The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 171 - The Past Times with Dave Ross

Episode Date: April 24, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Dave RossSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHRocketmoney See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Gareth V. Dallup is brought to you by Quince. Oh, Dave. Look, this time of year, this is, I started rethinking my closet, you know? It's the time. I'm like, what's going on? Sure. Trying to keep fewer things. I want the...

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You know what we do here. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date and history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest. Guess the great. Dave Ross. Hi, Dave. What's up?

How old are guys? How's New York? Thanks for having me. I'm sorry. I can't see Dave's face. It's a good thing. I got to be honest. No.

It's good. It's for the, it's, Dave, how long have you had the beard? Honestly, I got it like right when I moved to New York. So about three years.

It's a solid beard. I tried out a beard. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I like it too. I tried it out when I was in my 20s and it didn't work.

I had big open spaces in my beard. Also, it didn't even occur to me that I could like, trim it and make myself not look like absolute dog shit all the time so I was scared to do it and then like somewhere around 39 or 40 I tried it and I it's full feels good feels good

thanks man thank you open spaces in your beard uh yeah no I sell uh parts of my beard open spaces which is a charity that gives kids um beard hair but uh I've been working with them for a long time so open spaces if you want to go online they're awesome Dave, where do people keep up on all your shows and podcasts when they're paused or un paused or any of those things?

Yeah, everything I do is on pause right now for some reason. But yeah, follow me on Instagram at Dave to the Ross, D-A-V-E-O-T-H-E-R-S-S. Dave to the Ross. Kind of one of the reasons all that shit's on pause. Oh, sorry. I keep talking over you. You're allowed. We want this to be very conversational when we do.

it in studio we do have a shell we pass around the shell and whoever has the shell talks but we can't do that on it's a conch it is a conch we got piggy got ralph major energy um we're gonna go through a newspaper i don't know what year it is you don't know what it is but you're gonna guess with no clues or context and i'm gonna do the same now the winner the winner's already been chosen from after the record last podcast behavior post question you forfeited this You forfeited. You've already lost. Your behavior was bad.

So Dave, what happens is... So, Dave, you're the automatic winner, but you still get to guess for the fun of it. Great. Wow. I like this game. It's a very weird game, and it's probably time to be done with it. But go ahead, Dave. Just guess in a year from 1600s to now.

Random guess. Oh, just before you read the... There's no clue. It's just... We live in hell. Oh, there's no clue. Okay. Sure.

1881. It's 1911. Why didn't I even guess? Why does it matter? Because you... Well, I would still like an opportunity. Well, you should have thought of that. I was fine.

My behavior was fine. Terrible. People are going to write... All right. Let's just go. People are going to write about it. Shut up. I'm really enjoying this window into your relationship.

This is a history show. But one of the hosts is a complete asshole. Yeah. Now you just, now you just forfeited the next. You know what? You know what? You're asshole, asshole, asshole. That's fine.

I don't care. Keep him going. You never like me would anyway. You have problems. Jeez. You, you know, I feel like I've been on podcast before where the two hosts have this kind of like, play fighting, perhaps real fighting dynamic. But this is the first time I've ever done it where one of you is completely out of view.

Yeah. So. The fun dynamic. Now, let me ask you. Now, is that more or less compelling? Who side are you leaning towards in this one? Honestly, Dave. Because the lack of, if I could see his facial expression,

I could probably see the evil or the glee in his anger. But now I just feel like evil glee is exactly, it's gleeval is what it is. And that's exactly what he has on his face the whole time. But I think Dave is picking up on it. I also don't like that you two have the same thing. That's becoming a big problem. For two Dave's to be like, I like Dave better.

You know what Dave's saying is very good. Just like give the Dave's a minute to talk. That is what Dave's are like. We appreciate each other. Yeah. I would just say, what's the soft. What's a rare quality. What Dave's been picking up on is that you're a sore loser and that does not come across.

Well, a lot of people. I'll tell you what. After these next six, I'm going to win. Have you seen the. movie, if I had legs, I'd kick you? I have not. She's moving? It's like a bummer. So I haven't watched it. It is a bummer. It's a

recent, like, 824, you know, a movie about a mother basically having like parental psychosis. But the entire movie is filmed from her perspective. You can't see her kid. The entire movie, you only see her face.

And so this is like that. I'm just seeing I'm just watching Garrett's hell Yeah I'm like Yes Dave's just

Dave's just the Charlie Brown teacher All right Yeah It's interesting How funny would it be If we were like The cameras work

And we just like We're like We want to get an insight Into what works here What do you Do a new thing What is Dave? Let's see how Dave handles this.

Interesting, Dave. Now we'll switch the camera. Now what do you think, Dave? All right, where is this paper from? This is something I've never seen before. So it is the Fort Collins Weekly Express. Thursday, April. Fort Collins.

Phonelm. 1911, part one. Part one is the paper instead of like the AM edition? Part one. I've never seen that. Amazing. Part one of the paper. All right, Fort Collins.

Sometimes Preston does something. that's associated with people who are guests. Are you any relations to Fort Collins? Do you have any connection to Fort Collins? I have a lot of connection to Fort Collins. Yeah, like I have a bunch of cousins that live there because my aunt and uncle used to live there, my dad's brother. And I think a comedy fort is the best club in the country hands down.

I fucking love performing there. Completely agree. Really? Comedy for is a. Yeah, dude. Best Town. A phenomenal club. The guy David, who... Unbelievable.

