The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 246 - British Comedian Tommy Cooper

Episode Date: February 27, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine British comedian Tommy Cooper. SOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCH

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week. I, Dave Anthony, comedian, actor, writer, director, read read the story from American History to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I've worked. You don't have the same credit. I've worked. I do. I've worked. Better credits. Phantom of the Opera? No, that's not you. That's not you. You were not in Phantom. You had nothing to do with Phantom. I didn't realize how in Hollywood you were. You've done your homework. Yeah. I was not involved with it. I didn't bring you into this. Okay, let me stop you right there. Let me stop you right there. We're not some deep vetting. Let me stop. No. Deep vetting.

Don't you, Mike Pence me. God, do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave, okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickling, Claude. Okay. You are queen fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do what? Praying. Hi, Gary. No, I see you've done, my friend. No, no. All right. Actually, wait. Let me stop you real quick. Let me just stop you real quick, if I may. I was getting yelled at. Let me just stop you real quick. So I know

the tour is coming up. It's a lot of work and stuff. Yeah. Let me throw this your way. What if I told you tonight I can provide you with a reverse dollop? Would you be interested? Yeah. I mean, that sounds. You'd like a reverse dollop? Take the load off a little? Yeah. Great. Now, Dave, what if I, okay, let's kick the can down the street a little further. What if I told you that I could actually give you a full week? So that's a dollop and a small up included. So that's a full week of the podcast provided by me, reverse dolloping. Right now. You'd like that. Right now. We could sign off on this. You like it? Yeah. You'd be interested. Yeah.

Right. There's got to be a catch, right? Yeah. Dave, what if I told you if you acted right now, I would actually throw in an extra dollop. So that's a dollop. That's a small up. That's a dollop. And if you're a first to a friend, you're going to get two full weeks. So that's two reverse dollops. That's two reverse small ups. That's two full weeks of reverse dollops. courtesy of me. Would you want that? What's the catch? There's no catch. The only catch is you got to shut up and have a date yelled at you. March 19th, 1921. Okay, I'll do it. No, we're past that. Oh, I whispered the date too. Sorry, I forget. I'm your opposite. March 19th, 1921. It's not even a whisper. Do you know how to whisper? No. My family couldn't

afford them. 1921. So Dave, I'm just going to tell you right off the bat. This is the story of Tommy Cooper. And a lot of this story takes place in England. It basically all of it takes place in England. But as we've discussed, as we've discussed, you do what you have to do whatever country we're in. That's right. But I closed the deal where I can just do whatever country. And I don't know why that is. You I don't know who your guy is on that end. But opens up a can of worms, man. I fire that person because I negotiated a sweet deal. So anyway, this is in England. Anyway, Thomas Frederick Cooper was born into the world at 19 Llewellyn on which translates to Ash Grove Street in Carphilly, Glam, Oregon, Wales. Oh, I love it. You've

never been there. His life was almost short lived, though, because when he was born midwife, Maude Chateauk, whose life was spent birthing babies and laying out the dead, saw him, called him a runt and threw him aside. Hold on. Stop. You've got a question right now. What part? You the second part where you said she's a midwife. So she's bringing babies into the world. Yeah, what was the body part? Oh, she also her other main task was laying out the dead. So she had she was bookending life. She's only see it. She's only seeing the yeah. She's seen the bad she's like she see it's like see in the sixth sense and you just see Bruce Willis being like what's going on and then you see Haley Jalos been saying I see dead people. So so she so baby comes out and she

goes this one's not great. She throws in the baby he well she it wasn't only babies she was laying out it was actual deads. No, but this one this particular one. Yeah, well her her just so she's it seems like she could be laying her soul outside. If you know what I mean, she's a little dead inside. She was like not a keeper. Well, no, she's just not. It seems like she didn't care. Okay, because this is the quote. This is the quote from him. They tell me that when I was born, the midwife gave me up for a weakling. She slung me to the bottom of the bed gave up on me. If my mother hadn't kept me alive of drops of brandy and condensed milk, I wouldn't be here now. So strong start. Strong start with condensed milk and brandy. This one is shit. Yeah. Hey,

shit, this one. But it's all I mean, it's like a conveyor belt at this point. You're just like this shoe has a flaw and you throw it in a bin. So she's just done with it. So Tommy was raised by his editor job, by the way, you think what part I'd love to get a breakdown after we record. Okay, we'll put a pin in it. Tommy was raised by his parents in a one room home in a small town in Wales near the cheese capital of this small nation. He moved it. Sorry. Is there there's a cheese capital? Well, I just I'm from Wisconsin. So I like to call out cheese places. That's how you that's like your main landmark. And beer. There's two. And they're both great. I don't eat cheese that much. So then eventually they moved to Exeter England when he's a few years

old. They moved from like basically from one shitty one room home into another shittier one room home. Their income is basically coming from Tommy's father's war pension, sewing jobs, and selling ice cream and milk. So they basically go to fairgrounds where they would try to sell the ice cream and milk. And at the fairgrounds, Tommy would hang out with a monkey. I'm sorry. Okay. What year is this again? This is like this point is probably like 1925 26. Okay, so the monkey is there hanging out. You know how it is with monkeys doing curious George. Okay, it's curious Gareth because I love it. But no, but you know, I mean, this is a time when monkeys were so much more like if you went to a fairgrounds, you know, you might see a monkey.

But this monkey, he I guess he had like a little rapport with like them, you know, having the monkey had a thing going on. Okay, so he's friendly with the monkey. He's monkey chills, as we call it. During the depression, Tommy and his family moved into further squalor. At one point, they had all of their possessions in one suitcase. After some time, the economy got better at what? That's fine fucked up. That's minimalism, baby. That's just yeah, terrible. Down to a suitcase, a suitcase, but again, but a suitcase also, you know, a suitcase implies that there's a home or you're going to a home or you're mid transit. Yeah, but this is like you're holding a suitcase because you're like, Oh, this is easy to pull around. This will do fine.

And also, is it it's not wheeled? I was just about to say you're wheeling it around. There's no way there's wheels later. No. Put it on the baby's head. So after some time, the economy gets better, their money situation improves, they're able to get a bungalow for the family and now he's got a dude bungalow rolling. You know what I mean? Now it's included Tommy's younger brother named David, but still Tommy's mother instilled a strong sense and a level of value and money to Tommy. She imparted the wisdom that Tommy should never keep all of his money in one pocket, because if he lost some, he would still have some in the other pockets, which I think makes a lot of sense. Okay. You know what I mean? I guess that's a little bit much. It's kind of a six on

it's kind of a six half a dozen on the other because you are basically saying if you lose your money from one pocket, other pockets with the money, but what if you lose money from the one pocket and you just kept it all on the other one? You know, it's kind of a choose your own adventure. Anyway, fun detail. I liked it. It doesn't seem great right now. Young Tommy Cooper didn't like school. He was a weird looking kid. He was too big for his age. He had a raspy laugh and he wouldn't stop pulling the girl's hair. He was just an oddly proportioned human. He was lanky. His knees would bang together. English comedian Spike Milligan said later in life that when God made Tommy Cooper, he got it wrong. He would be mocked by his classmates, but everything changed when

Tommy was seven. That's right. Tommy's Aunt Lucy gave Tommy a box of magic tricks. Oh, fuck. Tommy was captivated ruin a kid. No, that's how you make a kid. I just gave my nephew magic tricks. Right. Haven't seen him in months. So Tommy's immediately captivated with this magic set. He's in love. It had a deck of cards that turned into a match book, a trick where a penny would vanish in water and one where that made it appear that a nail went through his finger. Quote, I took the magic straight away. All my spending money went on new tricks and all the time I could spare went to practicing them. So he would wait for the release of comics like comic books like Rover and Wizard, but he didn't give a shit about the content of the comics.

