The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 210 - The New Jersey Shark Attacks

Episode Date: October 6, 2016

Live from the Los Angeles Podcast Festival, Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by the hosts of My Favorite Murder, Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca Now it's time for another podcast live from the Los Angeles podcast festival.

What the fuck is this? My name is Dave Anthony and I do a podcast called The Dollop. Each week I read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be. I don't care for that at all. Okay what happened there is a friend of mine who's an award-winning screenwriter blah blah blah sat Gareth down and said look you don't say about at the end of that fucking sentence. I found out about prepositions again. How many times do I have to learn that lesson? I don't like you I don't like you learning types telling us how to talk. Yeah let's bring up our

guests. I love their love their love their podcast so if you haven't listened to my favorite murder I cannot I cannot recommend it. It sounds like a lot of people haven't listened. So these ladies are hilarious Karen Kulgarev and Georgia Hart Stark. Who's frazzled? Hi. Look at her yep. Hi. 1916. The New Jersey Shore. I'm just readying my snooki stuff. I don't know about you guys but I'm already Jay Wildwin. The Jersey Shore was a popular summer resort area a trip from New York or Philadelphia was an easy commute to the large hotels and vacation homes. Yacht and tennis clubs and other resorts popped up in places like Spring

Lake and Island Heights and Beach Haven. Presidents US Grant and James Garfield owned large summer homes in the town of Long Branch and in the late spring of 1916 Woodrow president Woodrow Wilson decided that the summer White House executive offices would be moved to his mansion there. It's a fucking shit. Sounds like a great time. It's really good. Sharks. Huh? Sorry now. What? I'm what they call a segue doctor. Uh-huh. I'm just I'm just laying out the landscape right so there's nice houses and now I'm talking about the animal life. Sharks at this time were not considered dangerous. Long ago. Or cigarettes for that matter.

Yep. Or hitting babies in the face. Right. It's all fine back. Face baby hitting was totally cool. Totally fine. I don't know what got him doctor. He's all smushed up again. Back in 1891 a millionaire had offered 500 to anyone who could prove to him that a shark had bitten a human. That is such an amazing mission. I never got word back. I guess another quitter. 19 in a row. He was so sure sharks were his friends that he once jumped in the water with a shark during a party at his home to prove it and the shark swam away. Dolphin. It was a dolphin. Yeah. It was a drunk guy. Not a shark. And the shark was like I'm good. Many not all scientists

of the day believe sharks were harmless. Reports of American shark attacks. Go ahead. Karen's got something. Thank you. I'm not a scientist of today or any day but they have rows and rows of teeth and they're not just teeth shaped like ours. Right. They're pointed teeth. Not for people though. They're for like fish. And plants. If they saw a person they'd be like. Chew the shit out of that seaweed. Yeah. But if they saw a person like an otter they'd be like well that looks good but a human they'd be like oh you look smart. I love smart people. Yeah. Sharks are down with people. Reports of American shark attacks were often dismissed as fishermen's

tales. You fucking fishermen. I'm telling you he ate half my crew. They're all dead. I've got the knob god damn it. Oh tall tales. He's doing it for attention again. I'm not if they're all dead. My boys dead. Here we go again. Good lord. My lord. In April of 1916 the Brooklyn Museum of Science had put out a bulletin explaining that scientists were interested in sharks but little was known about them as no comprehensive study had yet been done. It's a big bulletin. Indeed little was known. Scientists now give a shit. Everyone everyone breaking breaking. Sharks are now interesting. Indeed little was known about the shark. Dr. Frederick

Lucas director of the American Museum of Natural History said quote one of the commonest mistake one of the commonest statements is that the shark bit off the man's leg as though it were a carrot. Certainly no shark caught off of New Jersey could possibly perform such an act. Moreover a shark is not particularly strong in the jaws. Yep. No reason to think that. Nope. Never. I remember my own disappointment. I shouldn't have said jaws obviously. That's a big that's the landmine word he hit there. I remember my own disappointment at witnessing a 12-foot shark trying to cut a chunk out of a sea lion. The sea lion had been dead

a week and was supposedly tender but the shark tugged and thrashed and made a great to-do over each mouthful. A rumpf. Wait what did you say? A rumpf. That was the shark? No that was me I was helping out. But wait who's doing that? So the guy the scientists said he watched a shark try to eat. Oh so he's like that's him let down. Yeah and he's like look at how shitty he isn't eating that thing. Look at him. It's not a picnic. Eat it already. Just bite the thing. He's putting a bib on. I'm a shark. I'm a shark. That's you. Well the case is closed on this one. We've seen enough. The American Museum scientists actually cited the millionaires jumping in the

water with the shark as scientific evidence that made any sharks did not exist. Yeah. No questions there. So the belief the belief was that sharks were just not much of a threat to people. I mean talk about playing into the sharks damn. Yeah no we don't give a fuck about you guys. On July 1st 1916 23-year-old Charles Vincent was at the Beach Haven resort with his family. Before dinner he decided to go for a swim in the ocean. Before he did he played with a big dog on the beach yelling at it and splashing water. So a few minutes later. So a few minutes later when he started really screaming everyone thought he was playing

with the dog. So it was like go come on big fella come on too. They were like boy they are really getting into it out there huh. What kind of fetches that it's so loud. I think he threw his arm for him. I think the dog has gills. What a game. Oh man. He loves dogs. Underwater on land. Hey why is the dog here. There's probably two with the same dog. Of course it quickly changed with the continuing screaming. One of his sisters said quote everybody was horrified to see my brother splashing about in the water as though struggling with a monster under the surface. He fought desperately and as we rushed toward him we could see great quantities

of blood. The lifeguard Alexander Ott was one of Charles friends. He said quote I saw a big shark still biting him. Charles was swimming in a pool of blood. When we got up onto the beach I saw that his leg was badly injured and blood was pumping into the sand. I don't think you can do that for very long. Seven hours Mac. Back then that was long. Everyone had really strong irony blood. A woman who was close by tore the skirt off her bathing suit and made a tourniquet. While you do do that imagine this time when all the guys are like Jesus Christ. We got to get more sharks out here. I think she's got a crush on me. Or she's trying to

strangle that sea dog. All the flesh on the back of Charles left thigh was stripped from the hip to the knee. He must have smelled your dog. The bone was exposed. You guys are doctors but that's bad. Also keep the dog away from this one. He had a giant gash on his other leg. People who saw the shark said it was holding on to Charles leg in just 18 inches of water. It was black and about nine feet long. It also had a very large dorsal fin. A ship's captain who was there said he'd never seen a shark like this in the area. Charles died at 645 p.m. He lived for... He would have been dead anyway probably guys. I know.

