The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 659 - The Love Raft
Episode Date: November 12, 2024Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine Santiago Genoves' Raft Experiment. Recorded in 2021 as an online in studio episode. Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources  Public Rec - Code: Dollop... Hydrow - Code: Dollop Nutrafol - Code: TheDollop Rocketmoney Â
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Now we're gonna play an episode that we recorded
during the pandemic.
It was our first online show,
and I decided to use it because this week
I couldn't get my act together.
For some reason, there was stuff going on,
and I just couldn't focus on writing a new episode.
So here's the-
So this is a live, no audience, but a live record of one. Yes in studio. What is the well, I guess well wait
It's called the love raft
I could listen to it and be like what is this?
Chris you're listening to the dollop on the all things now, what's that on the all things comedy now?
You're listening to the dollop on the all things now. It's not on the all things comedy now You're listening to the dollop on moment house
A live this is a live event. You're in the middle of a live event. If you look at my beard
I'm missing a pet like florida
Yeah, you you have like a baby beard. Thank you. Like it's not a man
Now his friend gareth reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be
about. All right. 18 would grow. I'm a man. Well, you have
like a a beard. It looks like you just came out of
Chernobyl. It's a lot of men came out handsomer from
Chernobyl. Sure. Yeah. Sure. Bulging biceps and titty
muscles. Titty muscles. Look at the size of my penis! December 13th, 1923.
Year of our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Santiago Genovese was born in Spain.
He was Mexican, not a Spaniard.
So he became fascinated with why people fight
Okay, sure and he went on to get a degree in anthropology
Mm-hmm, and then he became a professor at a national autonomous university
I'm not I'm just supposed to sit here and as are we he he wanted to know how people fought as his thesis
That was this thing. He was very interested in conflict and how people and you know, you know, so he's like I'll be
Why do people fight? That's right, right out a window late at night. Yeah, what makes them fight? Yes. Oh
Why do they fight yes
Okay, that's all that. All right So he then what makes they fight? Yes. Okay. That's all that.
All right.
So he then...
What makes people fight?
I think it's when they think they're right, but they're wrong.
They're wrong.
My song.
Why do people fight?
Why can't they see the light?
When they fight, it is long it is long?
Why do they fight now? Oh?
So you know this story yeah, I know yeah
Now I know why do they fight why do they fight?
Are you what I want to do another five minutes, but I can't I want to keep going I
Thought you were waiting for the chorus to kick in well the court. Yeah, we fight
We fight and we fire way too much
Why don't we use our face to touch?
Now finally now
when we're fired, I can just leave I like you too. I would really feel better if you did
So they became a professor at National Autonomous University of Mexico in the early 50s, which is very famous prestigious
Okay, sure in 1969. he went on the raw expedition led by Norwegian
adventurer Thor Heyerdahl. What's happening? Now, okay, he went on Thor's raw tour? So
it was based on drawings and models from Egypt. He had boat builders from Lake Chad build
boats from Papyrus
Okay
Mm-hmm and now what well I it's
I'm waiting for more
Context to be like, oh, this was a good call. He has that coming. Yeah
He had them he had them built in front of the pyramids for PR
I guess oh they did it in front of the fucking pyramid. They built it in front of the pyramids
Okay, and
They were in he was in Spain prior to this
Well, he's not building it for Thor built it for the Norwegian built having it built in front of the pyramids
Yes to be from Lake Chad because they use the sure the
Chad's water. Well, I don't know the Chad that's Chad's moisture the stocks the
growing things Chad the the the branches and things like reeds from
The lake. Okay, I'm gonna just accept it and move on and so they built it in front of the pyramids clearly for PR
I don't think that was a decision by the way. It looks like they gave him a couple of shitters
They're like you could do pyramid jr. And baby pyramid. We rent those out on the weekends for birthday parties. That'd be nice
That'd be nice. We'll do it. Let's do a package
So the reason they were doing that was to see if it could
Do a long journey
The reason why they're building them
They built this and so they launched it off Morocco
So they're going, okay
Into the Atlantic and after
Into the Atlantic? I'm not, I'm starting to take on water
Yeah, it's more of a submarine
Yeah, there's a reason we started
Yeah, boats, better boats
We got boats for the ocean that are way better than this we got wood instead of paper now
You know what Chad fucked us again?
Goddamn Chad Lake. I told you not to listen to him
Like having what they're like and then we'll put some animal hide over it
So cover we don't want to get sunburned when we're out on the ocean adventure
How far into this that That's weeks, actually.
So they went weeks.
Yeah, they went for a while.
After this, they realized that they had left out
a key piece of the method to make something.
So it basically went 4,000 miles,
and then it broke apart like that.
Jesus, that's quite a distance.
It was abandoned.
It doesn't look like they had much choice. A yacht saved them or else they would have died. Okay. So the next year, Hiredal built Raw 2. Good sequel. This time it was constructed in Bolivia. Smart. And again launched from Morocco. Smart. Yeah, do it again. You can see the logistics of that. What are they trying to do? They are are they simply trying to just go somewhere
They're just they're trying to prove that people from that time with this type of ship could travel across the Atlantic. Okay
Okay, I get sure I get that it's
Uh-huh
It got lost at one point. They couldn't find it the UN searched for it, and finally they reached Barbados and they showed that these old time ships could have crossed the Atlantic.
So they proved it.
Yeah.
I can't...
They just followed the Canary current and they made it.
Okay.
Well, I feel like in their time, I would have been one of the people who's like, you idiot.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Do something good with your time.
So on both boats, Iredal had picked diverse cruise of different races, religion, and nationalities.
Oh my lord! There's a monkey. My god. Oh my god.
So that's a great cruise.
It gets a lot better with a duck and a monkey, I'll tell you that.
So he go, you know, it's a crazy journey, right? Like it's...
By the way, it's a very... If you were doubting it's a crazy journey, right? Like it's by the way
It's a very if you were doubting it was a crazy journey. Just look at the guy who's like this is my duck pal
You know what we need on our ancient
Boat trip is a monkey and a duck beyond be on the deck by 8 p.m. Gus is gonna marry the duck
He we all drank seawater
So the reason I heard all picked these different people is he wanted to show people who cooperate
and live peacefully.
Right?
Okay.
So Santiago.
I mean, it does sound like a reality show a little bit.
100%.
Yeah.
With Quackers and Capucci.
Santiago in 1972, he's flying back to Mexico City from an anthropological conference on the history of violence when
members of the League of Armed Communists hijacked the plane.
No way.
This is...
So he's like, oh, he's the only guy who's like, awesome.
I can try to talk them down.
Santiago quote, it was too good to be true.
Oh my God.
And the guy next to him was like what we're taking over the plane motherfucker
Yes, yes. Yes. He's like Macaulay Culkin and home alone. High five anybody else high five. Ah, this is awesome
Yes
I'll talk to him. Yeah, this is I for so long now. I've been kind of asking myself. Why do we fight?
Why do we fight?
You wrote that song?
When we think that we are right,
why do we fight?
Why do we fight?
Why do we fight?
For cats and mice.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, buddy, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
shh, shh, shut the fuck up. That That's my I'm not looking for a co-writer. I'm sent to you. I've come up with this
Do not if you want to think of your own song about cats and dogs or whatever you were doing you do that, but I'm not
My whole thing is I'm not trying to like I don't need help this
Chins
Are fine help. The song. Otters fight over urchins. The urchin otter fight. That's not a song about urchins. It's a song. It's a song about otters fighting over. No, in no way is it about that. In no way. No, it was. I'm writing it. It's my, if you want to write a different song to a different tune, that's fine. Writing what? These are classic songs.
The Bee Gees did the Otter Perchin song.
I thought I was the weirdest guy on the plane and then the odds that I sat next to you.
Yeah.
So.
Well, welcome to the hijacking.
Are you one of them?
I don't know.
That's not been clear the hijacking. Are you one of them? I don't know. It's not been clear the whole time.
Okay, so
He'd spent his entire career studying violent behavior and now he's thank you for choosing us. Yes
He's in the middle of hijacking
So he said he thought he was the only scientist studying aggression and violence who had actually been kidnapped
Okay, so he is like, yeah, I mean, it's a movie plot. Yeah, it
is a movie. Yeah. What if a guy who hated conflict was in the biggest conflicted
situation of his life? So the governor of Monterey's children were on the plane.
The governor? Okay, sure. I thought the children had a separate governor for a
minute. And I am the children governor.
We will talk about Pace then Plato.
So the hijackers had scored because they got precious cargo, right?
So they got $330,000 in cash, six political prisoners released, food, guns and ammo were
delivered by couriers in bathing suits.
Bathing suits?
But apparently this was a thing. This
is where you'd be like. Where you would have the guys deliver stuff and. We need a minute
to go through the different bathing costume outfits. What's a? No, I just, I said Speedos.