A comedian himself. Another... God damn it. I hate it. I just... You know what? That's a terrible club. David is a problem.

Dave lost a problem. Dave Anthony's a bigger problem. You don't like themes. I can't believe it's run by another Dave. But Comedy for... Phenomenal. And the club is... Incredible.

I go there every August. It gets better and better. He's the best. It's crazy. Wish his name wasn't Dave. That'd be awesome if he could change his name. Yeah, yeah. I love that name.

I don't know something about it. It's a problem. It's just nice. Comforting. It's just a nice sounding name. Yeah, David Rodriguez is his name. He's also a really funny comic that doesn't always happen. It doesn't happen often at all, right?

Like a good comic starts at a club. I was on the full time, but I said I was complimenting the club, but I go, I was like, the guy who runs a place that used to be a, comedian, I got off stage, he was like, used to be a case like, I still do stander. I was like, your club is so good. I was just, you're right. That was wrong.

That was wrong. That was wrong. All right. I was like, eat. Go ahead. Oh, yeah. No, no, no, let's hear it. All right. Charged with failure to bury a dead horse. Charge with failure. Interesting. I guess I've never thought about what you do in them.

I think he's leave them. I thought the horse, that's what the horse supplies were for. I thought they ate it like poop. That's a big undertaker to bury a dead horse. Yeah, well, that's the whole thing. Beating it's something they don't like. Now you've got to bury it too? Yeah.

We'll be right back. Yeah, I think we all know how the horse died. Yeah. And the guy who beat the dead horse over and over again, is that what it is? This article is about a man who is, fined for not being charged with a crime. Yes.

The crime is not okay. But I mean when you think about it, right? Back then, it probably, like, people were probably like, get the horse out of here. What is? There's a big problem. Oh, yeah. Dead horses. I would think.

I would also bet this. Like, if there was a, like, if that happened nowadays, it's like really cut and dry. You got to get your dead horse out of the middle of Fort Collins. Oh, you buried at the racetrack right away. and you don't let anyone know about it. Right away. It's like going to create a health problem. And people are like trying to get around it to get to work.

But I'll bet you in 19... That's right. Fuck jockeys. I've almost said that. Yeah. But I'll bet you in 1911. It was like the beginning of when you had to bury your dead horse right away. Yeah.

Right? Like probably in the 19th century. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

People just left their dead horse to rock. and no one cared. Humans, too. But then they started being roads. Yeah, that is what happened. Eventually people are like, all right, look, we actually have to figure this shit out.

This is crazy. There's too many dead horses in Fort Collins. They must have died from some sort of illness, otherwise they'd eat it. Hickups, probably. Hickups? Yeah. It's a crazy pitch.

That's just that I think it was. The horse died of hiccups. Is that what you're saying? We're all waiting for more context, then I'll tell you, Dave, Ross, as the guy who can see him, none's coming. No, there doesn't need to be doing it.

He's not like opening his mouth and we're talking. He's like done talking. Well, you don't know that 30% of horses are makeups. What are you doing? And why are you doing it? Yeah. I need you go through your process. Remember when we talk, you put both your feet down, ground yourself,

try to figure out what you're talking about? We're in one of those. And for a horse, that's it. Wow. We're in like a public speaking class now for Dave Anthony. I also, we're at a point where I just can't really even hear. Dave, so I'm like, there is anyone else there? I can't hear me. Has Gareth?

Yeah, there's no other... Has Gareth lost it. The other Dave's AI. Oh, yeah. Well, it's about time comedians started being AI. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I, uh, man, the hiccups. Yeah, dude. I mean, I suppose if a horse had the hiccups, I would want to beat it to death.

Mm-hmm. Thank you. You know, that's, like, kind of annoying. By the way, Dave's hiccup bit, kind of beating a dead horse. That's legal. That's a good point. It's legal to be a horse with hiccups of death. That is a craze. That, by the way, that does sound something like a 1902 mayor would say.

Now, hold on. If the horse is hiccough of him, there should be allowed to beat it. Your honor. Oh, man. Yeah, absolutely. Especially in Colorado. It sounds like you can do that shit in Colorado. Oh, yeah.

All right. Wait, so what happens? Here's the story. It's just an article about a man. There's not a lot of. I can see it's not a big one, but let's get out what we got here. Jacob Shamir was arrested Tuesday charged with failing to bury a dead horse. The case was continued until July 1st.

That's it. I like how you were like, let me get the details out. We don't have any. That's it. He really broke it down for it. Yeah. Oh, now, what closer. I mean, I'm assuming it just fell over dead.

Where else the story would be like it broke his leg and they put him down like they would give you something Yeah, no the horse died of some yeah that's why I'm saying they probably didn't eat it I don't know well well yeah because also was one paragraph Where did you find this article? Well we didn't our guy found it Preston but it's in the Fort Collins Express So it's like from yeah it's it's the biggest story of part one It's a great story really not. Yeah, well, I'm going to have some words with question about this. We all should.

Yeah, but it's not a good story. How many people first did eat their horse? We don't have the metrics or the analytics on that. But I'll get them to you. Yeah, you said that earlier, Gareth. Was that a common thing that the horse dies of natural? Like, it's not of an illness and so we eat it?

But I'm just thinking, well, back then? Why wouldn't you? Why? What the what are they doing? Everyone's... Because meat wasn't like really super In 1911, it wasn't like the dark ages. No, but it's also like... Lots of food.

