of Dosh back there. What'd you say? It's a good amount of DASH cap. It's not, it's a bit of greenback, isn't it? Have you ever heard the term Dosh? Is that like a cryptocurrency? Yeah. Yeah.

It's a big one. It crashed yesterday. Did you just make up Dosh? Nah, mate. Dosh is a fucking thing. It's an English thing. Yeah, you got a bunch of Dosh. You got a fucking.

Like not a word. It's like an L. No, it's a word. It's dash. D-O-S-H. D-O-S-H. D-H. Dosh.

That's why it's crashed. Dosh. It's like a Hobbit word. It's not a Hobbit word. Nah. Fucking Peekies. Got caps. Raisers in them.

Doshing it up. Yeah. Bit of Fanny. Damn he's all. What are you doing? Fuck off. It's like you're running down a hill. Yeah.

It's not good. Someone stopped me. Frad and the spikes. He will be allowed to see children, but not. By the way, if you're a judge, that's a really weird caveat. You'll be allowed to see children. Just not.

But you can't. He can't specify his children or just children in general. I'm hoping his. Okay. But he can't step on the street. He's not allowed to see them on. How are you? Hey, it's your dad.

How are you? Hey, come over to this road. We can play catch, but I can't get the ball for you. I can't walk over. I can't go get it there. Tom, go grab it. I'll play catch with you from 38th Street to 37th Street, but don't make me close. How's the rest of the road?

It's changed so much, Dad. Wow. You know, Dad met a weird judge. Because he is on probation, Ryan will have to visit the police station once in a while, and the station... What kind of, like, weird, like the judge... You're going to be referred to as an every now and now and that. And the station is on Grand Street. Well, this is...

This is very hard. So you're going to need to come to the station. It's on the road you can't go on. Back door. I like the sentence of, well, you know, whenever you feel like it. Whenever you feel like it. Occasionally visit the police station for your probation.

Time to time, we're going to need you to swing by. That's what happens when you get a divorce. All right. Do you feel shame? And you have to visit us on the street you can't go on. You like riddles? to get there, Ryan will have to climb a fence in the backyard and go in by the back door.

It's fucking crazy. And if he should want to visit the public library, also on Grand Street, Natalia was right. There's three streets in this town. He's like, Your Honor, Grand is a really hopping street. It's the whole town. It's like the only road. He will have to climb another fence and get in by a side door.

Ryan has been said... We're going to do the floor is lava the city. for you. Do you understand? Ryan has been separated from his wife and was arrested on Thanksgiving afternoon while making his customary visit to his children. Controversial take. You should not be allowed to get arrested

on Thanksgiving for being drunk. Okay? It's a big day. There's a lot going on. That's what America was founded on. Yeah. That is our day to pretend that we are a play that six-year-olds put on. And as I white, I feel that I should be allowed,

to drink and watch football day. And if I get a little lippy and shouty and I scare my kids, hey, okay. If you're not drunkenly shouting at your kids on Thanksgiving, then like, what do you have to be thankful for? Yeah, that's the whole point. Yeah, the whole point is to shout, yell lies at them about the holiday. Yes. They gave it to us.

That's it. That's it? Yeah. They gave us this land. That's the whole. As I'm going to ban. This year's Macy's parade, a big banner that says, they gave it to us.

I'm there. They gave them to the land. And coming in the end of the parade, Gareth Reynolds's shit-faced saying lies. Let's have it. We gave them a big dinner. Well, let's see what? What they brought maize?

We've got a big fat turkey bird. I'm not even on the parade route anymore. They gave it to us. You're just stumbling. down Grant Street. December 8th, so you're not allowed to be here. They let us have it. I bet if you went back in time,

then say they stand by it. Five freed and liquor death. Dave's singing Partridge in a Parachetray. Five, what was it? Five freed in liquor death. Beautiful. Four drunken Macy's parades. Three kids I can't see.

Two streets in New York. And a man with a deli meat coat. Five men charged with homicide following the death from acute alcoholism on Tuesday of Miss Jeannie Mazachak. That's dark. This is dark. We're getting into Malloy territory.

Yes, yes. We did an episode on this, guy who they all got they tried to kill through alcohol there was an irishman who was unkillable through booze so they ended up gassing him to death but that is after nine wrong tack they fed him shrapnel and he ate like the guy was the guy was robocop yeah but but also when it's a few men alcohol women right is that what's going on robocop died robo cop did not robo cop first of all then they put him in the in the robot but he yeah the cop he used to be died then he became Robocop.

Robocop didn't die. You already know you're on the wrong side of this argument. Dave, I love you. You know that right now you should be backing down. Robocop did not die. He's the not dying guy. The guy who he was before.

