The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 250 - Phantom of the Open (Reverse Dollop)

Episode Date: March 16, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Maurice Flitcroft, golfer extraordinaire. SOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCH

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week me Dave Anthony read story from American history to friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Yes. Yeah that's how you do it. Is that how? We're in the middle of this is the last reverse dollop which was supposed to be a small up but is now coming out. Is it blowing up? No. Oh well I will say a better name has emerged from a few people which is a reverse dollop as a pallet. I've seen that. I think that's better. But it's not a dollop because a dollop if you if you take the word and turn it over and around it's looks the same. Don't don't even. What? Think about what I just said.

I can't possibly. I don't know what that's called. It has there's a word for it but that's what it is. You can take dollop and turn it you can turn it over. What what are you talking what is happening? I'm just saying. Stop saying. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bottle. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna come with Tickly Quad. Okay. You are Queen Fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do what? Pray. Hi, Gary. No. Is he done, my friend? No.

November 23rd. Oh wait a minute. November 23rd, 1929. No, no. It feels good, doesn't it? No, I don't like it. I like the whisper dairy. Okay. Maurice Gerald Flitcroft was born on November 23rd, 1929. What's his last name? In Manchester, England. Flitcroft. Okay. In Manchester, England. And as we said I can do I'm able to do anywhere because my people worked out a great deal with the dollar. He was born to mother Olive and his half father Herbert a bus driver not his half father's whole father. Herbert Olive. Herbert and Olive, yep. And they had Maurice Flitcroft. Maurice was a tiny baby. He was called Wiery. Wiery. Boy, you

really darkened yourself over there by setting the light off. Like this is kind of weird. Yeah. It's a weird scene though. So what do we mean by tiny? Is he a premature baby or he's just like a little. No, no. Just like a real Wiery. Like how small? Like a little ant shaped fella? I don't and nowhere did I see him described as ant shaped. Oh, well, ant sized fella? No, he's not ant sized. He's not ant man. Does he have a thorax? No. Yeah, no. He is a human boy. Okay. He is a human boy in every and every way. I'm just trying to figure this story out. Just picture a baby that's Wiery. Just picture a little baby. You've seen them. I'm sure you've

seen them. He had five brothers and he lived in a red brick house next to other red brick houses. Oh, it's England. It's England, which is all they are connected. He had a long nose, sunken eyes, weird mouth and huge ears. Yeah, no. So he's an ant. You're describing an ant. I'm actually thinking he might be an ant the more that now I'm hearing it back. I think he is an ant. Boy, this is gonna. Yeah, you're good at this. Thank you. There was always something different about Maurice. You could call it. He's an ant. Well, besides being an ant. Besides, besides being an ant boy, you could call it a curious confidence. He wanted to

learn about everything he could and try whatever interested him. Interesting. He wasn't an athletic kid, but he was scrappy. He would work. Again, he's not an ant. So with his tiny frame, he would still play cricket, rugby, cross country running, and he was pretty good at it. And in his first rugby match, he got knocked unconscious. Well, it's because he's a little tiny guy. Yeah. No, that's I mean throwing a guy like that into a scrum. Yeah, he gets little guy gets like bones just get shot out like a tree chipper. Yeah, and everyone laughs. Yeah, yeah. He was full of energy so much so that his mother called him Hoppy Johnson because

he was hopping around like a rabbit as a kid. Oh, well, I mean, okay. If that was a sport, you know, it's a main thing for mom to say. No, that's nice. In his small English time when you were done with school at 16, you either went to college or you worked at the shipyard and something. Jesus. Yeah, that was it. And he did not want to work in the shipyard. He was inclined because he's too small. What's he gonna do? He was too smart. He liked poetry and writing and music. He just wasn't shipyard material. First of all, there's a lot of poets down at the shipyard. Steel. Feel. I'm Brad. Come on, Brad. Let's get back to work. All right.

I'm just writing some more of my poems. So he had no real prospects. You know, like when you're 16, you either go to college. He couldn't go to college. So despite his deepest, despite his deepest wishes, he ended up getting a job at the Vickers shipyard. Sure. He worked 50-hour six-day work weeks. He's 16. He took to it okay. He was recognized for being a good worker. He won the best machinist award. Oh my god. That's such an honor. It's an honor. I mean, it's an honor. It's 16. And then you do the thing like you do at any award ceremony where you put the other people nominated in little boxes. Yeah. They sort of get disappointed when

they don't wear when the machinist award. You know, I think we should split this award because a lot of you guys are good on the machine. I was not only the, I was not the best machinist. All of the fellow nominees were also unbelievable machinists. Together, we are the machine that makes the shipyard. And I want to thank God as well. Without him, that is possible. I couldn't machine. I couldn't. Yeah. No way. Without the Lord. God built the biggest machine of all, us. We. We is the biggest machine. Even tiny me. Even little anti me. So he grew to hate it there. The noises, the mundane nature. He even just began smoking cigarettes. The

mundane nature. The mundane. I thought he said Monday. The mundane. Well, you know, it kind of is. It's kind of like you had a case of the Mondays all the days. We all do. Okay. He started smoking cigarettes just because he was so bored. What else? You know, but he's not going to get bigger. But I get that. I get that. Smoking cigarettes because you're bored? Because you're bored. I've been there. That's why. A guy asked me if I wanted some heroin today. Mm-hmm. Which is cool. I was walking down in downtown Denver. Yep. And so you said yes. No, I'm on heroin right now. Okay. That explains the dark light you've put yourself under. Yeah. After a

year, he quit the shipyard and he went and he lived with his aunt for a while. And she lived near the Bellevue Gardens. You've always loved that area. That had a small zoo in it and he liked to go and watch the monkeys. So, Maurice, like the man, right now, your people probably. What? Well, we're back into the monkeys. No, no, no. I promise. He liked the man. All of your dogs are about monkeys. Man, I listen into my dream world. I mean, I was showing you that video last night. I was drunk monkeys. I can't, Dave. I can't. All right. So, he liked the mandrels. The mandrels are baboons. They're violent mammals, multicolored. And Maurice wanted to make nice. So, he would watch the zookeeper who was feeding

the mandrels prunes. And one day, the stupid zookeeper turned his back and Maurice snagged a few prunes out of the bag. Maurice. Maurice snagged it. You little devil. Yeah. Sorry, I'm just enjoying this moment. That felt real harrowing. What a rascal. A little scam. Sorry, this fucking stupid window opened up. Okay. So, he stole a few of the prunes and he wanted to make friends with the mandrels. Sure. So, he holds out this prune in his hand and this mandrel comes over. And eats his hand. And violently snatches out of his hand and almost broke his arm with its strength. Right. So, Maurice wasn't hurt. He was pissed. He was determined to teach the fierce creature a lesson and give it a taste of its own medicine.

