The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 1908 New York to Paris Car Race (Live)

Episode Date: April 10, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by James Adomian to examine the 1908 New York to Paris Car Race. Recorded live at SXSW. SOURCES OFFICIAL DOLLOP MERCH TOUR DATES

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramer City Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

and then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Well, you guys, it's a good energy indicator that you guys are more fired up than yesterday's crowd, but it is Gareth. Yesterday we came out to a... Yeah. this is better.

Yesterday, they didn't know what we did. And when they found out, that was not good. Give it up for the Aloft Hotels. Yep, they're great. They have a manager that's a fucking dick.

They didn't check Gareth until 7. In Houston, there was a used dozer in the room. What's the difference? A loft hotels. Get yourself a dishing a dick manager. It's aloft. It all happened. Ladies and gentlemen, you're listening to the Dullop. This is a bi-weekly American History podcast.

Once a week, I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. This show, we have a guest. He is one of my favorites. We don't just do this setup to just make you the whole show go. Why? We just start screaming at people halfway through. Stop looking at the stool.

This guy's one of my favorites. He's fucking hilarious. He's the best Bernie Sanders impersonator in the world. He's better at Bernie Sanders than Bernie Sanders is. Bernie said that. Ladies and gentlemen, James Adomian. Hi, folks. Hello.

1% of 1% of 1% of 1%. It's good. 1% is a very small percentage. Now that was a... Two-thirds of one-fifth is greater than four-fifths of one-third. That's just pure fractions. I mean. 1907!

This is a history podcast, James. Yeah, yeah. In 1907, a Peking to Paris car race was held. A Peking to Paris car, okay. It was brutal through rough terrain. There's no fucking roads. They're just going crazy. Oh, my God.

The winner... This is quite a start. This is just setting up the next thing. The winner was an Italian guy, and he won a magnum of champagne. That's it? I'm good. I love it.

Worth it. The second place was someone who was deceased during the journey. Also, someone who was like, fuck, damn it. What was the route? Did they go through the Himalayas? Just go. You know what? I don't think they went through the Himalayas.

I can't imagine, but they might have knowing these guys. Are they in rock crawlers or they're just in... They're in cars, buddy. Okay. At this time, a car cost between $6,000 and $12,000, which is like $150,000 to $300,000 today. So like Tesla's. Tesla's. Right.

Without charging stations and a dick who runs a company. After the... Is he going to drop in here? He was. I think about, you know, we're doing the same thing that they were doing then. But instead of going from Peking to Paris, we're going to the asteroid belt for no reason. There certainly isn't life on the asteroid belt.

Oh, we don't know that. Yeah, we don't know. Could be guys hiding up there. Yeah. Inside the rocks, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay, that's a...

There certainly have to be space villains if they live in the asteroid belt. We're not saying there aren't space villains. We firmly believe on this podcast there are, and we need to get them. I'd rather fight them in the asteroid belt than fight them here. Am I right, guys? Yeah. That's right. What a planet.

We will take the fight to the asteroids. That's right. We won't rest until Earth has become its own asteroid belt. Oh, fuck. They have to be British, right? Obviously, yeah. So after the Peking to Paris race, a New York to Paris race, How, what, who's design?

Okay, go ahead. It's 1907, the Explor's Club has not quite yet perfectly mapped the world. We believe that a route is possible. Have faith, gentlemen, keep pushing. I was co-sponsored by the French newspaper Le Matin and the New York Times. The winner would get a

1,400-pound trophy. What? Who's, okay, who's in charge of everything? but then who's in charge of rewards? Who's like giving them the spoils? Do you get champagne? Or something you can't lift? Choose.

Well, there's no way to extend your life expectancy beyond 40 years, so we can give you large things. Something heavy. Okay, so the question, of course, everyone's thinking is how do you drive from North America to Asia? So the route would go across the U.S., north through Canada, then turn... We're about to hit an issue.

A left turn at Alaska. And then... Wait. They went the wrong way. Through Canada. They make it left Alaska. And then go over the Bering Strait. Wait.

I mean, there's a lot of problems. When do we start talking about them? Okay. So the idea is that the Bering Strait is going to be frozen in the middle of winter so they could drive across it. Oh, my God. I don't think that happens.

It's salty water. Well, you'll have to listen to find out, won't you? Oh, boy. That's ambitious. And then after that through Siberia, which no one had ever... After that, I don't think we need to worry about. Who is the... I was like, what do we do after we get through the Bering Strait?

Yeah. I want to write this down. There's a gauntlet of machine guns and poison gas. After that, you take a tour of the Rose Garden. Okay. So then through Siberia, which has no car had ever traveled on, and then to Moscow, Berlin, and then Paris. And then that's 22,000 miles.

And then you get the... the big heavy thing. Sure. Great. Now, each car at this time, the average life of a car was 10,000 miles. Are they just trying to kill these gentlemen? And there's no gas stations.

There are no gas stations. There's nothing. There are very few gas stations in America. There are none in Alaska. How many are there in the Bering Strait? Siberia. Do they have a 76 on the Bering Strait? They're all over the Bering Strait.

Sorry. right pal you pulled up to full service fucking bearing so gas was put along the route by standard oil that's the plan who was working on a way to make gasoline that wouldn't freeze so those are the real heroes

again the oil men are the heroes and still are today my friend and what are they setting up they're just setting up buckets buckets of gas okay great keep going imagine the sad mule cart that has to take gasoline somewhere mush, mush, mush.

You gotta get this damn oil up there's a fancy New York car driver and get to Paris. And then we got to lug a 1,400-pound trophy through the Bering Strait. The trophy had to make the route. Obviously, we just get a two-month lead. But it'll take longer. The mule don't like icy seas.

So at this point, in history, only nine people have driven across the United States of America, but none, none have done it in winter. But they have to do it in winter because the Bering Strait has to be frozen. Obviously. So 16 teams entered the race. What?

32 people have agreed to die. Yeah, pretty much. Okay, yes. 33, because I. Cleveland J. Mortimer, famous race car driver from Indiana. have decided to bring my three-year-old son along

to see his father's triumph. I can't wait to see him hoist that trophy up. That's right. Of course I have a scarf. Not to give anything away, but he stays three forever. Okay, off we go. So car companies did it for the publicity, right? They want their car to win. No, you want to be attached to this nightmare.

Yeah, get involved. Get your name on it. So it's a very international group. There is, uh, jeezer. Bosse de Chaffre who was driving the French Dillon car. He had once organized a... All I can imagine is

Poro. We have to stop to solve a crime. Poro! Focus! I am smarter than it, Belize. I think the Bering straight murdered her. Oh, Poro.

You've just... You've lost it. A chauffeer had once organized a motorboat race from Marseille to Algiers that resulted in every boat sinking in the Mediterranean. Great. All right. We've got... Okay. His captain was Hans Hendrick Hansen, a Norwegian who claimed to have sailed alone in a Viking ship to the North Pole. Yeah, I did that too. It's impossible to verify or deny.

He's happened. He said he and his crew would reach Paris Or quote, Our bodies will be found inside the car. Why did they plan on that? He could certainly achieve that promise. Or we'll die. For the dignity of France.

Frenchman Charles Goddard was driving the Motto Blanc who he had sent an attendance record, endurance record, by driving single-handedly for 24 hours non-stop, so that was his claim to fame. What? Just around a certain arrondissement

in Paris. Zoom, zoom. Emilio Satori, who Italian would drive the Italian used the Italian Zust car, and his car was a 21-year-old poet whose dad... You gotta have one.

You can't do something like this without a poet-write-in shotgun. Bring it back to me. Yeah. His dad was owned a newspaper, and the poet threatened to take a boat across the Atlantic alone if his dad didn't let him enter the race. So his dad did. It's great when you can pull off threats like that.

