The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 184 - The Past Times with Brooke Van Poppelen

Episode Date: July 24, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian, actor, writer Brooke Van PoppelenSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHDownload Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/4cq1zeop #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I started or not in 2013, and we make bike apparel. The best part of Shopify for me is our ability to run the business as essentially non-technical people. We're able to admin everything on the back end, front end, and sell things online easily. If Shopify were a bike accessory, I think it would actually be the bicycle. It's the thing that you do the thing on. We run the business on Shopify. Start your free trial on Shopify.com. to the past times. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here each week.

We go through a newspaper from a random date and history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I Gerith Reynolds have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest. The great, Brooke, Van, Appalin. I hit the, you sold it. I hit the E. I used to have a comedy. Hi, Brooke. Hi, what's up, buddy? I used to have a comedy club, the announcer at Zanies, if you've played there. Chicago? Yeah, the whole Chicago land area. All Zanis.

That club opened on the day I was born. Rosemont or Chicago? Chicago, downtown Chicago. Anyways, the right one. And he would, he was like, you are like a professional wrestler's announcer. Like your name is a professional wrestler-announcer's dream. Brook, Brooke, Van, Palm. And Dave's name is just dog shit for that.

Do you ever find that? Do you hear that, Dave? We'll see you guys later. No, no, no. Wait. Bye. In this corner. Brooke, you're living in Detroit.

How's that? It's trial by fire. I realized Los Angeles was not tenable anymore. I wanted to come home. Got canceled for being propel. Um, so I couldn't find any jobs. Hold on, I'm going to jump in. We don't like to bring up that sort of stuff on these things.

We're very, yeah, I know. That's, I feel like I'm in a safe place. We're middle of the row hoars. We can talk about it some other time, but my chances at ever getting a job again went by by. For now. And for now, for now, no, don't get me wrong. It's, it's, it's on the come up.

Here's, here's a credit. not letting go of the topic of Gaza led me to getting an autism diagnosis. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Wow. Oh, my God. Is that what this has all been for?

Are we in your simulation? Well, I also feel like I died in another timeline because I don't know what this dog shit life is that I'm living. But anyways, no, yeah, ADHD and autism, I've got the both of them. Way to good. Oh, that's going to come in handy on this show without question. Jesus.

Oh, yeah. And you were talking about Abdul Al-Sayed before. We're all very, I mean, that guy is just crushing. He's crushing. It's awesome. Can't eat her own fat neck. I don't care, you know. I just.

You're going to have trouble. Because the fat neck gets in the way. She's going to have trouble. Bad neck does, yes. Well, you wrote on my MTV show called Philosophy a lifetime ago. I was talking to someone who worked on Tosh Point O the other night and I think maybe co-created Tosh Point O, but I can't remember. But he was talking about it and I was like, oh yeah, well, I had the show that led into

or that followed ridiculousness for a season. It's like, oh, yeah, that show. Well, and then I think the show you created turned into basically every show at midnight, at midnight in every show. Some version. Yeah. No, I was pulling a home fries out of a window in a restaurant on Sunday. And our like 23-year-old Buster was like,

I was just thinking about this show called Girl Code is so funny. He said it randomly. I go, I co-created it and wrote the first episode. And then I went in the parking lot and I cried. Yeah, that's how you do it. Home cried. That's how you do it. Home cries, home cries.

With some crispy onions. Well, by the way, Dave has a theory that home fries made us cancel a show in San Francisco because he ate him in an airport. Absolutely happened. See, this is, this changed. It's evolved. Now it's 100%. Okay. Go.

San Francisco food ruined my life for eight months. He didn't eat it in San Francisco, though. Oh, Phoenix. Phoenix Airport. Phoenix Airport. I would pause it. Last minute to order breakfast, I order. I think I see.

someone taking something out of a trash can and I'm like whatever and I can't be and then I eat the food and I'm like and I start to immediately feel sick and I'm like that that fucker that worker like they they threw away the breakfast food and she went in to the trash can

and pulled out the home fries and served and I was on the floor you've always blamed everything on the workers what is that sort of always seems to be a connective theme in your stuff what is that about but anyway so he ate them and then he got food poisoning and he as soon as I landed for the show that my phone started working and Dave was like we have to cancel the show and I was like what I couldn't get off the floor well he was he was shitting and by the way now that's

the standard of eating in America yeah just that's right I was just I was just going to say I listened to you know my buddy James Fritz with you guys you really would not get off raccoon penis for a good 40 minutes. Who's going to get off a raccoon penis? I'm getting on one right now after this. But the whole RFK Jr. thing, it's like Michigan is having a cyclose sprious, like explosive diarrhea outbreak. It's so bad. The restaurant, well, yeah, those butt cheeks are spreading.

And I'll tell you that much. And we can't even serve lettuce or vegetables in our restaurant. So people are coming in and they're like, I was like, but also it's like Michigan. So everyone's like, I'm a chili. I'm chilly based, you know? Yeah. Give me a meatloaf. Yeah.

It's not a problem. You are. If you're at a restaurant, I mean, that is ground zero for this shit. Michigan. I, well, and they're, they're like, we can't quite narrow it down because the CDC research department was shuttered. Well, our diarrhea budget got cut a lot under RFK. It really took some major cuts.

When I was catering right before I had to leave Los Angeles, which is a sign when you know you're catering a holiday party in Los Angeles, it was Cheryl. It was a private house party and it was Cheryl and RFK and I was like, I could take care of this right now. Any gossip on her? Burns, a guy who works on our Patreon a lot, he's like, I could have killed Elon Musk.

He was like, he was working on, I think he was working on Iron Man. And at one point it was just him and Elon Musk. And it was when he was like, wow, this guy's an ingenue. And he was like, I could have killed him right there. By the way, the idea that it would have fallen, he's so weak. So it's like he would, Elon would have knocked him out. But in his head, he was like, I could have taken him out. The way that story ends is like he just gets killed.