That's right. So, he's going to kill this fucking monkey. Because no monkeys are dying. He stole more prunes the next day when the zookeeper turned his back again. I guess the zookeeper really should keep an eye on his prunes. He's got his head in the clouds. I'm going to look up at the sky now. Stupid zooey. They call them zooies there. Is that right? No, God. It's so, so should be. But it isn't. It should be though. Hello, zooey. All right. We've heard a new zooey. So, the man, so he holds his hand out, right? Maurice puts a prune in his hand and holds his hand out. The mandrel comes over and he goes to snatch it. But Maurice drops the prune before he does, grabs the mandrel, buy its arm with

both of his hands and the mandrel starts freaking out and screaming. Maurice then freed him. Maurice then let go of one of his hands and smacked him on the other hand. What? So, the baboon is like puzzled and scared. Yeah, we're all puzzled and scared. And not sure, and he just runs off. He's like, what the hell? Well, that's a crazy person. Crazy person. So the next day, Maurice returns. This is like some prison shit. Maurice returns the next day, steals more prunes from this foolish, foolish, non-focused zooey. What is this zooey doing? What's this zooey doing? I'm going to look up the sky again. Man, look at that tree. Hey. Yeah, he's a sloth. It's an animal zoo. So, he holds it out and the mandrel

comes over and like gently takes it out of his hand and Maurice is like, see? And what we learned from this, Dave, is that this man dealt with no differently. He eventually needed money so he moved back home and he didn't want to work in the shipyard again. He wouldn't do it, couldn't do it, so he joined the Navy. Sure. But when the Navy... Does he know that that's kind of similar? Smart. It's very similar. But with outfits? Yeah, worse. But it... So, he's there and he's in Gibraltar, but he misses the departure time so they leave him. Oh, shit. Then he worked as a firefighter. I didn't know they did that. I guess they just ditched him. So, if you're in the Navy and you don't get your

boat in time, then they go... They go? They ditched him. I don't know if that... Is that the technical term? Yeah. Permission to be ditched. Permission granted. Okay. He worked as a firefighter on a boat where he was fired for fighting someone over a bag of chips. Sure, but that's very common on fire boats. Is he in Gibraltar still? No, no, no. Different job. So, he comes home? He comes home. And then he gets into a chip fight. Yeah, he gets into a chip fight. And I hope he kills this guy. This guy died from a chip fight. Sure. He was a zooey. He worked as a shunter. I don't know what that is. I mean, he worked on the railroads. It literally is a very... It doesn't seem right. It's that he shunted

on the railroads. So, he shunted. I think he's a singer. Let's just picture-sing it. Alright, so he's singing on the railroads. He worked in a factory as a machine man. He drove trucks for a company. He sold shoe polish door-to-door. He worked in a diving show for the summers where he was being knocked off the diving boards with a plank of wood by some other guys as the comic relief. Sure. He even had a good run in London for a bit and he met his brother's wife's sister, Jean, who he fell madly in love with and married on March 23rd, 1963. So, this guy just went through like 40 jobs and then got married. That's what happened. He keeps getting fired. Because he's a shithead. Because he just... Honestly,

he doesn't like it when people say no to him. Okay. So, that's a job. But he's smart. He's like... Well, it sounds like he's smart, but also not great. No. No. It's a certain sort of... It's a certain sort of smart. Like a dickish smart. Don't even think it's that. I think that'll unfold before us, David. Are we going back to that monkey? The monkey's gone. So is the diving show. These are diving shows in front of thousands of people and he would just get hit in the head with boards and fall off the board. How did he get fired from that? Because he... It was like the people who were in the diving shows also had to put the diving shows together. So, you'd have to like put the tank together or like build

the stuff as you're traveling. Yeah, fuck that. And so, he like got into an argument over where some screws were and he lost some screws. Or chips. And then he just like the star of the show. He just like him and the two of them just beat the shit out of each other. And then he got fired. Why? How did you leave that out? Well, because it was going on so... I know, but he got into a fist fight at a diving company. Other stuff. The diving show was a lot of crazy shit. But yes. But I figured I could just sort of, you know, I could say it like that. This is a job interview, right? Shortly after the nuptials, Gene was pregnant with twin boys. So, he likes to fuck. Well,

what? Because he had twin boys? Yeah, I mean, that's like... That's one... That's one... That's like a double thrust. Like it's like a hardcore sex situation. I'm gonna finish and then I'm gonna finish again. That's how it works. We're gonna have twins. So, the boys were named Gene Van Flittcroft and James Harlequin Flittcroft. He just wants them to suffer. Yeah, not good names. So, with the two kids, Maurice is now seriously in need of work again. And he's hired as a bus driver. But he's fired really quickly because as soon as he was hired, a supervisor pieced together where he knew him from. And where he knew him from was years before when Maurice Openhand slapped him on a bus that he was driving.

Because they used to work in like tandem. So, you'd like one guy drive and one guy check tickets. And this guy's checking the tickets and somebody's smoking and this girl is getting sick from the smoke. So, Maurice opens a window, which he wasn't allowed to do. And this bus driver comes up to him, tells him no, and Maurice Openhand slaps him. And this guy just pieced it together. So, he fired him immediately. But that's like a movie though where you have a guy that you've hired and then you keep going, where do I know this guy from? Yeah, and you're just like, I don't know man. And then a while later you're like, did you ever slap me? No, no, I don't slap. I don't have hands. What are we doing later? Beers?

Yep. What do you think, beers? Yeah, beers. You pour them in my mouth? I don't have hands. How are you driving the bus? I'm going to get fired either way on this one. I Openhand slapped you. Oh, you son of a bitch. Yeah, he shouldn't have. Do you see people yell shenanigans when they're doing shenanigans? Yes, absolutely they do. Yeah, I've read cartoons about it. So, he knew where he could get, Dave just got up. He's taking advantage of not having to read the stories. I'm just going to go take a bath. Keep shouting. So, every job on his resume ends in termination, which isn't easy for him to get a job. But you know where he can always get a job, Dave? The shipyard. Mom, mommy. Excuse me? Shipyard. I thought

mommy maybe. You said mommy? Mommy, yeah. Not an answer to my question at all. We used to say, where can he get a job? And I thought mommy could get a move. Going to move right ahead, right ahead. So, he goes back to the shipyard. Why? Because the shipyard just takes anybody. I guess this is a lot of jobs. Well, also like the shipyard worked in like military stuff. So, I think you know there's, I don't know, they're building military stuff all the time. So, I think they just had a lot of job openings. Plus, his dad and his brother worked there. So, there's whole family work there. But he gets a job as a crane operator. Oh, this is not going to go well. He's going to kill somebody. In the fall of 74, Maurice

and Jean are providing well for their family because she actually got hired at the shipyard too as a secretary. Maurice is actually taking well to the crane. He set up an easel in there where he would sketch fellow workers. One Sunday, Maurice went on a long walk and he had a revelation that he wanted to rock climb as a new hobby. But fate- How does that happen? But he was walking and he saw like rocks. And he's like, I think I want to climb rock. I think he's crazy. He's definitely crazy. He's definitely crazy. But fate would have other plans because Dave, when Maurice came home, he put on the new color TV and he saw something he had never really watched before. Golf. Oh, shit. The

1974 Piccadilly World Match Play Championship was on. And that's a great one. Huge event. Huge event. Maurice watched it all. Really loved the game. He liked how each player got their moment in the limelight with a smile. But he also took notice of how easy golf seemed. Oh, you look at this. He wanted to golf. They just hit the little ball in the hole. Ball does all the work itself. Look at that. I'd be foolish to not be a golfer. How could I not? It's either that or the zooey. I'm gonna be a golfer. Beaver a golfer or a zooey. So within two weeks, his Wilson Avenger cataloged clubs and balls arrived. Maurice immediately got to work with his new toy as he was flipping over some coffee cups that he treated like

holes in the living room. Soon enough, he went to the beach to practice, but the Gale Force wins would carry the ball's way off course. He moved to a rugby field to play, and he was in love with the game. And the family got a dog named Beau that Maurice would take with him. So Beau wasn't the best caddy. When Maurice would hit the ball, Beau wouldn't respect the rules of the game and would run and grab the ball out of midair thinking that was the game. Yeah, he's fun. He's a dog. He's a fun. Also, how long is that ball staying in the air? He's not too long. How the fuck is a dog catching a golf ball? Well, it's like you get catching on a fly or catching on a bouncer. He's not letting it go. Does

he have any teeth after a while this dog? This dog does have teeth. Yes. Yes. Seems like he wouldn't. No, he has teeth. No, he's got teeth. He's grabbing. Yeah, it's certainly not saying. Also, how many golf balls do you think he's swallowed? Probably a number of golf balls. Yeah. Yeah. The wife of Venture is probably like, where is he? Where's he's dying? What's coming out of him there? We've got a magic dog. Oh, good Lord. He's making eggs. The writings were true. The dog who poos golf. Just like the scripts they said, father. I don't think I remember that one. Yes. So, you go after the ball. Maurice would even bring a club to work at the crane and he'd stand on top of the crane. Practicing

his swing when there was no work to do. But he's not hitting balls. He's just practicing. He's hitting them off the crane. He's hitting balls off the crane. Yes. I feel like this is before they had government regulations. Before anyone was like, no. Before the word no was invented. So, he also devoured books on golf. He'd go to library. In his readings, he discovered the British Open. Do we know how old he is right now? He's like 40s right now. Oh, he's that old. Yeah, he's older now. Yeah, I should have updated you. We're in like the 70s now. Okay. He would, and he started to read about the British Open. The British Open had been around since 1860. He read. He loved the history of it. He read

all about the courses and he even absorbed the information about the open being run by ex-army majors who called themselves the Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews. Oh, lighten up. Come on. So fucking British. Like so British. It broke Britain. I mean, it broke England. Take a break with your long names. That's British-ish. Yeah. It's British. So these were meticulous men who prided themselves on getting the best golfers in the world to compete against one another. It was more than just the job to them. It was a duty. Yeah. Keith McKenzie was an old school stuffy ex-golfer who reinvented the open by classing it up when he was at the helm. He was the main guy. McKenzie wore a blazer, was balding, and loved gin.

