The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 274 - The Naughty Civil War Boat

Episode Date: June 16, 2017

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Idahoe, a boat filled with lewd women. SOURCESTOUR DATES REDBUBBLE MERCH

When you're staying at an Airbnb you might be like me wondering could my place be an Airbnb and if it could what could it earn? You could be sitting on an Airbnb and not even know it. That in-law sweet guest house where your parents stay only part-time Airbnb it and make some money the rest of the year whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills or for something a little more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the top! This is a bi-weekly American History podcast. Each

week I philosopher lover of cats gentleman Dave Anthony read a story from American history to my friend. Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. I can tell you that's kind of the the angle that's kind of the angle here. It's gonna be about boats. No it's not. Yep it's about boats and how boats came to be. You're listening to the boat episode. Oh no we're having a bollop. God do you want to look who to do? I'll do one bollop. People say this is funny. Not Gary Gareth. Dave okay. Someone or something is tickling people. Is it for fun? And this is not gonna become the tickling podcast. Okay. You are queen

fakie of made-up town. All hail Queen Shit of Liesville. A bunch of religious virgins go to mingle and do my thing. Hi Gareth. No. Is he done my friend? No. Gareth. I can't wait to learn about boats. Something no one's ever said. I really had so deep into boats this week. It's a six hour episode. I can't make all of it. About boats. Jose sit in for some. We are of course on the All Things Comedy Network. If you want to check that out. It's a network of powerhouse. Yep. Powerhouse podcast. It's true. Some very funny comedians. If you've ever heard of Bill Burr. He's on there. Tom Segura. Great people. Bert Kreischer. It's a good one. R.E.

When's R.E. special coming out? I think in July. Yeah and I we should talk because yeah I think we should we'll have him on for. Oh yeah. He's got. People are gonna be mad at that. It's all right. They hate when we change anything. Yeah. No people fear change. 1863. Boats. Year of our Lord. Is it. Boats were invented in 1863. Worthy. Nope. Major general William Rose Kranz was the Columbus's arms were tired. Was the leader of the army of the Cumberland which was one of the main Union armies in the Western theater during the Civil War. In the Western theater. So it's like Kentucky-ish. Okay. That was originally called the army of Ohio. And they changed it up to Cumberland. Sure. Didn't care enough

to look into that. I didn't. I don't think anybody cares enough. Nope. Rose and Kranz is a rose rose Kranz. So here's his rose Kranz and here's his rose and Kranz. So that's a little fun. Let's just say Rosie. Well that's actually what we're gonna we're gonna we got that. Rose and Kranz was nicknamed old Rosie. Old Rosie. He had a reputation for getting nearer to combat than any other man of his rank. Near near nearer. He liked to get in it near near like he would get closer than the other generals. He'd be like I'm gonna get up in this shit. Okay. And he's got a quote from Rosie. You know what you say old Rosie. I'm gonna get all up in this shit. There are quotes that are found all the time.

That could be. Oh I wish I hadn't gotten all up in this shit. Right. That's him. Oh Rosie. By 1863 after leading his troops to a series of victories he was after Ulysses S. Grant the most powerful man in the region. Well okay. His men were spending a lot of time in Nashville. Okay. Which the Union had controlled since February 1862. Alrighty. Old Rosie believed Nashville was a good place for his troops to ready themselves for the next battle. Okay. But alright. Like any city there were distractions for the men. Oh dear. Oh no. Nashville is quite a town. According to the 1860 U.S. Census Nashville was home to 198 white prostitutes and nine who were called mulatto. You okay. Yeah. What happened there. Just fun facts.