The barber's bone was sticking out. Yeah that was not a good sign. No. Was it related to the shark attack? Yes. It was. I wasn't sure if it was... Or the dog! Yeah. He died from loving that doggy too much. Not a doctor, no. This was the first recorded shark attack fatality on the east coast of the United States and somehow there is very little coverage in the New York and New Jersey papers. The New York Times put the story on page 18. Wow. Bury that! The article said Charles was quote badly bitten in the surf on Saturday afternoon by a fish. Presumably a shark. Fish was repreated twice more in the article. It's a fish shark fish

shark situation. The fish commissioner of Pennsylvania. Wait a minute. I said it! I said it and it's a thing! He has to be called the co-fissioner. How does that not come up? Thank you. How the fuck does that not come up? I don't know. I'm the commissioner of fish. You know sir, I could save us a lot in print ads. You know what? Hear me out. Mr. Co-Fissioner. What? What did his office smell like? Do you want to meet at your office? I got a bunch of carp on my... Yeah, come here. Come here. I'll open the windows. Get the fans going. So many people brought him candles every time. I have a bunch already. I was thinking of you. Oh Cal, this will be great. The fish commissioner... He needed some citrus spray.

The only spray of PodFest. The fish commissioner said quote, I do not believe there is any reason why people should hesitate to go in swimming at the beaches for fear of man-eaters. The information in regard to the shark sharks is indefinite and I hardly believe that Van Zandt was attacked by a man-eater. He was in the surf playing with a dog and maybe that a small shark drifted in at high water and was marooned by the tide being unable to move quickly without food. He had come in to attack the dog and accidentally bit the man in passing. Classic shark. It's Occam's razor right there. It's so clear what happened. It's so obvious what happened. My God, he didn't attack a man.

He was marooned and thought it was a dog. I'm the co-fissioner. Do I have to do everything? He's got a clothespin on his nose. Sorry, I forgot I was out. Sorry, sorry. The co-fissioner. On an all new co-fissioner. On the next co-fissioner. On a very special co-fissioner. That's not a halibut. On a five-part co-fissioner. On the series finale of co-fissioner. Previously on the co-fissioner. Independence Day was coming and no one wanted it ruined. Thousands of people from the... It's so selfish immediately. Well, we don't want our holiday ruined.

This fucking asshole without legs. By these fish. Thousands of people from the Tri-State area were expected to pour in on trains. At the same time, sea captains entering the ports of Newark and New York were telling stories of large schools of sharks off the Jersey coast. Beach Haven. They don't go to school, silly fishermen. Good Lord. I'm a captain. My family was eaten by those sharks. Here we go. All righty. Beach Haven placed wire netting 300 feet from the shore along the entire length of the beach. But July 4th was fine. July 6th, however, was not good.

Bellboy Charles Brooder was floating on his back in the water at Asbury Park near this Sussex Hotel. Yep. I'm assuming he had the little hat on. He was blowing water straight up and it was coming down on two sides. Wearing a fish outfit. Like the idea that you're floating there like sharks don't like people. Let me just lay out like this. People nearby... It's like a dog! People nearby saw a shark quickly heading toward him. It's fin above the surface and then Brooder went under.

A woman standing near the lifeguards pointed out to where Brooder was and said that a man in a red canoe had overturned. But that wasn't a canoe. No. That was blood. Wait, our canoe is made of liquid. Because then it could have been a canoe. It was in a plasma red canoe. That guy's water canoe crashed and he never even had an ore officer.

It's so much denial. It really is. Brooder then screamed so loud it was heard three blocks away. Charles then leaped out of the water revealing his right leg was gone above the knee and blood was squirting out. Then he fell back into the water as the shark came around and made another run. Now a crowd of hundreds is watching a bellboy being eaten by a shark. I like to stop barking. I think you're a dog.

Where's our luggage? Sir! We didn't even tip him. He's being eaten by the shark but he still has that hat on. That's the whole he holds on to the whole time. Don't! Don't! Don't! I want to bend to the bench! This time his left foot was bitten off below the ankle then a nearby boat came over and pulled Charles in quickly.

He passed out and as he laid dying... Got hit on the head. As he laid dying this is what he was supposed to have said. The shark was a big gray fellow and as rough as a sandpaper. I didn't see him until after he struck me the first time. He cut me here on the side and his belly was so rough it bruised my face and arms. That was when I yelled the first time. He stepped my left leg off there only turned and shot back at me.

That time I thought he had gone on but he bit me just below the knee and he yanked me clear under before he let go. I had hardly reached the surface when he came back at me again. That time he bit me in the side. An awful blow. And he shook me like a terrier shakes a rat. Yes, this is how I talk in times of dying. He's a dog now. But he let go while I was calling then suddenly struck at me again and this time took off the other leg.

He's a big fellow and he's awful hungry. So he did a one-man show as he laid dying. Gentlemen, I will do my last seleniquy. Really, you should take it easy. You're breathing and talking too much for a dying person. I'll be fine. All he really said was fuck this. And the newspaper is just made of that.

