The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 357 - The Piedras Negras Jail Break - live

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Piedras Negras jail break. SOURCESTOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd will be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. You're listening to the Dalop on the All Things Comedy Network. We have shows coming up. We're going to be in Phoenix on the 18th of January at the Orpheum.

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Each week, I drinker of beer. Man with skin. Good God. Lover of Bixby. Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to his friend. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. We have shows coming up in Phoenix. On the 18th of January, we have a show coming up the next night in Los Angeles.

And then we have shows coming up the next month in Atlanta in Philly. So go to dolloppodcast.com to get tickets. Yeah, Houston's tomorrow. I'll be in American Comedy Club in San Diego. December 27th through the 29. That's exciting. I mean, I think the comic club's really great. Always fun to kill momentum.

It's just we're giving out dates. What's the fucking problem? No one here is freaking out. Everyone's still excited. So I've been wanting to do the story for two years. I read it two years ago. I have a friend, Josh Olson. He wrote the history of violence.

Oh. And I read this story and I was like, this, I'm not going to do this as a dollop. And I just sent him an email and I was like, I think the thing like was, holy fuck, this is a movie. And so we wrote it and we're actually sending it out next week. And we worked so hard on it.

I mean, when the three of us got together and when you're pen in the script and that's what we called it in the room. Yeah. No. Sucker. It's got a third of everything. Dumbass

Don't put your hand up like that You just entered a contract See in the writer's room, Josh I don't think you know how a contract works I'll get the cork board and the tax The story was in Texas Monthly It was written by a great writer Who wrote for Texas Monthly for years

Called Jan Reed Yeah Yeah, great writer Got shot in Mexico Shit He made it He wrote about it after That's how we all know

Oh Okay Spoiler. Yeah, a little bit. Late 1940s, Texas. Sterling Blake Davis Sr. was on the wrestling circuit.

Okay, all right. He was known as Dizzy Davis or sometimes Gardena Davis. Depending on the locale. He supported a very colorful hand-sown robe and handed out flowers in Smokies arenas, mostly in Mexico or on Texas border down near Mexico.

Okay. Dizzy was an over-the-top, very effeminate character. Okay. One could say he was the first gay wrestler character. Okay. But Sterling didn't see it working out beyond Mexico, and he handed the character over to his Houston buddy, gorgeous George Wagner,

who then went to California and made a fortune with his routine on TV. Okay. After a decade is so, Dizzy retired. Okay. By 1972, he owned a large home. Dizzy did. Dizzy. Okay.

Are we calling him Dizzy? No, Stirling. Dizzy's gone. That's a character. Don't get angry at me. You're the one who's... You call them Dizzy eight times. Follow the goddamn story.

I have. So, Sterling, aka Dizzy. Dizzy's dead. He didn't die. He got handed off. Well, don't lie to me just because you want to make a point.

Some other guy made a fortune with his character. Yeah, Gorgeous George. Sterling had a house. In 1972, Sterling owned a home, large home, on the east shore of Dallas's Lake Ray Hubbard. Okay. He's 68 years old at this point. His health is not great.

Is he getting dizzy? Because then a renaissance. Okay, go ahead. He's divorced, has two sons, grown sons. One, Blake, Jr., nickname Kuder. Oh, boy. Awesome. Cooter had been arrested with 700.

Of course Cooter had been arrested. Duh. Of course Cooters gone to jail. No, if a cop, if cops's like, what's your name, Cooter? Come here. Come here. What do you got in your pockets? What's up your butt, Cooter?

Your Honor, I wasn't doing nothing. What's your name, son? Cuder? Yeah, no, that's grounds for search. You can't. I'm Cooter, son of Dizzy. So Cooter had been arrested with 770 pounds of pot in Arizona. Which is...

Yeah, that's a lot of pot. It's a lot of pot. He liked to smoke. He was a big... He fucking loved smoking... It's a lot of pot. What can you legally carry? Is it under that?

Yeah, in California, you can carry 769 pounds. Foolish, man. Yeah. So he got put in prison in Arizona. For what? Now, Sterling himself had not exactly been flying the straight and narrow himself since his wrestling days. Okay. Been running scams.

Okay. So his latest one was convincing people to get into bullfrog farming. Whoa, whoa, whoa. You telling me that's a scam? I just bet the farm on a business such as that. Oh, damn it. He would tell them, he would tell people they could make. a shitload of money from raising bullfrogs.

Uh-huh. Well, I got no more questions. Of course you can. Quote, one investor testified that Davis falsely claimed... Testified isn't good. That Davis falsely claimed to own a 650-acre frog farm in Arkansas. Sure. The old frog farm.

Yeah, for sure. Man, look at them. Hop for my... Look, you see him. Farty, I can see. Just bullfrogs a hawley. And, hey, we just found a speaker that's making bullfrog noises. No, no, you can see him hopping out there.

Head on out. Milk some. Mmm, bullfrog milk. It's supposed to be the best milk for you. Rihanna has a sponsorship with frog milk. He said, in a single year, Rice University Research Scientists bought 9,000 bullfrogs from him at $16 a frog. Do the math. I mean, is this about the frog bubble?

The frubble. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a sub-frog mortgage. So he'd sell people a $3,000 package to get them started in the world of Bullfrog. I mean, this is like expensive sea monkeys is what this is. Yeah, yeah. Well, I would say this, my grandparents got in, whatever.

It didn't go well for them either because it's not real. So they would sell people a three, yeah, my grandparents bought a bullfrog situation. All right, okay. He just wanted out of the house painting business. Something tells me he went back. I got a fucking paint because of bullfrog debt. The market frogged on me, you know. So here's the package.

Two portable swimming pools. So far it's a great one. With bad filters, frogs, an instruction manual, and a piece of vibrating sheet metal called an automatic feeder. What? So you want the, you want the, so you'd put maggots on the metal, and the metal would bounce, and then the bullfrogs were supposed to think that the maggots were alive and eat them. What? Did he just like, come up with some option generator that was like, all right, we got cheat metal, we got maggots vibrating.

All right. One guy hung a dead armadillo full of maggots over his metal, and that still didn't work. It wasn't, everyone was buying. and it wasn't working. Needless to say, it's all total bullshit. Right. Bullfrog bullshit. And most people would eventually set the bullfrogs free because they were

starving. Oh, they couldn't figure out the maggot? Automatic feeder? Bullfrogs are like, no, that's not a thing. One woman sat in a tree. What? Climbed up in a tree with binoculars to see if the bullfrogs

they didn't. Yeah, the problem's proximity. They're like, like eating in front of others. Well, I hit up in that tree, they still wasn't eating. I saw how I needed binoculars. So he scammed 70 people, at least 70 people that we know of. Okay, nice chunk of change. And was arrested.

Okay. He testified that his bullfog feeder, his bull frog feeder, there it is. Say it 20 times. Yeah. He testified that his bull frog feeder worked perfect for some people. Not others, though. Sure.

And in February, 1974, he was found guilty on 10 counts of fraud. Of frog? Fraud. Fraud. Both, really. I mean, yeah. The judge said, quote... Frog fraud.

The judge said, quote, you are one of the best con artist that has ever appeared before me. Oh, thank you, Your Honor. I'll see myself out. Cooter, get the car. I'm in jail. I know. Oh, right. So he was supposed to...

He was ordered to make restitution to his... his victims, he's fined $10,000 and sentenced to five years in prison, followed by five years probation. Okay. But Davis claimed bad medical health. He had a long scar from open heart and surgery

he recently had. Okay. Which he showed the doctor, the judge. The doctor was like, no, I did that. No, I did that. I don't need to see that. What's your fucking deal now? So you can't put anything up my butt because I got this. What? Which appointment am I at? Yeah, no. This is

We do oil changes. Oh. Well, I can't pay for it on account of this. But you say something about your butt? Yeah, no. You know what you need here? Some bullfrogs. That'd go great.

You guys got all this metal? Those are basically feeders. So the doctor then changed... The judge? The judge, sorry, I keep saying doctor. In May of 74, the judge sentenced changed him to probation for his whole run, 10 years, right?

Okay. That same month, Cooter was paroled. from his Arizona prison. Wow, this timing's lovely. Yeah. And then he was arrested in Mexico for transporting 175 pounds of marijuana. Jesus.

Oh, Cooter. Look, if it works, it works, right? Well, it hasn't worked. Yep. So. So for three weeks, he was strapped naked to a bed while federalies interrogated him. Jesus.

Yeah, it's not cool. You shouldn't, down there, it's not as... Nice to put it. on a bed, though. That's like, you're like, okay. I thought it had a mattress. Oh, it was just like, that's in my mind. And he's hard. Okay. A weird little mind palace you have going on. And they put a little Mexican flag on his wiener. Huh? Bada, ba da, da, ba, pa. There we go. You talk, Cooter. So after three weeks, he signed a confession that he could not read. He was imprisoned in a Saltillo, and then he bribed a warden.

So his dad got a money. Hold on one second. Can you be quiet over there real quick? Sir. Yeah. Well, we just did a recording recently where someone was talking the whole show and we listened to it.

We were like, oh, fuck. Yeah, that was Boston. That was, we called them the loud people. Yeah. I don't mean to be rude. The person at the Boston show was like, uh-huh. I was like, I'm just trying to concentrate

up here at the show that we're doing. Okay, so he bribes a warden $2,000 to tunnel out of prison. Okay. And then he, he starts tunneling. So wait, he basically bought like a tunnel permit? He didn't just, like, the warden's the top dog. He should just be like right out this way, but instead he's like, you got to earn it, okay? We're trying to find out if fear is a factor for you, okay? You can dig. Here's a spoon. He starts tunneling. Uh-huh. And then the warden tells all the guards. And so Cooter is like, I was framed. I was framed. And he tells us. And he tells,

He's right by the warden. He tells the guards that. So the warden had other inmates attack cooter with blades, so he ended up getting a big cut, and so he's not got a big scar under his chin. Jesus, okay. Look, it's not great in Mexican prisons. No, no.

