The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 184 - The Brooklyn Bridge Crushing

Episode Date: June 23, 2016

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the opening of the Brooklyn Bridge and the tragedy that occurred. SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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week. I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Don't look at me like that. Do you seem bored already? I'm over it. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to become a tickly podcast. Okay. You are Queen Fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville! A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do my frame. Hi, Gary. No. I see you've done my frame. No.

May 24th, 1883. Alrighty. The Brooklyn Bridge. Is this a long one? Nope. Small. Smaller one. Okay. The Brooklyn Bridge stands out as one of the most if not the most remarkable engineering advance of the 1800s. Okay. John Robling was a, now I probably said that wrong already and people are like oh my god I can't believe this guy. Don't care. John Robling was a German immigrant who was, I meant to look it up but I had so little time. So here's what happens. I'm sitting here a half hour before. I always read them before I meet with you. Of course. I read them over. Yeah. So I'm reading it over and I see a misspelled word and I click to fix it

and my computer goes, I think if I took it to the Apple store they would describe it as bug fuck and it just started deleting. So it's deleting. It's just quickly deleting. So you're like in Mission Impossible suddenly. I try to hit buttons. I'm trying to stop it and it's just deleting and a whole paragraph goes away and I'm like oh my god. No, no, no, no. And then I scroll down and I try to move it and I'm like maybe that'll do it and then it starts deleting that paragraph and I'm trying to shut it down and every time I shut it down it goes to a new document. You want me to delete this one, master? Let's do this one. Let's do this one. I'll delete

everything for you, sir. So it was really great. Did a lot of stuff get deleted? A paragraph and a half from the next one got deleted which I had to go and rewrite just before you got here. Oh, life's a joy. It was pretty great. Anyway, I didn't get a chance to look up pronunciations. John Robling was a German immigrant who was a civil engineer but instead of taking up his vocation when he got to America he attempted to create a German settlement called Saxonburg. Well, I mean we've been to this party before and these are always pretty weird. I wish this was the road I went down but it's not. Okay. Nobody was down with this year. A little

Germany in New York. Oh god. We've got some ideas. Oh, that's actually gonna be a future dollop. Nobody was down with the idea so after five years he returned to civil engineering. Basically he tried to set up a little tiny Germany and was like, no, we came here to Germany. It's got to be weird when you spend like five years trying to set up a country within a country and then it doesn't happen in that one time when you got to be like, I guess I just got to admit that I wasted five years. My life. Five years down the drain. Oh, tried to set up tiny Germany. At some point you've got to pose a plug. Was that the name? It was the

name like Saxonburg? It was called baby Germany. It was Germany Junior if I called it. Junior knee. A schnitzel of Germany. Just a hint. First he worked at improving river navigation and canal building. Okay. He worked for the dig for digs the sides out and then wall room for the current. Think about this. He worked for the railways as a surveyor. Oh, there's some track. Oh, there's some place we could put trains. Then he started working on designing suspension bridges. These are bouncing a little bit better. His bridges over the Allegheny River in Pittsburgh in 1860 and over the Ohio River in Cincinnati in

1867 were considered remarkable achievements. Okay. So he's the shit. Sure. He then began dreaming about building a bridge that spanned across the East River of New York. Uh-huh. Hudson. Connecting Manhattan and Brooklyn or New York and Brooklyn. Okay. He drove designs with huge towers to hold the cables but then the Civil War came. Ain't nobody got time for that. No one wants to build a bridge during a war. Ain't nobody got time for that. You show me one bridge that's been built during a war. Yeah. That wasn't for the war. Right. What about war bridge? Okay. That's one. Yeah. So it's put on hold. After

the war, the New York State Legislature chartered a company to build a bridge across the river and Roebling was chosen as the chief engineer. Work began on the bridge in 1869. Okay. On June 28, 1869, he was standing at the edge of a dock deciding on the location where he would put the bridge, right? The end there. When his foot got. Big decision. Oh God. Crushed by an arriving fairy. Ah. You must have been looking too much and not paying attention to the fairy. If you get to my vantage point, look over there. You can see exactly where the, there's a son of a, there's a boat. That's a boat. That's a boat. That's a boat on my boots. My boots crashed by the

