The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 658 - The Past Times wtih Dilruk Jayasinha

Episode Date: November 8, 2024

Dave Anthony picks a newspaper from a day in history and reads it to co-host Gareth Reynolds. This week they are joined by comedian Dilruk Jayasinha.  Redbubble Merch

And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine. And since we had like three or four down days, we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there. The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was going to

look like. So yeah, I'm excited to do that, just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and some nature and a nice place, you know, that has all the amenities I want. But while I'm gone, you know, I was also like, well, I have my place just there. And it's always nice to have someone stay at your place. And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know, it's a nice, comfortable place.

I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And you know, obviously that way I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place sits empty so putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do. So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host.

The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh Dave. Our friends forever. We've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp, they're clean, they're easy to use. You don't have to update stuff. Well, look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace, go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace.

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You can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You can sell memberships. You can sell courses, whatever. You can sell memberships, you can sell courses, whatever, you can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this.

Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Cause I think that's a good point. No, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase

of a website or domain. I'm going to say it again. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. All right, everybody. Welcome to the Past Times podcast. Each week we go through an old newspaper from a random date in history picked up by Dave Anthony. I'm Gareth Reynolds

and I've never seen it before and neither is our guest this week. Dill Gieson. Hi Dill. Hello Gareth. I love your morning radio vibes. That's it. That's an energy that I really want that. We love having you Dill. Yes, great. Hey Dill, what is your favorite chess piece? Would it be the Dill Rook? Man, I had to do some press for a TV show that's coming out next week. Name drop, keep going, I don't mean to cut you off. But the amount of like that same 80s kind of like, you know, what do they call it? Breakfast animal, the, you know, the morning zoo. The morning zoo, that kind of vibe.

Breakfast animal? We are breakfast animals. By the way, we are brought to you by Breakfast Animal. Breakfast Animal right now doing two for one breakfast animals. By the way, we are brought to you by Breakfast Animal. Breakfast Animal right now doing two for one breakfast sandwiches. Come on down and get the pork eggie. Pork eggie, breakfast sandwich, Mordek Zu, breakfast animal. That's a perfect nickname for me. You are the breakfast animal.

I've actually eaten breakfast with you and you are the breakfast animal. That's what we should call Nick Cody from now on. The breakfast animal. No, he doesn't deserve it because he doesn't like eggs. So I refuse to give Nick Cody any breakfast. We ate breakfast together in Thailand multiple times. And the buffet, Dill could still crush a buffet. Well, I used to like, let's say that we did Thailand in 2018.

And yeah, that's why I thought I was invincible. And then four years later had a heart attack. So let's Remember that. Hey, your first year of stand-up. Did you call yourself the Dill rookie? No, but I went as Dill space rook because I thought that's a better last name than Jaya singer Which by the way you you stuffed up as well. I'm not gonna like hold it against you How do you this is my fourth time and I'm getting closer. You're getting closer. Yeah, I prefer At least you got Dill right. Jaya getting closer. Yeah, I prefer. How do you do it? At least you got Dil right.

Jaya singer, like someone singing a song. Singer. I'm going to pull a Dave Anthony and say you're wrong. How about that? Dil, you are one of our favorite, truly. You remind me of one of my friends in America who I call Human Prozac and you are very much the same. Where can people go and watch your new hour and see your latest special and follow you?

Well I like the Human Prozac thing because my name of my special is called Bundle of Joy so that ties in. It's on Amazon Prime and otherwise just Dilrug J on Instagram. That's where I put most of my bullshit on there. Even you don't want to do your last name. I ran out of characters on Instagram. Zuckerberg said it's too long. I agree with it.

All right, Dil. Well, you know the Dil. I know the Dil. I reckon I was one of the first live guests, if not the first. I think you were the first live guest think you were the first live guest. You were the first live guest. And you crushed. So that's why four years later we're having you back. I did look through the catalog and I was like, even though I was one of the first live guests,

I don't think I made it to the main feed till episode 37 or something. I mean, yeah, that's true. You know, to prioritize Mark Maron and all those. We've been so far ahead. Yeah, well, we're sorry. We liked Maron. I mean, good Lord. It's called ratings. You know how this works, still.

We're going to go through a newspaper. Dave has picked it out. I like to guess the year of the paper, but since you're the guest, you're going to guess first what year this paper could be. This might be new since you were on. So yeah, so we've got a range of what? From 1900s to. Oh, buddy, earlier.

Oh, no. Even earlier? Yeah. to guess first what year this paper could be. This might be new since you were on. So yeah, so we've got a range of what from 1900s to... Oh buddy, earlier. Oh no, even earlier. We did a 1600 once but... Oh god, okay. So given it's me as your guest, I don't know if that influenced it, but I'm going to go Dave with 1939. A wonderful year for the whole world. That's a good guess. I'm gonna go ahead and before I guess, Dill, will you tell people about when McDonald's opened in Sri Lanka quickly? Sure. In 1998 Sri Lanka had the first ever McDonald's that came like we'd only seen it

in movies and Simpsons and whatnot and so when McDonald's came to Sri Lanka for the first time in 1998, August, I skipped school so I could be one of the first people in line. Okay. I was number eight in line and they gave away t-shirts for the first hundred customers, but I did not realize they were doing that because I was so busy eating my Big Mac meal and my chicken. And then you ate it and then what happened? I just went over. I mean, mom dropped me off. It's not

like a skip school, like, you know, dodgy. And so mom picked me up again. I thought you got back in line. Oh, yeah. Sorry. You're right. I had the Big Mac meal. I had the Big Mac meal. Then I had more space. So then I went back for the McChicken. You're right. And then later that night, I went with my family and had a McChicken meal and then a Big Mac to chase it. Was there a long line? Oh, it was like huge. I mean, Mc Donald's was like so iconic and you know, 98 is not that long ago. You know what I mean? When you think about it. And now it's everywhere, of course. But how was the, how was the diarrhea?

It was just, it was just regular for me at that point. You know what I mean? I can't remember the last time I had a solid shit day. Shit. All right, I'm gonna guess 1898 to go 100. Based on the 1998, okay, yeah. The man is Gareth off, it is 1947. Hey, I was. Oh, deal. Yeah, 45 Gareth off. It is 1947. Hey, I was. Yeah. 45 was the one that worked.

1947 was ever better. Let's see. I mean, 1940 is when Sri Lanka got its independence from the colonizers. So that's why I picked this paper. All right. All right, we've had. OK. You got British parents, don't you, Garrett? Okie dokie. And we're going to take a quick break.

Still keep it off air, asshole. Thanks for the train system. You just Sri Lanka just got a new communist president. And I sent you a nice message. Yeah. Again, I wake up. It's like, how how are you across politics everywhere in the world? This is what like I can barely keep up with Australian politics.

