The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 25 - The Two Dog Men

Episode Date: October 11, 2014

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Kit Burns and Henry Berrgh.Tour Dates Dollop MerchSources - - Main Source - "The Brutal Honesty of a Bloodsport Baron" by Chris Pomorski on TheNarratively.comPatreon  

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show I know you have that attitude but that's not how it works and I'm here with my guest no no Dave Anthony with my guest Gary Reynolds first of all what the fuck hmm I'm the co-host and my name is Gareth very presumptuous no I don't think that I can shut this down at any time you so can you though yeah I mean I could too yeah all right no although I have a guy that would be great at my place who's that excuse my friend Jose you'll love him he'd be better honestly so if you ever do yeah let me know I'll be really gracious about it I'm a big fan of Jose's good oh so here's something we learned at Podfest we were

everyone's under the assumption that the way the iTunes rankings work is it's this convoluted formula of reviews and all the shits that's why everyone was always saying do reviews but it turns out reviews don't count towards the rankings yeah all it is is who people who subscribe so subscribe you get more points for whatever reason if you subscribe on your on the app on your iPhone so even if you don't use iTunes but you have an iTunes account just go subscribe yeah and that'll help us out yeah we'll show them and if you do have an iTunes account and you haven't subscribed then what the fuck yeah we're

not mad don't we're not mad but we're not happy with you we don't get it we don't know what your problem is we're a little rubbed sure it's Christ oh wow this is this is a little is this how much it normally is now this is long this is long okay yeah oh and also people think a lot of times I know what's gonna have no you have no idea yeah I never know what you don't even know what the subject is sometimes I'll say hey have you ever heard of this I think there's been one time where I've known the subject before going in I just saw it on Twitter I'd rather not know yeah of course it's more fun that way this one's

called the two dogmen oh boy I'm a strong start the year was 1813 sure Henry Berg was born on the Lower East side of New York City with a silver spoon in his mouth prick a little Richie Richmond yeah he was raised on Water Street his father was a very wealthy shipbuilder who built ships for the US Navy and merchant vessels and was actually the first shipbuilder to hire black men that's good so that's something nice little something going on there yeah he became very wealthy and quite important during the war of 1812 when ships were needed to be constructed quickly okay so that's how I made it he ended up being

by the time he died he had built more ships for the Navy than anyone else okay so that's some shit yeah right you're going at a fucking family right there yeah no joke no that's not it no I did I come across like I thought it was your eyes your eyes are weird excuse me you got weird eyes kid Henry however was unsure of what to do with his life other than just being a rich kid just do that right well that's yeah it's kind of what he does okay he went to Columbia University but he was indifferent to all the reading and whatnot and the everything and he bailed it good he was like man this is they aren't kidding

about these books huh these are real you gotta read read read read and buy I'm gassed in 1831 he decided to head to Europe and just fart around the continent this guy like this guy yep he enjoyed it there and he decided to linger for a while so he stayed in Europe sure where he tried to be a writer okay good he wrote letters he hoped would be enjoyed by the masses they were not he wrote plays all of which were unproduced they were all very sentimental with obvious moral lessons and everyone's like yeah I don't yeah it's really not like smart or unique we're not actually trying to do like obvious theater yeah that's a

theater company welcome to obvious theater come on cast the year Henry Berg went to Europe another man was born into the world kit burns kit well he wasn't originally born kid but that's what his nickname became KIT yeah okay he was born in Donegal Ireland all right and immigrated to New York around 1845 one of hundreds of thousands who fled the potato famine now is again fucking potato famine god damn it he came alone at the age of 15 wow yeah that's fucked up yeah hey I'm tired not just not eating so I'm gonna get on this ship what yeah I'm 15 fuck you I'm an adult yeah I have pubic hair I sort of sailing the

seas I have peach fuzz here I am on a journey across an ocean alone and he settled into the five points neighborhood of New York all right made famous in gangs of new yeah with better accents in reality much better accents in reality the five five points was a squalid district mostly of Irish immigrants the streets were full of cramped tenements brothels and bars underneath the five points was a now filled pond it was rancid with tannery and slaughterhouse runoff wait underneath it so they filled in so they it was a it was a fucking pond uh-huh the the lower end of Manhattan is is used to just be

swamp and pond okay so they filled it in and they built these houses but it's still they didn't mean the all the shit didn't still run down so underneath all the houses is just fucking blood and guts and shit better better marginally better marginally better it still smells weird in the house yeah but you don't have to look at it too yeah just put a close put on your nose and pretend like it's not happening will ya outhouses stood right next to wells and alcohol alcoholism was the main hobby I love hobby I don't know I just kind of got into it kind of fell into it I'm a bit of a collector of blackout fun and

down again whoopsie don't say don't mind me I'll just be here it's a bit of a hobby I've got over here what's am I doing I'm hobbyin I got rich by the alcohol bug again anyway I'm gonna go to swim in the blood part used to be in the stamps this is the new stamp I'm collecting my thoughts there was not a place in the United States with a higher crime rate only a bar was what every man in five points strive for if you own a bar this is the greatest I know if you own a bar not only could you make a lot of money but it came with power because all information and news was filtered through the saloons and

this gave bar owners the ability to sway blocks of voters for politicians so Fox News with booze exactly crazy Irish it would be great they're just boring you a shot but full of propaganda here you go here you are you know what I hear we're here if you want to be free for the next ten years demand a vote for us today me thank you mate oh very kind to it no shut no word shut no word as bad as it was in five points it's still loud for a chance at more prosperity than the immigrants would have experienced in their own countries mostly because they were dying because there were enough potatoes such a shame too even though