Otherwise, I'll sail that. If you don't allow me to go here and I'll go, I'll do something else. Equally insane in the other direction. This threat has impact upon me. So wait, so his dad did that because, like, the poet basically was like, do it or obey an asshole, so he's like, now you're taking the poet with you. Yeah, but he was like, well, the poet was like, well, then I'll die on this. seas and his dad's like

alright get in the fucking car he's gonna die in the seas in a car but he did it with an Italian accent so he's like spicy spicy meatball right okay sure yeah he said that yeah yeah okay we're gonna get that

we're gonna be fine what are you want he's a big fat he's a big fat Italian poet what do you need got a couple of sandwiches huh a gababagoo There was the German Hans Coben driving the Protos.

He was an aristocratic army officer and saw the race. I don't believe that part. Yeah, okay, sure. Did he have a spike on his helmet? That's five-way driver-convertible. Sex is top down. It's Inspector Clem from Young Frankenstein. Zer Frankenstein!

Everyone's like, we should watch that. that movie. You should. I can't believe you haven't. So he saw the race as a way to rank up from lieutenant to captain. Sure, yeah. This is definitely going to get you a good start on your career for sure. And he had to pay a percentage

of the costs. Then there was a third French team driving the car Cisre Naudine. The Cisre Nodin had nobody. It was just a sheet of metal over an engine. Hey, can I pick a winner now, or do we want to wait until the end? Is it time to pick our winners?

Jesus. This would be very comfortable? Is this the third or fourth French team? Third. That's the third French team. We will do it in the Flintstone's car. So that's the... We'll take a horse strong wagon of baguettes.

We are driving a baguette there. Fuck you. We will put the system on trial. So that's what they announced. There's two Italians, German, three French teams. And Teddy Roosevelt is like, what the fuck? I'm also racing, Teddy. Teddy. He's like, we got to have an American enter this race. It's in America.

Sort of. Well, mostly. Teddy Roosevelt was like, I'm going to join this race. And if you don't let me, then I'm going to swim across the Atlantic. Teddy. Damn it. Shoot a bear while I'm there. These weird threats. Let him race. So 25-year-old Monty Roberts was the most famous American driver. And he was like, I'm ready to go. I'll race in this thing. He was the first racer who was like a pure athlete. He would train by running and doing weights. He had a huge following. Which we now take for granted that we have that knowledge. But this is before people knew that working out got you in shape. Weird era.

Cars were like a great workout back then. Oh, I'm sore from driving. Look at my arms. So the Thomas car company stepped up. The best Thomas car was a 60 horsepower touring car called the Speedway Flyer, which had been used in tons of races. Now, a flyer was supposed to be being delivered to a customer, but they just took it

and used we're going to use that car for the race. Other cars in the race have been specifically designed for the race, but the flyer is just a fucking road car that's a front one? That echoes current day as well.

The Tesla that they shot in outer space, that was actually Harvey Weinstein's Tesla and they just grabbed it from him and they shot it out there. The New York Times put a reporter in the flyer to write along and file stories along the way?

That poor bastard. I booked the story, huh? The guy's driving and the whole time, he's like, one picture, one picture. Come on, ah, Jesus. Jesus, God! Come on, come on, come walk.

Give me a picture for the boy. I can't see where the barracks Oh, Jesus God! Huh! The reporter was said to be very obese. We're going to need to pull over again. So this is a Laurel and Hardy sketch.

This is just, You are Miss Hale! It did just get very slap-sticky. You're supposed to turn left. You're supposed to turn left. I can't. You're on the right side. I'm nervous.

We're not going to make. Oh, great. Another pickle you've gotten us into. Roberts. So that's who we're sending. Well, they'll send the car as Robert's teammate, George Schuster, who's a 35-year-old mechanic who worked in the Thomas factory, and he agreed to do it if they would give him a job for life at the factory. That's not going to be very long. Job for life.

You won. Job for life. So the day came. 250,000 people lined up on Broadway up to Harlem. Celebrities watch from a grandstand. The race was supposed to start at 11 a.m. So everyone's waiting. And the son of a Civil War general was supposed to fire the starting pistol.

But he was late. Did the time change or something? Daylight saving. Sorry. 1115 came around. The president of the automobile club of America got mad and just grabbed the pistol from the table and shot it. And then the race had begun. Okay.

Cool. Do we know what happened to that guy? He died, right? We don't know. Okay. He's good. The poet wrote, quote, Between two thick hedges of extended hands amidst a roar as of a falling torrent.

And then he blew a kiss to the crowd as they drove off. So poets are four. Beautiful. Yeah. He was worth every penny. So every car has suitcases, bags, crates and boxes just piled on top of it. Absolutely. You got a Beverly Hillbilly your way to the Bering Strait.

Yeah, take it all. I think the bathtub was maybe too much. You're going to thank me when we get to the Yukon, and your groin smells like a potato. So now I'm going to try to not use as many names of all the people I name, so mostly talk about the cars, right? Yeah, sure. So it'll be like the movie Cars.

Yeah. Cool. Except for Roberts. He's our main sort of. Yeah, we've actually, the, The Pixar franchise cars has never imagined any of those adorable characters freezing today. No, no. Where the fuck are we?

We're underwater. Well, we're going to have to eat the reporter. That's become painfully obvious. Oh, my God, but thank God there's so much of him. I'm full on him. This is just in. I'm stuffed. Deep line.

Date line Calispell Montana We've gorged ourselves Oh Ooh Now I'm picturing him as Sheldon White Sides And the man who came to dinner

Good one That was their nice one James He knows it Hey, I'm going to name a movie that only I have seen. You know what this reminds me? It reminds me my aunt's movie from when I first went to school. She took it that day. You guys remember that?

So he's like the teacher that was in that. I sold out that quip before it was done getting quip. You did. Yeah, that was an early bail. So the Deepaon had chess filled with a month's supply of goods and a portable kitchen. Jesus. Their blue apening?

They might as well have had the Donald Duck camper from the cartoon. It's like... Bum... Eating... Eating corn on the cob, like a typewriter. So the cars headed north to Poughkeepsie. The driver of the French... I mean, that is very much like a Donald Duck cartoon.

Poughkeepsie? Yes, straight through Poughkeepsie. So the driver of the French Césaire Nadine got lost immediately. There was a lot of snow which started to become thicker. Excuse me, sir, which wetters are the bearing straight? I know how to get to Doug's house. Fine, take us to Doug. Maybe he knows.

Sheets, we're in the weeds early on this one. So the roads had deep ruts and there were no, there's no signs. There's also no maps and no direct ones. Routes. Hey, what is there? There are only timetables for how long it would take you to get there. There's the contact of hard rubber on untilled soil. Yeah, that's it.

That part, really is gravity. There's the torque of a wheel. And that's it. And a gut feeling. And a dream. We can't lose. Steam and fire-driven science. To destiny, gentlemen.

So what would happen? local automobile enthusiasts in each town would come out to meet the racers and then guide them and tell them which way to go or take them a distance and get out. So, so dorks. Oh, you've got a car. Huh? Wow, yes, yes, yes.

I'm gonna go on soon. Okay, great, we look forward to that. We're in a bit of a rush, sir. Well, you want to eat something? I have some soup here. No, no, we have supplies in the back. Please, please. Point us to another dork

You're dorks as a backbone of this race You really Just a laughblood Um God They were dorks So the snow got deeper So the flyer's mechanic

Had to get out and walk in front of the car With a stick This is the Americans Yeah To probe the ground under the snow To find the ground And then put down planks so they could drive over and then take the plank out

and put it in front. Well, that sounds fast. So, yeah, it's... That sounds like something that moves pretty quick. It's a great race. Yeah. It's like building a road for yourself on the fly. And we all know how simple that can be.

As an experiment, I would have wanted to just try riding an elephant and see if I could beat them. Ah, is that brilliant fucker. Look at it. Elephants seem better days, but... You son of a bitch! Foo! Uh...