He was like, what the fuck? What happened to my leg? And that changed over time. Fisherman's tales, you know how they are. As they do, I still keep in touch with the shark. He's a close friend. Then Charles died. Wait, what? How did you not see?

How are you moaning like you didn't see that coming? Here's why, because he gave that statement, which seems like years later he said that. I think that maybe a reporter made some stuff up. What? I think he also could have just been looking death in the face and he just got really philosophical. When I'm out of blood without legs, I get very eloquent. I don't know, I get all in my head. I don't know what it is.

Might be the loss of blood, but I'm going to cut to the chase on this. I haven't much time. Goo. Can you get the light a little on me more? Here we go. So when doctors got there, the hotel manager asked that they hold off examining the body and instead attend to the many women who had fainted and vomited. And vomited when they saw Charles remain.

Ladies, keep it together. Ladies. We've got a bigger situation. Women are worried. God damn it. We've lost a bunch of luggage tickets as well. It's a real kerfuffle. I know a man's dead.

That guy has a bow tie on, doesn't he? Absolutely. You can hear it. I will sacrifice anything for this establishment. Nothing happened. He removed his legs. There's nothing to see here. Attend to the women with wet rags.

Put them on their heads. Cool them down. They're all worried sick. A round of lemonade for everybody. Now tell them to go swim in the Red Sea like normal customers. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Here at the hotel enchantment, we have brought the Red Sea to you. I'm talking about leaning into this catastrophe, gang.

Now who's with me? I know a good pal of ours is dead, but who's with me? Hands in. Come on. If you've got to put them in. Let's show off these limbs, gang. When you stay here, you're dealing with four limbed people. And then he invented the hokey pokey.

Yeah! Let's really show these fucking things off. What do you mean I'm being fired? This hotel's my life! I guess what I mis-stepped was the shark attack day, huh? I may return my bow tie. Top hat too, sir. The top hat I was hoping to keep.

That is the hotels. I've said it to people before, but it resonates truly now. Offer a swim, I guess. Covered in meat juice. Sorry, was that out loud? On July 8th, the Philadelphia Evening Public Ledger wrote, Shark Hunt is on as panics. That's what I heard too.

Sir, that is exactly what I said. He was eaten by the Sharks Cunt. Just like Pinocchio with a whale, but way weirder. Shark Hunt is on as panic spreads along New Jersey coast. Motorboat patrols, hunt man-eater that killed two. Beaches are deserted. 300 bathers fled the beach shortly after noon today when a fid suddenly cut the water 20 feet beyond the guard poles.

All the bathers reached shore in almost a minute. All day long, rumors would sweep through the seaside towns that sharks had eaten another victim. Still, some refused to believe a shark was responsible. There's always some. Jonathan Treadwell Nichols, assistant curator at the department... Johnny Nichols, here. ...at the department of recent fishes.

No, no, no. It's not... Why lie, Dave? The point is that you're talking about history. It's fucking insane. One day, some guy just walked in and said, God damn it, we're having so many recent fishes. We need a department.

How are we going to keep track of them? Well, let's open a new office. The coefficienter. On a musical coefficient. So... I'm dying. From fish. So, Treadwell Nichols examined the body of Charles Bruder

and said it clearly had been an orca because a shark would not kill a person. Ah, it! On July 8th, two days after... Only one of the movie jobs came out did we realize that sharks will kill people. 1916, they came around. On July 8th...

It's not a good answer. This is a dollop, after all. On July 8th, two days after the death of Charles Bruder, Dr. Frederick Lucas and other scientists had a press conference at the American Museum in Manhattan. They said there was, quote, a great unlikelihood of a repeat attack. Reporters asked if the scientists

could assure the safety of swimmers. The scientists said, wire netting that had been installed would prevent attacks. Dr. Lucas was then asked about the possibility of, quote, a beast other than a shark being the cause of the fatalities. Other reporters asked about the possibilities of a killer mackerel.

Aw, how cute would that be? Oh, my God. You can eat me all day, little guy. You're adorable. Are these the manicure fish? Oh, no, he's still going. He won't stop going up. My leg is gone.

I will say my leg is not there anymore, but... Hey, mackerel. I didn't like this tattoo anyway. Let's just take this leg. Wow, so light. They also asked about gigantic murderous sea turtles. Well, to be fair. And, of course, German U-boat torpedoes.

Oh, God. Yeah. It's World War I. It's 1916. It easily could have been a torpedo that took off that man's leg and then came back and took off his foot. It's the magic torpedo. Check the brooder film.

It's Germans. They make those really specific torpedoes. They're boomerangs. Other experts chimed in in the papers. The brooder incident was not only a lifetime freak occurrence, but such a tragedy could not happen again.

The Coast Guard superintendent described sharks as, quote, timid as rabbits. Oh, my God. What is this man's name? I'm sick of this. He went on to explain that he used to often swim

with schools of sharks in Cape May, quote, if they got too close, you'd just throw a clam at them. I hope he means money. Wait, was that quote from SpongeBob SquarePants? Just throw a clam at him. Tip him.

So the... So motorboat patrols were begun and the boats were equipped with rifles, harpoons, and axes. It was believed that the loud exhaust from the boats would frighten away any shark. Mesh wire nets started enclosing

all swimming areas, but the resorts were still worried about a drop in vacationers, especially after a few swimmers would not go into the water after the attacks. It's got a suntan, though. A lot of ways to vacation. Yeah.

The resorts thought their loud boat chugging back and forth would assure the swimmers, but it seemed not to. Look, we're riding a boat! Get in the water! It was suggested the resort... We've done everything! It was suggested the resort said

he's pooled their money in higher professional shark catchers. The Washington, D.C. Harold quote, a score of boys and girls were swimming in New York Bay, New Jersey yesterday when a shark about 12 feet long appeared off the dock. Somebody yelled, it's a shark! And the jolter ran for sure.