American prisons are awesome. Yeah, that's where you want to go. Somewhere nice Miami, something like that. Yeah, yeah, nice view of the beach. Yeah, exactly, yep. So Sterling, meanwhile, needed employment as part of his probation, So he convinced the administrator of a non-accredited college in Dallas that he had a valid degree in psychology.

Man, okay. And that he had experience. He did not have anything at all. You don't need to tell any of us that part. Where is this Trump University located exactly? Let me see you on the map here. What are you talking about? So Sunni was teaching night classes on meditation techniques.

which he said were started by Andean Indians. He called it Transcendental Relaxation. There's a lot going on right now. So he has a psych degree in his head, and part of that is he teaches meditation. Yeah, that's his jam. Okay. It's his main thing.

In January in 1975, he applied for a state license to practice clinical psychology. Right, but he has no experience or expertise or knowledge. Nope. Right. And now he's getting to. a better degree. Well, he then learned that he was required to have two years of experience supervised by a licensed psychologist. That's going to be tough. So he got a psychologist to sponsor him,

and he opened an office on the Northwest Highway. Wow. Yeah, it was the 70s. A lot easier to get bullshit done. Yeah, everything went. He had a vibrating chair for... Is this true? Yeah, he had a vibrating chair for patients. Is that good for... I feel like that's not good for a patient. Just like, well, I think it all comes from my mom when you actually, you know, like, a lot of people say the first few years are just so important. Is there any way to get it to a lower setting? Because I'm a little, I'm not good with motion. Anyway, like, I think, you know, dad obviously left and my mom. I'm going to take it up to 10.

Okay. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Grandpa hit me. All right, shut her down. So, during all this time, Sterling was trying to get his son out of jail.

Okay. He tried embassy channels, the Mexican embassy. Okay. But no go. And then he found out if nobody was hurt and no property was damaged, there was no law against jailbreak in Mexico. Whoa. See, you know, every system's flawed, but at least Mexican jail is like a video game. You're free to try to escape.

But not you murderers. You don't try to leave. It's the same thing in Belgium. I guess the idea is that they think that just, from like a human perspective, if you're locked up, you will try to escape, so don't punish the person for that. I'm not following. I think I need a vibrating chair.

So, he starts looking for money to hire someone to break Kuder out of prison. Okay. Now, Kudor's lawyer had gotten him transferred closer to the border in Pietras Negress. But instead, that was very half-ass. Definitely not from there. That was a hiccup. Mistimed hiccup. But instead of transferring Cooter to the main prison, M. P.H. Negress,

they transferred him to the municipal jail, which is basically part police station, part jail. That's fun. There's five cells, five cells for men, one for women, and then a drunk tank. Okay, right. The cells were eight feet by nine feet, no windows, four bunks, and up to 12 prisoners in each cell. Jesus.

So you would work your way up based on seniority to bunk. To a bunk? Yeah. I would just try to get shit-faced and go to the drunk tank for a little while. A little vacate. I don't know. Where would you get the...

Toilet, turtlet. What? Turtlet. Turtlet. Turtet. Red wine, turtet. What? What's happening right now?

Don't ask where the grapes come from. Weik, wink. Turlet. Turtle it. Turtlet. Not turtle. it, but actually turtles are really great to raise. I have a turtle

farm. Are you talking about putting booze up your ass? No, are you? Yeah. Well, that's weird. That's how I drink. By the way, at midnight tonight I'll be down at the ass bar. Yeah. On 7th, which is a great new bar. Yeah.

Turtle. Another Yeager, sir? What's turtle? Turtlet. Like toilet, but turlet. Oh. Yeah. Fuck, I thought you were saying turtle. Yeah. picked up on that. He's my favorite character from the HBO show.

So there were no windows. The lights were always off. So the only way they could tell what time it was was by meals that were being served. They never went outside. They weren't allowed outside. So after, there's a little bit of, not sure about the time,

but after a while, maybe a year and a half, Cooter lost, he lost about 25 pounds. Okay. It's hard to work out in a cell with 12 dudes. Yeah. His body's covered in boils. Jesus. He had an abscessed tooth.

And then Sterling went to visit him, and he was horrified. And Cooter said he didn't think he would survive his sentence, which I believe was eight years. So back in Dallas, Sterling put out the feelers in the underground world, dive bars, drive-ins, all-night restaurants. Okay. Sure. Seems pretty undercover. Just walking around drive-ins. Hey, you want to break?

Yeah. You want to break someone out of prison? Yeah. Popcorn. Yeah. Are you fingering her? I'm going to roll this window up. Yep, I'll see you later.

So he didn't have a lot of money to offer, and anyone who tried it could easily end up in prison or dead, right? A lot of upside. Yeah. Sterling interviewed a lot of not very experienced men, and then he gave him an advance to a gang who used it to buy guns, and an El Camino. Sure.

You've got to roll over there in style. It can't just be some hacky gang. And then they partied until all the money was gone. Okay. All right. Phase two. Get him out of jail, right? Or is that sort of falling by the way?

Well, then they asked for more money. And he was like, no. We need another car. Yeah, we're going to need another El Camino. Yeah. We got to. And never mind. Yeah.

Another team went down, and he hired more guys. And they went down to the jail. And then they saw all this curate, and they were like, no, we're not doing it. So they just took the money and left. He's really running through this bullfrog cash. Yeah. Now, Don Fielden. Don Fielden?

Don Fielden. Okay. He's a high school dropout who joined the Marines and went to Vietnam. Okay. Quote, they'd been telling us all along that this was a police action. First night I was in Denang, they shelled the hell out of us, and I thought, man, I ain't never see a cop to go through this shit. So he didn't think it was a police action. 19 days before he's scheduled.

So not super familiar with the concept of war before the signing up? I mean, you know. A little, yeah. 19 days before he was scheduled to come back to America. He's put on radio watching a bunker. And then he has to take a shit. So he walks to the door and he's looking at the shitter, which is like a two-man little hut type thing.

I mean, I don't want to get into it too far. It's like a two-toileted hut? It's a two, yeah, there's just, well, probably buckets or holes. It's just, uh... So like an outhouse? Yep. Okay. And so he's looking at it, he's thinking if he has to go so bad, should he run for it,

and then a guy goes in, and then it gets hit with a rocket. Shrapnel hit his right shoulder and almost severed his right leg. So he's, he's, that's the Marines for him. He's kind of wrapping that up. Did he ever get to take the shit? I think right when the shrapnel hit him, I'm imagine that... Hard to focus on that area after such a... Yeah, he's probably like, oh, that took care of that.

Yeah. Business. Boy, my problem from earlier just dwarfed. So, he gets better, he heals. In 1970, he's released from the Marines. He doesn't have a pension disability. He starts drinking a lot. Okay.

He liked to hang out with other Vietnam vets at a Dallas bar called the Town Pump. Proceed? He got a job as a long-haul truck driver. He did extra work as a collection man. Sure. For a group that front-end as a nightclub janitor service. I don't even understand the car. He fronted?

What do you mean? Well, so they pretended like they were a nightclub janitor service, but they're actually just a loan chart. collection guys. Oh, okay, right. So they're like, are we going to clean your toilet? He's like, yeah, okay, fine. And then they're like, yeah, we're going to kick the shit out of you, give us some money. Yeah, okay. He learned to be a man of violence in the war, and nothing in civilian world matched the excitement that he had felt in war. On March 3rd, 1975, he's driving on the highway,

guy cut him off, he got so mad that he pulls out his pistol and starts shooting at the guy from his truck. What did the guy from, in the truck do exactly? I'll put them off. Yeah. All right, so I get it. Dallas Cowboys' Wide Receiver Golden... What turn are we taking right now? What? Dallas Cowboys,

wide receiver, Golden Richards was driving next to the truck and saw the whole thing. Okay. And he reported it to police, but then for some reason, Golden Richards refused to turn up to testify at the grand jury. Hmm. I wonder what that was all about. So Don walked. Jesus.

Don was fired from his trucking job two days before Christmas. Well, let's not just... Yeah, I think that's... I'm on the side of the trucking company on that one. Let's not... Your awes are way off. Let our hearts not break too much for this.

He separated from his wife. They had two kids. Okay. I mean, you're closer, but come on. This dude shot a man. I don't know how great of a dad he is. He shot a man. Well, he shot at a man. Well, he shot at a man.

And then he heard through the underground, a friend of his told him that someone was looking to hire some men for a jail break. So Don went to Sterling's office on February 16th, 1975. Absolutely. I have an appointment about the jail break. 76. Hi, I'm here for, is just the jailbring? break a situation? I'm auditioning to break someone out of jail. That's all I know. I have a 4.45.

So he goes into the office. Now, Sterling has a PhD diploma on the wall. Sure. Which apparently we can all do now. If you want, you just put it up on the wall and you have it. It's from the University of Mexico. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, you of M. Yeah. Go banditos. So Don heard a little bit about the jail break and then he asked Sterling to tell him how to say, get your hands up and other phrases in Spanish, and Sterling changed the subject. Well, what does Sterling think he's gay? No violence.