I think we'll have the last laugh once he hits the sea. Good luck floating on your fucking elephant. He's not going to get through Moscow. So the flyer also has no heater in the car. That's fine. So they drove through farms. They would just go through a farm. Just buckwheat.

I got a good feeling about this one. Of course. The clothes lines. Get it out of my face. You get the scarecrow on the windshield. So, moving. All of the tropes of old movies that involve cars originated from this race.

There's an old woman sitting out in front of the house. Pa! Get my shotgun. They drove by and there's a pyre in the window and they just grab it. Hey, this ought to be good. Reporter. Oh.

So the Cesar Nadia. broke down near Peakskill and the engine died, they fixed the car but were out of the race after 96 miles. Wow, that's an amazing non-achievement. The luckiest one. Yes. Well, we're going to call the winners at the end of all of this.

The men who stopped right away. Well, we had an hour and a half on our dream race. That's good. At Churchtown, an old farmer waved down the flyer and told them about a shortcut, which turned out to be total bullshit. Yeah. Yeah.

The farmer hated cars and so he sent them I sent them straight into my barn full of pitchforks. I hate cars. So he sent them the wrong way on purpose. A lot of people at this point in rural America hated cars. People

would put nails on roads and just shoot it passing cars. You want a shorthy cut? Well, we sure do, sir. Thanks for your help. Boy, I'm glad we ran into you. Keep laughing. How about some more? Okay I shoot at you

Michelle Just a car drive Hey shit it fella Normal normal fine Nothing's really changed Nothing's changed We are getting closer Do they hate cars on religious grounds

I think that they Jesus didn't make rubber Yeah they believed in the horse And buggy and they didn't They just thought There was also a giant war against telephone poles Which I'll do a dollop at some time but there was an insane war.

People were just like, fuck you progress! Well. The flyer crew spent four hours shoveling snow with the other cars waiting behind them. And then the flyer reached the Hudson.

There's genuine traffic? It's not much of the race now is just, you know, crawling along because they're putting fucking boards down. So it's really a train. It's a train of cars. Right.

The flyer reached Hudson by 8.30 p.m. The Didion and Protis arrived a little bit later. The motor block got stuck in snow but got out at 1.8. the New York Times headline said, quote, Racing to Paris, pretty slow work.

Oh, so the New York Times starts rubbing it in immediately. Yeah, our idea, but you know, some people and some problems aesthetically with the progress. Not sure where to point the fingers, but what a failure. In the morning, the local

police had gotten a complaint that a horse was spooked by the cars and they made the Zust crew pay the $3 fine because everyone else took off. So there's a horse spooking fine? Yeah, I don't mean to come on hard on you, boys, but the horse is pretty scared. So, well, he spooked and he was banging his horseshoes together. Oh, he spooked.

Medically speaking, he spooked. Yeah, for sure. Well. So now the Italians were just completely disgusted with their fellow drivers. The flyer, the Didion, and the Protos traveled in single file on the snobled. and then the De Dion went off the road and the flyer stopped to pull them out very gentlemanly. The Zuss took advantage.

Also not much of a race. Okay, good. Glad to hear it. Only to be found just a few miles later shoveling snow eight feet deep. After eating lunch, a local told them they had been shoveling in the wrong direction. He just sat there watching them eating

and then after he was done he's like, yeah, you want to go that way. There's a lot of bad news coming at the racers. Yeah. This, I mean, this is a great cartoon. Oh, fuck yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah. I really want to make this cartoon. Snow became so bad that even the guides would no longer come out to meet them. And then the snow turned to slush as it got warmer and the cars started sliding everywhere. Well, yeah. I mean, when you're in a race and the seasons change, that's a good feeling. You're like, oh, okay, the year's almost done. Woo!

Is it, is it late winter? No, it's still winter. It just got a little warm. Is it March or? No, it's February. It's February. So they're just. Luckily getting some slush.

Yeah. Okay. So there's no power steering, and sometimes two men would have to hold the wheel at the same time to steer. So they're tanks. Driving tanks. One is almost like a tank, the German one, oddly. I don't know how odd that is. But Roberts was one of the only ones who could drive the lightweight flyer by himself.

So there's no road west out of... I don't know how to say this, the Schenectady. Schenectady. They just inch through snow drifts in fields. The Italians ride at Yitika first. There's no road west out of Schenectady. Now they're just driving through whatever. They're just driving.

Yeah. Okay. My beans. Sorry, pal. Driving on my beans. Sorry, buddy. We're driving. Hey.

We're in a race sort of, kind of. Where are we? So outside of Buffalo, the racers started fighting over who was digging more snow, and they agreed they would alternate every five hours, but the agreement quickly fell out. apart. So it turns into a shit show. Metric system.

Yeah. You're right. The motoblock was broken down in Syracuse. The proto was 50 miles ahead, but it had gotten four flat tires because it was so heavy. The Zust flipped over in Rochester. Four flat tire. It is important to talk about how many tires flat that is, because that's all of them. That's all your tires.

I mean, this has to be scored by a zany ragtime piano. Oh, do, do, do, do, de, lily. Bump, bomp, bomp, b'nababromp. Oh, God. The Zust flipped over in Rochester, and they were furious. There's enough cars that everything can go wrong goes wrong. It's the Murphy race. One of them was sliced at half by a saw.

They were furious that the flyer in D. Dion had not waited for them as they agreed upon. What kind of a race attitude is this? Well, they think they're being gentlemen. But gentlemen racing is quickly falling apart. Yeah, okay, good. So the Zust is now mad, so they go off the official route and just drive 24 hours straight to Erie, Ohio. And now everyone was upset. It seemed as if this was no longer a gentleman's race.

No one was helping anyone else out when they broke down. So the flyer arrived in Erie and set off early the next morning. A crowd gathered to watch them go. The New York Times reporter had a very hard time getting into the car, and someone yelled out, quote, Bravo, fatty. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Why you got to do that?

As he still tries to get in. The door slamming while liquid fat is still around the edges of the doors. Because he just lifts it out the windows to get the door shut. There we go. Sorry, boys. Let's stop less. When he finally got in. everyone applauded.

Hey, thank you. That's where you're caught of you guys. Thank you so much. And then they sped off. I don't know if they sped off. They left. The D. Dion left 40 minutes later. The flyer got into Toledo.

Now Roberts was starting to become a hero. He ate a two-inch-thick steak while people stood around and watched and asked the questions. This bogs down into a freak show. Well, when not racing, you're just kind of road-tripping. So why not eat a great steak?

Is Roberts the driver of the flyer or the reporter? He's the like good looking athletic dude. Yeah, watch me eat his steak and I'll make this fat reporter salivate over it. I wish I could get out of the car. Mitech and tie the gristle. Mitech and I. Shut up, ham hawk. Slap.

Oh The The Uh The uh Mike to tie The D Dion could not keep up Because their headlights fell off

Okay Okay So night's off the table now There's wind days In Indiana, In Indiana, the state was experiencing its worst blizzard in years. Dave, is it safe to say this isn't going well?

The region was totally shut down. The snow was four feet deep and rising. The cars were going one mile per hour. It took 13 hours, 13 hours to go seven miles. Wrapped in thick clothes, the racers struggled through deep snow on roads, limping along in single file

and stopping constantly for repairs. They would get gasoline at hardware stores, one bucket at a time. Yep, how we do it. Each team, though, was worried their opponents would sneak off in the middle of the night, so they kept watch of each other. The French...

So, like, Treasure of Sierra Madre. Yeah, watch out. He did it again. That's another movie you should watch, though. The French and the Didion started giving orders, the French leader in the... He said to Roberts, quote,

When you wish to go into a city ahead of me, you ask me. To which Roberts replied, quote, from now on, you will know this is a race. But it's been a race. They were racing. So he's played by some Brad Pitt guy. Yeah, for sure.

If you can get Brad Pitt, it's Brad Pitt. Otherwise, it's just the next one available. Yeah. Second pick. I'm a World War I type gentleman. You'll soon know the meaning of the word honor, sir. You're too good. You have more else.