boot. This boat has crushed my foot in the boot. Are you saying boot? It's a boot. Are you saying boot? It's a boot got on my boots. My foot's crashed. But wait, the boot is on your boot. Can't move the boot. My boots on fire. Put your boot on the boot. Get, no, my boots on the boot. Move the boot and get my boots off. I'm sorry. I don't. Help me vis my boots. Boots? Oh, my boots. The boot crushed my boot. His toes were amputated. That is a crazy amputation. We're going to give you a clause. His toes were. At that point, he refused more medical treatment. It's enough. I'm good. His toes are gone. I thought I quit while I'm behind. Instead, he decided to cure his foot with water therapy. Go on. This was

where someone would just pour water over the wound. So he's just waterboarding his feet? I mean, it's some crazy medical ideas in the 1800s. I mean, that's not even crazy. You just be like, yeah, if you're coming up with bullshit, it's like that's where the bells that's where it's like a blue fluid, you know, but they're just like, yeah, we'll just get another picture from the well. Go pour him on your toes. Oddly, this did not make him make him better. No, shocking. And he died of tetanus. Oh, Jesus. Well, that took a turn. I was just starting to fall in love with the family more. His son, Washington Robling, who had been a union officer in the war, took over as chief engineer. Okay. John had chosen to build the bridge out of steel rather than iron as had been

used in previous bridges. Okay. Steel would make it strong, which was necessary because it had to be so much higher than any other bridge because of the many and size of ships that use the river. Oh, wow. Okay. So it's got to be a big ass bridge. Sure. Are you not liking the gaming chair? No, I like it. No, I'm just still I'm fine in my zone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just getting my feel with it. I get it. We're recording away from my apartment because it's a volcano. Right, right. We're in my air conditioned gaming room in chairs that are very low. No, but gaming chairs. Right. That's why I made several important improvements on the bridge design and further developed bridge building techniques. So he's no slouch. Sure. Like you were thinking he's not.

I don't think I said anything about the fellow. This is an nepotism. The kid was on it. I didn't accuse anyone of anything. I didn't accuse anyone of anything. To make the foundations huge boxes with no bottoms were sunk into the river. So these big wooden boxes are some giant giant wooden boxes. But begs to question if a box doesn't have a bottom, is it a box? Compressed air was pumped into the boxes which allowed men inside to dig. You're going to need to walk me through this. They so they put a box down. I assume there's a door on the box. So they put a box down and then they blow air into it. So they feel so there's dudes in the box way down digging at the base of the river. Yeah. On the bottom of the river. Wow. I'm Atlantis. I'm thinking extra pay. Yeah. Oh

my god. I need to go up now. Double time. Right. Double time. I wouldn't waste all your oxygen on saying double time. Shut it. Yeah. So little apartments down there. So this guy's digging in there. Then the stone towers were built on top of the boxes, which as they dug sunk deeper. And then finally it was on the bottom. Okay, I get that. It was very hard work, obviously. Washington went to one of these boxes one day to oversee the work and had a bit of an accident. Oh gosh. His boot got caught. He got the bends. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's not good. So the bends are bad. We all know we heard Radiohead. Yeah. This is actually what the Radiohead song is about. Just making stuff up. Okay. So this was like bends. I guess it's the permanent thing that

fucks you up. It is permanent. Well, that's what it was for him. They also believed he had Neurasthenia, which was an 1800s version of having the nerves. He has anxiety and panic attacks. I'll tell you what you regret going down to that box. Yeah. You know, I shouldn't have done that. Stupid box. I'm nervous and sick. I was like, I'll go down to the box today. And then, you know, now I don't know what's happening. Anyway. Okay. So it was also believed that this all led to a medication addiction. So clearly, this is the time when the domino effect heroin or cocaine. Sure. Now he's got that. That'll help everything. So anyway, he's an invalid basically now. Great. Staying in his

home in Brooklyn quite overseeing the Brooklyn bridge bridge being built. Interesting. That's an interesting way to oversee. Now his wife would take instructions to the bridge every morning and tell them what to do. This is my wife carrier pigeon. All right, honey, let me just put this in your claw. There you go. I love you too, darling. Okay, go put this near the men with hard hats. Okay, baby. Do I have to keep making this noise? Yes, you bitch. That's my girl. You're a pigeon. She actually self taught herself. She self taught civil engineering to herself during this time. She had to figure she had to learn it so you can speak the language. Well, your husband went in a box underwater and became crazy. Want to be a civil engineer, Carol?

