The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 269 - New Orange

Episode Date: May 30, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Dutch colony of New Orange. SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

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I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American History to my friend Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Yeah what do you mean? No well about the fact that you've cut you've trimmed your intro. Are you hurt? Oh man. This isn't working out. No Dave, director, writer, takes on his own garbage. Do you want to look who to do? I'll do one buck. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not going to come to tickle you quite good. Okay. You are queen fakie of the town. All hail Queen shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to

Mingle and do what? Fray. Hi Gary. No. Is he done my friend? No. 1609. Whoa. Oh boy. How about that shit? That's early. Way back in the time. She's early. English sea captain and explorer Henry Hudson was hired by the Dutch East India Company to find a northeast passage to Asia. Okay still still sort of looking for the passages. He was turning back by ice he was turned back by ice in the Atlantic arctic I mean like he was that'll do it and he's like oh this is this is far too much ice. There's no way. So he turned around. Look at all the bloody eyes. Here we go. On a second attempt he sailed west to seek a northwest

passage. Okay. He was soon exploring the water. Is that in lieu of waiting for it to melt? Yeah I don't think you should wait for it to melt. Okay. He was soon exploring the waters off the east coast of North America. Okay. His first landfall was at Newfoundland and the second at Cape Cod. Ah lovely. Where they keep the Cod. Yeah. The Super Cod. They have capes. Double Super Cod. They have capes. Hudson thought the passage to the Pacific Ocean was between the St. Lawrence River and Chesapeake Bay. Which is of course completely insane. Right. Okay. Just wanted to yep. He sailed to the bay and then went northward. He discovered

Delaware Bay and went upriver. Sure. But there was no Pacific Ocean there. Well yeah I mean even the Delaware River is boring itself. He then entered the Narrows into the upper New York Bay. Okay. He had no idea Verrazano had already discovered the Narrows in 1524 so he rediscovered them. I mean that's kind of that feels good. That's like a participation award. Yeah you're like I found it. Look at what I've rediscovered. He then sailed upriver which would become the Hudson River named after him. Okay. He's gotta cruise up that bit. Sure. So he did find something. He made it to where Troy New York is today and then had

to turn around because it got too shallow and clearly no Pacific Ocean. Okay. Sad. When he got back to the Netherlands he said he found a cool place with cool people who would trade stuff. Is that okay. That's my description of America. Okay. Sure. Okay. That's not a cool place with cool people who trade stuff. Sure. Soon the Dutch were funding expeditions to America. Okay. Surveys were done and there was trading with the native peeps. Okay. Again I feel like that's your language. No that's the actual. They said peeps. They were saying peeps. They said peeps in the 1600s. Okay. Very common vernacular. Okay. Different Dutch trading

companies started fighting over different areas so the Dutch government had to begin regulating the area. Okay. So they had to come in and be like okay you can go there. You can go there. That's yours. Parceling it up sort of. Okay. But this is just different areas to trade with. Yeah. Okay. Basically. Or to trap or whatever. You can also. Okay. Trap trade. Mostly they're trading. Sure. But some trapping. Side of trapping. I mean you do a little side trapping. You always need a side trap. If you're on a boat you see a beaver. You're like I gotta make that into a hat. Well obviously I also trap. And I'll trade. And I'll trade as well. The

Dutch depended on Native Americans to capture skin and deliver pelts to them. Okay. So maybe not that much trading. Trap trapping. Right. So they're really again I mean it's just another case of people come here being like you do it. And then being like I did a bunch of stuff. Yeah. Well then they're like he's taking my job. Yeah. Yeah. This led to. They should build a wall. Yeah. This led to fighting between tribes over who would trade with the Dutch. So now the. So the tribes are now fighting over who. Okay. So we've got a real then diagram going on. In 1658 the Mohawks conquered the the Mahikans and they and then they had a monopoly on

the third trade through much in New York. The who did the Mohawks. Okay. They basically kicked the shit out of the Mahikans to to get a monopoly. Well but did they have one of theirs stand under a waterfall promising to find someone. That I don't think. Okay. That's fair. You made a good. I will find you. Company. I will find you. No I yeah I got that part. He's really going crazy. Stop. Jose he's all up in your feet. He's eating my pants. He's eating your pants. He wants to be part of your feet. This is one rascally and a live seal. No no he's going over there. Keep going. Company policy was that land had to be purchased from

indigenous people. So the Dutch East India Company their policy was that you actually had to be fair. Well I don't know if it was fair as much as they were like we just don't want to deal with a bunch of bullshit. Just buy it. We got the cash and then we'll have the rights to it. It's sort of like how there was they said back in like the 80s Robin Williams like after you did a set Robin Williams manager would come up to you and hand you a check for fifty dollars and say hey thanks Robin just bought a joke off you. But the two different cultures had such different ideas of ownership and land that they basically didn't understand