He liked the back page where the ads for joke books and magic tricks were nerd. What nerd? What nerd? He's a fucking magic. Actually, you know, it's funny. I feel like I remember one of those comics vaguely. You know, I'm very English. Yeah, there were there were all this is what the magician kids did back then. They would just want it for the ads. Yeah, that's true. So the moment the package would arrive along with his new tricks, Tommy would race to open it and start practicing them. He was known for performing these tricks for people before the tricks were perfected, which meant most of Tommy's tricks would fail. He was often dropping things or he messed up the order, but he didn't stop. So it's not a trick then. If it never completes, is it

a trick sort of a tree falling in the woods? It's not a trick. Is it not? No, it's a guy. Is it not a fumble thing? But is it a trick? No. All right, fair point. But he doesn't stop. He doesn't care, right? So because he's a psychopath. So he even magic got kids at school to take notice of him in a good way. So instead of making fun of the adult size boy, they now wanted to see a trick from Tommy. By the way, this is the name of the movie, The Adult Size Boy. The adult size boy is actually just sold to Disney. Oh, it's so great. Yeah, it's not good. Tommy developed a full routine as a kid. He even added a gag tricks like the snakes from the jam jars, which I guarantee you still goes over. You know, the snakes in the jam jar, you know, yeah, but I guarantee you in England

that still goes over better than anywhere else. Maybe Russia. Why? I don't know. It's something that feels like, you know, sometimes in the smaller towns, it feels like it's Eastern Russia. Why shouldn't on the Russians? Is the Russian doll? No, I love the Russians. I've wanted to do a Russian doll up forever. It's where we do a doll up within a doll up within a smaller doll up in a small up. Okay. So he had that trick or he had sneaking powder, a sneaking powder, sneezing powder. Sneaking powder is when you put powder down. Yeah, yeah, you turn little that he would blow on kids, but his favorite was the vanishing ink. So the schools were very strict in England at this time. Did not care for vanishing ink. There would be no vanishing ink. Well, they didn't

like spilling ink. That was considered you'd, you know, you'd get lashings on your hand if you spilled ink. So Tommy fell in love with spilling the ink, which would cause some like lame kid in the class to be like, Miss Tommy spilled his ink. And then the teacher would come over. The ink could be gone and the tattletail be brought up front. She'd be like, I'm going to lash you for fibbing. I'm a magic genius. Yeah. Yeah. But he keeps pulling that one. Sure. And everyone kept falling for it. Oh, well, he, and no, he switched schools every day. Okay. So that he could pull it off. I didn't, I didn't think that was an interesting detail. Classic magician. Not interesting. Yeah. And just in a cloud of smoke. You just be a new one. Tommy was also motivated to perform

his tricks to connect with his mother. She was actually a pretty cold woman. Her love was displayed and providing and not nurturing. That's weird that a kid who fell into magic would have a not great mother. Yeah. Or a kid that was thrown at the bed as dead. Quote, she was hard as nails. She was not outwardly love, not outwardly, not an outwardly loving woman. And she had shown little affection as a child. There were no cuddles. Tommy remembers her as a tough crowd when he would finish a trick. Quote, I do it. And then I'd say, did you see how that was done? And she would say yes. And then I would cry. So receptive. It's so beautiful. Yeah, it's great. What a beautiful start. I've seen it. Yeah. Do you like it, Mom? Yeah, you did a thing.

No, I didn't like it. I saw it when I was going the whole time. You're not special. Yeah. I mean, that's literally what you're saying. Yeah. You know what it's like. I mean, that's honestly, when I watch people with their kids, that's literally what being a parent is. Just pretending that this conversation is worth having with this thing that is learning what life is. Yeah, oh, totally. So you know, you just show a trick and you go, oh, I have no idea how you did that, Tommy. Bravo. But instead, she's just like, let me put some demon serum in your arm. Oh, that was shit. So in 1935, at the ripe age of 14, Tommy gets a job as an, Tommy gets an apprenticeship with the British powerboat company. Sure. Big time for powerboats. I think it was

Jetskies even though it was, it's obviously the 30s. Tommy would work after school or on weekends. Everything he made, he would save so that he could take a ferry into Southampton, where he had befriended an amateur magician who would teach Tommy more tricks every weekend. So when Tommy was there, he would be doing tricks all the time. Like if he couldn't afford to buy a cup of tea, they would let him do a trick instead of pay and he'd get a free cup of straw. Every weekend. I don't like this. Every weekend that he would go, he would come back in on Monday where he had the apprenticeship and he'd be distracting all the grown-up workers with all of his new tricks from the weekend and he would get in trouble for doing so.

But he was well liked and the managers asked him to do a show for the workers on the boat. Here it goes. This one, he makes the boat disappear. Tommy, he's 15. Tommy was 15 and terrified. He'd never made a boat disappear. So he had those, you know, his butterflies. So I was there. Tommy was 15 and terrified. He said his body was shaking like jello. It was one thing to do it for a few guys, but for a huge group that was scary. And you know what? The show was a total disaster. Fuck, what? During the show, the tablecloth and the props were going places that they shouldn't. An egg that was supposed to vanish was left hanging out of his sleeve. That's not good.

His big trick was where we would turn a bottle of milk upside down and the milk would be frozen. That failed. The milk did not freeze. And Tommy recalled that, quote, the stage was swimming in milk. I dropped my wand, ran off. I did everything wrong. But the audience loved it. The more I panicked. He thought that he was, it's an act. The more I quote, keep quoting, the more I panicked and I made a mess of everything, the more they laughed. I came off and cried. But five minutes later, I could still hear the laughter in my ears. And I was thinking, maybe there's a living to be made here. Jesus Christ. So he told us fuck up at magic. So he totally fails. Yeah.

He just wanted to be loved by mommy. Well, dude, I mean, aren't we always just trying to like, I mean, truly. Yeah. I don't need nobody. Yeah. All right. I don't need nothing. I would love something. I would love anybody anywhere. I would like me. I would love to get my hands on your therapy records. The ink would run from the drool that was coming out of me. So there's something after this show goes terribly that clicked with him. For some reason, he realized if he failed, he succeeded. And the truth was, it was because he was so likable. He was jovial. He was a ball of energy. If he did a trick, well, it was impressive. But if he fucked it up, it was hilarious. Tommy wanted to focus on entertainment at this point. But it was

minorly put on hold because in 1940, Tommy was called up as a trooper in the Royal Horse Guards. While he was there, that happened. I wasn't going straight to the horse guard. Is it called up to be like a fucking regular soldier and then you get to jump on the horses or whatever? Well, I think what happened, I think, was that he was like regular, but then you go through horse training. So what basically happened was he had, and I don't have this in here, but he goes through this horse training and because he's so big, he's terrible at it, but eventually he's okay at it. But so I think a lot of it is he's training while he's there. But that's, I mean, he's called up to be in the Royal Horse Guards, but he's eventually in there.

So while he's there, World War II happens, he was not the best private. One story is one day while standing in line for the sergeants, Tommy fell asleep while they were all getting orders. That's bad. Like a horse standing up fast asleep. So when Tommy wakes up, dude, well, have you? Okay, I when I was when I was really young, my stepsisters boyfriend fell asleep standing up. And I was clear. It's like, but I'm like blow all night. Yeah. Well, heroin people not off. But I will say I remember in college one time my freshman year, I like I was in a play and you weren't allowed to have substantial parts in a play. So I was playing like, you know, like eight different parts of the play like man five, monk one, yeah, juror eight was one of them.

And the it was to kill a mockingbird. And I'm sitting in the jury and we would do two shows a day sometimes. And it was a day show by 18th show. And I have so little to do and I'm standing in a jury's in a juror's box. And I'm standing like maybe I'm actually sitting but still I'm on stage in front of people in a big theater in Boston. And I'm nodding off. And I'm it's like when you're in class and you're like, wake up, wake up, dude. I'm literally like doing that. I'm nodding off on stage. And I was like, that's not good. It shows that you're not connected to this material very much your tour. Yeah, all the cities. Why? Yeah, please watch me not off heroin. So he falls asleep by standing up all the sergeants are giving orders. And so he wakes up

and he sees the two angry sergeants are standing there. The sergeants are standing there looking at him like, why are you sleeping? And after a beat, Cooper simply nodded and goes, amen, and pretends like he was praying. And they bought it. And it's a good thing too, because that was considered a crime. And he could have been court martial for falling asleep. Yeah, like standing up. Yeah, come on. If you fall asleep, you should get a get your shot up and rank there. Well, he did. I mean, it became it became the talk I was there. It became the talk of the site. It was amazing. You should have to be there. But so far, this is my favorite trick to fall asleep standing up. Great trick. Yeah, the man becomes horse. Tommy was also great at avoiding

work in the army. A fellow soldier doesn't think he remembers Tommy ever actually really being, quote, on duty. He seemed to have a gift for avoiding work by always appearing to be busy when men were being called up. Anytime Tommy's name was called by a sergeant, Tommy would emerge from his tent with either a pot or a brush or some item that made it appear that he was busy, or in the middle of something stressful. So they'd call him out and they'd be like, not you, Cooper, you're busy. And he'd be like, I've got to clean this pot. That's amazing. While in Egypt. Sorry, governor, I'm cleaning the stove. Oh, well, more out of Cooper didn't realize you were busy, mate. Don't think they have stoves in

there, mate. It doesn't matter. Sorry, I'm fighting a velociraptor in here. Well, Cooper, by all means, killed a velociraptor. There you go, son. Yeah. While in Egypt, Tommy was asked to audition for a traveling army concert party. I mean, what else happens in Egypt? Great reality part. Yeah. Great reality show. Basically, this was a group of soldiers who would perform for others around the area. Tommy was in his element again. His act was now largely doing a trick, failing at the trick and being hilarious while failing at the trick. Sure. But Tommy was affected by the value of bringing laughter to the troops and he decided he was going to devote his life to making people laugh. So while he's doing these shows, he's at a show

and he meets someone named Gwen, a lady. Stefani. No, don't help. Gwen noticed Tommy before he said anything to her. Quote, the first thing I noticed was the blue. I'll do an English accent. Okay. The first thing I noticed was that the blue of the sea caught the blue of his eyes. He had the most magnificent physique I'd ever seen. What? He was terribly attractive in an ugly attractive sort of way. Wait, isn't he a giant weirdo? Yeah, but that's what she says. She loves his eyes. He had the most magnificent physique I had ever seen. He was terribly attractive in an ugly attractive sort of way. So that's someone who's like, yeah. Yeah. So she was just, she was like, I'll find someone who's misshapen. Yes, I'll find Clay. I want an odd

one. Find a bunch of Clay. Gwen watched Tommy's show that night through a window because she had the flu. Sure. And she couldn't hear anything, but she thought he was the funniest man she'd ever seen. And it was all about looks at that point. He looked dynamite. Well, he also is nutty looking. We'll get to that in a second. Are his legs still banging together? His legs are banging. Okay. His legs are banging. Don't tell the thighs. She left without saying anything. However, their paths crossed a few days later when Glenn was playing piano, when Glenn was playing piano at a Christmas Eve show that Tommy was doing. They spoke and after the show, they sat next to each other on the ride back. Tommy asked, can I put my head on your shoulder?