Two policemen were nearby and one emptied his revolver into the water. Do you mean he shot at it? Take these bullets! I panicked! My training did nothing! Oh, God. I'm not supposed to give the shark the bullets.

That's right. Because they have the torpedoes. I get it. Boy, you dream about a moment your whole life and then... Some of the shot hit the shark's head because it seemed stunned for a moment, then it turned around and disappeared.

At Asbury Park, a shark entered the swimming area and the captain of the lifeguards said he hit it twice with an oar. And then the shark swam off. The beach was closed. One Ted Brown at Spring Lake said he saw a shark and quote, let fly at it

with a rifle. He said the bullets merely skidded off the shark's back and that the fish appeared more pleased than otherwise. That's just so crazy. He seemed like he was smiling. I heard him laugh. He was waving his little fin at me

sarcastically as he swam away. Well, he said it was flirting its tail about. It's swimming. Flirting its tail about and turning bride's eye. What were that came from? Bite for bullets.

Keep putting them in me. Don't tell my shark hobby. They put even more mesh wire around the resort swimming areas on the Jersey Sharks. I can't have their idea to throw mesh wire at this problem. Just need more wire. And they made sure everyone knew one ad read, come down

and laugh at the sharks. We have enclosed our bathing area with reinforced steel nets. Oh my god. It's laugh at shark time people. Yes, come here. Humans think that they have a swimming area in the fucking ocean. Right?

The fucking ocean. Well, yeah, it's not a great idea. Well, we put a couple of boats out there and now this is ours. Who speaks shark? Okay. On July 12th in the morning a retired sea captain named

Thomas Cottrell was in the town of Matawan. He was on a bridge when he saw a dark gray shape about eight feet in length heading up the Matawan Creek with the tide. Cottrell used the bridge keeper's phone, called the town barbershop where the town barber slash chief

of police was. Slash drunk. For sure drunk. For sure drunk. Yes, we've got a shark down here. Do you want to cut? No, don't be the barber right now. We need you to be the sheriff.

Two dollars off. Oh, heck, that's for sharks. Listen to me. Oh, my God. No, no, no. Well... We're cutting sharks. Sorry? Did you just say welcome to sharks? Yeah! Listen, sheriff, be the sheriff

and come down here and deal with the shark. Don't be the barber. Do siren stuff. We've got an underwater man who needs his mutton chops trimmed. Oh. With a gun. Oh, wait. Oh. Yeah.

On a very special crossover episode of the Confessioner and Barber Cop. Oh. We're from here, PD. I was just cutting hair. I'm the Confessioner. I won't stand for this. Now take a handful of tuna and get out of here. This never happened.

After hitting Cattrell, the chief just dismissed him, thinking Cattrell was seeing things because everyone was freaked out about the sharks. There were other people in the barber shop, and when they heard what Cattrell was saying, they started to laugh out loud and make fun of him, asking if the heat and humidity was making

the old man see sharks. Yeah. Happens. The... That is the side effect of humidity. One in front of me, it rubs today. It's hot. It was so hot today, I saw like nine sharks. I saw a bunch of sharks. Saw a bunch of sharks.

Can't wait for it to cool down. See humans again. And who's will be? I shot Bob with a harpoon. I read about that. Yeah, it was hot. Yeah. Yeah. All right, shark buddy. You're a shark to me. One guy laughed and said, quote,

you have a better chance of seeing an elephant cooling off down there than a shark. But what about the other shark? I don't. Fair point. It's very, it's, sure as he's a hard place to explain. Cattrell hung up and decided to warn people on his own.

He took his motorboat and docked at Main Street where he started running from store to store telling people that he'd seen a shark. So that really did happen. People would go to Main Street and just be like, everyone there's an attack. But in this case, it's a weird one. Yeah. It's a guy running up and down the street on land going, shark!

Shark! What about on the beach? Get, get out of the stores! Finish your purchases very quickly. Is the store closing? There's a shark in the creek! God damn!

$5 off! Anything over $30! I'm going to keep shopping. So, he's running from store to store and no one's believing him. Because they didn't believe, they still didn't

believe that sharks bit people. They're still like, not a shark. You must be thinking about a turtle or a mackerel. So, later than- You told me there was a big turtle in the water. I'm listening. Later that morning Johnson Carton and his friends

were having a good time in the creek. Quote, we were swimming over near the White Cough dock. We swam in that water when it was so dirty every day we swam there. That's what he said. That was his quote. So, he's not a smart one.

Might have some parasites. I think he's about to ride in the big red canoe. I don't mean, spoiler alert, I don't mean to ruin it for you. He's in the big red canoe in the sky now. Orless.

So, they saw the shark go by and then they also went and tried to warn others but no one would listen to them. A shark coming up the stream? Crazy. It's crazy talk. Later, six kids were swimming in the Madawan Creek when they saw the dorsal fin of the shark.

One of them shouted, quote, Lester's gone. That was because 12-year-old Lester was gone. The shark had dragged Lester still well underwater. The boys all dashed out of the creek, still nude and covered in mud and ran off screaming.

Sorry, they were nude? I mean, that's not that we need to know that but that is a new detail. From the beginning part. Never mentioned. Okay. So, they were all nude. So, they're nude. Lester got taken. Lester got taken. They're all nude. And now they're nude running around the street. They're little

muddy dongs are swinging. And they're screaming. A shark got Lester as they ran into the town. That's what that kid was talking about when he was talking about swimming around in dirty water. That's something. Yep. Yeah. It was a metaphor. Oh.

Uh, local newspaper report. Quote, workman rushing to the bank from a nearby factory began a search for the missing boys remains. Nets were stretched and hardy swimmers jumped into the water. Now at this point

you might be asking why people are jumping into the water when there's a shark. Yeah. Let's throw human bodies at this problem. Nets and human bodies. It's very easy to explain and that a lot of people still didn't believe it was a shark. They thought Lester had an epileptic attack.