what the other group was talking about. Okay good. The Native Americans would sell it and then show up as part of their seasonal migration and you know pitch their tents again. Okay. They'd be like oh we're back. I like that. He just gave us money to go. Yeah. The earliest Dutch settlement was built around 1613. It was a few small huts along the Hudson. The Hudson. Yeah. The Fort Nassau was built. Another fort was built in 1617 where Albany is now and in 1624. New Netherland became a province of the Dutch Republic. Okay. As it is still today. New Netherland. Yes. It remains. To New Netherland. I don't know if I. It's

just south of the other things. Oh it is south. Do you know where Maine is and yes. Yes. Is New Netherland. Okay. More colonists. I have summered there. Yes. I have summered there. Yeah. Little wooden shoes. Yes. Yes. Bicycles. Yes. Hard to ride because of the shoes. Taco tulips. Yes. Taco tulips. Yes. More colonists arrived in 1625. 45 colonists came on three ships named horse, cow and sheep. Okay. So. On those ships were 103 horses. Hold on. Cow, pigs and sheep. Oh. On each one. No. All together. Wait. Like split up. They had like a pig boat, a horse boat and a cow boat. Very literal ship. So they just literally whatever they named it. I'm

not sure if they put all the horses on the horse boat or if they put. Well they had better. What? They had better. But. It's just sheer laziness. They don't have a pig boat. Boy these cows really don't like these horses. The pigs don't know what to do. I mean. You know in retrospect. I mean they're very, they're very direct to the Dutch. Sure. Yeah. What should we call the ship we're putting the horses on? The horse. What about the ship we're putting the cows on? The cows. How about to the sheep boat? Party yacht. Let's call it sheep. Okay. Either way. The capital of the. Man the accents there. You know what's great is I don't know. I don't. I'm not sure. I probably should have listened but I don't.

I don't. I can't think of it. I don't know. Yeah. We'll do Irish. Yeah. I'm just trying to think of what my friends in New Netherlands sound like. Right. Right. Barry and Larry. Yeah. The brothers. Yeah. The capital of the province was moved in 1626 because the current location had a mosquito infestation in the summer. Oh fun. He moved it to what is today known as Manhattan. Yeah. This led to the well-known purchase of Manhattan from Native Americans by the Dutch. So that's like a famous story where they're like whatever 12 bucks and they and they're like yeah but we all share the land. You can't buy a land. Oh hilarious thing. Right. Well I think what matters is they learned a lesson. Thank you. Welcome

to commerce bitch. Yeah. Fort Amsterdam was built at the southern tip and a colony grew there which was called the manhato's. OK. Sort of like the Marx brothering of the city. This is manhato. I wish it was still called manhato's manhato's. It's manhato's and then toes and then and then the word toes. Well it's it's all one but manhato's and hat and toes on manhato's. Sure. So this became known as the port city of New Amsterdam and it was a major port for trade. OK. And then things turned to shit between the Dutch and some natives. A colonist was murdered which was revenge for him killing some Indians years before and pretty soon there's a bunch of killing going on both ways. Well I'm shocked

that it's taking this turn. Yeah. I thought this would be the these would be the people that will work it out. Yeah. I thought this was just going to be informational port stuff. Well I was thinking we finally might have a happy story. Yeah. The American Indians. All this is going on. The English were arriving and they were coming in droves. There isn't so many English games because of religion and that's what drove their quest to find a new land. The Dutch were there for cash which meant fewer of them were coming. Why. How does it get coming here make you closer to God. It was just that you were no they were fleeing. They were fleeing. OK. That's right. So they were trying to do their own

thing and so that means they'd be like I'd rather die on a boat than live with you. Come on. Get on the cow. Get on cow row row boys. Where's the Dutch were like hey you want to work in America and maybe gather beaver pelts from Native Americans who might want to kill you and they're like oh yeah I don't want to do that. Right. OK. OK. So it's less it's I'm not selling it I think as well as maybe some Dutch guys would know my guess is they sold it harder. The English started coming and settling across the river from New Amsterdam. OK. Which what we call Jersey. So they were in Jersey. The Dutch were getting worried and built a defense wall and what will become known as Wall Street. Wow. Look at that. So

it is from yeah that's pretty good. Who learned a fact. I did. The English and Dutch settlers didn't have much contact but as more and more English came they had more and more diplomatic contact to deal with territorial disputes. Territorial disputes between them and the Dutch. Yeah. Because the fucking English you know I'm talking about. Yeah they like to get their tells by the pool early. What I'm saying. The English formed the New England Confederation in 1643 which was a military and political alliance of English colonies, Massachusetts, Plymouth, Connecticut and New Haven. It's gonna be horrible being the Dutch watching them more and more and then I think they're starting to form some kind of alliance. Yeah there's

a thing going on with that. No there's uniforms. They now have uniforms. There's so many that they have uniforms. Hello. Oh no one of them is coming over. Where are your friends from the north? No we don't want any. Go away. We're going to shoot you. No. Well thanks we can't no just go away. Okay shooting. No no no don't shoot. He's just making a noise. Connecticut had originally been Dutch right so it was settled by the Dutch. Sure. But it was basically assimilated because so many English moved in and finally Dutch alright you can just have that. Have Connecticut. Yeah that's not great. They both continue to acquire land from Native Americans either by purchase, killing or just smallpox. Sure. Race and everybody those

are three. That's actually the three major ways people get homes in America. It's fun that smallpox is one of them. It's a good time. That's fun. In 1652 Cornelius, don't you wish that name would come back? It's still around a little but it should have more. Yeah. Cornelius Van Warcoven. Maximilian too. Oh yeah. Let's get going. Let's get cooking on these names. So Warcoven talked to NIAC chiefs into selling him part of Long Island. Okay. About a thousand acres for quote six shirts, two pairs of shoes, six pair of socks, six axes, six hatchets, six knives, two scissors and two combs. It's a lot of accessories. For a thousand acres. Probably not enough accessories. I mean the combs are pretty sweet.

