The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 230 - The Shoe Bandit

Episode Date: December 22, 2016

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the San Diego Shoe Bandit. SOURCES TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH 

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week I, Dave Anthony, an American comedian, reach a story to his friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Why what just happened? Why you promote all of a sudden you're promoting yourself as an American comedian? It's Trump's Trump's world baby! That doesn't even matter. I'm an American! Yeah but if you don't say you're an American you can go to jail. Is that true? I read it in a thing. Well listen real news is an issue today. We need to get all the real news out of there. What's happening here? That what do you mean? That's a that's this taco this great taco place in La Jolla that they

have like poker chips with their Don Carlos tacos and they have these little poker chips with... What do the poker chips do? He just has a bunch of like promotional stuff that he just like you go like when you go in there if you're at like the La Jolla comedy store and you go in there he just hooks you up. Yeah but he I mean honestly he's just like he genuinely like to comics he's like you guys eat for free just like send out a tweet about my place. Oh so that you can you can for free this gives you an order or something. No I think it's just just a poker chip. Yeah I think it's a taco store poker

chip. It's just classic taco shop swag. This is how this is what put Taco Bell on the map. God do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gara. Steve okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come with Tickly Clot go. Okay. You are Queen Fakie of the town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to Mingle and do a thing. Hi Gary. No. Has he done my friend. No. September 1956. Okay it started hasn't it. Coronado California. All right. A woman was attacked as she walked on a street and one of her shoes was stolen. Okay. No

one really made note of it. Just a strange thing that happened at night. But the attacks continued. No one in the press put it together until four months later. They hired a gumshoe in February 1957. Okay. What is it? Why do they call them a gumshoe? No idea. Oh god now I'm gonna get a ton of tweets. Hey stupid. The first story of the shoe bandit was printed. Whoa. Whoa. What? Whoa. What? The shoe bandit. Quote an eccentric young thug who attacks women to steal their shoes found a fifth victim when 24 year old aircraft clerk typist was slugged in Claremont. He's hitting them and then taking their shoes? Yeah he's

not he's not he's not a gentle shoe bandit. So he is beating them up and then taking one shoe. Well he just he just hit her and knocked her down and then took her shoe. Yeah it's one shoe. Just one shoe. Just took one shoe. Well I guess he's not the shoes bandit so. There you go. That makes sense. There you go. Okay. A little too encouraging. Especially from you. The woman was walking home from the bus stop after leaving work one evening and a man came up behind her and knocked her to the ground and took one of her shoes. He did not attempt to take her purse or anything else of value. Right. Just her shoe. Okay. The attacks kept

coming. Okay. By September of 1957 there were at least 12 cases of shoe bandit attacks. Wow. Okay. And they weren't always spread out. On two nights he attacked separate women in what was basically a one-man shoe snatching frenzy. So most nights he only took one but on these two different nights he had he. He got greedy. He got greedy. He's getting cocky. He got one shoe. He's like I gotta go for more. Right. Yeah. And he and he took another. Okay. Newspaper columnist started writing about the bandit because everyone in town was talking about him. Okay. One was titled shoe bandit talk. It told the story of a

man who was giving his wife shit for quote living recklessly by wearing a new pair of shoes after dark on their 10th wedding anniversary. Wow. And now okay. Is that is that just like an after-school special version or that is real. That's a guy really did that. And then did her shoe get taken. No but the husband was like you're making us marks. Quit. Yeah. Yeah quit showing off. Good God lady. I love you but this is too much. I can't. I get that it's our 10th and it's a special night. Look but I don't want to see you laying on the ground with one shoe on baby. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. You make me sick. You're taking

chances. The idea that you just got to walk. She has to like walk home bare foot like okay I'll be safe. Damn it. What a fucking asshole. I bet. I mean I'm betting there was not a lot of sex like that night. The night of the shoe argument. Yeah. Yeah there's no sex. Yeah. Although it is the 50s so you know. Yeah. So shoe fear was kicking in even men were shoe fear but he's only attacking women. Yeah but the men were getting afraid for their why for their why their daughters. Right. Okay. The cities of San Diego and Coronado were on edge. Entire families were targets. One mother of one of the very first