Yeah, but I mean, well, look, we might have had, this might be the... In 10 years or I guess in 20 years, we would fucking be eating horse ass if we wanted. But I would just imagine that, I mean, there's people who's like Joe Rogan eats horse and he's doing good.

What? What? Man, he is doing good. You know what I mean? He's got a fridge full Okay, here I looked up, did cowboys eat? That's true. Did cowboys eat horses? Of course, this is AI, so who the fuck knows?

But Americans historically viewed horses as pets or working partners, avoiding their consumption, similar to dogs or cats. Horse meat was only considered under extreme circumstances, circumstances like starvation. They had a lot of, they were cowboys, so they had a lot of cattle. And then while some reports suggest horse meat was eaten in the U.S., food shortages, like the Civil War, this was not part of the daily cowboy diet.

So, yeah, they probably didn't, so they probably didn't need to eat it. So when their horse died, they probably just buried it. I'd set it on fire. Good to talk to you. Yeah, totally. Fine. Yeah, but why not?

Because... I guess you would set it up. But then, by the way, if you set it on fire, then you're like, oh, it's a good smell. Now there's a... Again, real quick. Grab that leg. That's a good point, dude.

Bering a horse... A roasted horse sounds good. You don't talk about that part of cremation. When you're like, oh, that sounds great. That looks good. Barbecue sauce, you kidding me? What is that, Gladys? Little barbecue sauce?

A little sage rub. I'm just saying, to bury a horse, you got to make a big fucking pit. And that's, and back then, 1911, yes. You know what's weird about this conversation? Use a shovel. I think it's over, and we're still talking about it. In many ways. Throw, I got it.

Throw it in the river. Go ahead. Throw the horse. We're beating a dead horse. Absolutely. Yeah. The horse has been beaten to death. Small boy pistol and cigarettes, not good company.

Huh. Okay. Is that the headline? Yeah. And I agree with it. Okay. I'm, uh, the jury's out in my opinion. The jury's out of it.

Desiring evidently to help swell the noise over the victory of the Aggies, a 13,000, 13-year-old boy named Payne. Naming your kid, pain is great. On Loomis Street. I named him after what he did to my vagina. Yeah, dude. Living on Luma Street, put a small-sized pistol in his pocket Saturday night. So this kid was upset with people cheering over an Aggie's wind, so he just fired his pistol.

Yeah. How old was pain? 13. 13-year-old kid named Pate. Kane had a gun. That's right. Upset with an egg. Mad about football.

So he just went out there. This is the most American shit ever heard of my life. He put it in his pocket and it exploded when he didn't want it to. Oh, he pulled the Plexigal burrus. The gun didn't explode.

The gun went off. Yeah, because usually you want, you do you want your gun to explode. That sounds like how another younger child would explain what happened. And then it got exploded. It explodes. It exploded.

It exploded. It burned off. hole in the trousers. Oh, there we go. What about, I love how we're talking about what it did to the trousers. How about the boy underneath? Yeah, what did it do to the kid? How about, was pain in any agony?

There we go. Did pain die? Is pain, well, he's probably dead now, but it can't be great. Yeah. But it might have done more. Yeah, did it hit pain anywhere? Yeah, but it might have done more damage and to make sure that it wouldn't, the sheriff would leave the last.

out of his toy. Oh, it's a toy gun. Oh, okay. Well, it says toy in parentheses, so maybe... You mean quotes. Quotes. What? It's in quotes, so maybe...

Okay. Pain was standing... It's probably a real gun. Yeah, I think it is. Pain was standing on North College... Saturday night about 8 o'clock and was flourishing the gun. For a second, talk about how great it is for a 13-year-old boy to be on the street at 8 p.m. alone? Great, with a gun.

With a gun. Totally. Well, he's celebrating the win, right? Different times. angry about the wind. He's upset about the noise. Oh, oh. No, no, to help swell the noise.

So that means he's in creation. He's part of it. Okay. Yeah. He was out there to fire the gun in celebration. Yeah. And then the gun fired him. Yeah, okay.

Simpler times, you know. This was better. The gun was a 22. Yeah, dude. Not a 22 was a rifle. I agree. I don't know anything about those calibers. He was big pockets.

They had really big pockets back then. Yeah, it does. Ginko jeans. It was down by his side. Just as Sheriff Carlott and Deputy Pendell were passing, the boy put it into his pocket, but forgot to take his finger off the trigger and the gun exploded just as the two hours. This sounds like what the pitch is on the Charlie Kirk is. Who wrote this?

Who says that a gun exploded? This is the craziest description of the gun on the third. I will say, look, no shade to Fort Collins, but even right now, their newspaper is not going to be the best in the world. And I think in 1911, maybe the journalists at the Fort Collins, what's it called, weekly review? Weekly Express. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I agree with you. If you went to Fort Collins now, you'd be like, you have enough for a paper? Yeah, totally. Don't say, wow. For a town that you guys love. That's what we love about it. I love Fort Collins so much. I actually never tried to say how good it is.

And I try to present. Dude, it's so good. Correct. Here's a fun fat You know the Silver Grill Cafe Have you been there in Fort Collins That's like a great breakfast place My cousin Ezra works

The overnight shift there Making the croissants Whoa And they're really good Whoa Yeah dude What about Mountain Misty Mountain Bakery

Let me just say something If I'm a croissant maker I weigh 500 pounds Easily I know This is a riddle Let him take it go I know

I'm a croissant I'm never not eating croissants. I am enormous. They just come in. Have you made any? I had a tough shift. Some of the machinery backed up on one again. Cressants are fucking magical.