I can barely keep up the politics in my family. Like this family drama happening between cousins and stuff. And I'm like, I'm off. But you knew straight away the president of Sri Lanka. So, yeah, look, maybe that's what we need right now. I should. I think the drain, I say, congrats. You got a Marxist president, Marxist president. He said something. And I said, I said congrats. You got a Marxist president, Marxist president. He said something and I said, I mean, you know,

for a year or so until the CIA overthrows it and installs a fascist government, but you know, you get a couple of years in good times, but once you have a, once you have a commie leader, the clock starts. Well, I suppose I can write off me going back to Sri Lanka for Christmas after this comes out. That's true. That's definitely gonna be, yeah. Well, I suppose I can write off me going back to Sri Lanka for Christmas after this comes out.

That's true. That's definitely going to be, yeah. Research. Okay. This is the Boston Globe from Boston, Massachusetts on May 3rd, 1947. Can't wait to hear that Boston accent, Dill. Keep going, Dill. No, I was about to throw to you because the only Boston accent words I know aren't suitable on politically correct anymore.

Oh, boy. Well, I'll go with one. You fucking quare. Oh, my God. I just in my defense, I just I just watched the departed. And I just had the departed. That the only Boston words he knows he can't say. But it was like, if I say it as a character, I'm allowed to. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like that. Well, Robert Downey Jr., you know, when he did blackface in Tropic Thunder,

if you're self aware about what you're doing, then I think you get away with it and get an Oscar nomination. Yeah, that's why I do it like that. Okay. Churchill to star in Norwegian movie about atomic bomb. Winston Churchill? Yep. Winston Churchill.

Starred in a Norwegian movie about the atomic bomb? That's correct. While he was prime minister? Yep. And not just even a cameo, a starring role. about the atomic bomb that's correct while he was prime minister yep and not just even a cameo a starring role like he stopped willing by the way that rider is got to be the craziest rider of all time he's got to be in just like and four pigs worth of bacon nine cigarettes, constant refilled balls and nine decanters of gin a day. Hang on, so did this movie happen?

Or is it because this is where I get confused sometimes where the article might say this is to come and did it actually even eventually? I mean, I don't know. We can look it up. Winston Churchill is to start a Norwegian war movie, according to the conservative Oslo movie, according to the conservative. No way this Oslo paper often Poston. Britain's wartime leader will thus add another accomplishment

to his already long list as statesman, soldier, reporter, author, painter, polo player and after dinner speaker. This guy can talk after dinner. By the way, from what we understand, he didn't stop. I don't think he did. That is an amazing credit to have to. Isn't it come out that he was suffering through depression that entire time?

It's part of his productivity. And now I'm like, well, that's why. Because look at the amount of shit that he was trying to block and you know. Well, also like, I mean, if you kill that many millions of people, wouldn't you be a little depressed after a while? I mean, he's like, he's like Hitleresque in the bodies. See, here we go again.

I'll clean up the mess. Okay, all right. I felt like Homer Simpson, like backing into a into a. By the way, I don't think he made this movie. OK, well, it's called he's 76 at the time is called Why the Germans Did Not Get Their Atomic Bomb. Oh, catchy title. Yeah, it's really short.

Rolls off the tongue. That's normally the tag, but they're like the tag would be the movie. Scenes are now being shot in Norway, England and France. The screenplay deals with the Beatles. Yeah. Hit the screenplay deals with the blasting of the Norwegian heavy water plant at Rikersgen, Rikersgen on February 20th, 1943 by a Norse the the the operation. He's playing himself. And it's kind of like a baby reindeer situation. You know, right. Yeah. In the trauma.

Yeah. Yeah. But it's more like baby hippo. Yeah. Did he get a BAFTA for it? I had a BAFTA. They would have to give him a BAFTA. I think we have to BAFTA. The picture is based on a novel by French writer Jean Marine. OK, so I wish he was in it. Like, what's my motivation?

I want to he really wasn't in it, Gareth. I don't think so, unless, again, we've been noticing Google being impossible lately, but it certainly is a shit bird. It certainly did. Oh, that's a bombshell for me. Google's not helping you guys out. Like, it's terrible.

It's like Twitter now, where you're just like, what the fuck is going on? Like, you dig around, you find stuff, but it just is a little more complicated than it used to be. Have you heard of eShittification? No, please. Okay, so you need to read the article. It's by Cory Doctorow. Is that his name? Doctorow? It's basically him breaking down why all these internet things just turn to crap after a while. Yes. Is it the algorithm kind of just starts feeding you?

Well, they they create a great thing and then they're like, OK, now we got to make as much money as we can. And then they destroy the great thing that they made. Right. Right. Right. It's a fascinating article. Much like the dollop. Much exactly like the dollop. We'll be right back. All right. You're still doing it.

I'm still in my Boston persona. Yeah. The Dilla. Oh, how dare camera shy record camera shy record trout, re caught and sent to president. What the fuck? Camera shot. Well, I'm going to say all trouts are camera shy. Yeah, there's no truth. They're not like actually look at me.

It's actually the Billy. Can I get in on that? Like a photobombing trout? Yeah. So they've re-caught it. Re-caught it. OK, so they probably did that because they missed the photo op. So they're going to re-catch it and then they're sending it to the president.

Well, I like and imagine you if you're a trout that got caught and you get put back in, you're like, oh man, that was a close one. Oh yeah. And then they just call you back. No, no, no, we forgot the photo op. What are the odds? But it's also your fault because you're like,

oh my God, I just came back and there's another worm. Yeah. Sounds like Victor blaming to me, Dave. Hold on, boys. It's classic, you know, fool me once, you know, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. So it's the Trout's fault. It's the Trout's fault, victim blaming 100%. It looks a lot like the last one too, boys.

You idiot. Send it to the president. He needs to see this. Is that Idaho, the world's record rainbow trout, the world's record rainbow trout. OK, it must have been. Yeah, that's what they got. Once, which was hauled from Lake Penn

Oriole yesterday and slipped back in today, was retrieved this afternoon to be flown to President Truman. Oh, that is so they're sending the whole fish to Truman. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I just thought it was a photo. I don't know. I must be dead. Weird. I'd be great if they did a fish tank. Yeah.

They felt it, but they don't even use a tank. They just fill up the plane with water. I don't know how else to do this. Welcome to Spirit Airlines. Fire chief CN Simon caught the 36 pound cam loop the second time in 14 feet of water where it had fallen while photographers were snapping the huge fish. So they just threw this trout in 14 feet of water.