Anyway, speaking of getting killed, that's going to happen a lot in this episode. episode. Great. Brooke, you're a listener. So you know you get first crack at a guess. You're going to guess a year. There's going to be no context. The good news is Dave's going to just, Dave's definitely going to say you win.

He's got just these issues that no, I mean, he's married to a freaking therapist. Do you think somebody would be able to dig through this stuff? But look at him right now with a dead stare off into something, just acting normal. He's going to weaponize it against me. But go ahead, Brooke, whenever you're. All right. All right. I hope I impress the empty husk of a human I'm looking at here, Dave.

Let's see. I'm going to go with my grandfather's birth date, 1901. You win. It is November 4, 1900. Congratulations. You would have won anyway. That's my birthday in 1900. You look amazing.

You look great for being in 1926. You look unbelievable. Yeah, it's good. But that's how old my, that's how old my grandfather would be. It's anyways. Well, he wouldn't survive this diarrhea outbreak. Nobody would survive this diarrhea outbreak. Detroit, Michigan, November 4th, 1900.

You know, they're saying that this diarrhea sounds like RFK when you shit. It's like. Detroit. Really? But you didn't know I moved here? No, but our guy knows you're from there. our guinus our guin's what we call a super creep

he posted his butthole on Twitter go ahead Dave he's a super creeper yeah he posted his butt hole on Twitter yeah because the nuggets won yeah not from McDonald's either those nuggets won too those nuggets are undefeated right now those nuggets's the only thing you can eat

America that won't give you diarrhea only drive through food you can eat right now we finally found our final form which is nugget based I'm happy eating at Arby's forever from here on out. It's fine. Yeah. I'm all, we'll sidebar. We'll talk off air. Oh, okay. It's pretty good. That's, that should be their slogan instead of we got the meat. Pretty good. Pretty good. I never had it. He does this. I've never had Arbys.

He does this stuff where he becomes the most unrelatable man. It's terrible. I never understood it. Why would I want a weird fast food sandwich? Oh, they're great. They're honestly great. It's cool to hate on them like when everyone was like, uh, the, Eagles suck or like, you know, the band or like, you know, so on and so forth. There's all these weird. Everyone is just like Arby's. And I'm like, bro, give me a beef and cheddar. I like thinking of Arby's is the Eagles of Food is phenomenal.

It is. It really is. Don't hate on it. It got me through a mental breakdown last summer. Did Arby's order to up to teenage escorts and almost kill one at their home in Los Angeles? No? Yeah. As a matter of fact, it fucking did.

That's why they closed the one on sunset. Get to reading. And they write his song about the press being mean about it? Yeah. Hmm. Says they bewitched him. Pittsburgh man brings suit

against two gypsies. Fucking finally. We need to sue the gypsies. Don't even, you're not even supposed to use that term. Why? Because I know you're close. but that gets you in trouble still.

Why? With, with what? People from Romania? Yeah, I think so. I think it's a negative term for Romanian. We've lost all of our Romanian listeners. Do you, are we supposed to use the term travelers? Listen, I'm not even, I'm not even weighing in.

Untethered. I call them, untethered people. Yeah, I call them, you know. That what do you call them? scarf, scarf based. Dangling earring wagon based. Hoop sales people. Yeah.

Okay. In the U.S., Gypsy is usually considered a slur, but in the UK, gypsy traveler slash traveler population prefers gypsy. Who, I'm, I'm, here's what I'm not going to do is let the UK be the barometer of any terms that we want cut out. Okay. No. Because they certainly are like, well, what's about what are you supposed to call them now?

You're like, Indian. Oh, you go keep changing it. You're like, no, they haven't. Oh, yeah, as a Dutch, as a Dutch girl, you know, with family in Netherlands, they're like, well, you know what? To be less racist, we took the hoop earrings of Sinter Claus. Blackface still goes. They still have that.

Yeah. Their goods. Yeah. It's amazing to think that the, the, the, There's maybe like a crossover where Megan Kelly is fighting against other racism for Santa, where she's like, Santa's white. And others are like, no, we enjoy blackface. It's like, well, you two got to get into a room and work out Santa's fucking color.

Okay, so a gypsy is derived from Egyptian based on the false historical belief that the Romani people originated in Egypt. No. No. No. And it has been historically used to perpetuate a negative stereotype associating the group with theft, leading to the pejorative term, jip. Yeah.

Well, that seems mean. Yeah. And in the UK, it's used for both Irish and Romani groups, because they love to mix those up. The only kind of mix in they're okay with. by the way, congrats on how Harry Kane looks. It's not English enough.

John. Oh, my God. Harry King. Nothing. Sorry. My partner's a Brit. So it's like I have to root for England until they disappoint us tomorrow.

Yeah, they will. They will disappoint. They will. They will disappoint. Yeah. It'll probably be in the final. It's not coming home. Yeah.

No, it's not. It's not coming home. But Harry Kane, though, also coming out as like soft mago. It's like, pro, how do you, boy, there are certain people like. Read the room. Hide it better, you idiot. Yeah. Well, really've enjoyed golfing with Trump on repeated occasions.

All these people are like, when you get him one-on-one in a room, he's a great guy. I don't fucking give a shit. What are you talking about? What the actual one, when you're fucking kicking it with Hitler, he's actually a cut up. He's got a lot of good one-liners. Oh, my God. He's more interesting than he lets on. Yeah.

Crazy. Okay, sorry. Pittsburgh Man brings suit against two gypsies. John W. Lee of McKee Rocks filed an odd suit against Raphael and Carmen Zingaro before Alderman William Walsh. The defendants are gypsies and our man and wife. Lee claims they have bewitched him. Okay, well, this is when you go to the courts. Disprove.