Certainly not, she said. Two weeks later, Tommy asked her, I don't suppose you'll marry me, would you? I suppose I will, she said. Two weeks. And they got married in Cyprus on February 24, 1947. Come on, this shit freaks me out. What, too fast? But you're abroad. I mean, for him, I get it because he's like this giant misshapen weirdo. But she seems like a normal shape. But he's charming. Is she normal shape or is she like in the shape of a round? I'm going to call her normal shape. So she's not like a circle or a pineapple. She's not from Wally's. The Wally boat, no. So he's doing these shows, right? Gwen's is Lady. And his stage outfit at this point consists of wrinkled shorts, pull up socks, and a pith helmet,

which is one of those little safari helmets. So he's going full goofball. And a cloak. Yeah, he's full goofball, right? So that's his look. And one night, he's about to perform in a restaurant, but he realizes he misplaced the pith hat. Now fuck me, this doesn't work without the pith. And he doesn't want to walk up with nothing. What the pith? So he grabs a bowl. What's pith this? So he grabs a fez off of one of the waiter's heads. Sure. Hits the stage with that on his step. Because that's the kind of joint it is, they're all wearing fez. Everybody's wearing fezzas. Yeah. And the fez became Tommy's signature look. It's the new thing. Because it further highlighted his enormous frame and his head. Oh, makes him look taller. So I'm going to show you

a picture of Tommy Cooper. Now this is what Tommy Cooper looks like. Holy fuck. Okay, so I don't know if you want to explain that a little. Well, that's terrifying. So he's got giant fucking eyes. Yeah. Those are the blue eyes. Yeah. He's got tufts of hair sticking out side of the fez. Yeah. Big honking nose and he's got a cigar, but man. And he's got a fez. It's like it's like his. And he's in a suit. It's like his forehead is too big. Yeah. He's a weird looking dude, for sure. But it also makes it also really works and it makes him funny. So anyway, so so that's what that's what Tommy Cooper looks like. He's, you know, crazy looking big giant with a fez on. So when Tommy comes back to England, he focuses on one thing, which is getting in the entertainment

game. Now the best way to do that, obviously is to get on TV. Thankfully for him, this is an easier time with TV. It's so new that they needed shows and they were willing to take risks on really anybody. The best story of how TV worked back then. It's true. I mean, they like this is years later, but this is my favorite story about how TV worked back then. This involves the BBC and Monty Python. So Monty Python wants to get a TV show. The various guys had worked in TV as either writers or actors and they get this meeting with the top brass of BBC. So the top brass of BBC, he wants to know what they do, like what is the show going to be? They have no real answer. They're just like, oh, you know, a humorous show with jokes and yeah. And he asked if there will be guest

stars. And they had no real answer. Music had no real answer. Films, they hadn't really discussed it. What's it called? He said, they had no clue. They hadn't really talked about it. The head shrugged and said, all right, we'll do 13. But this was years before when the BBC at this point, the BBC is airing things like Jack Benny, like American shows like that. So they're looking, you know, they're looking to get people on TV. So Tommy has his sightsets on this magic TV box. And he writes a letter to the BBC and he wrote, quote, my act consists of magic and comedy, which I think would be quite suitable for television. Yep. Okay, you get nine. And because exactly. But it's but but he gets an audition out of that.

Sure. That's all he writes. And they're like, well, your letter was quite compelling. Come down. How can I say no? Well, obviously, your reel was lovely. The thing you wrote. I would like to be on television. Come on down, son. All right, you're on television. You've got a show. So they they give him an audition time at June 5th, 1145 a.m. He's told that his he's told that his act is not to exceed 10 minutes. And it didn't. It was actually seven minutes. And that might have been that he rushed because he bombed so badly. Oh, boy. Notes from his audition were not the best, quote, can act can't sing slightly bald, can dance a little unattractive young man with indistinct

speaking voice and extremely unfortunate appearance. So eyeball. So just to be clear, they hit the appearance two times in like two seconds. Yeah, they nailed that ugly. And by the way, ugly. Freakish. Disgusting. Looks like a human spoon. Fishhead eater. But his act is really hilarious. So he like to explain this guy a little bit because this is a guy that like when I was in England, my family was all like in love with, you know, he would do he would do these magic tricks and they were like sometimes good magic tricks and they were sometimes bad magic tricks. But he would walk you through it and he would just like and you think about this, there's a lot of comics now that do stuff like this. But so

he's just doing a trick. And as he's doing it, he's just got joke after joke after joke inside there, you know. So he also has this guy Gallagher with props. Like yeah, like or I mean, even like, you know, you think like there, you know, there are definitely great one line comics like Steven Wright or other people. But but so his is kind of he's doing these magic tricks and it's full of these one liners and stuff like that. But he's also got this catchphrase, which is just like that. So he always sort of sounds like he's a little drunk. So he just be like just like that, not like this, like that, like this, like that. And like everybody in England loves that. So that's his catchphrase. So here are just some jokes over the course of his career, please. And maybe I'll

do a little Tommy Cooper for this because this isn't a great impression, but he sounds like this. Men walks into the doctor, he says, I've hurt my arm in several places. Well, the doctor says, well, don't go to those places anymore. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, couldn't find any. A man takes his rottweiler to the vet, says my dog is cross-eyed. Anything you could do for him. Well, said the vet. So have a look at him. So the vet picks up the dog, he examines his eyes, checks his teeth. Finally he says, gonna have to put him down. Well, because he's cross-eyed, I said. No, because he's really heavy, he says. I went to the doctor, I said, there's something wrong with my foot. What should I do? He said limp. So we just do a lot of that

stuff. But it's assaultive. It's like non stop. It just doesn't, it's like fucking a machine gun. So it's hard, it's hard to unlike and it's hard to convey his full sense of humor. He's not writing jokes. He's taking jokes. He is writing jokes. He is also taking jokes. There is, there is this whole, I didn't even put this in here, but there's this whole thing about how he eventually has this woman in America watching TV for him, sending him letters, recommending who she thinks he could watch and maybe benefit from. Oh my god, that's amazing. So she's like, she's like shitting on Jackie Gleason and stuff, you know. And he's like, okay, good to know, good to know. But he is writing stuff. And the tricks, you know,

even though the tricks are practiced, this whole take on magic is different. Right. But still, he's early, right? I mean, there's not really much going on. He's poor again. Gwen, his wife began. What do you mean when you say he's early? I mean, he's ahead of the game? No, I mean, this is early in his career. So these jokes, these one-liners, nobody gives a shit. These are, these are things that when you look back, you go like on his career, you go, oh, those are great. Those are classic. At this point, nobody gives a shit. So he's poor again. Like he was when he was a kid. Gwen, his wife begins clearing stages after shows at night for extra money. One time they were so poor that Gwen removed her stockings. She'd just gotten

as a gift from overseas and Tommy snuck into a pub and stole and sold them for 30 shillings. I've done that. You have? It was the 80s. Tommy sold red. That's the world work. You're sitting in a pub and a guy goes, would you like some stockings? I got just a big weird guy. Hey, look at these lady things I've got. What? Did you like some? Right. Ooh, what's up? I'm full of pubes. You know, I've got lady toenails here. While it is so shocking, it's also just like when I think of England, it's not that shocking. But it is, it's shocking, but it's also like I could see it happening. So the guy buys stockings at a bar and then he goes home to his fucking wife. He's like

local or he sells stockings at the bar. Wouldn't surprise me if they sold stockings at the bar. Okay, now it's got weird. It's actually what we call the stock exchange. Okay, so he's selling those for 30 shillings. He also sold red cardinal polish for doorsteps. Tommy sold handbags on the street. Red cardinal polish? No idea. Paint? Is it a paint for doorstep? Polish. Are people polishing their doorsteps? Do people polish their doorsteps in England? I don't. Excuse me, I've got to make the front part shiny. Everyone dies from slipping. Well, you know, when we died, he slipped. Everyone slipped they have. He sold handbags on the street. Yep, who hasn't? He even sold a radio astibulator, which you could attach to a radio to get better

reception. But it actually was little more than a cardboard piece with wires glued into it and was eventually proven to be a BS invention. God damn it. So we all know, David, we're an entertainment. We're in the business. There's applied in entertainment that almost everybody goes through at some point where you have to get your name out there. So you need representation to do that. Well, how do you get representation? Your name out by getting your name out there. So that's the catch 22 of where Tommy was. However, things changed in November of 1947, when he went to the Windermere Club to audition as a regular act, which was booked by the band leader there named Miff Ferry. I'm sorry. Miff Ferry. M-I-T-H? M-I-F-F. Miff. Miff. Ferry. Ferry. Parents hated him.