The combs are great. The hat, the hatchets and the axes. That's fun. You got new shirts. You got new shoes. Six new shirts. Could have gotten six shoes. I'm picturing like you just hear Saturday Night Fever playing. Well I'm picturing a Native American walking around with buckle shoes. Right. Which is tremendous. Right. How did you get those? I gave away everything of ours. Nice, aren't they? Later the NIAC realized that the Dutch wanted them to leave the area they just sold. So they reopened negotiations. Okay. Because again they were like, yeah, you can have this and then you give us stuff because they didn't really think you could own land. So they were like, oh, give me all the stuff for the land.

The Native Americans. Yeah, they didn't think you could actually own land. Right. Right. Which is actually a very reasonable thing to think. Yeah, it's a great way to handle it. Yeah, I would agree. So they reopened negotiations and got more stuff. Six coats, kettles. Okay, this already is not a good list. Six axes bigger than the hatchet. Six more hatchets, six small looking glasses, 12 knives and 12 combs. Boom. That's 14 combs they're fucking rocking. They can't get the comb technology down yet. I can tell you what right now you you you roll into America at this time. First time you've ever been there. So you come from Portugal, and you see a bunch of niacs with some sweet ass hair. Yeah, super

well. Is there a Vidal Sassoon around here? You guys look unbelievable. What what is your secret? Combs. We're the first Native American salon. So the niac then come into tepees move to Staten Island. Okay, which so they got the wrong with the deal. But that that coming back after that negotiation. What do you mean? You're like, I mean, it's well, there's still just one wagon. It's still just the one. It's tremendous. Three. How many more combs? Great. Hooray. Three years later, there were 11 houses on the land, right? So on this land, they built 11 houses. The Dutch would they would buy land and they tried build up a little place that could be a village. Okay. But soon, all the people in those 11 houses were fighting

with each other over quote, allegations of fence stealing and disputes over meadows. Okay, what is fence stealing? Like actually stealing fences, stealing each other's fences. That's so funny. It's such a small area. Like you're going to get caught. It's called fence stealing. Yeah, I understand. But I thought maybe that was sort of like, like, you know, changing the amount of land you have overnight or something like moving a fence or something like that would be stealing a fence. If you move a fence, that's not stealing a fence. That's moving a fence. But it's still stealing. And if you move it over to your property, it's still an offense. Good night, everybody. Good night, gang.

So clearly settling his heart was the point of that. The English keep coming by the early 1660s. 13 English towns were on Long Island compared to just five Dutch towns. Okay. So that's not good. Right. There's more. Anytime there's more English is bad news. Well, I mean, no, it's getting a little it's hitting a little close to home. Let's really love it. And then word of the Dutch's troubles with Native Americans had spread. And that affected the West India Company stock. Okay. It plummeted. It was now at an all time low. All right. And in March 1660, Charles II was put on the throne of England. He's your favorite. He's always been my favorite. He loved having sex with lots of women. Having lavish parties.

And there were tons of scandals. His cribs was an unbelievable episode. Oh my God, the best cribs ever. Just so good. That's why I put things in. This is where I have a party. This is the auditorium just because, you know, you've got to have it. So the problem was is that all of his mistresses and parties and scandals cost tons of money. Okay. And soon England was pushing to drive the Dutch out of the colonial American colonial trade to make some extra fucking scratch. Wait, who who was doing that? The English. Okay, we're doing that to the Dutch. Yeah, right. So it's no longer just about religion. Nope. Charles II's younger brother, the Duke of York, sure, set up a bunch of companies to

directly compete with the Dutch West India Company. And the Duke gathered info about the Dutch English tensions along the border of New Netherlands. Okay. So your favorite vacation spot? Love it there. In Graves and the summers I spent. So great. Oh, just the best. The mosquitoes. Oh, the best getting eaten alive. But we you know, it was famous about it. It was about friends. Yeah, simpler times. Yeah, you know, just having a little fun with your buddies, throwing some smallpox at some Native Americans, having a hot dog on the grill. Simple times. In Graves and New Amsterdam, a group of magistrates raised the English flag over the town and declared it would be quote, henceforth be subject only

