The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 205 - The Sydney Ducks (Live in Australia)

Episode Date: September 13, 2016

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Australian Wil Anderson to discuss the Sydney Ducks of the mid 1800's in San Francisco. Recorded live at the Enmore Theater in Sydney. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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I was trying to make a video for something else but you guys wouldn't shut the fuck up. Who's Gary? First I've heard of it. So we do a podcast called The Dollop. Now I've read about this podcast. Now what is the idea behind this thing? Well that's the interesting thing. Whatever your name is. See what happens is each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. And sometimes we have a guest join us when we do this in front of people. This kid, not enough people know about this kid. He's exciting. I'm saying watch this

guy. Watch him. If he ever decides to do a show at a festival, I think this might be the guy to see. You guys will like it. I forgot his name. Excuse me? I forgot his name. Adam Hills. Oh fuck, it's Will Anderson. Will Anderson. Oh that's not Adam Hills. Adam Hills doesn't even know that this is a thing. You know what I love about that though? You've endeared yourself to the Australian crowd by starting with casual racist. What was the racist? Well he was like all white guys who host shows on the ABC look exactly the same. April 22nd. 1822. Just for the record the Rolling

Stones played this venue and you guys just cheered a date. Well at some point people had a lower expectations. I would like to thank a gentleman who did research on this, Gareth Douse. Very nice. A lot of people helped me out. A lot of people helped me out for this Australian one. Because I wouldn't have been able to do it. Because it's hard. I've gotten so into heroin so it's made. Joseph Wendred. Joseph what? Wendred. Okay. No one in this whole fucking place knows what's happening. Did someone just say I do? Get out. I'm a history professor. Say it one more time. Joseph Wendred? Wendred. Wendred. Yeah like when you fear a

breeze. Wendred. You experience Wendred. Oh no Wendred. This isn't good for me. Oh god. Joseph Wendred was born in Windsor in a farming district of Colonial New South Wales along the Huxbury River. It's a hell of a river. It's a great river. It deserves applause that fucking river. Absolutely. Oh so many fish. He was the oldest of eight children. His father was an ex-convict. Well at 1835 that's pretty much everybody. So his father was Australian. Yeah. Let's copy that. Whatever. Fuck you. Whatever. Yeah sure we were convicts. Well whatever man. Yeah. Whatever. You know what? How about embracing it instead of

you know being all defensive. Well your body language suggests that you're defensive. For a nation. There it is. Oh that happens to all microphones. That happens to all microphones. This does not normally happen to them. It happens to everybody at some point. You know what it is? This is Australia where our microphones are the opposite way around. It's called whisky phone. Oh boy. No no no it's okay. I'll think of another podcast. It'll be fine. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie. His mother was freeborn. You guys actually use that as a fucking term. Freeborn. Wow. Great start. What does that mean? I mean she was not. She was she was born a free person.

Born free. She wasn't like born a convict. Because a lot of little babies here they came out and you're like 40 years. But I'm a baby. Got a jail. For what? What do you want? First of all that little fucking cute voice you do. We don't like it here in Oz. We're hard people. What are you in for? Existing. Get to the naughty hole. What? Baby sniper. Baby sniper? I feel like someone's helping but not helping. I feel like they're trying to help but it's like it's like you jumped overboard at the Titanic and they're like no the band's flying. Get off. Baby sniper. Yeah I know. I heard what she said. There's a you speak Australia. I don't think that's a thing. Talk to fosters. I've met a lot

of babies. I've never met one that was a sniper. I never been to Russia though. His father was a Tannerite. Mother freeborn. Joe was born with a lame foot. Just like wouldn't go out and hang or something. Just not cool. I'm just going to stay at home tonight. The other foot was like let's go party. Yeah I'm good. But that just made Joe more determined to be a success. He was a good swimmer, a good rower, and one of the best young horse riders in the district. Nice. He was actually a really good swimmer in events where they went and ran in a circle rather than. He could create like an underwater cyclone. Joe no. All right. Like huge. Shame about this guy. He's just. But he was old enough he got a

job working for his uncle putting shoes on horses. So things are looking up. Everything seemed to be going well but that all changed. I mean is that not mocking slightly for a guy who's a bit lame to be constantly kind of. He's got a bad foot. It doesn't mean he can't get a fucking good job. No but like his job is literally shooing other things that don't have bad feet. He's working it out. He's like this fucking horse can walk straight but I can't and I have to make shoes for a fucking horse that thinks it's better than fucking me. A free born and a free born. Joe is there any way to stop shouting it must be nice at the horses. Must be nice. Then over in the corner. It's the baby. I woke

out of prison. How did you get out by being cute. They never noticed the Wiggles poster on my wall. Underneath it I had a howl. Everything seemed to be going well but all that changed in the early hours of February 19th 1840. Three men in masks with guns. Rob, Joe's aunt in her home. Oh my God is this the story of Point Break. I love the obsession. Johnny Utah. That day Johnny Utah was arrested. That day Joe was arrested on suspicion of leaving the robbery. He was just 17 years old but Joe was not the leader. He was actually being framed by the real leader of the robbery ex convict Harry Nichols. Nichols is trying to get a deal by being an informer which would help him get off on another robbery charge.

So you guys had really good cops. Loyalty. Joe and the other two men involved in the robbery were tried in the Supreme Court in Sydney. Joe's defense raised serious doubts about him being involved in the crime. The defense also did a number on the main witness ex convict and snitch Harry Nichols whose testimony was pretty much the entire case against Joe. It didn't matter. The judge forced a quick decision with the jury and Joe was found guilty along with the other two actual robbers. Wait, are you allowed to force a jury to hurry up? Guys, lunchtime is money. There's deliberating and then there's just taking too long. Let's move. Wow. You know what? I have stew cooking at home. I'm making

a pot roast I must get to. We have a sporting game that goes for five days without a result sometimes. Feels like we're skipping on this jury time. That's the picnic where a game breaks out, right? I've read about that. Well, we've eaten enough. Fancy a game? This is the story of Cricket at Hanging Rock, right? See that? Yeah, that's a joke that you won't get. But Google, I know what Hanging Rock is. I've seen the movie. The girls went off and they fucking walked away and everyone's like, let's take a movie out of it. Why? The girls just walked away. It's actually not a movie. It's three girls walking away or fucking six or whatever it was. They fucking walked away. It's not a movie. It's a fucking,

it's a story about people walking off somewhere. David, David. They're like, I'm so with you at door and you're like, let's make a movie out of that. You're gone. They're not gone. They've got somewhere else. You don't know where they're. It's not a movie. Come on, bring it back down to earth, bud. Come on. Come on, baby. Come back to home. It happens more and more. Anyway, now, and then we end up with the hobbit. David. David. David. This guy's going to get help. That's it. He's done. It's like, hold his tongue. All right, so Joe goes to jail. He sentenced to 10 years in prison at the horrific Macquarie prison in Van Demon's land. In Van Demon's land? That ain't good. It's now called Tasmania. Upgrade. Absolutely.

And just as a little cherry on top, Nickel's testimony was so shitty that he wasn't given an immunity deal. He was convicted of the other robbery anyway. Everybody wins. He was such a shit witness that they're like, we weren't going to give you immunity. And yet they're still convicted. The other guy didn't do it. Australia. Mel Gibson made a movie about it called shitness. He's got a really shit witness. Yeah, yeah. I'm with you. Joe got 14 years in prison. He was a model prisoner. He'd labored as a rock breaker and in chain gangs and was then given an early pardon after four years. Oh, nice. All right. Well, that's the end of that. Oh, hobbit. When he came back to Windsor, he was much stronger and leaner

than when he had left. That's prison. Yeah. Classic fucking prison. When I went to prison, I came back fucking hard. All right. As you can see, I've been out of prison for a while. So he started boxing in 1844. It was quite good going unbeaten in his first 10 months. Here we go. Whenever boxing, boxing always leads to something interesting. It's gonna be fun. This is when fights could last for hours and go over a hundred rounds. What the hell? A hundred? A hundred? Yeah, that is. How long was around? And you thought cricket was a sport. We'll come back Tuesday. Yeah. What do you know throughout? Let's take a quick five minute break. As long as you could like get up, like if you got knocked down,

but you could crawl over to the middle of the ring and tap this thing, they'd be like, all right, you can keep going. Look, this is when men were men. So brain damage. So brain damage is the thing. Most boxers died after two, three months. What? A lot of people don't know this, but the Australian National Anthem back then was, I get knocked down, but I get up again. I take a whiskey drink. I take a larger drink. So as a boxer, Joe started to get some fame in the colony of New South Wales. He met a young woman named Mary Wallin and they fell in love. She was still married to her husband. Still. Just adorable still. What? But they were estranged. She had a young daughter, Isabel. Isabel then, a little hiccup

came in Joe's plan to become a famous boxer when New South Wales banned boxing. So that else, that, that's a thing that makes you, that makes you have to stop. And we never had boxing again. That was it. Comfortable throwing babies in jail, but. So now I love how weird that got in the room because half of the room kind of got your joke, but we're just like, yeah, that is a bit weird. And half of the room are like, oh, fuck, are we doing that as well now? I know we have to go home at one, but what else do we have to do now? A couple of babies in jail. He got a job as a tanner. Sure. Well, a lot of people make that transition from boxing to tanning. That's why they banned solarium. Yeah, that is true.

