The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 661 - President Benjamin Franklin - Part Two

Episode Date: December 2, 2024

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine president Benjamin Franklin. Part two of three Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources   Aura Frames - Code Dollop Nutrafol - Code: TheDollop Rocketmoney  Litter Robot

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. You are listening to The Dollop and The Dollop is brought to you by Rocket Money. Look, Gareth, Rocket Money, it's a personal finance. You look. It's a personal finance app. You talk to me like that, you look.

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Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash dollop. That's rocketmoney.com slash dollop. Rocketmoney.com slash dollop. Gareth, we are also brought to you by Litter Robot. There's a million reasons why you loved your cat, particularly Gareth. He loves him in really uncomfortable ways, the companionship, the affections, the rubs. Sometimes with the buttholes in your face, you have no choice but to look.

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StopScooping.com slash dollop. This is Litter-Robot's best offer yet up to $100 off Litter-Robot bundles and an additional $50 off when you go to StopScooping.com slash dollop. That's StopScoing.com slash dollop. That's stop scooping.com slash dollop. Gareth, the dollop is gonna be on tour. We are going out in March. The tour starts on March 16th in Tempe, Arizona. The next night, March 17th, we're gonna be in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

Then the next night we go to Oklahoma City. And then the next night we'll be in Tul and then the next night will be in Tulsa At the Bricktown Comedy Club and then Gareth the next night will be at the Granada theater theater in Dallas I'm the night after that apology. I want an apology after that will be at the House of Blues in Houston, Texas And the night after that well the day it's a 5 p.m. show. Cap City Comedy Club, Austin, Texas, Saturday. Let me tell you, I've done 5 p.m. shows at Cap City. The energy is still there. DalaPodcast.com.

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. You can get your tickets at DalaPodcast.com. You're listening to the Dala. She's calling me pie boy. From the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast where each week, I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American History to my pie boy.

Hi, Gareth Reynolds. I'm not sure what this pie guy stuff is, but I have no idea what the topic, I do know what the topic's gonna be about. It'll be about America's greatest president, Benjamin Franklin. You just seem like a pie boy. I don't eat pie.

That doesn't matter. It's about, it's a vibe. Pie boy's a vibe more than it is an actual thing. I like pie. You don't eat pie? No. No. I can't eat pie. You're talking about it. Why? Well, is pie good for you? Yeah. Why in the book? Yeah, it's fine. No,? Why? Well, is pie good for you?

Yeah, why in the, yeah, it's fine. No, it's not. Pie is not good for you. You can have a piece of pie once in a while. Once in a while you can have a piece of pie, sure. You just said you don't eat pie. I don't actively eat pie. I eat pie like once a year.

You actively eat pie. Well, it sounds like you do, the way you're so defensive about eating pie. I eat pie like once a year also, but you said I don't eat pie. It's like saying I don't eat meat. I don't eat pie. I don't, I don't eat meat. I don't eat pie. I don't, I eat, there was a time when I ate a lot of pie.

Well, this is different. There was a time when, dare I say, I was going pie crazy. It was a dark phase. And by the way, I've had the body to show that I ate pie, and that's when I learned I can't eat pie anymore. I can't do it. I don't know what goes on with you.

Nobody does. But it's not good. It's not good. I'm like just. Not good. I just need some, I need, what I need is just, I need a circle. I need an inner circle.

All right, all right, good one. 1745 King George's War was raging and it strained Britain's relationship with the colonies. Okay. The Pennsylvania Assembly, which is dominated by Quakers, peace-loving Quakers, we like Quakers, will they refuse to contribute money to the war. They're the Quakes. Seems so strange now. But they did give 4,000 pounds.

Could that be our third party? Could we do Quakers? I would love to have a Quaker party. I would 100%. Could we do it? Quakers are fantastic. I would 100% support a Quaker party. It's got name identification.

We've got oats. How about this? Let's just pitch a little bit. Let's just pitch a little bit. Quakers. We got oats. Now we need votes. They gave 4,000 pounds for bread, beef, pork, flour, wheat, or other grain. I'm going to retire. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Right. Hired to stymie anything the assembly wanted to do. So they interpreted other grain to mean gunpowder. So they, this is so American. This is so American.

The Quaker was like, you only use money for bread, pork, beef, wheat, or other grain. And the governor was like, so other grain means gunpowder, right? So you mean inedible gun grain? Because gunpowder has grains. It's grainy. He's fucking ass. Yeah, right France starts recruiting Native Americans People to do raids across the colonies and attack ships off the coast first the First Nations as they're called up there Okay, the assembly refused. How do we feel about that? Whatever they're gonna call them

They they treat the Native Americans just as bad or if not worse than we do. So. But they're coming to get us. The First Nations people are not us. I'm not I'm I'm in any war. You're a whitey. I am opposed to my people. Shut up, whitey.

You're going to Arab Venus. Except when the Irish fight the English. What's your deal? Why you why you coming at me the English are the worst? That's not true. It is true. I mean Look, we're sorry. All right We've had what we call an oopsie daisy upsy danzy killed so many people on fucking accident, mate No, you slaughtered people on purpose.

What, because we needed a few little things from the shop? Well, the shop is other countries. Well, yeah, but we needed them. We was fucking starving, man. You weren't. Yeah, we were. You're totally gluttonous. Well, we was like, yeah, it's a disease.

We've got gluttony. We've got a filly. It's not a disease. Yeah, it is. It's a medical condition, mate. It's not a medical condition. Of course it is. That's what I've got those ads. It's not a disease. Yeah it is. It's a medical condition, mate. It's not a medical condition. Of course it is. That's what I've got those ads for it when I say, well you know, ask your doctor if

pillaging is right for you. Because you suffer from gluttony. Come on in. Honestly. Come on in. Come on in. No. Come on in.

This is not what we're saying. Get on board. Look, we, you know the phrase, gotta break a few eggs to have all the eggs. That's not a phrase. All right, well now it is. Gotta break a few eggs to have all the eggs. You're horrendous people. Look, are these the teeth of people who've been eating everything?

Yes. Oh, well. So the assembly refuses to fund a militia, even though France is having the Native Americans do raids. So Ben writes propaganda to make it happen. Nice. He called for a voluntary defense militia and he organized this meeting and the meeting is so popular they have to hold a second meeting. Wow.

And Ben claims- He added a show. He did, he had a show. That's where you want to be. He sold out. Adding shows. Yep. Ben claimed 1,200 men signed the petition, although historians say that's a huge exaggeration.

Okay. So he's a big, that's who Ben is. It's a little, a little Trumpy. There's a little Trumpy and stuff to him. Yeah. Um, Ben became a justice of the peace and then he becomes a member of Philadelphia's common council and then he becomes an alderman. And in 1971, uh, 19, sorry, in 1751, he ran for the assembly and his son takes his clerk job in the assembly because he got to keep that printing money coming in. In 1753, the postmaster general for America died and Ben lobbied for and got the job.

So his first act was to appoint his son as postmaster of Philadelphia. Now postmaster, it's just you control the mail here in charge of the mail. Yeah. So he's, it is a big deal back then because the mail is information. It's a money position. Right. Whereas now you're kind of like, come on, stamps should stay the same, weirdo. Later his brother would have that job. So okay okay. So I mean, although nepotism

is very common, um, Ben took it to the extreme. Interesting. So in 1775, he returned to Philadelphia after a year of traveling. Uh, he'd been out trying to regulate and improve post offices. Okay. And Britain is sending troops to Ohio, which is partly occupied by the French. That's so funny. Isn't it? Yeah. To think that that was ever like in the middle of the country then, but like you were just like, Jesus Christ, get out of here guys.

