The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 185 - The Past Times with Aaron Sutherland

Episode Date: July 31, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Aaron SutherlandSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHHIMSQUO - Try for free plus 20% off first six monthsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Give ItUpfilm.com is where you can go to see my movie, Give It Up, that will be on tour in August across the country. Give ItUpfilm.com. We're coming to select theaters for one screening. The director and I will be doing a Q&A after. So July 28th, you can go to North Hollywood, California at Regal Cinema. August 10th, you can go to San Diego and see the movie. August 13th is Denver. August 20th is Chicago. August 23rd is New York City. 24th is Philly. August 25th is Raleigh. August 26th, Atlanta, August 27th, Nashville. We might add a couple more, but this might be your only chance to see it on the big screen. So go to give itupfilm.com. The director and I will be doing a Q&A after. It's a whole event. There'll be posters. They'll be everybody's going to win a bunch of money. It's going to be awesome. So if you want to see my movie,

give it up, which really is great, go to give it upfilm.com. I will be at all of these screenings. Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here. Each week we go through a newspaper from a random date in history, picked out by none other than Dave Anthony.

I Gerith Reynolds have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest. Recently featured on the premier episode of Judge Dave, Aaron Sutherland. Hello, Aaron. Thank you for joining us. Yeah, thanks for having me. Thanks for loving me, Dave. well let's not get

whoa Jesus Christ you're blocking right that high for a few weeks now you just totally now you're back to the bottom of the pile I'll see you guys later so wait Aaron you got to say

so wait Aaron what happened is you got blocked by we've started a thing on Patreon where jave I don't know judge Dave if we want to combine it it's jave decides if he'll unblock people after they plea their cases

I was your attorney and Dave blocked you over some baseball BS. He ended up not only unblocking you but following you on Instagram. You just thanked him for loving you and I think blew the whole project up. It's the background on my phone now. I took a screenshot and that's important. That's my son. You're posse of shit. But just so we can set expectation, not every, not everybody who's on Judge Dave will be coming on the past times. No, no, yeah, yeah.

You're a comedian and you have a special. special called Turtle Boy, and you're also going to be performing, and the people can go watch Turtle Boy on YouTube. That's about McConnell. I was just going to see. It's probably, you're probably going to notice a bump. Recently passed away. Yeah, since McConnell went back into the shell hell. I don't think they find him searching Turtle Boy, like Turtle Reber or Turtle Corps.

You're not wrong. If they're trying to find out if you ever had spawns. And then you'll be at the Windy City Festival, Comedy Festival in Chicago. What date is that? August 8th to the 11th, something like that. Early August. First we can out, August. Where do people find information about that if they want to see you perform?

Windy City Comedy Fest.com. Boy, no one can talk today. Javid. I don't appreciate being linked into that. It's all smile from Gord. Oh, God. Torrigly. So bad.

Oh, dear God. You're the one he burped in the green room for nine minutes. Hey, we're not talking about what happened in the green room because that's how we get the people to want to listen. Because everybody's talking about how they want to be a part of the green room. Hello? Where are they? Yeah, nobody's. Yeah, who are these people?

It's the, it's the mothership green room. You got to get past. It's like entering a bank vault. All right, you know what? I'm in a bad mood, quite frankly. But let's start. Aaron, have you listened to this show, Aaron? Sure, yeah. Sure, yeah. That's not great. All right. We're going to go through. You know I'm a fan. I've been a fan a long time. We're going to go through a newspaper. By the way, I'm not going to be able to, we have to have Joe Kilgallon on now because if he finds out that Aaron got booked on this before just by arguing with Dave, that'll be an issue. He's going to throw another one of my softball bats over a fence.

Of course. We're going to go through a newspaper, random date and history. You get to have the first guess at what year this paper is going to be from. There'll be no context or clues. Okay. Boy. Dave is loving you lately. 1789, reconstruction.

Oh, interesting. I'm going to go way higher just based on track record. Ever since Presti's done the research, it's been pretty down the middle. 1890s to 1930s. I'm going to say 1899. Nope, you're wrong. Aaron Winsett's 1937. Nailed it. Nailed it. Nailed it. Nailed it.

I'm far closer. Okay. It is Los Angeles, California, Wednesday, March 3rd, 1937. That went tardably. The Daily News. Everybody's favorite. that's it everybody reads out here how many times did that come out

but try daily okay sorry we're killing it stop lumping us in with you Aaron my performance and your performance are not they're not they're not combined okay I'm having a good show

I'm having a very good episode of the show okay and I want to and anybody who's saying I'm having an off episode no I'm not I'm having a very good episode well for everybody listening out this is the debut of my new co-host, Aaron. Hi, guys. You have been loving him.

I'm not going high a register. We're having a great show, declaratively. Yes. Our guest, my guest is Gareth Reynolds, but the new co-hosts. I'm a big fan of this show. I didn't like the change in the host, but everything else I'm a big fan of. Yeah. War blame placed on poor cooks.

What? War? War. War blame? I think that more wars should start over dinner. I'll tell you that now that we know Taco Bell's in charge of the watery diarrhea in the Midwest. Is that who's doing it? Yeah.

They're now starting to. The funniest shit to read is Taco Bell linked to diarrhea. It's like, yeah. No, shit. That's kind of the business model. Yeah, that's. Make runs at the border. It keeps you coming back.

Yeah. It is. It's just, it's, it's, uh, gotta get camera ready. Because a couple hours later, your ass is ringing. Your ass is taco and. No, carrots. Yeah. Or no, maybe, I did a very old, bad joke.

No, I, uh, I often say, uh, I get diarrhea from Taco Bell, but it stands for Trump always chickens out. Whoa. Where did you, did you think of that? Did you just come up with that right here? Golly. Now, what are you doing with your hand? This guy should host the show. I'm having a very good, I'm having a very good show.

I'd be very interested in hosting this show. You know what? I have to come back. I'd love to come back. I'd love to come back. I don't think you're ready. I think of him. That headline reminded me of a Thanksgiving I went to at my friend's house.

And his dad said we were going around the table saying what we were thankful for. And his dad said, I'm thankful for the South Beach diet because one day I might get the woman I married back. And I looked at my friend in shock. And he was already ducking under the table. And a food fight broke out between the two of them. And me and him were just hiding under the Thanksgiving dinner table. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Was, was.

