The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 179 - The Past Times with Queen Coke Francis

Episode Date: June 20, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and YouTuber Queen Coke FrancisSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHHIMSSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here each week. We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest. great Queen, Coke, Frances. Hi.

Hello, Queen. Respectfully, Gareth. This is one of the greatest days of my life up there with the day I met John Waters. And when I got to dance with my crush at my friends Bot Mitzvah back in 2008, it's up there. Shout out the Bat Mitzvah dancer. Who was that suitor? Who knows? He's probably a hardcore Zionist at this point.

I have no idea. I mean, that's what we got. It's been almost two decades. It's not changed. We're just going to assume they all are now. By the way, they're much like Scientology, certain parts of Zionism I find very appealing, and I'm open to talking about it. Where'd you meet Waters?

Yeah, where did you meet John Waters? Coincidentally, I was with the friend whose bot mitzvah was when we met him. Wow. This friend really was the bridge to a lot of amazing moments. Yeah, same friend. I took them to a book signing he was doing. in West Hollywood and we were in that line for two and a half hours, but I realized as we were getting closer and closer to getting him and they cut off the line

just a few people behind us. But the reason it took so long was because he took the time to talk to every single person in that line. He seems like the type. Yeah. He was so cool. He was genuinely so cool. What a weird little career that's all turned into when you're just like, you're making things.

And then everyone's like, actually. actually, you're the best part. What is your deal? Get over here, you little cutie by. Everybody loves you. Yeah, I mean, that's one of the reasons I do drag. So in other words, John Waters, your drag inspiration,

your botmits for crush, probably a Zionist, and doing this podcast are the, our top three. Yeah, fucking snap away. Probably mating my partner too. That's probably up there. Yeah,

hopefully they're not there right now to hear where they fall on. We get, he's definitely going to list. to this episode. Okay. All right. Well, then maybe it's time to clean up the...

What? I don't know. Yeah, I guess I don't know. We'll fix him post. And by the way, we say we'll fix it a post a lot on this show just so the guest feels comfortable. We're not fixing anything. There's not even post. There's no post.

You're respectful to your editors. I used to work at post production. In no way. Definitely not respectful to our editors. We're not a fan of our editor. Our editor posted a picture of his asshole on. Twitter. Yeah.

Before we met him, he was lost. But he was, he calls it posting whole. He like short. Wait, did you really? Yeah, he did. And because,

what's his hat? What's his hat? What's his ass? Oh, is that, uh, what's his Twitter handle? We should put it out there so everyone can see. Yeah.

Oh. Let's the gentleman who you know. Oh, yeah. The asshole who emailed you. By the way. So he posts a hole on Twitter? Yeah, because he said if the Denver Nuggets

won, And it's even weird because the O's in his name are zero, so it looks even more holy. So it's Preston Tompkins with no H and Tompkins and the O's are zeros. And yeah, he's got a thousand followers and he posted his asshole on Twitter because the Denver Nuggets won the championship. The O's are whole-sized. Got it. Oh, that's exactly right. He's got, yep, yes, that's exactly a queen.

So anyway, that's who you're dealing with. him. We hate him. Where was I? I can't remember. But the point is, we're going to go through an old newspaper. You know this. I mean, obviously. And you're going to guess the year. I'm going to guess the year. Dave, because he has some personal issue with me, he'll say you win no matter what. So there's very low stakes. If anything could be cut from this show, it's that. Or the guy reading them. I'm having fun. We're lighting up. But so why don't we, let's start with a guess here. Do you want to give? context or why don't you give a little baby

give a little breadcrumb took his breath away clergyman dropped breath away that's a toot clergyman drops a good gardening what all right it doesn't matter hint in his sermon I mean you said clergyman so I assume it's pretty old-timey yeah it's safe to say go ahead yeah God I'd love knowing I'm gonna win well that's a nice feeling for the guest don't go

in there with that attitude. That's a nice feeling. It is a nice feeling. One I've never experienced. Oh, you've won once or twice. Yeah, I've won, but not because I've had to win. No. Yeah, you have major... You won fair and square. It doesn't matter. Go ahead. I'm going to guess 1925.

Pretty good. I'll go 1901. Oh! Queen Coke wins. It is 1900. I said 1901. Yeah.

So I'm a year off. So the way we're doing this one is every other year. But that is not fair. Up until 1920 and then it's every year. But that's what I said beforehand. That's right before they were. Congratulations. Thank you.

Gareth is going to give you his car. I mean, I get what? Fuck. No, I'm not. I need it. Very bad. That's my home. But that's where all my spices are.

You did need it. I cook in the van. I think it's weird that you're going to take back the prizes. How long can you leave groceries in the car before it becomes dicey? Just out of curiosity. Do you have a garage? No, Dave answer first. Well, this now?

Seven hours? Now? Yeah. An hour now. Okay. Max. I got to go. Have a good show.

I got to get out of here. It's hot out right now. It is boiling. Yeah. I just put raw chicken on the seats. Oh, that's fine. Raw chicken's fine. It gets a broiled.

Yeah, no, raw chickens. So you're going to do that. Where are you, queen? Where do you live? I'm in North Hollywood. So my house smells like smoke because of the Seamy Valley fire. Everybody's enjoying the Seamy Valley fire. Yeah, it's so good.

It's a good one. It's a really good one. Oh, wow. You know, fires happen there a lot. It's seemingly happening all the time. I mean, look, when Cop City burns. Sometimes Cop City burns. Brane my throat.

January 28th, 1900, the Boston Sunday Globe. Okay. From Boston? Well, yeah, I hope so. Queen Coke, are you from Boston or anything? Any affiliation? No. My frequent collaborator, Fossil Daddy, is from Boston, and I swear to God, the first

time I heard his voice, I thought he was, like, doing a voice. I was like, there's no way he actually sounds like, there's no way he actually sounds like Linda from Bob's Burgers, but he does. That's just how he sounds. We got to collaborate. I mean, some of them really are a boss. We've got to collaborate on a number of things. We'll share the content, make a reel.