The Germans and the proto started fighting with each other. Sure. The drivers were mad that Copen, the leader, was getting all the credit. So Copen hopped on a train and said he would meet him in Chicago. Copen's got a good vibe. He's getting off on time. We'll see you in Chicago.

No, Copen, don't get on the goddamn train. God damn what he's on. The flyer was... So he was accused of... being in charge too much, so he's like, I'll go to Chicago and meet you there. Yeah. Good. The flyer is now 30 miles ahead of the Zust,

but Roberts was seriously pushing himself, and he fell asleep and crashed into an eight-foot snowdrift, twisting the steering gear. And the mechanic had to, Schuster had to repair it for two hours, quote, stopping intermittently to use ungentlemanly language.

And the reporter? Sorry, I've got to do all this. Will you get to? Get him the car! No. He's trying to jack it up and then... What do you think the problem is, guy? Yeah.

I can't stop this gentlemanly language. You're a real wet rag. That's what you are. You're a darn... No, damn fool. I'll say it. You're a damn fool. He's having a tirade out there again.

The worst language anyone had ever heard at that point. I'll darn dig! I've pissed things that I enjoyed more than you. Oh, I've got a real distaste in my mouth right now. You're like a flat soda, pal. Yeah, you're the wrong side of a knuckle. But the flyer had an advantage

being in America. Throughout Indiana, farmers and other rural people would come out and help them. American, all right? American know how. What do you know? They dug snow for them and would give them tips on which way to drive. At one point, 14 Clydesdales and 20 men

shoveling snow got the flyer through some fields. That's a bit of an advantage. Yeah. So race rules... So now it's just... We're in just Christmas commercial character. Wind to the polar bears with Coca-Cola show up.

So race rules stated that cars had to move under their own power. A push here and there was okay, but being dragged for miles by horses was a little bit different. So the other teams protested, but then it was learned that they were all doing the same thing. The Zust had set a record using 17 horses. The difference was that the foreign teams had to pay for the help while the four.

flyer got it for free. So they had to pay to cheat. Yeah. Which is different. In some places, the Hoosiers refused to help the foreigners at any price. So the Motobloch and the protos appealed to the president of the Chicago Automobile Club, which

the Tribune printed under the headline Foreigner's Pathetic Appeal. The Chicago Tribune? Yeah. Foreigners pathetic appeal. The note read, quote, We are discouraged. The peasants demand $3.3.

per mile for helping us. They charged $5 to permit us to sleep on the ground. Peasants along the way have filled up road dug by leading cars so as to help the Thomas car. So as the Thomas goes by, then they're putting the snow back in the fucking road. So the French referred to the American citizens as peasants. And then at the end, they asked,

would it be possible to influence public opinion, to aid us? Well, the peasants thing is going to hurt you. Sure, we'll put a team of publicists on the next steamship over from Paris. So the foreigners did not like... No collusion. The foreigners did not like the locals,

believing them to be boorish. An Italian sent off a dispatch, quote, I do not like the Americans as a whole, just as I do not like the cheese monger, whom a prize in a lottery, or a sudden rise in the price of potatoes, has made wealthy. There is still too much,

of the herdsmen about them. Well, that's not going to get snow out of the road for you. Bad attitude. Yeah, I mean, when you're like, you profit the same ways of people who make cheese, then you're an asshole.

To make it worse, the Northern Indiana Railway gave special clearance for the flyer to drive along their track. Like an ozylophone, that's how you would score that. Yeah. Railroad ties flying up.

But the Zust and D-D-D-on arrived then, and they were not given permission and had to continue through the snow. It's not a race. It's a race. Now, yeah, now it's a professional wrestling event. Yeah, now the ref has his back turned, and he's like, you guys be quiet while chairs are getting smashed in the ring.

So things are not going all great for the flyer. When they reached Michigan City, the guide there refused to take them into Chicago and gave them the wrong direction, sending them into snowdrifts. Turns out he was a Frenchman. The American Scott Snowdrifted. Hey, well, I'd do whatever I can to help you guys.

You're awesome. Just go up that way, turn right. And if you see that barn, you went too far. Fucking foolish, Yankee, Duh. I sit a trap. I'm not Joe local at all. Bam, snowdrift. So that day,

Chicago line the streets 24th of February ready to welcome I heard they say you're audible there's a car race coming through this is big

there's a car race come on this is what it's all about yeah they're taking them all the way down here I never been so excited to see not like this before and they sat there all day

but the flyer did not come because the wrong the wrong turn it cost them a lot of time after a while everyone just went home and the flyer arrived the next day.

To no one. Then everyone lined up again and there was a big banner and parade. Yeah, but it's never the same when you've got a re-parade. The re-parade. The re-parade is awkward. You're like, yeah, we're still into it.

Yesterday was a bit of a fucking bust. All the ticker tape has already been fired off. They're gathering it up. It's not his poofy, for sure. So being ahead, Roberts took the day to take steam baths and long naps. Sure. As most race, yeah, that's the feeling you want to have in a race.

That's right. Yeah, a day off. Spade. Spade. Day for you. Day for you. The Didion, Zust, and Motoblock arrived the next day. That night, the motorblock was robbed of its supplies while parked in a garage. Chicago.

What do you know? Pity that happened. Your shame is something happened to your French car. Something has happened. Someone's removed months of a parts. What can I do? You're in charge of the operation! It's not going to be good enough.

What? They had a banquet. They invited 50 guests. Roberts had a lot of fun. He pretended to get an electric shock from a man who had received electricity treatment for a cold. That's a great bit, though. That's a great bit. So he's a real card.

He had handkerchief bits. Also, he got electroshock therapy for a cold. It was a different time. Cool. How's your nose feel? My temple's hurt. Bingo. I am Dr. I am Dr. Guzuntite.

It was a little creepy. Why did he turn the lights off? Hansen, the Norwegian, who had claimed he had sailed to the North Pole alone, then stood up at the banquet and announced he was leaving the Didion team. Turns out he had gotten into a fight with the car cart as well. He also got a gunned to a... Yeah. So you got to do a fight with the leader of the car,

and they had almost come to a duel. They were like about to duel, but then the other guy said, I could just fire you instead of us dueling. Way better. But then before he fired, he was like, well, then I quit. So he was done with that car, and so he got invited to join the flyer. They're like, why are you guys jump in art?

Because he was considered to be a North Pole. Yeah, an Arctic expert. Very cold. No more question. No, no question. No. No. No.

So then he pledges allegiance to the American flag. Whoa. That's all you had to do. That's a great scene in this movie. Yeah, that is a great scene. And of course, the Pledge of Allegiance back then would have been worse than it is today. Yeah.

I pledge allegiance to this country and the people it displaced. 4,000 came out to watch the flyer leave the next morning. One of the Italians wished Robert's luck, and Roberts turned around and said he'd never wanted to see the cheating Italian. again. Sure. The race was now one week behind in schedule. They were supposed to get to the West Coast to take a ship up to Alaska to then drive across

the Bering Strait, so they're behind schedule. The flyer had now averaged seven miles per hour, which meant it would take 100 years to reach Paris. So is it better to just jog? Is the man who leaves the car going to get there fast? I feel like at this point, if there was a guy walking this race, he would be ahead. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Good. But then Roberts blew through Illinois. At this point, they were going so fast, the car was shaking so much that the New York Times reporter quit. That dude, win? My tum-tum. I'm all jiggled up again. I can't take this anymore.

I'm done. So, whee, ten miles. So the flyer arrives. in Cedar Rapids on a Sunday, which went no one cheered because they were Christians. Yeah, obviously. I mean, we all knew that. Obviously, you can't. Can't cheer then.

No, joyless. We believe in lack of joy. Yeah, that's the optic. The D. Deion broke down and was stuck in Cedar Springs for six days. The flyer skidded into a muddy creek, and it took a day to get out. The Zust had a wheel fall off. Oh my god.