It's true, Dave. I know you look skeptical, but that is, it hit me with those baby blues and don't. I'm not noticing. Being a tanner was one of the most horrendous jobs one could have. Hunters would give tanners, animal skins, which were still bloody with chunks of meat and fat attached. The skins would be soaked in water to remove all that good stuff. But that created a pool of rotting meat. After that, the hair had to be removed either by soaking the skin in urine or letting it hang to rot and then cutting it off with a knife. Oh, I get it. This is the origin story of Harry's Cafe to Wheels. Pie face. I like the idea. I always liked the idea when urine solves something because you have to go back to the

first guy who was like, have we pissed on it? I always find pissing on it helps. Knock that out and then we'll figure out the next plan. It's always the same guy too. Maybe try pissing on that. Yeah, Andy, we've tried pissing on it. We're all set. Don't come over here and piss. No, we're, no, we're talking. Can I ask you a question? No, do not piss on anything. We are all set. I just want to ask you a question. What if the question is, have we pissed on it? The answer is no, and then follow-up answer, we're not going to. That's not the question. Have you peed on that? Literally just, yeah. Yeah, we have. Get out of here. Because I got a bladder full. No, we know. Like if I had fixed that animal skin right fucking now.

Right now. Is it chunks of fat on there? Yeah, yeah. All right, then let's let it rip. Let's let it rip. This is the only job I have. I understand that. I'm the champion of God. You've got a job. You've just pissed on everything. They made a plaque that you pissed on. That's my job. No, it's not. Let it piss on it. Fuck. Oh my God. I had the best job ever. Have you tried pissing on her? You know, a lot of marital problems are solved when you pee on her. It 's just an elixir. Then they would, then the skins would be soaked in a mixture of feces and water. So, hold on. Now, remember when peeing on it was crazy? Have you guys heard Andy's new plan? Oh, he's done pissing. Hey, what's up? Andy, no. Andy. Fuck Andy. I'm

Doug. I'm the shit on a guy. What do you got? Listen, your brother came over here earlier. He pissed on everything. The last thing, if anything, we could switch the order and I'd be more okay with it. Uh-oh. What's my ass on now? Your brother's neck. Oh no, I'm shitin' on your horse. That'll fix it. Shouldn't have made me that plaque. Okay, so anyway, long story short, they're shitting and pissing on pellets. And then they would take it out and they would knead it with their hands to soften the skin and that would take hours. Then it was stretched, dried, and sold. Oddly, Joe wanted to do something else. Let's barf on it. Let's try to fuck it. Hello. Hello, how are you? I fuck everything. Well, I gotta

warn you, it's covered in... It's just, it's covered in a lot of... Do you know Doug and Andy? I usually come in after them. Disgusting. Horrible phrasing. But I am French, so it's all good. Well, guys, we had a big day, we pissed shit, come on it, and the fat's still on there, so I think we've been swindled. The fat makes it special. I noticed you went towards that the most. Hello, fat. In the territory of California, gold was discovered in 1848. There was a rush of about 100,000 people into the state, all looking to strike it rich. In 1847, San Francisco had been 79 buildings. There were just under 500 people living there. Over the next two years, 30,000 people had come into the city. Gotta build

a wall. Build the wall. Keep those gold diggers out. California's U.S. territory would not become a state until late 1850. For now, it was still run under Mexican laws and institutions. Military ran civil affairs, but not that well. There are only 58 police officers to control 30,000 people, basically. Did you say 85 cops with 30,000 people? Yeah, I mean, that's adorable. Numbers are on your side. Yeah, but also, no, later, bitch. Hey, wait, hey, you stop! Hey, no! Hey! I'm just gonna arrest the baby. Goo. In the back of the cop car. Get in the baby's... Not that one, he's a sniper. One person clackin' her. One person clackin' her in the front. Like a day-vancery. Such a stupid committee, and you can do a

callback to a joke, he doesn't understand. So basically chaos was really San Francisco. The corruption let people just pay their way out of jail. Like if you want to get out, you can just give you money, and they'll be like, yeah, that's it, yeah. Absolutely! News of the gold discovery in California reached Australia in December 1848, and immediately ships began heading there. By May 1850, 11,000 people would travel from Sydney and Hobart. Didn't know this, did you? Huh? Hey, did they go from Sydney to Hobart? Nope. Nobody does that. Local. They do every fucking January, motherfucker. Yeah, um...

This podcast shouldn't go from Sydney to Adelaide, though. It should not. I love Sydney, go all to Adelaide. Like, they're an adorable try to be Sydney. Like, we're Sydney, we're like, oh, look at you, Adelaide. Look at you! They went to you, too! Hey! And then they say your coffee is shit. Um, no, so tell me where they went. They went from Sydney and Hobart. So they left Sydney and Hobart, and they went to California. For whatever reason, those two places... You know what? Just split your ear. Do half here, half in America. That's why I'm here.

It's like pilot season. You don't take half a year to get there. That's a tough ride. That's the only floor in this land. It's a tough ride. Half a year. Yep. Well, I'm making stuff up. Now, Mexican laws forbade anyone with a criminal history to enter California. Sorry, Australia. But that didn't seem to stop the Australians who just went anyway.

Fuck it, ours we did. Joe's wife, Mary, was friends with a man named Tom Burdew, who was a voluntary immigrant from England. So he actually came here. He was like, yeah, I'll go hang out with the criminals. Sure. Oh, to Australia. He came here. Oh, right. Now, Tom went to San Francisco in early 1850 and left behind his pregnant wife, Ellen, and their three children. That'll be fine, though. Everything will be fine there.

The plan was that she would have the baby and then follow them, because there's nothing better than getting a baby on an old, gross ship. But also, nothing better than being a father of three when your wife's pregnant for the fourth time and going, I'm going to the shops to get some smokes and get on a boat. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm in California. Whoops. How are other kids? Then on April 5th, 1850, Joe and Mary sold everything they had, left their daughter, Isabelle, and set sail for San Francisco. How old's Isabelle?

She's pretty young. She's a little girl. She's like three or four. But they couldn't take her with them, because she was in prison. She'd be taking very good care. She's serving a stretch. She's doing her time. So Joe was now 28, and Mary, who had changed her name, even though she was still married to someone else, arrived on July 4th, 1850. The couple found a chaotic city made up of wood buildings, tents, a few surviving mud brick adobes, and miners just sleeping in hammocks out in the open.

Cool. So as advertised, awesome. Yeah, it's a camping. Perfect. But with 30,000 people. Right. The city was divided into ethnic areas. Enough? The Chinese lived on Broadway. Below Broadway, the waterfront neighborhood was known as Sydney Town.

Yeah, yeah. Be proud. There's no way this will go terribly for us. You know what I'm realizing is there's not a Sydney town anymore, so I'm wondering why. Yeah, well, it was weird that us people who live in Sydney haven't heard of this proud moment. Sydney Town. It would later be called the Barbary Coast, which is basically one of the worst places ever. Joe and Mary blew through San Francisco and went straight to the gold fields where they met up with Tom Burdell. Now, Americans who came to look for gold were called 49ers, and it was considered an honor to have made the long, difficult journey.

Australian immigrants, on the other hand, were either convicts who had bribed a boat captain to smuggle them to America or freed ex-convicts looking to get away from the stigma of their criminal past. The Australians in San Francisco became nicknamed Sydney Ducks. This was because of their light summer clothes were made from duck cotton or duck cloth, a type of canvas. I thought it was just auto-correct. So you guys all wore the same... I hope you guys enjoyed the show. Auto-correct has been the history of this country, but we dig up so much coal because we actually wanted anal. That explains all the puppies.

If you don't like that joke, go home and type in coal, and you'll notice it's also anal on order. That's not really fucking good. Anyway, whatever, fuck you all. That makes sense when you said you wanted to mine coal with me. That now adds up. One of the better tags in comedy is fuck you all. I guess the timer's off. So, many of the Australians who came to California were immediately recognizable because of their shaved heads from recent time in jail, as well as their bowed legs and swinging gait which came from wearing leg irons.

Swinging gait? What did you say? Yeah, gait. They're swinging gait. Yeah, the way they walked. Do you know what a gait is? They gait. G-A-I-T. What is it?

Yeah, I know what a gait is. Yeah, gait door open. You know what a gait is, right? No. Your gait is the way that you walk. I roll a gait. Did you know in Australia gait people can't even get married? It's embarrassing. Fix it. And the ducks, after getting to the gold fields and realizing that mining was very hard, would then move to San Francisco and pick up their old criminal ways.

Plus, there was a tax of $20 a month for non-US miners which was actually aimed at the Chinese but ended up pushing Australians off their gold mines. You know what? Sorry. We were just going up to the Chinese. Our bad. Yeah, caught up in that. City town was full of taverns, dance halls, and lodging houses. Drinking, gambling, prostitution, and live sex shows were happening at places like the Magpie, the Bobby Burns, the Tamo Shanter, the Noggin' of Ale, the Hilo Johnny, the Burton Hand, the Bay of Biscay, and the Jolly Waterman.

