The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 660 - President Benjamin Franklin - Part One

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine president Benjamin Franklin. Part one of three Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources   Squarespace  Mint Mobile  Helix Sleep Aura Frames - Code Dollop  

And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine. And since we had like three or four down days, we're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon, just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal, be around nature, just able to hang out. And that's what we did. And we found some great options there. The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just, you know, great views and everything. And we were able to get a real sense of what the place was going to

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And we're doing it. We're not. We're no longer going to try to do it, is what the deal was. I'm bringing the dogs. The dogs also love the mattresses. My kid loves the mattress because he asked for his own, which we got him. My wife loves the mattress. Everybody sleeps great on the mattresses.

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So here's what you're going to do. You're going to helixsleep.com slash, here's what you're going to do. You're going to go to helixsleep.com slash dollop. That's helixsleep.com slash dollop. Like we always say, helix, don't sleep on it. They never said that. I said sleep on it.

So you should sleep on it. It's a slogan. It said sleep on it. So you should sleep on it. It's a slogan. It's upsetting. A lot of the companies are happy with the slogan pitches. It is upsetting. And called it quote is jam patch. Jam patch? I'm the fucking hippo guy.

Babe, okay. My name's Gary. My name's Gary. Wait, is it for fun? And this is not going to come to Tickly Plot, guys. Okay. This is like anarchy. On a five part coefficient.

Come on, we're on the plane. Now hit him with the puppy. You both present six. And this is not gonna become a tickling pot. Okay Now hit him with the puppy you both present sick arguments You're listening to the dollopup on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my chum. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about and is having his personal space violated.

Well, it's a calming... I came all the way here not to be rubbed is having his personal space violated. Well, it's a calming... I came all the way here not to be rubbed. It's a calming rub. No. Oh, that actually did feel nice. Oh, girl. My shoulder hurts. I'm the one with the neck pain. Mm-hmm.

Because I slept... You know I sleep on my neck. Yep. So, for some reason... You're a man of a certain age. For some reason it hurt. I do have my man of a certain age hat on. That's a shout out to our man. To our man Mike Royce, who was the show runner and I acted on it. Who was your character on Men of a Certain Age?

I was Zeus. What was Zeus' deal? Well, in a couple episodes it comes down from the mountain. Oh, you had a couple episodes? Yeah, I had an arc of a Zeus arc. Wow. So I came down from the mountain and you had a you had a couple episodes yeah I had an arc of Zeus arc Wow so I came down from the mountain now Mike has done other shows since then oh yeah he nope he didn't have me on one day at a time what about one day of at a time one day of at a time we're pitching yeah you and Mike okay good I just want to make sure that show happens. No. Okay. And, uh, well, you said you just said that you're just going

to be very excited about this episode. This is, this is the episode for Gareth that we've been working towards all this time. I don't like, so part of me goes, it is someone I like. And then part of me is like, this is, you're just going to be, this is going to be difficult. January 17th, 1706. Okay. So that's interesting. Or January 6th, 1705. We actually don't know which year of our Lord, Jesus Christ, it was because there was a change in the, from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar. So there are two dates recorded. I am big Julian calendar guy.

Uh, no you are. I'm a Gregorian. So far this is, you're Zeus. So far this is a strange. Sexy. Well, it's strange cause I'm like, what is this? Uh, Gareth. It's strange because I'm like, what is this? Uh, Gareth. Benjamin Franklin was born in Boston, Massachusetts.

Oh my God. The president, your boy, your boy. Hilarious. Okay. Uh, he was born into a religious middle-class family. Joe Zia, Ben's, uh,'s, Ben's dad had kept the family Protestant in England. His family, his family kept the Protestant Josiah's family, his dad had kept the family had been Protestant in England when they were there. Sure. Even though it

was illegal to be Protestant. Yeah. Right. It still should be. But it's not anymore. But that was under Queen Catholic Mary. Sure. This is from Ben's autobiography. Quote, they had got an English Bible. And to conceal and secure it, it was fastened to open with the tapes under a joint stool. And then when the great, great grandfather

read it to his family, one kid would stand guard at the door. So it really was like contra Bible. It was contra Bible. I definitely, like, I feel like if you believe in it that much, it should be okay. Like you should, if you're gonna, if you're going to the if you're going to the lengths of like dieharding a Bible to a stool, you know, it's like, all right, this means

a lot to you. So there's been a lot. Yeah. So I'm, you know, and then you got to read it in secret. But I, I, I feel like dieharding cause you're saying that he put the gun on his back. Is that what you're saying? Yes. McClane. Okay. It was just a cause you really destroy the whole building. That's not a Tommy tower. I don't know what that is. Not a Tommy tower. What accent is that? It's me. Oh, hey cowboy. Alan Rickman. We found an accent you shouldn't do. No, I can do a Rickman. Oh, really, McClane? OK. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker. OK, that was good. So you can do him, but that.

And then I can do him being the American. OK. Hey, man, come on, don't do this. In that movie, that part is so awesome. Yeah, it is. When you're like, oh, John, no, that's the bad guy. It works out in the end, though. You smoke, man? I'd love a guy. It works out in the end though. You smoke, man?

I'd love a cigarette. It's a tough scene to watch. You're scared. I'm scared now. Anyway, back to President Franklin. Josiah moved with his wife and three kids to New England in 1682. Okay.

They had four more kids, and then she died in childbirth on the fourth. Well, it's gonna be a bad feeling. Took her out. Not just for her, but for, you know, I always, I think he's empathized with the man. And just for you to be like, our fourth, and then be like, shit, now it's all me?

I got to take care of the, how am I going to feed that one? I picture Ben Franklin always with that hairstyle too. We all do. With the bald mullet. So he gets married again to Abaya, and they have 10 more kids. What the fuck is going on here? Bang, bang, bang.

They're fucking. They are fucking. That's crazy. Ben is the 15th. God, Lord. I can't get over that, like, most of your semen is baby. Mine? No, no, not yours. No. His dad wants him to become a

minister and so he's eight. He sends him to a Boston school to begin the priest education. Okay. But they didn't have enough money. So he, he pulls him out after a year. Wow. Finally, he does know how to pull out. No. Then he goes to a local school. Biographer Ronald Clark said Ben ridiculed his dad saying grace at night. So he decided Ben wasn't church material. So there's two versions. He ridiculed his dad by saying grace? While his dad was saying grace. Oh, oh, gotcha. Okay. So Benjamin Franklin's version is that they couldn't afford it. But the biographer Says that his father basically was like no. Yes, because you're making fun of no respect for dinner. Grace. That's right

Dinner grace is the best grace. It's weird depends on the meal. That's how I feel If you're going to thank a higher power, it better be good. It can't be like, you know kfc You can thank god for kfc. It can't be like oscar meyer KFC. You can thank God for KFC. It can't be like Oscar Mayer Turkey. By the way, my son loves, or doesn't love, but he likes to go through the drive-through and get the ice cream at Der Wiener Schnitzel. Der Wiener Schnitzel? Der Wiener Schnitzel.

I don't think you've ever been more of a white nationalist than right now. Der Wiener Schnitzel is a. Why you say der? Because that's what it's originally called. We all call it Wiener Schnitzel. I know, but it's Der Wiener Schnitzel is a... Why do you say der? Because that's what it's originally called. We all call it Wiener Schnitzel. I know, but it's Der Wiener Schnitzel. It's a little too much.

Sorry, I'm using the formal. And on the side, they have all the pictures of the food. And it's horrifying every time I drive through. Yeah, I'm proud. Never been to Wiener Schnitzel. And then we went and Finn ordered a hot dog because he wanted to see what it was like. And he took like one bite and he goes,

this is like un- Should be the reaction to every hot dog. Every time someone has a hot dog, it should be that. Hot dogs are tasty. I don't, I like a vegan one, but it's really the bun and the condiments. Let's touch elbows. I'd rather not.

It's the bun and the condiments? Yeah. That make the hot dog? I think it's a big player. You're completely out of your fucking mind. I don't think the hot dog is important, as important as the condiments. And the bun? You couldn't just eat bread with ketchup and mustard and relish? I could.