most of the prosperity of America in five points was through criminal means right yes yes things are good in the late 1840s kit burns became involved in gang life so he's there for a couple years oh fuck this yeah I'm gonna put on some suspenders and beat up men I guess my dream of opening a bores a pipe dream I'm just gonna go curb that man burns rose quickly through the ranks of the dead rabbits where the dead robots they do the like snap like the sharks your rabbits not alive your rabbit is dead we're gonna beat you right arrange your head did rabbits back then a rabbit was a term used to describe a big tough man

things have changed he's quite a rabbit oh boy he's a rabbit isn't he run rabbits a dead rabbit was even tougher well he's bigger than a rabbit boy he's not a rabbit at all he's a dead rabbit the rabbits fought with other gangs like the boundary boys and the Atlantic guards they use fists and iron bars and brick bats and pistols and paving stones and pitchforks and knives they often battled in their undershirts hold on now I'm taking off me top I don't want to get pitchfork on it pitchfork as a weapon in a fight I'd be like no no no no I'm not fighting you I'm not fighting you let me put my shirt back on to show

you I'm not fighting anyone not fighting I'm going to the bar for some advice on politics what is that a brick they drank ridiculous amounts of alcohol burns was known to drink 20 glasses of booze a day oh fuck I'm barely alive I quite a bit of a bush finally now Henry Berg was still poorly riding his way through Europe oh gosh in 1836 his father said he was going to retire and it was time for Henry to come home and manage the shipyard yep because he'd earned it by riding 30 shit plays come on home Henry I've seen all the shit you're right listen after reading what you've written I decided you're gonna run the

business it's horrendous you can't be worse at this I ran it with his brother Christian Henry was very bummed out when he came home but there he met a rich society girl Catherine Matilda Taylor and married her what a rich name right yeah this is just rich and a till the tailer my man my millions mature that's right oddly Henry's actually good at the job of running the firm okay the business thrived and expanded as he helped transition to the age of steam power then his father died in 1943 okay and Henry in 1943 sorry 18 okay he looked at 200 well I don't know if I could push on this is the story about the

oldest man in the world what more steam in me boy and so his father died and Henry was like well fuck this shit and he sold his portion of the firm which gave him an enormous amount of cash and he retired at the age of 32 retired from working for and this is when 32 well I guess it was older actually you could die 32 yeah probably the common age we just fell over when I can't move anymore so this guy I'm done moving so this guy did nothing except for two years and then he retired and was a rich guy sounds really good so I went back to you in this day and age reality show bound oh my god yeah absolutely oh fuck

yeah he didn't earn it now let's watch him he hates ships watch him write shit on tonight's Henry the shipping I'm gonna write a play about donkeys that's a little bubble that pops up at the bottom so he went back to Europe where he attempted to continue his life as a playwright that no one produced plays for great what a loser back in five points berms burns became very close to a bar owner named Yankee Sullivan oh man get out of my dreams Yankee Sullivan what do you think he's all of it did I think he was a catcher's myth so close with eyeballs Yankee Sullivan was a former boxer oh nice he was famous for a victory over

Johnny Hammer Lane in the championship fight on it is just great we need to get back to this time of name right yeah did the greatest names great Lane fractured a small bone in his forearm in the third round the fight did not end until the 19th round Jesus that's when men were fucking man yeah he had a broken arm and he's like I got one I got one I'll beat the shit out of you this is my club and arm it's numb I wasn't using the other one so that's Burns buddy okay I like the team Sullivan loved fighting still but not just humans hmm he had New York's premier dog fighting pit the sawdust house okay Burns loved it and he loved

dogs so he quickly became a regular in the arena like how he loved dogs I love dogs that's why I want to go I want to go eat him I want to eat each other I you know how much I like dogs I like to see him just chomp on each other for a while that's how much I love so I picked my favorite oh my god they're so great I want them to eat each other he was often seen in the arena without shoes okay sure I mean where why not is there a worse place to not wear shoes sounds like a pretty bad area to not wear shoes in general it just in general yeah in the whole but just getting in the arena with two snarling fighting dogs like oh my

shoes are burdensome yeah I don't want to get my toes on my shoes he was there for the dog fights and the rat fights the rat fights oh rat fighting come on rat fights okay hold on to your asshole young sir it's not actually what it sounds like it's not it's not rat versus rat in an arena I'm very excited for what it is a rat fight it was when you would put a bunch of rats in the arena and then you throw a dog in and people would bet on how many rats the dog would kill in a specific amount of time then they would set the dog loose and he'd snap their legs and move on snap their necks and move on to the next rat while the

humans all cheered get them get them fight oh it's way worse than a rat fight it's a rat nightmare it's a rat apocalypse yeah it's rat apocalypse which by the way is a great movie starting that comes out the voice of Patton Oswald oh my god sometimes there would be two dogs in the arena and they could see who killed more rats so that's good times yeah I could could you see this at like the the MGM in Vegas oh yeah let's get ready for rat fight yeah in this corner we have a dog in this corner 800 rats fuck it let's do this shit people placing bets like man if he had fucking hurt his foot he would eat 13 more rats

and I would have covered the over fuck I had a hundred twenty four and he had a hundred twenty three god damn it I had the over on the rats the rats were probably just like there's a mean game they're playing I was just down at the wharf I'm eating some of the bacteria from your puke pond this is how you repay me the Tribune observed the rapidity with which a well-trained dog kills rats is astounding to the uninitiated he bites to kill every time and he usually does it Burns also trained boxers in September 1856 he trained Charlie Lynch for a boxing match in New Jersey his opponent was British born Andy Kelly