Oh, yeah. The mother was there. The wife was there. Yes. She was like, let's go around and say what we're thankful for. And they're still together. They were together at this time, obviously. Ostensibly, yeah, legally.

Yeah. That is So That might be worse than what We did to the Native Americans To be honest That is an absolute So what is not wanted at Thanksgiving

It's just honesty Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah Yeah I think It is built on lies She was thankful for the gift of lying I don't know

Yeah It was a fun Thanksgiving That's why you should never go You should not go around the table on the table and do that. That seems so stupid for every reason. But let alone... Well, you're just supposed to say something nice. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. They were a NASCAR family. Let's just... Okay. There you go. They're a NASCAR family. Say no more. Yeah, say no more.

International situations and probably wars are caused by too many cooks preparing too much food badly, according to Ford Maddox Ford. What? Who's naming the public? What? Who's citing that? According to Ford, Ford, brought to you by Ford. That's a specific restaurants or just like entire regions are cooking poorly. I'm not, but how? I also am a little, I am same. Like, we fought wars over salt, but to fight a war over terrible domestic food. Too much salt. Yes. I feel like Ford Manix Ford might be.

We're going to Spain. I hate them. The meats are too salty. It's bad for my heart. Yeah, that does seem He was an English novelist, Poe's critic, and editor. So he told the Gourmet Society that people cannot be amiable as individuals or as nations if they are not properly fed.

The solution, he said, is a wider use of seasonings, especially garlic. Wow. Has Olive Garden once? And he's like, all wars can be solved by garlic. Wow. Of all the spices to peg is your winner. But this is a guy coming from England where it's just bland as fuck food.

And so he got to New York. But you would think that he would be talking about like curry powder or something as like the winner, not garlic. It does show you, though, that they're, they have really. I mean, I'm sorry, bad pallets. The food's gotten better, but it really was in a dark spot. I can't imagine what it was like in the 30s. Oh, well, I doubt there was, I mean, because if I go to London now or whatever, I'm like, get me Indian food now because it's incredible there.

Yes. But that's not because of the Brits. That's because of. And I doubt, I doubt there was that many Indian food restaurants at that time. And on top of that, I doubt that. that whites were going there. Oh, and if they did, they would be like, more vinegar.

You've not got any vinegar in your fucking curry. Come on. It tastes like Vindaloo. Fuck off. Absolutely horrible shit this is. Taking the hinds. Give me some proper mal. That's got a bit of flavor.

That's got a bit of flavor. Drop a bit of mayonnaise in there, some salad cream. Now you've got a fucking dish. Now you're, cooking. It was just like, thank you, sir, so much. It's awesome to be here. Anyway, that's it. That's the end of that one. Well, I would say if we're going to bomb anyone domestically, it should be the gourmet society. Oh, I agree with that. Justice is aghast. Nine old men sold under noses.

Now, that probably confuses Gareth. But nine old men is in italics there. It's, it's, it's, I don't, I don't like you. This probably confuses Gareth statement. Well, Aaron gets it. I get it too. Well, Aaron's my co-host, so he's coming up next. Yeah, and I don't think you should treat a guest like that. Well, the co-host is more, we're more on a vibe, you know, and you're,

But I, as your guest, I also know what it means, and I know why it's in italics. Why? Oh, you think I'm just going to start doing your show for you? I'm not going to do your show for you, pal. Solve the riddle. Do your show. That got awkward, huh? For you?

No, not for me. I'm just a guest. I'm a guest on a podcast that I would say is, eh, sidecar to a good one. Is Aaron doing the dollop out of curiosity? Yeah. Yeah. He's a new host of the whole.

I am the dollop. Yeah, he took over the dollop. I'm not even involved anymore. Dave was so tired the other day when we were doing an episode. Oh, my God. He was McConnelling. I was. He was just, he like had to go get a Coke.

He was, we were done. It was, it was out of body almost. He was like rereading stuff. President said he cut out like 20 minutes. That does not surprise me. I was like, what am I doing? I would start reading. I'd be like, I think I'm three paragraphs back from where I was.

Yeah, it'd be repeating. Draw a clock for us so we know that your brain is functioning. Real quick, if you don't mind. My wife is a physician. I can't possibly let this stand. That was amazing. Then he went and got a Coke. It should have been a commercial for Coke because he got a Coke and he came back and he was like,

all right. He was fucking cooking. That's what he said. Yeah, it was pretty bad too. It was also a bad performance. Let's go. Yeah, then it was all up. Very high.

Yeah. Yeah. But I know what this is references. We got eight. This is nine. nine men inside. What was it again? Justice is aghast.

This is who you're going with, buddy. This is my replacement. Nine old men sold under noses. He's asking for it to be reiterated because that's what a good co-host would do right here. You know what I would do if I was back in this show? I'd pretend I understood. Keep going.

Yeah. I mean, and that's why people get lost. Keep going. A hubbub, such as the, The stayed Supreme Court has seldom seen since Dred Scott days broke out today when a dapper young salesman set up a stand on the court's white marble steps and started to hawk copies of the book Nine Old Men. The volume criticizes members of the tribunal. Exactly. I knew it was tribunal.

So a guy started selling books outside. This is a Stephen Crowder, Charlie Kirk shit. It really is. Prove me wrong. Slavery was a good call. Prove me wrong. I have not seen Kirk in a wild. Imagine being aghast at a book.

Those are the days. The wild. Look what they've written. Oh. They took time to print the whole thing. Those were the days when everybody clicked to read more. Do you say you haven't seen Crowder in a while? No, the other guy.

Kirk. Do you know what happened to him? He's been he's not going on. Someone proved him wrong. He's not doing the campus tours anymore. I got that trial. He blocked me and now I'm doing a show where he's a judge and unblocking rebunking.

It's going to be a harder one. Judge Kirk is going to be a harder. It's going to be a harder one. Charlie Kirk followed me on Twitter by the way. What? Oh, you didn't know that? Yeah, he followed me on Twitter. Let's have him on Judge Dave. No, the trial is crazy. It's crazy.