A lot of people don't know this, but they will all adjust in him as venues. This is all local material. Local. I'll actually be at the Tamo Shanter in October. Men outnumbered women 20 to 1. So, as far as being a woman goes, not great. Every day is like an episode of The Bachelor. But you don't want to be on.

Can I get a rose? I don't have roses. I'm going to take what I want. I'm dating this woman, but I think she's the gold digger. No, literally, she's the gold digger. Did you say, like, The Bachelor, but that you don't want to be on? Isn't that The Bachelor? I mean, I feel like they know what's going on. They don't just walk into a house like, I get all this? Who are those guys? Oh, they're all trying to fuck you. Yeah. Also, I would love to see your episode, like, your series of The Bachelor,

where, like, all the girls are ready for the cocktail party, and you just fall asleep at home after smoking pot on your couch. I don't know where Gareth is. It was supposed to be my night for the solo date. I'm worried. I don't know what's going on with him. He's just barricaded in there. I've never seen The Bachelor. Brain. I keep it right in there.

You rarely saw anyone over the age of 30, and a 40 or 50-year-old was, like, seeing a four-leaf clover, except without the luck part. It was very rare. Be great if that's what they thought the suspicion was, though. Like, if they found a 50-year-old person, you kept him for luck. I'm going to press you on one of my books. Excuse me? Yeah, get in my book! You're good luck for me.

I'm a man. Get in the book. You're 60. I'm going to attach my cockies to you. Can I rub you? Feel lucky. Yes. I'm answering your question. Yes, you can rub me. I think... Okay, so we... It's very lucky.

Nobody's asking to rub you, so I just want to make sure that you understand. Very lucky. I've fallen for that twice in one day. It ended up being a horribly unlucky day. Well, odds are then, right? You're right. Third time's a charm. All right, Dave. To San Francisco, Harold reported about Sydney Town, the upper part of Pacific Street, after dark, is crowded by thieves, gamblers,

low women, drunken sailors, and similar characters who resort to the grogheries that line the street, and there spend the night in the most hideous orgies. I don't think you guys know what hideous means. You can tell where it is because there's a giant Coca-Cola sign right over there. Local? This is all local. Local? Pie face.

Pie face. 7-11? Hey, that's the greatest thing we ever gave you. Unsuspecting sailors and miners are entrapped by the thieves and swindlers that are always on the lookout into these dens where they are filled with liquor, drug if necessary, until insensibility coming upon them, they fall an easy victim to their tempters. When the habitues of this quarter have any reason to believe a man has money,

they will follow him for days and employ every device to get him into their clutches. These dance grogheries are outrageous nuisances and nurseries of crime. So Sydney Town is not great. Why was it named after Sydney? By the way, when you read that, if I saw that in a pamphlet, I'd be like, Well, check it out. I mean, it sounds... I don't hate what I'm hearing.

Come to heatnizim too, right? Yeah, I mean, leave your money at home. Leave your money at the body, right? Yeah, exactly. Leave arms to the pamphlet. We're going to Sydney Town. It's an adventure. We can have an adventure. I basically just described Tijuana.

Local for me. Local for me. Mock wants to get to Hollywood. Get ceramic dogs there. Do you ever get a Tijuana? I bought four ceramic dogs that I'd be hilarious to bring back to my friends. But when you leave, you gotta go through an x-ray machine if you're walking, and that just breaks the ceramic dogs.

So I brought my friends back, bags of broken ceramic things. Hey, did Dave just turn into Hunter S. Thompson? What the fuck just happened? Did he just start mumbling incoherently about fucking quailudes and dogs and fucking Mexico and shit? What the fuck is happening now? What happened was somebody got into a very deep, detailed story about a time when four dogs were killed.

I bet if you kept cutting it, it would be cocaine. Did I forget that part of the story? You're too high up to yell stuff. Who is it? You're in a balcony. You're in a balcony. See my head? At a wonderful establishment called the Boar's Head, the big attraction was a sex show that involved a woman and a boar.

I just have a boring guy. Wait, I need both of us here. Did they go on to be the Prime Minister of England? How does one fuck a boar? How do you know it was fucking that boar as a snout? It could have been looking for truffles or whatever boars do. Why is it all about fucking with you? I can't be about pleasing the woman.

Maybe boars love to eat pussy. Did you ever think about that? It sounds like a boar house. I'll get you, motherfucker. For 20 minutes during the show, we lost Gareth to a moth. Third time it's happened, so we're used to it. I like to think that that is an actual moth that is a big fan of podcast and heard. There's a really popular NPR podcast called The Moth,

and it's like, I can get in this fucking business. They don't even know about history. Or he's up there doing a mollipk with another moth. I'll tell you a story about the time that one of us went to the light. I went to the light? That's a heckler in the balcony. The fierce grizzly, that's the name of the place. The fierce grizzly had a...

The fierce grizzly? Yep. This is where you will fuck a boar. At the fierce grizzly? No, it's a different place. That was the boar's head where you fucked the boar. At the fierce grizzly, you jerk off bears. You like that?

You guys all saw that poem, I was grizzly Adam Hills? Oh my god, how has that never been? That's a perfect one-man show name. The fierce grizzly had a female bear chained next to the door. Holy shit, that is quite... Fucking awesome. Yeah, I don't know about that. No, but that's great.

ID, please. Oh god, don't worry, she's in heat. You know what happens there? Every single time, like, hey, you want to go to this bar, it's really cool. And then everybody fucking waits, and then you walk in, and you don't know. And everyone else is like, when the bear does it, you fucking jump. It's the greatest thing ever. Everyone just sits in the back of the bar and watches people who don't know walk through.

What the fuck, is that a bear? Look at the name, dickhead. Yes, it's a bear. Let's go over to the board. In the goat and compass, you can find Dirty Tom McClare. And you know what? In the goat and compass. The goat and compass.

Yes. So apparently you're going to fuck the goat, you need directions. Is that... Or... Where's the clitoris goat? Hang on, guys, I'm using... I'm using goadal maps, but... Should I...?

For a few cents, Tom would eat anything or drink anything offered to him. What? Anything. For a few cents. Yeah. Alright. He was arrested in 1852 for, quote, making a beast of himself. Feels like it might have been more making a beast in himself.

Oh fuck. Sure. Is this the origin story of the protein shake? You know, Red Bull was actually one bull. It was originally one bull. He was an angry bull. Gave you wings, he did. Dirty Tom told people he had been drunk for seven years.

Dirty Tom, it's such a great name. Oh, it's fucking fantastic. Tom, never heard it. Dirty Tom, it's a big fan. Let's not shake hands. I mean, you can, but obviously there's a dirty thing. Hey, eat this cork. There's a penny.

Alright. That was a bad year. Dirty Tom told people he had been drunk for seven years and had not bathed since he was in England 15 years ago. Oh my god! But also, there's a fucking floor in that because who's bathing in England? The people at bath. That's true. We've invented something.

There were all levels of thieves from the Australian who stole Six Minors breakfast from a boarding house. I love that guy. I love that guy. To the outlaws who robbed the Monterey Customs House of $11,000, if this would turn, $14,000, sorry. And it was said any normal person who went into city town was beaten and robbed. Just for the record, I reckon the guys who stole $14,000, a piece of stuff to be mentioned in the same sentence, is the guy who stole Six Breakfast. Yeah, but who...

Hey guys, we both had big capers. You guys made off with 4TGs? I had nine eggs one day. It is like we're both... Yeah, but who's more impressive? The guy running on the street with a bag or the guy who's got like a tray? Coming through, coming through. And then ate all of them.

Ah! Ah, I really love breakfast. I really will lay it on the line for breakfast. I was so hungry I would fuck a bore. I was just... There were many Sydney Ducks who saw America as the perfect place to continue their criminal activities. But that was actually happening in every part of San Francisco. Australians were just judged to do their criminal past and blamed for the immigrant crime wave.

Well, we'll do that again. The prejudice against them was shocking. Edward Buffam, a reporter from the Alta California Road, quote, all the immigrants from Australia were classified under the general title of Sydney Ducks, and we regarded them with great suspicion. The prejudice against all persons who had come from Australia was very strong. Some were very bad men who had undoubtedly arrived from there. One San Francisco Weekly wrote,

they have mildewed the name of everything Australian. Hang on, what would that mean? They have mildewed the name of everything Australian. They have... we've mildewed something? Mildewed. They burbed mildew for you guys. And that feels like... You're mildewing.

I feel like that was a burden that meant more back then than it does that. You are mildewing, sir. You stand between my tiles. You are mildewing. And you're French Jitjevitas. Good day to you. The biggest concern of San Francisco citizens were the fires. There were six fires between 1849 and 1852.

Fires. And nearly every fire leveled the city. On 4th of May and the 14th of June, 1850, fires destroyed 300 buildings. There usually wasn't enough water to put out the flames, so firefighters would use gunpowder and dynamite to blow up buildings in order to create fire breaks. That's how you do it.

Hey guys, what about Bob's House? What about Bob's House? It's a good one. It's right down there. Oh, we have these fireworks and these petrol-dosed bales of hay. Alright, let me pour out all the water and then we'll get to the fire and use your normal options that you have laid out. Have we tried pissing and shitting on the fires? Because a buddy of mine would be great.