I was about to slap the director, but whatever. He's got to slap the director, but at that point, there was no reason. Took his breath away. Clergman drops a good gardening hint in his sermon. Okay. It's a really weird thing to write a story about. I like that, sort of subliminal gardening in simpler times. Yeah.

The clergyman who narrates the following incident. in the interior confess confesses that despite his years and his experience with all sorts of conditions of the feminine mind it took his breath away. This is now strange.

A clergyman being like, let me tell you how to talk to women. Is that what it is? I'm a lady's man. The feminine mind. I know my way through the feminine mind. He's had to deal with the feminine mind his whole life.

Believe me. I dealt with the feminine mind so much. I'm a clergyman. He was preaching about the feminine mind I got so fed up by Jesus is my feminine mind now He was preaching about the father's tender I don't know nothing about religion That's on the cheesecake factory

The father's tender wisdom Oh okay In caring for us all He illustrated by saying that the father knows Which of us grows best in sunlight And which of us must have shade Go ahead Well I just feel like

like that's a way to see the penis under the robe. Let me show you how it grows in summer. There we go. I love when you can make out the shadow during the homily. That was always my fate. Oh, that's the best. Oh, so good.

I like when the clergyman sundials in the garden. You know. Sorry, I have a picture. Let me get it hard. Guess the time. You know you plan to road. Do the Eve and play with it. You know you plant roses in the sunshine, he said, and heliotrope and dranians.

How is this in a paper? But if you want your Fuscii. Fuchio ch S-I-S. Fetachini. Fetichini to grow, they must be kept in a shady nook. This is really about gardening. This is really about gardening. Yeah, he's pretty overt.

It's not subliminal, and it's also not a story. I mean, the idea that you're like, hey, you hear, the priest was talking about lettuce. Oh, yeah? Oh, you say, this guy's got a goal. What did he say? I told the best friend, they said,

never been, all right, everybody, that's the end of church. I have to talk to my counsel. Hey, what you did out there with the lettuce church stuff, that's my job. Okay? Your own thing, what's what I do. After the sermon.

You said the homily is like when a priest does a tight five. I don't want to take credit for that joke. I know I didn't come up with that. That is so funny. Yeah, that's why you're like, it's going to have been way shorter? Why? Okay.

After the sermon, which the clergyman hoped would be a comforting one, a woman came up to him, her face shining with pleasure that was evidently deep and true. Oh, doctor, I don't know what doesn't say his name. Oh, Dr. Blank, I am so grateful for that sermon, she said,

clasping the clergyman's hand and shaking it warmly. His pleasure was stirred for a moment. Stop. Yep. This is not. My nipples got hard. My reaction so far as my nipples are harder than they were.

That's all I'll say. And I'm not cold. Oh, God. And I'm not cold. And he made a noise. And then he, yeah. His pleasure was stirred for a moment while he wondered what tender place in our heart and life he had touched for only a moment.

What part of you did I touch? Yes. heart, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On this doll, show me where I touched you. Oh, it's the, it's the, it's the fun of this crucifix. On this crucifix, where about were you touched? I never knew before what was the matter with my, that's the same word. Fuchs. That would be the greatest way to. Fuchsiesce. Huh? F-U-C-H-S-I-A-S-I-E- On this cross. Where did the priest touch you? Is that a flower? It's a flower. What is? It doesn't matter. I'm going to move on. Thank you.

You kept talking. Well, I just like the joke of where on this cross did you get attached? I mean, it is a full body shot. Yeah. I was having a problem. I was having a flower problem. Yeah, I know just, I'm sorry. I just feel like sometimes you're not there for me.

Well, I think we were having an enjoyable laugh about the joke, but you're right. We lost, you were in a flower conundrum. I was having a hard time. You were really struggling with whatever that was, the F word. And I'm sorry. And I think Queen Coke and I are both sorry. We feel bad, and we apologize to you. Don't we, Queen?

Sorry. Christ, I could have felt less sincere. Where on this cross did Queen hurt you? I'm asked that in my comments daily. All right, there we go. Weird first article, out of the way. Out of the way. His 118th anniversary, New York man has used tobacco since he was 10.

Wait, 118th anniversary. That's what it fucking says. I'm 120. I'm 128. I've been smoking since I was 10. Yeah. Abraham E. Elmer, probably the oldest. We're going to need to go interview this liar.

I have 130. No, you're not. You were just 110. I started smoking when I was 10 years. Well, then a doctor's going to be like, oh, my God, you need to stop immediately. You're going to die, and then he's going to stop and then probably die the next day. I thought he'd stop on die. Keep him alive.

That was always keeping him alive. That was back when the doctors are like, listen, your lungs are black, your skin's frail. The only thing to cure you is cigarettes. Cigarettes. Now for longevity. Take one of these chalston's. I love that. I used to give him to women or were pregnant.

There's some weight loss pills for your wife. Yeah. you are. Here's some stuff to numb your wife to the man's world we've thrown her into and you need to start smoking. Now, don't forget to hit your boy with a decanter when you come home. That's the only way to take off the woes of work.

They're going to love this world. They're going to love this world. Don't worry, this might be as good as it gets for everybody. Abraham E. Elmer, probably the oldest inhabitant of New York State celebrated his 118th birthday anniversary of yesterday. It's just a birthday.

It's just a birthday. I am 100% now calling it a birthday anniversary. I want it to be weirder. I'm having a birthday anniversary. He was born and warren. When I fell out of my mom. It's the anniversary of when I had a birthday, which was, yeah, I'm celebrating that.

You just always do it a year younger than you are. Well, I'm not celebrating my birthday. Age I am. But for the birthday anniversary, this is, my 45th birthday anniversary. Do you understand? No. It's a little bit different.

My dad would want to do that thing of like, yeah, you're 31, but you're actually starting your 32nd year. I'm like, thanks. Thank you. Yeah. Thanks, dad. Got it. Yep.

Got it. Cool. Thank you. He was born in Warren, Herkimer County, January 26th, 1782. He lost his eyesight 14 years ago, but otherwise is well preserved. He has used tobacco since he was 10 years old. Has anyone seen? cigarette.