Miff Ferry. Parents hated his guts. Miff Ferry. They came out as a baby. They're like, what a fucking myth. The midwife said that. Miff. Say midwife. She's called the myth wife. She's called the midwife. Comes out. The midwife. She throws it out the window. The midwife. Yeah. Oh, now the Miff bin's overflowing. What should we do? Empty it as we always do into the ocean. Throw it into the, throw it into the tanks. Look, it's what we do. So it's kind of an, one of those awkward auditions because there's no crowd. It's just Miff and his band who are called the Jack Dawes. Sure. The audition was so-so. Tommy's act like confidence and specificity. He was still trying to do magic competently, but he still had a couple where he would intentionally

mess it up. Miff really liked those tricks where he messed it up. He liked the bumbling magician. How does he not know that that's his thing yet? Well, because there's a lot, like, there's a lot of problems that go along with it. Like, if you think about, like really, think about any comic, right? When you're finding your voice, there is like a hesitancy to fully lean into what you think you are. But if you're, if you're a magician, you have a really comfortable thing you could do, which is magic. Yeah. But for him, he definitely gets more laughs when he is being funny and try and messing it up. But it's also like some people think maybe he's just the terrible magician, right? You know, right? Like, and not fun, you know, and just playing it

off. And it's not, it's not an act. So he asked Tommy to come back in the next week and do more of the bumbling magician stuff. So little did he know that was no problem because Tommy had shitloads of failing magic tricks and jokes to go with him. So he comes back a week later. And at the end of his audition, the stage is covered in trick debris, milk, props, the band is in hysterics. Miff offered Tommy a weekly salary of 50 pounds a week for 17 weeks that year. And Tommy was in. And within no time, Tommy's Tommy's act is starting to take shape. And Miff wisely made the decision to sign Tommy to a contract, making Miff his manager and representation. Fucking man. Tommy agreed to give authority to sign for Miff to sign all deals

at a 15% commission. Don't do that. And Miff put in a fund clause where he Miff was the only one that could terminate the contract between them. So every year, Miff could pick if he wanted to stay or go and Tommy would have zero say. That's sort of what we call slavery. A little bit, indentured servitude at least. So Tommy would have, sorry, I'm getting some water. Drink it up. Drink it while you got it. So Tommy knew nothing. And he loved the deal. He wanted representation. He's excited to have a manager. This is why you have representation. So he signs. He's so amped up that his hand's shaking when he signs the deal. This is exciting. So Tommy begins working rooms like the coconut grove and the blue lagoon. You know those rooms.

Fucking love the blue lagoon. You love it. There were B rooms, but Tommy's still working on his act and he's still getting big laughs with his jokes. Like, you know, somebody actually complimented me on driving the other day. They left a note on my widescreen. It said, parking fine. In August 1948, we've got Tommy on a European tour. When Tommy got back, he was exhausted and a little unfulfilled. It was great work, but he was lower on the bill. And some people, like we were saying before, missed the point of his act. The French. The French is not fall down enough. No, no, no. He doesn't smoke. Why is he not in pain? Kill him. Cut his eye on the nail. Please put nails through him. It's not funny if he nails and goes through nothing. He's not bleeding. But he remained a

road dog. So he tours constantly. He's playing rooms that aren't easy, but you know, and it's starting to get to him a little bit. Yeah. As we've seen that can happen to people. All comedians. In 1950, in 1952, he's on his second show at the Glasgow Empire, known by other acts as the Comics Graveyard. Oh, that's a bad name for a comedy club. The show goes off the rails quickly. Tommy takes a beat, looks at the audience, goes, fuck off and left. Performing in nightclubs was a fight. The people wanted great exit. That's gonna be more. No, that's it. He walked up the stage. He just told them to fuck off and left. Left. That's not it. That's not, you got to stick through it. You got to fucking. I kind

of think that's a great way to leave. Okay, that's fair. Fuck off. Leave. And they probably loved it in Scotland. Yeah, they were probably like, they probably get like a free pint if they get the comedian to leave the venue in Scotland. You make them cry, you get a pint. Well, consider that challenge accepted. All right, it's Scotland. That's okay. Performing in nightclubs was a fight. The people wanted to see a show, but they also wanted to drink more, especially what were known as bottle parties. These are parties where guests would get a bottle of booze dropped off at their table with a gauge on the side. By the night's end, they would look at the gauge on the side, and it would show how much you drank, and then you were charged that much. But people sort of use

that as a- Could you just bring in a little more bottle and pour? There are, as I've thought about this, there are 95 different solutions that are better. But people are like pounding it to like get the get, you know, it's kind of almost competitive. So trying to get the attention of these crowds at 2 a.m. when Tommy was on stage was not easy. They were rowdy, they were shit-faced, a regular comic wouldn't do. Tommy's mid-act one night when he loses the room completely, but he doesn't want to back down and quit. So they're throwing bread rolls at him. Sure. They just start tossing all these endless bread rolls at him, and he goes, stop throwing bread rolls at me. And the people didn't care. They kept doing it. And he goes,

stop it. And a man from the crowd asks, why? And Tommy takes a beat and earnestly goes, because I don't have an ad-lib for bread being thrown at me. And there's a beat, and the crowd falls apart laughing at the line. And then they're like on his side for the rest of the time he does shows there. So vulnerable. Oh my god. Later that year, Tommy not only had his first of two children, but he was also featured on a TV show called It's Magic. Wait, how do the kids look? The kids, I don't think the kids are that crazy looking, because Gwen was, yeah. I know, but dude, come on. This is not like a freak gene we're talking about floating around. I'm waiting for him for the new Lobster Boy to come.

No, there's no Lobster Boy. Get your head out of the Lobster Boy. But if you, if you have no Lobster Boy. The big oddly formed gentleman, you might have an oddly formed kid. Come on, come on, you're better than this. Like if you fuck an egg. When I fuck eggs. Well, then an egg, an egg person might, like a mostly egg looking person might come out. I don't know. I just get yolk cock. So he did a TV show called It's Magic. And that. Okay. And that exposure exposure. There's a show called It's Magic. Uh-huh. And they just have magician comes on. Uh-huh. And the magicians do tricks.

You know, and the show is called It's Magic. Hmm? You there? I mentioned this is early in TV, right? It's not complicated. Yeah. No, no, no. It's not. Actually, you'd like the show. It's complicated. What's on it's magic? Uh, now it looks like a bit of magic again. All right. Same thing. Love, love it.

Ta de fricking da. So that exposure helps him. So in 1954, he's starting to get second billing in Paris by night, which is starring Benny Hill. Hill would later be known as the dirty chubby man whose show was made famous for having him chase women in bikinis or bras that were running around. Yep. And now, despite what people think of Hill, he actually achieved international fame with his cheeky ways. But still, Tommy shined and stole the show away from Hill.

He was becoming a standout even when he was a supporting act, as shown in the review from the Daily Telegraph quote, the best individual turn was provided by Tommy Cooper as a hopelessly incompetent magician. I have never seen anybody do as little as Mr. Cooper and yet be so terribly funny. The magazine... That's almost the same review I got. That is true. Yeah.

Fantastic. Did they have funny or was it just so terrible? No, it didn't say funny. Oh yeah, I remember that one. You were weep. Yeah, that's... Don't bring that up. I've never seen a comedian weep on stage like that before. Yeah.

For so long. Mr. Anthony... I've never seen anyone do as little as Mr. Anthony and yet be so terrible. The magazine The Magic Circular reported the quote... Sorry? Huh? The Magic Circular. Do you have a question?

What's your question and why is it now? I feel like we've... Like we're really in Harry Potter now. Dude, I have so many names coming at you. There is a Magic Magazine. Dude. Just for those... Because before, remember, these guys were just reading the ads.

Yeah. No, no, no. Now there's The Magic Circular. Oh, the circulation must be huge. No, no, no. It was actually just a sphere. Everybody wants to read what's going on in Magic Weekly. Oh my god, did you get you into the new circular? Magic Circular reported the skill with which he ruined his act was amazing.

