The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 179 - The Whiskey Rebellion

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Alexander Hamilton and George Washington's Whiskey Tax and the not so great reception to it on the frontier.  SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the dollop on the all things comedy and network. This is an

American History podcast. Each week I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. How's the vaping going? I don't vape. What flavor is that? Doughnut or some shit? Doughnut? Or some shit. Wow. Well you don't like pancakes on your lungs? I don't like anything. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Steve okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickle you quite good. Okay. You are queen fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle.

And do what? Pray. Hi Gavie. No. I see you've done my friend. No. No. This podcast is brought to you by our subscribers on Patreon. Each and every one of you thank you. Gareth is going to kiss you. Yeah we're still getting the addresses together but I'll be doing a tour, a kiss tour. And that's not to be confused with the band kiss. A lot of people have gotten mixed up with that. It's not the band kiss. It's a kiss tour where I'll be kissing everybody who's donated a dollar or more. Right? Yes. Yes sir. How's your cake? How's your cake? Cody's in cake. Excuse me? How's your roast beef sandwich vape? Well I don't eat meat but I can vape meat. That's the deal I've

made with myself. That's what I'm talking about. So I'm having a little salmon vape. And let's just sit. March 3rd. 1791. Okay. The U.S. Congress passed what will be known as the whiskey tax. Aw Dave let's get into it. Am I recording this? I record right? Well either way. Girl. Even if this is just an exercise for us I think it's fun. Quote all spirits distilled within the United States from molasses, sugar or other materials from produce of the United States in any city, town or village there shall be paid the tax of ten cents per gallon. Sorry. So it's pro whiskey? Well I mean they know everyone's drinking whiskey so they're taxing. Everyone is making whiskey. Everyone is making it and selling it. Ten

cent tax. Per gallon. Right. Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton revealed the U.S. had a national debt of $826,624. Can you imagine? And this is a big deal. I'm sure it was. How are we going to pay for this? What are we going to do? I know let's print more money. Hamilton believed the whiskey tax would raise $270,000 to cut into that. Okay. A Senator Macley wrote quote war and bloodshed will be the most likely consequence of this. Even if he's wrong which he probably is obviously it's still great to think that that's where the psyche was. No. Sounds like the hyperbole was probably the same. Oh yeah for sure. Hamilton didn't want to tax land houses and other commercial buildings because

they should be left for a more important time. Those taxes. Right. And higher import taxes were out because merchants wouldn't like it. Right. So it taxed on whiskey. I mean I guess it's kind of smart to go after the place where people immediately can drink to like you know they're near alcohol. Yep. So they'll be able to get over it a little faster. But the whiskey tax was seen by many on the frontier as unfairly targeting the colonies westerners. Okay. Now at this point westerners are like the Pennsylvania, western Pennsylvania. Right. It's as far out as it goes. Right. West Coast. Fuck the East Coast. So at that point that's it's anybody west of the Appalachians is considered frontiersmen, westerner. Right. Kind of do. Farmers would

supplement their incomes with stills using their excess grain which they would turn into whiskey. Okay. It was also easier and more profitable to transport whiskey over the mountains instead of grain. Okay. That makes sense. Whiskey was often used to pay workers. It's awesome. Many said they made whiskey due to necessity and not by choice. Okay. Becoming darker. Large whiskey producers who were on the east coast paid a flat tax while the small frontier farmers paid by the gallon. Okay. That's not fair. I would say that's not fair at all. Just making sure. Yep. This meant the large producers paid six cents per gallon while the small still man paid 10 cents. Uh huh. Seems not fair. Right. Yeah. Doesn't

seem fair. It seems doesn't seem like they're maybe fucking the little guy. Yeah. A little guy. A little bit. A little bit. The legislatures of Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, and Georgia voiced opposition to the unequal tax and said it would quote, deprive the mass of the people the only luxury they enjoy. Oh boy. I mean that is just sad. That makes you want whiskey just hearing that defense. The only luxury they enjoy. The only thing. That's the only thing they like. Well, since the hammock broke. And they also said quote, the law would also let loose a swarm of harpies who under the title of tax collectors will range through the country prying into every man's house in affairs. Well, I mean they're

the tax man's coming. I mean, has America ever changed just a little bit? Well, that is, I mean, that's quite a jump. Yeah. It's a leap on July 27 17. They're going to take everybody's records to steal all the books and records. That's all my super trap. Oh God. On May 27 1791, people in Western Pennsylvania had a meeting to discuss what to do quote, the people in the region were in a great panic. God, such a great time. Yeah. A whiskey taxes making everyone lose their fucking shit. I do you ever think that like we're we're almost like if we're if civilization is a roller coaster that like we got out of that. We always talk about the smells of the 1800s. Yeah, like we got out of it. But now I feel like

we're maybe going to plummet back. Yeah, we're plummeting down into like bad teeth and bad hygiene and it's all coming back. Okay. Yeah, for sure. It'll be fun to listen to these when we're in those times. If we can pay the download tax. So the people at this meeting recommended delegates be sent to Congress to express their sentiments. Always good to use delegates. The delegates also had other grievances such as Indian attacks, excessive salaries of officials in the national government and capital of nearly $80 million in the hands of a few persons who may influence those occasionally in power. Yeah, well, that sounds like a lot of strange strange years, I guess. Not everything's different. It's different. The difference is