the fight lasted 2 hours and 15 minutes in the 86th round I'm sorry sir in the 86th round yeah you kept fighting until someone couldn't fight the bear knuckle and you're just out in a field and guys are just punching each other and then I guess someone hits a bell or something and then you go back and you keep fucking fighting 86 86 rounds day four Kelly got up from his stool collapsed and fell over dead not surprising at all right cool oh we should have stopped it at 85 got up that's what's amazing he's like one more let go boom Burns was arrested in connection with the fight Burns was adamant that he

had done no wrong and they couldn't hold him and he was released so wait why were they going what why him why is he because he was one of the guys who put on the fight okay so they're like well then you're you kill them so Burns began traveling the East Coast with four metal stakes and lengths of rope to make a ring he told price fights in the countryside outside of towns newspapers wrote of the sandy-haired merit man with mutton chops and a stuff stubbed wooden wooden pipe frequently in suspenders with ropes coiled around his arms and stakes over his shoulder okay that's a fucking man so he described

a man so like just the ultimate fucking dude just a dude shows up in town he's got four metal stakes yeah a bunch of rope smoking a fucking pipe he's got mutton chops he's like who wants to fight I'm the commissioner of fighting here yeah burns was it's great too though because back in those days I mean what the fuck right that that's why like rat fights were a thing I mean you're just like anything anything because of all you do is sit there's no this is what happens when there's no television no people watch rats get honest yeah yeah yeah yeah we have the Kardashians to get mad at they were like eat them

rats do you look at him he's got all the rats oh Christ look at your rat I never seen such a pilot dead rats he really murdered a lot burns was it so many fights that when he wasn't at a fight it was news that he was all often last extra extra burns not a fight burns not a fight give me one of those he was often looked you for quotes ah he was a man he once told the reporter gesturing to an image of a prize fighter who's tolerance for alcohol and ability to draw blood he admired you couldn't count up his points on your fingers and then he handled himself so tidy nothing flabby about him and such a claret

tapper he always got the ruby flowing man I need I need to go back to this time I belong with these people meanwhile in Europe by the way huh oh he's a real soy tapper he is everything about it makes you shine with belief he's got it inside your pocket gems trust me this boy is gonna be locket material and he's got the ketchup coming out of him right okay so just to refresh something fierce he's a catch up mom it's a catch up man meanwhile in Europe meanwhile at an empty theater company Henry Berg was writing plays that nobody

cared about and just being generally rich but the civil war was starting to brew in America and the South was stepping up its diplomatic efforts in Europe specifically the Confederacy wanted to make friends with Russia because Russian society was dependent on enslaved serfs which was the same which was getting the same condom nation is the South they were like but can you believe these people in this whole don't enslave people nonsense right unbelievable so they were like oh you guys you guys kind of have slaves we have slaves we also like slave would you like to be friends slave pals hey we

are slave pals dear Craig list I'm looking for a slave pal dear Craig list I need someone to help me with slave pal so so the South wanted Russia to recognize its independence and maybe join the war and help out okay mm-hmm good Berg's family is well known as Republicans and Unionists so Secretary of State William Seward reached out since Henry's already in Europe and could get there quickly and Henry's like okay I guess I guess I can do that so wait they're sending him there he's like now since he's the closest since he's the closest rich guy that's amazing to Europe to Russia everyone else they'd have

to put on a resume base it's proximity well the kid the guys built the ships his kids over there so we could probably send them okay there's probably better people don't get him he's close like you said he's close have Adam so he went there quickly and President Abraham Lincoln appointed him as secretary to the American legation to the court of the Tsar Alexander II an acting vice counsel of in 1863 that was an acronym of that was a lot yeah an acronym be nice Henry was in Russia for less than two years and he hated it of course he did yeah he learned two things he didn't like the cold and he was terrible

writing plays and Russians treated their am animals like garbage oh god when you miss rap fights things ain't good well walking in st. Petersburg one day he stumbled upon a man whipping a donkey in the street Henry approached asked that the man cease beating the donkey and the man complied mmm I feel like we haven't heard the last from the man Henry was surprised to discover that the man as well as the crowd that had gathered we'll get back to that appeared odd even cowed by his diplomats uniform so okay Henry said at last I found a way to utilize my gold lace so I'm gonna need

some yeah okay so here's here's the facts coming here's the scene yeah he's in st. Petersburg and there's a man beating a donkey and the crowd has gathered to enjoy the show of the man beating the donkey they're like give it to him harder yeah hurt that chained animal beat him hurt him and then a guy walks up excuse me in a diplomatic uniform and says stop but everyone goes okay okay we wait for another I'll wait for another donkey stop this man has some sort of uniform on and so he's like holy shit I found my calling because for once in his life somebody gave a fuck for the first time ever somebody was

actually oh cool I'm listening so after everything he'd barely tried in life he realized that he could help animals because he was dressed nice I mean that's not a calling Henry soon returned to New York my calling is to wear a suit that people don't recognize and be nice to animals that happened once that's my job don't tell Lincoln I'm the donkey stopper on hand that dog game Henry soon returned to New York where he began walking the streets and intervening on behalf of animals whose treatment he judged cruel boy he's the boy did not let him know about rat fights with no need to earn a living he patrolled the

streets daily a costing coachman driving overburdened horses and braiding farmers shepherding cows in need of milking wow so he must they must have just been like we hate this fucker holy shit is this guy the worst milk that cow look I have lace on milk him milk the cow don't you see I'm dressed you there water your horse's mouth immediately rich man here's stop beating your horse it is I super animal lover so he's living though he's living the dream yeah I mean he's just he's just living it he's just walking around like this is awesome judging everything so close to bat pet that cat it's close to

