The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 207 - The Animal Horror of Macquarie Island (Live w/Wil Anderson)

Episode Date: September 24, 2016

Live from Melbourne, Australia, Comedians Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, and Wil Anderson take a look at the horrific treatment of animals on Macquarie Island. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. I don't know why they're doing that. Yeah that was a powerful one. Thank you for

coming everybody. Very nice of you. This one's gonna be a bummer. Dave's talked this one up a little. You might see him cry. I'm already going there. The thought of me crying really hits me hard. Here I go. So got your password. Did you just figure out my password? This podcast is about to turn upside down. I want to thank Christine who did the research on this one. She does a lot of my research for me. She is one of the reasons the dollop is going. For people at home listening we are doing a U.S. mini tour Seattle Portland and San Francisco. Those are cities in America. It will be after Thanksgiving which you guys you don't

care about but we... Why don't you celebrate that normal holiday? We killed a race of people and we celebrate that by eating food. What we really did was we liberated land. From people there and now we have a really big meal. Turkey day. That's what you should do when you commit genocide. You get hungry after all that. Get yourself a Sammy. You know what I mean? Get yourself a pizza. Genocide. Also the Los Angeles podcast festival is coming up. You people here in Australia you can buy the live stream. You can watch all the shows and if you miss any it'll be archive for 30 days so you can still check them out. I feel like you

won't need to worry about the archives. You'll be fine watching it live here. Yeah. Strong signals. Congratulations on having slower internet than North Korea. I'm surprised you guys can download podcasts. But anyway if you want to watch the live stream I highly recommend it mostly because it makes me money. But you can go to LApodfest.com and get it. Use the code TheDollup or TOEFLOP and then you'll get five bucks off and it's just like 20 bucks which I think with the exchange rate 80 hundred dollars. I'm tired of myself. You're listening to The Dollup. This is an American History podcast. Each week I, Dave Anthony, read a

story to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I didn't know that wasn't I didn't like that one. Made a connection though that's what matters. I don't know if that is what matters. It translates to audio well. Who at this point is concerned this isn't going to go well? We have a guest for this one. Ladies and gentlemen, Yahoo! Sirius. This guy is very funny in ladies and gentlemen, Will Anderson. Oh, beer. I like beer. Smart. I don't have a signal in here. I can't just read your Pokemon scores. I can't catch any right now. There's just no GPS. Okay, I guess we'll do the fucking podcast then. Did

anyone come to the first one and then come again to this one? Well for those people I need to explain what's happened to me in between because we got here a little late for the first one. There was big winds in Sydney today and the plane got delayed and so I was gonna have a shower before the first show to get ready and get changed to have a shave and stuff like that but we didn't have time so I just came straight here but then I had time in between the two shows so I was like fuck it I'll have a shave and I'll get changed but now it feels like I'm Madonna and I've done a fucking costume change between podcasts

because you do fucking idiots are still in the same fucking like we drive trucks when we're not doing our podcast. I think you've got going on. Smokey and Abandoned over here. 10-4 big buddy, this is your podcast coming through. That's Paul's like the Paul the gentleman who runs this place is not gonna be happy about that. No he actually asked me to do that. I had a whole bit planned. It's leaking out towards the people. It's like a Gallagher show. It'll be fine. Now it's interactive. It'll be fine. Literally it's a crown lager if it gets too close to the side of the stage an AFL player will come in and start licking it up.

July 11th 1810. You know the best thing is up until this point in my life I'm 42 years old and I've never heard anyone clap a date and in the last 24 hours I've heard it three separate times. It's been a gold rush. Captain Frederick Hasselberg landed the ship of the Perseverance at an island 1,545 kilometers south of Hobart in the southwest Pacific Ocean halfway between New Zealand and Antarctica. It was 34 kilometers long and five kilometers wide. Captain Hasselberg named the island after governor of New South Wales Lachlan Macquarie. What is that? That's a shit attitude. I know where this is

going. Yeah? This is the title of the Lachlan Esmond stuff. It is isn't it? That's what it is. I got it. This is about a crocodile Dundee goes to an island. It was a remote and stormy place. There was no harbor which meant ships had to anchor a half mile off the rocky coast and bring equipment on row boats. Yeah we fucking stopped the boats. The hills were completely blown bare by the wind. There were a few small lakes on the island but the streams coming from them were badly polluted by the penguins. Wait what? What are they? Fairy penguins? No these are penguins. There's like four or five different kinds out there and they would shit in they shit

in lakes. The notorious polluters are penguins. Yeah. Ironically very anti-alien climate change. We're fine. Don't be fine. Yeah so they like to shit in things. Great. Copy that. Hanselberg put eight men on what is now known as Macquarie Island. The captain was looking for new seal hunting grounds. Due to hunting seal populations were becoming decimated on islands closer to Australia. Macquarie Island had a lot of seals. Okay. Can I just knowing what I know that you've told me. Uh-huh. It feels like it's gonna be tough for the seals. It's right now based on what you've heard it's so much worse than you

can imagine. So he leaves the eight men then he returned to Sydney to get more men and when he got back he discovered the eight man had already collected 827 seal skins. Oh my god. How long was he a wife of? I mean it was eight men then. Yeah they got busy. The only way you could really get that done is to train seals to kill other seals. That's how you maximize your time there. Look guys the first rule of seal club is if it's your first time at seal club you do need to club another seal. To death take your skin we'd have that thank you very much. Hey come here little seal come here hey hey that one over there is a cunt. Go get it. That was

a seal? Yeah. That was the weird assistant. Your seal is like my English accent. I thought we were talking about the singer till just now. Captain Hasselberg then sailed to nearby Campbell Island where he'd left other seal hunters. When he was rowing ashore a gust of wind filled his boat with water and he drowned with three crew members and that's the end of the podcast. Really bought it. No. In truth the seal rushed to Macquarie was on by the end of 1810 four other ships had reached the island but it was so stormy one ship had to wait six weeks for the weather to clear to get men on the island. At that point

the first seal population was estimated between between to be between 200,000 and 400,000 cute little seals. I mean even to the point that there was so many that that was their estimate. Somewhere between 200 and 400,000. Also what's counting? We're curious. Wow. Well maybe that's why they were so easy to catch in the first place. A lot of it was accidental. Yeah it was like there's just so many seals. Just fell on a bunch. I killed eight seals walking over here to kill seals. And the sealers got busy during the first 18 months of a commercial sealing operations at least 120,000 first seals were killed. Jesus