I do miss the days when you had to disprove the accusation of witchcraft. It's just kind of like. It just used to be burnt. Shit. How are you going to prove you didn't? I will see you in court. How are you going to prove that you didn't do that to him? I will see you at the bottom of a pond.

Honestly. Yeah. Yeah. Coming up with your float rationale. When if I float and I'm fucked. and I'm fucked if I drown. It's the best case. Witches are the first

brewers of beer. Men take credit, but which is created beer. Seems... I'll talk to you about it some months. No. No, no. It seems very caldrony.

Brooke, are you a witch? You got to tell us if you are. Absolutely. I can't decide... Not to be inappropriate, but fill your bathtub and lay in it. We got to watch. Wait, is it good to float or bad?

I forget. Bad floating is bad. Drowning is vindicating. Yeah. Right. If you drown and die, right. You're a witch.

Yeah. No, no, no. If you drown and die, then you were not a witch. You drown, then we go, ah, it sucks.

We lost a good woman. But if you fly, you fucking witch. Either way, chicks got killed. It's just, that was the law of the land. But, yeah,

I'm either a kitchen witch or a green witch. I'm not into potions and spells. shit like that. Oh, because there's a comedian. There's a comedian in Los Angeles's name I cannot remember, but she was doing a bit about how her, no, not that kind of witch. She was doing a, a little something from Brooke.

She didn't want to laugh, but she did want to laugh. So that's what happened there. And she was younger and her mom liked this guy in the neighborhood. And she was like, bring this muffin I made to him. And she's like, okay. And make sure you watch him eat it. Because my menza's in there. And the girl's like 11 and she has to go get this.

Dude. Because her mom is a witch. Don't sleep on the menzas. Well, there is power in that, but you're usually supposed to bury it in the ground or something under a full moon. Don't put it in a river. And if it floats, it's witch blood. I had to put it all over my dog. A guy I used to buy weed from.

He one night was like, he was like telling me this dramatic story about his ex. And I was like, ah, and he's like, she fed me this chili dude. I was like, yeah. And he's like, then she fucking told me. And I was like, our relationship is, our little car catchups are very bizarre. What was her reasoning for doing? She wanted to get him back. He was breaking up with her.

So she, you know how when you're breaking up with someone, they make you a chili? that's it does it does sound midwester and i'm not gonna refute that by the way if you're in the midwest right now now is the time to put your menzies in the chili you can't eat vegetables or a stew can't or you have to cook them you have to cook them they have to get up to 158 degrees but who's going to notice who's going to notice menzies at that point that's right sub tomato paste for mensies. I just I do that at the restaurant.

I go, I put in my ticket. Sub tomato paste and period blood. Yeah, give them some of the menzies. I put some on the counter. Some right back there near the friars. It's from my diva cup because I'm a witch.

Anyways, you guys, you guys went there. You got blood sitting next to your chili sauce. Kitchen nightmares. Yeah, and guess who's back together? that's right that's how it works every fucking time

I'm dating the bus boy again every guy ordered chili making eyes at Brooke Hey you got to get cash tips baby cash Okay John

Oh yeah so He says they'd be witch him He's been bewitched He says The woman can bring on an attack of illness by looking at him. It seems like men are, every time men were getting sick, they thought it was a witch. Yeah.

Like an epidemic of men are like, I have diarrhea. Now I just got to figure out who gave it to me. And how far are we from this coming back? We are now. Honestly, I think we're maybe four days away. This whole explosive diarrhea, they're going to blame it on the witches. Yep. this whole 250 year experiment that's failing.

We're back to comparing women to rotten cabbage. So you pick. You pick. You know? I like kimchi. Who did it? That's not rotten. That's fermented.

True. I like it. She did so last Saturday night. He says, Raphael plays on some musical instrument. What you couldn't find out what he plays. Just a journalist. Come on.

Narrow it down. You don't even ask. Which has the effect of causing Lee to lose his appetite and keeps him from sleeping. So she's doing it through a tuba. Before we knew about heartburned. I ate a bunch of hot, I ate a bunch of peppers before bed. Something kept me up. It's that witch.

I got the hot. burps. Still another count is that the people own a dog, the side of which throws Lee into fits during which he barks. Is that all you have? Well, plus when I see their dog, I get really pissed off. Lee is a Republican and says Raphael Zengaro hypnotized him into making a speech for Brian.

So this guy's out of it. This guy's literally. He's good too. He's great. be hospitalized. He needs to be hospitalized. 100% would have gone to the 250 fair. That's just a guy who is hearing voices in his head.

That's what that was. And he took a one of the court for it. She's a witch. She meansied him. The pastimes is brought to you by. Cash app. I like the way I say that. I do.

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a Block Incorporated brand. Visit Cash.app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, Montreal is a city I've always wanted to properly explore. If I were to go this summer, I'd want to do it right. I'm talking about wandering the plateau, grabbing a wood-fired bagel from Fairmont Bagel at 9 a.m. Catching the jazz festival where some of the best musicians in the world are just playing outside for free in the middle of the city.

Maybe sitting in Mount Royal Park with absolutely nothing on my schedule. That's my kind of trip. And here's where my brain goes. If I'm daydreaming about wandering around in Montreal, that means my place back home is just sitting empty. And that's the thing that actually clicked for me while I'm away. I could be listing my space on Airbnb. Someone else gets a real home and a real neighborhood,

close to hiking trails, a great farmer's market, the kind of charming little main street where everything closes by 9 p.m. Somehow that's exactly the appeal. And I come back with a little extra cash towards the trip. The math works out pretty well for everyone. It's genuinely one of those moves that just makes sense. Whether it's a long weekend or a couple of weeks, Your home doesn't have to sit there doing nothing.