We're trying to make a whole thing here. And unfortunately we claim Ohio. And also can we just say that literally nothing of France was left in Ohio? That place is the least. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, there's like an Au Bon Pen. This is our legacy, huh?

You understand? Ben meets the general in charge, the American, the British. Okay. Of Ohio. Yeah. And he's furious because they only have 25 wagons and they need 150 to fight the French. The general?

Yeah. Okay. So Ben promises he'll get them more. This is such a funny time. Right. To be like, Ben Franklin is promising more wagons so the British can uproot the French from Ohio. Yeah, that's right.

No, we're not going to defeat the French unless we've got more wagons. I will return with more wagons. Look at them. They are the six seconds of feature with more wagons. By the way, this is Cincinnati. What? Cincinnati. Oh, Cincinnati. Yeah, we call it Cin-Cin-Nate, yeah? It sounded like you had a CH. Sometimes we do it, huh?

Cin-Cin-Nate? Look, don't listen to what I say. Some of them are pretending to be French and they're actually Italian. Hey, come on, what are you talking about? We're a trade at Cin-Cin-Nate, that's not a problem. I will return with more wagons. Is that Donnard Sutherland? One of them. Is that Donald Sutherland? One of them was Donald Sutherland.

It is fair. So Ben writes a letter in the local paper and said, generous Pennsylvanians should offer to rent their wagons and horses to the English. So it's a bit of a wagon Dunkirk. Yeah. Yes. And he suggested if they didn't get enough wagons voluntarily, they soldiers would probably just come and take them anyway.

So you should do it. Cool. And Ben's like, it doesn't bother me. Peer magnanimous or we'll steal them. Yeah. And Ben's like, I'm just letting you guys know. I'm not part of this. I'm just letting you know.

So within two weeks, he had 150 wagons, horses, and drivers. OK. And he gives word to the farmers that the supplies will be returned. This sucks for farmers, though. They're going into war also. So yeah. Yeah. Wagon war.

The British Army march into Ohio with 1300 troops. They are very quickly ambushed. The drivers panic. They cut out on their horses and leave the wagons. Okay, so the wagons are, hey, how did it go? Our wagon, where are our wagons? So I know you gave me two horses and a wagon.

Yes, and we need them and you said they a wagon. Yes. And I came back on. And we need them and you said they'd come back soon. So I came back on one horse. And that's kind of where we're at. Yeah. What way? Wagon wise, where are we at? The wagon decided to stay and fight.

Well the wagon is just the wheel. Well but it had different ideas. So I took this horse. Okay so I'll take the horse? Well, I need the horse to get back. To what? To where I live. To your home? What about the wagons?

When are you gonna go get our wagons? The wagon is still fighting. The wagon's not fighting, it's an inanimate object. Go get the wagon. It's fighting the front. We need the wagon. That'll happen. It might just be, at that point, like ash in a cup, the wagon, ash in a cup wagon.

Well then you're cremating the wagons. Well I think the French might cremate the wagon after they take the stuff out, the stuff being guns and things of that nature. It feels like we just don't get wagons back. Have you heard of the term ask kicking? Well I could assume what it means. Yeah. Okay.

I don't know what happened. I just assume I ran away on a horse. Yeah. That's kind of where I was going with that. It's like bad though. Yeah. Gallop doll. Yeah.

But that's where I'm saying it's bad. Yeah. Well, that's kind of, that feels like a surrender. I don't know if it's a surrender. If I run away, it surrenders. I'm like, oh, I, I, I give up. You can have me, but I kept me and the horse. Which I renamed, so it's not your horse anymore. What do you mean? Peanut butter is no longer named peanut butter.

No. What is it? Toots. Hey. So much worse name. It's more realistic. OK, sure. All right. See you later. Bye. It's been a nightmare. Yeah. So they got their asses kicked.

A thousand British soldiers died. Ben quote, this gave us Americans the first suspicion that our exalted ideas of the prowess of British regulars had not been well founded. So I'll blast it. Yeah. Just like, don't worry. We've got this. Well, look, your wagons are gone and most of us are dead. And now the French have taken most of Cincinnati at this point. Columbus is also gone. Cleveland, nobody wants it. Still to this day.

Yeah. So the general was killed. I think it's a great place. All the records, all the financial records were on one of the wagons who... What the fuck was the point of that? I don't know. Ben.

Make sure we've got all of our taxes and documents on one of the wagons and then we'll fucking plow that through the French. Put the one with the records up front. That's right. We've lost all our records. So Ben gets invoices for about 20,000 pounds from the farmers.

Okay. And he is in a bit of a panic and he advances a thousand of his own money. He never gets compensated for that. Well, and then it takes tons of convincing to get the British to pay the bills. Wow. So it was called like the, the wagon. What was it called? It was the wagon. You know, they should have called it the new wheel. I mean, I try with you, but it gets harder. Yeah, no, it's hard for wheel.

Uh, well, I can't even find it. That's weird. Um, but it's a thing. It's big. It's a big, yeah, they were ripped off. Yeah, basically. Okay, so he, you know, that that knocks him back financially a little bit because a thousand pounds is a lot of fucking sure, as you can imagine, you can't but other people can. I mean, it sounds terrible, but I'm glad I didn't have to deal with it.

So the it now. Pennsylvania is more vulnerable after the defeat. Sure. Yeah, they took. Well, they're also so low on wagons. The assembly wants to raise money for defense, and they want to do that with a land tax, but the pens. No, no, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Now let's, come on now, look, I agree we're in dire straits, there's no doubt. But we've got to figure out a way to pay for this because otherwise they're going to come here and they're going to take this land. But we can't be paying for it by taxing the pens. You'll lose your land if you don't, I mean, you should pay a tax. Hold on, hold on.

The goal here is for us to keep the land. Right, but. But not pay for the land. Right, so they're gonna come- Let's hold those two goals very high. Unless we can raise money to raise an army. Yes, we must, and we must. Yeah. They'll take your land, so we have to raise an army.

I agree, we have to. And the only way to raise an army is with taxing your land. Well, taxing, or some other way of doing it. That's the way. We can't be taxing us. Yeah, we have your land. Well, taxing or some other way of doing it. That's the way we can't be taxing us. We have the land. We need to keep that. And we're not going to be able to pay for something like that.

Where are we going to get? Hey, where are we going to get all that money from? You ever think about that? I never use your brain. You're just doing it as a character and I want to kill you. No, stop it. You. So, of course, the whole circus of writing the bill and having the gun over exempted again. Yeah, right.

So back and forth for months and the attacks are getting closer and closer to Philadelphia. France, can you hold? We're just trying to figure out what our plan is. The bodies of a murdered family were rolled around the streets in a wagon and dumped on the steps of the state house as a protest against inaction. So they fake... Whose bodies?

These are the murdered family murdered by the French or the Native Americans. And so they put them in a wagon. They're like, here, this is what you guys did. They just dumped the bodies out in the state house. Like, do something. That's crazy. Not sure if that's going to get us working. Well, now we have to raise taxes and move bodies?