to the laws of our nation and the Republic of England. That's tough. Then they were all put in jail. That's tough. That's tough. They went hardcore on that one. That right away. You're like, All right, let me pack my, no, I can't let me pack my stuff. We will now be English here. You won't. All right. But we put the flag up. So the flag. So the governor of Connecticut began pushing for English towns on Long Island to be brought under the authority of Connecticut. Okay, you don't hear that very often. No, it's amazing. He sent Connecticut agents to stir up support of the idea in Graves and where they quote, caused a great hubbub up. Wow. So hubbub was around back then. Yes. What is a hubbub? It's just like a I know

what it is, but what the hell is it? They caused a bunch of shit. What? The hub was bubbing? Oh, literally? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure we could look it up. I just feel like now's not a good time. No, it's not. The English towns then banded together with an adventure named John Scott as their president. Okay. He then tried to he was just like, he's just an adventure. That's all it said about. But he's now the president. He's just an adventure. Sure. Now he's the president of a bunch of English towns on Long Island. Sure. Yeah. He then tried to force the Dutch towns on Long Island to also be under his control, but they were not down with that idea. The Dutch West India Company told their man in

control to hold the line and stop the English takeover. Okay. But he knew the leader there, the governor knew he had no chance and instead signed a one year truce with Scott. The alternative was quote an inevitable surprise and capture of all the Dutch villages on Long Island. Okay. So they fucking come in strong. Right. But for a year, for a year there. Yeah, there's a tree. There's a truce for a year for a year. And then who knows. Okay. Basically, New Netherland was disintegrating. Charles II took advantage of the situation on August 27. Four English ships entered New Amsterdam's harbor with 2000 men aboard and demanded surrender. And everyone was like, Yeah, that's cool. We can. All right. They surrendered. Yeah.

That quickly. Yeah. The people there have been having so many problems with Native Americans, the English and getting zero help from the Dutch. And also New Amsterdam was pretty much totally defenseless. So they just saw the party boats and they're like, this is over as Charles II was just coming up on a boat like. Oh God, here comes cow. Hello. DJ cow, shut it off. There's only like 150 Dutch soldiers and there's 2000 English soldiers. So they're just got there. They were like 250 Dutch settlers who could fight, but they were so tired or from Yeah, they were like, Yeah, yeah. No, for sure. No, whatever. For sure. For sure. For sure. And having New Netherland under the Duke of York's control was going to make him some

bank. Okay. He is accountant or whatever was called back then. I just put there. Sure. His money man. Estimated. He could bring in between 10 and 30,000 pounds a year in rents and custom duties. Okay, some fucking green back. Yeah. You can get in pretty sweet Tesla. The Dutch governor Stuyvesant was sent a note by the English in which they guaranteed quote every man in his estate life in liberty if New Amsterdam surrendered. So he's saying everybody gets to fucking kick back in their own shit. We're not going to cause any trouble. So they get to kind of retain what they have as long as they right. Of course, of course, that's fair and true. Stuyvesant took the letter and ripped it up. Okay. But word of the letter

was out and a group of angry workmen and magistrates marched to his office and made him pick up the pieces out of the trash, assemble it back together and read it out. Wow. What is he eight years old? Seriously humiliating. It's like an eight year old who lost his retainer at a birthday party. It's fucking dig in the garbage and get it until you appreciate it. Take out the garbage and put it together like a little bit of time in charge. I'm the governor. So Stuyvesant was pretty much now convinced it was over and he negotiated with English for religious freedom under English rule and then he turned over to New Amsterdam. Okay. Sad moment. Flag goes down, new flag goes up. New flag them. The little English taxis

come in, the little black ones. So where you from, mate? Not from around here, are you? We'll start some football games. There's a problem with guys fighting. Yeah, kebab shops open everywhere, chippies. They just come up and they're like, your teeth aren't right. Shoot this rock. Yeah, what? Now you're allowed to stay. So almost the minute that Stuyvesant turned over, New Amsterdam, the English said Fort Amsterdam was now named Fort James and Fort Orange was now Albany and New Amsterdam and New Netherland were now both called New York. Okay. So that is that when did that happen how quickly after? Like almost instantaneously. Okay, this is all different. Yeah. You remember

when you guys made me pick it up out of the trash? Do you remember that? The transition. Welcome to New York. That's not going to stick. Oh, but if I can make it here, the transition. You can make it what? That's all I have. Well, that's a useless saying. No, if I can make it here, you can what? Nothing. It's useless. You know what? No, go and work on it. And if you've ever got something, bring it back. I listen to me if I can make it here. And then it's like a pregnant pause. Like if like a fill it in, I think it makes quite quite a bit of sense. Yeah. Cut him open. Okay. Do I have guys who do that? No. Who am I? The transition was fairly common to Amsterdam and the Hudson River Valley, not so much along

the Delaware River. There the English went on a tear pillaging, looting and burning houses. Many of those Dutch settlers were then sold into slavery. Oh my god, every I mean, one day you're a Dutch settler and the next day you're a slave in Virginia. Yeah, I'm glad we signed that. Should have read the letter better. The Dutch struck back sending a fleet up the Thames River and burned three British ships and then towed away the Royal Charles, which was the pride of his Majesty's Navy. No. No. That's my pretty ship. That's my favorite toy of all of them. Charles II then settled for a peace treaty with the Dutch. And a hand jump. And a handy in 1667, a treaty was signed ending the Second Anglo-Dutch War. The Dutch