Christ. Hey you know people talk about World War two and what happened in Germany but no one's talking about this. Yeah. Now we are. What did you call it? This is the first sealer cost. It's past seal days. I want a feeling we're dancing in for sealing. One ship arrived in England in 1812 with 13,700 seal skins and 50 tons of oil. Wow. Seal oil was a big deal then as it was used to lubricate industrial machines and as lighting fuel. Yeah it was. Get yourself some seals, lube up some machines bro. Yeah girl. What's up? What's up? Oh god they're here. They're here. They're here. They're here. One of

them's alive. Oh my god this is awkward. The seal skins were used for hats. Of course they were used for hats. Where are you gonna put it? Put it on your head. Obviously. But it was still very difficult to get there by ship and a lot of ships did not make it. The first ship wreck was in 1812. The Campbell Macquarie went down in the surf. Next the Betsy was supposed to pick up a group or gang of sealers but it was blown away from the island by a storm. Then this ship became lost at sea and then they got really lost at sea because so many sailors got scurvy that they were too weak to control the ship so they just

floated around for a while. Fun last step right? The Caroline with 160 tons of seal oil aboard was blown into the rocks while leaving. The crew survived for five months until rescue. The ship had not been insured and an auction was held in Australia for the wreckage and it was bought for 37 pounds. But also I love the idea that there was insurance back then. Yeah. Like imagine like your ship has been like wrecked on the rocks and you're like well I should get some sketches of this. Your adjuster comes out. You weren't drinking during the time of the accident, were you? Yo ho ho, we heard it coming from your... We heard some yo ho ho-ing which is why we sent the investigators down here.

As is tradition with man came problems. The ships introduced mice and rats to the island. Yeah. The rodents multiplied quickly and soon were eating the supplies of the sealers as well as keeping them awake at night with all their mice and rat activity. Oh so here's the other thing I'm curious about, for what purpose did they introduce them? Because I get why... Oh they didn't, they weren't like hey let's put these on the island. Seals meet mice, mice seals. You guys are gonna hate each other. You guys should have little friends. No they would they would just come in the supplies or okay if you ever seen a

cartoon they run down the rope. From the ship. So those are documentaries. As far as I can tell. Thank you. Very validating. So sailors knew cats for the answer to rodents because that's how it was done on ships. So they really are animated. These are now the tactics of animated Pixar. They want to eat some cats? Yeah. Look at cats. There's too many cats. Give them dogs. Well now we need dog catchers. They're wily too. We need a governor. What the fuck is happening? Let's get silverback gorillas. I don't know why. Boy that's a real shit show over there, huh? Gorillas and seals and mice and cats. Oh my. So cats. After a while that gets complicated. Like early on

it's easy. You're like okay we got rice and like we got rice and rice and rats. We got mice and rats. We get some cats. That's easy, right? We got some cats. We get some dogs. We got some dogs. We get some horses. We get how it goes so far. But after that it gets more complex. There's got to be a time where like Mike in the office is like giraffe. We need a bunch of lions. We got to get a lamb orca. Is that a thing? Look if your suggestion is let's just throw an orca in the pile. Nobody's saying no to that idea. Okay I just want to throw it out there. That is a perfectly logical idea. You know what regardless just for fun let's get her an orca. Great. Alright we're all on board for the orca plan. We're a bad team.

We're terrible. We really are. We are a bad team. We're terrible. We're not good at this. Yeah. Alright I'll call the orca guy. Orca man. Alright so cats were introduced to control the rodents. In 1820 Russian explorer Thaddeus Bellinghausen. Oh I already do not believe a minute of this. That was a Russian guy called Thaddeus. That is true. But sometimes they would hire someone else to explore for them. So okay yeah. So he stopped his ship. I don't know if that explains it or I just got bored but like either way Columbus was hired by the Spanish right. He was so he's a Spanish explorer but he was technically Italian. I'm gonna whatever

history's hard. History's hard for some people and when you tell it to them they just have a blank look in their eyes. You know the type. So I just discovered that could happen. Like maybe the last time. Oh someone learned how to spin. So Thaddeus and his crew were shocked by the animal's behavior. Quote we were astonished to find that the penguins and seals on Macquarie Island were not afraid of us. They had to be pushed aside. So they're just walking up and the penguins were like I'm not. What's up bitch. I'm not going anywhere. And then they'd be like get out of my fucking way. You get out of

my fucking way. Fuck you bro. There's a thousand of us. Yeah this is motherfucking unhappy fate. Yeah. If we get on each other's shoulders we become penbots and you ain't gonna like penbots. He's right I don't like penbots. It just all fall. Oh that was a very threatening. That's how you kill them. One sailor shot an elephant seal and he was amazed that the others opened their mouths to roar then fell asleep. Might have been a yawn. Danger. Without moving from one spot another crew member shot 20 petrels. Petrels? Seabird? Petrels anybody? Petrel? Yeah which is a little seabird probably cute but now dead. 20 of them. Thanks for bottom lining that for me Dave. I think you

called them fuels. Yeah little fuels. He wrote that they watched the sealers killing seals which would they would just sit there while being murdered and then they would turn them into oil which is pretty cool. It's pretty cool to see a living thing turned into something that you can lubricate a machine with. Trust me. Quote having killed the sleeping animals the men cut off the blubber with a knife put it in a boiler placed on stones with room for a fire beneath it with which they kindled with lumps of some fat. The oil from the boilers is then poured into barrels a part of it is sent to New South Wales and the remainder shipped to

Britain where commands a very lucrative price. So they sent the seals to where the whales are. Look here's the deal. You take you just take swings and sometimes you miss. This is a safe space. Safe space. This isn't a very safe improv space and sometimes you're gonna go home shaking your head. The sealers on the island invited the Russians to their main hut which was horrifying. It was 20 by 10 feet and lined with these skins of seals. At one end there was a lamp that was always lit and a fireplace. All the huts had quote a most disagreeable odor. Quote inside it was so black and dark from the smoke that the smoldering light from the

lamp and from the holes in the wall over which bladders were stretched scarcely lit the interior and until we got accustomed to the light the sealers had to lead us by hand. So that's nice. It's just a place you want to take a girl back place where you're kicking it. Can you help me around your hut because you have a fucking fireplace inside of it. The sealers were short on supplies and we're living by eating seabirds the flippers of young sea elephants, birds eggs, and mackery island cabbage. Sounds like a healthy diet. Any nutritionists that sign up on that. I mean they're eating local which I think is important. That is true, that is true, local.

I mean it's iceberg to table. This is really, I mean they're using the whole animal. I mean if you're gonna kill an animal you've got to use it all. Except for just cutting the fins off of those. Yeah. But other than that. Oh yeah they didn't they didn't weren't killing those ones they were just cutting off the flippers. It's cool. It's a fun, that's cool. That's not an essential part for their survival. They don't need them. Just turn them into skin torpedoes. That's what he said. The head sealer had been on the island for six years and he said that first seals are now becoming scarce and their trade was now in sea elephants. The sealers traded oil, seal skin, two

albatrosses, 20 dead parrots, and one live parrot to the Russians who just kept going, why are my friends dead? Also by the way worst Christmas song ever. And one live parrot. 20 dead parrots. Can you imagine? That parrot was just like, what are you doing? What's happening? I'm nervous. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. Worried. Why are you doing this to me also? You weren't there. You don't know. You weren't there. You don't know. So they traded oil, seal skin, two albatrosses, 20 dead parrots, and one live parrot to the Russians for rum. It's a good trade. I don't know who's winning and losing in that. Look at all these dead parrots. You know, we could probably get shit faced. We will trade you rum for all your dead parrots.