And the trout was, yeah, shit, this is pretty shitty. And then he was like, oh no. And then eventually the guy caught him again. Yeah. That's pretty hefty. That's decent. Yeah, that's not carry on luggage. You're putting that in.

No, you got to check that trout. You got to check that trout. Check your trout. Check the trout without question. It was Simon's first rainbow. the So they're saying the second guy caught it was super easy, but this other guy fought it for 45 minutes and then they were like, Hey, buddy, we're going to throw that in a little pond and then this fireman's going to catch it. We're going to send it to the president. He was like, What's going on?

They tied the shit out of it first. Yeah, complete for 45. Oh, yeah, he's all shagged out. Yeah. So I'm pretty sure that's the ending of gladiator, you know, the emperor takes on gladiator after he's been pounded and poisoned. Look, I can go toe to toe with this trout. I also like the idea because when the sentence started by saying is this was

Simon's first rainbow and I like the idea of someone in 1947, Boston going, wow, he's never seen a rainbow before. Taking the literal translation going, just look in the sky. There's rainbows everywhere. It's my first rainbow. But I love that. I saw the most beautiful thing after the rainstorm today. Yeah. What do you see?

It was great. All the beautiful colors. Wow. I hope it doesn't get co-opted into any movement. Never. This is pure Boston. We'll always embrace the rainbow here in Revere. Yeah, fucking idiot. We're in Wallaston. Where?

Wallaston. Okay. What? Nothing. I don't think that's a place. Where? Wallaston. OK. What? Nothing. I don't think that's a place. It made me think about how well all the colors can work together as all of his friends like, dude, relax.

They've got their own neighborhoods. All the colors next to each other live in total harmony. Dude, relax. No, no, no, we ain't doing that. All the colors next to each other living in total harmony No, you know, we ain't doing that not the Chinese You see that the Irishman in him come out. You don't come into South East Blue and just walk around. My buddy, I have two friends, one who grew up in Hong Kong and the other who grew up in Boston. And my buddy who lived in Boston, he loved Boston more than, his name's Billy, Dave,

you've met him. Oh, God, Billy's amazing. He loves Boston more than anywhere. And he wanted to beat the shit out of my friend who grew up in Hong Kong because he one day said he goes dude I'm not kidding Boston has the best Chinese food on earth and my buddy goes I ate lo mein on the Great Wall of China and my friend He humiliated me. He brought facts into our company. Yeah. A Boston guy saying the best Chinese food in the world.

Boston is the most Boston thing ever. I know. No, I never been anywhere else. Well, he lived in L.A. I mean, he's the best guy. He lived in L.A. at the time, but he was such a homer for Boston. I love that you keep saying he's the best guy when he wanted to bash a guy just for saying Chinese food was better.

That's on the fucking great fall of China. Well, it's part of his charm. Listen, you need to spend more time around the Bostons. Right. Yeah. This is a very interesting race of their own. Simon made his catch on his first try with special grappling tackle he devised himself. He didn't need that. He didn't need it. He got it out of his hand.

A grappling tackle, he just jumps in there with a hook and beats it. Shepard snared the record breaker on opening day of the season and turned it over to the Chamber of Commerce to be sent by Air Express to the president by way of Representative Abe Goff, a representative of Ohio. So it was a carry on fish. He's carrying it on. It was going with him. It's such a dumb, weird time when you're like, get that fish to the president.

Ha ha ha ha. This morning, the fish slipped off gaff hooks while it was being photographed, and the refishing was underway. Wait, what? So it fell again? No, no, they just went back to it. They they needed to fill some space in the paper because that didn't make any sense. So they did that. OK. OK. Right.

They just type about the first time. Oh, the first one. Right. OK. I was like, wait, this fish really doesn't want to be photographed. That's like, dude, I'm off worms. And then he was like, that one like Harry, that is three in a day. Mm hmm. It's supposed to be like a man. Yeah, and I can't believe this is on the front page. Hen lays 171 eggs in six months to lead 554 in Marathon.

I got my calculator out here. Sorry. Yeah. Six months, 30 days. May. It's May. It's May 2nd. So it's not even six months. It's May 2nd unless they're doing it not by the calendar. The year starts in November. No it says the first six months so it's gotta be well whatever. I don't know if it's that impressive so if it's six months that's 180 days approximately so 177 is like an egg a day. Yeah I could do that. I don't really know the

clip and by the way not lost on me that you just said you could do that Dave. I could do that They couldn't yeah, okay more poop. Oh That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Oh, no more. Do you call your poop eggs? I made my Weird it's crumbled again. Holy shit. I just took the biggest egg Hey, hey. Holy shit, I just took the biggest egg. He's sitting on the toilet like I got to keep him warm. I just love the idea of Dave clucking as he's shooting. How fucking great would it be to turn your like to put like hay

around your toilet and make it look like when you sat on it, you're like sitting on a desk. You're like sitting on a desk. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah with a modest cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Attending strictly to the matter at hand was today leading the year long state egg laying marathon at Monmouth with a score of 171 eggs for the first six months of the test under auspices of the State Department of Agriculture. So it's an egg off. They're having an egg off.

I really just don't. I don't think that can be a lot. Yeah, that's what I'm. I've never had a chicken coop myself. Surely they do it nearly daily, don't they? That's what I think. I thought they did it daily, but maybe they don't. And also, eggs, chicken periods. Well.

Now you just need to stop talking. That's true. By the way, every time that's when the rooster's like, all right. No, most hens will lay an egg a day. Yeah, okay. So do we have information on who was second? Maybe that will give us some perspective on how far ahead they were.

The stout hearted lady owned by Clarence Rollins is leading a field of four hundred and fifty five aspirin. So there's almost 500 chickens in this competition. It seems like it's maybe even difficult for one a day. So I guess it would be pretty average, but maybe at the time they were laying less. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Well, in Southeastern Mass Relay team made up of Rhode Island Reds was leading in the pen contest with 2031 eggs.

So that's the whole way. So it's a bunch. It's a bunch of chickens. What the fuck? I mean, we're very aware that this time was boring, but this is crazy. So boring. Well, it's two years after World War II finished. You think there'd be more things to talk about in Boston. This front page.

And also, what was the cutter, cutter, cut, get, get, get thing that you started like? That's what maybe kind of chicken was or? Okay. It's not the name. Dill, do not accept that. You're okay. That was a kind of chicken. You've never heard of that.

Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. Imagine sitting around a coop watching an egg pop out of a hand and some boss, the guy just be like, this is what Hitler was trying to take away from us. Todd, no, he was. Yeah, I can't find anything about this. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. That's front page, though. Front page news. Front page. Front page.

People are excited about what it is. Want to put myself in the position of that editor who was like, what? We've got this. Why isn't this like someone, you know, the junior editors put it in the middle? He's like, no, no, no, no. What do you bring that shit right to the front? That is right. People love eggs. Yeah.