gave away any rights to New Netherland in exchange for a nice piece of Dutch guinea. Okay. Now, the Duke of York had pretty much total control of New York. His charter gave him personal title to all of its quotes, lands, islands, soils, rivers, harbors, mines, minerals, quarries, woods, marshes, waters, lakes, fishings, hawking, hunting and fouling. Wow, there's definitely some crossover there. He's just covering a lot of bases. And he had quote, full and absolute power and authority to correct, punish, pardon, govern and rule its inhabitants. So he has a superpower. That's the fucking crazy shit right there. Well, I mean, that's what every villain in a movie, a superhero movie is after. Yeah, he got it. He has all that. He's fucking, he's, this guy's,

this is the first baller. Okay. Landholders were now considered his tenants and had to pay him. So dudes who were like, I own this land now, he's like, oh, and rent. No, it's a marsh and there's foulings, mine, mine, dibsies, see the Hawks, dibsies, property, dibsies. But there were also the articles of capitulation. These basically gave the Dutch the right to live as Dutch as they wanted. Okay, not having to change a thing. So some of the Dutch living there seem to be okay with it, particularly the very wealthy Dutch people in New York began to do pretty well. Colonel Lovelace took over. So now he's running the show for the English. Okay. Trade increased. He started the first postal service between the colonies and he started a mercantile exchange.

He built a tavern, which he connected with a doorway directly into the municipal court. Whoa. All right. That's a fun backstage. Another recess. Yeah. Again? Yeah. Yeah. We just had a recess. Oh, but Liverpool was playing Arsenal. We're aware, but we need to get to the facts of the case. Yeah, I'm just gonna need a couple of beers and then I'll come back with my white wig and do all the business. Also, a recess there should be a think. Whatever Larry said. We just have one. I feel weird. I'm gonna be sick. So the rich Dutch guys were getting richer and one even became mayor, but the common Dutch guy in the city was not as down with what was happening with the English. Okay. Nor were the people outside

of New Amsterdam in villages to the north and east of Manhattan. There people were angry at the new taxes and other bullshit. They fought with tax collectors. They fought with English troops who so they're Dutch colonists and the English would force them to to have soldiers live with them because they didn't want to build a barrack. So if you're a Dutch guy out in Albany like a foreign exchange student, except a soldier, Jimmy is living with you. All right, I'm excited to be your house guest. How is everyone? Fuck you. What's for dinner then? Yeah, fucking shit bag. Which one's my bed? I've got to use the loo. It's right here, right in my back side. Can I have a read your book? It's my bottom. I'm gonna lay here. Yeah, you can sleep right here. Stu's nice. Excuse me? I'm gonna teach

the kid to throw the ball. What? I'm right at home here. I like you here, I'll do. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? Get out of my house. That's my house. You go out. What? You go far. Yeah, yeah, get out here. Fuck off. Get out of here, mate. Sit in my home. I've lived here my whole life. Get out of here, mate. Leave. Leave, boy. So that's a lot outweighed. That was almost an exact reenactment of what it was like living with a Dutch soldier. Oh, there were Dutch soldiers. I mean, sorry, English soldier in a Dutch house. Right. So this led to a lot of tension and then rioting between troops and citizens. But the people of the Dutch were most mad at. It's like riot the home game. Yeah, were you rioting your house? Could you imagine going out on the streets and rioting

with a soldier and then coming home me like, well, there you are. Oh, that was weird. I was just going to have a little more milk. I don't want to put you guys out. It was just weird. It was weird that you were. No, no, no. You just threw a brick at my mom. I know. And I, again, I was not, first of all, not great. First of all, again, to be clear, I didn't bring the brick and I was not aiming for her. Okay, but you know, I know, I know, I know. Well, but you also, I mean, you put your, you put your boot right on my throat, you know, and you spit, spit in my face. Yeah. So that's part of the things we do. All right, I'm just gonna have this milk. That's a Dutch tradition. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just gonna have some milk. Okay. That's good. You want to go outside

and throw shit at each other? Nah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna turn in. You can. This is my home. I might hit you with a brick in the night. The people of the Dutch were really mad at were the other Dutch, the rich ones who were collaborating with the English in Manhattan and getting very, very rich. Meanwhile, Charles II was getting ready for another war. He made a deal with France. And together, they were going to fight the Dutch. They just needed a reason for the fighting to start. And soon two ships English and Dutch clashed in the English Channel. And within days, they were at war again and soon a heavily armed Dutch squadron was headed for America to raid English and French holdings. Okay. The Dutch recaptured New York in August 1673 with a fleet