So we like most of them, but one of us requested specifically Speedo. So we're looking for one more speedo and then um
flippers plus snorkel aqua socks no no no snorkel flippers are okay would like
flippers like we can ask for money things right now so it's like a sports
bra would like to sports prepare sports right do you know aqua socks are there
no there there yeah we need the six pair of aquasocks, that's 12 aquasocks.
Beer hat.
And we need a hat with a, that'll fit two cans of beer.
With the straw that go into the mouth so the party animal can party if he chooses to stay
back on the vessel.
That's right.
And then 330,000.
And then plus, outside the swim stuff, $330,000 cash money.
Yeah. These guys acting like big jerk-offs. Yeah. Real sticks. Swim stuff, $330,000 cash money.
These guys act like big jerk-offs.
Dicks.
So, apparently that was the thing.
We would have the guys come out and drop their...
Very...
Again, it harkens to simpler times.
So this whole thing ends when the plane gets to Cuba and the hijackers get off and they're free.
So after it ended, Santiago has an idea. It's amazing that there was this hijack phase.
Oh, a huge hijack phase. What is that? 60s, 70s?
No, right now it's 70s. 72 is when it's really kicking off.
People are just like... Yeah, I mean, it's just hijack... People are just like,
I got... You know what? I want to go to New York.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have hijackers
on the fly I really want to go to Carmine's tonight maybe I'll hijack a
plane yeah I mean that's how calm or you'd be on the plane you'd be like
back it there we go I want to go to Detroit I'm sad fuck it I'm tired you
go to Cuba yeah they all end up in all right we're're going to Cuba. Oh, shit. They all end up in Cuba.
All right, we're going to go to Cuba.
Hey.
So they're just like taxiing.
They're just like, we're about to pick up
the booty for the hostage negotiation,
but we're fourth in line right now.
So they're going to say, we're just take their seats still.
That's right.
So when this is all over, Santiago has an idea.
I like how after he had the idea. Qu quote, if I could create a similar situation,
it would be the perfect laboratory to study human behavior.
This mother fuck.
What?
Why do we fight?
Why do we fight?
Ooh, I think I'll turn it up.
Right.
So he's like
Crazy no, no, no, you're not part of the group, sir
So he's like I want to see what happens
When people are I mean he just saw that but he wants to be able to modulate the environment to some extent. Yeah, fuck
So now he'd already been on a boat, right? Yeah, And he decided the perfect place to do this would be on a raft. Not a boat, a raft. Okay. So he's,
so he has that. A 12 meter yacht, a 12 meter vessel. So it's 12 by 12 by seven meters, no motor.
12 by 12 by 7 meters no motor
Interesting there's a sail but it's mostly just this is gonna be one of those ones or real hijackers show up Isn't it and he's gonna be like, uh, no people gonna be like, aha
It's it's only supposed to drift right
And he called it the a Cali. Oh my god. It really looks like
The Chitty Chitty Bang Bangs. I would be terrified to be yeah. It looks like a dr. Seuss boat
The total cost of the operation
$12 250 Wow, okay, but he got a Mexican TV station to put up a hundred and sixty thousand for
film take on the raft
So they get the film.
Okay.
Oh my God.
That's great news, by the way.
There's a film?
Oh my God.
So San Diego knew it was dangerous, but he thought that would just bring out who they
really were.
Right.
So the more dangerous it is, the more-
Right.
The more real it is.
Yeah.
Right. The more real, the organic, the reactions.
Quote, a raft creates a state of constant stress, a fear of death, and it is something
you can't walk away from.
Is this the pitch to get them on?
Which is why I'm selling them for $1 right now.
One ticket, $1.
Be terrified out of the raft.
Hell on water, ladies and gentlemen.
So he said that situation would make people more truthful. I
Mean in this yes, okay. Sure. I guess yeah, I mean yeah
Like oh my god, I'll do anything. I'll tell you it's like waterboarding. Yeah. Yes, like yeah, you give me the honest answer. Okay
So he wanted 11 people to be on the raft
Six men and seven women.
Okay.
Oh, that's more than...
Yeah, I'm going to do the math too.
So five men and six women.
So the plan was to cross the Atlantic from the Canary Islands to Mexico.
Okay.
This is what he's telling them? This is what the trip is going to be. Okay. Okay.
There's a current that goes sure so you can just get in the current and it'll take you all the
way across. Sure. Yeah. I've been in a lazy river. I know how it works. You did that.
The lazy river. I'm the lazy boy. I did in a lazy boy. Yeah. Yeah. He put ads in newspapers
around the world in April 1973. Looking for a straight up volunteer for a normal, normal thing.
We're rafting across the Atlantic for three months.
Can you imagine seeing this in the paper
and being like, yeah, okay.
I mean, it really does show how little was going on.
Oh, absolutely, yes.
You know what, mom?
I'm actually gonna go on the Atlantic
on a raft for three months after I write this letter.
I mean, it's just in the fucking paper. You're like going through, uh, looking at that.
I'm going to quit my job and go into the ocean for the summer.
Just dripped around quote expedition.
Hey honey, I'm, uh, I'm going to go for like three months with this guy what he had left an ad in the paper and basically he built like a little dinghy and
I'm gonna ride the current for three months three to five. I think it's made three months ish
It's men and women so I could get dicey for children. I know I know so the good news is it'll just be three months
so by the time I come back, I'm missing two birthdays, but uh
Yeah, I just feel like it's gonna be really good for me to do something like this. It doesn't say where we're going
But I kind of don't even need to know that
What I need to know is that this is a raft and then I'll take it across the ocean
Um, well, I love you dinner smelled so good, too. I'm bummed to miss it. I'm going to hand the
light. Yeah. It says right a lot. I'm going to take it to him. I just got to, I got to walk to a PO
box. Zero three, seven, eight. Not sure where that is. Can't be that hard to find though. It's around
there somewhere. All right, babe. All right. See you later. Bye. Bye, kids. Your dad's going on an important mission to somewhere maybe
Now notice it says preferably married
Okay, so he wants married people he wants couples or he wants individuals who are married married people
Is that because he's like this is like bravo. He wants to like turn up the heat in that way too. Oh
He wants like oh
Yeah, so he's got a shag raft
So hundreds of people respond Wow what fine I'm doing because it's the fucking 70s and people are like yeah, man
That sounds great. He's got a fuck raft
I'm gonna go on a bang boat.
So there were 10 people selected.
He picked them from different countries, religions,
and social backgrounds to increase conflict.
This is our first reality show.
Absolutely.
100%.
This guy was just like, we'll take a bunch of different people
and we'll figure out why do they fight?
Why do they fight when men know they're right?
Stop with the urchin part.
You're not part of this.
We're not even on the plane anymore.
How do you keep finding me?
Fuck off.
Who can stop the hardest when fighting?
No, the tune is different. It's not as good
Stop jumping in I'm trying to advance the song and you're kind of just saying this stuff about urchins, which again
Urchins are not part of what I'm talking about. I've shut the fuck up. I shut the fuck
I'll pop you in the face
It's just like for kids or so. it's not what I'm going for. And the problem is that tune
keeps creeping into my fucking song.
You ought to do it.
So for captain, he picked a Swedish woman who was the first
woman in the world with a professional sea captain's degree.
Now here's how do you even teach the first person he kept it?
And she is the only woman.
She's the first female sea captain or the first sea captain.
She is the first woman in the world.
The first woman. The captain's. Okay. first woman in the world. The first woman.
Sea captain's degree. Okay. So her name is Maria. Okay. This is what she said.
Quote, but a raft? I couldn't imagine crossing the Atlantic in something that
looked like a tin box that wasn't possible to maneuver. And yet she said
yes. I mean, well, it probably shows you
what was happening for the world's first female sea
captain.
She was probably like, offers?
Hello?
There were no offers, yeah.
But also, why a raft?
Even with your bullshit ruse, why not just make it a boat?
Because it's easy to hijack or because?
Because a raft's going to go a lot slower.
Sure. It's gonna be more
scary and dangerous. Boy, this guy's a real son of a bitch. Yeah, I mean that's
why. Like is this the story of Six Flags? Yes. I knew it. Yes. How did you know? I'm
pretty good with history. I have a podcast on it. So, Sentio got a lot of press. He told
reporters it was a social behavior experiment. Oh boy, was it? He wanted to show that conflicts between humans are motivated by basic instincts like sexual
drives and greed.
Is that a crazy thing to say, this is before they go?
Yes.
Some people are like, what?
It's a sexual experiment.
Sorry?
It's not saying, he's saying that sexual desire is a base instinct. Yeah, it's why conflict happens
These are the rationales for conflict. Yes. Yes. Also, I think being hijacked would be one. Yeah being hijacked would be a legitimate
He's basically saying conflicts are not inherent. Anyway, the media of course jumped on what you jumped on
Fuck yeah, they did.
Three months sex rap trip to begin soon.
