The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 189 - The Past Times with Zach Zucker

Episode Date: August 29, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Zach ZuckerSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHQUO - Try for free plus 20% off first six monthsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've been thinking about doing a trip this August to properly explore Quebec City. Talking about wandering the cobblestone streets of the old city, grabbing a fresh-baked croissant before anyone else is awake, then wandering over to Marchet du Vue Port, where locals grab maple butter and fresh cheese right by the train station. That's my kind of trip. While planning a trip like this, I've been thinking about my own place, sitting empty while I'm off exploring another city.

So now when I travel, I look into listing my space on Airbnb. Somebody else gets to experience everything that makes my city special for a few days, walking to neighborhood favorites for breakfast, catching a movie at the historic theater, spending golden hour at the nearby observatory, and discovering the kind of local spots you'd never find if you were just passing through. This is the kind of thing that just makes sense once you think about it. Doesn't matter if you're gone four days or two weeks.

Your home can be put to work while you're off exploring somewhere else, and you'll put some extra cash in your pocket. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.c.a. slash host. Welcome to the pastimes. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it. You know what we do here each week.

We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds have never seen it, and neither has this week's guest. The great Zach Zucker and his Orange. Hey, thank you guys so much. The Orange has seen it, but me, I am ready to rock. We are lovers and we do tell each other everything. Oh, my God.

Yeah, we really, really appreciate and hold above everything. Radical transparency. So I knew a little bit about this article, but I have decided to try to forget it. It's a paper. But you're fucking the Orange? I'm trying. I have in my head, I have. But I have like a couple things you can do sexually with an orange.

Yeah. Mostly ass. Yeah, mostly ass. Now you're pounding water. He's definitely been banging it. How about it? Yeah, I mean, let's just see. This vitamin C, it doesn't stand for what you think it does.

If you catch my drift. You know, you're spelling it. S-E-E. Yeah, I am. Zach, let's just talk about how great the things you have going on are. By the time this comes out, Stamptown will be on. Netflix. How do you explain Stampedown to people? Can you do it in a concise way? Because it really is like, I mean, it's kind of like updated vaudevillian. It's such a spectacle. How do you,

how do you describe it to people? Well, also, before I answer this question, what's the tone of this? Because obviously I'm fighting through a lot of tempting off ramps that don't answer your question at all and that are borderline disrespectful, but funny, but I can answer it normally. The tone is, We're mostly just super racist. Go with any... It's a great question. Yeah, whatever. I'll tell you.

I can do it as well. So go ahead. I'll tell you what I'm freaking off ramp. I'm sick of getting these goddamn tickets from the city of Los Angeles. Yeah. How are you getting those in Edinburgh? Because this son of a bitch is getting her learner's permit and so it's driving all over the place. Wait, the orange is driving?

I know what happened. I know exactly. I've done what you did. before. You brought those with you being like, I'll do them when I'm in Edinburgh and you've just like been like, fuck it. I don't live there anymore. You better believe it. How much is that one? None of your business. I think it's a billion dollar ticket for a billion dollar individuals, something like that. Don't look too hard. Where can people donate to pay for your parking tickets? Do you have a website set up for anything like that? Venmo.com backslash Stampedown, Zach.

Yeah, let's get that money. Uh-oh, here we go. You're about to get some real good clowning over here for a second. Hold on. You're about to get some real good clowning over here. This is what people only say in Edinburgh. Hello. Oh, hey.

Oh. Whoa. Talking to my ears. They're saying hello here. Put in here. Put in. You just try to eat that. From the business casual podcast, Corey, who ate the AirPods.

Corey, stop. And by the way. He ran away. He ran away. That's not he's supposed to use AirPods. He's gone. What the hell? No, no, you'd say he's not even ear anymore.

I think that would be the note from the fast. You have to put it in your ear otherwise they can't hear you. What? You have to put it in your ear as they can't hear you. No, you don't, this isn't a counter, okay? You're in the window of my home. Is that a drive-thru? It's not a drive-oh-my-God, I guess I am driving through.

I don't think you. Yeah, I had like a quarter-pounder of a freaking big, stupid idiot. I just want to remind everyone we go through an old newspaper. At some point, that does have to happen whether we like a... Sir, I'm ordering if you could hold on for a second. Thank you. I understand. I'm so sorry.

Can you get a side of little idiot for me? Hey. Who? No, no, no. Well, I mean, no, you're not bothering us. No, it's great to see you. And you guys are finger fighting. Oh, let's Karen.

Hey, go. Hey, buddy. Hey, check out my. legs. How bad is that? That's pretty crazy. I wore, I wore. Yeah, it was a bad call. I posted a photo on Instagram the other day of me in shorts and people are commenting about my bulge and I can't believe this. Hell yeah.

Wow, that must be nice. People are. I've never been so sexualized publicly. Yeah, it's good. That's the right version. You were a really nice bowl. Wait, was that the orange in the pants? No, no, no, no, no.

The orange, no. He's the orange in my pants. Hell, yeah. Hell yeah. That's Corey for business casual. Another phenomenal podcast. Also there for Stamptown. Corey, I don't want their trash.

Corey, Corey, Corey, how would you explain Stampedown? Zach blew it? No, I just started playing with you. Stamptown is a variety show with burlesque and sexy and it's fun and it's all hosted by it. It's putting you to sleep. That's the way you expect the audience to feel. That's how you fucking do it. All right, we got that out of the way.

Well, Corey, join us for another episode. Yeah, come on the show. It's another time. Yes. You booked it, baby. What the hell? This is fucking awesome. This is the best they know you.

Okay, bye. Thank you. Just for the record, Corey is outside. Well done. That is how you exit. That is how you exit on a comedy podcast. But that did that sack paned over and ruined it. Yeah, he did.

He's giving me a thumbs up. By the way, you know, you know, you know you have 10. continuous Wi-Fi when you turn the computer and everyone's like, oh, boy, this could go bad. Yeah, he might not be back. But that is Stamptown. And also, Stamptown, Jack Tucker is your alter ego who also has a special on YouTube that is fucking phenomenal. Cannot recommend people see it enough. Thank you.

If when this comes out, Edinburgh is still going on, how can people come see Stamptown in Edinburgh? yeah so i think this will come out during our last week it comes out on a bloody Tuesday in it uh it comes out on blood Tuesday uh chaco Tuesday nice yeah yeah yeah not your cheese on the choco Tuesday

no no Tuesday yeah Tuesday yeah exactly not Tuesday not Tuesday not Tuesday and so um who is this guy but we uh we But we're on at 950, 2150 for the Tuesday to the sun die. Yeah, right. And for those just listening, he did posit a great question, which is who is the guy in the Pringles camp? I mean, literally, you asked that, and I was like, why has nobody ever asked that?

It's a great question. And I just didn't answer. Yeah, I wanted to know for a long time. Also, I'm realizing, am I funny to be working with, or is this infuriating? No, I can tell you the barometer. He's laughing. If he wasn't laughing, then there would be problems. Yeah, I don't give out fake laughs.

Actually, if anything, he's a real stingpric. So he'll just sit there and be like, interesting because now it's my goal to find that territory and then insist. Don't look for it. Don't look for it. But anyway, this isn't about three guys with great bulges and Tuesdays. This is about an old newspaper. Two guys are great bulges.