After the towers reached 279 feet, work started on the cables. A year and a half later, they were done. Then it was another five years to suspend the roadway. But it was finally completed in 1883. Year of the dragon. There was no official count on how many men died building the bridge. But the estimate is somewhere between 20 and 30. I think 27 is the general. Sure. The grand opening was held on. Oh, I like how that's a part that May 24 1883. That was one of the disappearing parts. Okay. Many New York Irish were upset about the day that was picked open the bridge because it was the birthday of Queen Victoria. Oh, gosh, good Lord. I mean, honestly, you just relax. Relax. You can still drink in celebration of the bridge. But but now we can't

drink in favor of someone is royalty. We got to celebrate drinks. I found something to be angry about today. Yeah, it's supposed to be a happy day. But no one fucking passed. Why? Because that's our day for the Queen. I did go and build the bridge and we're celebrating that today. Thank you very much. Clearly out of a whiskey, please. But the rest of the city was excited and came out to celebrate. The President Chester, a Arthur, came to the city and walked with a group of dignitaries across the bridge. This is awesome. Bands played. Hey, cannons were shot off. Speeches were made and it was hailed as a great day for commerce. Okay, because people will be able to get stuff back and forth. Sure. Yeah. The mayors of

Brooklyn and New York met in the center of the bridge and shook hands. How are you? Hello. Great to finally meet you. Never heard so much about you. I've been scared of boats. I understand. Yes, I've gotten I've gotten the letters. Anyway, you good otherwise? Yes, but I'm scared of boats up here. Okay, well, should we do the photo? I'm gonna run. Why? Brooklyn. The entire opening weekend was packed with visitors to the bridge. Everyone wanted to stroll hundreds of feet above the East River. We used to be used to be just the simple thing. So fucking simple. Oh, you know, Martha and I are going to go walking across the bridge this weekend. Stay safe. Yeah. Well, you know, I think if anything's going to rile her up, it's going to be a walk across the

old bridge. Once a woman gets excited like that, she needs a force. So she'll come. Good time. Yeah. Really gonna bang her out. Okay. All right. Very inappropriate language for the time. Ah, oh, over 150,000 walked the bridge on the first day. Wow. Wow. But on May 28, four days later, the New York Tribune wrote a story that maybe the bridge become too popular. Yes. In the story, bridge workers were quoted as saying they feared a riot might occur because so many people were showing up. Wow. I assume the bridge workers being there saw something that made them make that statement. Right. Right. Yeah. But people are just going to riot because there's too many people. Decoration day came on May 30th. You don't need to tell me what day declaration decoration.

Yeah. Oh, you know, it shares it shares too. It's like the Queen's birthday and the bridge day. I mean, it's declaration ended. This is a holiday we used to celebrate. Yeah. Yeah. No, I know. I know. I'm telling you that American holiday. I'm aware. I'm telling you, I am telling you that was on May 30th is just before Memorial Day. I am aware of what it's just before David was to celebrate the decorations union of the army who just defeated in the Civil War. Come on, Dave. Am I teaching you or are you teaching me? Decoration day was rained early in the morning and then became very pleasant after that. And to add to that, there were there was the Grand Army of the Republic. Those were the veterans of the Union Army. Okay. Hundreds of men in uniform

were there to walk across the bridge on Decoration Day. It was a combo. People there to just see the bridge in those celebrating a holiday. Okay. Quote. Most of the people strolled over to Brooklyn and then turned back without leaving the bridge. Thousands were coming over from Brooklyn returning from cemeteries where soldiers graves had been decorated or taking advantage of the holiday to see the bridge. Everyone paid a penny to get through the gates. Okay. There were not so many on the bridge, but they seemed inclined to loiter. There would be an open space of from 50 to 100 feet and then a dense jam. Okay. Things went to shit a few minutes after four o'clock. Okay. Engineer Martin, who was in charge of running the ship, the ship at that point. Sure. The whole