It's all I do. I'm 118 and I can't see it. All I do is smoke. Name a problem with this life. She's thriving. I mean, imagine like at the interviewer like, I don't believe a lot of this. So you're 118.

That's right. I don't believe it at all. I'm 118. It's probably like 72. Yeah, he's probably like 72. I also have a bad brain problem. There's no paper trail. You can just lie about things.

No, why stop there? I'm 204. It's a better time. All I do is drink bath water and smoke. What? Ah. I can't see, but I'm able to fly at night when nobody's watching. Can I be in the paper after an article about a gardening priest?

Oh, God, no. Hello? I feel like you could just ask to be in the paper back then. May I be in the paper? Like, can I get a section? Yeah, sure. You can just make something up. I'm 64 and normal.

Can I be the second article? Look at the headline of this next one. The headline of this one is Prisoner's Disappearance. No. Rout row. Under it? I can't make it a little bigger. My eyes are going.

My eyes are going. His method of dropping out of sight. Oh, Preston's disappearance. Fucking. We really got to talk to our guy. You see. He's really becoming a problem. He's making it about himself.

Yeah, he thinks he's like, I mean, this is the guy who posted hole. And now he's like, you, he'll be an omnipresent show feature. You're presenting this as if you'd think I'd think that was a bad thing. I support. Okay, that's a fair. That's a fair. I do too, just not his right to do it. I do too, not for the reason that he did it.

I don't like the correlation. I don't like the A to B of, oh, the Nuggets 1, now I have to go post the picture of my asshole. Sorry, I'm 118 years old when it comes to that. I'm with you there just because I think sports are dumb. But I mean, if, like when, you know, the dude. What would make you post hole? the guy who

oh my god how do I say this without getting arrested go ahead the guy the guy in the White House that guy that one guy

that we all love so much when he goes I will I will post hole on Twitter yeah I'll post hole when he dies I will post hole

everybody go to truth social and I'll post how great would it can they open the street of harm moves if they open the street of harm moves

I will post hold How great it would be I'm going to open my whole of the strait of Hormuz. I'm going to spread Hormuz. I'm going to pull my cheeks apart like I'm getting a tonsil exam through my asshole. If they open the straight, oddly enough, my asshole skin color.

I'm the color of a Dorito, but my butt hall looks like the regular flesh of a human. It's the one part he does not spray tan. It's the only one. part I allow to be natural. By the way, whoever sprays him down

every day, they're like, you're on your own, pal. Now do you figure it out. Have you considered that he's actually taking that from the hole?

Now do the back spot. Huh? The face? Yeah. The darkening? Yeah. We consider that he's taking it from his whole?

Taking what? The color from my asshole and putting it on my face? Yes. That seems like some brave heart shit. I love it. I love it.

They hate us for our freedom. That's some war paint. That's more paint. That's a little, I call it war paint. I call it war paint. I call it, I call it, I call it, backwards McDonald's, they call it. And I put it under my eyes before battle, which is every day. Go ahead.

By the way, much like a gremlin, I can't get wet and be fed after midnight. Otherwise, little orange balls shoot off of me. And this cast of characters, you've never seen anything like him. Can I just say that when he does kick that it would be so great if nobody, the left or the damn, nobody said anything. Everyone just posted whole that whole day. I think we should have that going. That would be amazing. Because the right wing would lose their mind.

Well, they'd be like, we can't identify them. Who is who? And then we have to do whole prints. So that's what we should have done after Charlie got curted. We should have just posted hole. But then they would have been like, oh, because the hole is back. Here's where I got shot. Yeah.

Here's my. Here's my hole. Here's my hole. Here's my hole. On the contrary, mine's keeping me alive. I need mine to live. Just like Charlie Kirk, the jokes about him will never get old. Anyway.

Oh. We were recording pastimes when that happened. We were like doing it. Yeah, we were like doing an episode. And Dave was like, well, Charlie Kirk got assassinated. We were like, okay. Well, I'm excited to check my phone after this recording, but let's see it through. A woman, I think it was a woman who got fired for posting a joke sued and just won $800,000.

Good. Good. More of that, please. That's fantastic. Yeah. My current Instagram crush is one of the federal agents who got fired for like talking shit. Like he wasn't even making jokes. He was just like, yeah, this guy was a piece of shit and he got fired for that.

He is my Instagram crush, no question. That's awesome. Maybe go to a bar mitzvah might be the place to run into that guy. Yeah, hopefully. It really felt like the petri dishes. He's not a Zionist though, so. You know what? Nobody checks every box.

Oh no, the orthodox part of my family will disappoint. Oh, no. The past times is brought to you by Kim's Edy, his sexual health. Look, so for some people, something's been a little off in the bedroom. A lot of guys, it takes a little bit longer to get into the old action situation. But now, tell you what, we got treatment for that. You can get it fixed. You can take care of the business.

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So, Denifel is a generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viatris, specialty LLC. Hymns Incorporated is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viatris Specialty LLC. Get it on. Get it going again. Gareth, the summer changes how I dress. I just, I start dressing differently. I want, I want lighter clothes.

I want breathable, easy. Looks good, right? Look, you know, I look good. Dude, I know what you're talking about. I've never been someone who is like, hey, you need different clothes for this time. With Quince, it actually makes sense. The items they're offering, I don't know if it's that I'm getting older or Quince is getting better. I got some shorts and a shirt from Quince for the spring, summer season.

And I was like, this is right. Yeah, I got linen pants and shirts. I've kind of got. You're the linen guy. I have a linen to linen now. Lean into linen? I'm a linen. I'm a linen linen summer guy.

Quintz European linen pants and shirts are perfect for the hot summer weather. And they start at just $34. Can't say enough about how much I love quince. I pretty much only wear quince. Yeah. My wife went crazy when she saw that I was quencing because she's a big quencer. T's very soft, lightweight, cotton sweaters, perfect cool summer nights. Everything at quince.

It's going to be priced. 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They're aware of the environment. They work with local people. It's all cheaper than it would be with other companies. The qualities high. They're having a moment, and I don't mind having them all over my body. So we're quincers, as we said.

Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash stop for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Hey, listen to the quince tuplets. Now available to Canada, too. that's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash dollop for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash dollop. Preston's disappearance. This method of dropping out of sight caused a great deal of wonder in October 1899.

Reverend Charles Preston, then rector of St. Matthew's Church in Jamestown, Rhode Island on Friday, October 6th, 1899, packed his valise. Hines. By lies. And told his wife he was going to Fall River and New Bedford and would be back at night. He did not return

and the police on Saturday were asked to look for him. It's a bit of a red flag to pack a suitcase. It is. I'll see you tonight. Leaving with a trunk. I feel like they kind of walked

right into that one. Yeah. Why are you taking the couch? I'll be back in a little bit. Won't be an hour. Won't be long now, hon. It's like one time I saw a guy tweet, like, is it normal for girls getting the nails done the last eight hours? And I'm like, oh, honey.

Oh, buddy. And then when they come home, their nails aren't done? That would be a great way to end it. That would be a great way to go someone. Just like pack all your shit. I'll be back tonight. On Monday, October 9th, it was found that a man answering Preston's description had apparently disappeared from a Fall River boat bound to need. York, and when the supposed suicide's effects left behind on the boat were identified as those

of Preston, his family and friends feared the worst. Oh, not Preston? Oh, no. Teach him to post-hold, but still. The search was kept up for days, and then the conclusion became conviction that he was dead. On January 19th in Troy, Preston was placed under arrest by a detective who found... Hey, you're alive. Get over here.

You're going down. How dare you be alive? I found a trail and followed it up. Yeah, all right, spread him. That's the guy. That's him, officer. That's the hole. That's the hole that did it.

It was then alleged that he was living in Troy with Ella Moss, formerly of Providence. Oh, so he did it. Yeah, he ran away with the lady. He's a reverend. Yeah, that's how it works. Okay. The charge against Preston was non-support of his wife. He consented to come to taunton

without requisition papers. I don't know what requisition papers are. Divorce papers, maybe? I don't know. But so he is in trouble because he didn't support his wife. Yeah. Imagine if that was still a crime. Oh, my God.

They'll bring it back. You know, they're making it a crime to not support your parents. Wait, well, yeah. Yeah. But it's all the drain circling of this. As they take all of the support away from the olds, right so no government support less and less

now they're going to force the kids to take care of the parents so it's like yeah no it's good system it's how you know it's working sorry I'm being told from the studio that Elon Musk almost has a trillion dollars sorry no it's so crazy to watch these things I think that

it's not even the Democrat like when I was at the airport the other day and they're like do you want to donate like two dollars for I'm like, these little like at the end of purchasing charity asks. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. First of all, first of all, we are so used to not having government that we're like,

well, I guess I want to help these kids. I said online that, you don't have a government. No, we don't. No, we have a pyramid scheme that we're like,

exactly. I said online that like, like how do I know that fucking goes to talk about those guys? Because they have really strict rules. I'm like, what? What's fucking country living in? Who does strict rules?

Who has no fucking strict rules? It's California. It's not Saudi Arabia where you got paid millions of dollars to do jokes for the royals. Honestly. It's just, oh, God. The young woman, Ms. Moss, had met Preston sometime before in Albany after telling her people she had secured a position as schoolteacher in Johnston, New York, when Preston was arranged. and Taunton, he was discharged,

and it once returned to Troy. So he's back. It's all good. That's such an awkward reunion. Yeah. Who would want that? All right, honey. Here I am.

No, he went back to his... Oh, he went back to the mistress. Troy. Oh, that's good. I think, yeah, slightly less weird. Yeah, slightly less weird. Still insane.

Slightly less weird. Still insane to pack a suitcase. I mean, to want out that bad. But you got to, the lady. should have known. If you packed a suitcase,

like he wasn't going, like that's on her. Well, it is, but also the idea that he can't just be like,

I'm unhappy. Like he was like, yeah, I'm off to the boat. I think that's how you do it. It's, I don't hate it. Yeah,

I don't hate it. I've definitely been in relationships where I've been like, maybe I should just take that. I can't relate. There should be, there should be a door.

You can't relate at all, huh? There should be a door that's just always there that's the I'm leaving or just like, button you hit that just sets off a siren I can't do this

I want to be alone it's like a trap door for yourself you trapdoor yourself like a fire hole all right that's it slide down to you slide through other people's apartments oh damn

I think he must be done wow that's crazy Tammy and Dan broke up How do you know? Dan went down the fire pole. That always sounded like a crazy way to do it to me. This one is for you. Dangers of cleaning.

Dangers of clean. Why is that for me? Because you know you like to clean. I do love to clean. Fucking weirdo. I love cleaning. I love mopping. Oh, what?

I love mopping. Do you really? Love it. Love it. I was going to make a getting wet joke and I'm not going to because I respect it. I would like the getting wet joke. wet joke let's take it from the top go ahead to you'll like this one

it's okay you know what it's it's here I'll take it from I love to mop I love to mop I love mop I love moping I like when it gets real wet I like a I like a wham a wet ass mocks are writing themselves I have nothing left to say I love a wet

mop and I love to put my penis in it what yeah I like to put my penis in a wet mop. And then I go, that's pine solved. I consider myself the top part. And then I put the mop on me. And then I sort of push up around the room.

Like, uh, erected room bomb. Or one of those like Swiffer, uh, uh, wet jets. Hi, Swiffer. We're talking old school. Like, uh, yeah, like a little, uh, like a little doll back in the day. If you don't blink soon, I'm going to be concerned. There we go. And we're back.

Swiffer sounds like slang for penis at the time that this newspaper came out. So I gave her the old Swiffer, got the rid of the dust. Here we are, now we're back. Anyway, I've got a son. I don't plan on seeing him. A word of warning seems necessary as... That is not a word. As the highly inflammable nature of...

I put my wet jet inside of a Swiffer. Sorry, go ahead. That was wrong. I don't... I'll see that's not a word. R dot... Oh, they put a website in there? For many women giving evidence of not realizing the hazards they run.

