The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 254 - The Hobos of Iceland

Episode Date: March 30, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the hobos of Iceland while in a hotel room in Iceland. SOURCE: The Little Book of The Icelanders in The Old Days by Alda Sigmundsdóttir SOURCESTOUR DATESREDBUBBLE MERCH

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week I Dave Anthony read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Don't you know the people are hearing this they can't see your gestures that are quite distracting when you're doing yours you're pointing like your Elvis and now that I'm talking you're giving me the cutthroat which means kill time or I'm gonna kill you stretch it out what happened why do I have to stretch it now I'm getting the stretch sign you know it's funny I was thinking the other day when I was driving and in traffic cut it now we I just started amping up to something and

now you're cutting me right back not Gary Gareth Dave okay someone or something is tickling people is it for fun and this is not going to come to tickling quite good okay you are queen fakie of made-up town all hell queen shit of lies though a bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do what I pray Gareth yeah yeah we're in Iceland it's gorgeous here so we I had a little extra from the story that I cut out oh god so we're gonna do it now so wait this is gonna be if you haven't I I didn't tell anybody you didn't tell anybody what that we had extra we had some land so there's a doggie bag this

is a ice ice solid ice solid ice cube sure better closer much closer for sure anyway it's gonna be a little bit Iceland history well I'm still not deal with it still not adjusted for if you want to check out any of you like dog whatever his name is Hugh like dogs and rough rough rough you can go to our Facebook page and I linked all the stuff he's got books he does these hilarious cartoons or he's he calls them these dick figure things and then and and he's a funny stand-up he was awesome you can you should check out all his work he'll be our guest next time we go to Iceland again which I would love to do he will

be our guest for sure a lot of people in Iceland came up and said oh it was great very funny but you butchered the history which is weird because in America when you when you do stuff people go holy fuck I didn't know that we weren't taught that but in in Iceland they're convinced that what they were taught was correct even though I went and meticulously went through it with that with a very reputed Icelandic history book that the guy was like the people this is the one yeah no no but you butcher you butcher yeah right yeah well they said you know they're particular there's not a lot of them so they all

know it in and out very well as opposed to here where every now and then you'll find someone you know as opposed to the states I should say where's every now and then you'll find someone like me who's been able to just avoid all the knowledge bullets that are being fired his way somehow like Neo in the Matrix just backbending as these bullets whizz past Gareth talk to me David don't have an exact date okay well I know one nation that's gonna take issue with this so so we briefly touched on Icelandic hobos in the live episode sure the bottom of the barrel guys in the class system right so I want to go a bit more into that oh good

it feels great let's just start in the gutters and discuss so discuss people visiting other people in Iceland during the 16 17th visiting visiting through the 19th century yeah okay visiting you know when you knock on someone's door and you go yeah well the accents off first of all and second of all on with what has happened already the idea of visiting being just a regular thing is it's not crazy for me to thank the opposite I don't care okay it's honest I'll give you that so it seems like there are always Icelandic hobos there's some sort of vagabond like it's sort of a Viking thing but you know you move your nomadic

it's sure yeah so there were a significant number of vagabonds wandering the land from farm to farm asking for free food be put up for the night okay many of them was a solid request though trying to check all the boxes of issues you have as a hobo get it all done can I eat here and live here can I can I stay sleep eat live I would also I like to have sex with your wife may I beg your wife sir vagabonding as we call it huh give her the old bag a bond bang a bond have you been on the banger bond I won't one time but I'll never go again it was good until unionized many of them were freelancers who hired themselves out to

different farms but many were what would be considered between jobs yeah free yourself a freelancers great yeah your private contractor yeah I'm an independent contractor you know by that I mean it'll work a lot my company's not taking work right now no health insurance I'm not surprised by that they would so these guys who were between jobs would wander the country on foot selling whatever they could manage to carry okay so dude rolls up and he's got stuff like linen sure needles probably meet knives okay scissors okay and books okay it's Iceland so gotta have a book to sell yeah books and knives stuff like