Batman as you've ever heard in your life yeah so meanwhile Burns moved south of five points to the fourth Ward which was somehow worse oh good he found a nice place to settle for at least 25 years the 20th century popular historian Herbert Ashby wrote the neighborhood's main commercial thoroughfare was probably the scene of more violent crime than any other street on the continent wow Burns took up residence there occupying a three-story I live here I shall reside here Burns took up residence there occupying a three-story frame house marked 273 above the door he hung a huge a large gilded shingle that

read Sportsman Hall by Kit Burns why I think I like where we're headed now so he basically like found cheap property got involved and now I think he's opening some sort of fight club oh well I mean it's just it's like it's like like today we have a sports bar yeah like that right but I am gonna guess what's her different that yeah and there's no TV I think people beat the fuck out of each other sportsman's all is divided into two main rooms in the first was a bar above which hung the stuffed remains of two of Burns favorite dogs one was Jack a black and tan who'd once dispatched a hundred rats in under seven

minutes classic Jack oh fucking Jackie he can really murder rash I'd never seen anything like it was natural with him just chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp his companion hunky had been a dog fighting champion mortally wound wounded in his last victory he won but died Jesus the walls were covered in pictures of bare-knuckle boxers the bar served homemade liquor that's good I guess burns his wife and their frail daughter kitty lived above the bar though frail kitty was quick to anger and carried a wooden club she was very skilled with Jesus so that's all I found out about that but it sounds like it she would

just get mad and hit people with a club for all the upside this time has with names there really is just this erratic downside where anyone can do whatever the fuck they want but the names from the from the street one could smell the odor of dog oh that's oh man is there dog fight place in here oh smells like fun hey you guys smell dog I smell dog that's the opposite of what dogs do they're like I smell I smell human I smell dog on you we look I smell dog at the rear of the room was a narrow passage it led to the amphitheater the narrow passage was made to frustrate police engaging in raids in the amphitheater wooden box

seats fronted an octagonal dirt floor arena enclosed by three-foot high wooden walls nine feet wide four gas jets lit the place it's like the thunder don't yeah it really it's yeah it's mad max exactly yeah behind the box seats and circling the ring benches rose on risers to the ceiling a tribune reporter estimated that the room could hold 250 decent people and 400 indecent ones okay so no fire codes I take it so is that because they're basically saying like the people who like space versus people who don't mind having their sweaty probably covered bodies standing next to each other

saying like a normal decent person right not want to be not want to be in a have it have like a person rubbing up against him right dirty filthy person it's like yeah put your face on my neck I got a hundred and fifty friends I'm looking to get inside you mind if we turn this party indecent come on down it's indecent not come on it's alright you don't need to leave room for the Holy Ghost rub your neighbor let's go dogs were chained beneath seats she is where the bones of rats had been swept sure sure nice place sure it's a nice place I like what I hear until it's

that you're gonna love this I'm excited this is when we go full dollop oh boy until it's death in 1868 Burns reserved one box for his black bear which he would pit against any contestant of its weight so I'm really I mean of course so you could fight the bear if you were as big as the bear I mean he wasn't gonna be like you can fight the bear you're a hundred he wouldn't let kitty with the cane fight the bear right yeah the gentleman to fight the bear had to be bear size reasonable he's a jeez a reasonable man I love that there's rules for bear fight sorry mate you're just not hot enough to fight the bear

maybe next time keep working out come back when you're taller come back when you're about tolerant bear size sometimes they were boxing matches but more often there were three basic shows for 25 cents you can see a rat killed by a weasel if there's a better package than that in get that weasel here's the corner the other two were rat killing my dog and dogfighting yeah been there done that get that weasel out here relatively slow and bloodless rat and weasel bouts often served as preliminary events a bit of an amuse-bouche

regulars thought them tame best suited to women and children oh yeah we a weasel murdering a rat like that's for you boy that's ready to G for the kids now this next one's PG and coming up we got our you're gonna love this Bobby you're gonna send a weasel listen he's gonna kill those rats now when you're a little bit older I'll let you watch a dog kill 180 of them in 10 minutes just wait your turn you and mom head home now daddy's gonna watch some more graphic violence daddy when can I watch the dogs kill the rats when you're 11 and old enough to drink boy attendee attendees occasional initially contests between man and rat

oh what the fuck wait which required the human participant to snatch rodents by hand and sever their heads with his teeth what the fuck which usually results in and scratches and bites to the face of course the rats know the fucking score hey Marty get in there and finish them off Jesus what a chicken mighty pick up the rat and fucking bite him bite his head off well they're scratching a club my god my god I'll tell you I'd be a weasel rat guy I'd be like I'm fine with the reason why rat then I go home how drunk you have to be oh you have to be so how fucking drunk you have to be as drunk as they were daily to accept

the dare that's right bring on the rats wake up in the morning oh fuck me I bit the rats again I have got to start drinking so much I keep fucking biting the rats heads off fuck I'm missing an eye I've got a scratch mustache he's got some rats burns did not like the practice of men fighting rats and ejected men who did it so he had boundaries he did but he's always that not just a rule I people just right I think there's a pocket of people like quick he's got his back turned eat as many rats as you can Larry Larry foot bar in a typical evening Sportsman's Hall would go