After six months of planning and 250 grand in expenses, the 56 ton raft Al Kali is ready
to start the transatlantic voyage that will throw 12 strangers, men and women from 11
countries, together for three months. Fuck. Expect a cum spill.
I like that I'm as like, I process the same as the media. You do.
So it's gonna be a fuck thing?
No, it's...
So you're telling just to bang?
No, it's about conflict.
Will there be protected sex?
Anal. People are curious. No, what it is...
No anal. You heard it here first.
He just said no to anal, which means it's pretty much vaginal or oral.
Back to you in the studio.
I'll be here reporting until all these people fuck.
Great to work with you again.
Really getting to the bottom of this.
Fuck everything up.
Speaking of the bottom of this. Fuck everything up. Speaking of the bottom of it. I'm trying to tell. I'd like to be a part of it.
You're not. Okay. The UPI on the crew, quote.
That's an STD? Yes.
Okay. The raft will carry two Jews, an Arab, an African,
one black and one white American, a Swede, a Greek, a French woman, a Japanese,
a European, a Japanese, and Genovese. Holy fuck. Well, the first, I mean, it sounds like
a really long standup, Joe. It starts bad. Two Jews, an Arab, and an African. All right.
So it's two Jews, an Arab, and an African. Plus, okay. Okay. So it's great. I like that.
Yeah, they break it it down. They really give
you the they really paint a beautiful word picture there. They do. So a bunch of Jews,
a black and Arab, a lady and a Genovese. Also, one Japanese. Welcome to woke boat. So they arrived in Las Palmas, Spain and they get to know each other for two weeks before
they get on board in May, 1970.
Also super weird, super weird, super weird to have two weeks.
I mean, again, it was the 70s where they were just like, Hey, we're going to bond two weeks
before our three month voyage.
Nobody had anything to do.
Yeah.
So none of them met each other before this.
And they were going to be isolated for three months
on a raft.
Banging nonstop.
Banging nonstop.
The raft would go two miles per hour.
Doesn't seem much.
Not a lot.
Not a lot.
I swear to God, when you see a guy out swimming you, you're like, well that's not good.
I mean that guy's, he's just on hand.
They had 224 gallon cans of water.
Okay.
So that'll be on there.
They had 120 boxes of food.
In Cuddy's dark boxes?
Jesus. No I think that oh that's but they're of course 100. That's got people. Yeah, you can't do
Fuck without. Yeah, there's no way he wouldn't have alcohol on here if he's experimenting on this boat with all these married people for sure
One night he's gonna be like what happens when we introduce the fruit punch cut these stuff
They can't use more than a half gallon of water a day.
It's got to be each, right?
It has to be each.
Yeah.
Otherwise, you're like, I'm not going.
Yeah.
Well, you'd die.
Yeah.
Yes.
Eventually.
That means they each get like a half a cup.
Yeah.
You would be like, shh.
Don't talk till tomorrow.
So he also, he chose a French frog woman hello, I'm what's a call a French frog woman
I'm a dive air, but I'm referred to as frog
My amphibious nature. Also, I'm the first woman who is a bit possible to smoke underwater
Somehow we figured that out.
It's called aqualung.
Oh, well then.
I can see a lot on their hair.
Send out more cigarettes.
No.
Fucking prick.
So they thought having someone that could dive in case
something happens with the bottom of the raft
would be good. She has a husband and kids. well, you know, listen, everyone's coming in here with complicated work is work, babe
Yeah, there's a great idea and then I've got to go for three months
They're making a fuck boat. They need someone to play for key just in case someone goes under during quit this. Ah, yes, that's okay
Fuck Aussie ladies. Why you go? Oh
You're my husband. Yeah. Ah, so do me
Exit so similar. Hmm. All right, babe. Yeah, I'm off
Arvo
I'm him
So he like we said he wanted them to have families cuz that would make it more difficult for them on the raft
he's really not even planning on the hostage part as much as
He's like he's just just planning up a bunch of shit.
He's basically manicking an aquatic haunted house.
I mean he's...
Yes, he's a reality.
Yes.
He's making Love Island on the boat.
Yes.
Yes.
So, Asugi's from Japan and he thought he was coming on board just to take photographs,
but he quickly realized he was part of the experiment. Okay.
So he really...
Post-experiment, but while he's on there, he's like, oh, I guess I should get involved.
Oh, I...
Oh, okay.
I see.
Oh, okay.
Oh.
I thought I was just gonna...
Okay.
Hmm.
Curious where this goes.
Mary was from San Rafael, California.
She's a waitress.
Life felt like a dead end, she said.
She said she thought, quote, why not?
I mean, look, I'm not saying you're not allowed to do it,
but it is amazing to have three children
and be like, life's a dead end,
I'm gonna go on the Atlantic for the summer.
Ah, don't worry guys, well,
Dad'll just, it's just gonna be you and Dad for the summer.
Who knows how to make a sandwich?
dad for the summer who knows how to make a sandwich come on we're only 88 days away from mom coming back we don't understand so okay so I have why not be
with us we this is a really difficult time anything that happens right now
impacts us greatly we're in a developmental stage where anything you do will have lifelong repercussions.
Think about setting precedent.
There's a year going, Dick.
All right, Karen.
What was your name again?
Elaine?
Mary.
I'm your wife.
Well, I'll see you later.
Get out of here.
How do you make a sandwich?
What she didn't tell anyone was the main reason she wanted to get away was her husband was
abusive.
Oh shit.
Back home, he started getting annoyed that it was being called the sex raft.
Hey!
And he said they were separated but not divorced.
San Diego also picked an Israeli woman as the doctor because he said Israeli women are
very independent.
So that's weird that you would find an Israeli woman
on the tank with the gun pointing basically at her.
Faye Seymour was 23.
She was the only black woman on the raft.
She was married with two kids.
Quote, I was intellectually hungry for information
about so many things.
Everyone on the ship seemed to understand what it was.
To participate in an expedition such as this,
do you believe that it's necessary to be a big adventure?
Well, it's not so much the adventure. Yes, I do believe because you cannot make an experiment like this on land,
unless it's a jungle, because people can escape. But on a raft for three months, you know you cannot escape and you have to put up.
And I think we want to see how much really a human person can endure in such circumstances with a danger and knowing that you cannot get away for at least three months.
I think this is necessary. I think.
That's like interviewing the director of Saw.
You know, the idea was basically like what happens if like you're trapped in a chamber and like you can't get out of it.
You know, the whole thing is on a raft. You can't do anything. So.
But that that's one of the guys that that's not that I go.
That's a guy that's a guy who got picked.
He's so he knows they all know for that's before they all know.
He's like, yeah, we're going to go into it's going to be fucking hell.
But it'll be really good
I do not understand
People the ads this time why crazy?
what a I
Guess it really is like a haunted house
You're just like I like to get scared and I don't have a job
So whatever fuck fuck it.
But a haunted house you can leave.
Yes, a haunted house is not on the ocean for three months.
No, I mean, it's the craziest fucking thing.
Look, it's going to be amazing.
He's made an oceanic escape room.
Yes.
And these people are like, oh, yes, I love puzzles.
I hate my kids and I love puzzles.
I can't wait to kill somebody
Oh, I'm not tell you what I'm gonna kill her fuck on this thing and I'm open both
Come on
So when they left there's a ton of people
Yeah, there's a lot of press there sure and they feel like celebrities fake quote
It was like we were astronauts being launched into space. Yeah, it's a lot like that
aside from a lot of differences
Launched into space without the space. Well, yeah, you're just like pushing a raft off a dock. He's like, all right
Kind of like space. Oh shit. It's coming back. You're giving a better push. There you go
Wow
So they're towed out by a ship.
That's even sadder.
That's not like space.
There you go.
There's a rocket to get towed out.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, it's like when you land and then the plane has no power anymore.
And like now we get driven.
We're just regular again.
So they get towed out by ship to where they would be set adrift in the current
They would take them across the ocean and they're just right. They're just riding one current. Yeah one current
So you're I mean and is it I mean, I guess it's pretty easy to stay within the current
Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, okay in the current. All right. Okay easy. All right
The captain's boyfriend is on the ship that's telling them Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah. Okay. In the current. All right. Okay.
Easy.
All right.
The captain's boyfriend is on the ship that's telling them.
Okay.
And as they're eating the first meal, the captain's boyfriend calls in a panic.
Okay.
Oh shit.
Calls to talk to Marie.
He said he had just looked at the contract and quote, it seems to be a slave contract.
It says that you should give up your body, your mind and everything to Santiago. Is that a method of a scientist?
Oh, what?
First of all, the term slave contract is just like, yeah, right.
Exactly. That's how it works.
It's a little here you go.
We'd like to make a five year deal.
Does that sound good?
