The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 648 - Isabella Bird

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine English traveler Isabella Bird Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources   Mint Mobile  Squarespace  Helix Sleep

And, or also brought to you by Airbnb. Ah, summer travel. You know what it's like. You're seeing the lights of a different city. You're trying out the food of another area. You're watching the architecture. I really think that travel is a luxury. And sometimes you want some comfort when you're staying far away from home.

That's why I always opt for an Airbnb over a hotel. You get all the comforts of home, plus a little bit of the local character. And sometimes you can even make friends with your local host. Shout out Barbara. I actually stayed at her Airbnb about a half hour outside of Atlanta this summer.

Just a beautiful place. She brought me fresh blueberries from her garden every morning that I was there. I was able to use her grill to cook up some food. But it was just way more of a homey vibe. I like the idea that you can kind of pick the location a little bit more. You can kind of be off the grid a little bit more than a hotel. Hotels are kind of often put in one certain zone of a city but you can find Airbnbs all over the place. Since I travel so much, I'm sure you're wondering, well who stays at my place when I'm gone?

Am I missing out on cashing in while I'm away? Maybe. My place would make an incredible AirBnB when I'm out on the road and yours might too. So whether you could use a little extra money to cover some bills for something more fun. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. You're listening to the Dullup on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast where each week I, drinker of iced tea. What's your name? Driver of an automobile. Man who wears socks.

Dave Anthony reads a story from American history to a goober. Gareth Reynolds, not a goober, has no idea what the topic is going to be about. If you could see the pride on Dave Anthony's face for calling me a goober. You're such a bully. What? Screw you. Can you prove you're not a goober?

I can prove I'm not a goober. And Dave, let me just tell you something. Okay? For those people who said we couldn't get in the top 50 on Apple iTunes again. If you want to follow the Dollop Plus, we have, put your shirt down, we have an Apple Plus, it's Dollop Plus, you can go there and you can subscribe. There is the second series of the UK Dollops and Reverse Smallups then we're in the top 50 on iTunes again. So do the naysayers come at us? I dare you. And then if you're looking for a little rowdy, your action, we've got a Patreon. That's where the bad boys stuff happens.

That's where the boys get pretty bad. So you can choose. You can do both. You can't be mad at the bad boys. This is what we do. Yep, we come hard, man. Stop saying that. We do not, we do come hard.

And by the way, we are gonna be auctioning off the fart chair for charity. We're calling it a fart charity. I mean, I wish I had thought to keep the fart chair, but honestly, I didn't, well, I wish I wish I had thought to keep the fart chair. But honestly, I didn't. Well, I didn't. He left everything to his girlfriend, who I referred to as Skin Mountain and Skin Mountain got the all the stuff she offered me.

And why is it mountain? She just was like a big, angry mountain of skin. OK. And and yeah. so she got all the stuff. He did give us some coins. Was he cremated? Yeah. Oh yeah. A lot of us like to think that the chair

got thrown in that kiln. Of course he was cremated because I told you where we put the ashes. Oh that's right. That's right. Matushi's bar, San Insomo, California. That's right. So where you spent a lot of time.

More time there than raising you. He used to go in the Matushi's to quote cash check and leave me in the car for two hours. So we want to welcome all our new listeners. This is what the show is. It is Dave acting out against his father and he's taking it out on history. Right now, he's about to shout a date. October 15th, 1831, you prick. 1831. OK.

It was. How I miss up the first. Dave has screwed this up real bad right away. Isabella Lucy Bishop was born in Burl Hall, Yorkshire, England. You're the pudding is from. That's putting it out today. Do they say Yorkshire or do they sort of say Yorkshire? Well, they'd say Yorkshire.

Shucks. But it's putting and that's where the pudding came from. Someone that's right. Yeah. Came up with the pudding. I'm trying to I can't remember exactly. Do you enjoy that? That is the best. It takes like a city.

It's like I I can't tell where the line is that I was raised English and I don't know any better or that it's actually good. But to me, Yorkshire pudding is delicious. Mate, on a freaking sundae roast, you've got the Yorkshire pudding, you've got the gravy. You know, you've got that. Yeah. I a look at it. It looks like the mushroom cloud from the atomic bomb, but you can eat it. It's absolutely delicious.

Yeah. I think I've had it like once. Well, if you've, if, sorry, not to mince words with you, mate, like a mince parlor. But if you think you've had it once, you've not had it. Because if you've had a Yorkshire pudding, you remember it. All right. And here you are. Because if you've had a Yorkshire pudding, you remember it. All right. And here you are. No, you've been a bit condescending towards what was one of the greatest puddings ever made.

So Sunday... No, hold on. Sunday roast, you've got your beautiful bit of meat, whatever you've got. You've got your bit of veg, you've got your mash, and you've got your Yorkshire pudding. And guess what you're going to do with all of it, mate? Cover it in gravy blood. Like it's been an accident. Yeah.

I'm a little- And then some people like you get, um, yeah, I think I've had one once. No, you haven't. Because you'd know. We call it the 9-11 of meals. I don't think I've had one at all. Stop it because you remember it. All right.

So yeah. Why don't you go fuck yourself? I mean, I probably had one. But by the way, yeah, all right. We're good. No, you do that. I'll think of one. Then you have. I haven't. You haven't.

You probably think about an apple pie. Now, sharp. No, probably. No, I'm done with the story. It's done. I'm not even doing. You know, we haven't even started it. Well, you've ruined it. God, you guys do one thing well, and this is how you react. It's yeah.

Well, we fixed it's a short list. It deserves respect. Easy on the teeth. Isabella's father was a Reverend Edward Bird. His family moved around a lot during her childhood. And Edward's health, not great. He didn't have great health. Okay. Because of his illnesses, his cousin, a bishop,

got her dad a gig with, quote, the quiet living of Tattenhall in Cheshire. Sure, right. So cat zone. Easy living cat area. A lot of of cats a lot of petting of cats Isabel at that point. She's three years old It's all farmers and cheese making and that kind of stuff and farmers and cheese making. Yeah, sure Isabella starts riding horses by the time she's four. Okay. She's very outspoken. He was a child

four. OK. She's very outspoken. He was a child. OK. At six, she asked a campaigning MP, quote, Did you tell my father my sister was so pretty because you wanted his vote? How old? Kim was six when she is. So she she fuck around. Who? She's a whole poker. She's very intelligent, clearly very intelligent at a young age, but she does not get a formal

education or parents educator, a little home school in action. Sure. She loves science and they pushed charitable work and Christian missionary stuff on her. Edward very against Sunday work and Sunday trading does not know business on Sunday. No working on Sunday. That's that's the Lord's Day. It's religion based. Do you don't do anything? Sure. But that's but that did you see that I post this thing where it was like

studies say that a lot of sleep on the weekends can be really beneficial for you. Yes. Yeah. It's like very nice move there system. A little. What about just good sleep being good for you? They're like, no, no more questions. What about every day I sleep? No, no, no, no. You got work. Go to work. And I don't go to the cog factory.

Shut up. Where we make. Got a car factory. Sleep on the weekends. Your own time. So. She's like he's he's very good Sunday where he's very outspoken about it in his church. OK. Yeah, it doesn't go well with the locals in Tenton Hall. Church attendance starts dropping because they don't want to hear that they shouldn't do stuff on Sundays. Is he saying don't do stuff or don't work?

Well, don't do. Yeah. I mean, it's the day of rest. So no work. No, no business. You imagine. But I'd be like, yeah, I'm pretty good with this. Yeah, absolutely. Fine. So church attendance goes down and then he resigns because there's so many people leaving the church at that point. Isabella's 11 and people, though some people were very upset.