Pepper Nick Cody, the horse quits Suffolk for romp in revere. But it's top secret. An exegate looked like a starting gate to one of the horses at Suffolk Downs shortly after four o'clock yesterday afternoon. So the nag took off and ran a fast quarter mile through Revere. Revere is actually where my friend Billy lives, just for the record. And so this horse just ran like it acted like it was going to race and then it just ran off the course from Suffolk.

It ran. No, definitely. Many horses. Was he trying to warn the people about the British coming? race and then it just ran off the course from Suffolk. No, definitely. Many horses. Was it trying to warn the people about the British coming? Is that why it just went off? When I was just one knew where the best Chinese food was. Yeah. In Boston. Dude, this kicks ass.

Well, OK. So Red Face track officials maintained a deep silence about how the horse got away and completed this unscheduled romp. So they're not talking. Romp. They're not fucking. Why is it making it sound like it wasn't fucked up? It's a romp. It's a romp. It's not a romp.

Just a romp drinking and banging. It's a romp. What else could it be? They wouldn't even identify the horse, neither would the police. Even the Suffolk touts don't know they'd like to get a bet down the next time that horse runs. So it was fast. It was right. So it must have been a really expensive horse. Like it must have been an important horse or they wouldn't all be quiet about it. Right. Yeah. Why is the why is there a hush?

Why is this like being swept under the rug? Why they're protecting the identity of this whole. Protect their own. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. What is happening? All sorts of rumors about the surprise gallop are floating around in the city last night. Even Mayor Raymond Carey of Revere ordered an official investigation.

But we're not going to stop until we figure out why this was took off from the course, where it was romping and what it was after. Everyone had his own story, but track officials, police and publicity men remain mysteriously unavailable. We're having sandwiches. And again, anyway, here's what leaked out. The horse was taken out of its stall by a groom in attendance at 4 p.m. I'm about to get married.

About that time, the gate tender opened the track gates to let an auto out. And the horse, still carrying a saddle and bridle, lit out behind the car and was off down Winthrop Avenue. This setup for these stables make no sense to me. It's not great. No. And why is it alone? Shouldn't know a car shouldn't know. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's not a good setup at all.

Guys like, hold on, careful, don't park there. That's where the horse go. Oh, OK. And there might be a horse after you when you leave, by the way. I heard a rumor there's a rump happening. Is this where the rump is going down? Officers, there's a horse robbing behind me. Whoa. Look at the size of horse condoms.

Goddamn it. Huge. Mr. Hands. Stop. Cars screech to a stop and a half dozen traffic jams developed as the horse flashed along and half a dozen traffic jams. That's one. It's half a dozen and startled spectators say it was really traveling in high speed. A quarter mile in a few minutes from this. Yeah, the horse.

A quarter mile. They said the horse flashed like again. I just. Yeah, but I picture. Here's my dog. Oh, my God. He's a sick fetish. No wonder he's romping with that machinery.

He's in the park. Excuse me. Do you know how to get to Revere? I'm I don't doesn't matter. Take a look. Oh, that's my kick. Oh, that feels nice. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. A quarter mile and a few minutes from the stable,

the mystery racer turned into Campbell Avenue, spied a grassy field and decided it was time to eat. I love getting yourself in the headspace of the horse's decision making. Yep. Then the horse saw a big plot of land and thought, I'll go over there and eat grass. They didn't do this with the fish. Yeah, no, it's just like an action. It's action based reporting.

Then the horse went and ate. But then the horse. Yeah, we did that. We did that. And it's wrong. And it was wrong then. And it's wrong now. Shouldn't have done that.

Patrolman Sutton, an ex cow puncher. Hey, wait, what? Please stop. Did you say ex? Go ahead. Cow or coward puncher? Cow. Cow puncher. Oh, so he's Did you say eggs? Go ahead. Cow or coward punch? Cow. Cow puncher. Oh, eggs. So he's quit. He's quit the habit.

Yes, he stopped punching. It was an unfair fight the whole time. He came at me with a knife. Dave cow puncher. And he what is it? It's like a cowboy. OK. OK. But not a literal. Yeah, there's no. No, there's not literally punching cows.

I mean, maybe they did. I like how we like had a chance to refresh cow puncher. And instead, we were like half man, half cow hybrid works better. Cowboy. So Sutton and Luke Church hurried to the scene in a patrol car and found the speedy equine calmly grazing. Witnesses are pretty much agreed on the above facts. But from here on, all is double talk.

They just shot it in the back and shouted, quit resisting. What color was the horse? Yeah, I was going to say, I'm one of the white pony. What color was the horse? I didn't say. We know. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. Whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb.

I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have five down days in the Pacific Northwest. I'm with a couple of buddies of mine and since we had like three or four down days we're like why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal be around nature just able to hang out and that's what we did and we found some great options there the plan is to just do some grilling some hanging but truly just you know great views and everything and we were able to get a real sense of what the place was gonna look like. So yeah, I'm excited to do that.

Just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and some nature and a nice place, you know, that has all the amenities I want. But while I'm gone, you know, I was also like, well, I have my place just there and it's always nice to have someone stay at your place. And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know, it's a nice comfortable place. I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And you know, obviously that way I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place

sits empty so putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do. So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh Dave. Our friends forever. We've been using Squarespace forever. We love their websites. They're crisp, they're clean,

they're easy to use. You don't have to update stuff. Look, we've said this over and over again, but if you want to know if we really do like Squarespace, go look at any website we're affiliated with and it is Squarespace. Oh yeah, look, they have flexible payments. You can just make the... Flexible employees too. Those people are... It's weird. You can make the whole checkout experience seamless, very simple, very powerful. They do credit cards, Apple Pay, all the stuff, PayPal, they do it all. You can sell content, you can sell your exclusive stuff right on their site by adding a paywall. You know memberships

Yeah, so courses whatever you can sell stuff. I'm sell. I'm doing a ropes course on my website Is that what I'm talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices vetting and receiving payment Am I allowed to speak because I think that's a good point No, go to Squarespace comm for a free trial and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace comm Slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain I'm gonna say it again Go to Squarespace comm for free trial when you're ready to launch to squarespace.com stressed all up to save 10% off your first

purchase of a website or domain. Brunette testifies Garson executives visited May often. This is DC. An attractive brunette told a federal court. Yes, great. That's her only description. You know, not a woman, not like, you know, no job description. No, just a brunette. And big titted blonde will reveal secrets.

There's a hot lady on the stand today. She's got black hair. That's all. The sketch artist is losing his shit. Draw a top on her, you fucking pervert. Your honor, permission to question this piece of ass. No, you are the stenographer. You're just a juror.