people did something. There was also not a lot of cash out in the frontier. They did not believe there was enough cash to pay the West the taxes since whiskey what was often used off the like their currency. Well, that's what we're doing is trying to pay you. But if I make more, it's like saying you want to you want 10% of my money, and then I got to make more money and then I got to pay another 10. You understand? Well, we're taxing the idea that you print money. So when you print money to pay us, you're going to get taxed. Right. But I'm now printing under your belt because the drop your pants and turn around. Oh, that's my bottom. Wow. What? Really? Really? Sorry. We respectfully apply for a total repeal

of the law or its operation upon us less unequal and oppressive. Okay. The House of Representatives gave Hamilton all the anti tax petitions they received. Hamilton read them, but still thought no tax was more equal than a consumption tax. And if they were consuming too much quote, it was in their interest to become less so it depends on them to diminish their consumption to restore equality. It's so fucking bullshit. Yeah. It's almost like it on them. Yeah, but it's almost like it's almost like a bizarre like it's like a cigarette tax but even if like cigarettes were how you made your right, if you if you well, if you were in prison and you your currency was cigarettes, like if I was going to buy you for a night and excuse

me, I 10 cigarettes. Sorry. First of all, first of all, first of all, if you're going to buy me for a night, it's going to cost you more than 10 cigarettes. And second of all, I'm not for sale. Well, it's not your choice. Well, it's going to cost you a lot more than this is going to cost you a lot more than 10 cigarettes. Choice anymore, bro. I own you since you came in here, you will at least listen to me, listen to me, listen to me, you will be paying at least two packs, 35 cigarettes. If you're lucky, if you're lucky, we'll do 20. 25 will 25 25. What you did not do was on the other end of this negotiation was how many gentlemen will be involved. And right now it's 84. Meanwhile, tensions built

out west. In Washington County, Pennsylvania, on September 11, 1791, 16 men wearing women's clothes attacked the first tax collector who came to the frontier. Slow down, pal. What the fuck? What did you just say? I was still stewing in my me getting banged by a bunch of your guys for cigarettes. Prison, dude. What what what is the second part? That's actually real. 16 men wearing women's clothes attack the first tax collector who came. Okay, so at this time, it was common for men who were acting out against something to dress up like women. There was especially in this area. What? We'll do that another dollop. I'm going to need a little help. It's coming soon. They just they just up like women. It

came and actually started in England. Nothing surprising there. Well, I think it was so they got hold off and they got hide their, you know, identities better. They're just up like a little. They heard a Zorro. I mean, there's we can wear masks. There's other ways. That's it, man. Another group of disgusting women beat the shit out of us. No, you guys, I think we're going to go over there and attack this guy's house. We should probably dress up like chicks, right? Yep. Yeah, because I got some nice dresses and stuff. But I think I think, you know, I'm with Ted here, and I know that we're getting a lot of looks in the room right now, but I'm going to say I'm with Ted here. Thank you. I think I understand

what Ted is saying. He's saying, let's just put on some women's clothing and let's go out and have a little fun and act like ladies. That's right. So if we need, I mean, yeah, okay, attack a place, whatever, but I just think we should dress up like we don't even need to know Ted. I'll jump. We don't even need to attack a place or have a mission. Okay. The idea here is we all just put on women's clothing and we go near that place. Maybe we go see a show. Yeah. Maybe we go get our hair done. Oh, I like it. Okay. Maybe we just go to the park. Okay. I like that. And we never leave the disguise. We never get out of it. And the rest of our lives is this protest where, you know, we just live

our lives as happy women. We take husbands. Maybe we marry each other. I don't know. Okay. It's the slow play. I feel like that was more than. Well, I mean, look, we don't have to take husbands. We could, you know, okay, we could just live our lives as women from now on. I mean, I'm either, you know, we could live our lives as women. We could take husbands. I plan on taking a husband personally, but you don't have to do to each their own. We're ladies. They cut off the tax collector's hair, Robert Johnson. That really I thought one guy went like too far with the woman mission. They tarred and feathered him. Jesus God. They stole his horse and then left him in a forest in a quote mortifying and painful situation.

When you tar somebody 140 degrees to make tar. So I mean, if you pour tar on them and then you throw feathers at them or roll them in feathers, but you die, right? No, these guys, you just get horribly burnt fucked up. You're pretty fucked up. I mean, I'm sure a lot of people died. I haven't really checked in a tar and feathering that much, but I know that 140 degrees can't be great. No, I just know that I've heard in times where we've done this, the people have lived. It's like a sauna. I'm a sweating. I'm a sweating boy. It's not going anywhere. And but I understand back then, like now I'm sure they have some solvents, but back then how the fuck do you get tar off? Feathers. Okay. The tax collector

rectifies two of the men and arrest warrants were issued. John Connor, wait, the tax, the tax man after he'd been tart and feathered. He, like he's identifying people after he's been turned into like a bird to the guys who turn him into a bird. Number one looks familiar. One of them was Larry Jenkins and I can fly. Okay. So John Connor, who was an illiterate cab driver and terminator fighter was hired to deliver the words. I had to. Yeah, you got it. Anytime it's John Connor. John Connor was then whipped, tart and feather, robbed of his horse and money and left tied to a tree for five hours. So so far the tax collecting is not going great. Jesus tax collector, Robert Wilson arrived in Western Pennsylvania in

the fall of 1791. He told everyone there he was a school teacher. But after a bit, he admitted that he was a tax collector. You know, for a school teacher, you don't know a lot about geography or school teacher, you're asking a lot about money for a school teacher. You got a lot of questions about the last year of my earnings. You really school teacher type not. You want to be a bird when you grow up? I do not tar him. He was pulled from his bed at night, marched five miles to the blacksmith's shop stripped naked. They told him to renounce his tax collector office, but he would not. What the fucking why not dude? Oh God, absolutely. There is honor and tax collecting. I hate them. I hate them. No, they're the worst in

a second. Now that I'm naked in the blacksmith's shop, I'm seeing the light a lot clearer. I'm really getting what you guys are talking about. I'll be naked in a blacksmith's shop. It's weird around all these hot steaming things. I know I'm like, what am I doing? I should be a school teacher. Oh, anyone else smell tar? I hope not. So they quote, beat and abused him severely, burnt him in several places on his body with a hot iron, then tarred and feathered him. He must have, when he's going through the little burnings, he's probably like, at least they're not going to tar and feather me. They wouldn't be doing all this little stuff if they had the big shebang planned. Then they left him in a forest. This forest.