That is still taking. We agree to your weird deal. On paper make no sense, but yeah. We have too much rum, you have crazy shit. So yeah, let's do this shit. Yeah, I don't give a shit. So they countered with something weird. It is the poker equivalent of just going fucking all in. We call you an all wrong. What game is this? Seal rumming. The killing of the sea elephants continued on the island. A New Zealand journalist wrote, the beaches of Macquarie Island present a somewhat gruesome appearance being strewn with the skeletons of elephant seals. While in the case of older operations, the bones have become adrift and lion heaps were washed up by the waves. So it's a nice vacation kind of place. One sealer said, quote, by having our hands daily bathed in the blood of animals, our natures were so changed that acts of cruelty, which one year previous would have been

revolting us now seemed to enjoy. It's just fucking great, man. You remember when we came here and I was like, yes, I feel weird about all the blood. And now I'm like, this fucking blood's great. I just love getting my hand in the animals, pulling parts out. Yay. Playing ball with like a seal head just changes you a little bit. Maybe. I'm changed from hearing it. Another captain, another captain said of the men in the sealer gangs quote, as to the men employed in the gangs, they appear to be the very refuse of the human species so abandoned and lost to every sense of moral duty. So it's a it's a fucked up island. Also, by the way, if you're one of the sealers, and you're like, guys, we've got a review. What the fuck? What did we do? Oh, the bone island. Right, right, right. I guess if on the outside looking

at it, you don't like to be offended. Yeah. Oh, I'm so I'm so fucking tired of people who don't want to be just covered in the blood of animals. Right. Political correctness gone. It seemed that every crew that was shipwrecked spent their entire time killing seals. The becklue was looking for Emerald Island, which was supposed to be south of Macquarie in 1821, but they couldn't find it and headed back. It was a nightmare as they ran into furious gales, snow, hail and fogs. They saw Macquarie Island many times, but couldn't get near it because of the storms. Then the sails were blown away, and the wheel smashed. That's an important part of the boat. Yeah, it's the steering part. It's very important. Without it, you're just like, Oh, yeah. So the sealers passed the broken pieces of the

wheel down to the cabin where they rebuilt it using a flower barrel and nails from the ship's furniture. Okay. And then they realized it was too big to get back out. That moment. Because all the deals and they're like, we have fucking nailed it. Guys, I mean, I mean, really, we had we own Macquarie Galva. Hey, let's not over backpack. Just like the three stooges. We did it. And now we have no furniture. Where are we going to sit and think about shit? So they had to take it back apart and rebuild it on the top of the deck. They were finally able to abandon the ship and get onto Macquarie Island. There they got busy killing and made 15 tons of oil by the time a rescue ship arrived. And some spots in the island were better than others. And the sealer gangs who were left on

the island by different employers began to have battles for desired coast land. Yeah, but the seals are probably like, all right. Yeah, you do deserve it. The only thing I've liked about this story so far is how often it seems people die trying to do this terrible thing. Yeah, I'm glad that there now there's more opportunities for them to die. Yeah, no, I'm rooting animals on this one. Oh, they need a win. Wow. Hey, you are the worst guy on the island. The worst guy on the island. This fucking penguin is awesome. You guys had a flippant job. We should just root, we should just be ruining the animals. Have I right? See, in my country, that means cheer for and then here it means the new guy on the island that they brought on. Hey, guys, it's me. Hey,

what are you guys talking about? Hey, guys, I just love being here. He has four penguins in dresses. What a community you guys are. I have a note. I saw him walk by the other day and there was a penguin. I think it was on his dick. He's had sex with all the animals. Watch out, he might have hip seal. The heyday of seal elephant murder on Macquarie Island was from 1826 to 1828. But the boom ended quickly after that. By 1829, only one ship, Faith, went to the island. It returned with two gangs of sealers who had been on the island for 30 months. They reported a near complete absence of seals and sea elephants. In 1834, the ship B hopefully dropped a sealer gang on the island and came back a year later. The sealers had almost no oil or skins. That was

it for the seals and sea elephants and oil and fur trade on Macquarie. There were occasional shipwrecks over the next few decades and rescues after crews spent years on the island. The sea elephants and seals slowly returned, though not in their original numbers. And yet, the worst was yet to come. Just starting to... Are you serious? I was like, the only way this actually is a fucking story you can tell in front of people is if we discover when they fucking sail away, they'd all been hiding in a cave under the ground or something. And they're all like, fuck those guys. Hey, party. They kept the one guy who was rooting them. I'm fine here. I'll stick around. If there's any, I'll find them. I will. I'll sniff them out. I love them in many ways. Has anyone seen my penguin?

I love that little guy. Joseph Hatch first laid eyes on Macquarie Island in 1862 when he was 26. He was born in England, spent some time in Australia, and was now headed to New Zealand. He was a chemist but looking for something else to do in life. There, on the island, Hatch sought quote, multitudes of penguins and sea elephants. Hatch settled in Invercargill, New Zealand. Invercargill. Don't laugh, guys. That's how it's pronounced. And let a successful life. He opened a pharmacy, became a counselor, then mayor, and then a member of parliament. He was no stranger to animal products. There was an open sack of bone dust outside his chemist shop, barrels of fat in his soap factory, and thousands of rabbit and seal

skins ready to be exported in his storage. What was the bone dust for? Just, you know, got to have it around. For playing pool? Well, you know. Yeah, once, like, yeah, if you really want precision on your butt, you dust it off a little before you sink your flesh torpedo. What? Your skin torpedo while you're rooting a penguin. I mean, we've been over this. Come on, guys. Bar dust. In 1873, Hatch bought a large ship which he used to kill seals. When New Zealand began to restrict seal hunting, Hatch ignored the laws and just kept at it. Yeah, he earned the nickname The Poacher. Good. In 1878, a new seal murder business, elder and company, set up on Macquarie Island and again started killing seal offence and rendering them down. But it was a difficult

island to live on. The owner, William Elder, said his seal gangs were coming back heavier than when they left. An American sealer wrote, quote, while on shore, we could cook and eat to our hearts content, there is plenty of food on the island at all times. If people have not too delicate stomachs, it is all heavy black meat. But as long as it's fresh, it's great. Seal was said to taste like blood pudding. So they're just like, they're going over there. They're meant to be hunting seal. But they're just like, you know what? This is like all you can eat. Let's eat. Let's just eat. Let's just eat. Look at that black meat going. We came here to eat. This is a buffet. Yeah. This is seal's law. I know you're groaning, but it's a fucking great pun.