bridge, not the ship. Right. No, that is a bad time to say ship. Engineer Martin had ordered that pedestrians be allowed to use the roadways on either side and many had done exactly that. Use the roadways? Well, on the Brooklyn bridge, there is a footpath. Right. Or the roadways. Correct. At this point, the roadway, everyone was just walking. There was no vehicles, carriages, or wagons. People could walk on it. Okay. There were some wagons, but people could walk on it. Right. Okay. Which would make sense because in that day, have you ever seen video? Have you ever seen video of old, old like San Francisco? Yeah. I mean, there's just people walking in front of cars and it's crazy. It's crazy to watch. People had a real hard time

getting over the fact that cars were out. I'm sure. I'm walking where I've always walked in the middle of the road. This is a car. The footpath was filled with a crowd moving slowly and steadily in both directions. On the Manhattan side, there was a stairway and on it, crowds moving in both directions converged. Okay. Neither side could move forward or back and they began to push against each other. Well, okay. I mean, this is a problem. How do you figure? Because two forces of humans now are opposed. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Those at the back continued to push forward. There were 13 steps broken up into two flights and in between a seven foot wide landing, it was a pretty narrow staircase and was

surrounded on either side by an iron fence that formed a handrail. The crowd started to figure out how to get past each other and it looked like it was not going to be a problem. Nor should it be. As everything started to move again. This is just some greedy assholes. This is the same thing that happens with traffic. Now they're moving fine. They're getting by each other. Now they're moving fine. Well, they had a moment where people couldn't get past and now it's all working out. Just at that moment, when it all seemed fine, a middle-aged woman coming down the steps toward New York tripped and fell. Okay. A bridge policeman, Frederick Richards, jumped to her

assistance. She was on her knees on the center landing when Officer Richards reached her. He took a hold of her arm and pulled her down the stairs on the very side of the stairs. So he grabs her and he's pulling her down. In a good way pulling her down? I think she might have been hurt so he was just trying to get her out of there. Okay. Sounds a little like horrenday with that child. I read reports in the newspapers and I couldn't figure out why he was pulling her. Our hero dragged a woman down a flight of stairs. By her hair. Caveman to get purple heart. Just then a woman at the top of the stairs saw the officer dragging her through the crowd and decided the best thing to do would be to scream at the top of her lungs.

Smart. Smart. Now in the 1800s, it was a century of bridge failures which had led to the deaths of thousands both in America and Europe. In Portugal in 1807, the Ponte de Barcas, it's probably totally wrong, collapsed as people fled in a war and 4,000 died. Okay. The Yarmouth Bridge in England collapsed in 1845 when people crowded onto it to see a clown float down the river in a barrel. Oh boy. Worth it, mate. Absolutely worth it. If you'd seen this clown in this barrel, mate, you'd absolutely know it was absolutely worth it, man. All that have died perished for a great, great event. Look, I swear, I swear, man, if you'd seen him floating down this fucking river. Just bobbin, bobbin. Just a man is the look on, the serious look on his face when he's going down

in a barrel. Mate. Down the fucking river, mate. Honestly, I can't talk about it, mate. No, you've got to, mate. Take me right back there, man. He's fucking pulling his fucking nose horn, mate. It's his fucking in the barrel, mate. Oh, man. 500 dead. I'll do it all again, though, mate. You know what, though? I love barrels. Yeah. And I love clowns. Two of my favorites. Mate, mate. It's the best bit. You know his name. Barrels. Barrels the clown in a barrel, mate. I mean, what level is this not working on for you? All levels, mate. All levels have been achieved, mate. The clown must have been like, no. The clown's like, sad clown. Sad clown, sorry. 79 people died. That's flyer material, though. Made bridge collapse with popularity.

Come check out Barrels the Clown. Anders Bridge in France in 1850 led to the death of 226, a rail bridge in Ontario in 1857. 59 killed another rail bridge in 1859 in Indiana. 70 killed. So when a bridge was packed with people who were already probably a bit spooked being on such a giant suspension bridge and a woman screamed at the top of her lungs, well, everybody bugged fuck out. Okay. Others were just curious about what the screaming was about. Either way, it was on people rushed forward on the prom not above, they surged ahead. Instantly three or four people on the stairs were lifted off their feet and fell. Cries, groans, shrieks and yells filled the air on the stairway. I mean, this is just,