The people liked him were very upset that he had left. And they started a little group which would stick around for years called Bird's Saints. Nice. So there are some people into him. Yeah. So Grubbs next. Yeah, I guess groupies. Yeah, I guess. That's cool. And his next next post in Birmingham, which it's where your your people are from. Birmingham. Yeah. Birmingham. Yeah. Birmingham. Yeah. It's the place where you know, I've had the worst show we've ever done live.

Absolutely. From my family. Although is that is it? Is it is it Birmingham or is it Bondi? I think Birmingham was our worst performance. Because there were so many people there. I think Birmingham was our, we, we, and I mean, this is strange because it's like, I would recommend, I would say our shows live are 95% bangers. But Bondi and Birmingham were our worst ones. And I would say Birmingham was the worst because it felt like we were bombing. Bondi, it felt like the crowd wasn't into it.

Yeah. Birmingham felt like we were bombing. Yeah. And the best one was the Penguin one in Melbourne. Don't agree. So he keeps railing against Sunday trading in Birmingham. And over time, he talks all of his Prishners, except for two, into not working and closing their shops on Sunday.

Just shutting it all down. But those two hang in there. And they refuse to close their shops. So he brings the law down on them. I guess it was illegal. He brings the law down on them. And then the parish looks into Edward and they realize he came from money.

And without that, he would have to work on Sundays too to get by and then they're pissed. And so the Sunday work was kind of like where they needed the income. That was why they were doing it. Gotcha. Exactly. It's awesome that. We're back.

So pretty much everyone turns on Edward at that point. Quote, so hostile was the local reaction to the crowd, waylaid Reverend Bird and pelted in with stones, mud and insults. I think I get what they think. Other people like, has anyone seen the stones? Has any more mud? You prick, you piece of shit. Screw you, asshole.

Does anyone have any more mud? You, you cockhead. You ball bag. Loser. Oh, is that a stone? Damn it. No potato. You, it's a potato. You, you, Anus!

What up? You're a hemorrhoid! If anyone has a stone, I'm pretty much, I'm running out of them, so if anyone has a stone or some money... You don't even go to our church. I just love putting people down. You know why we're doing this? No, I just saw you guys being awful to that guy, and I think that's great.

It. Vagina. He's a vagina. He resigned in 1848 from that one. OK, now, Isabella has a chronic spinal disease. But that was easy to treat back then, right? Mm hmm. Yeah. Just put a little salve back then, right? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. Just put a little salve.

So we're just going to piss on it. Um, it would reoccur throughout her life. She also had nervous headaches and insomnia for which a doctor recommended open air, open air life. Yes. Yep. No more inside. That's the, I, it's occurred to me that you've been going inside far too much.

It's time for you to have ever thought about living in a tree. Well, that's basically I mean, not living, but, you know, being outside as much as possible and she believed this. She thought, yeah, that sounds OK. Her health improved when she was traveling. OK, now she's a big reader. And at 16, she publishes her first pamphlet. I loved it.

And it's about like any 16 year old. It's about free trade versus protectionism. Totally. So just fun. Absolutely. I remember when I had my trapper keeper in high school, everything, every sticker on there was about. Free trade unions and free trade. Yeah.

At that. After that, she she started getting jobs writing for journals, mostly religious journals, ones like Good Works and the Sunday magazine, the Sunday magazine. You can't. Are you working on Sunday or what? Well, we don't. We I mean, look, it's a problem. We thought we thought of the name.

We should have thought of it before, but what you asshole. You know, you dick, you dick cheese. Do you even know why you're yelling at us? Look at look. Come on, you nipple. You why? Why are you yelling? Do you know why you're yelling? Yeah, because we let's get her. Huh?

Get who? I don't know. Who are we? Are we getting someone? What do we? Does anyone have any mud? Let's get her. Come on.

She's a she's a she's see seaweed head. She's a seaweed head. All right. Go away. She's a no one is. No, she's got no chance. She's got seaweed head. All right. Go away. No one is. No one's. She's got no one's gonna.

She's got no chance. No one's going to pay. She's just. This isn't a job. She's got it. No one's. She's a she's she's sandwich meat. She's sandwich meat. Let's get her.

Come on. Are we getting her? Why? Why did you have a rock? Huh? Lower. Why did you go? So you got sandwich sandwich meat. Why are you going lower have a rock? Huh? Lower. Why did you go? So you got sandwich sandwich meat?

Why are you going lower in your voice? Huh? Let's get her. Come on. She's good. Hey, get it. She's candle wax. She's sandwich meat. She's wax from a candle. A sandwich meat.

She got fish tits. Come on. Let's get. Are we getting her? Where we let's all if we're going to get her, we should get her. Are we getting her? What are we doing? I'm super lost right now. She has fish tits. Does anyone? All right. Are we rolling? What is the plan here? I don't know what we're doing, honestly. Yeah, I'm lost too. I mean, I think that guy who said sandwich meat had a good idea.

Okay, get out of here. All right. Thank you. Now, she had the fibrous tumor removed from the base of her spine, which was 19. She always hears this. Uh, we are in. So she's 19. So it's like 1850. That is shocking to me. I have no concept for the evolution of cancer.

I don't either. But to have a tumor removed in 1850? They could probably see that it was like a, you know. But so it had to be a big boy. Yeah, but even then. I could do it. You were the last, you are one of the last people that has to do that. Get in there with my spoon.

You'd probably save the tumor. Well, you don't throw it out. It's a living organism. That's what I'm saying. She always had lesions, fevers, headaches, rashes, nausea, rheumatism, muscle spasms, hair loss, and just general pain all over her body. She regularly had blood leadings by incision and leeches. She had tumors removed.

She took laudanum. She took potassium bromide and chloride, which is opium and marijuana. These all caused nausea and a loss of appetite and constipation. Potassium bromide led to episodes of quote psychosocial derangement, which you've had. Well, I honestly have. I feel like I've been on like mushrooms at an event and been like, one time I went to a party on shrooms and it was me and my buddy. And I was like, in my head, I was like, all right, yeah, if we just act chill, we can get to the kitchen, then we can get outside. And as soon as we walked in, my buddy goes, we're tripping. And I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no, what? That wasn't the plan.

That's never the plan. So she took it three times a day, potassium bromide. At one point, she said it made her quote, more nervous than I have ever been. And I can't remember anything or read a book these last few days. I felt shaking all over and oppressed with undefined terror. So it's not just stream paralyzing anxiety. It's not just the illnesses. It's also the medicine on top of it. The whole thing is to show. Right.

It sounds like she also had a carbunculus, which is a staff. You can't. I'm. Oh, go ahead. It's a staff skin infection that leads to, quote, large infectious knobs on the back and spine, along with fever, fatigue, inflammation and malaise. Wow. I mean, none of it's good. None of this is real bad for 1850.

Yeah, this is a this is not where you want to go. No. So our doctor is like, you should take a sea voyage. That's what you do when someone's really sick. You should leave here. I mean, he definitely tried medicine. I think he was just like, I'm sick of her. I mean, they definitely believed.

I am just really not doing well. I just have been nothing seems to be working and the anxiety has become so paralyzing. Okay. So I would just recommend getting on a boat and just go. To somewhere special to go to. What is this? Specialist? I would just keep boating like.

What would the destination be? I guess. Health. Like feeling good. Is that a spot? What are you saying? Get on the boat. Like, what would the destination be? I guess health. Like feeling good. Is that a spot? What are you saying? Get on the boat and then you had to feel good. Where are we going? Come back. Yeah, just around.

Just I would do circles. Oh, uh, ocean circles. Do whose boat should I get on? It any boat, just grab one. Just get out there soon. Do you, whose boat should I get on? Any boat, just grab one, just get out there. Soon, tomorrow, probably. Well, but I just, I don't feel good. That's why the boat.