Real fun facts. The red light district was no. Does the census you can't you don't count prostitutes. Apparently apparently. No I'm sure now you don't but apparently the back then back then. And what do you do man. I'm a whore. I'm a prostitute. Come here census man. No no no no no. Come on. No no no no. Don't point it at me. No no no no. No stop it. Get it. I'm turning my back on you like a dog. Take a census right here. No no no. Are there any more prostitutes in the house. Only 199. Alrighty. The red light district was known as Smokey Row. By 1862 the number of sex workers was up to 1500. Wow. That's whom. 1860 198 to 1500. Silicon Valley. It's a that's what this is. It's the Silicon Valley

of prostitutes. Wow. Union troops were who were long. Really about boats. Don't worry about it. It's not. It might be about a boat but a boat might come into it. It's not about boats. No. Damn it. Did you really think I was gonna do podcasts about boats. Yeah. Of course. That's great. Union troops who were a long way from their homes handed over check after check for a good time. Okay. For a lot of Civil War era women they didn't have a choice especially in the south but to become prostitutes. So it was checks. Well they're getting their their army checks for fighting and then they're just they're just fucking hookers. Can you make that out to cash please. Yeah. I'm. Can you or you just made out to make it out to

Betty Lou. That is cinnamon ruby two bees. So basic necessities were unaffordable and the salaries of enlisted husbands and fathers didn't cover it and also they were the men just were gone. Sure. So the women not a lot of job opportunities for ladies. Right. It's not like they could be like I'm going to go be a lawyer like they just you're like you're supposed to stay in the home. What happens when the guy leaves. I guess I become a prostitute. All right. That'll do. So yeah a lot of them were forced into it in that way. Economic issues. A prostitute in a major U. S. city at the time could earn about five dollars a week which is about three times what you might make if you worked in like a sewing

factory. Right. So make sense. Yeah. Newspapers often referred to prostitutes as abandoned women. By the spring of 1863 Rosie and his staff were very upset about what effect all the prostitute sex was having on the men. Here we go. So it's always one asshole who's just not into it. Old Rosie was worried about diseases. He was worried about disease. OK. Syphilis and gonorrhea. You don't want your penis to get old Rosie or syphilis syphilis and gonorrhea were very dangerous at the time. Sure. Because they could kill you. Yes. At least eight point two percent of union troops would be infected with one or the other before the end of the war. And the rates in cities were much higher. OK. Because if you're out

if you're out shooting other guys on a battlefield it's hard to get gonorrhea. Right. But if you're in a city fucking ladies it's easier to get it. Right. Turns out it's weird. When you're gone it's harder to get gonorrhea. And the stats also don't include those who picked up VD and didn't tell anyone or died before they. Right. Because you've got gonorrhea. Imagine you're out there in a war and you've got gonorrhea and then you get killed like that. Like you're like do I have to go like this. My last words would be thank you. Thank you. Thank God. Almost every building. Thank God Aria in Nashville have been turned into a hospital. So all the schools are hospital like this. It's just packed with wounded guys.

OK. Right. From the war. Right. And so no one wanted to spend time and energy treating guys with VD. OK. They're like you know what these guys are the actual gunshots. My penis. OK. Take them over to my penis building. Please someone help my penis. Hit it with a hammer that'll teach him. Please hit it hard. Union officials in Nashville were convinced the city's sex workers were responsible for the VD plague. Surgeons and regimental commanders petitioned old Rosie quote to save the army from a fate worse than to perish on the battlefield. OK. So I'm going to just I'm going to pause here and just say that getting gonorrhea is not worse than dying with your intestines out on a battlefield. Yeah. No. I mean it

it seems way better. It seems a lot better. Number one you had sex for it to happen. Sure. Number two there's it's pretty rough at this time but you can get cured. But it's a rough you can. There's like mercury that they give you like it's a there's fucked up treatments. Yeah. Yeah. Well mercury just kills everything. Yeah. It's like it's like it's dangerous. Yeah. It's not good. I remember when I was a kid I my dad broke a thermometer and he was so freaked out by the mercury. Yeah. Yeah. OK. So I'm crazy. OK. I'm the one who was eating it. So they came up with what they thought was the easiest solution to the prostitute problem. Well something tells me Dave this is going to be a logical old Rosie issued

an order on July 1863 to George Spalding the provost marshal of Nashville to quote without loss of time sees and transport to Louisville all prostitutes found in the city are known to be here. The old ship them out. Ship them out to Louisville. The old ship them out to Louisville. What should we do with the prostitute send them to Louisville. Why are we going to Louisville. Get on the bus man. Just trust me. It's going to be good. This I mean this is a theory that has happened before on this podcast where someone's theory is essentially just send them out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It still goes on. It still happens all. Yeah. It especially do with homeless now. OK. So the theories now how does one how does one lure the war.