And you know what he hated? Shenanigans. Oh, no. That's what that's someone's middle name. Yeah. That's Shenanigans. That's right. He was very by the book. He lived by the laws of golf. He hated the press. One day he saw a Japanese journalist taking pictures and he said he was quote, prancing about all the fairways, getting into the ways of the players, trying to photograph the players from five to six feet and doing things like that. But telling this reported to back off was not enough for McKenzie. McKenzie, knowing some of the Japanese culture's reaction to shame, held a D-arm banding ceremony outside the press area where he stripped the journalist of his press arm band with a dramatic yank.

All right. Everybody gather round. Yes. What's going on? We're going to take this one from this little fella. I'm sorry. I didn't know the rules. Put your arm out, little Japanese man. I'm just lit on the Japanese. It brought great shame to my family. Yeah. That's right, mate. Go ahead. You want to do a little, the knife thing in the gut. I'm sorry. The hairy carry. Oh, the hairy carry. It looked like you were nudging someone with your elbow. Oh, you want to nudge, nudge? I don't think a hairy carry is just a quick slice back and forth. Little wink, wink, nudge, nudge. And not very Japanese. So Maurice was obsessed with the British Open and he felt that his game was at the point where it was time to

prove it. Sure. Is he actually playing or is he just hitting balls off of cranes? He's just, his regimen is basically what I described before. He's practicing a few holes at a time. He's had no real training. He's been playing under a year. He thought he could win the open. Sure. I mean, he seems reasonable. So he'd been going since the summer of 75 and he wanted to enter the 1976 British Open. The British Open holds qualifying events where golfers and golfers will play around with two other players and then the best scores are advanced to play in the actual British Open. So anybody can get in? No. Technically. No. No. They want golfers. So they're like trying to evaluate the best of the best in

the qualifying. Right. But so you can, but anybody can start playing their way up to the... Well, yes, but you'd have to have proof that you're a legit golfer. Okay. There's like certification and stuff. Oh, all right. Which I'll get into it. But yeah, basically they're, this is a real vetting process for the Royal and ancient guys of St. Andrew. So you just can't pull up on your crane? Can't pull up on your crane and go, oh, fancy a knock around. I've knocked the whites around a bit. Hello. All right. How's everyone doing? Been at this about a year I have. Hey. Lot more chances I do. Ready to go. Here we are. My dad's a zooey. So he'd only been going since December 75 and he wanted to enter the 1976

British Open. The British Open holds the qualifying events, like I was saying. So Maurice wrote a letter to the Royal and ancient golf club. Hello, mates. He actually, what he first did before he wrote them a letter was he wrote the guy who was the announcer for golf. Sure. He wrote him a letter and was like, I want to enter. And the guy was like, what? What's happening? And then someone at the library told him, yeah. It's just, I was like, I should not be getting letters of this nature. Is there a fee? So Maurice wrote a letter to the Royal and ancient golf club of St. Andrews and requested an entry form, which he was given, but it was complicated. The hardest part was the question that asked

his playing status. Was he a professional or was he an amateur? Well, he knew he was an amateur, but if he said he was an amateur, he had to write what his handicap was. Well, Maurice had no clue what his actual golf numbers were because he'd never been on an actual course. He needed a certificate if he said he was an amateur and he had no certificate. So he wrote professional, which meant he didn't need to submit a certificate and that made his life easier. Yeah, you get around it. He paid the entry fee and he sent it all off. So this is fine. So there's no problems. No problems. Because the RNA rubber stamped all the pros Maurice was in. He was accepted in a qualifying round of the British Open.

A fee fee. It was the easiest loophole to ever find. This is one of those moments where just nobody'd ever done it before. It's totally like it was, it was when not if. Yeah, totally. I mean, like, eventually somebody was just gonna go, that seems complicated. I'll just lie on the form. And they were like, well, all the honest forms are in. I've a lovely British Open. Yeah, what do you say? Yeah. No riffraff possible because we're dealing with men of the gentlemen's sport. So he's in the British Open qualifying. Now, believe it or not, Maurice was a little worried that he wasn't as prepared as he needed to be. Oh, really? Yes, he felt that he was good with his short game in those clubs. He was okay

with his medium irons, but he wasn't good with his long irons and his long shots. And as the time went on, he still wasn't confident when the open was just four months away. This is not good. Maurice then started a stronger regimen. He would wake up at 4am and sneak onto a closed golf course where he would grab two holes before the course opened. At night, he would eat dinner and play in the dark afterwards. Sure. On weekends, he would play at the rugby club. And this is what he did for four months leading up to it, all while driving a crane, operating a crane. So I don't see how he can't win. He's got to win. Vegas is loving Maurice Flickcroft on this one. This is a guy. He's a dark horse. I'm sorry? He's a dark horse. He's a dark

horse. He's a dark horse. He's a dark horse and you're honored. Black-eyed for the dark horse. So two weeks away, he was given the name of his two partners that he would be playing with. And a place of time, July 2nd, 9.30am. Now, it's probably a good time to reiterate that he didn't have a good driver game. So his first shot off of the tee wasn't his strength. He actually had a horrible slice, but because he never knew what that was called, he called it the wrecking shot. Yeah, but how did he not even know? But he read all about golf. He studied it. He's got to know what a slice is. Well, I don't either. He didn't either. He wasn't reading anything about the bad parts of golf. Yeah. And he or he just didn't process. Okay. But he called it the wrecking

shot. Okay. So the wrecking shot. And the wrecking shot, the more he tried to stop the wrecking shot, the worse the wrecking shot would get. That's pretty common with the wrecking shot. You know what I mean? Yeah. So here it is, July 2nd, 1976. And Maurice is on his way to the British Open, but he got completely lost. Driving there? Getting there. Driving there. He was like supremely lost. You can't miss your tee time. Oh, I'm burping. He makes it there. You can't burp in the middle of a podcast. I'm a professional. We'll cut it out in post. And he only had a few minutes to spare when he gets there. He parked. He had no time to go to the locker room. He was kind of excited to like savor the moment of that. Yeah, yeah. But instead, he had to change in the parking lot

while people were walking by like staring at him in his underpants at the trunk of his car. When he walked up to the first tee, people's mouths dropped at his outfit. Hey, he had beige slacks, a bright polo shirt, a floppy hat, and ugly golf shoes. He was a sore thumb picture Rodney Dangerfield and Caddyshack. His clubs were also clearly ordered from a catalog, not that of a pro. Right. Now, Maurice also had fake teeth. I'm sorry? He had fake teeth. Why? Because when he was a diver, don't say it. He one day knocked all of them out. When a dive went wrong, when he was trying to show off to some girls. Okay. He was showing off and he misjudged the dives. Yeah. And he went too far. And he went mouth first into steel. Oh, God, Jesus. And all his teeth were knocked out and they were

just nerve endings. So he just went with the false teeth. Okay. So, okay. So that he did. In England, that's called a pretty smile. So he didn't stop working there after that? No, no, he like when he was at the diving show, yeah, he would take like two weeks off for any injury. He'd like break something and be like back in two weeks. Um, so he there's a heat wave in England at the time. Did he did he hook up with those girls? The girls. I don't think he closed with the girls. Okay. I think there was a problem. I can't remember what it was. That's you're supposed to bite it. So his dog had great teeth. He had no teeth. So there's this heat wave in England at the time and his false teeth, uh, keep like they keep kind of melting. The adhesive. Yeah. So they're sticking.