Just looking for a real smooth move. Don then realized Sterling was a con man, and he did not respect Sterling at all, but he needed the money. And he still crave the action after Vietnam. He said he would free Cooter for $5,000 and expenses. Well, there it is, you know. It's going to be stopping for lobster the whole way.

That's how you make it up. He agreed to take all the money after the job was done. Now, I don't know much, but I have seen forensic files. You normally do a little up front and then a little after. Right. But he's willing for... But after he had been taken by the other two gangs, he doesn't want to give up any money ahead of time.

Okay. Still, it's quite a job of faith. Yeah. Yeah, okay. So soon Don was down doing recon in Eagle Pass, which is just across the border from Piedris Negress. Jail was three blocks from the toll gates and the international bridge. This is not a long trip. This is really setting up for...

What? It's not a long trip from the jail to the... Uh-huh. Don went and he visited Cooter. Hey Cooter, it's me. Your old pal. Don. Well, Cooter was a family name.

So as soon as Don called him Cooter, Cooter knew what was going on. He knew why he was there. I mean, okay, sure. He spoke Cooter. Cooter? You're here to break me out, huh? No, I'm the new warden. What happened? So Don also gets to look at the jail, and the jail is super far back from the street, so he realizes if that's the case, he'll need another man. He can't do it himself. Okay.

Mike Hill. Oh, boy. Oh, Mike. Mike is 32, son of alcoholic parents, dropped out of school at 13 and lived in an abandoned fire station. See a Dalmatian? Look, I got his leg going. Stop it, Ted. Mike stole a bike to get a delivery job.

Ended up spending a lot of time in juvenile hall through his teens. Okay. In 1965, he was convicted of burglary, but given probation. And over the next 10 years, repeatedly arrested, but never convicted. There was really an era where it was a lot more probation-based as opposed to now. Oh, where there's money in putting people in prison? Oh, Dave, stop. Come on. We're trying to have a good time here. You don't need to talk about the prison industrial conflict. Let's have a little light fun, huh? Let's not anchor the the moment down. We're having a little fun here tonight. Come on. It's a fat chew, and we're going to keep it light.

You socialists. Over the next 10 years, oh, I said that. So he starts buying cars. Wholesale. Who? Mike does? Yeah. Mike buys cars wholesale. And then he sells them in classified that. So that's how he's making a limit. Okay. That sounds legit, right?

Yeah, that's not, no, it's not too bad. It's pretty normal. And then he gets a tow truck. Okay. Starts running a wrecker service. Okay. Which is one of the flatbed ones, right? Sure.

Look at you. Insider. In 172, he discovered pot. He really likes pot. I really like Mike. So he starts smoking a lot of pot. Okay, sure. And then he started taking advantage of the Dallas towway ordinance.

Now, he puts together a fleet of independent wreckers. Okay. And they would all haul cars away from private property and then deliver them to a lot that Mike leased. Okay. You'd give each driver 25 bucks. And then when people come to get their cars, he'd charge him 43. Is he just towing for anything? What is he towing for?

He's not towing. He's just got a big fleet of independent guys that he's paying to bring him cars. Oh, I get you. Okay, right. You got to come get your car. Okay. All totally legal.

Sure. The Dallas ordinance is like, that's fine. Yeah. And then one of the drivers was out, and he radioed him because he's like, I want to tow this car, and these guys aren't letting me tow the car. Okay. Because the guys were undercover Dallas Nark cops.

You should have known when it was a police car you were trying to tow. Yeah. So the drivers, the cops were like, we're fucking watching, get the fuck out of here. They can't tell them what's going on, but they're like, we're fucking working, get out of here. Well, I'm working too. You get out of here. No, we're in the middle of something. We're fucking out of here.

We're watching the club. Ah, well, I'm watching the car. Sorry. Get the fuck out of here. Look, we have opposed goals. That's not my fault. So he calls Mike. Boy, you guys whisper a lot to your chest, huh?

So he calls Mike. Okay. Mike shows up. He's got a van. In his van, there is a loaded Derringer, a loaded pistol, a dagger, a shotgun, and two baseball bats. I mean, do you need two bats at this point? It's like, what are you expecting to go through? All right, the guns out of ammo.

Give me the bats! Not the swords, the bats! It'll be fun. So, that doesn't go well. He gets arrested. Sure. And the cops are pissed because he blew their state. takeout. Sure. And then a little while later, another driver towed the mayor's car. Oh, dear. Oh, boy.

Mayors don't like that. No. No. It was a temporary mayor, Adleine Harrison. Well, they're all temporary mirrors. Well, she was like filling in. She was filling in. She was just mayor for a day. She was like, he died or didn't stop or whatever. I don't know. He got tired. I don't know what happened to them. No, no. You just do a mayor every couple weeks. The first female. It's like tag, but with mayors. Yeah. Yeah.

So she proposes a new tow away ordinance after they towed her car. So his business is over. Okay. Wow. So then things fall apart, and he's living in his Chevy step van, which is painted reflective silver. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.

Silver reflective van. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah. Just like a ball of light, just going along. It's a UFO, but it's on the road. I can't explain it. So Mike is a good-looking dude, a little scary. His nose is very enlarged from having been broken so many times.

And you referred to him as a good-looking dude, yeah? Yeah. Okay. He's very likable. Everyone likes Mike. Women are super into him. He's divorced with two kids. He's a tough, good old Texas boy is how he's described.

Okay. A friend asked him if he wanted to go to Mexico and told him about the job. to him it seemed like a, to him it seemed like a movie idea. Uh-huh. That's when you know you pull the plug. It sounds like a great movie plot that I'd watch, not live, all right? But he needed money. Sure.

So I met Don at a Denny's. Mm-hmm. As one does. And at this point, Don could not find anybody to do this with him for $2,500. Okay. And he's desperate for a partner. That's how much, did I tell you how much they're getting paid? 2,500? He was getting paid.

They were getting $5,000. Right, and they're splitting. Right, right, okay. So he's desperate. So Don Drup, the Denny's, he took out napkins and drew out the plans. How many times? How used to

like Denny's waitstaff must be so used to people plotting bank jobs and boots. They're like, oh, that's good. I think you guys are going to get away with that. I'll be right back with y'all's waffles. Okay, thank you guys. More coffee guys? Oh, that's great. Look at you guys with those big old guns.

I think you're going to win over this crowd. Oh, don't flip it over. I don't mind. Please, I've seen them all. Which one are you hitting? Oh, U.S. Bank, they got a lot of money in that ball. That's going to be a good haul for y'all. Be right back with y'all's cookies.

During, while he was explaining how they would do the jail break, Don kept saying, quote, it's not against the law as long as you don't hurt anybody. I mean, this really is a reality show concept. He told Mike breaking out in Mexico's not against a law, and when they were done, Mike looked at Don and said, quote, What's wrong with tonight? Oh, hey!

Easy there, pal. I'm crazy, but what crazy follow-up? Let's do it now! Well, they agree to leave the next day. Okay, let's get moving. So Don brings a sought-off shotgun, and Mike his 12-gauge pump. Sure. As they drove south,

They started to get on each other's nerves. Couple alphas. Mike constantly drank coffee, so they kept having to stop for coffee. Just get two next time. I don't like it because then one gets cold. Then get a bigger one. I don't want a bigger one because then it gets cold before I'm done with it. Could I get another small coffee, please?

As you're leaving the one place, I'm almost out. All right, you know what? Now, Don wants to talk about the gym. jail break the whole time, but Mike kept wanting to talk about getting late in Mexico. Man, think of how much pussy we're going to get when we get him out or before. Yeah, yeah, we're going down there to get. Or if we don't even do it. Okay, what?

No, we're going to go rob the... We don't have to do it. I need a coffee. We're going to break them out. And a prostitute. Okay, we're going to break them out of the prison, and then we're going to come home. That's a plan. I got a different plan.

What? Yeah, I've been working on a different angle. No. We're going to go get laid a bunch and then get some small coffees. And then we're going to watch a couple movies at the host. hotel, then we'll see how we feel. Probably get coffee. Then maybe we go back have more sex. What? It's a hell of a guy trip. No. Yeah. Bro code.

And then at some point, Mike asked Don how much money they had. $100. To Mike, that did not sound... Like a dumb and dumber jail break. To Mike, that did not sound like the big deal jail break he'd been told it was. Yeah. And it sounded like Don wanted to drive right down and do it immediately. And Mike thought, quote, I thought we were just going down there and taking a look at it. So they get to Eagle Pass, and they check in a hotel, like you said. The next morning, March 1st, they crossed the border, and when Mike saw the jail, he got a very bad feeling.

Uh-huh. It was well guarded and very far back from the street. Well, I mean, I would think if you make the deal that if you haven't hurt anyone that you can escape, that they're going to probably guard it pretty well. You would think, but... Yeah. It's just kind of a door. There's going to be a door, yeah.

Well, not an escape door. No, like a door to the front of the jail. Well, yeah, there's a door to the front of the jail. I agree. Well, let's say page. Pull over. I want coffee. So they go back to the Ego Pass hotel room to discuss the plans, and Don said they should use explosives or a fire to distract the cops.

Okay, right. But every time he started getting deep into the plan, Mike would roll a joint and smoke it. Ah. Go, no. I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm done. I've been done for 12 minutes. You've been looking at the TV.

It's Mexican shit's good. Stop smoking joints, you idiot. Fuck, what are we doing? Breaking Cooter, God damn it. My God. Are my eyes red? Yes. You're all red.

