The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 607 - John Murray Spear and His Machine

Episode Date: November 7, 2023

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine John Murray Spear and his machine Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources   Squarespace...

Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Three, two, hit it, Aaron. Aaron, no, I don't think Aaron's going to hit it anything. Aaron's supposed to be playing the black semites, isn't it? The bongos. The bongos. Aaron, you know you, when we're in studio, when you do something. What was a steel drummer? Was it steel drum?
Starting point is 00:00:41 I don't think it's, I don't think he's allowed to play a steel drum. Don't we, don't, isn't art theme song a steel drum, sort of Caribbean feel? I, I, it very well could be. I think it is. I think it, now the more I hear it, the more that I think it might be too. I, sort of a, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:01 I don't wanna, sing, you don't wanna sing, I don't wanna, it's a delicate zone. So you don't want to sound racist right now It's funny because I'm yes-sanding you but to myself. I'm no-don't-ing And called it quote his jam-past Jim and I'm the fucking hippo guy! Dave, okay. My name's Gary. What? It's Gary's go. Is it far fine?
Starting point is 00:01:28 And this is not going to come to Tiggly Quad Cows. Okay. This is like Adam. I know five-part coefficient. Five-room! Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. No, sleep down hippo.
Starting point is 00:01:37 That's like the hip-hop. Action, pardon. I can't. No. I see it. No. I see it. No. No. No. be. No, as he does, my friend. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, your teenage or how you hate sounding like a child. Yeah. He started hating it when he was like 12 years old.
Starting point is 00:02:06 He had my voice, but now it's starting to be a little dutish, so he's okay with that. Yeah, you know, he's gonna make voice. Yeah, you're getting a man voice. He's just getting that. My nephew's in fucking college. It's crazy. So just.
Starting point is 00:02:16 That's the problem with having like young people in your orbit is they become the sort of measuring stick for your age. Yeah. Like before my nephew i was like twenty six and i'm like this is pathetic is that my still doing this i can't keep doing this here if we are brought to you in part by square space uh... course you know what's great spaces not only do i know it's great i love what's great spaces all in one domains websites online stores marketing Of course, you know what Squarespace is. Not only do I know what Squarespace is. I love what Squarespace is.
Starting point is 00:02:45 All in one, domains, websites, online stores, marketing tools, analytics. How do you use Squarespace, Gareth? Dave, every day, use it because I have to promote tour dates and I go, what the hell are they? And I go to my website that has them because Squarespace is allowed an idiot man to make a website. That's incredible. them because Squarespace has allowed an idiot man to make a website. And also you're stupid and
Starting point is 00:03:06 you have your dollop website, our dollop website, our dollop sources page, your own personal website, which is now mainly in OnlyFans, and we just use it for everything. We love Squarespace. It's user-friendly. There's help if you need it, 24, 7, on hand, and I sometimes call the number, and I just want to talk to them, and they'll go, there's nobody you can't ask for a guy named Chad specifically, and I'll go, then a Julie, and they go, that's just not how this works. What do you need? And I say, I need to know that there's someone on the other end who cares, and they say,
Starting point is 00:03:44 this is mainly tech support for a website. And I say, can I just hear this is mainly tech support for a website? I love you, Garith. And they go, that's kind of not great. And then I go, it's my Halloween call. I'm dressed up as Dr. Shapiro. It's also good for bloggers and restaurants.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Right, yeah, right. So go to slash dog for a free trial. Say for a? A free trial, yeah. I actually was brought up on a shoplifting charges. I got my free trial through Squarespace. Go to squarespace. Go to Squarespace. You'll see.
Starting point is 00:04:26 Go to for a free trial. I mean, you're ready to launch the... My lawyer was crap. Use the offer code dollop to save 10%. I didn't know what he was doing. Off your first purchase of a website or domain. We love Squarespace. Even though sometimes someone on the other end
Starting point is 00:04:43 won't say it back. Pfft. They will, I mean. How much you got to pay? You got to pay, like it's like $7,000 a week. I'll find it. It's a big, that's a big ass. I'll find it. That's a big ass.
Starting point is 00:04:57 I'll find the money. Do you have anything else? If you're listening to this, I'm in Australia. That's dumb. So go to square space check out my tour dates and all the major cities not the gold coast relax didn't happen but uh... all over there
Starting point is 00:05:16 so join me you have to cancel out one i didn't have that one you didn't even try i didn't even try well prismas close is it kinda i guess no clue you think i don't know america it, Brisbane's close. Is it? Kind of, I guess. It's no clue.
Starting point is 00:05:26 You think I don't know America, man? It's still on that side, yeah. The go-kiss. Australia's map. There's just not a shot now. Go-kiss, I believe, is north of Brisbane. We've been there. That being somewhere doesn't mean I know where it is.
Starting point is 00:05:38 At all. I still would, like, there are times where we'll be driving somewhere and I'll be like, so it's 12-hour drive and you'll be like, so it's 12 hour drive and you'll be like, it's 30 hours. I'm like, what is this country? That does happen. It's work. The map of this country to me is like the Dolly clocks painting.
Starting point is 00:05:55 Yeah, I'm just like, I'm kind of bloodied and mushed together. I've experienced that with you. Yeah, it's not good. Yeah, like we'll be driving and I'll be like, what are we in Wyoming and you'll be like Illinois. How does it work? Where is it all? September 16, 1804 year of our Lord and J town, who by the way, surfing now, we also the pictures fully, fully robed.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Those are AI generated pictures. No, those are real. Those are snapshots. They're full, not true. Snapshots. Just strange stuff consistently. John Murray Spear was born in Boston to John Spear, senior who was a blacksmith and Sally Spear who was a Scottish immigrant. So her job was to just be Scottish? Yes. I'm a blacksmith.
Starting point is 00:06:44 And a middle lady. And I'm a lady. Why did you make him... Am I not Scottish? No. I'm a regular man. Dude, I'm from Boston. I'm a Scottish lady. That's correct.
Starting point is 00:06:57 And together we've had a child. John and he had an older brother Charles. I'm Scottish. And they were no. I'm a regular. I'm doing an older brother Charles. I am Scottish. And they were no. Oh, I'm doing an impression of her. There you go. They were raised in the universalist faith, which was a Christian denomination
Starting point is 00:07:18 that does not believe in eternal damnation. Can we just get one? I think I'm ready for them. I can't be be honest I'm ready for all of them to go or just do one Just do one big one. I'm I'm ready to wrap up all religion but but but How could you just be like? It's power trips man. You got it. You just be like hey listen. You're sick. It's pretty close I'm not so sure that that eternal damnation thing, but hey, we're in the same place.
Starting point is 00:07:48 Oh, then I can't do it. I'd said you're like, so we both agree, there's a man in the sky, he controls everything, he put me and your mother's tummy. Yes. But when you die, I believe you will mainly go to heaven. I do not believe in the downside. I'm gonna kill you.
Starting point is 00:08:02 Yeah, and you're just like, what are you out of your fucking mind? Ha ha ha. So death to them is simply the end of suffering. That's how they saw it. Many ways I agree. And your soul will then go into God's care forever. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:17 So Universalists were very progressive on social matters compared to the rest of the population. So far I like it. Yeah. John was a very kind child. He was very gentle to animals. He was compassionate to homeless children and old people and beggars
Starting point is 00:08:30 and all the scum is out to calm. Okay, Aaron, we're gonna need to take a good... We're gonna need to take a good... Let's just... Get a job old person! Get a job homeless kid! Where am I homeless? I'm seven!
Starting point is 00:08:44 You didn't get a fucking job. Dave. That's, it's the opposite of that. When he was eight, his father died. Okay. That's how the podcast works. Yeah, pretty much. Well, normally it's he would die.
Starting point is 00:08:59 It's just nice to see that, yeah, I guess it's one of the other. No, it's usually that. It's someone's dying. Yeah, someone's usually a dad. So suddenly they. Yeah, it's actually the same. Yeah. So suddenly they're poor, like that guy made all the money. Well, unfortunately, my job was to just be Scottish, and it was not a good backup plan. No.
Starting point is 00:09:15 So the two boys were sent to work in a cotton mill. Money's awesome. Yeah. Money's the best. Yeah. It's awesome. They worked 4am to 7.30pm, six days a week. Fuck me.
Starting point is 00:09:30 It's called childhood, buddy. Enjoy it. It's a Christ. How old are they? Eight and I think 10. I mean, that's not. Yeah, it's good though, right? Those are like, if I knew a man, my age doing that,
Starting point is 00:09:44 I'd be like, are you okay? This is an eight-year-old. Yeah, it's good. It's good, they learn stuff, they learn a trade. You'll give me one of your cigarettes. I'm a break. And then that was six days a week. On the other day, they went to Sunday School,
Starting point is 00:10:00 which was also at the mill. I'm probably miss the mill. It wouldn't be nice to get back in the mill. And I'm probably missed the mill. Pfft. It'd be nice to get back in the mill tomorrow. It's brutal. After a few years, they came home. And Sally was taking in borders. And at 13, Chris was apprenticed to a printer.
Starting point is 00:10:17 So he did that so he could learn how to read and write, educate himself. Sure. And John was apprenticed to a shoemaker. Now, So I can learn to shoe. Shoemakers at the time were known for very radical politics
Starting point is 00:10:34 and being very literate. So the apprentice, as they worked, would read aloud from political papers for him to take it in. It's another one of those, like what? So John learned all this radical political thinking. That is so crazy. It's so weird.
Starting point is 00:10:56 It's weird. It's weird on two levels. It's weird that that is what an apprentice did, but also like, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's weird to me. The coblers. That is less weird to me. The coblers. That is less weird to me than coblers were all pretty left.
Starting point is 00:11:10 Yeah. Like the shoe peep. I mean, it could have been right, but it sounds like they were left-ish, but they were all very political, yeah. That's amazing. Yeah. Radical politics.
Starting point is 00:11:21 Crazy. Hold on, I gotta send my kid money. Oh, radical politics. Crazy. Hold on. I gotta send my kid money. Oh Jesus Christ. So he so he takes that in, right? So he's sitting there reading this leftist shit and started his fill in his head. He was also very committed to the church, the universalist church, so he would walk eight miles a week to go to church. Eight miles a week is nothing to me
Starting point is 00:11:48 to a kid working in a cotton factory for like 16 hour days. Yeah, I'm sure it was absolutely nothing. So then after his apprenticeship was up, he got a job with the exact same cobbler, right, so now he's making money, and then he's like, can you save the money I make? Just keep it and square it away.
Starting point is 00:12:07 So that it goes on for like a year and then the guys and debt. So he just uses John's money to pay off his debt. You hide it. Now always give, always hide it. The best thing about a boss is you like, you know what, you keep it, hold on to me. Hold on to it for a while and then I'll come back. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Yeah, so. This is good. Now do you have it? Ah. It has been a brutal year. So you decided to help me save myself. Your money was very handy but I'm still sinking. It sounds like the first guy we had making our t-shirts.