I think it's a Shrodynors cat thing where Robocot is both dead and alive. No, no to that. Ew. No. So, we're yesterday discharged by Magistrate Frederick B. House in homicide court. On analysis, the whiskey Miss Masichik drank was found to have been made of pure grain alcohol. So we're not in prohibition and we are giving, I mean, that is moonshine.

Why? But why were they released? Well, they are guys. men will be men maybe this is why prohibitions happened it seems like so far there's a pretty solid case because the whole thing is they were five guys were charged as homicide from the death of acute alcoholism

oh they're saying that it was from alcoholism it was from a one-time binge of grain alcohol if listen I'm going to be honest five guys her and she dies from alcohol poisoning they killed her. It's very shady. They 100% killed her. Very shady.

But they got away with it. It's a good country. All right. Comedy by convicts draws large crowd. Oh, this is more year speed, right? Is this where your show originated from? Yes. Yeah. This is actually the original title of this show. Yeah, it was a convict comedy. We needed to find a more empathetic way to frame making fun of prisoners. So we started the dollop.

That's right. More than a thousand outside theater goers crowded into the auditorium of Sing Sing Prison last Thursday to see Honey Girl, a musical comedy whose cast is made up of convicts. Well, they name the prison, the Sing Sing Prison. What do they expect but to break out a musical song? We have no choice but to make this a musical prison. It's less than a story behind bars.

Yeah, but then they're like, we'll be doing a, Honeysuckle, the play, the musical. What's it called? Honeygirl. Honey girl. Wait, I don't want to be honey girl. You're honey girl. All right.

Now I know everybody wants to be honey girl. But we're going to go through an audition process, as we normally would. The biggest prison boss guy comes up. He's like, I'm honey girl. You're our honey girl. Voice of an angel. Yeah. Yeah, right.

It just shows up. I don't know if I could sing. Well, just try, would you? I'm a little lady. Oh, my God. That's our honey girl. The show closes tonight, but we'll not go on tour. Because we have to execute our lead.

Well, they're all in prison, so it's hard to tour. We can't really tour. You see the precarity. I don't. It's a great show. Well, all right. God damn it, a honey girl escaped. If you want to stick around for the sequel,

you're going to have to commit a petty crime to get back in the prison, gang. Unfortunately, he got, honeygirl got paroled. I'm not reformed. Keep me in a little longer. The show's just starting to find itself. You have to get out, Brutus. The prison hall was so crowded for Wednesday night's performance that it was necessary to issue return checks to 300 who wanted to see the presentation,

and they contributed to last night's jam. Wow. As the patrons leave the hall after the fall of the curtain, a line of guards who know all the prisoners by sight, keep a keen lookout to prevent any escape. Wow. I mean, you would be salivating to escape. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. This should happen more. Things like this should happen more. I like this. This is what the longest yard should have been. Yes. It's a musical. Yes.

A play. There's more of this. I mean, I'd be fucking great. This is the prison reform I wish to see. Yes. That's what I mean. That's what I mean.

I'm saying we force all prisoners to be in place. I don't love force, but I'll say yes. Yes is the answer. If you need a one word answer right now, yes. It's either making license plates for 50 seconds. on the hour or West Side Story. Would you rather telemark it or shall we do noises off?

Look, cat on a hot tin roof has been a hell of a production. That's all I got. That's it. Shock said it by smoking. What? What? Senator-elect Wheeler of Montana caused a mild sensation today when he took a seat on the Democratic side in the Senate chamber and smoked a cigar while the Senate was in session.

That is, I pine, pine for the time when that was in the paper. I mean, this is the first political article of this paper, by the way. Yeah. Some Republican goes over there and smokes a cigar on the other side. Like, you rat, fuck. I mean, this is what they could get away with before C-SPAN was televising everything. Yeah, that's true, too. You saw that Trump called C-SPAN the other day, right?

That wasn't him, though. It wasn't? No, no, no. It was some guy homageing. It was John Barron. Very different person. Yeah, I wish it was Trump. It was that guy, but that guy was, a guy was Trump used to do that.

I know, yeah, he did. No, that's the best. The release, and we've learned Trump as a liar, obviously, in 800 different ways at this point. It's, like, amazing that it's, he's getting applause breaks during a state of the UD's speech at this point. But, man, him calls. to be like, apparently he's quite a big playboy and he was out with Madonna who was a huge fan of his

and all the women want to be with him and all the men want to be him, you know? Like eight years later they're like, a voice archivist matched it completely. He's like, that's not me. I would never do that. Although I didn't hear that Madonna was a really big fan of me back then. He was

a playboy and everybody wanted to be with me, but I would never do that. Unaware that he was transgressing one of the sacred and inviolate rules of the body. He puffed away, oblivious of the embarrassment of Senator Ladd of North Dakota, who was in the chair and of the senators on the floor.

