The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 187 - The Past Times with Derek Sheen

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Derek Sheen SOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHMint Mobile Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/4cq1zeop #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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And when you're ready to launch, use overgo to dollop to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. I've been thinking about doing a trip this August to properly explore Quebec City. talking about wandering the cobblestone streets of the old city, grabbing a fresh-baked croissant before anyone else is awake, then wandering over to Marceau du Port, where locals grab maple butter and fresh cheese right by the train station. That's my kind of trip. While planning a trip like this,

I've been thinking about my own place sitting empty while I'm off exploring another city. So now when I travel, I look into listing my space on Airbnb. be. Somebody else gets to experience everything that makes my city special for a few days, walking to neighborhood favorites for breakfast, catching a movie at the historic theater, spending golden hour at the nearby observatory, and discovering the kind of local spots you'd never find if you were just passing through. This is the kind of thing that just makes sense once you think about it. It doesn't matter if you're gone four days or two weeks. Your home can be put to work while you're off exploring somewhere else.

and you'll put some extra cash in your pocket. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here each week. We go through a newspaper from a random date and history

picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I Gerith Reynolds have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest. The great Derek Sheet. Hey, everybody. Welcome. Derek. Thank you for having me. Hi, I'm going to just, I don't even know when to come in. This is my, I'm so uncomfortable. No, you're allowed in. You're allowed in.

Now, Derek, you have a new special called Unrelatable, August 21st on YouTube. How did you close a deal with YouTube? You know, it was easy. You can just sign up for it. I didn't realize it was that, that it's free. Oh, okay. That's pretty good. So super easy. I'm doing it through blonde medicine. So they have a much better YouTube channel than I do. I think mine's just old prank videos. That's pretty good. You used to do a lot of pranking? You know, by pranking, I just put up my comedy clips.

Got it. So you used to call stand-up pranking. Yeah, it's pranking. In a way, it kind of is. You're kind of roper doping. What do you have behind you in the glass? You know, we just finished work. I moved my whole office around.

So normally this would be art, and I haven't put it up yet. And then I got display cases for all my stuff. I'm elderly and I want to show it off now. And the things are? I got a bunch of movie memorabilia, crops, some collectible toys. What's our best prop? I don't know. I think the phantasm sphere from the movie Fantasms.

Wow. Oh, shit, really? I've got, I've got some, I've got some props. I got pig guts from one of the saw movies in there. Oh, fucking great. It's awesome. This is, I just found out why he gets along so well with Brian Possein. I just, that was it.

Yeah. Okay. That actually does make sense. Well, that's great. We're hoping, hey, how about the, we're hoping that this episode of the podcast makes it behind some of that glass. Fuck you. What are you talking about, dude?

Jesus Christ. Let it happen. We're not that bad. Sorry, Derek. We're working through a bunch of stuff off, Mike. That's not been going well, to be honest. I can remember broken home. I'm used to it.

Okay, good, because it's going to be a lot of that. So, Derek, fifth hour, unrelatable YouTube, August 21st. People will go check it out. But look, we're not going to suck that hour's dick the whole time. Yeah, we are. Oh, okay. It's great. I can't wait to see it.

Your stuff's awesome. And tickle the balls. Okay. We're going to go through an old newspaper. Okay? So this is a newspaper from a random date. You heard the intro. You get to take a guess.

I'll also guess. Dave will find a way to make me lose, even if I guessed the exact year, which happened not too long ago. Lies. But you go ahead, take a guess, just any guess of a year. But there was a reason that you didn't win.

I can't remember what it was. But there was a... Oh, you violated the rules. Anyway. So go ahead and take a guess, Derek. Any year could be 1800s. Could be 1700s. It could be 1900s.

But it's just how we start. I'm going to guess we're in the early 19th century. Okay. How about a year? Attach a specific year. Let's go 1875. That's a good guess. It's a great guess.

I'm going to go 1938. Oh, Derek wins. It is... You don't even know. You're not even on having it open. 1953. I'm way closer. It's every other it skips.

Every other it skips what? It skips a generation. It skips. No, but I don't even think that makes sense. Even that wouldn't make sense. So yeah, it does. That makes perfect sense to me. I don't see it.

I mean, I got very close considering it's a departure from normal year. Skips. I said every other. Boom. Damn. If you've been she... That's catchy. You've been sheen.

Yeah. All right. You've been sheened. Do you say winning a lot? Does that happen? You should try to make that your own. I do say raccoon blood, though. Is that what he said?

No, dragon blood. Oh, dragon blood. Warlock blood. Jimmy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that Bert Krecher stole the machine from you because that was obviously should have been yours. Yeah.

I'm still a little hurt by it. But I'm burnt by it. I'm burnt by it. We all are. More like, hey. Hey, can he just be shirt Krecher for a little while? Can we just get a, all right. We have, thanks everybody.

No, no, we have a friend who invented a character called shirt Kreischer. Oh, no way. Yeah, he did. And he also does hurt Krecher where he comes in and falls down. He started to do hurt Krecher where he would fall with his shirt off. He's in his 40s. All right, Dave. Let's rock and roll.

The Miami Herald December 2nd, 1953. Yeah. Okay, so the first headline here is hiccoffs fatal. So I think before they were called hiccups, they might have been called hiccoffs. Oh, wow. Does it make more sense? A hiccough?

Yes. Wait, what kind of? A hiccup doesn't really... A hip burp. I mean, we... But hiccough makes sense. I agree. Yep, Derek thoughts.

Hickoff sounds like something that you would do to somebody. Yes. That's true. Yes. That is true too. Yeah. It also sounds like a playwright. But a hiccough is being done to you.

Now I'm in the sauce. Yeah, you get hiccups on your own, but a hicc off is when you give it to somebody. Yes. Or maybe it sounds like when you get rid of the hiccups. And then you have a hicc off. Oh. I need you to reel in the Zach. Or when a farmer falls off a wagon.