Starting point is 00:12:41 Yeah. And future Luke. Ha ha ha ha ha. I don't have it man. Oh sorry so I got a bad news. All the money I owe you for the shirts I kind of drink it. It's been drunk. The way he tells you that he like squandered your money away is through a series of shirts. All right let's show me the next one. Apologies, they're well-hath run dry. What the fuck, you ch-
Starting point is 00:13:09 do you have any money? So, very, very into the church. That's why he walks eight miles a week. No money now, right? So, he now just quits, right? Cause the guy ripped him off. Yeah, I would leave that job. He walks home.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Anyway, I still love to keep you on the team. I realize I've really screwed you over. Yeah, no. I love our arrangement. It's the same thing I've- What I love about our arrangement is you're still apprenticing. Yeah, that's the thing I was gonna say.
Starting point is 00:13:39 It's like it's all apprenticing, but I wasn't apprenticing. You are a full-time employee. Ma, I- You get paid an apprentice. Money. No, I love to keep you here. I'm not gonna be around you a key part of the team I quit this this time. I'm gonna hold on to your money for you and it's leftist politics you read about Well for everyone else for me. I'm a big ready. I love the right. I'm a Reaganite awful. Oh, yeah So he walks home to Boston.
Starting point is 00:14:05 We're pretty much doing only loafers. Yeah! You notice that that this dial is pretty much... I didn't know that, that's so pretty. Yeah. Pretty locked into this loafers. Let's see that. Some have tassels, some have little areas where you can put a penny
Starting point is 00:14:19 if you want, but the most part of this loaf. No, they're not selling. Well, I just think eventually people will realize it's this or nothing. Well, people are really in a flip-flops right now. Well, it's a flash in the pan. You can tell you go 200 years in the future. People aren't gonna be wearing those weird shoes.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Loafers, my friend. Loafers. That's the foundation. People want buckles on their loafers. Oh, that's genius. Yes, something to sort of if your foot loses weight, a weight of compensate. That's the foundation people want buckles on their loafers. Oh, that's genius. Yes Something to sort of if your foot loses weight a weight a compensate. I have to go. I'm gonna give you a bunch of money that I'll keep So he walks home to Boston and
Starting point is 00:14:57 His his brother is now Charles has gone to a seminary school and he Now Charles has gone to a seminary school and he sends John money to come join him. Okay. So now he's a seminary school. He's there for a couple of years. That's just like a sperm bank, right? Sperm bank. And then he becomes a pastor and he gets a job
Starting point is 00:15:16 at the universalist society in barn stable Massachusetts. Great. And he, so he's about six feet tall at this point. He's huge for them, right? He's skinny with long black hair. Sure. Uh, he's a little Jesus- Someone said he looked like a quote, clerical bird. That's lovely. That's really cool. Yeah, that's great. Got your paperwork. What? What a compliment. Yeah. He looked like a nerd bird. I never thought you that. I got like a nerdy, compliment. Yeah. He looked like a nerd bird. I never thought you that.
Starting point is 00:15:47 I got a nerd bird. He looked like a bird that works in an office. He looked like a annoying bird. His speaking calmed people. They felt like they're with a friend or a brother. He was known for... How does that sound to you? Hey, how are you?
Starting point is 00:16:02 How are you? All right. He was known for empathy and for very stubbornness and standing up for what was right. Sure. His sermons were very full of hope and joy. Okay. He married his long time crush, Betsy Briggs.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Nice. They would go on to have four kids. Whoa, all right. So John and Charles become very popular for their preaching uh... charles is all about getting rid of the death penalty and how they kill people in hangin uh... i think hammers
Starting point is 00:16:33 okay it was a hammer time yeah the hammer period hammer time that's what the song came from a lot of people don't know that dark that's a darker tune than I remember. That's why you can't touch this. This is about robbery and then getting killed with a hammer. You can't touch this.
Starting point is 00:16:52 How am I talking about that? At his church, John allowed political groups like the Barn Stables Peace Society and the Female Samaritan Society to use the meeting house which is flock didn't like because they didn't like politics in their church. So this bird had a flock? Especially they didn't like the temperance society would come in and say they were
Starting point is 00:17:16 going to go to hell for drinking. So that causes us to wait. That would reel down her group. Yeah they're a bummer. I mean that is annoying. Yeah. So John leaves for another church in New Bedford. Okay. Yeah, they're more open to like reform ideas Okay, so he starts going on quote missions of love to prisons He just help out the prisoners. He's arranged bail. He's getting contact with families See this is why when you said before,
Starting point is 00:17:45 get rid of all religion, it's been bastardized so much because this is. This sounds fine, right? This is like a lovely person. And that's all this story's gonna be a lovely person. That's actually, we should, I really would love to have a clock where I can see in here because you're right, we're real early. That's actually... I really would love to have a clock where I can see in here, because you're right, we're real early.
Starting point is 00:18:07 That's actually what I'm gonna title this, a lovely person. There's love. Let's say that it's a lovely start, but I guess you suppose in the Marvel version, this is him and the lab being like, I wanna cure a disease and an explosion's about to happen. Now he's gonna try to cut Spider-Man's dick off.
Starting point is 00:18:27 So John and Charles start working to abolish the death penalty. They join the American peace society. They're against all forms of violence, including war and self-defense. Lovely. Then John starts getting an abolition. Universalists are opposed to slavery, but they didn't do much about it, but they were opposed.
Starting point is 00:18:49 Right, that's like the doctor. But he's becoming active. Slavery's illegal, illegal in Massachusetts. So John joins the New Bedford Anti-Slavery Society and commits himself to helping escape slaves Okay. Who get found in Massachusetts or the North and sent back. Their parishioners are divided over that,
Starting point is 00:19:11 like they're kinda like, nah, maybe just don't get involved. Things are good here. Come on, it's slavery, what are you doing? It's not our problem. John then upsets all the parishioners when he helps a black woman escape. They thought it's not his business and so he's out of there again. Great. It's classic pasta. So he gets a
Starting point is 00:19:40 preaching job in Weymouth which is right here Charles and they keep doing activist work john on his uh... abolition trials on the death penalty and then john is getting popular so he hits a lecture circuit and he's speaking about racism which at that point uh... he called it color phobia well listen we're he then that, yeah, we're not, listen, let's not cancel the guy. No. He's hard, his heart's in the right place. It's weird.
Starting point is 00:20:12 It's weird. It's always weird. He becomes VP of the New England Antisus Labor, Antislavery Society. John believes as an abolitionist, one could not support the Constitution. So they should work towards dissolving the union Hmm, this guy So everyone everyone sees him as a fanatic. Yeah, yeah, but he's party, but I like him
Starting point is 00:20:36 in Portland in 1844 John tries to respond after someone makes an anti-catholic immigrant speech. And he has to be able to make a reply. And then the crowd shouts them down, and then afterwards he's beaten in the street. So it's a no? Yeah, that's a, they're saying no. Might as maybe, you know, it's a soft maybe.
Starting point is 00:20:59 I don't know if they wanted to give the speech, because they said no, and then beat the snot out of me. We actually have made up our mind. Oh, okay. Yeah. I still have a bunch of words. Your eye is hanging. It hurts tremendously.
Starting point is 00:21:11 Yeah, so you should get that fix before you want it to speak. I won't be able to read the speech unless I sort of, yeah, it's a bit like how an octopus would, you understand the mistake you made here, right? I don't, in retrospect, I'm not sure sure I'd certainly letting the I get hit was a Yeah It's just sort of it's testicle itself over here. I wish I had to say that because now I have to beat you up again The boy the the hanging I please let me just pop it back in the hole on guard for the other one
Starting point is 00:21:44 Oh, oh no now I'm like a Martian I got horse eyes They're like they're like wait they're like mirror dice What do you think about horse eyes look like? I just you know they're side they're side and and you think Martian eyes hang hang out how many Mars is a using So he's pretty badly beat he's unconscious for days Fuck they think he's gonna die. I would think he's dead. Yeah, but a week later He comes to and he smiled and he said my eye He said he had a vision I
Starting point is 00:22:24 From this eye that he would be dressed in blue and talking to friends in the parlour soon hey they beat him so hard he thinks he's gonna be a king do we kick this ass or anything he's a monarch a few days later a few days later four days of sleeping and then just wake up, and be like, I had a dream that I was speaking to all of you in blue in a big parlor. Well, a few days later, a friend brings him a blue shirt and he puts it on and goes downstairs and talks to them in the parlor.
Starting point is 00:22:58 I'm just a scratch. That's like me wearing up in the hospital, and be like, I had a dream I get mashed potatoes and then someone gave me a mash. And I was like, wow. I had a dream I get mashed potatoes, and then someone gave me a mash, and I was like, wow. And a dream I get mashed potatoes in the cafeteria hospital. What?
Starting point is 00:23:09 What happened? I'm a psychic. So it took a while for him to completely heal to return home. Betsy had had a baby and the baby died at two months so she's grieving. Charles gives John a job as editor of his new anti-death penalty paper, which was called the Hangman. Wow.
Starting point is 00:23:40 All right. You think you'd want to cover others shit a little bit? I mean, you know, it's a little intense. Yeah. Yeah, it's, when these things aren't getting, yeah, I thought those are gonna be games like Sudoku and Hangman. Oh, there actually is a Hangman game in there.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Oh, great. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's not a thing. It's graphics, really bad. Oh my God. He wrote about the better treatment of animals and he had a column for kids. Other writers said John and Charles hangman, Jr. had mockish sentimentality. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:15 And they were, they were called, quote, men of shallow capacity. Okay. So they're like these guys, these guys like people and they don't want they don't want suffering So they're like these ideas. Yeah, right. Oh, look how weak these guys are. Yeah, it is. It's always been considered a bit off So for some reason the hangman isn't really making money. I wonder what it is. I don't know the name's good That's got a kids part of yep This goes on now kids love to read about the death. Absolutely. Yeah So their destitute of Gap. The kids love to read about the death penalty. Absolutely. Yeah. So they're destitute.
Starting point is 00:24:48 They rename it the prisoner's friend. Okay. And it starts to make it a real impact. It's better, yeah. Yeah. They have a fundraiser to aid prisoners and they made over a hundred thousand. Okay. Wow.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Sorry. One thousand. One thousand. And that's all the thousand. Okay, wow. Sorry, one thousand. And that's all the money on earth, gentlemen. That was so... It's out of my head. My head was a good one. It just came out of it. It's a nice chunk today. And then they just made a mansion and that's the end.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Oh yeah. And then they got all the money in Monopoly and... A thousand. Sorry. What a misspeak that was still good You know what tell me about it on Twitter actually my blue sky now But well on blue sky. I like I don't know I haven't looked you know how many followers you have. No, what's your deal? I don't know. I just never look at that. What's up with you? I don't need it It's not what I'm there for them. They're for the pitter-patter shut up shut shut up forever. How's that? So they the brothers then quarrel over the money here we go
Starting point is 00:25:56 Here we go and it leads to John Getting cut out of the prisoners friend. He's gone. Okay Charles said the affair, quote, has made me sad. Hmm. It's tough. Uh, but John keeps helping prisoners. Once he spoke on behalf of a six year old boy in court, John asked the judge, Your Honor, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:26:22 John asked the judge how he could send the child to jail when the boy couldn't dress himself or put himself to bed. Oh my God. So the judge said a low bail, that John paid. Oh my God. Six years old. So it turns out it's not that hard to help our prisoners at this time because some number of children. Yeah. The jury actually refused to convict a six-year-old, so that worked out okay.