And so you get on a boat. A little lost as far as... You're out there fishing and just... A fish? You're telling me to fish? Sure, get that. Get that or not. Yeah, I mean, it's all just as long as you're on a boat and not here. You know, not here being on the England.

I would get off England, leave England. Yeah. I'd boat it up. Good. Just go full boat. You're the best. Anyway, I'm going to write you a prescription here. OK, just one boat. Is that the best. Anyway, I'm going to write you a prescription here. OK, just one boat. Is that what this says? B.O.A.T. And I want to show this to a mariner or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Go to the dock.

Yeah. Go to the dock and show them the script for boat. Yep. They'll get it. I don't think boat has an E at the end. Does. Depends. OK. All right. Well, I guess I'll just the next day. I'm here to pick up a boat. I guess I'm supposed to get a boat trip. Oh, there we go. That's me.

Yeah, so she's she's going to go on about on a boat. OK. And they also thought that her condition might be from distress. Like she hated sitting around all day sewing, so she would become crippled by it. Like that's I also feel like knowing what I know about the sea in 1850 and boats, I would imagine that that's not going to take down your stress level. Yeah, I mean, I would I would think that he'd be like, Jesus Christ, I feel sick. Yeah, no, I would.

You're not meant for the sea. So her dad gives her 100 pounds to, quote, leave and stay away as long as it lasted. My darling, go. The doctor told me to get on a boat. Couldn't agree more. Here's 100. Get the fuck out of here. You go. You understand? She gets on a boat. Couldn't agree more. Here's 100. Get the fuck out of here. You go. You understand?

She gets on a boat to America. Wow. So, you know, America. Get out of here, you leave. Get her out of here. We're done with her. Let fish tits go back to the ocean where she came from. He said, yeah. Hey, get out of here.

We got rid of her. High five, everybody. Nobody. Nobody likes you. Hey, can we throw rocks at this guy? Wait, hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say it again. Say it again. She's got sandwich. She made a sandwich. We. So

it was weird then, like women didn't really travel alone. Like that wasn't sure a thing. Right. Not shocking. It's Victorian times. Everyone's dependent on their husband. You know, made to were expected to be at home if you didn't have a husband. So single dependent women stigmatized, right? Like, that's like, what's she doing? Yeah. And often women who travel never got married because they're traveling.

And probably probably because they're like, oh, freedom. And, you know, I kind of think. Yeah. So she hits America with all the racial precedents, prejudice of a normal upper class English human. Right. Mm hmm. She goes everywhere like she goes. She goes all over America. She wrote a bunch of letters home, and then she goes back to England and those are turned

into a book in 1856 titled An English Woman in America. Again, when titles, when there weren't that many. Yeah, that's factual. Yeah, it's very accurate. Yeah. Yep. A bunch of letters I wrote. She comes back to America two years later and then spends a little time and then goes back to England.

And then when she's back in England this time, she stays for a long time. She lives with her sister, Henrietta, in Edinburgh. And she hangs out with smart elite types like, you know, fancy smarties. But as she starts getting close to you and me of the time sort of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Me. The guy's got kind of the intellectual type of like my, like you, me and just kind of, well, me. Yeah. Yep. She, uh, she starts to get close to forter. She's 40. She's feeling very depressed and not fulfilled in her life. Let me guess, she gets a Corvette and a blonde. That's right.

She wrote in her diary, quote, all his days he eateth in darkness and he hath much sorry and wrath with his sickness. Who is she? She's sad. She's just sort of general. It's a sad phrase. I don't know. I find the just in general. It's a sad, sad phrase. I don't know. I find the humor in that.

So her dad dies and then her mom, mom dies in 1866 and now she's inherited cash. And that's going to allow her to travel. Okay. So at 39, she heads for Australia. Uh oh. Quote, petite plump dark haired with large luminous gray eyes. Lady Isabella exuded a dignity and natural tranquility that commanded respect wherever she went. She's on opium. So she's opiumed up.

She's a good looking lady. Boy, she's chill. She's got dignity. She's super chill. I mean, she's on that double zero. It's such a weird thing that that's what it was. Yeah, because she's clearly always in pain and like, man, she chill. Whenever she traveled, her back pain went away,

even though she was on horses and mules and other animals. It's very there's very it's weird. The whole thing's odd, like when you look into it. But yeah. So she doesn't like Australia. Okay. And she gets more sick there instead of better. Quote, neuralgia, pain in my bones,

pricking like pins and needles in my limbs, excruciating nervousness, exhaustion, inflamed eyes, sore throat, swelling of the glands, my eye features. All right, yeah, we've got it, yeah. Yeah, we understand. I am a miserablechers. Yeah, we've got it. Yeah. Yeah, we understand. I am a miserable human being. All right. Then fuck off.

Then leave. Fucking sucks. Leave. Fine. We don't need you here. Then get out. Go. Ass. Go. Australia. Ass. Australia. They didn't know he was low hanging fruit, that was. Now leave if you've got a problem with it. Get out of here, fish tits. She calls it a hideous country.

Oh, come on. With hideous leafage. She was an Adelaide. She doesn't like the leaves. She wasn't. She hates gum trees. Come on, they look like they look like they were smothered in dust. Go.

I don't even know what a gum tree is. It looks like gum, I guess. What? That sounds like Wonka's. She's in the Wonka factory. Did you think I said come tree? Yeah. Dave, I think I've proven that I'm not going to go for the low hanging fruit of come.

Never have you proven that. It's so hot, she gets rashes and her hair starts falling out. So good. The people sucked. She liked the people. The people sucked. Quotes. All right. Let him go. The colonial born young ladies all seem afflicted with hysteria. Just shit. It's a shit place. She doesn't like it drunk.

She said the clergy were all gossippers and the people quote, lumpish and heavy. Oh, my God. I would not describe Australians as lumpish and heavy. Oh, my God. Lump. I would not describe Australians as lumpish. No, we love them. She thought the photographers in Australia when they took pictures of her made her look insane and suicidal. Yeah, she's on. Yeah. Blame the photographers. Yeah.

These pictures are horrible. So she goes to New Zealand. All right. Which she also hates. Interesting. Dusty, hot, stifling. Then she got on a ship. If he had tried one of our chemtrails. So she immediately leaves New Zealand.

She gets on a ship going to California. Okay. Finally, sweet good place. Hopefully she has a home as soon as she gets there. It's a terrible ship. It's a terrible ship. Quote, the cabins were alive with rats, food squirmed with ants and weevils and was served in a dining room, usually washed with spray

from the leaking deck above. It doesn't sound like washed is the right word for that. It it sounds like a shipboat. OK, so she's having like weevil pasta. Yeah, I mean, nothing. This is not a good, not not a good trip. Still being out of sea makes her feel better, like she still feels in the fresh air. You're like there's no fresh air than on the sea.

By the way, that bad show we did was Byron Bay, not Bondi. Oh, shit. Right, right, right, right, right. My bad. Sorry, Bondi. Yeah. What was I thinking? Yeah, by me. She's feeling very good and happy again being on the sea. Quote, I dislike health resorts and of the horror this kind of. Oh, I skipped ahead. A young man named Dexter becomes ill on the ship and Isabella

helps take care of him. She's helping someone else. Yeah, she helps someone else. I yeah, I get that like she if she's sick all the time. She probably like this understands someone else's just empathy for someone else. You can imagine empathy. We don't have any more. It's imagine empathy. We don't have any. That's so gross.