Dang. While all this was going on, the Motoblan arrived Chicago. Okay. And they couldn't stop talking about how much Indiana sucked.

Pretty good. They'd get a pretty good reception in Chicago. Yeah. That's the way. And we kind of like you guys now. One farmer had given them dinner and then after

charged them $5, which was a huge price at the time. And the farmer explained that they were his two pet chickens. This guy's an asshole. Leave $5 each of possible. They were my best friends. You ate my best friends.

Why did I mention it? It would have been weird. I fed you. Fid you because you got them fancy boots and lacy shirts on. I was drunk when y'all came over. I killed my best friends and let you eat them. The Germans arrived in Chicago a day after the Motoblan.

The two drivers told Copen either he left or they would leave. So the Germans have fucking had it with each other. so he refused to leave and the other two drivers bailed. Okay. So now he's by himself with the... Right. Yeah.

So he's the fifth car in a five-car race. He's a thousand miles behind. He's like got a shot though, huh? And now he's paying for the whole trip himself because the other guy is who... Because the German car was all self-funded. But then he found a new German driver in Chicago and they drove off together.

In Clinton, Iowa, the Germans were presented with a giant pretzel decorated with flags. Sure, absolutely. Idiots. American flags? No, German, because it's a German town. That was the coolest thing they could have done back then. That was as good a gift as you could think of.

Right. Here's a giant pretzel. Oh, I'm so grateful. Wow, what a beautiful gesture. With your flags on it. Oh, my. He said he was thankful and he would send it home to Germany. I don't know if he understands how pretzels work.

He's got might need a quick tutorial. Do everything I can to send it back home as soon as possible. The Moto Block. broke down immediately after left Chicago. So the flyer blew through Nebraska, doing 500 miles in three days. Robert was driving brilliantly. They had into...

Well, they also lost the reporter. Yeah. So he's gone up through... Canada. I guess they're not doing Canada, which was originally the amount. So they're going through... A boat.

Wyoming, Nebraska. Oh, okay. So they go to Cheyenne, Wyoming, where Roberts had always planned to quit the race. He's going to quit the race in Cheyenne. Well, we finally... that out. Well, he had the French, he had the French Grand Prix coming up, so he's going to

do that. So Schuster now replaces Roberts as the driver of the flyer. Okay. Is he the angry mechanic? Yeah. And the reporter's gone. Yes, so now he's I think, oh, Hanson's in the car also. Okay. The trio band.

Mm-bop, bap, bap, bap, m'bub. Give it up. We're going to do this the whole ride, guys. We have four songs. Oh, right, there's also not radio yet. Good God. There's no radio.

A lot of talking, a lot of great conversations. Oh, man. The Norwegian guys just keeps talking about how he went to the North Pole. It's great. Could you tell us any specifics about when you went to the North Pole? Very white. Okay. Just figured it'd be interesting.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's different shades of white. Right. Do you want me to go through them? The Sonson Knikin-Klaas. he's up there making his toys for the children

that survive the winter Yeah, but I didn't I killed Santa He just has to start embellishing To make it interesting I dated and murdered Santa Okay It's a long car trip

You're gonna hear some shit It was self-defense So now Chester's taken over But the plan is Is that Roberts would take over Again in Europe Right as they went into Paris

so he would get the glory. Oh, cool. So when the flyer left Wyoming, it was ahead by two states. The motoblock driver was going crazy. He was having mechanical problems and thought he would lose his mind if he didn't get out of Ohio.

I mean, Iowa. So against the rules, he shipped his car to San Francisco by train. What is this? He shipped his car. What is this? It's a race. It is not a race.

I don't know what it is, but it's not a race. With no verification process at any step. A race implies. like pushing it. This is a bunch of people. There's spa days. It's getting there.

I don't, but what's the point? Can you ship a car? I think we can prove that. Okay, so it is against the rules. So people found out about it. Did he sit in the driver's seat the whole time? That's the question. I think legally speaking he should have.

So people find out about it. And a small group gathered in Council Bluff to see the motel block, quote, shamefully riding a freight train. It was mounted on a flatbed, quote, exhibited to the rude gaze of an unfeeling public. Wow. A newspaper reporter started setting up his... Council Bluff?

Iowa? Yeah. Sounds like counsel. So a newspaper photographer starts setting up his tripod to take a picture of the car. Sure. And Goddard, the driver, loses his shit, yelling, quote, No photograph! No photograph! And he said in French,

that the car was in privacy now. The automobile in private. It's a special time. Right now it's not a car, it's a train, and there's no reason to take pictures of a train. Foolish, man. This car's sleeping. He's in a coma.

Have some respect for the dead. So the photographer just keeps setting up the tripod, ignoring... I like, and his photographer's like, I've got to get it right. Also, the fridge guy's on the train. He can't... What is he going to...

No, he's coming up. I'm off the train now. He's off the train. They're right in front of their screaming at each other. So the photographer is just setting up not giving a shit while the French guy screams at him. And then Gendarz, uh, mechanic runs at the photographer with an axe, yelling, quote, I will fix your machine. And then railroad workers come running out and they come to the defense of the photographer, and they grab the mechanic.

And then the Frenchman run over to cover up the car before he can take the picture. But the photographer got a picture off before they could raise up the sheet. Is this on horseback? How are, what? Are they, how are they? What? Just running around. You mean, you could make this movie, but you would have, for that scene to play correctly,

you would have to have it that sped up film speed. So it's like, and the newspaper guys are like, hey! And they run out, we're like, the railroad guys. Hey, stop that. So the photographer gets a picture of it. And then after it was printed, Godard received a cable from the car owners, quote, quit race, sell car, come home. You got to pay by the letter, so. That's a great Hemingway pole.

So the motel block is out. Now four cars are left. In Wyoming, the route took them up 10,000 feet to get between two towns that were 40,000, miles apart. The snow is very thick. So the flyer got special permission from Union Pacific Railroad to drive through a train tunnel with quote, special train designated

status. Oh. And they blew out three tires in the tunnel and were almost hit by a train that did not slow down. Well, when you're granted train status, you're a train. Wait, turn around.

Turn around. What? They said we could go. They said we could go, but he didn't. Oh, boy. Archie said to pick a Come up, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo! Hachiazza Faye! Thank God the reporter's gone. I think that's the one thing that I would change

about this story to make the movie. The fat guy stays. I also think you want him in a situation like this. So when the Italian Zest team reached the same tunnel, they asked Union Pacific for permission and it was denied because they used the excuse that the flyer had disturbed a lot of gravel on the tracks in the tunnel.

Oh, bully. So the zest had to go over the mountains. The Didion fought against people looking to make money all the way through Wyoming. One group tried to steal a spare axle as it was lying on the ground. The flyer broke down in Utah, which stranded them in the desert.

One of the men rented a horse from a rancher, took a gun, rode till 5 a.m. the next morning to the nearest town to get parts. The Thomas dealer there in town didn't stock the parts that were needed. So the guy from the flyer ordered the dealer to go around town and just take parts

out of local people's cars with or without permission. That's quite an order. That's quite an order. Okay. Now, she's the flyer? Yeah. He's the hometown boys. Yeah, and they're acting like it too.

Now, Schuster repeatedly sacrificed himself on the journey. He walked 10 miles at night to find gas and navigated the car out of gullies they couldn't drive around. His skill and drive had kept the car running through blizzards, freezing temperatures, and sandstorms. Each night he repaired damage and got the flyer ready for the next day and no one gave a shit. He was not Roberts. Newspapers often misspelled his name when they did barely mention him. Okay. Yeah. So after 41 days, the flyer reached San Francisco. The first card across the United States in winter. They were 900 miles ahead of the zest. The factory

whistle sounded and automobile drivers blew the horns on Market Street. No one thought they would even get to Chicago, let alone the West Coast. So then the flyer was put... Nobody thought they were going to get to Chicago and they're supposed to go to Russia. Paris. Yeah, over the Bering Sea. It's going to be great. Right.

