The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 196 - The Past Times with Carly Ballerini

Episode Date: October 16, 2026

Dave Anthony reads a paper to co-host Gareth Reynolds and comedian Carly BalleriniSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHHIMSQUO - Try for free plus 20% off first six monthsHelix Sleep See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Stand up. You like that? I didn't know you like that. Go to Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information because Syracuse. I'm coming to you September 17th. Vermont Comedy Club, September 18th and September 19th. Albany, September 20th. East Providence, Rhode Island, September 22nd, New York. Sorry, Stanford at the New York Comedy Club, the most confusing thing of all time. The 24th, 25th, I'm in New York, in New York. Springfield, Massachusetts. Massachusetts, September 26, two shows, Laugh Boston, two shows, September 27th. Go to Garethrethrendes.com for tickets and information. See you there, GareForce. Welcome to the past times. It's a podcast. Someone's finally doing it.

You know what we do here each week. We go through a newspaper from a random date in history picked out by none other than Dave Anthony. I, Gareth Reynolds, have never seen it. And neither has this week's guest. Yes, the great, Carly, Valerie. Hello, Carly. Hi.

How are you? I'm good. How are you? And we were just talking about how great Rogan is. I love him. Carly, you're working on a show called Fascism for Beginners. Yeah, that's true. That's super true. Why are you trying to help people into fascism, Carly?

What about that is so appealing to you? I just feel like it's like the hot new thing, you know? It's like all the people guys are doing it. I think that like we should be kind of focusing on it right now. Well you know, Dave was just showing me a video of what's called a dragon droned. Is that what that was? A dragon drone. Dragon drone, which is a drone that drops molten hot iron from it.

Good thing. Good things ahead. If you look at you, I know you said you were adding a lot of tech to your show. Maybe that could be fun. Amazing. And I'm going to have my people look that up. Exactly. The Terminator was conservative.

So Carly, where can people, if they want to check out that show when it's available? People should just follow you and how do we do this? Yeah, I think follow me on Instagram because I'm really bad at social media. I'm trying to get better. Which is Carly. underscore ballerini. Okay. All right, which has two L's in it.

Yes. It's a great last name, by the way. Thank you. It sounds like a circus ballerina. You should tell people you pick it. it. I don't think I'm going to actually counter that advice. I don't think you should say that. It seems a bit strange. So that's great. Well, we're big fascist guys here. We love it. That's awesome. Yeah, so we're super thankful for the help and the indoctrination and all that stuff.

No problem. No problem. Where are you? Are you in Los Angeles? Yeah, I just got here. I've only been here for like seven months or something. Where were you? But I was in Chicago. Okay. Well, welcome. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome to a different level of hell. We'll like to start every podcast with a prayer.

No, we don't. For Charlie Kirk. So no, we don't do this Charlie Kirk prayer at the end of, nope, or at the beginning. You do it at the end? We do it at the end. We have out of respect to Charlie, we do it at the end. And all right, so Carly, we're going to get into this old newspaper. You get to guess what year you think it's from.

Could be 1700s, could be 1800s, could be 1800s, could be 1900s. And then I'll guess. And then Dave will say that you won because he, has an attitude. Is something, is one of your cats eating off of a bowl? Oh, no, that's a human, eating off of a bowl. Hey. Oh, okay.

Can you live that quieter, I guess? Well, no, I wasn't complaining. I just, you mentioned cats, so. Another human there. Yeah. Either they stop eating or we start. We can do one of the two. I think it can be either way.

I don't. I think we'll wait till they're done. All right, we'll call it the pasta times. And I will let you know when that is. Okay. All right. What year you want to guess? Okay. I'm going to go, like anything? Yeah. 1776.

Whoa. I'll guess 1775. It's 1897. Carly bested me. Oh, man. Great. That's a pretty popular year. 1776? In this country, anyway. I don't know. People bring it up all the time.

Do you think? It's a big year. Yeah. 1776. People in this country. People like that year. People like that year. I would say 15% of white men I'm behind in the airport either have that year on a black

t-shirt or the constitution or some allusion to the constitution on their t-shirt. Really? I always feel like they like are promoting like a like a deodorant or like a energy drink or like that happens to. But I just like when you like are in the airport and you just see someone with like Some dude just has a shirt on with, like, fire on the sleeves. And it's like, you'll never take it. And you're like, Dad, you're on.

I don't want to take it. You're on Southwest. I got to be. Would you shut up, you fucking loser? Nobody's trying to take it. Okay. You'll never take it. I feel like the whole thing was that it was taking.

Well, whatever. It's crazy that they lost. You know what I mean? And then we're trying to, yeah. It's like a funny, it's a funny little thing because it's like, hey, listen. You're in the part. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You did it. Yeah. You did it. Yeah. No problem. There's like, yeah. You won. Yeah.

Like you're here. Yeah. Or like a truck with like the, uh, the punisher on it or just like, just like, just something that's just like, my freedom doesn't get run over. It's like, okay, dude. I saw one. I was in Arizona yesterday and I saw one that was like a cross. It was the back of his. and it was like exploding out of it.

It was something like, unstoppable. It was crazy. Calm down, buddy. They had like the rebel flag on like songs. And I was like, what is like what, what,

yeah. Do you feel like the founding fathers would have been like, hell yeah, rebel fans. Fuck yeah. They love. Yeah. Yeah.

Or I honestly, it's funny because if you just modulated some of these terrible systems that we've employed for total racism, in the direction of getting rid of some of these people, I'm like, like, if there was an ice that, like, went and found dudes who had the flag on their trucks, like the actual flag. That is ice.

You can just, you could just, you could just, you could just, uh, probably go get those guys. It would be great. You could probably just run out. An ice for ice would be awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, no, you can't do that. So this is an ice for you guys. We're now going to throw you guys out.

You're going to El Salvador. I feel like you could just trick them. You could be like, hey, there's a bunch of people you don't like on that boat. And then all of them would get on the boat. And we could just, yeah. Lock it and just sink it. Shit. Here, grab your Constitution shirts.

Grab your panties. Well, Carly, here we go. You're about to take a ride through an old newspaper. It doesn't sound fun. It isn't fun. But we're sponsored by Amazon. Go ahead, Dave. Perfect.

And Palantir. And Palantir. I love those. I love those. We love those. Greenest companies on Earth. I love Alex Carp. Yeah.

So this is 1897, May 8th. Oh, no, wait. I do think at this point, I do think if there's one person I'd like to see, like, sort of just slowly stabbed with a spear, it would be Alex Carp. Alex, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to line up some people. I would like to long sword. I would love to. But if I had to pick The one right now, it's the guy who's like, excuse me for believing in ingenuity.