that I'm sure you can think of other things welcome to walking book and knives frogs if I got a product you need frogs hair clips books knives scissors hair clips frogs toe toe wings toe rings variant mood rings oh you're pissed what is angering you pet rocks pet rocks oh have you heard of this is cha cha cha chia you love this it's a garden in a man's head okay so that was one type of hobo the guy who did that tried to make a few bucks you know cruise around entrepreneurial hobo yeah the guy's like I'm not just gonna cruise around without making any money I'm gonna try to make something I'm gonna put a bunch of

scissors in this jacket that's right not not like a weirdo yeah there's another type people who just didn't like working okay all right they would pretend like they had a very important meeting or piece of business a few towns away and we're just stopping in for the night so they just lied yeah right so they would cruise around be like no I have to get to a meeting do you really or are you just a hobo saying you have to get to a meeting meeting and splash no fuck nerd oh wait well how do you spell that I just look now yeah how do you spell that are you all out they have a different alphabet honey yeah no cuz we

moved here I don't ask why that's possible alright this guy genuinely seems in a rush yes I'm in a hurry but I would like to eat here and sleep with your wife you seem a little desperate to eat and sleep here are you sure you have a meeting no yes but I need where's the meeting again scarf nor snorkeling I feel like a change but and I will not be good at the meeting unless I ejaculate in a woman oh well you can have sex with my wife and you can have some of our stew but I don't know about sleeping here back okay alright so because Icelanders were very hospitable people they would find it hard to turn away

someone on very important we already have five guys going to meetings but if you can make do so many meetings many of our people staying here have meetings always and my wife is taking an ice bath should be ready to see you soon oh huh yes you all have weird clauses in your contracts so guys could live like that for ages just cruising around saying that important meaning to get to from house to house farm to farm until everyone started to realize they were always on very important business and then the gig was kind of up yeah like we were a fucking liar right okay and then there were the truly down on their

luck hobos the guys who'd never heard of lying right so other guys were difficult or considered odd that was another reason they couldn't get a job okay so these these people had no choice but to wander and ask for help there was no hospital on the island and in the 16th century in general there was no hospital there's no hospital no not 16th century so what if your toe ring gets caught on your toe and you can't get it off it's gone the toes gone yeah you got to cut it off and then lay in a cot until it it's better lay in a cot yeah you got to find a cot a lot of non-hospital lot of work I wish I had

that toe for my friend mud hut okay so well when he was asked to build one in the 16th century King Christian the third of Denmark said no well contrite yep he declared to physically or mentally ill persons would have to depend on the kindness of stranger they can just tell people they're in a rush like everybody else he declared that physically or mentally people would have to declare so that means that people were like I guess we have to wear the hospital I don't he's got to fucked weird I hey I'm turning into a fly can I stay here and eat some of your mud yeah all right there's no one else to go also

uh you know if your wife isn't bad no no Brando fly baby well might be not a bad idea so so the official word from the crown was for people of ill health should become drifters like that's what they they officially said because if they're saying we won't build a hospital yeah and people take care of them that mean that that means that people at least now we at least now we pretend that like there's a place like force drifting this is like the Republican plan that didn't just pass this is what the VA is yeah well good luck thanks for all your service now go tell people you're in a rush this or put a bunch of spoons in

your coat ah shallot good books too oh this also meant they had permission to be hobos right so this means that you're a card-carrying legal because there's no place for you to go and he's saying you have to depend on people you're it's like a legal right legal definitely you've legalized begging you've legalized begging they were known as a clonson's a fly clinger or the king's vagrants okay great pronunciation I don't hear anybody here no one here disagree with your pronunciation and this lifestyle became particularly horrible when a volcano erupted in the 18th century which led to famine and killed about 50% of the

population okay that's some serious that's bad that's a lot of people also it's a lot of it's also created a lot of hobos you would think it would create more I mean there could be a resource boom there was an X there was a okay so the volcano goes off and then the crops are dead and stuff and then there's okay I'm seeing the problem then there's an increase in hobos and then a decrease in hobos right right yeah right right so because of not just harsh conditions in life in general ice one was the place where people would be forced to become drifters due to circumstances they would come up with skills that would get