There's a lot of stuff that's not falling together. It's absolutely crazy. It's like, I think that's what is shocking about the era we're in because the evil has for sure increased. But the competency of how to get the evil going has almost seemingly taken a couple steps back. It's a huge. Like to make a rack look like. a hugely competent, you know, thing is really wild. Yeah.

They paved over it right. That was the move where you're just like, if you're laying concrete day of the shooting. Yeah, that was not a good call. Wild decision. The etching into the bullets is always like, oh, that's my favorite. The etching of the bullets is the funniest new thing they're doing. It's just the laziness. of the effort.

Well, to what you were saying, it's like nobody reads books anymore. We're just reading bullets and thinking we understand the whole thing. The salesman, Robert Riddell, piled two dozen copies of the red bound booked on an empty grapefruit case and started to call his wares

to the crowds arriving for the court session. He had sold, yeah, that's what a guy does when he sells books. We got, we got that. Yeah, sure. grapefruit case too. He had sold two books and was posing with a wide grin for newspaper photographers. Jesus Christ, what is happening? Everyone's like, this is crazy.

Oh, my Lord. I think this is what Dave Portnoy thought would happen when he released his book. People would be like taking a paparazzi would be like, oh my God, this is the guy who wrote the craziest book of all time. Not now. They're actively trying to cancel me. He's against cancel culture. He can't answer me. I don't pay much attention to him, but when I do see his tweets or whatever, man, man, that is a dumb man.

And yet succeeded wildly. It's like insulting to books that he wrote one. Yeah, that is very true. Like, holy shit. That is very true. He had sold two books and was posing with the wide grin for newspaper photographers when Supreme Court guards, aghast rushed outside to nab him. I didn't know it was against the law to sell things in front of the Supreme Court, he said. And it looked like a swell place to peddle the book, account of the interest in all.

Why is it illegal to sell books there? It's with free – are you really going to not allow people to sell books on the free speech? I'll tell you what, the fucking greatest outcome is that he has to take this case to the Supreme Court. He fights it all the way. Here we go. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. This is a bit meta, isn't it?

Bit on the news. Oh, that's so funny. I can't find what a grapefruit case is. I'm just assuming I guess it's maybe a one of the wooden container for grapefruits. No, it's a case made out of grapefruits. I used to stitch the peels together for boxes. Buddy, guys. After you use it, you eat it.

It prevented a lot of wars, the flavorings. I'm buying anything this guy's selling. if he's got a great fruit case. Hello, I've come from Wonderland. I've got a book. Voice replayed. This is new. Bostonians are talking to themselves.

At the Bowdoin Square office of the New England Telegraph Company, one calls up oneself and talks into the phone. Dude, did you see the fucking game last night? That was the fucking craziest shit I've ever seen. Hey, what are we doing tonight? We're going over to Madi's? I'm fucking sick of Marty's wife, dude. Get over yourself.

Nah, dude. Let's go down in a 99. We'll do endless racks. I don't eat that, bitch. Len, are you done? Hold on. Hey, listen, Dan's getting up my fucking ass, so I think I got to roll. You tell that fucking cock wipe that if you,

ever has a problem with me. He comes to my... All right, relax. Ready. I got to get off with myself. Hey, I know what that means. No, it does in your whole cloud. All right.

Talk to you later. Love you. All right, what's going on? What do you need? The caller's voice is recorded on tape. The tape is rerun and the color can hear how his voice sounds. So, that... Ooh.

Imagine going to the years of podcasting. It's like I'm picturing. Smeagle with a Boston accent and it's just horrifying. Oh, that's tough. I'm trying to figure that one out. That's just no block level shit. You gotta be out of your fuck.

I ain't giving you the ring. I'll tell you got more rings than anyone. Fucking Brady, dude. Nailed it. He's having a great show. This guy is. I'm having a very good show. I mean, you're one of our better guests.

I'm having a very good show. And I don't even like doing the thing where I'm talking about how good it's going. You're not host material, but you're definitely guest material. I don't have time to be hosting. Why? What do you got going on? Fake talk show. You did a talk show in your basement or something?

It's like, imagine if you got 90 cents every time you made a like a public access show. I got that. Ooh. Yeah. All right. Gareth, the pastimes is brought to you by Quo. Look, run a business. It means you got to be reachable, you know,

but then, you know, you are until you're not, right? Oh, yeah. And the moment you missed that important call or that text or the follow-up, whatever it is. Yeah. And a competitor grabs it and you're out of luck. You're out of luck. Yep.

That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled QU-O. It's the business phone system built so you never miss an opportunity. never miss a call you know exactly what I'm talking about it's just getting you getting your calls

all your calls I don't know what you're saying over there it's just important all your calls text voicemails they're all live in one place so anyone on your team can pick up at a conversation see the full history respond fast yep it's what you need you work with someone like gareth you got to have that because that guy needs it right in front of them

this this is important for me And it's set up in minutes on any device, keep your existing number, add teammates as you grow, no IT, no hassle, very simple, very easy. Very easy. So money is on the line. Always say hello with quo. Try quo for free, plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com slash dollop. That's QUO.com slash dollop. Quo!

Gareth, the pastimes is also brought to you by Hymse E.D. Gareth, there's a moment that you notice that something's something's off in the old bedroom, you know, there's a moment when that happens. And then it stick with you, it nods away in your little brain. Yeah.

It's tapping away in there. Most guys just sit there and let it fester for way too long. But Hymns makes it simple to actually do something about it with real treatment options, 100% off. online.

Yeah. That's the key. It's hemp. Yeah. Hem connects you with a licensed health care provider online, gives you simple access to legitimate ED treatment options from home. No awkward appointments. Telling a guy what's going on or a lady.

No pharmacy lines. You don't got to deal with any of that stuff. Sometimes you'll be in a pharmacy line telling someone else in the line what's going on. And you're like, where am I? What am I doing? Don't do that. And then you get to the pharmacist and they're going, hey, you're not allowed to do

that here. and you go, well, how about you go, there's got to be a better way. Well, I didn't like any of that, but look, a simple online intake, a provider looks through your information, determine if treatment's right for you, and then it prescribed your treatment ships right to your door. Big go.

That's it. That's all you need. It's really straightforward, transparent, designed to make you feel easy and not be worried about it, right? Yeah, and you don't need to do that pharmacy line stuff where you're sort of, you know. never do that. Talking to everybody.