His injuries were described by one witness as more horrible than any he had ever seen quote, sufficient to make human nature shudder. Awful description. At the idea of having such barbarians in a country. Oh God. So they don't like the tax on whiskey. Yeah. John Neville was a member of the Pennsylvania assembly who had spoken out against the whiskey tax and voted against it. Tarred feather him. Then for whatever reason, he took the job of tax dude. No. When Neville was told he would lose the respect of his neighbors, he said he didn't care about their good opinion because he had a salary of $600 a year. Suck on that. Neville wrote to his bosses in late 1791 that he'd need an armed force to help him collect the

tax. An armed forest? Forced. Forced. Different. An armed force. I was going to say. Lord of the Ring stuff. The other one said a little sleepy hollowish. And yes, I was in. No one actually tried to enforce the whiskey tax tax in Western Pennsylvania for six months. It had been a year and a half and no money was coming in. In August, Neville tried to set up an office in Washington County. No one would rent him a place. Interesting. Finally a man named Faulkner, who was new to the area and it was in the military, responded to an ad Neville put in the paper that he was and so sorry, respond to Neville put it out of the paper and then Neville put another ad in the paper that said he was ready to register

stills at Faulkner's house. Open for business, gentlemen. I am ready to register stills as the tax collector. That was a dumb thing to put in the paper. Yee bring ye stills and feathers and tar. All right. Here's the address of where I'll be. All day. A few days later. What happened? 20 men dressed as Indians. A lady Indians. We stayed home with the babies. Excuse me, sir. We're squat. They came and tried to break down the door. Peter Myers, who was a soldier under Faulkner's command, who was staying alone in the house, yelled down that he would just come down and open it. And he just went down and let them in. Hello, gents. All right. They came in and trashed the house, flipping beds and furniture

and threatening to tar and feather. Faulkner. Look at all this change. Flipping beds and furniture. They're finding change. Oh, I get it. They're finding a lot of change and sofas. The couch and stuff. Tough crowd. Faulkner. Oh, so in the end, they shot holes through a sign and shot the ceiling of every room. So take that. Interesting. If it rains, oh, everything's going to get damp. Winners coming. Faulkner was after confronted in the countryside and told they would burn his house down if he didn't kick out Neville. So Neville wrote to his superior, quote, I shall be obliged to desist from further attempts to fulfill the law. Smart. The people of Western Pennsylvania tried to figure out what to do next. They

had a two day meeting in August and wrote up a pamphlet, which they posted everywhere. John Cannon chaired the meeting. He owned a lot of land and was President George Washington's land agent in the Western frontier. Washington owned 63,000 acres of land across the Appalachian region. He couldn't have a solid meal to save his life. That's insane. How much. Oh, Washington is so fucking rich. Like, insanely. Like if they were if they really wrote the history of America, it would be the richest dude ever became the first president. Right. And and maybe the same with our last. Besides the awesome pamphlet, it was decided members of their communities who cooperated with tax collectors would be treated as social outcasts. Okay.

Quote, in the future, we will consider such persons as unworthy of our friendship, have no dealings with them, withdraw from them every assistance and upon all occasions treat them with the contempt they deserve. See, that's what we need. If we just banded together and we're just pricks to people that we didn't like their positions of power. There you go. Like meter maids, you'd have no meter maids fucking meter man. You'd have no meter maids if everybody who knew a meter maid was like, No, I'm not going to buy him anything for his birthday. Fuck Charles. He's a meter maid. You're so you're buying your meter made birthday gifts. No, I'm saying that my friend was a meter made. I don't have it's not like

a postman. Well, but in the way the way you said it, it sounded like you might be buying your my my one of my your local meter morning, Denise. Well, the holidays have rolled around and I wanted to get you a little something. Oh, thank you. It's not much because obviously you impounded my car twice this year. But it's an advent calendar and it gets certificate to Amoeba. I know you wanted to get some new tunes. So when you're driving around constantly isn't taking. Oh, God, I really, really live in regret. Okay, resistance to the whiskey tax was widespread. No one would pay in Kentucky parts of Virginia and South Carolina. In North Carolina, there was a lot of violence. Washington found the situation quote very unpleasant and

disagreeable. Such a rich guy. Yeah, yeah, I find his comment on it understated. And he said the letter to the governor of North Carolina quote expressing dismay. Sir, I am dismayed. By September of 1792, Hamilton wanted armed retaliation against Western Pennsylvania. He thought if they cracked down there, the other places would get the line. Yeah. Hamilton urged the Attorney General at Washington's insistence to seek indictments against the people who met in Pittsburgh in August. Washington thought the meeting quote continued a profound threat to order. Okay, Hamilton said it was quote absolutely necessary that a decided experiment of the energy of the laws should be made without delay. So fuck him up. Good. It's eerie. Washington