them in the front door okay did I miss the part about a necro pants no that was at the live one no why so basically with this volcano eruption there were bodies strewn away like people walking away from farms right there were so many people who were looking for food and hoboing that the farmers had when a volcano takes out 50% of the people it's not that many so it's a combination of they're not being that many people and just I've always like I've always I mean it always it always seems like you could run faster than lava well it's not that but it's like that there's their food source is gone oh that's what it is the

ash killed people weren't gonna eat ashy beats well you couldn't because they died oh now with that attitude now with that attitude you can't eat ashy beats so um so there's just bodies now stacked well I just laying around yeah anyway so so yeah are you raising your hand for no no I'm gonna hold my hand up for the rest of the time it's a protest I don't want to leave so hobos would come up with skills that would help get them in the front door okay like kicking down front doors yeah okay so we're good storytellers are very very informed on certain subjects others sang or drew pictures or recited poetry okay wow so

you basically have a talent show knocking at your door yeah hello what and what do you do my name is Guster's and I will be tap dancing for you keep in mind I don't have the thing that makes the noise that tapped it dance shoes have oh so I do it with my mouth we have dirt floor okay here we go from the top two three what's the last number tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap with your mouth to tap to tap to tap big finish to tap tap tap tap to tap tap to tap tap tap you did always come out and now I read a poem about how I need clicking the clocks for my shoes overall except during very brutal times

hobos were not turned away from a farm because that's how it was in Icelandic society also have turned away hobos were known to be gossips and would talk endless shit about the farmer wow that is amazing that you're like well I don't want to bet yelp well right that's exactly what it is it's a fucking yelp they don't have Yelp in Iceland well you know what there's a lot of great things in Iceland and that's probably among them yelp like started as a good idea terrible it's terrible anything any little box that we open up we're just gonna turn it into a cesspool eventually yes it's like savory that I mean

think about the time when comment sections on like videos was like people being constructive or being like I didn't respond to this instead now it's just like the most vicious stuff immediately that's insane it was very important for Icelanders to be known as hospitable and it was important for one to know when a visitor was coming okay because you're gonna be hospitable so you got to know like they don't have cell phones so it you're now and you're now it's going from charity to you're feeling pressure yeah they did feel pressure you're feeling pressure to please the hobo because they

have Yelp of mouth yeah that and yeah and you want people to think that you're hospitable person like you're a good hospitable person may it's amazing there were a few different ways to know when someone might be coming okay well I can't wait to find out oh you the look on your face if the person in the home started yawning this meant a visitor was inbound wait what so the if you're sitting around the house is that a superstition or is that like a sign that's a sign okay was coming you can't be like you know if you start yawning you're like oh god a friend's coming I should start fixing stuff I can't you go one's

coming it's not even one it could be anybody could be a friend could be your brother sorry someone is inbound if you're yawning but you why can't you just say something what do you mean say someone's coming but you what do you mean you you that's how you view yourself find out you start yawning you're like oh god someone's coming I don't understand what do you mean you're genuinely yawning yeah so when you feel an actual yawn come on yeah that means someone's coming yeah so it is a superstition oh it's not connected yeah okay okay I get it okay and if you felt a bit nauseous or if you were

incredibly sleepy oh I just yawned and shit my pants a hobo's inbound there were also animal indicators oh god if a cat started to lick its anus while having a leg straight up in the air that meant a hobo oh sure but no well put out the nice spoons from the jacket and if a dog put its head on its paws and lay on the floor oh you guys don't worry it's just the dog licking its anus we don't have company coming over if a fly kept buzzing around a visitor was coming okay so so all the time yeah always because you have bodies in the street everybody's like I gotta rush home I have almost coming well that's probably

where they were came from yeah so they're just there okay so these are indicators do these not stop being indicators after your cat licks its butt and nothing happens no because the time your cat licks its asshole and someone comes then it's back on which has to be so 5% of the time your cats licking its butthole well you have a good cat what was with that eye contact if any of these thing have any of these things if any of these things happen the owner would quickly begin sweeping and preparing the house now your assholes not the only thing that needs to get tidied up kitty now sweeping wouldn't have been