Starting point is 00:26:44 I actually am okay with it I thought Cam just hardly mentally scarred his kid is a psychotic piece of shit and he needs to be put away I could have permanent anxiety I don't like the way you looked at me. I'll probably start drinking the self-medicates What did they say did again? They don't end up in a life of crime anyway shut up Because be quiet you criminal because I think you took the milk What did they say did again? Didn't know I'd definitely live a crime anyway. Shut up! Because...
Starting point is 00:27:06 Be quiet! You criminal. Because... I think you took the milk. I was really hungry because my parents were telling me I just wanted something to eat. And there was only milk. Shut up! I'm a boy.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Get... Put him away! I'm a little boy. At least for a couple years. I'm a boy. Stop talking, weakling. I want a daddy. What? I just want a dad.
Starting point is 00:27:32 Oh my God, come on, guilty for whatever he did. The nightmare. What's happening? Who are? Why? You're a criminal, you're in a court. Shut up, guilty. Is this how it works? I got a criminal, you're in a court, shut up! Guilty! Is this how it works?
Starting point is 00:27:46 I, yeah, apparently! Crazy! Can I have a ball? What? In this chair? Yeah, you can. So Charles' wife gets cancer. And John comes back and they, you know, to help out his brother and
Starting point is 00:28:07 starts working at the paper again. She dies. John stays around because now Charles has five kids a daycare of. Good Lord. It's a real Charles in charge. So while John's at the paper this time, this is brother like Charles Sturdis is. I'm absolutely ignoring. Charles. It's not, I'm not. We gotta go. This isn't happening. There's a convention with floor models. Pfft.
Starting point is 00:28:32 And we're back. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. We've had a discussion off air, and we've come to some resolution. Go ahead, Dave.
Starting point is 00:28:42 Charles and John, John's a professor passed away. So at this time, John reads a book and he does a book review. The book is by a spiritualist. Oh God. And what, why, oh John calls me. It's just like when you're, I like an aunt who is just like,
Starting point is 00:29:00 have you heard of Q? Oh no, run, run, run. That's like the level of like, that had a book by a spiritualist. I'm getting to this Alex Jones guy. You're gonna know this Jones? Exactly what happens, like the algorithm is like. It's so funny and interesting.
Starting point is 00:29:16 He's got a lot of good, Oh, and seems like she really talks from the heart. I like what this Jimmy Dorgas has to say about vaccines. So, it's a book by a spiritualist and in the review he calls it quote the most wonderful work ever made by mortal man. Oh God. So this is which one is this John? Yeah. Oh God. So Sanchez clairvoyance. It's all the rage. The fox sisters are huge right now. People all over America are forming spirit circles and they're speaking to the dead. It's spiritualism. It's the thing. It's so dumb and it's so troubling how likely it is to return. Absolutely. In 1851, John goes to his first sounds. Where he heard from Charles Deadwife and he got a message from his dead infant son. Oh no, no. What is he
Starting point is 00:30:21 gonna say? Well, what is his? What? Oh my God. He said is his, what, what, oh my God. He said he was, quote, moving in a heavenly sphere. And would seek to comfort his father's soul. The baby will come back. He said that he'll take care of your dad. He has big hands where he's going. He's going to be a big boy. He's going. He's gonna be a big boy. He's excited.
Starting point is 00:30:47 He met another baby. They're baby dating. This is weird. Go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go. Singing a bit of a jam. If you ask me, I don't hate it. I don't love it. John said the messages,
Starting point is 00:31:03 soothe and strengthened him. And that's why it works. He became more and more convinced as he went to more and more sciences. And then he broke with the Universalist Church entirely and began to just completely follow spiritualism. Sure. Good for him. He decided he was God's instrument and God would use him as a conduit for good works. Specifically him or just him and others.
Starting point is 00:31:30 Him. So, specifically, this is again where you really... Him, he. It's not. He's the man. Yeah. He can only really speak for himself, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:39 But I mean, I feel like, I feel like again, like, you know, if he were to be like, you know, modern religions, it's like, hey, we he were to be modern religions, it's like, hey, we gotta get everyone on board. But if you're like, so I talk to God, it's like, okay, I'm a little worried. It's more concerning. Yeah. Dig up your yard.
Starting point is 00:31:58 It's like Ted Cruz's dad. What does this do? That God talks to me and Ted Cruz is the chosen one. Yeah, it's dead. Is that why he had JFK killed? Yes. God, it's such an interesting country. Yeah, now do our,
Starting point is 00:32:11 and it's going fine. Now do our FK. He wanted to do real actual. I can't knock that motherfucker down. Pfff, ffff, he kidding me? It's an action figure. Ugh.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Oh man, he, uh... We're getting close to our first shirtless president. It's an action figure. Ugh. Oh man, he, uh... We're getting close to our first shirtless president. It's gonna be awesome. We are. Uh, so John wanted to do real actual good work for human kind. He adopts a baby girl, even though he is completely destitute.
Starting point is 00:32:41 That's great. He heard a voice call, quote, call this baby Elizabeth. Uh, nope. So he's pushing back. No, I don't think so. He's Lucy, Jaggop, stand your lane. Sky, sky voice, no.
Starting point is 00:32:55 You will call her Lizabez. He's pissing, pissing, uh, what about Lizzie? Lizzie has Liz. No, dude. How's Zeph? Jesus is a great name. Liza! He feels like he is a puppet being controlled by spirits. In a good way.
Starting point is 00:33:20 Yeah. But Betsy is sick of raising kids with absolutely no money as John is helping prisoners. I got a new baby. I got a baby and a ghost. She's not, Betsy's not into spiritualism. That might be an issue for their marriage. She's not comforted by the debt, the messages from the dead baby. Well, I talk to our baby again. He's got a real good song. I told you not to tell me. You just told me.
Starting point is 00:33:50 I don't want to know the baby messages. Well, I don't want to know them. Some of the songs are so catchy. I don't want to know the songs. And he's got good news. He was two months old. I know, but he's so prolific. It's not, he's going to take care of all of our friends.
Starting point is 00:34:03 He's not. Yes, he is. He's not going, no one's going all of our friends. He's not yes. He is he's not going No one's going to a skyboat He told me he's got a skyboat and he's L. Capytown. How about that? Bet you didn't see that coming and I bet you feel a little better about it now, don't you? I told it all I feel worse. He called himself baby captain and Everybody loves him. He's got a big ol' yacht up there. Hmm? What do you think about that?
Starting point is 00:34:25 And he says, when we go, we get to be on the poop deck. Excited? No. I'll tell you, this kid's awesome. It's not, there's nothing about this, that's awesome. He can call him a basketball. You sound like a crazy person. You need to talk to our baby, who lives in the sky.
Starting point is 00:34:40 Not talking to our baby. I just got over grieving. And this is a perfect thing. It's not honey, honey. It's weird. Honey. No, don't do that. I'm gonna kiss about baby. I just got over grieving. And this is a perfect thing. It's not honey. It's weird. Honey. No, don't do that. Kiss your neck a little.
Starting point is 00:34:49 No, are we making another baby? Our son, no, I brought home for. Our son is up there right now. And he has got so much good stuff. He's a real estate mogul. He's got like five houses in a yacht. He's crushing. He told me he said, and I quote unquote,
Starting point is 00:35:07 I'm crushing box. Okay. He's awesome. I want you to leave the house. I look up to our baby. It's life's amazing. Hahaha. So she, like I said, she doesn't like spiritualism.
Starting point is 00:35:22 She doesn't like the dead baby stuff. So, John starts confiding in his adult daughter. So she like I said she doesn't like spiritualism. She doesn't like the dead baby stuff. So John Starts confiding in his adult daughter So for a mom's a bit of a work job so foronia The spice It's that ladies names so foronia so foronia Sometimes there's names that I'm like that would be good to come back. That's not one of them. No, not at all.
Starting point is 00:35:46 So, phronia. So, they start practicing clairvoyance together. Oh, good. How old is she, roughly? I don't know. She's adult, so she's probably 20, or something, or 12. Five. She could go to jail, she's six or above.
Starting point is 00:36:01 So he would put his hand on her shoulder and she would try to root his mind. Yeah. We've done that before. Yeah. And then, Sephironia starts relaying. The name's not getting easier to hear. It's not gonna ever. Sephironia starts relaying messages from the beyond. And they start regularly going to sounds together. And then in 1852, John receives his first message from the spirits. Oh, because they were now being given through, right? Okay, so now he's, now he's, now he's directly getting in.
Starting point is 00:36:42 And this happened because he's holding a pen. Ah, I knew it was gonna be interesting. And they start writing through him. Oh, so he's a Ouija man. Yeah. He was told the first time it's happened, he is told to go to the town of Abighdon, which didn't exist.
Starting point is 00:36:59 And find David Vining. You're looking for David Vining. Boy, this, it's very specific. It's super like, yeah, right? Hey, the town doesn't exist. Oops, but it's those like,
Starting point is 00:37:12 all right, David Vining. And the voice is like, you're gonna go now and don't worry, Betsy's not gonna be mad. No, not your Betsy, you doesn't believe in this. And then writes, go and capital letters 10 times. Very impressive. It's Pronto, it's like, now get on it. Get moving. doesn't believe in this. And then rights go in capital letters 10 times. Very
Starting point is 00:37:25 impressive. It's pronto. It's like now. Get on it. Get moving. He went there, but no David Vining. It's but people said, well there is a David Vining in a town nearby. So the spirits bad with maps too. John asked the spirits why he was sent to Abagnon if Vining's not there. The Jam. And they said, the spirit said, they were not great with town boundaries.
Starting point is 00:37:56 Well, crazy. Crazy. We have a bad sense of geography. We're pretty bad. We're really good at, uh. We know David Vining's your guy. We're good at emotions and faces. Get out there.
Starting point is 00:38:07 But if you give us like a boundary, I'm like, what's San Francisco? What's Oakland? I don't know. Aaron, does this plug matter? I'm not. Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:21 So, they go and they find David Vining. Hello, I'm David Vining. They get to sit with him. He's an old sick man. Oh. He hasn't slept for 10 days. I've been in hell. The last 10 days have just been awful.
Starting point is 00:38:40 Grandpa? Every part of me is a splinter. Grandpa? I feel like spring Grandpa you keep doing poppers the sun hurts This isn't a dance club you need to stop doing poppers Everything hurts except for a popper And when I do a god damn it when they call me grandpa how many of these poppers did you buy?