A young critic named Kenneth Tynan gave Tommy a review in the Evening Standard that only helped Cooper further quote... No man was ever less surprised by failure. Such an English review. I mean, that should be from the stereotype times. Oh, fuck, that's amazing. Staggers helplessly from trick to trick. No man was ever less surprised by failure.

It's just amazing. As he twiddles his mustache. They just love how bad he is. It's amazing. It is amazing, though. Yeah, again, it's hard to explain, but like... Well, this is a new thing, because magicians try so hard. Yeah, so his...

You know what? It's a little like the amazing Jonathan, who I don't know if people know. Yeah. But the amazing Jonathan is a guy who is hilarious and people should look up, but he's a guy who had competent magic, but his show was so much more about just infused with comedy, mishaps, and one-liners that you were like, you know, and then you'd see a great trick, which Tommy Cooper would do too. He would finish tricks.

Yeah, he would just... He would make you think he didn't know how the trick would work. He was fucking it up. And then at the end, he's like, oh, there's that card. Oh, God, you know, whatever. So Tommy was getting big and he began to perform in better venues in Southampton. You know, great places, Dave, like we all know, the hippodrome, the palace, the grand, you know, places where names such as Horace Golden or Chris Charlton

or The Great Carmo or Murray the Escapologist or Frank Von Hoven or Regular Bookings. Hold on. Can we please see the... What's his name? Harry the Escapologist? Murray the Escapologist. So you just go to a show and he's just getting out of shit? Yeah.

That's the show? Yeah, yeah. He's just getting out of shit. Yeah, he's breaking up with girls. And now I'm going to get out of a box. Yeah, no, yeah. He's the Escapologist. Yeah.

And also Frank Von Hoven. He was a regular booking at these places. Side note, Frank Von Hoven was better known as the American Dippy Mad Magician, Von Hoven, and was often billed as the man who made Ice Famous. No idea. Before me, they didn't know what ice was. It was just cold water before the Mad Dippy. Frozen cold water, then I came along.

The Dippy Mad Magician came along and made ice something you remember. I wish that there was film of these guys around. Well, a second TV channel came along in 1955 called Commercial Television. Oh, this opened Tommy to more opportunity. He was suddenly making TV rounds more and more. He made appearances on the short titled Val Parnell's Sunday Night at the London Palladium hosted by Val Parnell. OK, did anybody tell Val Parnell that they could have cut back on one of the Val Parnells?

No. Because Val Parnell's blah, blah, blah, blah by Val Parnell is super. I'm not sure if the host that has attached that title. It's super redundant. I hope it is. So much, so much. But so Tommy now he's got confidence, so he's always a hit, but he really wanted his own show. When attempts to get Tommy a show on the commercial television channel fell through,

Miff went back to the BBC and was pushing for a show, but there was no go. If it wasn't for future TV guru David Croft, Tommy may never have ended up on TV. In 1957, Croft got the commercial television channel to agree to 12 half hour episodes of a show starring Tommy Cooper. Tommy was excited at the chance, but Miff was hung up on the title. The title was to be The Tommy Cooper Show. Yeah. But Miff wanted the title to be Cooperama.

OK. Nobody liked Cooperama, but Miff. What the? Because it's terrible. You sure? Well, maybe all kinds of coop would be good. Oh, hang on with Mr. Cooper. No stop the coop train.

Yeah, there you go. There's so many different names you could use. So nobody liked Cooperama like you. It's so weird. But Miff. So then Miff suggests as a... No, it's like a bunch of Koopas. Come on.

You see what I'm talking about? Yeah. Like if you go in somewhere and it's just all Koopas. Like if it were a store and it's only selling Tommy Koopas and it's going out of business and it's having a bit of a Cooperama. There you go. Not main. That says television.

Not main. Main. So that nobody likes Cooperama. So then Miff suggests the show title My Life starring Tommy Cooper as a backup. The network pushed back because they hated both titles and they thought they sounded crazy. So eventually a compromise was reached and the awkward title was. Don't do it. This is the whole title. Don't.

Cooper or life with Tommy. So we couldn't settle on a name we went with two. We all decided if nobody could live none of us would. The show's called Everybody Loves Raymond or Hey It's Raymond. Hey Raymond, your parents live next door. So shockingly that was just a great indicator of what it would be like. Production was a shit show. The director was fired after the first episode.

They moved the show's time slot around at Fizzles. The truth was that the show wasn't what it should be, which is Tommy on stage doing comedy and magic. That's what I thought it would be. Miff wanted to push away from that. Now some think it's because. Who gives a shit what Miff wants? Well, Miff, dude, Miff is controlling everything.

For at this point. But the network should say what it is. But you know what it's like when you first get involved with something and you're just sort of like you listen to everybody. Yeah. Yeah. So I think he's just doing that. He's just like, whoa, all right.

It's nice to have a TV set. Did he ever think that this guy's name is Miff? Yeah. No, that I unfortunately, I think that if there's one thing he should, if there's one red flag, you should have snagged early. It's the Miff flag. Absolutely. I've always said that.

So Miff wanted to push away from that. He now some people think it's because Miff thought that if Tommy did magic on the TV show, it would be burned on the road and he wouldn't make money. But regardless, that was stupid. And he because it was his whole thing was not about making like to die moments. It's also a thing where at this time people wanted to see what you did on the TV show. You get on TV and then you worry about that problem. Yeah.

True. That's yeah. But the show failed, shockingly. Tommy wouldn't get another real shot of his own show until October 1964 when executive producer George Inns known for the hit The Black and White Minstrel Show got involved. That show is very progressive. The Black and White Minstrel Show was basically a variety show that featured country songs, some fun music hall numbers, all usually performed in blackface.

I gotta go. This is 1964 on TV. And I'm not kidding, Dave. I've talked to family members about this show, like older family members. And they are like, they're like, yeah, it's crazy that that is wrong now because we all loved it. So that's the battle we're fighting. Okay. Anyway, the show did air, raised Tommy's profile.

He also appeared on the Ed Sullivan show five times between 63 and 67. Ed Sullivan described him in one intro as the funniest man ever to appear on this stage. Holy shit. Yeah. Well, that's. Yeah, he did some stuff in America, not a lot. He did like some Vegas shows and stuff like that. But for the most part, you know, he's an English guy.

Right. Tommy and Gwen were happy and proud. They got a nice flat. Tommy bought a Vanguard estate, which isn't an estate. It's just actually what a car was called. Gwen was Tommy's everything, sort of. See, by 1967, Tommy was in high demand and the road was calling more and more where he could make a killing now.

Now Gwen had always accompanied Tommy on the road, funny legs. Gwen had always accompanied Tommy, but with his new schedule, he needed someone to help him. Gwen felt she needed to stay home and take care of the kids. So Tommy needed an assistant in January of 67. Tommy met a lady named Mary Kay in a church where TV rehearsals would be held sometimes. I'm sorry. They would just like, dude, that's how it's like. You got a space.

Yeah. Yeah, they would go rehearse in a church. Because because because they're not using it at those hours. Yeah. No, because yeah, that's when God naps. I've always said that. But yeah, so they're just in this church. I'm just I'm just imagining like them rehearsing TJ Hooker in the church.

All right, now roll over those boxes like a car again, guys. All right. That's awesome. So he meets Mary Kay in this church. She's 39. She's a former singer. She's married and has three kids of her own quote from her. A lot of people thought he was an ugly bastard, but I thought he was just gorgeous.

No, you didn't. He was just famous, but that he's there's nothing gorgeous about him. It's terrifying. But but his wife Gwen found him gorgeous. I think someone who's found him attractive. No. OK, maybe not a few days later, he saw her again and he pulled her aside and asked, how would you like to come on holiday at this very moment?

She replied, yes, I would definitely. And she began working for Tommy as a full time assistant. And their affair began immediately. Yeah, because when he's saying how would you like to go on holiday? Immediately saying, do you want to fuck? Yes. We're going to go to a seaside. We're going to go to Bristol.

Very specific bang. We're going to bang head in the black pool and we're going to fucking do it. No, no, no, no. You're adding. Like this is the commentary that we're doing shows. OK, I'm going to fuck you. Excuse me, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, until you're a weird and weird looking scientist.

Yeah, great movie plot, great horror film called Fugly. So so they start having this road affair, but Tommy wanted to be quiet about the Trist and he never wanted Gwen to know about it. As the years went on, yes, years. So she's staying married to? So he's married to Gwen. No, the other lady. She's yeah.

Her deal is weird like her husband. I don't have that. But her husband was like cheating on her. And so it was like this whole stupid weird situation. Like, yeah, he would like hang out with the husband and the husband would know the deal and be like, well, good to see you. Yeah, you're famous. Anyway, bye Tommy.