Don't catch yourself out. Another guy in shorts. No, I'd say my bulge is my calf in a bad way. So, Zach, we're going to go through an old newspaper. We have to, legally. So we're going to guess what year this paper's from. You get no clues. I get no clues, but it could be 1700s, 1800s, 1900s.

It could be 2000s. But it's unlikely. But as the guest, you can guess first. I could walk you through why. It does again have to do with Dave being borderline psychotic, but we're not going to get into that. But go ahead and take a random guess sack. The Montreal Gazette.

No, I'm so sorry. No, take a guess of the year of the paper. Guessing a paper that I don't know if it's real or not is not. So a year. So again, it could be 1700s, could be 8-100, it could be 9-Janet, it could be 2,000. but it's not going to be the name of a paper. Just guess the year. Just a random year.

It's tough. It's a really hard thing to do. Don't overthink it though. Can I ask a question that's hopefully not annoying but is genuinely seeking insight? What is the most recent newspaper you've ever pulled and what is the oldest one you've pulled? So I know the actual range. Very good question. We did it we did in 1989, I think.

I think we did one past 2000. Yeah, I think we did actually. And I think the earliest one was in the 1600s. 1673. We decided to not do that anymore because it felt like everything was made up. And there was a lot of stories about witches. Yeah, and it was just like, you know, like, which is important. You know, they're coming back.

And I think we still haven't got to solve the problem. So you pull out one of those witch ones. I'm ready to ride. Yeah. Now that's good. So am I guessing where I think it's from or I'm guessing a year and you will read one from them. Just guess the year.

Guess the year. Okay. You couldn't have been. more clear and I'm glad I've extended that for another May 40 seconds. I think I think to be clear just the year. 18.05. That's my man right there. Okay.

I'm going to go 1881. You're wrong. It is 1851. You went over. Sorry. 1851. You don't win anything. We're going to pay your parking tickets.

Don't say it unless you mean it. I don't mean it. Yeah, because it's we're coming up on about, $180. Yeah, you're at the max. Is there a max? I've been towed. I used to live in your neighborhood,

and I've been towed from that neighborhood multiple times, so I don't know what you're coming back to. My car has been towed five times in the last year and a half, and mostly it's because it's been reported as an abandoned vehicle because it's so shitty and so shitty. And so that's upsetting. And I see it, I understand it. It's full of rubber chickens and props and costumes,

and I'm missing a few lights, and allegedly my registration's not up to date. And there's allegedly a crack in the windshield. And some of the windows don't work. And it's dirty. There might not be a better advertisement for Stampedown. So remember, August 25th, Netflix, rubber chickens. Buy a new car.

It would be the dream. My dream is to be riding in a convertible where you're like, oh, he's all flash, no cash. This guy is broke. That was a bad investment. I think you'll achieve higher, but that's fair. That's very fair. Thank you.

That's the Edinburgh. a dream. All right, so Dave is going to read this paper, and we're going to have some fun. And action, Dave, whatever you're ready. It is the Buffalo commercial advertiser, Buffalo Saturday evening, April 12th, 1851. Nice. All right. Here we go. The result of a painful of whiskey. Sorry, read that wrong. The result of a pailful of whiskey. Okay. Very different than painful. Yeah. Well, could be both. Yeah. To be fair. On Friday morning after

the fire at Bath, Steuben County was over, someone placed a pail of whiskey at the disposal of the crowd. Oh, wow. Like an offering. This sounds like Edinburgh. Because ordinarily you would use

a pail to fight the fire. Okay. Right? With water. Sure. Just throw it at the fire, just kind of hit it with the pail. Be gone, be gone. Yeah. Something like that. Or it could be glitter if you're clowning. I mean, I don't. I don't want to step into your territory.

And careful. Oh, my God. That would be amazing in the 1850s to watch a fire. No! That's flammable. That is hurting the fire. Wrinkles, no. A fight occurred over it.

Well, of course, they fought over the pail of whiskey. Yeah. Yeah. Which resulted in breaking the skull of James French and the arrest of several of the assailants. Holy shit. Oof. Two of them, James Teague and Patrick Morrison, were held to answer for assault with intent to kill.

Is whiskey not flammable? How did that make it into the article? I think they're just, I don't think they're throwing it on the fire. I think they're just, they brought it out to like, hey, good job, everyone. Oh. You fought the fire. Here's a pail of whiskey. And a skull gets cracked.

And then they got to one of those cartoon scuffles where they're in a circle and hands and punches are flying and stuff like this. Like ladle, ladle coming. Rubber chicken. parking tickets, the whole, yeah, yeah. And some guy got his skull broken. Yeah. Which in 1855, there was no solution for it. No.

No, if you got your skull broken. How could they even tell that his skull was broken? I'm assuming unless he was completely mashed open and he was gooping out, you know? Probably gooping out, obviously, the medical term. I would imagine a change. There'd probably be a change in sort of communication style. Yeah, back then, if you had your skull broken, they'd have to be able to see it, I think. Yeah.

But you'd also, you'd have lost a step. Yeah. You know, I don't want to do an impression too heavily, but, you know, you'd definitely be like, well, you know, it's, I don't know, it's just, I want to be a little careful here. This is your show. You know, but you definitely, people would be like, that fire was crazy. And you'd be like, the fire was what? And they go, uh-oh, Kenny. Uh-uh.

He has goopeth out. I. He's brained off goopeth. The doctor is he pushing the back. He's gooping out. You can see here that part of the skull has done goopith off the back of the cranium. Kenny is medically gooping out. Is there anything we could do?

No, no. The only thing we could do at this point is have a little fun with him. He can't remember anything, so let's play around. He can put your finger in there. If you get stressed out, you could squeeze it a little bit. I think you wrap. That's where they got the idea of those first little, like, those like goopy balls, If you will.

The little slimy gooper, yeah. The slimy goop. You know my drag name. Oh, that is a really good drag name. They call me the slimy gooper. Child. Don't even get up in this goopiest little poopster. Goopy pookester.

That's my drag name. Goopy poopser. I actually did come up with the other day that I like, which is misleading. And she's a lying little bitch. That's great. She's a lying little sphinx. That's a very. good one. Yeah. Thank you.

Well done. Thank you. All right. Next story, because that's all the information we get from the broken stole. That man died. That's it. That's all you get. How to produce spontaneous combustion. Oh, what the fuck? You want it. What a dream. I would assume

you want to produce it on somebody else. Now, let me ask, let me ask the group this. Where did we land on spontaneous combustion? Because it's real. It is real. Yeah, it's real. Okay. So sometimes someone will just catch on fire. Sometimes you get hot. Yep.

Thoughts? Are you not? I am with you, Zach, obviously. Yeah, like you guys kind of just moved through that so quickly and normally is if there wasn't like something

to sort of just like dissect a little bit there. Let's goop around in it. Yeah, I was just like I was goofing out that I was not able to understand this. No, I think, by the way, I also call gooping out ejaculating. Go ahead.

Sorry. Sorry. What do you think my hands have been the entire time? I'm gooping out. I'm gooping out. Not. No, babe. Oh, my God.

Mia just threw her headphones. Oh, that's where it came. Yeah. You're the scientist. Well, I think it's when you're, you're flatulent and then there's static electricity. No. And they use... No.