victims was attacked and her shoe was also taken. It's just might be a genetic thing. It might be a genetic thing. He might like the way they walked. Yeah or he's just crazy and is like I'm gonna make your family really really weird. Going after your whole goddamn family. I'm gonna get a shoe from each one of you ladies. How cold is your left foot. I'm working my way through the whole Thompson family. Jack Murphy who was a popular local sports columnist so popular the local baseball stadium would be named after him. Okay. Wrote in September 1957 in a column he wrote gals in San Diego wonder if they should go barefoot

until the shoe band. It is caught. Wow. That is what you do though. That's what we do. Yeah. Ice of fucking take away his power. Yeah. Take away his power. Yeah. Or sandals or sandals flip flops. Oh you might like flip flops. Yeah. He might like anything. Yeah. Anything that's off a foot. Now. Okay. This has to be based around some sort of sexual perversion though. Oh of course. Obviously. I mean he's taking these shoes home putting them in a pile and then fucking them. Well that's what I would do. David. I mean that's what I do anyway. Sorry. This is why I am part of the shoe month club. The shoe month club. Yep. They send me piles

of shoes that I fuck and then I pick one that I like and I send the rest back. Shoe club. Sir the idea is that you just pick one of the pairs of shoes. That's not what I thought what I made to order at first. Look lady this email isn't gonna get the jizz out of your shoes. You did not explicitly say I could not fuck the shoes when you sent me the shoes. Dear shoe month club. Bad things are happening. I'm Dave. We got a very weird letter. The shoe band had attacked women when they were walking home at night from the bus or the ferry. He'd knocked him to the ground and steal one shoe. It was usually the left shoe. Weird

there too. Yep. But he had other methods. He would also sneak into homes and take leather pumps, silhouettos and sandals. Hundreds of shoes. And often he'd toss them out in crawl spaces below other homes. Now that makes me think. That's real weird. Okay so that makes me think. He goes into a house right. He grabs a nice pump. Something leather. Something maybe a little bit spicy. What? And then he runs out of the house. And then he finds the nearest dark place. You think he goes and shoe fucks right away? I think he shoe fucks right away. Wow. I think he's jerking off and that was making me think maybe he's not being intimate

with the shoes. I don't know if he's fucking the shoe but I think he's basically a long story short the shoe is used in a perverted way. The shoes used in a perverted way and I think he's smelling it. He's getting himself off. Screwing it. He's putting a heel in his butt and running around like it's a little tail. And then when he jerks off and he and then he and he puts the shoe down and goes you're hard. You know yeah that's the thing too. Just like you know like the idea that you you're leading the shoes on. Right. Taking the shoe, winding and dining it in an alley with your penis. Next thing you know it's thrown out like

yesterday's pump. We've all been there. That's basically the Hollywood story I've lived. I'm the pump. Not me. The shoe banded as everyone who wants me for work. Disagree. Okay. Women, while most victims just had a bumper of bruise some women were seriously injured. Women were hospitalized with fractured skulls or broken bones. So he's really ramming me. Yes he's knocking him down. He's not fucking around. He wants that shoe. Right. One woman was actually struck from behind with a bowling pin. Whoa. Before the shoe was removed. What? That seems like he's extreme. He can be extremely violent. This that seems like a crime of

opportunity. The bowling pin. Also it definitely is like it's not surprising to find out that this shoe banded is probably a pretty avid bowler. Oh my god. Yeah. There's no way he didn't spend tons of times in bowling alleys. Yeah. Where the guy's like hey are you returning those shoes? Yeah let me just go to the locker room real quick. I want to put on my striking glove. Sir are you going to order? He's going to stand at the counter. I'm standing at the counter. So wait the shoes that you're trading in for new shoes are also bowling shoes? Oh god. All right. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Get out. Bowling. Now. Bowling. Get out now.

Hey can I ask you a question? No. What's going on with that pump? I said no. Sir. Get out now. Here's a 10. This is $10. It's all yours. You just tell me the story about that pump. There's no story. It's just a shoe. Get out of here. Is that pump look at your way here? Does it say anything? No. Is that pump maybe have an accent? Look take the shoe. Go bang the shoe. Get out. Go bang these shoes. Louisa. Well Louisa. Yeah. All right. That went weird. Another woman was hit with the butt end of a screwdriver. That's not as bad as a bowling. Nope. You got to get I should have gone screwdriver first and then bowling. Absolutely. Helen Battleson