How interesting. Spalding who is a Scottish immigrant started carrying out the order. I've got this one on July 9th and bring him to life. Yep. The Nashville Daily Press reports that the roundup of the quote sinful fair had begun. Oh boy. The women were not thrilled about the plan and they protested and tried to avoid the expulsion. Soldiers and police officers went on a raid of the city's brothels quote heaping furniture out of the various dens and then tumbling their disconsolate owners after. Why do they have to throw furniture. I don't know. They don't need to must see the place. I don't know why they're throwing chairs out the window. Get out of here. Get out of here. All the stuff. The curtains are

coming with me. Move that sink. Get out of here. It doesn't make any sense. But that's what they did furniture first prostitute second. All right. Now that you're all moved out. So spalding rounded them all up and then he had enough women but then he didn't know how to send them off or how to get rid of them. That is. How do you enter your plan if you don't have B. I know it's not great. But then he came up with the answer when he met John Newcombe who was the owner of a brand new steamboat. Hello. Named the Idaho. Well that's an interesting boat to be putting the prostitutes on. I. D. A. H. O. E. Oh wow. So Idaho. Wait but so I. D. O. He really went like that. That was what the name of the boat was Idaho. And

what are you looking for ma'am Idaho and what do you do Idaho. Sorry. What are you looking for. Idaho. What are you doing in Idaho Idaho. The ship's over there. Then spalding with old Rosie's backing ordered Newcombe to take the Idaho on its maiden voyage. It's never sailed. He's never taken it happened. He's never it's wartime. So you pack a boat full of prostitutes. This guy just has a whole boat and he just happens to be the main voyage. He's going to pop his cherries with a bunch of women. Well he originally he didn't have a whole boat but then then they turn it into a whole boat. A whole. So he's supposed to take 111 of Nashville's most infamous sex workers. So how does it happen that they're

forced to do it. Well they just have no option. Well during wartime it's you know basically martial law in this kind of situation like you just you whatever the military says. It's perpetual war. Thank you. Spalding didn't care where they were dropped off just so long as they were gone. Cool. Newcombe was very upset believing the order would destroy the reputation it was new steamboat. I mean just think of how unrelatable that is. I don't know. I'm worried about the reputation of my steamboat. You can't ruin my sweet new steamboat. No. No. No. It's names on the line. But he wasn't given a choice. He was given rations for the women enough to make it just to Louisville. Other than that he was on his

own. The local press loved the story and encouraged readers to quote bid goodbye to those frail sisters once and all. The battle with the media has always been. Yeah. Not much is known about the prostitutes were banished from Nashville but all 111 women on the Idaho were white. And as soon as they left Nashville their black counterparts took their places in the city's brothels and alleys. Reverse gentrification. Yeah. No it's true. The Nashville Daily Union quote the sudden that is the thing that it's the same with like the war on drugs. It's like that you know when there's an appetite for something in the public that people want you know you just you have to find a way to incorporate

it into your world over try to stomp it out which is just going to make it you can never fill it. You can never stomp it out. The sudden expatriation of hundreds of vicious white women will only make room for an equal number of Negro strumpets strumpets. This is what the paper says. Unless the aggravated curse of letchery as it exists among the negruses of the town is destroyed by rigid military. Is this a wizard's book or. I mean what who. You can only talk like this if you have a staff in your hand and there's a storm or the indiscriminate expulsion of the guilty sex the ejectment of the white class will turn out to have been productive of the sin it was intended to eradicate. We dare say

no city in the country has been more shamefully abused by the conduct of its unchast females white and Negro than has Nashville for the past 15 or 18 months. You translate what that means to me. So they're basically saying now that they got they got rid of the white prostitutes and then it was just they were just replaced by black prostitutes they just need to get rid of all of them. What. That's what it's saying. Yeah. It's because it says it says it unless the it's it's the letchery of the of the black prostitutes is destroyed by military civil mandates. So they're saying that it's the same thing should happen. So it only sounds extremely racist because that's just how people