Like, I don't know what you guys are doing. These are wasting wheelbarrows. Ben writes this big article in which he has three characters, Mr. X, Mr. Y, Mr. Z, discussing, like debating a militia bill. And the pro guy, Mr. X, Mr. Y, Mr. Z discussing like debating a militia bill and the pro guy, Mr. X wins the debate and his, this propaganda like is totally effective. His goal in that is to get the pens to pay for the defense basically. So the governor wrote to Thomas Penn quote, since Mr. Ben has put himself at the head of the assembly, they have gone to greater lengths than ever and have not only discovered the warmth of their resentment

against your family, but are using every means in their power, even while their country is invaded to wrest the government out of your hands and to take the whole powers of it into their own. The governor is like writing his little like Hurt Journal. to rest the government out of your hands and to take the whole powers of it into their own. The governor is like writing his little like hurt journal. But it's, it's, this is like obviously the power of his press and you know, yeah. Yeah. So raids are increasing. So the governor now has to approach Ben and ask him to take charge of the Northwestern frontier, which is infested by the enemy. So we're talking about Native Americans

who may have been paid by France, but also live there. Yeah, also, okay, whatever. Ben, quote, I undertook this charge, though I did not conceive myself well qualified for it. Yeah, so he is becoming a military man, essentially. I mean, yeah, he's supposed to set up whatever. Ben Sylvania. So he's not at all qualified, obviously.

Right. But he's going to do it. His biographer, quote, this account, like many of Ben's, tends to emphasize the importance of Ben. So even as his biographer is basically like this guy. Yeah. But you, but we talked about this before you talked about it, but it's like, who was writing this shit? A like, this guy. Yeah. But we talked about this before. You talked about it. But it's like, who's writing this shit? A lot of this is his writing.

I mean, it's one thing when you have the diary of a person, but it's another thing when this person has a journal. An autobiography is very different than a journal. Yes. Yeah. So Ben and his colleagues, Fox and Hamilton, not that different Hamilton. Fair and balanced. They set out with 150 calvary and a wagon train

on a 50 day expedition. A wagon train, so a bunch of wagons. A bunch of wagons, wagons are back. They found small towns and settlements half deserted and living in fear. Ben orders the scrub around the settlements cleared so they have a clear line of sight and arranged to train the locals.

So he's doing this. Yeah. He doesn't know what he's doing. Well, he's getting, he's got guys with him. All right. Get your, everybody get a stick. Waggards? Also, who has a typewriter?

Okay, listen. Let's, who's got a kite, a key, some Also who has a typewriter? Okay, listen, let's Who's got a kite a key some string and a good time? Well, he's basically doing a seven samurai like right like the movie like they're they're going into help the villagers but train them to fight Well, they're also doing the last samurai By late January he had done all he could with The money and the resources given and he heads home.

Okay. He heard that crowds of people wanted to thank him for his service, so he snuck off because he's modest, right? That's what he said. Again, this is total bullshit, right? Ben quotes, the people happen to love me because that's my fault. I love that this is seeping out now. Well, everybody likes old Ben.

My arm would have gotten too tired from shaking so many hands. No, Ben Franklin, they have never really been about the credit. So the governor offers him the role of colonel in the regiment of Philadelphia. Thomas Penn is not happy with that appointment, and a couple months later, the governor resigns.

So this, okay. He got fired for appointing Ben. Right. So the new governor tells Ben he hoped they could work together and that Thomas Penn promised if his amendments passed, quote, I might depend on adequate acknowledgments and a recomm come and say Okay, right. Yeah, he's off her bride bed

So it was back to the government refusing to sign off on the financial bills So we're back there because Ben did not take did not accept the bribe. All right so the assembly appoints a committee of So the assembly appoints a committee of a grievances to list the complaints they had against the proprietor prior being the pens. They couldn't grant aid to either the king's wars or their own defense that depends should be taxed like everyone else. And that if they refuse to be taxed, why should they get a say on how taxation money was used?

Sure. Makes sense. Yep. Right. That's taxation with our representation or not taxation with representation, whatever. I don't know. And that judges were appointed by the governor at his will and pleasure rather than on merit. Okay.

So they're objecting to really. It's also just, it is, I mean, as we've discussed, it's just very deflating to be like, that's always been. It's always. It's a fucking problem. Yeah. So they decided Ben should go to England

to talk to Thomas Penn. Oh, did I mention he's not even in. He's in the UK? Yeah, he's just a rich guy who lives in Pittsburgh, who owns land. How's that going over there? So he doesn't really care if it gets overrun? Yeah, so no wonder he's just kind of like, whatever. Take your time.

We'll figure it out. Oh, you know the French. In 7057, he heads to New York with his son and quote, two black servants, slaves. Ben slaves. Because back then, having slaves was very in vogue, so why is he saying that? Does he recognize that it's inhumane?

I mean, I didn't know how, I mean, Philadelphia does become like, less, it's the main place for freed people. So I don't know what it is. The Quakers are not mostly not slavery. Let's bring them back. Anyway, according to Benjamin Franklin House Museum, the slaves were named Peter and King and King would run away the next year. Quote, slavery had no legal basis in England, but black people previously enslaved in overseas colonies were often still treated as enslaved when taken to England. Some individuals use the opportunity of being on English soil to escape and notices for

runaway slaves are often featured in newspapers. The campaign in Britain to abolish slavery would not begin until the 1760s. Okay. So Ben apparently bought five other slaves at some point. Okay. He also made money from slavery because he ran ads for slaves in his papers. But then he also published antislavery books written by Quakers, which if you think about it again,

is making money off of slavery. Because he's. Because you're making money off the debate. Yeah, you're creating a, right. So he goes to London and stays with Peter Collinson, who's the guy who introduced him to electricity. And Ben expects to be away for about a year. He has his own room and a house. His son, William, lives there and they're two slaves. But Ben seems quote ambivalent

to Deborah and Sally, his wife and daughter, who he left behind in Philadelphia. And he had strongly suggested to Deborah that she just would not be happy in England. Oh, you'll hate it. Oh, you're not gonna like it. You will not like it. Neither will Sally. It's terrible.

There's no women here. You should stay here with the- There's not any women here. Stay where you might be killed by the French. You stay there. Go right on the edge of Ohio and Pennsylvania. So it was well over a month before he got a meeting with Thomas Penn. Okay.

Finally sets up a meeting. Ah, it's great to meet the governor of Pennsylvania. Nope, because Penn, he finds out he's just going to send his lawyer. Okay. Getting closer. So Ben, Ben is fucking pissed. Okay. And then Ben gets really sick.

He's sick for seven weeks. Oh shit, and then he recovers and negotiation start and He is completely repeatedly outmaneuvered by pen because Ben doesn't really know how things work in England and Pen said he can't give rights to the assembly to make laws because he didn't have That power under the charter He's not allowed to do it. Well, I mean in what way because he doesn't the charter gave him land, but the Charter says you have to It's also great. It's a great way to make Ben spin his wheels because they will go to the charter

Yeah, it's just but that's so far go do it come back. Why am I talking to you? If you can't do anything just go to the charter go to the charter. Yeah, it's just, but that's so far. Go do it. Come back. Why am I talking to you? If you can't do anything, just go to the charter. Go to the charter. Ben said you had no right to do anything in Pennsylvania government. If that's the case, if everything is up to the charter, then you actually, yeah, then right. What's the point? Yeah. Penn laughed and said, if people were fooled into thinking the pens had so much power, then that was on them. Ben felt, quote, at that moment, a more thorough contempt for him than I have ever felt for any man living, a contempt that I cannot express in words,

but I believe my countenance expressed it strongly. So it's not going well. And Ben wrote about the meeting to a friend, and somehow Penn gets ahold of that letter. Uh-oh. And now a compromise looks impossible. Because Ben talked a lot of shit. Yeah.