was a Coronado teenager at the time of the attacks. Quote it was creepy all the women in town were scared. Men weren't too thrilled about it either. Bill Geis was just a teenager when the shoe band had entered his Coronado home at 1am. Okay. His mom woke up and screamed at the man who was holding shoes in her closet. Wow. I would scream at that person too. This is so crazy. I don't there's something about someone being in your closet that's more fucked up than the being in your room. Shoes. Yeah. Shoes. The shoe band had dropped the shoes and dashed out of the house up until now Coronado was a place of little crime so no one was

locking their doors. Well it's yeah. This enabled the shoe band to easily enter homes in the dead of the night while the occupants slept and take shoes. The stories that appeared were small at first just little two or three paragraph items somewhere in the middle of the paper almost filler but soon this shoe band story started hitting the front page and the entire town was saying what the fuck. The community's alarm increased. Teasers of evening news broadcast would ask what makes the shoe band at tick find out at 10. Well I think he likes shoes. An interview with his ex-wife. I loved him. I love me but I love

shoes too. Whenever an attack happened the news would break into a program on TV and say the left shoe band had struck again. Wow yeah this is really like media catnip. Children watching TV were becoming concerned because the adults seemed so worried. Quote really upset terrified and when they asked the grownups what was going on the grownups would just change the subject. How was did you like crayons. I want to know about the shoe band. Have you ever drank water Tim I forget. Yeah but. Okay okay well that's the end of talking. Why were you crying looking at shoes. Oh I wasn't crying. No no no. No I was sweating. Why

did. Okay. Yeah remember dinosaurs. Look at that nickel. What. Scissors. New car. Sunlight. I'm. Running. Hi. People started buying dogs and guns. Sure well smart. This led to the death of an ocean beach boy. His father bought a gun to protect the family from the shoe band but soon enough the four-year-old found the gun in a box by the bed and accidentally shot himself in the chest. Well I mean obviously there's no onus on the father there he put it in a box. I mean put it in a great place a box by the bed. Two things they say. Number one keep your gun in a box. Yep. And number two keep it in the bed so you can wake up groggy

and shoot a friend. Yep. Cops started getting heat for not catching the madman. So they started sending undercover officers onto buses and the Coronado ferry. Okay. That didn't go great either because a new passenger no one had seen before keeping an eye on everyone roused suspicion. A new pass like they were set there. The bus was full of so many. It's not a huge town. So when you ride the ferry at the same time every day you see the same people. Right. But all of a sudden there's a guy like looking intently in you know they are on two separate. They are going to eventually send out decoy shoe models right. I would.

Yeah. I don't I don't think there are any female cops at this point. No I'm just the 50s. Yeah. There's campy. No way. On two separate nights vigilantes beat up an undercover cop they thought was the bandit. Oh god. Hey keep saying he's the cop. Worst cover ever. Curb him. Because the other thing they're doing is they're following women in case the shoe bandit is going to attack the women. The cops are. Yeah. So then when people see that they're following women they're like shoe bandit. Yeah. Twice the cops announced they had a suspect that they had brought in for questioning. The newspapers then ran photos of the

suspects along with their home addresses which what what you did at the time. Amazing. That was you also did that with the victims because everyone was insane back then. Terrible. But remember that I don't know when it stopped. There was one yeah there was one in the 50s they were still doing. Right. Yeah we talked about this on another one. Both suspects were cleared in lineups. And even but imagine that like your name is out there is the fucking. Oh yeah. Your address is out there shoe bandit and then they're like that's not him and you're like you fucked me though. Yeah. And even the

undercut of her cops just had plain bad luck. It seems like every time a cop trailed the woman home she would get there with no problems. One time an officer had to choose between one of two women the one he decided to follow got home the other one was attacked by the shoe bandit. How is he part in the pun one step ahead. Then on May 8th 1958 over a year and a half since the shoe nightmare began. Shoe nightmare. A woman was watching TV with her boyfriend in her Coronado house. The boyfriend was a Navy officer.

They noticed that a just barely open door suddenly opened wider. Then they looked over the back of the couch they were sitting on and saw a man crawling on the floor. Oh my god. He's really desperate. Yeah. I need a fix. One more fucking hit. I haven't smelled the shoe in like eight hours. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh fuck me. What's that leather. I hear a pump. Oh god lady you don't wash your feet. It's tremendous. Just let me let me suck the heel for a dollar.