I'll be like, my stomach. There you go. There you go. Through your tummy. It's still Sam Altman for me. Yeah, it'd be fun. There's something annoying people.

This is a weird dream, but I would like to behead Sam Altman. Like, that's my. It needs to be done slowly, though. You think slow? Yeah. I just thought, I want a foot. Foot first blending. Foot first blending.

Yeah. Like, yeah. Okay. The new revolution won't have guillotines. We're going to have human-sized blenders. It's going to be great. Actually, that makes sense with the, with the dragon drones. Yeah.

You get big blenders, dragon drones. Yeah. All of that. Yeah. Yeah. It's like large everything. Yeah. We're just like like over, text,

oversized. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the blender will be like, these colors don't run. Yeah. They do.

Yeah, actually, they do. Yeah, they run. Sam Altman's been turned into a beat smoothie. All right, David.

Shall we? Where is this? The Chicago Chronicle. Oh, amazing. Hey, that's me. Ooh.

One Chicagoan's idea of fun. W.R. Ralston buys a load of oranges in Omaha and pelts passers-by. That does sound fun. It's awesome. It's very fun, actually.

It's awesome. That's great. Awesome. I will say, okay, I one time was driving through Burbank and these kids through an orange at my car. It was like late at night. I was probably like 27. I fucking did a bootleggers Ui, and I mean, I chased them.

You got mad. You chased him. Yeah. And then I called the cops. Oh my God. The Burbank cops? Yeah. Well, no.

And then I ended up going through North Hollywood, so then they stopped. And every time I talked to a cop, they said stop following them. And I was like, I'm not going to stop. Yeah, I was like, I'm not going to stop following them. But what I did think when I walked away from it was I should have oranges in my car to throw it. I wasn't doing anything. But I was like, I should have oranges to throw it.

It's so fun to throw stuff at cars. Like, I guess I'm not promoting it. but like, have you ever thrown something at a car? And it's like driving by and you're just like the splat of it. It's like the most satisfying. When I was a kid, it was like 80% of my childhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe you, I can't believe you started stalking the kids.

And then it was sort of like illegal on your end. He ended up killing them. Yeah. And I ate the oranges. When the cops showed up, I was just covered in blood and I was like peeling the oranges. I was like, naval. Naval. Naval.

Navel. replenish the electrolytes. Now that you guys here, I got to say, I think you were right. I should have stopped following. Well, in retrospect, you all had a very valid point because I ate the driver and his oranges. You ate his navel. The oranges were different. I don't eat oranges, but I did have some navels.

Yeah, for sure. Okay. This is a story out of Omaha. R. W.R. R.R. Ralson, a Chicago commercial man, this morning purchased a peddler's wagon load of oranges. This is before the metric system. A commercial man is so funny. One time I dated someone who just told me that he was like ready to be a business man.

And I was like, I don't think, I don't think like you can just do that. And then he did. He like had like a cousin who was like in a business. And then he was just like, I'm. Carly, even the way you're talking about is a thing. He was in the business. And then he just got into it. Wait.

So what did he? He was like, I'm going, I'm primed to be a business man. literally was like, I think I'm going to be a businessman. And I was like, I don't, I don't think, well, what, what kind of business? And he was like, well, just like my mom and dad are like business people. How old was this person? He was 37. And so like, I was like, I don't think that that's like how it works.

He sounds like he's 13. It sounds like an eight year old. Like, I'm ready to be business. The arrested development of rich kids is crazy. I was like, what did your, what do you think that your parents do? And he was like, yeah, he was like, I asked them one time

and they just said they go to meetings. And he was like, I'm pretty good in meetings. I was like, this is insane. I think I'm going to also be good at sex soon, too, just so you know. So big business and sex will be big things for me soon. I was like, ooh, business. Wow, you're thinking of being a business, are you?

Potentially. I think I'd like to be rich. The most crazy is he did it. I like, that part, that part is a disappointment to me. Yeah, it's rough. I would rather you be like he's on TikTok, like talking into it about. No, he's like a businessman. He's like the second, he's in like as the CEO and then it's like him.

And he goes to Bangladesh a lot. Yeah, that's part of business. He got to Bangladesh. He did business. He does business now. I got to go there. Get the cheap stuff. I was going to say.

I figured it out. I take advantage of poor people. Yeah, look, look, if you find people that don't have shoes, they make stuff for less. Yes, you offer them shoes. They will work for pennies. Yeah, he did business. I do business. He got it.

I do business. Yeah, yeah. It's just like this commercial man. He knows commercials. I'm a commercial man. A Chicago commercial man this morning purchased a peddler's wagon load of oranges and pelted the crowds on the sidewalks. Now, this is fun.

Awesome. That's fun. That's a business man. That's my kind of businessman. And then I'm chasing after him and the police like, stop. The cops are like, stop doing that.

There's a parakeet. He cleared, he cleared half a block of all the pedestrians and then made a target of a passing policeman and was arrested. That's my story. Yeah, that's, wow, wow, wow, wow. he did not think he should have been arrested for having tried to have a little Sunday morning fun

yeah Gareth is like that is actually untrue you should be arrested for oranges the one thing that I'm going to say you arrested for oranges I'm so I'm so torn because while I was the victim of an orange hate crime I also hear this guy's logic and if I was in court I was like you're not I'm guilty of having a little Sunday fun. I'm just going to interject here. I don't think hate crime is your word. I think you're going to come up with like a different one. Oh, I don't agree at all.

Oh, I don't agree at all. No, that was profiling. By the way, when I was done with them, it was a blood orange. We'll be right back. Okay. Wow. But I'm, we're going to do the Amazon read. Hey, have you ever wanted everything tomorrow? Amazon.

Whoopsie. That's, there goes society. by businessmen. Businessmen everywhere. And you remember Jeff Bezos at 1981, looked at his wife and said, I think I'm going to be a businessman. I can't wait until their drones slash cop drones are out there. Here's your toothpaste.

Yeah. But it's dragons or whatever. Dragon drone. The dragon drone is they call it. They call it. That's so crazy. I got to be honest. That's too whimsical for what that is.

I agree. I'm very against that. Well, Palantir, they really do. Everything that at one point was kind of just enjoyable lore is now like, and I will use it to pour out people. Pour molten iron on people. The image will stick with it. Hey, you guys know how World War I was terrible?

We're going to make it way worse. With dragons. It's like a little kid. Like it's like being like, we did a megatron and it's just genocide. Like, you can't, like, you don't mean. Like, you don't, you can't name stuff, whimsical stuff. No. No, you can't.