Sure. By the way, where the kids were playing where Lester was, 16 miles inland. What is the shark doing? It's a fucked up shark. It's a fucked up shark is what it is. So he's just straight up creek swimming. He's just swimming in.

He's looking for it. He was like, man, I'm going to find a tender boy no matter how long it takes. Oh my God, a bunch of nudies. Yeah. I just wanted one without underwear on. This is an embarrassment of shark riches.

Come with me, Lester. You know how when you get like, uh, you get the swimming costume stuck in your teeth and you're like, I got to get a naked one. That's fine. I will say I have mud jaw. One of the one of the

he was described as the huskiest workman who jumped in the water to look for Lester was Stanley Fisher 24. More than 100 people were gathered watching and while Stanley was in the water with the other man looking for young Lester's body, the shark reappeared in the middle of all the searchers

and bit the flesh from Stanley's right thigh. The big bone was bared from hip to knee. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

That's, uh... That was, uh, super evil. And, uh, oddly reminds me when we dated. Oh, no. Me too. Me too, did. Uh, a doctor said Stanley's wound was, quote, wide, jagged

laceration measuring approximately 18 inches spanning from below the hip to just above the knee. He also said around 10 pounds of tissue had been removed. I don't know how you measure that. Put your other leg on the scale. It's quite a difference.

Oh, that's about 10 pounds. But it lost weight for bikini season, so... Uh, his femur was exposed and scratched by the teeth and his femoral artery was severed. Oh! Oh, that's... Not good.

Nope. Captain Cartrell... Have a look, doc! Yes. Captain Cartrell, I'm assuming after staring everyone in the eyes for a very long time, just walking around and looking at everyone, huh?

Remember? Yeah. Or that? Back and forth? I'll call the plumber slash coroner. So, he went back out on his motorboat. I'm a nurse, Milkman.

Happened to be a service. Some skim? He went back on his motorboat to warn other creek swimmers that there was a really big creek shark. Creep? But that was no help

for 14-year-olds. A creep shark? Like, young nude boys! A bit of a fetishist. Hey. I only eat the little young ones. Get out of here, creep shark. Boy.

I hate that he even talks. I hate that guy. I'm not a creep. It's natural. It's not natural. It's illegal. They want to be... ...concederized. Oh, creep shark.

Creep. But this wasn't any help for 14-year-old Joseph Dunn. He was swimming with friends about a quarter mile away downstream from the Stanley attack. His friends pulled him out of the shark's mouth. The calf of his leg was completely bitten off.

Oh! It was reported, Stanley said to the doctor, quote, I found the boy on the bottom. I got lester away from the shark. Anyhow, I did my duty. Bye! Bye! Well, piss out. See you.

Wouldn't want to be you. Good to meet everybody. Then he dropped his mic. And said, fuck all y'all. Stanley died at 7.30 that night. But he was missing 10 pounds of meat. Joseph, the Fortigno boy, said, quote, I was about 10 feet from the dock ladder

when I looked down and saw something dark. Suddenly I felt a tug, like a big pair of scissors, pulling at my leg and breaking me under. One of those scissors? What you cutting down there, doggy? What you cutting down there, doggy? What you cutting down there, doggy?

It's just another dog with scissors underwater. Oh, these gift-wrapping dogs! Fish or friends? I felt as if my leg had gone. I believe it would have swallowed me. I felt my leg going down the shark's throat. That's not true. That's not true. Fibs.

That's a lie. So let's stop for a moment and realize this fucking kid's a liar. He's lost a lot of blood. Joseph lived in New York City and would not give reporters his address because he didn't want his mom to know about the shark attack. The head moved half his calf.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. How do you... You know, she's not gonna be able to see if I just wear pants. Well, they did. They were okay with hitting kids in the face back then so his mom would have just got pissed and hit him in the face, probably. Yeah, she probably would have. Why don't you have a calf?

What have you been doing at the beach? I sold it to buy you flowers, mom. Gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was like that. So there's no TV or radio, so people came down to the area where the tax had occurred to see what had happened and so just whole families milling about.

It's like their evening news sort of situation. Picnicking, chatting. Now... Let's go for a swim. Yeah. The town residents went bug fuck. They got, quote, a hefty supply of dynamite, shotguns, harpoons,

hammers. The order is weird. No one got any clams. Clams. Come on. Come on. These people are not reading. They're not reading.

They're not thinking. Throw clams at you, Isha. So they have garden hose and dynamite? Hey, guys, do we need the hose? We have dynamite. I like my hose. No! All right, Grandpa.

He doesn't mean the device. By that evening, there were 15 nets installed in Madawan Creek. Nets. Underwater blasts of dynamite could be heard for miles. The town net guy was like, boy, this is a great summer. He was secretly throwing.

I'm gonna buy the hotel. He's chumming the waters when no one's looking. Mr. Nets. He was up to snow good. It's just me, Mr. Nets. Guiding the shark up that river for 14 miles. That's a good boy.

Come on, buddy. Here we go. Up here's a bunch of new little boys. You're gonna love it, Sharky. Keep moving, pal. Hey, kids, wanting me to real life fish? Take your trucks off. You're my best friend. Um...

Mr. Nets. Coming this fall on ABC. Followed by the season finale of Coffitioner again. We swear this is the last episode. I'm waiting for the crossover. Coffitioner takes on Mr. Nets. Yeah. He's the only one that could take him down.

That's right. You get out of this town, Nets. Your time's through, Coffitioner. Your time's through, Coffitioner. Guest starring? Barber cop. Yes. He gets to be there, too. All right. I'm here to keep peace through whatever.

You're not. Stop looking at the fish guy. All right. I'm looking at a dartboard. Sorry. Did you just whisper sex? Yes. God damn it. What the hell is going on? Mr. Nets.