talk. Well they decided to throw that in there also instead of just saying the new prostitutes they had to you know get down with the race came up with some nice terms. The Idaho reached Louisville in a week. But. Hello. Gentlemen. How are you? Would you like to see what's on my boat? Did you hear mine land hose? I got it. OK. By the time the ship got there the city's law enforcement officials had heard what was coming. Newcom was forbidden from docking and ordered to go to Cincinnati instead. OK. So now we'll. OK. So you. Well whores listen. I've got some news. For once this is going to be something you're not familiar with. We're not allowed to put our ship where we want to our vessel. So we need to go to

Cincinnati. But we're out of food and rations. Any who's will be. I'm going to settle up here in Sinssey. I mean in Louisville. But when he got to Ohio Cincinnati informed him they did not want a cargo of hookers. So now they've just made like a TV show. Horboat. Yeah. They've just made. Yeah. Make love boat. The ship to was the ship was forced to dock across the river in Kentucky. But all the women were required to stay on the boat. But where were they before. Now they're in Cincinnati and they have to dock across the river and they dock. So all the women are ordered on the boat to stay on the boat at the same time. Cincinnati because that quote there does not seem to be much desire

on the part of our authorities to welcome such a large addition to the already overflowing numbers engaged in their peculiar profession. So Old Rosie's plan literally was three parts and all he thought of was part A. Get rid of them. Round them up and get put on my boat and get rid of them stepped in shit. Luckily to find a boat. Well as far as now that they've got a boat people are not going to just drop off a bunch of horse. Well they're they're happy in Nashville because as far as they're concerned the whole whole right. OK. Right. But still this dude's a little Shanghai. So they're also not being permitted to land that the boat is taken over the Kentucky shore. But the authorities of Newport and Covington

have no greater desire for their company. And the consequence is that the poor girls are still kept on board the boat. It is said on what authority we are unable to discover that the military order issued in Nashville has been revoked in Washington and that they will all be returned to Nashville again. So just a little vacay. Little cruise across the store across the state. The Cleveland morning leader was thrilled about what was happening in Cincinnati and wrote that the women tried to swim ashore while others were rumored to have made contact with Confederate soldiers who might help them escape. I mean can you imagine like being in this time and hearing this. I mean you guys missed it. Oh

they were down by the shore. There's a bunch of whores swimming. What are you talking about. Oh it was amazing. It was just whores. Just beautiful women swimming up. All they wanted was to be rescued and they're wet and I'm wet. I think I met my wife. I really do. Yeah. I know you guys are sitting here just having whiskies but I really I met the one. I met your wife. So the Cleveland morning leader wrote the majority are homely forlorn set of degraded creatures having been hurried on the boats by a military guard. Many are without a change of wardrobe. They managed to smuggle a little liquor on board which gave out on the second day. Several became intoxicated and indulged in a free fight which

resulted without material damage to any of the party although knives were freely used. So ladies ladies be fighting. Yeah well I mean what yeah. There's going to be tension when you tell a bunch of people they can't live where they live. And let's face it if you're a prostitute this time you're probably a pretty tough lady. Yeah you're probably yeah you're probably keep your eye out for bullshit. Nuka was now desperate to get the women off his ship and he returned to Louisville and once again he was turned away. Come on come on second time's a charm. No we told you no. I know but what about did I tell you that they all have lady parts. Hold on a minute let me. I'm sweetening the pot you know what