Listing on Airbnb while you're away is always a great way to make your homework for you and fund the next adventure. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. Get some. I think that's the thing that they say, get some. They've been very clear that not do stuff like that. Girls scared to death.

About time. Murder. Back time, we got one of these. A murder. Practical joke that ended fatally in New York. Oh. And Detroit was reporting on this? Yeah, sometimes there's not a lot going on, so they just grabbed.

Got it. I was just going to say, I'm like, I'm pretty sure there was crazy. Well, at this point in history, Detroit was basically the most top thriving city in all of America. I mean, so they had nothing to complain about. They were like, we're rich as fuck. And then it all just kind of went downhill. Boy, it didn't go downhill. Motown was still to come.

But it's back. Is it back? Define back. It's great. It's great here. It really is an incredible place. I do like to try it. Yeah, but I'm just saying that this was like their peak.

They were considered the France of the Midwest, like the Paris. Like we had tree lined boulevards. We had the most like Gothic architectural. And because we lost all of our money and went bankrupt. up two times after 64 and then again in the 80s. We couldn't even afford to tear down the original architecture. So it remains and it didn't get turned into glass and metal buildings. And it's fucking gorgeous.

And instead, everyone who's bought everything has maintained the integrity of buildings built in the late 1800s and turn them into lofts. And like, it is amazing. Like the Masonic temple is the oldest Masonic temple in the entire country. and Jack White paid. Yeah, I'm a Mason. Yeah, you're a Mason. Yeah, Jack White paid off their remaining balance of their mortgage.

And so now he owns the Masonic Temple and it's crazy and weird as hell. Oh, we're coming for you. All right. Hey, hey, pal, calm the fuck down. We're coming for Jack. Shut up, asshole. There will be vengeance. He's a bit of a liberal idiot, but he has a really great heart.

I love him. He's definitely, you know, he's definitely, yeah, he definitely doesn't want to tear the whole system down, but he's thrive greatly under it. He sure hates Trump, and I don't hate that. He sure does. No, and he gets under Trump's skin, and I kind of love it. Yeah. Oh, he does. I didn't know that.

Yeah. Well, Mason, maybe come out of your little Mason temple every now and then let's see what's happening in the real world. Quit drinking your buddy's mencies. No, absolutely will not. My friend. and my friend, Frank. I'm sorry, guys. It's the new breast milk.

Brooke, can guys make mencies? Yeah, the way I do it. If they milk a lot enough. Is it sort of like, no, no, no. It's sort of like when you get your dogs, like anal glands, you know, expelled. I bet you guys have a little something in there.

I'm going to, I'll tell you what, I'm going to die finding out. That's for sure. Just enough for a teaspoon? I don't know. I'm really upset that Brooke took that to such a relatable thing that it created such a visual in my... You guys should get it.

We're going to figure it. Yeah. I had a cat that I had to get a lot of anal expression. Anal expression is different. Anal expression to me is... There's a lot of anal expression happening in Detroit right now. Good. Guys, don't eat lettuce.

Okay. we fully become Trump when it's like don't eat lettuce that's what it's what it's best he can't even have he can't have big Macs like the defining characteristic of a Big Mac is the shredded lettuce if it kills him if this kills him because he wants lettuce on his Big Mac if he went out because he just shit himself

to death wow more you mean more you mean more You know why he eats McDonald's so much is because years ago he did a commercial. In lieu of payment, he took lifetime, lifetime free McDonald's. Yep. And he's 80. And he's 80. Good stuff.

The authorities of Allegheny County are looking for persons who manufactured a skeleton out of bones of domestic animals. Oh, you can't do that anymore? The idea. I mean, what the fuck? So can you guys tell me what my friend Danny died from? Boy, looks. Is he all cat femurs? No.

Okay, because he looks pretty. He was some dog too. Okay. And a porcupine. The skull, you know, the skull of a raccoon. What kind of man was he? He was a good man. He was a good man.

I miss my friend. He liked to get into the garbage, but he was proper. He was, he showed up for church on proper fella. Anyway, now can we talk about the insurance money? We did take a policy out on Danny. Ever since he got diagnosed with raccoon bones, we were a little worried. He might not have long on this world.

And you know what? We didn't even specify raccoon bones. We just put in our claws bone replacement. Yeah. You know? Just any bone. So how tall was your friend? He was about 3.8.

3.8. He had a baby skull. Baby raccoon. skull and he was missing two fingers on each hand. He had two left feet. Two left feet. Rib wise, we're looking at about four QM.

At about four Qum. Anyway, the check can go out to me. Andy Schmitterman. A skeleton made out of bones of domestic animals which frightened Mary Oldfield to death. Well, that took a turn that I was

not expecting. I mean, I think it was in the line, but I still was thrown. This is, this is 1900, right? Yeah. So they showed, they showed her, uh, the dog skeleton that they'd sort of piece together and then she passed away. I don't know. I feel like it was normal to see shit like this, whereas today we would be like, what?

You know, like so much is hidden from us. Yeah. Well, Dave probably knows. He didn't already have. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's right. It's true.

Now it's more hidden. Everything's hidden. We have a lot of it in the, The Mason. Oh, it's called the hut. I don't believe it is. The hut. Are you on the inside?

Well, you didn't know that mason's bought all the old pizza huts and they converted it to town. Oh, you know, you know, they brought back the vintage pizza huts in specific locations. Yeah. Love it. No masons. Let's just do this. This is what we should do. Let 70% of America completely burn and then just redo the,

the 30% back to like 82. And then let's just kind of go out in this sort of like, you know, Alzheimer grocery store where we're just walking around buying fake items and our little delusions. I think that could be nice. Yeah. I think I used to eat a cereal called Gremlins. No, not Gremlin.