of 21 ships. New Amsterdam again. Hello. Led by Vice Admiral Cornelius Everston, known as Keys the Devil. Sure. Sure, sure, sure. Known as Keys the Devil. Yeah. Well, keep going. Captain Anthony Colve landed in Manhattan with 600 men and marched down Broadway, taking possession of the fort. Okay. He was cheered on by the Dutch colonists. No one, not one shot was fired. The Englishmen in charge said they had no chance because quote, the enemy is in our bowels. Is that can we can they take that back? He's in my shit part. I don't think you're saying exactly what the Dutch are in my inner shit cavern. No, no, no, don't keep defining. Stop defining please. Good with words. Yes. Right. We understand the Dutch are imposing upon us greatly in my shit part. Stop

saying your shit part or your shit pipes or anything about your shit. I never said pipe. Well, that would have been a good one to use as well. My father taught me it's not a pipe. There's a story to go along with that. What did your father do? I did have to go to a doctor. Right. I'm moving on to say you can't water your lawn with bowels is correct. Right. I should have gone when I said I was moving on. I should have walked away then stuck around because anyway, there's lots of Dutch here. No, no. Despite the invasions, very quick and painless success. Captain Cole ordered one of his men executed for a poor performance. Wow. That's how you do it though. The rest step up. He's killing our own

coming in strong. I bet you didn't know tonight was an elimination night. Well, any night could be an elimination night. Welcome to America. He quickly renamed the city New Orange back, which reflected the installation of William of Orange as Lord Lieutenant of Holland in 1672. I was going to guess that. It's his favorite. It's his favorite guy. And the entire colony was once again renamed New Netherland. Okay. Fort James was now Fort William Hendrick. Also a gentleman he really enjoyed. Sure. Captain Cole was made Governor General and then Evertsen sailed off to attack Newfoundland. Anthony Cole was now the highest authority in the city. Okay. Cole was a 30 year old career military man of noble Dutch ancestry.

There's no portraits of Cole that exists. So we have no idea what he looked like. He hated the paparazzi hated the pops. The population of New Orange at that time was about 2500 people about 70% of who were Dutch and wanted to go back to life under Dutch rule. So Cole confiscated the property of leading English officials and merchants. Lovelace had been away at the time. So he came back and he was like and and then and because he's a moron. Right. And then they they just put him in jail. It's fine. Hello. I've returned from out in the regions. Click. Click. A lot of a lot of wooden shoes and whatnot. Oh hello. Come to jail. This way. Okay. That's fair. That's fair. I shouldn't come back. Put your shoes on first. First put on the shoes. The Duke. Put on the clogs. Seven mile

walk to the jail. I've been here so long. I've lost my accent. Seven mile walk to jail. Okay. That seems weird because it's right. Put the clogs on for the whole walk. I see it. I see the jail. Walk backwards. Okay. This is so far a terrible situation. You're in my bowels. I knew you guys were bad. I didn't know you were this bad. So Cove threw him in jail and then and then shipped him back to England and the Duke of York removed him from service and then Charles II threw Lovelace into prison. Okay. That did not go great for him. Right. The city councilor which was a council which was a holdover from the original Dutch control still existed as a civilian government like the English never got rid of it. Okay. So Cove quickly made them submit to his will using

intimidation and threat of expulsion. Cove turned the council into men who would do his bidding and began to rule as a dictator. Okay. Interesting. Easy too actually. Yeah. Very easy. Yeah. But because Cove had not been legitimately appointed by the government of the Netherlands he avoided discussing his authority in dispatch's home. So anytime he'd write anything home he wouldn't say sign it like I am the governor acting governor. So what he would how would he say. Hey how you guys doing. All right. That's all. Peace. It's me Tony. Instead he hid his request for additional men supplies and funds by having everything come from the city council. So he just had like a PO box. Yeah. So he had guys that were writing it asking for stuff and he'd be like yeah I don't

I'm just a guy here but they they want stuff. Oh right. So he's just pointing it off like it's them but it's actually him. Right. Right. That's what I thought. One of Cole's biggest actions was to bring English residents of the city under his total control. Many were expelled from the city. Okay. All the ones who remained were suspected of espionage interrogated and then tortured. Oh god. What. It's tough. Cole brought back methods of torture that had not been seen since the Spanish Inquisition. No. No. No. What. No. Just take a weird turn. Yeah. That's a weird turn. I mean 15 minutes ago we were comb trading. Spanish Inquisition Torture Techniques. He used things like the wooden horse which involves seating victims on triangular saw horses and

weighing them down and weighing down each of their legs. Wait. Wait. You put them on a saw horse and then you weigh down their legs. So basically. Oh basically you're just slowly cutting them. I mean I think you're I think you're splitting it. Splitting them. Well you're definitely not doing well. You're wish boning. Yeah. You're kind of wish boning a bro. Okay. And this his torture wasn't just for the English. Dutch citizens of New Orange who associated with the quote English spies were also tortured. Good. He would also torture his own soldiers. This guy's a loose cannon. We got an LC in charge. Like how could you ever call this person your best friend. No I could not. He would drill them relentlessly march them through

the city at each sunrise and each sunset. Now Colve had a unique idea of justice. Okay. When one man challenged another man to a duel the second guy refused because dueling was illegal. Okay. Well. So Colve sentenced the guy who made the challenge to run the gauntlet. Which I assume was done by soldiers. Like I assume the gauntlet was done by soldiers. What does that even mean? Well you know you're running you get fucking hit. Oh just the like the the the beat what do they call it the flogging. Yeah. I mean I think there's different ways you could you could just hit or you could kick you have options. Maybe a stab. Now the guy who turned down the duel because it was illegal was sentenced to the wooden horse for refusing. Oh my god.