I mean. Yeah no get out of here. And buttholes. No it's not getting any sweeter get out of here. He tried other small ports but the result was the same. Finally in early August the ship returned to Nashville. Now Spalding had all the prostitutes back and a huge bill from Nuka demanded to be compensated for damages to his ship. Go exactly according to plan. Like a couple of the prostitutes stabbed each other stabbed one another. Are we trying to get in a Cincinnati. They said no. Yeah. So now we're back here and all we've got is quite a time. It's a terrible story. We're starving. Uh-huh don't care. We're wet. We've run out of clothing. Yeah don't care. I think I've got diarrhea. Yeah I don't care. How

did that happen. Four or five of them. At what? I was weak. At the same. At the same time. No separate occasions. Well one time there was two but that was on day two liquor day as we call it. Although I didn't lick her don't take it that way but still. Could you leave. Yes. So he wants to be compensated. He demanded someone from the army come on board to inspect the ship for damages. I just remembered this is the guy who didn't want his ship name soiled. Yeah. Come on it smells. So he just he just had to take it out on the road for what like 10 days. I think it's like a month. Oh my god. Just be ruined. Come back. It's terrible. So the army staffer on August 8th found the ship's stateroom had been quote

badly damaged. The mattresses. What are you doing in the stateroom. Oh Christ this is badly damaged. The mattresses were badly soiled. No these are up. Well you can't sleep on these they're bloody soiled those bloody prostitutes. Filthy filthy horse. The report recommended Newcombe paid 1000 damages plus 4300 a cover food. Okay. And quote medicine peculiar to the diseased women in this class. Newcombe had been forced to pay that amount during the 28 day floating hooker boat run. Wow. 28 days. 28 days. There were only three crew members besides him. Oh my god. Well because they probably were like all right in and out real quick boom boom. In and out. Drop them up. Don't do this. You sure? Yeah. In and

out. Stop. Little the old in and out. We're both better than this. I don't know if we are. No way. But Spaulding did not care about Newcombe's money problems. His plan to get rid of the city's prostitutes was a failure. He finally acquiesced and accepted the fact that prostitutes would ply their trade and soldiers would be their customers. Spaulding seeing no other choice created in created Nashville's first system in the country for legalized prostitution. Wow. Okay. The plan was simple. Each prostitute would register herself get a five dollar license that allowed her to work. Is she pleased. A doctor approved by the army would examine prostitutes each week and the women would pay him 50 cents

for so smart. Yeah. It seems reasonable. Yes. When is what that little jaunt just did is double the prostitution population. Well you can also see like it was crazy expensive because it's a almost impossible plan to just deport prostitutes. Yeah. But again I mean yeah. No what you do is it's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. You accept that it's going to happen and you find the best way to entice people to do what makes sense for them. Right. Women who had venereal diseases would be sent to a hospital established for the treatment of those type of ailments. They would then pay for their treatment weekly engaging in prostitution without a license or failing to appear for schedule exams would result

in arrest and a jail term of 30 days. One boat ride. One boat ride. The sex workers were delighted with the idea of plying their trade without fear of arrest or prosecution. By early 1864 352 women were licensed while another hundred had been successfully treated for syphilis and other conditions they picked up in their work. All right. Tell me why this all falls apart. A few months later one doctor at the hospital remarked on the quote marked improvement of the health of the licensed prostitutes. He noted that at the beginning of legalization the women used crude crude language and did little to care for their personal hygiene but soon they were virtual models of clowniness and propriety. I mean

this guy's buffing the stats. No no they stopped swearing. I mean this guy's really like oh no they stopped swearing. They used to come in and say fuck me fuck me and now they're like hello. It's like the poster says clean vagina clean mouth. By the way I made that poster. Yes I was going to say that wasn't there earlier and is handwritten right. It's a prank. Well I've taken a hook line and sinker. A New York Times reporter who came to the city was also very impressed. He said the boy your holes are clean. I'm going to talk this one up in my column. Don't you forget about it. He said expenses of the program from September to June came to just over six thousand while the income from the taxes on

the quote lewd women reached fifty nine hundred. Okay. Once fearful of the law particularly military law given the treatment they had received Nashville prostitutes took to the system with almost much with almost as much enthusiasm as those operating it. One doctor wrote that they felt grateful to no longer have to turn to quacks and charlatans for expensive and ineffective treatments and eagerly showed potential customers their licenses. Right. No look I'm ready to go. It'd be great if one was undercover. Actually I am a whore bam. Major General William Rosencrantz leader of the Union Army of Cumberland had a problem. Oh wait. This just repeat itself. So if you know just I never like I really don't under