Slave contracts are usually for three months
but then also the idea that
you're
Now you're checking it out. Hey, babe now that we left the dock you realize that they just bought our souls, right? Oh
Did I sign that? Oh
Whoops, I just didn't want to read all two pages. God, it's so exhaust laws for
Yeah, I love that he starts reading the contract on the bed big issue over
Yeah, I was just reading through this thing and it basically says it could do whatever they want to you in any way over
I'm just a little worried about us. I mean like I'm just a ship away, but it feels like
who's underwear you guys running up right? And like, it's just, it's a little fucking
nuts back there. I'm hearing a lot of bag noises and we're not loving it up here over.
This relationship is over over. So by the way, it's nice to see walkie talkies when they finally caught their stride.
So he says this could lead to trouble and asked asked her if she wants to get off the rack. Hey, this contract that says you they can do whatever.
What do you like a bad feeling? It's weird. It's a weird thing to say.
She was like, I already agreed to go and he then said choose
between the raft and me.
This is how long into this.
I mean, we're a couple hours in no, so he's already like look.
I might just that I could swim.
I could actually swim back there.
Now.
We're not moving very fast.
Hey look, I don't want you on the fuck boat.
And she's going gonna choose this. Well, she's now pissed at her boyfriend and Santiago. She feels trapped in the middle
Yeah, I would say I mean I'm look I think I think the boyfriend has a case but read the goddamn contract
But also she's the captain she can't bail
Yeah, but also the captain shouldn't have to sign, you know, the captain should be like, yeah, I got this
Yeah, the captain shouldn't just be like wait, know, the captain should be like, yeah, I got this.
Yeah.
The captain shouldn't just be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, I'm a slave.
You can take my organs.
So yeah, so she basically breaks up with her boyfriend and he's like, fine, I'm out of
here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was it.
Okay.
So that night they reached the current, they're set adrift.
Now they sleep in one room.
Oh my lord.
It's just wall to wall.
Oh you're just asking for fingers to get caught up in things.
It's air mattresses and a sleeping bag on top.
And then they're just right up against each other.
There's no room between the beds.
It's friction time.
Right there I'm out. Right. You're out right there. It was right there was where I'm going alright
I'm kind of getting it. I get it a little bit you guys. I guess you're cool. I sleep naked you guys are cool
I mean, it's very tight quarters. Yeah, it's how the stooge is slept
This need night caps, I just need one of them to be like, well, good night everybody.
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Santiago quote, from animal experiments and laboratories we know that-
Good start.
Good start.
From animal experiments and laboratories, we know that
aggression can be triggered by putting different kinds of rats
in a limited space. I want to know what it's for the same
fragments.
Jesus Christ. Pack them in. Pack them in like rat. Wow, sky.
Meanwhile, these people are pretty cool so far a good trip boys like
hmm huh why do we fight why do we fight i came out on the hole at night why do we fight
why do we fight i can't see the light get the fuck out of here
fighting aren't we are we fighting over urchins damn it?
Try to kill this guy
Hey pal come here. I like you want to hear the urchin stuff come here close
Me yeah, yeah get closer over here. You know no I don't need a search in for
Searching for an urchin is just
Searching for an urchin is just a dead cover. Oh
What is that it's a gun why is it going bang bang bang bang bang
I'll take the sword. Yeah. Yeah, I want to be able to sing my song freely in future I don't but doesn't bother me. I'm an urchin wrong with this. You're an urchin, you know, but the fuck is with this thing
I'm an urgent. What's wrong with this?
You're an urgent?
No.
What the fuck is with this thing?
So at all times, two people.
Fuck.
Up top in charge of staying.
Spanning.
And keeping watch.
So two, okay.
There's always two, well rotation,
there's always some people up top.
Sure, sure.
They got weather reports every two days
and Sanchez would send a report back once a week
about what was going on.
To just be like, yeah, it's things are fine.
It's all good.
Yeah.
You know, I mean, if you think like what I've created is good, they're ratting out, if you
know what I mean.
It was really ratting out.
The UN wished them luck on their important mission for world peace.
Good luck.
We know you're out there trying to get world peace going.
Okay.
Good luck.
You fucking psycho.
All right. We'll see you later. Boy, I got a good feeling about that, Raph. Oh, it's a good Raph. Glad we got our eye on this situation. I'm proud to be a part of this. We're a hell of a team.
So, Santiago gave the power to the women by giving them more important roles and men's job are a lot less important. So, right off the bat, he's like, little pepper. Let's just spice it up. What does this dish taste like with a squirt of mustard in it?
And he wondered if the men would try to take over.
He also.
Let me guess.
You're not supposed to do that.
It's a different knot.
Give me that.
Sorry.
Please, just stop.
You're womaning up the ropes.
Please stop womaning them up.
So he had questionnaires that asked them things like who annoyed them the most and who they
would get rid of and who they liked to have sex with.
Oh my Lord.
And they would get a new questionnaire every week and they couldn't read books.
So they had to talk, tell stories.
Reality show, reality show.
After three weeks, they're getting bored.
Asuki said when he met the Israeli doctor, she was so slim
and tall and had large breasts, and he was excited to be traveling with such a beauty.
And Asuki has his own family? I don't know if Asuki has a family. There's three of them
that aren't married. Okay. But she is dating or married. She's single too. Okay. So right away he's like, I like her. I like she. She has big boobs.
Face.
He got more excited when he learned she was a doctor.
That always does it for me too.
She also thinks he's attractive.
Okay.
So San Diego News studies with monkeys showed violence was connected to sexuality.
Most fights between male monkeys are over ovulating female monkeys.
So he purposely picked people who were hot.
He wanted them to have sex.
He picked a very good looking priest from Angola.
A good looking priest?
Yeah.
A super hot anthropologist from Uruguay.
All the women thought the Uruguayan guy was the hottest.
Okay.
Now the guy from Cambridge, the Greek guy we saw talking, he starts flirting with a
23-year-old woman from Paris, who's the hottest woman.
So that's him soaping her up.
He's washing her.
Sure.
This is just, I mean, this is like some Starship Troopers shit.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
You know, we've got at the point where it's just like you soap, uh,
you're soaping up a, yeah, another, just like the rats. This is what they,
this is what the merchant sailors do.
So all the dudes are into her. She's hot. Now the Israeli,
I look out there,
I can tell what these guys think is hot and what some of the women
think is not hot not hot that's him he's writing in a concept album in his little
hole what's wrong with me what is my deal why can I not try to feel that's him
it's very Phantom of the Opera sure he. He's alone on his own boat. Yep. Yeah, just staring out at the water
Yeah, saying we can fix the hole inside the ship, but not the hole inside of me
So, uh the israeli woman has sex with the guy from Cambridge and isuki so she's right off the bat time. Okay
and is Suki so she's right on that time okay quote it was complicated to have sex on the raft sure because other people could always see you sure but
what are you gonna do maybe if two people were on guard together and you
were a little bit quick then maybe it was possible but it was tricky you be a
fuck guard but it was tricky because you had to use one of your hands for
steering I'm sorry wait sorry I'm a little confused. Okay. They're saying that...
The only time two people are alone is when the person's on watch and steering. Yeah, and so the
person watching is probably not watching and the person steering is probably not... You could be
watching. Yeah, but I would be like watching what I'm doing. If the person has the hand on the wheel,
you're behind them. It's the lady. I'm not gonna be... You're looking over her. No, I'm not.
You're watching while she's steering. I'm looking at her back. I'm not at the ad you're watching. I'm not while
I'm looking at the other thing and you're you're thrusting. No, no What ends up happening is I steer her tit and squeeze the nipple of the wheel
Wait the nipple of the wheel. I'm like thinking I'm like, oh, yeah, and then I'm like
Why are we back why are we back at the islands?
Oh my god, are we?
Holy shit, sorry.
I thought the wheel was my penis for the last 20 minutes.
So the toilet.
Is that one of the passengers' nicknames?
Is a small platform that hung off the side of the boat
It was designed so the waves would wash your bottom. Oh good fucking guy
see, but a
She's like I didn't realize you're gonna be shitting in a basketball hoop. Oh
It's I'm terrible this shot. How's it going? Lou Anne not good. There's not a lot of splash
Where do we put the toilet paper?
It's really awful. That's the worst thing so far.
Asuki, quote, it felt so cool and nice.
Because the water is washing up on your bum.
Yeah, but it's like, it's not just delicately like, it's not a tushy.
Yeah, it's not a tushy.
Like there's an octopus like,
oh, something on my, got a starfish on my starfish.
Oh.
Hi.
Santiago wanted them going to the bathroom
in front of each other to lower their inhibitions.
It's very important to me that you watch each other defecate.
You have to, we have to see each other's shit.
Don't be late, def Defocate with your mate.
Do not hate on the sea.
Let it be.
Poop or pee.
What's wrong with me?
That's a lot of things wrong with you.
What's wrong with me?