So this story is that he's smoking a scar, and everyone's like, that's rude. Yeah. That's the story. Way better. The meat, the guy with the, now you know why they led with meatjack. Meat coat. Meatcoat was the lead story in this paper. By the way, I love a rom-com with a meat coat. The best. I mean, that's what Hallmark is missing is, you know, a real classic Christmas meat coat story.

Oh, yeah, Holiday Deli. She walked in to get some cold cuts. They had a real meat coat. She was trying to turn his deli into a parking lot. And he's like, wait, you don't understand the magic of Christmas deli means. She bumps into him when he's got all the meats in his coat and it drops out and then she helps him pick him up and then they make eye contact and it's a real meat coat meat cute. And then she's like, I've decided to stop being a vegetarian. You've shown me the true meeting of Christmas.

A meeting. Yeah. And then he's like, I don't have enough him for the both of us. And then she pulls out the chicken, a whole rotissary chicken from her purse. Yeah. Oh my God. Chicken for your thoughts. Chicken for your thoughts.

That's the name. chicken for your thoughts coming soon to the Hallmark channel and then they're like Wednesday like we're actually not going to show this chicken for your thoughts is not going to be tomorrow anymore he smoked for more than half an hour

the puffs becoming more frequent until the smoke rolled up in clouds Senator Ladd could stand it no longer he instructed a page to inform Mr. Wheeler he was not allowed to smoke in the Senate tell that human

train enough. Mr. Wheeler left the chamber to finish his smoke in the cloak room. I'll be going into a closet with my friend. Yeah, that's really like, I'm having trouble breathing in this smoke-filled. Boy, we've really come a long way from when they had spatoons all over the, all over Congress. Those were the days. I mean, I think they should bring it back, you know. cigarettes welcome

vap cigarettes cigars all that just welcome no vaping it doesn't matter you know in a way I think you're so right because this this sort of posturing like there is this institution that deserves our respect at this point the I would say the most like the day that the guy who dressed like an elk went in and someone took a shit in one of the desks

is what I was like yeah this is basically what it is at this point. The idea that it's like, John Federman wore sweatpants. I couldn't believe how upset people at that. It's like, it's just a building. It's a building. I mean, Trump puts on orange makeup every day. Congress

is the people. Like the building, they can go out until fucking long. No, you should be, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you should show up with a meat coat. Miss Wilson, sorry, Mrs. Wilson says her husband obeys orders. This guy was like, don't print this article. Why don't you cut my balls off, Mr. Editor?

Oh, cool. That's going to be fun for the guys. Breaking news. My husband listens to me. Yeah, this just in. A man listened. We call him slave. Mrs. Woodrow Wilson was the guest of...

Oh, shit. Oh, so it's Woodrow... Well, this is... It got weird, huh? It's all makes sense now. The president listens to me. Like hell I do, I'm a real piece of shit. Was the guest of women Democrats of Maryland

who gathered today to celebrate the recent Democratic victory. She said the former president is much better than he has been at any time since his recent illness. He had syphilis. You get a man sick and they listen. He didn't have syphilis. No. That would be fucking me. God, for the president to have syphilis.

I mean, the president does have syphilis right now. Mr. Wilson shouted, is the most wonderful patient imaginable. He also has the greatest store of patients, which it is possible to have, and he does exactly what he is told. Wow. What a great story. It is an awesome story. One of the greatest assets is his willingness to obey orders. He does exactly what his doctor tells him to do and cooperates with him in every way imaginable so that we all are delighted with the results.

We're going to need to put a little more iodine in your husband's cocaine before we put it up his ass. Okay. There we go. That'll be nice. Very agreeable. This is what made him so good at treaties. Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

He was like, whatever, I agree to it. Yes, that sounds good. You can have Germany. Yeah. I'm learning to listen in therapy. with my wife. You may have all of those places. My wife told me Germany has to pay for everything.

So can we all sign along the dotted line? Okay. Not pretty. Okay. We'll give up our military bases. My wife's having sex with me again. Okay. That sounds good.

Savage's kind hosts. Uh-oh. This will be racist. With just one port, York to reach the yacht speed jacks arrived here today almost completing a trip of more than 40,000 miles around the world. Wow. That's a lot of miles.