through a hundred rats okay you've you've lulled me into where that's a normal thing to hear rats were difficult to get gray warf rats were valued for their large size and ferocity burns paid 12 cents a rat to his in-house catcher whose methods he refused to reveal I'm not telling you how he catches the fucking rats who are you to ask he has his system that's his business he's a router do I ask a chef yeah how he makes his pie look I just enjoyed a pie I don't ask for the recipe that's insulting don't ask how me Rotman brings me rats rats entered but it has to do with chocolate rats entered birds octagon 50

at a time screaming and clamoring in a wire cage they were extracted for slaughter using specialized tongs one attendee offered the following description of a ratting event they gout about the walls in different directions meeting and crowding into a file in one of the corners where they tried ineffectually to scale the top of the pit then they would separate again and run frightened about the floor trying every credo as crevice and corner one or two ran up the trousers and legs of the cage holder who once he composedly and carelessly shook them again it's like World War Z it is they're just like

we're creating we're creating like a human ladder it's not working terror burns felt dogs were made for this he must this is why God made dogs he must know by the feel when he bites him that he's done the business for him ah yeah so he felt that that's what dogs were for he was wrong beneath the first floor was a basement containing wooden stalls enough for some 40 dogs dreary and thinly lit it struck burns as a fine place for a dog of course his choice specimens however including the prized white-legged black and tan bulldog belcher lived with his family in comfortable second-room floors and

enjoyed burn said better cuisine than he did he's not even rats yeah but what is he he's like I'm eating steak he's having Kobe beef to condition his pack burns employed a system not dissimilar from modern-day spin classes each dog was placed atop a lot large round table with a rotating top which for traction had been upholstered in wool with the animal chained in place that a trainer incited other dogs to bark and growl infuriating the trainee so that he would run forward and pursuit thereby creating a feedback loop of aggression and a treadmill wow yeah the treadmill the treadmill crazy fucking awesome yeah as

terrible as burns dog fighting was nowhere in historical account of burns sportsman hall are their descriptions of the sorts of brutalities associated with dog fighting of today while reporters always tried to depict sportsman hall sportsman's hall is terrible burns never beat starved or tortured his dogs journalists often reported his affection for them and then he was deeply wounded by their loss we stuff so so he doesn't have like a like a rape post like no victim yeah no he's not yes there he's just twisted he's just he just think he's a little twisted yeah I think they should fight yeah his long semi-obsessive

associated with pride prized fighting seems to suggest that he regarded boxers and other fighters in much the same light as he did his animals they eat better than I do they will fight burnt said fort is their nature too so he thought dogs were like the same as a fucking boxer yeah so that makes a little bit of sense a little bit more sense the bear still a red flag the bears doesn't big red so the rats doesn't really fit in the rats yeah what why no rat bear fight oh my god come on down for the rats bear fight well it took a while but we finally found the championship bounce have you ever seen a

rat take down a bear will 500 rats dressed in a trench coat with a hat be able to fight a bear come on down tonight commercial advertiser which was a I think a newspaper compared ratters and prized fighters to the heathen Chinese and the heathen Hindu it was a good time for newspapers that's some real good report right there and burns came to expect a condescending eye from visiting journalists so for what he was once praised and can spit considered a respected voice of he was now scorned so the tide is turning a little bit mm-hmm the worm is turned sure this was mostly because of Henry Berg who was

whipping up an anti-animal cruelty frenzy here we go he lobbied for passage of anti-animal cruelty legislation legislation which was unknown before 1865 and gave sanctimonious street corner lectures so he's one of those dudes in New York I mean these sits on a street corner and just fucking yells about something it's like who do you root for I know our hero well right now my hero is the dogfighter because he's a man see I have a hard it's hard I I mean well the hall is the funniest place I've heard of in the craziest place you do have to have your heart goes out a little bit to the guy at the time but whenever it's

like it's like the people who were like white people who are helping slaves in the underground railroad like you're ahead of your time a little bit so this guy is seeing that this is the bear fine this is not good but he's also a fucking little pansy excuse me excuse me you there let that bird go look at my jacket look at it it's different from your jacket better a powerful New York Reverend introduced Berg to a network of influential reformers and helped him develop a strategy then his wife Catherine helped recruit women reformers many of the veterans of the Appalachianist movement the Senate the

Sanitary Commission temperance and other reform movements I don't know what the Sanitary Commission is they're probably people who are like blood can't be on walls quit shitting on doorsteps yeah have you seen your basement it's a train wreck it's a health code violation energetic women were soon the shock troops of the anti cruelty movement under the terms of new anti cruelty laws he and other ASPC officers were deputized to enforce the anti cruelty laws on the street so he basically I think I let this out so he created the ASPC so okay so he came back to New York started screening people on the street and then

was like this needs to be organized yeah and create I'll write a play about it and someone's like man on a street on New York Street corner on April 22nd 1866 the day the law was passed Hennie Berg gathered his courage and approached a cart driver unmercifully beating and his exhausted horse I don't understand like the horse is tired so you're like quit being tired quit hiding your energy my friend you can't do that anymore astonished the driver explained can't beat my horse the devil I can't and resumed Berg added you are not aware probably that you are breaking the law but I have the new statute in my pocket

and the horse is yours only to treat kindly mouth the gate the driver yelled go to hell you're mad he was then arrested oh my god that's crazy Henry also worked to halt the practice of feeding dairy cattle alcoholic mash why what about that is a problem so I had to look this up getting cows drawn no but I had to look this up mashing as a process in which malted grains are used to convert starches into fermented sugars the mash is the boiled grain from which brewers drive sugary liquid so they're giving it to cows and he was upset by this even though it's not alcohol it's just creating a sugary