No, it's unfair. Yeah, they've taken advantage of what we liked. Yeah. A dragon. Dwagon. What's the, that's the hobbit? What's it do? It just burrows in and destroys your genitals.

What? It's a hobbit. It goes to waist high and it eats through you. What? What's that? It's a Gandalf. It blows you. fire on you.

What? Oh, have you never heard of the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe? We shove you in a closet and light it on fire. It's a closet that just roams neighborhood. Oh, Charlie, the chocolate factory. We would waterboard you with feces. Big bang. The sleepy time house.

It is World War II. It's the ovens. Okay. Anyway. Anyway. Oh, you heard of Hansel and Gretel? It's a pretty straightforward one. Yeah, we're just poisoning kids.

Yeah, we're just poison kids and toss them in the oven. We're eating them. Yeah, yeah, we're eating kids. Bingo. One person was struck in the eye with a big orange and a number of paints of glass in the vicinity were broken. It's not so funny. Now is it you two.

Whoa. Now that you see in the other side of the crime. I just feel like an orange in the eye is like, not as you're not like it's like all right it stinks it's got you got a little citrus in your eye it stinks a little bit so if you saw someone get an orange throat in their eye you'd be like oh my god that's true but i wouldn't be like ah like it they're you don't know what i'd be like oh boy wow wow if i'm in like what is like an orange war zone which is what this is people are going to take one in the eye i'm going to expect it you somehow how good is this guy's throw like

what is he throwing it with well remember He's got a wagon's worth. For sure. And that, okay. So if you have more, does your throw get better? Or like, was he practicing? He was maybe practicing. Maybe this was like his thing.

He's got a numbers game too, though. He's flooding the zone. I would like to think this is spontaneous. He just like was like, this was his snapping. He saw the oranges. He saw the oranges. And he reminded him of his childhood. And he was like, oh, my dad.

You know what? I love snowball fights. But it's summer. at the end of this it's going to be like Johnny sunkissed was found not guilty wait a minute so in college there were four of us living together two of us were let's just say wild cards

and the other two of us were pretty straight laced so the two straight lace guys went out of town for the weekend and the others well we know who you are me and our friends came me and my buddy we invite our buddy over and we get us A little drunk. And then someone was like...

The other roommate's Louis C.K. Someone was like, is that a lemon tree in your backyard? It indeed was a lemon tree. And then someone brought a lemon in and then someone's like, hey, pitch it to me. And I don't know what we're using for a bat. It may have been a wiffle ball bat. And they hit it and it exploded. That's fun.

And then we're like, this is the best thing ever. So we proceeded to pick all the lemons off the tree. and play lemon ball and basically every time he had the lemon it's just being pulverized and then we woke up the next morning let me tell you something the house smelled fucking awesome

yeah I was just gonna say like kind of no harm no foul because like cleaning up lemons is just cleaning up cleaning stuff well the fellas that came I cleaned up all your cleaning I think it might have been dirty to be honest the fellas that came home

the straight lays guys not as thrilled no they were flipping on lemons they were like there's a lot There's a lot of... Jesus Christ. There's a lot of pulp.

You just throw orange in their eye. Just everything is covered in pulp. But man... It sounds fun. But now it's dozens of years later, and lemon ball is a legendary night. Yeah, but also... I have a lemon tree in my... You know, for the first time I remember, fruit trees in my backyard.

It's great. Harley. What are you doing? It's great. I don't know. Welcome to California. I didn't know about all this fruit. Well, no.

You know. Fruit. And where were you living? You were living in where you living? Chicago. All the out of the backyard is fucking murder. That's all you have. Out of here you got...

All you got is a pizza oven and whatever else. I don't remember. People who don't know about Chicago, it's like a hot dog. Anyways. The backyard's the L train, right? I don't remember. Actually, yeah, a lot of the time. Yes.

Lemon train. Lemon tree. I'm going to do lemon bowl. My roommate's going to be mad. Well, it's time to pay back for all that. Absolutely should. It's right. Which I'm still not over.

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because Helix improves your sleep. period. Thank you. I mean, that's what I was hoping you'd get to. I was worried that I throw some out there. No, you were going in a direction that was sort of heady. And I'm telling you right off the bat, completely changes your sleep. Are you ready, Gareth, for some fall coziness? Are you ready to get cozy in the fall? Are you doing the ad still? Do you need good to sleep during six season and back to school season? Sleep is important. And this is the best way to get it. Helix mattress. We both love Lars. Love, we both have the California

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Yeah. Mule commits suicide. Come on. That can't happen. No. They don't get sad. No. They don't get sad, do they?

They don't get sad. They're the happiest fucking animals. This was a, no. Unless you try to eat. one while it's alive. Why don't you read the article? Wait, what? Don't listen to him.

It's like the demented... I came up with a reason why it wouldn't be happy. Okay. That was a one-person game. Hey, let's play depressed mule. What's not? Wheeling, Virginia.

Bambi, it's mother. That could be a way. Fill it with candy and let kids beat it. At at Courtyville, where the Curnyville. Curnyville.

Cerniville. At the Baltimore, where the Baltimore and Ohio railroad is making a cut, H.W. Thorn, action of the contract and had Pat Burke driving a mule. Yesterday morning. Driving a mule is also a crazy term. Yeah, you can't drive a meal. You can't drive them. The classic.

Yeah. What seems to be the problem? He's not a car. If you just cram a steering wheel down. Nope. That's not true. Into the neck. No.

And you can turn left. We're all worried about it. You're doing what we call carping out. Yesterday morning, Pat noticed the meal's shoulder was sore and after hitching him saw that he was restless. Yes. He noticed that his shoulder was sore? That's amazing. That's crazy.

Even if I have like a pet, like it's like hard to, you know what I mean? You got like, they're like, they have to be like. That would be like a CBS. What did he, was he like, ah, you don't know, me? Like, how did he? I have an ability to tell when mules are sore. I'm a mule sous. The mule soos.

I would watch mule sues. I would watch mules. You're holding a lot of tension in your leg. Have you guys seen that chiropractor that, like, just cracks? The Russian guy? I don't. The one, the cat, craopacter. He was just like, oh, oh.

But he goes other places, too. And then he'll be like in a lion's cage. It upsets me. It's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. No. All right.

All of us who have DM that guy, raise your hand. What in the fuck? All right. Yeah. Did we get back to you? Oh, I was like, where, is there anyone in America who does what you do? You have him on to the dollar. We've tried.

We tried. Okay, fine. What do you mean? We tried. We've tried a lot. I'm not having him on. We offered him a third of the show and he still hasn't gotten back to us. What?