Yeah, I wouldn't. You're letting people skip you so you can talk to the next feller or Philly? No, no. Yeah, to get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED and more, visit hymns.com slash dull. That's himms.com.com slash dollop. That's hymns.com slash dolep, not available in all 50 states, prescription required, see website for details, restrictions, and important safety information.

So Didafel is the generic version of Viagra. Viagr is a registered trademark of Viatris Specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Beatrice. There's nothing in that couple. Great fruit case. Witchery held basis for weird crime. That would make sense. Yeah, so far.

In the soft lingual syllables of their nation, a cluster of starryite Mexicans yesterday offered a coroner's jury, their voluble explanation of the strange hex murder of Miss Natalie Garcia-Lopez, 39, plump Watts matron, who some say was a witch. Whoa. Now, this is a fucking trial. This is some good stuff. It's usually like who's calling them a witch, though.

And it's usually the guy that got her pregnant. It's not a trial. It's a coroner's jury. what's that they determine how oh the cause so but they call the trial is they the the corner's job to be like yeah corner what did you find it looked like a cardio issue cardiovascular problem and uh a family of mexicans she was a witch 100% of which i don't know who makes up a coroner's jury honestly okay um the bullet riddle I don't know everything. Sorry.

You work with this guy? This is news to me. That's how it works. That's how it works. But I will get a lot of angry people telling me how dumb I am for not knowing what a coroner. Obviously. You've never been summoned for coroner's jury duty. Endless.

Endless. The bullet riddled body of Ms. Lopez was found practically nude. All right. Stop. What? It just got titillating. Stop. You'd be the worst coroner then.

This is the coroner's test. This is just whatever waiting for. All right. So we put the body on the, oh, we do, huh? Hello. Hobba hubba. Hello titties. All right, you're not corner material.

I'm sorry, we can't use you. Why not? Did I not say it? I'm into the penises too. Get out. HUB-hubba. Am I not? So the catchphrase hubba-hubba is not good for a coroner. I disagree.

It's how I start some of the... It's a problem. Overall professional, as far as being a professional goes, it's a major issue. Are we more of an awookawuga town? No, we're not. No, no, no. Both of you need to understand what I'm trying to explain here. Hold on. Hold on.

Let me do it this way. No, no, no, I will not hold on. Awooga. No. Yeah. Did you see his eyes? Stop. Because what I'm trying to explain, these are people who've passed away and they're naked only so that we can start to determine what the cause of death.

Stop. Enough. Look. Look. I'm worried the next thing you're about to say is going to be the worst thing you're going to say. You don't stop having great tata's when you die. Okay. That's in the Bible.

Okay. We are like a firm nip. Okay. You out for sure. You're for sure out. You are definitely out. You? Get out.

You're going to get a new one. That was crazy. But you don't stop having a big... Stop. Johnson. Stop. I can't believe I want to hear the end of it, but stop. Well, some of them it seems like there is no end to it.

You know what I mean? Out. Going and going and going. You, I asked you. to leave already. You're the guest. I don't feel comfortable in my role. The bullet riddled body

of Miss Lopez was found practically nude last Wednesday in the dry bed of the Los Angeles River under a clump of bushes. It had been here about 10 days. It's interesting because Yeah. The juxtaposition of the

being shot to death, but then being nude as long. a weird one. I agree. I agree. I agree. It feels like... You usually make my victims get naked before I shoot them, don't you? I have a pitch. Clothing robbery. Just a pretty dress. Okay. Okay. The coroner's jury perplexed by tales that Miss Lopez was murdered because Salvador Corona thought she had hexed him with a chronic stomach ache, returned a verdict of murder by a person unknown. Had to be Taco Bill.

Was the diarrhea watery? I mean, if she's a witch, then, you know, this is what a curse. This is what you got to do. That guy who tried to sue the Super Bowl for getting him too horny when it was Jennifer Lopez a few years ago. That is news to me and a phenomenal story, obviously. Oh, how horny did he get? Oh, horny enough to sue.

You ever been? Oh, I'm going to call my lawyer. Oh. That is that taking that case. I'm feeling litigious. Oh! Taking that case as a lawyer is amazing. Yeah, I think we can do it.

You've got costs. Yeah, absolutely. I saw that show. I was way boned up. You're out of. He ruined three pairs of boxers. He shot a load in his jammies. We rest

We rest So she hexed him And then he shot her I didn't know that witches Still doesn't explain the nudity I didn't know they did tummy aches I didn't know witches did tummy aches It seems like a low rung spell

She just used one finger instead of 10 Yeah It's just a weird like I'm not furious at him But I'm going to give him a reflux. Nevertheless. And then shooting her 10, shooting anyone 10 times over her stomachache is a lot. Yeah.

I think it got to reload in. Yeah. And that'd be like, I better get her naked. Just shooting her and like, my tummy hurts you devil woman. Hold on a second. Now you're going to pay. Just to be safe. I better get these clothes off of her.

I'll look a push. Nevertheless, Salvador Corona 28, having, oh, sorry, living at 11109, Moneta Avenue, Watts was held on suspicious of murder. He has denied he killed Ms. Lopez or that he believed her a witch, but yesterday he refused to testify on advice of his attorney, Gladys Rute. Hmm. Was he holding his belly the whole time? No. No, I didn't shoot her. I didn't shoot her

Widge it! But I do have real bad diarrhea. Stay wait! Miss Anacletta Garcia de Warras 10715 Anzac Avenue So for anyone who wants to take the tour. Yes.

You can do the whole thing now. This is where you shit himself. Yeah, this is. if she was shot. She, sister of Mrs. Lopez, reeled off a valuable account

of the circumstances. There was much talk in the Watts Mexican colony, she said, about Ms. Lopez being a witch. Word of Corona's stomachache had gotten around together with the story

that he was attributing its persistency to Mrs. Lopez hex in fear of her life owing to her growing reputation as a witch, Ms. Lopez went to Corona's house to disprove,

sorcery. I didn't do it. I can't believe you showed up on my fucking doorstep after what you did to my stomach. I'm not a witch and I don't I like you.