fermented right some some breweries today send their mash to cow farmers so he was mad about something yeah because he was like you can't feed a mash yeah and like no they like it and it's fine have you read the law sorry I heard you were feeding them rats sorry my mistake he also made an ambulance for horses I'm just gonna let that sit well he's a horse ambulance I mean back I've been shot sorry we're just for horses okay so it's 1866 yeah to have a horse ambulance it has to be pulled by horses oh god how else could you have a horse ambulance fair rats I don't know a horse he had he bought a crane to lift

horses out of excavations which were a barrel which was a fairly calm problem in the city was putting them in falling into holes horses falling into holes but then you just let him die yeah yeah hey wait what so this guy came I was like why don't we go we get the horses out of the holes hey how about we fill the holes no we have a machine to get the horses out of the holes just what kind of horses are these fuck my second horse for the whole horses nowadays they're only trained to jump over they would never see a hole and be like what's down there it just fall in and then they'd be like fuck I gotta get a new horse crap

my horse fell in that hole last week that the horses just keep falling in these holes I'll tell you I don't know why we have the holes I don't know what they are but if someone could invent a machine to get the horses out of there man top dollar just the idea just some fucking smelly that would be okay yeah just walking on the street oh god another horse hole Jesus Christ fuck me cover your nose horse hall noses cover him hey should we figure out a way to get him out of there no decomposing is the way to get him out of there what do you like animals when he was upset about so if elected I will end the horse holes

come on now people we need to get rid of these holes we've always had horse holes this smelly and not necessary fuck you and your change that's change now I'm running on the campaign of hope we can get horses out of these holes damn that's where they fucking belong if they fall that's why God made the holes that literally is like the thinking you're like okay if you don't want them there then why did God make them like fucking a shit I can't I have no argument I'm reversing my argument I'm pro horse holes we need them when he was upset about someone being cruel to an animal he started whipping out a cane and

attacking people amazing he was not afraid of a fight the press loved his confrontations and Henry's popularity grew while some newspapers late labeled him as Berg the great meddler wow as a compliment okay yeah you're a terrific meddler I can see it others did not enjoy his efforts and called him an ass that should have his ears cropped so this is really two different ways yeah the insult game was not strong except kid burns he could bring it yeah he could bring it yeah you're an ass that needs its ears cropped oh so I put this later but in 1866 bird created an organization called the American Society for

the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals now known as the ace PCA in the lobby stood a stuffed newfoundland so not so different after all right yeah they're not there they're both they're both in love their animals they do they love their animals and they leave them stuffed around places yeah yeah hey gentlemen sure maybe I am like you maybe you guys can just sit down and talk about something that's not cruelty for a little while see what makes you tick in December of that year Berg got police to raid Sportsman's Hall and Burns was arrested in violation of animal cruelty laws in a thousand and fifty counts of

cruelty to animals and also of making horse holes one for each rat yeah rats but the laws had not been properly established as far as punishment goes so Burns was set free like they they had they had decided that it was against the law but they hadn't decided what would happen so they're like okay so I guess you were punished they had Congress all right get in the jail how long am I serving I think you're free to go we should have written we should have written totally we should have written that long we should have written farther after the next time we will next time we will yep live you learn it's just like

the horse holes things things got even weirder in the fall of 1868 not possible when Reverend AC Arnold prevailed on several saloon owners on Water Street to commit their properties to the purpose of daily prayer meetings wow the Water Street revival as it was known inspired frenzied press coverage and spectators from all over the city eager to grim glimpse the underworld at prayer wow the heathens were converting Jesus that's crazy so everyone was like this is amazing so they were also they were all coming down to Burn Street and being like look at this and people are praying and it's like overnight it's topsy

turvy and now more of a sore thumb than ever yeah now everything's just flipped and it's all fucked Burns thought it was all bullshit of course why I think it's nothing but robbery I tell you that's all it is he said of another saloon owners reformation then ministers and missionaries are all in with Alan it's as clear as a fraud as ever was conversion be damned I knew I'm 17 years I'm bad and he's a worse one oh yeah yeah I like yeah I hear him so this went off for a little while and then when Alan the other saloon owner went on a drinking binge yeah Burns was vindicated yes turns out Jesus called

my toe he came down from the clouds and he said Alan boy drink yourself fucking past eight past your pants drunk as I did that's why I'm laying in this and he gave me a tablet that said all such but I got so shit-faced we done dropped it and smashed it we believe you okay okay turns out this saloon owners were collecting fees for the use of their space so they were not too holy yeah they were just charging guys to go in there and pray oh you want to pray pretend like I'm sure yeah sure here you go we're all about God that's a quarter but the damage was done Burns business had been reduced by all the

revivalists and slumming Gawkers who'd come to watch the filthy people pray so he rented his property too for several hours a day the dog and rat pit decorated with the remnant blood and bones became a pulpit I mean I mean I mean I guess you're into Jesus in there yeah the region you're probably maybe you could like it a little bit I mean fuck yeah smells like rat 1868 the evening telegram reported Henry Berg and his animal cruelty campaign had a limited all dog and rat fighting in the city cruelty to animals was becoming a thing of the past except for weasel unwrapped which by the way is a great

cartoon weasel and rat except sportsman's hall well last holdout because of the way the hall was set up it was too difficult for Burns to catch Burns in the act so in 1968 Henry Berg organized an aerial raid what he sent a police officer crashing through the building skyline organization the first couple like what's my job you jump through the ceiling and then we're gonna go in it's quite a drop you know that right in the rat pit yes it is quite a drop and you will land on rats and when you land you say you're under arrest you know what and if you land in a horse hole that'll actually be good that's gonna