Permission to whack off in the juror's box. No, the bailiff's already doing that. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. What was happening? You know how like old black and white movies where like the detective would be like, she had legs that went all the way up to her bosoms and she had a bit of crease in her hair that made you want to turn the page but keep reading at the same time. That was like how papers described women there. And then they would just be like, she's got a big bust, a big bottom.

She's a brunette and her address is 441. Because even in the last article, they describe the cop, his former profession and everything. There was so much detail about him and ex cow puncher. About what he did though. They weren't at no point were they like huge penis. Yeah, that's what I mean. You're like, it's all about what they did. Because this is like attractive woman's testifying.

Yeah. Attractive Burnett told a federal court jury today that key figures in the Garson Munitions Combine made several behind closed doors visits a week to the office of former Representative J. May Andrew May when he was wartime chairman of the House Military Affairs Committee. All right. Oh, I see. I get the context now, because if you know, you needed to know that she was a good looking woman, so she knows what you're talking about. Whereas it was an ugly one. You go, hang on.

Who was as if, you know, she wasn't some idiot ugly just rambling on. You wanted to bang this one. I understand. So she's telling the truth. Let me tell you something. Hot chicks don't lie. I'm a judge. Let me tell you something. Hot chicks don't lie. I'm a judge. Hey, sweetheart, you don't even need to put your hand on that Bible.

I know everything that comes out of you is truth. Shapely Billy Mae Higgins of Lexington. Shapely. She had a figure on her. With a bra, she wouldn't give me for $50. He had a figure on her with a brush. He wouldn't give me for $50. Of Kentucky testified for the government at May's trial on charges of accepting $53,000 from the combine

for helping it get war contracts. Dr. Henry and Murray Gerson, brothers who founded the 70 million dollar business, 70 million, and, 70 million. Well, now and Joseph Freeman, their Washington contact man, our co-defendants. Miss Higgins, a community clerk, testified that Murray Garson and Freeman were among the persons who had visited May's office. Asked how frequently the visit occurred, she said it was several times a week.

They were always together, looking cool and completely at ease in a pink figured rayon street frock. This guy he said. It's just so crazy. It's getting creepier. It's yeah. She said under questioning that Garcin and Freeman usually contacted the former Democratic congressman by telephone before coming to the Capitol.

She accidentally flashed her pink panties. I wonder why. But so I know you need to edit this piece down a bit, but I really think you should be keep the part in about her panties. We're really like way over. So I'm just saying, like, I think that was I was in the court. And I think that was an important part. I don't think it is a great pink panties.

What what what ended up what what what was the case about at the end of the day? Do you even know? Because in here, there's very little substance. I would say 33 double D of the case. I think her breast size. Yes. OK. Is that not what we're talking about? No, I've been saying a bunch of other stuff.

So I don't think she's going to come back because they they finished the whole trial thing. OK. All right. So her eyes. No, like. Like magical. I wish that was the last sentence of the article. Her thighs. Dun, dun, dun. Magical.

And then the paper's over. It's like, what the fuck happened? Did they just go on vacation? But like the next page is just handwritten. It's like, I honestly can't. My wife. I'm getting divorced. Pushed into river. Wife gets divorce.

Oh, I'm hoping that's not the Boston version of it. Well, we split up. So I drowned. It's the guy who wrote the last article. Thankfully, a trout saved her. Miss Elsie The guy who wrote the last article. Thankfully, a trout saved her. Miss Elsie Capa Bianco of 1045 Beacon Street. There's a full address, as you said, who said that her husband pushed her into the Charles River after an argument was granted a divorce

on the grounds of cruelty from David Capaianco of 152 Reservoir Street, Newton. So they they don't live together anymore. No. Well, she was like, that was fucking crazy, dude. Yeah. Well, you push me in the water. Yeah. Was it trying to call you off because you was so hot?

I was just trying to find out if she was a witch. And by the way, even though she floated and got out, I still think she might be. John John C. Leggett was the judge. The court also awarded Miss Capobianco custody of a son. Carl. I hope it gets into her physical description soon enough. And ordered her husband to pay $10 a week for the support of the child. Capobianco, who wept while on the witness stand, denied his wife's allegation

and testified his wife ran into the river to drown herself and he had to pull her out. I I I. All right. Let's just go. Let's whose side are we on? Let's just go. Well, this is right. But just I was thinking, imagine, imagine if it was like he's part of it is true. How fucking annoying for him to have to be like, I tried to save you. I fucking should have just left you drowned.

My God, you ran in there. Oh, man. Of course. I'm 100% that he pushed her in because nobody runs into the Charles River to kill themselves. You could jump off of a bridge maybe, but you don't just go running in. Just like, ah, no. Yeah, it's like not deep yet, not deep yet, not deep yet. Now it's getting deeper.

Now it's getting deeper. Why are you skeptical, Dave? No, because now we're going to get comments on Twitter. You can run into the Charles. It's true. We will get comments. You guys still on Twitter. Good for you. Oh, true. We will get comments.

You guys are on Twitter. Good for you. Oh, yeah. I deleted that like four years ago. Still eat it. He saw it. It's like mostly bots now. It's like almost all. We were talking about this the other day to get to substantive commenting, which was kind of what was great about Twitter was to sort of see dissent or whatever, whatever.

You have to scroll so far past morons who are affirming what the right wing psychopath said that you should not be seeing in your feed. Like you now need to navigate through Twitter like walking through a jungle at night versus through, like the fact that a few years ago we were like, man, Twitter's a cesspool. It's like we had no idea. We had it good. Yeah, we had it.

Yeah. All right. He so the husband sought a divorce, alleging his wife through household utensils at him during arguments. He totally pushed her in the water. If he's looking for a divorce, he did it. Yeah. 100 percent. You're on. It was so tough watching her run into the Charles River. And I had the saver.

And what about those two huge handprints on her back? That was for me trying to forcibly yank her out of the river. I love her. And so much to bring her back. I also hope that the divorce is granted because I do have feelings for the woman who testified prior. She has huge knockers, legally speaking. I'd like to bang her like your gavel.

Good fellow at bar pulls gun. Rob's club has drink walks out. That's a title. Now that's how you suck people into the article. Beautiful. Like you've kind of you've led with your hardest, you know, the whole plot line. But I want to know more. Do you know what I mean? Like that's. Yeah. But also you you might not need you even need to read it at this point because.

Now. Right. OK. Police are looking for a suave gunman who nonchalantly forced the. The beautiful dick. Yeah. In a beautiful dick. And the Lincoln Club here to hand over sixty five dollars from a cash register early today and disappeared before others in the bar knew what had happened. Algrid Whitkenes?