You think they got Mexican cartoons down here on that? All right. You know what? You need to focus, brother. Like a Scooby-Doo that speaks Mexican. That's what I'm thinking about. I don't have a great feeling talking to a stone man who wants to pull Scooby-Doo routes.

I hope they don't have Scrappy-Doo down here because I never liked that guy. I know the feeling. Let's get a pizza and order some porno. What do you say? Make a day of it. They go to sleep. The next day, they go to sleep. watched the jail from a tamale stand

a little bit up the street do you want tamales? No no no you're holding up the line shut up just taking a little we're taking in the view another water and small coffee two coffees 10 minutes apart

so he to Mike it looks even worse during the day it's a one-way street the road is narrow and there's cops standing out front and then he asked he has to talk to Sterling so Mike, they go back to the hotel, Mike puts him on the phone,

Don puts him on the phone with Sterling. Okay. Mike says, quote, he sounded real positive about not sending anybody any money. Okay. Uh-huh. And Don wants to do the raid now because they didn't have much money left to keep paying for the hotel.

Priorities are out of whack. We're not going to get paid. Well, then we should do it now. Let's move. We're almost out of money. So Mike finally agreed. Okay. And at midnight, they headed into Mexico.

As they drove down the street, a Pietras Negress cop pulled him over. Don said, quote, we're going to have to take him out. Okay, let's all cool out a little bit, huh? And Mike was like, just let me see what he wants before we start killing him. No, you idiot. That's his game. That's how they get you. So he got out of the car.

and he looked at the cop and he said, Which way to Boys Town? And the cop said, follow me. And they followed him and he drove them to a brothel. Okay. As they drove, they got far enough behind the cop to throw their guns in a bush on the side of the street. So this cop was pretty much,

this cop is a dream situation. Yeah. Mike only had 20 bucks on him, but he used it that night to buy sex workers' drinks. Sure. Sure, as one does. Spend it on a round.

I think they like me. You idiot. We're out of money, by the way, but they're all super cool. Like, so relatable. In the morning, Mike said he wanted to visit Cooter and scope out the jail. Sure. So inside, Mike is freaked out.

The smell is horrifying. Later, he would describe the look on the prisoner's faces as, quote, Have you ever seen a drowning dog? So it is, he's been in jails, and he's like, this is the worst fucking thing I have ever seen in my life. My God, that drowned dog thing

is really gonna stick with me. Yeah, what does a drowning dog look like? I don't want to get into this. Go watch Milo and Otis. I didn't do it. I just watched it as a kid and was like, boy, what a resilient group. I can't believe they went over two different waterfalls

and survived. DVD commentary. What's that? Oh, God. No! I don't know what's happening. Just go check out the cast in Milo and Otis. You're going to see a number of cats' names. Oh, shit. They don't take... By the way, kittens don't take direction very well, turns out. We had a cat on Marin 5,000 a day. That's some sweet cheddar. You can train a cat. You can make a fortune, but no one can train a cat.

actually got, I got one who will eat for food. Yeah. You got one that'll eat its own paw if it hasn't been fed in an hour. So inaccurate. Or sorry, flipper. Rude, rude, rude, rude. You're a rude man. A rude man. So after they go to the jail and he meets Cooter and he's freaked out, they go back to the motel. I got a good feeling. And Mike's like, look, we need a third guy to watch for the walkie-talkie. So they're going to split the money They're not getting three ways to do this?

Well, it's too far back. They need someone to watch. Don wants to do it now. He's tired of the bullshit. They start fucking screaming at each other. Hopefully in private, because if you get specific, that's a tell. And then they get in the car and they go back to get the guns,

which they threw in the bushes. Sure. On the street. Mike's talking super fast because he's totally freaked out. Well, and he's had a lot of coffee. He's had a lot of coffee. They've been hanging around the jail for three days. the Mexicans copped had to know what they were up to,

they're up to something. It turns out they didn't have enough gas to get back to Dallas. So Mike said, I don't want to do it tonight. My karma's not right. And Don is fucking disgusted. But Mike had a good point about the gas money. Yeah. Because once they break the guys out,

what are they going to do? What are they going to do? All right. Wheelbarrows. And Don knew from war, everyone needed to be focused and confident. And Mike's karma comment meant to Don, that he could get them both killed. Okay.

There's what they're saying and then there's what they're hearing. Two strangers constantly evaluating the other in their head. Yeah, I agree. This guy's a fucking idiot. This guy's going to get us killed. Well, it's off because his camarie ain't right.

Boy, I want another coffee. Don had a friend wire them $50 to buy gas money to drive back to Dallas. Oh, there we go. Okay. So, finally, the pot of gold. Yeah. So back in Dallas, Mike wants to meet Sterling, so they go to Sterling's office.

He asks about the money, and Sterling shows him a photocopy of a $5,000 check. Look at that. Huh? That's almost cashable. So, for those of you out there who don't think I'm going to write a check for $5,000, well, I have.

Where it is, you don't know. Proof. Would I make this if I didn't write one for you? Look at that. Look how easy I wrote that. Right there. That's a check, but somewhere. Not here, but there's a picture of it. You're basically looking at gold.

Okay? Or a picture of gold. All right. Also, I got you boys a nice little bullfrog farm. I think you're going to want to retire to. It's a nice little area. They got self-feeders. We got a tree dilla.

All you need is maggots. That's all you need. So he still refused to advance any money, but Mike is still in. Yeah, well, he saw a photocopy of a check. I mean, obviously, like, things are on the up and up. and happening. He also noticed the

diploma. So for the third man, Mike approaches Billy Blackwell. Okay. Billy's an 18-year-old kid who used to work for him at the lot. Oh, hey, Mike. He could not read her, right?

Hey, Mike. And now he was mowing lawns for a living. Hey, look all this grass, Mark. But Mike Hill was Billy's hero. So he was super loyal to Mike. a small coffee too. Can't believe how much we'll both love coffee.

Mike used to say stick with me and we'll make a fortune. Let's rob a bank together. Yeah, I'll do anything. You might. You complete me, Mike. I'll kill myself for you. No, that's fine. We're good. Sorry. That's not a thing we need. Let's get coffees again.

Billy had shoulder length, brown hair. He told Billy they were going to repossess a truck in Mexico. That was the job. Boy, that sounds pretty straightforward, Mike, let's go. Billy agreed to do it for $500. Sure. Now, Don is supposed to be raising

money, but he can't raise any from anybody, so Mike steps in. After seeing the prisoners, he felt an obligation to get them out of the hellhole. So he's got like an emotional attachment now to get them out. Here we go. All right. Some depth. Yeah. Particularly cooter.

He feels like... He's a cooter empath. Who is him? So Mike approached Gotta be. So Mike approaches a guy who... He's called a creditor, but it's like he's not a bank, but it's an official business. So he approaches a guy who loans money. Uh-huh.

Well, we have those. Yeah, it's just a weird thing. Yeah, payday. He's legit, right? Okay. So Mike told him that he was going to repossess a tractor trail in Mexico that was worth 10 grand. And he just needed a thousand. Okay.

So the creditor's not buying it totally, but he's still loaned Mike the $1,000. Okay. Using the silver van as collateral. Oh, the reflective van. Yeah, the mirror. He had his eye on that way. Yeah, he's like, well, as long as I get that reflective van, it looks like a superhero drives it.

Who wouldn't want that? So word got to Don that another American in the prison was also going to pay five grand if they broke him out. Okay. So now they are actually looking at 10 grand. 10 grand. Right, okay. So Don just wanted to. to free the two, but then when Mike heard that, Mike said they should free all the prisoners,

and then afterwards ask them all for five grand. Absolutely. I mean, absolutely. Yeah, I think what you do is once you get everyone out, sure, they might scatter, but honor system guys, honor system. Yeah, these are prisoners. They know the code. Honor system. Yeah. We're expected 5K each, okay, when we get everyone out. So he adds it up And with all the Americans in there He's like this could be 50 grand Yeah but it's also like not

At all At all One of the guys you're bringing along thinks you're gonna get a tractor Or you're gonna get like a car One of the guys is showing you A photocopy of a check Yeah

Yeah No Charlie and you're Charlie's Angels Charlie's showing you the check That looks pretty good That is a super old reference Now they remade it Yeah I guess so Yeah

All right So Mike is now super in Now he's totally charged up about the idea, 50 fucking grand. He needs to put the coffee down. Switch to decaf, it sounds like. He gets walkie-talkies, he gets gloves, and blue ski masks with red inserts.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. So his idea behind that is... I'm very ready. We're wrestlers. So he figures when they come in wearing that, the cops never see that, so they'll be so freaked out that they won't do anything.

Now, when this idea is pitched, what are the others feeling? They're like, absolutely, they will be shot. That makes sense. It's like putting a smoke bomb on your head. There's no way they'll have any idea what's going on here. It's like Spider-Man, but a black Spider-Man with red eyes. All right, guys. Come on, evil Spider-Men are here.

Let them go through. Big fan of you guys. That's what you are. On March Wednesday, I'm sorry, on Wednesday, March 10th. Oh, you're going European for a second. Yeah, flipped it. Wednesday, March 10th, it's on. Is it?

It's on. Technically. It's on. Okay. Mike is waiting. Okay. Don picks up Billy. They drive over to Mike.

Mike's sitting there smoking. Billy at this point is still thinking they're repossessing a vehicle or something. Yes. Right. Okay. Now at some point, I would think that you're going to have to let him in on the little wrinkle that he's been left out on. Absolutely. Sure.

So Mike's smoking a joint. Just waiting for them to pull up. Sure. Get nice and fucking baked before this. Certainly. I mean, if I'm saying this is not something you get high for, you do. not get high for it. It's stone before this.