Starting point is 00:39:05 There's been everything on a muiti Life's been awful for me Every part of me hurts. I got to take a crap, but I can't crap But if I do a popper the lights come on Crap box starts to thad and I'm looking to fornicate I'm looking to fornicate I'm ready to toss one in anyone man or woman I'll go down on or I'll be gone down upon hey I'm a church I'm I'm your grandson and I need to stop this and there's no there's no Nope, nope, nope, grandpa. You know, put the pot, get the
Starting point is 00:39:47 pop away from your face. Oh, grandpa. I'm back. Oh, bring your wife in here. Or just yourself. Let me eat that butt. I don't even know the whole part. So we had a bit of a talk off I don't even know the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:40:05 So we had a bit of a talk off of it. And we come to a couple of, I guess we could say agreements. There's certain stuff that we feel is cool and there's, there's stuff that maybe isn't. I mean, you gotta remember, there's no net with this podcast. So when Grandpa was brought into the mix, we hadn't really gone there before. But we have an agreement now.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Yep, though we know there's certain things that were said that won't be said again. Thank you. was brought into the mix. Yeah. We hadn't really gone there before. But we have an agreement now. Yep. There'll be no, there's certain things that were said that won't be said again. Thank you. Yeah. So. So we meet David Vining. He sits next to him, right?
Starting point is 00:40:36 Uh. And it's party boy. And then John said his hand moved to Vining's head. Touches it. Oh. And Vining smiled head. Touches it. And Vining smiled and said, quote, well, the pain is all gone. And then he asked if John was an angel.
Starting point is 00:40:54 You an angel, he asks everyone that. He's really out of it. He's definitely dying. He asked the cat that the other day. The other day, he said that to a potato. A month later, viding is ill again. And the spirits tell John to go back. But this time the family keeps John away. The the viding?
Starting point is 00:41:17 It's the problem. He was quote surrounded by unrelenting doubters of his healing power. was quote surrounded by unrelenting doubters of his healing power. Man, so there's always been such haters. Yeah, right? Turns out Vining had quickly deteriorated on the day John healed him and spent that night in worse pain than ever before. Yeah, but rationally he did nothing.
Starting point is 00:41:40 So it's just like they're probably inflating it a little bit. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. nothing happened the guys dying. Yeah He's been very sick since Vining touched his head So the story of John's healing power Spread but he didn't do anything. Well it spread okay It was published in a widely read pamphlet So miss Vining asked a Christian paper to correct the record. So they wrote it up and then John's supporter said her letter was from a Calvinist minister
Starting point is 00:42:14 who didn't want his flock getting any ideas from John's spiritualism. Right. So they're protecting them. Yeah. So John goes to places the spirits guide him to. And the ocean? He's creating new spirit mediums who would serve their local community. He's fresh.
Starting point is 00:42:37 He's fresh. He's fresh. He's like long, long, long, long, long silver, the medium. So look, you put down 50,000, right? You put down 50 grand. And I'm gonna have you healing people all over this world. I'm a medium? Yeah, but it's just 50 up front.
Starting point is 00:42:54 And then you're gonna be a medium. And then I get to use the name. You're gonna hear all the spirits, all of them. Everyone you ever wanted to hear, you'll be hearing. 50,000 is a lot. 50,000, yeah, but look, it's a lot. Considering earlier, you said. Startup work a lot. It's a lot of stuff. It's a lot of stuff.
Starting point is 00:43:06 Start up work. There's a lot of information. You gotta get out. We'll do it. Time's money. We'll do it. We're gonna make this happen. Yeah, here we go.
Starting point is 00:43:14 Hey. Here's everything we have. Great. All right. All right. Now I'm closing my eyes. Hello, you're here. You're here one right now.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Hey, buddy, it's me. He's a very friendly thing. Jimmy John. My God. No, I hear one right now. Hey buddy, it's me. He's a very friendly thing. Jimmy John. My God. Hi. His name's Jimmy John. Oh, that's the sausage guy.
Starting point is 00:43:33 Yeah, I've actually had him. Wait, what? Yeah, he makes sausages. He's a spirit from the future. Sorry, just, I gave you everything we have. Try the brazier of the right have. Try the breakfast sausage. Okay. Yeah, I guess you're the future.
Starting point is 00:43:51 You're the future sausage man. Yeah. Israel. Oh, shit. Who's Jim? Now that I actually did here, that was a Lord. The Lord said it, that's Jimmy Dean. Well, who's Jimmy John?
Starting point is 00:44:02 He's the asshole who likes to kill animals and enclosure and then sell cold-cut subs. He's an idiot, too. So he's a meek guy, also. I don't want to get into this discussion when I just gave you everything to become a franchise spiritualist. I don't think you know much, to be honest with you.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Right, so he is franchising each new medium he consecrated gave him through spirits the name of the next person he should go consecrate. So it's Amway for, he's Amwaying. My name is Ted. He creates hundreds of new mediums and gives each one a certificate. Oh cool. Proving that they're right that you're real. I'm a spirit listener. And in case anyone questions whether or not you can hear the dead, show and gives each one a certificate. Oh cool. Proving that you're real. My spirit listener. And in case anyone questions whether or not
Starting point is 00:44:47 you can hear the dead, show him this. It's a diploma. You've got a ghost diploma. Pretty much a badge. Yeah, that's not real. That's not real. It's not a real thing. It's just a made it up.
Starting point is 00:45:00 I look at it right here. I see it. I mean, it's something you can hold in your hand. I'm saying it's not official. There's no official. Well, right here, it says official at the bottom. It says official, but I think we all are going to agree. But I don't.
Starting point is 00:45:13 It doesn't mean anything. It does. It means it's official. We've agreed on these language. Who's we? There's no board. You mean there's no board. Sure, there's a board.
Starting point is 00:45:22 The board certified right there. Nope. Yep. Talk to all of them. All of who? There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board. There's no board I got my cheese at Sucks on. I was hoping you would notice. Your cheese at Sucks out of all your Sucks are the weirdest ones. They're great. They're crazy. Yeah. Yep, cause it just doesn't, who's the last time you had a cheese, I know the last time you had a cheese at, how about that? That's weird.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Been a while. No, you had one in the van. Oh yeah, look at me one. Fire cheese at Sucks. Oh that's right, terrible. So, the spirits now start communicating with John Oh, that's right. Yeah, terrible. So The spirits now start communicating with John in a new way through drawings. Nice What are the spirits saying? Well, they just keep it's just dicks
Starting point is 00:46:20 Later That year John meets Eliza Kennedy and an anti-slavery society meeting. She is a medium. Sure. And while talking to him, Eliza is suddenly gripped by the desire to start writing. Sure. She wrote, I want J.M. Spear to call on that poor woman who has been struck by lightning. Right? It's intense. The spirit, the spirit who wrote that, signed
Starting point is 00:47:00 his name. Benjamin Franklin. Oh my god. Oh my god Right you get it right lightning of course it's gonna be Ben Franklin. He that's the he's the fucking lightning guy It makes sense Who else would do that? You're gonna get a star struck by a signature of a ghost. Oh My god Benjamin Franklin this goes all the way to the top. And then they ask around, and they find out there is a woman outside of town who has been struck by lightning. That's the one. That's the one ghost Benjamin Franklin's looking for. So they go to see her. We're here because ghost Benjamin Franklin wants us to talk to you.
Starting point is 00:47:45 And John puts his palms on hers. And she said she was, quote, completely relieved of the electrical charge of her lightning disease, lightning pains. I feel like I was never struck by lightning. Benjamin Franklin asked us to come here and suck the lightning out of your hands. Jesus Christ, suck it out. Well, you wouldn't get it. I have a certificate here that I can claim that he's a...
Starting point is 00:48:11 Oh my God, this is real. I know what I'm talking about. Wow, you're real. I am. I'm the real deal. I am. Ghost Daddy. Yep, you're the real ghost daddy.
Starting point is 00:48:21 And Franklin. You a little impressed? Yeah, a little bit. Franklin, no, he's like my friend. I. You a little impressed. Yeah, love that Franklin No, he's like I have all of his posters. Yeah, he's a hell of a guy almost president. Maybe yeah never Not close to try I mean ran a no he might have been near it. It's not crazy for someone to think that he was it is no it isn't Could very easily could happen. No, it's one of those things that like he was just never that He was never that but it's not create there's a lot of people who
Starting point is 00:48:46 think he might have been i'm not here to get into that argument with you we just suck the lightning out of your hands but it's not insane at all for someone to have thought that and don't call them dumb online because they thought that that's all we're saying that's it it's not it's possible it's genuinely a thing that you should know someone could easily think of it the other way Anyway, look at 1858 let's relax. Doesn't matter
Starting point is 00:49:18 So the Reverend the spirit of Reverend John Murray now possesses The spirit of Reverend John Murray now possesses Sephironia. Okay, oh God. And he, that's John's name-sake, that's what John is named after. Oh wow. And I want my name back. And then so.
Starting point is 00:49:34 By the way, Sephironia is a weird name. Wow, I can't take it anymore. Enough. So he says he's gonna be back around 3 PM to talk to John. Where are you going? And to make sure I'm going to go get play a little pickleball, and I'll be back. And he says, make sure that there's someone there to record it.
Starting point is 00:49:54 The very official ghost statement. So what happens? It comes back at three. Sorry, I'm late. We're really bad with cities. I was in the wrong city and then I was here and I have pickle ball at four traffic was nuts. Uh, so this goes on on often offered like through two
Starting point is 00:50:17 weeks like the ghost he keeps coming and he says all humans are going to soon reach equality. Except for the blacks. Except for the blacks, and he tells John to travel and work very hard as a medium. So soon after John helps organize a spiritualist convention in a Worcester, Massachusetts, 400 people come.
Starting point is 00:50:46 And John delivers speeches from famous spirits, like Patrick Henry, John Hancock, and George Washington. Your next speaker, you might know this guy. He's unbelievable. He was the first president of the United States. He's a hell of a general. Benjamin Franklin? Close. It's not crazy to make that mix up.
Starting point is 00:51:10 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up. George Washington. Oh, my God. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, yeah, I love it Why did I fix my mouth Someone more to fix my mouth. It's still hurts. It's getting killing me even more than this. Oh my god My mother hurts so much I'm on a list. Oh my god. My mother hurts so much It's you and teeth and horse teeth and metal
Starting point is 00:51:53 Why did you not do it? I don't know. Can we get the next guy? Well, don't listen and Closing everyone's equal and we got to do that. Okay, and also if you ever meet a guy Bye, stomach acid shreds his mouth. Do me a favor. But work a little harder. All right, we'll see you later. Work a little harder. Bye, George.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. Oh, he's gone. How was it? It was weird. You know, complaining. All right. Yeah. It's classic, George.
Starting point is 00:52:22 Yeah. All right, this next guy you're going to love. He's also nuts. Ha ha ha ha. I mean, that's basically what happened. All right, your next ghost, you guys know this guy. You love him. I'm emceeing.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Ha ha ha. So the spirits prophesized that John would soon be a quote wonder of the world. And John is giving these speeches. Well, he goes into a trance and they go through him. So the point of the spirits entering John is that John's gonna be the guy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Right. And everyone there was like, whoa. Yeah, there's has to be right. How else can this happen? He wouldn't do this about himself unless it was true. And they also said, let him beg your wife.