Great magic. You've done a trick over here for sure with my family. Is your penis weird shaped also? Is it like a pig's tail? Well, as the years went on, Tommy essentially had a road wife and a home wife. So he would do a week of shows with Mary Kay by his side and then he'd come home to Gwen and he would not meet and not miss a beat with her. So people would see Mary Kay and Tommy out when he was on the road and they knew they

were having an affair. It went so far that Tommy even bought Mary Kay a wedding ring at one point. What? Not that it wasn't without its stresses. She would wear it when she was with him and then take it off when she went home. I don't even know if she wore it. But they went like ring shopping together and they were spotted. So there were times where he had to stash her in a closet because of housekeeping

or there was one time when a bill came to Tommy's house when he was home that he was sharing with Gwen from a hotel and the bill was for Mr. and Mrs. Cooper. So Gwen lost her shit knowing that something was awry. Why would they think Tommy had a wife with him on the road? Tommy swore it was a mistake. Gwen slammed the door and left Tommy in the bedroom alone. So Tommy quickly put on clothes over his pajamas, snuck out the bedroom window, went down the street to a pay phone, called the hotel,

then snuck back into bed. Well about 20 minutes later Gwen got a call from the hotel apologizing for giving him the wrong bill. They had a Mr. and Mrs. Cooper staying there as well and they explained to Gwen that they had mixed the two up. Gwen came upstairs where Tommy appeared to have never left the bed and apologized to Tommy and explained the mix up. Shut the fuck up!

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a bad, it's like three's, English three's company. Do you know what it is? It's like what would happen on English TV at this time. It's probably why he did it. Yeah it was he's like. He probably saw it rehearsed in a church two days before. So, so Tommy's kids knew about the long lasting affair too.

Tommy's son, Tommy's son Thomas would go on the road with his dad and he would see everyone else, what everyone else did. Oh my god, he wouldn't hide it from his kid? No, he literally like separated his life, life in two. And his wife, Gwen, like eventually starts to know, but it's like this weird denial thing, you know. So, Tommy's son Thomas would go on the road and one night after a show, he pulled Mary Kay aside and said,

if you leave my dad, it will be the death of him. Everything is normal. Oh my god. Tommy didn't drink. I gotta say, it seems super complicated. That's why Facebook came up with that relationship status. Four moments like this. Tommy didn't drink early in his career.

He couldn't afford to in his mind. But once he grew larger and larger, he made up for lost time. A lot. The drinking is infamous. He wouldn't go on without a bottle of brandy. In Bournemouth one time, he ordered a bowl of corn flakes and a gin and tonic at a restaurant. The waitress, feeling it was way too early for booze,

asked the manager who knew Tommy and okayed it. When the drink was dropped off at the table, Tommy poured the drink on his corn flakes and ate it up saying it had less cholesterol than milk. Jesus Christ. Tommy would carry around with him a case of- I'm the best alcoholic. Like-

Dude, you can have the drink and milk. It's just all shit you see in bad movies. You can have the milk and then the drink. You can just drink the gin. That's what I'm saying, but just separate them. But you know why? Because nobody needs to be a monster. Milk covers layers of stomach and it's harder to drink.

That's what he's saying, less cholesterol. Tommy would carry around a case of various gins and scotches and various mixers with him in order to get quote the taste just right. Yeah. This was due to his taste buds that had become worn from years of boozing. He would take sleeping pills to fall asleep,

diet pills to wake up. Tommy was a giant mess. I can't believe that he's got two ladies. Two. Fighting over him. Who would think a guy that's got his shit together like- I want this disaster! Look at him, he's weird and a drunk.

Oh, he's got it all. This brought about a darker side of Tommy that everyone felt. He grew to resent Miff the manager. Fucking Miff. Miff found out Tommy did a charity show and wrote him a meme letter. This is the best thing too because when you got pissed,

you'd write letters. Sure. Like, you know when you have a texting conversation that's heated? It's at least resolved or like there's progression. Now it's like a day to go by. This is like, this is days, you know, days in between. Miff found out Tommy did a charity show and wrote-

Get a Miff! Wrote him a meme letter accusing him of hiding cash. Tommy replied quote, A polite letter will always get a reply, but I will not answer any letter that is set to upset me. He said while replying. Tommy also wrote once to Miff, Dear little Caesar,

The tone of your voice in your conversation last night was aggressive indeed, and I advise you not speak to me like that again. Miff wrote back, Your recurring insults and groundless accusations culminating in your latest statement are getting old. Tommy wrote back, I'm too big for you to handle and now I find you intolerable.

It didn't help that Miff represented a comic who did an amazing Tommy Cooper impression. At this point, everybody's doing a Tommy Cooper impression. He's that popular, but Miff had someone who had the best one. So when Miff first saw it, he forbade the man from doing the Tommy Cooper bit on stage or TV. But it's believed that Miff veiled a threat around this,

almost suggesting that he had a backup Tommy if Tommy ever left him. Holy shit, a backup Tommy. Abusive. But not as weird looking. Tommy, I mean, showing you that picture impacted you. I also can't get past the fact that someone commented about his legs banging together.

Like how can you ever let that go? Well, that comedian said when God made him, he got it wrong. Tommy was known as the tightest wallet in England show business. He was always held onto his mother's thriftiness. He used to tip cab drivers by slipping something in their pocket and saying, I have a drink on me. When he would leave, the cab driver would examine what was placed in there,

and it would simply he would simply find one single teabag. I mean, it's funny. It's funny. You can't say it's not funny. It's cheap as shit and funny. Cheap as shit. He had pens made that said stolen from Tommy Cooper. Oh my God.

Tommy would drink and talk on the phone before the show started. But when it was about time to go on, he would lock the liquor and the dressing room phone in a cabinet that he brought with him. The liquor was locked for fear of someone drinking it. It's my own private alcohol jam. But he put the phone in there too. So he locked the liquor up because he was afraid someone would drink it

and he would lock the phone in there because he was afraid that some insane person would come into his dressing room while he was on stage and call New York. Tommy would be at a bar and he would hang on to the last sip of a drink for hours in hopes that the bar maid would take it away and he could complain and get a new one for free.

Holy fuck. Tommy would get strangers to buy him drinks by asking, What are you drinking? Thinking they were getting a freebie, this person would say something like vodka soda. And Tommy would say, Oh, that sounds good. I'll have one as well.

Awkwardly forcing them to buy him one. Oh my God. Yeah. But he's like fucking loaded, right? He, yeah, he's loaded. Yeah. But he's cheap and he's just super cheap. He's a cheap fuck.

Dorman got a choice between three envelopes, which supposedly contained a tip. No. When they would pick one and it was empty, they would remember Tommy would say, Oh well, better luck next time. Knowing that none of the envelopes had anything inside. He's the fucking worst.

Comedian Mike Yarwood remembers one time being at a pub with Tommy, where Tommy actually bought him a drink, which was a rarity. When Tommy offered to buy him a drink, he told them to keep his voice down so nobody else would hear it. Tommy bought two loggers and left the change,

two pounds on the bar. They were talking and then Tommy realized the two pounds were no longer on the bar. Tommy was livid. He looked all over for it. When he couldn't find him, he kept freaking out. Where are the two pounds gone? He asked the barmaid.

Nothing. Nobody knew. Tommy was seething and he looked at Mike and he said, It's not the principal, Mike. It's the money. By February 1974, by February 1974,

Tommy's drinking was reaching scary levels and it was affecting his work. A club owner wrote myth a letter complaining about Tommy. Quote, Damn myth. Damn myth. There's a tiff.

We've got a riff. What's with tiff? He quote, He is not the easiest fellow in the world to get along with. He was complaining about the heater in his dressing room but he wouldn't let the electrician into the room to switch it on.

He stayed at the club until 7 a.m. drinking and it's been like that most of the nights this week. You can't come in here. It's my private liquor area. I think it's because of the phone and the liquor. Yeah, he didn't want anybody getting in there to get his shit. I really do.

He's got control over his special things. Yeah. Soon after that he was at the Talk of the South in South Hampton. One evening his show was five minutes. One night he didn't even show up. That's a short show. It's short but they might have lit him it too.

True. So maybe it was a fun time. And when you hit a good joke, get out. Yeah, leave in a high. Thank you. One night he didn't even show up but a call came in from the manager from the Cavendish in October.

Quote, Tommy arrived at 10.20 and was not ready to go on because of lack of props. Eventually he went on at 11.30 for 10 minutes. Then came off. Then on again for five minutes. Then off for five more minutes. Then on and finished his act.

In total it was approximately 35 minutes. What a show to be at. Oh yeah, you're like, he's just like, yeah. Do you see the encores that is? But it's like you're seeing 35 minutes over an hour and 40 minutes. You're like this is or even longer. No, it's way longer.

Way longer. And that was 10 shy of Tommy's deal. So in July 1975 a review in the Thurick Gazette shot at the situation pretty straight. Oh boy. Quote, virtually every impressionist in this country does a Tommy Cooper.