you just could be a little calmer. It's not, I mean, people are freaking. Yeah. People on the prom and on yelled as they were pushed forward and fell tumbling over on top of the people. What are they toddlers who are now being crushed and trampled below. So it's just like a giant mass of people and people are now being pushed right off the top of the stairs and rolling over people, which is causing more people to fall from the New York Times. The scene was indescribable. Children were torn from the arms of their parents and men sprang on the backs of those in front of them and fought their way over the mass of heads and scrambled off as best they could. One man leaped high in the air, fell forward at the lower end of the human

mass, picked himself up and ran like a madman to the Chatham Street entrance, where he disappeared into the street. Whoa, Batman. That might have been a villain. Wow. Yeah. Riddler. I've done it. That sounds like the end of Crocodile Dundee when they're trying to get to each other in the subway. I am bringing the references that I think people are going to gravitate into this podcast. Now even more people are pushing forward in the back to see what was going on up front. Those are the worst people. My favorite traffic in LA is the traffic that is caused by people looking at the traffic. It's like you will see people who once there's an accident in a traffic jam far away on the other side of the freeway, you will realize that you

have been sitting in traffic that is based on observing traffic. Yeah, it's pretty great. There's also a lot of times on freeways where people I think that people were just so conditioned to traffic here that people are just like going 40 on the freeway just because they're like and you're like you're causing traffic. Yes, all the time. Self-fulfilling. But this is just people. Right. These are humans. So people, so they looked out and people are crying and shrieking and begged to be pulled out. Quote. Most almost all these quotes are from the New York Times. Quote, a stout woman who was pressed against the iron railing at one side appeared piteously to be taken

out. She, a stout I assume is fat. Yeah. So they're saying a fat lady got sadly removed. If only she was singing, the whole thing would have been over. Then a group of around 10 punks from New York elbowed their way in and started picking people's pockets. You know what these punks, the New York punks back in this time really are something. She just, they were punks. That's just amazing. Time to pick some pockets. Oh my god. Just all these people dangling. My baby, my baby. Get her bag. Get a bag. Oh, they're grabbing everything of value. They could get their hands on, which just caused people to panic more. Oh, God. And then a shark got on the stairs. Hats flew off heads and dropped like a hat shower on the tops

of houses below. Honey, you're not going to believe it. My dream came true. That's raining hats. I told you, baby. Things are going to turn around for us. I knew this was coming. We're open in a hat store. Oh, what do you mean? It wasn't a hat storm. My life savings. Would you spend your money on a hat? Yeah, I opened a hat shop because I thought it was raining hats, which gave me a bunch of merchandise. You're really stupid. Well, yeah. Yeah. Now that I think about it, I guess if it were raining hats, people would just take the rain hats. Right. There would be hat. What I should have been open and was a rain store. Quote, gloves and handkerchiefs were lost by the score and could not be picked up.

Here's me. Give me these. Much jewelry was pulled from its fastenings and grounded pieces under the heels of the mask. You'll find as I read this, how obsessed with the Times is with clothing. They were they just like plugging department stores at the end of it. You can buy more all these accessories and more available Macy's. A man standing on others reached the side of the promenade. You heard I read that correctly. Yeah, a man standing on other. Sure. So a guy walked across every man crowd surfing with his feet, reached the side of the promenade and pulled himself up by the bridge suspenders and out of the fray and onto the roadway. Another young man climbed up the bridge framework, but his foot became trapped in an opening. The crowd then

swayed against him, wrenching his foot. Afterwards, he could barely walk. Thankfully, he had a Smithwick scarf around his neck to save him. It's pretty, right? People who could see the nightmare unfolding from a distance away. And those with cooler heads in the master to work to end the stampede and get out those who are still alive. Others tried to wave the crowd back alive. Yeah. To stop them. That's a telling sentence. Yeah. Detectives. Detectives Mangin, Slosson and O'Connor were standing 30 feet below the stairway talking when a man ran by without a hat. Oh, they immediately knew something was wrong. Wait a minute. You see that guy didn't have a hat on. They couldn't have a hat, right? There's gotta be a fire. There's an emergency up there on the stairwell.

