The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 249 - Colorado Labor War - Live in Denver

Episode Date: March 14, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the early 1900's Colorado labor war.  Live from the Oriental Theater in Denver, Colorado. SOURCES  TOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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I am I am deaf this is a bi-weekly American history podcast each week I comedian actor writer director Dave Anthony read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is about I don't have a lot of wiggle room I would have I would have squeezed in some credits yeah I don't know I don't know if that's how those should work that's because I have more and no I know you're giving no I could I could yeah I could play my credits I used to dress up like superheroes for kids birthday parties I said blood for money I said credits not sadness things I guess I must understand

BC oh fuck yeah the hittites the what oh she was like what Colorado mining town Cripple Creek oh do you know about Cripple Creek up on Cripple Creek had a population of 15,000 and it was the second biggest city in the state okay not anymore those numbers don't hold up the time of independent mines was over and now corporations controlled most of the mines you you're saying mines right yeah the D okay mines that guys go into in the ground and take out stuff oh mine control or yeah gonna take over your mind with my mind very long podcast yeah miners magazine you mean under 18ers yep back then they had magazines for for

young youngsters yeah but the age was so different it would be like under nine like you died so much earlier you'd be like oh man whoo she's about to be my wife barely legal at 11 meow I'm kind of over under 11 I'm dating a cougar she's 17 miners magazine look back fondly on the golden age of mining just 20 years before miners idealized those days the 1870s it's it's always great to think about how decades were like in other centuries if like the 70s then was like man people are wearing too much flashy shit too much cocaine that disco fiddle merm but during the economic panic which began in oh that's not 1983 is not

right whoa in 1883 the three biggest mine owners said they were going back to a 10-hour workday without increasing pay okay all right hey everybody gather around all right what do you got we're gonna work longer all right you're working longer it's like you're driving a lift you mean the elevator or the Uber Uber it's like you're driving an Uber you make you you make not a lot of money you drive around a lot a lot of hours how come it's better than other stuff because you get the freedom of driving around the fuck is this guy talking for some reason the miners didn't like the idea of working longer

for not making more money so weird so the owners told the miners they could still work for eight hours a day if they took a 17% pay cut oh so there is another offer on the table that's enticing okay yeah it's super good okay great yeah I'll just make a lot less wait so they dropped the hourly wage they just haven't really said as much yeah I mean pretty they were like we want you to work longer and they were like no they're like how about less money and they're like I don't know what's happening you're a bad at negotiating and they were like we own the mine we have mine control so the miners response was

to join up with the new Western Federation of miners union okay and they went on strike in January 1894 all right the effect was very quick the next month almost every smelter in Colorado is shut down okay um yep go ahead and ask I don't know if it's one of those ones where I should pretend like I know well what do you think I mean a smelter I think they make grilled cheese sandwiches no no s'mores no no no they sniff fish to see if they're bad are there any are there any smelters here tonight are you a smelter well whatever your occupation is honesty is a priority sir are we you've got the code of a

smelter what's a smelter so what are smelter you know they get they get the they get the silver or whatever out of the ground and they take it to the smelter and they fix it up make it into nice pieces okay you forgot the last part which defines smelting you were like take out the hay and whatever's in there sir yours is mainly hay and then they don't believe it to be silver if you dig around enough I want it to be one big together this dude's making us just put his hay together again he keeps coming here tighten it up nice and tight smelt that silver into a bay so the smaller mining companies began

agreeing to union demands to keep their minds open in March the big mine owners started bringing in scabs okay you know it scabs are yeah a sign of healing no the opposite many of the scabs came in by train from other states where they had been hired and then when they got there they found out there was a strike so then they get there and they'd be like why am I getting punched soon because of all the tension between the scabs and the union guys almost the entire Cripple Creek Sheriff's Department got into a fist fight with the union miners in the middle of the street now and why not but you I okay that's so

much better than them having guns that they just shoot you with like if that's how riot controls worked way more in for it I'd be down that let's go no we're just in the second paragraph you're aware of this is basically the meat cute the amuse-bouche then they arrested so the miners beat up the sheriffs and then the sheriffs arrested them good sneak attack so but violence kept increasing a private army of union busters was then brought in from Denver okay were they told that there wasn't a strike to know damn it these guys are like there's a strike let's go beat up some union guys they're those guys Denver

people the strikers responded by starting military training do you mean with the military or independently I think they just started playing military it's like when when guys in Michigan are like let's form an army right it's like that right it's that it's that kind of military training right yeah right then in May the strikers seized a mine okay and a hundred and twenty five the union busters arrived the next day and then the miners blew up a building wait they make it a point so so there's a building near the mine and all these 125 guys like we're gonna fuck up your shit and then they're like really boom and then the

and then the guys just ran off they're like fuck that I didn't know they'd be stuff blowing up and they they ran back to Denver wait the building is above the mine no it's just somewhere else it's a it's near that it's near the mine it's okay it's associated with the mines not just a hole on the ground there's a building near it I'm picturing a hole sometimes there's more than one building there's also a little train track situation walk me through it now this was a big victory so the miners celebrated by heading into town breaking into liquor warehouses and having a party

guys that's illegal what I just said heroes so when they were nice drunk they decided to go after the union busters who to run off wait it's net that's like what that's like when you get to a certain level of drunk and you're like I just got to put my phone aside so that like nothing happens like once your shit face no more union busting no this is at this is tomorrow at this point they're drunk tweeting yeah they're exactly right yeah which is also called Trump tweeting this guy mega so the the drunk miners then stole a train owned by the mine the mining

company you were talking about trains earlier and they drove it into the town of Victor hoping to head off the fleeing union busters which they did that's great when you do make good decisions when shit face yeah we're waiting the war Ted's drunk it said then they confronted them in the street which led to a gunfight one deputy died and one minor died all right yeah well our hearts go out to the families yeah for sure but then both sides took prisoners what it's just classic union stuff I was in a union when I was I used to work at a little independent grocery store there were two but we were a union and

every once in a while we'd we'd invade Ralph's and we would take hostages and and then there'd be a hostage exchange you let Larry go what do you want for him a thief a thing of Doritos and condoms we're having sex with your staff so then they did a prisoner's change and everyone was happy after that the mine owners realized that they're they had a problem with their plan and so they hired a much larger private army of union busters I don't okay wait okay so there there's no law nobody's stepping in going like hey we got to shut it down they're just sort of like hopefully they don't form too big of an army all we

have now is prayer and what you can hire an army you have money yeah you can still do it I mean we could probably hire an army if we wanted I know an army that's done to break into a liquor warehouse we're putting an army together and we're gonna kill comedy bag bang stealing the Amtrak seems to have worked sir they don't know what's going on now the sheriff was all for the private army but the governor Davis wait was from the people's party okay which was a populist party at the time and he did something unheard of in American labor history he declared the private army illegal and ordered it disbanded okay