sweeping wouldn't have been successful is this fucking record yeah yeah okay I just sorry I got freaked out for a minute it's okay it's on American time yeah if sweeping would have been very successful because they lived in dirt houses right so so sweeping is the craziest thing but they're you know you're sweeping whatever you can sweep I mean you can sweep a dirt floor sure but you also are it's not gonna be great no we're gonna get the chunks yeah but those you're you're you I mean what's the point also these are hobos later when wooden floors became more common they were still dirty as fuck they would clean

the floor around once a year by putting some water on it they would clean the floor once a year by putting water on it which would cause the caked dirt to form a layer of scum which they would then scrape off and push outside I mean they are the black and white infomercial version like before someone's like try new kaboom like they're just like oh you let it clap in the middle slowly sweep it out like this so there's got to be a better way what just happened there the fly yeah an Iceland fly Icelanders had spent time being a relatively clean country really they lived until the 17th and 18th century they regressed because

they would all bathe in the natural thermal pools which I can tell you from experience my friend no fucking choice meow yeah I've been in them and I heard I heard you but then the 17th century came and it became in vogue to be filthy wow apparently it was actually a sign of success if you were dirty they had a saying which I will not try to repeat in Icelandic but it was quote a man that is dirty is often wealthy so the dirty are well so this is really the hobos playground I have no idea how or why you could think that someone I can tell you because they're working so much they don't have time they don't have time to

bathe they don't have time to bathe they're too successful working so much you don't look they can't get down to the thermal pool look time is dirty I mean that's you just the filthy rich yeah the filthy rich they wash children every now and then but adults were rarely bathed she's imagine making that collective decision after you've learned about bathing I can't just go back to be like you're so you'd be so itchy in the worst think about it terrible people would wash their faces before they went boy he must be doing well he smells like shit people would wash their faces before they went to church but that was

the only part of their body oh god they wouldn't even wash their hands ah guess what are you washing your face with garbage your face is probably dirt here after that wash women would comb their hair on weekends that's just and they used urine to clean their body now I like it thought it was weird for a minute then I found out they're using piss soap so now the guy who's cleaning his face but not washing his hand is just having a nice urine so he's peeing on his face he's peeing on his face this man is peeing on his face that's how he's washing his face that's nice and you're just peeing it's your own pee

well because you're not washing your hands but could you could see your buddy pee on you could I come over to you and go dude I've got an event tonight really coat me in it yeah always sure I'll pee on you no I'm not I'm sorry as the no but I'll do that we're in Iceland I'm asking you as the person in this story telling you as a historical expert settle down Dave okay you're not peeing on me and you're not a historical expert that's all true so so your bit your body is getting bathed in urine yeah it was considered a quality cleaner it has ammonia in it I mean it is urine is urine is look I still use it on my

face it's just the body to me is kind of ground talk so soap and water didn't come in until much later for the lower classes particularly it didn't become common to use soap and water until the end of the 19th century wow that is quite a gap that is a huge gap it's a long time to smell like just straight up piss only piss and dirt people would wash their shirts with every couple of weeks but their underclothing was washed very infrequently oh so they smell I always think of the smell I was a time if there's a way to we've talked about it smell it's the smells and it's the fact that they're they're embracing the

smells yeah okay so so this is what's rolling up to your house right now if it was quick clean up walking toilets here now if it's daytime the visitor would knock three times on the door so that the cat could stop cleaning three knocks represented the holy trinity if it was not three that meant it was not a visitor but a ghost so who's knocking more than who a ghost if someone knocks four times it's clearly a ghost maybe the hobo does not account or he's in a rush for his fake me everybody knows three so what what happened when there was four then it's a ghost you don't but what did they who and then they're like

it's a hobo but it's for if it's three you answer and it's a hobo but if it's three you don't know if it's four but still ridiculous makes no sense I'm I take issue with these Icelandic traditions there were three knocks the farmer or his wife would answer the door the visitor who could be a dirty hobo they'd never met would then kiss the host on the mouth ah they both are covered in piss and say psych virtue which meant be happy I was the host would respond come do seek which means come happy if and if they knew the visitor well they would shake hands and kiss on the mouth and then kiss on the mouth a