I love that the Aussies are burning the fucking place down every six years because we've clearly got insurance and value to hate small than what it's fucking worth. And then we're like, let's backburn this motherfucker. Of course, the Sydney Ducks were accused of lighting the fires on days when the wind was blowing downwind of Sydney Town in order to loot burning buildings. After one big fire... Looting a burning building. Let's strike while the iron's on fire.

Boom. After one big fire, 70 looters were arrested of which 48 were Sydney Ducks. Yeah, fucking Aussies overachieving on the world stage yet again. One of the more famous Sydney Ducks at the time was James Stewart, an ex-convict known as English Jim. He had been sent to Sydney when he was 16 for forgery. After serving a 12-year sentence, he went to South America in 1846 and then came to San Francisco for the gold.

But he ran out of money fast and turned to stealing in towns near the gold fields. Shit, they've just cracked the case. Just got new information on the case. This American guy started talking about it and it all fucking fell together. He lit those fucking fires. English Jim was first arrested for stealing a chest of clothes. Well, that's fine. I think there's an app for that now.

English Jim ran on bail and continued his criminal ways. He took part in robberies of boats and stores of lumber yards and then he was caught again. While he was serving time for a robbery in jail, he was arrested for the murder of a sheriff in Marysville. He had not actually committed the murder. It was actually done by two brothers named Stuart, S-T-E-W-A-R-T. Well, English Jim's last name was Stuart, S-T-U-A-R-T. Anyway, English Jim was identified as witnesses by the guy who killed him, even though he didn't.

But English Jim escaped prison again. It was easy. He just paid the guards to give him the keys. He was now one of the most wanted men in California and he paired up with Sidney Duck, Sam Whitaker. Whitaker was a very well-dressed ex-convict who came to San Francisco in 1849 after serving 16 years. English Jim and Sam went on an idiotic criminal run. They stole a safe that they couldn't carry because it was too heavy. They aren't smiting us on this one. I'm not going to lie to you. Did they mean to steal what was in the safe?

Or did they just like, this is a fucking good sign. We're going to put our valuables in this when we're done. Shit, this shit's heavy. You know what? Actually, once we steal shit, we're going to somewhere really safe to keep that shit. This is what if people steal our fucking shit. You know what we got to do? Get all the gold out of it, throw that on the ground, then we can store our valuable shit in there. Teamwork, baby. While they were stealing another safe from a wharf, they're looking at another safe. Hey, you want to not learn to lesson again there?

I'm thinking we go again. While stealing a different safe from a wharf, their lookout gave a false alarm and they jumped in the water and swam off. So where? We should probably stick to this land, actually, now that we're here. The safe sank, by the way. It's not going to make it. In the evening of February 19th, 1851, English gym and Sam and a third duck went into a dry good store. Actually, Sam was the lookout. At some point, Stewart knocked the owner unconscious with a ball and chain. What knocked him out, though?

What are you just walking around the dry good store holding a ball and chain? Like, can I help you with something? No, I'm just browsing. No, the way he think was, he was actually a misogynist and he hit him with his wife. Sorry, baby. Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ah! Sorry, man. It's a ball and chain. Women, right? She wants to come to everything.

The crew stole $1,568 in gold coins. They paid off two local cops and then split up the money. Two days later, Joe Wendredt, remember Joe? Yeah. And Tom Perdue visited friends in San Francisco and were boarding a steamer back to the gold fields when the police arrested Tom. They thought he was English gym. Oh.

Sounds like they were very good at detective work. It was 58 of them. They were like, I don't know that one. All right, you did it. What? Joe was then arrested because they assumed he was the second duck at the robbery of the dry good store. This was the second time Joe Wendredt was accused of a crime he did not commit. And even more exciting, this was the anniversary, 10 days to the day exactly of his being wrongly arrested and popping his aunt.

So on the 10-year anniversary of him being wrongly arrested the first time, he gets wrongly arrested the second time. On the anniversary, 10 years on. Yeah, didn't even get a cake. That's the silver one, right? That's a silver one. Well, it's the ball and chain one. They were taken to the cells under City Hall.

The next morning, Joe and Tom were taken to the dry good store owner's apartment. The owner was there recovering from his head wounds. You know, that really hurt. Of course, the ID Tom is the attacker. Because he had a massive head wound. He was like, that thing, they're like, that's a plant. He's like, hey, the plant, it moves. Joe and Tom were then taken for questioning in Portsmouth Square where the magistrate lived.

There, men were brought into ID Tom as English Jim, which they did. Six different men, including John Sullivan, a man who had worked with English Jim for six months in the gold fields. Tom was adamant that he was innocent, mostly because he was innocent. Doesn't normally matter. But no one would listen. He matched English Jim in weight, height, eye color, and hair. Sadly for Tom Bourdoux, he really did look very similar to English Jim.

To make matters worse, he was known that English Jim had a tattoo around, quote, a stiff middle finger. Is this the origin story of the finger? Yeah, oh man, I wish it was. He invented fuck you with your hand. He also had an English accent. Tom also had a tattoo on one middle finger, but that finger was amputated at the first joint. Well, he must have regretted it and wanted it removed.

Meaning they probably thought, well, he was like, well, I don't want a stiff finger, so I've got cut off, right? Because then you walk around like this all the time. How are you guys doing? I really chewed down after you said at the first joint. That's fine. We normally do it. This one.

Once you've had one, you might as well have another one. I mean, you can't drive now, you might as well. Got a Sydney town. Anyway, what have I got to do with the rest of the night? I've just got to get an Uber home and do a podcast. It was very specific suddenly, too, this evening. So the next day, the newspapers reported that two Sydney ducks were arrested for the violent robbery. Although the newspaper said the shopkeeper died and now people were furious.

They began to gather in the plaza. A mob soon formed and swelled the 6,000 men who were demanding a stop to the crime that had been ruining the city. The men in the plaza were a combo of frustrated gold miners who had no jobs and other miners who found gold and were having a blast. Wait, so they're all there together? Who? The successful gold diggers and the non-successful?

Yeah, the guys who were mad are there with the guys who were partying because they made a bunch of money. And they're all like, let's go hang these guys. Oh, that's cool. The 99% is with the 1% finally. That's what we're talking about. Yeah! Woo!

Who's buying? The men were 100% commenced. The two Sydney ducks and Joe were guilty of killing the man who wasn't dead. My gut is that they did do it. I watch a lot of these prime shows. He doesn't need to be dead for a murder to have happened to him. I've always said that. Police were concerned the mob would attack so they snuck Tom and Joe out the back

and took them by closed carriage through the back streets to City Hall a block away. They were the back street boys. They were the back street boys. That's what this story is, the origin of the back street boys. It didn't matter. They were spotted going in and the crowd surged over to City Hall. Mayor Geary sent someone out onto a balcony to tell the crowd to disperse. It's Mayor Geary.

Mayor Geary. Mayor Geary. Mayor Geary. Mayor Geary. And I believe it's actually Mayorith. Mayorith Geary. Mayorith Geary. So he sent someone out to tell them that the two men would be dealt with

but the mob didn't care because they thought all politicians were corrupt. Next. Look how their agenda is just like expanding. We just hate everything. Fuck all you. Next, Samuel Brennan came out on the balcony. He was 29 and had been the leader of a large Mormon group that came to San Francisco after John Smith died. Listen to our normal ideas.

We call for calm. And wearing magic pajamas. One day this will be a hilarious musical. Brennan was the man. We're digging for golden plates. That's it. Go ahead. Brennan was the man who set off the gold rush. When gold was first discovered Brennan found out about it and went to Sutter's Mill where it was first found.

Then he as a representative of the Mormon church took tits from the Mormons who were mining. He used that money to open a store at Sutter's Fort. He now owned the only store between San Francisco and the gold mine so he bought all the picks, shovels, and pans around. Then he ran through the streets of San Francisco screaming, Gold! Gold! As he held the break first piece of gold at his hand. Which he didn't mind, which he just bought from other people. And then everyone went up to try and get gold that he sold pans he bought for 20 cents for 15 bucks each.

This is or is not a relative of Donald Trump. In nine weeks he made $36,000. Geez, how much? Nine weeks he made $36,000. He opened more stores. He became the first millionaire in California and started buying land. Then he was accused of taking church money to use in his business ventures. A Mormon envoy came out from Utah to investigate and Brennan said, You go back and tell Brennan Young that I'll give up the Lord's money when he sends a receipt signed by the Lord.

Hey, God. God, this is so awkward. Not a lot of people do the mic throw. I wanted to protect the actual mic. I have respect for the mic throw. A mic stand prop. Fuck man, really? But God's really cool about signing receipts. I've met him a couple times. It shows. So I just get on the same man. You can claim this.

So then he was kicked out of the Mormon church, you can believe. For what? In 1850, Brennan bought up land around Sacramento. Well, it's very great. We're all very proud of him. Essentially just people saw what it would have looked like if James Brown lived to 90. The stiffest man in show business. It's like that guy, they just found an interview that's 150. Except you didn't say, I want to die.

That's what they found the oldest man in the world. He's 150 and they were like, What do you have to say? He's like, please kill me. Let me die. It's like, and there's a witch. She won't let me perish. If you think about it, if you get to 150, it's so hard to commit suicide. Like, I can't lift anything. I'll stab myself to a magnet. I have a one. What was I doing? Cutting something? What the fuck? I want to die. I should drive myself. I go towards the bathroom. I got to fill the... Super-agist.