Mary's Mountain cookies. Amazing. They are. As far as I can tell, this is also what would be true about Gareth if he just owned a horse. Yeah, that's right. Very true. Where's Stella? The most eating horses talk I've ever had in my life.

She's a... She passed away. From what? Getting sick. Yeah. Yeah. Being made into tacos. Okay.

So two cops are... Maybe the kid... Hold on a minute. Maybe Payne the gun shot the horse. You know? Maybe these are the same story. The... Considering we only have two sentences on the first story, any connection possible.

Maybe your cousin killed it. Okay, so the... Maybe. Two cops are passing. He puts in his pocket. It goes off. The sheriff says he unloaded it and handed it back to the boy and was about to tell him to take it home when the lad changed a cigarette from one hand to the other to take the gun.

Wow. the cigarette was the cops like all right this is crazy wow this is nice I remember when I was a 13 year old kid I remember I used to smoke when I was like impol I mean sometimes I would like be smoking at like I don't know 13

in public and I mean I and I looked so young at my age I remember people genuinely going like that is a nine year old like I remember people walking by me like that's fucking look at this that's fucking great and I would be like whatever.

Jeez. That's a beautiful story. Yeah, this is wild, dude. It's a 13-year-old kid smoking cigarettes with a gun in his pocket dealing with the cops. This is like a scene from the wire. What the cop? He's like, all right, get out of here. The kid's like, oh, switch hands.

He's like, you know, put your hands behind your back. This is crazy. The sheriff decided that. Meanwhile, the guy you're writing the article about this is like a baby who's like, the gun exploded. The guy next part of it. Just fired. Might have been a time.

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Tonels.com is a new sponsor. I don't want to work with them. The sheriff decided that the cigarettes and gun didn't go together, so he took the firearm. When the officers moved up the street, the ladd approached the sheriff and accordingly to the latter wanted to know if he couldn't be, quote, fixed up.

The kid? Yeah. Is that, like, from a, like, from a medical standpoint? Maybe he wants the gun back? Is he either talking about giving him the gun, fixing his burns that surely exists or rehabbing his attitude?

On his leg. Or maybe he wanted them to sew the hole in his pants? Yeah. Fix my pant hole? I don't know. What's crazy about this story is it has more words than the first one and the same amount of closure. Yeah, I don't... This is, by the way, this is called Part 1.

All it is is set up. We don't get anywhere like, what happened? Like, well, you got to buy the night paper. The night paper, you put the night paper on top of the day paper. You got yourself an article. Yeah, tomorrow we'll let you know if the kid's dead and if the horse is buried. Tune in to part two of the nude paper. Does it say part one like under the name of the paper?

Yes. Wow. Like where it would say addition number, it says part one. More coming. Bonkers, dude. It's a setup. Hubby gives wife home. The next paper is the Force Awakens.

Go ahead. Hubby gives wife's home. Now he sleeps in barn. Hubby gives wife home. Hey, I'm married. I get it. What's going on? You okay?

He gave his house to his wife and he sleeps in the barn. Is that what it happened? Now you know marriage. It's either that or tell her I fuck the horse. That's right. After deeding his home to his wife and return for love and affection, James God. Wow.

Who filed suit today to regain the. the property alleges he was driven out of the house and compelled to sleep in the barn. So this guy gives the wife the house because she fucks him and then after he's, she probably stopped fucking him. He was like, I want my house back and he goes public with what happened. That sounds exactly right. Okay. To add to the indicted.

This newspaper is blowing my mind. It's a strange newspaper is what it is. To act the indictment heaped upon him got charges that soon after he began occupying. occupying the barn as sleeping quarters, he received a communication from his wife to the effect that he must either vacate the barn. Oh, my God. $10 a month rental. Oh, man.

That was where he was like, that's it. You ain't charging me rent money for my barn life. The thing that's confusing me about this is they are throughout this entire process still married, right? Yes. Like, if you're married, I mean, but I don't know a lot about marriage. Yeah. But don't you share your...

It's very hard to get divorced at this point. It's hard to get divorced, but this guy, it feels like this guy was like, was like, it's going really good. Yeah. She just says I have to live outside, but it's good. Like, I've had friends where they're like talking about a situation. I'm like, this is not, you know, they're like, now I just got to figure out how to get a 10 grand. Bing, bang, boom, we're back. You're like, it's not great.

Right. This is missing the woman's side of the story, which is probably the big part here, like whatever he was doing. Yeah, I would say. I think any man who agrees to live in the barn is the cuck. I'm saying he might not have agreed to. Might have been kicked out of the house. Her story would be like, in 1911, you'd be like, me, you go live in the barn with the animal. Yeah.

It was all tilting the direction. This also could be of the fault of the journalist again because the language is weird. It's like he gave his house to his wife. What does that even mean, dude? I don't even. This paper is nothing but puzzles. There is never. It is.

It is. That was satisfying. Everyone. I'm like, who is everybody? What is happening? And why am I hearing it? That'd be great to do. Paper, what is happening?

What is happening? So what is happening? Part one. What is happening part one? Okay. Next week, what's happening? Okay. So that was too much for God and as he had deeded the property to his wife.

He deeded it. During her good behavior, he now asked the court to declare an owner and master of his house. Well, I mean, what a fucking idiot. Shit, you're honest. Yeah, fuck him. She's shit. I have a signed deed. Well, that was an.

error. Well, that was when you were good and you were fucking me. Oh, man. Now you're bad. By the way, living in a barn. I'm so confused, dude. Fucking the pigs. The horse is dead.