second time well nothing to see here folks as what was written in okay ready Eastland skier both had dear sure both sorry also known as a nice lead in Icelandic as let Icelandic for beginners by a Jonas a Janssen in 1909 quote people took off their hat or headdress with their left hand whipped their hair from the forehead with a little toss of the head and kissed so they willow smithed and then kissed that's correct okay now this is all like birds they're like birds on planet Earth it's very much like birds now this is this is what would happen in the daylight whoa what happened when right the night would go

night time which is more when you came rolling in yeah from a show I'm a definitely a night hobo hobo nights totally different routine right then he or she because hobos came in both forms male or female there were plenty of female sure I was kind of assuming that it wasn't gender not gender specific would go to the window this was because only ghosts knocked on the door at night well you but why can't you just knock three times the ghost note on they only knocked four because everybody at night at night it's Vegas there's no rules well at night everyone knows no one's gonna knock but a ghost right obviously right close to

the window and not a scary time and then you you go to the window and say he Eric he a good hey I'm not a ghost here be God okay sure same difference the farmer inside would respond good the blessy feg meaning God bless you and then someone would go open the door and let the weirdo who's at the window in sure don't let the ghost in if he's there so once the visitor was inside the kissing happened sure I got a kiss it's night time and then the farmer would take the hobo by the hand lead them through the tunnel into the bath sofa which was kind of like a living room slash sleeping room slash it's all

happened in that room it was all there are beds and then you also work sure living room and sure it's a it's a studio apartment sure great everyone agreed the visitor and the visitor would go around and keys kiss each person on the mouth oh god it's very I'd just be like what how long the kisses lasted dibs on last like if you could go in for just like a long fucking all time all right your turn dice taste like hobo at that boy your breath stinks so much you're fishing it at that point the hobo would sit down and then ask him to tell them any news he might have so he's the hobo

yeah he's got hobos online he's bringing stories right okay if the vagabonds clothes were wet great which happens we were in Iceland your clothes get wet yeah fucking you know you're wet a lot sure especially if you're wandering in the country it's a wet place yeah and if your soap is your penis and the piss that comes out of it I wasn't expecting that part sure so if if his clothes are wet one or more of the women in the house would take his clothes off so this person comes into your house kisses everyone on the mouth and then you get them naked well y'all you also held his hand into the room sure right and then

he kissed everybody and then if he's called because of his clothes he can get new clothes off cool okay just making sure I've got a good idea what's happening and then they would they would wash his feet and bring him dry clothes and they were washing his feet in at that I don't know I'm sure a bucket of urine okay then he would get food and he would eat that and after he ate the hobo would get up and kiss everyone on the lips again after he's eating how did this how did nobody this just ended one day when someone was like hey this is ridiculous right never else like yes thank god can we stop kissing hobos after

we feed them at least one of these lines they still say as like oh I think I hope I didn't accidentally cut it out but so right did I go pass it I bet it's right so he eats and he kisses everyone and then he'd sit back down and hang for a bit and then I get up and kiss everyone on the lips just going around and just running the mouth train on people who started this tradition some purve some total purve well why are you doing that oh you didn't hear no everyone's doing it now not see all the hobos are saying your finger blast yeah and Zen Zen out the door wait do you want food yeah huh okay so after the kissing after that

round of after our third round of kissing he would kiss the hostess twice on the lips each time to thank her for the food okay this is the variant right so this is the like all the fireworks are going off the man in the house would then walk him to the front door holding hands if the visitor was not walked to the front door it was bad news because he would take all the sanity from the house and everyone there would go insane what now that's the one they still have a saying about apparently like as a joke they'll be like I'll walk you out so you don't go crazy I believe they still say okay that's what this book said but nobody

walked us out of anywhere we didn't know what to say right you got to threaten it at the door there was another ritual please Dave by all means the hobo would kiss the farmer two or three times on the mouth okay before each kiss he would say be now blessed and happy kiss thank you most kindly for what you provided kiss it would be my fortune to have you as a friend kiss and then the hobo would leave okay so what the truth is this is a bit like if you could go to a system where this is how it was like if there was just this inherent trust that you had that if but you've got to lose the kissing and the dancing and the the