Coffitioner drunk Barber cop. I want to be the Coffitioner. Are we even filming anymore? What's happening? The Monmouth Ocean, Atlantic and Burlington County congressional district offices in Washington were flooded with letters demanding federal aid to keep

swimmers safe from sharks. The media reaction was as expected. Headlines. Tigers of the sea. Sharks seek prey off city beaches. Sharks not alone, scientists think. Naturalists not... They've got the scientists. They've got pals down there.

It's not just one. They've got the chicken of the sea with the tigers of the sea and everyone's fun. And they've learned how to use our nets against us. Not my nets. Mrs. Nets. Sorry, I haven't been home a lot lately, honey. It's okay, I'm taking care of it.

Not you. My wife, Mrs. Nets, why are you even here? Are you taking our grill pit? I'm having to cut some hair in. Nobody wants your goddamn hair cut. You're under arrest. For what? You're a shit man.

Oh, my God. Honey, I can't keep doing this. Hey. I just wasn't wondering why I'm here. You shit-faced. You're at the net residence. You can tell by the doors. Okay, because I was stuck in them for a week.

Poor wife. Can someone call a coefficient ready to ride? Oh, my God. People? People came forth with ideas. Which is always good. Okay, now, of these three people, no one is going to like this idea.

A fisherman who had experience in the tropics said they could exterminate big fish by using cats as bait. No, no, no. That's the original cat fishing. Wow. These aren't fish at all. We really need...

That's when we need an Elvis. He's like, I'm getting the fuck out of here. Another man believed a hurricane had pushed the sharks north. Others believed it was... Are these serious? These are legitimate ideas. Hire a hurricane?

No, no. You're riding with cats. Not an idiot. How about a hurricane? Seed the hurricane with cats. That would be amazing. I would love that. That would be the best just cats flying by.

Pick one you want. Yeah, you get like, I have nine. Some believe the hurricane had pushed the shark north and he would leave. Others believed it was all of New York City's garbage that was luring the sharks. They thought a hurricane pushed him north or they wanted a hurricane to push him north?

No, no, no. They're not. Oh, they're not crazy. You're right. You're right. Sorry to have... I'm in there. Just throw some nets in the water. Cats and dynamite. We're not out of our minds. We're not trying to move a hurricane.

Others thought that New York was dumping so much garbage in the bay that sharks were like, there's food. Treasury Secretary William McAdoo phoned President Wilson. McAdoo was in Spring Lake. He wanted the president to mobilize the U.S. Coast Guard and dispatch a federal agent to the shore

to organize a quote battle against the man-eaters. President Wilson met with his cabinet to discuss the shark situation. It was an election year and the loss of tourist dollars was hurting the area. The White House vowed to, quote, drive away all the ferocious man-eating sharks which have been making prey of bathers.

Bathers. So the White House is in. The Washington, D.C. Sunday Star, quote, a battle is on and the battle is between the man-eating shark and Uncle Sam. Whoa. For the first time in history, a fish has become such a menace

to the safety of the citizens of the United States that the federal government finds it necessary to turn its attention to it. Never before has it turned upon a regiment of fish. Isn't the problem with us that we just... we don't believe in anything

and then when it's there, we just freak the fuck out and just overdo it? Like, there's not a problem with anything. There is. Let's drop a bunch of bombs on the fox. You're like, whoa, buddy, can we talk? What just happened to you? Like... It's like a crazy temper.

One person's like, just don't go in the water. What? What? Uncle Sam needs to swim. I'll tell you what thing. Uncle Sam can't get eaten by a shark. These colors don't run. Big red.

Unless they're red and they're in the canoe. They're everywhere. The plasma canoe, which we've all seen. Yeah, blood, blood canoe? That runs. Well... Point is, we got a flag.

So... Uncle Sam will adopt a novel weapon of warfare that has not been put into operation by the seeming all-knowing belligerents across the sea. He is going to fight his new enemy, sharks. The Coast Guard is stretching heavy steel nets to enclose the swimming spaces.

This system is used successfully in Australia, where the shark menace is a seasonal affair, not an accidental or unusual one. As it is effective there, it should be effective here. The Coast Guard service says that dynamiting the sharks would be futile. You know, you're in a good place

when dynamite's a verb. What dynamite? Unfortunately, many of the schools of edible fish would also be killed. Treasury Department officials say that steel nets are Uncle Sam's only possible action against the sharks. At the Museum of Natural History,

the shark experts, including Dr. Lucas, issued a statement. People are saying that the ship sinkings and sailor deaths in the North Sea are creating a shark craving for human flesh. Some are saying that the forceful naval bombings

are driving dangerous European sharks across the Atlantic. Look out! It's the Germans! It's the fucking Germans! It's the skiddle sharks that are coming over here. Not be promised! They're American sharks,

we swear to God. I feel like cheeseburgers, all the shit. It's just like, yeah, we're from Idaho. So I was like, whatever, that's where my family is, so... Dr. Lucas said that it was... they believed it was just one shark

that had strayed thousands of miles from its environment. So great. I mean, they were right. They're not dangerous. It's just one crazy one, everyone. Fear not, we're not idiots. We're scientists. Dr. Lucas also told the story of a guy

who had been swimming in New Jersey. He called for help and was clearly in distress. There were a lot of people nearby and two guys went to help him, but then someone yelled, shark, a shark has him! At that point, everyone dashed out of the water and watched the guy drown.

Yeah. Yes. I sharted! That's what I'm saying! Really? Why would you yell that? I'm breaking! I'm drowning!

Look what town meetings were held. All towns wanted the netting. If the work were not done on the fence netting and anything should happen, the glaring headlines of newspapers would make the council members feel small enough to get under a thimble. The mayor of Madawan

was sent tons of ideas of how to deal with the shark. We're going to build a net. Mexico's going to pay for the net. Who's going to pay for the net? We're going to build an unbelievable net. And we're going to make the underwater sharks pay for it. We're going to make the king of sharks pay for it. They're not getting the right deal.