Not a name. Go ahead. Yeah, not a name. The barkeeper said the gunman, young and well-dressed, stood at the bar quite a while, drinking and chatting with those about him. The man called for another drink, and as a witness turned to pour it, he faced a revolver and heard the man say very quietly, Give me what you've got in the cash register.

The bartender obeyed, and the man swallowed his drink and casually sauntered out a side door. I hope he tipped his cap, too. Yeah, or he tipped the bartender. He tipped the eggs. He has two dollars back. Keep the five. That's great. Yeah. Or he tipped the bartender. The tip that he has to do is back. Keep the five. Ha ha ha ha.

That's great. I like the getting drunk first part, too, because you definitely open a tab. Keep it open. Yeah. Right. Keep it going. Keep it going. Oh, God. There's a dog. Oh, my God. There's more than one. Yeah. This is when people start walking their dogs in the neighborhood. So he's freaking out because there's a dog that he can't get near.

You guys know how that is? Yeah, we've all been there. Well, based on the news here in Australia, it seems like you guys are eating your dogs. So, you know, we are. Yeah. Sounds like dinner served. Okay. First of all, we're not eating the dogs.

The immigrants are. Immigrants are. Yeah, right. Who else? We're regular, we're not eating the dogs, the immigrants are. Immigrants are, right. Who are we? We're regular. We're just eating cows. The same ones who have taken all the hurricane money. Yeah. It's hard to explain how all of America's problems have pretty much come down to people

who weren't naturally born here. Shocking. I did, sorry to deviate, but yeah, I saw one thing yesterday about how he, the Hannibal Lector thing, he said he linked it back to immigrants. Saying they're going to have you for dinner. So now he's literally, yeah, you didn't see that? He's literally calling immigrants cannibals now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't wait to give him an America. I mean, we have like 28 days left. So we're really, who knows what it's going to be eventually. Like they're eating themselves all over the streets. An immigrant ate his own leg. Jesus, I'm so sad I never came to America until like, like now is when I'm thinking about coming over. I've never been there.

Yeah, I think it was. Yeah, sorry. How old were you when you came to Australia? 19. And did you eat people? You know what, Dill, it would be great to come here to see if you eat people. If you eat cats or you eat people. I think what Sucker Punched me was, I thought it was like a genuine question. I thought it was like a genuine question. Which we're leading into. Dill, how old were you when you immigrated to Australia? What would be great would be to invite Dill over here

and then one of us just put a couple animals in a room and be like, I gotta step out for a half hour. I'll be right back. And have a camera, have a nanny cam set up. It's like the old marshmallow test. If you can hold off, we'll put in a horse. But if you eat the cat first. Oh, God.

Oh, that's great. But yet it's shocking because the news is coming at such a bizarre rate at this point that you really can't keep up with it. Yeah. But that's fascism. Like, that's classic fascism. Yeah. Well, we have this huge hurricane about to hit Florida, and it really is. Like, the accusations are somewhere now comfortably for a section of the right

that these are weather machines and it's being created. Yeah, it's been being manufactured. We're making hurricanes over here. Big ones. Yeah, of course. The biggest hurricanes, nobody's got bigger hurricanes than us. And then the windmills are affecting the whales. Well, the windmills got cancer

and they're giving the humpbacks bigger humps. They got big tumors. Here's when you know you're gonna be okay, because I'm not even making this up. Like an hour and a half ago on Instagram Reel, I saw this guy talk about the hurricanes, and he said, but it's okay because I got Jesus and God on my side.

Dave sent me that. And he starts rapping, freestyle rapping about his love for Jesus and how the hurricanes will get him closer to Jesus. Like, you look hot, you guys are gonna be okay. Boy will they. Is that the guy on the boat? No, no, it's just in a park.

I like the guy. I love him. Who is the guy on the boat is fake. So there's a guy on a boat. Oh, yeah, he is the worst place to be. And it turns out he's trying to be an influencer. And he started a go fund me to get 30,000. And he's from he's from another town, another city.

He took his boat over there. He's in Lake Erie. It's also great. OK. Pick up after ourselves. Two items in yesterday's local news, seemingly unrelated, have a direct bearing upon one another. Spokesman at the New England Hotel and Restaurant Exposition

predicted a record breaking influx of visitors next summer to this region's, oh, here we go. You know what that means. Lock up your house animals. No wonder the Blossom is going for me. By the way, they're making McDonald's out of them. I don't know if you've seen this. They're coming. By the way, they're making McDonald's out of them. I don't know if you've seen this.

They're lining up. Some of them are waiting in line two to three times. They're giving them t-shirts. Skipping school. They're skipping school. They're uneducated because all they're doing is going to McDonald's all day. And the foolish immigrant could order it all at once,

but instead is waiting to order it after waiting in line again. I've never understood. They like lines. Coming next summer to this region's multiple shore and county recreational spots, the Public Works Department announced a determined a new drive to keep the city's highway and byways cleaner with 20 with 14 motorized sweepers operating under a sanitary division, so this is one we used to Clean clean things. Yeah

Clean? Clean things? Yeah. Shocking. It ought not to require a reminder that visitors are coming to prompt the thoughtless to more cleanly habits. As in many a family, there is one slovenly member who must be policed or else picked up after, as the homely saying is. So in a community of Boston's population

and with its daily flood of commuters, there are thousands who carelessly litter the streets with rubbish. Hmm. Well, well, yeah. It was probably a thousand times cleaner than now. Now, the education of such of these is a discouragingly slow process stung by the taunt of one conspicuous critic that it is probably the dirtiest city in the country from the angle of cleanliness,

New York sanitary and police authorities. What is the other angle? It's the dirtiest when looking at it as, whether or not it's clean. Yeah, but if you look at it as being dirty, it's nailing it. It's actually one of the best. Killing it. It's the cleanest The New York Sanitary and Police Authorities instituted a cleanup campaign with beneficial effect

It can be done, but it all depends on individual cooperation. Well right there. That's where it falls apart. You lost it Yeah, not happening was if you expect people to do the thing. It's not gonna happen that reminds me of New York when they were like, there's too much garbage. And then they were just like, so what we're going to do to solve that is we're getting rid of the garbage cans on the street. Did that happen? Yes. Yes.

Where? Because people. I love when you explain how crazy America is to other people. I grew up, I grew up in a civil war. Like in front of my house was two army soldiers with AK-47s. And I thought, that's weird, you know? Not realizing that when you go, hang on, we've got a garbage problem. Yeah, let's just get rid of the garbage cans.

That way, you get rid of the garbage. That way, people will stop using them to throw out the trash. That is really what happened. I guess what happened. That's up there with arming the teachers or putting bulletproof windows. All right, all right, buddy. Take it easy.