Starting point is 00:53:04 Let him beg your wife and give him your goods. I'm out of here. What did he say? They also said there was a coming time of love and equality. Ben Franklin came out and spoke on the nature of electricity. Hello everyone, it is me, Benjamin Franklin. The man who looks like a piglet and gave you guys electricity. Now, as many of you know, John is an amazing man
Starting point is 00:53:29 and I sign off on his character and you should follow him. He will be the leading expert that will make everyone and equal, even though I had slaves. And I'm out of here. Oh, before I go, one more thing. It's not crazy for people to have thought of me as a potentially presidential man or a man of presidency.
Starting point is 00:53:49 It is. For I was around a lot. And in that time, my name was so big and they're probably put me on a big bill one day and that'll be a little misleading. It was Thomas Payne, a president. We're not gonna get into who was or who wasn't, because he might have been who knows. But the point is, if one of your friends, shut up, if one of your friends thinks that I
Starting point is 00:54:12 was a president, be good to them and be good to anyone who thinks that. To me, it's a nice compliment they're paying me and there's nothing wrong with a compliment. That's like me when I discovered electricity, why that was just a series of compliments that found itself to experimentation, magical discovery was made, and that gives you lamps, which you maybe have now or maybe not. Either way, it's not crazy to think that I was once in the highest office in the land. Benjamin Franklin, leaving, remember be good to everyone. Even those who think that it's not crazy that they thought that they're not stupid Just might have not paid as much attention and that's okay Yeah So no agenda, but I think it's it's it's really I I think that's interesting. No, it's really, I would call it whiny.
Starting point is 00:55:06 He is who he is, I mean. Yeah, it's so funny. Give the guy what he wants. A lot of shit coming through from these weird internal sort of gripping. It's interesting. I think it's historically it's accurate and it's pretty interesting.
Starting point is 00:55:19 Let him say what he wants to say. He's the guy. So, I wouldn't be able to charge your iPhone without him, dickhead. A few months later, at a large convention, John Murray gave the opening speech through John. A New York Times reporter is there and he's not impressed. He said John's words were too vague and it was boring because he didn't do anything fun like other mediums did like levitating chairs. You know, it's...
Starting point is 00:55:49 When you started that I was like, oh okay so there was like a journalist who was like, no, no, no, it's bullshit instead of like, no, I've seen better. The chairs stayed on the ground the whole time. I don't know. Quote, I love that it's like, in order to agree that you communicate with spirits, you've got to be like moving stuff with your hands. Quote, he was either a wonderful nave or a lunatic. He said, John was just a quote, drawing old man.
Starting point is 00:56:20 Wow. But the audience loved it. Okay. John sometimes wondered if he was insane. Like on April Fools Day, 1853, when several spirits used him to write about a club they were forming called the Association of Beneficience So it's a bunch of spirits want their money back. No, they're just making a group. They're making like a club or a bullet back then and They said they were gonna use John to be the communicator with mankind a lot of pressure And when that trans ends
Starting point is 00:57:13 John looks at what he's written and it's all the names of members in the association, they've signed it. Through his hand. Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, Socrates, it's all the fucking biggs. Wow, so we're, it's all the biggs. This is a big, this is kind of like Bill and Ted's ex-another video. This is an amazing association. This is, Socrates, what you're done writing,
Starting point is 00:57:38 is this kind of Socrates? Yeah. Caesar. So after this, John gets regular updates from the association of such a is just kind of weird. Benjamin Franklin visits pretty often. Yes.
Starting point is 00:57:56 John and his supporters thought Franklin wanted John to continue his experiments. His experiments, James, Benjamin Franklin's experiments with electricity and so on and so forth. What a nightmare! Finish them! Bye!
Starting point is 00:58:13 John wants to deliver a sermon while he was possessed by Franklin. Wow. And the Association of Bene, benefits has committees, several different committees. Sure. And the committees would focus on a topic and then use John to put what they had come up with out into the world. Sure. Committees, they committees like the
Starting point is 00:58:39 govern mentalizers. Mm-hmm. The healthfulizers. Absolutely. The educationizers. Sure, it seems like a bit of a theme. John got a message from Benjamin Franklin on behalf of the committee of electracizers. And they wanted John to create a new invention. Oh my God. Did I do that this is all in this guy's brain?
Starting point is 00:59:09 It's amazing. And he just wrote a demo name. He's like, what? Diagnetics. It was to be called the new motor. It would be so much pressure. A perpetual motion machine that would produce immense changes on your earth,
Starting point is 00:59:29 such as words cannot describe. Okay. So they're asking this man to build a machine, a motor that just will change everything on earth, but they can't really explain it. Right. All right. Well, words can't be...
Starting point is 00:59:47 One time I had to build a dresser for my key and lost the direction from that seemed daunting. Ha ha ha ha. Move over. Oh my god, that's a nightmare. Move over. So, the trans ends. I am.
Starting point is 01:00:01 Man, this is a bummer. John reads all, oh wait, I already said that. So it's going to bring, quote, floods of spiritual light down from heaven and all would then be truly free. And John was to build it. So it's kind of like when BP is like, we'll take oil. It's fine. We'll remove carbon. We got a machine. It's like that. Yeah. We're going to use algae. No more questions.
Starting point is 01:00:36 It was a machine that could think and do on its own like a human being. A quote, mechanical Messiah. They want him to build robot God. Robot Jesus, yeah. It's robot Jesus. So John, Dave, what? Come on. It's not.
Starting point is 01:00:59 How do you think we got robot Jesus? I don't remember him. Oh, you don't remember that? Just like you didn't know Benjamin Franklin was not the president. Not me, others. Everybody's heard of robot Jesus. I don't remember him. Oh, you don't remember that? Just like you didn't know Benjamin Franklin was not the president. Not me, others. Everybody's heard of robot Jesus. Robo J.
Starting point is 01:01:42 I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man. I'm not going to be a man imagine his life without that spiritual book he would be like making shoes and freeing prisoners That he's like well I got a build a robot baby Jesus His followers are very excited. Oh Some leave their jobs to work on it. I have quit. It's not what you've heard before I'm leaving What I'm leaving. What?
Starting point is 01:02:06 I'm leaving the job. Where are you going to go to? Well, it's kind of top secret, but you've heard of God. Yeah, we've all heard God. You're the baby Jesus. Yeah, of course I've heard of it. You heard of robots. Kind of.
Starting point is 01:02:18 You know what a motor is? Yeah. Sorta. Yeah. I'm going to make a robot baby God. But baby god But I'm helping so I'm not in charge This guy John's got it. He talks to Ben Franklin a bunch This is a Ben Franklin project Benjamin Franklin asked him to put together a robot baby god. We make hanker chips
Starting point is 01:02:37 Yeah, so it's gonna be a bit of a difference, but he's gonna walk me through a bunch of it. I'm sure it's not that crazy The problem is they can't explain to him what they want, but Benjamin Franklin's gonna help. You know I got one in the present, I'll see you later. How much do you pay you? I can give you more. Huh? It's not about money.
Starting point is 01:02:55 No, this is how we like create neutrality on earth for like everyone. It's really a big thing. I mean, your handkerchiefs are gonna be useless once we're done with this. We're gonna have a baby god. But he's gonna be made of robot parts. He's a motor.
Starting point is 01:03:10 He's a motor lord. Have you heard of that? No. Motor Jesus. RoboJ. You're cool. Yeah. You seem startled.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Are you okay? Yeah, I just want you to come. Is it what I said or something? It's all of it. Yeah. RoboJ you to come. Is it what I said or something else? It's all of it. Yeah. RoboJ. Believe it. Dick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They get to work. John goes into regular trances to get instructions and diagrams from Benjamin Franklin.
Starting point is 01:03:48 Alan, make a wrench. The new motor would run on energy from the heavens. It would run on the thought energy sent by God. We need thought gas. Using a battery as its brain. Uh huh. Well, this guy seems like he knows what he's talking about. So this got a battery brain run out in the heaven light.
Starting point is 01:04:10 This got energy would be transmitted out through little magnetic balls hanging around the machine. And in the heart of the motor, life would be created. And it would create a gate through which spirits could enter our world and take the shape of a man. And the man would be the Redeemer, a savior of mankind. They're making a God portal with magnet balls. That's right.
Starting point is 01:04:38 What? This is one of those things that's starting as fine, but when people like, well, isn't it working? I don't know. Just talk. It's supposed to be fine. So the machine has to be for it to work. It has to be both male and female. So let's get those dogs in there and ladies bang those giants into it.
Starting point is 01:05:03 Well different metals are male or female. Sure, mercury, male. That's what the spirit's still job. And so then you would take the wires and cross them, and this would be, quote, sexual intermingling. What? We got to make wires, fuck. And the machine had parts to correspond to human body parts.
Starting point is 01:05:23 This is an arm. Five metal legs in a glass ball made up the abdomen, metal lungs, wires around a copper rod for the nervous system, et cetera. Sure. And tennis were covered in human hairs to keep energy collectors, like, to be energy collectors, like our heads. Let's look at it throwin' the hair hat around for a collection, I don't think it's gonna work, like our heads. This is the thing that they throw in the hair hat around
Starting point is 01:05:46 for collection, I don't think it's gonna work. Like our heads, that's what happens. Sure. All right guys, now put the hair on the wires. What? Put hair on the wires. I don't know, Ben Franklin said do. Ha, ha, ha.
Starting point is 01:05:57 That's why John and his male followers started wearing their hair long to collect energy at this point. Absolutely, it makes sense. No question. But the spirits are at the same time they're kind of vague about their instructions. Just do it better.
Starting point is 01:06:10 So it takes months to build. I think it takes longer. And ends up costing 70,000 in today's money. Wow. Sorry, you said hair? I don't know. Spirits, please, be really clear. It's so hard to do this. Pfft! Sorry, you said hair? I don't know. Spirits, please, be really clear.
Starting point is 01:06:27 It's so hard to do this. This part's the abdomen? Yes, five legs. Make up the abdomen. And then put your hair on the wires too, like us. More magnet balls around the outside. We're not totally sure how it works either. We'll figure it out, keep trying.
Starting point is 01:06:46 So it's just taken so long the builders are becoming disheartened, especially when people around know about it and they're treating them and the project like a joke. They're like, make it fun of them. Hey Jesus pop out of your motor yet? Oh, let me know what it does, Jagger. Also, John says he doesn't really know how it's gonna work.
Starting point is 01:07:10 It's hard to say. It's, I don't know. They just tell me what to do. It's like a God-long moor. When they finally finish it, it doesn't start. It's a great problem. It just sits there. That would be the greatest moment. That would be the greatest moment.