What are we talking about now? Nobody knows. Yeah, the horse is, you can eat the horse. So I ate the horse. There's croissants everywhere. And I come into the main house? The horse wasn't dead. Oh.

It was sleeping. Oh, no, I was standing up. Okay, now I'm starting to think maybe the kids. with the gun is their son. Yeah. Right? So, son, shot a horse, dad and barn. Yeah, the dad

gave the gun to the son to celebrate the football game and he shot the horse dead and then the wife is mad at the dad for giving the... Yes. Yeah, I don't know. I can't wait to see this fourth article. See how this ties it. By the way, I got eyes on this fourth article. Not long.

Not long. Can't wait. 60% of college men declared immoral. I don't think I need too much more. Here we go, dude. This is my God. What's the context? Yeah, truly.

Duke University and was like, why so low? Speaking on social purity before the parents and teachers club, Dr. Emma A. Drake of the state normal school said, I'm from the normal school. Quote, nearly 60% of the men attending the colleges of this country are leading immoral lives. That's it. It's just a quote from a teacher.

By the way, I think she's right. She's right. What's an immoral life? Oh, man. What are you doing? Like you kill people? 11. 60% of college. Boozin, smoking, fornicating.

Yeah, this is about boozing. This is about getting drunk and boozing. Yeah. It's immoral. Got it. Boozant is immoral, looking up skirts. There was a whole.

Sucking ankles, kissing knees. What? You know what I mean? Sucking ankle. Yeah, the whole thing. Yeah. Getting a toe up the butt. I love sucking on ankles, dude.

Oh, my God, I love an ankle suck. I kiss a knee. I get a toe up the bar. It's honestly the only thing I want. I told the lady to wear me like a slipper. All of a sudden, I'm going to kick that of college. Next thing you know, I'm a professor. I have a lot of sympathy with these college kids, man.

I've been sucking on ankles since before I was, you know. Oh, buddy. When I was 13. Buddy. Firing guns in the streets. I wear a smoke. I wear a ladies I hail the old fashion way.

What? Groyd. In my mouth. In my mouth. In my mouth. You have a fucking ankle? Yeah. Girl makes rope

of sheets to get away from jail. It's the first time that happened. Here we go. That was so awesome, dude. Shit, how'd you do that? That was a good idea. She just knotted those sheets together. That's why she asked for 14 sheets.

Could I have turnover service again, but don't take the old ones? Why, of course, my lady. Jail is fair. I think this newspaper is an old man's dream. And he made up all of these fucking articles, dude. By the way, a lot of them... What was Fort Collins like in 19... Yeah, dude.

This is just... Go ahead. It's painting a picture of Fort Collins, Colorado, which, by the way, in 1911, probably had a population of 750 people. I think the population now is like a thousand. It was probably two guys. I saw a lady go out of our jail with a rope. Well, there was sheets.

Yeah, dude. This guy, the newspaper is a porch, and the guy sits on it, and he's like, well, look at that. She's leaving the jail. They left the horse there. They didn't do anything. Alas Rombly. Alice Rombly. Fombly.

A six-made-up name. Fake name. A tramp of Rapid City. Dakota. Easy. Let's just stick to the article. Who was arrested here a few days ago and is being held to await the arrival of the South Dakota sheriff made an attempt to escape from the prison in the court house this morning. She tied the bed sheets and quilts together, making a rope, one end of which she tied to the bedstand and the other she dropped out of the window.

I love how like the idea that you have to read this too much. Well, how the hell did she escape with the rope made out of shape? We know what it is, but the paper's like, now, hold on. I bet you're wondering where the other end was. She's put it around the bed. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. You never heard of anything like this.

That's funny. You never heard of anything like that. Also, this is showing, this is saying basically that there were no bars on the window. Yeah. It's just a window. Just a jail. The way the mom. Modern prison designed is through a series of corrections.

People who are able to get out. You know what I mean? They were eventually like, put bars on the fucking windows. Oh, my God, they can climb out the window. We did not think of that. Right. They dug under the fence.

She slid down, and within about 15 feet of the ground, the rope broke, and she fell. Oh. Deputy Sheriff Roach heard the noise of the fall and ran out as Ms. Thumbly was slowly limping away. She was captured. It is feared her injuries

will prove fatal as she is in a delicate condition. Jesus Christ. Hey, by the way, that's an article. That was an article. That was a good point. This woman's going to die. We know what happens.

This woman died from a sheetfall. Yeah, totally. That's it. Yeah. Whoever wrote that article, should write the whole paper. Yeah. It's a good point.

That, that's, that was a story there. Yeah, they were like, there's a woman, and here's what she did, and here's what happened at the end. You know what I don't love is the chase on the woman who's about to die from her. Like, she was like, hey, he. And he was like, get out. I feel like if you do that, you should be allowed. Also, was she 60? I agree.

No, she's 16. Didn't? 16. Okay. This whole time I was picturing. 15. An old lady. No, she just,

you know, Oh, she turned into dust when she hit the floor. This is a story from London. Oh, okay. Drown Mormons, cries of priest. Let's hear him out.