Some people were very upset by the bathroom situation
at first and were constipated because they
couldn't do a public poo so until they finally
Until their ass broke. That's probably what was going on with her
She was probably like I'm letting out like two weeks of feces. Ah
I would not be able to shit in front of other people you've been able to do in front of me a thousand times
It's different. You're like part of me. Okay
Faye quote I was afraid if I had my period and sat down
that the sharks would be right on me.
That is not a crazy fear.
It's not.
Yeah, the Santiago is just like, whatever, go chum it.
That's called your chum chum.
That's your friend who watches it.
So before I sat down, I would look and scan the horizon for fins for movement of any kind and then I would sit down
And go as fast as I could but that I that is totally a genuine
That a shark would yeah, it's like camping their ocean bears. Hmm. They're ocean bears. I'm not gonna repeat it
He did shut up Dave
The captain said they were moving too slow and that was the idea, fool.
And I would put them in the Caribbean in the middle of hurricane season, which she said
would mean suicide.
Yes.
Sweeps.
Yes, that's right.
Sweeps week.
Now she hated the boat and kept putting that in questionnaires.
Who do you have a crush on?
This boat is the fucking worst.
Which person do you have the most animosity with?
I hate you and the boat.
How's defecating into the wild ocean going?
Fuck your boat.
Screw you and your boat.
So she starts openly questioning Santiago.
Once she asked him what he was trying to accomplish here, and he find peace on earth and she rolled her eyes at him. Well it's a pretty
weird answer. It's a shit. If this is you finding peace on earth it's not great.
Well I mean you could get there but you can't just flippantly be like it's
basically peace on earth. I'm gonna be in the captain's quarters. That's why we
have the Cuddisark. Yeah yeah but it's that yeah Noah's Ark me cutie sark
But I mean I you could say like
Sociologically is trying to obviously find out what makes humans tick. Yeah, but again, I mean he's like poop in the ocean
Like it's not you know, I mean
Yeah, that's
Back him in like rats then they'll fuck with their seawater butts
They're genitals that smell like the ocean
They'll be fucked, you know how it are?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
It's gonna take out a real oceany smell in here
This is science?
This is me trying to figure out why do we fight?
Why do we fight?
When you know that they're not right But wait out why do we fight? Why do we fight?
When you know that they're not right.
But wait, why don't we fuck on it?
Shit out of luck, stop it.
Pfft.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Fuckin' problem.
So Faye noticed that Maria and Sanjego are now.
Faye and three kids.
Yeah.
No, Faye is the black woman.
Oh, pipe, okay.
She notices Maria and Santiago are now just seething at each other.
It's just totally out there.
A real will they, won't they, as I call it.
Yeah.
The questionnaire now asked how many times they were masturbating.
Oh, okay.
Well, not at all, because everyone can see me.
Well, remember when I said I had diarrhea and I kept going over the ocean?
Two of those were whack poops.
Whoops, they were whoops. Well, I got to go pee again.
God, that's like the 20th time. Shut up, Greg.
Shut up.
Just how I go.
Can you pee with a hard on?
Oh my god!
Am I the only one who thinks he's being a real asshole right now?
Yeah.
Excuse me while I go pee.
How are you gonna?
Ehh.
Why are you bringing the lube?
Oh I want to get it out you idiot.
Get what out?
The pee!
The white pee!
God I hate this guy.
He's an idiot.
Why are you winking at me?
Because I'm gonna jack off over there.
Okay, God, that's really great.
Hoping a whale would come and blow it.
Yeah, I mean, they are very attracted to hard-ons.
It's to cover my bases, not because I want to bang a whale.
Well, maybe by the end of of this that's the whole goal my idea was to see if a man would bang a whale
Our success so one day you see a guy out. Yeah
Whoa, whoa he's fucking the blow look at him
Whoo?
I've been love Okay, so Look at him! Whoo! Having love!
Okay, so
Okay, so
They're asking if they had sex and with whom and how many times
And are people like, what is this?
No, they're
They're all, they're on board
I mean, I know they're on board
It's full on cult
You've got the cult leader you've been ready the conditions
Yeah, I mean kind of they're very just like this is a science experiment and it's important and and it's sailed by the seat of your pants
It's important. This is important work
Okay, let me answer this masturbation question that is support work
12
One day they caught a shark while fishing.
It's not a huge shark, but they poked at it
and they played with it and then someone said they should.
Let's fuck it.
Like Led Zeppelin.
Someone said they should throw it back in the ocean.
So the Uruguayan ran, grabbed an ax,
and started hitting the shark.
Weird Uruguayan move.
And he killed it and then he cut out its heart.
Okie dokie. So someone's a little less attractive on next week's form.
Or more attractive.
Or maybe more, yeah.
He held it in his hand and said, quote,
Look, it is still beating. It's normal.
Sure.
Then everyone just descended on the shark, grabbing it and pawing at it.
Santiago, quote,
Finally, here it was, the violent behavior that and pawing at it. Santiago quote, finally here it was the violent
behavior that I had been waiting for. He thought this was a breakthrough and it was on. That night
he hid the axe. What the fuck? So he thinks they're about to get like he's seeing like primitive
behavior. And he's like good. He's like here we go. Now let's get rid of that axe and they could do it with their hands.
How far in are we?
16 hours?
No, it's like a month maybe.
Okay.
Maybe over a month.
It feels like things are loosening.
So he takes notes on everything, Santiago, moods, dreams, menstrual periods, the climate,
the moon, the waves, see?
Periodo minstrel. I mean, he's literally,
he's doing the waves, he's doing like everything. Hopefully nobody finds his notes and they're
like, wait, he's got our periods? I just needed to know. It's so cool how they synced up.
Oh, I forgot to tell you there's a camera beneath the toilet platform. The hoop is actually
a camera.
So, and that's being broadcast.
And the shark that you kept thinking was going to come and bite you is actually
Andrew. He's a camera guy. He's one of the best camera guys we have.
Hello.
Well, he's dead. You took out his heart.
He's dead. There's a new guy in him.
Hi.
He's my friend
So, uh
The rudder broke and so this is the perfect job for the frog woman right go underneath and fix it sure
But she's like all I've been doing is fucking yeah, and Santiago refuses to let her go
He's like absolutely not quote. No. No. No, I can't take the risk to send a down a woman. I'm the boss. I will do it myself. Why'd you hire? Why'd you get the
expert woman? Yeah. Just be like, no, no. It sounds good until you realize she's a woman.
No, no, move, move. They carry curses. The women. Once he was in the water, he couldn't do it.
She almost drowned.
He had he had the beer and if he had drowned and they found those notes, much different
story.
What the fuck?
He's got one of my poops.
Because not he's measuring our poops.
Look, look, not not measuring figuring you out
It's like how you cut a tree down and count the rings to know it's eight yeah, yeah, but with your waist yeah, that's not good
Why do we fight?
Why do we say
Cuz we have to shit outside. Oh, okay. All right, turn around. We got it.
So after this failed attempt,
he says he's gonna try it again in the morning.
Smart lesson.
But while he was sleeping,
the frog woman went down and did it.
A frog woman.
That's what I'm calling her the frog woman
cause I don't wanna use everyone's name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
To confuse it.
Quote, because it was a really small job,
it was quickly done. We just didn't say anything. So they fix it, they don't tell him. And then he's just like, oh, yeah. Quote, because it was a really small job, it was quickly done.
We just didn't say anything.
So they fix it, they don't tell him.
And then he's just like, oh, OK.
Oh, the boat works again.
Oh, I told you I'd fix it.
So in the morning, Santiago said it was time
to try to fix it again.
And they told him, it's already fixed.
And he was like, not by a woman, right?
He's fucking livid.
He is?
He's livid. Yes, he's livid
He had set up the experiment by putting women important positions and now he's the one losing his shit
He's starring in his own reality. Yes, he is Truman
The frog woman quote at the end of the day. He was Spanish and they are a little bit macho. Let's be honest
So on day 51, they're halfway across the ocean.
But it's not-
That in its own right is fucking crazy.
It's insane.
It's completely insane.
But it's not, the experiment's not going well for Santiago.
Why, because a woman fixed the shit?
That's right.
Since the shark thing, there's been no violence.
He thought that was gonna kick it all off.
No one has been no one is hooking up with new sexual partners.
Even Jake's masturbating is dropping five whacks a week.
Gosh, I'm just lost in my own project.
Questionnaires are going nowhere.
God damn.
So it's not.
Yeah.
So boring that we made Ellie's feet into a phase.
I guess seriously.
He's like, look, I'm not fucking around.
All right.
So I think I'll quote, I can feel that the group has lost interest in the
experiment. They clearly don't understand what I'm trying to do.
Instead of supporting me, they have, they behave like a bunch of children and they're getting
lazy.
No one seems to remember that they're out here trying to find an answer to the most
important question of our time.
Can we do without war?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I had completely forgotten what the point of his message was.
Because it's so dumb.
Yeah he's like this is about pacifism
What the fuck are you talking about?