They also boiled the wild cabbage and seaweed and ate fish and shellfish and elephant seal milk was used in cooking. And then there were the penguins. Oh, God. Quote, nothing was more delicious than lumps of penguin meat made into a hash with a handful of oatmeal. The rations from home were extremely generous. And to my sorrow, we rarely had to resort to eating penguin. Jesus, God. You okay? Yeah, it's just... Yeah, I'm just getting started. It's not... This is the story of the Australian fast food company KFP. Oh, God, no. Just how the colonel likes it. Cute. Yeah. But fried. There were four kinds of penguins on the island. King penguins were described as, quote, very palatable when young. And even the older ones are splendid eating.

That's how you describe them. I describe them as pretty delicious. They're a pretty delicious species of the penguin. Another sealer wrote, our main course baked emperor penguin breast. Penguins are usually tough, but well flavored. We ate them stewed with onions and marinated for three days in herbs and apple wine. We braised or pot roasted them and served them with onion or a sauce or gravy. As the winter came on, we began to think of new ways of repairing our penguins. Penguin fried in... You know what the fucked up thing about that is? There is probably at least one person in this audience from fucking Fitzroyal, Caldwell Woods who are like, fuck, I should start a slow cooker fucking penguin business.

Little pop up. We'll have a little penguin pop up with slow cooked penguin. So if we seal on the side, it'd be good. It'd be good. So they're eating like pigs or humans or terrible humans, whatever you want to call it. Americans. But the season wasn't year round, just a few months. And the sealer gangs needed food year round. That's when William Elder introduced rabbits as a food source to the island in 1879. It's going to go fine. He just introduced rabbits? Yeah, he put rabbits on the island. Yeah. What? Rabbits and penguins? Yep. Cool. I thought that was only in my dreams they hung out. It's just such an adorable little island, but we know that they're just going to braise it. Why have they not never been together? Honestly. Yeah, penguins

riding them. Yeah. Rabbits picking up the penguins. I mean, why wasn't there a penguin character in the Bugs Bunny universe? Surely they should have been like, that's really true. Right? Yeah. Let's put a pin in that. I agree with that. We'll put a pin in that. We'll put a penguin in it. Yeah. But the herds of CL offense began dwindling again, dwindling again, and the island being difficult to get supplies to, Elder's company left the island in 1884. Three years later, Hatch was caught poaching seals in New Zealand, which led to him losing his seat in parliament. He then turns his attention to Macquarie Island and put men there. His sealer gangs tried a new method of herding elephant seals toward the tryouts where they would be boiled down to oil, but it

didn't work. They only made 10 tons of oil. Only 10 tons of seal oil. Yeah. Well, it's the elephant seals. They don't fucking forget. That's true. That is true. Now, luckily for Hatch, the Norwegians had made a great animal killing breakthrough. Good. They invented a steam pressure digester that could extract oil not just from blubber, but also from bones and meat. Yep. That's right. Can Hitler leave? Well, the Norwegians were using it to boil down whales. Yeah. Hatch. Hey, God. Hatch. Hitting home runs right out of the gate. Hatch took a look. We'll start with whales. Work our way backwards. Hatch took a look at one of the cutest animals on earth and realized he

could boil them down and the penguin holocaust was on. Come back, Hitler. Why are you? Why? Why would you do this? Why would you talk about this in front of people? They're adorable. They're fucking adorable and they've never hurt anyone. They all look the same. Some of them are gay and they don't even know it because they're penguins. The way that they get their egg, the way that they have to carry their eggs for so long and they huddle together for warmth in the Arctic. They choose partners. Yeah, but the thing about that egg is that you can just pick it up off their feet and crack it in the fucking bowl. Oh, God. To be a penguin just like, no, no, no. Oh, yeah, I'm making an omelet. I like food. I'm marched. So penguins were perfect. They were fearless and just let

my men come as close as they wanted. This is how the men were getting penguin eggs to eat in the first place and penguins. Just by the way, you're generous in your use of the term fearless because I get what you're saying. Like, you know, they're fearless. They would just walk up to them. Bring it. But it's really what you're saying is fucking stupid. They were stupid because there was those people are going to kill them and they just wandered up to them. Hello, friend. But if they had never developed a sense that that that thing is bad, because man is new to this island, like there was a couple of years and he's already made an impression. Well, it takes a few generations to figure out that man's bad. It seemed like the island had a limitless supply of penguins. Oh my

God. Hatch had oil stations built near the beach and then the men would herd thousands of penguins into pens, kill them by hitting them on the head and then put them in the digester. One could hold 800 penguins at a time. Each could process 2700 birds in a day. How you guys doing? I'm not hungry. Are you guys enjoying the history of man? And the penguins would be... Why? People pay for this. People want to have a good night out on a fucking Saturday night. Come in and see two idiots who record something in a fucking bedroom. Do it fucking live. You know what? This country supports you better than your own fucking country does. And then you come down here. Your people are the ones who killed the penguins. So you're

just mad that you're hearing about what your people did. We will decide which penguins come to this country. We're going to build an igloo. It'll be unbelievable. We're going to get the Inuits to pay for. The Inuits are going to pay for it. We're going to build an unbelievable igloo. Huge, huge igloo. This igloo is going to be so great you're not even going to believe it. When I said build an igloo, what I meant was maybe stack a few ice blocks. So the penguins will be turned into oil. The non-oil remains will be tossed into the sea or just piled up. New Zealanders were not down with what they were hearing about the penguin slaughter. The country tried to annex the island. Apparently no nation had jurisdiction

and that was confirmed by Britain. New Zealand was preparing to send a ship to plant a flag and call the island for themselves when someone dug up documents listing Macquarie as a Tasmanian dependency. Hatch was relieved and continued boiling the shit out of the cutest bird on earth. Industrial level killing of birds. When the first batches of penguin oil were sent to New Zealand, customs declared a foreign product subject to duty. Hatch would not pay. The Southern Times newspaper came out in support of Hatch. He is creating wealth by turning a variety of wild creatures into commodities serviceable to humanity and the moment he secures ever so small a return for his adventure as he is pounced upon, hampered and discouraged. Can't a man just turn penguins

into oil like God wanted him to? This is that story about the one time the Australian press supported somebody doing something terrible fucking up the planet. Thank God that never happened again. Yeah, that doesn't ever. History does not repeat itself. Hatch went on a PR offensive giving speeches in which he attacked government officials. You gotta have a really good speech writer to go on the offensive. How dare you sir? How dare you? Judge me for making penguin oil. The nerve. They're just sitting around. Come on. They're fearless. They're fearless. You can just pick them up. How are you? Come with me. Where are we going? You're going to be oil. Huh?