People are probably dying. There's a guy without a hat. How many have died? Anyone want to buy some rain? First of all, arrest that guy. What? I have a rain store. No. Didn't you hear it stop, rain stop? That's hats now. We're good. Thank you. Did you want to buy a hat? Go please go inside. The detectives looked up and saw the crush. They then elbowed their way into the massive humans and started pulling people apart. At the same time, not actual, but not like a guy and a hat. At the same time, people were coming on the bridge through the New York gates. Detective Mangin jumped onto the roadway and ran to the entrance and shouted at the toll keepers to shut the gates. One of the toll keepers said he couldn't or he wouldn't until he heard directly

from engineer Martin. I can't do that. I got to hear that from Martin. Straight from Martin. Thanks, bud. I know I hear the screams. Yeah. But you know, I got to hear a scream from Martin. Yeah. Engineer Martin. Yeah. Sorry to be a stick in the mud about this. I got to wait until I hear from the horse's mouth. You know, rules are rules. I don't want to get in trouble. We go. Is that woman's head off? I don't know if you guys have this down at your precinct officer, but we got a little something called bridge rules. Like it would be like you disobeying your sergeant. That's right. Is that man's arm gone? Yeah. Still got to keep her open. One penny. Detective Mangin then ran to the 26th precinct precinct in City Hall and told them what was

going on. At the same time, a bridge employee named Dempsey grabbed a chisel and hammer and ran up the railway track. As many women were being passed out of the crowd over his head, he hammered at iron bolts and nuts until he was able to tear off a section of the iron fence between the promenade and railroad. That's a man. Fucking thinker. That's a man. Someone's a thinkin'. The injured were passed through this hole as well as those just trying to escape. Police on the bridge then began relieving the crush by keeping back the crowds. Quote, 15 men of Company A 12th Regiment were marching over the bridge on a pleasure trip and were within a short... That means they were masturbating, right? Want to go for a masturbating jog, Larry?

Cross the bridge. I'm a veteran, aren't I? Hello. They were within short distance of the spot when the panic occurred. The soldiers jumped in to help, climbing over the stone railway to the railway track. Stone railing to the railway track. Some helped pull out the dead, while others aided in keeping the crowd above back. Now. I mean, I'm sure I'll get the number at the end of this, but it is starting to hear that many people are dead. People are dead at this point. Dead. Yeah. It's just, you don't hear that anymore. Stair massacre. How was your... Eventually, people learned to go on the left and right. This is before people knew about flow.

Well, maybe some people on the bridge were, because there's a lot of immigrants, so maybe some people were from England and some people were from Americans, so they're walking... You're on the wrong side of the bridge. Yeah, you're on the wrong side, mate. All right. Wait a minute. We're both from the same country. Oh, shit. Oh, wait. Well, no, you don't. Oh, no. No, you're on the wrong side. There. I did it. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Now make sense. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm also American. I was doing an impression too, so... Wait a minute. So now bridge employees, policemen, wagon drivers, we're all doing what they could to assist. When

the crush had begun, men and women instinctively held their children above their heads. Men began grabbing these... Toss them like throwing in a soccer ball. Throw your babies on the bridge and I'll say, whoa. Whoopsie. I got a hell of an arm, don't I? Well, you can kind of float, though. Oh, wait. He landed on a hat. He landed on a raft of hats. Oh, my God. It was just for... Still dead, but... Oh, wow. Could have been worse. So they're pulling the kids out and hoisting them out, passing them from man to man until they're safe. Then they started pulling women and men out of the nightmare the same way. Some had their clothes torn to shreds, others were badly bruised and suffering. The stairs almost ate me. Oh, God. I don't know. We're

gonna have stairs again. Well, flat land from now on for me, sir. Well, most of the crushing had occurred in the stairway. At the top, there was also a great smashing of people. And there was, quote, pandemonium. What? Okay. So everyone, because now people are trying to get back out and other people are trying to come back, so it's not happening up top. Just chill out. Quote, men and women shouted, for God's sake, save us. Others shrieked out commands for the crowd to press back. Hats, canes, umbrellas, and packages were thrown away. The women seemed helpless while men who ought to have known better stood yelling and shouting, too bewildered to climb up on the girders when they had a chance. Why not take a shot at men? Well, the women seemed helpless as

they should be, but the men were like, oh, I can't get out either. The men became women that day. Oh, well, there was a horde of pussies on the stairs, quote, New York Times. It was 50-50 when they went up as far as the genders, but 100% women when it all was said and done. We figured out how to turn men into women. We've got a machine that makes your man a lady. It's a crowded stairwell. Quote, the first person pulled out was a stout woman who wore blue dress. We're back to the, we're back to the calling people fat. I don't, yeah. They have to say she's fat. But also it was easy to accommodate her clothing-wise down the street at 54th and 9th. That's where you're going to get a suit tailored for a lady. Sweet dresses for ladies.