Maybe. Maybe it was called Gremlins. Anyways, it was very sugary. You were a Gremlins. I'm sure there was a cereal called Gremlins. 100%. That's got to be a real thing. And it had plastic toys inside.

Oh, yeah, plastic toys. I mean, cereal all had, like, delicious little toys at the bottom. I don't think you're supposed to eat those. No, they're good. No. That was a good car. They're crunchier. Have you guys eaten toys to cereal?

Yeah, it was a short-lived breakfast cereal, um, 1984 featuring gizmo-shaped pieces. It tasted like cap and crunch. And it was discontinued shortly after it left movie theaters. What about this? I think they were called Freakies. A serial called Freakies. Anyways.

Sorry. I'm, I'm de real. Poor Mary died from seeing a raccoon skeleton body, which to me just seems like something that just lives in the woods. Yeah, there was freakies. At all times. Thank you. Okay. Thanks.

I'm old. I'm aging myself. Oh, yeah. I'm looking at the toys now. I remember these toys. They're so great. Yeah. Cracker Jacks, baby.

Yeah. Anyways. Okay Miss Oldfield Accompanied by Two Friends Was returning from a Halloween party Where they had listened to gruesome stories Until their hair stood on end

When about to enter the woods A rattling of bones was Herdard overhead Do you hear bones rattling Above us? Very near And looking up the trio Were overcome with horror

To see a skeleton of gigantic proportions sweeping down on them from above. I am dog raccoon boy. Ah! I have finger a frog. Hello. With the cry of terror, Mary dropped dead in her tracks.

I have a gerbil. She died, dude. That's... I am gerbil, man. This just doesn't seem real. I have a handset spine and a dog head. It's not real. I do not accept being alive in 1900 and having something like that scare you to death.

Like life was scary. And she might have an underlying Lindsey Graham torn aorta or what have you situation. Bye. Goodbye, Ladybug. Or this is how Charlie Kirk died too. Oh, yeah, that's definitely how he died from a failed heart that had a bullet come through. microphone, but anyways. My son was like, did Charlie Kirk die from a bullet?

And I go, yeah, yeah, he did. And then I go look it up and I go, well, that's weird. It's great to live in the era of where you're like, did Charlie Kirk get shot to death? And you're like, either that or they put an exploding mic on him to fight a war. I'm not sure why they. I just like, just cleared his neck. No big deal. Anyways, you want to talk about the multiple assassination attempts that nobody cares about?

Hey! Yeah. Oh, man. This whole timeline is a bowl of freakies. I smoked a bowl of freakies before we started. With a cry of terror, Mary-Droped Dender Tracks, a searching party found a wire leading from the ground to a tree top to which the skeleton was attached by a pulley. Hold on. This is not...

Oh, you mean a... This is not a gerbil skeleton man. It didn't actually fly. I was like, okay, you mean like a wire, like something made out of metal, not the kind that transmits yet electricity? No, they didn't Charlie Kirk. Or that one, yeah, no. Or Wi-Fi. Got it.

Okay. So a wire meaning like a piano wire. But Mary died. Mary died and that's sad. But I guess if we're talking about kind of culling the herd, she was like. like we're saying, too weak for the time anyway. Yeah. You're not going to survive.

Some of us aren't meant. Yeah. Some, but thank you. Thank you very much. This is also, the early 1900s, there were a lot of flying skeletons.

So if you couldn't handle a fake one, I don't know what to say to you. I didn't know that. That was a true. They were all over the plate. Is that right? Yeah. That was,

yeah. The first like 10 years, Teddy Roosevelt got rid of him. Hmm. Oh, yeah. I'll be hunting them. Oh my God. I have a stupid portrait of him that I was going to put in my garage sale.

I'll find it at some point. You should. Right. That'll be part two. Don't sell that. Fight with knives. Battle between members of the Georgia legislature. See?

Not even Detroit still, but that's awesome. Let's bring it back. Representative Hardin of Wilkes, a member of the Georgia legislature, was seriously wounded. And Representative Kahn and two other legislators were cut severely in a fight with knives, which took place today aboard a special train accompanied by members of the legislature in route here to attend the state fair. They were coming to the state fair.

They got into a knife fight on a train. Let's go. Yeah, this is so John Wick coded. That's so great. And like, like, what do we have? have like a boot knife do we have you know like women used to pull like stabbing devices out of their you know their hair all that stuff were you just open carrying a machete i don't know yeah i love it you know and georgia probably open carrying a machete my guess is bowie knives

that would be my guess bring bring back arming these people with blades for these sessions yeah well i mean i feel like that that would like make some change in Congress. And if it doesn't, at least we get a new vote. Although this sounds like how Trump thinks voting in Georgia is actually decided now. Yeah, yeah, of course. Night fighting on trains. We're getting that big address tomorrow.

I mean, the only place where I'm truly like this is so deeply unfair is upon the, no, the peaceful people who ride public transportation in New York City. there has just been this crazy uptick since the pandemic and before that, like since I left, it's just, it's like the 80s and 70s again. We're just everyone's getting knifed on a train that you can't get out of. I don't want to get political, but ever since Mom Dani came in, okay, this fucking guy. That's what they think. He comes in and he just doesn't do anything.

There's garbage on the street now. It's crazy. It's nuts. You let the Islamic radicals. You know, yeah. I was like, it's always been that way. But anyways, there's just been an uptick. Okay, sure.

All right, I believe you. Trust me. I'm a white guy who doesn't live there. I trust him. Trust me. I'm a white guy who doesn't live there. Pretty sure I know what's going on. I have a computer.

So, okay. So they're on their way. Did you say they're on their way to parliament? There's nothing else to this story. Hardin and Representative Hambry became involved in a quarrel. and the others were wounded in endeavoring to stop the disturbance. That's it. That's the whole story.