How do you wanna solve school shooting problems? Get rid of the guns? That's what happened in Sri Lanka. That's what happened in Australia. Okay. I mean, Sri Lanka and Australia don't even look. All right, we'll get rid of the guns. Oh my God.

We'll get rid of the guns. Why don't you just have me cut off my hands? Who's going to kill the students? Oh, I didn't think about that. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you who's going to McDonald's. Skip school for McDonald's. We'll kill the students.

It's the slower death. You know that in some of our schools now, Dill, we have like in the schools, McDonald's or Taco Bell's or things like that. No, you don't. Yeah. Wow. They serve Pizza Hut. Yeah.

See, you think the only way to colonize is by taking over other lands. What you don't understand is if we all become huge blobs, America will just be taking over everything just simply by mass. I mean, we're just going to be. Too many of us. Yeah. What are you gonna do? You're not gonna stop us.

No. We're human tomatoes. God, I can't wait to get there. Honestly, I can't wait to get there. You're gonna love it. Yeah. There's trash everywhere. Everyone's getting killed.

But you have Universal Studios. That's what I'm saying. That's really what America, America is like the Craziest person in the world, but man can they fuck Cheap thrills like you're not gonna get it anywhere else Should delete from your phone, but after a couple of cocktails, you're like, you up?

Yeah, man. That's what it is. America's eating ass. You're like, oh, Jesus. Getting pegged. Oh, America, anything. America's just like, what do you want to do? You can literally shit on my chest while I jerk you off.

You're like, man, you are fucking nuts. I'm not getting this anywhere else. Okay, this is a question. Ask Dorothy Dicks. That's not a great name. Doddy Dicks. Doddy Dicks is what you go to the doctor for. Miss Dix. Hey, I mean.

That's what someone who used to be straight and would realize they're lesbian. Oh, I'm Miss Dix. Ah, you know, at the window. Sometimes I feel like I'm Miss Dix. I am a girl of 17 in love with a boy who said when I first met him, that he wouldn't go out with a girl who was under 18. And he keeps asking.

It keeps asking my age. And I say I am 18. His name is Chris Delia. No, that's too old. Yeah. Yeah. And by the way, he'd be like, that's fine. And also he would never ask the age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We expect to be married next month. Jesus Christ. So nobody's going to do the like nobody's checking. I mean, I guess do. OK, do you think I have to confess to him that I'm only 17, that he will marry me? And for this time, this guy is very principled. Yeah, he really is. You know what I mean? I don't want some 17 year old.

Yeah, like a guy in Boston is like, no, that's illegal. It's wrong. It's wrong. I doubt it was illegal. Yeah, probably. They would have been 16 or something. That's what she's saying. Oh, I guess wrong. He's wrong. I doubt it was illegal. Yeah, probably. It would have been 16 or something. Well, no, because that's what she's saying, basically. Oh, I guess it's the marriage age. Yeah, it's just him because.

Answer. The difference between 17 and 18 is so little that I don't think the boy will let it break off the marriage. But the one thing that he will resent is your having deliberately lied to him. No, I was going to say, you know, kind of good advice. Tell him. Okay.

Well, that was fucking weird. Yep. Super weird. Are there any more questions from that? I want to hear more from Miss Dix. I did, too. Dorothy Dix. You do. Dottie Dix.

Dottie Dix. Um, Fisherman clings to line with teeth. This is not a letter to her, is it? No, this is Dottie. I was swimming and I saw a worm in the water and I bit it. I am currently on a boat being photographed and sent to the president. Any advice, Miss Dix? Piers, there's a man throwing his wife into the water. Yes, I just saw a guy trying to drown his wife. You can marry the fish but be

honest. There should be a segment called Dave Dix where you ask Dave questions about your relationship. No, just relationship advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be so bad. A Cambridge fisherman who clung to a line by his teeth was rescued from drowning off Boston Light yesterday by his fellow crew members. Walk me through this. Revived after three hours of artificial respiration, three hours, three hours?

There definitely was someone like, hey dude, he's dead. I don't know how. It's been 90 minutes. I just like kissing corpses. George Walsh, 35 of Cambridge, was landed at Boston Fish Pier and taken to Bright Marine Hospital, where his condition is reported as fair.

Walsh, according to Captain Maddy Whalen, Whalen, come on, Whalen. This is not real. Whalen. Yeah, yeah. No, Maddy Whalen. Yeah, that's what happened. He held on with the crabs. Yeah, Maddy Whalen fell overboard while filling fish pens with ice

and the trawler circled twice while Ronald McCormick attempted to toss a line to Walsh. Next. OK. So he tried but failed by the sounds of it. And the fisherman floundering in the choppy sea in the fog missed the first throw, but succeeded in seizing the line in his teeth on the second throw. Like literally stop it.

Is there a possibility that this was a seal? Could this have been a seal? I just can't imagine being like, my hands can't grab it. I'll bite the line. He's a fisherman. He's doing what he's seen, having plenty of time. You don't see any fish catching the thing with their feet.

And then he's trying to swim in the other direction. They're like, Maddie. Maddie. Hey, I can't get me. I'm getting away. No way. I'm gonna see the president. I'm gonna see the president.

Yeah, there is like such a thief in here. OK, this just gets crazier. I don't see how. Unconscious, but with the last with the line last in his clenched teeth, he was hauled to the side of the trawler and taken aboard. So he was passed out, but he kept biting. Biting like a doberman. Like you said, a luck jaw, like a luck jaw, but he kept biting. Biting like a Doberman. Like you said, a luck jaw, like a luck jaw, like a pit bull. And then they just reeled them in.

Imagine as you're pulling inside, you just get a tooth. One guy, one guy just starts out of instinct clubbing him. No, that's Matt. Fucking put up a hell of a fight. Crew members took turns. That's mad. That's mad. Crewman crew members took turns for three hours applying artificial respiration until he was revived.

I got to be honest, fellas, I was back after like 10 minutes. I just felt so good. You know, lips, Jimmy, just enormously inflated by the end. He looks like a Macy's day float. This was really a crazy story. Let's see. OK, I thought I had the last one. I would. Yeah, I would say one more if you got it. If not. Yeah. Turtle travels 2000 miles in six years.

Actually, let's not do it. What? There's never been a more aquatic paper. You're right. It is so I mean, luckily, we had a bit of equestrian in there. A little bit of like a horse, a bit of a horse romping. A bit of a sort of sexism on the stand and other things. But for the most part, everything is just I mean, it really is not necessarily the it's like the Boston Ocean. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I just had to convert 2000 miles to kilometers.