Yeah. Someone judging me for that. The nerve. We are man. Duh. I just can't imagine going on the silent. Look at all the penguins are going, man. Look at all that oil. I'm just like picking armfuls up. Yeah, there you go guys. You're coming with me. Pick up some oil. Are we going to see our friends? Sort of. So he went on a PR offensive giving speeches. Offensive. He really put the offensive in PR offensive. He attacked government officials. Of the minister of marine, Thomas Fergus, Hatch said, quote, whom I class as a marine animal of the department on account of his bulk. This dude's just a prick. I mean, everything's prey. But the crowds aided up. Hatch was quite the showman. Hatch continued to have more and more

digesters put on the island. What was once a three month season of killing penguins turned into six months. He also had to do this because he was decimating penguin rookries. The king penguin rookery originally had 70,000 penguin. It was now down to just 5,000. So the digesters moved over to the royal penguins. You guys are such a bummer. I dare you. Not the fucking royals, we're still the Commonwealth. It's funny though that they're like emperor royals. The king penguin. Yeah. Concern began to rise about just how many penguins were being killed, particularly in New Zealand. The country desperately wanted to stop Hatch, but Tasmania said it was their island. So keep going. New Zealand tried to pressure Tasmania to get Hatch off the island,

and Hatch went to New Zealand to make his case at a meeting where he said the issue of protecting penguins was, quote, ridiculous nonsense because so few birds were being killed compared to the number of penguin colonies. Then in June 1895, he gave a lecture in Tasmania on the island and the penguins and the oil industry he had begun. The Tasmanian news, quote, Hatch demonstrated that he was far from decimating the penguins and that his employees were careful to select only certain older birds, which could be determined by their feathers. And there was no likelihood of the penguins becoming extinct. Sea birds and elephant seals did more damage to penguins than he did. So it's basically he's fighting for right to die for penguins, which is nice. It's a natural

order of things. Yeah, no, he's picking the old ones. The ones with the long rambling stories. He's like, you're coming with me. What? I was just talking about an egg. Yeah, come with me, grandpa. What is this? Where are we going? Oh, look, what is a digester? Oh, no. Oh. Oh, my. I mean, look, it's sad that he had to realize what was happening, but he took it well. Yeah. He took it well. And I mean, he resigned to his part. You gotta know when you're beat. Oh, I'm not a big complainer. They got you too, Doug. I'm getting a little too old for this.

But that wasn't true. As scientist Leslie Blake had witnessed the oiling process, he said they actually killed one year old penguins because they had more fat. In 1901, the one thing we know back then and we still know today is don't trust the fucking scientists. Yeah. No, never. Don't believe him. Yeah. In 1901, Dr. Edward Wilson, a zoologist, went to the island and saw the penguin oil process, looked at the digesters and saw quote, slag heaps of remnant penguin. Now they were debating in Tasmania whether or not to lease the island to hatch. And he won over the people of Tasmania who leased the island to him in 1902 for 40 pounds a year for a seven year lease. Rent control to probably. Meanwhile, Wilson returned

to London in 1904 and started talking endless shit about hatch and his penguin Holocaust. He gave speeches about the quote, hunting of penguins into red hot cauldrons. Others in England began to call for an end to the shameful trade in penguin oil. Yet by 1909, hatch was cranking out more penguin oil than ever before. The royal penguins are now being oiled by four digesters, one being a brand new huge one nicknamed Big Ben. What is going on? I mean, seriously, like, is this the final podcast? Like, is that what you brought everyone to Australia for? That you're like, why the fuck are you still saying this? This is not a Nick Cave concert, motherfucker. People came to be entertained. Why are you making this so fucking sad? Yeah,

it looks like the worst thing is I've forgotten about the seals and it was fucked up. What happened to them? Yeah, I forgot about the seals. Give a shit about the seals because what happened to the fucking penguin? Yeah. This is a pencast. They were making 100 tons of penguin oil a year. An organization was created to stop hatch. It was made up of many different people and put pressure on Tasmania to not renew the lease. They were probably just like penguins and people outfits. We also agree that there's a stop. Hatch is a lunatic. We are pen bot. Hatch was now 73 years old, but he would not give up. He's still thirsty for penguin blood. He tried to paint the groups opposed to him as conspiracy nuts. He wrote to a paper quote as far as the

rock hopper and king penguins are concerned. We never touch them. Royal penguins, we do. And I am prepared to prove that since I have worked the island, they have considerably increased and there may now be something like 100 million of them. Don't you understand? By killing all of them, I'm making more. You guys. When you cut a penguin in half and burn it, it turns into five penguins. Yeah. Once you cut it in half, you got two right there. You keep dicing it. You can have 100,000 little mini penguins, fairy penguins. A penguin expert wrote back, this is pure nonsense. There are not 50 million of all 20 species of penguins on the earth's surface. Bullshit. I'm making them. God damn it. Yeah. By the way, that's a bullsy thing to be in the fucking 1900s.

A penguin expert. That is a specific job that isn't really that handy back there. But you're like, hey, I'm a penguin expert. Then shut up. Nobody cares about you. Good Lord. Okay. Sorry. Do you think he would always walk around in a tuxedo? That's how he got them. They were like, oh, that's how they would like poach them. They'd all be in tuxedos and they'd be like, look, big ones. Oh no. Oh, the rumors were true. Oh my. The island continued to be an issue to reach due to bad weather. One of hatch's ship sank off the coast. This caused him to miss a lease payment and his contract was terminated in November, 1911. Not one to give up. Some people leave. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do. That'll

do. That'll do penguin. That'll do. But hatch was not one to give up on killing penguins. He sent another ship to unload supplies. It was then blown into the rocks and destroyed. Yeah. He was pretty screwed. Explore Douglas Mawson, who would later walk around without skin on his feet. Got permission to build a wireless radio station on Macquarie, 1911. While there... Floor the penguins, right? Yeah. To start a podcast. Yeah. While there, he and his team also mapped the island and studied the island's botanies of ology and geology, and then he scooted off to Antarctica. In 1912, hatch moved his headquarters to Tasmania, built an oil refinery and warehouse. He then bought another ship. He had no lease.

He's really old. He's like in his 70s. He said he was 73, but he just won't die. Maybe something to this theory. Yeah. Well, have you ever... Penguin oil is Lorenzo's oil. That's what I'm talking about. That's where this goes. It turns out penguin oil is the... Found a youth. Right. Exactly. Oh, that'll be a fun twist. So he had no lease from Macquarie Island, but when World War I broke out, no one cared. Penguin oil was needed. More digesters were brought to the island as penguin boiling cranked up again. At this point, Douglas Mawson went on the offensive. He was a scientist, explorer, lover of nature, and it turns out, not down with turning thousands of penguins into penguin oil.