foot baths yeah but if like your deal was like hey keep a little food around you know if like you know some homeless person comes to your door you can just feed them real quick yeah that'd be good that's not a bad horrible thing no it's just when they like if someone comes over and before they you're they're like sorry I knocked four times I wanted to knock three times anyway kiss your wife all right bring your wife over here mwah mwah oh cornbread love it hey do me a favor strip me naked let me kiss you again mwah mwah watch these feet mwah mwah you don't walk me to the door I'm taking all the sanity with me motherfuckers

mwah mwah mwah mwah now we're leaving out something necromancer were times when the hobo would spend the night of course was that how is that not just implied if where's the hobo going if that were the case he would sleep possibly he would sleep in bed for sure in a bed yeah in what bed well we'll get there I have a feeling we're going there visitor was a very important person the farm had a spare room and he would be offered that room okay but he was also given the choice of having someone sleep with him if that's what he wanted oh my god so strange uncle pervy comes to town kisses everyone on the mouth and then gets to

decide who he wants in his bed this is like taken who now that may sound nice but beds were a horror show does not sound nice they did not wear their underwear to bed well that's a great thing considering what I've heard about their underwear getting a bed naked but that meant the bed got all the dirt you know if you're wearing a long underwear you're keeping the dirt in but if you're taking it off you're getting just bathed bathed and bedding was washed around once a year in the spring oh my god the smell and they washed in urine when they did wash it in the spring they're just urine it's time for the spring it's the

only detergent that gets better the further away from it you are the spring pee on right ah smell these oh it's if they smell clean fresh urine unfortunately urine also smells and so their beds would smell like pee for weeks do they even identify what pee smells like anymore it doesn't even what peas is to them it's what reality is fleas and lice were common obviously beds were the main place where the little little guy's bread and had a good life right so I'm sure for fleas they were just like you rica heaven but the common belief was that lice came from inside your body so no one was looking at the sheets as

something that needed to be clean well that just makes sense since life form a hive in your belly yeah and since lice came from inside your body there was no way to deal with what are you gonna do I mean you've tried everything you've pissed on them you've tried everything people often had open sores on their bodies from scratching lice bites great so this is who you this is who's coming to dinner they had different really ridiculous ways to try to get rid of the lice one was to put crowberry under the sheets crowberry so crowberry are like these little how to describe them they almost look like little succulents

that just have little tiny fucking knobs on them okay about that big sure and they grow on in a place like Iceland rocks and so you take that and dry it and put it under your sheet good I am I imagine it would just help you scratch yeah the nightmarish and then another one another way to get rid of lice and fleas of course was to carry the bones of a dead person in your clothes well either way beds were a filthy nightmare so you're just anyway who after sleeping with whoever he wanted these are just first pitches it's just literally some it's just the first time anything happens somebody gives what they think and no

matter how crazy it is you're like well that's written in stone I mean if the idea whoever whoever came up with these ideas first is amazing like whoever whoever convinced other people this was way to like I can understand being like lice comes from inside of you yeah it's it's not right now that you look back but I could understand being like where the hell these little things coming from man they got to be coming out of us we're just the weird little earths ourselves yeah I cannot understand somebody telling you that just carrying around the bones of a dead person is a positive move well there's a lot of I feel like there were a

lot of pranks if it's pranks I'm so in if these are pranks it had to been it had to been pranks some of these had to been pranks I want that so badly so the cameras right over there what's a camera on an all-new ice-prandic anyway after that awesome time the vagabond would get up in the morning and head off to his next stop at the next farm what a stressful life yeah wow process that's the life of a hobo and dare I say it would be a great plan B this was all taken from the little book of Icelanders in the old days written by a woman whose name I can't pronounce all right well shout out to her shout out to her do you

feel better and no no what I like is the humanity of it the humanity of it I love yeah but you know the apparently you can't have your heart in the right place and know what tide is some day history will match up the way I need it to I doubt it all right thank you Iceland thanks