I don't know why would I do that. This ends badly a witch. What do you? You're not even supposed to be on my porch unless I invite you. You're a newt. My sister said she was My sister said she was

going over to see Corona testified Miss DeWares. Corona was to take her to see a third person. And she said Corona told her that this person told him my sister had been hexing him. By the way. Another guy was like, dad, ladies, a witch. That's why your tum, tom hurts. My cousin's best friend's sister said she was a fucking witch, dude. What am I supposed to do?

I shot her. Obviously. It is, like, to the air. Obviously, we're endlessly stupid now, but to be in the era where if you, if someone's like, they're saying you're a witch, you got to be like, I got to put this fire out right now. Because this end, this witch shit ends badly. One guy's foot hurts all of his days. He's like, I think that woman over there did that. Well, you know, it was probably too.

It was just like a bad game of telephone. Somebody called her a bitch one day and was like, did he call her a witch? Oh, dude. She's a fucking witch. And then it just spread. She's a witch. She's like, no. I was just yelling at him.

He wouldn't pick up his trousers again. So you were just being a bitch. No, I wasn't even being a bitch. He's just awful. Are you a witch or a bitch? And then I got to say, what's the fucking difference? There we go. I think I'm going to go shoot the neighbor.

Seems like the only course of action at this point. I know a good witch attorney. Simon Lopez, husband of the murdered woman, corroborated the tale, which was in turn supported by the following witnesses. Librado Nizia, Miss Concha, Pelagio, Guadalupe Camryo, Porfirio, Cisneros, and Antonio Lopez 19th, daughter of Ms. Lopez. Camryo Starkeeper. Did you say 19? 19. She's the daughter.

The dead woman is a 19-year-old daughter. I was going to say she might be a witch. She's popping out 19. That's all lettering. Camryo storekeeper on Wilmington Boulevard, the last known to have seen Miss Lopez testified. She passed my store on the evening of February 17th. Corona was in there at the time shortly afterward.

Corona left. Boom. So he started walking by and he was like. He clearly did it. Case closed. But again, it doesn't make sense to me because she was naked. Yeah, that's a big crime. and this and this.

I got to see these clothes. I'm not okay with either. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You've made it so I can't joke right now. I mean, I think if I'm piecing this together, I think the cops did it.

Interesting. I've never heard of doing such a thing. Yeah, that's kind of Dave's go-to for everyone. He's like, pretty sure the cops did it. Cops did it. Come on. Feels a little copy. wife given divorce from horsemen

uh centaurs should not be allowed to marry regular women ever it never works out disgusting we've all seen the video mr hands no stop bringing him up stop brings up mr hands once every six i mean it sounds good to marry one and then you're like oh it's all right it'll be fun you can ride him around and whatever by the way Mr. Hans was the bellwether, people are like, this shouldn't be online. We should have been like, we can't do the internet. We should have been, you should have turned it off at that point.

We should have been like, look, honestly great. Everybody, it's pretty good for music and businesses were doing good, but we're done. It's not, it wasn't just the video. It was also the fact that people were meeting online to do that. It was the combination of like, this is all too much. I remember seeing one of with a goat, but the goat wouldn't do it. Messy? it wasn't like natural for the goat so people were like moving the goat to so that it could

Aaron why am I saying this? Aaron what's going on buddy? Hey, where am I? What just happened? Not in a good place mentally. Anybody know I am? They got to move the goat. We're not recording this or anything, are we?

Well, the goat probably wasn't like, hey, all right. Finally. No, the goat was definitely not hey, all right. No. But who's the goat position? West of internet back then. There were so many horrific things. Well, but now it's like, now we've,

now we're going to see that with people. It's been proven nothing but evil. It should not be. It's time. We had a hell of a run. We learned a lot about ourselves. We will ruin everything. Everything will be ruined.

We're out of our fucking minds. Out of our fucking minds. And I mean, the fact that we live in Trump's brain should just be like, I understand you don't want to use math. anymore, but do you want to live in this? Unplug it. Yeah. It's time.

Somebody was trying to give me, like, career advice, and they're like, you got to find your, like, message and get that out there on the internet. I'm like, my only message is, like, get off the internet. I don't think the internet algorithm is going to support that message very well. I know. It is really upsetting to be like, I'm so pissed off at the way we've got are collapsing. I think I'll make a video into my phone. Ronnie Chang always puts up videos a little in his Instagram thing.

It always says, I hate the internet. Hey, he hates social media. Please, please follow my email. Yeah, I know. That's exactly how it is. It's like, we live in hell. This is all going to, we're all going to die because of this. It's really ruined everything.

Also, make sure you have notifications on and subscribe to my YouTube. I don't know if I would be convinced the last words, sorry, of humanity. will be somebody like drowning and be like, subscribe. Please want them to subscribe, comment. It's fun to watch people desperately try to become influencers. There's something very funny about

when people are taking big swings. It's like when you see it like, it's like when I go jogging sometimes and I'll be like, I'm a fat guy jogging. But when you see like a real fat guy jogging, you're like, oh, that's tough day two. It's like that's with someone, when you're someone with a hundred,

followers is like you know what I got a tag deal but yeah I'm yeah I'm like no boy it's very funny why I went across it's very funny what I were at a cross one of those some guy who's like talking like he has millions of followers and you look and it's terrible you know what's worse

is why you see like somehow you see like a like a 13 year old like hey well and you're like no no no no you know what I found in during yesterday kind of sorry go ahead the Rizler came across my my feed for some reason

and he was just he was wearing a goofy like Star Wars helmet and like trying to do tricks on his bike and I'm like oh he's a kid you totally forget he's a kid he's just a kid's just out being a kid Rizzler Rizzler's an outlier Rizzler's like yeah Rizzler's like I think we kind of

accept Rizzo AJ Big Justice the Costco guys get fucked I don't know what is happening right now I don't know what any of the son Do you know about them? I don't. Aaron, do you know about them? I've heard Rizzler.

I've seen things. I've heard Rizler. Do you know, but AJ and big, big. AJ and Big Justice? It's, it's intolerable and it's, it's, it's over. It's over. It's over. It is over.

Rizzler's hanging in there, which good, we need him. That's our future president. But AJ and Big Justice should be in the Hague. Yeah, the Hague. Yeah. And I recognize that Big Justice is, 12. Sorry.