said quote, he could no longer remain a passive spectator of the contempt with which the laws are treated. It's just going down. It's not good. Hamilton wrote a proclamation for Western Pennsylvania warning them to stop the meetings. Washington signed it. It was then circulated throughout the country in as pamphlets and in newspapers. Next, Hamilton sent an informant to Western Pennsylvania, who was named George Clymer. Clymer created aliases and war disguises to avoid angry citizens. My name's Jerry Splunker. You see Jerry Splunker. I got the biggest mustache in America. Hey, what do you know about this climber guy? Heard anything? No, but would you like to go out? Well, I had a lot of fun tonight. It was nice to be taken

out. I haven't done that in a while. Climber? No, I'm a lady. Man, what do you think I am? Did we go on a date? At one point, Climber switched places with his servant, but was attacked by an innkeeper who called him a quote ill looking fellow and who did not know how to rub down a horse. I'm in charge, you idiot. I love that he fucking poses a servant. He didn't want to do anything. Yeah, and this boss gets mad at him. Oh, yes, of course. We're all in charge and live in the main house. Now shut up and pet the pony. When people figured out he was associated with the whiskey tax, he was asked to leave the hotel. He left and went back to Washington. His report. The disguise game could keep going. I am a new

man. Good that thing that old man left. You can see I wear a monocle and have a weird ear. I'm not related to Climber, did you say his name was? Climber has a weird ear. I'm going to go get my suitcase. Okay. But just if you dress up again, don't point out that you have a weird ear because all of your disguises have a weird ear because you have a... Good day, gentlemen. I require a room. As you can see, I'm not from around here and I'm quite affluent. As you can tell, I've got one glove on, a pair of bifocals, a top hat, and one of the weirder ears you'll ever see. Oh, God, it's Climber. Every time. Stop saying you have a weird ear. We know. I'll be right back. Hello. My name's Clairabelle. My husband booked

a room for us. You can tell I've never been to this town before because I have an umbrella hat, a dress on, busting bosons, and a really weird ear. Oh, fuck. At the end of 1792, no taxes have been collected from Western Pennsylvania and tax collector John Neville still couldn't find a place to rent an office. He wrote, quote, I will venture to say that the law will not be carried out until the government makes examples of some offenders. A Washington County militia burned an effigy of, quote, General Neville the tax man in June 1793. Well, this is taken on a life of its own. I'm a general. Alrighty. A mob broke into the house of tax collector Benjamin Wells and terrorized his wife and children, threatening them unless

he resigned. Tell your dad to leave. Tell your dad to leave. On November 22nd, six armed men with blackened faces broke in Wells home again and demanded that Wells resign his job. He refused to. Sir, I am a tax man. That's unbelievable. That means something. What could I be without that? The office demands integrity. Not a joke. That is amazing to think there was a time when they were like, this is important. These guys are all fucking. Yeah. How you may kill my child. I shall not resign from being a tax man because that is what I am. Sure. No, I'll just get, I'll be a cobbler. No, good guys, get out of here. No, I will totally switch my entire life up. Cobbler. Yep. You guys seem serious and you're wearing

suit on your faces, which is scary. Scary. No new revenue was collected in the state of Kentucky. Collections from Pennsylvania, North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia were very, very low. It was actually costing more to try to get the taxes. In March, John Neville went to see the most stubborn distillers on the border between Washington and Fayette counties. He discovered that a mob of 60 men were following him around all day swearing vengeance against him and making sure no distillers registered their stills. Is it just me or is that the same group of 60 men that was with us at the saloon? Yeah, I feel like it's the same 60 guys. Right. They all look very familiar. Yeah, you know, let's make it left here. Okay.

Yeah. Okay, that they did. I'm not being paranoid. They did turn. They also just made a left. Let's make another left. You know, let's pick up the pace a little bit. Okay, let's pick up the pace. They're jogging. They're running. They're running. They have tar, they have tar, they have tar, they have tar. So one man did register as still and the mob destroyed the still and shot his house. Look, you can't tell people a lot of house shooting. Yeah, you can't tell anybody. I did do that. Yeah, no. A few days later, Neville and his family were approached by a man on the road. He asked if Neville was the tax officer and Neville answered yes. And the man said that I must give you a whipping and he leapt upon Neville.

But Neville managed to knock him to the ground. In June 1974, Neville. Are you Neville? Ow, my back, my back. And June 1974, Neville did the unthinkable. He opened an office of tax inspection. Jesus. A man named John Lynn had agreed to sublease part of his house to him. But John was then visited by a dozen armed men with blackened faces. What's this all about? What it's about is that we use the wrong ink, fucking stupid, so use a sharpie. Faces are blackened, so we're just going to different places at night and telling people not to do stuff. And we're also asking people if they have any other colored paints or anything we could borrow. Because I messed up. I didn't know that they were, I'm such an idiot. Sorry,

what's the plan? I love that guy. So then John Lynn was taken out into the forest, stripped naked and tarned feather. It's the naked pie. Are you going to tarn feather me? Of course. Of course. But I'm fighting the naked part is where I'm fighting the most. Oh yeah, I'd fight the naked part. Because the second you know the clothes are coming off, you're being tarned feather. Right. So don't let it happen. I have a feeling this doesn't lead to swimming. They tied him to a tree and left him overnight. Oh God. Tax collector Benjamin Wells also rented a house as an office, but his landlord was attacked several times. At the end of June, George Clymer and another tax collector resigned. It was decided Neville could just