Hey, we got a hiccough. Think about it. I'd rather not, honestly. In the right zone. A heart attack that was brought on by a seizure of hiccoffs caused the death here of Lee Dodd's 63-year-old Farber. Hmm.

Oh, he had a heart attack. No, he had hiccoffs. The fuck are you doing? I don't know, I want to impress Derek. It's not impressing him. He was working. I'm an idiot. I mean, yeah, okay.

I guess can you have a heart attack? from hiccups? Well, listen. Maybe it restricts the error that you're getting in. I'll get too deep into it. I don't think we want to know the answer to that. Why? Because I don't think the next time we have the hiccups we want.

It's a medical mystery. I think, I don't think you can. That's what I think. I think we're dealing with 1955 stupidity, and I don't think you can. Hickoff just sounds like something a literate guy does with his penis. Yeah, I agree. That's right. Oh, hell yeah.

That's right. Hell yeah. You might be a redneck. You might be a redneck. You did, if you call Wacking off hiccuffing. It might be a redneck. Hickups do not cause a heart attack. There you go.

Boom. AI said so. That's too bad. I don't know if it's too bad. It's sad because there's a lot more dead people. A physician said Dodd has suffered from intermittent seizures. of hiccops for many years. All right, well, that's a difference.

There's something wrong. It's seizures. He's an epileptic. He's epileptic. He was terminal to begin with. Yeah, he has a real bad condition. Well, another one dead from the hiccops. It's like when they tried to blame cancer on electric razors because 20% of the people

that got cancer used electric razors. That's like regular numbers. Oh, well, the razor got him. God damn it We found that every single person that has died of a heart attack this year has gone to the bathroom Wait a minute Yeah so piss and kills you Yeah, that's what I'm saying

Shit There's got to be a link Hold on You're listening to the MAHA podcast Thank you You have the hicc coughs which were actually causing his seizures We did the unfortunate thing for another Side podcast thing

We watched the whole Dana Bash RFK Jr. Oh, God. And it was 21 minutes. That is really something. We probably did talk for about an hour. Yeah. I watched it for no reason. I did that too.

And then we did it for page. And it is, wow. Man, he is really fucking dumb. It's just a sewage creature. He is. Absolutely. Suisse monster. When we watched it the second time, I knew he spilled something because you hear it,

but we kept rewinding it. He spilled what looked like chicken broth all over the glass table. I mean, it is. He fully spilled his cup, his CNN cup, and it wasn't water. No. It was like kimchi juice. Yeah. I bet it's 100% bone broth.

I bet he just drinks bone broth. Seriously, something like he couldn't do an interview with water. It was like, no. I grind down the bones of wombat and then I turn it into a soup. May I put the bullion in the orange juice? It blows my mind that that guy swims in sewage, drinks bone broth, takes nothing but supplements, and still gets to goo in all these nice ladies. Like, who does that? Who does that? Who lets him inside? He has to be invited.

It's really insane. It's crazy. It's crazy. But he, there are so many moments. of that that are fully upsetting. But who was it? It was Sam, who's the, Dave Smith, Dave Smith, the comic. He was like, RFK, owned her. That's what I hate. To me, that was a moment where we go, oh, God, this is, we need to reevaluate everything.

And yet there's people who are like, boom, sorry CNN. He just bone brought your table. The disassociative disorder with people who just don't understand. I mean, he dogwalked himself. He's completely held his own leash and went around the block. It was crazy. It is one of the, it is without question. And I like those Sunday morning interviews.

I do enjoy like getting the clips of the lunatics lying. And that is a top five worst Sunday show interview. I mean, that was a. that was amazing that is a disqualifying event it's by the way it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who wakes up Sunday morning

and the first thing I do is just go to Aaron Rupar's feed to watch every single clip I don't know who Aaron Rupar is but there's really no there's very little actual thought in what he he just basically is like here's RFK being you know saying that we should that we are

we're prepared because we'll talk to doctors when the next pandemic gets. You're just like, what? Well, and he- 21 minutes. Didn't she ask him? Like, I mean, she asked him directly. Like, what are you doing to prepare for the next one?

We know that's coming. And he was like, ah. If you go through Anthony Fauci's diary. The way that he was trying to cut through how we get facts, you're just listening to what other people have said. The experts. Yeah. You're like, yes, the experts.

That's unfortunately how this goes, sir. Not all of us put COVID in a rubber bag and decided to drink it and see what happened. It's just so like the experts are what you're supposed to listen to. I think it's a little, I mean, I'm surprised that journalists didn't push harder on, on them going through his diary. Right. And using that like, oh, well, he, you know, he wanted to be, he just loved being famous. He loved, it's his diary. It's a fucking diary.

It's a weird old man. The diary. The dollop, many parts of the dollop are diary based. Yeah. I mean, it's just some guy who was like, well, we ate Troy. No, but people saying he's an ego maniac because he talks about being about famous people. All he thought was, it's a diary. It's a diary.

Yeah, it's a sad old man diary. He butt dialed Barbara Streis. Yeah, God forbid, like, if they found my diary. Oh, yeah. It'd just be a Senate hearing of like, why did you put your dick on all these things? Like, why would you do that? I'm like, well, it's my diary. Oaky cookie is a punishment for a group of adolescent boys.

You played it alone? Your Honor, I would rephrase the word play. It's doing a lot of heavy lifting. It's on event. That's an event. What do you think the odds are? Strong. That RFK Jr. is eaten a spider.

We've all eaten spiders. You mean intentionally eating a spider? Like picked up a spider? 100%. Oh, absolutely. 100%. By the way, fire him so we can make that show. What has...