Yeah, but yeah, yeah, you're right. Okay, you went across some motions. Yeah, ooh. Nobody cares anymore. It's 1922. Was it even on TikTok? A.W. Gowan, owner of the yacht, his wife and 10 other persons are on board. So great.

his wife and 10 others the speed jacks is 98 feet long and weighs 64 tons it's always important to know how much a boat weighs yeah it is she is the only craft of her length that ever made a voyage around the world wow yeah Titanic only got halfway they're not dead yet

what let's see where there's Titanic story goes. I still like their chances of... Well, they've hit a big bump. There's no doubt they've hit a bump. But let's just see if they make it or not.

You know, the important... Don't count them out. Moral of the story is that they find the necklace that the old lady threw in the sea. And that's what it's all about. But there's still a chance they'll make. No. Yeah. Of course there is.

What? Yeah. You're agreeing with him? Yes, she is. Because she recognizes a Cinderella story when she hears it. Have you ever heard of a comeback? Let me guess. You're the guy who shuts the Super Bowl off in the third quarter and says, I don't know why I bother with this big game.

Well, Jack, sometimes a captain digs deep and figures it out. You're basically saying that. Yes, I am. I don't even know what she said. The Super Bowl happened. Yes. And then, like, three years later. A Super Bowl is an over when there's zeros on the clock in the fourth quarter.

Yes, it is. Not, you're not counting them out yet. What are you saying? is that a Super Bowl is essentially like a boat crash. I mean, it, these things, we still don't know who won the last presidential election.

Nothing is done. You don't ever count anything out. We do know the, the child rapist won. The titan, first Jesus Christ, well, great. Now we're demonetized. We got all the way,

we're 55, we almost did they finish the episode. And then you have to jump in with that. When, Mr. Gowan stepped ashore here today, his first words were, We have seen all the world, but we have not seen anything that is as pretty as the shore of the United States. Yes. Who kisses ass? No fears of savages.

Her impressions of the savage people in the Solomon Islands, where are said to dwell the fiercest headhunters in the world, have nothing to fear of horror connected with them. As a matter of fact, she believes these savages could teach their white mentors a great deal. It's so... It's like the sweet racism. These idiot savages could maybe help us.

Maybe. Just maybe. We have something to learn from these morons. Now, look, I'll agree that, Unrefined morons. But maybe their simple minds could help us. The party got many motion pictures of them, and the savages were pleased to pose. It was awful. Very nice.

It's like Disneyland, but they're real. They visited the hermit and Admiralty Islands, and the others of that group, which lie to the north of New Guinea. the gasoline supply went low, and they found themselves in Humboldt Bay with a threatened shortage of fuel. Providence somehow seemed to keep a hand on us, Mr. Gowan said, because we managed to get to amboina

with only a cup full of gasoline left. The seas were smiling all the way, else we likely would have been stranded there and forced to call for help. well, well, well. Well, who gives a shit? Well, who gives a shit? At least they didn't have to call for help.

That would just be shameful. You know, the savages and all of that, that's back story. The real moral of the story is don't call for help. That's right. No, it's true. And I think we all have also learned a little bit of a lesson about the Titanic. That it is, it's not over yet. It's over.

And there's a chance that it could happen. You know what? I'm with you. I'm a Titanic believer. The Titanic is still floating around. And only those who believe can see it. The fucking boat has been filmed on the bottom of the ocean. There are actual skeletons.

Nobody, nobody is saying. Those were planted there by France. On the grave of James Cabron. you departed Jimmy. Dave, he's alive. No, he is not. Everybody's associated with that ship is dead. Just because.

The curse of the Titanic. Molly Brown is still the running president of Denver. Everybody, DiCaprio, dead. The lady who started in his name, I don't remember. Winslet. Winslow, dead. Winslet. Whatever. Winslow.

It's not family matters, you idiot. Winslow did replace Winslet in the final season. Thank you. Paint me, will you, Jack? Did I do? Wait, what is this? Natalia, thank you for being here. Thank you for joining us.

We encourage people to go check out. You're a fantastic guest. We appreciate you being here. Look at our circus work. And look at your circus work. Look at your clown stuff. I do Ariel. I do hula hoops and children's birthday parties and funerals.

Oh, you've done a funeral. There's really good circus stuff going on a funeral. You know, a funeral is the perfect time to hire a fire spinner. It's the only way I want to be cremated is slowly by a fire spinner. I want the slow fire spinning ashened. Thank you, Natalia. We love you. Thank you, guys.

Thanks for having me aboard. Hey, what's up, dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the Cinequest Film Festival. You can go to Give It Up Film.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening.

So go to Give It Up Film.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th, and February 7th. three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers in Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th, for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas, April 24th, finally. Houston, April 25th, two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th, and then San Antonio, April 24th. April 28th and Tucson April 29th, Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information,

but also if you want to go see my movie and you're the San Jose area, give it upfilm.com.