Right next to Stan's Rain Shop having their annual going out of business sale. Shreds of the dress were, uh, friends, shreds of her blue dress were hanging to the waistband, but every particle of clothing from the waist down had been stripped from her person. Strangely enough, this woman was only slightly hurt, and the gentleman with her escaped with the loss of his hat. New York Times. I lost my dress and I lost my hat. New York Times went very thorough on that description of clothing. 40 people were dead and over 150 hats ruined. Many dresses died. Many dresses died. A little boy was taken out whose legs were badly hurt, but he just kept screaming, save my papa, save my papa. Oh, so he was out of a Charles Dickens novel.

Yeah. Then a man broke, can't you see him with a little newsy hat on? Yeah. Little tiny shorts. Save my papa, save my dad, come on, save my papa, don't make me sad, come on. And then he bites a nickel. Then a man broke loose from the pile of humans, grabbed the boy, and kept kissing his face. They dashed off as, maybe they were dating, they dashed off as many of, as many of those did when they were pole free, which kept the police or reporters present from getting their names. It would just be amazing to like, if you were one of the people watching that, like the, like him run off and be like, well, we got a happy ending. And then this guy comes up, he's like, that guy just took my boy. What the hell were you standing there for? I was kissing him.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, God damn it. When all finally calmed down, the first rescuers to get to the middle of stairs found the dead and dying wedged together, quote, as if they had been fastened by a vice. Blood came out of the ears and noses from the New York sun, quote, four men, a lad, six women, and a girl of 15 were quite dead. That's a category they had been found at the bottom of the heap. Quite dead. Well, this one is quite dead. Yes, this one's also quite dead. Is she flat like this one? Yeah, and then I've got about six or seven pretty dead ones here. Oh, I've got some super dead over here. Oh my God, look at all the super dead. The bodies were piled for deep at the foot of the stairs. Most were women. The bodies up top were put on the roadway and the injured were

put against the parapets. Wagons took people to hospitals before the ambulance has arrived. Relatives and friends of those injured ran alongside the wagons crying, sobbing or screaming. One woman was put in a grocery cart and rushed to the hospital. But when the cart arrived, she was already dead. Firemen arrived to help the wounded and also hold back officers. You just look crazy then. Yeah, when you pull up. A dead woman in your cart. Would you like some carrots, potatoes or a dead woman? How much for the dead woman? I haven't really put a price on it. I'm actually not going to sell her now that you said that. I would like four potatoes and the dead woman. I'll give you the potatoes, but honestly, I'm not selling her anymore. You really? Oh, come

on. What's for dinner then? Oh, sir. No. How much to touch her? Sir, I'm gonna, I'm moving away from here. Bye. Oh, gosh. Bye, my big girl. Oh, gosh. Sir, please. We're all right. I guess I'll just have sex with those potatoes. Wow. Wow. Too much? I don't know. We just got kicked off NPR. So the firemen arrived to help everything out. Hey, we got here right on time. How's everyone doing? Yeah, nobody told us. Oh, I'm going to punch this other fireman. Yeah. Gruntmen were weeping as they looked at the dead and heard the moans of the wounded. Many had no one with them, so they had to be comforted by strangers. Between their groans, they would ask for news of their missing. So obviously, all the people got crushed. Right. Yeah, they were missing people that also

got crushed. Right. Quote, around them stood women who had gone through the crush with little or no injury to their persons, but whose dresses and even underclothing hung in tatters and whose hats were crushed out of shape or missing altogether. So that is like that's like pervy, right? The New York Times, whoever wrote the articles for the New York Times had some serious clothing issues, because there was a lot of her dress was off and her hat was a skew, just like I like it. They call me journalist L. L. Bean. Go ahead. How many died? I don't know. There were a lot of dresses, a lot. The death count is over 400 shawls. So many. So many. So many kids lost their dads. And of course, the kids are gloves and the dads are the matching gloves in my world because I'm crazy.