Not long ago, a young girl stood under a gas jet. Jesus Christ. What happened? It seemed like a good idea. Lucy, go have fun. That was not only without a shade, but it was in a strong draft that blew the flame to and fro. Directly under this danger spot was selected by the girl as a base of operations for glove cleansing with NAF. What's happening?

NAFTA. What is happening? You might have to start over with that. Honest to God, I don't... So first of all, the first sentence doesn't make sense because there's like two words that are all... Preston pick this paper because he's like, there's a press date of this one.

I think... So NAF-A, so N-A-P-H-T-H-A, whatever the fuck that is. It's some sort of substance. Sure. Right, a cleaning substance. Okay, right. And so this girl still... under a gas jet that was not only without shade,

but it was in a strong draft that blew the flame to and froan directly under the danger spot was selected by the girl as a base of operations for glove cleansing. So she's cleaning stuff under the gas jet. What's what's the glove cleansing? What's that? Glove cleansing, I'll handle this. It's when you clean with a glove, I think. Yeah, it's where you clean with a glove.

That's exactly what I was going to say. I thought it was how a magician masturbates. They have so many. Yeah. Yeah. It's just rag after rag shoots out. She uncorked the bottle and was preparing for active service when a girlfriend, realizing her peril, turned out the gas.

Thank God. In another... So nothing happened? Another instance, tragedy in its results... Tragedy without the D. Was supplied by the... Washington Shet Elaine, who undertook to surface cleanse some floor mats with NAFTA. What the fuck is naphth?

That's what Bill Clinton put in law. What mad lips is this? Which edition? It's strange. He's writing or she is writing with just a shitload of thesaurus. Pulled of you to a sober woman wrote anything in this newspaper. This is so confusing that a woman wrote it. I'm so lost, this is a lady pen.

Yeah. Yeah, the only way. All right, we'll let Joyce write one. I don't understand. Gerville will bond me after this issue comes out. Okay. Natha is a highly flammable liquid, hydrocarbon mixture derived from petroleum, coal tar, or shale. We were cleaning with gas.

I've heard of cooking with it. It is a vital petrochemical feedstock for producing plastics and an industrial and household solvent for oil-based paints, furnishes, and lighter fluid. So it was just a highly chemical cleaner and people were cleaning things with it. And then people were like, that seems highly flammable. Yeah, you can use de-grease metal or strip waxes. Okay. Well, it would be hit by inflation today real hard. I'm not even making a joke.

I just think for people listening, this is a topical point I've made. And today, that inflationary prices, that would be through the room. It's crazy. No. It's crazy. It's so expensive. It's crazy out there. Everything's crazy out there.

Yeah. Thank you, Andrew Schultz, for this hot take. Nobody's ever heard before. Seriously, Schultz, nice one. The fake laugh. The Schultz fake laugh has begun. You need that little shitty rat mustache. I wish I should.

You got to have a lot more money to get that thing going. You don't look enough like a villain who just tied a woman to. I'm trying. I'm trying. Okay, I don't know. Undertook two surface cleanse and floor mats with the master. It'd be great to tie like a damsel to a train track now and be like, trains don't come by here as much as I used to.

Just dive starvation. There's so many delays. Excuse me, sir, do trains come this way? No, train track shut down years ago. Oh. I think I'm just going to have to shoot this woman. We usually just throw them off the, we just throw them off. the bridge. Oh, okay.

Are there dry? There's no water down there. Oh. Boy, you just cannot kill a damsela. Well, not like you used to, but you can still get it done. No, they put him a fight now. I'm going to let her go. No. Oh, sorry. That's crazy.

That was so insistent. Yeah. No. See it through, boy. I'm 118. She wisely chose daylight for the task, and the weather being warm, she opened the windows to allow the fumes to vent. My God, the diseases that were probably being caused. Roof bending was in process on top of her house, and presently, they're descended on a ladder toward her window, a workman with a lighted furnace in his hand. Although the naphtha fumes had traversed the length of a room to reach the window.

and had begun to mingle with the outer atmosphere. There was still vitality enough left in them. As soon as the man reached the level of the window for them to combine with the fire that he carried in an explosion, which killed the workman. Is this the death trap that the Daily Wire was filming that movie in?

Wait, I love the majors fell out a window, and then there was another place they had to relocate to because there was black mold and the producers were like, no, it's fine. And then the crew was like, guys are psychos. Which movie was this? Was this the one that was like, I've got balls or something like that? No, the Daily Wire has been such a great production house.

Yeah, I mean, so much so that they're, God, I can't wait to make my in-memorium video for them. I actually, I just did a video about it. We have not died at all. I mean, not yet. Wait, what video? What video have you made? I recently did a video about the production held that their current movie is in, the one that Jonathan Majors is in after he got canceled for like beating his girlfriend.

Right, right. Now I know what you're talking about. And then the workers striked. And then the director said, we don't negotiate with communists. Oh. So good. The Daily Wire has really just become the greatest. place. LARPing is

Joseph McCarthy when he looks like a human jewel pod. It's great. It is so fucking funny that all the algorithms were pushing all these right-wing idiots, but as soon as the algorithm started pushing AI, all their empires are collapsing. It's so fucking funny.

Collapsing. He also he's died on the like he really has just gotten taken down by Israel. I mean, his Zionism has not, and then now they're trying to make him like

cutesy, like he'll like do reaction videos. He's like, sorry, what's going on here? Oh, there's just a bunch of puppies. You're just like, what are you? Oh, look at all these people on TikTok. One of these people on TikTok right now. They sure are complaining about ice lot. Yeah, yeah, well, I agree.

There are a couple of times where ICE has missed out. But anybody in this position. then it gets like 17,000 views per video with like 5 million subscribers 7 million subs fucking amazing yeah nobody cares do not panic we know what we're doing at the daily water I'm a polyp okay wet ass P-word anyway the idea that a female vagina can do anything but dry out is it's crazy the female pussy is a lot like a river basin during a drought

The female P word, you mean. I'm sorry, the female P word. Yeah, he only says P word. The P word. By the way, I do it in the B word, because that's how I respect my God. Yeah. I do it up my wife's B.