So they're slipping. So when he hits a shot, so his teeth are just anytime he talks, his teeth are just kind of like rattling, sort of like a pirate's ghost. Yeah. Um, everything's fine. But that's pretty normal in everything's fine at the time. Everything's fine in England at the time and in England now. Um, with worries of his driving shot, the first shot, worrying him, uh, he left the driver and the two wood in the car. He decided his best move was to just use the four iron and stuff. Okay. I don't know much about golf. That's insane, but it's a terrible decision to make. It's a ridiculous decision. It's a bad decision to make. But again, he's just, he's, you know, he's like, he just wants the, he doesn't want to slice, right? So it's his time to shine.

His name's called, he approaches the T. He eyes the course, you know, he kind of looks it over. He really wanted to look the part. So he gets down on all fours, uh, to inspect the green. No, not normal. Uh, people treat that as not a normal thing to do. He asked his caddy for the four wood, but the caddy informs him that there was no forward in the bag. Uh, he realized that he just brought the two wood instead, which is the one he didn't want to use because he was so rushed getting naked in a parking lot. So he takes the two iron and he goes to his first shot. He takes a breath, he gets ready, quote, I felt everyone's eyes on me as I stepped purposefully fully forward. After lining up my target, I took my stance, then swugged the club mightily and let

it fly. He said the ball soared 40 yards down the track. That's not good. It's terrible. Everyone took a moment. One of the two people that he was with golfing with knew something was off right away. He just gripped the club. He put both hands down on the bottom of the grip. The club came up vertical and came down vertical. It was though he was trying to murder someone. And he hits it 40 yards. So he's not even really swinging. It's, yeah. I mean, it's like hacking at it, but it's also like, like, like we're, I'm saying, you know, like they really vet every person in here. So like nobody does this. No, it's like a clown. It's not the, you know, pitch and putt. Yeah. Like this is a genuine, and he hits it 40 yards. And this guy's here. He's with or just

like, what's going on? He did nothing to garner confidence with his next shot when he hit a rough patch off the course. The other guys waited as Maurice knocked the ball out of danger back into different danger by knocking it into a bunker. He got it out and then he putted it in two. His first hole was over and it was a seven. Three over par. Par being the number it should take. Three over is bad for the first hole. He's not going to make the cut. An official from the RNA was called over by one of the players' wives because everyone was curious what was going on with him. With big brother watching, Maurice tried to focus. It wasn't going well. There seems to be a challenged man here. He took five on the second. Oh, that's not bad.

A six on the third. Not good. The seventh hole was a par five. It was a long hole, 500 yards and lots of sand dunes. Oh no. Maurice had a total meltdown like his teeth. He hacked away all he could. He went from dune to dune until he finally completed the hole, finally completed hole seven over par, seven over par with a 12. So he went seven over par. The over par's kept coming. He was 25 over par by the ninth hole with 61 strokes. Holy fuck. An RNA official approached Maurice with some questions like, what the fuck is going on? Maurice answered, but after a minute, Maurice began to get annoyed with the guy's questions and he raised his voice. Well, this was distracting to some of the other

golfers, so the RNA official left without any further incident. But something crazy happened on the 14th. No, something crazy has been happening the whole time. No, the crazy thing is he got par. He got par. He'd been playing for under a year and he got par. Just keep that in mind. Okay. So he was now just 38 over par. So that's not bad. 43 if you count the 15th. And when it's done, 18 holes. Maurice was 49 over par with a 121. Oh god. His scorecard was so crazy. One of the holes had a 12 with a question mark by the way. The one where they lost count. It was the worst round of golf played at the British Open since it had been conceived in 1860. Holy fuck. They didn't stop him? Stop him. One of the day's events reached Mackenzie,

the head, who is told this while reading The Pet Goat to a group of elementary school kids. So it's like, it's like his 9-11. It was whispered in his ear, someone golfed 121. Shut up. Shut up. It's 9-11. It's 9-11. It's crazy. It's crazy. Mackenzie is shocked. He doesn't know how. It couldn't be. Mackenzie was in charge of all the vetting for the tournament and he couldn't wrap his head around what he was hearing. So Bill Johnson was a golf reporter for the Daily Telegraph and he was in the clubhouse and he was tipped off to the fact that there was a man in the parking lot who had just broken this new record. He was told to grab the man for a word for his article. Fuck yes he was. He ran to the lot and he saw a sweaty

flip-croft and offered him a drink. Maurice, almost as perplexed as everyone else as to what had just occurred, accepted. So Maurice was confused because he thought he would be better? Yes. So when he got out there he couldn't believe what was happening. He for sure, he didn't look very confident, has never really golfed on a course, thinks he can't be that hard, but also still he doesn't think it's him. It's partially him but it's not all him. So Bill sat and talked to Maurice who conceded that he had not been ready to enter a golfing championship. So he's coming around. Once Bill was done, two brandies later, Bill had had enough for his article, but a bit of a media frenzy laid waiting in the parking lot. Maurice wasn't

going to pose for pictures or answer more questions but he saw the caddy who he still needed to pay for the services and tip him. He didn't have any cash and he couldn't tip the caddy, but a photographer gave him the money to tip him. Maurice got the money, tipped the guy and he felt bad for not doing anything so he smiled with his melting teeth and he talked a bit to the ravenous reporters. He blamed the performance on his inability to warm up because he was late and regretted not using his driver for the opening shots. Yeah, I should use the driver. I got here. As a bit razzled, I got here. He said, man, it would have been a good game. He said, quote, I suffer from lumbago and fibrosatitis but I don't want to make excuses.

Are those real things? Yes, yeah. He kind of had like from smoking, he kind of had like some lung disease, but I don't want to make excuses. I was never happy with my driver. I left my foreword in the boot of my car. I shouldn't have. I'm deadly accurate with that. The press looked on at this gift-wrapped gem who kept going. When asked what he needed to do to improve, he said, well, I struggled around the greens with my chipping. I'll do an English accent. Well, I struggled around the greens with my chipping. The problem is when I practice at home, a dog bow usually catches the ball just before it hits the ground. So I never see how it reacts. I misjudged a lot of chips today because of that dog, but I can't be too hard on him. He's only a pup.

Oh my god. As far as his putting, he said, quote, I thought I put it pretty well. Apart from the five putts on the 11th. Fair. And for those who wanted to laugh at Maurice, he had a message for them. I've made a lot of progress in the last few months. Yeah. After all, in 18 months, I haven't reached my peak. Some of these top stars have been in it for years. They're all well past their best. All these other guys have already realized their potential. I'll go and tighten up my game and come back next year. Yeah, Maurice rising. Here I come. So the press looked at each other. He couldn't be serious, right? Yeah. Did he see what just happened? Maurice got in his car and cleared up any miscommunication with a see you next year, fellas, as he departed. They're all like, what?