He gets rich selling all that. He bought up Lander at Sacramento and he did it so quickly that made the prices shoot up and the people who came furious, the anger built until it resulted in what was known as the squatters riot. The squatters spokesman. You don't hear that very often. The squatters spokesman. He couldn't reach the microphone though. It was the most adorable riot of all time. Any way to get it. Alright, as the leader of the squatters, our hips hurt.

I didn't think you'd stoop that low. So he was shot and a lot of people thought he was shot by Brennan. Brennan, that movie at San Francisco, bought many, many buildings. Started building buildings. He started a ship trade with China, Hawaii. He bought tons of land in Hawaii. On this day, in 1851, he was a member of the town council, well-known, and out on the balcony talking to the mob. The crowd respected him. He got their attention. Quote, I am very much surprised here. People talk about grand juries or quarters and mayors.

I'm tired of such talk. These men are murderers, I say, as well as thieves. I know it and I will die or see them hang by the neck. The crowd went wild. As opposed to any farce in this business, we had that 18 months ago when we allowed ourselves to be the tools of those judges who sent his convicts to be sent to the United States. We are the mayor and the recorder, the hangman and the law, crowd went ape shit. The laws in the courts have never yet hung a man in California and every morning we are reading fresh accounts of murders and robberies. I want no technicality. Such things are devised to shield the guilty. I was now with due to a murderous rage. They attacked the building, smashing through the courthouse doors and pushed into the courtroom.

There, Joe and Tom sat handcuffed in the prisoner's box. The mob grabbed the two Sydney ducks and began dragging them outside. Luckily for Joe and Tom, San Francisco's 20-man part-time militia just happened to be in the next room drilling. I mean, what a lucky coincidence. Wait, they were running drills? They were saying, guys, inside. You know what, guys, let's take to the real world. Let's move outside. No, we got to get this down.

The one guy's like, let's have a mums on Sunday. No, we're doing it at the fucking courthouse. So the militia charged the mob with their bayonets and drove them out of the building. Joe and Tom were put back in their cells and then Mayor Geary called for 30 more militiamen and had them line up in front of the jail. The crowd swelled in size. The crowd was now 10,000 people. Meanwhile, that's a lot. So there's 10,000 people in like, how many, 45 militiamen? Yeah, but the people, but they have the guns.

Okay. And the two Sydney Siders. Two Sydney ducks inside. Right, fucking sitting ducks. Sure, sitting ducks. So they're put back in their cells. The more militiamen come, the crowd's 10,000. Meanwhile, Sam Brennan and other respected San Francisco men took turns addressing the crowd from the balcony.

They retold the story about the dry goods store robbery and attacked the city's weak justice system, telling the mob the two city ducks would probably go free. But I love how they go to the balcony, like the balcony is like their Twitter. And they just go out there and they evade the shit out of that moment. They're like, my turn's like an open mic. Yeah, but it's not like Twitter, because there wasn't a guy in another balcony going, you're a faggot, shut your mouth, bitch! Well, it's essentially someone going, you know what, I reckon I can take this crap.

All right, yeah, they're a tough crap. You're gonna love the next guy who's coming out on the balcony. You guys know him from all over. He's awesome. He's one of my best friends. This guy, I play with this guy on balconies all over the country. Your podcast sucks, you fucking animal! Alrighty, let's not. You guys are gonna love him. Balconies are weird, huh? Aren't balconies fun?

Aren't balconies just sort of the strangest environment? All right, guys. So all city ducks were getting attacked by the speakers. They went on and on talking about the fires that kept occurring, describing the city in flames while the ducks looted, murdered, robbed, and raped. The speakers concluded that Joe and Tom, who had actually done nothing, should be taken out of the jail and hung. What? Just get the heat off of us for a little while. Let's kill these dudes.

But the mob was not prepared to take on the armed militia, knowing some of them would be killed or wounded. No one actually carried pistols yet. As Joe and Tom sat in their cells, they could hear the crowd chanting, hang man, hang man. Joe's sort of wife, Mary. The weird thing was, when they woke down, they were like, actually, it's hangeth them?

Sorry. We made a mob. It doesn't matter if you're a mob, reality is reality. After the sun went down, a printed hand bill was circulated in the crowd. Quote, citizens of San Francisco, the series of murders and robberies that have been committed in the city seem to leave us entirely in a state of anarchy. A lot appears is but a non-entity to be scoffed at, redressed can be had through the never-failing remedy. So admirably laid down in the code of Judge Lynch.

Oh, God. Wait. Yeah, that's a... Who do you...? It's not Judge Dredd. You almost got Judge Guilty, who is actually worse. Then Judge Lynch? Well, no, you're right.

So the pamphlets out there... Judge Lynch should be one of those daytime shows. Judge Lynch? Judge Lynch. Oh, my God, how great would that be if there was just a fucking date? You know what? We were there together, and he took all my dishes, and I was like, don't take my dishes. And then I came back, and they were in a box, and they were gone.

All right. Did you take the dishes? I did not take the dishes. I don't know what you're talking about. I've reached my verdict. We're gonna lynch both of you. What? Yeah, no, here's why.

I hate dishes, and I'm crazy. Judge Lynch! Hang around, Judge Lynch will be back after the break. Judge Lynch is on nine times a day, and has killed over 60,000 people. I'm thinking we'll lynch them all and the bailiff. I am. I'm in a lynching mood. I was with you until you lynched the bailiff. I understand.

Just, that's wrong. Felt like the general vibe. So the pamphlet called for everyone to come back at 2 p.m. the next day and finish off the criminals. So it is a lot like cricket. To have some sandwiches, then we'll finish the sport tomorrow when we're all recovered. Yeah, let's have some tea.

So now Brennan knew that he had all the people coming back, so he led the committee of 14 businessmen to negotiate with the chief of police and the city's justices. His position was strengthened when the militia decided they didn't want to maybe die to protect a couple of Sydney ducks who everyone hated. So a deal was struck. Joe and Tom would be turned over to the mob, but not for immediate hanging.

Instead they would be tried in, quote, a lynch court. Oh, better. That's better. It's a nice delay. Hey, we got this all worked out. We're going to have you on lynch court. How you doing? We're syndicated. We're excited to have you guys here. I got to warn you, I'm in a lynching mood.

I've had nine bailiffs killed. And nobody found it funny. So the next day a crowd gathers outside again. Very few Sydney ducks remain to the city at this point. Most have gotten the hell out last night in case the situation exploded. Well, they all left together because ducks fly together. They left in a pattern. And I like to think that's not a reference about actual ducks,

it's a reference to the Mud Ducks movies, of course. Correct. Correct, sir. Sir, your dream come true tonight. So the crowd goes in and drags the ducks out and they're both given defense attorneys. How you doing? I'm terrible.

Hey, what's up? Do you guys want some bread? I don't know what's happening. This is my first time. I was said I was representing ducks. Are we suing a pond? What's happening? I don't... Have you been to the beer bar? The beer bar? You've been to the beer bar?

You mean the bar? Yeah, we've been there. What's your question? I'm a terrible lawyer. I can't use words. Just watch a lady fuck a bore, so I'm a little out of it today. I am stressed out. Have you guys been to the steaming zebra? That place. Woo! I swear to God. Uh...

It is believed this is the origin of the term kangaroo court. Oh! Yeah, people clap because you say kangaroo. The kangaroo court began at 3 p.m. The prosecution's case went on for two hours. The shopkeeper and others again identified Tom and Joe as the robbers. The defense sent messengers to get witnesses, but no one would come because they were too scared.

So 5 p.m. they asked for more time and they got it. 5 p.m. came and the defense attorneys were like, give us more time. So they were given two hours. None were found. At 7 p.m. the trial started again and the prosecution summarized their case. The defense begged for time to find more witnesses. That was denied. The jury then went to discuss the verdict. Meanwhile, just blocks away the actual robbers.

English Jim and Sam Wettiger were drinking in a saloon. They were offended that those two Australians were getting credit for a robbery. Wrong attitude. Wrong... Fuck those guys. They're living up of our fact. That is bullshit. They're stealing our stealing shit. Yeah. I hit the guy in the head.

I hit him in the head. Fuck those guys. With your wife. Thank you. Is she okay? Yeah, she's a little wobbly. Yeah, head-to-head contact. So, English Jim said,

I will shoot 50 men rather than see Purdue and Winder and Heng. Sam Wettiger said they were like, no, no, no, we don't want these guys taking credit for our crimes. Wow, they're drinking also. That's probably how the real thing is fucking done. That's more like that. We'll show them. What are you thinking? Fuck off.

They haven't got a prison for 20 years. How the fuck did they get that much? That's bullshit. That's our time. Our time down here. Fuck those guys. They did that? They did that? Are you serious right now?

Are you fucking with me? Fuck you, man. So, go down there and tell them I'm a third tune. I was saying... You guys want another round? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who we are? Fire...murderers.

We have a tab. It's the only reason I bring it up. It's under a murderers. But I don't know. Sam Wettiger believed they should set the city on fire. You know what we should do? I actually... Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey! Hey, hey. Hey, hey. You know the best way to stop this shit. Yeah, what? What? I forgot. It was something... Oh! Piss on! No! Let it on fire! Let it on fire!