We got rid of it. Yeah, it made us as we should have. Yeah, it's bullshit. It's dumb. When the ship reached the Sandwich Islands, Dexter's Dexter's mother begs Isabella to get off with them. And as they don't know anybody there and help out, it's a she agrees. That's why the sandwich islands are Hawaii. If you've never been to Hawaii.

I think I'm pretty validated what I call their sandwich meats from earlier. Remember me? No. Yeah. I don't remember you. Well, she ended up at the sandwich islands. So that's pretty good for what I was saying. I think my voice was more like this. Does anybody know? Eh, it doesn't. I don't think anyone cares anymore. So there's only one hotel in Honolulu at this point.

Wow. So stay there. I'll stay there. I mean, yeah. She's not a fan of the lifestyle in Honolulu. Quote, I dislike health resorts and abhor this kind of life. So she takes a ship to the big island, which is Hawaii and

What and so in Hilo, which is the main city there she she loves the lifestyle there and she wants to become Hawaiian ice in every way now. There's a lot of Americans there. So that's probably why she loved it This is the first place she rides a horse on the island. The first place she wrote it, straddling instead of side saddle. She'd always ridden side saddle before. And this is the first time she throws her. We maybe have talked about this before. Side saddle is just two legs on one side.

Oh, right. Right. For some reason, I picture something. Yes. You don't want to stimulate the stimulators. Is that why you do it? I believe so. I bet that's why. Seriously? Yeah, I would think so. So for guys, they're like, man, it's so hard. Well, I think for guys, I could be wrong about this,

but it could be that they also think that the hymen would break. Hmm. But if you're on a... Back then, I would imagine. Well, I'm sure there was a doctor who was like, you're on a back then either way. Well, I'm sure there was a doctor who was like, you'll end up making a centaur. Yeah, but I'm sure it was like, you know, womb related, like, don't break your womb or whatever, like something really stupid. The womb is like a bag of water. But on this island, everyone, men and women, they all ride straddling the horse. And so she does that after she rides a whole day side saddle

and she ends up with a ton of back pain. So someone's like, why don't you just ride like everybody else? She never went back after that day. She always rode the normal way. Right. Quote, it was only my strong desire to see the volcano, which made me consent to a mode of riding against which I have so stronger prejudice. So she wanted to see a volcano. So she sure she rode that way. So there are two types of white people on the island.

There's the mission. One group is going to be pricks. There's missionary type, right? And then there's what everybody called reprobates. Okay, so there's two bad groups. Yes. They had gone Hawaiian as it was called. That's what they that's what they said. The reprobates had gone Hawaiian. Oh, so they so they're working class. They're mostly working class men who had gone to the island

and then shacked up with a Hawaiian woman. And so they're like, well, look at this one. Disgusting. Reprobates believe the missionaries were responsible for devastating the native population by pushing Western lifestyles. While the Christians thought the reprobates had devastated the population with VD and drinking. Well, it's safe to say both groups are giving a great amount,

which is awesome. Yeah. Yeah. So as much as Isabella is a white Christian who looks down on the working class types, right? She's elite. She seemed to be into it there. She spent a lot of time with a Mr. Wilson, who was a backwoodsman and the hunter and the jack of all trades type guy. And he eventually is like, marry me. I like the way you do the everything horse thing. It's great. She said, but she's like, I can't stay here. I got to go back to England.

And by the way, she really said nobody who was ever in Hawaii. If you've ever been in Hawaii, your first thought is, oh, I should stay here. When you start talking to, I actually was going to text the person I know who runs a comedy club out there today because I was like, you got to get back out there. And when you go there, people are like, yeah, this is my roommate. This is my other roommate. This is my other roommate. You're like, you have four roommates?

And they're like, yep. And you're like, that's crazy. Like it's worth it. And you're like, it actually is worth it. It actually is worth it. Yeah I spent some time there I really enjoyed it. You were one of the reprobates. I was. So she really is she really feels she's not intellectually stimulated so she needs to leave. Sure. So she takes a ship to San Francisco and hops on a train going east to England. And she heard Colorado is a great place to be. For sure. Quote, where people say the elixir of life can be drunk. And that threw me for a loop for a second.

OK, so they're saying that's yeah, sure. It's a spot. Absolutely. She ends up in Fort Collins, Colorado. And great spot. Just there is great. It's a territory at that point. It's not a state yet.

And the laws are so the laws are being written. It's basically kind of a crazy place at the time. And she called Fort Collins quotes all together revolting with coarse speech, coarse food, and coarse everything. Don't agree. I don't agree. Go to the comedy for it. It's great.

Maybe she hasn't got a comedy for it. She got a comedy for it. That's the problem. And then Isabella goes to the comedy for it. Oh, yeah, dude, I was just saying that this is one of those moments. Who was who was on? Yeah. The comic.

Crystalia. Oh, complicated, complicated, complicated, complicated, feelings. Well, thankfully, she's a grown woman, so it's not that much of a problem. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. So, Elizabeth, Isabella wants to go to this place you heard about called Estes Park, which is this remote valley. Okay.

And she ends up staying with this family from Illinois who were squatting. Okay. from Illinois who were squatting. OK. And she said they were like clenched fists, always ready for an argument and also shiftless and incompetent. So she like these guys. Good thing she loved Hawaii. Sounds way more chill on the mainland. They're the Chalmers. Miss Chalmer was, quote, lean, clean, and toothless.

Wow. No wonder she was so lean. If that would, that would actually. That really sounds like a like intro to like a like a wrestler, like a UFC fighter. I mean, I could see that diet coming back. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. Her husband was a pigheaded, glum, reformed Presbyterian who loathed England with a bitter personal hatred. But his are big, big personalities right out the gate.

Yeah. If anyone said anything nice about the Queen, he took it as a personal insult. He's a real Dave. And she said their kids were, quote, lumpish, unmannerly and unchildlike. Jesus, hopefully they were like, hey, she wrote a book. Hey, the fuck is going? What the fuck? We're not lumpy. He says lumpish. Yeah, you're not lumpy. You're lumpish.

I don't know why she called me Lene and Priem. I'm just me more than that. So she stays with them for a week. Quite a week. They were the whole time, gosh, you're writing a lot down while looking at us. What are you doing? So after the week, they agree to take her to Estes Park, which is about 50 miles away. Okay. And Miss Chalmers was going. It's Mr. and Mrs. Chalmers. And Mr. Chalmers had

just one eye. His clothes were ragged and torn. He had a boot on one foot and a shoe on the other, which his toes stuck out of. I think this is these people are awesome. I like the idea that yeah, she's just like, you have to have to have a problem. They they sleep out in the open the first night. Sure. And when they woke up in the morning, the horses were gone because Chalmers didn't tether them to the ground. I mean, I honestly think I could survive better in the 1850s than that.

Like, who the fuck is like, all right, and that stay. Let's fuck off to bed. The Chalmers go to search for the horses. Isabella is the dumbest mission. I mean, this is saying something. One of the dumber missions going on in the United States at the time. You got to look for a human on horseback. You don't go looking for humans on foot back.

Horses on foot back. Yeah. No. Yeah, you're right. That's actually problematic. Yep. Well, it looks like they even if you see the hooves, you're like, yep, they went. They went that way. I love that he's so poor that he has a boot, a boot and a shoe with a hole in it.

And yet he still doesn't tie down the horse. He probably just couldn't afford tethers. Yeah, yeah, maybe. It's just like, whatever. She was like, do you want to tie them down? No, these horses are great. If you just tell them to stay put, they will. Stay?

No, no moving tonight. You understand me? Lads. All right. The horses are gone. What the fuck? Did I say stay? I feel like I had.