And after seeing Cooper at the circus tavern last week it is my bet that nine out of 10 of them do a better job. I would rather remember the greats how they really were and Tommy Cooper on this show is great no longer. Despite all of these problems Tommy was still in demand

of making more money than ever. Even Tommy at 60% was better than most English comedians at 100. What people didn't know was how hard it was to get him to the shows. Mary on the road had her hands full. Tommy would perform best. She's still.

Oh, she's there the whole time. Holy fuck. His whole career. His whole career she's on the. So his affair with her. So when he when he's boozing at these places she's with him whenever he goes on the road still. She's still with him.

She's with him the whole time. She's always trying to get him to bed. So he like yeah. So he performs better if he sleeps and doesn't drink. But all he wants to do is not sleep and drink. And if she can get him to sleep and not drink he's the worst to her. So she's like oh great.

So he was also violent when he drank to them to both of his wives. Mary Kay was thrown out of her chair at a restaurant when Tommy complained his pork wasn't cooked well and she giggled. Okay well. That's you don't giggle about cooked pork. He was he was complaining and she laughed.

You deserve to get thrown out of your chair. But I can't believe in a restaurant. Well he's an alcoholic and he has weird legs. Yeah. Well and I think the truth is part of the thing with him really was that he didn't he liked being laughed at when he was performing. But he didn't like it when people laughed at him

and he wasn't trying to be funny. Right. Which everything I read there was like a trigger for him. It was like when people laughed and he wasn't being funny and they thought he was being funny he was upset. Jesus there's no way for a comedian to go through that. Well but I get it to some extent. I get it but his whole thing is fucking up.

The thing with him is that he's so likeable and almost approachable that everybody just thought he was being funny. But at times he was like I'm not being funny. I'm not performing you know. Not now. But still I don't think it's okay to throw a woman out of her chair because she laughs when you complain

about your meal. That's a bit extreme. Just so that the dollop's on record. Gwen actually said that she was leaving Tommy in 1977 because he hit her in front of the kids. However when she was going forward with that on April 22nd 1977 Tommy was performing in Rome on a lucrative one night gig.

Right before Tommy was about to hit the stage he collapsed and fell into the arms of a worker. Suddenly oh this is a quote. Suddenly his right leg started to shake and a tremor ran up his body. At first I thought he was doing one of his funny acts and I actually laughed. But not for long.

He collapsed and began rolling in agony. So he's angry. So he's right now he's having some kind of seizure but he's mad because the guy's laughing at him and he's. Well he's out but this dude is still like oh man you still got it mate. All right I guess he's in Rome.

No it's a new bit. I love it. It's a better good. At first I thought he was doing one of his funny acts and actually laughed but not for long. He collapsed began rolling in agony fighting for his breath. His dentures fell out and he was bleeding from his mouth. Sexy.

Sexy look. We've all been there. I mean who hasn't bled from their mouth when their dentures. Come on. Let's go Friday. Hello. An Italian doctor rushed onto the scene and gave Tommy a cardiac injection.

Yeah you go it's a meatball. Hey here you go put a sauce inside of him. We're going to make him into a nasa parmesan okay. You're going to love what are we going to do with him. Okay. You like the noodles. Oh yeah. Oh you're going to love what a turn of this man in a dude.

So he barely survives. Medicine doctors said it was a heart attack but Gwen and Tommy said that he was just tired from being overworked by mean old myth. Doctors said that Tommy needed to stop drinking and smoking. He also smoked. Tommy played it off and when he got back to London nearly two weeks later he spent around a thousand pounds

getting a BS letter from the cardiac department of chairing cross hospital that said that he was in good health and in no way had a heart attack. Come on who what fucking doctor does that. Dude you could still get those. I know but it's insane. Yeah yeah he goes to Dr. Robert you know. Gwen also then downplayed the domestic violence off to the press

saying that yes they fought with each other so what if Tommy smashed some furniture that's why they never bought matching chairs. Right. In 1978 at 57 Tommy cut down on his smoking and made the switch from brandy to white wine. Oh well that's good. A friend of his recalls meeting up with Tommy

after he'd made the lifestyle changes due to health. Tommy boasted about the switch to wine and said he was allowed one glass a day. After hanging out with him for hours and three bottles of wine the friend pointed out that he'd just had three bottles. Tommy smiled held up his glass and said yeah but only use one glass. Don't say it.

I told you not to say that. I told you not to say that. I have to I have to. What did I say to you. I have to. I told you not to say that. Don't throw me out of my chair this is the pork all over again. Due to these health restraints Cooper was now doing shows

on two weeks off and two weeks on. Oh good. And by this time Tommy had been on TV a ton. Over the years some shows were good some were bad but he was on shows that were called things like Cooper's Capers, Cooper, Cooperama, Life with Cooper, It's Tommy Cooper and Cooper just like that. Wait I think he got Cooperama on it.

Oh yeah Cooperama was on. That's the first one. That's the first one. The first one was called Cooperama. I thought it was called something else. It was called Cooperama or Life with Tommy is what it was called. But they just went with Cooperama here. The last one just like that like I said is a play on his catchphrase

which he would say while he was doing a trick. He'd shake his hand not want this lot that just like that. The show Cooper just like it was described was if you were what is was as if you were watching Tommy Cooper perform underwater. One critic said his movements were belabored and the timing was off. But Tommy was still willing to perform on TV because he was beloved even though he wasn't doing that well. Tommy's health ailments were now growing.

He was suffering from phlebotitis. I don't know what phlebotitis is. Phlebotitis is like super phlegm. It's from bronchitis. It's basically the phlegm that comes from bronchitis. But it gets terrible and it'll fill your lungs with fluid. Super hot. Phlebitis, bronchitis, asthma, perexia, chronic sore throat.

Exhaustion and thrombosis of the leg. I can't believe the guy who takes care of himself is having all this shit happen. It's tough, right? With all this in mind, Miff tried to get creative with how to make money off of Tommy now. In 1979, Tommy did a commercial with a company called SodaStream. Yes, the cool company that gives you a way to carbonate your water or make soda at home so that you don't have to give money to Nestle,

who is sucking up reservoirs and rivers all over to sell back to us. Yes, that one. SodaStream has actually been around since 1903. Shut up. Where you could aerate your own liquids and add flavors like cherry sedrette and sarsaparilla. Wait, it's the same company? The same company.

What the fuck? Yeah, it might have got dormant for a while, but it's still the same. It's the same thing. And you were doing it back then. You were carbonating stuff and flavoring it. I love them. SodaStream, shout out.

Yeah. Anyways, Tommy had a campaign with SodaStream where the slogan was get busy with fizzy. However, Tommy was a shell at this point. He was so mediocre that it took a lot of editing to make the three-day shoot. Get belly with shity. Get shity with fitty. Get it fitty.

Good. Think we got it. Think we got it on that last one for sure. That's a safety. Oh, we got a safety now. So we got the first one and we got that safety. So in post, I think we're going to have a dream. Great.

We have options. There's a blooper bed. So he's a shell at this point. He's so mediocre that it took a lot of editing to make the three-day shoot worthy of his 30-second spot. So think of that editing. 30 seconds, three days. So to help boost the campaign, the ad agency wanted to do radio spots with Cooper also.

Sort. Oh my god. They wanted to hire a Tommy Cooper impersonator instead of Tommy because Tommy sounded so sloppy. Right. They even wanted to have the impressionist dub Tommy in the commercial app. Tommy and Miff agreed, but Tommy was stung by the professional blow. Still, Tommy worked for more companies over the years like KP Nuts, McVitie's Biscuits,

Family Hampers, Farfiza Electronic Organs, Cream Cakes, Wreckett and Coleman's Nurture Plant Food, Cracker Bed, Yellow Pages, Co-op's Gift Range, Bachelor's Saucy Noodles, Dexion Shaving, and British Telecom. Bangas and bangas. It worked because Tommy made more money than he ever had before. Chips time. Oh, biscuits. I know McVitie's.

McVitie's sent, but so he's making more money than ever. Yeah, of course he is. So Tommy takes back to TV in 1979 when he appeared on a Christmas special of the hit show Parkinson, which had acts on as well as sit down interviews. He sat down after a great performance and he was like the old Tommy. He showed off tricks. He even got emotional at times about his past and his struggles. It was all in all a very compelling display.

Aside from one small near hiccup. Oh, God. At the end of the show, Tommy was kind of drunk and wanted to finish with a big gag, so he convinced host Michael Parkinson to put his head in a guillotine that had a safety catch because it was real. What? Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the age, but Tommy forgot to put the safety latch on and was about to drop the blade when a technical

assistant noticed the problem, ran out on the stage and put it on just in time. Had that not happened, Tommy would have beheaded the host of a show on that host show. The assistant running out was edited out. I do bad tricks. But can you imagine? The tricks don't work. No, but can you imagine if you were there? You're like, whoa, all right.