then he went to Cripple Creek and negotiated on behalf of the miners okay the first negotiation didn't go well the businessmen in the town who had lost money in the strike and had their property damaged because of the drunken strike party barged in and tried to lynch the governor this is a better time and I'll tell you why it's instead of posting on Facebook you're lynching gov you're like taking action yeah it's a move it's something so you're pro lynching of governor I'm pro I'm pro the option to lynch okay I'm pro choice you don't need to lynch him to get him to be like I'm

done I'll do whatever you just got to be like we have rope and a tree you're ready oh no oh you don't know no he's crying all little babies crying piss on him again the governor had to flee out the back door and managed to survive and days later he came back and negotiations continued and the governor got the eight-hour workday at original pay rate back okay all right but the army of 1200 dudes who had been hired as a private army were still there and they were all riled up no no no they wanted blood and were preparing to attack the miners camp so the governor called in the state militia and in something that

has never happened before or since he ordered the state militia to help the workers and that prevented a bloodbath holy shit at that point just got to get a lynching in this you see what I mean just throw a lynching out there see what happens well at that point the private army headed into town and just started quote arresting people okay we're so close to a resolution we're right there yeah what are you resting me for fuck off are you a policeman I fuck off I'm under arrest for asking this policeman if he's a policeman and I don't think he is some people were just dragged out of their homes and beaten in the street

under arrest you sleep it too loud you're under arrest to the private army then formed a gauntlet in the street and made random citizens run through it what I'm gonna play capture the flag two teams two teams what kind of gauntlet are they making them run quote many many for whom who had done no offense at all were clubbed kicked dragged from the sidewalks forced to march between the lines of deputies who punched and kicked them you know let's take the long way it looks like they they're running a gauntlet down here run a gauntlet here two to three times a week random times I just don't know you

get fly they'll beat the shit out of you got to walk in between them while they kick it's two more blocks oh fuck it let's go oh shit shit oh shit oh why why why so much better than walk in the long way the teeth right my teeth yeah but you got here quicker on the teeth are gone yeah but you're here no no no no I hate walking in the long run you're right but I just the state militia then moved in and took control of the town the governor threatened to implement martial law and the mind owners were forced to have yeah kind of happening I mean all right there's no more rules here all

right it's our town the mind owners were forced to disband their private army and by the end the strike of 300 miners 300 miners have been arrested in charge but only four were convicted which governor white then pardoned wait then part okay yeah all right this all made the union looks strong and suddenly everyone in town wanted to join waitresses bartenders newsboys the union spread extra extra we're interested in being a part of this the union spread everywhere there is even a barbers union we're sick of cutting hair we want to put it back on we're with your brothers the barbers union set a $5 scale to shave

a corpse I'm sorry Dave I think I speak for all of us why are they shaving corpses gotta keep them clean he always wanted a goatee I miss my Gerald could you clean up his bits we're looking for a shorn scrotum something quite small we want his mother to think he died clean you know you can you draw a heart on his chest out of his hair it being February 14th and all the unions won elections and took over Cripple Creek district but at the state level things were not as great governor weight lost his election to the anti- union lost Albert McIntyre okay two years later another big strike happened in

Leadville over working hours again Leadville it's very very perfectly named they took lead out and they're like what should we call her well we're a bill yeah a bunch of lead yeah the town of Led ship we're led ship the owners were furious one of the mine owners said he would close the mine quote and less lightning strikes and kills off all the Irish I mean I like that he's hedging his bets though I mean either way we win we get to see the greatest Irish death ever well this guy's like fucking my I don't I want people to work 10 hours or genocide not just genocide genocide by

storm yes storm genocide of like the worst kind Marvel action like I'm summoning the lightning where'd all the Irish guys go hey boy sorry I'm late I hello doggy marty just a bunch of ocean cops Seamus and everyone the mine owners learn to organize the infiltrated unions with Pinkerton and other spies they also consolidated buying mines rare roads and smelters okay violence continued to break out over the years in the National Guard would continue to be called out to crush the miners this led to both sides being radicalized and hating each other okay well that seems

like we're already there yeah yeah now wfw so that's the miners union right wfw second not the it's not a wrestling situation in this corner yeah it could be wfw secretary and they're always sifting through dirt looking for gold give it up for the mining boys secretary big Bill Hayward Haywood concluded the mines and government were waging class warfare on the working class the union turned to socialism and pushed for revolution so they're going big they're going big they're gonna fucking take everything over right by 1903 I call it wfw it's wfm yeah you call it well who wants it to be a

wrestling organization now doesn't matter I can do what I want but by 1903 the wfm had become the most militant labor organization in the country the goal was the elimination of private ownership of mine oh yes which obviously caused tension with who oh the mines right I forgot about that right the mines they boycotted any business not using union labor or products of union labor those who did not join the union the union were scorned okay the pro-union paper the press wrote quote the non-unionists should be treated as a social leper and avoided as the plague when why so much better reading that paper like god damn

right I don't need to do anything today I could just chill we got this shit no unionist should talk to him no unionist should go where he goes the women of the unionist household should avoid him that means don't fuck him oh don't fuck the guy no hand he's behind the mine Matilda why are you why are you avoiding me we haven't avoided in a while can I avoid you lay on your back I just avoid you won't take long just got looking to avoid any way you want it you can be on top whatever you like however you want to avoid it a quickie can I just avoid you for a second go down oh fine I quit at this point the threat of a boycott would

get the unions demand met Cripple Creek was an example of unions an example for unions across the world and they had way too much power for the mine owners liking but not all mines wanted to hire scaps some like the Portland mine owned by a former plumber named James Burns one of the union men and gave into their pay and our demands because he considered it fair okay what a fuckhead oh my name was a dangerous job and the union looked out for the health care of bed and paid for funerals if needed well all that shaving is gonna really add up common accidents included falling down shafts due to a lack of guardrails okay so you

just be like talking sorry Jimmy what I was saying was I'll never know what he was about to say why'd you go straight to whistling I'm I just died I'm a composer you see that'll be great get a horn on that there was also powder gun powder exploding prematurely breathing toxic gases getting bits of rock or steel in their eyes well being run over by a tram car some of us just learned about that incident some larger drills spewed out so much rock dust they were known as widow makers the miners said accidents were made worse by inexperienced scab workers right the secretary of one union quote the employment of tender

feet causes a frightful number of accidents yeah well yeah tender feet yeah tender feet well that's what you got oh they won't last the day they're theater too tender can't walk because your feet attend is James Peabody decided to run for governor in 1902 he'd been a star owner president of a bank president of a water company and president of an electric company oh well he's he could run an apartment strangely he was a Republican the governor's election was held during the smelters strike the smelters strike the smelters were done to smelters is striking too much hey in this stuff the populace and Democrats