Friend. So he's there for a year, and he realizes this is not going to be over quick. His wife was sending him food that he was missing, American food. That can add up. Okay. I mean, those are definitely gonna be like Craisins, but it's gonna get there. Pippins, apple tarts. Okay. Like a pie. Uh, hams. She's sending hams across the ocean. Well, hams are salted, right? So

they probably, can't he get that there? I don't know. Maybe the American ham is... Put four other hams together and you'll see what I can do. No, no. He's not supposed to be here. I know. I know, I know, I know. I know we said we were done with me. But take four hams, put them together and then put some toilet water on them.

What? Put toilet water on them. Why? Then you'll see me in my realest form. Get the fuck away from me. No me in my realist form. Get the fuck away. No, no, no, no. It's like a candy man. Candy man. Candy man. He's very much like a Power Ranger candy man thing. I do that with pies. Trust me, Ben. This'll be perfect. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ah, ah, hee, Ben, Ben, it's your old friend, Keeler, Keller.

No, it's not. Yes, it is. I just made you go away. It's me, no, no, no, you followed me, friend. And now we've got some things to do. Franklin and Keeler or Keller. My name is that guy, I'm that feller. Garret, the dollop is also brought to you by...

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Promo code the dollop gift. That's NotreFold.com, promo code the dollop gift. And now back to our Benjamin President. Chat about our best president. President Benjamin Franklin episode number two respect respect respect. So I travel a lot I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you but that's kind of my gig right so I'm out there I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible.

Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff. And before we got to the gigs, we were like, let's just get an Airbnb. And it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen, you have a yard, you know, it's communal living. It's just a less stressful place, more enjoyable experience. So when I go on tour, you know, like I'll be going on tour in a couple months, I always

am like, well, could my place be an Airbnb? You know, just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world.

Turn your home into an Airbnb. Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.ca slash host. And wine and dine to influential people to try to get help. He's going out six nights a week. He's drinking two bottles of Claret at dinner.

This is so, this is like, He develops gout. People in the, oh my god, he fucking partying. He got gout, went so hard he got gout. Wow. That's partying. That's partying. Yeah.

You're like, I don't know, man. I've just been drinking a lot of brandy and gravy's been on everything. Holy shit, my legs are fat and they hurt. Hey, we going gout tonight? In the summer of 1759, Ben and William go on a tour of Scotland, and days after that, William learns

that he's actually an illegitimate son. I think he maybe thought Deborah was his mom. Okay. And no one knows who his mother is. So not great between father and... But Ben knows who his mother is. Yeah, but he doesn't tell him. But he knows. He has to know. Yeah. Or maybe he's just like, I banged this lady and she had you in the street and I grabbed

you. I mean, it's crazy. Then he'd be like, you might not even be my kid. In Edinburgh. All I know is there's a lady who lost a lot of weight one day and then I had you. Yeah, that doesn't make sense. Ben met with a bunch of academics and Ben claims Adam Smith consulted him chapter after chapter in the writing of Wealth of Nations.

Although absolutely no one knows if that's true. Right. It's just taking some credit. Let's say it's not. Right. Okay. Ben invented a musical instrument called the glass harmonica. I imagine life without that. He demonstrated it to Beethoven and Mozart. Both then wrote music for the instrument, which created an international sensation and superstition. In America, the harmonica was said to be an instrument of witchcraft.

Okay. Wow. Imagine inventing an instrument and then people, I mean, that's basically what rock and roll was. It's the devil's wood. Yes. It's those same people doing that. People who played it were said to have later gone insane.

Franz Anton Mesmer, a pioneer hypnosis used it to entrance the subjects. Oh, so maybe it was a bit of witchcraft. Some are monasists today, which there's not many are summer. What are monasists? Okay. This believe all the lead because it had led that there was led in, I think in the pipes, different levels or whatever it was that would give it the sound. Um, and they think that may have led to Beethoven's death because Beethoven was dug up and they found that his hair had

a hundred times more than you should have of lead. So Ben Franklin killed Beethoven? That's what some people think, but everything had lead in it back then. So you can't really say, but yeah, there's some people that think that. This is huge news. Not a lot of people have talked about this. This is big. Well. Did you know, Dave, this is how you get fucking popular. Shut up. Ben Franklin was, Ben Franklin killed Beethoven. This is big. Well. Did you? No, Dave, this is how you get fucking popular. Shut up. Ben Franklin was, Ben Franklin killed Beethoven.

All right. That's big. And we're breaking that here. Boom. Okay. Wait, this is where breaking stories happen. You're really making it so weird. Nobody knows that Franklin was a fucking murderer.

We need to have Alex Jones on the show. Yes. Normalize him, like other podcasts. So it wasn't that really popular in America, obviously. In Germany, the harmonica was popular for years. It is the number one instrument for us. But it was banned in some states after a baby's unexplained death during a harmonica concert.

Oh my God. What, I mean, how do you even go like, wow, kids never die in this time? Because there's the people who hate it and they're like, that's what they said happened in America! Right. So the Pennsylvania assembly finally received an answer from Penn on their list of complaints. And he said no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no line by line no no no no no fuck off okay but the British government was demanding more money for the war so the assembly passed another finance bill that taxed the pens okay this time the governor signed it and pen is furious and he asked the Privy Council to oppose most legislation

that had been passed in previous years. So he's like, go back and say no to all of it. And this starts, triggers hearings by the board of trade in England. And Ben talks to one of the members of the board on the little sidebar. And he gets an agreement, the finance bill would be condemned publicly

okay privy council come out and go no no no which pleases Penn but the pens could be taxed fairly okay because they need money for the war yeah right give those wagons back by the way what's with the French they're just like okay today we'll also take two steps and then tomorrow maybe one I don't know what you think. We slowly, slowly invade them. So that's what he'd gone there for, to get the taxing of the pens and the Kings had signed off on it. So he was done with his job in England. Okay. Did he go home? No, no. Probably because the Privy Council had awarded Pennsylvania a bunch of money as compensation for a bad investment. Sorry for compensation for all the money they'd

lost because of Penn not being taxed. Okay. But then Ben made a bad investment. We lost a bunch of the money. Oh, what? No, it's just hilarious. So he's like, I want to go on vacation. So he goes to Belgium and Holland and he goes back and sees the coronation of King George the Third. Ben is a monarchist. So he he writes back about how great they are. The new king's awesome and it's going to be great. He finally goes home. November 1st, Ben Franklin comes back with him.

Ben Franklin as a new, sorry, William Franklin as a new wife. Okay. Even though he just had a kid with another woman a couple months before. Doesn't matter. New bastard son. You're allowed to do that. So double, he's a couple months before. Don't matter. New bastard son. You're allowed to do that. So double, he's a bastard. Yeah, he's had a bastard.

Bastard makes a bastard. William has now appointed governor in New Jersey, which the Penn family is furious about. John Penn, who's now the governor of Pennsylvania, calls it a dishonor and disgrace. Hilarious that that guy's like this. Not just anyone can be governor. It is. He says that in a letter to his uncle, quote, if any gentlemen had been appointed, it would have been a different case.

I am hardly able to contain myself at the thought of it. Because not only is it Ben's son, but it's a bastard. It is a bastard Franklin governor. Right. Is the ultimate nightmare. Right. So peace is declared with France. Nice. But fighting is still going on with the Native Americans who have a different problem. Right. Cause there's land is being stolen and white. So the Americans didn't like that France was invading their land. So they reached a peace deal and then nobody understood

why the native Americans were fighting. Well, the English reached a peace deal with France. Right. No, they know why the Native Americans are writing. But they're but it's also like, but the Native American reason just lost a lot of funding and health. Yeah. Yeah. So white purchase, white people are just at a rage at this point because there's those savages. Let's let's not do that thing where we assign color. I think that's really got to Joe Rog listening? I think that's really gotten.