Hey, did you say piss on something? No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, what's up, you guys? No, no, no. And don't bring your brother around here anymore. You should switch orders. Your brother should open for you for the last time. There's something to that...that angle.

That order works better. He's shitting on someone over in Chinatown. I'm here to piss. He's at the steam in Zebra. Welcome to Piss Talk. So they just kept on drinking. They didn't do anything. At 11.30 p.m., the jury was still undecided.

So the mob rushed city hall. It was time to just get it over with. But unexpectedly, the committee of men who were having the fake trial to hang the two guys held off the mob at the door. What? The mob? Rule number one of the mob. Every flaming torch is rule number two. Break the doors now.

Yeah, but the guys... If you're a fucking mob and you can't beat how many people? Yeah. Yeah. What mob is just like, let's go, let's go! Shit! Locked. Alright, next plan.

What's our backup plan? Knocking. Not answering. Shit, they're good. They've done this before. It's telegram. God damn it! Ellen Burdue, Tom's wife, arrived that day in San Francisco from Sydney.

Where's my little Tom? When she got to Winderitz, she learned that her husband was about to be lynched by some San Franciscans. I mean, that's... it's already hard to arrive in a new place. Right? You know what I mean? Right? She's been working the LDR for a while.

She's got fucking... I mean, she's getting off... she's got fucking boat lag. Yeah. Like, that's a hard first couple of days. She's got to readjust, right? Some say her legs was gated. Not a term a lot of people know, but I love to read. I'm a big...

So, she quickly left her three children with Mary and took the baby to the courthouse so Tom can see his baby for the first time. What? She rushed over so he could see his baby for the first time before he got home. What's possibly the last time, right? Yeah, but, you know, you got to see it. Do you? Here's your baby.

I feel like that's nice of us. Like, so cute. Hang out for a minute. As soon as Tom saw the baby, he completely lost it, burst into tears. For the first time, all the people who wanted to kill Tom saw him as a human being, not some Australian. What? Okay.

All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I mean, that's a pretty fucking brave thing to say for someone who is nowhere near as popular in your own country as you are here. Works, works for Arge. By the way, want to hear it creepy? It's almost like a Bermuda Triangle type thing.

No one knows who Arge is in the United States. Me neither. We're from the same town. We're from the same fucking town where they're right next to each other. But I don't understand how you can want to murder a man, and then you just have that sort of sitcom keyboard moment at the end where it's like, aw. Can't stay mad at him. You think he's a murderer and then he sees a baby and he cries.

That's not a murderer. No. OJ. Aw. Well, murder two people. Well, OJ crying in a baby would be like, all right. I guess he didn't decapitate two people. Well, he didn't decapitate, and there were parts hanging.

Oh. That's what face-off space is. By the way, he went back and tried to take more off. It wasn't a one-shot deal. He cut and he was like, I'm not done. Like, when you walk away from a ham and you're like, oh, I could use another piece. Except it was his wife. In his defense, he did invent cold breast juice.

Right? So that guy's a mom. I loved. I was already like, he's drowning, but fuck it, I'll jump in. Drowning is telling the truth. Consider me dead, my friend. So he cries and I was like, uh, where did they came from the jury that they could not agree on a verdict? At that point, the crowd chanted, majority rules, hang them.

The majority decides, hang them. And then they began to chant, hang them too, hang them too. They were talking about the jury. That's going to be so confusing when there's a hung jury. You're like, what is going on? It's like, they're a hung jury. They're going to be... What? What's that?

No, sorry, they are a hung jury. You're goddamn right, they don't reach a verdict. Well, they have it, they're a hung jury. Exactly. What are you saying? You're going to hang them. No, hang them. Huh?

What? You're going to hang those guys? And if we don't, they're a hung jury. They are a hung jury. Exactly. No, what are we fucking... Hey, excuse me. What is your point to me?

Excuse me. I'm a hung jury. No, no, no. Again, that's hung jury. He's different. Jerry, get out of here. It's hung jury. Yes, it's a baby arm.

We all know he doesn't belong in the courthouse. Stop swinging that gavel around. This guy is literally here every way. I declare you not horny. Hung jury out. 12 angry cocks. Not this fall, hung jury. So it was very late, and the not real court was adjourned for the night.

It had now been 13 hours. It was not at all what the mob was expecting. They should have been 2 p.m. They were probably beach balls bouncing around the mob at this point. I guess we're not hanging anybody, but holy shit. So Sam Brennan felt the same. Most of the mob went home, a few hundred stayed to make sure the prisoners didn't escape. By the way, how do you decide that?

When you're in an angry mob that's begging for people's hanging. Let's everybody stop shouting. Yeah, who wants to go home? Show of hands who's tired. I'm a bit tired. I'll stay, I'm hangry. All right, if you're hangry, I'll head out. But hey, we are still pissed as shit.

We're as pissed as someone trying to piss on something to solve it with. Yeah, so I'm pretty mad on the clock. All right. I'll be mad for about three hours, and you want to take over, Matt? Yeah, I think we nap, nap, nap, but nap angry. We dream of murder. But we sleep. We got to get some rest and sandwiches.

Hard to be angry if you're tired, people. We're an angry mob, and again, we are a angry mob, suddenly. We got some food in the bellies. English Jim, now apparently sober, decided to get the hell out of town. The long jury deliberations have taken the wind out of the crowd's murder sales. The excitement of killing Australians faded. It always does. Joe and Tom ended up being kept in prison for days.

One of the prisoners in the jail was actually 26-year-old William Walker, who would invade Nicaragua in dollop episode 21. Yeah. Oh, my God, this is like Captain America's Civil War. It is the magic there. By the way, make sure when everyone else leaves, you stick around to the end, because there's a real great button for the next podcast. If that is amazing to be in jail, be like,

man, it just feels so crazy. What are you in for? Well, I'm about to invade Nicaragua. I'm sorry. I'm sorry? My plan is I'm going to run Nicaragua. Yeah? You ever been at the bar's head?

Yeah, I got brought on stage for the closer. But also that thing of like, hey, you know what? One day in the future, we're both going to be dollop episodes. And the first guy was like, well, I'm 22. And I'm like, well, yeah, fuck you, man. I'm a live one. A living one, asshole. Get it lying.

So on March 14th, after three weeks in prison, Joe and Tom were put on trial again. This time it was a legitimate state court trial. Witnesses came forward and identified Tom again as English Jim. Good. They were found guilty. Tom was given a sentence of 14 years in prison, Joe 10 years. Joe had now been wrongly imprisoned twice in two different countries.

It's a fucking record. That's got to be a record. It's nice. Tom was then taken to Yuba County to be tried for the murder and robbery of Charles E. Moore, who had actually been killed by English Jim, or they said he had been. Joe was put on the prison ship Waban and every day was taken to a quarry stone to build San Quentin Penitentiary.

While their sort of husband was in jail, Mary Wendred managed to meet Sam Whitaker. He told her he knew who committed the robbery of the dry goods store and had a witness, but the witness never came, maybe because he was the witness. Sam Whitaker told Mary he knew someone who could help Joe escape the prison for just $400. Two problems, Mary didn't have the money,

and the guy, Sam, knew was himself. And on Sunday, April 20th, probably because he had committed the crime Joe was in prison for, Sam helped Joe escape. He had a key past... It's unreal. Yeah. He had a key past to Joe in the middle of the night.

If you wrote this in a script, you'd be like, this is a little far from it. Yeah. What's Sam's motivation? He feels weird. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly.

No, no, what we need is, we need Sam to have the pressure from the outside world. No, no. No, he just feels weird. You think it's internal? You think it's enough internal that he could be... No. We're not buying it.

If he were from space and fought crime, we like that. This seems a little far-fetched. He's been tensioned shows lately, so he's... There's something to it. Okay, so he has a key past to Joe in the middle of the night. Joe unlocks his cell and jumps off the ship in Swimston, nearby an island.

There, a friend of Sam's took Joe to a boat heading for Australia. Unfortunately, the ship wasn't going to Australia immediately. So it sat in the bay for weeks, waiting to be loaded with his cargo while the police were watching Mary because Joe escaped. I mean, it's so tough. It's like when you're on a plane and they load you

and then they have a delay. That's what is going to be the same with that guy. Ladies and gentlemen, we are... So sorry. We are again waiting on the cargo. They're telling us down on shore that we should not be too much longer. Again, appreciate your patience while we handle this episode.

Anyway, we're going to take off a little late. We're probably going to take six and a half months rather than six months to get to Australia. We'll try to make up some speed as we get further on. Just let your friends and family know you're going to be about six and a half months late. Again, we are loading cargo. We appreciate your patience.

We understand that when you are traveling internationally on boats, you do have choices. We thank you for shipping with the late boat airlines. We really... We are so sorry again. Do you guys need someone to piss on something? We've asked you repeatedly to not come around here and pay on stuff.

Well, that's why I work at the airport. Actually, now that I'm looking at the ship, I see you've pissed all over it and then asked, do not let your brother over here for the last time. Where I'm from, you're not punished for working hard. Well, nobody should live there. Nobody should live there. I'd like to express myself. Yeah, well, and you have.