Yes. Well this is troubling. Well. I said stay and they're gone. Okay. That's what happened to me teeth. Yeah. Maybe we could ride lumpy

I didn't come on the journey So Isabelle is alone and she is starving She comes across a dead bear and eat some berries that are in its stomach eat some berries that are in its stomach. By the way, here's something you got to know about me. If it comes to that, I will be dying. Yes, absolutely. You will not. I'll never be like, why don't we eat what's inside the bear? I'll be dying from like eating like bear lung before I'll be like,

yeah, look, it looks like it had a good feast. Oh, those are nice berries. Anyone for bear berries? They didn't chew this one. Yeah. Anyone for a bit of not shut out bear poo? Look, you can just suck it right out.

Oh, fuck. Oh, gee, I'm going to take one of his clothes and cut my throat. I'm sorry. That was the worst thing I've ever heard. Look, it's God's straw. Oh, how do you even have that thought? It's really the worst thing. Well, you do is eat its last meal. I mean, if you're starving there, meal. I mean, I starved a bear.

If you're starving, you're starving. You like that's like even Bear Grylls is like, I'm good. I mean, maybe the bear. I mean, that's kind of raw. Rodden, maybe it was Bear Grylls. Ruh. Rotted meat is worse than rotted vegetables or fruits or whatever.

Berries. OK, I don't want to talk to you about that anymore. Yeah, yeah, OK. That's fair. The dollop is a bar to you by Mint Mobile. Look, with the with the big wireless guys, the big the big providers, what you see is never what you get. Yes. Somewhere between the store and your first month's bill, the price you thought you were paying also goes way up.

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What are you doing yourself? What does that mean? What? I'm just like furious at everyone and you. For not having a. It's partially the Helix and partially I'm just like furious at everyone and you for not having a it's partially the helix and partially I'm just kind of done with people. Okay. I don't know what's happening right now. But he's having a bad day.

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You say 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain get yourself a free trial. It's never trial And or also brought to you by Airbnb. Oh, summer travel. You know what it's like. You're seeing the lights of a different city. You're trying out the food of another area. You're watching the architecture. I really think that travel is a luxury.

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She was like, I just ate bear's shit. He's like, there's a town right there, we have horses again. So after a couple of days, it seems like they're not getting they can they every once in all, they see the valley, the Estes Park Valley, but then they don't get closer to it. And then he eventually admits that he he he's lost. He doesn't know where he is. He doesn't know how to get. He's also dogs, not horses. It is not to get to Esses Park. He also then admits he doesn't know how to get to. He also dogs, not horses.

It is not to get to Esselstyt. He also then admits he doesn't know how to get back. He's just and then his wife sat down and sobbed. And then he didn't even tell her. And then I need to like, I'll lead this thing. So they head out. The mule, the mule saddle breaks and spills all the flour Good and then miss Chalmers saddle breaks and she falls off her horse good Isabella I'm kidding. I'm kidding. It's nothing

Isabella fixes the saddle and then guides them out of the area and they arrive back late at night. Total failure, obviously the trip is a complete and total failure. Is it Isabella? Yeah, for the couple, for the Chalmers. Yeah. Isabella then heads out on her own to Longmont, Colorado, because she heard that there were two men there who were going to Estes Park

and they agreed to guide her. So the men are very excited because they're like, oh, this lady is coming. They think she's going to be hot and young, but then they see that she's middle-aged. What a couple of fucking weirdos. Yeah. Yeah. Like that's like the weirdest. Yeah.

Well, they're dudes. Dude. When she shows up, I bet That's this is like the weirdest. Yeah. Well, they're dudes. Dude, when she shows up, I bet she's just going to have the biggest boobs. Big boobs, big ass. And I bet she's going to be super into us. OK. We'll charm her right away, dude. Well, that looks like she has a big set of knockers. She's going to.

All right. By the way, I don't mean to be this rude and grass. Oh I have a feeling she's gonna be super into banging us. Um, and I know she's all like I'm gonna gotta mention He got a long whatever long mon. Yeah, I'm gonna take her to long month. So all fashion way So hey buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy. She's here. She's here. She's here. Huh? She's here. She's the she's the lady covered in tumors with now and blackberries. Maybe those are extra tits and why?

What the fuck, dude? I'm undoing my legal dibs. Hey, so they're pretty bummed when they see a middle aged Isabella. Do you have any friends who want to go on the expedition or hotter? Quote, wearing bloomers, riding cowboy fashion with a face and figure not corresponding to our ideals. You know, you're supposed to tell us if you're fucking gross. You're supposed to like before you because I'll be honest, you know, you're supposed to tell us if you're fucking gross. You're supposed to like before you, because I'll be honest,

you know, we're going to give you a lot of like flower and jerky. And it's just like you're you're like a fucking one. So they're upset, they said, yes, but they they agreed to do it. So the three of them head for Estes Park. And when they arrived, she loves it. It's gorgeous. She had heard from a friend about a man who lived at the entrance to the park and wanted to. What's your friend look like? It's a guy. Oh, gosh.

Well, we're not gay or under zeros. He's an English. Sorry. I think he's Irish. He's an Irish desperado who lived in a black log cabin. That's right. I am a bit of a strange figure. Like Val and Helsing but with a bit of an Irish flair. He was known to go on drinking sprees and create chaos in Denver saloons.

That's right. Of course I am. Now, some of our Irish fans are going to say, oh, but now you're making it so all of us sound like we're drinking. Well, this is actually a historical fact and we've done nothing about that. But then on fucking Reddit, they'll go, well, all they do is actually say potatoes with whiskey. But this place is not like that. So you can, why don't you shove that up your fucking arse? So she's a, she carries a revolver wherever she goes. So she's not scared of meeting this guy.

He's supposed to be a little dangerous. They find the cabin and there's smoke coming out the roof and window. So a new pope. I mean, somebody's inside. Oh, sorry. I'm just, what if everywhere you went back then you thought it was a new pope? I mean, somebody's inside. Oh, sorry. What if everywhere you went back then you thought it was a new pope? Another.

It's another pope. John John. Some people just like how fires. Yeah, they're cooking and keeping warm. Popes in this neighborhood. So many popes. Oh, my Lord. The roof is mud and covered with drying links, beaver and other furs. Part of a deer caucus, part of a deer carcass hung inside

parts of animals laid about. This is awesome. So what's your roof? Hey, mainly she's beaver and deer. Or those are the things I've touched my roof with deer mainly and a bit of beaver. How is that the winner? It gets a bit musky. It's a bit sticky. It smells that great, honestly.

It's not. So the guy comes out, he is thick. He had on a falling apart gray hunting suit. He had a knife in his belt and a revolver hanging out of his breast pocket, but he's very chivalrous. Yeah. He had a refined accent. Ladies first. Refined accent. Go ahead. Ladies first, obviously. There's no way I would actually do something to offend the

lady. But the gentleman, I understand, they're putting you in a bit of an awkward position by always asking about your looks. When he saw Isabella, he raised his cap. Hello. He bought he brought her water in a tin, apologized for not having something more presentable. I'm sorry. That's all I have is water in a tin. I don't have prune juice.

I don't have. Unfortunately, I've run out of sunny delight. Yes, you are accustomed. Would you like a bit of Roy Bina? His name was Jim Nugent and he was known as Rocky Mountain Jim. That's right. Lived in a beaver hut named Rocky Mountain Jim. And there are there's a lot of rumors about Rocky Mountain Gym.