But if, okay, so they're like dresses and underpants are tattered. I think, you know, they wear, that's pervy, right? Well, they were, at this time, I believe there's a dress and then an underdress and then yeah, but they're like all ripped. That's guys, they're all torn up. No, I think in the, I think just in the madness, they probably like, like, so when you're getting smashed, a lot of guys pants ripped off. It reminds me of when like, you'll see crowd surfing at a concert. Like when girls will do it, guys will, guys can just get so rapey. Yeah, they do get very rapey. Yeah, they'll just be like, my chance to touch a vagina. You're like, dude, please, never enjoy the moment. Ladies don't crowd surf. This is Queens of the Stone Age. Yeah. No time for

stinky pinky. Okay. All right. A woman with a cut on her leg stood loudly wailing because she had lost her black shawl. Oh, I called that one. She only left after arguing with the police for a long time. This man lost his son. Yes, well, I'm, I'm in a tizzy. I want my shawl. I demand my best shawl. She was fucking sitting there screaming because my best shawl is ruined. Yeah, find it. That was basically, where's the detective? Oh, sorry, we have to lift the bodies off of it. Well, I don't please don't make me sick. I've already been through enough. The last thing I need to know is that my shawl was near those dead people. How will I wear it again? Everyone who had been in the crush had torn coats or shirts missing or hats missing. Children were half stripped of their

clothing. They were all covered in dust and dirt while some had bloody patches on their clothes from those who had been crushed near them. So everyone's missing clothes. So the New York time says it took about 45 minutes from the beginning of the crush until all the injured and dead had been removed from the bridge. It was still packed with people. The remnants of what had occurred remained quote the promenade and the stairs were littered with all sorts of things lost by people. There were many blood stains on the steps and the silk lining of a hat was saturated with blood. Men and women's hats laid about in profusion. They were torn and crumpled. The ribbons and feathers were... Was this written by a hat? Is this like a hat paper? That's Jimmy the Hat

reporting from the scene. What is it? We lost many fallen brothers and sisters as far as hats go. I'm sorry. You know what? This wasn't from the New York Times. This is from the Hat Weekly. Welcome to Hat Weekly. Oh, News Hats. What's been going on at Hats today, Jimmy? Well, the New York Hats lost another close one tonight, Stan. It seems like the Hats just can't get their stuff together against other teams. We now go to Hats Coach Top. Two shoes laid near the fence on the south side of the promenade. Hundreds of hairpins. Welcome to Shoe Daily. And buttons were scattered about. Hi, I'm from Buttons. Hi. The entire mass was swept onto the railroad after the people who were okay had picked up what belonged to them. Yeah, right. Yeah, this all belongs to me. No,

I came here with 19 hats. Thank God you guys found my 81 hats. An hour after the crash, the only sign that anything had occurred was the opening in the iron railway that people and bodies had been pulled through. 13 died, but up to 27. So I know 13 died, but I saw a few places that it was 27. So quite, quite, somewhere quite dead. And a completely unknown amount injured. So anytime someone was injured, they would just take them away. So no one knows. Right. So it could have been, you know, 100 or whatever. How many hats perished? Well, I can't even, I'm sorry. Hundreds. I can't get into the hats. Hundreds. The blame for the tragedy was placed on the bridge management for not having station

members of its police force at strategic places to keep the crowds moving. There was a bridge police force. Of course, there had to be BPD. It became standard practice for uniformed officers to keep people moving along. And what a tragedy never repeated. What a gig. Don't bump into each other. Keep going. The following year, P.T. Barnum helped to reassure the public of the bridge's safety by leading a parade of 21 elephants over the bridge. So that's a happy ending. He shows up in so many dollops, but he just, he's an adjacent character. And I know someday we're going to get in. But he just pops up. Whenever there's some crazy bullshit, P.T. Barnum's got an elephant. He just shows up and he's like, would nine elephants help your tragedy?

Oh, hey, P.T. Hello. Just thought I'd bring nine elephants to the party. Fuck. Any update on barrels the clown? No, we don't know what happens with barrels the clown. Oh, shit. Well, those are simpler times to say the least. Oh, yeah, a lot of hats. We signed cars. Thanks.