Paris and Russia. Yeah. Are these cars planning on stopping and having children cars that then continue the journey for them? It's like how we're going to get to Mars. We're going to need to procreate on the trip. So the flyer was then put on a ship to Alaska

to try and find a way across the Bering Strait. Oh, they didn't know that ahead of time. On April 8th, the flyer reached Valdez. At the same time, the Zust and D. Dion arrived in San Francisco and waited for news about the conditions in Alaska. But there had never been a car in Valdez, so people were like, holy shit. And Schuster quickly realized there was absolutely no way to get to Russia.

Snow was 10 feet high. The only way to cross Alaska in a car would be to take it apart and ship it by dog sled. Hey, you're still racing. Still a race as far as we're concerned. Please. Please. I'm sorry. Please.

That's the best third act I've ever heard. James is not listening to a story. He's writing a script writer. Yeah, no. We need to be. This is the best story I've ever heard. He's in the midst of a pitch. So the race organizers

get rid of the Bering Strait plan. They're like, that's not going to work, which was the only reason the race had taken place in the winter. Hey, come on. So they told the flyer to go back to Seattle and then take a ship across the Pacific. Meanwhile, the other teams

got on ships and left for Japan. The flyer had been the first to arrive on the Pacific coast, but now they were the last to leave. Oh, because the other two left from San Francisco to Japan. Which, not a clever move. You've got another water problem on the other end there.

Oh, shit, we do. Damn it. So the race committee... There's a lot of water. Have you noticed that? Judging from our map, which is the board game risk, there's a land bridge from Japan to Irkuts. So the race committee got together and decided the flyer would be given a 15-day lead.

So they're spotting them 15 days. The zest and the D-Dion would have to get to pay. Paris, 16 days before the flyer now to win. The Germans in the Protos were then penalized 15 days because it turns out they had taken a train from Ogden to Seattle. This is not a race. This is arguably the origins of Nazism in Germany, their bitterness about their treatment in this race.

Viver Shosen. The D. Dion then dropped out of the race in Japan because the owner sold the car. Honestly, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, I mean, does anyone want this anymore? Anyone? So now they're in Japan, and while they're there, the Russians told the racers to give up and just take the Trans-Siberian train

that had just been built. The Russians in Japan? No, the Russians who know that they're there, so the Russian leaders. It's called collusion, I believe. Yeah. The poet reported, the quote, great men of the Russian government

all covered with gold lace outlined the many reasons the venture would fail. We shall be met on the road by Chinese Briggins? Manchiris. They'll be attacked by Briggins. Manchurian tigers, fever, plague, pestilence, famine to say nothing of the mud.

And that's without even talking about the mud. Also mosquitoes as big Locusts, Locust, and other similar delights. Why not to say locusts? Let's keep making up things they are going to happen until they started leaving us. These are locusts who will house themselves inside you and turn you into locust.

Tornados. Tornadoes that also have gorillas inside of them. Imagine if a tornado fuck gorilla fuck tidal wave is coming at you. It's not good idea. Have you ever been fucked by Mongolian beef? It happens.

There are double. gangers of you will have their way with you sexually impregnate you and force you to have a child of yourself that you raise in your honor. Or, perhaps worst of all, you end up here in Imperial Russia. You could end up here. You could end up here.

What a nightmare that would be. So I was out, but then if you can get fucked by Mongolian beef, I am speeding. That's what P. F. Chang founded his civilization upon. The great leader. The great leader, P.F. Cheng.

The warrior. He defeated General Tzu. That's absolutely right. In the chicken wars. We will get so. I'm so mad. Oh, yes, yes, father. Otherwise, he beats me with the shoe.

But then no one's about to stop. They get to... Fair for interrupting father. Vladivostok, Russia? Vladivostok. Vladivostok? I think so. Judging from my risk board map.

Ah. Coben of the Protoz and Schuster of the flyer agreed to leave at the same time. They're being gentlemen again. And they're the only two left now? Well, I think they're the only ones that made it there. They made it there in time. Right. So now they're like, hey, this is the worst, right?

Shall we put a bullet in a? said like it's old yellow or how are you feeling about this? But the flyer was having an issue that morning, so the proto just took off. How gentleman is it? Yeah, I'm not... Wait a minute! Hey! What about that deal?

That's going to sound great on the podcast. I shook hands and then ran off. Tell you what, Dave, it's not about the podcast, it's about the movie. Which James and I are. writing. I don't know if you're attached myself to this project. So,

they take off. It's a nice-looking highway, so they just fucking floor it and they take off. I mean, if you see a highway, you're like, oh boy, is that a mirage? Imagine a road. Highway was great for about a mile, and then the proto just drove into a river. Oh, no! More bullshit! Everywhere is bullshit!

This is greatest Russian engineering feats of its time. Road that goes four miles drops into river. We told you no race. Too many mouths to feed. We have to solve it somehow. Four miles into a fucking river.

So locals got planks and made a bridge to get the car out, and they continued on... Why not focus on road building? These cars are hardy. They are the cars from cars. Yeah. Benny the cab. Hey, Roger. But they quickly drove into a bog and couldn't get out.

Of course. Wait, whoa. River, planks, and now a bog? Yeah. It's fucking Russia, man. He should have told you riverly to bog. But after bog is a big problem. Russia impossible to invade peacefully also. Peace.

You see, you see That come later After bog is swamp After swamp is portal to hell After portal to hell Things get fucked up Then Customs

Then you go to Customs Which is Believe me You will miss hell after you see Castams You'll go Where's Dante?

You watch your bum fights? He's no guy. He's not... Yeah, it's not good. I don't know where I'm from. No, you're not from here. I'm from other place. Yes.

I travel. Hello, governor. So, right, so they're in a bog. They can't get out. After a few hours of being stuck in the bog, they heard the flyer coming. And even though the proto's... Didn't go by their word.

That's what it sounds. I think I hear it coming. Listen close. That's it. He's on the freeway. He's at the end of freeway. He's at four mile mark. He is.

Plank, plank, plank, blank. I mean, I don't want to just go of hearing, but I believe he just left river and his midst bog. He's in swap. No. Just landed swamp. So even though the proto didn't go by their word and had left early, the flyers stopped

and helped pull them out of the box. Cope and thank them and then popped a bottle of champagne that they sat on the side of the road and drank. Cool. What a normal race. Yeah. There's a lot of a turtle in the hair moments

in this race. Yeah. No, really is the wolf and the sheep and the lunatudes punching in and punching out. Well, Day's over. Let's have a beer, huh? What do you say? A couple pros, huh? Yeah, good to see you, too.

Who, too? So the two cars then took separate roads, and the flyer got stuck in a bog. Forty local soldiers helped pull them out. Forty Russian soldiers? Local soldiers, yeah, help pull them out. Then the guys from the flyers spent the night in the army barracks,

and the soldiers told them there were lots of Manchurian robbers who roamed the area. Maybe they're not in Russia. Okay. What's the deal with Manchuria at that point? Probably fighting Japan over control. The snow melted and the ground turned to mud.

We're in the middle of rolling six dice to see if Japan or Russia controls Manchuria. So it would be mud for like the next 1,000 miles. So the flyer was forced to turn around. A thousand miles of mud. In other words, pretty good. Hey! Thousand miles of mud? That sounds like the evil turtle

at never-ending story. It was like, you can't get there. A thousand miles of mud. So the flyer was forced to turn around, and they found out that the Germans were driving on the tracks of the next. new trans-Siberian railway. Although...

Which, when... When did that become possible? Yeah, I mean, it's not great. They hadn't not gotten permission and is very treacherous. But the Germans were now a day ahead. Now, Schuster did not want to win by default. He wanted to be the first into Paris.

So he raced onto the trans-Siberian railway and narrowly missed being destroyed by an oncoming freight train. Jesus Christ. Schuster learned the Germans were now 60 miles ahead. Then the fire's transmission cracked and it was stuck on the tracks. Shuster hiked.