Do you really? No, I don't know what it is. Static seems to be involved. I would imagine has something to do with some sort of electricity in the air, static electricity kind of thing going on. But I don't know. But people have both. blown up, just blown up. Something I'd like to see.

Yeah, I would be curious. Obviously, I don't wish that upon anybody because that would be devastating to experience. No, I do. Yeah, Dave, definitely. I have a list. Oh, I name them. I want three. I want three names.

Who are you trying to make? Oh, here we fucking. McConnell. Mitch McConnell, who's already died. Elon Musk. Elon Musk, who never was alive. Well, Trump. We got a, we got a.

Trump who, I think. If it is the flatchelot one, I think that is the most likely source. Me, when I'm hanging out with my boys and I'm so romantically fulfilled, I can spontaneously come and bust any, no problem, but I've never come busted at the same time. I've come busted, but I've never combusted. That's the same thing. That's the same thing. That is when you've ejaculated before the orgy.

Oh, I didn't understand. I've come busted. I didn't understand. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said hop on the cum bust. I'm so sorry. Oh, my God. That guy took forever.

By the way, I do. Do you know someone who's suddenly exploded? Shut up. Zach Zucker. Okay. All right, we're talking about August 25th, Stamp Town. Come on.

Jesus, no way. I'm exploding all over the platform. There you go. I'm exploding worldwide for everybody to see. I can't wait to see it. God, I hope they don't leak those videos. Anyways. I will.

From me, it comes in. Mia. How to produce spontaneous combustion. A writer in the, the scientific American shows how spontaneous combustion may be produced. Take a small lock of cotton, say from about one, four to, sorry, a quarter to a half ounce, and saturate it well with boiled linseed oil, such as painters commonly use. I'm sorry.

You know. I hate to jump in. We are removing the spontaneity of the spontaneous combustion. If you are soaking cotton, this is preparatory combustion, vastly different. We're getting a look behind the curtain. I have an issue. And saturated well with boiled lincide oil, such as painters commonly use, squeeze all the superabundant oil from it and lay it in the sun on a hot day.

And it will take fire by spontaneous combustion in 20 minutes. And shade, it may take two or three hours. Sorry, again, that's just flammable. I have tried it. It's different. I have tried it many times. No. No, you're right.

But what's the disduring this and say you're, a person with full of linseed oil. Linsed oil? Maybe you've been tricking a lot of linseed oil. A lot of guys in D.C. right now who missed the linseed oil. And you're out in the sun. And may she rest in peace that we could run over. May the lady.

We're talking about Ms. Graham, Lady Graham. We're talking about Lady Graham. We're talking about Lady Graham. Bell of the ball. Bell of the ball. I have tried it many times to gratify the curious and commence the skeptical. the cotton must be pressed together as compact as can well be done in the hand and must not be disturbed by loosening it

after you saturate it. It is nothing new under the sun that cottler hemp will take fire by being saturated with oil, but that it should ignite so quickly is what has astonished me. Some kinds of boiled oil will cause the cotton to ignite much sooner than others owing, I suppose,

to the dryers used in boiling. I do not know why. He keeps saying things like owing, I suppose, or say. It's like he's kind of in conversation with no one himself but in that time. And it's really painting a beautiful picture. Yes. This is more of a diary. He's kind of boring.

It's like transcript. He is boring. And also, this is not, I will cite you back to my earlier argument. He's wrong. This is not spontaneous. This is like, I mean, this is just flammability. Like this is when people for a while thought, you know, the earth was the center of the universe. And at the time, we thought, we thought.

thought that was genius and really cool of them that they thought this way, but they were wrong for a while, and it took a little bit to understand that. And I think this man has not yet understood that he is wrong. Yes. And by the way, let's remember this is the second article in the paper, a man wrong about spontaneous combustion. So also, I don't think, I don't think they were getting many submissions back then, because so far, pretty weak one-two punch. Yeah. I mean, 1855 was slower. This is, I mean, this is part of it. It does, I mean, we've talked about it before, but it does make you pine for the days where in the paper you were like, whoa, this guy figured out how to make cotton fire.

Yeah, that's true. Now when we're like, is the senator dead? Yeah. I think the senator's been posting AI generated photos again. I believe the dead senator posted a second AI image of himself. The pastimes is brought to you back, quo. Oh, baby. If you're running a business like Gareth and I are out of our shed,

it means you're not always reachable, right? It's true. You're there and then you're not, right? You're busy. You got stuff going on. And the moment you miss that call, the moment you miss that text, like Gareth,

Gareth missed a text, and we lost the shed. We were outside for a few days. Shed plot lines, really a lot of fruit from that. A competitor, a competitor gets the call, and now they have the shed.

So. Sorry, just to be clear, someone has the shed? Yeah, if you know, if you miss the call, just work with me on this.

It's impossible. It's pretty good. confusing though I feel like you got that's why today's episode is brought to you by quo spelled QUO it's the business phone system built so you never miss an opportunity like Gareth did I really I'm going to start taking issue with some of this stuff and then why we don't have a shed anymore I so all your got it all your calls and texts and voicemails they live right in one place so anyone on your team can pick up a conversation see the full history and then respond how great does that sound? That sounds great. I'm just

still kind of hung up on the shed stuff you were pulling. Well, that's how we got the shed back because I was able to pick up the next call and I had the whole of the information right there. That makes no sense. Quote was the number one rated business phone system on G2. It's trusted by over 90,000 businesses who rely on it to stay reachable

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Yeah. And my sink. Money is on the line. Always say hello with quo. Try Quo for free. Plus, get 20% off your first six months. When you go to Quo.com slash dollop, that's QUO.com slash dollop. So spontaneous combustion, the self-heaning and ignition of material without an external flame is real for certain materials like wet hay, compost, or oily rags.

However, spontaneous human combustion is considered a pseudo-scientific myth. So everybody who... Everybody who went and wrote a comment on wherever form you're on, now you can go back and delete it because I read this. But you still can put that I'm dumb. Wow. It's rare where Dave's the dumb ones. Really nice when it happens.

Dave, it's okay. It's not so bad to be the dumb ones. It's honestly kind of fun. People really have zero expectations for you. And if you kind of just show up and keep breathing, they're like proud of you for being there. So welcome to freedom. That's right.

Three guys with great bulges. Two. I got a ball. You guys of great bulges and one guy with a bulge on his back? One orange beggar. What years is considered barely noticeable? Oh, mine's there. It's definitely there, but.

Give me a minute to work my bulge up. That's so cute. Oh, man. All the cotton fell out. It's not dangerous. I heard your ancestors are from Bolgeria. Is that true? Thank you.

Yes. Thank you. Yes. European summer. Yeah. An illustration. We were amused the other day by the following anecdote

illustrative of the uses which men... To Zach's point, it is, if you're an editor, you're like, okay, that's lead up. Give me the goods. It's oddly, it's oddly personal as well. Yeah. We were laughing the other day about something, and I'm going to hit you with it in a moment.

It feels like they are like a local radio news station the way they talk to you presenting news, but they're doing it through the written form. You know, we actually had a good giggle the other day about this. I'll get into this a minute before we do. We're doing weather's at the tens and thirties. But we actually had a hell of a laugh. You're going to like this one.