I think he's much older now. Yeah, he's a 40. Like, what is their hook? What is? Well, Aaron, nobody does anything anymore. I'm sorry. No, no, no.

No, they go to Costco and they love it. And then outside of that, they eat sandwiches and food or other things that they rate it on a scale of one to five booms. Oh, God. Is there another story or anything? So what don't you like about that exactly? There's no more stories. What don't you like? like about that.

That would have been like when the Mr. Hans video came up and then you showed us the Costco guys and been like, do you want to keep going? I love taking everyday normal things and then rating every experience I have. If I'm living at a five out of five booms all the time. At one point, he had to like look out his window during some rain and just go,

I don't even give myself a boom anymore. And they brought the whole whatever, I mean. The fact that those people are now just multi-millionaires is just like. I was surprised Peter Thiel invited him to the island. You got a new lecture, how to live with boom in the apocalypse. I give Peter Thiel's future five booms. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, bab, bab, boom. I don't want to do anything anymore.

I'm just going to go. Come on. I'm sad. Can we be honest? The show lost direction when you replaced me. I don't think so. I think it makes more sense than it ever has. The show was five booms when I was on.

A wife given divorce from horseman. The Walter G. That's called a divorce, by the way. Take off. I don't want to be here either. When Walter G. Taylor, wealthy, horse race owner, telephone to his wife, that he could not come home for dinner. His reason was that something was wrong with one of his horses.

That one of divorce. Some guy online came over and I don't know what he did. I got an offer I couldn't refuse. It won't run anymore. It just wants to stay in the stable. That wanted divorce yesterday for Esther Howard Taylor, actress, who had been married to Taylor since 1930. she told Superior Judge William Baird that Taylor, quote, loved his stable more than his home. What the fuck?

I sold him to a guy named Mr. Hans. So he's just like, she wanted a divorce because he's out in the stable all the time? Yeah, he's just. I mean, yeah, I don't know what just happened. Hard hitting news story. Yeah. It's very weird, right? Well, I think she wanted a stable marriage.

Rich. Can you apologize to the listeners? Nobody's listening. Nobody's listening. Nobody made it to this part. Who may apologize to do it. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, Montreal is a city I've always wanted to properly explore. If I were to go this summer, I'd want to do it right.

I'm talking about wandering the plateau, grabbing a wood-fired bagel from Fairmont Bagel at 9 a.m. Catching the jazz festival where some of the best people, Musicians in the world are just playing outside for free in the middle of the city. Maybe sitting in Mount Royal Park with absolutely nothing on my schedule. That's my kind of trip. And here's where my brain goes. If I'm daydreaming about wandering around in Montreal, that means my place back home is just sitting empty. And that's the thing that actually clicked for me.

While I'm away, I could be listing my space on Airbnb. Someone else gets a real home and a real neighborhood, close to hiking trails, a great farmers market, the kind of charming little Main Street where everything closes by 9 p.m., somehow that's exactly the appeal. And I come back with a little extra cash towards the trip. The math works out pretty well for everyone. It's genuinely one of those moves that just makes sense. Whether it's a long weekend or a couple of weeks, your home doesn't have to sit there doing nothing. Listing on Airbnb while you're away is always a great way to make your homework for you and fund the next adventure. might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host.

And we're brought to you by Airbnb. Okay, Montreal is a city I've always wanted to properly explore. If I were to go this summer, I'd want to do it right. I'm talking about wandering the plateau, grabbing a wood-fired bagel from Fairmont Bagel at 9 a.m., catching the jazz festival where some of the best musicians in the world are just playing outside for free in the middle of the city. Maybe sitting in Mount Royal Park with absolutely nothing on my schedule.

That's my kind of trip. And here's where my brain goes. If I'm daydreaming about wandering around in Montreal, that means my place back home is just sitting empty. And that's the thing that actually clicked for me. While I'm away, I could be listing my space on Airbnb. Someone else gets a real home and a real neighborhood, close to hiking trails, a great farmer's market,

the kind of charming little Main Street where everything closes by, 9 p.m. somehow that's exactly the appeal. And I come back with a little extra cash towards the trip. The math works out pretty well for everyone. It's genuinely one of those moves that just makes sense. Whether it's a long weekend or a couple of weeks, your home doesn't have to sit there doing nothing. Listing on Airbnb while you're away is always a great way to make your homework for you and fund the next adventure. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com. A slash host. Impaled portion of skull shown to prove attack.

Oh, wow. A piece of Frank Hill's skull impaled upon a penknife was, what? Upon a penknife. Penknife. Does that just mean it's a small knife? Yeah, yeah. Was used as Exhibit A yesterday in the case of the people.

That's the only one. Exhibit A. Yeah. There it is. There it is. Biggo. Look at that. It's right in his fucking head.

That's lunch. Yesterday in the case of the people versus Jack Robertson and Gaston Garfield youths in their teens. You should get one kill as a teenager and you get to walk away. One kill. I like it. There were some kids in my high school who were trying to pull a senior brink and as they were running away, a cop was chasing him.

And he ended up having a heart attack. and Klestan died and they basically got fucking nothing. I mean, not that they killed him, but they got nothing. That's awesome. Interesting. We used to run from cops so often when I was in high school. Yeah. It was like water ballooning cars, pine coning cars.

Well, we would be like partying and then the cops would eventually show up and then you'd have to run off. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't fun, but when you got away, it was all. awesome. One of the first times I ever got stoned, I ended up at a party and everyone there was drunk and cops

came and whole basement full of kids and he's like, I'm going to be giving you all breathalizers once I get enough of them and I'm starting with you and I was just sitting there like and of course he gave me the breathalyzer but he turned and silent as a

mouse, I swear like 40 kids just ran up the stairs did for men. as he was giving me the breathalyzer and I blew zeros obviously and he's like what the heck like this kid's clearly like what the and then he turned around

and he gave breathalyager to the rest of the kids of the party and only like two kids left at any booze on their breath and this cop was like what is happening like I smell it all over the basement I can't the dad is like woken up and blocked him from like giving the rest of the kids anyway it was great like one of the funniest things

we had a friend who could beat a breathalizer and he would try to explain his technique. And we were always like, how, we would, he would be as drunk as the rest of us. And then he would blow a breath. And we would be like, what? And he'd be like, if you put your tongue over it a little bit, we were like, what?