Don't we do. Well, we're paying him a third because the contract. One track, someone drew up was weird. You got to tell him that there's like a donkey with a sore shoulder here or whatever. So we've got a sore ass. And we were. We got a sore ass. We have a real sore ass over here.

So one of our asses is bloody. Oh, I don't know that he does that. That's a different kind of. Call a veterinary. Amazon is important to our day-to-day lives. And we're now offering medicine. Isn't that wild? Doesn't seem good.

It's called Dragon's Blood and it kills children. It blows him up from the inside like a dragon. Why not get everything you like now? We have about eight years left. All of us. Amazon. So after hitching him, he saw that he was restless and later the mule tried to break away from his work and get on the track before a train. This mule is like a guy.

Lazy fucking mule. He's like his roommate and he calls a mule or something. He's like, oh, he was like cat a sore shoulder. He was resting that day. I'm ox. This is mule. Did you hear the whole sentence? No. No, no, sorry.

It's not great. What? Four times before, oh, wait, later the mule tried to break away from his work and get on the track before a train. Oh, she, stop. Stop. Four times before noon, the mule tried to get in front of a passing train and finally went on hitched. Four times before noon? wait what?

Yeah, he keeps trying to run in front of the trains. What do you mean? He's trying to end it. Four times before noon. What are you talking about? Every time the train came. But like what happens in between the times? He's back to work.

He's going to, he's like, I can't do it anymore. And then he like, hey. Well, then someone was like, come on. Come on back. Come on. They stop him. Get back to work. And he was like, come on.

Get back to work. Don't do this. And then he comes back. And then they don't like tie him up. And then he's just like, I hate this. I say I didn't want to. Is Reggie on the tracks again?

I don't think they can tie him up because he's working. He's like hauling shit. So they need him to be working. This is why you put a steering wheel on him. By the way, this should have been a bellwether for capitalism not being good. This is crazy. I just feel like if you can tell that your mule has a sore shoulder,

like you should like it just seems like a disconnect. Do you know what I'm saying? Like where you're just like you don't, you don't see it running towards the track four times of four new. Massage him. I don't know. I would just like to put out there that this is not a social. This motherfucker needs Lexapro.

That's true. And also to not be doing backbreaking work on a railroad. It's true. I mean, yeah, it sounds like he has a hard life, but also his wranglers are like not. Like, what do you mean he's running at the track four times before noon? Two times you think the mule is trying to take its own life on train tracks? You're like, hey. Hey, I'm going to tie it up.

Let's give him some milk. Every time he ran. John will jack him off. We're going to make a whole day out of it. Every time he ran. We're going to treat this like it's the mule's last day. We're doing make a wish, but with a mule. Every time he yelled, fuck it.

He yelled, fuck it, fuck this. Fuck this. Every time. We also got to think about the conductor's side. Hey, we're also getting a mule on the tracks. What did the one you look? Did the one you like, I have a little bow tie on? God, that guy.

Jesus Christ. Am I crazier? Does his shoulder look a little tight? He looks a little restless. It looks a little restless. Okay. Okay. Finally went unhitched.

He started for the stable for dinner. He ran away and following the road to a crossing, waited for a train and stepped upon the track before it. It was almost cut in two. How did he keep getting saved and then keep like, And then they're like, all right, don't do it again. They don't like tie him up. They don't like put it.

No. They're just like, hey. And this is a cartoon version. He's like tipping on those little. Like looking around. And how does he go? The engineer declares the mule's last act was deliberate. All right.

So he's full of shit. This does sound like the mule was trying to kill himself. I feel like the mule is a guy. The train hits is just too dudes. Dude's like stand up, you got us. It's a mule stume. So the train did hit him? Yeah, he's dead.

This is a crazy article. Mules are maybe my favorite animal just for watching. Oh my God, mules are fucking awesome. I don't even have time to focus on what you're talking about, which is insane in its own right. No, it's not. Mule is my favorite animal? Watch. That is our final meal being rice.

No. The best thing ever is how happy mules get when they see a person. This is true. But the cows do. But mules are fucking the way there sounds. Mules are fucking. They're fucking awesome. Mules are fucking.

And they are fucking. They're awesome. Yeah. Yeah. They go crazy. They love toys. They're very, very friendly. The goats that like do like, do like, how do the, blah, blah, blah, blah,

voices or whatever. Now that's different. If you like a noise, I like to kill. That's where you go. I think what Carly's saying is true, Dave, is if you like a mule, I got, I got 10 other... Yeah, we got some other stuff to show you. We got some other stuff to show you. It's all that I'm coming into seeing, like, I've seen one animal.

Like, I get animals. I pick my favorite. You can't fucking take it away from me. All right. I just feel like a toky. How dare you? Okay. Listen.

What do you like a fucking badger? Don't talk to Carly like that. Thank you. By the way, if someone's favorite animal was a badger, you'd be like, Can we talk to you over here for a second? Step in this room. I read this crazy thing because, like, honey badgers are, like, crazy. Oh, the honey badger.

Tenacious. Tenacious. And they hold grudges forever. Yes. Grudges for years. There was just, like, one that, like, the zookeeper kept, like, getting him, like, captured. And he went to the zookeeper's, like, house. Like, he, like, figured out where the guy lived and, like, went to his house.

And we were just like, like, honey? Yeah. There's, um. Did you say you work with honey badgers? No, I mean, I work with tons of animals, one of them are honeybangers. The guy's like, like the, yeah. So, I think what's eating through the door? What?

And they would. They would eat through a door. You trank it. It doesn't even matter. When the honey badger, when the honey badger in that original video that fuck everyone, it was like a propaganda film for honeybangers. Yeah. When it decided to kill a cobra and the cobra just venomed it.

It was like, and then it just like napped for 30 minutes and got up. Got up. I was fucking go. T-1,000? They tried to, they tried to, this one. They tried to, like, make him, like, happy by, like, giving him a mate. So it was, like, a guy. And they were like, oh, here's another, here's a lady honey badger.

And he was like, thank God. And then he used her to, like, prop him up to, like, get out. Oh, I saw that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Awesome. For him to be like, oh, awesome. Thank you for bringing a mate. They're like, great.

And he's like, your name's. ladder. Don't move. I'm going to go kill Randall. Hey, were there two honey badgers in the cage and you guys left today? Yeah, we got him a mate. Because there's only one now. What the fuck?