split the vote allowing conservative James Peabody to win with far from having a majority right oh it's a terrible time in the same election yeah if you could imagine that happening well I'm sure these people will figure it out in the same election voters also approved by a three-to-one margin an authorization for the legs legislature to amend the Constitution of Colorado to create an eight-hour workday good okay it's like not a huge player and governor Peabody refused to push for it and strikes immediately started breaking out everywhere for an eight-hour workday how long were the strikes going on were

they working eight hours at like nine because if they're at nine hours you like dad you're working for free so come on okay well totally fair proposal so the minor the from the murderer in the back I think we've got something I really okay okay okay my sex with cars what's happening you can eat lunch or do whatever you could go home give the misses a quick avoiding you know what I mean whatever you want to do or you could go avoid a car in the parking lot that's not yours is this all in the amendment yeah I think you just say you get an hour lunch to do with what you please even if it's fall though

banging it's still on board the strike went district-wide the minor the minds were being shut down owners tried to bring in foreigners who didn't speak English to work and they had all been told there was no strike yeah yeah yes so you guys are gonna go down the mine because yeah hopefully don't have tender feet yeah yeah so you'll go down you know what mining is we have trains did you know about that oh yeah we got trains here we got buildings we got a whole bunch of stuff but anyway you'll mainly be going down you'll be going down there and you got you and your miss okay say this to your men you guys will be

going down there you'll be you'll be you'll be mining which is a right leader hosen mm-hmm wouldn't wear those I would not wear those especially not around the widowmaker that'll you'll you won't need a scrotum shaving if that thing gets on top yeah I'll tell you that much and I'll take it right off yeah yeah all right well you should be going to work because this conversation's over so fish nope nothing to do with fishing here absolutely not no and that's also not a sign for fish here which makes me think you don't know what fish is fish no fish unless you're making a Caesar salad with anchovy I don't think you're

near anything I really what are you doing with the fish you're pushing your hands together like you're making a basket fish look go tell your goddamn men to get in the mine I've been pretty clear with you stop are you trying to fly out of here quit moving your goddamn arms fish hey tender foot go tell the Dutchman to get down in the goddamn mine in September eatish fish that's all they want to be paid their health is deteriorating further so in September they imported 51 fins in

Norwegians the district newsboys followed them off the train yelling scabs scabs so they're just walking the town like oh a scab to you a scab to you a scab scab scab also scab yeah yeah we also scab yeah okay we're scabbing the friends of scab 18 of them who understood what was happening went straight to the union hall. The rest were taken to a mine under guard. One local Dane yelled at them as they were being walked, do not work! And then the guards shot at him. So don't, don't say that. So if you're in the group going with the guard, you're like, I think the dude he shot was

on to something. I feel like that's our guy. Now when the Finns and Norwegians got to the mine, they figured out what was happening and refused to go underground. Okay, well that's going to be an issue. That's a big part of it. So the guards put bayonets on their guns and forced them into the mines to work. So is that work? Is that called working? That sounds from what I've read. That doesn't sound, I don't know if that's straight up work. Well, I mean, they are doing a labor thing.

Sure, sure. Great, okay, well case closed on that one, get them down there. You've sold me brother, let's do this. On November 21st, 1903, there was an explosion on level six of the vindicator mine which was full of scabs working. It killed two men. The mine owners blamed the miners while the miners claimed it was a fast, false flag operation, which definitely was part of the Pinkerton playbook. Right, okay. Also the mine was totally guarded. There was no way for anyone to get in there.

So they even had talking points back then. Yep, they had false flag back then. Alex Jones was like, who set the bar? Who's standing? You think the miners did it? Who's the mine owners? The mine owners set the bar? I'm telling you, once you get down there, all you're going to see are a bunch of babies and they're having sex with the babies in the mine, they're having sex with the babies. I just crossed with the babies that I know are in the bottom of the mine, they're having sex with them. We could, the Jones Brothers, we could be the Jones Brothers.

We're going to tour as the Jones Brothers. I come out on a pony topless. I'm the pony. So Governor Peabody, due to what was happening after this explosion, sent in the National Guard. But all the soldiers and the miners just got along pretty well. The soldiers were like, yeah, we're from shitty fucking places, we get it. We prefer that they made us come down here. Yeah, I like you. Yeah, you're cool too.

Hey, I like silver and lead. Yeah, and I like scabs too. No, no. Oh, I don't know what that word means yet. I learned all the other words being down here, but not that one. Fish. Oh, Swedish fish, yeah. I have a bunch, that's all we eat, have some.

Oh, it's like a seal, look at him. Oh, hey, look at him. Oh, he did it in the Miss Avon. People listening to this and Scandinavian countries are like, don't come here. Hey, how come Iceland just went down a tick or two in sales? Hey, sales went down 50%. That's so weird. We're down from 85.

So the owners turned to other methods. The owners started deporting Union men to other states using private armed guards. They would forcibly put Union members on a train and the guards would then drop them at the state line with no food and no water. What? Yeah. Everyone's like, what? Have you ever read?

It gets so much worse in America. That's the nicest thing they did to Union guys. But you could obviously buy stuff from the beverage cart on the train, so it's not that bad. Go get a Dijonos and some shard, you know what I mean? Make a day of it. Get in the barcar, bros. That's so bad back here. Sending the National Guard to protect the mines from Union members was expensive.

The tab ran up to $400,000. They just got to build the wall already. That's the solution. Fortunately, the mine owners agreed to take care of the cost. Right. Okay. And they told them that they charged 4% interest. Wait.

They're fucking dicks. It seems unfair, David. It seems a little fucked up, doesn't it? It's approaching the numbers. It's unfair. Yeah. What if I make money from you helping me out? How does that work?

General Sherman Bell was brought in to take charge of the National Guard. He was pretty straightforward about his purpose. I came to do up this damned anarchistic federation. He began arresting men without cause. But they would go to court. It's like Oprah with cars. You're under arrest and you're under arrest. What did I do?

You're here. So he'd just arrest people and then they would go to court and the judge would order them to be released. But then after they'd walk out, they'd find out that the general had surrounded the courthouse and then he would just lock them up again. What? That's the worst reunion. Put them...

Honey, thank God. Get in there! Wait, I just came out of there. Ah, fuck! I'll see you later, honey. It'll be four days. And he put them in what were called bullpens. We're just basically animal stockades.

So they would just put them in where the pigs used to hang out. Wait, wait. What? Wait. So you'd be like, hey, is there any way to go back to jail? It's awesome in there, really spacious. And then you'd be where the pigs were. For me, heaven, but for most probably, I'd be down there.