What hasn't he eaten? I think he's eaten everything that he is seen that's dead. He's eating roadkill? The game show is has RFK. eating everything. All right, Clark family, do you think that

RFK Jr. has eaten frog penis? Well, the answer is yes. Yes, I have. As a matter of fact,

frog penis has benefits to vision. I have four in my pocket. They are full of keratin. I do, but I bet he's never eating a Jersey Mike sub, though.

That's one thing he's never eaten. Absolutely. He has absolutely not eaten that. That's where you get him. He hasn't eaten a regular thing that everybody else has eaten. Have you ever had combos? No.

He's just walking down the street with a cup of durian ice cream, you know. He's never eaten anything that just you normally eat on a regular afternoon. Have you had ice cream as an adult? No. No, but I did eat the foreskin of a baby. Have you ever been to Subway? No. Have you ever eaten a human?

I've eaten. An eye, a human eye. I eating a sandwich made of roadkill and sanitary napkins, but I've never had a Jersey mic sub. Without the bread. Oh, fuck. All right, here we go. Hobo jungle uncovered.

What the actual. Fuck. What? A hobo jungle. Yes. Police uncovered a hobo jungle Monday. squarely in the swanky downtown Brickle Avenue section of Miami. So they're just calling like a Skid Row a hobo.

It's a, yeah, it's an encampment. I feel like this is before, this was, I feel like 1955, I'm not saying we were progressive with terms, but I feel like we were ahead of hiccough and hobo jungle. No way where we had a hobo. No way, not in the 50s. Oh, we got ourselves a real hiccough and hobo jungle going on down there. Yeah, one of the hobos in the,

jungle got a case of the hiccoffs and passed. Detective Sergeant I see. Is that RFK in the hobo jungle? I'm eating a hobo, please. I'm the Jaguar. Detective Sergeant I see Rizzo filed vacancy charges against Michael

Bojarski after he said he found the 33-year-old unemployed Baker had set up open-air housekeeping in a growth screened glade in an uncleared lot near Brickle Avenue. What the fuck? That's a hobo greenhouse. Okay.

An open-air housekeeping set up open-air housekeeping. So he's taking-outside housekeeping. He's taking care of it. Okay. So he's cleaning the hobo jungle. I don't even feel comfortable repeating hobo jungle on this. Yeah, I think it's his groundskeeping. Yeah.

I think they're just saying that he set up a house. It's what Gavin Newsom did when he was running last time. I think they're just saying he set up a house. He set up like a living area. Okay. In a growth screened glade in an uncleared lot. So it's hidden by the shrubbery. So he has a he has a secret home in nature.

And nature I'm using very loosely because it does sound like a lot of some kind of. And there's a bunch of unhoused people formally. No, I think it's just him. The glade was reached by crawling. This guy grew like some passion fruit vines, and he was like, I call it the hobo jungle. It's just the bushes in a roundabout. Yes, you know, basically. Five bushes.

And he was like, welcome to the hobo jungle. Get my machete. The glade was reached by crawling on. Oh. Hey, what are you doing over there? I'm Tarzan. I know, but we're in the hobo jungle. He went really off.

the when the drums stop that's when the bass starts I was over here reading something and you were yeah that's what you're doing you know here's what I'm learned let me tell you a little lesson

I've learned about the Tarzan joke scream I don't think there's a good time for it ever yeah I think it should be taken out of podcasting 100% thank you also the thing you did before that the ba-um-b-da-da-b-b-da-b-b-da-bum yeah that works better I yeah the hobo junk you know that's what I'm picturing uh the glade was reached by crawling on

hands and knees through a woody tunnel of bushes and vines the clearing gave evidence of having served other fresh air tenants the detective added so it just seems like one of those places that sometimes my instagram algorithm goes to where someone would just show up and be like can i do your yard for you yeah except there's nobody you can ask that question too. You just, it's a lot. That. I get why Hobo Jungle didn't catch on. It's a good show. No. Would you watch Hobo Jungle? Yes.

Yeah, it's a reality show. Anybody watch a Sammy Davis Jr. song. It just sounds like that. It's just overgrowth. Yes. And that's what I mean. But white people back then were like, oh my God, they have an encampment. Oh, my God. They have trees. Kathy, look a hobo jungle. How dare you hide out and live at a place no one can see? This is actually when the HOA began. The hobo jungles out here. They've hidden themselves in a thicket.

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I don't need to trust you. I've licked my phone, your phone. You should actually lick my phone. I've licked your phone. No, you've never licked mine. I just, I just licked it a little while ago. It tastes like me. Go ahead.

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Alligator clamps jaws around Wrestler's head Fuck yes Fuck yes As it's supposed to do Right of course Yes This is like a Saturday night

A rumble kind of thing Right Yeah but it It's This is the thing where To what You're saying It's like

This is good It always makes me happy Like when the bear attacks and the Wrangler's like, no, or Sigfried and Roy. Look, I'm not saying I'm glad Sigfried's dead, but come on. How long can you work with fucking tigers and think you're going to keep... That's a Wednesday in Florida.

Yes. That's every Wednesday in Florida. Yes, yes. It's good. This is good. An alligator close its mouth while a man's head was inside Monday. We got that from the title. We got there from the title, actually.

Yeah. Let him go. he's tapping. Inside Monday afternoon near De Nia, holding its jaws clamped tight for 60 seconds before the badly mangled victim was released. 60 seconds is a long fucking time. Tell you what, that's a long time. That's a long time. That's a long time. That's a real hobo jungle trying to get your head out of that. The alligator wrestler, William McClellan, a famed alligator wrestler. So I do love when you go to that. I think that about the Sieg Freedom Roy one where you're like, he's cut his throat with his paw and people are like, this trick's

amazing. I mean, like when, when you're being attacked by an alligator, everybody's an alligator wrestler. Yes, true, technically. We all turn it on. But if you go to see the show and you watch his head get in there, you're like, oh, he's making a game of it. You're not like, oh, this is not in the script. The alligator wrestler William McClellan 20 threshed wildly and the big reptile rolled over

dragging the struggling youth with him as about 50 spectators screamed in horror. That's a show. Watching the guy like be like, wow, I can't believe we're going to watch a guy wrestle alligators. And then two minutes in a guy's got his head inside of an alligator's mouth like,

ah! Oh, shit. I don't know. The script said he was supposed to hit me with a chair. And the ref's like, I'll allow it. Orman Dennis, master of ceremonies for the wrestling act at the Dania chimpanzee farm. Oh, good.