Well that's illegal too. Get on the wooden horse. Get on the wooden horse. But I followed the law. Get on the wooden horse. Run through the guys and hit them. I thought you think your voice is high now. Get on the wooden. Why am I being split in half. Get on the horse. I didn't do anything. There we go. I followed the law. Make a wish Ty. Colve had all the buildings on the street next to Fort William Hendrick demolished to clear space for a firing rage for cannons. This he said would also deny cover to any possible English invaders which so it's not like there's a ton of shit little fucking buildings right this city. So I just wiped out a whole street. Right. He had all the fortification surrounding the city most

of which were made out of earth and wood reinforced with stone and this all made sense because the Dutch were still at war with England but the city could not afford any of this and he quickly bankrupted New Orange. Oh good. Now they're in the new red. No. The city is out of money but he continued but he continued of course by finances. This is America bro. We print. He starts financing his construction with quote forced loans. Forced loans sound like that. Well no we're borrowing it. I don't want to give it to you. Yeah. No it's already happening. Okay. This is that. Nope. We're just borrowing it. All right. We'll pay back at another time when we get it back. We get you know whatever stuff comes rolling in. We'll we'll cut you a little

checkeroo. I'll never see you again. Right. No. Right. They would just so they're just taking money from rich people. Right. So you think you could loan us a little bit more. No I don't have. Yeah I think you can. Beat the shit out of him. Well let's take all his stuff. Take the money. Take the money. No we're going to beat the shit out of you too. We're good. We're good. No we like to do it. We're good. Stop saying we're good. Stop saying anything. The city also relied on regional and transatlantic trade. It was a port city. So security measures like closing the city gates after dark and forcing people to have passports to enter and exit basically strangled new oranges. What did a passport look like back

then. No it's just was it just not a leaf or a piece of wood. Yeah fucking crazy. Okay this looks like you. Oh you were in Australia this year I see. Interesting. How is Madagascar. Oh interesting. Quite a traveler aren't you. All right. You packed your own dirty dirty satchel. Nobody packed your dirty satchel for you. He also wanted neighboring communities to be a part of New Netherland and settlements in New Jersey, Brooklyn, Long Island, Harlem, the Bronx and up the Hudson River all had to pledge allegiance to Prince William III. Good Lord. Most did. A few did not. When English villages. Here's me. Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah he's my guy. Yeah I pledge allegiance. Oh yeah 100%. All right take care. Yeah totally. Yeah yeah he's the best. Hey who's uh who's

who's Dutch. I've got a basketball game paused upstairs. Who's Dutch. Yeah yeah I don't have for sure. Look at my tulips. Yeah yeah. I love tulips. See yeah. I'm talking about all right yeah. Thanks for coming by up Tilly. Whatever his name is he's the best. He's my guy. So when English villages on Oyster Bay and Long Island refused, Cove sent armed soldiers to harass them and when they persisted and still would not, he launched a fleet to attack them. Good. But the fleet was met by an alliance of colonial forces from Plymouth, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts Bay and the English colonists were not going to let him attack their people in the villages. He had met his match and Cove lost the battle of Long Island Sound. Now despite the horror

they were living under, Cove's subjects never moved against him. They never tried to stop him. Right. They had not anticipated martial law when they saw their Dutch soldiers coming to retake the city and they now seem paralyzed by what was happening. Basically they're being ruled by a fucking lunatic and anyone who spoke to spoke against him was tortured or banished. But the soldiers. Such a weird time. Were not being paid. And they were being overworked. And defiance. And killed. Grow amongst the troops. Okay. Instead of paying them or easing their workload, Cove attempted to create a secret police to stamp out in support nations. Oh god. I just love that move. Yeah. Like you like secrets on secrets. All right. Well, I'm worried about the

army not liking me. I need another secret force. You know, I'm worried about the secret force. Some of those guys seem to be drifting away from me a little bit. I think I need a secret force for the secret force. Oh my god. Yeah. We do, huh? Yeah. You know, you gave that information up a little too easily, didn't you? My bowels. I think I'm gonna need another force. Gentlemen, this is the first meeting of the secret force to discuss the secret force that's watching the secret force that's after the secret force that knows about the first secret force that is watching that secret force. That is, of course, a secret force. Yes, in the back. I thought we were watching a movie. Is this a movie? No, no. For the last time. I thought it was. There's two rooms in this building.