Oh, sorry, der Wiener Schnitzel. I'm worried about you. If I don't know someone that well, I don't just call them by their last name. I use the full name. It's not a guy. It's called showing respect. So Ben, Ben is young, young guy taught himself to swim. And then he invented a wooden paddle to help him swim faster.

Fucking hilarious. He would hold. Hilarious to think that like floating on wood hadn't really come to his head. Inventing was a lot easier back then. I guess everyone was a little stupider. But still, I would just think naturally, I feel like I would happen upon that invention.

Maybe not. Yeah, I don't know about that. I called it rock. That would be me. But it hurt his wrist, so he stopped using it. Because he was swimming holding it, like it can't. Oh, I see. And then he tried a similar thing on his feet,

like flippers, but that also didn't take. So anyway, at 10, he leaves school to help his father's business. Okay. And having babies, having babies, just fucking for the debt. So that does a low class tallow, Chandler and soap boiler. So he made, he made candles, candles out of fat sure because the wax ones were for the church But the fat fat candles are for your house. Hmm Well, Chubby can refer to your penis as a fat candle. Don't worry about it

He Ben hated it. He did not like working in the little little like yeah that works and he threatened to run away and get a job on a ship because Ben really wanted to be a seaman because his dad had, and his brother, an older brother had become a seaman and then they never saw him again. I think he died maybe. Anyway. Cool.

Just so Josiah hates the sea and he wants Ben to work on land. Sure. So Ben loves reading and he ends up working with his first older half brother, James, who is a printer. And he, his dad signs him to an indentured servant contract. Signs Ben to? Yeah. With his half brother. Is that okay? Sure. How does, what is the deal there? Well now he, you're allowed to just force. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, that's what a lot of people did.

It was like a son slave. Yeah. Yeah. Son, son, son, but you paid a little bit, but it's not his dad. It's his brother. So it's not a son slave. Well, okay. Brother slave.

You, you have a kid. So you like, I could sell fan if I wanted. I'll buy him. I'll buy him. Good boy. All right. Um, so he's contracted from 12 to 21. Oh, my God. It doesn't get paid anything onto the last year. Why are they signing him to

like mega baseball contract? Don't you think at 12 you'd be like, can we do like a two-year free agent thing? You would think so. That's a long one. Nine years to agree to it. Yeah. Especially in this time. Cause what are you living to be like 50? I feel like you shouldn't have to make a nine year decisions when you are. Nine year decision. Yeah. Well, he did it. Um, he only get what cuts wages in the final year. And there's another smart kid around.

Uh, he did sign a Yankee deal. He did sign a Yankee deal. Yeah. Although he's not getting paid till the end. so it's more of a Dodger's deal. Kind of what the Yankees do. Oh, more of a Dodger, okay, yeah. So there's a kid, local kid, who's also like a book reading kid, and so they end up debating all the time, like you do when you're a kid.

You debate with the other kids. Collins is his name, which included, unquote, the propriety of educating the female sex in learning and their abilities for study. What? Ben took the position that women could be educated. Oh, wow. So that was cool. Progressive.

Quote, perhaps a little for dispute's sake. Oh, so he was just kind of devil's advocate. He's taking the, you know, when you're in debate club, you take. Look, we all know the women don't have brains, but for the sake of argument, I'll really try the tough one. I'll pretend women are qualified for working. So he adopted the Socratic method of debating, which is asking questions.

That's also like, I like super annoying. Mm-hmm. That's also super annoying. I like that way of doing it, where you're just like, are you sure? Yeah. And he became a- Do you think that really holds water? Spell that, would you? Oh, god.

He became- How long have you been talking? I ain't going to end the podcast. I would really rather know where you're from. Can you clap both of your hands on your knees? What sinners do? I think you know how this method works. Of course I do. Oh would you explain how you think it works for me? How do you spell Socrates? He became very skeptical of religion. Okay.

And he would use this method to draw concessions out of even educated scholars. He would write quote entangling them in difficulties out of which they could not extricate it themselves. He later abandoned the method because probably nobody liked him. Right. Is that what so great the soccer so great Socrates is life was like a probably nobody liked him. Right. Is that what Socrates' life was like? Probably. People are just like, Jesus, he sucks. Bro, stop asking questions.

Why? Has it offended you? Yeah, I would imagine it was not. Can I buy a friend? But they were all about debating and like, you know. Right. That was all they had. There was no duty. Right. They just sat in like, sit in the square and talk.

So some guy figured out the most annoying way to talk. Basically flowers are from God's dick. Oh, this is crazy. You know that I have it on good authority because the authority, oh my God, it's so, so hate him so much. So at 16, he reads a book that convinces him to become a vegetarian. Whoa. Which on philosophical reasons like animals.

Have feelings. Should be allowed to live. Yeah, shocking. But that really annoyed the boarding house he lived in and where they chided him. So he teaches himself how to cook. So okay. I mean, I don't understand. where they chided him, so he teaches himself how to cook. I don't understand. He has issue with the treatment of animals,

but everyone makes fun of him, so then he's like, I'll just learn how to cook meat. Because no one, no. Oh, vegetarian. Yeah, no one's going to cook a vegetarian meal for him. Wow, that's crazy. So he's like, I'll do it. In 1721, his brother, James, starts printing a newspaper.

And it's the second in America. Wow. The New England Courant. Courant? There's different ways you can say it, Courant or current. C-O-U-R-A-N-T. Okay.

A lot of people thought it was foolish because there was already a newspaper. We have the one. We've got one. What are you doing? We only need one news source. And Ben was the distributor. So he was the original paper boy. He just went out. OGPB. And he just would be like, paper. Hello. Curious? Throw it a guy. Here you are. Here. Earlier that year, there had been a smallpox outbreak in Boston, about 6,000 people, 60% of the town got smallpox. 900 died.

Okay. And some scholars, some, sorry, leaders were like, we should do inoculation. It's this brand new technology that China has been using for over a thousand years, but brand new to us because we're white. And there's a lot of backlash. Will it affect us going to the Celtics games? It's a lot of backlash. So James paper, he went full anti-vax.

Two papers and one goes anti-vax. Right. So he's like Jimmy Dore. Right. So he's like Jimmy Dore, right? He was decried as promoting quote nonsense unmanliness profaneness immorality arrogance colonies lies contradictions and whatnot to debauch and corrupt the minds and manners of New England

That because he was anti the inoculation. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And it was vaccination. Yeah. That's what inoculation is. Yeah. So what I mean, take a little tiny bit of smallpox and put it in. You know, that is they were even doing that back then. Yeah. Oh, wow. That's crazy. So to me, I would be like, they're just like, it's pond water. Ben really wanted to have an article printed in the paper, but his brother wouldn't let him.

He's like, they're fucking 16 year old. By the way, I'm sure that that paper was like after doing the past times. I'm sure that paper was full of dumb shit. Oh, the stupidest shit. But there's no room. Yeah. How can I get you in here? I got to think about the cow attacking the old lady.

There's the devil who is going after all the women. The guy who got caught in a wagon wheel. This is a huge news week. And then I have 75 ads about escape slaves. And then I put the women's address in there a bunch. I mean, there's no room. I got to let people know where the hot women live. The last page, the whole last page is women's addresses.

Good Lord. So Ben writes an article anonymously and disguises handwriting and slips it under the office door. Now this is good stuff. Well, that's exactly what happened. And on April 2, his first article is printed, but not under under a certain James doesn't know who it is. He just knows someone or an article. It's really good. So he keeps writing secretly for the for the paper. But when he finally reveals that he's the author, James is like,

yeah, whatever. You're just, you're being vain. And then, and then they start to argue. The two brothers like start to argue a lot. Quote, he considered himself as my master and me as his apprentice, which kind of is what he is because he's an indentured. He's had a nine year deal. That's literally the... Yeah. But there is some hubris in the idea of being like, you couldn't possibly... I can write the...