It's really. That's a hobo jungle. What are you going to feed the hell? A chimpanzee farm. Yeah. It's a great farm. And Williams' younger brother, James 17, leaped into the pit and pride open the jaws of the alligator. How many stitches do you guess?

Whoa. I mean, that's a fucking, I don't know. Let's play guessing the number. Go ahead, Derek. I wouldn't even, just duct tape as much duct tape as you can to hold his head on. You're going to let nature figure that one out, brother. You're going to run out a thread. You're going to have a fun hairline.

I'll guess once, I'm going to go high, 117. It's only 60 stitches. Wow. That's probably before they got real. They weren't worried about scarring. They were a lot bigger back then. It's like lacing a hockey skate. or a baseball glove.

There you go. That's going to be real bad for you. 60 stitches were required for the cuts on Williams' face. Oh, 40 for the deep slash on his left jaw. And 20 on the less severe cut on his right. So 120, 120. That's a lot. That's a lot.

The injuries apparently resulted, well, we know why because the alligator bit his fucking head. Not necessarily. The fall he took after the event. When the alligator, his sharp teeth. firm against the fighting youth's head and neck rolled over. William was treated Memorial Hospital Hollywood and taken to the home of his parents, Mr. Mrs. William McClellan at one.

How was work, hon? I got my whole face. How did it go? They had to put all my skin back on. Good turnout. No. Oh, gosh. His face nearly covered by bandages, he was under the influence of sedatives and went

into a sound sleep. But in route to the hospital, he already said he was going back to wrestle the Gators again. Can't stop me, motherfucker. That is not good news. That's just a guy who can't write a suicide note.

Yeah, I actually was getting there myself. This is a man who is just like, he was whispering into the jaws like, Clamp harder. I'll be back. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. We have a picture.

We don't normally have pictures. Let me see it. Oh, God. Oh, it's a... It looks like a fake, like... This looks like an artist's rendering. I have a hurt jaw cartoon bandage. Yeah, like when you used to get tooth surgery back in the 30s.

Around the bottom of the jaw. Injured alligator wrestler keeps his distance for now. Injured wrestler worried if alligator was all right. I really missed that part of it. Don't read the story. I haven't finished it yet. Oh, you haven't. Jesus Christ.

Oh, there's more about it? Oh, it's the follow-up. Oh, I didn't know. Holy Jesus. He's just back. He's got the mumps and he's back. That alligator looks real tiny, too, like compared to his head. It's not a big alligator.

And he's got a stick. Yeah, he's got a. He's like, well, my lesson was, I need a pry bar. Oh, the reptile that attacked him was one of the smallest in the eight or ten. I only fight the babies. It is six feet long. but it's also the most vicious of the group, according to Williams' father. Fucking let's go.

Yeah. All of them are untamed and Bill feeds them raw meat and rotates the ones he wrestles with so they won't get sluggish, commented the father. Wait, I would imagine you want to feed the alligator before the event. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. A lot. A lot.

A lot. Like, everything. Like you want to be able to, if you open the mouth, you go, that's a lot of meat. Yeah. but this one is mean it's the same one that bid him on a thumb from the top knuckle to the tip and through the nail last summer

he said that William a broored high student graduate has been wrestling with gators at the Dania farm for about a year oh he's a big idiot but he just started putting his head in the mouths a few days ago so look

here's the thing about getting away with gator wrestling You're always looking for new territory. William was shocked and surprised that after years of arms training, the chimpanzees, the chimpanzees turn the guns on him. He only recently started loading the guns. Quote, I don't think he'll put his head in again, but he lacks his job and he'll get back to, he'll be back at it. You imagine showing back up to that job?

So I should be able to wrestle. in a week. What? I'm ready to go, boss. What are you talking about? We don't even do that here. Why do you keep coming to this alligator farm? We don't do that here.

I learned a valuable lesson last week. And I think I worked the kicks out. Part of the issue I think is that I've been putting my head in the mouth. I'm going back to straight wrestling. James, the younger brother, is a student at Broward High School. He has been breaking into the wrestling game by, Talking the show as William did the wrestling. Way better job.

I think James has lost his appetite for wrestling them now, said the father. No, he hasn't, though. No, it's the younger brother. Oh. Younger brother's out. I think I'll just stick in the booth. Yes, so this is the follow-up story. That's where the picture's from.

18 hours after an alligator required cuts requiring 60 stitches, William McClellan, 20-year-old alligator wrestler, was back in the pit at the Dania Chimpanzee farm Tuesday morning. 18 hours. That's just fucking crazy. Dad, I got to get back in there. I just don't want to be scared of the gators. How did we not?

We should have traded Florida for a different place. Yeah. Like we've been screwed. We should have just gotten something for Florida. We've known forever. It's just been full of red flags. You know what? We could have just traded it for a mule.

Yeah. I mean, maybe we just traded for some country time or something. But still, it really. I mean, this is 1955. Yeah. The wheels were off.

The wheels were off a long time. McClellan was impatient to get back to the pit when he re when he awakened Tuesday after restless night. I didn't sleep so good. Why? I alligator bit through my skull. I guess Bill will keep on. Wait. Bill had heard that somebody hit the alligator during the incident

and was anxious to get back and make sure it was all right, said Mrs. William McClellan, his mother. That's kind of nice. How's the alligator's fine? Is he sure he's okay? Yeah, he's fine. I just want to make sure there's not too much blood on his teeth. No, he's doing real good. Now, the alligator's fine.