Fuckin hell. Three thousand two hundred kilometers. Hold on. I got to convert that to miles. And how long in six years? Six years. Was it raising money for charity or something like that? It's one of those ones where you hear it. You go, whoa. Yeah.

Is that far? Let me do 3,200. I mean. Yeah. Is that far? Yeah, 3000, let me do 3000. I mean by land. By land, sure. By sea, no. Yeah, cause you'd be faster than water. Yeah, exactly. Imagine a turtle doing that on land.

Like, I don't think he knows the other part of our lives. Based on my maths, it's about 1.4 kilometers per day, you know, or miles per day. You know, I mean, come on. No way a turtle could do that. It's it's not that far. Is it a turtle? It's not far for you. If it's if it's it's a line to McDonald's, then that's the line.

He waited in. Yeah. Look, if you don't race me in this turtle, I'm never talking to you. Yeah. Well, look, if you don't race me in this turtle, I'm never talking to you again. The old hair of the tortoise has a new spin to it where the tortoise just refuses to run. And then the hair and then the hair bends him. Most people don't know. Some people do know. More than 2000 miles in six years is traveling for a turtle, Most people don't know some people do know more than 2000 miles in six year is traveling for a turtle

But children playing in a vacant street in Tacoma, Washington found a turtle So it's in Tacoma, Washington. Do you know where to come Washington is up near Seattle North Seattle is beautiful. It's a treasure Frazier lives. Exactly. Thank you. Yeah, it's the opposite side. It's a complete opposite part of the country than Louisiana. Right. Found a turtle with the inscription on it. So some boys found a turtle with the inscription on shell.

Baton Rouge, Louisiana, 1938. I'm a big fan of us putting label. Yeah. Carving into the shells of turtles' ownership cities. Can I share a story? That is not mine, and it's a friend of ours who your listeners might be aware of, and he's talked about this in his show. So I don't feel like I'm talking out of school, but our friend Tommy Dassolo, when he was

a 12-year year old or whatever his dad, they went to Fiji. And they do this thing where they I think they rehab, either like rescue a bunch of turtles, and you put a little sticker, you paint on the turtle, which will wash away eventually or whatever. But it's just like you're going, Oh, that's my turtle. And you can do an art or maybe your name. He wrote, I'm gay. And put the devil to the wall.

Oh my God. They were all like, good stuff. Doesn't that speak 12 year old, like a 12 year old guy? And when he told me that, I'm like, that can't be true. And then he showed me a photo and he shows it and he shows it. It's the most 12 year old thing ever. I have the worst, this is horrible, but you might not know this, Dil, but when the

Challenger space shuttle exploded, I was like six. So it was like, Reagan put together like this team of astronauts and they shot it, you know, they were going to space and everything and it was like, when you actually learn about the story behind the scenes, it's actually so fucking crazy because like... I'll go to be honest with you, unless American history is a blind spot for me, unless Lin Manuel Miranda does a musical about it. That's how Dave feels. That's how I always find out.

But yeah. Anyway, my yearbook at the time, there was a picture in the back of the seven astronauts who died live on tv and it was like fucking crazy and i took my yearbook home and my family was going through my yearbook and then saw in the back that i wrote a talk bubble over all of them that said i'm dead and they were all like oh my god my God. That was like, what's going on? And they were like, Yeah, no. You're crazy. Yeah. Six years old. Yeah. And I was like, this is funny.

Do you see? And they were all like, this is not funny. And here's why. This is some edgy stuff there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so the turtle has on its back, Bat Rouge, Louisiana, 1938 in cars now, 1947. Yeah. So that's like nine years. Yeah. It was a land variety, but not native to the Puget Sound country. How the turtle arrived in Tacoma is not determined. It didn't it didn't fucking come from there.

Yeah. We'll just put that on its back in fucking Seattle What's happening? You can't this this is a travel a turtle. There's no proof that it traveled. It's just Scribbles on its back. No, it's got it was tagged. Yeah You can't write it unless you're there you can't write legally right the city. It's legally it's Put in the papers. This is Legally. Put it in the papers. This is exactly what happened. Put it in the newspaper.

My sweet Dil, thank you for joining us on... Oh, boys. Always a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. We love you. I always feel uplifted and kind of depressed after I chat to you guys.

Because I live in a little bubble where I'm just playing video games and smoking weed and just, you know, like where everything's, everything's comedy and stand up. Yay. And then I chat to you guys, think about Boston 1947. Well, you know what's strange is that as with everything on the show where we used to just have a real giggle back at history,

now we're reading the papers that were like, that was crazy, but we're going like, but better. Yeah, you know, like, think about Faf, do the flash forward, you know, when people are reading about this time now, you know, the former president says windmills are making whales go baddie. That's, that's honestly, one of the things we've also touched on is this idea of like, That's honestly one of the things we've also touched on is this idea of like, how will history view Joe Biden? And you're just like, yeah, those books aren't gonna make it to the next generation. That's... We ain't making it. Like there's not gonna... At that point there won't be schools. It'll just be everybody will work in vape factories if there won't be.

But we love you, Dil. Thank you for joining us. I love you guys too. I can't wait to see you guys in America next year. Yeah, well, we might not be here, but we'd still love to have you try to come over. I just want to have your big sliced pizzas and stuff. And your buffalo wings. Apparently buffalo wings are too die-hard. Your buffalo wings. Like they're not there. I'm excited. That's what you got to say, by the way, when you get to customs. Like, what's bringing you here? I'm just excited for your big slices of pizza and your buffalo wings.

Like, this guy sounds pretty good, to be honest. Come on in, pal. You're gonna fit right in. This guy gets it. Yeah. And then they're just like, what if buffalo wings were made out of a cat? And you're just like, nah, that disgusts me. Nah, not for me, yuck. Come

on in, amigo. Don't worry, he's a good one. All right, Del, thanks so much, buddy. Thanks, guys. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine and since we had like three or four down days, we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon,

just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there. The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was gonna look like. So yeah I'm excited to do that just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some buddies and

some nature and a nice place you know that has all the amenities I want. But while I'm gone you know I was also like well I have my place just there and it's always nice to have someone stay at your place. And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb. You know, it's a nice, comfortable place. I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And, you know, obviously that way, I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often

and my place sits empty. So putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do. So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. Hi, I'm Vanessa Bayer and this is my brother Jonah. We're two siblings who love to talk about our childhood and nostalgia and how it shaped us into the people we are today. And we're so excited because all new episodes of our Nostalgic Podcast, How Did We Get Weird,

will be hitting your feeds again. So get ready for more laughs, more incredible guests, and updates on our dad, aka the first Todd, including a recent run-in he had in our parents' condo community that Vanessa witnessed firsthand. Listen right here at our new home at All Things Comedy. It's gonna be rad!