have a central office in Pittsburgh. Yeah, that probably makes the most sense. A federal court in Philadelphia ordered the appearance of over 60 Western Pennsylvania distillers. John Neville offered to help Sheriff David Lennox serve the court papers. What is he doing? He's a cowboy. On July 15th, they arrived at the home of farmer William Miller and read the summons. Miller was furious and refused to accept a copy of the summons. But that didn't matter because the papers had already been served, whether he took them or not. And that was good because Neville noticed 40 men approaching on the road. Well, we'll get out of your hair. Neville and Sheriff Lennox rode out to confront the man. The mob

was armed with muskets and pitchforks. I mean, they really was there a handbook straight out of casting. We got pitchforks. Yep, let's go. Torches. Got them. A problem. Yep. There's a move out. There's a Frankenstein. They were furious. They had heard a federal sheriff and Neville, the tax man, were hauling people off to Philadelphia. So they formed a mob and they marched over there. Neville explained that they were just serving papers, not taking people to Philadelphia. One second, Neville. Hey, so I just talked to Neville and he's saying that they're not dragging people up. They're just giving them papers. Squeeze me? Yeah, look, I'm fired up. So if we want to fuck him up, I'm in. But I'm just saying they,

you know, they're, you know, it seems like we're still discussing it, sir. The mob became quote confused and purposeless. Let's make, hey, let's play marbles. They just let Neville and the sheriff write off. They just sat there scratching their heads. Now wait a minute. But he is saying to go there, but not, hey, where did they go? How long they been gone? The next morning, 50 men arrived at Neville's house. Apparently they thought about it. Hey, we were up all night fathoming. They thought the sheriff was there, but he wasn't. Neville demanded the men identify themselves. That's the best. Who are you? I'm Ben Hur. No, wait a minute. I know I'm him. I'm George Washington. I'm him too. We're all George Washington.

The leaders said they were friends from Washington County had come to guard the sheriff. Neville then shot and killed one of them. Jesus. The militia returned fire. Neville blew a signal horn and his slaves started shooting from their houses behind the mob. Whoa. Yeah, I don't get that point. Like you would think they'd be shooting at Neville. Right. Gentlemen, now your aims off. I mean, maybe they just assume, well, I'm a slave and, and maybe I'll get a worse owner. You know what I mean? Like it's hard to figure out the headspace, but yeah, but then again, yeah, you're probably right. It is probably a situation where you're not treated horribly and there is some minor upside to defending the man. I mean, especially

if you look at a mob, right? I mean, that is a, that's the X factor. Yeah. So a few more guys fell wounded. The shooting went on for 25 minutes. The militia finally retreated and had a meeting to figure out what to do next. Okay. Neville assumed they were coming back. So he asked everyone he thought could help for some help. Okay. Judges, military military men, sheriffs, but everybody passed saying they didn't have authority. I'm busy. Then a major named James Kirkpatrick and 10 soldiers from Fort Pitt agreed to help. Sure enough, the next day around 600 men came. Jesus. You know what? We might not be able to help after all. You said 40? You said 40. I liked our chances. A lot more than 40.

Hate our chances. Hey, quick question. Your attack collector, can you count? Yes. Because that's not 40. Right. That's 600. Right. But you can write off 200 of the, no, we're screwed. Now Neville himself was hiding in a nearby ravine and not in a house. Good luck. Go get them, everybody. James McFarland, who commanded the mob, sent a written summons demanding Neville resign and surrender. Okay. Kirkpatrick said that he was not there. McFarland said the 10 soldiers had to leave the mansion and their guns. Kirkpatrick said no. The militia then set fire to one of the slave cabins and a barn. At that point, John Neville's wife and children were evacuated from the house. Okay. So Neville. Yep. Go ahead. I think you're

saying what I see. So Neville. Yep. He sounded kind of like he had balls for a while. Yeah. But then when a good amount of people showed up, he told, he went to a ravine. Left his wife and kids in the house. Left his wife and kids with the 600 people, the mob. All right. Well, okay. My work here's done. I'm a stereotypical tax collector. See you guys on Sally Jesse. You were a great family. Can't we come with you father? No. Only room for one in the ravine. Sorry. You know how cramped ravines are. Very small area. You stay in this expensive house. I'll go hide in that little itty bitty ravine. Oh, fuck. So shooting started and went on for over an hour. At some point, McFarland thought he heard a yell from inside the house. So he

told everyone to stop shooting in the militia. And then he stepped out into the open and was immediately shot dead. Interesting. You didn't say for how long? No reason to step out into the open. Stop shooting. Now go. Well, he just told the militia to stop shooting. The other guys were still fighting. Yeah. But the fact that he steps out and is like, I hear something boys. So what is up with you, gentlemen? Time out. Time out. Time's ease. We have two timeouts per team. I'm on ghoul, you fools. Ghoul. So the militia set more barns on fire as a response than eventually the kitchen of the house. A few buildings were not burnt because Neville slaves asked the mob not to burn them. Please. Hey, could you not? We already have it real bad.