You're listening to Joe Rogan. I think that's really gotten in the way of a lot. I think there's a lot of, a lot's coming, tracing back to us the more we talk about that stuff. We'll be right back on Scarborough Country. Thank you. You see their meeting with Trump?

Holy fucking just classic. You know I love Morning Joe. I know, but it's so funny, people are like, I can't believe morning Joe's doing this He's always been a Republican He's like best friends with him. I know he fucking built him up. They were like best friends Christ Okay, so uh White the white people are now mad about the you know how they should they should just change the name of that to

M-O-U-R Oh you are I n I morning Joe Yeah, cuz he's just sitting there just like Yeah, let's not do that Nope No, why not? Sure, he killed an intern. Yeah, he gets to say all his lies. Why can't we say something? Yeah.

So anyway. They hate it. So white people are mad and they start massacring Native Americans and they do a big massacre on peaceful Native Americans and arrest warrants are issued for whites for the killings which some people are like, that's treason. You can't,

how dare you can't kill them. That that's wrong. I think what they are not under. Hold on. Let's just. The people you're going after are also white. Do you see what's so confusing? So the white vengeance mob is getting larger. And by February February 1764, hundreds of men march on Philadelphia. Right.

And Governor John Penn seeks help from. Benny? Ben Franklin. Nice. He's a great enemy. Right. Because he needs him in the paper to use his power. Ben's the most influential man in the area.

So Ben rides out and he meets this mob eight miles from Philadelphia and he gives a big speech and he talks them into just going home and not doing what they're gonna do. Governor Penn then quote, offered a bounty for Indian scalps, male or female, and took no action against the white murders of indigenous people for the massacre.

So this fucking pisses off Ben, because he feels like he's been used. He negotiates to basically stop. He appreciates it for. And then this guy is just like, and then this guy is like, yes. And now that that's over, I'm offering money for the murder of male or female Native Americans. Let's start murdering again. So yeah, he just totally makes him look like a chump.

So Ben writes a pamphlet decrying the actions of white settlers saying the alleged barbarians of America at least only attacked their enemies, not their friends, as the white mob had done. So he's undermining with his propaganda stuff. Right. He again goes after the pens in the assembly. Jesus. And he calls for the crown to take over ownership completely.

So he's like, get rid of these motherfuckers. They are poison. These people are just oversea. I mean, look, you can't get them out of power. We need a king. I mean, look, you can't get them out of power. We need a king. Now the governor refused to sign any finance bills. Okay.

And the assembly petitions for King George III to take over the colony. Wow. That's great. I mean, that's, that's very weird too. Yeah. Cause there's a way we started our own thing as could you come over for a little bit? It's if but it's also like because Ben members talking King George the third up. Yeah, right. All right that one's better Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, right. Yeah, he's like, this is ridiculous what you're doing. You can't govern like this. Hey George Can you come over here and show them how to do it?

Yes another royal so in October there's an election Penn's party runs a negative campaign on Ben focusing on his extravagances in London. So right. I mean, he did get gout. Pulmonizing, his son's a bastard, that's a big part of it. And he ends up losing by 25 votes.

Wow. So it's, they go full Fox News. But his party wins wins the majority. So the party's like, Hey Ben, go back to England, convince the crown to take over the colony and uh, to protest against this new state, this new tax that they're talking about in England, the stamp tax stamp tax is a fee on legal documents and papers. And so Massachusetts and Georgia also has been to represent them with the stamp tax. We also other states are like, Hey, get the king, get in on this. We know.

Yeah. Take care of some business. So he's now, so this is basically like returning America. Like, I mean, kind of right. What? Well, aren't you kind of being like... It's not America yet. I know, but, oh, right, okay, okay.

It's still separate colonies. So under the king. We have not... How close are we to this? He's going to undermine the pens. He's trying to get the pens taken down. He's now having the monarchy reset the local governments, basically.

No, he's saying not. Yeah. Reset. Like it's, it's to get rid of the pens and have somebody else come in. It's just going to be a different Dick Lando. That's all they want. What year are we in? It's 1764. So we're close. We're close. And then Massachusetts and Georgia have a different gripe, and that's the stamp tax. Right.

So Pennsylvania, Massachusetts and Georgia all upset about the stamp tax. Right. But Pennsylvania is separately upset about the owner. Okay, gotcha. So he is like the key American diplomat, and he leaves. He left his wife behind again. She was like, we should all go at Ben. Oh no.

Ben, Sally and I should also join you on this. I would love that, but you- And I actually have word and it confirmed that there are women in England. You said there were not. There are women in England, but they're all being killed by Jack the Ripper. What? Every single one. I don't believe that there's a lot of women over there. Yeah. And he's not there for years. I was probably by Jack the Ripper. What? Every single one. I don't believe that there's a lot of women over there.

Yeah. And he's not there for years. I was probably there once. Decades. Maybe. Or maybe not. Well, now they're mostly being killed. Well, I should come over there with you

and make sure that. I couldn't protect you. Not in England. I'm not allowed to stop. You don't even seem broken up by the idea that I can't come with you. I am very upset. I'm crying every night stop. You don't even seem broken up by the idea that I can't come with you. I am very upset.

I'm crying every night. Are you? Yes. Show me the emotion I need to see from you to allow you to go do this again. Because last time you were there, from what I heard, you just visited sex workers and got gout. But there's no tears coming out of your eyes, Ben. I know, but the sound sounds very bad.

It doesn't. It's a bad sounding sound. It doesn't. It sounds like I'm upset. It sounds like a dog sleeping. It sounds like when a dog sleeps. That's how my father taught me how to cry. But there's no tears, Ben.

I had my eye. Ben, I saw you cry once. Sealed. I've seen, no, I've seen you cry. That was fake. Ben, then why wouldn't you do that fake cry? I mean, it's just... I'm thinking of...

Ben. Ben, do you love me? Yes. Just, I love you better when I'm in England. It's weird. It's not. It is. How long will you be gone?

Yes. How long will you be gone? Yes. How long will you be gone? A couple months. Don't get gout. I will not get, I don't, I learned my lesson. Don't get gout. Gout free. And don't come back all syphilitic and stuff.

Maybe not. No kids. No kids. Don't have any more kids. I did that once, I'm not going to do that again. I just think at least I should go. Maybe Sally. No, we have to, no, you have to stay here and take care of Sally. I could bring her with us.

No, but she can't travel on the ocean. Yes, she can. She's a girl. A womb will come out. No, she did. What are you talking? How old is she? Seven.

Well, she doesn't have a womb. Is she 12? Maybe 15? Maybe, I don't know how it works, to be quite honest with you. I think they start with one. OK, so they grow in. Don't say they. It's not like a we.

It's not like a shell on a crab. No, I don't believe that all of a sudden, like balloons inside of us. Don't think that I'm thinking that. But it's a bad thing to bring up during the Benjamin Franklin episode. No. You don't think that I'm thinking that, but I just. That's a bad thing to bring up during the Benjamin Franklin episode. No.

How does a womb start? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, a woman is not born with a womb. Fuck. Okay. Fuck okay, so in London he meets his illegitimate grandchild Okay, because William had a oh, yeah, right master master William temple and Ben sends him to school in Kensington so fancy school sure he wrote to Deborah He hoped she could join him, but then says he'll be home in a couple months, so don't bother. So don't bother, stay there. I miss you endlessly, but stay there.