I've got to change my bandages again now. They are leaking. Yeah. I guess Bill will keep on wrestling. She added, although his father and I have tried everywhere we can think. of to get him to stop. Boy, that's some dumb shit. Billy, he bit your head and opened it up all over.

There's only one thing I'm good at. It's what I want. That's the dream. I'm good at it. Just let me die the way I want to die. I'm trying to die. I hate you. The bill,

Bill said, the doctor says, I can't wrestle again for, 10 days or I'll break the stitches, but I'll be back in here wrestling within a week. I'm fucking dumb as shit. I'm a moron. And now I got head trauma. This could really be any, like this could be from any year in a Florida newspaper.

Yes. Yeah. That, by the way, is a great game show too. What does one thing can feel with his head in an alligator's mouth? I didn't feel anything. I was thinking how to get on out of there. That's feeling. That's feeling. You were feeling. How do I go deeper?

At this point, it might be easier to crawl through it and go out the house. As he summed up his experience, McClellan walked up to within 18 inches of the seven-foot two-inch alligator and tapped it on the nose with a short stick so it would open its jaws wide for the photographer. I'm out of my goddamn friend. fucking mind. What is he doing? The clone was unable to explain how the alligator happened to clamp down. This is a pretty mean baby. This is a pretty mean baby.

It's really. There it is. He's just fighting younger and younger ones. He's just in there like the cage with an unhatched egg. Let's go. Come on. Fuck face. Wow.

That was quite a story. That's a banger. At 77, her husband still has a roving eye. Is this about the alligator wrestler? Stop checking her out. Most of my face won't work. This is a story out of London. Miss Ethel and

Wilson, Annie Wilson, 77, wanted divorce from her husband, Walter, also 77, on the ground that he had been romancing another woman. The Wilson's were wed in 1903. All right, well, there's old. Cheating, yeah. But you can cheat when you're old.

Yeah, you sure can. What? Hell yeah, right there? Yeah, yeah, just, all you need is some beta blockers and. Oh, yeah. That's a ticket. A blue pill. Yep.

Bingo bingo. Open the alligator job. Just sliding in a, just shooting in a softie. All right, Derek. I'm going to ask you to calm down a little bit. No, I like, I like where he's going. Put your head in an alligator. mouth if you catch my drift putting my stick on its head getting in there felt like we were

all on the same page for like we're all there yeah i mean me and derrick were yeah Derek and I too just getting involved in the thing with you and I that's solved the issue yeah no problem all right let's record yeah we're warmed up and I were warmed up that was me I did that I let's do a Wasn't it? Defended doesn't know how many wives he has. Boy, I get this. You know what I mean? What?

I get this. Yeah. What if the answer's two? One. One, yeah. Let's just say, I plead the fifth. You have one. What?

Just keep accidentally getting married. Whoops. After a while. Lose count. What happens in Vegas keeps. happening in Vegas. When you live there, it actually becomes your reality. It can get quite dark. It can get quite dark. Defendant doesn't know how many wives he has. Charged of bigamy, charges of bigamy were

dropped Tuesday against J.W. Clemens when one of his wives said she had obtained a divorce and the other said she was getting an annulment. So it's two. It sounds like two. Maybe three. one of the wives, though, said that she thought there was a third wife. How many wives do you have, criminal court judge Ben Willard asked Clemens. I don't know, but I know I won't have any more. Woo.

Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah. I think he's just being cheeky. Yeah, it sounds like, yeah, it does sound like, hey, at last count, know what I mean? Yeah. Lough can of three. Three. Three.

And I've really harmed all of them deeply. I've been a terrible man. I've been a terrible person. I really have no conscience and it's morale. My morale is, I have no. I operate by sheer emotional violence. I was ruined as a child by my upbringing. He's a 36-year-old window dresser.

Hmm. So, now what does that mean? Oh, a real pussy magnet. Absolute pussy magnet. Window dresser. Isn't that where you like you would make a display and they're like a storefront or something like that?

You know what makes the ladies moist is marketing. That's what does it. I basically put together human diaramas. I do retail displays. What's that do for your vulva? Oh my God. And you're single? Basically.

This one's a man in a nine. suit with an alligator clamped on his head. It's called hobo jungle. That's exactly what it is. It's a guy who dresses up the, yeah. Yeah, it does that. Yeah. Earl Walden Jr., assistant county solicitors,

said only two wives were mentioned in the bigamy information. And, quote, we don't know anything about any third wife. Well, my thinking is that there's the OG. wife and then he picked now that's legal that's a legal wife yes but then he's got the two criminal marriages that you know obviously he's making himself sound like the henry lee lucas of marriage though yeah he really is push he is it for for the answer being two or three he's definitely like it could be three could be 70 could be 700 i don't know who knows how many how many are there of me the most prolific merrier of all time i'd love to marry you

He's just trying to set that record. Let's get married. Judge. Let's get married. Weren't you here earlier? I don't think so. Me? What do you mean?

How many times have I been here? My fiancee. Then he withdrew the charges. Now don't let your good looks and winning ways get you into trouble again, advise the judge. You're fucking... Look at you. You're a good looking fellow.

Get out of here. What are you? Justice Kavanaugh, are you sure? Yeah, go on. Okay. I saw your coach display over at the Macy's and... That was unbelievable. I gotta tell you.

We're key, so get out of here. Now, don't keep marrying. How you handled the spring ensemble was absolutely beautiful. That made me half hard. I get it. Your Honor, thank you for your leniency. Do you wed couples? Because there's actually a woman in the juror's box of it.