We're gonna stop war by putting
Ten people on a boat now either fuck or poop through that volleyball net
People don't understand you're foolish people. Oh, it's just so fucking crazy. Now but the people on the ship, they've all realized that it's a harmless existence.
Like, they're like, no, this is kind of fine.
We're having a good time like hating each other.
And it's boring, right?
So so San Diego tries to stir things up.
It's mixed up a little bit.
The puppet master a little spicy.
He is Ed Harrison Truman show. Yeah, 100%. He told
them they were all getting too comfortable and he was going to
have to change things up. We're all gonna lose an arm this
week. So he sat them all down. He read the answers to their
questionnaires out loud. Gloria, you like Tim? You're masturbating a lot.
Doh not like pooping in the outdoors.
Jimmy, you love pooping in the outdoors.
I just, I really have taken to it.
I really, I don't know how I'm gonna go
in a regular toilet, to be honest.
I'm always gonna want to shit in the ocean.
So this is the kind of stuff.
He would read who wanted to have sex with who.
What the fuck? One woman wrote she wanted to have sex with the Uruguayan and then he
read that the Uruguayan said, wrote that she was the most annoying person on the boat.
So that seems to probably not have the effect that I'm after. But yeah, it's just, he's
just emotional symphony. Yeah, because
He wanted he's the conductor the circumstances were supposed to cause everyone to get violence and it's not happening So now he's just completely manipulating the situation. He wants to fuck you, but you don't like her
And play
He's like improv
Quote they have to stop being so afraid of confrontation and be open about what they really feel about each other. So I can finally get some material to study.
It's just so it's like, at this point, whatever realistic thing you're hoping to have gained from this is no longer there. Now you're just going like, God, I need to see conflict in order to solve war.
Duh.
You read the ten word ad.
Mary quotes, Santiago threw a bucket of water in my face.
There.
Huh?
Do you?
Do you hate me?
Do you?
Beat up Betty or fuck Tim?
Hmm?
What do you? made you beat up Betty or fucked him.
What do you
Fay quote, he called me a primitive and a thief and lazy, all the stereotypes.
So he goes up to the black woman. He's like, you're primitive. Like just,
we need some stuff. Let's get going.
He started going up to one person and telling them someone else said something awful about them
and then he told them they should do something about it.
This is just straight up what they do in-
So, did you hear about Gloria?
Yes.
She's so sick of Dan right now.
Don't tell Dan.
I'm Dan.
Oh, another classic of my faux pas.
Yeah, this is what they do in reality shows.
This is what they do on daytime.
Like Dr. Phil, they'll fire people up beforehand by lying.
This is what they do.
Well, sorry, but a medical doctor would not do that.
That's true. I didn't mean Dr. Phil.
Why are you so angry right now?
Because your producers gave me cocaine and said I had to call my mother the c word
Seems like you hold tension
He's really the worst person alive so
Yeah, so he's just he's just trying to stir up shit
Everywhere he fucking can he the the captain said he was using gestapo methods. Oh, those are fine though
The captain said he was using Gestapo methods. Oh, those are fine though.
Yeah, those are good.
They were on the ship basically with just a master manipulator at this point.
Right.
He tells Faye that she should have sex with the black priest.
So he's like, you two black people should fuck.
Does that make sense?
You wrote on your questionnaire that you're black too.
I feel like this makes sense.
Faye now thinks Santiago is just completely racist.
Yeah, I wonder what got her. What got her? Yeah, it's how did
she start to feel that?
So the end of the Caribbean on day 83 fucking a and this is
when they learn I mean, I was very sure this ended in like
drowning. This could have very easily been one of the cannibal episodes.
This is when they find out that the press is only talking about sex.
And who is documenting this to some extent? There is someone.
Well they're getting a call. Someone calls them and tells them what's going on.
So this is just what the paper is. Are they all naked?
This is all that's being reported.
He's like thinks he's doing, he's all excited because he thinks he's doing this amazing
experiment about aggression and violence and they're just like, they're fucking out there.
But of course they are.
But not enough.
No. by the way
He's trying to get him to fuck more and he's like, well, they're focusing on his that fucking
Disgusted yeah, but
He could be it could be a legitimate experiment at this point, but the press is not gonna focus on that
So I I guess it's a case of everybody's wrong. The press should probably be like, hey, he's trying to do something. And
he's clearly off the rails. I mean, he's trying he's basically created the fuck book. Yeah, he's the fuck. Right. So in the press, it has nothing to do with his experiment. Santiago's
colleagues at his university signed a statement condemning him. They wanted to have nothing to
do with him or his experiment. He's been he's been there for 20 years, so it's devastating. On top of that, he's starting to think he's not going
to get anything out of the journey and he becomes super depressed. This is when they
find out that a hurricane is bearing down on them. Satyago, quote, the group is scared.
Thank God. But I can't help but feel excited.
I'm going to have to change my underwear.
A dangerous hurricane might be exactly what we need for the experiment to evolve.
Boy, God is watching over us.
We get a hurricane.
Finally, something that'll kill us.
Some good news.
The captain wanted to find safe shelter on an island.
No, no, no, no.
We go through it
It's a raft. What's we go through the hurricane. What could go wrong? We're gonna go through the hurricane. No more pushback
So she's like we got to find shelter. We know no no no no we'll go through the hurricane
And she says this will be shelter. She's like the air experiments. People will share shelter each other
No, it's oh they'll shelter one another. No, it's over. They'll shelter one another.
No, that's not how. They'll build a human igloo.
That's not how hurricanes work. The idea is that the safest place to be during a hurricane is
inside of the person you sleep next to in your bed. I don't think that's. Yes. Yes, on the ocean
that's as good as a preserve cellar. What are you talking about? You want to be inside of a person to hide yourself.
So my, what I'm picturing is sort of a conga line
Man woman man what you know or whatever honestly, but that way everyone is inside of each other sort of
Lego-ing themselves to full security at that point
Everyone will be connected. It'll be harder to break that chain. That chain of human flesh.
That's what we do.
So tell the people right now, get inside of your neighbor.
Hold on tight to their hips.
And for God's sakes, thrust when you feel the push of the hurricane.
No coming until it's gone.
This is science, gang!
Questions? No. Great, it's gone! This is science, gang! Questions?
No.
Great, let's go!
I know what hot air does to a hurricane, but what does hot sex do to it?
I can't.
I can.
So Santiago obviously is not down with the stopping and finding shelter.
I just heard him say so.
We just heard his historical dial. That's right.
Quote, for the sake of science, we must continue no matter what. I really did not think he would
just keep saying science like it was like, cause science has become cut. Science is telling people
that they want to fuck and other people. You don't have the answer. Go science. Sort of weird though.
I have a family. Yeah, but science. So the captain was responsible for everyone's
safety and she refuses. San Diego quote, in that case, she
is no longer the captain of the raft. From now on, I am the
captain. I'm the captain now. He gave orders to prepare the
raft for the hurricane. This is like Captain Phillips, but with
boners. He had the film and his notes
wrapped in plastic and then he ordered everyone into the cabin and then they waited. Okay.
The captain is still furious and she's not talking to anyone. She's on her mattress and
she puts the blanket over her head. She's crying but she's crying out of rage because
it's a mutiny. Yeah right. It It is and she said quote mutiny is death
So she's a fucking captain if you if they that's not what's happening here, but that it was it is
I mean it is a mutiny
But it's she's not gonna die. No, but she's saying for a captain. It's death, right? Yes, right
That's not literally saying he's mortified. Yeah
But by the way, if you're gonna hand the reins over is there a better person to
You want I mean name a better captain you want a captain that's looking for conflict. Yeah
Yeah
But they get lucky the storm. I hope we get the Bermuda Triangle, please
The storm changes direction they get no
up please the storm changes direction they get no here they would have got them in their cabin and I'll make hurricane noises oh my god you guys
yeah oh we take out on so much water why do we fight why do we fight why do we
fight why do we fight the hurricanes in sight why do we fight don't be afraid to bang when your little rat
room hang oh why do we think come on let's not sink bang inside there everyone guys oh
we're in the eye of it is everyone sounds pretty quiet in there what are we doing huh
Everyone sounds pretty quiet in there. What are we doing?
Ah, what are we doing?
So a San Diego radio somehow nobody knows when but at some point he radioed to someone because
the papers reported quote, each man and woman has filed intimate reports
on sexual and group behavior.
They also reported he was now commanding the Akali.
So they've basically called him out.
Is that what you're saying?
Well, no. We got a rat.
Well, they didn't, but yeah, they must have.
I mean, it doesn't say, but- We got a mole.
There's no way that the papers would find out she had been replaced unless he told them. Oh, okay, right, right? Yes
Yeah, she probably threw a message in a box. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. No, you make a good point
Thank you. So a few of them decide to have a meeting on the top of the boat while Santiago is down in the cap
Okay, they're like he's a real beauty. They're like he is a threat, right?