They said he was an unfrocked priest, he was an ex-school teacher, or that he was an ex-swindler. When sober, Jim very charming, respectful, fun, witty. He's a very well-educated guy. He was born in Montreal to an Irish father who served in the British Army. Yeah, Jim was said to have, quote, Black Fitz when he was drinking. Hmm. So in other words, no clue where he was and what he was doing. Not a good guy to be around. Yeah. Hmm. So he had had an affair with a 17 year old girl

who either died or killed herself. And then after that, he started drinking heavily. I don't like to think back upon those days. There's a bit of a problem with the shake-up I should. He got teaching jobs in Canada, and then he joined the Hudson Bay Company as a trapper. And then he was a scout in Sioux country for the army. And finally, he ends up living in Estes Park where he worked as a guide.

OK, a sober guide. People called him Humbug, for Flusher, a scoundrel, a braggart. So they had none of those are good. Right. I don't know what a for Flusher is, but. Well, you know what it is. Hmm. You know what that is? God, it's a guy who takes big deuces.

I would not go in there for a little while. Let the water tank refill before I give it my third and almost final. He's 45. You see, my diet of eating not much aside from whiskey and racks is not done well for my colon or my stomach. Half of his face is very attractive, like super good looking. What a what a face half full description model model like half the face.

What he's got to have the other half. Uh huh. Not as much. How did this happen? There's no I can't see. I'm going to get Batman. There's no. No, it's that side of his face is just repulsively mangled. OK. Jim has a dog ring and ring had scared a bear and her cubs.

And then Ring ran to Jim for protection. So the bear ran at Jim. No, Ring, no, Ring, no. Jim shot the bear four times, but she still jumped on him, biting him through his left arm at the elbow. She bit off a thumb, she slashed his face and left him for dead. Oh, now I kind of like the look. Jim somehow rode his mule. You're not going to believe this Isabel, but a while ago I was actually attacked on half my face.

Oh, I can believe that. I see the face. I'm about to walk you through the zone at which the bear had to go at me. When I saw you, I immediately thought, my God, a bear. If you look closely right here on the right side of my face, you'll notice a claw mark. It looks open. It looks open. You'll see that some parts of it are a bit exposed. Yeah, it looks like a clawed by bear. If I stand in the sunlight here, you might be able to see. I see it. Well, it looks like that happened to your face.

And also look at that eye I right there is Claude. I know alert that I doesn't even work. OK, I bear it talks me at some point. Can you turn sideways? Be unable to see you if I could if I don't use the good I decide over here. No, this I yeah. Now you'll see this I right here. Not great, but this

one works. It's almost like if you divide my face in half, you'll find that a bear is out of go with it. Can you turn around and talk to me? I'm having a bit of trouble seeing it right now, to be honest, but don't tell anyone my secret. So Jim had, after getting mauled, he climbed onto his mule and ridden the mule for eight miles and then a doctor just happened to be passing through and he stitched, he stitched him up 50 stitches. That's great. And wounds all over his face. His right eye was not gone, but the skin was torn and a carbuncle formed over it.

Now let's talk about carbuncles. It's time for a Google. OK, my uncle. Oh, oh, oh, yeah. See, it's a big, big source. Oh, my God. It's a big, it's a big scabby. Oh my God. It's a big scabby.

A carbuncle is a skin infection that appears as a cluster of boils that are connected and dome shaped. There are. Oh, fuck me, man. I mean, we are talking about a real range. I have looked it up. I would say I'm not telling other people listening, don't look it up. I would say don't look it up.

Here's what I'd say. If you're going to look it up, don't scroll more than one real big scroll. But then you start getting into it's almost better to lose the. Oh, my sweet. Mother of God. Yeah. So it's not great. Nope. OK. OK. So he has a car. What's on my eye, Isabelle, if you look closely, is called a car bunk.

It looks like a big pimple that a bear did to me. When they left, he told Isabella, quote, You're not an American. I know from your voice. What a sweet talker. Yeah. But she was like, all right. I told you repeatedly that I was not. I picked up. Well, I told you a little bit of a secret about my face. I should tell you I've picked up a secret.

We don't take your time here. He said you're a country woman of mine. I hope you allow me the pleasure of calling on you. This dude is looking to score. Yeah, he's got moves. So she was always heading for this place. I've got my eye on you. And I think you know which one I'm talking about.

She heads for the place that was always her destination, which is the other main guide in Essence Park, Griffith Evans, who who's called Griff. This has to hurt him. He's Welsh. He has a big bushy beard and he loves drinking. So her two guide options are both like, hey, either way you go, you're gonna fight it. We have pretty much anybody who wants to go live in a cabin at this time

is what else would you do? I mean, you just get books and drink. Yeah, you get ship based. And I'm not going to lie. Doesn't sound too bad. Yeah, it's all right. So he has his cabin, but then he has four other log cabins for guests. He's got cows and horses and cattle and it's a dude ranch.

Sure. So he lets her stay in the best cabin for eight bucks a week. Isabel likes him even though he reeks of bourbon. Sure. So he had settled in a year before Mountain Gym showed up. Both men are squatters and they hate each other because they're competing guides. They're the only two guys that live in the valley. But soon, Isabel learns that Jim had once been drunk and made advances on Griff's 17-year-old daughter.

Oh, so this is the daughter, maybe. Or no, he just likes 17 year olds. He, I don't know, 17 back then. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, but it's like, yeah. But the guy, but Griff was mad that Jim hit on his daughter. Right. Quote, Jim'll shoot you has more than once been heard in Griff's cabin.

So if they don't like each other. Sure. So. Now Jim starts coming to call on Isabella. He's always very respectful. He would read her bad poetry that he'd written. I wrote a poem that I'd like to read to you now. If you wouldn't mind, my darling Isabella. Yeah. OK. Isabella, Isabella. Yeah. She got a bunch of skin on her face. What? Isabella, Isabella.

Boy, you were one night I sniffed her shoe when she walked away for a moment. Isabella, Isabella, what if I were to have drank whiskey from that shoe while you were on your walk after I'd sniffed it? This doesn't seem like poetry. Isabella, Isabella, one time I ate a handful of leaves. Okay, I have to go. Isabella, Isabella, I one time also ate my puke. Hold on. Let me please this guy. You know what? Isabella, Isabella, a bear attacks part of my face. Isabella, Isabella,

I drank whiskey out of that shoe and I'm not even fucking kidding around. By Rocky Mountain Gym. So. So she she likes. I have one more. May I say it, please? OK. Roses are red. Violets are blue. Oh, I. My dick doesn't work. So OK, moving on.

Okay. Uh, he told her all about his life and he talked her, he talked her about the, the park and the high peaks that were there that she climbed and she wants to climb a peak with Jim and, uh, the problem is she sees herself as an invalid. So it seems like a crazy idea. Mm-hmm She's 42 Jim tells her about the first woman who scaled the peak was only 31 So she's like, okay, I'll do it So with two other men they set out to climb this 14,000 foot tall peak just fucking crazy

Isabella said on the trip Jim looked like a pirate He had a smashed hat his clothes were falling apart his knife in his belt And his gun in his pocket She wore Turkish bloomers and a Hawaiian blouse Boy that's the two of them are goodwill mannequins The first night she does not sleep at all The first night she does not sleep at all. But the next morning, she looked at what is ahead of her. And she's like, I can't. This is going to be too hard.

I can't. And Jim's not having it. He is obsessed with getting her to the top. So he ropes Isabella to him. By the way, I think in his head, he's like, if I get her to the top of the mountain, I get to mount her. Yeah, 100%. Absolutely. He's just he's just completely. Yeah. So he's like, I'm going to drag her. I'll drag you by rope.

She's like, that doesn't sound good. Listen, when we get up to talk to her, I'm going to fuck you. Say robs her to him and drags, quote, like a bale of goods. OK. Two hours of painful climbing, slipping, grasping and panting, then up the final face. So they make it. And they go back to camp and camp for the night. And Jim whips out a guitar and sang her ballads at the campfire. I got to see somebody's original.