Coming soon. Don't worry. His letters are full of contradictory statements. We have no idea how Debra felt about it. I do. Yep, yep. After a bit, Ben concluded the Stamp Act is a done deal. He can't fight it.

And it's not important as having Pennsylvania removed from Penn family control anyway. Okay. So he thinks the Americas will just accept the stamp act without a lot of fuss. Like it'll be bad, but everyone's going to take it. But it causes writing and those who enforce it were threatened with violence. Uh, people had their effigies burned. People are residing in mass who had done it. They need a law and order president.

I think Hamilton was stoned over the Stamp Act. It might have been a different act. No, it wasn't Hamilton. I'm thinking of someone else. So in New York, they burned the governor's coach. Like, it's a big fucking deal. I was just teaching him how to play basketball What did I do a

Cartoon depicted the devil whispering in Ben's ear quote the Shelby agent Ben for all my dominions. Oh, well, that's like so Yeah, it's not really funny It's not a ha ha car. It's not funny Ben's house is under threat and his daughter has to leave town. American businesses canceled trade with Britain. About 700,000 pounds of goods were canceled. Wow. Another 4 million are at risk of being canceled. The tax was only supposed to raise about 600,000 pounds. So they've already fucked up. Ben realizes he is on the wrong side. He's like, oh, people did care about this. He changes course. He starts writing letters. He uses

pseudonyms to write propaganda about how America should just ditch British products altogether so Britain should not piss them off. Right. He suggests that America wasn't relying on English wool. Quote, the very tales of American sheep are so laden with wool that each has a car or wagon on four little wheels to support and keep it from trailing on the ground. Huh? They're, they're, they have-

He's saying that people like wool so much they have a wagon? No, he's saying that they don't need British wool because- Oh, we got so much wool. Yeah. We got fuck you wool. Yeah, we got fuck you wool. We got wagons because we got so much wool.

We gotta have wagons behind the sheep to hold up the wool! That's right. The House of Commons held hearings on the Stamp Act and they called Ben as a witness. An observer said it was like, quote, a master being examined by a panel of school boys. Yes, which by the way is my fetish. That's the, woo hoo hoo!

The act is repealed a few weeks later. Wow. So the lesson being that rioting and effigy burning can be quite effective when done in unison. Yeah, people like to talk about that. No. The main reason were the economic impacts from Britain, actually in the canceling trade and all that.

But in Pennsylvania, it was rumored Ben had done it single-handedly, which Ben had of course pushed. Yeah. Yeah. In Philadelphia, there were celebrations with bonfires. The campfires, the captain of the ship that brought the news was bought drinks and the crew was given presents. That's pretty cool. Did Ben come home? Well, do you want me to let me answer the question. Did he want to come home? Yes. Greatly. Was he able to? No, no, no.

He kept saying, he kept writing and saying it'd be weeks, two weeks, he did 10 years. So he really did not know. He didn't absolutely know. He didn't love her. He just liked playing the field and getting gout. It doesn't seem like they getting gout must be very fun. Well, you're partying to get it. Yeah, that's what I mean. You're just, yeah, you're just eating like a lot of shellfish. It hurts. It hurts like fuck when you get it. Well, yeah, when you get it You're just eating like a lot of shellfish It hurts it hurts like fuck when you get it Well, yeah when you get it it hurts then it feels like you're standing on a bed of needles But until then get out the party to go out worth is awesome

Something He stayed so long because the Stamp Act was the first battle in a bigger war No, so Ben does not want is just like Charlie Sheen Ben got AIDS. He- Ben got AIDS. He doesn't want independence for America. Right. But he could see that there were fractures happening.

Okay. So- Yeah, cause he's a monarchist. He wrote to a friend about a thing that had long, around this time, been in vogue for a little while. The cold bath. What's about to what's up? But he didn't like the shock of cold water.

So Ben had come up with something different. He liked to shock. Munch. An invention, as it were. He's going to heat the bath. Quote. I have found it much more agreeable to my constitution. This is shocking. To bathe in another element. Oh boy, so not warm water.

I mean. Milk. Cold air. Man. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no He just likes to be naked. Without any clothes, whatever. Half an hour or an hour. In the afternoon, he'd sit in the nude for a warm air bath. Well, he'd just sit around naked. And he was like, an air bath. He's just nuding it up.

So he's like a nudist? He's a nudist. He just likes hanging it out. Is he taking a warm bath later? Of air, yeah. In the afternoon. So is he getting in a bathtub? No, he likes to just be naked. The lounge and about in the nude. Yeah. It's from what

I've seen of him, probably not, you know, give me Washington. He's also a big fan of corn. I mean, you don't want a doubt guy to be naked. No. Hmm. Look at that. He's also a big fan of corn. I mean, you don't want a gout guy to be naked. No. Hmm. Look at that. He's also a big fan of corn. He likes corn and being naked. A lot of people think corn is shit at this time. A lot of that is because of racism, because South Americans and Native Americans liked

it. So how good could it be? Sure. Those people are eating it. So Ben loves it. He loved making succotash. What is succotash? It's like lima beans and corn and something else. There's like three things.

But yeah. Picturing this naked weirdo just eating succotash. Yeah. Come on. Can you believe my wife is? Can you believe other women are fucking me? So as a writer, Ben pushed popcorn grits, Johnny cakes, and other corn based ditches to the public. Oh, you have to have Johnny cakes.

In 1766, the British newspaper Gazetteer and the New Daily Advertiser wrote an article called that called corn tasteless food. And Ben wrote a rebuttal stating that quote, a Johnny or hoe cake hot from the fire is better than a Yorkshire muffin. Oh Christ. You don't come after our muffins, Franklin. You've done it now. We're at war again. As he's just naked.

Ben Franklin came after the muffin today. We will have him killed. Which muffin? The York, no, the Yorkshire muffin. Whoa! I know. God damn it! I know. First is the French, don't say shit! I know.

Freeze. Staying calm. Freeze. Staying calm. Freeze. Staying calm. Freeze. Staying calm. Freeze. So another thing, another thing Ben didn't like was the alphabet. And in 1768, he decided to fix it. What the fuck?

He came up with a new one. It's a little Elon-y. Got rid of six letters. What? C, J, W, Q, X, and Y. I don't think you're, no, we've agreed on language. Too confusing. No, we've agreed on it.

There out, he added double vowels, E-E-A-A, pronounced as long sounds, ah, yee, and added six new letters, like G S H and T H. He was the guy who came up with shit. We have him to thanks for shit. That's right. He hoped it would improve spelling. So wait, how many?

26 letters now he got rid of six. And then he's 20 letters and then he added six new ones. So 26 again, but better letters. What were the letters you got rid of? CJ, W, Q, X, and Y. Which we have still. Yes. And what were the new letters?

N, G, S, H, T, H, and ones like that. We have those now. No, we don't have those. N, G? N, G's not a letter. Oh, N, G is its own? Yeah, he wanted N, G to be a letter. Oh, he was combining N and G.

Combining S, H and T, yeah, so he's combining two letters. Oh, shh was its own letter. Yeah. You want to NG to be a letter. Oh, he was combining and in G S H and T. Yeah. So he's combining She was its own letter. Yeah. What's the point of this? Some he's got too much time on his hands some Some languages have things like that. That's pretty common. Not us. Not us because we're our our we don't need our letters fucking All right, our language sucks. What are you talking about? a We don't need our letters, fucking. Our language sucks. What are you talking about? Dave. It's a new alphabet for a new nation.