We had a laugh the other night. First of all. It's Leanne's birthday today. But before we get into that, let's pass it over to our friends. Let's cut a slice of this. Go ahead. What did you have here, sir? Illustrative of the uses which men can be put to in emergency.

and as an argument in favor of making mechanics of one's sons. A ship was... We made a mechanic out of my boy. And it was hysterical. The crew and passengers could all do some kind of mechanical work save one. Okay, sorry, I left out of the line.

A ship was wrecked upon an uninhabited island. The crew and passengers could all do some kind of mechanical work save one. All right. So everybody had a useful skill. Right. Okay, a ship had a mechanical wreck. A ship was wrecked on an uninhabit island and everybody had a skill but one guy. Are we at the beginning of a joke? It seems like it. Okay. This feels like a mixture of Lord of the Flies. This feels a mixture of like sort of someone's secret fantasy or I'm yeah,

I'm having a hard time placing this is anything, is really anything other than news. Yeah. It does, I wonder if we're about to get a punchline that is not good, obviously. But, you know, we were having a good laugh the other night. A ship was wrecked on an island and each person held a very, very good trait. He was...

Except for Goopy Joe. He was, as they say in England, bred a gentleman. All right, he could not work. So he's a rich guy. Okay. So one guy's rich. He's useless.

One guy's rich and can't... He's rich and useless. listen, everybody else has a skill. Everyone has a skill except the rich guy. Yeah. Who's like, did you know that you rub cotton together? You might come and bust at the same time. Hey, Gabe, go sit over there.

Getting a lot of play out of his orange and boy. Yeah, no, that's a lot. Yeah, very good. He cannot. His hands were tender and his gloves were kid. His gloves were what? Kid. His gloves were kid.

Kid gloves? K-I-D. Oh, kid gloves. Okay. It was decided that he must do something or he could not eat. So the workies sent their inventive faculties a-going.

They soon agreed upon a novel simple but very effective, expedient. They made the poor fellow a nice, warm pair of feathered pants and compelled him to sit on a basket and hatch eggs. Absolutely none of that is real.

By the way, I think that is a joke. That's a joke. Yeah. I think Preston got taken by that one. Oh, but still, in the paper, I think that would be...

I mean, there's all... I kind of want to do it at stand-up. It's... Were they doing jokes in the paper? Like, is it just like, okay.

All the time. This does feel like this is a... Get it, isn't the silly, useless, rich guy hilarious. Let's have him eat egg. Yeah, this is clearly a joke.

Yeah. It's... There were jokes in the paper all the time. I do want to try it on stage. I want to try it on stage. I want to try it on stage. I want to try. trying on stage. You know, I had a funny thing happened the other day. Yeah, I feel like if I had a feeling,

if I was aware this was a joke, I would have appreciated it more. Yeah. Well, Dave, maybe you can go through and kind of give it like a modern stand-up cadence to it a little bit. Yeah. Give me some like modern stand-up cadence, but you're in like the cat, you're in the cat, you're in the cat skills kind of Jerry Lewis era as well where you're like, hey, you're here about this, you know, we actually, we actually, we actually, they had a funny thing happened the other day. I think that this anecdote will be quite illustrative. But, you know, it shows which men can be put to use in an emergency.

So, and also, I think it also makes an argument for making mechanics out of sons. Yeah. That's something we want to do, yeah. So, okay, all right, so here we go. So here we're all out on a ship, the ship wrecked, okay, shipwrecked about it on an Habitat Island. There's nobody there. All right, crew, passengers. All of us could do some mechanical work,

except for one guy. He was, as they say in England, bred a gentleman. This guy was brett a gentleman. You know the type. Could not work. Hands tender. Let's just say he wore the kids' gloves.

Like I said, bred a gentleman. This guy's bred a gentleman. You guys know these kind of people. So it's decided that He has to do something, or he's not just get food. He doesn't deserve the food. He can't do anything. So the workies and I decide that we're going to invent something to get his faculties going. And we decided that an effective expedient way for this was we made him a nice pair of feathered pants and got him to sit on a basket and hatch eggs.

Aye. Ha! Why? Yeah. That, the thing, if people watch the Jack Tucker's special or character, the thing that is so fucking great about it as well as the level of distractions that happen, the amount of actual jokes you're able to get to through all the mishaps, not a ton.

Not a, not a, I mean, they're there, but you're fighting a lot. It's dense with laughs. And my friend Stefan described it as the show that never starts in, never ends and all of the jokes all of the punch lines are everything but the punchline yes yes yes you don't need them the punchlines are surrounding all the what is yeah these punchlines are getting in my way of all this the setup that I'm loving to be doing it's so I did I did last night we were having a conversation in our house about like I have a classic runner where because you know obviously you guys well I don't even know if you know this but um jack Tucker is the character

and Zach Zucker is my name but what people don't know is Zach Zucker is my name but what people don't know Zach Zucker is actually also a stage name. Is this, are you taking us, are you leading us down a path where you're about to hit me with, because your face, your face says there's a punchline. Is there a new name that? Well, no, my real name is Tony Baloney. But I know it sounds silly because that's my Anglo name. I'm Spanish.

My real name is Antonio Balogno. And so, but obviously that's short for, and then my joke, my goal is to do a 13 minute. with that short for it because you know it actually comes from and I'm like to dare to do a joke so dumb so bad so brave that that is we're old zucky that's where all zucky hops in that that that is the sweet spot I also think I did that on your other podcast so you're going to be getting you did you did on almost you did on almost live you brought up that you're Antonio Bologna I am I want to hear Antonio Bologna oh my name Antonio. I want to hear Antonio Bologna. like he is in The Godfather, too. I used to do, he was one of the characters. Antonio, hey, Antonio Bellano. I didn't understand what he was telling me. He was famously a lover character that I used to do,

who was like a romantic. And I feel like my lover expression in this world is a Casanova Spanish man on the beach. Yeah, I get that. And so he would say things like, I'm like trying to remember all the character, but he had one line that was like, your eyes remind me of a pedophile

in that they make me want to move. And he would start doing a little jig like this. And he famously has a line about eating, he's eating more pussy than his life than vegetables. And he's a vegetarian. I've eaten more pussy in my life than vegetables. And I'm a vegetarian. He's a lot of like these big, big ones.

My buddy's playing like a guitar on a keyboard. It's really, really fun. But that's just my spanishableness. Spanish name, which is actually short for Anton Bantelon, but I don't know where it's gone to here. Anton Loney. Anton Loney. Yeah, Anton Loney. How are you? Tony Loney.

He's an accident lawyer. Yeah. You know how there's accident lawyers? You think there's anybody who was like, I accidentally a lawyer. How are you? You know, I don't need to do this. I'm not, I don't know. I'm actually a doctor. I don't know. I shouldn't be here. I would love to represent you. I shouldn't be right down. Have I allowed to go in the court?

So, Your Honor, I don't even know I got here. This is a wild story. I'm accidentally a lawyer. But my client, and I'm air quoting, he did nothing wrong. He was hit by a garbage truck. Why'd your voice go out? Allegedly. Allegedly.