What you're doing is tremendous. I'm just gonna lick the bottom a little bit. That's yummy. When they saw him. I feel so good. Can you leave. Well anyway I gotta get up early. Okay. That was terrible. Good to have sex with your shoe. I just got an early morning. Okay let's not do this again. We should do this again sometime though. I'd love to. I'd love to not. Take the shoe out for a meal maybe a movie. I don't want to. It's just the next couple weeks are pretty booked for me but uh.

I'm gonna cut off my feet. Well if you do let me know. I know a perfect place to put them. My tub. So when they see the guy he jumps up and runs from the house and the navy boyfriend chases him and catches up to him and then they had a fist fight in the street. Okay. Hearing the fight other neighbors called the police. Now when the cops arrived the fight was over so they started searching and found the shoe bandit hiding behind a lawn chair in a backyard and they arrested him. I love that he's behind a lawn chair.

It's terrific. Now I want to see me here. I thought I was a chameleon. His name was Wayne Snow McFarland. All right. He was 23. Wow. A navy pilot. Okay. Who had been raised in Houston and was now stationed at North Island. Shoeston. When. Go ahead. Well done. Thank you. When questioned he denied being the shoe bandit. I'm not the shoe bandit. Nope. Not me. I love gloves. Nope. He was just a guy crawling on the floor in somebody's house. Okay. I mean that's a hard thing to.

That's his that's his. No that's what I'm saying. I'm not the shoe bandit. I was just crawling in somebody's house. I just like to watch movies when people are watching movies. They got a warrant to search his Coronado apartment and found several women's shoes in a trunk. Oh. They brought the shoes to the police station and confronted McFarland with them. I'm hoping he breaks down. It was hard to explain. Yeah. So he confessed. All right. I did it. I done it. Don't touch my baby. I'll tell you where the other ones are

buried too. At that point he led the cops to a few nearby stashes of women's shoes. He did have stashes. Nice thing in the morning. Here's another one. It's like then this one and then oh boy. Yep. Stop here. Okay. Drive another block. Stop here. Over here the shoes were struggling. Oh that one's a naughty one. Had sex with him one last time before I buried him near the ravine. It's a naughty shoe. He admitted to 22 assaults and 15 burglaries but

the police thought that number was very very low. When questioned by the press McFarland said all I know is I had to get those shoes. Well we have a lot that's the one thing we know. That's all I know. That's all we know. That's all I had going on. What's the rest of your deal. Gotta get the shoes. What did your mom do to you with shoes. Gotta get the shoes. That's all I know. Okay this is a terrible press conference. McFarland's father Morris was a furniture store owner and he had money.

So he hired a cocky Texas defense lawyer named Percy Foreman. Sure. Foreman was a former prosecutor who was six foot four and weighed 250 pounds. He also carried around a newspaper clipping that described him as quote a millionaire who practices law as a hobby. Well you know it's true if you're carrying around like a date coupage newspaper clip to show off. You know before we talk why don't you read my press clip. Okay what is this. Just read the laminated read the laminated article. I'll be right here looking at you.

Now does this behavior make you believe I am a millionaire as it should. One reporter asked him about reports claiming he was the greatest lawyer since Clarence Darrow and Foreman replied quote I wouldn't say it son but when accused of it I don't deny it. Oh boy. I'm a fucking asshole. This guy. Foreman immediately made the case that the issue wasn't McFarland's guilt but his mental state. Okay. Quote the human mind is a wonderful mechanism but it only takes a little thing to set it off balance. The shoe bandit pled not guilty by reason

of insanity. Sure. Okay. At the preliminary hearing eight women ID'd him as the bandit. One witness said his eyes were quote staring and full of violence. Well I get that. Yeah I mean if he's sure maybe that must have been the bowling pin lady. When I was dating I would put that on my uh you should do what I do just carry around a newspaper article about yourself that's laminated. That's a good idea. That says you're a millionaire. McFarland was then sent to that's not right. Patton State Hospital near