I can't wait until he puts the head back on. Oh my God. And then it was just like, taking a while. That was going on. That's fucking amazing. I think it's called the slow burn. So, Miff now was open to different opportunities for Tommy, as I said. So, he was listening to all options, which is why he agreed to a deal that on December 21st

and 22nd of 1980 would have Tommy open for the band, the police. What? Miff actually turned down a gig for Tommy to open for the who in 1975. What in the fuck? But now with health, he turned to the police. So, now Tommy was 59 years old and a sort of magician with failing health. In retrospect, the two acts had different vibes. Tommy was in the weeds early, and when the audience started shouting at him, he shouted back.

Four letter words were exchanged, and then beer cans got thrown at Tommy and Tommy threw them back. It was Tommy's worst performance of his career. He died on stage that night, they say. Of the show, Tommy said, quote, The police were great, sensational. I wasn't, but they were great. By Christmas, Tommy had gotten a taste of that bomb out of his mouth by killing at the Winter Gardens in Bournemouth.

Sure, that's how you do it. That's how we've all had the resurgence come back. That's what you do, you go to Bournemouth. In 81, he was still doing pretty well health-wise. He was still drinking about four glass of wine a day, but that was nothing compared to what he had been doing. That's it, he's down to four? About that.

I mean, he goes big too sometimes. I know, but he's a raging alcoholic, so for a guy to back off is kind of... I think it definitely fluctuated, but there were times where it looked like it was stabilizing. By 1983, Tommy's health was holding fairly steady. He was, it was really more of his mobility now. He had bad legs and he had the thrombosis. Those fucking legs. You know why they're bad? They've been banging together from these things.

I didn't even think of that. So true. I mean, his legs have been banging like he's got a road assistant. What bangs more? Your assistant or your legs? Me legs. Oh, that's not good, mate. Keep it down. We're having a foot.

My leg's pregnant. So he goes back to the Middle East on a tour in February of 83. In October of 83, Tommy went back on TV, but in the lead-up, it was shocking that he even made the appearance. Three days before he made the appearance, he'd had seven pints of fluid drained from his lungs due to the chronic bronchitis. Yeah, but that's just pre-show stuff. That's just pre-show.

Yeah, everybody does that. Yeah, it was probably brandy. He's great on the show. He talked about how he quit drinking and smoking, and by the end of the show, he was smoking and drinking on stage. So that's how he was. Farley-ish. I think like an hour or something.

Totally farley-ish. But he's very farley-ish, yeah. So he's like, no, I'm done doing that. They're like, you want a beer? He's like, yeah, no, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So six days after the appearance, Tommy was back in the hospital. It looked like he'd had a heart attack that he just gutted out,

and this may have happened a couple times. On April 15, 1984, Tommy was doing the TV show Live From Her Majesties at 7.45 PM. It was a star-studded show at the time with acts like- It was a popular show, right? Popular show. Star-studded at the time with acts like Les Dennis and Dustin Guy, The Flying Pickets, and of course, Donnie Osmond.

Those are all great fucking acts. And who could forget about host Jimmy Tarbuck? Not me. Tarbuck brought Tommy out on stage with the intro. If you asked 100 comedians who their favorite comic is, they would all say Tommy Cooper, and it was true. Tommy had become an icon. He was one of a kind and truly never duplicated.

Now, this show is airing live all over the country. And again, because of how uncompetitive TV was back then, most homes were tuned in. Tommy was doing great on the show, all things considered. He was older, more ill, less sharp, but he was still wearing the big red fez, and he was still Tommy Cooper. He had some new jokes that were killing,

and Tommy then moved into a trick. He had a velvet cloak that he wanted to put on, and he asked a dancer to help it with him. He had her fasten the cloak and said, thanks, love, that would be amazing if that's the trick. Hey, I put on a cloak. Hey, now there's a cloak on me. All right.

So she puts the cloak on and he says, thanks, love, as she walked away. There's a beat, and then Tommy put his hand on his chest and fell down. The audience laughed at the slapstick. Oh, it's hilarious. He still had it. They continued to laugh as Tommy was breathing oddly

with his head down in his chest. I mean, he commits. It was odd because this was not something he had done in rehearsals, or ever, actually. But he also, he does like. Loves improv. Yeah, he's spontaneous. Tommy's son is watching from the wings,

and the director asked Tommy's son if this was part of the act. Quote, no, my dad has a bad back, and he wouldn't be able to do that. This is for real. And he was right. Tommy wasn't doing an act, or a trick, or a joke. Tommy was dying. He now fell backwards on his back,

and the crowd continued to laugh as they always had at him. Is this live on TV? Live on TV. It couldn't get any more surreal until he falls over and some hands come out from under the curtain and drag Tommy backstage. The audience laughs as they cut away to a graphic and a commercial.

Backstage, they attempt. We did it again! Oh, Tommy, I love it! All right, get up. Backstage, they attempted CPR, but Tommy Cooper was dead. He had just died on live TV to laughter and applause. They had to wait for a commercial break to get Tommy in an ambulance,

and he was dead on arrival. Now, David, I've often thought over the years that you've tortured me on this show. So when it came to me thinking about whether I'd show you the video of this, because again, this was on live TV, I thought no. And then as I thought about it, I thought I have to. So you can, this is the only version I can find

is in this crazy Italian version. So the language may be off a little here, but you can kind of describe what you're seeing is what I thought. So here we go. Okay, so here it is. Oh, here she comes. She puts the cloak on.

It actually, if you watch this, you'd think you were watching an Italian show. Yeah, then he falls. There he goes. He's down, he's sitting. Oh yeah, because the way he went down was kind of funny, except for the fact that he... So we're watching a man die.

I'm watching a man die on television. So he's like gasping and then he slumps over. So he falls into a sitting position, and he tries to catch his breath a few times, and then he just collapses. Now he's on his back. And now he's just laying there, and barely able to move.

The audience is tittering. He's trying to roll over. So then they just cut... They cut to the back, a long shot, so you can see the crowd, and they drag him through the curtain. So they just cut to this graphic, but this is live,

and everybody thinks it's a bit. Everybody thinks it's a bit, except people who know him. I mean, because it's kind of funny. And that's how he was. His whole thing was being totally unpredictable with what he would do, what you would come out of nowhere.

And it wasn't about the trick, it was about what goes on around the trick. So you sort of understand why people laugh, but then when you watch it, it is so... You're watching a guy die. You're watching a guy die, and everybody, again, is laughing at him. It was a sad day and a national tragedy.

Isn't that the way he should have gone out, though? You know? Cooper was beloved. His son, Thomas, said, if right before his final performance, he had said to his dad, you are going to drop dead on stage tonight in front of millions of people.

His dad would have said, I'll settle for that. Yeah, because it's the perfect way for him to die. Yeah. Even if you could even see his legs were banging. His legs are banging in the sky now, children. Gwen did not attend the show, opting to watch it on TV instead,

but she said she knew the second that he dropped. His death was caused by coronary occlusion due to atheroma. Sure. Atheroma. I should have looked these up. That's a shame. He was 62. The funeral was held on April 20th, 1984.

Crowds lined the streets as the hearse took him away forever. Among the floral tributes was a two-foot-tall pheas. Oh, God. Let's tell me Koopa, mate. That's fucking insane. Yeah. Did not enjoy his life at all. Why?

Because his mother wouldn't give him anything. Yeah, you do wonder because I think even when, like, even when you watch like him perform, they're later on, there is an element of like, like he's just kind of like going through his emotions a little. Yeah, it's a little joyless. But yeah, he was not.

I think I think if you like, I think people from what I read, like people would say that he was a happy guy, but he was not he was not this, he was not at all what he appeared to be on stage. The two things, I've met a few egotics and one sort of common thing they say is they have a monster inside of them. Yeah, right.

And the other thing is that they have a hole they can't fill. Yeah. Put the monster in it. Boom. That's what that's what the doctor. They're the monster in the hole. That's what doctors say. Boom, boom, boom.

Done. Solved. What's next? What else we got? Yeah, but as a kid, like as a kid when I would go to England, you know, he obviously was not like he was not around when I remember TV,

but I remember my family always loved him. Yeah. I just remember watching him and then always I remember finding out the way he died so early and being so disturbed by it. And literally hadn't seen it since I started working on this. Well, that's amazing. You couldn't find it.

So it's almost like there's a respect for him still because it would be all over the place. Why isn't it? Why is it just on Italian? I don't know. I don't know. But you know, I mean, my guess is you could find it in England or other places.

I mean, it's just like I did try to find one where there was a little bit more of a less awkward explanation over it, but you can't. But really the visual is the thing where you I mean, it's just like, you know, the visual is crazy. You died on live TV. Yeah.

Yeah. I watch football and I'm like, when am I going to see that? That is amazing. That has happened in football. You know, yeah. But this is a dude who just dropped. Yeah.

Anyway, the great Tommy Cooper. Excuse me. It'll happen in football or baseball at some point. Oh, yeah, for sure. Wow. Well, there you go, Dave. That's the first in your installment of reverse dollops and small ups.

So it almost feels like a threat. Don't make me do more asshole. I'll do it. All right. We signed jars and legs. Yep.