Hey, the Jeep is missing. Oh, my God. He stole the Jeep, yeah, for sure. Okay, so this mule is just like a guy and he's suicidal by train. And then they keep, let him just like wander around and are like it's time for dinner and then they're like boy he's not

going to dinner like is there somebody that wrangles the mule no like is there somebody taking care of the mule i know someone who would love that job uh i would i would hang out with this mule all day long take care of uh yeah when they when he was unhitched he he just took off it said he going to the stable he ran he was supposed to get he had a direction well he didn't seem very stable to be honest He does not stable. But, yeah, no, he wanted to take himself out. It's really tough. Are they smart enough to know the train can kill him?

I think. Honestly, I would say no, except this is his fifth time at the tracks today. You know what I mean? Today. Like, today. Like, today. Three times before noon. Today.

Yeah. That's like, like a pattern. And to leave during dinner, that's, that's strange for an animal. He doesn't want to eat food. That's strange. Maybe because he just was like, it'll just get everywhere. Oh. When finally

It's like a conscientious Yeah Suicidal mule Yeah Yeah So it's tough It's tough Tough tough

Tough. That is rough. Shoulder felt better. Yeah Shoulder do feel better? Shoulder do you feel better? Wait, so he died He always did it

He almost got cut in too Or maybe he turned into two donkeys It's just like a worm. That's fun. Man, if donkeys were like worms or mules and you can cut them and you could cut them in half, people will be cutting donkeys in half all the time. This is a TED talk? If they were like worms and they grew and you cut them in half and then they grew,

they grew two donkeys. I'd be cut. I'd get four, I'd get four donkeys out of one. Would you love me if I was a worm? We have to do that. That whole thing. Yeah.

Well, I don't know. Like, I don't know. For sure. I get four don't know. I'm saying if they grew, if you just need a segment of a donkey to get a whole donkey. Okay. I'm turning one into four immediately. Okay.

So you think there's seeds? It's like a one. It's unacceptable logic. Not like horses where there's force powers. No. No, there's no powers. You mean horse power? Just joy.

Yeah. Okay. All right, well, Dave, we've learned a lot about you and most of it's upsetting. But go ahead. And then you eat one. See, that's the other thing. We were in Australia once, and we spent half a day hanging out with kangaroos. I wouldn't say it was half a day.

Okay, flag the fuck for three hours, whatever it was. We literally were like on a fucking kangaroo farm feeding them. Some of them were really lazy, bullshit. Okay. Oh, sorry. So. Now he's pro animal. There's one big, lazy white one later.

Anyway, so we hang out with him. The next day, we're sharing a place. The next day he comes back, he's eaten kangaroo at a restaurant, and he goes, kangaroo meat is really tender. Oh, come on. Yeah. Come on. You can't see it the next day.

I think I said tasty. I might have invented the toothpick, but I do feel like he came back like, yeah. Oh, God. It's probably tender because it's like the baby oil. Kind of like, you know, like the calves. Yeah. I hate that. You're talking about Rio.

I mean, I could see, like, after a week or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, you haven't seen one for a week. And then you're like, I would. Hang out with a thing and then I'm going to eat it. Yeah. That looks delicious. It was really fun as I hopped out of the restaurant for a little joke.

There you go. That was a little thing. Everybody enjoyed it. Maybe five meals. All right. Each shoulder in the head. Okay. Each shoulder.

Each shoulder. Each shoulder is a new wave you saying each shit. Each shoulder. Ladd drugged with whiskey. There we go. This is more about you. Hell yeah. Now we're back.

Lad, drugged with whiskey. Ladd drugged with whiskey. Ladd drugged with whiskey. The parents, the parents of 12-year-old Richard Tierney, who lives at 57 Wage Street. Parents are cool. It just says, it says, cool parents.

Very cool parents. also now we're putting children's addresses in the paper, which I do believe it was the first. You can steal them easier. Yeah. We're positive last night that someone had given their son poison when he was brought home by ambulance of the West Chicago Avenue police. Wait, they bring you home? Oh, yeah, used to. That's wild.

Yeah, yeah. Phenomenal takeaway. Go die. You could only go one way with those guys. You can go home and die on your kitchen table. Well, I do like the idea. I didn't think he's poison, but he's just like, mom would say he's just like, you're I was sick of your sandwiches.

He's been poison. Dad, shut your mouth and give him his fucking Virginia Slims. You all sack of shit. Whatever this poison is, I don't care for it. Now, shut up. It's new Boston Town.

That's probably why they drove him home, because they were just like, you're not poisoned. I'd like another poison in water. With a twist. The boy recovered later, however, and told a most peculiar tale, Richard with his brother Joseph, both nephews of ex-alderman Conway. There we go.

There we know. That's so, bitch. There it is. We're walking along West Chicago Avenue about 9 o'clock, and from an alley two men stepped out, dragged Richard into an alley, placed a bottle to his lips, and forced him to drink. Fake. Who buys?

What kid was like? This is so fake. That's so cool. That's amazing. This kid is, okay, this kid is first for first of all, genius. A great lie. Yeah, yeah. Why did I not come up with this?

A guy drug me into the alley and made me do Molly and I loved it. I was so upset with it. I was just like really mad. A roving gang of adult whiskey makers forced me to do it in that I had to have cigarettes. They shoved it in to me. Saying it's Molly, as you get older, like you're my age officer. A big gang of adults came up and they made me do snort white powders. Talking to your wife, she calls instead of the cops the news.

Yeah. Honey, you don't understand. A gang of women took me and made me have sex with your friends. You don't understand. These grown men, and plus this is right after the whiskey gang got. me. My whole guard was down. Uh,

uh, okay, so they dragged Richard in an alley, placed a bottle of his lips, and forced him a drink, and the lads were then allowed to go. Right. For sure. You know those gangs? You know those gangs that they'll drag you into,

into an alley, and they'll be like, have a good time. Get out of here. We're the Vegas five. Now, another drink. Boy, I don't know. I'm only 12. Holy fuck.

That is so... And the parents are like, you've been through enough. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. Who's the editor of this paper? You don't know what? Yeah. Gallo Jones.

Oh, my God. So they walked a few rods, and Richard began to stagger and finally fell to the grounding convulsions. And Joseph ran to the nearest drugstore and summoned assistance. He needs drugs! My friend is hammered without drugs. Here's some cocaine.

Quick. Does anyone know of a cocaine gang? A doctor responded to the call while the clerk sent an alarm to the police. The ambulance arrived and the suffering boy was taken home. For an hour the doctor worked over him and after the application of the stomach... You did just the stupid ass sign. with no friends. Yeah, that shit was your white coat, you dumb little mirror on your head.

I'm trying to bring your boy back from the brink. You don't know if you're a little dick doctor. No one of going to fuck this doctor. Son. Definitely not like a, what if he's like a happy drunk? You don't know. You don't know. He might be.