Weirdos. He held lectures warning of the destruction to the penguin population. He pushed the government to make the island a scientific reserve. Meanwhile, polar explorers were the heroes of the day across the world, and they all told stories of penguins. And penguins were actually being filmed. Penguins were now hot, like Justin Bieber fucking hot. You mean they had six packs? The shirt was off all the time? Even H.G. Wells got into saving penguins. Famous writers of the day wrote such sentences as, if we do not help the penguins, they will call us huns, and we shall deserve every bit of it.

On August 23, 1919, the British children's newspaper made a plea for penguin killing to stop. Huh? It's kind of working around. That's a hell of an article. Isn't it great that at some point we decided penguin killing was bad? It was the fucking artist and the writer's man. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. The fucking penguin is muddier than the sword. Yeah. Penny Bruce. He was a pig. Mawson gave speech after speech in Australia. Hatch countered with his own, showing... He just won't die. I'm 150 and I want to eat all the penguins! Fuck you! No! He showed it all, like at old time slides by Lantern show,

explaining how humane his penguin killing and boiling system was. Look at how happy they are. Look at them boiling. They love it. Look at it. This was possibly the first ever international campaign to preserve wildlife. Then Frank Hurley jumped into the fight. He was a celebrator photographer who traveled with Mawson and Shackleton. He told the public that the penguins were walked up a plank to the top of the digester where they were hit on the head and fell into the boiler. Many were alive, he said. It was totally not true, but it worked. Then the minister of land said the oil industry had not been profitable and he did not see any advantage in allowing it to be carried on for

40 pounds a year and having hundreds of thousands of penguins destroyed. Well, if the minister of land says it, you know it's true. Hatch was told he could have a lease for one more year, but only to remove this. What? Hell, no! How often we've decided he's a nutbag who should never do something by his... All right, he's done. All right, one more year! Thank you. I will take advantage of this year. I promise I'm just collecting some of my things. And those things are penguin bodies. I didn't say nothing. Why did you hear? No, I just collect my stuff. And then get all the penguins. I hope this ends with him getting thrown in the digester.

Wait a minute! The penguins are like, you walked the fucking plank. No! Him dressed as a penguin. Yeah. It worked out a way to dress him as a penguin and march him up. No! Pushing his wheelchair. You're stubborn, you goddamn dirty birds! Impestance! Impestance! I guess it's not who you mean! And then the one falls in. Oh my... I looked too much. So he was given a lease for one year, but only to remove all his equipment. Hatch was immediately... He is just collecting his stuff. A year? Yeah, well, there's stuff everywhere. A week, two weeks maximum. And supervised. Yes.

As he's like taking his suitcase, it's just like a bunch of bird noises and it's shaking with feathers popping out of it. It's just my duvet, I swear! Shut up, duvet! Hey! You know, duvet makes great oil. Yeah, he gets a year. Right. So Hatch was immediately ruined. He lost his property in New Zealand in Hobart. His lands were sold off. He ended up living in a cottage with a small pension. I thought you were going to say penguin. Which would have been fucking unbelievable. We're like this all the time! He's a guy who loves murdering penguins and he's a penguin. There's no way we'll get along this fall.

Did you try to throw me in the digester last night when I was sleeping? No, I swear to God, I was just nursing you. With a small penguin. He's my only friend. I realized the wrong of my way. You know, in retrospect, I shouldn't have killed a billion penguins. When I look back, you had a point. And I don't think it was humane when I hit him with a bat and threw him in the machine. Looking back, you know. Now, Mawson had been pushing for the island to be made into a bird sanctuary for years, and now it was. If you hear that as a penguin, you're like trap. Absolute trap. No, now it's all

yours. Come back. I'm like fuck you. In 1933, Macquarie Island was declared a wildlife sanctuary under the Tasmanian Animals and Bird Protection Act. But it was done. But during this great battle over penguins, there was something else happening on the island. It had been greatly overshadowed by penguin boiling. As most stuff is. Yeah. And in 1911, a New Zealand newspaper had written about it, quote. And the interesting fact about Macquarie is that cats have been introduced there at some time or other and that their descendants, which have grown to be very large in size, have worked havoc among the birds. Well, now I don't know who to root for. No. Are you fucking kidding me? Turns out it's high in protein.

Right. It's like Game of Thrones, but adorable. The flightless rail, which is like a small crane, was now gone, killed by cats. As was a semi-flightless parrot. But come on, if you're a flightless fucker. Yeah, you're just like, come on, wings, fail me not. Goodbye. And then there were the rabbits. The rabbits on Macquarie Island were so numerous because they fucked like rabbits that when an Australian Antarctic expedition went to the island in 1949, they would just kill rabbits with stones when they were hungry. So there's so many, they were just like, all right. It's like the game you play at the fair where you throw a ping-pong ball

into a goldfish ball. You're like, yep, got one. You guys don't. In the early fifties, it was reported, in the early 1950s, it was reported that Macquarie Island was being investigated to provide a solution to the rabbit pest that was affecting Australia. Penguins. They taught penguins how to kill rabbits. The rare murder penguin. We're not cute anymore, are we? Rabbits have been brought to Australia in 1788 with the first fleet, but they became a problem when 24 were released in Victoria 150 years ago. Since then, rabbits were everywhere. By the 1920s, there were 10 billion rabbits in Australia.

Wait, sorry. Did you say 10? Yeah, there's a lot of rabbits here still. Hapes. Did you say 10 billion? There's like, apes are rabbits here. There's like, apes. 10 billion rabbits? But there was like, apes are rabbits. You guys should be only rabbits. That is so many rabbits. There's a heap of this country we don't use, and for a while it was mostly rabbits.

10 billion rabbits? I mean, there wasn't an exact count, but that was the guess, our best guess about this. If they could mobilize and form a political party, look the fuck out. Or actually, maybe good news now that I think about it. Tony Rabbit. Bloody Americans coming to this country taking my puns. You can have my puns when you pull them out of my cold dead head. Throw them in the digester. No.

So Macquarie Island was seen as a good place to experiment on getting rid of the rabbit problem that was, oh yeah, the flicking Australia show. In 1972, a scientific article is written about how the extensive grazing by rabbits on the island was catastrophic. It predicted that the grassland vegetation on Macquarie Island is doomed to destruction. While investigations into ways to end the rabbit nightmare had happened, no actual methods have been attempted. So hang on, what about the cats? Are the cats and the rabbits like they're living together? Sorry. In the 50s in Australia, they had used myoxyma virus to kill them off.

Myxomatosis, right? Yeah, myxomatosis. Myxomatosis, what? Myxomatosis. Oh, that's not what it says here. Well, I think that's what it's called, right? Myxomatosis. Yeah. So it's pretty great. It's pretty great. I think you'll enjoy this. It gave rabbits skin tumors, blinded them, then made them fatigued with a fever, and then they would die in about 14 days. So it's pretty humane. Which part?