That's a good feeling. Yep. Schuster hiked 15 miles to the nearest railway station. 15 miles. 15 miles. And then when he got there... He just swung on vines, by the way. Yeah, it was...

He did not speak any of the local language and it was completely impossible to talk to anybody. So then he went to a town nearby and sent word to the Thomas factory to send a whole new transmission. It would take three weeks to arrive. and we'd be delivered to a town ahead of them. Can they deliver it to a train track? So Schuster got...

Why sure, but we're going to have to have one of those hand-pump things, take it down from... And then we're going to have to have the piano guy come along for that, obviously. Not getting that day off. Didn't even another hand pump for the piano. So Schuster got supplies that would temporarily fix the flyer, which is amazing to me that he's like, yeah, we'll just temporarily fix the transmission,

and we'll throw some shit in there. Sure. So the Germans were pulling further ahead. and the flyer got going again after five days out of the race. Meanwhile, the Italians in the Zust had found out their car company had pulled their funding while they were in Vladivostok. Sure. So they were there and they spent two weeks raising money

and now they just left that town. What? So they're behind. A mid-race telethon, yeah. Hey, guys. Hey. You got two minutes to help to Italians? We got a bunch of tottebags.

We got a tote bag. We got a bumper stickers. Guys, you want to sign up? Anything helps? We hate to do this to you guys, but we know how important we are to you and we just do this once a month. I need a miracle, man. The Trans-Siberian Rail Company offered $1,000 to the first team to reach the town of Chita.

Chita. The Germans wanted it and decided to make a run on the train tracks at night even though the car had lost its headlights. They literally should just start running. They barely miss being hit by a train. The Trans-Siberian Rail Company

heard about their nighttime run and then forbid cars from using the tracks ever again. We did not think we'd have to say this. Cars are not trains. Trans-Siberian Railway is very important. purpose is only transporting people from one

gulag to another. Anything outside of that is luxury. So, instead of driving on the tracks, the Germans now drove parallel to the tracks and quickly into a swamp. I mean... Why isn't this working? Because there's a slope.

Another jam you've gotten us into. So the whole thing is just swamps. Oof, Oof, and just swamping. So now they're sitting in the swamp, and a train comes along, and there's a Russian Duke on board.

And he is just horrified by what he's seeing. So he orders them to drive on the rails. Okay. But they now had to drive with a portable telegraph equipment machine and report their position on the tracks at regular intervals. Are they in front of his?

train. I think he just gives him the stuff and then he goes off. Look, with this weird plan I've given you. They just have to write and telegraph. You make calls. That's that. We still on tracks. A blessing and also worse of a curse.

So the flyer is now six days behind the Germans. The Germans tried to rig a bridge to cross a river, but the bridge snapped and they went into the river. Well, when you rig a bridge, it's a tough way to set it up. Copen went walking to find help

and found some drunk drifters and paid them to use their horses to pull out the car. Use their wasted individual. Crazy proposition. But it turns out the horses were too small. They're little horses.

You got like mini ponies? The visor isn't just barking. Team of horses will help you out. Oh, am I glad I'm not. I have our horses. So nice to have the nice stranger help us out. They're like little foals

Just barely standing up I'm not sure if this will work We must try So Your horses are dead So Copen goes out again And this time he gets lost In the middle of the night

He came across some bandits And they say They would take him to a nearby town If he gave them money He had a thousand rubles on him Which he didn't want to lose so he pulled out his revolver and fired it into the air, and the bandit scattered.

Cobben eventually found his way to a railway station and got some soldiers to come help pull the car out. Just going to go and good. Yeah, no, for sure. These little stop-downs aren't going to affect the overall time. Yeah. So the Germans reach Chita on June 14th and claimed the $1,000.

The flyer was now three days behind. The Germans were sharing driving time. They were switching off, while Schuster wouldn't. He was doing all the driving. Switch! Ain, drive, Zai, switch! He was the only one who'd drive the flyer.

He wouldn't let anybody else drive. He drove her 54 hours straight to reach Chita and arrived two days after the Germans had left. They now raced across the thawing tundra of Siberia and Russia, the Germans leading, the Americans just behind, and the Italian thousands of miles back. The Italians...

This is... There's not a road at this point. There's no roads. Just tundra. The Italians, however, were convinced they were the only ones who had run an honest race, and they should be the victors. Well, that'll get you somewhere. When we learned moral victories aren't victories.

The Germans came to Lake Baikal and asked to get permission to use a railway bridge, and they waited for days for a return telegram. Meanwhile, Schuster was driving for 20 hours straight, and his arms lost all feeling. I mean, he's driving. I'm going knees. I'm going knees. He's also...

He's also... Yeah, yeah, he's played... My jacket's caught. My jacket's caught! He's also got other guys who can drive. He's just like, I'm fine, I just can't feel my arms. The whole time the vibe has been a dad on a road trip who hates his family. He's never seemed like he's happy at all.

I'm driving. Everything's bullshit. Get you goddamn kids to Paris. Why'd you make me hit you, Tom? So the Germans finally got their return telegram, which said they could not use the railway bridge. It's bad news from text. So they had to load their car onto a train

to go across the bridge, and while they were doing that, the flyer pulled up. But there was no time to load the flyer on the train, but Kaupin, the German was like, I will wait for you on the other side, because it's fair that you got here. And then he got to the side and he just took off. Nice.

Because I am German. What's fair is fair. So now the two cars are racing across grasslands on smooth flat roads. Now they got that. The flyer chasing the Protoz. Schuster was so tired he couldn't go fast. The Germans opened up a one-day lead and Schuster sped up. But finally he couldn't take it.

And after weeks, he finally let someone else. drive the flyer. Fine, but I'm going to watch the whole thing. And wouldn't stop nagging from the backseat. This is when backseat driving got invented. Yeah. No! So now everyone in the car is happy again.

The crew's excited. They're talking about they're going to be the first one to Paris. But Schuster couldn't handle not driving, and he got behind the wheel after a half hour. Okay. Well, still, I mean, that was big for him. That was a big step. Big brave step.

So now the crew sat again. They slowed down, and now they were in, mosquito territory. The air is load of mosquitoes. Did I mention the flyer does not have a windshield? Oh, my God. Winter mosquitoes. And they sold, okay, so these are gogglemen.

That's right. Just eating mosquitoes. Rocketeer guys. At the next town, two of the guys in the flyer just quit. They had had enough. Schuster got the point, and he then agreed to split time with the other driver. One would drive while the other slept. They would drive day and night.

When they reached Tomsk, the other two guys, who had gone ahead by train. I quit. I don't care what part of the Ukraine I'm in. I'm quit. Right here. So they get to the next town. The other two guys who had quit and gotten there by train, they're like, we'll get back in. So they're back in the car.

I slept. Great. The Germans were having an issue. They had a wobbly differential, which made it almost impossible to handle the car. It was being held together by makeshift pins, which kept coming out and had to be put back in. Bidibid Bop-d-d-d-b-d-b-d-b-d-b-d-b-d-d-b-d-d-b-d-d-b-d-d-bb-d-d-bbd-d-d-ppon. So they're going super slow. So as they, near a city, they see the flyer coming up behind them, and they sped up.

Their lead lasted 15 more minutes. Schuster was driving like a madman and started tailgating the Germans. What is he to get out of the fast lane! Get out of you, prick! I drive this way. This is how I race. I race at the speed limit. Yeah, right.

Come on, you asshole. Flash his lights at him. He's washing his windshield. The Germans finally pulled over and let them pass. He just let them pass. They're sick of being offensive. The four guys in the flyer burst out cheering while Copen was close to tears.

Then the protos broke down and had to be hauled by a pack of horses to a village. That's pretty sad. And pretty standard. But the flyer still needed that transmission, and then they drove into a swamp which stripped all the gears. Dave.