I'm the older brother. You're the idiot. So whenever they argued now, they would take it to their father and Ben was normally found to be right. So his brother would then beat him up after. That's how you prove you're right. That's right. Okay. All right. So I mean, that was during the page, right? If you want to see a camera struggles, that was a good time for the dog to bark though. Oh, it's good. I agree. So, um, so his brother beat him up. Um, James then runs into problems with the Massachusetts Assembly because he writes they're not doing

enough to stop pirates. They put him in jail. It's just, it's very unrelatable. My pirate articles have gotten me in jail. I mean, you know, they're trying. Trying what? Stop pirates. So why isn't he shut the fuck up about them?

He's not helping the pirate situation. Is that the real pulse of the time? It is for me. He was, he was just getting in the way. He's basically helping the pirates. Why? Because he's pointing out that we're not doing enough, but we're doing enough. Hold their feet to the fire.

And we're not doing enough if there's a ton of pirates. There's pirates, but you can't stop all the fucking, they come from everywhere. We're just doing enough, but we're doing enough. Hold their feet to the fire. And we're not doing enough if there's a ton of pirates. There's pirates, but you can't stop all the fucking, they come from everywhere. We're just here in town. We're going to build a wall. Oh, Christ. Oh. So while he's in jail, Ben runs the paper.

And then when James gets out, and this is the second time he was jailed, I think, but he was anyway jailed twice. And then when he's released a second time, it was ordered, quote, James Franklin should no longer print the paper called the New England. Who wrote that? The assembly. Oh, okay.

So they were happy with Ben. Well, no, they just didn't want him doing the paper. They don't want James doing the paper. Because of the pirate stuff. They talked about it and they thought about changing his name and then, or changing the name of, sorry, changing the name of the paper.

They're like, let's just change the name of the paper. Cause they specifically said, No, James. Called the New England print, right? So at the end, James decides, well, they obviously have such a problem with me. I'll print it under Ben's name. Interesting. So they write up a new contract to do that.

Ben and James. Yes. So after a few months, though, Ben quits. Which he couldn't do previously because he was indentured. Because the contract is free agent. Yeah. Right. Because now he's a free agent. Yeah. So he's going to look for a job. How old is Ben now? I don't know. How many years into his 17 year deal?

He's like halfway through. Yeah, he's like halfway through. So there are other printers in town and James went to talk shit to all of them so Ben wouldn't be able to get a job. And then Ben also found out when he goes out to find a new job that most of Boston think he's a heretic and an atheist. Ben.

Because of what he was writing? Yeah. What was he writing? And also the questioning of authorities and all that. And then religion a little bit too. Because he, yeah, okay. Because he was questioning the religious guys. Yeah, he was making fun of grace, and yeah.

So he decided he needs to leave. We are a paper about pirates! Last time! No, because you're pro-pirate. Right! Huh? Wait, so what did you say he's doing now? He's going to leave.

He's going to leave where? Boston. Oh, okay. So he decides he's going to go to Philly going to leave where? Boston. Oh, okay. So he decides he's going to go to Philly and the boat hits a storm on the way and they can't dock. So they drop anchor and they wait for the storm to pass and they have no supplies. And so they start fishing.

Okay. But then it's so it's not, it's like not that far. So it's you could die right now. It's like it's like, but I mean, they're just going like, you know, not too far. And they're like, well, we're going to have to fish for food. It's like land. We can we hit lands there? But yeah, so they fish.

But now, remember, Ben's a vegetarian. Oh, boy. He considered every fish caught was the victim of an unprovoked murder. Wow. Fucking love this. I really do. Listen, is every animal at each other animal committing murder? No, there is a that's why like my beef lies with factory farming. Mainly because yeah, I think you're right. Like acts of nature, you know, what are you going to do? It's like there is this, that is part of it. Also, there's so much evidence to like, I mean, remember when you like, if you saw the first time where

a guy was doing this experiment with plants and he was like, here's what's happening when people eat plants and it's just like screams. And I'm not even saying that's necessarily exactly what's going on, but you definitely, the more you go into it, the more you're like, you know, there is just this, there is this, there is this kind of like circle to all of this. So yeah, you can't say that, but pescatarians have always had a bit of an issue with, because they just are like, damn fish aren't real.

And I'm like, they fucking are. We went to a bar in Australia called The Catfish where there's a fucking catfish that loves to get pet. Fish like to get pet. There is an emotional, isn't it petted? Petted? You stop talking. There is like, some of these animals have, like the idea, pescatarian, my mother's a pescatarian. I'm always like, what's your deal?

Just gonna eat all the salmon like a fucking bear. Yeah, no Just it's a weird angle to me. It's not it is Your weird. Well, why can't someone just be like I'm like, I'm just baking only. That's you do that It's fucking weird bacon. You can slice off and not actually killing the animal. That's fucking weird. Yeah. I really, what I'll do is I'm going to eventually go human only.

Oh, that's so crazy. Do do do do. Um, but then he starts smelling. Billionaire only. But Ben, that's fine. Ben starts smelling the cooking of the fish and he's like, man, that smells really good. Boy, that moita sounds pretty good right now.

So then he sees that on a catch, he sees that there's a small fish in the stomach of a big fish and he's like, if they can eat each other, I can eat them. Oh, okay. So it's philosophical. Yeah. All right. So he, when the storm goes down, he it's philosophical. Yeah. All right So he when the storm goes down he gets a shore So now to get to like 30 pounds You guys have to try cod So to get to Philadelphia from where he has he has to take a ferry then walk 50 miles and then take another boat

Jesus quits. Yeah, I don't know why, because he got dropped off somewhere in Maryland. That's the end of the boat. He got dropped off a Jersey somewhere. Yeah. I don't know. Okay. So it's pouring rain when he's walking

and he looks so bad that someone thought he was a runaway servant. In Philly quote, I was dirty from my journey. My pockets were stuffed out and shirts and stockings and I knew no soul nor where to look for lodging. I was very hungry and my whole stock of cash consisted of a Dutch dollar and about a shilling in copper. Man, that's not, that is destitute.

That is not good. I also, again, I picture an 18 year old with the bald mullet. Yep. So he goes to a bakery and asks for a biscuit. Hi, I have one Dutch coin. Can I have a biscuit? And they don't know what that is.

They don't have that in Philly. We haven't gotten those here yet. What the fuck is that? So he asked for a three penny loaf. Hey, someone come out here and beat this guy. This is crazy. And they don't know what they're like. That's not a thing.

A hot cross bun. And then he's like, well, what can I get for three penny? And they're like three loaves of bread. So it's way cheaper in Philadelphia than Boston. He's like, whoa. So he's holding his bread and there's a bunch of people walking to a Quaker meeting. So he follows them. And then he sits in the bread and there's a bunch of people walking to a Quaker meeting so he follows them. And then he sits in the back and falls asleep.

And then some guy was like, I'm making an oatmeal and you'd be perfect for it. You're the guy. You look great. So the top printer in town he goes to, he doesn't have work. My name's Hank Kinkos. But he sends him to the next like his biggest competitor. Mr. Kemmer and Ben gets a job with him. Okay. He lives with a guy named Mr. Reed.

Okay. Who has a daughter, Deborah. There is Sparks. Kemmer very religious, he had a full length beard because quote, thou shalt not mar the corners of thy beard. Is that anywhere in the Bible? It gotta be, they just said it, yeah. See, there's so much that we're just not, it's like, are you in or are you out? I'm in. Well, your beard looks pretty marred.

No, it's not marred. I mean it is like what what's marred means? So it happens when you go on real time and debate the best. I mean is that just cut I would imagine that it What says the I mean? Yeah, I would have met. I mean it's full length. It's got to just be cut Length is even weird. What does that like this? That means you just let it go forever. Yeah. It just doesn't stop. Well, that seems crazy. But I don't, I think some people's beards are just like, all right, I'm done. Like they don't keep it down to my foot. That's it. That's great. Yeah. You're really godly. Yeah. All right. So he, he believes that he also rested on the Sabbath and Ben thinks both these things are ridiculous, but Keener wants Ben to adopt the practices

that he does if he's going to work there. And Ben's like, okay, I will do that if you become a vegetarian. So Ben is back to vegetarian. He was starving on the ship. He just ate fish. Yeah. Okay. And after three months, Kimmer can't take it and he wants to eat meat and he orders

a roast pig, which he's going to share with his friends, but the pig gets delivered before his guests are there. So he just eats it all. Wow. That's how much he was like sick of. That's how much. Fuck your beans. What time's everyone coming?