I'll enjoy it more. No, Mike. What are you talking about? So the car pulls up, and there's a guy in the back. He's got short, sandy, razor-cut hair. Who's he? Shaggy's in the van?

So... And then he realizes that Billy's wearing a wig. Oh. You think they're just repossessing a vehicle is the only one in disguise. So everyone else. And remember, they're still in Dallas. Like, they have a long way to go for it.

He can put on the wig way down south. Yeah, but then you're not going to be as deep in character. You want to get it early. Holy shit. Boy, what do you think he's going to wear when he hears we're going to a Mexican jail? So like you said, Billy still thinks they're repossessing a truck. So as they drive, Mike tells Billy it's a jail break. How do you get into that?

Hey, Bill, love the hairdo. Listen. I'm thinking, I'm recollected back to our conversation. I'm thinking I said a couple things off. Now, instead of repossess, we're breaking. Uh-huh, okay. And instead of a- Breaking into the car?

No, no, we're breaking out of somewhere that we're going to break into. What? And instead of a car, it's jail. So, yeah, that's it. Uh, yeah. I shouldn't have said so. because everything's pretty much settled and established.

Love your little bot. You look like a beetle back there. Look at you. Little beetle maniacs going back there, you little bopper. That's right, yeah. He says, quote, Billy, what it boils down to is we're going to war down there.

Okay, Mike, you're all my best friend. Billy took this literally and thought they were actually going to war. Hold on. Let me get my beret and sunglasses. Billy, quote, Mike, don't you think I need a gun? Now, you got to win. That's the hair of guns. Mike told him the jailbreak was being done on behalf of the U.S. government. So, honesty's an issue in their relationship.

Well, no, because it turns out Don had told Mike they were working for the State Department. And the shale bake was sanctioned by the U.S. government. So Don's hearing this like, oh boy, I'm king of shit. Look at my lies going to him. We are on a mission from the government, Billy. Now, Don brought a bottle of scotch for the drive. Now, we're going to need to get real ripped up before this. None of your weed smoke, and we need to focus.

Let's have a third of whiskey each. What do you say? Huh? As everyone say to a leader each, yeah? Come on there and do it. That's right. Billy hasn't had any yet, which is troubling. Jailbreak, man.

All right, Billy. All right. Can't believe I'm driving. All right. Oh, boy. The whole time they drove, Mike and Billy passed joints. This sounds like a pretty good time. I mean, certainly, you know,

it's definitely like a good angle if you're going to go maybe watch a football game, but probably not if you're going to go into a Mexican james. to have, you know, a few pops in you and nine J's deep. Probably not the best headspace to be floating around in right now. So the tension... And their cornbread looks good. Let's go.

God damn it. Let's go. So the tension builds in the car and finally Don says, why don't you guys quit smoking? And Mike responds, quote, well, hell, you're drinking. Then I just keep going. All of a sudden, McConaughey's in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he's driving a Lincoln with that whiskey that he promotes. You all know, what you need to do is get a Lincoln Town car. I'll watch the moon out there kissing the clouds they move by. All right, I'm going to roll out. So they get to Eagle Pass, they check into the motel. They wait until the TV, back then TV's turned off. TV turns off. Remember TV would, there weren't, TV didn't go on all night, so it would stop it.

You were at times not able to watch TV? Yeah, no, it wouldn't turn off, but the... Everything would stop? Every channel would play, it would play the Star-Spangled Banner, and then there'd be a flag, and then it would go off for the night. It would just be snow, and then it would pick up again at 6 or 7 a.m. Boy, I am glad we got out of that face. Fuck.

That's what the 70s were. And now you're like, my Netflix won't load. Ah! This is hell! The Internet sucks here! So... I can't shake Facebook on a flight? Oh my God.

Literal hell. So that means it's 2 a.m. So they give Billy walkie-talkie, and they have him walk across the bridge, and he's going to go watch the jail and then radio them. Sure. So then they drive around,

and then they stop, and they're waiting across the border from him to walkie over, and then two cops pull up and ask him what they're doing. My quote, how do you get to Boys Town? Jesus Christ. I think this is just a sex worker ruse.

The cops laugh and gave him directions. Oh, great. Boy. They're unable to get Billy on the walkie-talkie. They just keep trying and nothing's happening. So Mike says, quote, man, they must have got Billy. Let's go.

Where? The jailbreak. Without him? Yeah. They got him. Let's go get him. What about plans? Are they not?

viable? So they crossed the border and as they approached the jail, Billy said over the walkie, quote, six cops just left. There shouldn't be but three in there now. I like how he's getting a little Shakespearean now. There shan't be but three inside there now.

I've got the wig, I'll play the pot. It looks like all the hubbub was much ado about nothing. Ah! Sweet Benvolio! God Benvolio's hither. So dawn turns and they get lost It's just a maze of one-way streets

So they're just driving Now they're just driving around Trying to figure out where they are Because back then there's no There's no fucking GPS So you don't need to tell us the TV shut off That's already crazy enough So then a car Mexican teenagers

Pull up beside them And Mike yells Pinoche, Pinoche! That doesn't mean anything What does it mean? Pussy? Okay. Sir, we don't need the sign language as well.

Yeah, yeah, we're good without the... So it means pussy, pussy, that's what he just yelled? Okay, so the kids take him to the police station. That's where Pussies were. So they park outside. All right, perfect. A little bit down the block. Here we are at Boys Town.

A lot of these girls look like cops. I'm gonna fuck that one. I had my eye on her, too. She's hairy. Yeah. and armed Yeah So Don looks at Mike and says

Quote if you have any thoughts If your karma's not right But then Mike's fucking Already got the ski mask on Mike is ready to go So they put on their Mike Don puts on his ski mask They start walking across the street

They got their guns in their hands And they approach the jail door And Don whips it open That's not how jail doors Are supposed to work Well you can just walk in Because it's also a police station So they walk through the lot, and then they get to the jail door.

And they... Potentially a little early with the masks? No, well, yeah. I would have put the masks on right outside the door, but they put them on across the street, walked across the street across the lot. Right. And then they open the...

Hey, look, criminals. So, Don whips the fucking door open. Don have been studying Spanish phrases just for this occasion. And they yelled, Palmo Assaultaire! Correct. which translates very crudely, if at all, to span. Come on.

Span? Span? S-P-A-N. Come on. If you could translate it. It's really gibberish. He wanted to yell, get your hands up. Right. But instead, everyone was like,

he's trying to move time. Now, as they went through the door, Mike was thinking about the end of the movie, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Well, Mike, get in a little, more positive of a headspace. Kid and the warden'll kill you. Turns out Billy was wrong. There's not

three guards. Right, he can't read her, right. So he's... There's five guards and five cops inside. Like I said, three. And there's also a stenographer who's... They're interviewing a young lady.

The interview is pretty easy for a stenographer. Yeah. So they're interrogator. getting a young lady, the stenographer falls off his chair. Everybody freeze. Everybody freezes because they're like, what in the fuck is happening? And they all look at each other for a second. And they stare at these guys in ski masks. And then all the cops just start fucking scattering. Interesting.

And Don yells. So the stenographer's the brave one. And Don yells, freeze! And then he hits one with the shotgun, the butt of the shotgun. Mike leaps over the counter. two cops pull their pistols and Don points his shotgun at them and then they drop their pistols. Jesus. So the cops potentially

were less trained than our group. Yes. What the deal was they're actually just a bunch of guys making minimum wage and they don't give a shit at the end of the day. Right. So Mike sees a cop reaching for an M1 rifle that's leaning up

against the wall. Points to gut at him. He sees something behind him. It's another one. He spins around, almost shoots that guy but doesn't. But then all the cops are just like, okay, and then they've taken over the jail. Please take all the span you need. Give him all the span.

I don't know either. Yeah, Palmo. Yeah. Palmo. Pammo and Pabo. Don't say anything weird. These guys are fucking idiots. So Don't say back to the cells.

He brought bolt cutters with him. He snaps the chain on the door back to the cells. He goes back there. There's a guard and a Mexican prisoner outside the cells in the corridor. Don moves over to Cooter's cell, and he goes to use the bolt cutters on that chain, and the bolt cutters just snap. Oh, shit.

So the prisoners all start yelling, Yave! Yave! Which means keys. and Don thought they were saying Yabi. And he's like, I don't know what you guys are talking about. And they're like, Yave, Yave! He's like, what the fuck are you saying?

All right. And then the Mexican prisoner, who's outside, the cells, hits the guard with a chain that he had broken off. Yave! And he tells him to go get the keys. So that guard gets the keys and opens up the cell. Okay. So all the guys come out.

Well, wait, first you've got to be like, all right, before you get out, you each owe us five thousand. thousand dollars. I know we're all in the rush right now. We're all going to say whatever we want to get out of here. I'm talking on our system, boys.

Let's get some IOUs written right now. Come on, legally binding IUs. So, they heard the cops into another cell. Mike gives the M1 rifle the Cooter. The only prisoner who wouldn't leave Cooter's cell. This is a

fantastic story. I reckon I should finish my sentence. No, it's a Frenchman Oh yes it is Have you ever heard of a little something called principles That do not run Good luck on the outside I plan on saving my penit

Like a gentleman Can I address you in some Red one from the Turlet Sorry Did you say turtle You stupid American swine I'll go but on five conditions I require an

easel and some pants. You didn't see that coming, did you? An easel? An easel. Yes. A stand for my canvas. I'm a painter where I come from. I grew up near the river sand.