I just want to say, y'all be my best friends. You guys are my best friends. He has is so awesome. And I just think, I was just like, I remember. Whisker. We should sign a constitution between us all tonight. Lay down. Okay. Lay down. Richard, lay back down.

I love you, Mom. I just love you, Mom. Dead sugar. They caught a lot. The doctor had been so good. He got a hairy knuckle, but I like this guy. The application of the stomach pump was able to assure the parents of the lad that the ruffians had administered nothing but whiskey.

detectives were sent out to search for the men, but no one was apprehended. Well, no, they got away. Oh, man. They're probably really fast because of the whiskey. Yeah. They're probably off onto another town to lose money on booze. God. Just getting kids.

What an all downside grift, those men? I mean, I just like, how did they fall for that shit? It's just amazing. Honestly, I'm picturing rich parents. I think that's one. In all downside groups. Something's happened to our Richard. Unfortunately, I think it was this gang of whiskey boys.

They go from town to town and intoxicate our youngest and brightest. What did they look like, son? Oh, boy. I don't remember. The dream. Today's episode is brought to you by Quo. spelled QUO, the business phone system built so you never miss a call. It's changed both of our lives.

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Try Quo. Try Quo for free. Plus, get 20% off your first six months when you go to Quo.com slash doll. That's QUO.com slash dollar. Thank you. The dollup is brought to you. You buy. Quintz. Oh, baby. So you know those pieces of clothing that you have in your closet or your chest of drawers or whatever, the sweater, it goes with everything?

And the thing you're always, you just keep wearing it. You just keep putting it on and wearing it because it feels great. It looks great. The tea that you just go for first. That is quints. It's, Dave, this is what I call it. And they've asked me to stop and I'm not going to stop. I call them my signature piece. These are my pieces that when I go out, I go, hey, I got this.

A lot goes with this, but this is the headliner. This is your corduroy jacket. This is your jean jacket. This is some of these linen pants you won't shut up about it. These are the things that are the headliners. And Quince just the quality, the options, it can't be better. You cannot beat quince, period. Garrett, is there a quince piece that's become your go-to in your wardrobe?

and what surprised you most about the quality when you first tried it? Listen, I have this one kind of a woolish t-shirt that I thought, well, I can't pull this off. Well, guess what I can. Okay, it looks phenomenal. And I look like an absolute rocket in it. And these are pieces that I'm getting and I'm going, it's the quality you put it on, but people notice.

I'm not kidding. People go, what is that? Oh, people notice. I'm going to, I'm going to, Arizona this weekend and I'm going to I'm going quince it up. Don't go. Don't go. I'm going quince linen pants again. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go. All linen pants all the time. I love

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and the UK too. And when Quince asks you where you heard about them, let them know it was the It's the best way to support the show. Girls. Yeah. Girls terrified by a ghost. Here we go.

This is Troy, New York. About 50 girls employed in one of the big collar shops of this city have been made. A collar? Excuse me? I think it's a, but they make a call. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Right, right, right. Because like the, that was called collar daddy. I don't apologize. It's like a sexual thing. I can't imagine. Yeah, it could be a color. Darling, how do you like your collar? Can I get some spikes on the inside?

Well, why? I really like it. Yeah, yeah. Will you yank it? I don't understand why. Are you all right? I saw a ghost. Okay, so, yeah.

There's whiskey men making boys drunk and sexual ghosts, making us all a little bit hoarty and strange. They have been made hysterica with fear. several times lately by a ghost. A few weeks ago, the forewoman of the shop died. After her funeral, several of the girls spoke of her bossy ways.

Okay, I love this. Very feminist. I love, you know what I mean? A bitchy, four women. That's great. That's wonderful. Also love a eulogy that's really a gripe session. Yeah. They were like... Deborah was a bit of a bitch.

On and off the clock. A superstitious girl said, you talk about her, and she'll come back and haunt you. Uh-oh. See, you never want to... She said, she did it. You know what I mean?

That's like saying the thing for times. She set the seed. They beetlejuiced. You can't do that. They beetle juice them. So she, the four woman is showing up. As a ghost. Oh.

The greater, she's still giving... She's being rude. She's like, that's not done. Have you even done the inventory? Yeah, you ain't real anymore. You all forgot to. give her a receipt. What a boring goat. That sucks. Have we seen our quarterly numbers? Could you imagine your unfinished business was callers? Literal business.

Literal business. Why don't we change the mannequins over? Shut up. Oh. Oh my god. Troy was known as the caller city. What? Wow. The call. Yeah, the place where you get the collars. A collar shop historically was a manufacturing business, a workshop of retail store that specialized in making detachable shirt collars and cuffs. Boy, that is fucking awesome. That's crazy. It was like a city. Because you didn't have a lot of shirts back then.

Sure. And so your collar would get soiled first. So you pop that baby off and put on a new one. Man, what was the plan? Yeah, I mean, I like that. I do too. I do too. I also like more shirts.

Well, that's harder to come by. I agree. What are you going to have a shirt town? I kind of think. So that is like kind of in right now. What is? Like putting big collars on like a dress or something. And then having it be like fancier.

Like it's like a thing. So I think I'm going to start doing that with my t-shirt. I think that's cool. I think it's cool. It's just going to be like a lion's mane. Hello. Yeah. How are you?

How are you? How are you? doing. You okay? It's made of chest hair. Yeah, yeah. Dead. Satellite.

You're all good? Another reply, dead women or their ghosts don't look for work. Okay, so she's saying we're not going to be haunted because they don't look for work. So that one's dumb. Another girl. Another girl responded. She was like, she won't haunt me. She doesn't need work.

She's a ghost. So that one's dumb. Look. They're not listening. That's not like why she's going to haunt you. Yeah, right. She's not like, you got anything on Fridays? Like, that's not like what the thing is here.

I'd like to apply. No, she's haunting you because you're a shit talker. I'd like to work here. She's not going to have a job. I could do registers. I could clean up at night with some ghost friends. I can get the dust on the ceiling. none of you can read.

The corner, the corners ghost. Yeah. Okay, so 50 young women will swear to it. Just then, a shadow flitted across the room. The girls, looking up from their work, saw the late four women standing before them. Hello. Slowly the... Company meeting.

Slowly the... I heard rumors of a union. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think I've seen that lady. Hey, you all don't understand the downside. I think she worked at a Starbucks in Chicago.

You'll be more poor soon. Slowly the phantom walked across the room going for table. We're a right to work stay. And that's beautiful freedom that we don't even have in the nether world where I now live. Oh, beautiful Forespe One look. Anyway, continue on.