Okay, how about this? My client, his name is Michael Lyant. Mike Lyant, my client. So you have that's kind of in the Tony Belloni world. That's perfect, too. I'm an accident. I'm going to write that down, guys. I'm going to save it on stage.

Mike Lyant is who I'm representing. And your name? He's hired you? No, he hasn't hired me, but it's my client. No, I told you I'm not a lawyer, but his name is my client. Why would he hire me? I'm barely a lawyer. We'll be right back.

Get it out there. All right, here we go. In some experiments by Brosene, many species of fish live several days in water too hot for the hand to bear it for an instant. It's just so... Sometimes you've got to check to see it. of a fish can live in almost boiling water. Is that what they're saying? What?

Is that what's being said? Well, yeah, it's so, it's so hot you can't really put your hand in it all. So it's got to be close to boiling. So they're just slowly boiling fish. That's good. That's fine. Ethically, that seems. I don't love that.

Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the, yeah. Ethics revolving fish. There are. Yes. Yes. I mean, I don't like seeing anything suffer. I don't either. Fisher can be quite lovely. My favorite.

Fish are people too. Thank you. We're trying to tell people to get out and vote. We need to go to these school of fish who are swimming aimlessly. We have to get them the resources, put them in computer labs and other places, and teach them how to vote for the Republican. Thank you. Well, the whole message, I feel like got a little part of me water down at the end there. No, I don't think it does.

I think it does. No, I don't think it does. Let's just say we're going to flood the ballot. this year. Come on. There's going to be a red slash blue waves. Oh, that, we're back. We are back.

I don't know if we were away. August 25th. I thought we were back already. No, we were way off. That is. God damn it. He's doing a fish. Don't mind him.

He's floundering a little bit. For those who are just listening, you're missing some great stuff. You're missing some, You're missing some pretty fish-fish-hific. I'm doing fiscical comedy. That's what it is. By the way, may I just point out how it's so clear you're in the United Kingdom

when you see the ceiling paper lamp, which I don't know how those still exists. That's a spider sack. That is so, how are those still? There are bugs on the walls sometimes. Again, our bathrooms are flooding. if anyone is listening to this and we haven't died yet, it's a miracle. We probably need medical attention, ASAP. I'm an accidental doctor.

Wow. He's got a goop skull. Legally goopy. He's gooping out the back of his skull right now. He's gooping. If I had a nickel, I'd be able to find myself a doctor. That is a giant spider sack, though. No, that definitely looks like if it hatches.

I've had a year for sure where there was a wasps living in there. That was not fun. That was actually just the wasf nest that you were like, man, this lamp doesn't work. They're in there trying to fix it really badly. We have to help. God. These light bulbs are light. These light bulbs are baited.

All right, back to the fish. Sonora, sonora states that in one of the manillas, there is a hot spring with the temperature so high. Oh, so it's hot. that he could not bear his hand in it, yet he saw fish swimming about it. This is different now. Apparently not incommodded by the heat. So this is now natural. So we're seeing fish in hot springs.

Okay. This changes everything. No. Doesn't change the great comedy, but it does now mean it's okay. Did fish die that way? No, because he's saying they're okay. Maybe. Yeah.

Maybe they get too close and they're not. Either way, I'm pretty sure when you take them out, they're cooked. It's not bad. Yeah. I mean, like what was he, what were they hoping to do? They're not doing anything. They're just watching, I think. Back in 1855, Zach, there really wasn't a pining for anything to do.

So can I ask you guys maybe my first serious philosophical question of this entire podcast? I'm apologizing. It's taking me so long to get here. That's okay. Do you think we should give ourselves? That's what matters. Yeah. Do you think that we should be giving ourselves more credit for how far we've come,

even if it's not exactly where we want to be given. that only 150 years ago we were doing something like this? Or is that just a kind of like a testament to show how dumb we actually are? It's a great question. Dave, you should take the first crack at that. I think it's a sad indictment of how dumb we are because we just keep repeating the same things.

It's that we drove by the destination. There was maybe a time, there was a time where it was like, yeah, you know what, we were, we had. the wherewithal and maybe some level of, you know, ethics where something could have been good. You know what I mean? Like, but when I was a kid, there was Earth Day. And I remember, like, people coming to the school and being like, you got to recite. Like, it was a, there was a moment in time.

But man, oil just was too important. Everybody loves oil. It's really tasty. I love the shit. Oil's great. Tony Bologna loves to put oil on everything. We got to figure out how to get fish to swim in oil, just swim around. Well, do you know why they call it diesel oil?

No. It's nothing bad. It was just this is an old, this is a joke that would fit in an 1852 newspaper. Well, you know, because it's called diesel oil because I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll take these and these will fit in your mouth. You know, I don't know, I didn't quite have it. I was close, but I didn't quite have it. I thought it was going to cost me, but it didn't. I busted more than I come busted there.

I'm gooping, I'm gooping, boys. The road did not fully getting it was fun, though. Yeah, diesel for sure make you feel better. And I think you did get it. Yeah. Yeah. Or it'll have to that. Something like this.

Yeah, yeah. Or Tony Bologna sells it to artists. Hey, put your canvas on, you know, the easel. Easel feel nice in your mind. You're sticking with the balls guy. Yeah, of course. The easel tastes bad. I have a gooping skull.

Yes. These will taste bad. 67 at once. Oh, boy. The Devonshire, which arrived on Sunday, brought between three and 400 immigrants, 67, of whom were named Sullivan. Oh, what the fuck.

Hold on a second. Sully. Yeah, yeah. From Edinburgh. Keep going. Okay. The question is no? Okay, got it. The prevalence of one name in a township or village in Ireland makes it certain that by this immigration, a large part, perhaps nearly all of one, was shipped off at one swoop.

They're saying a whole town. Yeah, probably, because it's the fucking potato famine. So there was this is mass Sullivaning. Yeah, it's known in England now as the Great Sullivan. They've overrun our country. The Sullivan's have just come across the border. It's an invasive Spallivan. Yes, Sullivan.

It's not a little fit in your mouth. Sorry. Joe Biden and Let them in Diesel. Yeah. Diesel. It's close. It's close to being really funny if one of us figured it out. Yeah.

You're closer. We say shipped off for our readers. must be aware that this wholesale emigration is now part of the economic arrangement of those who are managing the affairs in Ireland. The fact that is, the fact that it is

so explains why so many immigrants arrive now in London ships, whereas till lately the explorations were almost altogether from Liverpool. Huh, that's not interesting. No. Yeah, that is wildly uninteresting.

73 Sullivan's interesting. Yes. That's a good movie. That's a movie title. Yeah. I don't know what it is. Yeah, it is a movie title.

So all the Sullivan's left to town? Well, yeah, because they were all starving enough. Yeah, right. That's so classic Sullivan to need food to live. They're all like that, too, by the way. Every Sullivan. They're all like that. You Sullivan bit, bitch.

I got to stop these puns. I'm like, oh for the last eight. They're trying to Sullivan their problem. Yeah, I knew. a guy named Mike Sullivan grown up and he would drive to school with his head out the window so he could drive...

Like a dog, yeah, like a dog. He knew a dog man. You knew one of those Sully dogs. His name was Sully. Did he drive a van? Instead of using a hairdresser that's how he would drive his hair. Oh, I kind of like that.