If I may take a fourth nor fifth incalculable Clemens promise this won't happen again he and Velda Clemens were married in Illinois in 1938

he said he thought she had divorced him and he was married to Tiffany. She was supposed to divorce me he was married to Tiffany Clemens in 1948 so 10 years later

so no can a man goof can't Can a guy have a oopsie? You get one oopsie in marriage. Oopsie, I married another lady. I mean, I have three wives.

Consecutively or at the same time. Right now, three active marriages I'm in. That's so much work. It's hell. The emotional labor of being married to more than one person. It feels like there's such a pain in my ass. You'd think I have a case of the hiccoffs. It's a Sisypian metaphor for love.

Just me pushing this rock up the hill over and over again. Yeah, Sisyphician. Sisyphibis, Sissifian. That idiot. By the way, if only the God of momentum visited that moron at some point. Dumbass. Just let it roll, you dip shit. Jesus Christ.

Just step out of the way. Get out of the way, you fucking moron. You're right there. You're right there. Jesus, you're just out. alligator wrestling this rock up a hill. And at some point, smash it. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Look at this idiot. They're going to know my name as the guy who got the boulder out of this hole. No, they're not, actually. Nine days later. Shit. Hopefully they just forget me. The next headline. Do you want to read the next headline?

Sure. This is Preston. Just put this in for me. Reynolds arrested. Troubled pot. Trouble piled up at Tallahassee for Winston Reynolds. Oh, there's more. Reputed boss of a numbers racket in a three-state triangle after his arrest by a rating party,

which reported seizing lottery paraphernalia at his rich horse farm. Those are just numbers. We know what you was doing. Bingo balls. We know what you're up to. Lottery fixing. you got numbers in a bird cage yeah

well it seems like that is incriminating now that I hear it back to be honest are these your bunko tables uh bunco what is that shut up put your hands behind your back United States District Attorney Harold Carswell obtained warrants charging Reynolds

and two co-defendants with conducting a lottery without having the required gambling stand and paying the federal exercise tax on their receipts. Okay. So you can't just be like, by the way, did I tell y'all, I'm a lottery? No, you can't.

You can't do that. No, you cannot. I got to make a couple calls after this. Well, this is what the lottery was before. The lottery is essentially the legalization and the government taking over and making money off of the numbers game. Right. Yeah.

And thank God we stopped there. Yes. It's all fine now. Yeah. Now we've learned better. There's no issue with gambling here. No, it's totally fraud-free and above board. Yep.

Everything we do here. By the way, I did make a bet on Polly Market the other day that America will develop a gambling problem. Did you? No. I bet on fires in Oregon. Oh, God. You can now make a million. You can now make a million dollars by setting a massive fire in America.

It's fine. I know that we're like everywhere is struggling, but we really should just bring someone from France here and just be like, Do you understand what's happening? I don't think you guys are getting the nuts and bolts of our economy. It's called Calci. Now, the straits's going to be open any day, though. The straits, the straits been open. It's been open.

It's not, it was never shut. So I think there's a whole, that's been a whole problem for people. Attorney General Richard Eben ordered removal of all four telephones at the Reynolds farm under the anti, under the anti-booky law, which bars the use of phones for gambling. I'm an operator. So you can take away the person's phone? Well, four phones is a lot. Now they take away someone's internet if you do something.

So, but four, yeah, I think four lines is probably pretty big. Hello. Hello. Yes, I will make an illegal bit. Hello? And this is 1953. So every one of those phones you had to go through the operator desk. Yeah.

To make a call. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Cherry 7-9. Connect me to my bookie. It's something to chirp about. This is another story to England.

Bert Loins. That's a rough one. Having heard of Bert Loins? He's the new dinner. It's a 1950s porn name. Yeah, totally. I thought you made the bed. Why's it all wrinkled?

Larry Humpherson. was here. Burt Loins was here. Dewey Shaft came round earlier. Bert Loins reported... Throbby Cox. Bert Loins reported Monday

that an annoying cricket is gone from his hearth, but so is most of his wife's hair and his mother's, mother-in-law's eyebrows. So he lit a fire to get rid of a cricket? Yeah, that's what you do. Bert Loins.

How is he going to get rid of it crates. Or is it called burnt loins? No, it's it's burnt loins. Does he have a shirt on? It's like burnt Kreischer, but that's lyrics. Shirt Kreacher. Shirt, shirt, yeah, shirt loins. Loins have been spraying kerosene on the fireplace bricks to get rid of the little chirper. Well, you were right. Okay, let's let's let's take the comedy out for a minute and agree that when you do have a chirper in the house or the place, it can get quite annoying. Oh, very. I mean, you're like, where is it and it's just behind your fridge like we definitely have

a cricket problem in our house. Yeah? No, yeah. It used to be a lot worse. The bowler? Or it's just or it's just tinnitus. Yeah. It could be tinnitus. Just tonightus. You guys hear those crickets?

No. I'm going to have to lie to another fire. Tore this whole house apart. I told you stop standing next to the speaker. I've moved seven different times and the cricket has followed me every time. Sweet God. is in me. I have to light me on fire.

His wife picked up what she thought was the kerosene can and she got the gasoline can by mistake. The fire ruined the living room. But there's no cricket, babe. I mean, so is gasoline much more flammable? I guess so. I don't know. That I don't know. Probably.

because kerosene was more of a lamp Carousine burns hotter, but it also gasoline will burn farther and longer. Bigger. Yeah. Bigger. I mean, if you're trying to do

an interior fire, as someone who knows, from experience, caracine's only good for bodies and then gasoline's really, that's much better for homes. Yeah, carousines for an individual, gas for the family.

Yeah. I was trying to look up the difference. Between Kiesin and kerosene? That might not be a search you want in your history just for safety. You live in California during a drought. Also, if you're Googling something, well, you just, for me, Google how to do a 9-11. Hey, how to lick own ass?