Mackenzie, meanwhile, was livid and honestly scared. He refunded the funds of the two golfers who played with Maurice who did not qualify. Not sure why. Because they were waiting so long. That's right. He was also told by the media. He also told the media to ignore the story, but he knew he told the media to ignore the greatest story in ages. There was no D arm banding, but yeah, like for a fucking golf reporter to have something like that happen. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, honestly, it's heaven. Yeah. I mean, it's truly it's like, yeah, don't report on Golf 9 11. Can we sweep this under the rug? Is that cool? He was finally so Mackenzie's finally able to steal a moment and he gets a phone call and someone

walks him through the day's events. He dropped his head as he listened to every infraction Maurice committed in the sport of gentlemen. Then he heard about Maurice's sign off of see you next year, fellas, over Mackenzie's dead body. Yeah, that's right. At home, Maurice processed what had happened and figure there was nothing he could do to undo what he did, but he could have a better fairing and show people he was actually good. Yeah. So in his head, he had 12 months to show that he deserved this professional status. Meanwhile, any worry of the media circus was realized on July 3rd, 1976. The story was a hit and Maurice was featured under headlines like a Joker who drove him wild at the open or the amazing adventure of Maurice, the Royal and ancient rabbit or gatecrasher of the century

or how a crane driver made a fool of the open in 121 ways or British open chump trickster takes 121 or the open score record is as high as a crane. Oh my God. It is it is golf 9 11. Everyone's the New York Post, I guess. Maurice read the articles and you took it with a grand assault. He did. Yeah. He found because yeah, he found some funny, but he did resent the accusation that he was a joke or a prankster. You know, right? He took it seriously. Yeah. So anyone who thought he was like they actually thought he was like maybe do it like a comedian. Yeah, he was doing some sort of borot thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I would think. Yeah. So but he really wasn't mocking the game. He was just a bad golfer who thought he could turn it up on game day. He wasn't a bad

golfer. He was a new golfer. Right. Yeah. And he could he couldn't we don't know he could have been the best golfer in the world in a country club. Who knows? Okay. So he was from such humble beginnings. He really was just a dreamer. He liked fun. He liked challenges. The RNA and Mackenzie had heard enough about him. Mackenzie pointed out to golf types that Maurice had lied and exploited a small loophole in the application process. Mackenzie was clear, quote, he will not play again. If he tries to play next year, we will be waiting for him. He's going to play next year. So Mackenzie had won, but he did something that pissed Maurice off. He said that since he was a professional on the application, this would bar him from playing any club as an amateur.

And the only way that he could play as a pro on the course is if he had his PGA certificate, which he did not have and he couldn't get unless he got practice on golf courses, which he couldn't go on. There's a huge catch 22. So they screw him. Maurice was furious. But it doesn't matter because he plays in the darkness. Yeah, he could have. He did the same thing. That's the truth. Yeah. But they now just officially were like, you said you're a pro that in order to get anywhere in golf, you have to golf like a pro and prove it. Well, this is why it's called the golf mafia. That's right. And they come down hard. If you go outside the rules, they the golf. This is a gollup. Maurice was furious. He found this unfair and

unnecessary. If they had come and asked him nicely, he may have backed off, but they were being such golf dicks about it. A month after being back at work, Maurice wrote a letter to the RNA, mainly to Mackenzie. A month later, he still he still got plans. Oh, yeah. Quote, dear sirs, I wish to be a better golfer in the 1977 Open Championship. As my intentions are serious, I do not wish this application to be treated as a joke. Having read in the papers about the new arrangements for qualifying, I consider that I have as much a right to enter as anyone else, providing I fulfill the necessary requirements. Incidentally, barring accidents, I consider I am the man most likely to succeed in 1977. Yours faithfully, MG Flipcroft. Mackenzie wrote back

in two weeks and said that in no terms would Maurice enter and be allowed to compete. That's no, mate. Maurice wrote back explaining again that he had 12 months to improve. Didn't matter. Deaf ears. They want to know part of it. This was faith. This is Facebook. Maurice flipcroft. It's in the 70s. Wait, why? They're just responding to each other. Oh, yeah. No, it's the back. It's a flame. It's the letters. It's the flame work. Exactly. But to them, that's, they're just like, Oh, gosh, we're really writing letters at quite a pace. You could even leave. They used that to send smoke and pigeons. So, but it didn't matter. Maurice flipcroft would never be able to enter. What? Again, he couldn't enter the 1977 open championship. No. None of them. Quote, I forfeited

my amateur status. He could have just used another name and any fate change I might have at becoming a member when I entered the 1976 open. But what I could do was enter under another name from another address and hope that they would continue to accept these applications at face value. Bring in James Van Gene, a combination of his twin boys named. Hopefully, James Van Gene would have better luck. I'm sure Maurice's application was sent for Maurice's stepson's place in West London to throw them off the scent. Sure. And it worked. Oh, fuck. James Van Gene, aka Maurice flipcroft was welcomed to a preliminary qualifying round in the South Hearts, South Hearts Golf Club in London. Now, sadly, Maurice had little time to

practice. As July said in, he saw how much his game was suffering, and he knew that he wasn't going to play well. So James Van Gene, aka Maurice pulled out of the 1976 open competition. However, he wasn't calling it quits. And now he had a name that was verified and not flagged by the RNA. Oh, so yeah. So he's wheezing his way in. He attempted to enter the German Open, which played a month later. So which is amazing to think that in a month, it'll all come together. He entered under his own name, but he also entered the Dutch Open, which would be held a week later under the name B. Maury. He had no idea where he was going to stay, because he gets in, he gets into the Dutch Open, but he has no idea where he's going to stay.

Because did he just say he was a professional again and he got in? Oh, yeah. That's what he's doing. No one has realized that no one has seen the loophole. He keeps saying he's a professional from these different addresses, and they're just literally like, they're like, this is not a human problem. This is a Maurice problem. So they're like, now that Maurice is gone, nobody else is going to be. No one will try this. No B. Murray, no James Van Gene. But he ended up not going to that because he was supposed to, the guy from the Daily Mail said, look, if you get in, I'll pay for your accommodations. Well, he got in and then that dude vanished and wasn't answering his phone. So, but to add insult to injury, the Daily Mail article made sarcastic comments about where Maurice

would be cashing his winning paycheck. Maurice didn't enjoy the slight, but it did give him an idea for his next entry. And Gene Paychecky was born. Yes. I'm Luke Cash. Donald Dollar bills. Jenny, Jimmy Money's coming. Willie Nichols. So Gene Paychecky entered the Irish Open in 1977, but again, Maurice pulled out because he wasn't happy with his game. So that really does speak to the fact that there's no way this dude is like busting balls. He's like, he's like not. He feels he's not there. He doesn't want to disgrace the sport. In the winter of 1978. Well, no, it's not about not disgracing the sport. It's about him winning. It's, but it's about a look. He doesn't care about disgracing the sport. I'm in love with this man. So it's hard for you to pry any,

any idealism out of my head. In the winter of 1978, Maurice sent off applications for the Spanish, Italian, French and Irish Opens as James Van Gene for the British Open as himself and Gene Paychecky. Maurice hoped to get into one of those European tournaments because the British Open was such a long shot. So yeah, when he's entering those other ones, he's just using the same tactic. It's different groups of people. So he would, he was hoping to get in one of these European tournaments because the British Open was such a long shot and Maurice did not do well with long shots. However, to his surprise, Gene Paychecky had been accepted into the British Open and was drawn to the South Hurts Golf Club in five months. How the guy lied about being a

professional. How they honestly didn't think he'd use a different fucking name. They are again, they are slowly working this loophole out. They're like, it's like when you pour water into something with a bunch of holes, they're just like, oh, we got to plug a lot of stuff over here. So he was to go to the British Open. Gene, aka James Van Gene, aka Maurice Flitcroft, had some work to do. Yeah. With his wife Gene's support, Maurice quit his job at the shipyard. Shut the fuck up. And went to work on becoming the best golfer of all time. What is happening that the wife, she's, what kind of woman is this? He called her the sugar in his tea. Well, she's fucking batching. Sounds like a saint. Well, that's a different stroke for different folks.