Okay, it seems like he's actually a genius and I've kind of... Yeah, and we overdug this guy. Let me be honest. Let me be honest. I hopped on that really quick, but I put my head out the window all the time, like a dog, and I love it. Now, what's going on there? Is that...

I like to feel the wind rushing against my face. It makes me feel alive. I like to feel cool. I sometimes... And this is in the rubber chicken car? This is absolutely in the rubber chicken car. Hey, Dylan, I'm being a podcast. If you want to come say, hey,

I don't know if this is not how it works. Yeah, that is not how it works. Hello. Hey, this is Dylan. Hey, Dylan. Hi, Dylan. How are you, buddy? Hi, how are you, pal?

It's like almost the name. It's not quite the name. It's the past times, but I also called it the doll. Oh, I'm really sorry. It's totally fine. It's on the same feed. You can call it that. It's the same feed.

Multiple people. They said, they said, by the dog. Is he okay? Dylan, put it down. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Yeah, no, that is right.

That's how we do it. Can you, would you believe it if we've, we've only been through a few stories? And I imagine we're moving at a slower pace than they normally do. Not the slowest, though. Not the slowest, though. Not the slowest, though. No. Are you trying to kiss me right now to stop?

That'd be great. Kiss him. Stop. Stop. Yeah, we did. Yeah, we already talked about the bolds. Get out of here. Sorry, guys.

This is unusable. I apologize. It's unusual, not unusable. Okay, yes. Same letters, different order. It was good to meet Dylan finally, though. All right. Yeah, you guys would really love each other, but we'll chat about that.

after. Yeah, he looks like he's in supergrass, which I like. Yeah. It was found by the authorities in the latter place, however, that hundreds and thousands, yeah, that hundreds and thousands of the immigrants left there in Tranzy 2. Transy 2. A billionaire submarine. It came directly upon the parish, and measures were consequently taken to have them transported at a much cheaper rate by way of London. You know, I can get all your Sullivan's over.

over there a lot cheaper. I get you. No problem. No problem. The Sullivan hatch. We put them in, we got a hatch for the Sullivan's. We put them down there.

I can get them over there by Tuesday, Tuesday later. You touch, you put a little, a little electricity to a Sullivan's neck. He'll fold like a freaking armchair and you can pack them on top of each other.

Oh, these kids, they go, but you don't want to do too much. They'll combust. They spontaneously. You don't want to, you don't want to leave a solar in the sun.

So be careful. He's careful. If they're great, this is awesome. If you feel you're like, holy shit, the Sullivan's kick ass. Do you think you're getting 67 of their best Sullivan's or their worst

Sullivins? Hungriest, so they're probably a lot. It's a mix. Oh, I'm fucking starving. Jesus, these people, all they do. You just throw a potato on the boat. They all run in. You shut the hatch.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, it brings up an interesting question. Does it? No. No, it does not. Such a systematic invasion of our country by these poor people. Oh, so this is, there is a Trump. Yeah.

Seems rather formidable at the first blush, but we doubt not that we can afford work and bread and happy homes to them all. Wow, that's not Trump. An amusing incident. I can't wait for this amusing incident. As the ship came into the river. A boat put off from shore, which as it. approached the vessel was seen to contain, besides the oarsman, a raw, white-headed, Irish

gassoon of some 20 years. I don't know. I don't know. A guson, I don't know. What is a gusson? I know the Gassal brothers. They're basketball spaniards, but I don't know a gusoon. And I know a buffoon.

I know a buffoon. I know a Bufelsu's pizza. Yep. A gusoon. G-O-S-O-O-N. G-S-O-O-N. Garsohn, French boy Like my friend

The Meredi It's a boy servant Oh, a boy servant Came over to me too It is actually kind of a It is kind of a garson Is it? I can't believe I was actually

remotely helpful there Maybe Garcin is just the The French version of Gassoon Gasson Gasson Gasson Gasson Yeah

I mean that There's a few definitions But basically A boy servant A boy servant A sexual little boy came out in a boat. A sexy little lad.

Hello. Gassoon is an Irish word for boy, especially servant boy. It comes from old French garson. Whoa. We nailed it. We nailed it. Not so dumb after all.

You won the podcast, and I don't want you to share any of it with Dylan. That's amazing. Hey, Dylan, I won the podcast. Go fuck yourself. That's right. Wow.

When within hailing distance, he rose. Within hailing distance? Hello. Oh, oh, hailing. And not inhaling. And addressing and this is... Way different.

And addressing, and this is in quotations, promiscuously, his three or 400 countrymen whose faces... This is a little slash. So we're swarming over the bulwarks, balled out, It's me brother on board. Wait a minute. That is actually sad, right? That's the little...

It's me brother on board. The little, oh, fuck. That's a Sullivan Gassoon? This is just an Irish Gussain. Okay, so just a Gassoon goes over and is hoping that his brother is on board the ship. And if he's a Sullivan, he probably isn't. But it's irrelevant because what matters is that Zach got Gasson from Garson. Yes.

Through comedy. That is all that matters. We did not hear whether he got the desired information. But if his name was Sullivan, the answer might safely have been. have been yes. That's my point. What a great. They did a joke at the end.

They did a good one. That's my favorite joke since the one about the rich guy who had to hatch eggs with his feathered ass. With his feathered ass on a little. On a Gilligan's Island. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this is what this paper is really popping off.

I'm really loving the flow. Learning stuff. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about it. about that article. What's that one? I mean, it started good. Did start good.

And then it got weird. Yep. I think most of them have done that. Yeah. Can I ask, are these all written by the same journalists? There are multiple journalists? How many? What are,

is it mostly guys back then? Are they letting everybody write? What's going on? Definitely men. Definitely men. Definitely white men. There is like a wire sort of thing where they pick up stories from other papers, but a lot of these seem to be written by the same person.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. One guy. I think it's a guy. The town journalist. So it's a zine. Yeah. It's a scene.

Yeah. It's a one show. Then he's got to figure really on the pulse. Do you guys hear about this new alt-right media thing that Trump and his cronies are getting up to? Yeah. It's called a maga zine. Can you believe this? We made that joke.

We did that one. Yeah. And then I all a while ago. No, we didn't. And then, yeah. And then I was also saying the same thing with magnets. They got to make magnets. Wow. I couldn't believe magazine I'd never heard someone say this before because it seems like it's such low-hanging fruit like my bloody freaking oranges, am I right?

Yeah. My bulge soon. But my combusting bulge. But I'm glad to know you guys have had the same thought process. It makes me feel good to know nobody's split the territory together. I'll be honest, Zach, I don't like that he doesn't even remember it because it was pretty good when it happened. Dave, come on, man. I'm just thinking right now that a low-hanging fruit would probably be like a strawberry.

Says the guy with no bulge, you know what I'm talking about, Zach? Come on. Says the bowels was wonder. Bulls was Joe Jackson over here. An orange is a high. It's a high. By the way, that might be a tangerine. Oh, fuck.

I think he's right. Zach, is that tangerine? No, this is an easy peeler. This is a little. Oh, it's a cutie? It's a cute. She sure is. It's a tangerine.