I'd be like, Bruce is my best friend. Nancy gives me her milk. I'm taking a nice shape on in here. Tell my wife and family I love them, but I'm a pig now. Well, I gotta go. Slop's on. At one point, so this has happened day after day, they'd arrest a bunch of guys and the judge would be like, there's no reason for you to be arrested and they'd walk out and

they'd be arrested again. What's the judge thinking? He's like, eh. Okay. Well, at one point, when some guys came out, the soldiers had the place surrounded and they had a gatling gun. Just in case. Just in case.

Just in case. Wow. Just in case. What's the plan? So they're putting them in pens and the judge said, quote, the military should never be permitted to rise superior to civil power and ordered the prisoners released. And? The general quote declined.

Okay. I do love when someone creates something you didn't know was an option. No, we're not taking that as law. No. Okay, we'll be right. What the fuck is he saying? He says, you shouldn't. Well, I say court can suck it.

They live out here. We'll kill them. Who? Hey, does the court have a gatling gun? No. Do we have a gatling gun bailiff? So the court ordered the general to be arrested because he was violating the law. Okay.

Well, how's that work? And then the attorney general said that the general is immune from arrest. So what if we just have an area to never go near? Well, it's not a great situation. How's Barry doing? He's good. He's in and out of jail every five days for the last eight years, you know. If he could sneak through when he leaves the courthouse, but he just, they get him every

time. They have a gatling gun. Barry Duff, it's just not, it's not easy. In January 1904, an accident occurred in a mine when an elevator cable snapped. It's called a cage, but I just, you know, so it's a cage with a wire and it goes down. It's a pretty simple thing. An elevator. And it sent 15 scabs to their death.

Again, more pointing of fingers. The mine owners claimed it was sabotaging. The team guys said it was because the scabs didn't know what they were doing. They didn't know what they were doing going down in that thing. I do love the saboteur. Like, who's the saboteur? The guys up there with pliers? Yeah.

Yeah. Some villain is like, off to the train tracks. Me. Me. And that'll teach those, touch mine. Me. Saboteur. So, after this incident, the general suspended the right of habeas corpus, denied freedom

of assembly, denied freedom of the press, and also took away the right to bear arms. Wait. Well, hello, little Colorado. It's like the Bermuda Triangle. So, what, what's the plan? Well, now, Colorado's Dubai. At one point, when confronted on the street about all the illegal arrests, General Bell's Lieutenant yelled, to hell with the Constitution!

We aren't going by the Constitution! At least there's honesty. Because now they, because now they'd be like, the Constitution wanted this! You'd be like, here we go. Holy fuck. We're never going to win. We'll never win. Bell agreed with us, saying he had to deal with the terror, which was, quote, a military

necessity, which recognizes no laws, either civil or social. Well, the social one's a little weird, too. You just slapped my wife. Do you know where you are, sir? Can do whatever I want. Now give me your dog. I'm going to wash my face. There's no rules.

Fuck out of here. What do you look good? What do you think? Walk the long way. A thousand rifles and 60,000 rounds of ammunition were sent to the area for the military. So if you're, I mean, you're like, oh boy, that's not. Hey, uh, what, we just, we just didn't want to work 10 hours. Not, not now, you idiot.

Shut up. Look at that. They're loading up out there. No, but the thing is we just... Shut up. Don't, don't Monday morning quarterback this. It's two hours and one hour. We are, we are, we are.

It's one hour for lunch. Shut up. I get it. And on that lunch, you can do whatever you want. I've heard it before. You can go avoid your wife or avoid a car. Get out of here. These guys are loading up.

Proging in people were being put into the military stockade for quote, talking too much. Well, I'm actually not opposed to that. I mean, I guess it depends the topic, but... Oh my God. Man, I heard someone on the phone the other day in the grocery store and I was like, I mean, if there was a jail to put that person in, I'd be like, hey, bye, sorry. I get to think of a few times I could put my kid in that stockade. Oh really?

Pokemon does what? So you are on the dog side. The paper, the Cripple Creek Times, advise readers not to comment on the strike situation. X-ray on the strike game. You just don't talk about it? It's great when the newspapers are like, don't talk about it. Yeah. Everybody.

Headline. Oh, okay. Well, I'm glad we have the press. They said to shut up. Do you read that new article or... What did you say? No, I was just... Do you like...

Do you read art? Have you ever read an article or... Do you know what the paper is? I got a... Oh my God, I got a piss. I got to go. I am so behind on my Netflix. I got to get out of here.

I am... Thank you so much. See you. Fish. I forgot who I was talking to. No fish. No. Nope.

Nothing new with fish here. And again, your hand gestures are that of utensils making a salad, just to be totally clear with you. Fish. It looks like you're making a basket of some kind. Yep. Like you have needles for fingers in your nose. Fish. You're sewing.

Stop it. Knock it off. Learn a new word. I mean, my God, it's been months. And still with the fish. It's not fish. And I think you have the word for fish in our language wrong. So it's sort of like, you may as well be a Dutch word.

Fish. Ah, windmill. Fish. We had a breakthrough, but... Newspapers were also not safe. The Victor Daily Record wrote that a soldier was an ex-convict. And the newspaper staff were then all arrested and put in prison until they printed a retraction. Wow.

Even though it was the truth. You're not going to write stuff that's real. Yep. Yep. Hey, so while we've been in jail, we came up with a retraction we think is just a winner. We're excited to print it if you could just get us out of here without us going to the jail that's outside, which we're also nervous about, obviously. Or we're in the outside jail.

We're in the inside jail. Don't say fish, because I swear to God, if you say fish, I'm going to fucking lose it. If you say fish, I will kill myself. I will lynch myself if you say fish. So just don't even talk to me. Don't say fish. Don't say windmill. You know, two words.

And it's mainly fish. Don't even look at me. I feel you're looking at me and I don't want to look at you. What? It's like looking at a fucking bird. What do you want? What? Boat.

That's where the fish are. The strike was now hitting the town hard. Banks went out of business, as did many merchants. The military declared that anyone found, quote, loitering or strolling about, frequenting public places where liquor is sold, begging or leading an aisle or an idol or immoral course of life, or not having any visible means of support would be arrested. This was bad for business? All this stuff is...

So what they basically... So people are losing their jobs because everything's going out of business and they're like, if you don't have a job, you're gonna go to fucking jail. Well, I'm depressed about losing a job. I'll just go get a drink over here, I guess. No, you won't. Why? You son of a bitch.

You're under arrest. No drinking. Not in our town. No serve. Are you Irish? What are you? I don't know. All right, because I feel like you're two people, and it makes sense with how this is going that

you might have a couple of personalities running the show. A real Tyler Durden, if you will, yeah. What's he saying? Nothing. Nothing. I should probably go to your stupid fake jail. The union told union members to remain in their homes if at all possible. A child putting up union placards was arrested.