be nice cushion so if you do land on a rat we have to arrest you yes if you heard a rat will have to arrest you obviously you'll go to jail for no minutes so be careful that's how this works so but so sends a police officer crashing through the building skylight it works burn was caught Burns was caught in the act and this time find $800 which for back yeah that's a fucking serious yeah that's a serious 200,000 when a Tribune reporter visited sportsman's hall in September he found a very sad burns he described Burns as generally out of sorts afflicted with the blues medically speaking and the gout but I like that he's like he's

really sad and down yeah plus he can't walk plus his legs are bloated well I mean I'd say the worst thing he's got is the blues and the second worst would be the thorns that are penetrating the skin of his feet so six on this hand Burns made an offer to Berg through the reporter I want Mr. Berg to come down here and give a lecture on dog fighting and ratting Bern said if rats is cruelty I'm cruel but I don't think rats is cruelty tell Berg I'll blow the pit to hell if he'll come down and show me I'm wrong well well but he still thought Berg was crazy Berg thought animals should be protected not because he liked

them but because it was moral Mr. Berg calls a rat an animal now everyone of any sense knows that a rat is a vermin Berg takes up for the rat and won't let us kill rats because he thinks they're animals wouldn't he kill a rat if he found one and is covered of course he would fair fair told recent reasonable argument fair point reasonable argument yeah he probably wouldn't bite its head off when killing it though no well I mean right you don't know that I don't I don't it was the way it was the way they did who knows what your gut reaction was when you saw a rat back at those it might have been to eat it I mean yeah

yep Berg's offer ran as an open letter in the herald Berg ignored Bern's invitation to come to Water Street instead he pushed police to conduct for the raids Burns was being beaten by a thousand cuts in December 1869 Burns favorite dog Belcher was killed in a dogfight at Sportsman's Hall Burns attributed the loss partially to the revivalists on his premises of course he was never exactly himself after the prayer meetings it wasn't so much the praying as this thing singing that took hold of it you know the talking I'll hurt you but the singing will kill you I've always said that he was a good dog

to the fucking singing started singing dejected grief burned and financially hobbled Burns closed Sportsman's Hall and physically hobbled he rented the building for a term of three years the Reverend W. H. Bull who opened in its place the Water Street mission and home for women a non supporter of the poor poor Burns likely considered the home a good deal more useful than prayer meetings all right but was not done oh boy whoops another saloon popped up called the band box the whole dear there Burns began holding ratting events again on November 21st 1870 he held a huge

event like I seem like a super rat ball yeah like the burning rat the rat cello a flyer announced the event 300 rats will be given away free of charge for gentlemen to try their dogs with come on come all there will be a good night's sport and no humbug no humbug no humbug is Berg Mr. Berg I'm looking in your direction at approximately eight o'clock that evening Henry Berg crept into the band box trailed by police officers he wore a long coat beneath which he concealed a glowing lantern that could have gone wrong they could have got horrid as he entered 50 or 60 dead rats lay piled with one

terrier still at it cheered on by some four or five dozen spectators it's really not a lot it's not kind of like that's so it's gotten so sad it's like big event yeah we used to sell out stadiums like it's like Motley Kerr yeah well we're playing the hard rock all right let's do this Arby's commercial money's money right 39 people arrested including Kit Burns Berg confiscated a cage of live rats which he then dropped into the East River so that's that's a really weird twist that's after all this he's like no that'll teach you you have to respect animals here help back to freedom there you go Henry yes I think

you should have taken out of the cage no I think that helps him swim remember right yeah I don't I don't think they could swim without it you also probably should just left them on the docks or something well next neck next time okay I won't throw them in the river okay let's put him in a horse hole call it a night we'll have the weasel fight him Burns made bail but he was he had caught cold in his holding cell and the illness overcame him swiftly and turned into white of what might have been pneumonia or diphtheria as preparations for his trial move forward burns were treated to his bedroom at 388 water street and

above above his new saloon he became feverish and weak developed hallucinatory clairvoyant visions in the hours before his death burns rose from his bed and crossed the room thinking he would check one last time on his dogs by he said I'll trap to the old bed box once more lacking the strength he fell back onto his pillow his agony and contortions during the last few hours of existence were fearful the Jackson citizen patrol wrote the evening post said that at the age of 39 he had the parents of a man of 60 British prize-fighting champion James mace visited his bedside and they talked of mace's plant bout with the Irish

American heavyweight Joe Coburn Bernstahl mason he did not mind to die but he hated to leave his wife and his dog mustard oh mustard you know I don't mind if I leave their wife but I don't take mustard to be the same oh Christ what about old musty sweet mustard you know I called it mustard because of how we taste go ahead and lick them taste to be taste just like Dijon burns turned on mace's offer of a drink like yeah hey you want a pop I'm dying so yeah so whiskey no I'm literally gonna die tomorrow right I'm just gonna pour this blood burns began to shiver and his wife came to his side one of burns dogs

which kept him company's room began to bark lay still snoozer he said the wrong name for that dog I'm going on a long journey he told mace goodbye Jim I really isn't it it is kind of nice when someone dies like with like all right well I'm out of here okay goodbye Jim okay goodbye Jim then yeah hey something is there anything I'll say to you before I die I feel like I forget it's time to pet the dog close the garage from the garage turn off the lights set the dogs made the potatoes do right no you think it's time to do he oh I forgot to kill the rat you're fucked tonight oh no I killed 15,000 that's right I committed