Yeah, it's not great here. I got to be honest, please. I'm a slave. So I just would like a place to sleep. That's cool. My name's not ravine. Okay. Burn his barn. Two of Kirkpatrick soldiers ran away during the firefight. Three were seriously wounded and one killed. Kirkpatrick was taken prisoner. Sheriff Lennox was then captured that evening. He was told to lay his hands on the now very dead McFarlane's beard. It's getting weird. Touch his beard and swear an oath to never inform on them, never to return to their side of the mountains and have nothing to do with the whiskey tax again. Can I do that without touching his beard? Because everything you're saying I'm fine. I just know it's very ready. Very ready. That's where the beard doesn't

mean anything. Around here, we swear on a dead guy's beard. I'm just very bend to western pen. This is what we do. We swear on just put my hand in it. This is how we get married. If you're going to marry woman out here, you kill a gentleman and they both put your hands on the beard and you say we are now wedded. So what do I put it in? Put your hand on his beard. Okay, it's on the beard. Okay, now say the stuff. You're not a Tex guy. I will never ever come back. And you like dead guys. That's new. That's a new wrinkle. Say it. That's a new man. I like that. I like dead guys. All right, you're on the football team. Wait, what? Yep. No, we're going on tour. The next day, ladies and gentlemen, a warm round of

applause. The next day, the sheriff escaped and floated downriver on a barge to avoid the roads. Well, I'll see everyone later. Sheriff out. The summons turned out to be a bluff. Summons they were sending out in the first place were just horseshit. Good, because then nobody got angry. No one got upset. Nothing happened. They were just a threat that it was hoped would scare people into paying the tax. McFarland's funeral was held on July 18, which bought brought the whole crew together again. It's good to see you guys. They discussed the rebellion, and then they went and burned down farm buildings on Major Kirkpatrick's place while dressed like Indians. Oh, God. So there was whiskey at the funeral. A small

roll time sake. Yeah. Come on. What are we going to do? Ladies or Indians? Ladies or Indians or Blackface? Hold on. Let me flip the coin. Hey, hey. What? Idea. Ideas. Ladies, Indians and Blackface. Indians. Blackface. Okay, here we go. A small band of rebels stole the Pittsburgh to Philadelphia mail on July 26. They found a few letters that spoke ill of the riots. They called the military assembly and made their own flag. Okay, sure. Yeah, it's all coming together. Here we go. 7000 people came and the leaders said they should march on Pittsburgh, which they called Sodom. It's a little bit much. Well, I mean, you give an inch. It's a little much. Sure. The plan was to maybe a nickname. Sodom? I don't

know. Okay, great. The plan was to loot the homes of the wealthy in Pittsburgh and then burn the city to the ground. Right order. A tomahawk wearing horsemen rode through the city streets of Pittsburgh that night yelling, this is not all that I want. It is not the tax law only that must go down. Your district and associate judges must go down your high offices and salaries. A great deal more is to be done, but I am beginning yet. So that was a lot to yell. Yeah. First of all, you'll probably only got bits and pieces. He's also Bernie Sanders. Right. Yeah, yes. The people of Pittsburgh had a town meeting. They decided to meet the mob. So they were going to go to where the mob was marching, meet them there

and explain that Pittsburgh was sympathetic. And some of them would actually join the anti tax cause. Words. Yes. Hugs, not drugs. Hugs, not drugs. Hugs. Hugs? I think so. I think. One Thomas Marshall said there was a bad idea. Okay. And so his front door was tarred and feathered. His front door. That's just not like that's just take your clothes off door. How do you think about that, Marshall? Uh huh. Next, we're going to do your rugs. A bird door. How's it going? Fine, actually. It's funny because it actually had troubles closing before now that it's dried. Shots far easier. Fuck you bird door, man. Just saying thank you. Women went with the malicious simply to loot the houses of the wealthy in Pittsburgh.

It sounds fine. One rebel walked twirling his hat on the end of his rifle yelling, I have a bad hat now, but I expect to have a better one soon. Hey, uh, hey, Dan. Hey, Dan. Yeah. Got a bad hat. Gonna have a better hat. Yeah, right. Hey, uh, better hat times are coming. Come on. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. Bad seas. Dan, Dan. What are you doing? What are you talking about? Going to a town to get a new hat. What are you talking about? New hat. Dan, Dan, what are you talking about? Doing the new hat song. The hell are you talking about? Well, I thought this was a hat riot. It's not a hat riot. We're going to get hats. No, we're not going to get hats. This is a tax. Tax. Not hats. Tax. Tax. Tax. Ha. Not

for God's sake. Hud's not druds. When the Pittsburgh citizens arrived, they brought whiskey and told the mob if they burned some houses, all the houses would go up in flames. And the rebels thought about this, took the whiskey and dispersed. That was way too easy. I'm out again. You're saying if we burned a couple of houses, they'll all burn? Regardless about that, they're giving us a shitload of whiskey to just get out of here. Let me just get out of here. Yeah, let's get the fuck out of here. We accept your terms. Of whiskey. The president sent a peace commission made up of the attorney general, a Pennsylvania Supreme Court justice, and a senator to Western Pennsylvania. The rebels responded by saying

an army of Eastern bankers would be more appropriate. Okay. Let stockholders, bank directors, speculators, and revenue officers arrange themselves under the flags of the treasury and try their skill in weapons as they have done in calculation. I just say, I know I've been doing a lot of parallels to the modern day shit. No, you haven't. When I started doing the story, I thought, well, I'll do one. That's not a parallel to the modern day shit. Well, and to be fair, I think you're doing the future of the modern day. I think your watch is set to six years from now. Alexander Hamilton. I mean, it's basically that the fucking East Coast, the East Coast big whiskey companies, whatever makers, whatever you call them, brewers, they

basically set up the tax by fucking funding the politicians to go their way. Yeah. And the people, it's the big bankers getting the what they want. And the little bankers getting the people, the people's response is the difference. Yeah, it's a little different. Instead, instead, we're like, I'm going to share that post. They were like, let's turn feather these sons of bitches. We were like, tell you what, but if I tweet a link about this, probably gonna get four likes. Oh man, I can see what if time feathering comes back. Oh my God. Oh, Alexander Hamilton started writing opinion pieces against the rebels in newspapers under the synonym Tully. Alexander Hamilton. Moms. I meant Moms. Wait, what is this fake name?