I think the part where they got tired. Why not just like, I mean, why not just, I mean, not the blinding part or the skin tumors, but then when they were like, oh, I'm sleepy. That was humane. The 14 days was a while. The island had no mobile biting insects. It was decided the best thing to do was to introduce a European flea that would carry the virus. This is the island of Dr. Moreau. I mean, we'll throw in a flea, a European flea. That'll do it. I love it. So the first fleas were released.

Be flea. The boat that came over was called the first flea. They had a fleet of ships. The first releases of fleas on the island were made in December 1968. After 10 years, it was decided enough rabbits had fleas that they could release the virus. Oh, yeah. So they had to give the rabbits fleas first before they released the flea. You don't release the flea that you want. Because then they might just kill a few rabbits. You want them to spread everywhere and then you put the virus out and then it goes everywhere.

So you've got to give them all fleas first and then give them the flea. Right. Cool plan. Well, I mean, planning a Holocaust is hard. Yeah. It worked. By 1986, the rabbits had been cut down by 80%. As a newspaper reported, quote, now comes the sensitive moment as the balance tilts back to the native inhabitants. In 1989, quote, plants are winning. 10 years after scientists first released the myoxema virus on remote Macquarie Island to kill fell rabbits, which were destroying the vegetation, the native plants are beginning to return. But everyone forgot about the cats.

Not will. Not will. Well, if other thing I'd been around at that time, I was like, but what about the fucking cat? Holy shit. What about the cats? By the mid 80s, the cats who had been eating rabbits started eating seabirds. Six seabird species were now threatened. Cats on the island were killing 60,000 seabirds a year. Oh, hang on. The cats are doing it now. Yeah. Adorable. If that was on the internet, you'd be like, yeah. So now it was time to kill the cats from 1985.

From 1985 to 1995, 124 cats were killed per year using trap and shoot. Then it was up to 220 cats for three years. And then 1999, 99 cats were killed. The last cat was killed in 2004. Then the seabirds flourished. Time to kill them after we got a new top dog to murder. After 80 years, the petrels were breeding and all was good. I mean, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Now we have a problem. No, no, no, no. The rabbits. What about the rabbits? The cats are gone. The rabbits. Oh, so killing. The same year the last cat was killed on the island was the same year the rabbit virus production

was stopped because. Why did they kill all the cats and who didn't see that coming? Because you know what's crazy? Now the buddies are a problem again. I don't know. It's a real pickle, huh? What do you think it is? Well, let's murder our way out of this one. Because of the weather on the island, the virus had to continually be released over the years. The last batch had been made an expiration date of 2002, but was still being used until 2006. There are also reports in the 1970s. Is this deadly virus off? I bet you could put it on the cereal. It's fine. It smells fine. There are also reports in the 70s that some rabbits have begun to show resistance to the

virus. From a recent journal quote, genome sequencing showed that the myoxymovirus evolved rapidly in both Australia and Europe, producing one of the highest rates of evolutionary change ever recorded for a DNA virus. Number one. 2007, with cats eradicated, rabbits increased to their pre-control levels, which meant the vegetation on the island was severely damaged again. Oh, sweet bastard. Dig a patch. Like, seriously, you are just yo-yo-ing. Yeah. Like, just speak to something. Find a sensible plan. Like, Luther Vandross the island. He had a weight fluctuation. He wasn't as big in Australia. Matthew Perry. Got with Matthew Perry.

Can we cut that back? Is that the term we use? Yep. Can we cut that one back? So, it was determined the quick rise in rabbit numbers was because of the removal of the cats. It was determined the decision to get rid of the cats was an error, and there was now evidence that the virus was less effective. Many rabbits have been exposed but not died. Oh, and now there are 103,000 mice and 36,000 rats. Okay, is this a whole island based on that nursery rhyme? There was a woman who swallowed a fly because literally that seems to be their solution to everything. Like, fucking a spider now. A cat. Whatever. We don't know what's normal anymore. Yeah. Thank God for man. Dr. John Reed, quote, given the well-known propensity of rabbits to breed, well,

like rabbits, you don't need a PhD in ecology to work out that a removal of the cats could lead to a population explosion. He had a PhD in ecology. We thought the cat had nine lives, and they don't. They die right away. The Tasmanian Parks and Wildlife Service then came up with a plan to get rid of the rabbits and rodents. It was approved in 2006. A fund of 24.6 million was set aside. The plan was to drop poison bait by helicopter and then have teams follow up on the ground to eliminate those rabbits that survived. Wait, and then what? And then they would have teams follow up on the ground to eliminate the rabbits that survived. They invaded a rabbit island? With death squads. This is like, I mean, this is how we invaded Iraq. Yeah. Shock and awe,

then we put boots on the ground. And all about oil. Yeah, and all about fucking oil. Yeah. Hey, hold on. Hold on. We went in there because the weapon's a mass destruction. The rabbit's a mass destruction, man. We know where the carrots are. We have a solid intel on where the carrots are. We've used properly. Okay, so we believe we've identified the leader, Osama Bunny Laden. The plan was to drop, you probably missed a lot, dude. The rabbits are... The plan was to drop poison bait by helicopter and then have teams follow up on the ground to

eliminate the rabbits survived. The poison used inhibited blood clotting, so the rabbits were to bleed out internally, go into shock and then die. Oh, right? Now you're like, oh, it'd be so great to be a penguin getting it on the head. The baiting was set to take place in mid-2010. Winter was decided the best time to drop the poison from the helicopters because that is when the fewest native creatures were on the island. Can I just point out, just for the record, I keep thinking because of the nature of this podcast and I've done it before, most of these stories are normally set in some terrible time that you can... Well, it started then. But you keep saying things that are just before. Like when he was in the 90s, I was like, oh, we're wrapping this one up.

Six fucking years ago right now. This story is still going on. We're still having a war on rabbits. Really? Yeah, this is... I mean... Have I mentioned in the story that the weather is pretty bad on the island? No. So the bait drop started on June 5th. Strangely, the weather was so bad, the poison bait can only be dropped for five days over the next three weeks. Only 10% of the island was covered. Then scavenger birds started dying. Apparently scavenger birds eat dead rabbits that have been poisoned, which poisons the birds. Oh my god. Other birds died because they just ate the bait. One of the reasons winter had been picked was because there wasn't much vegetation, meaning the rabbits would be more likely to eat the bait. So with the birds,

apparently. Now rangers were out picking up dead rabbits and dead birds to stop other birds from eating them. This is the best... Australia's created the best island ever. You know what the worst thing is? This has literally happened in the time that I've known you. And there was a logistical problem. The helicopter was to take off from just one ship that was in the middle of a 20-year Antarctic survey. So that meant the ship was often not available to take the helicopter baiting team to the island when they needed to go. Also, the poison was delayed four weeks, which meant scavenger birds were returning to the island when the rabbits were dying, which is the exact opposite of what was supposed to happen. Oh, and then the carcass removal teams

kept getting held from going on to the island because of, oh, there's bad weather. Did you guys not know that? Apparently there's bad weather near this island. The labor government was attacked for their terrible planning. The deaths of seabirds got a lot of media attention. Next, in 2011, someone had a crazy idea. No! No more crazy ideas. An infectious disease that has fatal to rabbits, but not harmful. We dropped dolphins. It's crazy enough to work. No, it's not. They're poison dolphins. Get out. Three dingoes and a baby. Leave the room. Stop pitching to us. We dropped cats. Get out. More cats. No. No. You make penguin bombs? Get out. You validate. Leave. Turtles were introduced.