a rat genocide he died December 19th 1870 the hero of the abandoned classes was dead they took it burns to Calvary Cemetery three days before Christmas in a hearse drawn by six white horses the procession was packed and festive enough that it formed a parade that's just not something you see hey there's a bunch of us let's just was this planned no just kind of an on-the-fly parade you know how they are why is there a float you know parade broke out I don't know to tell you we just made it it was crazy and a band yeah I look you're as surprised as we are but get up

more is the mayor here it's a parade silly an unscheduled impromptu organic parade burns lay in a coffin dressed in garb more sedate than the bright shirts gold chains and pantaloons of striped with his gang gang colors I mean pantaloons striped with his gang colors is the greatest there was a time when you ever been uttered don't fuck with him look at those pants shit look at his red pantaloons look at his tight weird red pants it was said that those assembled stared at burns as if he were a spiritual medium a religious leader a prophet or a saint in his 39 years he'd survived four bullet wounds a knife to

the neck taken during a brawl at Dan Kerrigan's Cherry Street bar in the winter of 1869 a year before his death complications from a rat bite had placed him in a precarious near-terminal condition those were just the occupational hazards for burns a saloon keeper by trade who was super into rat fights that's ratting that is ratting that's right you knew the deal you might die from a rat bite back then they had tattoos to sit rat life his lifetime it had seen the slaughter of thousands of rats he went to heaven and there were just like all these rats like well well well well hello kid been a while huh how

you been riding on horses shit's about to get weird you're gonna fight a weasel for a quarter asshole how does that sound Henry Berg the founder of the ASPCA boasted I drove him out of New York and into his grave cool brag finally New York City was rid of dog and rat fights Henry's anti-cruelty society spread across the country one by one other states adopted laws modeled on those Berg wrote for New York by 1886 36 states had adopted anti animal cruelty laws but Henry did not just go on to rescue animals at the time children were considered the chattel of their parents or guardians with no rights of

their own and no protections from assault or abuse Berg and an ace PCA lawyer rescued a girl who was being horribly abused by her foster mother because there were no laws because there were no laws to protect children in 1874 they argued that the child was an animal entitled to protection under animal cruelty law oh my god that's that's where we were oh my god she's an animal and that's a good thing and that's a good thing cuz if she was just a kid what I just said is a compliment you could kick her vagina space you could drown her all you wanted you could drown her like saved her ass if she was not an

animal you could just hit her in the crowbar with unfortunately she's basically a donkey so leave her be they're gonna be faster if we just argue that children are animals trust me I know these people trust trust me trust me trust me look out for that whore's hole the foster mother was convicted and sentenced to a year in jail the incident spurred a new round of New York legislation legislation and a new organization New York society for the prevention of cruelty to children also headed by Burke newspapers called this new organization

preposterous under headlines like legislation running mad and leave our children alone leave our children alone we can beat the fuck out of them okay I gave you the little squirrel saving society but if I want to kill my fucking kid I get to kill my kid you're telling me that my child can't fight that bear come on come on come on now your kid can't fight that bear because we're protecting the bear yeah right that's right so things are fine similar society spread to other states starting Massachusetts long before Berg's funeral his city and nation claimed him as a

hero it may almost be said of Henry Berg that he has invented a new type of goodness Scribner's magazine proclaimed in 1879 Berg died on March 12th 1888 of bronchitis and an enlarged heart you know what I always said his heart was a little too big a little too big a little too big for him a little too big so animals say before children normal normal order normally normal normal order so it seems yeah seems like life was pretty good back then things are fine if you if you could get keep your horse out of a fucking crater you're gonna be a okay I just want to meet the guy who got drunk and fought the rats oh my god

just watching your friend yeah that would be like your friend like getting like being like taking a shirt off on a stage in a bar at that you be like he's so fucking pissed right now look at it look at me rats he's eating Christ he's not driving a chariot is he fucking a oh fuck are you gonna eat the rats again tonight I'm starving let me eat them you're not supposed to eat them patty look a couple went down it's an occupational hazard oh fuck me I got the plague oh boy I'm dying from eating rat heads you know the doctor thinks it might have been all the rat brain so have you have you done anything oddly

leave because you the fever of you been around dogs sick people um you know the only thing I did do was I ate a hundred and fifty rat heads to gamble so but other than that I've been running yeah I'm good I'm just I'm drinking a lot more like you said sure way more I'm just not gonna give you any medicine to let you die okay yeah well all right good checkup okay I'll see you doc you're the best you're the best doc best you're the best so well I think Berg is a hero sports were different sports were different you think burger no Berg is the hero in this but he started out such a little yeah it's so it's so crazy

because like I am attracted to the idea of Kit Burns even though he did is awful now he's a man right well if you think about it I think maybe you just do what I do which is like you're like who would you find more like in a movie yeah oh you'd get burns yeah you'd be like I want to watch that movie every fucking day of the week you don't watch the movie the guy was like good will prevail you want to watch the guys like shut that door now we're gonna kill rats we're gonna have what we call a rat off we're gonna have a rat spitting contest where you try to knock out your opponent by spitting rats at him okay it's gonna

be normal don't look at the bear look over here don't look at the bear you're not old enough to look at the bear yeah you must be this tall to fight the bear so the movies Kit Burns yes and then Berg is the villain but he's not the villain now he's but he's the movie is the villain because he's annoying he fucking stop it's annoying because all the fun parts of the story are Kit Burns yes and then Bert comes in and ruins the fun it's like it's like the straight man right yeah you this straight man you need but right now we would just want to watch this guy go ape shit yeah yeah well another another

normal chapter in American history fuck America's so fucked up thanks for listening