While you're in there. Just for me. Let's get all of our Googling out of the way. Can lick own ass through yoga? Oh, that's already in there. Oh, okay. Gasoline is highly involved. call it all an engineer to ignite

easily from a spark in car engines whereas kerosene is heavier, more stable with a higher flashpoint. Google man with worms. It's already in here. Man with worms. Yeah, I've already Googled that. Okay.

Why would that not be in? Can you eat your own worms? Yeah, this stuff's all in here. Okay, great. Will this fit in me? Get full balloon out of body. Follow up Google. Yes, it fits in me.

Help. Will this fit in me? We've come up with three pretty good game shows. Yeah. I've been thinking about doing a trip this August to properly explore Quebec City. Talking about wandering the cobblestone streets of the old city, grabbing a fresh-baked croissant before anyone else is awake, then wandering over to Marche du Vue-Portt,

where locals grab maple butter and fresh cheese right by the train station. That's my kind of trip. While planning a trip like this, I've been thinking about my own place, sitting empty while I'm off exploring another city. So now when I travel, I look into listing my space on Airbnb. Somebody else gets to experience everything that makes my city special for a few days, walking to neighborhood favorites for breakfast, catching a movie at the historic theater,

spending golden hour at the nearby observatory and discovering the kind of local spots you'd never find if you were just passing through. This is the kind of thing that just makes sense once you think about it. It doesn't matter if you're gone four days or two weeks. Your home can be put to work while you're off exploring somewhere else

and you'll put some extra cash in your pocket. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.c.ca. Oh, here's an ad, false teeth, that loosen need not embarrass. False teeth. So they're promoting good dentures, basically. Secured dentures? Well, that loosen, so you want them loose?

Yeah, I guess. Many wares of false teeth have suffered real embarrassment because their plate dropped, slipped or wobbled at just the wrong time. Do not live in fear of this happening to you, just to sprinkle just sprinkle a little fast teeth the alkaline not available in England

worst gangster name ever hey oh my teeth take off fast teeth you know my uncle Mel had a false upper and lower partials that he would terrified me as a kid because he would push them out while he was talking to me at the same time I had relatives that did that too

that was like a thing back then that's awesome it was about better time. You know that second mouth that comes out of the alien and out of the xenomorphic healing? That's what it kind of reminded me of. A Geiger mouth. He'd be smoking a cigarette and then his whole mouth would just attack me. Just drool over you. I wet my pants. And then another set of teeth jump out of his stomach. Oh my God. Um, okay. So, So do not live in, did I read this part? Many of false teeth have suffered real embarrassment

because their plate drops slipped or wobbled at just the wrong time. Do you not live in fear of this happening to you. Just sprinkle a little fast teeth. The alkaline non-acid powder on your plates hold false teeth more firmly so they feel more comfortable, does not sour. Checks plate odor, dent your breath.

This feels like a dentist's notes. I don't know. It's so many words in an advertisement. Are you supposed to be ingesting alkaline on this level? No. Why not? Okay. I mean, it keeps your dentures from falling out but also turns your gums black.

Yeah. I mean, I know Crossfitters are doing a lot of alkaline these days. Hey, call me D. Is there any gym like place that people get injured up more at CrossFit. It's absolutely crazy. But my one buddy who does it, he's like, every Sunday they do it,

and then they like, you know, whatever, they work out a lot, and then they all eat pizza. It's Jim Scientology. It really is. It is. I wish I knew the comic who, some comic said, CrossFit is the opposite of Fight Club,

because the first rule is tell everyone. Everyone has. Oh, you know, I'm doing CrossFit. Oh, are you? Yeah. And then two weeks later, I tore my Achilles. Oh, how'd that happen? I thought it was just for Christians.

A seven-pound look. Dope ring blows up into single reefer. What? This doesn't even make sense. This is cannabis-related. Tipped off about a seven-pound shipment of marijuana, Miami City detectives swooped down on two suspects. But wound up with considerably less dope than they had expected.

Let's just again revel at the fact that in Florida, there is, you can wrestle alligators and put your head in their mouth with no problem or license. And if you want to move seven pounds of grass, that's a, that's big. I mean, seven pounds is basically, that's just Charlie Parker's dressing room. Like, that's just a jazz concert. A good amount of weed maybe back then, but now that's just someone who's like, I bought it for the year. I mean, how big would seven pounds? Not as big as you think.

Well, back then it's probably more because there's a lot more crap in it. Seven packages of Nathan's hot dogs. Yeah. Big. Is that really? Could you hold it in one hand, seven pounds? I mean, you'd be balancing it like a bus boy does. plates, but yeah, you could definitely, you know, it's not, it's not crazy. When I've seen pounds

before, I'm like, oh, that's cool, but not, I mean, I remember the first, I remember when I was, when I first moved to L.A., a dude we knew was dating this woman and she just was like, I'll go get you guys like pounds of weed and we were like, what? And she drove drunk and came back with like two pounds of weed and I was, we were all like what the fuck is happening right now? Huh?

She went to 7.11. No, she didn't go to 7.11. Ruining momentum. But it was awesome. So where'd she go? 7.11. No, I don't know. She just went to, like some,

she knew a dealer and she went there and came back with a bunch of free weed. Did she pay for it? I don't remember, but I just remember When I had one of the bags of weed at my place, I could not stop looking at it. I just was like, I have. It has to be a big bag. Like one pound.

It was a big bag of weed. Because I have seen an entire trash bag filled with marijuana. That's an enjoyable amount of weed. And that seems like, I mean, it only weighed, it feels like it. I think it only weighed like four pounds. That's a good amount of weed. That's a lot of weed. I don't know what I did.

It's an Italian, but that's a good amount of weed. A salada weed day. That's a good amount of weed. Hey. Hey. You're going to forget everything. Huh? That's a lot of weed.