Yes, love. You can quit your job and become a golfer. Well, it's almost like he's a kid. It's almost like it's a kid to her. She's just like, yeah, you can be the president. Yes. Dream big baby. You're only 47. You're only 50. It's time to peak as an athlete. You're 50. Get started on your game. Oh, your story will be one that they'll never forget. Oh, the loopholes. However, hurdles loomed. Oh, fuck. Maurice practiced his golfing game on a football soccer pitch near a school. He liked the fact that he could hit the balls as far as he wanted. But the kids had a new favorite activity on breaks, ruin Maurice's practice sessions. They would throw candy at him, sticks, rocks, even undischarged bullets that were strewn about

from the war. Oh, Ireland. England. He brought his dog, Beau, with him because he thought that Beau would maybe sick the kids. But as Beau would go over, the kids would just feed him candy. So Maurice stopped bringing him for fearing he would get sick. I don't know what's happening. It's pretty crazy. One day, the kids were throwing bullets at him and he'd had enough. So he took his four iron out and ran towards the kids saying, quote, I'm going to kick your arses. Why are there bullets on a soccer pitch? Where were the teachers you might also ask? But they don't date. So there was a war. There was a war. Okay. So first of all, there wasn't, there weren't, there wasn't shooting in Britain. No, there were no during the, I mean,

no, there was like, they didn't invade Britain. It's like bombings and shit. Yeah, bombings, but not bullets. Well, no, but they also, they, like they made, like this is an area where they made a lot of the military stuff. Okay. So if you put, if you have a soccer pitch, don't you pick up the fucking bullets? They might not have been on the pitch. They might have been in some shrub. Okay. Shrub bullets. I just feel like nearer school, there shouldn't be bullets all around. All right. Never mind. This is America. Fair. We need the bullets to keep the grizzly bears out. That's right. Okay. Any more questions? No, I have none. Good God, Dairy. Eventually, oh, the teachers, the teachers would not intervene because the teachers enjoyed watching

it from the teachers. So eventually, authorities start to get involved and Maurice is banned from that field. He was told that he would be arrested if he went back to the schools field for trespassing. Beat up the children. He needed the practice. So what he did was he worked at a schedule where he could avoid the kids and the teachers and this angry groundskeeper who was getting really sick of all the divots. Oh, sure. Yeah, the groundskeeper is chasing him. On July 3rd, 1978, Gene Pechecki showed up right before his tee time. Yes, he did. But this time, it was done with so no suspicion would be raised. He also worked on a disguise for Gene. Gene had a handlebar mustache wore all blue, basically dressed like a pimp. Oh, Maurice was worried he would be caught. He had a chalice.

That'd be amazing. He had a cane. A gold cane. With a gold fish in his platform. We can tell him, by the way, I golf my game. I'm a golf man. So he's nervous, but they call him up as Gene Pechecki at the first tee. Oh my God. He's handed his scorecard. But why wouldn't, what's the guy's name in charge of the McKenzie? Why is it McKenzie? They're just watching everybody. Well, but keep in mind, they do these qualifiers. They're not just like one place. So it's not just like the one place. So there's a lot like he's kind of at the home base of this. There are RNN official or RNA officials all over the place watching this, but he's not like at every at every event, you know. So they hand him a scorecard and he's like, oh, shit, I'm going to golf as Gene Pechecki.

So the first hole at South Hurts is a short par four. Oh, good. Short. That's good. Maurice went up to the tee and swung away. The ball sliced to the right and landed in a tree. He got a free drop, literally landed in a tree. He got a free drop and then used his four iron, which he topped the ball and it sent it spinning 20 yards away. He then used his pitching wedge twice and was now on the edge of the green with a score of five already over. He drained a long putt and got a six. However, the RNA officials were already on alert. After a few more erratic holes, Maurice, aka Gene Pechecki, was approached by an RNA official. The official said he thought that it would be better if he left. Maurice scoffed and set up his next tee shot. He wasn't done yet.

Why would he stop playing? Maurice shanked it left and heard the ball banging into the trees. He turned around and said he would withdraw if he got his entry feedback. It was agreed to. All right. How about me money? You're acting like I'm a man without moral principles. No. No. Actually, can I get the 15 quid? 15 quid back. It's impossible. Maurice spent 1979 digging ditches and wasn't happy with what it did to his swing. So he didn't compete that here. Yeah. So he, oh, we're right. That's exactly why he didn't compete because of the... He thought it would help. He thought... That's why he got the job. He got the job digging ditches because he thought digging ditches would kind of strengthen him up. Right. But it's not about that.

And then when he comes back, it's like his, I mean, I guess, I don't want to say ruined his swing because I think the swing is a little inept to begin with, but his swing was differently bad. So an unfamiliar, terrible. But he was back in 1980, applying under the name of Maurice, which was rejected. However, his application as Jean-Pierre Checkie was accepted. Fucking, but that's what he was before because it was sent from Switzerland. So what? That doesn't, he was because it was an international because, because he'd now, he claimed Jean-Pierre Checkie was Swiss. So, so because it's international professional, it's bypassed and he's automatically in to a qualifying round again. Yeah.

The round was to be played in Scotland and Maurice brought his son James to Caddy with nowhere to stay. They found a place to set up in the darkness and they set a tent near the course. What? And they suffered through the night. So they slept in the tent. Fucking camping on the side of the golf course. This is all the best out here camping. So the upside. Okay. So, so they slept a horrible night there. And the upside was when they woke up. Well, they woke up and they realized they were staying on the course. So, so they woke up and like, like Maurice goes out and he's in his underwear and he just sees people. What a great, great sleep. The upside was where he's right where he needed to be. So he

wouldn't be late. Right. But the downside was obviously he pitched it on the course. Right. Since they'd set it up so quickly. So people were like looking and they quickly got the, you know, took the tent down. Maurice walked around. He collected a few balls. He began hitting some practice shots and he was off. Oh God. Worse than off. I cannot believe it. He now had a splitting headache. He started to get migraines really badly. From the stress. Not the camping, the stress. Not the camping, the stress. He was getting migraines from like, you know, because he's not only trying to golf, he's now lying and like he's nervous all the time that someone's going to be, you know, grabbing his arm. Yeah, he's got like golf PTSD.

He's got, he's got GPTSD. Yeah. So he withdrew because of health. Oh, fuck, what? Yeah. I don't like all this withdrawing that's happening. I want our Maurice to be a fighter. So not a giver upper. But what this did was it made his Gene Pechecki from Switzerland seem more real and respected as a legit golfer because he was there and he withdrew for help. I mean, keep in mind, Gene was now an American national who had Swiss citizenship and held property in Britain. So he sounds like a golfer to me. Gene submitted a 1981 aka Maurice submitted a 1981 and was again accepted. He was to play at South Hertz. But again, he had his migraine was so bad that his wife had to drive him there. He was in

immense pain, but he was not going to pull out two years in a row. Not James Van Gene, Gene Pechecki, B. Maury, Maurice Flitcroft. He got there a half hour before his tee time, which was at 1035. Were you going to say something? No, no, no. He got in a few practice shots before meeting one of his playing partners named Mark Sherman. Maurice walked up to the par four and decided to aim a little more left of his slice going so right. Good idea. That didn't do it either. But the ball did stay on course. It was just 100 yards shy of the green. But then he lived in the bunkers for a few shots before getting out and getting a six. Sherman, the guy he was partnered with, like I was saying, remembers what he saw when Gene Pechecki rolled up. Quote, there was some pretty bright colors on

display. It wasn't subtle. He wasn't shy. Bright clothing, baggy sleeve sweater. But that was fine until he picked up a golf club. And then you really did start to wonder. And as the round went on and on, there was less and less to wonder about. He was all over the place. He double bogeyed with two over par. His opening shot on the fourth flew into some trees. His partners were getting sick of it at this point. They had to let another qualifying group play. Oh my God. Which is fairly unheard of. That's amazing. It might have been played through. Other professional golfers. Oh, fuck. One of the guys said, quote, there are people who aren't orthodox, but there is a sound and the way the ball flies. But he didn't look orthodox. He didn't make that sound. He didn't

make the ball fly. As he walked up to the 10th hole, Marisa two RNA officials watching him. Yeah, still going. Gene Pechecki, aka Marisa Flitcroft, knew that he needed to hit a decent shot with the suits around watching. Isn't he in another disguise? Yeah. Same outfit as Gene Pechecki. Unfortunately, the pressure got to him and he topped the ball and it rolled to a feeble stop. One of the men approached Marisa and said, quote, do you think you've had enough now? Is your little game over? You're done, Flitcroft. You're done. Yeah. They argued for 15 minutes and Marisa agreed to leave if he got the entry feedback. He did, and then he left the clubhouse without further incident and without the press knowing a thing.