Six thirty. Maybe I'll just eat a little snout. So the governor, governor. All right. Where's that pig? All right. There's just a bunch of bones here. Where's that pig at?

Would you like to watch me go to the bathroom? Oh my God. Are you OK? I ate the. Uh. Oh my god. Are you okay? I hate the whole pig. Oh my god. I hate the whole piggy. Oh my god, dude. I feel weird. Yeah, you're like crash dieting.

Oh man. It smells so good. You smell pretty foul. This pig. You're really. I hate the whole pig. You're sweating brown. Yeah.

I think I figured out a new thing I'm into. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. I'm going to go to the bathroom. You're really. I hate the whole pig. You're sweating brown. Yeah. I think I figured out a new thing I'm into.

What's that? Whole pig eating. Oh, you made it sound kind of like erotic for a minute. It is as well. Well, it depends how you do it. Turn around. He ate it. He ate the whole thing.

And a lot of the bones. What are you looking at me like? Hi, Peggy. No, no, no, no. We're not doing the cartoon stuff. No, no. OK. OK. The governor of Philadelphia, Sir William Keith, heard of Brent Ben's printing experience, and he's thrilled because the city has two printers who were quote wretched. Sure.

So, and one of those is Kemer. Right. Or Kimer, whatever. I probably say that's the, that's Deborah's father. Yes. No, the other guys, the other, the boarding house guys, Deborah's father. Okay.

Okay. So he, and cause he wants to talk to Ben, but I think He has to have keemer there because he's been boss. I don't know but they both come to lunch. Okay, and Quote and having Anyone a pig, please come to lunch and bring a pig. I'll have the whole pig Anyone have a pig? Please come to lunch and bring a pig. I'll have the whole pig. Quote, I was not a little surprised and keemers stared like a pig poisoned. It's because I ate a whole pig two days ago.

The governor tried to convince Ben to start his own printing business, but Ben would need financial backing from his dad to do that. Okay. So the governor wrote a letter to the dad. It's fucking weird. Dear Mr. Franklin, can Ben be a paper man? Signed the governor of Philly. So Ben took it personally to Boston and his dad took a letter and read it and didn't say

anything for days and then finally declared the governor had little discretion to ask for so much money and he refused. Okay. He wrote back saying he didn't think Ben was ready and he told Ben he would consider it when Ben turned 21. Okay. Tell my boy. So, Ben goes to New York on the way back

and he hangs out with his friend Collins, the guy that he used to debate with when they were kids. Uh huh, right. He's now a big drinker. Collins is, yeah. Like he gets in trouble and Ben has to get him out in New York and then they go to Philadelphia together.

Okay. And Collins wants to get an accounting job, but the big problem is that he's a drunk. Right. So he couldn't, he couldn't find work. So he's basically just leeching off Ben this long time. And then one night they're out on a boat together and they're taking turns rowing and he refuses to row. Collins.

Yeah. I'm done. And they argue and then they fight and Ben throws him out of the boat into the river. And then every time he tries to get near, he just rows a little bit away so he can't get in the boat. And he's like, you only if you say that you're going to row, I'll let you back in the boat. And Collins like, I will not row. I'll die.

And then they never talked again after that. That was the end of the friendship. The guy might have died. I'm sure he'd let him back in maybe or maybe swam over the shore. But anyway, their friendship's done. A boat ultimatum. Because the guy's like, I'm not rowing.

That's why they call it an oar. done. Because the guy's like, I'm not rowing. That's why they call it an order. So Governor Keith still wants Ben to be a printer and he offers to buy whatever he needs from England to set up a shop. Okay. Yeah. Cause the only place they can get the equipment is from England. There's no place in America that makes printing stuff. Man, it's early on. So different now. It's the same. He said he'd give Ben letters of recommendation and credit to go to England and get all the stuff he needs.

Ben needs to go get it himself? Yeah. Yeah. Jesus Christ. But Ben goes to the governor's office to get the letters and the governor's secretary is like, oh, they're not ready yet. And then they just keep not coming.

And then a merchant tells Ben that the governor is just known as a huge bullshit artist. Okay. So he's still going to England because he still wants to do this. And before going, he courts Deborah. And her mother's like, she's too young to marry. How old is she?

I don't know. They've got to be pretty young. I mean, she's got to be around 17 or something. OK. So it's like a Matt Gaetz deal. But Ben made promises to her. And then he leaves. But the whole time he was in England,

he only writes one letter. And the only letter he writes says he's not coming back anytime soon. What a Romeo. and the only letter he writes says he's not coming back anytime soon. What a Romeo. So he's looking for printing work in London because he wants to improve his printing skills. And a friend is living with a woman and

he bales on the woman. And then Ben quote, I grew fond of her company and being at this time under no religious restraints and presuming of my importance to her, I attempted familiarities. Porkin. He tried to bang. He was trying to get familiar. Would you like to make familiarity?

Would you like if I familiar inside of you? Here we are. Which she repulsed with a proper resentment and acquainted my friend with the behavior. So she was like, get the fuck off me and then told his friends. Ben's trying to fuck me. Who had bailed on her, like I don't get that part.

But yeah, she was like, Ben's trying to bang me. So he's in London for 18 months. He really got rejected hard. Yeah. By the way, I'll tell you, that age, it's hard to get rejected. All right. What? I like to bang.

And so he gets offered by some Quaker merchant guy a job back home as an accountant and salesman. So he can afford to go back. He gets a letter. I know. I think the guy might've been in England or maybe, maybe he did get a letter. But anyway, he goes back to Philly. He's not 20. He's got more experience and skills and he worked virgin. Maybe. Yeah. He worked for the Quaker for a few months until he got pleurisy, which is a lung thing. Okay. Uh, which you, uh, very often fatal at that time, but he did not die. Good.

And then his employer then quote fell ill with distemper and died. Okay. I like to have distemper. It's a dog disease. So I don't know. What is it? I don't know. I couldn't figure it out, but he did not have temper.

Sure. So his boss died from distemper. So now Kemar comes back and says, will you come work for me? And Ben doesn't want to, but he agreed. And pretty soon, he realizes that he's gotten really big. Well, pretty big. To do this, I'm only believing pig. May it pass. No no not as a printer I want you to hunt pigs in the wild a lot of what I'm doing now is pig based printing so I printed

on the skin of a pig and then I eat the pig and then I eat the paper I have any noise I make. When I breathe I go, hey, hey, hey. So Ben realizes. I married a pig. Okay. Yeah, but then you ate her. And then I ate my wife. I know you're going to say that. I like to eat my wife.

Every time I'm about to eat a pig, I marry it. Okay. And then I get familiarities. You should not be talking to people. And then I eat my bread. You understand what I'm saying? Luke, stop. You're a little cutie pie. You had to try it.

You're married to me? Stop talking. That's right. You ever eat a horse? No. Try. No. Okay.

Come here, you. No. Let's take our shirts off and roll around with oils No, why I just wanna eat some pig Pig is good. It's not The problem is if you eat the greens doctors will tell you that's pretty bad for you Good pig. That a piggy good eat the the pig head, the heart, the brain, the bum, the hole. Oh boy. I love pig.

I know you do. Guys, have I told you about my new diet of pig? No, stop touching me. I love a bit of pig. Stop talking. I'm having my hands huffed. Have you noticed you have no friends? You don't, yeah. Well, I will tell you I'm king of pigs.

You ever heard about that? Oh, I sleep out with the pigs and we make it in mud. And when I'm in making it mean they take my pun. Okay. Don't tell my wife. You don't have a wife anymore. Oh. You remember you're fucking in. Yeah, yeah, I ate her.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they either Yeah My daughter's pretty clear every time before I eat a whole pig once a day I married a pig and I call it my wife and then I Yeah, I do a lot of them So mission Ben soon realizes that he is training new printers who would then take over the job he's been hired to do. I think maybe my pig rant threw me in a direction of not understanding.