Tully. You know, I'm kind of like a wacky neighbor kind of character. No one will ever think it's ammo. More ideas from Tully. Welcome back to Tully's turn. On August 25th, Hamilton told Governor Henry Lee of Virginia to prep his troops to put down the rebellion. He asked the governor to keep the military maneuvers secret and insisted that orders be post dated to September 1st for quote, particular reasons of political nature. Now, the reason he did that was because they were, they were gonna have a meeting on the 29th and he wanted to make it seem like it was after the meeting instead of before. Yeah. Okay. So simple, but he's doing some fucking games. Right. A federal army of 12,950 men from New Jersey,

Eastern Pennsylvania, Maryland and Virginia was raised. Some refused to enlist. They thought the government was oppressing the poor. Officers in some areas were quote, sorry and ashamed to inform the governor of Virginia that there are so many in favor of the whiskey rebels that those drafted cannot be made to go. Good. Men were drafted and many of those ran away and hid in forests. God damn forest. No ravines were nearby. Just a lot of forest. Yeah. Just don't worry, I'm gonna hide behind this big bird. Damn. Holy shit. Brigades were made up of poor, propertyless and often foreign born men who were just doing it for the money since they had no other way to earn money. Right. Hundreds of rich city men volunteered,

but only if they received a rank that suited their worth and that they would not be commanded by quote, social inferiors. I've kind of seen myself as a sergeant sort of guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. You called if this, uh, this fellow here, Jenkins, if he can, he's gonna be telling you what to do. I always felt like a sergeant. He's a colonel. This is a colonel over here. Oh, cool. Love to order you around a little bit. No, he's a colonel. Oh, what's the order here? He's higher than me. Yeah, he's higher than him. He's from a village out in Western. What's higher than him? Lieutenant, I guess. That's what I want to be. I'm Lieutenant. Boom. Welcome to my office. Okay. I'm in charge. What's above

Lieutenant? Anything? I want to be the top one. King. Yeah. I'm King. Okay. King of this. What is this? Negotiations with the wealthy over their uniforms took up most of the time of the rich young men. Sorry. Hate to keep being the proverbial stick in the mud. I'm just going to tell you, nobody will take us seriously if we're not roughly enough. We need to have further chest ruffles. Yes. The loss of a Greek. And also we've been tails. We need tails. We need to look. Peacock feathers coming out of me bum. Oh gosh, I just sometimes feel like we're on different pages. Shall we take a break and come back at five? Yes. Good. Good. Let's have some whiskey. Gentlemen, we will burn the midnight oil until we have

the perfect ensembles. We will be taken very seriously. The poor had no service uniforms, but the city gents dressed in a rainbow of colors and designs unique to each brigade. They sound like cheer squads. It's so hard not to hate rich people. The first national troops reached western Pennsylvania in late September 1794. On September 29th, soldiers grabbed up a young man who was so sick he could not stand up. And they told him to lay down and then accidentally shot him when he was laying down. I mean, that'll happen. What just happened here? I'm laying down. Oh, shit. Oh, well, that's what we told him. Well, yeah, he's always throwing up. He must be sick. Oh, boy, that really it's hard to

not think that we trapped him. But obviously that was an accident. A couple of days later, a drunk in a tavern yelled, Huzzah for the whiskey boys at some military officers. The officers threatened to arrest him and then switched rooms. But the drunk wouldn't stop and followed and kept swearing at them. Then they tried to arrest him and he resisted. And he was stabbed with a bayonet. Jesus. As he died on the floor, his last words were success to the whiskey boys. It's hard to know his last words, but his last attitude was quite sarcastic. His last emotion was very, very sarcastic. The troops were not doing well. They had diseases, a lack of discipline, a lack of rations, and they fought over rank.

They tore through the army. One doctor treated 35 new cases a day. Oh my God. Meanwhile, President Washington said he expected, quote, nothing short of proof of absolute submission. And terrible diarrhea. And, yeah, sort of diarrhea. I'm going to put my teeth in. Ah, nightmare. Washington put General Light Horse Harry Lee in charge. I imagine my, if I, if I understand this correctly, I, I think he had a very light horse. Okay. Is he racist against horses too? Or maybe he's just, I won't ride a black. Oh, you mean color? Uh-huh. Oh, possibly. Racist. The horse beige or better for me. Alexander Hamilton was made the unofficial civilian head of the expedition. The army began its march across the mountains. Discipline

was a constant problem and the officers were often hunting for deserters. Sometimes soldiers just refused orders to strike tents. Nah, I'm not gonna though. You know what? Go sleep on the ground tonight. What'd you say about that? I said major. Make a tent. Make all the tents. What if I lie down, face down in the mud, stupid. You're a stupid. That's an order. Make a tent. Don't sleep in mud. He's not making a. My God, he's eating mud. He's eating mud. That's right in your face, stupid. He's a colonel. Oh, dysentery. Oh God. That wasn't mud. No, sir. Oh God, no wonder it's spreading. One day, officers were forced to hand out an extra ration of whiskey and gave everyone the day off. On November 7th,