that it is so strange the idea of how we try to you know like in that era if you're a woman and you you you are a you know you are like you are working in the sex industry the the idea that they're going to be able to stomp you out and then and I'm sure this will all fall apart but this is what happens in our world all the time now where there's a version that makes sense and people just because of dumb hang ups are like no no no no you can't because the Bible or whatever the vagina is for something that it's there to have something that it loves come inside of it imagine does that make sense if the roles if the roles are reversed oh I can't and men and men were were more like men were prostitutes like women you

know yeah women were how quickly it would be legal oh cool and like in a heartbeat yeah you don't yeah yeah yeah in a heartbeat so you know there were less street walkers more women working in brothels and even prostitutes from the north came to the city who are looking for safer working conditions a syphilitic hospital was open that filled up so quickly they couldn't accept any more patients from other hospitals that's a bummer when they put up the rope at the syphilis clinic but this period for health and wonderment was not long for the world after the war ended in 19 in 1865 and Nashville was no longer under the control of the Union Army licenses for prostitutes stop being a thing of course

that was it so it was just because it was under military control the military it was just trying to make things as smooth as possible and then as soon as the military was gone and then religion returns religion of course old rosie made a tactical error that cost the Union Army thousands of lives at the battle of chica mogwa sure and he was relieved of his command by Ulysses Grant he finished the war as commander of the department of Missouri when the war ended he took up politics and eventually ended up serving a California district in congress in the 1880s john nukem was the most screwed of them all two years after the Idaho made its prostitute voyage he still had not been reimbursed by the government

he finally submitted his claim directly to edward stan the secretary of war and he was then given the money he was owed in certification that the removal of the Nashville prostitutes had been quote necessary and for the good of service look there's my certificate that says I only transport boatloads of prostitutes what I have to just wanted to keep his ship integrity it's all a man I got totally soiled and then he just wanted a little like congratulations certificate you could buy at staples yeah he just wanted a little something well look at that oh that that's just the certificate that says it was a good idea to try to get all the prostitutes out of town even though it didn't work and sold the name of the vessel

but the Idaho would not cruise the rivers of the US again quote I told them it would forever ruin her reputation as a passenger boat it was done and she is now in sense known as the floating whorehouse no no Dave no he ruined the boat no one would go on it oh man oh poor guy he's the real victim um yeah well you know like we said earlier if you create conditions for any like anybody where based on something that is out of their control their options are limited you can't get upset at the cause and effect of something right so you know like you you leave someone no option right they have no option and this is I mean this is the it's the same shit in like you know it's the same shit with selling drugs and

shit if you're if you have no opportunity and you need to make food in your belly then you'll do whatever you can you'll do whatever you can yeah so either fix the fucking conditions but the cool thing is you create that system where people desperately need money you don't have proper safety nets and then when they get in trouble you can put them in for for profit prisons obviously and all I mean for the most part it all comes down to profit prisons but still I mean that it really is it's like we just have like a nine-way race for you know our history I mean we just continue to there's no no everybody gets fucked except for one class oh really yeah I had noticed for one it is happening right now what just

like what are you talking about man sucks don't it well yeah so we we sign prostitutes oh did you know that the timing did you know that the timing of the uber one was gonna be so explosive kind of you did yeah I knew the report was coming out okay I was I mean I knew the report was kind of rushing like yeah yeah at the end I was rushing yeah for sure yeah I knew that I knew that so I was gonna collapse on it so funny because it happened and I was like Dave I don't want to freak you out no we're a tiny bit the amount of bad press they're getting from other places that's what people like you're gonna be sued and like number one all those sort of all those things that we said are sourced but also they're getting

hit from every fucking direction like they're getting slammed left and right yeah no that no that what's the what's the main guy's name Travis what's his calinic he you know there's rough weeks and then there's rough but I love that that what's your name Ariana Huffington trying to smooth the waters says no he's meditating he's meditating now in the lactation room at the office yeah in the lactation in the lactation room and then it turns out that all these silicon valley you know guys take interns in the lactation rooms and fuck them then there's all story about that because silicon valley is full of monsters we sign prostitutes right yep I said it all right.