I'd sound like, one of the, like, three times. It's like one of those monks who can lower their body temperature and stuff. Yeah, it was something. So the cops would be like, all right, you can drive. And we'd be like, he's hammered. Be like, he can take your car home. It's his birthday. He's trashed.

I have gotten out of two field sobriety tests. I beat those. No, I failed one. One was on the way to a weekend in Appleton. Sure. Where, Skyline? Yeah. Yeah.

And we ended up. You guys need to be alone? Okay, sorry. Was it when Cliff was in charge? Who was in Wisconsin? Yeah, it was Cliff. Was I out by Appleton, man? Yeah.

You got a problem? It's great bad. Skyla's a great place. I thought we were just telling stories and having a good time. That's what the show is. It is a past time. Now I don't want to tell it. No.

I don't want to do this anymore. None of us want to do this. Just know that I was banned from that club for the rest of my life technically. Come on, Dave. Go on. Dave doesn't want to hear it. Tell the fucking story. It was like we were picking up.

The headliner had to be on the break. Friday morning. So we met Thursday because he had a show in Chicago. And there was a guy who was moving to L.A. He's like, we got to stay for the show. Well, I got to run to Galway Bay this bar. And we'll do a good luck shot and we'll get on the road. And I was like, all right. This is already going from. Good luck shot. Yeah. That's a Midwest thing. So we're like in the bar and I'm just drinking a monster energy drink. And as we get in, the bar's closing. The feature act was like, my girlfriend's cat got out. It's on the way to the highway.

Let's go look for the cat, right? And so we show up at this house at like three in the morning. And this guy's like, I didn't let the cat out. I didn't mean anything. I was like, we don't give a fuck about the cat. Because three guys just showed up. And he was like, oh, my God, am I going to get beat up for this cat getting out? Get on the road.

I get pulled over going like 88. the headliner had like a time travel big to-go cup of jim beam and diet that he like handed back in the seat oh yeah that's how you do it the handbacks hey you're gonna go down for this and the cop's like well he smelled like booze and i was like listen i just picked these guys up from a bar we're comedians he's got to be on the radio blah blah blah and he goes back to his car and that's when the headliner's like listen i got blow on me we can't get out of we're not getting out of this car. And I was like, great, cool.

Love that we're up in the ante now. And the features like, wow, you know, you didn't, you told him you had no drinks. Why didn't you tell him you had two drinks? And I was like, everybody says they had, just shut up. I know what I'm doing. So I ended up beating the field sobriety test. You were sober. Mostly.

And at that point, I had so much adrenaline. It wouldn't have mattered. And we get lost going out. outside of Milwaukee, end up on the road to Madison before I realized what was happening. And then we like take back roads all the way to Appleton. And we got there at like 7 a.m. And by the end of this weekend, we're all like so out of it. The Featier Act had never used a dishwasher before.

So we didn't know the difference between dishwasher soap and regular soap. I like who this is going. And we flooded the condo after we left. We were like the second people to ever stay in that very nice place. So he was like, hey, loved your stuff. We're going to have you back in feature. And then 24 hours later, he's like, you are banned for life. Get the hell out of.

You don't put Don in a dishwasher, dumbass. Comedy's fun. That's a very 90s comedy story, honestly. Yeah. That sounds very 90s. That's what the headliners back then. You'd go on the road with him be like, I might die.

Oh, yeah. Just tell my parents I loved him. No, those stories. By the way, that's what's so funny about the La Jolla Comedy Store is it's still the same condo and you're like, Sam Kinnison's jizzes on these walls. Yeah. Yeah, that's great.

That's great. I saw that video of Pablo Francisco when he just got like stuck in that loop and had to be stretchered out. It's crazy. Love it. All right, my bad. The penknife belongs.

to one of the defendants, the piece of skull belonged to Hill. Yeah, we know. The victim. Frank Hill. Yeah. Yeah, we need that. That's mine. It said in the first paragraph, a piece of Frank Hill's skull, and then the second paragraph, it reiterates.

Yep. Um, who is recovering. Okay. Wait. Time out. Time out. Whoa. Penknife took out a piece of skull. Guys, okay. I was picturing like the way you cut off

like a bite of food. That's how big the piece of skull I was picturing, but it must be much tinier. It has to be much smaller, right? Unless Frank's there like, I don't even think I lost skull. Frank, sit down. I remember the last time when I went to the skull camp. I was just flossinging and I sneezed.

I just, that does see if it fits in. Frank. Oh, like a puzzle. Hell yeah. I knew I left that around. Frank, sit. down.

Hi. Hey, I would like to tell everyone, my name's Frank Hill. Frank. We know, Frank. I have all my skull. Okay. To this camera? No, there's no camera, Frank.

I'm Frank Skull, and I'm missing a big piece of my hill. Have you got a knife pen? Call me if you can. My phone number's right at the bottom. It's H, H, H, H.H. Frank. All right, everybody. I think we got it.

Good stuff. Hill is recovering and will suffer no ill after effects, according to municipal court testimony of Dr. Irwin A. Fine. Frank's doing great. He's good.

Charge was stabbing Hill in a cafe fight at 23rd Street and Central Avenue last February. Robertson and Garfield were held for trial in Superior Court on assault with a Hey, those look like the guys who'd stab my face with the thing.

What a coincidence. What are they doing here? What in the fuck? What in the... I don't even know why they're here. I need to know more about the brain, the parts of the head coming out. I'll do it to camera four. Hi.

My name's Garfield Hill. And I had a piece of Frank taken out of my skull. That was a long time ago. And if I remember, I had a BLT on a croissant. If you have any information that could lead to finding out where my Frank is, please call the number at the bottom of the screen. That number is three. All right.

I think we got it. That's lunch. Hey, you guys buy, those are the guys I knew from lunch. I'm picturing him just like, oh, like just like that.

Is this the part of my brain? This is the hemisphere. Look, you take it out. You put it back in. Frank, Jesus Christ, Frank. Hey, let's play Frisbee golf. If I poke here, I can speak Portuguese. Watch how hard I can kick a ball if I just put my finger on this part.