Hell yeah. Let's go. Let's hear him out. Drowning was advocated as to fit fate for Mormons by Father Bernard Vaughn, the noted Jesuit, in a sermon devoted

to the work of Mormon missionaries in England in sending girls and women to the Mormon states in the United States. He's, I mean, he hasn't said a thing that's improper. Everything so far sounds just right. Quote, father, man, we, this is the quote. They should be taken by the scruff of the neck, rushed across our island, and dropped

into the sea. Wow. The scruff of the neck thing is, I mean, that's demoralizing. we it was not that long ago that everyone was really open about their super specific racism it was like within the last 10 or 15 years that we stopped you know what i mean like in new york city there would be like you're italian and they could just kill you well i also do like the idea uh i like when uh in religious circles in 1911 someone's like your religion's crazy like to be able to look at Mormons

and be like that you guys are fucking weird and I'm a Christian priest get out no shit I'm around him Mormonism was pretty new then too right yeah how crazy is it that Mormonism made it

it's they really Scientology helped it a lot because it made it look like an ancient religion yeah that and oh yeah totally I was fucking every woman to make them have babies Yeah, it is pretty cool. Yeah. It is pretty cool.

It is pretty cool. Now, they're into Utah, now they're into that soda culture. That's their whole thing now. They love sodas. What does that mean? That's like the Mormon, the Mormon vice now is like soda. Like they go to like, like it's almost like they love sodas. There's a guy who just goes to BYU and ask the students questions.

You just cannot believe it. It has to be. Like you're just like, I thought it, like I figured they were all faking. and that they, in truth, would be like... Like that secretly they'd be like... I tell my parents I'm religious, but I'm... But they're just... It's just fucking nuts.

So it's called dirty stuff. I mean, have you seen... And they go and they basically mix different sodas and syrups, and they're like, this is... Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, they talk about that. A lot of soaking. Wow.

A lot of soaking is also their big thing. You know, it's... Oh, soaking is so gross, dude. No, I'm not. Jock, dude. Uh... Woman Sears' face of blackhander. This could go really bad.

I'm nervous. This is from Scranton, Pennsylvania. All right, so blackhand means something different. More nervous. That's Joe Biden's home. That's Joe Biden's place. That was a big Italian mafia place. Okay.

Went to Italian, supposed to be blackhand agents. So, yeah, mafia. Okay. Blackhand agents. Visited the home of Antonio Piazza in Manuka today. Boy, boy. And it formed Miss Piazza that her husband and her whole family would be annihilated. Jesus Christ.

Holy fuck. Leave the Piazzas alone. Slow it down a little bit. We're going to be annihilated. Unless she paid $700, they were given a stiff dose of their own medicine. Miss Mrs. Piazza was ironing the family washing when the men entered. It's a tough job. And held a flat iron, which she had just taken from the.

stove. Hell yeah. No sooner had one of the intruders uttered his threat than the woman bore down upon him and pushed him against the wall with one hand. This is the story home alone's based on it. And she pressed the hot iron against his cheek. Hell yeah. And held it for an instant. He probably looked really young after it gets her to wrinkles. In spite of his furious resistance. His furious resistance is to an iron being placed on his face. I don't know if you'd call it. Furious. Now, hold on, ma'am. I'm actually going to push back a little here. That's fair.

Wow. What's the other guy doing? Damn, dude. The other guy is like, I'll go round back, Marv. When the iron was removed, both men ran screaming from the house, and Mrs. Piazza collapsed. Wow. She hanged. Oh, yeah, that's tough. That's tough on you, dude.

It is. It's hard to burn a man's face. The mob was there a minute ago. Now they're running off screaming. Like, hey, my vapors. She declares that the imprinted flat iron was plainly visible on the victim's cheek. Hell yeah. It is possible that he will carry the scar to his grave.

Oh, yeah, they're always going to know who it is. Yeah. You're talking about Iron Johnny? Wow. That's, that was, all right. Good for her. Yeah. How old was this woman?

It doesn't say. Which is crazy. That is. Wow. Okay. Yeah. Normally they tell you the cup size. Usually they'd be like, boy, she was a look.

28, you'd want to bang her if your wife was a looker. Man, $700. I feel like I would not act that way at all. That's a lot of money. Yeah. A lot of money's good, though. Good for it. It's like $1,800.

By the way, part of me just thinks about how good ironing was back then, too. if you had it that hot. Because I don't know about you guys. Every time I use an iron, I'm sitting here going, what's taking so long? Permanent breast, cotton. I said it to cotton a minute ago. Why do I have to have this range?

Who's doing linens? Are you guys listening? No. I'm trying out my new irons. You heard it? No. Come on. This story's out of Omaha.

Wild chase. Is that the spray or the steam shoot? I don't know what I'm doing. Ironing board. I'll tell you. Wait, are these stories all in the... Go ahead. It's hard to turn him off.

Just shut me the butt. Are there, these are all still in the Fort Collins paper, but they're like stories from other. Yeah, they'll start to outsource. Especially in somewhere like, yeah, they're like AP articles. Yeah, they were like. Now there's just some guys like, boy, a lot of cool shit happened to other places. This is just so wild because 1911, right? like what was going on in the world in 1911?

Like I guess what I want to say is I thought that it was just going to be local stories and that's why it was wacky and wild and about a fucking burying a horse and a kid firing a gun. But now they're picking stories from the rest of the world that aren't like we might be at war in Germany in a few years. Yeah. This is just like a wacky paper, I guess is what I'm saying. It is a wacky paper. like it is a wacky paper. This would be like a website you go on to and you'd be like,

I just like, I get to press by the real news. This is FARC. This is we're reading FARC.com right now. Exactly right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how long World War I went on before we joined. Well, we're the closers.