She's got a wonderful personality as well. Hands off. She's mine. I also think you brought that from America because I don't think they have citrus in Scotland No here's a thing they do But if you felt it and you felt how mushy this was You'd go yeah that's some Scottish citrus right there

God if you took them like to the actual land of Yeah that deep fried a ball of iron brew And I'm just holding it it's really horrible Iron brew by the way if that is a deep cut It's the worst If I have another sin of iron brew It's the worst It's delicious.

It mixes well with whiskey. Arbor is the worst soda thing in the world. There's no comparison. I'm like a gassoon. I don't agree. I like it. I mean, I'll be honest, three people in our house have shit themselves in the last 48 hours since being here. I might be one of them.

And I am really upset. Shit, fully, fully shit themselves? No, we're just shitting our brains out in the toilet. Okay, okay. Yeah, that's the toilet. Sorry, in the bloody loo on a Loo's day. I'll actually, I'll combine stories with a Loo story and Iron Brew. I call it Iron Loo.

And I, because my family's English one year for Christmas, I got a like coin thing. You know, you put your change in it and it was Iron Brew. And when I was living. Yeah, exactly. But it was a big can. And when I lived where you now live, Zach, back in the day, I got so drunk. that I pissed in it. And I woke up the next day and I pissed on all the change.

And I thought, speaking of change, I got to make some. That was not a good move. Yeah, I pissed on the bank. And then, Zach, you just changed the layout on the rivers. I did it. I think Mia just left. Oh, Mia left. Okay, now you can really enjoy the games.

So there you go. God, thank you. Look how pretty you are close up. Doesn't that make you think of Scotland when you see a... Raw chicken. I'm going to change the framing hide. Some raw chicken hide. Yeah, change the frameback.

The last article, I'm going to get the framing better. A little more because we said. Oh, okay. All right. An American Quaker said to a gunner during the Revolutionary War, Friend, I counsel no bloodshed. But if it be thy design to hit the little man in the blue jacket, point thine engine three inches lower.

Is that a joke? I think so. Is any of this real? Maybe it's a joke, is this layout? What about the middle one right there? Can you say that again? Are you dumb? What just happened?

Yes, I'll do the joke again. Friend, I counsel no bloodshed, but if it be thine design to hit the little man in the blue jacket, point thine engine three inches lower. The little man in the blue jacket? Is that like a penis joke and jeans? maybe?

I love referring to a penis as the little man in the... Well, mine actually wears a jacket. What else could fit this, like, actually style, like, like, contextually? I'll tell you what, I got a, yeah, I took, so I took out the little man in the blue jacket. Next thing you know, he goes to he's a garson and he's inside, huh? I, uh, I pitched, I pitched, uh, little jackets for penises to the sharks.

On sharks. Did you? And the dragons over there. It, they didn't, they didn't bite. Interesting. Well, we have a sort of solution for that. Are you guys familiar? This is kind of, it's more of a visual gag as well.

Can I pull, am I allowed to share my screen or? I don't know. You might be better to just show us on your phone. Maybe you can. I mean, I have it for sure. Let's see. You can text it to me and I could show it today and then send it to be cut in if you'd like to. Yeah, I think you're going to love it.

I think you're going to love it. Is this a penis? Is this a penis in an outfit? Stick with him. Where do you got to stick with him? Just relax. A lot of, a lot of penis is like a swimming.

Just stick with him. A swimming cap. Would you just stick with him? Just chill out. Like a Michael, like a Michael Phelps. Stick with him. Just chill out.

Just chill out. So, Gareth, I just texted you a photo and don't look at it just yet. I would like to do a reveal for you guys. And I would also like you guys to look at the one that's the right time. Yeah. So you guys, we were just talking about,

we were just, okay, so you guys are familiar with clothing, correct? Are we in the premise part? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I've heard of clothing. Yeah. We're all. Oh, please. And you guys are familiar with jeans, denim, jeans? Yes, I heard of jeans. Dungarees. Yes.

I wanted you to. Levi Strauss. And you guys are familiar. And you guys are familiar with the sexual reproductive organ, the penis, right? Yeah. Yes. That I know about for sure. Totally.

So, well, that's great. Well, then you are going to absolutely love something that my friends and I, Johnny and Dylan, have been working on. This is the denim blue genus. Now, what you're noticing right away is that it's completely safe for work.

It covers all of the nasty bits and you can't even tell what's behind there. Well, now, hold on, Zach. I'm gonna, no, hold on a minute. This is the denim blue genus. It is completely, it's the first genital hug shaping, genital shapewear, hug shifting

shapewear, and you can wear it, you can only wear this, You can wear just this to work and everything will be okay. Now you're probably wearing it. How does this stay in there? Yeah. Okay. It plugs in.

It plugs in like a little inside into the back. Oh, you cork it into your anus. Okay. Yes, exactly. And you could even, if you really zoom in here, let me just zoom in for a second. Again, you don't know what this is. It's impossible to tell what this is. I got to say, I'm seeing like almost every nook and cranny on the penis because the

The denim you're talking about is so tight around. What you're noticing is the stitching, is the stitching of the jeep. But I'm going to actually, I'm going to have a rare agreement with Dave here. Yeah. I think if you really, I think you're too inside baseball. Because I think if you actually look closely here, while, yes, the penis is fully covered in denim. If you look closely, it's, oh, is that a penis that's underneath that? I would imagine the lay person would guess that.

Yeah. No, Zach. It really looks like you. Painted denim on a cock and balls. Yeah. That's what... You know, this is a real thing. And also, I mean...

There's two other... Go ahead. In the series, there's also the... There's the cargo combat-ready carganis, which is a cargo panted guineas. And there's also the three-piece red velvet tough tinas. For nice... And none of these...

Tux Tinas or tough tinas. Tough tinas. No, they're very close... Well, again, I look, I think there's definitely a market for this, but I think you're playing coy that you don't know that that's a piece. Yeah, that, that, that, it looks really a lot of thing. When you guys came, when you guys came up with it, surely someone said, oh, it's for your penis.

Yeah. Like to me, when I'm seeing this, I'm not necessarily thinking penis. I'm thinking that is genital shifting hug shapeware, hug shapewear. It's what? It's what it. I think it's, I'm pretty sure he called it genital shifting hugware. Look, there's a look, okay, look, we can't, we can't debate this for the rest of the show, but if you look closely, just, well, I mean, I guess we can't, but if you look closely, it does seem, it does seem, and then right away I told up the denim blue genus. She's going to, she's going to be like, yeah, I thought it was going pretty good.

That's why I had left. Did anything change? Well, I did show him the, uh, the blue denim penis. It's unreal. But I, but I also didn't, I couldn't even tell. was it was covering the clothes were shaping and hugging so well that I couldn't even tell what this was and honestly if someone showed up the word I would say they were safe I think that the fact that you said it's what you just said I think is an indictment for how obvious it is that it's a so so so I would

just I would just had to jump off but you're doing great super fun hey update sorry I would just say that that that it seems because because there's no other denim on the body. It's just on the penis. And the balls, yeah. I would think, like, when you put it on, it would seem super obvious. No, Zach, you know what it would.

You're just covering a penis and balls. Yeah. I just, I also, I just think from a logical standpoint, there's no way you don't know. Having worked on the product, I just feel like there's no way that you don't know that that's a penis. Yeah.