Trust me, I know how to talk to the sharks. I talk to the sharks all the time. My best friend's a shark. He's tremendous. He's an unbelievable shark. He's such a shark, you're not even going to believe him. You only believe this guy. And then it's him and a shark outfit.

I'm the best friend of him. He's the best. He couldn't be in the same room at the same time as me, but as far as humans go, he's number one. Super healthy. You're going to love him. Australia's leading female swimmer wrote that, quote,

the shark is at heart an utter coward and will flee at the slightest disturbance if he's well fed. A letter. Just carry a bunch of meat on you. When you're swimming. Okay, hold on buddy, let me get it off. Oh god, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, not the treats. 12 year old boy was just a fucking snack for him. He's like, I need a bigger one. Great amuse-bouche, I'm going to eat you now. Oh god. Who will I tell my lesson to? A letter came from Michigan. Dear sir, many years ago I had a friend

in the island of Barbados whose hobby was shark hunting. Whenever he found a dead horse or mule, he would mutilate the carcass and then have four blacks tow it out into the bay. Invariably, sharks would attack the carcass and he would shoot them with a rifle

from the stern of a boat. It's quite inexpensive. And racist as well. Yep, go ahead, yep. Did you say blacks? I said blacks, yeah. But yes, ma'am. When does the story turn

positive? It's a dollop. Now. A woman in Denver wrote, my father, a native of the West Indies, suggests the following. Constructor Raff, capable of floating a dead horse, partly submerged and anchor it in the vicinity

of the sharks, then locate your motor boats within an easy range. This floating object unfailingly draws man-eaters and no difficulty is experienced. From Philadelphia. Would it not be a good idea to make a dummy out of flesh-colored clothing and sawdust about the size of a boy

attached and attached wires from a battery that would explode dynamite concealed in the left? Yes, yes. Bill is like, I happen to have one in my basement. Started good. Got it.

What? Would it not be a good idea to make a dummy out of flesh-colored clothing and sawdust about the size of a boy in my basement? Started good. Got great. Couldn't stop listening. So that was Uncle Sam, right?

I've got an idea for you. Okay. Put a bunch of fireworks in a horse car because I put it on a ramp. What about an exploding meat boy? Put them in the flesh-colored clothes all us humans wear. Where's my son?

No. The idea was accompanied by a drawing showing a ball of meat attached to strong piano wire hanging from a spring-loaded float. The instructions read when the shark pulls the bait

he pulls up the spring and makes contact with an electric circuit which sets off the dynamite. Those aren't instructions. Those are? That's it? They graft it out. It's a two-pot process. That man grew up to be Hitler. From Illinois. Why don't you have the U.S. government round up

all available submarines to hunt that murdering shark? Use beef bait if necessary. Yep. Absolutely. Use beef bait if necessary. No doubt about it. That's just something you tacked on. Get all the submarines out there. We will. If you need to use beef bait, go for it.

Good idea. Put the beef on the submarine and take him out! Okay. Meat submarines is what I'm talking about. By the way, I sell. I'm a cattle rancher. I have plenty of beef available.

You ever thought about making sandwiches? You out of your fucking mind? No one's going to eat meat between bread. It needs wires. Dynamite. Submarines. Professor Nichols said that the influx of sharks could be turned

into a positive if the government could catch them. Because the skins of sharks are very durable and could be used as a non-cracking leather. So there's this guy's thinking outside the box. Yeah, that's great. No, it's always good to think like that. At the creek in Madawan,

men hung huge legs of lamb and sides of beef on large hooks from bridges. And hungry citizens ate. Hey, idiot! And the flies were like woohoo! Isn't there a war going on at this time?

Fly? Shouldn't there have been? A fly down! A New York reporter came with a large boat dragging lamb-baited grappling hooks and advertising a shark hunting expedition.

Is it a reporter? A reporter slash shark hunter, obviously, right. As was the time. A Wildwood in Jersey offered $1,000 for a shark. The resort started losing money rapidly with $250,000 in reservations

canceled within a week. Some resorts had 75% vacancy rates in their high season. The war was on. There were hundreds of sharks being caught. In a newspaper report, the roar of dynamite exploded in the creek almost continuously and sounds like a European battle with hundreds of men armed with guns

of every description blazing away at sticks of wood that the excited hunters believe is a shark's fin. Asbury Park Fishing Club members spent an entire night hunting shark. They were mostly going after the shark bounties to make some cash, but the money

would only be paid if human remains were found inside the shark. Oh my gosh. Alright, Ted, this is a tough call, but we need the bounty. And he's empty. We drew straws, pal. So... get that head off.

So... Oh my god, not Ted! 20's will be fine. So sharks are being cut open all over the place. Some made money by capturing sharks and then taking the shark on tour around the state. You could see sharks on displays at

fairs. There was a shark on display at the St. Jones Hotel. Even old Captain Cattrell got it on the action. He caught a 7 foot 230 pound shark by beating it with a piece of iron. He's the greatest... He's the greatest person

ever. And that at least is somewhat fair. In a way, he's like, I'll use a device that is not a gun on you. I mean, it's still quite an advantage because the shark's like, fucking land.

Fucking land. How many sharks have said that? Fucking land. Cattrell then displayed the shark at the fish house on a bridge with a sign reading Terror of Madawan Creek, 10 cents a look. For days, hundreds of people packed the bridge

to get a look. Another long island man claimed he caught the killer shark and he was charging a nickel. That shark he put inside of a zinc-lined coffin. So, like sharks, that's how sharks are caught and shown. Put a shark in a coffin.

A shark-shaped coffin? No, it was a people coffin. They didn't especially build a shark coffin, but it was... So its fins were crossed over. Yeah. That makes sense. Now I see it. Looks so natural in his suit.