Oh my God. This was close to the end of the Pechecki run because he was now known to open officials. Mackenzie sent a telegram that basically said, Gene Pechecki need not apply anymore. He was done. But Marisa didn't like being told no by the open. Right. So in 1983, he began the quest to get back in. Sure. He wrote a letter to them under his name requesting an application. He didn't hear back. That is when Gerald Hoppy was born. How fucking Jesus Christ. Hoppy was a play on the childhood nickname that his mother had given him for his energy level. Yeah. At 54, it didn't seem like that level was dropping. Hoppy's application was accepted and Marisa immediately got back to work. He again had no club he could play at, so he went back to the Parkview school field to practice.

What do you think his conversations are like with his wife? I love, I'm going to have one more go. I think, I think, no, I love you so much, darling. Yeah, I love you too. You're my sugar, I say that. You get sugar in your teeth is what you always say. But yeah, do you think that perhaps rock climbing seemed like a good idea? No, no, no, I think, I think I stick with the thing that was born to do with the rock climbing. I was born. You know, I wish I wish we'd not put that telly on that day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you saw golf and decided you'd devote your life to it. Well, I like to think that God put the TV on. Yeah. Yeah. And as long as you're happy. And anyway, as long as you're happy. Yeah. That's right. You're good with the job. Yeah. You're the worker.

That's tough. A lot of hours every week. It's hard. Yeah. But you're a professional golfer who goes to a playground. So what I'm called is a dreamer. That's absolutely accurate. Hoppy's application was accepted and Maurice immediately got to work. So yeah, I said he's playing it. So a letter comes to when he's practicing at the school from the headmaster of the school telling him to stop and accused him of trespassing. Maurice didn't stop and has eventually arrested two weeks before Gerald Hoppy's maiden open voyage. But Hoppy needed a caddy. So he hired a man with a ponytail named Troy Atlantis who was actually Gerald Hoppy aka Maurice Flitcroft's son. So his son James comes along and his name is Troy

Atlantis. Is James the same one that he went camping with? James is the same one he went camping with. Okay. James is like his golfing. James is on board. James loves his dad. For this delusion. Yeah. In order for Maurice to look like a new man, Gene, Maurice's wife, glued a thick mustache on his face. I gotta go. He wore a checkered ensemble. His first shot. It sounds like the same as the last band. There's pictures. They're different but it's like there's only so much you could do with facial hair and hats. Yeah. But he's trying. He's definitely trying. So he was, he topped his first shot. So he's back in again. It didn't go far. He's back in. He's playing in the open qualifier. Jesus. How the fuck can they not? Is everybody blind?

He's a rascal, dude. They don't got a rascal cop. He was again playing terribly and his partners began to wonder what the hell was happening and thinking he was Swiss, freely spoke of the display. Wait, he's Swiss again? Or wait, maybe this was, no. Well, anyway, they're just, I guess they, maybe he entered from Switzerland again on this one. Okay. I don't know. But they're like gesturing and like talking loudly about how terrible he's playing and he understands all of it. He took a nine on the second. The third was an eight. He got a tenth on the sixth. He was having his worst day ever. He's going up. Gene was rather having the worst day ever. That's when the RNA official approached Maurice. The official took the card and saw

the monstrous numbers and told Maurice the jig was up. Maurice copped to his real identity and asked if he could play nine holes. He wanted one more. The official said fine. What? But Troy Atlantis, who was wearing dancing shoes, had had enough. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why is he wearing dancing shoes? Because his, his, okay. Like Maurice used to kind of like to dance like on the weekends. Yeah. And his kids overly embraced that. And we're like competitive dancers. Yeah. Like his kids are. So he didn't have any other shoes to wear. I think it was more a style thing. Honestly. He just was like, I just don't think he gave a shit.

Plus I, I might start dancing anywhere. You know how it is. We get out in the green. I'm a dancing machine green. That's right. The, the grass is always meaner. Always. So before he leaves, Maurice and Troy Atlantis leave. They, he runs into Bill Johnson, who wrote that story years before the first big story. They had a quick catch up asking him how, how it went because he'd heard everything. And Maurice gave him what he considered to be a very solid quote, quote, everything was going well and according to plan until I five putted from eight feet at the second. Bill reported the story that Maurice had played in the open under a different name

and into disguise. Maurice was back in the papers with headline like, Hoppy Swiss miss, flip croft strikes again, bogus golfers Swiss roll, super rabbit does it again, magic tripe or Maurice and the one that just read crazy golf. He's the Eddie Eagle of golf. Keith McKenzie meanwhile was at his wit's end. He was retiring that year and hated that Maurice had snuck onto another course, not realizing that Maurice had done that repeatedly since the 121 in 1976. They, they never put it together. Not all of them, like some of them, but some of them he was withdrawing for hell three, like, you know, like, so there's just some that just, just they had never, they had never actually stopped him. No, I mean, they, no, they'd stop.

They definitely stopped before. Yeah. Oh, they never gotten in every time. No, some stuff was rejected. I mean, he was writing multi was working multiple angles. Yeah, he's entering as himself, which I think what is maybe just a tactic for them to think that he was like, so they think that he's out venting all these characters and some of the characters are getting it. Jimmy the pig. So Keith McKenzie was at his wit's end. He couldn't believe Maurice had snuck onto another course. McKenzie simply said, I never want to see that man on any golf course in this country ever again. Someone said, quote, it got to the point where McKenzie would have a heart attack at the mere mention of Maurice's name.

I love that he has a nemesis. Yeah, a total nemesis. In 1984, an application for one Gerald Thornbush was found and flagged. It was Maurice again. They had the handwriting compared. Shut the fuck up. The last name came after the bush. Maurice liked to hang his coat on at the field where he would practice. So that same year, he was also invited to be on the morning show. Good morning, Britain. Of course, the day of the open. Maurice agreed. He was booked into a hotel in London and the night and was told to bring his golf clothes and clubs. They wanted Maurice to put on the air and Maurice recognized the chance he had to change his story. Maurice was introduced as, quote, the worst golfer ever, which he was not a fan of. What's, what's going on here? You're

the world's worst golfer, mate. Uh, no. Terrible. Pro. Right. Terrible. Professional, mate. So I get headaches. All right. The interview. That's why. Who is who? What's your name? Gerald Hoppe? I'm Reginald Thornbush, paychecky. All right. Mr. McJeans. Paychecky. So the interview is fairly bizarre and they could never really get to the bottom of why he was doing this because he just wanted to do well. Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know why he's doing it. He does. He wants, he thinks, I really believe that part of it is that he's fun and that he hates this guy and he's trying to get his goat. But part of it also is that he thinks someday he's going to go out there and he's

going to have this round that he has inside of him. Yeah, but you understand that's insane, right? You say insane. I call it dreaming. Okay. He's a dreamer. Okay. Think about all the things we wouldn't have if we didn't have dreamers. Oh, yeah. Not one of them is not. Yeah. Okay. The list goes on and on. Yeah. Segways. Okay. There's tons of stuff. No, I know. Without dreamers. So he goes out. The interview is weird. That's weird that he explains how he practices on school fields and how his dog snatches up the ball, etc. Again, he's kind of being funny without knowing he's being funny, but he's focused on the putting on the show. So they end the interview and they invite him to a little putting green that they'd set up on stage. It was three feet

by 10 feet. He takes a few practice strokes and then he lined it up. He hit it well and it hit just the side of the cup and didn't drop. It's one of those things, you know, like a CEO has in his office that little ramp up thing. Yeah. And it drops just off the side of the cup. He lined up a new ball again and it went wide left. Oh, God. Really wide left. He lined up a third and it went wide left again. He lined up another wide left. Oh, my God. Post Nick Owen said, this isn't going well, is it? Maurice answered, well, the floor is sloping. But you've got to allow for that. Haven't you, said Nick Owen? He lined up another, his fifth wide left. There was just one ball left. Maurice hit it. It rolled towards the cup and it was just shy. It lost momentum.