Starting point is 01:07:26 That might be the greatest moment in history. I mean, wouldn't you want to watch that? Just standing there while they're like, I think we're done. Alright, fire her up! It's God. Do you look inside again? Do you see God? No, but maybe we put too much hair in there. I think we had too much hair. There sure is a lot of hair on the inside of this robot
Starting point is 01:07:51 It's like a mishmash of metal and wire there they're they're out of loss, but they keep tinkering and This the spirits say it just needs to be charged. We just got to plug it in Hurry we didn't make a plug. Oh, well, you got to make a plug. What do you dumb hurry? So exciting. So it's gonna be really good when it's done. They tell the spiritualists they have to do some tasks to learn how to hardest the energy for the new motor to be charged. Okay, now there's a scavenger hunt. One was to have John do experiments that involved electrocuting a person till they could become a medium or electrocuting a medium
Starting point is 01:08:34 to make them a stronger medium. Well, I got bad news weird news. Someone has to get electrocuted to become really good at this and then you're gonna be key in the motor. Any volunteers? No? Just sort of... No, I'm good. Someone has to do it otherwise we spent all this time doing it without... I'm not... It's gonna be awesome when we're done! I'm not interested. Someone's got... they said that. Look, it's signed. They signed it.
Starting point is 01:09:07 Yeah. So someone's got to get majorly zapped. Sure. For the Jesus motor to be ready. So sorry. I too wish they told us this up top. It's crazy last minute information, man. What do you want?
Starting point is 01:09:24 John decided to do it to himself. I'll go and had a wizard suit made for minerals metals and stones. I am gonna take off. It's not personal. It's just that he's now wizarding and that's sort of a strange turn. I was on board with everything else. Wizarding and that's sort of a strange turn. I was on board with everything else Well, I guess I need a wizard's outfit to get electrocuted for the god motor. I wish there's a picture of this minerals metals and stuff Yes, I mean wait what did he do? I have no idea, but he got electrocute. Okay Just a tiny bit, I guess because he's fine. Yeah So the group keeps trying to charge. I said moment after he's got all that stuff on it gets electrocuted and it doesn't work.
Starting point is 01:10:09 What do you think? I don't know. It's so weird. I really thought we had it this time. Oh, same. It made sense. Look at me. I got a...
Starting point is 01:10:19 Well, you're a wizard. You got a beard of shells. You're a rock wizard. I'm a rob. I'm like Eddie van Halen. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha personal magnetism. So it's gotta touch people. It's gotta. Someone's gotta hold this god motor. And you wanna show it to us?
Starting point is 01:10:49 Oh shit. I thought we were asking. Okay, all right. So this is... Do you wanna describe it to people? I don't want to, but I will. First of all, the first thing that jumps out of you is basically two large novelty horns.
Starting point is 01:11:05 I don't know, I'm not like animal horns, like old timey, like car horns. The middle looks like a French press without the thing you push down. It almost looks like it would be an instrument to tell weather back in the day. What about the cranes? It's got the cranes. Little cranes? Oh yeah, there's little, what would be described as child cranes, like for a child if it had like a Tonka construction thing.
Starting point is 01:11:37 There's one thing that looks like an old, tiny weather globe. It's absolutely insane. It looks like if a car horn and a wreck the inside of a record player a martini kit and a French press just fucked the shit out of each other and then someone put gold rope around it. And it sits atop a little box where a child would keep weird jewelry. And what's on the very, very top of the press? The very, very top of the press is a bell.
Starting point is 01:12:17 I think it's a skull. It is a skull. Is a skull. Well, black skull with a hat. A black skull with a hat. A hard hat. A hard hat. A hard hat. And I'll be honest, it looks better than I thought.
Starting point is 01:12:29 And it's still the craziest thing I think I've ever seen. It is so crazy looking. The idea that they think God's going to come out of that middle metal tube. It looks like a big hourglass. I love the weight, the little weight scales on the very book. Yeah, right. There are a couple of scales like they're like, we've got to get the weight right. Like, right, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:12:55 It honestly looks like a bunch of spiritualists kept yassanding. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It is insane. Okay, so this is what they need to come in contact with. The spirits through John picked followers with fine energies, course energies, and in between. So you've got a nice scale, a range. Then they ate powdered bits of metal wrapped in silk to become more at one with the machine. This sounds like Rogan now. This is. The spirits know this is the spirits assured them. Let's see silk metal. You got a little bags of metal. Come on, you know how it works.
Starting point is 01:13:54 Don't worry, you'll grab it out. You get silk around it. The the spirits that it's safe, it's fine. Yeah, Benjamin Franklin said this is good. And now everyone eats your silk metal. Can't wait for God to pop out of the French press. The spirits said, quote, metals can be eaten with as much ease as a person
Starting point is 01:14:10 can eat a mutton chop. Something's not agreeable. It's the mutton, it hangs the metal. My everything's bleeding inside, it's coming out. Does that happen when you have mutton? No, no, it's never happened before from mutton I've never bled out Dr. Ben Franklin earlier and he said this is basically mutton
Starting point is 01:14:32 It's not much sounds like a you thing Everybody's bleeding. Yeah, I know. I didn't know I had a room full of mutton weaklings. We didn't need mutton We ate I know but it's as easy as eating mutton bags of. Not bags of metal silk wrap metals way different and you ate bags of that. Yeah It's basically mutton dummy. It's not I'm not mutton. Jesus Christ. Oh no Did Jesus Christ just come pop in? No, I thought I heard something, but it was just more coffee coming out of the machine. Good coffee though, great quality. Someone pushed the Jesus machine down. We're gonna be having a long night.
Starting point is 01:15:13 Everyone seems to be crappin' medals out through their silk. Oh God. So people with the courses go first. John goes last, he's the male with the finest energy. The spirits told John had to go through a special operation. It was never revealed what it was, but it seems to have been sexual. He has to go through a sexual operation. First, he put on spirit armor. Operation first he put on spirit armor actual armor made of metallic plates with jewels the jewels do something sure and
Starting point is 01:15:55 Then he approached your air and over there good yep and Then and then he approached the machine and he touched it and then he was with it for over an hour A way job., oh my god, never mind. Oh, I'm dig deep in a pulley. What? A witness said a stream of light came out of John and connected with the machine. He shot it all over my hand. Well, kind of a stream of light. It was white. Yeah. After he was exhausted and, quote, the virtue had gone out of him. So he did just bust a nut. It sounds like it. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:16:36 The motor was now infused with John's energy. It's really caked in here. It's really caked in here. And then they brought a woman, Sarah Newton, she was chosen to birth a machine Messiah. Okay. Dave, can you do me a favor and let me know when we're peaking? I don't have much more suspense left in me. She's got to pop out a birth Messiah, but it wasn't the machine going to create the Messiah.
Starting point is 01:17:05 Let me guess John has the banger don't question the spirits. I do question them greatly. She came to high rock tower and soon was having labor pains. Her husband assured everyone she was not pregnant. Her labor lasted two hours. After they saw, quote, a slight pulsatory action on a few magnets. It got stronger when Sarah moved closer and weaker
Starting point is 01:17:39 when she moved away. That's life, buddy. I don't know what that's life. The husband, the baby, is the weirdest person. She's not pregnant. Everyone is an aw. This is that poor baby. Girith?
Starting point is 01:18:01 No. They had been present. Any new? No. Jesus. Nativity. No. They had been present. Any new. No. Jesus. No. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:18:08 Yeah. A new tivity. The machine had been brought to life. Oh my God. So Sarah stays with it for weeks. By the way, I came in it. Sarah stays with it for weeks weeks kind of nursing it. We don't know what that was, but that was what
Starting point is 01:18:27 it was told she was doing. Nursing the machine. You've seen the machine. You can see where you could nurse that. Yep, oh Aaron, no need to keep doing that boy. Boy, I'll tell you what, upon second viewing, knowing it's not great. You put your breast, well see the little,
Starting point is 01:18:41 at the bottom of the press, you open that up, put the boobin. Oh my God. A little door down there. She was, no. John and his followers are overjoyed. Sure. A story appears in the new era newspaper, quote, important announcement. The thing moves.
Starting point is 01:19:06 Oh my God. Oh my God. And he just told them, yeah. Quote, this new mode of power is to lead the way in the great speedily coming salvation. John said, quote, unto your earth, a child is born. Its name shall be called the electric motor. What the kid's name?
Starting point is 01:19:40 Who is the electric motor, the baby? What's the name of the machine? The machine is the, the, the, the Messiah is called the electric motor, the baby? No, the baby's the machine. The machine is the... The machine is called the electric motor. It's very confusing with other motors. It's not. Yes it is. This is exactly what birth is. And we only had to eat a ton of metal. Aaaaa, you did. Not all spiritualists are impressed.
Starting point is 01:20:07 Quote, it should be distinctly stated that this refers to some little balls connected with the machine, but the grand revolver upon which all the executive power is made dependent has never moved, not one bit. Not yet, it hasn't. I'll talk to Benjamin Franklin about solving this. That's right.
Starting point is 01:20:28 There is, there's no proof it can do anything. Let alone that it is a messiah. Right, but there's no proof that it can't do anything and isn't a messiah. PT Barnum. Well, great. Shoked quotes. The great question of all, who was the daddy?
Starting point is 01:20:45 He said until we knew women everywhere would be afraid to go near machines or they would get pregnant. When you're getting shit from that, when you're getting shit from this proper roasting you, aren't you the worst? I am and you are Kuku. Oh fuck, they waited for the small movements to become large and powerful. Just sitting around looking at that thing, it moved more. It never, they never got bigger. So they start wondering what had gone wrong. Maybe, maybe it wasn't born, but just conceived. Right. They asked the spirits and the spirits say that's exactly it. Yeah, we should have been really, what we should have done is laid the plan out super
Starting point is 01:21:41 clear earlier. So you knew where we were headed, but yep, now it's just conceived. So it's- I gotta wait. It's an embryo. It's an embryo. It's a good way. Yeah, you can feel it kicking soon, the whole thing. And it would not be born unless another device was added, which would be the mind.
Starting point is 01:22:01 So it still needed a brain. The baby needs a brain. To make that happen, the spirits said the act of sex and sexual organs needed to be made into a mechanical model and John and the others had to engage in rituals where they exchanged energies.
Starting point is 01:22:22 Robo dogs. So they're... Motorgines. The same, everyone has to fuck. Everyone has to fuck. It always comes down to everyone as the fuck. It always does. Someone has to fuck.
Starting point is 01:22:32 Always. The religious people, they're like, no, no, okay, now everyone fuck. Now we all gotta fuck each other. We gotta fucking suck. How else is the mechanical baby gonna work? You heard Ben Franklin, we gotta pork. Ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 01:22:43 You heard Ben Franklin, we gotta pork to make this Jesus motor work. What are you? Yeah, if you told me two and a half years ago that I would have been expressing to everyone that Benjamin Franklin insisted we needed to have an orgy to make the God machine go, I'd have been like, you're wrong, Jack.
Starting point is 01:23:01 But here we are. So they're having sex, and it's like performance. It was me to like performance. It's like performance sex. It's like you know in front of it You know, oh yeah, it's like a hold. They're all doing it. It feels really good Jesus motor So people are fucking laughing at them. Why what is why are people so I don't know? Yeah, people are just like that you understand how God what's just like when Jesus came and those cops nailed them to that cross, like that's the same fucking deal that we're getting here. You're a very good person to talk to. Charles tries to ensure readers of the prisoner's friend, he has no part in John's experiments.
Starting point is 01:23:40 Hey, yeah, listen, no. I'm not fucking machines or whatever's going on. I don't even have a flashlight. I would like to get prisoners out. That's still what my focus is. Betsy hears about it and bands John from their home. Oh, come on. Locals in the town where this is happening are outwitched. Why?