That's how I want to remember him. Could you put a little rouge on this? You did a great job. He looks so natural. He looks very natural. He looks like himself. He looks just what you look when he bit Charles. People started buying sharks from fishermen displaying that

businesses and hotels claiming it was the Jersey murder shark. 102 sharks were killed in one new Jersey Baylor. Are these raw sharks? People are now just buying sharks. They're just raw sharks. I don't know what that means. Freshly dead sharks.

Yeah, like a brand new dead shark. In your world, it's known as a raw shark. I mean, I guess I approached it from a sushi chef. You're absolutely right to question me. A raw shark? Well, now I've heard everything. Yeah, so

fishermen are not killing sharks, and then people... They're just shimmy but with the shark. That's correct. Did he have rice around him? No. They're just buying them and putting them up around places. Makes sense. Then, on the morning of July 14th,

they taxidermized and Barnum and Bailey lion tamer. You gotta have two jobs back then that make no sense together. Did you do your research on double Wikipedia? This is all legit. Yeah. Well, he's dead.

I'll stop him. Taxidermist and lion tamer named Michael Slisser caught a seven... That's very close to slicer for a taxidermist. Slisser caught a seven-and-a-half foot 325-pound shark near Madawan Creek. The shark almost sank his boat and he killed it with an oar.

He cut the shark's stomach open and found a, quote, suspicious, fleshy material and bones that took up about two-thirds of a milk crate and weighed 15 pounds. The milk crate weighing... So why don't you see

if you can make Lester look like he used to? I could have been two milk crates of bones, I swear. I weigh 19 milk crates. This was a young great white. Scientists determined the stomach contents were human. They found an 11-inch shin bone

of a boy and a piece of a rib. Dr. Lucas wrote, there is no doubt about this. They finally had the shark. Slisser put the shark on display in the window of a Manhattan shop on Broadway. Around 30,000 people packed the street

to see the shark. What are we? TV. Like, what... curious. We really are. That is what we are. And stupid. We're just curious and fast to react. Hey, what is that? Put it in the store window.

Everybody is loving the shark in the window. Everything is fine here in society, gang. Do the shark shark. The new shark burger. Kill it all. Eat the whole thing. Slisser announced a tour for his taxidermy animals, including the shark through the Far East.

Well, that's the headliner. That was it for the shark attacks. You're going to love your next stuffed animal. He's a close friend. That was it for the shark attacks on the Jersey Shore in the summer of 1916. One scientist reason that there had been no shark attacks

before because, quote, shark simply swallowed their victim's hole as with the story of Jonah. Nope. That's fair. That's right. On September 15, 1916, Joseph Dunn, the only survivor,

was released from the hospital. He's the 14-year-old kid. The last fatal shark attack in New Jersey was in 1926. There have been less than 10 attacks in New Jersey since 1960. Peter Benchley, the author of JAWS, has said that the 1916 attacks

were crucial to his work. Think about it. The old captain, the whole attack. The holiday. They didn't want the stadium. All those tourism. Tourism. Shit. 100 years later,

the news 12 New Jersey reported on June 27, 2016, several shark sightings at the Jersey Shore have some visitors anxious, but experts say there's nothing to worry about. Experts. Experts say. On July 1, two sharks, 100 years offshore,

were seen chasing a pot of dolphins. Experts ordered everyone out of the water. A pot of dolphins? That's what they're called. They should start one of these. They probably have. Peter Bologna, director of the marine biology

and coastal sciences program at Montclair, said of the sighting, quote, it's not the first sighting in recent days. A boatlet of recreational fishermen came face to face with a juvenile great white shark on Sunday. A shark on coral. It's a face.

Bring out your co-fissioner. Shark kids will be kids. A member of Lester Stillwell's family said that some of the more daring boys in the family were often told, quote, if you don't come straight home after school, you'll end up in trouble like Uncle Lester.

That's families for you. I love doing shit like that. I love that stuff. Therapy for that. That's quite a threat. I love you, honey. Don't end up here, Uncle Lester. Eating by a shark. Save a shark.

I think people are really fucking stupid. I think that's the conclusion we can draw. Comments about sharks? Want one? Need one? I'm sorry, are you saying we'll be selling sharks? We'll be selling sharks at the table. We'll be selling sharks. We'll be selling sharks, by the way.

What's good is that we've learned and now we just kill them for their fins. Now we get it. That's better. You just grab an animal. Because of the soup. They're worth it. Oh, my God.

Get those fins off and push it back in. Have you ever fucked after having some fin soup? I'm tearing when you see a guy with a leather necklace with a shark teeth on it. Which row was it? How do you not have sex with that guy? Yeah.

You can't not want it. Sharkman. Do you have the rest of the teeth at home, sir? What's the... What's the... What is that? That is what? You've never met him?

I'd love to see the jaw. What is happening? You ever been inside a shark? No. What is... Is it a dance? He doesn't give a shit. Look, he doesn't care.

He does not give two shits at all. I like that I learn that sharks can, if they feel like it, go anywhere they want. Apparently, a shark. I was trying to figure out what it... Just anywhere. When you got older, you were like,

when I was a kid, I used to be worried I'd see one in a creek. And now it's like, yeah, yeah. Now you're like, Jamba Juice, I'm all nervous. Is there a shark in there? Excuse me? I read tons of different things about what could have caused it. One guy was like, a shark expert.

He was like, I think it's just a fucked up shark. Like, he was literally like, I think it was just like a fucking moron. Like, he was just a fucking idiot shark. It was like... What it does remind me of is like, when I used to get lost, and I'd be like, before like GPS,

and I'd be like, I'm gonna power through this and figure it out. And then you'd be like... You'd be like, 800 miles away, and be like, all right! I'm a fucking idiot! Where's Big Bear? I'm not asking for directions. So this may sound callous, but

if this, if it took this many people to die to give us Jaws, the movie, it's totally worth it. Absolutely. 100%. Thank you very much!

Thank you guys! Listen to my favorite murder!