Brother, I'm leaking goop from the back of you to remember. My brain is literally this, Okay. Okay. But I know a million words. I don't know a million words. One, two, three, four, five. I mean, I can keep going seven, eight, nine.

You know, I can do this forever. Yeah. But I is my brain, though, we always, my brain don't be this big. So you got to cut me a little bit of slack there. All right. Okay. All right. Look, either way, promo code dollup for the blue genus.

If you're interested. Does that come with a belt? Uh, only if you play with it. It, it tucks right in. You don't need one. You can actually, you agreed to wear it with nothing. So it is covering up the bottom, too, because I would say the bottom does present nudity. That's why I would think it's not safe for wear.

The crack. The crack is just, if you think about it, it's just your back, if somebody just kind of took a little slice to the middle, there's nothing different from your butt to your bat. So as long as you're covering the hole where some bacteria could go in, yeah, yeah, just let that one go. But if you don't you cover the whole where germs and bacteria goes, then, and you cover up the front parts, which I'd, believe you're saying is penis. Weird word I'd never say. No, but technically there's no, there's nothing bad that can happen to you. Okay.

Okay. All right. I mean, look, I, I would love for people to look at. I will say, I think it's safe to say that if people do look at that, I would guess most people are going to see a penis, but I want to offer you the, yeah. Well, you can, you can see the clearly big with how you don't understand it. By the way, that is a circumcised penis, by the way. That is a circumcised penis, by the way.

And that's something I should not know if it was really. the genes. Good point to be fair. What do you mean? Some genes are genital shaping how do we label this again? Hold on a second. You're going to the PDF? Yeah. He's got to ask Mia. It's asked Mia.

Mia's like I actually just gave my two weeks. Well, while you find it out, Zach, let's wrap it up and say that and I'm not talking about the blue genus. You want to do one more quick here, David? And there's also obviously for women. It's the denim blue the genus, just wanted to share with you guys. Okay, appreciate that.

Or the Den Hur. The Den Hur. The Den Him and the Den Her. Yeah, the Den Her and the Den Her. Oseon, O-S-S-I-N. That's a name, apparently. Okay. Oseon Dodge, the comic vocalist

who paid, incidentally, who paid $650 for the first to lend a ticket in Boston. Wow. Was arrested in Lowell last night, last Tuesday, on the suit of one of the McComber sisters for a preach, should be breach, for a preach of promise of marriage. Damages are laid at $6,000. Deputy Sheriff Hopkins accompanied Mr. Dodge to Boston, where bail was obtained and he was released of most unmanly Dodge of Dodge of this. This is to be true. Jesus Christ.

You love that. This guy is the hackiest motherfucker. By the way, I don't think any of us can get over the den of the denim, the blue genus. Yeah, that we're not coming back from the denim con. We shouldn't, we shouldn't get over it. It's a fantastic revolutionary, revolutionary piece of fabric and. For the penis. Fashion.

For the pain. It's the idea that. Dave, we want to wear it. Dave, we can't. Dave, we can't. Is the idea that you're out somewhere and your cock and balls are cold, but nothing else? It's that they're covered. It's that they're covered.

It's that they're covered. It's and that you can be, like you guys can be, you're worried right now, Gareth, about your shorts and your legs being out. If you're wearing a denim blue genus, it wouldn't matter. No one would even notice. Okay.

Okay. Fair. Thank you. Yes. Thank you, Zach. Zach, we want to. Thank you for joining us. Yeah.

Jack, people could check out. Damn town. I don't know if you know each other. No. Oh my God. People can check out. Oh, sorry, I keep cutting you off. Okay.

Derek is the comment. Derek's the car. Yeah, I'm on the end. Well, yeah, join the end. I mean, why don't you show Derek quickly the blue genus deck and then we'll get out of here? I was just pulling it up, Garrett, if you can believe it. Okay. So people need to.

Hey, Zach, how's it going? What's going on, man? Hey, I noticed it looks like you're working from home right now, or maybe in an office or a studio. Is that true? Are you working? I'm at home. This is my little studio.

Nice. And when you're home, you like to dress comfortably when you're WFH, if you will. Yeah, but usually I just wear pants. I'm a pants guy. Oh, okay. Oh. Well, I have two questions. I have two questions for you.

One, are you familiar with denim, the raw hide of denim? Yes. Like jeans, gene wear? And then, you said, yeah. And are you familiar with the sexual, he said, yeah. And are you familiar with the sexual reproductive organ and also the, it's got many functions, the penis? Absolutely. Overly.

Well, then you're going to love this, Derek. May I introduce you to the denim blue genus? Now, it's the first completely safe for work genital shifting. plugware that you can't even tell what it is. You don't even know what's behind there. With this technology, you can go anywhere, anytime, and nobody could live, there's nothing they could legally say to you. It covers all the nasty bits, and it plugs right in the back with a really nice, safe

little plug that inserts into the behind. Can I count on your pledge? Does it come in? Can it? That's for bacterial protection. Wait, we're raising. Oh, you're trying to rate. Well, I thought it was available.

I don't. Is there a George version? Oh, the denim blue joins, of course. That will be Jordan. We actually, I'll say this and I promise I'll leave and I'll let you guys do this. My friends, Johnny and Dylan, who were the ones, they were, this was conceived amongst all of us in some order. I can't remember.

But they printed a ton of these out after I'd specifically asked them not to because they wasted all of my ink immediately and printed about. 20 of them all over my home, and I was subletting my home a lot at the time. I was getting a lot of weird messages about this. Yeah, it was a lot. And then basically, they also submitted my home to Google Maps as the historic denim blue genus house where it was conceived. And in order to get a listing on Google Maps, they had to, there's only a few qualities

or qualifications. And the only one that you could have done without any of the other qualifications was make it a military spot. So there is a military denim blue genus gift shop located at my address. Wow. I mean, Zach, phenomenal. If people want to donate, I guess that's what we're doing now. I really feel misled.

People can check out Stamptown, Stamptown, Stamptown, August 25th, Netflix, and go check out Jack Tucker on YouTube. And go follow you because. you are the fucking greatest. So thank you, I love you, guys. Thank you for having me. This is so much fun. You guys are so fucking, thank you for letting me play. It'd be crazy. Tell me a farewell.

Will farewell. He was anchorman. No. And let's talk about when you can see my movie or come and see me do stand up in the next couple months. This is exciting. So go to gareth-renalds.com for ticket links and all that to all this stuff. Just scroll down if you want to see my film, give it up. And just stay on the tour dates part if you want to see my. stand-up let's start with give it up the film if you want to see it you can see it august 10th in san diego

santa fey new mexico august 12th denver august 13th chicago august 20th new york city august 23rd philly the 24th raleigh i august 25th august 26th atlanta and then if you'd like to see me do stand-up august 13th 14th 15th i'll be in fort cullen's colorado at the comedy fort and then in september you can go see me at the syracuse funny bone on september 17th Vermont Comedy Club, September 18th and 19th, Albany on September 20th, East Providence, Rhode Island, September 22nd, Stanford, Connecticut, September 24th, New York, New York, September 25th, Springfield, Massachusetts, September 26th, Boston, September 27th, and then more dates coming soon. So go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information to all this stuff. Come check my movie out, give it up, and come see me on the road, Gareth Reynolds.com. Love you, dollheads.

Thank you.