For being adorable. It was now illegal to hang posters. As a kid? Anybody. We're trying him as an adult. Well, he's gonna grow up to be a union member. Right. Yeah, well, okay.

So put him in fucking jail. Right, but kids pretend, so. On June 6th, things came to a head when a bomb placed under the platform of a train depot exploded. Scabs were leaving the mines after a day of work. 13 were killed. 20 badly injured. Body parts rained down around the station.

Reigned as tough. Mommy, it's raining. Fingers. And eyes. And daddy. But what happened? Give me that. I swear, it's all the humidity we're getting this year.

Right? Oh, you want me to fix it? Yeah, you do it. Okay, well, sorry caveman. Your gesture wasn't so specific. One man's body was found 150 feet away. Wow. What a ride.

So that guy, I assume. Let's just talk physics for a minute. Yeah, what was his deal? I think since the bomb's underneath the platform, he's standing on it and it blows up. So it's like he was on like a diving board. And he goes... Well, it's like he was on a mine and he... But like a diving board mine, we wee.

Yeah, 150 yards away. I assume his last words were wee. And then... Gotta stop doing this. He didn't make it. Again, everyone starts blaming each other. The sheriff was brought... There's finger pointing.

So there's the Citizens Alliance, right? Have I talked about the Citizens Alliance? The Citizens Alliance... It's all we talk about. Is a citizen to our anti-union, right? There are people like, fuck the unions. Most of America. The sheriff was brought to the headquarters of the Citizens Alliance

where his resignation was demanded. Well, I don't know if that's a resignation. The bomb had gone off, so he had done something. He declined. Okay. Then they told the sheriff they would hang him and showed him a noose that they had ready for just such a purpose. You know what?

I'm looking for retirement. I really... Now that I see the noose... And then they shot into the ceiling. And then he said, I would like to retire. I'd like to retire. I don't want this job. Very compelling argument.

Now a large crowd began to gather across the street from the union hall to call on up to destroy the union. Okay. The city marshals swore at 100 deputies to stop the gathering, but then he was fired by the mayor. Okay. Well, that's the end of me. Take good luck with all this, guys.

Going home, boys. Now a crowd of several thousand gathered and listened as anti-union men gave speeches. One said, quote, the badge of the Western Federation of Miners is a badge of murder, and everyone who is responsible for the outrage should be driven from the district. One miner stepped forward and objected. He was holding a gun. That's how you do it. I'd like to say something.

Let's listen to this man. He seems to have a gun, for sure. Let's hear him out. Let's hear this guy out. No, I know you had something. Let's hear him. Now, his brother was worried that by holding the gun, it would send the wrong message. I don't think that's fair.

So he tried to take the gun from his brother, and they started wrestling. Well, that's just getting in the way of the message in general. The gun is distracting, but fighting your brother over the gun is just... I mean, you're downright off topic. I have a point to make. Get off of me, Ted. Get off him! Look at my fucking gun! Fuck you!

I told you not to bring the gun! You just do that! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! He had a gun!

He came over to me! I'm trying to make the point! He had a gun! Now they won't even listen because I'm not making a point anymore! Oh my God, dude! You're so stupid! Shut up, asshole! You have an ugly face!

So they started wrestling, and no one knows what's happening. They think a fight is breaking out. So then everyone starts rioting. No, it's a family! Oh no! It's my brother! Seven people were shot, and two died. Jesus Christ!

It took a big turn! And then they go home, and the brothers are like, Why did you grab the gun? Dude, I'm not doing this with you! You're so fucking stupid! You're an idiot! You know Larry's dead! Larry's dead!

Of course Larry's dead, because you grabbed the gun! I had a great point to make! Why'd you take the fucking gun out? Because I wanted to make a point! Why'd you grab it? Why'd you grab it? Why'd you grab it? What do you think I fucking grabbed it?

You idiot! You're standing there with a gun! Whatever. You want to do this anymore? Don't even want to do this anymore, dude. Don't even want to do this anymore. Don't even want to do this anymore. So all over town, Union men were targeted, Union halls were attacked and trashed.

The successful Union co-op stores that had made life difficult for regular town stores were destroyed. The pro-Union newspaper, The Victor Record, was shut down by sledgehammers. Well, let's put a pin in that. It sounds like it's a very effective way to take the teeth out of the Union. And I'm sorry, a paper was destroyed with sledgehammers? You said some at the end there I caught. So if you go in, and you start swinging them around, it wraps it up.

So it's very literal. You could end most businesses with sledgehammers. I think that's fair. I think that's very fair. I think it's very fair. It's a very fair point. Yep. Sledgehammers are a good way to change up any moment.

Yep. Literally anything, if you have a sledgehammer and you damage people, like, well, this is done. I mean, I'm done. I don't know about you guys. Afterwards, the Republicans would claim that the Union had trashed the pro-Union newspaper. It's a false flag. That makes sense.

That makes sense. Who do you think... Who do you think... They're the red herring. The Swedish fish. The Dutch. No. Boat.

No, no, no, your boat. No. No. No. Nope. So, Governor Peabody offered to have the state pay to restore the newspaper office. And it came back. Suddenly, it was anti-Union.

It's so weird. Oh, weird. How they had that. It's weird how that happened. It's like when a rock station goes country. General Bell shut down the roads and railroads. I think they really could end the situation. Many suggested that they have a mass lynching of Union men.

Jesus Christ. I have an idea. Yeah, I'm Bob. Hi. Hey, Bob in the back. Go ahead, buddy. So, I was just thinking we'd just, you know, kill them all. Okay.

Sorry, do you know what we're talking about? Yeah, yeah. The felons used to work in the mine. The guys, the whole guys. The Union. Yeah, we're talking about ways. Yeah, Union, Union. That's what they're called.

But yeah, the guys that all stick together. I think we should kill them. Yeah. Sorry, at the end you're saying kill them for sure, right? Yeah, we'll just go ahead and hang them from trees and stuff or whatever. Yeah, that's killing. I gotta, by the way, I run the rope store. Now, if...

All right, Bob, let me indulge for a second. I like your plan of killing them, but I think we should do it with guns. What do you think of that? No, no, that's very messy. No. Very messy. No. No, sir.

Maybe we drown them all. No, oh. In sex. I know a guy who sells a bunch of potatos. But then the water is a mess where if you hang them from a tree, it's like taking down a berry. It's like, I'm sorry? Taking down a berry when you're an actual berry, like taking that guy named Berry down.

Picking a berry. Yeah, that's where picking berries came from. That explains your strawberry jam a lot. Yeah. Now that I think back. Yeah. Anywho, that's my idea. All right, well, sit down.

Yeah, Bob, sit down. No more ideas. Head back to the rope store. Just start putting them in that little weird pattern with the circle thing. Thank you. Okay. All right, leave the hole. I took a big loan for the store, by the way, because of all the troubles.