They should be much more. There should be much more. That is so fucking. Maybe. That is, how do you leave it there? I don't know. Maybe Preston could have looked up like how Detroit has the world's first and oldest aquarium

in all of the U.S. That are, I know. They're boring. That's just another place. to strip copper from. I completely agree. This is a Preston problem.

Preston. It is. My God. No, I'm just saying it's, it's, uh, Detroit, yeah, went on to have many, many problems after that. But people were very prosperous. Um, and then everyone was like, everyone was like, everyone, like, everyone's like, oh, these people died on the train in Georgia.

How did they die? Wait, which, which article is that? Nobody died. What was the headline? They just got stabbed. They got stabbed. They didn't give us any context for that one. I was looking for like the day before and after, but they didn't say.

Okay. We're going to make you a special chili to celebrate this when we're done recording. Okay. You're in trouble. Thank you. Guess what? Bye-bye. My cycle, it's coming home.

So I'll be ready. Oh, here we go. That's good to hear. Probably tomorrow, later today or maybe tomorrow. So anyways. That's awesome. That's exciting. Wait, okay.

So I'm thinking of all the violence in Detroit. Yeah. Well, like you said, it was a nicer place, maybe. I don't know. It was an incredible, I mean. It was a rich haven. Well, and it was the birthplace of the black middle class. And they black banks, black own business, black bottom is the whole area I live close to,

which is now called the Cass Corridor and all this other shit. But like it was erased. They were like, white people were like, we can't have this. So let's build a freeway through it. And that is I-75. Cool. And so they were like- Also beautiful, very cultured too.

It's a beautiful- Very cultured. When you're down here, you're like, why are there so many highways intersecting? And it was because white people were like, because we can't have this flourishing black middle class. And we got to get rid of their banks. And so like our downtown grid is insane with highways because it was an unnecessary highway. It seems like we live in an era where if you're going to be racist, you've really got to look at the whites to really.

Like if you want to make full stereotypical generalizations, I mean, it seems like the whites haven't really had a good idea of what to do. no where they're just like let's let's bulldoze first and then take forever forever to build this damn highway when and then and then when you're like there's no food to eat they're like eh all right whoops go to taco bell oops have you guys have you guys had some lettuce uh you guys don't try lettuce um no i know Detroit Detroit's a crazy it's worth looking looking deeper into it's it's one the craziest. It was our last show before COVID. It was Detroit, I believe.

Oh, no shit. Where did you perform? We were in Royal Oak, I think, weren't we, Dave? Yeah, Royal Oak. Yeah. That's a beautiful stupor. We were at the Masonic Hut there.

Yeah. Dave, come on. Dave keeps trying to convert me into masonry. It's a great. It's just get down to one of the huck gatherings. The way he loses me, he goes, let me show you the secret kiss. And it's just like a long French,

kiss. I'm always like, I don't know if this is a secret. That's what we do. It's part of our thing. In San Francisco, my, my dumb Midwest family, we were on a, you know, 90s vacation, totally out of our element. We ate at a gay bar by accident. It was hilarious. We were like children and, and my, my brother was like, why is it only men sitting with men? You know, and it was, yeah, early 90s. And then my mom wouldn't let any of us use the bathroom. She's like, no, you can't use the bathroom. I know. It was so stupid. There's AIDS in there.

That's why. AIDS and rape, you know. And it's like, anyways. But then I think we accidentally stumbled into a Masonic temple area light, sort of. It's funny to be like, use this bathroom. But is it something like a saying kind of like like winding spiders, they're not go or like. Dasty is not really a Mason, unfortunately. Oh, okay.

So you don't know. You fucking liars. No, no, no. I just know about the, I know about the hut. I don't know about the temples. Shut up. I'm on the hut level. Shut up.

Yeah, so we're known as the hudders, but we're part of the mason. This is where Dave finds out. He's not a mason. Wait a minute. I think this guy just keeps taking me to a tent. Dave will be Mason. Boy is beginning young. All right, stick to the article.

What does that mean? Ew. Read a headline. Oh, we're going to find a man. find out one day last week a lad about 11 summers was looking i'm going to start doing that 11 what are you doing i'm going to start doing that was looking around the clothing department of a north branch general store and the attention of one of the clerks was attracted by the little fellow's abdominal proportions hey you kids got good abs may i and going up to him said quote my little man what causes this abnormal condition

that's a plaster on my stomach, the boy replied. But it took the clerk a minute to perform the surgical operation necessary to remove the very neat little overcoat. The boy had carefully poked up under his waistcoat and the patient is doing nicely. He was stealing a coat. Oh. Get it? Yep. You get it?

Uh-huh, ha, ha. So the point of that article is just that that guy's like, I have a funny way of saying this kid took something. That's right. And they were like, yeah, all right. Nothing else is happening in Detroit. And, oh, God, did you say plastic or plaster? Plaster. Plaster.

Plaster, okay. Oh, man, I, uh, when I, when I was still living here, I hosted a film festival. Do you know Cynthia plastercaster? No. No. Oh, my God. She's, nope, but possibly she, uh, she, uh, We hosted a documentary with her, and she basically had every rock star in the 60s and 70s.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put their erect dicks into her plaster cast. Yeah. And so she's got tons and tons of rock stars. Yeah, dude. She sure doesn't. I'm looking at, I'm. She's so fun.

I'm pleasantly surprised at some of the size of these rock star penises. Oh, boy. They're not bad. I'm hanging in there. I'm hanging in there with some of these. Look at this. Hell yeah. You're feeling compared.