Asuki was over. I'm starting to think that I shouldn't just blindly answer ads in the paper
It's fucked by going to the ocean on a raft for three minutes. I mean like I don't want to say that's the lesson
But that's how it feels
So as soon as just over the physical the psychological torment he's getting and
Mary Mary So, Azuki's just over the physical, the psychological torment he's getting. And Mary, Mary from Santa Fe with the three kids, she describes that she has a fantasy
about Azuki telling Santiago to keep backing up for a picture until he could be pushed
overboard.
Oh my God, that old trick.
And Azuki, a little bit more.
Azuki's like, oh, it's gonna be so good a little bit further
Just a touch more
And a suki's like I'm also having thoughts about killing him
Faye said we're not putting that on the questionnaire
They said they could distract the doctor steal some of her drugs and shoot him up with them to quote stop his heart
So think his dream, this is weird.
This is what he wanted.
This is Frankenstein's monster.
This is what he wanted.
This is what he wanted.
Except unfortunately they're like,
how do we get his heart to explode?
Quickly.
But Faye was like, we all have to do it together.
We all have to have our hands on the syringe
at the same time and then we have to drop
the body overboard together.
We'll split this crime a 12th.
Everybody's murder will be like a pie sliced. We all get a P.
Everybody's hand on the syringe. Yeah. Yeah, right. It's a go Bayside.
But phase also worry cause she's like, it's just talk,
but this can lead to reality because they all feel like they can kill them.
Yeah. They all feel like they can kill. This is not just talk.
Santiago now feels alone on the raft.
That night he woke up and cried.
Well, I mean, that's probably why I needed the IV.
He was like, I'm out of tears.
Because he realized the only person on the raft
who is showing any sort of aggression was himself.
This is Dave.
It is a musical.
What was I looking for?
The fight inside of me.
Santiago wanted to know what the curse could be.
It was me the whole time when I looked in the mirror right.
I kept on asking myself, why the fuck do we fight? Why do we fight?
Early in the morning, on deck, someone started screaming.
Sure. Because a huge freighter was headed straight for them.
Oh, finally. Yes. Yes. Yes.
They tried to contact them on the radio, but there's no response.
Asuki, quote, Santiago was just running around on the raft, shouting, oy, oy, oy, loudly.
Well that'll do it.
That's fine.
So they're going to get smashed.
Yeah.
I mean, they're going to die if the boat hits them and it's coming right at them.
He's decided to take the Ozzy, Ozzy, Ozzy tack.
That's right. right? Okay, so he's running on screaming and the captain very calmly
Tells everyone what to do. She gets someone up with flares waving them
They genuinely thought they were gonna die. But at the last minute the boat saw them and changed course and went past them
It should have picked him up. Yeah, right? Yeah.
Hey, get the, get us off this fucking boat.
Now hit it.
Now hit it.
That's not a great moment for Santiago.
Sure.
Yeah.
So no one says anything.
Because they're all like the best way to kill him.
No one, no one says anything.
They just, Maria is all of a sudden the captain again.
No one said a word.
Sure.
It's fair.
It just happened.
And they had all lost respect for Santiago.
The whole running around on the boat
yelling oi oi oi is not great.
They didn't like that.
But we don't know if it was the flares
or the oi oi oi that stopped the.
That's right, it could have been the oi oi oi.
Absolutely could have been.
So.
It's an oi oi oi spill.
He starts losing weight and.
That's cool. He becomes very raggedy looking. Oh, that's cool. So he became 70 weight and that's cool.
He becomes very raggedy looking.
So he became 70 on this.
He left looking like a 32 year old.
Now he's the most interesting man in the world.
They're like the sad phase.
So he stopped, he stopped handing out questionnaires.
Okay.
He's just not participating anymore in his own study.
He's done. He's become his study. Yeah. Yeah. He knows he's not taking any notes.
He's just withdrawn.
And then he collapsed and became sick. Oh shit.
Mary thinks he's doing it for publicity.
Others think he's doing it because he lost face. Like they don't believe it.
That he's sick. Um, but the doctor knew it was really an infection.
So with him quiet and out of the picture, everybody's having a good time. Now it's a party boat. It's literally a party
boat. They're up playing music and dancing and having a good time. So this is, he's like, yes,
please, you give me life the more you party. And he was just sitting down in the cabin listening while they're having, you know,
party time.
And then he starts thinking about a new experiment.
Not the time to think of the second part of this.
A new raft.
But this one...
What?
A new raft?
This one would be a small raft.
Not the adjustment we need.
Only large enough for one person who would lie down the whole time and the bottom would be glass
And he just look out all alone
It's taking I have a new experiment called sad boat
It's a journey of one inside of their own brain
And the cabin will be filled with tears
Why do we fight?
Why did I fight?
So he says he's having feverish dreams, but he's clearly just
sad as shit.
Yeah, he's having like a sad Nemo.
So then they arrive, they get near Mexico, they get towed in.
The idea that this had a destination just
Eluded it's just like it didn't need to go any it could have done a u-turn one big circle would have been fine
They they land in Cozumel Mexico in August, okay, then it's see for a hundred and one days fuck me man
Fucking a Fuck me man. Fucking A. A hundred days floating on a raft.
Nothing learned.
Nothing learned except how to like poop through a net.
UPI reported their arrival.
A sex raft makes pork.
It should say sex raft makes pork.
Skipper by a buxom Swedish blonde.
Wow, they really went with it.
They really did.
A raft carrying people.
Bikini clad women who experimented for a hundred days with quote group and sexual behavior.
By the way, if you okayed your spouse to go on this trip from the Juan ad to what you're
reading, you're like, you misled me.
Yeah, you, I didn't know it was going to be a fuck boat.
I didn't know you were going to a bang archipelago.
So they are taken to a hotel where they're debriefed by three psychiatrists,
two psychologists, and two doctors.
Some said they were sad it was over.
The Frog Woman quote, I could have stayed another three months at sea
if it hadn't been for the children and other obligations. I could have carried on living in those conditions. So the fucking opposite happened, right? Everyone he was like, it's gonna be a violent boat. hours of the press asking about sex on the raft while Santiago kept trying to talk about the social
life. This is about we figured out war. We figured out why war happened. Was there uh
fisting or? My god no don't that he's not allowed to ask any more questions. So it's just mostly
love making. No there was a slight love making. It's some we were figuring out why war happens.
Why do we fight?
That was the whole thing that got me into this. It's a very catchy song about
Why do we fight with their condoms? It was like a pullout situation
There was not any condoms or they were not look sure people had sex
Oh, but you knew that cuz it's a fuckboat. No, no, it was why does war happen?
Why do we fight cuz it's a fuck boat. No, no, it was why does war happen? Why do we cuz I fuck cuz it's now no
Going down on each other. No, there was some of that, but we all smelled kind of like ocean bidets
Look
You completely lost sight of what I was trying to do which was figure out why does war happen?
And this Swedish captain, she's, she's, she loved to fuck.
She was big into fucking. Okay. She fucked a bunch. I don't mind.
Have your salacious headline. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
The Swedes were neutral. Yeah. Yeah.
Uh, so Sanjay, like he has, like I said, press conference.
The UPI called the captain, quote,
the unsmiling Miss Bjornstam.
Yeah, what was up her ass?
Why was she so rude?
God, someone had a case of the mutinies.
She said she didn't see any sex happening.
And then one of the guys winked and said quote
of course not she kept her eyes closed.
So the guy the guys aren't helping.
That is the first time on this podcast we've heard something like that.
I know.
Winking.
Yeah, she's right.
There was no fucking thing.
Santiago explained that no one was walking around naked. That's Santiago and a blonde woman, I don't know which one, naked completely.
But they're not walking around.
There's the Greek washing the 23-year-old.
She's completely naked.
He's washing her.
But again, not walking.
They're not walking.
So, they had a final meeting.
Santiago's very nice to everybody now.
They questioned everybody.
Three said it was a failure and eight said it was a success.
They thought the worst problem was their leader.
He thought what he had done to the captain was right,
but apologized to those who thought it was wrong.
What? Dehumanizing?
Completely taking any professional egg out of it?
Yeah.
Faye thought the experiment was a huge success, but not the way Santiago believed
She saw people from all different backgrounds working together and becoming friends, which was the answer to violence
He was so focused on aggression and violence that he missed what happened, right?
Hey
Right. Yes. He was just up there like, ah, and they're like, Hey, it was peas.
Yeah. In September, the AP reported, you know, this is like, this is like exit through the
gift shop. You know, that documentary about Banksy. Yeah. It's where the guy's like, Hey,
I'm going to make a documentary about banks. He's like, is it documentary about this knob?
I'm sorry.
September the AP reported, quote, a psychological study of the 11 persons who crossed the Atlantic
on a raft shows there was considerably less sexual activity among the six women and five
men than had been expected.