Are you still here? He's totally moving on, and you're not gone. For whatever reason, it was decided not to lynch all the Union men, but they began mass arrests, arresting pretty much anyone. Anyone. Anyone. Mines that had hired Union labor to keep their minds running were forced to fire the Union men.

Union men were banned. Others simply left the area because they were terrified, and others were white capped. Right. White capped. Yep. Keep going. White capped. White capped is when dudes in hoods or masks show up at night and make you leave.

That is a good time to boo. Wait. I think these guys are onto something. Well, let's hear out these white caps for a second gang. I mean, let's get all the facts on the table. I don't want to judge them yet. Then Jake Tapper says, oh no, go ahead and tell us more about white capping. Maybe it's a positive thing, and then you'll have your say.

So the white caps would show up. What are you doing with this white cap? How what? What are you doing with this white cap? Oh no, that's a different kind of white cap. These are like, these are guys. Those are called KKK caps. These are like mushrooms.

Oh, so they look like toad. Yeah. Now the Portland mine, remember that? That's owned by the guy who is friendly to miners, James Burns. Well, he was accused by General Bell of quote, employing and harboring large numbers of dangerous lawless men. I anticipate Mr. Burns will be permanently deposed and I hope obliterated. He's a really intense general.

Yeah, and the terms are just getting stronger and stronger. No, I mean wanting a guy obliterated is like, there's nothing above that. So you want him killed. No, I want him shattered into millions of pieces. I want him made into dust that someone blows away. I want to see that man turned into mist. And then be gone. Sure enough, Burns was removed as president of the company he had created and from the

mine he had discovered. General Bell also started arresting women who were found giving food to families of union members who had been deported. Don't feed them. They'll start breeding. But it's just me and my children. Yeah, I don't know how it works. Feed one, you got to feed them all.

Many beating shootings and general intimidation were daily tactics of the military. By the end of July, did you guys learn this in your little Colorado school? Oh, do you learn this part? Oh, that guy's clapping. By the end of July, General Bell's, what happened? Was there an uprising? Someone wanted an obliteration. What's that?

Okay. No, don't say what's that because now eight people are like, I have a point. You as well. By the end of July, General Bell's commission had questioned 1,569 men. 238 of them were deported and charges were brought against 42. General Bell quote. So we arrested the worst men in camp, gave them a fair hearing, picked the sheep out from the goats, loaded the ladder into a special train, put aboard guards, ran them

to within two miles of the Kansas line, unloaded them and marched them to the state line. We gave each man a can of beef, a dozen hard tack and a half a can of beans. They disappeared over the prairie and that was the end of the Western Federation of Miners and the Reign of Terror in Cripple Creek. If I had to do it again, I'd do it just the same way, only I'd do it damned quicker. Shit, I mean... So he's a bad man. It's a bad man.

Like if he just sends them over there and then gives them, like, diarrheal food. There you go, here's your severance package for sure, diarrheal. Take care! What about the half a can of beans guy? So they open a can of beans and, like, half for you, put out your hand. Thank you. And you put out your hand. All right, off with you.

Or no, it's just one guy whose job is to eat a half a can and then hand it to them. I don't feel so good, sir. I ate a lot of half cans of beans and I think it's about to do a bunch of actual cans of beans. All I ate was 1,500 cans of beans. I cut my finger yesterday. Beans come out. Yes, I ate them, sir, I ate them, yes, yes. I know my duty, sir, I know my duty.

So the union was toast. Well, beans go good with that. And they won't go... The strike was over by mid-summer, all the mines were open again and running with non-union miners. Then, in November 1904, another governor's election was held. Peabody was running against Alva Adams, a Democrat. Adams was pro-labor. The Democratic Party picked the campaign slogan,

Anybody but Peabody! Boy, I hope they don't do that again in a hundred years. Now, Adams had already been governor twice, in 1887 and again in 1897. Adams had the crazy belief that negotiating was a better solution than bringing in the military. Weirdo. Both sides took the election seriously trying to cheat their way to victory. Watches or, as they were called, judges were put at all the polling places to kick things off to union men working as election judges ordered a sheriff's deputy to leave the polling place

because he was intimidating voters. So, the deputy shot them. Right. Yep. Okay, well, you know, that's why you don't give deputies notes. Oh, two people are dead. Yeah, no, we missed the time when you were just intimidating. We are very sorry.

Yeah, at every right. At another polling place, a different deputy assaulted a female Democrat judge tearing her dress and slapping her in the face. A union watcher who was there was not pleased, so he shot the deputy and killed him. You guys are coming down on sides. A union man was then arrested. It's so weird that when you hear like, like, he shot Tupel Derry. He's dead.

Fuck him. Yes. Yes. We got him. On November 10th, the Republican state chairman threw in the towel and admitted Governor Peabody had been defeated. Adams had won by over 10,000 votes, and the Democrats had won back the Senate as well. But Peabody won the electoral.

But the... To be fair. To be fair. To be fair, come on. You gotta hear both sides. 61 tremendous votes. But the chairman did leave the door open a crack. Quote, on the face of the returns, Adams is elected, but the official count or a contest may change it to Peabody.

What? Wait. It's gonna be fine. That sounds shady. If I... During the election, a constitutional amendment was passed, which increased the number of Supreme Court justices from three to seven. Two would be picked by the Court of Appeals, and two would be picked by the new governor. That meant a Democratic governor would pick two, and the Senate would approve them.

The Supreme Court was currently in control of Republicans two to one. Quote, at a meeting of Republican leaders today, was decided to immediately begin a contest for the places of all the Democrats who have been elected in Colorado on the face of the returns. An effort will be made to seat all the Republicans from the governor down. What? The Republicans claimed the Democrats had won by fraud, with the usual tactic of having people vote over and over and over. Which they did. Everybody did back then. The elections were done back then.

But... It's the same shit. The Democrat. What are you talking about? I mean, it's just... Like, I wouldn't even say it if it just wasn't such the same shit that someone had to say. It's insane. What?

How... It's literally the same shit. What are you talking about? No, but it is. Because... And I know you know this. You know this. But it's literally like, if you watch the news, you are just watching this never-ending pendulum of debate that goes nowhere.

Well, he did that. Well, then they're gonna get him. Well, then they can't get him. Well, then they're... What are they gonna do to get... Well, you're like, where's our money? What the fuck just happened? What the...

There's a smoke plume, and now I have nothing. What happened? Uh... The Democrats claimed the Republicans had committed fraud. They wrote the CFI company bringing in trainloads of foreigners who did not have naturalization papers voted for Peabody. I don't... I don't know how much of more of this I could take. I can't.