That's a lifetime supply. That's a lot of weed. Yeah, that's a 11 pounds. That's why she go to the Y' 711. Hey. It's salar a weed. Mungia. Hey, that's like a Mungianos order of a weed, huh?

We do family style, even with the grass. That is a lot of weed Tipped off about a seven-pound shipment of marijuana Miami City detective swooped down on two suspects Monday But wound up with considerably less dope Than they had expected One of the suspected dope ring principles Wound up facing only charges

involving putting slugs in a pay phone What the fuck What? Okay So a slug is a fake nickel, right? You know what the slug is? Oh, okay. Back in the day, you just get a piece of metal

that's shaped the same as a coin and you get slip it in and free calls. Free calls. Yeah. Jerry seven, how can I connect to you? Yeah, I'm looking for my bookie. He owes me seven pounds of wheat. I love that that's all they got this guy on.

while the other was charged with possession of marijuana to wit one cigarette wow they're going for seven pounds the weed he's got a joint all right one of those making free calls the other one is a doom but it was one of those cheats and shang size joints like one of the comically oversets seven pounds rolled in a gym sock one of those things that Dave's not here man yeah trials are slated today in city court for Roy May 32, whose possessions were found to include numerous coin-sized slugs and Donald Arsanoo, 41, who told police he was a pro-lee from the federal institution for the treatment of drug addicts at Lexington, Kentucky.

Did Texas found the marijuana cigarette on Arseneu? Not a rousing endorsement for the... It's really not. I'm hard. What? What are we talking about? detectives lieutenant ceo hutto and b j palmer took both suspects into custody at the pan-american hotel who fucking arresting guy for slugs that's it you son of a bitch you know how it is they got themselves all worked up they were ready to go they wore their special arrest and ties yeah uh they lived at the pan american hotel the pay telephone booth at the hotel yielded 31 slugs similar to those found in May's possessions.

Guys, there's real crime happening. That's a lot of free phone calls. This is a who gives a shit. Yeah, yeah. Even back then, who fucking cares. Yeah. The Miami detective said they had been tipped by federal

narcotics agents that a call from the rate of Texas involving a shipment of seven pounds of marijuana have been traced to May. Okay, so it's just other cops being shitty. right they've always been our best and even then didn't like didn't the operators actually listen to your phone calls back then it's a different time yeah they did I mean that's it's hard

to be like yeah great job I got seven pounds of weed and they're like well we found you hmm how there's only 70 phones in the United States I have four of them uh all right last one um patient kills wrong doctor. I get it. That's tough. That is tough. Sophie, thanks. Oh, yeah, that is tough.

A famous heart specialist was shot to death Monday night by a former mental patient who said, quote, he got the wrong doctor, police reported. What? The victim was... Where's the right one? The victim was Dr. Edward Spalding, regarded by his colleagues, as one of the half dozen top heart surgeons in the nation. You killed one of the best doctors in the country.

I'm crazy. What do you want? I used to be mental. Dr. Spalding was shot in the back at close range just outside Detroit's professional building where dozens of doctors have their offices. Seas near the scene was John Sherpac, 51, who police said was carrying a long list of doctors, nurses, and hospital orderlies whom he had marked for death.

you guys got me early good thing too Dr. Spalding was not on the list oh no wait a minute the one guy had a one out of 12 chance that he was going to get the wrong guy my wife's going to be furious

I didn't get anything on the list I'm going to practice on this guy oh shit holy shit well we all learned a lot about killing people that's what matters I shot him from behind

there's no way I could have He looked like the other doctor. I hate this professional building. Sherpac told police he thought he'd killed his intended victim, Dr. William McLennan. Dr. McLennan said he treated Sherpac 10 years ago, then transferred his case to Wayne County General Hospital. Quote, I must have shot the wrong man, he admitted to police. I had a big goof. That was a real weird.

Boy, I really blew that one. That's a real hobo jungle in this professional building. I'm going to go put my head in an alligator What are you going to do? Well, Derek, thank you for joining us. Now, August 21st, the special drops. Yes, unrelatable. Thank you.

And you are quite relatable. Thank you, buddy. Appreciate you being here. And everyone, you know, check it out. And we love you. And we're excited to come over to your place and touch the Fantasmsphere. So touch all these things.

Yeah. We need fingerprints. I don't have any kids. This is going to be. be somebody else's problem when I die. I don't even know what I'm to do with it. Who do you will these things to? Have you worked that out? No, I'm just going to let everybody have a, it's a free for all. I want the phantasm ball. I'm leaving a mess for my wife to clean up. Good. And also, what fun for her to have everyone fight over your materials. That'll be great.

Well, thank you, Derek. Appreciate it. Thanks, fellas. And let's talk about when you can see my movie or come and see me do stand up in the next couple months. This is exciting. So go to gareth-rennals.com for ticket links and all that to all this stuff. Just scroll down if you want to see my film, Give It Up, and just stay on the tour dates part if you want to see my stand-up. Let's start with Give It Up the film. If you want to see it, you can see it August 10th in San Diego, Santa Fe, New Mexico, August 12th, Denver, August 13th, Chicago, August 20th,

New York City, August 23rd, Philly the 24th, Raleigh, August 25th, August 26th, Atlanta, and then, Nashville, August 27th. And then if you'd like to see me, do stand-up, August 13th, 14th, 15th, I'll be in Fort Collins, Colorado at the Comedy Fort. And then in September, you can go see me at the Syracuse Funny Bone on September 17th, Vermont Comedy Club, September 18th, Albany on September 20th, East Providence, Rhode Island, September 22nd, Stanford, Connecticut, September 24th, New York, New York, September 25th, Springfield, Massachusetts, September 26th, Boston, September 27th. And then more dates coming soon. So go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information to all this stuff.

Come check my movie out, give it up, and come see me on the road. Gareth Reynolds.com. Love you, dollheads.