It's for the coming nation of America. He had special printing blocks made for it for the typewriter. That was a shame, that was a waste. Noah Webster wrote about it from Webster's dictionary. Never caught on. That was a big deal back then, Webster. Yeah, never caught on. God was a big deal back then, Webster. Yeah, never caught on.

God, it must have been so, Webster must have been the fucking man back then. Can you fucking imagine the fucking Webster did? I mean, is it possible to get a new word in there? Look, I'll be honest, we're only adding about three or four this year, so it's pretty tight. But just listen, flimorph.

What does flimorph mean exactly? It's when a, you know, pop-ups that you cook in the oven, they pop up the, it's a doughy little thing. Sure. Yeah. Something that. So it's the, it's when they pop up. But that's a pop-up.

But it's how they do it. That's when they pop up. I don't think we need it. Yeah, no, I don't think people understand because pop ups can also be like, Hey, I'm popping up this tent or whatever. Hey, my dick. But this is like different. And now we're going to pass.

Sorry. For more. No. And then it's a pass. Um, Webster, I have a pitch for a word. Shplink. Oh, you little minx. What is shplink?

Shplink? Well, I'd like to show you rather than pitch it to you. Follow me to the bathroom. Hello. I have an upset stomach. What? It's gonna be horrible. Jesus Christ, my lady.

It's not bad. Oh, I'm sickened! It's a racket poop. We already have something like this. It's called sickened. It's shploot. I did not expect that. My word is P-F-P.

What is that? It's when I push one of my nostrils and shoot the snot out of the other one! Okay, Faye. Thank you, no. I would like to honor you with having this word included, please. How was work, honey? It's a rough day, man. I'm starting to rethink. Maybe I should have made a dictionary. Oh, well, life working for the dictionary has got to be...

Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf. God damn it! Why? I've had enough at work today! It's my way of saying exhausting! Stop it, honey! Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf, arf! I just want to come home and eat and spend time with my woman!

I agree. You deserve to have a warm, hot, pooo, pooo, pooo, pooo. Don't you? God damn it. Think about it, it's just a P and an O and a bunch of other P's. The curse of my life is that damn dictionary.

So what's been going on with your wife? Lay down on the couch and why don't you start to tell me? Yeah, she's coming up with all kinds of new words and I just wanted to have time when I don't have to do that. Well, she's coming up with all kinds of new words that I just wanted to have time with. Of course. I don't have to do that. I need relaxing. Well, that's what makes the relationship between you and I so vulgabamba.

You get to come here and just communicate to me in an environment where everything's private and it's a vulgambagamba between us. That would be V-U-L-G-U-M-B-A-B-A. Valgamamba. Maybe I spelled it a little different. I'm looking up this new word, suicide. Well, you're not gonna be able to say that online. Unalived?

Yes. So, the British government is really just kind of stumbling along with their American policy. Like, it's just not going well. Sure. So during a speech... It's like when they're actually trying to build a nation, they're like, this is a lot harder than just taking them. So there's a new chancellor and he's giving a speech and he's heckled by his opponent

who yells, quote, dare not tax the Americans. Wow. Everyone was like grumble, grumble. So as a fuck you, right after that, the chancellor introduced levies on glass, lead, paint, paper, and tea. So he's taxing. Yeah, tariffs.

Historian A.F. Pollard quote, to obtain a paltry revenue of 40,000 pounds, he entered a path which led to the dismemberment of the empire. Wow. Whoopsie. Okay, imagine. Yeah, imagine a guy doing tariffs and not realizing how fucking bad it'll be.

He can't. We were saying he can't happen. Right? He can't. Yeah, he could. It's just... He's definitely going to do it on cars. So Elon can be the, you know, cause Elon's already used up all of his tax credits. So it doesn't

matter if Tesla has them anymore. Right. So other, it'll just hurt other companies. It's great in Boston, Samuel Adams and James Otis called for all the colonies to unite, which was considered sedition. Okay. So the assembly was dissolved and British troops were sent in. Stop talking. Within a year. Stop trying to be buddies.

No more friendships. You will no longer decide to work together. Please. Within a year, the Boston Massacre happened. So there was a snowball attack on a British soldier that led to rioting and five deaths. So funny. The snowball. I'm quite cold.

Imagine, but imagine in like the modern world, if someone threw something at them and then they killed overreact. Ben was optimistic. An agreement could be made giving the colonies more independence, but without actually becoming a bit. So he wants, he wants America to have more dependence, but not be united, not be yet free. Right.

Not still under the crown. So some independence, like Canada is today, right? Like it's like in an open relationship. Yes. And the ability to make their own income, but it just doesn't look like it's going to happen. And he keeps telling Deborah he planned to return. But it's starting to sound like BS at this point.

Yeah, but she's like, I'm 90. In 1771, he starts writing his autobiography. Okay. I'm not going to finish that until 1789,, he starts writing his autobiography. Okay. I'm not going to finish that until 1789, but he starts. Sure. Now, Ben is also a big land speculator. Okay. In 1764, he bought 20,000 acres in Nova Scotia.

Holy shit. He was an investor in the Grand Ohio scheme, which was developed more colonies to the West. Okay. If the colonies were created, he would make bank. Uh, the fact that many of his investors were ministers and Ben had influential government positions. Yeah, it's just corrupt. Helpful. Yeah. It's just all corrupt. In 1772, Ben said he was talking to an important Brit about how awful it was that England sent troops to Boston. And the guy assured Ben that Massachusetts had actually requested the troops.

So Ben asked for evidence, and he was given six letters between a British MP, Thomas Watley, and Thomas Hutchinson, the governor of Massachusetts. And Ben sends them to a friend in Boston and he's like, don't copy these, don't publish these. But he knew they were going to be shared. Like don't send something like that.

So they were. And a few months later, the letters were debated in the Massachusetts assembly, which then voted that the letters were intended to quote, overthrow the constitution of this government and introduce arbitrary power to the province. And the letters were then in the public record and printed in a bunch of newspapers. But the letters were not as sensational as they appeared. They were written before Hutchinson was governor and before Watley was an MP. So they're just business guys at that point

writing letters back and forth. So neither, they didn't have actual power. But the most damning letter was written four months after Britain sent troops But it didn't matter. Hutchinson was fired and the MP was he was already dead. So okay, I really didn't matter. Okay So no one knew how the letters got out to the public and the dead MPs brother accuses this guy named John Temple who denies it sure and people

Still believe that that's who did it, and he, so he challenges Wotley's brother to a duel. That's, that is how you'll find the truth. It's a very interesting way to, like, when they're doing that, are they going like, God will decide? They're just like, I'm so sick of your bullshit. I think it's a way of saying he's,

it's the strongest way to say he's lying about me. Right. Yeah. But then you kill the guy and you're like, see? See? Or you're like, oh. Told ya. Okay.

So, he comes without a pistol, Watley, the brother. So Temple lends him one, and then they both shoot wide and then they go to swords. So weird. And neither knew what to do with a sword. This is crazy. Wotley was injured a couple of times and then they're like, okay, that's good. The weirdest thing to watch. All right. And welcome to the duel. They both have gone wide left. Now they're taking out the swords.

Neither one seems comfortable with a blade in their hand right now. You can see they're kind of slinging them back and forth and they're not sure what to do. Oh, God, what we have stabbed his own leg. All right. Feels like they're kind of wrapping this up. Not sure what direction this goes in, but. Pillows.