Yeah. I put my P and her B. She's a doctor. That's where she said, you're supposed to put it. I trust her. She's a doctor. She's a clinical. I call myself the quill, and she's the inquil.

I dip myself in and out a couple of times but it's very dry back there and that's how we both enjoy it okay then we door dash all right can I just this is a Wendy's

yeah I understand us Wendy's but you guys do not have a spicy you don't have a spicy chicken sandwich so I'm going to give you a little bit of understanding of what I'm going through my people have been through enough um all right so the guy died

Mondays has promised to me 3,000 years ago sorry that's not it's in the Bible The workman died Speaking But it is funny I should It's a bench of pyrrador joke

Killed the workman Also killed the housewife Who was Matt cleaning And blew out the whole front of the house So it was flammable It seems like it So They were cleaning the house

And the house blew up Because the thing was flammable That's what you're saying Well Because a guy walked by with a furnace. Yeah, he walked by some sort of...

Which I guess was portable back then and you're not supposed to do, I guess. With a fire. Just says fire. He's walking the fire. I hate what that happens. Well, we've learned a valuable lesson about cleaning and furnaces today.

NAFTA, turpenton, and all the other fluids employed by women for cleaning fabrics and gloves should be used with the utmost discretion, never by artificial light, and preferably with closed windows for their fucking close

a red flag for a cleaning product for me you can't put it near artificial light for there is no knowing when a fire is being built or used out of doors wow

that's a wild pitch in its own right a red flag for me about cleaning supplies is when women are carrying them clearly yes that's the problem yeah that's the only time

I like to see fluid near a woman I like how they don't bring up like a guy with fire walking around. Like that's not the problem. Stupid women are putting this stuff in buckets and now guys can't walk around with torches. Yeah. During the day.

Your cleaning supplies are getting in the way in my portable furnace. Yeah. For God's sake. I'm trying to be the rocketeer. Get her a lobotomy. Quick. Unbelievable.

Lobotomy. Yeah. Doctor, my wife needs a lobotomy. Uh, I can't have an open. She tried cleaning in my portable furnace. I can't walk around like, I'm the lead of a search party all day anymore.

My wife is cramping my style. In connection, it is perhaps kind also to give a warning drawn from the experience of women who have severely burned their hands by putting on the gloves to be clean and rubbing them, rubbing one against the other with NAFTA that has been poured into a basin. I'm starting to think this cleaning product might not be great. It's not great. Is this what they put on Margaret Hamilton? I hope. When her fucking makeup caught on fire. All right, Margaret, there you are.

Considering the possibility of grave dangers that surround the use of all these volatile fluids unless the greatest care is exercise, the indifferent attitude of druggists is surprising. You know, I'm starting to think this product might be dangerous. That's not great. Cleaning stuffs of all kinds may be brought by anyone who walks in from the street, even the most ignorant appearing customer, and the druggists sell the easily exploded stuff without so much as a caution.

Now easily expletable. And later this company would go on to rename itself Tesla. Yeah. We're the sacklers. Since maids as well as mistresses wear white gloves and light bonuses and do home cleansing of the same, it would perhaps be as well for the Chatelein to

enlighten her household as to the perils that lurk in the Natha bottle. This much being said about clearly an extremely flammable cleaning product so look, what are the lessons? There's a few. None of them are stop incorporating this into our lives.

Yeah. Just be a little more careful to you. Don't have it around the fire. Look, you may not are going to walk around with campfires on their back from time to time. Today on a very special, after-school special of the Boston newspaper. Honey, what's the name of this? I'm worried about you in the paper. What?

What's the name of the newspaper? The Boston Orship. The Boston Globe. Boston Globe? Damn. The Boston Sunday Globe. My, how the mighty have fallen. Seriously.

This paper used to be good. Drunkenness cured. drunkenness cured. Well, it's Boston, so this never actually happened. We fucking figured out. You can drink through it. You keep going, you go back to normal. It is now within the reach of every woman to save the drunkard.

It's amazing the framing of women. It's your responsibility. When your man comes home, crap his pants drunk, you've got a problem. I mean, it's really... It's your problem now. Cleaning products that are flammable. Ladies, what are we going to do? The guys like to walk around with open flame.

Your husband comes home drunk and abusive. Girls, we finally figured out how you can solve your problem. By a new discovery, which can be given in tea, coffee, or food, it does a little work. Sorry. I love that they have to drunk. Here's the solution. It's a Mickey that'll kill them. It does.

It's worth so. Honestly. It does work so silently and surely that while the devoted wife, sister, or daughter looks on, the drunkard is reclaimed even against his will. What is this magic dust? Against his knowledge or cooperation. So they've created sober dust? Oh, it's an ad.

Send your name and address to Dr. J. W. Haynes, Cincinnati, Ohio, and he will mail enough of the remedy free to show how it is used in T.O.N. coffee or food. That's definitely cocaine. Honestly. Now read this as Alex Jones. I can't do Alex Jones.

Putting your ting. His wife. Yeah. We got this new, this powder. You put this on your husband's spaghetti. He's going to sober right up. It will cure the dreaded habit

quickly and permanently also full directions. How to use it, books and testimonials from hundreds who have been cured and everything needed to aid and saving those names. See, back then it was in the paper, and now it's called the CDC. Wow.

Boom. That's another topical one. So that's Hormuz and this one for those listening. Someone's keeping it up to date. Now we can trend. Yeah, now we can trend. Thank you. From one queen to another.

Thank you. That's it. That's the end. The story. That's the story. Did you get everything you needed out of it? I have some questions, and I would love to be. able to talk to this doctor a little bit.

I'm actually not taking any questions. Okay. I'd just love to be able to find out a little bit more. I think it's all good. Okay, as long as you say so. Hey, I used your magic powder on my husband's food and he passed away. Oh, that's part of the cure. But is he drinking?

You got the best cure. Too shay. And then when I tried to clean up the crime scene, someone walked by with an open flame. And now he's cremated. Queer ways of Amish Dutch. I was waiting for someone to cover this. Finally. Let's go.