Keemer hires him. Yeah. But he just is, he's just training new guys to eventually get good enough to take his job. Oh, okay. Gotcha. to eventually get good enough to take his job. Oh, okay, gotcha. So he pays Ben well, and that's up until the other guys get better, and then he's like, I'm overpaying you.

Okay. So Keemur becomes abusive then, and he starts yelling at Ben in public, so Ben leaves, he's like, fuck off. And then another guy who was there at the shop comes and says, look, Ke has a terrible reputation and without you, his business would probably just totally fail. So you should start your own company and I have a rich dad,

he'll back you and then I'll come work for you. But they have to order equipment from England. You've got to go get it. Which they do, but then they have to wait for it. So that's going to take a while. Yeah. You've got to go get it. Which they do, but then they have to wait for it. So that's going to take a while. So in that time, Kimmer gets a job printing money for New Jersey and he asks Ben if he'll

come back to work. You'd be great on the hundred. Have you ever thought about money modeling? No. You've just got one of those heads. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you just kind of have a head for money. Do me a favor.

Look off to the side a little bit. Good, yeah, really. Yeah. Look kind of like, yeah, yeah. Hold on. Let me paint you, I'm really loving this. Yeah, that's good. That's real good. Wow.

I think this came out pretty good. Why don't have a snow? Am I humor? What? What? Gareth is if that's your name. We are also brought to you by Mint Mobile. Oh, Dave. Look, you get all these big wireless providers out there. And what you see is not what you get from them. Between the store and the first bill, there's a wow. All of a sudden, there's a lot of stuff on there. And it's a lot more than you thought.

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Yeah, look, you can set it up. So we gave my mom one and I can just upload photos onto it. So she gets the pics. And I gave your mom one with a bunch of pics. And the police are still looking into that. I have to be honest because that is considered a crime what you did. Right now we're talking about nice pictures.

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Thank you. You yawned. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest and I'm with a couple buddies of mine and since we had like three or four down days We're like, why don't we just get a place in kind of the middle of Oregon?

Just peaceful sort of retreat kind of deal be around nature Just able to hang out and that's what we did and we found some great options there The plan is to just do some grilling, some hanging, but truly just great views and everything and we were able to get a real sense of what the place was gonna look like. So yeah, I'm excited to do that, just to kind of be out in the middle of nowhere

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So putting it to use by hosting on Airbnb feels like the smart thing to do So let your place earn a little extra cash while you're away Your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at Airbnb dot CA slash host One time. So Ben agrees to come back and then they present their work to the New Jersey Assembly and Ben, who is the more educated of the two. It refined basically is welcomed. Uh-huh.

Kemers an outsider. He was, quote, an odd fish, ignorant of common life, Kemur is an outsider. He was quote, an odd fish ignorant of common life, fond of rudely opposing received opinions, slovenly to extreme dirtiness, enthusiastic in some points of religion and a little novice with all. Well, let me talk for a minute, Ben. What we're trying to do is make a pig-based current events magazine or paper or something like that. So let's all put sauce on our fingers. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Hold on a second, sir. I'm in the middle of something, you piece of crap. Do you have... Excuse me. Let's all... Hold on a minute, sir. Let's all take a little bit of the meat out of the pig and let's all try to throw it into

my mouth which will be open. We're showing money! Now before, hold on sir. Do you have a pigtail? Now hold on sir. Is that a pigtail? It's taped on. Now hold on sir.

The idea here is that I'll put some sauce in my mouth and then you throw pig in it and then I'll tell you what sauce I think it is. And I'm pretty sure that's a foundation for what a paper could be. If your question is have I been with this pig let's just say it's been marital. Okay now first sauce someone squirt then you start some of these guys look like they're a little freaked out come on hey why don't we do this pig j jams. All right, pig jams. Come on guys. Pig jams, pig jams. Let's make them, come on guys.

All right, everybody lift your nose up and let's pretend we're piggies. That's right, yeah, come on. All right, how about this? Let's get inside of the pig and I'll pretend like I'm the leader of the pigs. Are you able to feel shame? Um, here's the thing. Uh, well, to answer your question, no, I'm unable to.

But part of that is because I have a family of pigs, uh, and they're my best friends. Okay. Stop talking. Look at my teats. No, somebody's fake. I've been pulling on these nipples with hooks. Stop talking. So I made some hooks.

The hardest part about getting baby pigs to suck on your teats is no milk will come out. Stop talking. That's where the paper comes in. The paper is money. We're making money. Okay. Let's figure out how to get milk to come out of these teats under the hooks. My God.

Hey, Ben, I think you pushed it a little bit back there. Stop talking. OK. So Ben sets up his new business in a warehouse when he gets his equipment. He gets some customers. And then Kimu starts a paper called the Universal Instructor in All Arts and Sciences

and Pennsylvania Gazette that just insane? We have just gotten way better at titles. We had a time where we were awful. It only has 90 subscribers though, and Kim is now in debt and He sells the paper to bet you've been Ben changes the name to the Pennsylvania Gazette By the way, the title. And then he asked for submissions, but he mostly writes the paper himself. It was, quote, mildly radical and happy to print unexpected or racy non news items. Oh, so he was a little like Murdoch. Yeah.

Like he would do a list of more than 200 words for drunkenness. So a little entertainment, he's drunk as a wheelbarrow. He's got his top gallon sales out. He's loose in the hilts. The malt is above the water. So good. Yeah. So especially back then, cause they're like, we don't have enough words for how drunk we all constantly are.

So the paper becomes increasingly influential. People like it. There's a debate over printing more paper money and bed makes an anonymous pamphlet supporting it and distributes it called the nature and necessity of currency paper currency. And then it convinces people and the legislator passes the bill and then Ben is hired to print the money. Wow. Quote, a very profitable job at a great advantage to me. Was there some of this like in line ahead of time? Was it a little pay for play? Yeah, it was totally he. No, I don't know if it's pay for play yeah I was totally he know I don't know if it's paper play but he was clearly gonna make money off it so he

pushed it like it's cool he got more printing contracts and open it must have been furious yeah well yeah he must have been furious yeah well yeah he must have been furious yeah well yeah he must have been furious yeah well yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have been furious yeah he must have That's right. I ate myself. He, he, uh, he owns a stationery shop now. Gamer's business goes bust. So Ben starts paying off his debts. Kamers. Yeah. But doing it so everyone sees he's doing it. Okay. Uh, and seeing that he behaves in a quote, industrious and frugal way.

So it's like doing it for show for doing it for like, this is how good of a person I am. He's not religious, but he sees religion as useful because it provides a moral framework. Right. What mattered to Ben was truth, sincerity, integrity, although he's happy to Ben the truth where it helps him. That's why they call him Ben Franklin. I think that was a fun joke.

By the 1720s, he was crushing in his business and position in society, but he needs a wife. He's got to have a lady. And he met with a young woman a few times and told her parents, he would take her as his wife if they paid his debts of a hundred pounds. And they're like, yeah, we don't have that kind of money. So he says, well, here's what you can do. You can remortgage your house and then use that to pay me off. And then they're like, no, we Tom Selleck, we actually don't approve you. Like you're not, oh, I'll pay you. He quote soon found that the business of a printer

was generally thought a poor one. And I was not to expect money with a wife unless with such a one as I should not otherwise think agreeable. So he took a shit. He'll take a shit. So printers are seen as, you know, lower status. So a quality man, the family would pay for the daughter to marry a quality man. Right.

Because you're going, you'll probably end up making money and taking care of us to some extent. Yeah. And a not quality daughter, then they would pay him because she's not... Right. Take her off our hands. Yeah. My God, she's hideous.

She's crazy. And then, but normally he would just marry without getting anything. That would be the... For a decent, like a decent woman wouldn't pay. Yes, you could fall in love. Right. Because a lot of it, I mean, I know at some point it was like livestock was involved

or you were just like, you get a goat. Here's some pigs. Oh. Oh my, oh Ben. Ben, don't be an idiot, take this deal. Take Ben. I'll train the pigs for you. So maybe we put ribbons on some of the girl pigs.