Okay, so she walked across the room going from table to table, inspecting the work, as was her want, when of life and on duty. Oh, my God. She came back to haunt, but she's still like,

no, yes, no. Just working, but you can't touch anything. You call that a collar, Gloria? No. Your stitching is we. the standards have dropped so she did she came back to that sucks the girls were fast bound to their places by fear until one of their numbers screamed before fainting they rushed into a panic from the room a ghost a ghost they yelled what's the

matter asked the superintendent rushing up the stairs miss blanks go sir they wailed we saw it the superintendent looked in the room and he saw no supernatural this is like this is like when you do sleepover, like, you know, when somebody has a good dad and, like, you do sleepovers and then the dad, like, shuts off all the, all the lights and everybody like, you know, like that. Let me, Dave, a good dad. Yeah. That, um, loved you and would kind of be there for you a little bit.

Yeah, not creepy at all. And, like, didn't bring a date to Thanksgiving when your mom was there. So, Carly's talking about a good dad. And I know that that seems strange, but I just want to let you know that sort of what that. Do you understand? How was your dad? My dad's good. My dad is really good.

What's it? Sorry. Oh my God. This is much harder. You're a lot of foolish women, he growled. You must have been chatting about ghosts until you lost your head. Stupid women. Don't you understand?

You talked about ghosts so much you saw one. That's how they work. You're foolish women. That's why 50 of you should never be. be allowed to be together without one of us. To be fair, I do think that he is right. That is what happened. Yeah.

I think he's right. I think he's right. I choose to believe. I choose to believe. Yeah. Oh, no, a man, now I'll go. So you all look like foolish women. And a few days matters had resumed to their accustomed way. The girls themselves began to think they might have been mistaken. This theory would have held good.

just invented the ghost. I think that that was weird. I think that we all were, like, sinking. I agree. I agree. I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, sometimes, like,

whatever, I get scared. Then you guys scared. It's like, whatever. Yeah, we all got terrified at the same time. Yeah. This theory would have held good had not the phantom made its appearance again. Ah. As before.

You bitches! You doubted me! It's a, it's a. She just comes in with nine collars on. Oh! as before it appeared without the slightest premonition and moved about the panic-stricken girls with old-time familiarity shrieking and weeping hysterically the girls fled again from the ghost why is she so upset is that like how she did work before death and she was just like walking around

She's really a terrible ghost. This sucks. She's just a bad manager and that's like her regular. There was a whiskey gang of ghosts. It was only when threatened with instant dismissal that they returned to work. That is so funny. The new four woman was the only one who had not seen the apparition. So they're totally fucking around.

The new four woman will not be able to. to see me. It is written in the book of displaying clothes. I like that they took off of work. They were like, you guys, I want to deal with a fucking new form. There's a ghost in it. I'm not going back

in there if there's a ghost. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You call my union man. Yeah. Her employers told her that the girls must not be allowed to talk about ghosts. All right. Yeah. No, no rules, no ghost talking.

No feelings, no ghosts. No dancing. No dancing. No sinking of cycles. Just make collars. You're disgusting women. You lias. As the girls...

No unions. As the girls went boldly, but all together into the shop the next morning, their leaders saw the four women swaying with faintness in making uncertain efforts to grasp the chair. She can't die. Her face was livid with terror and her eyes rolled fearfully. So the new four woman is seeing the fucking ghost. She's literally like, she's doing a, she's doing a cartoonish, like, head bobble.

Yeah. Four woman ghost jumped into four woman human. Finally, an eight woman. Go ahead. You don't know how to do math. It's like a five head, but an eight woman. Yeah, an eight woman. Yeah.

They're bigger. Yeah. You don't know how to math. Four and four is actually one. one. Think about it. One woman, one in a head. Her, so she's seeing the ghost, cried the girls, and they bravely rushed to the four women's assistants.

When revived, the latter said weekly, I saw it. And oh, girls, it was an awful sight. She sat at the desk and peered at me through the glass. It froze me and blighted me. Take me home. And they did so. Okay. Like this lady is not doing, like, a lot of scary.

She's just kind of like looking at buttons. and like, like, sit in her desk or whatever. She literally went back to work. Yeah, she's, like, just doing work. And she's not even like, she's not even like, you're a dumb little bitch. You know what I mean? She's not like doing any of the... What are we going to do for Denise's birthday?

She did something nice. Yeah, but look, I mean, she's a ghost, so it's scary. Like, it doesn't matter what a ghost is doing. I agree. Ghost, ghosts are ghosts. Like, it's a dead person being like, hey, I'm back. Yeah, but you just got to chill. Nobody wants that.

I want that. You do? Yeah. See, I have a theory. Oh, here we go. Casper was not a friendly ghost. You think he was semen? He was passive-aggressive.

A lot of people on Reddit think that Casper was just one big sperm. He was a shot load. He was a friendly sperm. Casper, the friendly cum. One giant sperm. One huge sperm. What was your life like? Well, I shot out of a dick, and then here I am.

And now I'm a cartoon. Now I'm a cartoon. Come. Who's the actress that played in the Casper movie? Oh, God, I remember the Casper movie. I remember it. Yeah, what was your name? I didn't even know there was one.

I want to say Christina Ricci. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Yeah. She was? Yeah. Oh, wow. hanging out with a bunch of cum

and then later in life she got sad. I don't know. I guess it's when my best friend was ghost cum. To induce the girls to remain at work, the firm employees employees men to go into the shop each morning and remain there to guard against the ghost. What is so funny.

Every problem is just put out with a pack of dudes. All right, let's get some ghost guys in there. Yeah, we're just going to throw a five men in. That'll stop. My name's Jim, and you're going to stay the fuck out of here, ghosts. It's just kidding. All right, look, no more ghosts. You understand afterlife?

You're done. You're done. Yeah, ghosts are classically afraid of fake things. Man's explaining. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a man. Oh, no, it's a man. Yeah, yeah. Oh, never mind.

All right. We're going to smoke cigarettes and loosen our belts and hang out. Wait, so, like, there was like a, like a, like, they had, like, an imperial guard of, like, of, like, regular guys. Just regular dudes, like, at the doors, like, watching the ladies. Inside, yeah, I think they're in the, no, they would go in the morning. What a great way to make everyone comfortable. Better with, like, a group of men are, like, looking at late. Like, you know what I'm saying?

That's like a terrible. Non-active male presence is. No. It is the idle hands of being a human. It's bad. Hey, you know, I was watching you for a while.