A poor boy who's interest only were mine. Hey, man. Everett as I got a little bit older, I decided that was... Yes, sorry. I was in the middle of a... You were... Huh? Hey, you guys like frogs, right?

Are you kidding me? You're talking about... one of the greatest delicacies we have in my entire country. If someone would have a way to give me access to frogs, I don't think the one that sit here. I'll pine all night for saying. I think maybe we could help each other out right here. You like a nice maggot-stuff bullfrog?

Yes. We absolutely do. Yes. Yes. All right, so there's 20, now they've gotten the women out. There's 24 inmates in the corridor. The French guy's in the cell. Just chilling.

Yeah. Okay. The Mexican guy who hit the guard with the chain, he asked Mike for a gun. He's like, hey man, can I have a gun? Uh-huh. So Mike sees the guy as blood on his head, and he goes, yeah, okay, and he gives him a cop's pistol. And then the Mexican runs over and kicks in a door. And behind the door are two federallies who had been interrogating his wife.

Oh, shit. So the Mexican just starts beating the shit out of the cops. Hey, man, hey, hey, hey, hey. With the gun. Hey, man. Pistol whipping the gun. Hey. And Mike looks at Cooter and he says, who's that guy?

And Cooter goes, ah, he's all right. He doesn't seem all right. He's fine. He's kind of the class clown. I'll tell you who's weird is that French guy. Pending it for my thoughts. I want to be a clown. So Billy Radio's.

quote, Mike, you got two, Mike, you got two coming through the front door. Also, where's that car? Shouldn't we be getting it out of here by now? Also, I don't know what four is. So Mike runs behind the counter and crouches with his gun out and he waits. And he waits. No one's coming through the door. So finally he radios Billy and he goes, and Billy says,

I don't know, man, they left. Hey, so let's use these a lot. Gotta keep each other up on what's going on, you know what I mean? Kind of update each other. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, we have these. Sorry, I was looking at my wig. Like, I look like that guy from Simon and Simon.

You know what I mean? The TV shuts off round two, so I have... Yeah, it's not on. Yeah, never mind. Okay. Also, that starts in the 80s. I should have done You know what, let's not use them too much

Let's use them like the right amount I look like the guy from You know what, let's shut them down for a minute And just, let's take a minute Absolutely Don't use them for a while Oh MASH

Yeah, okay, so don't press your button anymore to talk for a little while Unless it's about guards All in the family Seriously, take your finger off the button Because I don't think you can hear what I'm saying while your finger's on the button. I think you, because I can just still hear

the ambient noise around you, which means these are rendered useless. Love boat, exciting and new. Come aboard. I'm expecting you the love. How's the breaking going?

Not good. They can hear someone singing the fucking love boat, so. That's me. I love that show. People fall in love. Show about a sailor banging a boat. Simpler times. So they put all the cops in the cell,

but they can't get the deadbolt to slide closed. How do we do it? So then everyone goes to the front door. Mike Cooter and Don and the other American is paying five grand are up front. Don looks at all the other American prisoners and tells them to turn right when they hit the sidewalk and then make another right of the corner

and then quote, when you hit the water, you know you're at the river. If you hit the tamale stand, you've gone too far. But if you hit the brothel, just hang. It's great.

If you see any cops, ask them where Boys Town is. $20 on that conversation with the lady who otherwise would have sex with you. And you can go in there real quick, buy them all the drink, spend all your money,

come out. Come out. The brothels are supposed to. to work. Boom. So he opens up the doors and everyone just starts fucking running. Sure.

So five men jumped into Don's Ford. Mike, Cooter, Billy, Don, and the other American. Okay. And they take off. They've been in Mexico for eight minutes. I mean, we've talked about what they did longer than what they did.

Eight minutes? Pretty good. Mike had taken speed right before they crossed the border. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. So it's just starting to kick in. Good God. I actually get that one. That one I get.

The whiskey, the weed, no, the speed. Sure, yeah. So they get to the Mexican toll booth on the side of the bridge, which it just sounds like it's a dude and a fucking thing that comes down. Sure. That's it. They're waiting because he's having a chat

with a guy in the car in front of him, and they're all fucking panicking. Then they pull up, and Mike gives him a quarter, and the toll's only 12 cents, and they fucking speed off. As they cross the international bridge, Cooter starts throwing all of the evidence they had out of the car, guns, ski masks,

some of it's landing on the bridge behind them. Is that... Is that... Is that wise to throw evidence near... On a bridge? I don't think it's a great idea. Yeah. There's not a lot of communication in this time,

and yet somehow it's still working. So they get to U.S. customs. It's just an old man at a booth, and he says, he looks at them all, and he says, are you all American citizens? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you bring anything back from Mexico? Nope, no.

All right, have an ass night, even. And they... Drive, and they drive, and they just keep driving, they head for Dallas. Hold on one minute. Is that John Lennon back there, that fellow? They got a mop top, isn't they got a mop top? I'm Fran Tarkington. Okay, you're all free to go.

Some, some people. Some people. So, reporter Robert Robert Montemeyore worked at the Dallas Times Herald. And he found out an escapee had been arrested in Eagle Rock and released. Okay. So Americans arrested him. They let him go. So Robert drives down there and he talks to him and agrees to give the guy a ride to Dallas.

Because apparently Federallies are all over Eagle Pass looking for the escapees. Okay. puts him in his car, drives him up. He's like, you owe me one. And then that escapee got Robert's phone number into Cooter's hand. Okay. Because he's like, you owe me one. So he goes, all right, here's one of the guys.

the main guys. So Cooter is now at the Dallas Roadway in. Hot spot. And he calls Robert. Okay. And Cooter says to Robert that the jailbreakers are with him right now, but he's going to go turn himself into the U.S. law enforcement, and that he'd call Robert back in three or four days when he got out. And then he hangs up. So a very happy Sterling right then arrives at the hotel, and he is so fucking excited. He tells everyone, there's probably movie money in this story.

Look at this check that I photocopied. Can you imagine if that were real? It's a million dollars. That's Hollywood money. Photocopied, obviously. And then he said one of his patients is writing up an outline right now. My patience.

You're a psychiatrist? No. But I have patience and a vibrating chair. The chair vibrates. Cooter then said he was going to give some info to a reporter. and Sterling fucking flips out. He can't believe what he's hearing. He's like, you're still on probation

from the Arizona bust. He can't be talking to fucking reporters. So he doesn't. And Billy gets the 500. Billy goes back to Mowin-laws. Mike takes his portion of money, tricks out his van, carpeting.

The first thing you do is get some carpet in there. Naga hide upholstery with the lone star flag carved in. He needed money, right? Yeah, for his van, I guess. And then he had a big American flag put on the back, a big detail. So that's, he got what he needed with the money.

Sure. But now Don is not too keen on Sterling dealing with the movie rights. The movie rights? Like, what are you just fucking walk away from the table? So Don had his lawyer. in Dallas look into it. My lawyer, by the way, is not a lawyer. He's just the man who put a degree on a wall.

Has a vibrating chair, though, so you know he's real. I'll pay him in photocopies. Meanwhile, Cooter has decided that since he served 23 months in Mexico, the feds would totally agree that was punishment enough and wipe off his American sentence.

And this is all just in his head. Yeah, right. So he turns himself into the market. Marshall's thinking he's going to be out in a couple of days, and he's pretty confident, and then they just arrest him and charge him with a parole violation and put him in prison. Hey, but I was in another jail. I did all my time in another jail. You guys are real jerk-offs.

And they end up sending him to a prison in Oklahoma. And when he's being transferred between prisons, he explains to a U.S. Marshal that he's probably going to direct the movie. I'm on the short list. So the reporter Robert found out who Cooter was. was and he calls Cooter in prison. And Cooter tells him what happened and then said, talk to my dad, Sterling. The executive producer.

You know, Dizzy? Sterling, he calls up Sterling and Sterling denies he knew anything about the jailbreak. But then he keeps agreeing to interviews. So he's like, I don't know anything about it, but if you want to keep coming by and talking about it. That's fine. Sterling, quote,

I'm smiling at you, Robert. You'll never know if any of this is true. I feel like it is. I'm like 99% it is. So then Robert noticed that Sterling's diploma for the University of Mexico is written in English. What's it going to take for you to not notice this?

How about a photocopy of $25,000? It's also on the back of a Denny's maze. Yeah, I understand. I understand. So Sterling breaks down all the money he paid. Imagine what that dude pointed that out. He was like, but... I don't know. Because they were...

You're very smart. Sit in this chair. Like a wizard. So he breaks down slowly how each portion, how he paid out all the money to free Cooter. It did not take long. And Robert adds it up, and he says it costs $70 grand to get Cooter out of jail.

And Robert, on the spot, adds it up, and he's like, that's $40,000. Where did you... What college did you pretend to go to? So he thinks, Sterling's kind of full of shit. Now another reporter from the Times Herald is also working on the jailbreak story

and he's about to print it, what he knows. And then Don's lawyer finds that out and tells Don it's time to start talking. Because when the story was printed, it's going to be on the front page. Right. So it comes out, front page of the Sunday paper,

big picture at Dawn. Mike looks at it and he cannot fucking believe what he's seeing. Headline, Dallas man executed jail breakout. Don was described as, quote, a former Marine turned soldier of fortune. And in the story, he called Mike a backup man and Billy a quote, West Dallas Punk.

Do not tell me that Billy's going to get, or that Mike is going to get rubbed by the idea that he's not included enough as a lead character in this fucking article, because that would be crazy. Gareth, he's going to get upset that he's not one of the lead characters in Don's story. Why would you want to be like, you're like, look at this. They barely even mention me. Awful.