We're what we call the headliners of the World Wars. Yeah, dude. We definitely finish the wars. Actually, we're the openers now. Now we are actually, by the way, now we're doing one person shows open. Yeah, we're the host feature. We're doing door. We're doing terrible doorneals.

Yeah, totally. We're, oh my God. We do. We get an 80, 20, but we like negotiate it down to a 50-50. And the club's like, okay. Actively promoting our wars as well. That's my favorite. The tweets about that.

the wars. Oh, man. It's going good. It's going good. Remember the other day when he said, he said he was going to kill everyone in Iran, and then two hours later, he said, you know what, we're going to take a break for two weeks. Yeah. Yep.

Yeah, it's 48 hours. Two days or two weeks. That's what he works. He's works on the scale of two. He loves it. He's like, you have two days. And nobody does anything. He goes, you got two weeks.

Hurry up. You got two weeks. Now you got two months. It's just for the... My doctor's telling me, I got two years. It's just so they can buy stocks. Yeah, it is. The more you see it, everything...

Like, say Trump always chickens out, but it's really... Trump always profits greatly. Yeah, dude. Okay. Wild chase for baby. Been there. Here we go. Been there.

Hell, yeah, me too, man. This is the Omaha story. Baby's my wife. This is Omaha. A special train to the Union Pacific Railroad faced halfway across Nebraska. yesterday race sorry raced halfway across nebraska yesterday in order that miss harland g hollister of elmira new york might overtake is her six-month-old baby which by mistake had been placed on a train which got out of that happened station before the mistake was discovered that happens we don't and by the way to the

author of the article even though they've passed we don't need to know how that mistake happened that's not an A baby ended up on a train alone and we're good Obviously everyone knows Let's move forward with the story One of the more common events

In humanity absolutely We all get it Yeah We all left our baby on a train And gotten off Ticket totally A ticket right here Actually the wording makes it sound like

She wasn't on the train And she put the baby on the train I believe that's what happened I'm guessing she put the on the train and then went to get more stuff and the train left. All right. Well, now that the baby's there, I'm going to go buy some bread.

Oh, no. Or maybe someone else took the baby. I don't know. Okay. The railroad made no extra charge for the special. Wow, how cool of the railroad. And by the way, we're not charging the baby.

They put a special train together to chase the other. Oh, okay. I thought they were like bragging about the idea that they're like, and we've decided to wave the fair. We're not going to be Oh, man. Despite being a stowaway, the baby

will not be going to jail. You see, in many ways, it's a baby. It didn't know what was happening. And we realized that. So the baby will not be charged the Fair.

Mrs. Hollister said, sorry, Mrs. Hollister. The mother will be killed. Mrs. Hollister, the baby arrived at Omaha on a train from the east. She was bound for Colorado to join her husband who was in Denver. When the baby reached Omaha, sorry, I don't know why I'm so off. When the train reached Omaha, the baby was sleeping, and Mrs. Hollister placed her on a cushion and went into the next car to talk to some friends. What the fuck is this?

15 minutes later, when she started to return, she discovered that the car was missing. So they detached the car. Oh, my God. So she's like, by the way, weird move to just like, I mean, obviously it's a different time and everything. But to just stop, but to just lay a baby down and be like,

now to socialize. In the back car. If I went to the booze car, she's hanging out there, then she comes back. He's like, wait, where's the train? That train went to Omaha. I think it's fine to live a baby in another trade car.

It's weird. If the baby's sleeping. The thing that, yeah, Garrett, I think the thing you're not understanding is that sometimes you really want to be drunk instead of sober. Thank you. You know? Yeah, so you leave the baby sleeping. Yes. Yes.

And the baby's sleeping. and then you can go. Maybe sleep pretty deep all the time. That's right. Yeah, this does make sense. What I don't understand, I will say, yeah, you should keep your baby with you. But it's not that. I wouldn't be that surprised if a lot of people put their baby down and go to a neighboring car.

Why did the train split while she was in another? That's a weird decision. Yeah, the guy, like, walked through. He's like, baby, all right. Separate the car. Is it okay to separate the car? Yes, there's only one baby in there. Yes, go ahead.

I suppose there could be some strange situation, but it's highly unlikely. This baby just is doing a blog. And also, when you separate train cars, doesn't like the one that's not attached to the engine just stop? Like, what happened? I don't know. We're going to leave the dining cart here to die. They would imagine that they were stopped somewhere and then they were at like a station. And I don't know how you make that.

Ladies and gentlemen, just so you know, the dining cart will not be going any further. And the train to Omaha is going to be separated from the dining cart and leaving now. Choo, true. I think that I think that really what's at, happening here is that they just let anyone write any article. Because like this story should be... This is audience submitted. This, you're not going to believe this.

A train split in half on the way to Omaha. Like that's the story, isn't it? That is the story. They were the psychotic train conductor was like, fuck the back half. We're going forward and they're staying here. Losing his mind. In Des Moines. The back half's been bringing the train down the whole time.

Sir? My wife's back there. The caboose. We've got to cut the caboose loose. So inquiry among the Depot officials disclosed that train had been cut into, and the car with the sleeping babe had started for Frisco, 10 minutes before the loss was discovered. So she's going to Colorado.