They will they will not wear buttons, live in towns, build the church, or carry insurance. We sure don't. It's part of the life. We're not allowed in the church.

Yeah. No buttons though, huh? Okay. We burst into flames. Yeah. Without the portable furnace. Yeah.

They must have been covered in cleaning products. I think it's even stranger. The queerest people at Illinois is a colony of Amish Dutch, located near the village of Arthur. You know those Amish are all queer. Do you hear that? They've gone queer. In the north central portion of the state,

they went there six years ago from Cameron County. oh and have been the marvel oh it's literally a comma oh comma oh oh oh so this is like hella old yeah stream of consciousness is just talk to text I don't know but it's a second time this is like when I'm writing my scripts yeah oh oh oh and have been the marvel of their simple country neighbors ever since it looks it looks they are peculiar and their religion is totally unlike that of any other sect. Few persons outside of the towns in the immediate neighborhood know of the existence of the colony. Yeah, it's Gaga.

That's our religion. It feels similar. It's Gaga. I don't know what they're worshipping over there. At night, you turn the lights off and you can just hear rah, rah. The Amish Dutchman's... They're chanting again. The Amish Dutchman's dress is distinctive.

He wears a Quaker hat, an old-fashioned low-crowned tile with a stiff brim. Loves buggies, bangs his wife through a hole in the sheet. His clothes are gray jeans. The coat is without the padpels. It fits close about the neck and is always fastened. Not with buttons, but with hooks and eyes. And eyes? Oh, God.

Wait, wait, wait. This is something you wear when you're thing? No, this is just the daily attire. This is just the Amish wear. No buttons is... I did not know that no button rule. This sounds like a barber thing. It does.

It sounds very barber cape. Yeah. But it does. It sounds like loose and like Dracula. But I did not know they were opposed to buttons. Is that real? They didn't like buttons? I don't know.

But that's... There's no way it changed. They didn't. No, they didn't. Because for some reason, when I was 11, I was in Pennsylvania and I went to an Amish town and I learned. some stuff. I don't remember much of it, but I do. No buttons is a thing.

It has to do with like work, work on the Sabbath, which is something that buttons are the seventh, buttons of the seventh day thing. We don't wear buttons and there's a reason why. I got to say it sounds completely insane and made up. I mean, it's really weird to still have stuff that the Amish are pursuing in their religion that you're like, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, they avoid functional buttons.

Because of individualism. God forbid. Sorry, God God, God forbid. Yeah. It fits close about the neck and is always fastened, not with buttons, but with hooks and eyes. It is shorter than an ordinary sack coat. They're only zippers. And is cut square at the bottom like a pea jacket. I love a pea jacket. Okay, so right now you're describing the average Final Fantasy character. A group of Van Helsings. They're only Velcro.

The Amish are big Velcroers. Yeah. They love getting zipped up. Oh, that's nice. Zip Daddy. Wait, they use zippers, but not buttons? I don't think they use zippers. I'm just pitching outside a button.

I don't think they're zipper people. I think like you said, they're hooks and eyes. But I would love that they were zippers. Are you hooking an eye up up your pants? When you're... I love it. I've hooked an eye under my pants. Okay.

I'm very upset. I'm very upset by this. Nobody's happy. Amish and buttons. Amish and buttons. By the way, it comes right up. Google right now is like,

there's a lot of Amish button activity coming from this area right now. This is the craziest. The Amish shun buttons on some clothing because they are viewed as symbols of vanity and pride. And individualism. You fucking throwing your buttons in my face. So they're queer with no pride?

Yeah. Okay, so they're the people on the conservative gay crews. They're the, now we call that CPEC. Oh my God, they're the LG trying to drop the B and the T and the people who fought for their white to organize stupid bullshit like they do. Queer with no pride. Don't tell anybody. They're the ones who are like, we don't need prying.

Yeah, it's fine. Oh. Have you been picked yet? They haven't been picked yet. but no here's to hoping one day no who's the guy who's the head of CPAC the guy who every year they're like yeah he grabbed eight guys

penises at the after party and the police had to get him all is that Benny Johnson? Is that Benny? No it's not although I wish Benny Johnson there's some interesting things apparently Project Veritas maybe got Benny Johns yeah yeah yeah

he plays duck duck goose with penises he's he's collecting he's collecting He's collecting dicks like Infinity Stones every... Oh, my God. Like Jennifer Lopez collects engagement rings. Benny Johnson, Mike around Steepak, grabbing crotches like Infinity Stones.

I can't remember his name. His name's Mike or something. They're all Mike. They are all closeted gay mics. An Amish Dutchman who wore buttons would be expelled from the colony. Matt Schleson. slap is his name.

Oh, yeah. Shlaps the sound he makes every time he grabs a dong. Yeah, he's slapping the dog. It's called shlapping. I know you're talking about because his wife like made a movie

that God Awful movies did an episode on that was really fucking funny. And like the only reason she was able to do anything is because she's married to Matt Schlapp. Yeah, Matt Schlapp. Shlapp who every year was just like.

Yeah. She looks like a melting candle. Anyway. Hmm. Was Schlapp? Was Schlapp one of the four guys that was on the podcast with a neck hole? No. You mean Charlie Kirk?

No. Yeah. Oh, sorry. I use his nickname. No. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to dead name Charlie. That was my bad.

No, that's officially what you just did, though. It's okay. Yeah. No, Schlapp is, uh, Schlapp's wife is always there, though. Yeah. Slap's wife, I think, allows it or something. There's some weird shit going. Yeah, Schlapp.

So he's an old guy. He's older, yeah. And he's just every C-Pact. They're like, yeah, he like tried to forcibly blow a guy. And the cops had to get involved. Hey, what are you going to do? Republicans, Republican. I mean, what are you going to do?

That's why they make documentaries about Disney trying to groom children. Oh. All that, all that work. And then Lindsay Graham just goes to Disneyland. alone and holds a wand. And we're like, what are you? Where are the party of morals? All right.

