The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 662 - President Benjamin Franklin - Part 3

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Comedians Gareth Reynolds and Dave Anthony examine president Benjamin Franklin. Part three of three Tour Dates Redbubble Merch Sources   Squarespace  Aura Frames - Code Dollop Hydrow - Code: Dollop Golden Nugget - Code: Dollop Blue Nile - Code: Dollop

So I travel a lot. I mean a lot perhaps too much to some of you, but that's kind of my gig, right? So I'm out there. I'm living out of suitcases or suitcase sometimes if I bring the big boy and I want all the comforts of home That's why I stay at an Airbnb whenever possible recently I had some gigs in Fort Collins, Colorado And I was with my friends and we were shooting some stuff and before we got to the gigs We were like, let's just get an Airbnb and it is just a more comforting existence you have a kitchen you have a yard you know it's communal living it's just a less stressful place more enjoyable experience so when I go on tour you know like I'll be going on tour

in a couple months I always am like well could my place be an Airbnb you know just to have someone watching your place while you're gone and make a little bit of money. And the answer to that is yes, yes, it can be an Airbnb. It's really just as simple as listing your place and letting it earn a little extra cash while you're away. So imagine someone staying at your home in Los Angeles while you're out there exploring the world. Turn your home into an Airbnb.

Give it a shot. You might be surprised at how rewarding it can be. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. We're going on tour and this is it's been a while. March 2025 is when our tour is happening. First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona, maybe our favorite city of all time. It's the best. That is on March 16th. And then we go to Albuquerque, New Mexico. Maybe our favorite city ever. We have never loved a city.

Truly the best city we've ever gone to. That's on March 17th. And then we go to Oklahoma City, which is- The best, our favorite, we often say that it's our number one. Yeah, it's our number one, the best city I've ever been to. That's on March 18th. On March 19th, we're gonna be in Tulsa Oklahoma

our favorite city without question and then we head to Dallas Texas on March 20th our favorite city, it's the best one, there's no one better than Dallas if you don't like it you're a Dal asshole thank you and then we go to Houston Texas on March 23rd, the best city, which is by far the best city. And then we end our tour in Austin, Texas on March 22nd at the Cap City Comedy Club. It's the best city. In the entire world. Number one city in the world. You can get tickets at dolloppodcast.com slash tour.

It is for the second time you are staying to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American history podcast for each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to my friend. Chae. Chant. Yeah. Oh, where'd you go? It just stopped again. OK. And we can hear me. I need you to get your head in the game.

We're doing. Do you hear me? Yes. It started to has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Oh, OK. My backup just started three, two, one. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about action. What is the job is brought to you by Hall's cough drops, Hall's cough drops. Sometimes they got some goo inside. What when?

Don't do this. Don't do we had a lot of we had a lot of lead time today. We did. We did. And you. You've been a problem. I said, I will not push back that today I've been I've been a major issue. Today, I've been an issue. I've been I've had a bit of a cold and.

And it's. It's not good. I I I don't apologize. Let me be very clear. I do not apologize to you at all. I don't apologize. Let me be very clear. I do not apologize to you at all. I apologize to the audience. I shouldn't have done that to them.

The audience hasn't been affected at all. Oh my God, man. What is going on over there? No, I got a baked potato in the. I got a cold. I'm sorry. What is going on? Did you see?

And called it, quote, his jam path. Jam path. I'm sorry And called it quote his jam patch yeah, I'm the fucking hippo guy okay My name is Gary. What is here? Wait is it for fun? And this is not gonna come to tickling pot. Okay? Now hit him with the puppy. You both present sick arguments. No sleep, no hip hop. No sleep, no hip hop. Action partner. Hi, Gaby. No.

Rona, Rona, in the corner. So let's break down what happened. Gareth text me earlier today, he goes, let's do 5pm. And I go, okay. And then he says, I can't meet in person because I'm sick. And I'm like, all right, that's fine. And then and then I get on here at five. But I'm just sitting around for like 10 minutes.

And then I text him to you. Now I do apologize to you. And he's like, oh, I thought it was five thirty. I think you're the one who said five. Nobody likes this stuff. This isn't what podcasting is. And then his headphones were all messed up. We had to restart.

I'm bottomless. Come on. What are you doing? What's going on with that potato? I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. I'm not doing this. What's going on with the potato?

No. Nope. Okay. So you took it out, obviously. And it's on the counter. So you probably here's my here's my suggestion. Twice, make that bitch. It's a sweet potato. No, you're gross.

They're delicious. Just have a potato. You don't need to put candy in it. It's a superfood or whatever you guys do. Just don't be. Don't be such an American. Just have a potato. It does not.

So it is straight up when I an American. Just have a potato. It does not. So let me get this straight. When I'm English, I'm a problem. When I'm American, I'm a problem. Do you ever think that maybe I'm just that's crazy. It doesn't matter which side of the Atlantic you're on. Your goddamn problem. Speaking of which. Go ahead, buddy.