It doesn't, why would it stop? It's never going to stop. Local villages. This is a lousy video game. Shit, another bog. Yeah, it's like the Indiana Jones Atari. I'm in the hole again. He came across really old.

The local villagers helped pull the car out. The proto's caught up to them again. Schuster and Cope and met up in a town. town and had dinner together. Copa knew they had a 29-day cushion, so unless the flyer dropped out, he was going to lose. Off they went again. In the town of Perm, the flyer got two messages. First, the transmission had been sent to another town that was super hard to get to.

And two, the Thomas Company asked if they could send Monty Roberts to help Schuster make it in the final roads of Europe. So they want Roberts to take over. Right. He's back. He's ready to star in it again. Schuster was pissed. he said he could have, quote, eaten nails. And I have.

Not a turn of phrase. Nail biscuits. He just replied he would be in Paris on July 24th, and that was it. The flyer then went to pick up the transmission. So now deep in Russia, they started experiencing anti-American hostility. Adults encourage their kids to throw rocks at the flyer. Which has no windshield. Right.

Right. They spread broken glass. on the road and covered it with a layer of hay. I just picture that the Russian streets are like that anyway. Lined with glass hay. There's still Napoleonic soldiers on the ground.

After getting the transmission, the flyer headed to St. Petersburg, where the local automobile club had offered a $1,000 prize to the team that arrived first. I was hoping you were going to say that it brings the American dead bodies. That'd be amazing. But the flyer broke down after hitting a bunch of potholes.

The transmission... Somebody's got to fix them. Pot holes take you down. The transmission would now have to come to them, which would take four days. So Schuster went to get it, but he kept getting lost. The Russians that he met

couldn't understand hand signals and the Americans... What kind of... And he couldn't understand Russian. Transmission? Yes. Cow, cow. Milked cow.

It's on the bottom. Your wife pregnant. You jam your wife pregnant. You do this. Keep doing this. Oh, you're celebrating. Our only hand signal. You celebrate.

No, it's a... You win something. You win race. You don't need to... We only have hand signal for lintel or famine. Are you drunk or looking to get drunk? Be clear. Okay.

I'm going to walk away. So they get the transmission back together. Then they were taking wrong turns all the time. He lost 15 hours when he took a wrong turn. The Protos reached Moscow on July 18th, and a few days later was in St. Petersburg, where they claimed a cash prize. The flyer was now three days behind.

Kulp had arrived in Germany, and there was a victory parade for him because they thought he had won. People line the streets to cheer their fellow countrymen. Out of the way. You did it. Welcome. We are welcome.

We are going to go out of the way. You've won a big trophy here. Stop off. We are tugging in Jukka. I've been a fan of yours since as a girl. In Berlin, hundreds of thousands of people came out to cheer them on. You did it! Celebratory dinner.

Meanwhile, Schuster was keeping the flyer going 21 hours a day. But at 6.15 p.m., July 26th, five and a half months, and 2,933 miles from Times Square, Lieutenant Copan arrived in Paris, slowly driving the Protoz down Boulevard, Pousson there. A delegation of editors from Le Matin greeted him with tepid enthusiasm and served a cold buffet. Well, well, no heated foods. enjoy your cold coffee

almost meanwhile Schuster arrived in Berlin where he was congratulated for a decent showing they're like good for you look what you did he didn't

they didn't know he was actually in the lead by a month and he didn't tell them so on the evening of July 30th people in Paris lined the streets as Schuster and the flyer rolled in they chanted to Vive la Car American and everyone cheered

until the flyer was stopped by a policeman. Excuse me, a license of register. Schuster was arrested for not having headlights. Holy shit. What? How, like, how close to the finish line? I mean, it's, they're like so close.

These people are here for me. The people are cheering and people are like screaming. No, no, no, it's a race. It's arrest. Shut up, ruse are ruse. Loz is law. The cold is clear. You are mouth of headlights.

We'll need to see this fixed within a week, otherwise you get another infraction. They'll fix it, dick it. So a guy in a bicycle rides up and puts his bike in the front seat and has a light on it, so the policeman steps aside and lets him go. Well, as much as law is something I take very seriously,

legally, you have fixed every problem I have. You now have a bike attached to your car, finish the rest, the law has been served. Continue a motion. Hello. Now, unlike Colvin, a champagne greeting

met the flyer. The Thomas Flyer was declared the official winner of the New York to Paris race. Celebrations in Paris continued for days

and Schuster is just fucking loving it. Meanwhile, the Zust was still driving through Western Siberia. And they believe they are the moral victors because they haven't cheated.

This is as the credits roll Yeah, for sure. The one thing they cannot say about us is that we never cheated. We won our way. And no one pays attention to them as they drive through Russia and Europe or when they arrive in Paris.

No celebrations, also no nails in the road. Also, no horses. to get them out of bogs probably people are just like get out of there yourself the race had cost er thomas one hundred thousand dollars to run his flyer but after winning sales went through the roof for the thomas motor company he was making so much money that he turned out an offer of ten thousand dollars just to buy the flag from the race car

when the flyer crew arrived in new york there were more celebrations and Schuster told Roberts to drive the car into Times Square. Thomas offered Schuster six months of work touring the car to different cities, but he just wanted to go home, so he turned it down. After that, he went back to his job in the factory, saying he would never do anything like that for money again. For money. For money.

Now, principle. He was offered $10,000 by Thomas to drive the car, but then Thomas only gave him $16. 500. Copeland wrote a best-selling book about the race, which made him his fortune back that he lost in the race. Monty Roberts kept racing and eventually settled down with a family.

The race had highlighted... Instead of finishing? What? On the way to finishing. On the way to finishing, just started a family. The race had highlighted the shitty conditions of the roads in the U.S. and roads were then improved enormously. Asphalt was emitted in 1910,

and the first transcontinental highway was begun in 1912, starting at Times Square and ending in San Francisco. The 190 race was one of the pivotal achievements of the 20th century until Lindbergh had his flight across the Atlantic in 1927. So it was one of the

biggest events until a Nazi did a thing. So Schuster did really well. He was looking for his baby. It's hard to see from up here. Schuster did great. He opened up Dodge dealerships in the 20s and 30s. He published a memoir on the 60s, died in 1973

at the age of 98. In 1910, the Thomas Motor Company... His last words were, fuck this shit. In 1910, the Thomas Motor Company released a very disappointing new model. By 1913, the company was done. The flyer was auctioned off, and it was now in the

National Automobile Museum in Reno. Jesus Christ. And in 1916, the Italians made it to Paris. Hello? Hey! spicy meat bar I'm gonna need to see some license in registration

wow holy shit racing before roads seems full hardy Dave yeah I'm gonna go ahead and say not worth it but some people like to achieve things like James right here has got a new screenplay

that he's working a new winner It's called Maitentai, the Grissel. Amazing. Give it up for James Adomian, everybody. Thank you so much for coming out. We want to thank everyone at South by Southwest. Thank you.

Thank you very much, guys. Appreciate it. Oh, hello there, dollheads. It's Gareth Reynolds. I want you to join the Gereth Force and come and see me do stand up on the road. I will be in Spokane, Washington, February 4th. I will be in Bend, Oregon, February 5th, Portland,

the 6th and the 7th. Then I will be in Bakersfield, California, February 27th for two shows. And then, oh boy, April, here we go. April 19th, I'll be in Albuquerque, Tulsa on April 21st, Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, April 23rd. Going to try to see a viral chiropractor that day,

but that's neither here nor there. I'll be in Tyler, Texas, April 24th. I didn't even know that. I'll be in Houston, April 25th, for two shows. I'll be in Austin at Cap City on the 20th. and then the 28th I will be rounding it out in San Antonio at LOL. Oh my gosh, and I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. That's rounding it out.

Go to gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information. Also prizes. We're giving away a bunch of trucks and stuff over there. If you just log on and legally, that's not binding. But go to garethrenalds.com. Love you.