We're watching you. Again, stay away from everything. You are... Maybe if I pissed on the guy who was thrown in jail for that crime, he'd be not guilty. My pee is magic. Because he was apparently an idiot, and English Jim returned to San Francisco

and barely avoided being arrested when he was caught committing a robbery, but he just paid off the cop and got away. He got the hell out of San Francisco again. Then, May 3rd, 1851, at 11 p.m., another huge fire broke out in the city. He jumped from shingle roof to shingle roof. The roasts and footpaths, which were lined with timber

because everything had become so muddy, burst into flames. The fire was so huge that glow could be seen as far away as Monterey, which is 200 kilometers away, or 125 miles for people who live in one country. Smart to lay it with tinder. I would swipe left on that path. 2,000 buildings were destroyed. 18 city blocks.

The San Franciscoans blamed the Sydney Ducks. They said the Ducks were getting revenge because of their insistence to Joe and Tom, or as they thought, English Joe and some guy. Of course, Sam Wittigert threatened to burn the city when the kangaroo court against Tom, and Joe was happening, and he would later brag that he actually did start the fire as cover for Joe.

And Billy Joel wrote a song about that. Yeah. That's what this whole fucking thing's about. This is the origin story of Billy Joel's waiting to start the fire. That's what he says. Sorry, the fire. It goes very fast. What else does he have to say?

Yeah, there's a lot of stuff. So anyway, with the fire going on, Joe and Mary were able to get on the ship together and head to Australia. Oh, yeah. After the fire, when word got out that Joe went for it gotten away, anti-Australian rage was peaking. So on June 18th, a notice appeared

in the outlet California calling on all right-minded men to meet the next evening to form a committee of vigilance. The next night, 200 of the richest men in the city met and elected ex-Mormon San Brennan to be the vigilance committee's first president. Okay, so they created a committee. They drew up a constitution. At all times, there would be a committee room

with a member on duty. That member would ring the fire station's bell twice every minute to mobilize the committee if a crime was committed. They had to know a password to get into the room. Members would only be known by a number. The majority rule would decide everything. They created their own fake police chief and police force.

How many people is this? There's like 200. It didn't take long to get the first bad guy. As they were writing up their constitution, John Jenkins, a Sydney duck, an ex-convict was brought in by a member at gunpoint. Jenkins had stolen a safe from a shipping agent and was rowing away with it in his boat.

What the fuck is with our people and stealing safes? At some point, you have to be like, they're really, really heavy. They're very heavy. Let's steal something to put in the safe before we steal fucking more safes. I think we just got to find the right safe. I really do.

I think once we find a winner, this one seems like... San Brennan rang the bell. I love that we're just like the fucking Kinder Surprise of fucking Crimes. We're like, just let's grab it. There might be a toy inside. Let's have a crack.

Throw it in the canoe. God damn it! How many times? I know where there's a safe. So, San Brennan rang the bell, and 80 businessmen arrived. Jenkins was immediately tried. Brennan was picked to be the judge.

Jenkins was not given a defense attorney. No one came forward to say they had actually seen him steal the safe. He was also a very successful pub owner, and had no reason to steal the safe, but he was Australian, so he's declared guilty and sentenced to death. We apologize.

So, a crowd gathered at 2am. He was dragged through the plaza while being punched. A noose was in place around his neck. They punched him on the white? I'll get a couple of pops in. I can't just let a guy go by. We didn't have as many guns then, otherwise, it would have ended way faster.

I mean, but seriously, if they're about to hang you punching you on the white, it feels like... That feels like too much. It is bullshit. It is bullshit. Hang lives matter. Just hang me at the start.

Don't punch me before you hang me. I didn't know about the punching parade. Punch me as much as you want after. Fucking treat me like a pinata. I'll stick lollies up my arse, so when you punch me when I'm dead, they fucking fall out. I'm fine with that,

but don't punch me before I'm dead. He's full of lollies! Hit him! I want my lollies! When they're hanged, all the lollies actually drop out anyway, so... Oh, well, I would go to hangings then. I mean, to see the kids... That's the greatest thing about hanging.

You just see the little kids getting all their little candies, their lollies and the totzi rolls and stuff. It's so great. It's just fun. It's a real family. Hangings were bad until they made them good for kids,

and then it's like, well, this is actually not that bad. Once they put vitamin C in them. So... they hung poor Jenkins, and that didn't work out for him. Within the mod, the vigilance committee had exploded

719 members. Jesus. Yeah, but they were excited. Later, it was concluded Jenkins was actually framed by a man who wanted Jenkins' girlfriend. Well, that's easy to know. That happens.

Jenkins... The man who framed Jenkins was named John Sullivan, the St. John Sullivan, who had worked with English Jim for six months in the Goldfeeds fields, and I.D. Tom is English Jim. On July 1st,

the committee learned of a burglary happening. As they searched the house, a committee member found a man lying in the bushes. The man was well dressed. It's like when you say lying in the bushes,

was he like, I'm in a tree! I'm a woman! I don't think we can trust this guy. I'm underwater. I'm lying in the bushes. The man was well dressed in a coat-vested necktie.

He leapt up and had an English accent, and he said his name was William Stevens, and that he was taking a rest while he was walking home. I was walking home while I slept. I'm not here. I was just having

one of my bush naps. I loved my walk, so I was exhausted. I had four bushes. Do you know how it is? You know they say bushes are nature's pillows, and I just cocked out.

He was like, you've lost the crowd a little because there's not one Australian in this room who hasn't laid down in her bush on the way home. I'm like, what are you talking about?

You're like, oh, that looks really comfortable. I'll just sit there for a while and then I'll get an Uber. Everyone's like, I'm waiting for a joke. A joke would be nice. Okay, so we sleep in bushes.

The punchlines are fun, too. Have any of those. So, the man was taken back to committee headquarters in question. They found no problems with his, I went to sleep in the bushes while walking home story.

Well, his story checks out. They put him in a cell overnight, which was part of their rules. The next morning, John Sullivan, just back from Tom Burdew's Yuba County trial, where he again swore that Tom

was English Jim, came in the committee headquarters and saw English Jim in the jail cell. The vigilance committee had finally caught English Jim, said John Sullivan, who had just ID'd English Jim in a courtroom miles away.

Wait, you're not allowed to... He walked in, and they were like, didn't you just say was English Jim up there? And he's like, yes, but fuck. They're all English Jim. You're English Jim.

I am English Jim. Everyone, I am Spartacus. I am English Jim. The next day in Marysville, Tom Burdew was found guilty of murder and sentenced to hang. The committee, now knowing there was a huge

mistake, sent a message to Marysville that they were about to hang the wrong man. This is the same committee that wanted to hang the wrong man. When they got the message, no one in Marysville believed it,

but the governor was contacted and he pardoned Tom. During all this backslabbing for saving an innocent man's life, no one thought they should pardon Tom for the dry goods store robbery, and he was put in jail on a prison jail.

What? How does that even work out like that? To serve a sentence for something he didn't do. What? I mean, like, he didn't do the murder. It doesn't mean...

I mean, this is a very difficult story to follow. If I knew there was a giant screen behind that you could be fucking plotting this shit out on, then we could all understand, but nothing. Dave,

your body language shifted. So now, Tom's in jail and the committee still has an English gym and they wouldn't give him to the police and they're hiding him.

And then on July 11th, English gym was tried by the committee and found guilty and sentenced to death. So a huge crowd was waiting outside of the not real courtroom and they cheered wildly when they heard the sentence.

At 2.30 on July 11th, English gym was brought out of hiding and marched down Battery Street. Battery Street? Have at him, everybody. It's not P Street. 400 armed committee members

held the police back. A huge crowd gathered around a loading frame at the end of the wharf. This was to be the scaffold. English gym chewed tobacco as he waited to die. When the clock struck three,

he was hauled by several men up and hung. He took 30 minutes to stop moving. Apparently they weren't... They weren't good at the hanging part. I don't even mean... It's more of it,

but if you are there, you're like, I mean, we said we'd be there at 2.30. You know what? We actually meant to be there at 7. Like, I mean, we all know how this ends, right? Yeah, yeah, for sure.

He's not going to be a twist at the end. He dies at the end. Well, there's a big twist. You've almost seen him die. You get it. You get it. You know what? Let's beat the fucking traffic!

Let's beat the traffic! I want to beat the traffic, but I really... He's looking at his leg. His leg is still kicking. If you look at his legs, they're still kicking. You see it!

He's fucking... I've seen it, but I want to know how it ends. I like to know how it ends. Let's beat him now! It's like the Saw movies. I want to know how this one finishes. This is fucking bushy.

You're always like this. Boy, he is a wriggler. And then we're gonna start in fucking traffic. But isn't he wriggler? Look at him wriggler. He's always fucking dead. He's always dead.

It always ends the same way. You're always like, well, let's face it then. This is the bad part all over again. I know how it ends, but I want to see it again. My God, he has been 21 minutes

and he is still kicking around. I mean, seriously. This guy's like a Brian King of the Bacon. Oh, would you stop yelling at me and look at him? The show's up there for God's sake. Look at it for a goddamn second. I mean...