He went 0 for 6. But at home, Maurice was still eyeing a comeback. He wrote an earnest letter to Mackenzie explaining himself again, telling him that he truly wants to be good, that he can't play in any other courses in the country with their policy. He appealed to the human side. Mackenzie said no and threatened a lawsuit if he didn't stop. And Maurice couldn't do much. So he got Gene Paychecky out of the archives. He entered the 1983 European Open since Paychecky was Swiss. Right. And sure enough, Gene Paychecky was accepted to this open. It was being played in London, so he and his caddy slash son Troy Atlantis headed there. Troy Atlantis is back? Troy Atlantis is coming back. Oh, that's great. Wearing dancing shoes, budgie. Well, they're a team. They're a team.

Maurice was at some kind of peace at this point and he said, quote, I believe I presented the picture of a cool, calm professional who is no stranger to tournament golf. Oh my God. I consider to be legally adorable. Gene had a rough day, as was usually the case. Maurice's card read 778485565 at the ninth. Well, it's not terrible. It's not terrible compared to what he was before. Compared to what he was before. He is getting better. It's still terrible. He's just not great. The 10th, he went to the 10th hole and he lost his ball. Maybe he just wasn't good. He couldn't find his ball. He wasn't looking for his ball. He only had one ball. No, no, he had others, but he was just like, he was really getting, he was really getting down on himself. He's like, no, he's starting

to think maybe he's just not that good. I mean, literally the only time that he could practice on a course was during open qualifiers. So in 1985, he wrote a letter to the RNA stating his case. Yeah. As again, as Maurice Flitcroft for entry. Since he was denied a gentleman named Francis W. Monk, aka Gerald Hoppe, Gene Pechecki, B. Maury, Maurice Flitcroft, sent an application saying he was a resident in Scottsdale, Arizona. Yeah. However, on the application, Francis W. Monk asked that all future correspondents not be sent to the Arizona address, but the one in the town that Maurice lived in. His winter house. They flagged it. Yeah, his winter home. I can't believe that didn't work out in that one. Yeah. So I mean, but you got to think like how like there's a lot,

like they are looking at every application. Oh, yeah. Is it Maurice? Yeah, it is. Well, they've got a list on the wall of things that tie him to him, right? Yeah. Yeah. It's like CSI. In 1987, the Game of Cat and Mouse had gone on for 11 years. It was all but over when Maurice got a call from a journalist who said someone from America had been trying to reach him. Maurice wondered what about, quote, they named a trophy after you, he said. What? Maurice wasn't sure what was going on, but was told that a golf course in Michigan wanted to fly him out there and have him play. A letter came in February 1988 that corroborated this. I'm going to read this. Hold on. Well, look at you with your book. My first book. Daddy's first book. Wow.

How are you going to read and hold it open and hold the microphone up at the same time? Did you not think to flag the page? You have a bunch of other pages. Okay. This is the letter that he got. You're the Maurice of dollops. Son of a bitch. It's good. I think that you're, I think this is the perfect thing to do during this podcast is you to have no idea what you're doing. I'm getting close to it. Here it is. This is why you're forbidden from doing dollars. Shut up. Okay. You'll cut all that out, right? Thank you. No, I'm kidding. Dear Maurice, as you may have learned from talking to Richard Dodd, a golf writer for the Yorkshire Post, there is a golf tournament held in your honor in Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA.

This year is a special celebration. We'd like to invite you and a guest to attend the tournament. Wow. British Airways has agreed to a two round trip tickets for you to arrive in the USA on May 18th and return to England by May 23rd. Your accommodations will be complimentary. The tournament itself will take place on Friday, May 20th. Obviously, you're most welcome and encouraged to play in the event, which is a four man scramble. It's a fun tournament ending with an ample cocktail hour and a dinner banquet. Your presence will be a highlight for the event golfers at our club are aware of your dauntless and pluckish attempts to qualify for the British Open and consider you quite a golf folk hero. British Airways feels the same and that's why they're willing to donate

two tickets. I hope that you will attend. Please let us know as soon as possible in your interest in the self-addressed stamped envelope. I'm looking forward to hearing from you, Terry Moore. Hero. So the story finally has a hero. The story has a hero. Well, I've lost my place here with the book. It's a whole, it's a whole, we're gonna call you Maurice from now on. It's a whole situation here, Dave. Okay. And we're back. Okay. Dolby's Maddening. Okay. The tournament was called the Maurice G. Flitcroft Spring Stag and the trophy was the Maurice Flitcroft Trophy. Holy fuck. These men had heard of Maurice and just straight up fell in love with him. It had started as a tournament years before, but once they'd heard

about him, they changed it to be about him. Maurice was over the moon. Not just because of the validation it gave him, but because his wife Jean had been a secretary at the shipyard all these years and let him go after his dream and got little to show for him. Now his dream is fulfilled. This would change that. Flight 95 left Manchester Airport. They were in first class. Maurice was 58 and this was his first time on a plane. Wow. When they landed, they were driven to their hotel and given $600 for the next few days. This is a prank. Maurice welled up with tears. No. At the event hundreds of people showed up to watch as well as local TV stations and ESPN. Maurice took to the tee and hit a shot down the middle 225 yards. Shut the fuck up. Perhaps the best shot of his

life. Because he wasn't stressed out. Because he wasn't stressed out. And they just hooked him up. They just had like the best time and you know was very emotional. The whole weekend is about him. The whole weekend is about him. Nothing bad happened. He gets a speech. He's thanking his wife. He says like this is the first time I've left the house since the gas oven exploded. Like he's just like he's killing. I'm sorry. Everybody's got all these. He's just saying crazy English shit. Yeah. And this room is just like I'll devour that again. Yes. Thank you sir. And that's really it. I mean you know, yes, Maurice tried to gain entry into the 87, 88, 89 open under the name James Bo Jolly. And yes, he even gained entry under that name in 1990

and played with a hair and mustache that had been dyed with darkened food coloring. And yes, they caught him on the third hole and asked him to leave. But it was basically over. Gene passed away in 2002. Maurice passed away in 2007. Maurice did everything wrong. He carried his clubs like quote, like a lady carries a handbag. Oh fuck. He never knew the etiquette and he would be shooting when he shouldn't and waiting when he should be shooting. Oh my God. He dressed like he was a Goodwill mannequin, but he loved golf. He just couldn't play. But as far as sneaking into tournaments under weird identities, Maurice was the Jack Nichols of this sport. He also liked to be known as the phantom of the open. Jesus Christ. I mean, so there's

there's a man I've fallen in love with David. Well, yeah, I can see why he's a gem. That's amazing. Yeah, he never gave up. No, and I think they're going to make a movie about him. Well, they should. Steve Coogan is going to play him in a movie. Really? Yeah, that's great. I was out with my buddy Tom Sturton. Shout out. Thanks for the idea on this. And he was telling me about it. And I was like, what? And then I just started reading about it. But he was telling me about it because because when I was like reading it about it, I was like, I this needs to be a movie. Yeah. And then, you know, it's big. It's being made a movie. Yeah. That's fucking amazing. That's Maurice. I love Maurice, the phantom of the open. And that that brings the Pollards to a closed

day. Does doesn't it? Yes. Exciting. Yeah. Well done. Regular life. Yeah. Well done for you. Yeah. We're all proud of I got an award, right? Best machinist. We'll see. Okay. Yeah. Good to meet you. Yeah. Good to meet you. Thanks for coming by. Thank you. All right. All right. Go ahead and sign out. All right. Well, take care, sir.