San Bernardino for mental evaluation. I didn't know that Patton Oswald had a state hospital. Oh yeah no he did that was before he got it yeah before he got into stand-up he ran a mental institution. I didn't know that. Yeah yeah very well too. Interesting. Yeah. So he's examined and the doctor diagnosed him as a sexual psychopath with a shoe fetish. All right we've heard it before. Look if you're gonna be a sexual psychopath a fucking shoe fetish is good for everybody. There's this documentary called I'm

married yeah I like I married the Eiffel Tower or something like that about the love of uh inanimate objects. Yeah. You know sometimes sometimes that bond is real. Here's something about guys who love cars and actually fuck cars. In that documentary there is a guy who like goes to car shows and like you know has sex with cars. Yeah. And it's the weirdest because they're filming him and he's like asking a guy about the car he's like this is a beautiful model but then the guy's like oh yeah thinking he's trying to sell it

not knowing like 20 minutes later he's gonna be like hey uh why's the fuel tank open oh my god. And yeah that's the thing if you want to know where people fuck cars they do it uh between the seats um and they can fuck the tailpipe they'll put something there and fuck it. Anyway that's uh a little bit of knowledge you didn't need. Yes that is actually the next evolution in our signing policy. We fuck cars. Yeah. If we could make here's something I want to ask if we can make a decal of our signatures. Oh yeah. To put on cars would you want that?

Yeah. Tell us. So the doctor noted that the shoe fetish went back as far as elementary school when he stole a pair of shoes from a teacher. Okay. But the doctor also said McFarland was sane during his shoe stealing spree and then he knew the difference between right and wrong. So that fucks up the... Yeah that fuck that messes up the entire defense. Back in San Diego he played guilty to one count of robbery and one count of burglary. Each carried a sentence of five years to life but instead of being sent to prison

he was sent to a Tascadero State Hospital which is a mental hospital for violent people. Okay. Six months after he was caught a plumber was working below the floor of the officer's quarters on North Island where McFarland had been living. Oh boy. There he found two bags packed with 133 women's shoes and there was more. Women's underwear and clothing were also in the bag and a 1955 novel called Beyond Desire by Pierre Lamuir. So he's just like reading like kind of pervy stories while he's like

just massaging himself and like with like shoes and panties. After you're in a Tascadero State Hospital the doctor's... Like you thought getting walked in on jerking off was awkward. Oh it can get so much more awkward. Like if you're rolling around in shoes with like a bra on your head with panties in your mouth it's like I don't want to look like. Honey for the last time I'm opening a woman's clothing store. This is hazing. This is hazing. I'm joining a frat for 50 year olds. So after you're at a Tascadero State Hospital the doctor said they had

successfully treated McFarland and he was no longer a threat to the public. Foreman asked... He now only wants to jerk off into mittens. And socks. And hats. And shoes. And pants. Also pants to everything. We have him jerking off about wardrobes. Thank you. Entire... We've we've fixed him. The man is cured. Now he's like me. He's just like us. So then his attorney foreman asked the court that McFarland be put on probation so he get a job and pay back all his victims for their shoe costs. Oh god you know he wants to go into

cobbling. Oh. But isn't that the thing to do? Isn't that what you should do? Shouldn't you go into cobbling and then people are bringing you shoes that you can fuck? No. Oh yeah. Sorry. My take was what's the right thing to do. Here's your pitches if you're the psychotic pervert. Wouldn't you just go yeah for sure. I wonder if that was part of his parole when he got paroled. Yeah. You cannot go... You cannot become a cobbler. I'd like to work at an equestrian center. Okay. Horse shoes. The district attorney was not down with the plan.

Quote Don Keller object. This man came to San Diego and gave unrestrained events to violence and terror for which I would challenge anyone to find a parallel in San Diego, California. The only parallel I can think of is Jack the Ripper. All right so the DA was a little... Yeah honestly I mean relax a little bit. Jack the Ripper. You know what the night stalker's coming so why don't you fucking dial the bag a little bit. Everyone's settled down. Judge Clarence Hardin agreed with the DA saying the community would be shocked

if he allowed McFarland to roam the streets on probation. He sentenced McFarland to 10 years to life. He served just 10 years and eventually was released and moved back to Texas where he died in 1999. Oh wow. I wonder if they buried him with shoes. Yeah hopefully. That had to have been... I wish if we could know that because I guarantee you he wanted to be buried. More like the reading of his will too. To my dearest Debbie I leave 300 left shoes that I stole from women and to my son Jack.

Sorry daddy's not going to be here for you anymore. Hopefully this suitcase stuffed with used bras and panties will help raise you. Anyways in my coffin I'd like a bunch of socks and shoes. I miss you. Miss you. Love you. Seriously lots of shoes. I'm not kidding. Make it hard to close. Oh make it hard. All right the shoe bandit. Everybody lost. Yes yep. Good night Texas. Thank you. We screw cars.