Oh, God. It got worse really quickly. It was thinking, you know, exponentially worse. Maybe you could be my wife and if you say,

no, I'll make it tough for you. Oh, my God. Yeah, because now I live here and I'm getting paid more than you. How fucking funny is that? You're working.

You're working, I'm getting paid more and just watch you. Yeah, yeah. You're a shout. Sal, you haven't been kidnapped? I think I deserve to marry two of you. And if you got a problem with it, I'm going to make your life bad. How about that?

Huh? They're like, where's the see-through foreman? We loved that. You fucked it up. You're going to want a ghost back. The matter is seriously to lay business. They sexually harassed the ghost woman. Then she leaves.

Look at you. Yeah. Yo, I kissed her without a permission. What? I went into her. I've got to kill myself so that I get. They're doing bragging. The matter is seriously delayed business,

and unless the ghost ceases its visits, the girls swear they will quit working entirely. Let me guess. The ghost stopped showing up as soon as far. That's all we know. It's over. Oh, yeah, she's gone. Yeah, that's all we got.

They didn't, okay, that's, the editor was probably like, what are you doing, like with the mule and then the goat? Like, we have to, you know, tighten up or whatever. Yeah. It's like not, yeah. We can't this. Yeah. Yeah.

This paper has been quite wild. Yeah. It was like, yeah, it's an embarrassment of riches. Yeah. All right. Last one. Okay. Wade went alive 440 pounds.

It's a lot for back then. Yeah. That's a lot. Wait. What was alive? What? A man or a person. A person was 440 pounds.

Yeah. Chicago. Anderson, Indiana. The funeral of Chicago, Chicago. The funeral of J.M. Powell occurred north of the city today. Powell was 50 years of age and weighed 440 pounds. Wow. It was just possible to use the largest hearse in the county.

Oh, God. Yeah, they can't. Well, we're talking. A double hearse. We're talking, I mean, what you're? Yeah, 440s massive. The largest hearse in the county is. There was a...

They laughed at him when he bought it. Yeah, yeah. They were like, who's going to need this. Oh, remember who had a giggle when I said we need something to bury whales? You say that. But I've been watching Powell. Yeah.

And trust me, they're going to need a big wagon. Pell's going to die real soon. So it took a small army of men as Paul Bearers. Oh, my God. I want to see the guy's struggle. Oh, just... 30 Paul Bearer. The grave was about...

They have extra handles. Yeah, the grave was a gravy. The grave was about twice as large as ordinary graves. And the undertakers had great trouble and preventing... We need an overtaker. This guy's fat. Just rusting. I know what I'm saying?

This is like everything was double because this guy was a big fat guy. Some people say... That's the whole article. He's not six feet under. We fully buried him. He's still six feet over. I'm just saying, this guy's big.

I asked him what he wanted on his tombstone. and he gave me toppings. He thought this thing was a freaking pizza. You know what I'm saying? I mean, this guy was fucking fat. You know what I'm talking about? This is a big fat guy, huh? I'll tell you what, I said he's going to the Netherworld.

They said, more like SeaWorld. Talk about a freaking whale. This guy was big. Holy shit, was he big? It was twice as large as ordinary graves, and the Undertakers had great trouble in preventing the casket from getting away from them when it was being lowered into the ground. Hey, the family asked.

The family said you want to, they said they wanted a closed coffin. I said, hey, that's not possible. This thing's open. This guy can't have a closed shirt, let alone a goddamn guest kid. What are you talking about? I mean, this guy was big. This was a big fat tub of shit. You know what I'm talking about?

They said, hey, put him in the earth. I said, put him in the earth. I'm going to put the earth inside of him. This guy's on orbit. He's a planet. This was a big boy. This was a big old boy. That was the editor.

Hey, why do we hire a stand-up comic of the funeral? I'll tell you what? Holy shit, this guy was big, huh? You know what I'm talking about? This is a big boy, eh? You know what I'm saying? He didn't have a belly button. He had a belly collar.

You know what I'm saying? That's a big, fat, fucking piece of shit. You know what I'm talking about? Chip, thanks. Thanks for you. You know what I'm saying? Thanks. It wasn't the eulogy.

It wasn't the eulogy. It was expected. But thanks. I don't know. I'm just saying. I'm just saying this guy was really big, okay? You know, we got it. We all know.

Yeah, this guy was big, you know what I mean? They said, after they said, what do you want to serve for food? I said, don't have food around this guy. You'll figure out a way to get out of the groin and eat at all. All right. We got to go home. I understand. Absolutely, we got to go home.

You look like it really struggling there. No, no, no. Shut the fuck up. I got to come. Hold on. You know, you don't need a closer. It's a eulogy. They said, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, no, they said, let me think of it.

It's just. Hold on, not. Just give me one boy. Just give me. Are you trying to think of stuff that's at a funeral? No, no, no, no. Just that's like, so, uh, when you leave, it's big. Maybe the lining of the coffin.

That's something that would be like a big when you leave. When you go, it would be like a, you got. A hearse. We did the hearse. Because, like, he's already in the ground. So, like, but we have to leave. The minister's saying. how big he is.

Yeah. So there would be like, like, oh, he's so big that we ought to get out of here. So like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. Okay, here it. Okay. So I talked to the funeral director and I asked if I could have sex with him. What?

Because I like chubby men. What are you talking? No, no. That is not where I was going. I was kind of, I was trying. That's my time. Okay. Thank you, everybody.

That was, uh, am I, do I get to sit at the couch? No, the widow was way more. set than before yeah that was bad the whole the whole fucking erred uh him things yeah that was that was that didn't go good yeah you had like like a two people helping yeah you were going great for a while you know what this feels like it feels like when rosan had her show and then she came back and got yeah remember that that was really bad that's what this was like really rough yeah because it was going it was going good for a while because it was like about like middle america and like being you know and then she was like oh now we're rich and it was like no you can't be rich and it was like no you can't be

That's like, and then also they're living in the same house and it's like, pull it together. Like, get a decorate. He's so fat. Taft called them big. Okay. I mean, it's the years are right. You're getting. Yeah, I don't think that they're getting worse.

All right. Thank you, everybody. Just throws this mic. Carly, thank you. Just throws his mic into the grid. Yeah, what are you doing? He jumps in the grave. What do you do it?

I buried myself. Carly. Yeah. I'm very myself Carly, thank you for joining us You're a fucking hoot Keep us all post Come back when your show's ready

And we'll promote the shit out of it for you Yeah, yeah It's gonna be It's gonna be weird Yeah That works What else is it? Great

Thank you, Dave Thank you so much Didn't like it Thank you Carly I didn't like you either Okay bye Bye