Wamo! Frankie! Customer wrong. When a customer at Gustave... No more story needed. I've worked in retail. That's absolutely true. I agree.

When a customer at Gustave Kemma's filling station today denounced President Roosevelt's Supreme Court reorganization plan, Gustave, an ardent advocate of the proposal, ordered his patron out of the place, picked up a stick, and began to belabor him. Hell fucking, yeah. By the way, so Roosevelt didn't end up doing that. Did he or did he end up fucking with the court? He didn't. Yeah, he like was talking about it.

He was definitely, classic Democrat. Yeah, he was going to stack that shit. Yeah, he was like, fuck it. I mean, but also like this is just about a couple guys who had an argument. Yeah, but it's like the one guy was like, the court should remain. We'll figure it out. The people now are like, look, once you get into power, just don't do anything bad. Don't do shit.

Keep it the same. Tonic for morale given men at service club. Finally. Between jobs, that's when a man's morale is, in danger. Yeah, between jobs. And that's when the men's service club at Fifth and Crocker Streets takes charge to make life easier for job seekers.

I'm worried about Ralph. He was laid off and he hasn't found new work in a week. We'll be right over, ma'am. For example, during February, men in search of jobs made 43,250 visits to the club, used 11,200 towels, and 2,820,000. razor blades. Hey, that math's weird. It's bracing up for that critical moment when perspectives, boss says, what can you do? Oh, so they help them, they get to go here to be. So these are homeless people because it's the, it's the Great Depression. Oh. And so it's a place where they

can make themselves look nice and presentable for a interview. Can you imagine a time when he cared that much about people? and helping them, where you'd be like, hey, look, I know you're on a hard time. Come here. You get a shower. We're going to shave here. We're going to make you look the part. Now you can go out and get a job.

And literally now it's like a center to get napalmed. Yeah. Now it's just now they're just like, yeah, I guess your car can do Uber. We're not paying anymore. Until we figure out how to get robots to do it. And then we won't be able to do that either. You should let you know you're on extreme borrowed time because we are trying to get robots to do this job as fast as possible. Thankfully, the guys in charge are also fucking stupid.

I saw a video of like a guy like one of those like delivery robots like being stuck on a sleeping homeless guy's leg. And I was just like, I don't know that my soul can handle like, God. I don't know if my soul can handle a. a robot with food in it getting Rumba stuck on an unhoused person's limb It was I was like just

Whenever I see anyone like taking There was somebody like Attacking a Waymo car and it's like Yes attack all the robots That are taking the jobs We can still do Honestly that should be the new American flag Is that shirtless guy

Just beating the shit out of a Waymo It was a very important moment. We have way more vans now. What do you mean? There's more vans on the street? To collect all the unemployed people and take them to the camps, I assume. That's right. Yeah. It's cool. It's a waymo. Job hunters can check their tools and baggage at the club. They may write letters and get their mail there and use the club's telephone to answer help audit ads or enjoy an hour reading

or playing checkers between treks. I just, it's so crazy. a hundred years ago we were better we were in a better playing the plan what about the plan man wasn't there a program

where a bunch of people would get paid to spread out leaves and then like the afternoon shift would come and rake him up and just so people had some work to do during this time Yeah. And it was all like paid.

And I was just like. Yeah, they were on paid leaves. Okay. Well, it's been fun. All right. That's a bang. That's a bang. Let me know when we're getting the next guest on.

That's the title of the episode. Paid leaves. That's a fucking champs move. Come on, guys. Hold on. I got to take this. Hello? Hollywood.

Well, yes, I would like to work at a Taco Bell. I got to go. Last one. Air conditioning, a 50-mile sewer planned. Do you remember when we used to AC sewers? Yeah. Those are the days. That was good.

The rats are getting hot. I don't understand. The rats are just like, ah, yeah, this is it. This is nice. This is nice. The longest sewer in the world, 50 miles in length, soon will be air conditioned. It is Los Angeles's famous. $7 million

outfall sewer that six months ago was the scene of a death-defying inspection by a city employee who rode down the Stygian stream in a rowboat guarded from poisonous gases

by an oxygen helmet to locate sections What the fuck is happening? To locate sections in which acid had eaten into its tile lining. Who is this Jacques Pusteau Chernobyl or? How is this not a movie? That is, I'll tell you how.

I don't understand the plot. The plot is survival to get from one end to the other. So they're like, we think that acid is eating parts of the sewer. They're like, well, no one can go down there. It's horribly hot. I can do it. I just got to leave the part of my skull out. Just some guy in like 19, 3,000.

30 scuba gear on a raft like I'm really Shibor picturing like a suit like being eaten by the acid as it's like a ticking clock situation I gotta get out of the sewer I can't see for the helmet What uh what do you

What lessons have you learned? Really hot It's really hot. Yeah it's hot and then I don't know what people are pissed and shitting But it's bad. It's crazy. Will you put it?

all together. Guys, I don't know how to tell you this. It's like it builds on itself. That place is full of shit. Like, it's a ton of, not good, bad shit. Was this the inspiration for the Shawshank Redemption? I think so, yeah. Stephen King read this story and was like, I got it.

That's right. As an experiment recommended by Mayor Frank Shaw on the advice of city engineers. The city council has been asked to a lot 5,000 to air condition the giant tube, the theory being that removal of gases by air washing will halt further corrosion. Honest to God, I still don't understand the science of it really. It just does harken back to a time where they were like, long term. What we should do is.

think about long-term and long-term. This will be very damaging long-term. Now they would do this in a heartbeat, but they'd give the contract to a private company. And it would never be done. And we'd be like, wait, what? Eventually they'd just like blow it up and be like, whoops. No, it's good.

We gave the contract to Elon Musk's air-conditioned sewer company. Hi. Yes, the company's called Poopex. Well, Aaron, thank you for joining us. And thank you for having me to be quite honest. Yeah, no, thank you, Gareth, for making time. People can go watch Turtle Boy and can go see you at the Windy City Comedy Fest. And also, if people want to follow you, they can just go to Dave's follows and look up Aaron Sutherland, because you're there.

I'm there. Because, as you said at the beginning, Dave has been loving you. you. True. Beautiful stuff. I love you guys. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.