Mike completely blindsided did not like this at all. The next night, Mike appeared on Channel 4 evening news wearing a ski mask and holding his shotgun. No, no, no. What about this seemed like a movie to you? He books himself on the news in a mask with a gun. He goes through the whole story. What is he doing? Of how he took over the guards and his role in the jail bracket,

he's kind of ski mask with a shotgun. My name's Mike. No. It's, I've been trying to find the footage. It's got to be out there. I really need to find it. Can you imagine? There's just a lot that's been said about me in the press that is not true.

I mean, there are descriptions of in the paper, and they're just like a paragraph, like, that's all, like, not like, what the fuck is happening? But just like, yeah, he wore a scheme asking an interview. He made an appearance on Channel 4, right before weather, after sports. So now, Sterling sees this, or Sterling is now implicated. He's been implicated by Don, he's been implicated by Mike, but he denies he knows anything.

about it. Sure. So Don's lawyer in the next day, says he's willing to take a lie detector test to prove that he was the guy running everything. You mean Don's willing to, not Don's lawyer. Sorry, no, Don't, right. Don's willing. Yeah, but Don's lawyer's like, I'm willing to take a lie detector. I think, you know, everything's on the up and up. I was not there. I just met him. Right, so Don is willing to take a lie to detector test and that Don had done it for, quote, money and adventure.

He also said, after he said that to the press, he said, by the way, I'm representing Don for the book and movie rights. This, I mean, the eye to Hollywood is a little troubling. Now, Sterling denied having anything to do with it. But I will be the producer and the caterer. I'll do crafty. He acknowledged his son was one of the men who escaped. Okay.

And he said he had not met Don until after the jail break. Okay. and then the next day Sterling spoke to the AP and said he did hire Don and he was behind the whole thing. Jesus Christ, what is happening? He wants the movie money.

What, at what point? Like, at what cost? Quote, he said he'd do the job and I said, fine. I didn't know the man. Asked why he had lied the day before, Sterling said, quote, okay, I told you a lie.

I was trying to get away from the telephone for a while. You could have just hung it up. You know how they work, right? You gotta lie before you hang up where I come from. At some point, I'm just expecting to see the French guys get the movie rights. That's right. It's called me and a cell.

So that's his excuse for lying about not funding the operation. All right, you got me. Want to see a scar? So it looks like Don's getting in front of the story. to try to get the movie money that it doesn't seem real. And Mike is on the news in a ski mask. So Sterling does all the interviews, and he does an interview with Robert and two television reporters.

Now, for some reason, all of these interviews and press, it starts to concern customs officials in the U.S. Oh, really? Interesting. On what grounds? I don't know. All the illegality? And so they start looking for Don,

and Don and his lawyer come up with a plan. Don's lawyer will take a lie detector. They're going to cooperate. They're going to get the best plea deal he can get and then sell the story to Hollywood. So he turns himself in. He's charged with illegal exportation of the shotgun and he's released on bail.

Okay. Plan's working. Sure. Sure it is. Then Mike gets arrested on the same charge, goes through the process, just without the deal that Dona cut. for himself.

And then the next week, Don, Mike, Sterling, and Cooter are brought before the federal grand jury in San Antonio. Okay. The justices are here this evening. Now, the jailbreak is now becoming a major international incident. American prisoners in Mexico are all being transferred away from the border. Security is being tightened in all the prisons. Mike, sorry, Mexico is furious with Mike and Don because they're being hailed as heroes in the Texas press. Right.

And they want them extradited, but they can't have them extradited because they haven't been convicted of a crime. Right. Secretary of State. Oh, boy. Henry the War Criminal Kissinger. What did I do? What did I ever do that anybody? We should bomb all of Mexico.

He meets with the Mexican president, and they discuss a possible U.S. Mexico prisoner exchange. What? In June, President Ford signs a bill written by Congress to commit the force and authority to the presidency to the investigation of American prisoner abuse in Mexico. Wow. And Ford says he's going to personally negotiate with the Mexican president.

Oh, my God. Now, Mike Hill can't believe what's happening. Yeah, yeah, right. Wait, why? But worst of all, he's still completely fucking. and broke and now in worst trouble that he's ever been in his life. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Someone's forgetting about the carpeting.

He's got some sweet Naga hide. Yeah, he's got a pretty cool interior on that shiny van. And then Don tells Mike that he cut a deal, and it's every man for himself. Cool, good to catch up with you. Thanks for calling. Mike's favorite movie was The Getaway,

and this seemed really familiar to him. So Mike's lawyer told him had to keep his mouth shut. He's like, don't fucking talk. But everyone else was talking, so he decided to fire his lawyer. Yeah. I'm just going to do two local news outlets and then shut up. He sure Don and Sterling are getting movie money and cutting him out.

It's movie money. Yeah. You know, so Hill then agrees... You just wrote the movie. So Mike Hill agrees to do an interview with Dan Rather on 60 Minutes. Oh, no. What? Jesus.

But he wants to do the interview when Dallas and 60 Minutes refuses. They say they want him to go to Eagle Pass and do the interview so behind him will be Piedris Negris. No, no, no, no, no. And then that's where he'll be interviewed. So he agrees.

No, no, what are you doing? What are you doing? What? But then for some reason, and he doesn't come across confident in the interview. He appears super nervous a whole time. What do you think that's due to? What is happening?

Too much speed? And then after the 60 minutes, Mike holds a press conference. Good. Keep going. Well, the press. Of Mexico, he said, quote, I'm going to stay on this side one way or the other. They're going to have to start a war

to get me back over there. Mike said he did not regret the raid, but also he would not do another one. Has a hint of regret to it. I'm all rated out, you know what I mean? Like one raid's enough. Yeah. And he said Don's story was bullshit.

Quote, he's lying a whole lot. I financed it. He didn't lead it. I did. But he talked first. I just want the truth to get out. If there's any credit due, I deserve as much as him.

We're not heroes. That's called blame. We're not heroes. There was a job. to be done. We did it. What? I'm not a fan of PR people, but they need to step in at some point.

This is a national emergency. Hill said he loaned Don 2,200 and only got 2,200 back. So, what? He's saying that's all he got paid from the jailbreak. Oh, he just got reimbursed. He also said they had learned Spanish phrases, but when they ran into the jail, they told the prisoners to place their hands together

instead of racing them up. Place your hats together and give us all your span. Hill would not tell the press the third man's name. Okay. After, Mike hitchhiked to his arraignment in Del Rio and pled not guilty because he no longer had his van, which had been used for collateral and taken. Man, that's a real bummer. That's a tough toe.

That night, Mike sat down. So is there a moral and maybe if you get a little bit of money, just maybe don't put it into felting the inside of your car? I don't think there's any morals in this at all. Okay. That night, he sat down with a Texas Monthly writer, Jan Reed, and said if he had planned the operation, it would have been different. Yeah, sure.

Absolutely. Quote, namely, I wouldn't have used chubby. Dawn. Oh, Jesus. He also said he wasn't motivated by money. I don't know why I did it, but in the end, I don't think the money had anything to do with it. No, no, no. I'll say this. If I ran for president, I know 17 people who'd vote for me. Well, that's... That's enough. That's enough. Now, with all the international pressure, new indictments

came. Don and Hill were named on four, Sterling 3, Billy on 2. Don copped a plea. Mike had arrived looking at two years max, which is what he thought, and then when he gets to court and hears all the new indictments, he's now looking at 22 years. That's going to delay production. Dramatically. Mike also held on to the idea that the jailbreak was not illegal. Sure. Well, it's time to sort of, you're letting that go a little bit at this point.

You're in a court of law. Quote, we don't have the right to go over there and kill anybody. I'd feel the same way if they'd come over here and done something like that if they'd killed anybody. But it was a peaceful kind of deal. And the Mexicans don't have any right to be mad because nobody got hurt. Thank you. They ought to be thankful for what they got.

That's the main mistake people make. They never thankful for what they got. One thank you. They don't think about how bad it could have been. How about some manners? God damn. Pass the gratitude every once in a while, will you? By the way, Your Honor, none of this is illegal.

Oh. Wow. Oh, wow. Oh, so other... Oh, so other... Oh, so other, like bringing the guns and all. That's it. That is it.

Okay. Oh, attempted. That we did do. Absolutely. That we did do. Shit. Yeah. Shit.

I'm glad we did this. I think I know in future what to do what not to do. And, yeah, I think a slap on the wrist is the best way to solve this one. Yeah, yeah. Slapper. Slaper. Yeah. So they still don't have Billy.

So Mike delivers Billy to the U.S. Marshals. He's like, you've got to go turn yourself in. All we did was try to take a car. He still got the wig on. Yeah. Your Honor, I'm terribly sorry. We all drove in a reflective van.

A reflective van. A reflective van. We all drove in a reflective van. A reflective van. A reflective van. We are... We're the Cheetos. So Mike, Mike is starting to think

he's going to spend a lot of time in prison. Sure. He can't focus on work. He's on a super hard time, whatever his job was. Sure, yeah, whatever it is for sure. Now, Don had a new look after his plea. He had a new suit and his hair style differently.

His lawyer tried to build him up as a larger-than-life character. Quote, a patriotic veteran who, except for one wild act of valor, had a clean criminal record. Don and his lawyer met with a PR executive in Austin and told him the story. The PR executive said it sounded a lot like a new Charles Bronson movie that was coming out called Breakout. Huh? Wait, what? Huh? What? Charlie Bronson? Huh? What? That's our movie. Still, Don did take a couple of trips to Los Angeles and managed to sell his story rights to a company named Mustang Productions, which happened to be owned by a Dallas City Councilman.