That's right, Dan.
I have reason to believe there was barely any anal and mostly penetrative vagina sex.
That's vaginal.
How exciting there.
From what I understand, didn't go more than 15 to 30 pumps each time.
A lot of people said that there were no real feelings.
It was more sexual fluid than anything.
Now, I was able to get an interview with one of the penises.
Let's cut to that.
We're actually going to go to weather. Okay, great. I'm also hearing a bunch interview with one of the penises. Let's cut to that. I'm actually gonna go to weather
Okay, great. I'm also hearing a bunch of stuff through my ear right now. Yank that out for a second
Yeah, so go to weather. Yeah, I'd love to finish this up real soon
I also have a sample of the pubic hair a bunch of the pubes your fire. Ah, okay. I understand
That's tough to hear
Love to explain to me why I have a pocket full of pubes.
Tough business, obviously. Nothing. I could do weather. I'd love to do, I don't know if we're still...
Well, we're good.
You can hear me?
No, you're off.
Well, why are you saying no? You can't hear me and I'm off if you can clearly hear me.
I'd love to be a part of the weather if possible. Nope. So you can't hear me and I'm off if you can clearly hear me. I'd love to be a part of the weather if possible. No
So you can't hear me. No
obviously, you can hear me I
Am aware of many of the differences between fronts and clouds and you know stuff like that. So
I'm fine
What did you hear and this can you hear me? Can they hear me? Are you there? I?
Feel like you could hear me and you're just not saying you can because you learned that lesson.
All right, I'm gonna go.
You motherfuckers, I heard ya!
So, uh,
in November, Santiago went to the boat show at the Los Angeles Convention Center where he answered more questions.
That is not good. He should not go to a boat show.
Because he's the most famous boat in the world right now.
He's a scientist.
Yeah, but he's the boat guy.
Not what he's supposed to be.
Well, clearly they paid him to come and talk about his boat.
But he's not like, he doesn't know anything.
He's like, if you see a freight ship be like,
Oi, oi, oi, oi!
He has nothing to give them. There he was, uh, an interviewer, uh, hey, hey! He has nothing to give them.
There he was, an interviewer questioned him and asked him if the sex raft label was justified
and Santiago said, quote, I am a real scientist, not a peephole gossip columnist.
Sorry, peehull?
Peephole.
Did you say peehull?
Peep.
Oh.
But yes, calling it the sex raft.
But yes as in but it was okay
No, just but okay, and you didn't say Pee-hole before I did not okay people
Sorry, but yes calling it the sex raft after a few days at sea was very truthful
So he's he's leaning in now. He's leaning like the room. He's like I made a comedy
That's what I was trying to make
duh Maria born stem the captain a comedy. That's what I was trying to make. Duh.
A Maria born stem, the captain was never given command of a ship. She would spend her career
in the merchant Marines as an assistant captain. So that was the only time she was captain
of a ship.
At least she had a good one. If you're going to do one, that's probably it.
I know everyone thought that would end in murder or something, but it was actually a
helpful story.
Yeah, well, I mean, it's nice to figure out why war happens.
That's what matters, figuring out why.
I mean, how was that an experiment?
I guess.
I mean, it's like, it's not stock. No, it's what's the one where the Stanford.
Oh, the Stanford experiment.
Yeah. It's kind of along those lines in a way.
A little bit.
It's way less organized with a clear objective. Like he was just kind of like, like the Stanford
experiment was just like, like a rock set. He was like, I do jazz, we'll figure it out.
Like he was like, well, who knows what the point is?
There's a lot of that.
I mean, it's basically like a drug study, you know,
where you retrofit what you were looking for
just through experimenting.
So it's like, they're like, hey,
this is an antidepressant drug.
And then they're like, hey, people are quitting smoking.
And then like, it's smoking cessation.
Like that's kind of what happened.
Like after the fact, he was kind of able to be like,
it was about that sort of,
cause he had no real victory.
No, none at all.
What did he go on to do?
Did he go on to do any other?
I couldn't find anything else about him.
He quite buried his life.
Yeah, it's funny.
Like there was no, I mean, maybe if I read Spanish, I could find stuff, but you know, he is. It'd be nice if you could try. Yeah, it's funny. Like, there was no... I mean, maybe if I read Spanish, I could find stuff.
But, you know, he is...
It'd be nice if you could try.
Yeah, I could try.
Did you look hard?
I did.
I looked hard.
You read Spanish hard?
I Spanished.
Sometimes I can read Spanish if I look at it really hard.
I Spanished really hard.
Every single guy, they did...
A guy did a...
Most of this is based on a documentary called The Raft
Yeah, I can't you you just texted me that recently yeah, so what if I'd said yes to seeing the raft
Because you were like probably a few days ago. You're like you've you seen the raft. I was like no two days ago
Like do not watch it. I was like okay. Well had another one lined up and and
It was a lot of Australia, and I was like I don't think I want to do that. I'm in like, okay. Well, I had another one lined up and it was a lot of Australia and I was like,
ah, I don't think I want to do that. I'm in Australia. Okay. So I just did.
This was just like a, like a, a spare that I had. I was like, oh, I'll do that one. Right. Um, so in that movie,
he has all the people come back that are alive.
Only one guy is alive. The, uh, the the Japanese dude all the other all the
other dudes are dead Jesus Christ a lot of them are dead there's only like six
that are so alive and I guess they were a little they're not that old they're
really not what he just you suggesting he like went and killed each one I'm
saying they got wet I wonder if he he's good he's dead right yeah he's dead he's
dead okay yeah I was thinking this the other day about how,
because I think it is very adjacent to reality shows,
because reality shows do say reality in the title,
except they're completely scripted, fake,
you have character types, there's producers,
and all those things.
And the first reality shows were actually totally interesting.
Like the real world when that first came out was interesting.
Because they were like, look, we've taken eight fucking people who totally view life
differently and now they have to live together.
But when you start manipulating reality, then it's no longer interesting to me. And that's the same
thing here. Like if you say, if you basically say like, we're going to go out for three months and
just see what happens to a group of people when they try, you know, that would be, that to be as
more interesting than, Hey, I'm with people emotionally and I'm manipulating people and I'm trying to create schisms and you know, orgies and
all that stuff. Personally, I need the orgy to be organic or I can't finish. This room
just got a lot hotter, right? Everyone here a lot more turned on. I ain't fucking...
No.
Oof. Yeah. Hmm. Don't.
Where's the after party?
There's no after party.
Well, let's end how we always end when we get to ask each other one question.
You want to go first or second?
I'll go second.
Okay.
Have you ever peed in a bottle in your car?
Yeah.
Okay, great. Have you ever peed in a bottle in your car. Yeah. Okay, great. Have you ever peed in a bottle in your car?
Yeah, I did it tonight.
No, that'd be amazing.
No, not easy.
Not easy.
Well thank you everybody for tuning into this.
Thank you Moment House for having us.
Mama huh? Watch out for those otters. Watch out for those otters. Thank you Moment House for having us. Mama huh?
Watch out for those otters.
Watch out for those otters.
Do you want to end with a song?
I have a song.
I wrote a great song.
I think we do deserve to hear his last.
This is his last.
Let's see.
Yeah, go.
So this takes place.
So we lost track with him.
And so then he basically he lives in like a lighthouse. Yeah. And the on the on a bluff.
That's right. Now I'm in control of the light. When I was younger.
I wanted to know why we fight. But now I'm here yeah with my lunch show so alone but it is alright
when you're just one man you cannot fight you just control inside the light. I heard your song from out the door. Whoa! What did you come
inside here for? You're not alone if you're with me. That seems impossible to to be Why do we love is that a glove? Yes. It was on my hand. I
Think we're singing the stand by me tune
I stand by you and I stand by you
It is just one no way. It's two
And then the camera that's why they know
That's why they're no, okay
Thank you everybody. Appreciate it very much. Have a good one gobble gobble bless you. Let's go out. That's you. Thank you
And we're brought to you by Airbnb
Um, so yeah, I whenever I travel I really try to always stay in an Airbnb.
I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the
Pacific Northwest.
And I'm with a couple buddies of mine and since we had like three or four down days,
we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful
sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang
out and that's what we did and we found some great options there.
The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views
and everything and we were able to get a real sense of what the place was going to look
like.
So yeah, I'm excited to do that just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere with some
buddies and some nature and a nice place, you nice place that has all the amenities I want.
But while I'm gone, I was also like, well, I have my place just there and it's always
nice to have someone stay at your place.
And I'm like, well, my place could probably be in Airbnb.
It's a nice, comfortable place.
I feel like anyone staying here will enjoy it. And you know, obviously
that way I kind of earn some extra cash that I can use for my trip from someone staying
here. You know, I've stayed in a lot of Airbnbs in the past and I travel often and my place
sits empty so putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do.
So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away. Your home might be worth to do.