No, no, no, just. No, let's not. Well maybe we'll ribbons on some of the girl pigs. No, no, no, just. No, let's, let's not. Well, maybe we've done. Well, I think you've, I feel like you've talked too much about pigs. What? Yeah. Oh, come on. It's merely one shade of my personality.

It's the whole thing. It's all, it's all the personality. No, it isn't. Are those the new pants? Yeah, these are. I got, I got a pair on too. I love them. Aren't they great?

They're the best. Yeah. This feels very branded. It does feel very random. Public rec. I love them. Aren't they great? They're the best. Yeah, this feels very branded It does feel very random public rec. I love them. I already have my hoodie. I ordered three more. Yes. I love them I didn't get a hoodie. I should've got it's great. And let me tell you, you know what? It's this is my problem When I get pants, I like I immediately I'm like I'm worried. I'm gonna spill something on them. Yeah, I get filled with There's dread little pig drippings. Oh, well, little pig drippings would really make these pants look nice.

The goal is to eventually have it be hog juice color. You know? So if I stain my pants with a little hog juice, that's just the Lord's way of saying, eat more hog on these pants, and make the whole thing a hog juice color and then eventually You make pants of pigs. You're never going to meet a woman. I don't need a woman. Oh shit Okay, I made I made a hole from pig, okay, and guess what goes in there nope my baster

so Ben from pig. Okay. And guess what goes in there? Nope. My baster. So Ben, after learning this about the level of printers, he, he, he goes on a bender. He starts just drinking a lot and he just dives into sex workers. He's like, this is going to be, let's do it. So let's go Benny boy. And 1731 he fathers a child, William, but no one knows who the mother was. Not even Ben. Today, nobody knows. No, he probably knew.

But no one knows. One rumor is a household servant, a London paper claimed, quote, an oyster wench in Philadelphia, whom he left to die in the streets of disease and hunger. What the fuck? Yeah, it's London. Well, there's a lot of gap between those two. Yeah. An oyster wench. Yeah.

Just going around selling oysters. Or maybe she, yeah, that's probably it. Or maybe she fucks for oysters. I've done that. In September, in September of 1730, he marries Deborah Reed. Oh. He was the one he was engaged to before he went to England and then never wrote her.

And then she married someone else when Ben was away. And then her husband just took off. Cool. So they still like each other. So they got married. OK. Not in a church in case the first husband showed up again. OK.

Well, these rules are pretty strange. Because she would still be married then. Sure. But if it's outside of a church. So they basically just had like a like. It's like a state marriage. That's like a fake marriage. No, state.

You can get married in like in the city hall as opposed to in a church. You know, if you get married in city hall, you don't have to get it annulled from the church. You don't have to tell me I'm married twice. No, you've been. All animals. I'm married twice. I got a church wife. Stop. I got a city.

So Deborah helps bed at work. They live with her widowed mother, his bastard son, William, and then they have another kid, Francis or young Frankie. So Ben's printing business, it's printing business, makes books and bills and Bibles and bonds and contracts, makes everything. He just prints everything. Anything without a B? Contracts. Oh. In 1740. Yeah. Yeah. In 1741, he printed the first medical reference book in America. Three years later, he printed the first novel. Wow. Ben is rolling, he printed the first novel. Wow.

Ben is rolling in money at this point. The first novel. Yeah. Your paper is very strange. I don't know, I was thinking, what if you just followed one story the whole time? It's highly unorthodox. So he's got money now.

He gives loans to the poor. In 1733, he published Poor Richard's Almanac, which almanac is a calendar. It's got important dates and astrological data and tide tables. And then there's also advice and there's little like observations. So they're very popular.

And well, it is like for the time, it had to be so entertaining if there was nothing like that. Well, the thing about all this stuff you can read, it's basically like there was nothing to do. Yes, and then some guys like, I invented Sudoku and you're like, this is fucking unbelievable. I invented making little shitty comments about the moon.

Whoa! I wrote a column about pigs and how you can eat them and make them brides. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. Let's put sauce in my mouth and guess which one it is if you're so tough. I'm sickened. Almanac's very popular.

His almanac starts selling 10,000 copies a year, which is a fucking huge number. Sure. He had pearls of wisdom like he that drinks fast pays slow. To be intimate. I don't understand that. He that drinks fast pays slow. Okay. I still don't get it. To be intimate with a foolish friend is like going to bed with a razor. Can I not? I mean, chlamydia. Love your enemies for they tell you your faults. Okay. I like that.

Ben saw it as quote a vehicle for conveying instruction among the common people. Okay. So Ben thinks printers have a moral duty to print both sides of an argument. Absolutely. But he would also reject articles on the basis that they were quote scurrilous and defamatory. printers have a moral duty to print both sides of an argument. Absolutely. But he would also reject articles on the basis that they were, quote, scurrilous and defamatory. Well, I mean, that's, I don't think that's right.

I mean, I watch a lot of CNN. You're supposed to do that. He writes a lot of satire, including poking fun at the witch trials, which some are still going on around. Lord, that, that has aged terribly. Those worked. Those worked. Is the only way to keep everything in order?

Witches sink. Ever since we stopped. Or float. Ever since we stopped the witch trials, everything has just gone crazy. It's terrible. We need to bring them back. And by the way, the good news,

about six and a half years away from now. Six and a half, if. Yeah, it's generous now. He used a lot of aliases while writing lights like silence, do good, Alice Adder tongue, Polly Baker and Anthony after wit. I'm Anthony after wit. He must have been friend Franklin.

Ha ha ha ha. He created Philadelphia's first public library and that was you pay two pounds a year and then you have access to the books and if you're not a subscriber you can just borrow one for a per book fee. And this is hugely popular. Yeah, it's a good business model. It's shocking that libraries have hung in there when this country.

Oh, they'll be gone in I know it's like, yeah. What, what is next? It's like, they're going to go after libraries for sure. Um, well that's something to look forward to. He proposed to creating a fire brigade in 1736. Someone who spreads fire. Yes. It was a credit just months later and Ben helped create the first city hospital in the University of Pennsylvania. So he's like, he's like a big shaken. Yeah. He's a big fucking shit around town. Um, in 1736, young Frankie died of smallpox. Which one was young Frankie? Oh,

the kid, the kid he didn't know who the mom was from Ben's autobiography, which was years later. In 1736, I lost one of my sons, a fine boy of four years old by the smallpox taken in the common way. I long regretted bitterly and still regret that I had not given it to him by inoculation. This I mentioned for the sake of parents who omit that operation on the supposition

that they should never forgive themselves if a child die under it. My example showing that the regret may be the same either way and that therefore the safer should be chosen. It's 2024! I would argue that at this point the child probably died from fluoride. And if you're going to give them a small dose of small pox,

you can't even do it because you need to like gargle rocks. It's hard. It has to be so it has to be harder to understand, I guess. I will. It's so fucking it's so fucking incredible that he had to eat a Big Mac. Oh, so it gets to the look on his face. He looked like Larry, like the way Larry David looked, except he couldn't say anything. Yeah. Like that was a scene out of a Larry David show.

Robert, what do you want? I might just have some, uh, Robert, we're getting Big Macs. He had to. You need to, you need to now, what you're going to do, What's known as cucking yourself from air forced fed. Now between the picture, the picture, Robert Sam, your bitch. That is, that was the greatest sign that he will not be there long because Trump is just going to fuck with him. Yeah. Oh my God. Okay. So, so get vaccines is what we're saying here because I don't know if you listen to the dollop, but all the kids dying at the beginning is because no vaccines. Yeah. So Ben was very big into science and doing his own experiments. And in 1743, he invented the Ben Stove, which was a personal fireplace

to solve the problem of heat going up the chimney. So it's basically one of those metal doohickeys that you see now, like the stove that he's, you know, when you see him in a house, they burn wood and they keep the house warm. So he wrote a pamphlet to promote his invention, although he never patented it, which was, uh, the, the, the pamphlet was targeted at women who quote, sat more in the

house than men with your little brains. You're, you're in the house doing woman things, but he never patented it. Nope. Strange. In 1736, he became, and another guy made it better. And then that's kind of the model you see today. So in 1736, he became clerk of the Pennsylvania Assembly, which gets him more contracts to print votes and laws and paper money, et cetera. During debates that he found boring, he would amuse himself by creating magic squares, which was a math puzzle,

where every row, column, and diagonal adds up to the same number. Isn't that the thing where you put it in your hand with your friends? You're like, pick a number. He was doing that sort of stuff. Pink. Okay. Now pick a symbol.