They also claimed the citizens of... Why do we keep reading this book? We fucking read it. We never read this. Story of us. They also claimed the Citizens Alliance had used intimidation and violence to stop union men from voting out near the mines and forcing others to vote against their wishes. Quote, ballot boxes were stuffed, gunmen were at all the voting precincts, and in some cases, ballots were cast at the point of bayonets. Both were right.

That's so awkward. Yeah. Who are you voting for? Who do you say, whoever you want me to? Who do you want me to vote? Ow, Peabody. Yep. Thank you.

Good choice. Stand me two times. Good choice. That's my voting arm, by the way, you staff. Now it's not. What to do now? Now you have a different voting arm. Now I'm leaning left.

I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. I'll stop. That's a visual hand joke for those of you listening. Now there was tons of fraud on both sides. In one Denver precinct, 717 Democratic ballots were cast, but the district only had 100 legal voters. Hey, man, I'm here to vote again.

That's like your 15th time today. I know I am fucking tired. Woo! Uh-huh, I'm another brother from that same family of eight brothers who look the exact same. My name is Clark, and it is now my time to vote. Okay, Clark, have a good time. My brother was here earlier? Yeah, all of them.

All seven? Yeah, nine. Boy, that is insane. What are the odds? We live far from each other. Well, nothing left to do but vote. Boy, I didn't imagine the inside of the voting booth would look like this at all. How did my initials get carved in here?

Foolish brothers. Immigrant mind workers came forward and said they were told to vote for Peabody or they'd lose their jobs. One Republican officer said, quote, we rule. The people have nothing to do with nominations and elections. We rule and we're going to continue to rule. Now, if you just heard that, wouldn't that be more motivating than what you hear now, which is just like, it matters. You matter, you matter. We've got this.

You matter. The Republicans then began to purge Democrats who they called savages. They started arresting the Democratic poll watchers and anyone they accused of intimidation. On November 23rd, the New York Times, quote, pursuing the aggressive tactics they have recently adopted, the Republicans today caused the arrest of 12 additional Democratic officials of election. One of them was a woman. This makes 56 arrests since the election began. All of this was part of the PR campaign to justify their actions.

And the state military is ready to back it. Quote, though trouble is not seriously apprehended, General Sherman Bell said today he would be ready for it if it came. A large part of the Denver police force is either under arrest or has escaped from town to avoid arrest. Wow. Oh, oh, Denver. You got a roll, though. The Democrats continue to believe the election results would not be thrown out because everyone believes in democracy. Right, for sure.

Right? Oh, yeah. They can't do anything bad. No. These guys. Not them. On November 24th, the Republican majority, Supreme Court, ordered the Denver Election Commission not to certify the returns. The court wanted to hear arguments on whether or not to throw out certain Democratic precincts.

The Democrats could not believe it. Quote, Democrats say the Supreme Court will not take such an action, which they call revolutionary. Republicans assert it is the only way the court can convert the fraudulent election into a fair one. The only way to cheat out of this is to cheat. Double cheat. Double cheat. Then a cheat never happened. They put a cheat here.

You put a cheat up here. Double cheat. When Democratic leaders profess not to be alarmed, they are thoroughly frightened. Shit was heating up. The Pro Union newspaper, Labor World, wrote, Civil War in Colorado seems nearer. Governor Peabody insists he will hold on against Adams, the man elected to succeed him, alleging fraud and the election in Denver. Peabody says he will use the military to keep him in place. And people are preparing to resist force with force.

Every man in the state of Colorado is arming. You guys are so, you guys are so fucking cute. No other state had an almost civil war. No. Democrats began to refer to calm down. That's not what we want from tonight. We're taking it back! Democrats began to refer to Peabody as the czar. Republicans then pushed to have three newly elected Democratic senators unseeded.

This would give the Republicans control of the Senate. If Grand Jury was convened to look into the election fraud allegations, and Republicans began canvassing districts to find evidence of fraudulent voting and said they had come up with 18,000 illegal votes. You just got to say it. What a perfect number. Just got to say it. On December 4th, the Democrats had a banquet to celebrate the win of Adams.

Out of their fucking minds. No idea what's happening. Let's have a party! Absolutely. It's time to celebrate. This thing's done. The day after that, Republicans asked the Supreme Court to throw out the results. Sorry, we already had a party, so you cannot... No, the party's over. Party's over. We're in. We did the party.

We cleaned up the confetti. We had the punch. Poppers, we blew off poppers. Poppers, yeah. The fish guy was there. The whole thing actually turned into a crazy... It's done. It's done. It's done and we have regrets, but it's done. We had a party.

Once you have a party, it's over. It was a party. Everyone had masks on. It was a whole just... And ten days later, the Supreme Court did that. Rilling along party lines, two to one, they threw out all Democratic votes because some were fraudulent. The Democrats... So some people in a district voted fraudulently. They're like, that's all. That's it. They're all gone.

So the Democrats' story has always just been... But not that we won. Yeah, but we're like more badass. But no, you can't. We did. Oh, give us a minute. We'll legislate. What the fuck? So the Democrats lost their newly elected senators

and the Republicans took over the Senate in the House and they immediately voted a corporate lawyer to be Speaker of the House. A mind-owners detective named Casey Sterling, who was also a known gunfighter, was appointed custodian of the Senate. Just in case. Custodian? Well, he's a guy that's gonna clean up maybe a little something. I'm talking about...

So he's not an actual janitor. He's a metaphorical janitor. No, he's a guy that watches over and makes sure everything's okay. But that could be a horrible mix-up if you're like, all right, I'm ready to clean up justice. They're like, no, just mop. What do you think? Use that turpentine and get to fucking work. Oh, no, the word was literal. Did you think that was a figurative?

Well, I don't know what literal means. Okay, I'll be your janitor. By now, by making the ruling, Supreme Court had set a precedent and then they began to discuss using the precedent they had just set to decide whether or not to throw out Democratic votes from 50 more precincts. You know what would come in handy is that precedent that we did just now. Let's do it. Let's dust it off and use it.

So it turned out there were a bunch of ballots all with the same handwriting, found in boxes from different precincts, which was basically impossible because election poll workers were there the whole time, and so this concluded the ballots had been placed in after the election. Oh, well, that's sloppy. Need a janitor. On January 6, 1905, the House of Senate debated a written protest by Peabody that, quote, expressed his concerns about recent ballot tampering in the governor election. He claimed that Governor Adams had committed voter fraud and rigged the elections.

The legislature then passed a resolution finding Peabody's claims to be of merit and set up a subcommittee to investigate. But Adams is still the winner, technically, so he is sworn in on January 11th. So what is happening? As governor. There's literally nobody, everybody's in charge. Don't worry. What's happening? So Peabody is the governor, Adams is taking over, so they come in together

and then they walk up and they sit in two chairs next to each other. What? And then Adams is sworn in and then Peabody gets up and then Adams sits in his chair. What? Something like a mating thing. And then a cannon was fired and all the Democrats cheered. Wait, I'm sorry, and what has just happened? What is now official that everything's ruined?