Right, Denver. And the baby's car was going to go to Frisco. So it is going to Frisco. I thought it ended up in Omaha. Well Not on the way Why didn't the train stop and go back And the baby car goes to Frisco

Yeah and then her car And her train is going to Omaha To Denver Eventually to Omaha I think it's Denver Yeah Okay

So it arrived at Omaha They didn't Uh huh And then did they know In Omaha It happened in Omaha Okay In Omaha going to Denver and Frisco

Yeah. I mean, I get it a little more. I still don't understand, but I don't care to ask any more questions. Yeah, yeah. Miss Hollister was placed aboard the special, and a record run was made to Grand Junction, where the Express had been held one hour when Miss Hollister's special arrived and the child of mother returned. So all these people are on the train going, why are we fucking delayed? Honestly.

By the way, that 100% would be me. Yeah. I don't care what literally and the empathy when I travel is gone So if there's any predicament I don't care I am just genuinely like Look you guys shouldn't have had a kid Jump get out of here

You fucking ruined my day I need to get my bag with me Yeah Get off the fucking train if you left your baby Oh yeah No I have my worst The baby was asleep When the mother rushed into the car

And grabbed it from the cushion so thank god it's so asleep it's not breathing anymore they just keep on writing this article it just keeps on coming with the details talking along the baby was that you're not going to believe this for the fifth time in this article alone this baby was asleep and by the way to be clear the baby was sleeping the baby was asleep when the mom got there just so you guys know

did we mention Hair made green. Woman brings suit against dresser. Yes. This is a New York City story. Finally. The Joker's origin. A suit for $20,000 instituted by Mrs. Adelaideon

Lewisson against a firm of hairdressers was today placed on the calendar of the Supreme Court. The Supreme Court's hearing this story. Gotta go hard. Whoa. Wow. Hell yeah, dude. Mrs. Lewis said her hair was turned gray. Gray or gray.

It's just gray. Oh, gray. In the San Francisco fire, and she... Oh, that's how it's set up. Oh, right. And she employed the firm to dye it black. She says the dye turned her hair green and caused a rash on her forehead. Well, that's a good look, too.

I mean, I know you wanted to get the gray out and have it black, but now your hair's green and your head's red. So that's pretty good, too. You just look like an oompa-lupa. 20 fucking thousand? Yeah. $20,000 for what, this hair? Yeah.

That's crazy. In 1911, 20,000. Wow. It's crazy. Yeah. Man, America used to be very successful. Used to mean something. That's right.

Yeah, her hair is green. We're sending this straight to the top. All the way to the Supreme Court, boys. Your honors. I mean, let's say you get arrested by ice, though. Yeah, that is for sure. Devil on the run. Regular services will be held at the,

Fort Collins City Mission by Reverend Vernon, meetings held every evening at 7.30, all welcome. Come and bring others. We are going into a soul-saving time and put the devil on the run. Okay, sure. What?

So this guy's just like, trust me, we got to chase him. It's not a good time to have green hair and red a face. He's right over there. No, no, I just, the woman died it wrong. Wait.

These are related stories? No, no, no, no. No, okay, okay, okay. Wait, what happened to get there? So, yeah, yeah, yeah. A priest in Fort Collins was like, we're almost got the devil. The devil's on the run.

He's on the run. And the devil's on the run. Got it. He's baking croissants at that bakery. I feel like that's the fucking main headline, right? What? If they know where the devil is? Yeah.

Isn't it going to be where the devil's in in Fort Collins No No it's in Grand Junction I was trying to get on a train But my baby was there Relative of local lady

Dyes in Greeley Okay Edward Wild So I mean I don't mean to be callous But we're out of story Literally they're like we have five more That are blanked Tell me why I care.

So, okay, here's one. A citizen of Fort Collins had a death. The person who died lives in Fort Collins? No, really far away. But she's like pretty upset. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, that'll work. Drag it out.

Yeah, drag it out. I mean, that devil on the run one didn't take up as much pages I thought. We even did it in Curry or New. And this is just part one. Oh, fuck me. All right. Here we go. Need a store.

Man walked. Edward Berges, an uncle of Mrs. Robert Keeney of Fort Collins, died at the Greeley Hospital Tuesday after a week's illness. He was aged 73. Who gives a shit? Dude, this is not a story. I'm not going to believe this. A 73-year-old man died.

A man died. Come on. A man died. You know what we should have done? He's 25. years past. That horse article should have been longer. That's a,

that's a crazy story. We didn't tell anyone anything. Now we're talking about a man of dying age dying. And he doesn't even live here. And he's an uncle of the one. I feel like 73 was past the life expectancy, too.

The guy lived a long fucking time. Yeah, it had to be. I mean, we're about to get down to 70. And he died at the hospital. It's not a scene. Like, there's nothing interesting about this at all. At all. I mean, this really is just becoming an indictment

on Preston. The guy who put this one together. Absolutely. I'm going to have some words for him. Yes, good. He has survived by one daughter. The remains will be taken to the family home at Desota. Hey, that's the weirdest part of the story.

Being accompanied by it. Here you go. Here's the body. Goodbye. The deceased was a retired farmer. So he had the job that every person had. He died at a age that was fairly appropriate. appropriate. He's not from there. He's just an uncle.

That's right. And that's the last story in the paper. That's it. Well, Dave, thank you for joining us on what was a real done of an ending. People can find you online on Instagram at Dave. Dave to the Ross. To the Ross. Go do it. That's right. It's happening. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for having me. appreciate it it was nice to see slash not at all see you yeah no we can't let two dave see each nice connection becomes too strong that's right dude oh man yeah no thank you guys recording thank you dave well i hope later guys