Square. Okay. You're going to marry Mark Palgosso. Oh my God. Is he a pig? Benjamin. The assembly was in a constant disagreement with the proprietors of the state, who were the Penn family. Okay.

So the Penns were given the land by the Crown. It's so funny that they were like, this is Penn, Pennsylvania. You get this. Yeah, I had no idea. Yeah, they were just people. Yeah, they're just rich people. So they got this big piece of land and they, the pens would appoint a governor to represent the crown. Okay. The governor just does what the pens want. Sure. So England

has to approve new laws and in the original charter, the pens were exempt from paying taxes on their own land. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. That makes sense, though. So the assembly keeps passing bills to make them pay taxes. That's the difference. But the governor would amend it to say, no, they don't.

There we go. And they would go back and forth like this. And then finally, the assembly would give up. That's how we do it. And in 1737, Ben was appointed postmaster in Philadelphia, which all great for his printing and newspaper business, because he can send the newspapers out for free now. Okay. You get like 10%. What does he you get 10% of whatever you, I don't know, the cost, the whatever you charge people for mail.

Oh, okay. And then, and then you get to send stuff, your own stuff for free. Okay. So it's a pretty fucking sweet day. So this greatly increases his circulation. Um, and he came up with, he, he's the guy that came up with, we had asked this before on the pastimes. He's the guy who came up with the idea of printing the names of people in the paper who had letters

waiting in the post office. Yeah, that's cool. That's his invention, but it's also like. Dumbest thing in the world. Like so obvious. And Clark Franklin? And now he also has a daughter, Sally. So William and Sally.

OK. In 1748, Ben gave up personally managing his printing business, but stays on as editor of the Gazette and Poor Richard. Okay. He said he wanted more peace and he claims he was offered to serve as a member of the assembly, but his biographer Clark says he, we should take what he says with a grain of salt because Ben, Ben really liked to talk Ben up. He did? Yeah.

I mean, it's so easy to do then too. Oh, fuck yeah. Like if you're him, this guy was unbelievable. Hair for days. Beautiful hair. So scientist Peter Collison introduced Ben Franklin to the concept of electricity. Now, okay, this is very funny. And Ben starts doing his own experiments.

But the concept, it was just a pie in the sky dream. It's been around for a little while. It was discovered in the late 16th century, but the difference is in the 18th century, creating electricity has become a form of entertainment. Oh, wow. So German Matthias Bose held a dinner, dinner parties and the objects on the table would burst into flames because he would electrify them. And he told the students to go talk to an attracted young woman at the university.

But when they touched her hand, they got an electric shock. This is all very strange. So it's all just like, it's all for- So what was she, she was holding something? It's pranks. Oh, okay. Yeah, she was holding something. So electric shoes, she was for pranks.

Yeah. Okay. A French scientist had 148 French guards hold hands, and then on either side, the men would grab an electrical wire and then they would all get shocked. I'm not going to lie, my cousin and I did this. Ah! My little, like his little sister. Yeah. would grab an electrical wire and then they would all get shocked. I'm not gonna lie. My cousin and I did this

My little like his little sister Yeah, we went down we were like walking by a horse farm and we were like hold our hands and then we like he grabbed The electrified fence and we all got it pretty bad. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, we did that. That's fun. Yeah, those lecture fences are no joke. Yeah So they then after that, it was tried. Now I saw two numbers, 200 monks is in this, but I also saw 700, but there's a lot of exaggerations about Ben Franklin, so I bet it's 200. So they did it with 200 monks after that,

so then they all got shocked. Oh. Why are they doing this? Not so silent, now are you, motherfucker? What does that even mean? Yeah. I just wanted to make bread. Shut up.

And worship the Lord. Now, quiet. Hold this. Gah! They're robes. So Ben spent about 10 years messing around with electricity in Atlas Obscuria called, quote, a bonafide electricity weirdo.

That's pretty cool. Yeah. I'm an electricity weirdo. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I'm an electrical weirdo. Hello. Hello. Yeah. That's a Rolling Stones album. Ha ha ha.

He would, he enjoyed showing his friends how a candle just snuffed out, quote, could be relit by causing a spark to pass through the smoke between the wire and the snuffers. I plan on using it for birthdays. It will be hilarious. He also, this is amazing, he created a counterfeit spider made of a small piece of burnt cork with legs of linen thread and a grain or two of lead stuck in to give it more weight.

And then he hung it over the table at a dinner party and used electricity to repulse and attract the spider, which would be flying around. So it looks like a real spider on a web. It's just insane. We got to fall for that. Oh my God. You should have been at Ben's party. He made a fake spider.

Oh, and a couple that. Oh my God! You should have been at Ben's party, he made a fake spider! Oh, and a couple people died! Ha ha ha ha ha! He also had friends perform an electrical kiss. Oh my, what is going on? Using conductors and insulators,

so quote, when their lips approach, they will be struck and shocked. I love electricity. Holy fuck, you're a terrible friend. Ah, come on now. Oh, spider! Hey, Ben, have you thought about making a pig? Yes.

Well, hold on. That when you eat it, shocks you. Hmm? Don't touch me. Come on. Get away from me. What about this? Go back under the bridge.

A self-cooking pig. You shouldn't be around anymore. Whenever you lay with it, it cooks. Stop talking. Think about it. Nobody likes you. Make me electrical and I'll cook it with my beaners. There's a reason you have no friends.

I have a lot of friends. Outside of town. I am king of pigs. You live in a pig wallow outside of town. It's not a pig wallow, it's a pig palace. It's just mud. It's a palace for us pigs. You're not a pig.

I changed my identification to part pig. Is that why you have the pig tail attached? By the way, that thing is dead. And in the front. Jesus Christ. That's right. Get the fuck out of here. I have my penis tailed. What do you want now?

Nothing. All right. So make it so that if I put it in a pig, it cooks it. Go and then I'll eat it while doing what I do. We're going to shoot you. I would really think twice about that. Good luck getting a society to move on without this guy. Ben also would coin the words positive, negative and battery. Okay.

Wow. In April 1749, he held an electric feast on the banks of the river quote, cocktail hour would feature flaming shots sparked by a current that was passed through the river from a battery on the other side. Yes. He's like a pyromaniac, but with electricity. Yeah, he's totally going. He's fully just doing shows. Drinks are electric.

Yes. OK. The turkey was killed by electric shock. Now, that's cool. Zap before the barbecue, and Ben said a well-shocked turkey was, quote, uncommonly tender. You know what other? Nope.

OK. He also had glass. Did you think I'd be involved in this so much? No. OK. Nobody did. You know, me neither. He also had glasses that shocked the people

when they drank from them. A three minute, OK. Oh, fun! Yeah. Oh, this is great. Great, Ben. Ben and his colleagues were also looking into practical applications of electricity.

They wanted to see what bigger electrical shocks would do. Ben and his colleagues were also looking into practical applications of electricity. They wanted to see what bigger electrical shocks would do and Ben created an electrical battery made of panes of glass, lead plates, silk cords and lead wire and it could kill a chicken outright. I like that he's, well what will it do? This will kill a chicken. When we said practical. Although a turkey was quote merely stunned and recovered in 15 minutes.