Okay. So when asked about Mike, Don said, quote, I wouldn't go out partying with him, drinking or anything. I'm not saying I'm better than anybody else, but we're coming from two different places. And mine's better. After the breakout, Don told the reporter. I didn't really think I was doing anything wrong. If I'd known going in that I was going to be breaking laws of this country, Mexico I didn't care about, I wouldn't have done it. But since I found out that I did break the law, I'm going to have to pay for it. That's the American way, right? No. No, it is not. Can you imagine someone named...

Wait, I tell you something about Wells Fargo, Don. Can you imagine someone named Don getting in over their head with illegality because they didn't really know what the fuck they were doing? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just saying it would be crazy. So, so Mike thought Don calling him a hired hand was costing him money. He wondered if anything else besides,

besides Sterling had been paid any money. Anything besides the money Sterling had given him had been paid. Has Sterling dished out any more photocopied checks? Yeah. Did any of the other prisoners pay money? He's wondering?

Right. None of the money had gotten to Mike. It turns out at least two prisoners who had escaped jail were visited by Don. And he threatened to return them to Mexico if they did not cough up 5K. So empty. One said Don threatened to kill him.

Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, Don's learned a bunch of lessons. He's just a big old character. At the same time, Sterling's life is falling apart. On May 12th, he's forced to withdraw his application for a psychologist license. But he'd faked so hard through school. On July 12th, the Mexican consul in Dallas announced he had never gotten a degree from the National University in Mexico City.

Weird, because we don't print degrees in English. Then the judge and his bull. Bullfrog case said a hearing to discuss revoking his probation. Sterling had left the country while on probation, and he had bragged to reporters he sent 70K to his son. He still owed 50K in restitution to his bullfrog victims. Jesus. And 9,800 of his fine, so he paid $200 of all that shit.

Okay. Oh, wow. In court, Sterling explained he didn't realize Eagle Pass and Pietras Negress were different cities. Sure. Sure. Again, really meticulous. Yeah, there's a bridge and a border.

It's hard to tell. It is hard to tell. And then he blamed the 70K amount that's being reported on the reporter being confused. He had told the reporter that he was going to lie to him, which he did. I did say that. Sterling said he was prepared to sign over his movie right contracts to the court. Look, look, look. I'll walk away from the movie project.

What movie, you old idiot? Whoa. So the judge started pressing him on the movie rights story. and Sterling said on the stand that Warner Brothers had advanced him $1,000. Yeah, so I think it's because they have a frog as their logo. Quote, the Warner Brothers people were here in town last week.

They were supposed to start shooting in September. So... Now, Don was also there as a possible witness. Okay. And he looks remarkably happy. The reason why... No. Because it turns out, as part of a publicity stunt,

someone in Scotland was paying him to go to Scotland to dive in search of the Loch Ness Monster Gigs a gig. What are you so happy about? I'm going to go find the Loch Ness Monster. Hollywood came calling again. Man of adventure right here. He's getting $1,000 for the trip. Oh, perfect.

Then the judge... How much if he finds her? Oh, more I guess. Or him. Let's not. No, Nessie. I would say gender specific. We don't know.

I've seen a picture. Very close up. All I've seen is the Lockness Vigna. Yeah. That is a graphic photo. But that's the only one they have of the pussy. But holy shit. That's a lady lockness.

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I got that in my room. Right about my bed. And... Look, the contract's over. Just leave? for crazy

you stand up here talking about Nessie's pussy That's unbelievable Tell you what I didn't know a Larkness could look like that inside Then I found myself inside of Nessie Via vagina Okay It was sort of like Pinocchio

But a little more graphic So wet, but I mean always wet Because you're in a lake But once you're inside it really opens up It's a beautiful condo essentially What? Yeah, once you're inside or... The inside really opens up in a beautiful space.

I lit a candle, had a read. You lit a candle in life? I was in there for about a day, day and a half. Through the vagina. Via vagina, yes. Hey, deal's a deal. Anyway, I apologize for everything that I said. Mm-hmm.

The judge then recessed to September until after Sterling's trial for the breakout. So she's like, we'll deal with the probation stuff later. Okay. Until, up until one month before their trial, Don was still trying to get money from escape prisoners. He repeatedly called Carrie Jorgensen of Colorado, demanding 5,000 and wanting to know where other prisoners were.

At one point, Don told her, quote, you're being very inconsiderate not paying me. Okay, bye. She also said Don told her, quote, he could bag us all and take us back to Mexico. You can't go to Mexico, you liar. Sterling, Mike, and Billy went on trial in late September. Their defense attorney argued Don was working for the State Department

and that the government was not admitting to it because they were embarrassed by Don. That's quite a swing for the fences theory. Wow. The three were looking at possibly five years each and a $10,000 fine. Don testified he got... That's just two convicts. Don testified on the stand that he got $25,000 for the movie rights.

Okay. 1,000 to look for the Loch Ness Monster. Well. And $25,000 for the breakout. 15K came from the brother of another prisoner. Shut up. So he is just... Another third gave him...

A third prisoner gave him 5,000. And then was Sterling's 5. Holy shit. He claimed... Why go with the... Sorry, why take him? take the Lochness gig when you're getting all this money. Well, that's adventure.

Also, I don't know if you've seen Lochness's vagina. I gotta go. I'm Dan Rather with 60 minutes. Hey, Tim Matt, Lochness Monster! Don claimed on the stand he paid Mike 12K, which Mike did not agree with, and then he paid Billy 500, sorry. Under cross-examination, under cross-examination, he denied he ever called Billy a West Dallas punk.

The prosecution played the TV interview with amassed Mike Hall and a shotgun. Well, that's not me. But there was no sound. So it did nothing to help the prosecution's case because they couldn't identify. How are you not able to get a tape with sound? I don't know. Man, talk about the relief. You're like, oh, thank God.

I knew that. Billy's sisters testified that he told them he was going out of town. on a government job. I'll see y'all later. I'm off on a government job. That's what they do with non-readers. Mike Hill and Sterling were both convicted of conspiring of importing a weapon into the United States

and acquitted of two other charges. Billy was acquitted completely. After the judge sentenced Mike and Sterling on October 3rd, 1976, she said, quote, I would stay away from the Mexican border. Objection. after Mike told reporters he didn't think he had done anything wrong. Don was sentenced to four years.

Mike got six years. Sterling got five years. Which would be served concurrently with his probation sentence. Right. They were all fined $10,000 each. Don had been told he would probably get probation for taking the plea deal, but he got four years. Right. In November 1978, Mike and Sterling's convictions were thrown out on appeal for

several reasons. So the only guy really who has a record from this is Don. Yeah. Well, that's Hollywood, baby. Yep. On February 10th, 1980, the Irving Daily News reported Don Fielden had found God

and was a born-again Christian. Oh, dear. Quote, I'm a convicted Christian instead of a convicted felon. So that means he's a preacher now. He is going around speaking. Uh-huh.

He had grown a beard to change his appearance, so people wouldn't recognize... I'm basically Jesus. Okay? He is me. I am him. Okay? Right? He said he didn't care for the limelight.

No, no, not me. He was remarried. To the Lord. He still believed he hadn't done anything morally wrong and believed he was only a scapegoat. Quote. A Christian scapegoat. Woo! And had only been sent to...

prison to appease the Mexican government. Quote, by all rights, why should I be committed of a crime that's done every day? Well, because everything you said is a literal lie. Just now. So, it's not done every day. No, it's not true. It's never done.

No, it's like not been done a lot. Every single day, guys are breaking guys out of jail in Mexico. Well, that's not at all factual. Can't pick up a paper, though. I have. I write for one. Broke out of Mexican jail with a bunch of his buddies. No, no. Years is the last one in years. It's like, why? Because I'm a Christian, that's why? No, no, because you broke the law and this doesn't happen every day, as you stated.

If I didn't believe in Jesus, I wouldn't have gone jail for busting all those guys out of jail. No, you would have. Amen. I love the Lord. Great. And keep it to yourself. Nope. Wow. I just thought of something. Well, don't say it out loud. I'm leaving. It's almost like me.

converted to Christianity is the perfect end for a movie. You know, Charles Bronson's making Bruce Almighty, so if you're creatively cleared there, that's it. That's it? Jesus Christ, that's crazy. You know what you guys should call the movie? The Silver Van. Thank you guys so much for coming out.

We really appreciate it. Truly. Thank you. Oh, hello there, dollheads. It's Gareth Reynolds. I want you to join the Air Force and come and see me do stand up on the road. I will be in Spokane, Washington, February 4th. I will be in Bend, Oregon, February 5th, Portland, the 6th, and the 7th.

Then I will be in Bakersfield, California, February 27th for two shows. And then, oh boy, April, here we go. April 19th, I'll be in Albuquerque, Tulsa on April 21st, Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, April 23rd. Going to try to see a viral chiropractor that day, but that's neither here, there. I'll be in Tyler, Texas, April 24th. I didn't even know that. I'll be in Houston, April 25th for two shows. I'll be in Austin at Cap City on the 26th, and then the 28th. I will be rounding it out in San Antonio at LOL. Oh my gosh, and I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. That's

rounding it out. Go to garethrennalds.com for tickets and information. Also prizes. We're giving away a bunch of trucks and stuff over there. If you just log on and legally, that's not binding, but go to garthornaudson.com. Love you.