Okay, now they're bringing out the pillows. They are fighting with pillows. Watley's leg bleeding pretty badly, but now they're punching each other with some pillows. Now they're hugging each other. I think it's over. This is a really weird way to do it. So now seeing this, Ben writes in these letters, quote, I alone am the person who obtained and transmitted

to Boston the letters in question. They are not of the nature of private letters between friends. They were written by public officers to person in public stations. Not true. Lie, total lie. On public affairs and intended to procure public stations. Not true. Lie. Total lie on public affairs and intended to procure

public measures. Their tendency was to incense the mother country against her colonies. So all lie. How many, how many like when he writes these letters or when he's writing his paper, is he using his own little letters? Is he like, see how good the S and H is? Like Ben, let me fucking go, dude. I think he gave up on that. You know what I mean? It just kind of works together like a marriage. I don't know how long he tried. He must have tried for a little while. Forever.

Yeah. Oh, I think you're just using my letter. What? I'm just having a conversation. I know, but I think I heard you guys use my letter. Did you say shh? Yeah, S-H. Yeah, that's my letter.

That's two letters. No, it's my letter. It made it one letter. It's just two letters. It, it's my letter. I made it one letter. It's just two letters. It's the sound sh. S-H. No, it's sh, which is a letter now. Is it S and an H?

Yeah, together, a letter. Can you say soup? Yeah, you can say soup. What about half? S is also a separate letter. Yeah, so then they're combined. S and also S-H. That's not a letter, that's just using two letters.

What is the point? What? What do you mean what? Also nt. That's not a let. That's just using two letters. What is the point? What? What do you mean what? Also, nt. That's a letter, too. So the point is that that's also a letter. Yeah, that's N and T. This is his own letter. No, it's different.

NG is its own letter, right? Yeah, no. So N and G are separately their own letter, also. No. No. SH was the one I was no also sh Dude also no Knows a word. No, it's not. It's a letter. No, it isn't it's a word It means no as in no, this is stupid also is no stop fucking dude

I swear to fucking God if you don't stop this bullshit. You know what else is a letter? What? Fucking. That's not a, yeah, Ben's drunk. Ha ha ha. An East India ship, East India company ship arrives in Boston Harbor, it's got a bunch of tea on it. Uh oh, uh oh.

But locals stopped it and unloaded the cargo. And then the Sons of Liberty dumped three hundred and forty two chests of tea into the harbor. British like, hey, no, hey, quickly drink the harbor. I'm weakening. Drink the harbor. The Privy Council.

Over Hutchinson's firing takes place. Okay. It's packed. The Solicitor General, Alexander Wetterburn. That's right. Where do you people come from? I mean, honestly, your names are. How do you put out a fire? Like the fact.

How do you put out a fire? Wetterburn? How do you put it out? What do you do? Walk me through a process. You put water on a flame. Uh huh. Yeah.

And if it's not out, it'll be a wetter bird. Man, not so sweet now, are you, dumb boy? So wetter bird laid into Ben for an hour. The private letters, Ben got them by fraudulent means, or he stole them from a person who stole them. Quote, I ask, my lords, whether the revengeful temper attributed to the bloody African is not surpassed by the coolness and apathy of the wily American.

Cool. Well, so this is how upset they were with Americans. They're like, worse than black people. Wow, and they're like, now hold on a minute. Oh, you have. How dare you. So some great stuff there. Yep, as usual.

The petition to fire Hutchinson was then rejected. And then Ben was fired as the postmaster of North America. Oh no. People now go out and burn effigies of Hutchinson and Wetterburn in Pennsylvania. Wetterburn because he insulted Ben and Americans. So they love Ben. Well yeah, they love Ben and also he was like,

if he says you're less than people in Africa, then obviously Americans can't handle that. By the spring of 1774, Ben was ostracized by the British establishment. Might be the time to go home to his family. They need him. Yeah, of course it would be. He kept saying he'd go back in a few weeks, next month. Once my wife dies, I'll head back.

Autumn 1774, he's still in London. And the vibe between Britain and America is getting worse. Dr. Johnson. Is he, he's just partying and fornicating. I don't know why he's staying. He has to be. He must be enjoying the fuck out of it. He has to be.

Yeah. Dr. Johnson, an academic and writer of the first dictionary called Americans, quote, a race of convicts and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging. I can't really. Sure. Yeah.

Ben's dream of the colonies with some independence and a royal blessing is fading fast. So weird. So he assures his few British friends left that he had never met an American who wanted a fully independent nation. He's been in Britain now for 18 years. Oh my God.

Oh my God. I mean, he's not even married. I mean, come on. No, he's not. She never came over. She never, like, they're not married. This is the girlfriend who lives in Canada. Yeah, and people say that,

like people say he fucked around at this time and other people are like, no, he didn't. He did. Come on. He did. Come on. He did. Come on. 100%. Just before coming home, his wife died.

I knew it. Oh, come back now. Now? Oh, honey. Oh. Oh no. God, I miss you. Now I'm single.

He hadn't seen her for 11 years. So maybe he must've traveled a couple of times. What? But he hadn't seen her for 11 years. So maybe he must've traveled a couple times. What? But he hadn't seen her 11 years. That's not great. Or she came to him, but either way. She showed up, he's like, oh! Oh, fuck!

Let me take my dick out of this person's mouth. Let me just get the lipstick off my schlong. She did a bed unwell for a while with something that sounds like dementia. Oh, wow. He sent her $30 a month, but when she didn't give detailed reports of her spending, he refused to send more.

Yeah, now you don't exist. So she had to borrow from friends. Because with dementia, she would have been able to write important accounts and fucking whatchus. I didn't know she had dementia. How am I supposed to know she had dementia? I didn't see her in 11 years.

Fuck. His son William now urges him to return, besides everyone in England hates him at this point, quote, you are looked upon with an evil eye in that country and are in no small danger of being brought into trouble for your political conduct. You would certainly better return while you are able to bear the fatigues of the voyage to a country where the people

revere you and you are inclined to pay a deference of your opinions. I'm getting divorced. In March 1775 at 70 years old, Ben Franklin left England with his grandson. Is that bad double bastard? Days later, an arrest warrant was issued for him in London. Oh shit. The dead MPs brother, Watley accused him of persecution. Wow. And soon he was to become president of the United States of America. Dave, Dave, don't tease me. That'll be in part three.

Don't tease me. Research done by the fantastic Charlotte George. Wow. This is quite a epic run. Charlotte George. Wow. This is quite a epic run. Main source, the autobiography of Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin, a biography by Ronald Clark, also the Ben Franklin by wagon affair, uh, J bell, Whitfield and Leonard W. Labarie in the, uh, proceedings of American philosophical society, Ben Franklin to Jacques Babadi, the bomb, it's a letter. I just found an old voicemail from you, let's listen to it. Washington Post, LA Times, History.net, All Things Liberty, and Philly Magazine. Right, here you go.

Hold on. This is a recording? Do you know how to do the speaker? No. The fuck? It sounds like your phone is bad. Yeah, it does. Hey, dirt pig, give me a call.

Dirt pig is what you said. Yeah. All right. Let's end this. Having listened to the podcast and the previous one, am I incorrect? Dirt Pig. There was a character. Well, it's weird how I foresaw. Are you asking for more of me? Goodbye. So I travel a lot. I mean a lot, perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right?

So I'm out there, I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy, and I want all the comforts of home. That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible. Recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff, and before we got to the gigs we were like, let just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence. You have a kitchen you have a yard You know, it's communal living. It's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience So when I go on tour, you know, like I'll be going on tour in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb, you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little

bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb. Give it a shot.

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