No, I'm kidding. But you know what? But this story is so fucked up that you were like, yeah, of course turtles were introduced. Yeah, of course we stand in the turtles. That makes complete fucking sense. I get it. I get it. I understand why. Their shells toward us in the hair makes sense. They know ninja? Yeah. Well, it turns out the turtles are dying. So they introduced an infectious disease that's fatal to rabbits, but not harmful to birds. Carrots were used to deliver the disease. Oh, no. Are you serious? These are so gummy. It had not been used because... Did you guys eat the carrots last night? I just feel a little... I am just... My tummy is not agreeing. You know what? My eyesight feels

great, but my tummy... I'm having trouble seeing. Yeah. I just feel tumoury. I just feel tumourish. I really... Oh, man. I'm gonna take a nap. I... Hey, what's up, doc? I'd love to know. Is there a doctor here? I'm gonna die. Hey, darkness, my old friend. So this virus had not been... This infectious disease had not been used because they were concerned. It wouldn't do well in the cold. Boy, were they wrong. Rabbits started dying off like penguins under hatch. 80 to 90% were wiped out. This virus also killed the rabbits within 48 hours. In 2012, rabbit hunting dogs were brought to the island. GPS trackers were attached to the dogs to

endure... So to make sure every meter of the island was covered. Dogs would spot the rabbits and then a handler would kill the rabbits humanely. The dogs were not to come within 10 meters of wildlife, but that didn't always work out. Quote, so we'd be kneeling at the edge of a rabbit hole as one of the dogs checked it and we turned around to fight eight penguins behind us, peering over our shoulders. They never checked. They have not checked at all. What are you guys doing? What is that a dog? Do you guys want to hang out for a little while? You seem cool. Want to be friends? You guys, people look fun. Oh, cool, man. What we've learned is that penguins do not pass on information to their children. Every time they go back, they're either dead or they forget.

What's that going to tell you? Something big. I had something. Anyway, let's just go walk in traffic. Yeah, let's go walking around. Let's go walk in traffic in my room. There we go. The penguins are there. What? What's going on? Only 13 rabbits survived the virus. The last rabbit was wiped out four months after the dogs came. In 2014, the project was said to be completed. All rabbits and rodents are gone, $5 million under budget. Today, $5 million under budget? Shut the fuck up. This whole thing has been a waste of everybody's fucking time and money, but someone has gone, $5 million under budget. We saved a lot of money. We saved a lot of money. You know, the cold really helped us. We didn't know how to work

in the cold, but it really worked our advantage. By the way, there's penguins again and we have a plan. We got a hatch a plan. And that's where the expression hatch a plan came from. I want, well, from what I want to have happen right now is for these penguins to murder so many men. Does it happen? That's 2018. I'm excited for that. Today, 3.5 million seabirds come to Macquarie Island each year to breed. Most are penguins. Three types of fur seals and elephant seals number around 3,000. It was a hard road, but it's fine.

Hey, don't call it a comeback. We've been here for years. Jesus. How you doing? Wow. Not good, but I will say that, you know, the truth is that there is, that is the fucking problem is that like, for whatever reason, humans are like, we can just do whatever it is to control every population but our own. And the end game for that is shit. Like, you know, I mean, that, you know, all the fucking rainforests are getting cut down. I mean, it's just, yeah, they're all getting cut down. All fucking orangutans. And we're still like, it is the same shit. Are the orangutans getting cut down? They're getting killed because they're,

they're destroying their environment. So, so you like, while you say this and it is fucking bananas that a dude was throwing penguins into some sort of oil generator, the same shit happens. Like it's, you know, it really, you actually can't get a good quality penguin oil anymore. Now what, now this is the thing that's fucked up about you. It would not shock me if next week you ate penguin and you were like, it's actually, while it's tough, it's worth it. I would try penguin. They're cute, but you know, so's other things they eat like cats. I need to make a phone call. And amsters and babies. Oh, well, babies, I get, because that's when they're tender. But you got to try them. If

you're going to eat them, you might as well. I mean, if you're going to eat a human, you might as well eat them. How many people wish they hadn't come tonight? The fuck did you teach me about my country? I'm like, you guys are, you guys are out of your fucking minds is what I taught you. I knew you were horrible to humans, but I didn't realize the fucking penguins. Oh, the worst. I mean, they're fine now. They're back and they're hanging out. That's not okay. That's not how that happens. It's not okay. You know what, like there was other penguins who suffered. It's not just because penguins are having a comeback, just because the fairy penguins do a couple of great shows at fucking Phillip Island. Great shows. It doesn't

mean that I'm time. Great shows. Right. But that doesn't mean that all the other shit was worth it. Because suddenly some of them are in show business. The Holocaust was fine. Woody Allen made some cool films. Like, well, wait a minute. So there is an Armenian. There was an Armenian. And then there was some troubles. There was an Armenian genocide. And then we have the Kardashians. And now we have System of a Down, which is pretty angry, but great music. So, you know, I don't, I don't think we know. Well, I'm just saying good things come from horrible things. And in this case, there's an Armenian. This good podcast has come from something horrible. You. By the way, you can, you can blame Patton Oswald. This was his idea. This one. He was like, man,

I got a great one. And I was like, what? And then I wrote it. And I was like, fuck, what have we done? So it's Patton Oswald's fault. Well, remember when I was in the car? And I was like, man, this one's going to bum you out. Yeah. What Will was saying is true. Like, when you were going through the SEAL stuff, I was like, this is a tragedy. And that was just like, I mean, we were just going on this part of the coaster. Like it was just sweet bastard. Get out of my head, Anthony. Selling cars. We're not selling cars, sir. I think you misunderstood the sign off on the podcast. We're selling cars. He's like, I'm going to buy one of those automobiles. I like the cut of these two gyps. Come on down to dollop car dealership. Deals, deals, deals, deals, deals.

Low APR finance. And come on down this weekend. It's a Father's Day special. Dollopaniak. Dolliak. Thank you so much, everybody, for coming out. You guys are fantastic. We will be back again sometime soon. And if you want us to sign a car, probably about 45 minutes, we'll go out front. So just stop traffic on the street for 40. No, there's a little, I don't know where the fuck you do it. But if you wanted your car signed, we'll be leaving here. And if your car is there, you know, we'll put a pen on it, whatever, right? Who gives a shit? Thank you guys. Appreciate it.