This is like singing. Are you ready for them? Here's the first one. OK. Isabella, Isabella. This is like that one time when you walked away with your shoe. Isabella, Isabella, I drank a bunch of whiskey out of your shoe. I'm not going to have sex with you. Isabella, oh Isabella.

No. I got to tell you about the time I ate leaves. No, this is the same as the poem. Isabella, one time a bear attacked the right side of my face. Just look at the eye, I've got a carbuncle. Isabella, carbuncle. Isabella, you might be an aunt, I'll be an uncle. But Isabella, I ate my throw up and it was mainly made from leaves and whiskey from your shoe.

So. Do you have a mole skin? No. I guess I could just pull out. They, they talked and they, they learned they both believed in spiritualism and they, and they promised to appear to each other after death. He told her all about the tragedy of his 17-year-old love who had died.

He cried as he did so. And she said that night they fell in love. That is sweet. So the next couple of months, they were together and she would, you know, think about marrying him like legitimately man is backwoodsman guy. She kept postponing going back to Colorado Springs. Quote, Mr. Nugent is what I call splendid company. Ruffian as he looks.

The first word he speaks to a woman at least places him on a level with an educated gentleman. Yet on the whole, he is a most painful spectacle. Wow. Okay. So great mind, but maybe a bit of a man. You look you got attacked by a bear. Yeah. And I don't like the idea that he seems to only have one set of clothes that always look like they're about to just chip off. It's not great. Yeah. And I don't like the idea that he seems to only have one set of clothes that always look like they're about to just chip off.

It's not great. Yeah. I mean, instead of putting some of the furs on the roof, why don't you wear one? Yeah. You know what I mean? You can fucking drape yourself in beaver. But instead, he's just like, I have one out of us. If you touch it, it's shotters like hoist. Oh, look, me dog came out again. Oh, crikey.

That looks like my shirt chipped off when I bumped that tree. So yeah, so but as she gets to know him, she she starts, she says his life she she writes her sister a lot. She said his life was a ruined and wasted one and what good could it come from a future who was chosen? A man who's chosen a life of evil. Sure. He had envy and the vindictiveness raging through him. Quote, he gets money, goes to Denver and speds large sums in the maddest dissipation, making himself a terror. He and he says, I can't change.

He's like, this is just who this is. This is it. This is the product. It's pretty great. I mean, I think I can't change. He's like, this is just who this is. This is it. This is the product. It's pretty great. I mean, I think most people can change. I kind of am on his side. Yeah, a little bit. It's kind of like I don't expect this guy to become different. He said, quote, now you see a man who has made a devil of himself lost, lost, lost. That's a song. Now you see the man who's made a devil of himself lost, lost, lost. That's a sign.

Now you see the man who's made a devil of himself last last last. Now you see a man who's made a devil of himself. Not found found. On October 20th, she she decides to head out and she's escorted out by one of the guys who brought her back in back to the St. Vrain Hotel in Longmont. So she's kind of like she's really in a gym, but she's also like,

this guy's just a fucking mess. You know? Yeah. So she leaves. When she gets to the hotel, an annoying colonel keeps asking her to marry him in the lobby. He's a confederate and said he was a sculptor, quote, a dreadful man. He asked her to marry him over 10 times in the lobby and talked of, quote, making love. Oh, my God. She's just got a different.

So would you have any idea when my room will be ready? Housekeeping is just cleaning. It's just this guy. My am I would like to propose one more time to you and suggest that maybe we do have marriage. My mom would like to propose one more time to you and suggest that maybe we do have marriage. The the next morning, she made sure to get out of the hotel before he woke up and she headed to Colorado Springs, where she planned to spend.

By the way, dudes are going to do it. OK, just get out of the way, everyone. Yeah. Yeah. So welcome to the hotel. I would like to make loves to you and get married. I'm just trying to actually get up to my room. So yeah, this is this is us. It's happening. It's a lobby love. We can make love here. We can make love out back and love anywhere.

I don't have a room here, but that's crazy. Why are you in the lobby just hanging out? Because this is where love happens. All right, well I'm good, I'm just gonna go upstairs. You know what? I don't, no. We should make love. I've said no, I'm not gonna do that.

There's a mud patch. What? Outside, mud, mud, pad mud. There's also a ton of rooms here, why wouldn't you go that way? Muddy, well it's not, I don't have a room here. Yeah, well I'm clearly waiting for one, why wouldn't you just charm me and try to take me to that one? By the way, it's not gonna happen,'t I don't have a room here. Yeah, well, I'm clearly waiting for one. Why wouldn't you just charm me and try to take me to that one?

By the way, it's not going to happen, but I'm just telling you for future. It's probably better to approach a woman with something more like that than let's go to a mud patch. You want me to come to your room? No, I was very explicit in saying that that's not something I was into. First, we need to get married or else it's a sin. Just a crazy order. And I'm like religious, but that's insane.

Face down in the mud. Oh my God. Why that position in the mud? That's crazy. No. Okay. That is terrible. I'm a Confederate. That's disgusting. Every pinch of yours makes things worse. That's how we did it. How long until the room is ready? That's why they call it the dirty south. Oh, my God.

Just. Anywho, where are you from? Shut up. Why would you go this order? Crazy. So so she heads to Colorado Springs. Now she plans on spending weeks in Colorado Springs. That was the whole idea. It's supposed to be very nice. Um, she's probably never been there. Obviously she gets there and she's like, this is ugly. This is a hideous place. And Estes park was beautiful and she misses it. She's wondering about Jim. Um, and then

she stays in a boarding house that is a consumptive boarding house. Consumptive like so, I think for people with TB or like consumption. Oh, God. Oh, my. The guy in the next. It's like it's like when you're like, boy, this was really cheap. And then you get there and everyone's coughing. You're like, they didn't

mention that everyone here is TB. She said she could see the guy's feet sticking out of the bed in the next room. And she was like, Oh, please get up, please get up. And then he never got up and just oh, Jesus Christ. So she's like, I'm going back to Estes Park. I'm not staying there for weeks. It's about 500 miles away. It's fall. She heads out. She's wearing her Hawaiian clothes. Her health is very bad. No money because the panic of 1973 had hit and banks would not cash-check. 1873, okay. Sorry, 1873.

She has no guide, but she makes it. She makes it back. She and Jim, however, now both know they're not gonna get married and stay together. So it's different now, right? The first time was the hot romance. However, now both know they're not going to get married and stay together. So it's different now, right? The first time was the hot romance. Yeah. Now this is like this is like the sad version.

Yeah. They're trying to do it again. It's just not it's not there. Quote, his mood was as dark as the overhead sky and he was drinking. He's quiet. Sure. He he would gap away on his horse and then come back, probably not say anything. And then one time he gallops back and he said, quote, You're the first man or woman who's treated me like a human being for years.

Then, yeah. He's just going back with little tidbits. I guess she was hoping that this was like the last chance where he would like, say, I'll sober up for you and I'll make myself a no. But he he's he's like, I'm past fixing. He's he said, I can't be fixed. I'll show you something else I have to tell you. What's that?

What was it talks by a bear once. No, I know. It hit my face with its claws. Yeah, no, the first time I saw you. My dog ring led it right to me. And that's something I've never told anyone. Okay, everybody knows. If you look closely at my face.

Yeah, the carbuncle and the whole thing. You'll notice there's a bit of a difference from the left side to the right. Yeah, it looks like your face was dragged behind a bus for the... My right eye is... Can I see a question right now? It's not much of an eye. Why are you a pirate? They call it a carbuncle.