Starting point is 01:23:59 An angry group breaks in and smashes the new motor pulling out its so-called heart. John called it a forced abortion. Oh God. I gotta say religion today has just been normalized. Oh, can you imagine the rush of emotion that goes through you when you see people rip out what you believe is the heart of the Messiah machine? Yeah. that goes through you, when you see people rip out what you believe is the heart of the Messiah machine. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:24:47 After you just poured your buddy's wife in front of it, and performatively. Some say that John made it the attack to save face because the machine had not become the new Messiah. Would be smart. So in 1855 John walks away. Wow. That's huge.
Starting point is 01:25:08 Betsy takes him back. Listen, you sort of went a little cuckoo, but... I was always thinking of you, baby. Really? Yeah. Even when you were putting the hair on the wires. That's all I was thinking about was you, and then I was putting the hair on the wires. And's all I was thinking about was you, was putting the hair on the wires. And the legs and the abdomen. Especially then.
Starting point is 01:25:27 You put the French press in the middle and when you used the hair in the middle. I was a little in front of the machine. Well, I thought of you the whole time. And lady I was in. I can't stay mad. Even though I feel like we have a few differences, I still think we're pretty close.
Starting point is 01:25:40 You've such pretty eyes. Oh, come here, you. Can you, when we make love, can you say, beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Sure, yeah, I just. It would be awesome. I'm just happy to have you home. Yeah. No problem.
Starting point is 01:25:56 It's just so weird to see you. Yeah, I feel like all the stuff I read was so wild. It's really weird. Yeah, it's so weird. You put all these magnet balls around that thing. Can you wear this thimble on your head? Sure, yeah, that's okay. Yeah. Just nice to have you back.
Starting point is 01:26:09 Are you hungry? Yeah, I look like you've lost a little weight. I'd love to make you some. Can you just hang these scales from your breasts? Sure, yeah, those will fit nicely on my tits. Yeah. Let's put those on my titties. And then put this French press up your hoo-ha.
Starting point is 01:26:23 Yeah, yeah, there's no issue with me putting a French press inside of me Whoop, more like a French push Guys, you're a side please alright Beep-boop, you are a beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep-bop, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, bop-bop, bop-bop. Bip-boop, bop-bop. So we're back together. There's one caveat. So John now becomes a spirit doctor. With Sofrina, he's visiting the sick and trying to heal them. Sure. He relies on handwriting analysis to diagnose people.
Starting point is 01:27:00 Yes. He believes in asking the patient what they thought was wrong with them. You think it is. And what they wanted to have happened. What do you think it is? And that would guide him. What do you think it is? Hey you, what do you think it is? Well, I think a fish bit me and now I got to lick in my heart. I think it's that too. I think I'm covered in magic demons. Yeah. I think it might be that. What do you think you should take for it?
Starting point is 01:27:27 Hair? I completely agree with you buddy. Here you go. Here's a bunch of hair to eat to get rid of the magic demon. I have something to wash it down. I don't know, should you? Yes.
Starting point is 01:27:39 Okay, here you go. All right. Oil. Oh, you should definitely be drinking some of this oil here here go my man. Oh, how are you feeling? Oh, what do you think we can do to cure your dog breathing? Yeah, you go kick us in everybody this guy's we're gonna fix him If the people were too sick to answer, John believed in waiting until they could.
Starting point is 01:28:07 No one died four days ago. Sometimes he would just hold their hand and talk about how amazing they were. You're great. It often made people feel a bit better. Some thought, John and Sofrina, we're having sex with the patients to heal them. I'll be honest, I do too.
Starting point is 01:28:25 I do too. Or just like molesting everyone. Yeah, or whatever. John began speaking about how people were impacted by the quote, liberty of their mother's spirit during conception and in the womb. Right. Yep, I agree.
Starting point is 01:28:41 Spirits could get in touch with women during sexual climax. At this time, he met two other spirits. Let's just jump off and say that all the time. He needs two other spirits. Let's just John Allen and Daniel Gano, who inducted him into a secret society. With the dipshit of a man. Yeah, they're fucking more rich. With the biggest dipshit of the. Yeah, they're fucking more rich. Well, if you were the biggest dipshits in the country,
Starting point is 01:29:06 they order a fucking idiot. Yeah. The order of the patriarchs, nice. The order was to upend the view of marriage in society and thereby create a different society more liberal and equal. So, fuck fast.
Starting point is 01:29:26 They got messages from the same spirits that had had John build the new motor. So these guys are in touch with the same crew of spirits. Would you trust them? Yes. They know the same guys you know. Right. It's like when you go somewhere and someone's like,
Starting point is 01:29:40 you know Jeff, I'm a fellow man. The motor, it felt like really weird. No, this is how it works. It felt like it just wasn't working and they can't make me up stuff. No, not at all. All right. I bang Fred's mouth in front of it.
Starting point is 01:29:50 That's what we're talking about. Okay. Soon after the association of beneficence come back and tell John to seek out a healing spring in Ciantone and then buy the land, which he did by getting a rich guy to pay for it. Sure, a rich loser. So they're going to make a resort there for healing. Sure.
Starting point is 01:30:17 It would have a building that looked like a human. Mm-hmm. Sure. A domed library is the head and a shaft as the spine. The floors were going to be on giant springs, so one could boil heavy objects around easily. Wait, I want this. I want this. I don't understand what you're saying. Will you say the last part again? Stan, what you're saying. Will you say the last part again? The floors would be on giant springs.
Starting point is 01:30:48 So one could boring heavy objects around easily. Now I get it, and it is amazing. It's probably not great. Basketball for heavy objects. Well, but instead of the ball bouncing, the floor bouncing. The floor bouncing is the back. You throw anything on and bouncing. Hey, let's move that piano over there.
Starting point is 01:31:04 Just toss it into the bounce floor. That'll work. There's nothing physics-wise, it makes sense. Physic-wise. It's why we have them everywhere. Yes, true. Yes, trampoline. Yeah, it's trampoline.
Starting point is 01:31:18 Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah, and we have in our houses for a reason. Hey, what do you say we eat dinner over there? Just throw the table on the ground. The resort would be called Harmonia. You would be a refuge for inventors, the homeless, the spiritual weary. So John recruits more rich patrons with this idea. Perfect. But as building began, it was obvious it just wasn't going to happen. Because you was trying to build a big man? There's that.
Starting point is 01:31:47 A journalist comes and called the building shanties. Sure. John's biographer said it looked like a, quote, rustic summer camp. The shacks were way too cold in the winter to be in. The gardens are not going to grow in a food. Sure. This is an issue. So he's out lecturing. He goes on to those lectures and he's out on tour
Starting point is 01:32:11 when he learns so, Fronia is ill. And he rushes back to be by his way. What's wrong with you? I'm sick. What do you need? What do you think it is? What do you think has got you ill?
Starting point is 01:32:27 No, I don't know. I'm really like, I just feel like I'm gonna die. What do you think it is that's doing it? I don't know, dad. I think like it hurts. What hurts? The whole body, baby. What do you think is the problem?
Starting point is 01:32:40 What do you think, what do you want to take to fix it? A medicine? You're very sick. You're making no sense. I know I need have some hair Hair have hair human hair Dog, I don't know. I don't want hair. Okay, so now we're eliminating things that won't help So it's not hair You to blanket. I don't go under one for a day. No, that would kill me. So you're allergic to water. That I love you. I just want you. It's me, Benjamin
Starting point is 01:33:16 Frank. Oh god damn it. I just want to talk to my dad too late. Here. I've got some help. I don't want to talk to a president. Let's mush a bunch of frogs into your ears. Okay. And we'll smash their guts into it, and it'll go to your brain and fix it. Okay, that makes sense. I, at one point, was knocking on the door of the presidency. And what happened?
Starting point is 01:33:36 I became president soon after. Are you from another dimension? In some dimension dimension Ben Franklin was president, which makes someone thinking that I was president not crazy. I disagree. Now put the frogs in your ears, dummy. Let's make you some amphibian mittens. So he sits by her side and she tells him, quote, I have many things dear father to say, but I am weary. To you, I can say them at any time. And then she dies. Probably be good to get him out. Yeah, you should tell me now, because it's all a bullshit.
Starting point is 01:34:17 I didn't remember the motor. John and Betsy's relationship comes more tense after their daughter dies. Once, and one point in a spirit, overcomes John, and he gives a big lecture to Betsy. You're dumb. You're an idiot. This isn't me talking. Yeah, yeah. This is Socrates. Look at you, you fucking.
Starting point is 01:34:39 It's like dice. Hey, yo. Telling you, you don't fucking as good as you're supposed to Women were meant to be loving supporters of their husbands and Betsy could have raised so You I know it's you could have been a much better wife John. I know it's not me. It's socrates It's not me. It's not me. I'm talking. I'm Socrates is coming here to chastise me Socrates is a port of wife understands where he is and who's talking and you built a Christ's bank motor
Starting point is 01:35:16 Jesus so fucking tired of your goddamn wide-end you every fucking day Socrates gets up and it's Bitches Bitches It's very fucking Cut the look John John It's taken the fucking garbage
Starting point is 01:35:30 I told John those are things you agreed to do Socrates just wants to watch a fucking game That's what John wants to do Yeah I think John wants It's very common John John John
Starting point is 01:35:46 John A John's not here. How much longer is like first of all secretary? I don't like the way you talk to me Socrates Classic you are unbelievable. You're unbelievable and bring John back you liar. You are John. Hey, what? It's Play-Doh. All of a sudden, what are you just gonna be all the, what, stop. Am I just gonna be all the philosophers? It seems like it, it's just really dumb.
Starting point is 01:36:11 Oh, is it really dumb? Yeah, stop doing that thing where you just repeat what I said is a question you idiot. You think I'm just repeating what you say. It's a thing John does a lot. Weird. Weirdo Socrates Play-Doh and John all do that. So what John does?
Starting point is 01:36:24 Yeah, stop it John John John is very obvious it all right fine. Oh Gosh It's me Martha Washington. I'm in I mean Betsy's body now. Hey John You're weird and all the things you say don't come true You keep misleading people. Remember when you write down your notes
Starting point is 01:36:48 and there's still your handwriting and some of these famous names you misspelled? It's me Martha Washington. John, John, John. No, she left me. All right, John. So take Socrates and Plato and shove him up your ass. Yes, dummy, dumb man, stupid man. I'm going outside.
Starting point is 01:37:15 Who, Socrates? All of us. Oh my God. The whole crew. It's Jim. Nobody wants to be around. Who are you now? Thomas Jefferson doesn't want to be around you.