some troops decided to drink four days of rations of whiskey at once. Well, that's what happens when you get an extra ration. You know, we could get another ration. We could keep rations. It's like cocaine. We keep rationing all day. Did you call your ration guy? Is your ration guy on his way? He's in the mud. He says not making tents. The troops were way ahead of their supplies, which led to plundering of the countryside. Well, when it rains and pours, David, one Virginia soldier was given 100 lashes after he stole a beehive and beat up the owner. I've already been stung enough with him. Hey, guys, look at me. I'm a bear. No, that's an act of hive. I took all the rations. What are the bad, stinky, stinky things? Some

of this mud stings your mouth pretty bad. Oh, these flies are weird. The troops. I'm going to take a little cat map. Feel pretty. The troops were tearing down fences for firewood and they would steal chickens and sheep. Come on. Hamilton authorized the seizure of civilian property so the soldiers wouldn't starve. So it's all cool. I mean, you can't. Yeah, that's quite an order. I order you. Well, yeah, do whatever. I'll show you. Do your thing. Do your thing for not paying the whiskey tax. Do your thing, guys. By late October, it became obvious that no rebel army was coming to fight the federal army. Okay. So they're just cruising out of nowhere. So what is the point? What are we doing? Where are we going?

The trucks were then rounded up. Okay. One night, a bunch of men were taken from their bed. About 150 half-naked men were, quote, driven before a troop of horses at a trot through muddy roads and taken seven miles from Pittsburgh. When the army arrived at their quarters, some of the prisoners were put in a muddy pen and poked with bayonets. What is the plan? I don't know. It's America. Right now, we got them in a pen, so we're going to poke them. What's after the poking? Can you poke? Others were locked in a wet stable, fed uncooked dough and raw meat that was tossed on the ground. Well, we got marinated in something. Americans are good to each other. Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. Give them raw meat.

General Blackboard White. What? I mean, he must have written on it. General Blackboard White. He must have written on a Blackboard a lot. Call me Chalk, God damn it. No Blackboard. All right. He abused his 40 prisoners and then threw them in a basement in a tavern. They were... Don't tell me they got to alcohol. No. They were then forced to march 12 miles through mud and rain. One of the men had convulsions, so the general ordered him lashed. That'll stop it. Drag the rest of the way. Yeah. Ew, and your convulsions. When someone's dying, you taze them. At least one man died. 2,000 rebels just went deeper. I think I know which guy it was. Yeah. The seizure whipping man. 2,000 rebels just went deeper into the forest

while others took an offer of amnesty from the president. Captured rebels were brought to Washington for interrogation. After the government picked out 20 of those men to bear the blame for the rebellion, John Mitchell, who owned 35 acres, and Philip Vogel, who owned nothing, were tried. The neighbor said these men were incapable of organizing and leading a secession movement because they weren't smart enough that they couldn't do. They were convicted of treason, but later they were pardoned by Washington. That was it for the prosecutions. What? That's it. It's pretty light. Yeah. Okay. The army began to leave Pennsylvania, but 1,500 men remained behind. They were to maintain order. That

didn't go great. They kept drinking and were loud in the streets at night. A man's cow was stabbed. They're fucking dick. Hey, shit, big animal. You shot him. Yes, you're a fucking cow. Yeah. Hey, mud. Yeah. I'm gonna lay down. No, I'm not calling you mud. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm gonna lay down in the mud. Yeah. I'm the mud. Okay. I gotta go. Yeah. Sleeping. What? A horse was run through with a saber. Attack him. Officers attacked. We thought there might be two men inside. Nope. Just a horse. Just an actual horse. So bluff called, pony. Officers attacked a wagon driver cutting his face and cutting off a finger. There you are. They frequently looted houses. The federal government described... Sorry, they were there

to keep order. Yeah. The federal government described their suppression of the rebellion as, quote, glorious, successful, and bloodless. Make America great again. James Madison thought Washington's attack was, quote, the greatest error of his political life. Trees with Great Britain, Spain, and Indian tribes secured navigation of the Mississippi and the frontier pushed past Western Pennsylvania. The value of Washington's property in Pennsylvania went up by about 50%. Good. And people were happy with the suppression of the whiskey rebellion. Still, many Wessoners refused to pay the tax. The whiskey tax was finally repealed after Thomas Jefferson's Republican Party came to power in 1801. Always depend on those Republicans.

We have a great history. And we don't repeat it. Could you imagine you just... We're being occupied by us. Yeah. Well, like, it is... It's so weird because it feels like you could see a scenario like that coming. Like, 10 years ago, you'd be like, maybe. Now I'm like, shit, how long? Two, three months? What are we at? Like, how long until we're all like, you know, looting? That's going to be madness. It's going to be a fun summer. Oh, God, it's not summer. I'm talking... I mean... Oh, God. All right. Whatever. Getting that second passport. Yeah, you should have one. You can't get one. Yeah, I'm getting it. Okay. Yeah. And then we'll get married. Dude, I mean, talk about sweeps. All right. Well, that's what

America did. There we go. You can find us on Twitter at the dollop. We have the dollop Facebook page. We have the dollop subreddit. We also have a submarine. We'll talk about that. We have a submarine. We have a copter. You can go to thepatreon.com and look at the dollop and donate if you enjoy our great stories and just magical wisdom. You get eight a month. You give a buck. That's like $4 an episode. If every person who listens gives a dollar, they end up making five. That's what we're talking about. You guys, you're going to get money back. Okay. This all comes around to you. You're going to get paid. This podcast is about making money. Money, money, money. Yeah. For you. For you guys. We're going

to do this. For you guys. We're all going to be millionaires, but it starts by giving us a dollar. Yeah. You will get back five. Yep. It's a promise. It's a promise. Don't look this up. From some of us to some of you. All right. We also sign cars. Right.