Why are you a pirate right now? I fucking need to rank a bunch. I suppose I have lost the tenor of my regular life. How did you become a pirate? When you drink enough rum, that's what happens to you. I did write a poem. Nope, nope, nope, nope. I did write a poem. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

No. Let me just give you. No. Let me give you one. Let me just give you the fourth line. Stick up. Stick down. Stick down my throat because I ate my own barf.

Okay. Bye. Bye. Six out of my throat because I ate my own barf. OK, bye. I got. So she she now petties him, like, which is not a good thing for a relationship. Now, let's never know. And that's where you just like, well, I think maybe we could make it work out. Yeah. Isabella told him she just can't speak to him anymore. This was on the day that he galloped away, galloped back and you know, did the whole thing. But I kept galloping and telling you things about myself. And she said, go, I want you to go

to to camp at Snowy Ridge until I leave so I don't see you. But the next day he shows up hammered. He's coughing and he's very cold and he keeps saying he's going to Snowy Ridge. And he's where she's staying, which is basically where he used to be, but he comes back and he keeps just being drunk. I mean, I'm about to go to Snowy Ridge. Yeah, basically. And then the next day, someone saw him riding to his cabin, but making a long like berth around her cabin. It's like I don't know what he's going for, but it's completely wrong. Yeah.

So she gets mad about the game. I'm making you boy making you. So she gets mad about that and she writes a note. Quote, Dear Sir, in consequence of the very blameworthy way in which you spoke to me on Monday, there can be nothing but constraint between us. Therefore, it is my wish that our acquaintance shall at once terminate yours truly, Isabella Lucy Byrd. I don't even remember what I said on Monday. You said it was.

What did I say? Not everything. I mean, it was. Maybe it's time for one of my rudimentary poems. That's what got us here. No, wait, you just once really good. Oh, I've been thinking about it a lot. One line.

Last thing. All right. Let's do the fifth line on this one. I pissed in my mouth to make my breath smell better. It's not good. Oh, I love you. You're my everything. So she rides to his cabin to deliver the note to him.

Oh, my God. And when she gets there, Jim is completely sober and in his suit. Oh, this is a fucking twist. Where did he get his suit? There's not a men's warehouse in this forest. He's in. And he was quiet and he was nice. We understand you've come to drop a note off, but it won't be necessary.

He's also in a ton of pain. He had been shot with an arrow in the long years before, and it had recently become very painful. This is quite a thing. You look amazing. I should tell you, I my lung is once again hemorrhaging blood from an arrow from five years. Wait, what's going on?

Anyway, you know, for a martini. He said he would like to call on her tomorrow, but she gives him the note for her last few days there, they got along well, and then Jim escorted her to the train on December 8, 1873. And when they got to the town of Greenlee, where the train was, people went fucking ape shit because it was Rocky Mountain Jim, who is just like this crazy legend. The boarding house woman said she used to scare kids by telling them if they were bad, Rocky Mountain Jim would come for them

and eat wrong celebrity, wrong celebrity. He's like the neighbor at home alone. So you'll have to excuse me. A number of people here recognize me. I'm a bit of a small town celebrity. Oh, my God. That's the guy I used to tell the kids that would murder him if they were bad. Well, that's not exactly what I. So they've known each other now for 75 days.

Wow. Feels like a lot longer. Yeah. Right. So she gets on the train and that is the last time they saw each other. The next June, Griff shot Jim with a shotgun on his ranch house porch and killed him. Jesus, boy. Well, Jim died. It took three months for Jim to die, but he did kill him. Griff pleaded self-defense and then was acquitted. Seems like pretty standard operating procedure.

Now, when Jim died, Isabella was in a hotel room in Switzerland. And she later said he appeared in the room to say goodbye and said he would on that night. As he said he would at that night in the campfire. I remember a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he, she said he did. I said, I'm no longer of this realm anymore. My darling, Isabella. Oh, that's why you're here. That's why I visit Switzerland as an operation. And yeah, you're not. I am not. Obviously I am ghost Jim. Okay. I should be going onto the other side. I'm crossing over. Yeah. But before I probably tell you something, I have on this journey through space and time as I've left my body and gone to the light, but come back because there's something so important to message I must deliver that I would not feel right

without telling you. I have written you a poem from beyond. Yes. So I was really hoping that wasn't it. Well, you've we made a pact. Do you remember that? We made a pact. We ever had and the poems are not not brushing you a ghost home as a twer. Would you like to hear it? I don't do I have a choice? Well, no, because this is technically my unfinished business. So if I don't read this properly,

we might not be able to fully make the Ascent into heaven. But this one is got a lot of perspective sent into heaven. But this one has got a lot of perspective that I don't think me in my actual life form would have been able to give you. Sure. I should point out I have been drinking the ghost juice. When I wrote this, I'd add a few. I should put that out. All right. You ready?. Isabella Isabella. I am able to get directions on this side. Isabella Isabella, maybe I gave you a parking. I got to go. Isabella Isabella.

No, they call it ghost goo. And I'm able to make it. How do I get rid of Isabella? Is it you see you could not put your hands through me. No, Isabella, Isabella, one time I drink booze out of your shoe. Isabella, Isabella, I once I made my throw up as a man. I love you. Will you kill yourself and join me?

No. All right. Take care. Bye. Anyway, Jim said goodbye to her. He was dressed in his ratty trappers clothes. Take care, boy. Anyway, Jim said goodbye to her. He was dressed in his ratty trappers clothes. Isabella got older.

Every year she got older, her health got worse. She had spots on her lungs. She had rheumatism and a bulky heart. So this sounds good. Isabella, as a doctor, it's time for me to give you the diagnosis. I never want to give to a patient. Your heart is bulky. Yeah No, no, no

That's so amazing. It's bad. That's so amazing No means you big got a big boxy heart. Oh, it's so great. No, it's so great I'm a ball. No, it's bad You got a fat heart No, it's bad. You got a fat heart. Yeah. No, no. Got a Costco heart. She almost married her sister's doctor in 1878,

but at 47, she said she couldn't be an invalid wife. So she so she flees to Japan, but the doctor does not give up. Yeah, she literally has been everywhere. Like she is the 18th. She's Johnny Cash. She's traveled the world. Yeah. The doctors doesn't give up, still pursues her and they get married in 1880. And then he died five years later. She wrote a ton of travel books over life. That's what she's known for. And she died on October 7th, 1904 at age 72. She had just ridden a horse over the Atlantis Atlas mountains in North Africa and then come back to England.

So she was so she was kind of like the 1800s Anthony Bourdain in a way. I mean, she was just everywhere, right? A little bit. But with with with the terrible diseases and not liking working people right Right that part right that part is not Bordini. Yes Yeah, so she Yeah, that's it. That's pretty great. I didn't I guess in my head. It's like Traveling on that level was almost impossible in that time.

Yeah, I mean, she traveled so much, it's kind of crazy. I mean, you know, if you had money and he got on a ship and pay people to take you around, I guess. Yeah. So it's always because of the money, basically. I was able to do it. Yeah. Well, there you go. I mean, to me, that's really a love story. There's love story.

So, you know, so. The sources, American Heritage Dotcom article love in the park by Marshall Sprague. And then in search of health, freedom and identity and analysis of Isabella Bird at a Margaret Fontaine's renovation of strength through self and travel writing by Mickey Stanley of Gettysburg College. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, girl. Well, there you go. Stanley of Gettysburg College. Yeah. Geez. Yeah, girl. Well, there you go.

I hope you're happy. It's kind of a crazy end, but OK. And we're also brought to you by Airbnb. Summer travel. You know what it's like. You're seeing the lights of a different city. You're trying out the food of another area. You're seeing the lights of a different city. You're trying out the food of another area. You're watching the architecture.

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