Starting point is 01:37:23 Thomas Payne, Benjamin Franklin Benjamin Franklin George Washington especially now the Socrates play though It's just charlamagne. We're all going outside. It's really weird That they're all a gang inside you Philip. You're like Herman's head of famous people. Well talk to us We'll be on the porch. I'm in a beer. It's crazy famous people. Well, I'll talk to us. We'll be on the porch. I'm in a beer. It's crazy. Bitch. John. So he and his spiritualists started embracing free love. Let's go. The spirits declared themselves free lovers, and instead of humanity being and practicing it,
Starting point is 01:38:08 a new man would be born. I think a lot of new men will be born. They would use the magic from sexual attraction to give birth to a new type of Messiah. Oh my God. To give birth to elevated humans, women needed to explore their sexual desires outside of social convention. False marriage was keeping society down and stopping men from evolving. Women are having sex with their husband because they were dependent on them.
Starting point is 01:38:45 In an ideal world, a woman would only get pregnant if she wanted to get pregnant and have sex with that guy. Just wanted it. Holy shit. Spiritualist Caroline Hinckley falls for it. And she starts lecturing on free love in the new order. And she starts traveling with John. And writing out his spirit,
Starting point is 01:39:11 trampling, ramp things. 100% gonna bang. Well, their traveling needs to run. They're gonna bang, yep. She's gonna get pregnant with a Messiah. And when they come back from a trip, she's very pregnant. You feel a kick? That's very pregnant. You feel a kick? That's a Jesus.
Starting point is 01:39:26 It's a huge scandal. Of course. The spirits are thrilled with the child. This is big. We're happy. Because it's a new kind of human. Yep. With the qualities of every spirit Caroline had met
Starting point is 01:39:45 through john it's right you've got a real melting pot in that womb ben franklin tomas jaberson socrates the whole fucking crew all of their all in this baby honey it's like we all gizdy and in john's view the baby was fathered by many spirits
Starting point is 01:40:04 and so he can't clean be a father. I was really. I don't know, it's a bunch of us. I don't know. I shot the load that they all powered. Is it me fucking her if I'm Jefferson at the time? Well, remember when I had my orgasm, I said, oh, Thomas Jefferson, Socrates, Ben Franklin, oh, we're all gonna come
Starting point is 01:40:29 Now more work is being done at the resort How are the spring floors the spirits Tell them to dig dig up harmonia and Dig deep and they spent 20,000 dollars Digging a giant cavity in the ground When John wasn't speaking for the spirits he tells everybody he's confused why they want why they want him to dig down hundreds of feet
Starting point is 01:40:55 that's strange and the and the spirits tell him that they would find quote precious artifacts. John and his followers thought they might find evidence of a lost race of human. Hello, oh my god, freggle rock. Hello. According to one of them, they would have webbed feet.
Starting point is 01:41:20 Hi, want to go swimming on our backs? Well, the plan now listen God Socrates and Ben Frank the bus to the nut and Carolyn just in case what we're gonna do is we're gonna dig deep enough until we find webfooted people It's kind of an all hands-on deck deal So as they get close to the depth They stop for low ceremony. They put on white robes. There we go. They carry torches. They've made luxuriously lined boxes to put the artifacts in. Yep. And they ready themselves. They think it's going to be huge boulders of gold and other
Starting point is 01:41:59 precious items. Golders. Golders. So John gets in there, swings the pick right in the place. And they waited in anticipation. And nothing. Just it's clay. So John's confused and he gets back in touch with the spirits. Hey. And the spirits say you got to go another 10 feet. Do you guys know what you're talking about? You guys are 10 feet off. I think we're near the core. So quickly they start digging.
Starting point is 01:42:34 And they have to dig quickly because stinky sulfur water is gushing into the cravis from an underground stream. So they're trying to, you know, stay ahead of it. Move quick. You think they would have given them, by by the way you'll probably hit it on ocean So they get 10 feet down, huh? It's still nothing Sorry, who many yards John told everyone this spirit said they should keep digging at a future date and for now just boarded up Smart God, they really are wise. They've never let him astray.
Starting point is 01:43:08 In 1859, Carolyn has her baby, nicknamed Zadie. Nothing phases me in this story anymore. No. Papers make fun of the spiritual baby that looked like John. And they attack Caroline and John. He for leaving his wife to travel and have sex with Caroline. Sure.
Starting point is 01:43:29 Which turns out is actually really common with all John's followers. It's spiritualist dudes abandoning their wives for quote, true partners. And the women also leaving their families. Cool. It's just a fucking sex cult. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:43:42 Normally is. Yeah. So Ben Franklin Tells them Markable it's remarkable sometimes at the end of one of these stories what doesn't phase you Ben Franklin tells John that even though he dug deep enough to find the webfooted people to come back at a later date that Caroline's Messiah, baby had a twist So he's the benefit that says you got a travel west
Starting point is 01:44:15 He wants to see what's being mined out there and if any of the miners are also spiritualists great And he also wants to see how big lake superior is. I'm a bit of a lake buff. The one thing Ben Franklin is really upset about. So we've never got to see how big it is. We got to make the flock bigger and also just so curious how big that lake is. So when they come back, Ben Franklin tells John how to build a new, more affordable sewing machine. Are we losing focus? I feel like we're getting, I feel like the goals are less. We were trying to birth a new Jesus now.
Starting point is 01:44:58 How great would it be if you could stitch a dress faster? So to make the sewing machine, what's he's doing it? Followers, all the followers have to go into a trance and then have sex, then dream, and in the dream get a vision on how to make a part of the sewing machine.
Starting point is 01:45:22 So every person, every person after they're together, coitle session will dream a part of the sewing machine. So every person, yeah. Every person after they're put together. And they put them all together. Coitle session will dream apart. And then they'll put together a machine. Together and all together. So it's a fun. My part's a dog.
Starting point is 01:45:32 And this is how singer made his sewing machines also. Absolutely. Yeah. So they made the sewing machine. Turns out it's not an improvement on models at all and it doesn't sell very well. In 1863, Charles dies. He had been hounded by creditors for years.
Starting point is 01:45:50 He became an army chaplain during the Civil War and then he died in DC while he was helping wounded soldiers. On a bummer. So John goes back to Massachusetts. We earned some life he lived. Yeah, he was terrible life. Loose it. Booring.
Starting point is 01:46:04 John goes back to Massachusetts for the funeral. He is, he's still life. Loose it. Booring. John goes back to Massachusetts for the funeral. He is, he's still married to Betsy. Like, technically. Yeah, no, it seems like it's gonna be fine. But now the spirits are like, you gotta add in the marriage. Why? You gotta wrap it up. She's been so supportive.
Starting point is 01:46:17 Yeah, she's just, she is. She is. She's an albatross. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, been frankly give her the bad news. Yeah. Hey Betsy, you're baron! The spirits told them to end it so he can complete his quote sacred labors But Betsy refuses because divorce women could become priors in society Sure, and she's already struggling to just get by. Right. So John hands her a spirit document
Starting point is 01:46:51 that had been written by the spirits. Leave. Just get out it already. I know you don't want to divorce me, but all the guys assigned the constitution also wrote this. Yeah, they're asking you to, this is a constitution, but it it just has to take off. It's the same guys.
Starting point is 01:47:08 John Hancock is the whole spirit to clear this woman to be unfuckable. So it said he no longer felt affection for her, but did for Caroline. And he wanted to marry Caroline. So Betsy finally just gives in and agrees to a divorce. Now John marrying Caroline would end the scorn they faced while they travel together and then Zaty would be legitimized and not be a bastard baby, right? So they marry one month after his divorce.
Starting point is 01:47:41 Right. Then they moved to England. Of course. To spread their version of spiritualism and the free love message and to sell sewing machines. Yep. Just all the big things, all the big three. Yep. So you do believe that a spirit is great.
Starting point is 01:48:01 Also, do you want a sewing machine? No. It could be cool. We all dreamt of a part though, after we fucked. What? We all banged each other, and then we dreamt of a part. Look at this.
Starting point is 01:48:14 It works too. It's an improvement. It doesn't, why is it an improvement? I mean, we, you know, it was, it was in a bang dream. Okay. It's a little more expensive. It's not great. It's not bad. It's bad actually Ben Franklin came up with this Okay, I gotta go he lives in me Lot of guys do okay. See you later. Bye. I'm gonna stand the poor
Starting point is 01:48:40 So Caroline while she was there began using a crystal ball to contact spirits and she taught six-year-old Zady how to do it. Great. Now, John's lecture is... Maybe he's going to be fine. John's lectures are not drawing like they did in America because in Britain, spiritualists, it's more like a magic show to them, you know what I mean? I think stuff moving and like, but he's just doing like, I'm talking.
Starting point is 01:49:05 I would mock him, but if you saw my numbers in Birmingham. Hahaha. And British Spheres, spiritualists do not care about building a more just society. They, it's not the thing to them. So they returned to the US in 1869, John 65. And now he retires from being a spiritual, spiritual, spiritual mouthpiece.
Starting point is 01:49:28 He's done. He's done being a spiritual mouthpiece. But what the fuck? The whole thing was that he was going to bring back a Jesus through a motor. He, you know, they tried it just that the... But then it's like, well then what did you do? Well remember the people came in. You made a more expensive sewing machine.
Starting point is 01:49:42 They afforded it. Well that we're still, I can still, I mean that might have happened. It's made a more expensive sewing machine. They afford it. Well, that we're still I can still me that my it's just the weird the am done. I'm doing the machine. What about Ben Franklin? He writes a pamphlet about his time as the spirit mouthpiece and then he passes the torch officially to miss Juliet Manley, and the Spirit Association of Beneficients said he'd done a great job in wish him a happy retirement.
Starting point is 01:50:11 So that's cool. So all the guys, the Franklin's, the Jefferson's, the Socrates, they all, yes, hip, hip, hooray! John and Carolina remained active in the Spirit just community speaking at meetings and conventions and joining the New England free love league and on October 5th 1887 John Past away in bed holding Caroline's hand man Dude is this what you were saying before about the crazy story
Starting point is 01:50:42 Nothing before about the crazy story. Nothing's supposed to be the crazy story. I can't believe this. It's so, it's normal. We are, remember when I was like, this guy's a good guy. I thought we were gonna go down a bit of a like, he helps people path.
Starting point is 01:50:58 So I wanna thank Brittany Cohen Brown for doing research. The sources, the remarkable life of John Murray Spear, agitator for the Spirit Land by John Benedict Boucher. We revisiting John Murray Spear and essay on the subject of the remarkable life of John Murray Spear, agitator for a spirit land based on new materials and research methods by John Benedict Boucher and an interview with John Benich Boucher on the Spirit Phenomenon podcast. Man that is absolutely bonkers. It's fucking brilliant.
Starting point is 01:51:31 What can people Google to find that image? Oh just just Google John Murray spear machine and it'll John Murray spear machine. Yeah it'll come up. Or I guess I'm not sure if this will be on YouTube but you can go to our Patreon. This will be on our Patreon for sure. I don't know. It's on our Patreon. But also I'll try to include it in the show notes. It's crazy. You've got to see it.
Starting point is 01:51:52 Yeah. All right. Well, we did it. All right, well, what the fuck? Puts a hand left with the sense of enjoyment and puzzlement, despair followed with relief. Yes, sort of. Dollapot, yeah.
Starting point is 01:52:06 The usual. It's always like drinking hot sauce and having anacids. That's right. Thanks, everybody.

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