My goodness. You know what? I feel like I'm the one who's choking. That's all I'm saying. I feel like you're the one who's not giving me enough room to breathe in this relationship. You say that.

You say that. But when I ask if you want to go... Hey! Hey! He died five minutes ago. Five minutes. You know what? I'm glad we stuck around.

Let's get a taste show. We should get a taste show. This is a good night. We'll get a taste show. Let's hang around here for a while and let the crowd leave. I'm ready to go because now I see that he's dead.

I'm ready to get out of here. Let's get a selfie with him. We'll get a selfie with him. Before, all we wanted to see was when he was dead and now he's dead. Let's get out of here. He'll draw us with him. We're not getting a goddamn portrait.

We already saw the main event. You didn't want to stick around. You're the one who wanted to be traffic. And now we're hanging around getting portrait. Now we're here for God's sake. I can't win with you, Debbie. I can't win with you. Hey!

Listen to me. Hey! That's it. You guys are banned. That's your last execution. It's just ridiculous. Every time it's like this. That's it.

You know what I mean? Families came here to watch this and enjoy it. And you guys fucking ruined it again. If you cannot get along while watching a man die, then maybe you should be together. It's the only way we can have sex. I'm harder than his body right now. In an exciting...

I wish that was the ending. Is this the story of the Bungalogs? Wow. Wow. Boo! Boo! He's an Australian hero. Those jokes are good and small doses.

Not in excess though. Oh, fuck me. Sometimes we get kicked, sometimes we get kicked. Set his shower curtain. Oh, come on. In an exciting bit of fate, Tom Bourdoux was able to watch the hanging from his prison chip. The guards thought it would be a nice thing to let him see English Jim hang. Jesus.

To those on Starbucks, you might get a nice view of the hanging. Look, he's hanging. That's you. And then in some sort of weird joke, Tom was taken to English Jim's autopsy. The man who was there said it was, quote, like a man looking at his own corpse. Tom was then put back on the prison chip, which used to be his home for the next 14 years. What? What?

I don't know. Fourty years? You want to get a break, pal? You sick of this cell? Let's go watch you get digged up. Let's go watch you get stabbed and cut. Come see yourself. But things were getting out of control and suit members of the Visions Committee had Brennan removed as president for being too bloodthirsty.

I don't know, but I don't think that's fair. But they weren't done. The Visions Committee drew up a list of city ducks who were undesirable. The committee turned back boats from Sydney. Those who were allowed on shore were taken on shore to detention centers. And two... Hey, how's it going? How's karma?

How's karma? Oh, wait. It's not your karma. Oh, I'm sorry. It's reverse karma. It's rharma. It's rharma. They were poor Australian sitting in their detention centers.

They said, hope this never happens to anybody else. One estimate is that 800 ducks were forced to frighten into leaving San Francisco. The committee then arrested Sam Whitaker and Robert McKenzie. McKenzie had been the lookout on the safe robbery where they jumped into the water and swam away. But the governor didn't want any more street hangings and had the two ducks taken into custody. The committee wasn't happy with that. On Sunday, April 24th, the two ducks were allowed out of their cells in prison to attend church. Just then, 40 armed vigilantes raided the prison and took them by carriage to their headquarters.

A huge crowd gathered once again. Always a good sign, we're finding. A committee member yelled out a window that the prisoners had confessed and now the 15,000 large mob cheered. Ropes were rigged on the top of the building, put around the ducks' necks, and both men were thrown out of the windows to wild cheers. Woo! At least we've learned a lot. The vigilance committee disbanded a few days later after the double lynching, announcing it had finished at work.

It's work. But that wasn't the actual reason. I mean, but also that, like, is fucked up. Like, that is like fucking John Nelson at the end of fucking breakfast, not walking around in Japanese fucking fist in the air, like, we fucking... We did some valuable game! All right, we're done, guys. Why say you're Tuesday?

Well, that's not why they did it, though. The actual reason is because of a $50,000 lawsuit launched against the committee for raiding and destroying the house of a Sydney duck. Each committee member was liable to pay if they lost, so they just broke up the group. Did you say a sitting duck? Sure. Oh, this is the story of Aaron Duckovich. I think this is how Duck Hunter met Gutman.

Tom Perdue is finally pardoned for the dry good store robbery and released from prison on the 31st of August. The government was forced to wait until English Jim's written confession was handed over by the committee before they freed him. Meanwhile, Joe Winrid was still a wanted man, because even though his clearhead had nothing to do with the robbery, escaping from prison was a criminal offense. That's just so fucked up.

It feels a little like entrapment. Yeah, a little bit. Tom's life was completely destroyed. His health was amassed because of the imprisonment. He tried to get compensation from the government for the two false prosecutions, but the government said he should just be happy he was alive. Tom then vanished from history. Eight years later, Ellen and the kids arrived in England,

and she was now a widow. Brennan went on to become a California state senator. Good. Without banks, railroads, and telegraph companies, he invested massively in Napa. Then in 1872, his wife filed for divorce. The court ruled that she was entitled to half their fortune, payable in cash.

Since most of Brennan's holdings were real estate, he had to liquidate everything, and it ruined him. She took the money and the kids and moved to Europe. He became a brewer and an alcoholic and moved to San Diego, where he ended up sleeping in the back rooms of saloons. In 1888, he said, quote, I hope I have enough money left for a proper burial when the time comes. Then he died unnoticed in 1889 of inflammation of the bowels.

No one knew who he was, and he didn't have any money for a funeral, so his body was left unclaimed in a San Francisco receiving vault where it stayed for more than a year when it was recognized on accident. You'd think that inflammation of the bowels would just cremate you eventually. Bless you. It's not. I don't think you're a doctor. I'm not not a doctor. I also don't think you're a fireman.

I'm not not a fireman, but... I don't think you're a doctor, fireman. We're a fireman, doctor. When I say, but, I'm spelling it B-U-T-T, and but... You finish. In Australia, Joe Wynrid was scared. He was written about on the papers, and the California governor was demanding extradition. Joe Marion Isabel then moved out, that's nice to think of their kid back,

then moved out to the frontier, and he worked as a butcher and a horse trainer with his brother. Gold was discovered near where Joe lived soon after he arrived. By late 1851, the Ballarat gold rush had roared into life, and California newspapers attacked all the Americans that were leaving for Australia. Yeah. Yeah. A year after he returned to Australia, Joe did,

the California governor decided not to pursue his extradition. This was in part because the California census of 1852 revealed that Sydney Ducks were more likely to be married, employed, sober, and non-criminal than Americans. And it's also because that information was revealed in his census, and the one thing we all trust in Australia. I mean, if it's a question, are you drunk a lot? No.

Do you sleep in bushes? Delicious. Delicious is not one of the answers. I think this man thinks it's a menu. As I'm looking at it now, he wrote egg rolls all over it. No. 36 of them. With fries. Most of this is just with fries.

And I think there's ketchup on this. Let's put them in the good pile. So Joe ended up being the owner of one of the most successful race horses in the New South Wales at the time. He became a celebrity. He, yep, I don't know what you're talking about. He bought a pub on the corner of Pitt and St. Mark's and renamed it the Sportsman Arms.

He was a huge success. He moved out to the Goldfields at Lamling Flat to set up a pub, and his timing was poor as anti-Chinese riots led by California-style vigilante committee occurred after he arrived. The riots were known as the Lamling Flat Riots. His wife, I mean, sorry, his daughter married the leader of the Minor's Vigilance Committee. Such an awkward, such awkward, all that he did.

And then he then made a fortune in compromising. He was elected the mayor of Orange and he died in 1884 as a local magistrate. Yeah, so in America, the founder of the Vigilance Committee, Sam Brannon, died in poverty while Joe was very successful. So this is literally a story about an American who has undeserving success in Australia. No, he's an Australian. You find a parallel? I'm not going to be killed.

Is it more, or is that it? Is that the end? That's the end of the story. Yeah, Joe, the Australian, who went and got falsely imprisoned in that horrible time, then came back to Australia and was successful in the fucking asshole who started all this shit, died in poverty, in San Diego, which is a shit town. But that's the end? What do you want to happen?

Like, I want to be in a revelation. I wanted to learn something about, like, and that Jim was the guy who started Jim's mowing, the franchise. And that's what I want. I want to learn something about my country. Am I pitching to a Disney executive right now? Fuck off. It's real life. What? Jesus Christ. It's a Pokemon. I see them everywhere.

Is there a Pokemon? This asset's kicking in. Is there a Pokemon? Um... Oh, boy. Dave, don't show everyone how cool you are. The big one right there. It's the big one right now. We don't have it in America, but he's got a pouch.

Who will do the dollop on when you walk off a bridge chasing a Pokemon? He's only found in Australia, this guy, but I have a Toro. I have a Toro. He's a bull. And he's only found in North America, and I have him, and you don't. And even if you don't play Pokemon, it's pretty special. And I'm a very important person. And now I have a bull and the pouch guy. And I'm going to go back to America, and if this doesn't fucking make me famous,

if this isn't the thing, then... It took a really weird turn. We're going to end. I feel like a lead by the end. Honestly, we appreciate the shit out of it. Thank you so much. Give it up for Will Anderson. Thanks for coming to Comedy Bang Bang. All it takes is one guy to stand up for a standing ovation, even though he sat down.

Thank you.