I'm learning about people every day that I don't want to know about. Schlapp is a friend of the show. Schlapp's a friend of the show. Matt, we'd love to have you on. Yeah, we'd love to get you on here, Matt. We'd love to get you on here, Maddy. Trying to get more queer representation. Yeah, Matt, we just, we're really trying to do a lot more queer guests.

So if you're doing it all, it's extremely important. It matters a lot to us. We're thinking about doing like a whole DL guest month. Yeah. Yep, exactly. Yeah, a quiet, yeah. Benny Johnson, too. I mean, Johnson's his last name.

We should have seen it coming. Yeah, Benny's huge. Benny's great. Nobody's straighter than Ben. He loves bros. I call him Ben. Yeah. Yeah.

Benny, Benny, Benny, a bit of a flag, Benny. I'll be honest. Yeah, Benny's not, yeah. Okay, the dress of the women is no less plain, but not so uniform. Only solid colors are permitted in those only of sober shades. Blue and black and gray are the favorite. The women must not have... more than one color in their costume,

there must be no ruffles or flounces or similar vanities. Yeah. It's a strange. It's strange. It's strange. But fuck, if they're right, we're all going to feel real bad. Yeah. Neither are the one that permitted to wear hats. It's like that Mormon's are the only ones who got into heaven. Like literally everybody else went to hell and they're like, wait, so who got into heaven?

And the tour guide for hell is like, uh, it was the Mormons, actually. They were the only ones who got it right. So they're on their own planets. Yeah. It'll be really embarrassing. You guys are all wearing colors and buttons? No, come here, Mormons. You guys didn't read?

We didn't know. We thought, I don't know. I guess I got, I bought into the group mind. Under their particular religious code, it is not permissible to maintain a house of worship. Neither did they pay a preacher to conduct their services. They have a preacher, though, and he is elected in a peculiar.

everybody in the settlement is eligible without regard to his fitness. I have a question. I don't understand. In the Amish community, since it is so rigid, when it comes to sex, I know that it's for procreation,

which, okay, but can you, could you put your wife's boobs in your mouth? Could you put a finger on the downstairs to warm it up a little? Is that allowed? I don't think so. I would guess not as well. Are they whole and shit people?

I would be like, wanted to like put your mouth on the boobs I would be like but they I would think you would be allowed to do that they do the rumple whatever it is rumpl stager whatever it's called oh rumspringer rum spring yeah but rum springers where there's no laws

have you seen those shows about like Amish girls trying to date and they are probably the horniest people I've ever seen in my entire life rumshbringer they are nine times out of ten I can't wait to get I'm like, girl, chill.

Seriously. But what's crazy is to, like on a rum springer, they'll go, they'll smoke crack, they'll do a year, they'll have roommates, they'll fuck everything. And then the ones who go back and you're like, what? I know. You go back and you're like, it was crazy. Now I only can wear gray. I had an apartment for a while. I mean, you do get kind of exhumed.

exhausted after a while. It's like something you go too hard. Too fast and you're like, I'm good for the rest of my life. Like, it's, you could do like a couple days in Vegas and then you're like, I really want to go to like oxygen and have a salad. This can't sustain. But I do, I wonder, I do inside the community, like, okay, to that point and then I'll move off. But if you do go to Rumspringer and you do end up having like, you know, you like, you go down on someone, then you go back to the Amish community

can't you to your wife even within the restrictions couldn't you be like hey there's something I learned on the outside I think it'll help this and I want to have a baby just as much as you but while we're pre let's preheat the oven a little bit you know what I mean let's not toss it into a 375 cold let's give a little preheat then we'll get it

yeah it'll warm up as it's yeah it'll trust me this is the opposite of what bench Shapiro believes it. I think you push it right in there. Wow. I guarantee. We're talking about the Amish or your own personal philosophy. I just think in general you should just do it.

Okay. Without even really contact or touching, just get it, get it in, get it out. Show it and slam it home. Yeah, slam it home. I don't think anyone loves it. There are nerve endings around those areas. All right. One more day.

Old man. given five years. Is this the conclusion of the first article? Yeah. This morning, Charles Stewart, who was convicted... Bye. Who was convicted last week of securing 3,000 for First National Bank at Woonsocket on a forged draft was called for a sentence before Judge Wilbur.

The prisoner, who was more than 70 years old, appeared in no way disturbed and preserved the same air of jauntiness that characterized. his behavior during this trial. Hello. Hi, fellas. I loved it. After hearing the statements of the Attorney General

and counsel assigned to defense to it, Judge Wilbur sentenced the prisoner to five years confinement in the state prison at Cranston. And if confinement more specific than just going to jail, is that solitary? It's the same thing.

They're just saying an old man got sentenced. I think old people should be allowed to commit crime. I agree. Well, although then look at the president. Oopsie daisy Well, Queen Coke, Francis

Thank you for being here People can go watch you on YouTube Where you crush Here it is, you did it How do you, at the end of it, how do you feel? It had to be disappointing Now that you actually did an episode Could be good

Oh my God, not at all This was extremely fulfilling Because I've, I first I first discovered you guys Before the pandemic like I accidentally or was the the episode you did with Pat Nosswell on Ronald Reagan just like showed up in my auto play and I was listening to it at work and I was laughing so fucking heart and I was like trying to not be loud about it so I was just violently shaking and then my coworkers thought I was having a strong but I was actually just laughing at um that the goal of this show is for people to uh shame we's Yeah.

That's what we like. Someone hiding there, giggling. Yeah. I mean, it was, it was, you have no idea how many times my partner and I quote that episode of specifically,

uh, the part where, um, Reagan's pretending like he can't hear reporters questions. And then you're like, I just have an angry cockatoo behind him. They're going, br-h!

I'm sorry. Cockatoos, the cockatoo is hungry. I can't, blah. That's what he said. my guardian saying I can't or whatever. They turn the lights up.

That's insane. That was amazing. So yeah, so ever since then I was like, and I've listened to like every episode since then and I'm like, it's my dream to get on to this fucking podcast. Oh, well, much appreciated. And come back. Please come back.

Oh my God, please. That was fucking great. Well, thank you, Queen Coke, Francis. And the episode is now over. Sweet.