What kind of awkward... Well, the Democrats are excited because Adams... But Adams is in. He's in right now. In Adams' inaugural address, he said that the promise of an eight-hour work day should be kept. Remember, this is all about an eight-hour fucking work day. They don't want him to work just eight hours! So they're overthrowing a government!

Holy fuck! Well, there might be a lesson in this. The purge continued. Republicans still needed votes for the Supreme Court. Senator Healy was brought into a private room and told if he promised to vote for a Republican judge, he wouldn't be thrown out of the Senate. He refused and he was thrown out of the Senate. Wow.

His seat was then given to a Republican. Weird. Next, Senator Robert Bourne was expelled by a vote of 18 to 15. He refused to leave and was physically dragged out by the sergeant at arms. Well... A Republican was then given his seat. Weird. His name was Senator Dick.

James Dick. Governor Adams then asked for General Bell's resignation and General Bell refused. All right. How'd they handle that, Dave? He said he was a United States officer and had an authority higher than the governor. Right. Well, if we know how hierarchy works. You're here.

I'm up here. But... Yep. What about the roles that were previously? You're right. You should do it. You're good. Do you guys validate or how does that...

I don't need it. I'll pay for parking. I don't care. I don't even care. I got money. I got the money. Sorry. The exit's actually this way.

So I'm going to actually have to... Adams then gave a speech when she claimed a huge conspiracy had been hatched by mining corporations and the leaders of the Republican Party and he named the companies. Over the next two months, all the legislature did was investigate the election, calling thousands of witnesses. On March 6th, Peabody went before the legislature and made his case for him being appointed governor. Okay. Which he...

It's now two months. Right. He said the legislature should overturn the election for political reasons and said it had nothing to do with justice. What? That's so much better. That better? You'd be like, oh, you're lying.

Okay. Get out of here. Sorry, you scamp. Little rascal. It's so honest. Yeah, that's the best. Honesty when you're trying to be like, do corrupt shit is amazing. Come on, you guys.

It's for politics. Come on. I'm trying to screw up. Who cares if it's wrong? Please. Fuck them. Come on. Well, the legislature is not sitting as a judicial body, but as a legislative body to exercise

a political function. Okay. So, March 16th, 1905, after reviewing all the evidence, the committee declared voter fraud by both candidates and declared James H.P. Body the winner. Wow. What? Adams was tossed out of office, but there was a hitch. Some modern Republicans were not cool with how this all went down.

So a meeting was held with them and four large mining corporations. Because who else would you talk to? Yeah. Let's get the corporations in here and figure out how to handle this. Oh, man. The feet that are up on the table. You guys need a cleaner, huh? They reached an agreement.

They reached an agreement. P. Body could be declared the winner if he would immediately resign after the inauguration. I mean, sweet. Sweet bastard. And then the lieutenant governor, James McDonald, would become governor. So to oust Adams. So Adams is like, sorry. Uh-huh.

One minor flag I'll throw on the play here. Yeah, go. So it goes from P. Body to... Not you. Right. Right, another guy. Right. Because if we put in another guy, then people will be like, oh, that's cool.

I guess I'm not processing. Yeah, you're out. Okay. So to oust Adams, P. Body first had to write and sign a letter of resignation, which the Republicans would keep, and then in under 24 hours would turn it in. So... So wait, he had a 20... So Adams spends the day backing up his office.

Right? He's putting shit in boxes. All right. How do we change everything so that I'm okay? And he gave up the office before 5 p.m. on March 16th. A lot of people called him and pushed him to use force to stay in power, but he passed. P. Body was brought into the assembly after resolutions were passed, putting him back in office.

The Chief Justice administered the oath, and a giant cheer went up in the assembly. Okay. P. Body said, quote, the election would do away for all time with criminal elections. That's the worst. Honestly, it's like the shit they feed you. It's like, look, do the shit, just don't lie. Like the lying, you don't want to be getting fucked up the ass and someone just tell you it's freezing.

I do. Huh? That's how I like it. Sorry? He said, if the criminal elections were stopped and if this end was attained, a great good would come to the state. So he gave a full speech as if he wasn't retiring. That's the best.

It's like, he gave... Like, pretend it's grandpa's birthday. He has Alzheimer's. Come on. I... Come on. Don't be weird and tell him it's not. Every day is his.

P. Body, then with all of his friends, went into the governor's office. That's not good. And asked where Adams was, and he was told Adams was gone. And P. Body said, quote, oh, I'm very sorry. I expected to see him. Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. Sorry.

What did he feel awkward about? The governor... Why did he roll? He just, you know... He was a little beat up over the argument? The governor then introduced himself to Adams' private secretary and put out his hand to shake it, and the secretary pulled his hand away and uttered a, quote, contemptuous remark. But that is how Trump shakes hands.

Truly. The way... That's the best way to shake hands. When you shake a hand and then you just drag someone in, you're like, you're the amazing. The secretary... What? A colonel of the National Guard then had to be held back from attacking the secretary. Oh, man.

Not every Republican wanted P. Body to resign, including the Republican Party chairman. So now this fucker wants him to throw... Like reverse coup. He wants him not to resign and be like, psych! Come on, hurry! Word came that P. Body was thinking of retracting his resignation letter, but then the letter was presented to the assembly, and P. Body, who now did not want to resign, was pressured to step down.

At 4.20 p.m., Jesse McDonnell... At 4.28. Eh? Okay. Jesse McDonnell... Dude, you said 4.20. I know. I know.

We're fucking Denver, bro, so... I got it. I got it. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. All right.

All right. All right. All right. What time was it? What time was it? What time was it? We'll take it. We'll take it.

It was 6.09. We'll take it. So now Jesse McDonnell was governor... It's always the time to... This meant that Colorado had three governors in one fucking day. Because you're insane. It's like The Bachelor. It's a group date.

Now Governor McDonnell just happened to be the owner of several lucrative mines. He would go on to sign a law that made it illegal for union members to pick it. He did not run again in 1906, but tried and failed in 1908. He stayed active in the Republican Party, but mostly he enjoyed making money from his mines. Peabody returned to his home in Canyon City. He was done with political life. Adams returned to his home in Pueblo, where he received a Heroes' Welcome.

Where what? The Adams got a Heroes' Welcome in his town, 15,000 people showed up, and then he wrote a letter to the citizens of the state, quote, forced has triumphed. A brutal majority placed in the governor's chair, a man the people repudiated. 95% of Colorado's citizens know that Peabody was not elected. All those connected with the crime know it. And yet, it worked.