They look like shitty Oscars. Yes. By the way, like the FIFA trophy, like what is going on with the mangled balls and veins like that we're pretending is a soccer ball? It's so ugly. We're doing everything we can to try to keep Trump in the closet at this point. So everything just has to be basically a fallace and he can hold it and play with it. But we still, he's an alpha. I mean, this one of these penises.

looks like a poop. So, oh, and it's a rolling stone's penis. I know. And then the egg-shaped one is Epstein. I'm still eating eggs. Go ahead, Dave.

Oh, yes. Okay, yeah, I'm listening. He's an egg freak. I know, me too, though. Uh-oh, what do you eat? What do you, what do you, how many eggs are you eating? I did a podcast where they,

sorry, I said my mouth. They asked me to pick my favorite food. I was like eggs just because of their versatility. How many eggs you put them any way you want? How many eggs you put in a week? Recently, not a lot. No, none.

Gareth, how many eggs are you putting away a week? Let's just say we don't need Brooke to eat any. I got her. I got her back. Plenty. I get on and off that egg train. you know what I'm saying? I love eggs and I mix them with aoli.

Also eggs. Go fuck yourself, Dave. You fucking non-Mason. Have you made miso eggs, soy eggs? Oh, baby. I have. Yeah.

Okay. I'm throwing eggs in the air fryer. Yeah, text me. So, Gareth left. My light went out. I'm sorry. So we're doing one last. Like your light only

just went out. Well, my light started strobing, which is very weird. But yeah, it went into a strobe mode. I told you. It's my bad energy. Yeah. What do you? It's your witch. Are you a witch? Yeah. Well, so I did have two mediums tell me that, yes, I was a witch in very unsettled Netherlands a long, long time ago. And I'm supposed to be in this time in my life, a cycle breaker. Oh. It's cool shit. Interesting. And also two different mediums say to me, your dad is a numb nut. Yes. And I was like, yeah.

How does everybody know that? What? Yeah. A numb nut. Right. A real specific term. Isn't that's the, that's just it. It's a really specific term.

And just just he's a kind person, but emotionally stupid and selfish. Okay. And just can't, can't picture other people's needs. above his own. Oh, that's great. That's good. Only child. That's good if you're raising a child. That's really good. Yes. I'm not scarred by that at all, but we are an adult. We're in adulthood and we are, I like to report that through coaching on my end and teaching other people how I should be treated, I've been having like fabulous breakthroughs with my parents. There you go. Because I'm back in

Michigan. What am I supposed to do? Yeah. Yeah. You got to get a lot of the parents. I do. They're great, you know, and they used to be like, oh, I'll see you twice a year. And now I'm like, all right, we're all like back in this shit together. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, speaking of that, back of his head blown off. A what? Back of his head blown off. Oh. Fatal accident to John Fulker's while hunting. I'd say. Did your dad hunt? It's Michigan. Did you have a hunter? No.

Mm-hmm. the first hunting fatality of the season in this section came to light this forenoon you can't say you can't you can't use the word forenoon in a shooting accident it's trying it's too flowery of language you have to be more AP style journalism you know yeah 8.4 a.m. man suffers you know you know keep it vague so no one's ever to blame but you know that's right. man, man killed by bullet head comes off. Yes. In the finding of the body of John Fulker's along the roadside out Lepere Avenue,

with the back of his head blown off and his shotgun tightly clasped in his hands. Okay, so this is not hunting. This is a different, he hunted himself because... No, this doesn't sound like you can't blow the back. of your head off. Where are you going? Unless, well, I'm saying he was not a deer.

Okay, yeah, my uncle didn't manage to do that. He only blew the front of his face off, so. Anyways. Okay. From the circumstances surrounding the case and the position of the body when found,

it is, oh, it is believe he tripped while carrying his gun, cocked, and in falling, the trigger caught and the full charge entered his head just back of the right ear, literally blowing off the entire back of the head. Okay. You know, we all watch too much forensic file everything. Wow.

I mean, that is an oopsie. It seems if you're... How is he still clutching his gun? That's the thing, right? I'm thinking if you fall, unless he was trying, which would be dumb, but trying to stop the falling with using the gun as like a brace. But I don't think you do that as an experience. Hunter, I think this was a, you know, this is just one of those things are like, yeah, look, our boy, our boy took himself out. But let's just say it was an accident. Yeah.

This is so, I mean, because like obviously they were like no forensics, journalism is garbage. Everyone's just friends with whoever they want to be friends with in town. And as we know, back in the day, if he just wanted to get rid of someone, he just took them out of the woods. No questions asked. No follow-up. It's just like, he fell on his knife. You know, just everything is a little bit of that. And yes, hunting is a huge deal in Michigan, mid-Michigan more so.

And then obviously in the Upper Peninsula. love. My dad, my dad was a cop and, yeah, it's the whole thing. And they were up in the UP with a group of friends and like, oh, my God, the UP is like so unlawful. It's just, you know, the way they talk about, you know, like the Emerald Triangle up in, you know, the weed people. It's like, there ain't no laws up here.

up there they ain't got no laws it's so the upper peninsula is that and people will vacation up there drive over the mackanow bridge and just go into like uncharted territory because they're like oh it's it's quaint we'll get some pasties which are like Polish kind of like nice and oh you don't tell me oh okay great you know you know and his fellow police officer friend. They're off due off duty on a trip, got into some shit with a local, and they fucking killed him in the parking lot.