Is that there? It says talkies. Yes, that no, that there is a room upstairs that is showing please. They haven't been invented. You're a fucking liar. I'm from the force that watches the force that watches the force that watches the force that watches the force. I've always wanted to be a part of that group. You're under arrest. Put them on the horse. I like it. The third Anglo-Dutch war ended in early 1674 with the Treaty of Westminster. A messenger arrived. Let's focus on dogs. A messenger arrived to inform Cole that the war was over. Hey, Cole. Hey, you good? You good? I'm very good. I just killed a guy who's great. Oh, yeah. So covered. So you, so you. Yeah, we had some good times. Yeah. All right,

I'm going to get going. What's up, Larry? Why'd you stop by? Oh, yeah, stopping by. That's right. So it's going to rain this week. Did you hear that? I heard that. Yeah, this week's supposed to get really. I'm a little busy. What's the message? Messenger? What is it? The war is over. I got to go. What? No, it's not. And I'm cutting off your toe. Uh, my man had toe. So as you suspected, Cole refused to accept the war was over. Right. So more messengers were sent. All with the same message. The war is over. Prepare to turn new orange over to the English. And Cole's response was the same. Nope. Several messengers. Send the singing one. Several messengers informed Cole of the fact. When another messenger came from Boston with an official letter recognizing the end of

the war, Cole had had it. The letter was said, the letter said the city on the south side of Manhattan was to be returned to the English and Cole was to step down. So Cole had the messenger strung up on a pole in the main public square, the site that would become known as Bowling Green, they tore off the messenger's shirt and across his chest wrote the word open maker, which uh, in Dutch means trouble maker. Oh my God. The messenger was hung there for three days. Oh my God. The locals and soldiers. Have you ever? Okay, you're also shouldn't just string them up. Don't shoot. Don't shoot them and don't string them up. There's like a rule something hurt the messenger or shoot or no, no, I didn't mean shoot. Shoot the messenger. Shoot the messenger.

So it's there for three days. Locals and soldiers, the whole time he was up there, pelted in with tomatoes, onions, apples, beets, the whole time for my mouth. Piles of rotted vegetables lay beneath him. Oh gosh. So the this is even though the Dutch were happy with the English returning, they're just some of the Dutch were mad that the war was over. Right. And they and they wanted a chance to fight to quote. Well, this is a time period too, where like if a guy was strung up and others were throwing tomatoes at him, you just automatically threw tomatoes. Because if you don't, then you're suspicious. Well, yeah, then it would be like weird and you'd have to have a reason. Some of the Dutch demanded a chance to fight and quote vowed to slay the

English dogs. Other vowed quote to fire the town, pluck down the fortifications, and tear out the governor's throats, who had compelled them to slave contrary to their privileges. Uh huh. So they're they're not they're not enjoying what's happening with the war. It sounds like they're not happy. They want more war. Right. After three days, the messenger was cut down, still alive. I have a new message. Anyway, I'm gonna get a new job. I have a new message. Yeah. Don't pee your pants for three days straight. Put him back up. No. I will pee my pants for three days straight. But I am Dutch. Then do it. Then do it. Cove ordered him released and banished from New Orange for 10 years. Well, I mean, I'm sure he's chomping at the bit to come back. Plus,

it's pretty, uh, pretty positive thinking that you're going to be running this place for 10 years. Yeah. Also, I mean, you have to, I mean, you also know that you can sneak in. You just need to make a new passport on a piece of paper by drawing a different picture for yourself. Uh, so if the guy returned during the 10 years, he would be sentenced to death. Okay. Cove continued to rule New Orange. But when a fleet of ships arrived from the Netherlands, the gig was up. He still tried to exert his authority and he went onto a ship and he go negotiate his terms of surrender while he was on a boat off the coast of Staten. This one's just cows. His lawyer would take a dinghy back and forth from the boat to do negotiations. So here we go. I'm from a dinghy paddles and oars.

Hi. Hi, how are you? I really like your law firm. Yeah, we're terrific. Cove's reign ended officially on November in November 1674, but he wasn't done. His next post for the Dutch was in, uh, Dutch New Guinea as we talked about earlier, where some English people were living in a Dutch colony. So we don't know how things went for them, but I'm assuming not great. Probably not well. After he was sent back to Europe, uh, just in time to take part in the glorious revolution which saw his hero Prince William the Third become the King of England. Cove never set foot in New York again. The city would never be under control of the Dutch again. It was under English control until the American Revolution. So what's interesting is nobody knows about this. There's like one guy

in the Netherlands who's researching it and everyone just acted like it didn't happen, but there was like this crazy torture madman running what is now New York for like a year and it's just totally erased from the history books. It's crazy to think that like, it's crazy to imagine like the amount of fighting that went on before 1776. Like, because when you think about America, that's sort of where it starts. But the idea that what proceeds that is Dutch colonies, English fighting, French colonies, French colonies, Swedish, there were Swedish colonies. There's all kinds of shit that glad we got rid of all those. That was a good move in the long run. Obviously get that, that out of our system.

But also fierce loyalty. There's something you're sniffing around there too. Obviously. Yeah. The idea that sometimes people don't jump ship until you're underwater and even then they'll hang on. Huh. It's interesting. Some people out there. Some people. Dingy's. Uh, we signed dingy's and cars. We've proven it.