Cool. But five battery jars would kill the turkey. Oh, cool. Ben noticed it was much quicker and more humane death than other execution methods. Says who? Says the turkey. No. the turkey. He said, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. His experiments became famous in part

because of their simplicity. Sure. Lord Brahm quote, he would make an experiment with less apparatus and with more ordinary materials than any other philosopher we ever saw. With an old key, a silk thread, some sealing wax, and a sheet of paper, he discovered the identity of lightning and electricity. And then Ben was also able to write in a way that just made everybody understand what,

right? Cause a lot of science is like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but he could, he could do that. And everyone, everyone's pretty blase about the danger of electricity. Even after seeing a turkey get killed by it? Ben almost killed himself twice. Oh wow. Once he was demonstrating to a group, I think he was shocking a turkey and he knocked himself out. And when he came to, he started to do the demonstration and everyone's like, no, you already did it, but he didn't believe him. Oh, stop it. Stop it, stop it, let me do it once.

Oh, here it is, on Christmas Day, 1750, while killing a turkey with electricity, he accidentally shocked himself, quote, "'The company presidents say that the flash was very great "'and the crack as loud as a pistol yet.'" It's so funny to imagine him fly across wherever they're doing it, and they're like, oh my God, Ben Franklin's dead.

And then he gets up and he's like, now to shock at Turkey. Are you doing a bit? Are you doing a bit? You just did this. My senses instantly gone. I neither saw the one nor heard the other nor did I feel the stroke on my hand. So afterwards I found it raised around swelling where the fire entered as big as half a pistol bullet. Okay. So he's not too concerned about experimenting on others either. Quote, too great a charge might indeed kill a man, but I have not yet seen any hurt done

by it. You just said you have a pistol bullet hole. No, that was, huh? That was a dream. In the early 18th century, it was noted that lightning and electricity had the same qualities, but no one had created an experiment to test the theory.

Ben noticed bigger sparks of electricity looked like lightning, and the crack sound was like thunder. And he speculated that this weather phenomenon was like the experiments. They did, but on a grander scale. There's something to this. In 1750, his friend Peter Collinson printed Ben's electricity work in a pamphlet titled

Experiments and Observations on Electricity Made at Philadelphia in America by Benjamin Franklin and communicated in several letters to Mr. P. Collinson of London. So I put himself in there. Just these letters. It's called electric band.

It describes his early experiments stated lightning was an electrical phenomenon and also described a lightning rod to protect buildings. It's a bestseller. It's translated into French. French scientists demonstrate the experiments to the king who orders lightning rongs put up across Paris. How's the man's am, huh?

Mm-hmm, oui oui. Huh? Your Highness, I've come quite a distance to request that my front tail be turned into a lightning rod. I would like you to leave the palace. Hold on. Hold on. I would very.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Do you like being? I. Do you like? I don't know how we got together, just the two of us. They came quite a distance. Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalil don't sit there trying to make sense of what's happening. It does not feel proper. It's possible. Anything's possible if you believe. Am I dead? I don't know. We're both very much alive. Am I in like a pig hell? No, no, no, no, no. The odor, is that what you're commenting on? The skin that's stapled to me.

Yes, very bad. I've become a pig man. I need to go. Okay, but listen, I've come a long way. If I am dead, I would like to. You're not dead, you're not, stop saying that. How am I alone with you? Stop saying that you're dead.

You're not dead. Your life could be about to start if you do. I am the king with you? Stop saying that you're dead. You're not dead. Your life could be about to start. I am the king. There should be so many people around me. That's very true. But I snuck in and killed a couple of your guys. Okay. Because I want to talk. I would like not to talk. Okay. Well, look. Look, look, look, look. Look. How you say, No, please hold on, let me finish.

How you say the creep? Let me finish. Uh-huh. My life took a very interesting turn. Yes. Okay. I decided to not eat meat for six weeks. Okay.

And this is what happened to me. Yes. So just, I'm a bit of, I'm like a walking testimonial for eat meat. It's, none of my- Now I'm a pig. None of my business. Now I'm a pig.

I am not to my- Now I'm a pig. Not to my concern. Okay. But listen. I don't want you near me. Hey, come on. Stop that. I wanna be your me. Hey, come on. Stop that

I want to be your queen Come on I have a queen. Well, let's you know, you can have two. She is a woman. Okay Uh, you are a dirty pigment I I am a dirty pigment. That's fair and I want you to die Well, I've got good news. Yeah? I am not, I am not going to live much longer. Okay.

I've made some very strange choices. Okay. Do you know what inoculation is? I need to go. I've done it with bacon fat. To try to make sure that I can't become human again. Now what that did was that made my blood very sick. My blood is very sick.

I'm begging you. Are you French? I'm a little bit tired. You're getting a bit ginger. Please go. Okay, oh I thought we were done. I thought I'd already gone. go. Okay. Oh, I thought we were done. I thought I'd already gone.

So he also, Ben isn't just an electricity. He's invented a few things. He's always inventing his brother, John, uh, several from kidney stones and seeing how much pain he was in from the catheter, Ben created a modified catheter, which was slimmer with two holes, so the pee would go out easier, and it was flexible with hinges. Fuck me, I mean, just fuck me. Not as hard to jam up the old hoo-hoo. Now, I apologize for the hinges. I mean, what were they doing before?

I mean, they were just taking- Let's keep this baby fat! A lead rod down there, and they're like, how's that feel? You're like, I would rather die. I mean, maybe it was because the thicker it was, the better the flow was. But since he made two holes that it came out fat,

I don't know. Well, probably they were probably like, but I mean, if you're putting a rod down a penis, it's like, don't do that. It's like, if you're putting a rod down a penis, how is, I guess it's just breaking up from the rod that it's kind of stop it, and then it's kind of just shooting out.

Okay, nevermind, no more questions. That must be what it is. I was winking by the way, and Gareth is not responding the way a man should. In June, 1752, Ben thought that if he used a kite, he could, quote, have a readier and better access to the regions of thunder. When a thunderstorm approached, he went out with his adult son,

quote, he observed, this is William, he observed some loose threads of the hempen string to stand erect and to avoid one another, just as if they had been suspended on a common conductor. And he presented his knuckle to the key and the discovery was complete. He perceived a very evident electric spark.

So the little hairs stood up, a little hairy knuckle. He wrote of the experiment in his paper in October, but didn't say that he was the one who conducted it. Oh, cause he wanted impartiality? No, Ben loved to talk himself up. He was the one who conducted it. Oh, because he wanted impartiality? No. Ben loved to talk himself up. So why would he not say he did it? It might suggest that he didn't actually

do the experiment himself and then later put himself in the story. Oh, that. Ben installed the lighting rod on his property along with bells so it would ring when electrified. He continued experiments. In 1753, Harvard awarded Ben an honorary degree, and Yale did the same two months later. In November, he was awarded the Royal Society's Copley Medal in Britain. Even though he wasn't

a member, this all, of course, helps make him even more famous and respected, which would lead obviously to his presidency. And that is the end of part one. Oh man. You can start to see the presidency forming. Research by... I did the research on this one. The wonderful Charlotte George. She does good stuff.

Absolutely nothing to do with it. Charlotte and I worked night and day on this one. And we're proud of what we got. We got some good stuff. So it's from the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin by Benjamin Franklin. BYE. Benjamin Franklin, a biography by Ronald Clark,

the Benjamin Franklin House Museum, Reuters, archives.gov, there's some Ben stuff in there. That comes later. Sure does, yeah. The second part, you're gonna lose it. Atlas Obscura Shocking Scenes from Benjamin Franklin's Experiment, Experimental Electrical Part later. That comes later.

Later. Yeah, a lot of this comes later. And then Philly magazine dot com Benjamin Franklin facts. Yep. There you go. Yeah. That's part one. There's gonna be another part. There's gonna be two more That's part one. There's going to be another part. Three. There's going to be two more parts. Yep. So we're looking forward to doing that, and we hope you guys learned a lot. We've kind of been trying to get this one out for a while, and so we're happy to start

it. But I think I speak for Dave and for Charlotte, who did the research. You're not going to believe where this story goes. This story goes some places, but until next time. Good stuff. And we're brought to you by Airbnb. So yeah, whenever I travel, I really try to always stay in an Airbnb. I have a trip coming up where I'm going on tour and I have like five down days in the Pacific Northwest. And I'm with a couple buddies of mine and since we had like three or four down days,

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