Really? Oh, yeah. I've never seen my dad cry. Not even at my wedding way back when. But yeah, but for this one, I mean, it was just like wild. It was super duper tragic. But just you've got all these like hunting dudes

who are very, you know, killer be killed. It's a very, it still is, if you can get internet, wow, that's pretty fancy up there. Oh, it's that, it's that, oh, wow, all right. The bigger, there are a few college towns and a few more populated towns now, but, I mean, it is huge. Yeah. And so the deeper you go in to get the more beautiful parts of Michigan,

which are truly like some of the most spectacular sites you can see, the more you're going to run into local. who are going to say that you fell on your rifle. You're in the wrong parking lot. Yarr. All right. The body was discovered by two farmers and was lying on the outskirts of a piece of woods

cast of weed lawn cemetery and just short distance off the road. They notified the officers and coroner Carlisle and deputy sheriff Shannon went out to invest. the body was removed to Thompson's undertaking rooms and the guy was like I can't do anything with this Oh, you mean like glue a head back together? Yeah, I can't. The back part is Volkers had left on his trip yesterday noon borrowing a gun from Ian Acres the grocer's employer. All right, so this is not, this does not sound good to me.

Not adding up. If you're Michigan, you're a hunter, you have a gun. You have a shed. You are Ted because Zinsky level ready to rock. Okay. His failure, wait, his failure to return last evening caused his folks considerable uneasiness, but not sufficient apprehension to cause a report of his disappearance to be made to police. Deceased was 26 and a respected young man having been better than employee of Mr. Acres for 10 years. So he's been working in a grocery store for 10. Yeah, this sounds like, I mean, that's fine. I'm all. for fine. I'm totally fine with

saying that someone did not take himself out unless you absolutely know. But I'm also fine with just saying it in general. Like, no, but it needs to know. Because he works at a grocery store? No, I'm not saying. He had tired of stack and then beans. You know what I mean? No, I'm just saying like, if someone does

that, like, whenever they, whenever like a, because cops do it a lot. And they go, well, he's gone. And you go, all right. And yeah, they should. They shoot themselves in the foot. They do, I mean, you know, where I grew up outside of Detroit, the verbs. I mean, my dad drew his gun in an entire career three times. Wow. Didn't shoot.

Didn't even shoot it. Just drew it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, I think, what it used to be. Small town. Yeah. Now, now they see someone walking 20 feet away and they're like, what are you doing?

And they pull out their gun because they're all trained by IDF and coward. they are they are you know i'm sidetracking this again for a minute but my dad kind of 100s well my dad's very cool in the sense that he's like i feel like he would almost be ready to be a bit of a turncoat on police culture because it was it was never his bag my mom was just like i'm pregnant get a job loser yeah and and it was the late 70s when nobody wanted to be a police officer and they were giving bonuses and like it's my my dad and his friends were all stoners who just ate at diners and like they they'd pull you over it was police academy i'm not i'm not shitting you i spent so many holiday parties with these dorks like you know they like

on their off time like my dad goes to england all the time with one of his former you know like my dad wanted to be a social studies teacher oh my god what had to change i you know and you know and And so he worked really, really hard because at the very least he was like, I'd love to be the Dare Officer, which he got that job. And so he got to work back in the schools. Oh, yeah. To kind of get back to education. But like, he's like, I'm not out here to bully anybody or making his life terrible.

Like, he just broke up a lot of domestic dispute, drunk driving or traffic tickets. Yeah. That's about it. And if someone was okay to get home, he'd be like, just get the fuck out of here, you know? Right. or he would give a lot of people three strikes and would be like, prove to me that you're going to do better

and we'll just make this whole thing go away. Like my dad, you know, it's like a very teacher. I know people think no cops are good. My dad was an incredible. Well, I think, I think now it's different, but I think back then it was a whole different animal. Because I knew cops. I knew cops and they would like pick up my,

like my friend's dad got drunk all the time and they would like get him and take him from the bar home so he didn't drive. It was like stuff like that. Like, you know, but it's totally different now. Well, and my, my dad was there long enough to right after a desert storm, when all of these freaks came back after being, you know, deployed and then come back to Michigan. He suddenly there was an influx of cops with super PTSD.

Yeah. Wife beaters. Alcoholics. And they suddenly. wanted to eat my dad's like i just remember the year where it was this influx of young guns who wanted to militarize the police department and we were the old cronies who they made fun of where they're like we want tanks and tactical and it's like bro it's Rochester Michigan yeah yeah they like my dad is like I know the exact like month and year where it just flipped and it became hostile

hostile toward the community. People were hostile toward just everybody. And these were just like deeply fucked up dudes coming back, you know? And then it's only on worse. Well, and after Vietnam, those guys joined biker gangs, but after

Desert Storm, they became cops. Right. And that's that is, you know, my dad was a conscientious objector because he was a good writer. And he wrote a fantastic, he wrote a fantastic. Also, So he would have been the guy, by the way, who blew the back of his head off in Vietnam.

Like, he's very clumsy. 100%. All right. Well, this was fun. We'll have you back on. Yeah, anytime. We'll do a one where Derek doesn't run away, like a little. Oh, I know.

I know. But, yeah, we'll definitely have you back on. We should look into a, you should, or we can talk about, like, the redlining of Detroit. It's crazy. Oh, yeah. No, that stuff's fascinating. Yeah. That could be something interesting.

But you're the goat. Love hanging out with you. Thank you so much. And Garrett, get your life together, dude. Yeah, that guy's fucking bullshit. Give ItUpfilm.com is where you can go to see my movie. Give It Up that will be on tour in August across the country. Give ItUpfilm.com.

We're coming to select theaters for one screening. The director and I will be doing it. Q and A after. So July 28th, you can go to North Hollywood, California at Regal Cinema. August 10th, you can go to San Diego and see the movie. August 13th is Denver. August 20th is Chicago. August 23rd is New York City. August 24th is Philly. August 25th is Raleigh. August 26th, Atlanta. August 27th, Nashville. We might add a couple more, but this might be your only chance to see it on the big screen. So go to Give It Up Film. The director and I will be doing a Q&A after.

It's a whole event. There'll be posters. They'll be everybody's going to win a bunch of money. It's going to be awesome. So if you want to see my movie, give it up, which really is great, go to give it upfilm.com. I will be at all of these screenings.