March. Oh, no, wait, we got to do some stuff. Oh, yeah. We have a tour. I have used it. You. What? So we have a tour coming up. We've already announced it. It is starts on March. I want to say 22nd, March 20th, March 16th in Tempe and then March 17th in Albuquerque and then March 18th in Oklahoma City, March 19th in Tulsa, March 20th, Dallas,

March 21st, Houston, March 22nd, Austin. You can go to the dollar podcast.com for your actually dollar podcast.com. That's what I said. So I said, oh, yeah, it's all a podcast. Okay. And you know what? Mistakes happen between us. That's okay. With me that you made. How's your potato? Well, we can eat potato like five minutes before we started. No, I was going to have it ready for after we were done and really carbo load before

bed. I'm trying to put on 35 pounds. I'm just I need to get you to this. You know what I like about this? What I like about this show is that we're just it's about something that's not us. I don't think we should be digging into our stuff here. I make potatoes. That's OK. OK. I'm OK. OK.

I'm a human man. 1775. Benjamin Franklin leaves England. Part three. Returns to America because his wife just died. Of hams. Yeah. Don't even invite him back in. So he arrives in Philadelphia. He's been gone for a long time, so it's a totally different place. The country is now at war, which is a big difference.

Yeah. His wife's dead on March. You're really into that part. I mean, I guess you remember it, that you're so excited about it. I just listened to the second one. Because it's like you want credit for it's like you're a kid in school. I'm proud of myself. I think the problem is you didn't listen to part two. So you don't remember how much comedy was coming at the end. So while he's at sea crossing

on April 19, the British general had decided to take over some rebel military stores. However, radicals find out his plans. So by the time the British soldiers arrived, they're facing a few Minutemen and shots are fired and eight Americans are killed and ten are wounded. Right. Two months later, King George declares that the colonies are in a state of rebellion. State.

OK. Okay. So the day after he arrives, Ben is nominated for the Pennsylvania assembly to attend by the Pennsylvania assembly to attend the second Continental Congress. Right. Which is the best one. What's that? The first one go fuck itself. What are they doing? Second one is tight. What's that all about? They're fuck itself. What are they doing? Second one is tight. What's that all about? They're having what is the is the Continental Congress where it's like, is that because he's pro monarchy. Is that for the monarchy or is that people like this monarchy problem is? No, it's it's to know it's to create a it's to create a. Yeah, like our own government.

OK, does that monarchy doesn't know about that? We're just kind of going to this is not they might they might because they're, you know, they're already they say we're in a state of rebellion. So they might write, but they're they're OK. Gotcha. OK, gotcha. Yeah, they don't want it. Yeah, right. Did you know that his wife had died? Fun fact. Can I eat the potato?

Go ahead. Yeah, you can eat the potato. No one's going to stop I eat the potato? Go ahead. Yeah, you can eat the potato. No one's gonna stop from eating the potato. Eat the fucking potato. Great. So, so he goes to Cambridge to hear General Washington's strategy. This is part of the, I'm sorry, I should go back. So he is serving on a bunch of committees. Sure.

At the Continental Congress, and he is also reappointed as postmaster general. Right. And he's supposed to decide the best way to have communication across North North America during the war. OK. So it's so funny to think that that wasn't like, yeah, we'll just have guys on horses do it. Oh, you got a vacuum going busted. See, we're both shit shows. Fuck. I'd go out there, but my wife is on a tear today.

And I kind of I'm scared of her a little bit. So cute that you're of you. Listen to her a little bit. So cute that you're a you. Listen to her. She really. Well, there's a Christmas tree that was brought in. So there's a collar. Should I call her right? Because in this house, we celebrate J town.

OK, let's take a turn. It was, you know. The kids love a Christmas tree. That we got away from it. OK, so he's there to figure out how to get mail across the country during this tenuous time. So he visits his son, William, who is now the governor of New Jersey. You know, come on on name like how else would that guy get so?

He had now his son, William, has declared himself a loyalist to Britain. OK. And Ben tried to better tried to talk him, you know, out of doing that. Yep. But he couldn't like Williams locked in. He loves the Brits. Right. So a year later, William would be declared a traitor and he'd be put under house arrest.

So it didn't work out for him. OK. So on October 16, you monitor house arrest back then. That's a good question. I bet they had a guard with you. This is a TV show. It's 1775 house arrest. And he probably also had to wash you and like, I bet it was. Or just be with you.

I'm I've got to take her crap. So. All right. I'll be right here in the bathtub. Staring. Now I've got to take a bath. I'll be in the toilet. Look, I'm going to make love to my wife and I can't wait. I'll be in the toilet. Look, I'm going to make love to my wife and I can't wait. I'll be in the toilet. I think this guy just likes to be in the toilet. Going to go read on the porch for a little while.

I'm going to get in the toilet. I I'm going to go for a long walk, which I don't think I should be allowed. I mean, I'm going to go for a long walk. OK. OK. think I should be allowed. I mean, I'm going to go for a long walk. OK. OK. Are you going to be at the. I'll be in the toilet. I've just got your house under arrest. OK. Got a good one.

I figure as long as I'm in the toilet, the house can't be. Can't get away. All right. Now I read the book. Been monitoring Ben Franklin. He hasn't left the house, has he? Oh, I don't know. I've been I've been watching. I've been I got the toilet locked down. What do you mean?

I'm I'm in or around the toilet a lot to make sure that I mean, if the if the house can't go anywhere, if the toilet is, you know. You realize what you're saying is dumb halfway through, right? How's the rest? All right. Hey, did you guys hear Ben Franklin left the country? No, we didn't take my toilet. Yeah, my God. No.

So it's so No. So so on October 16th, as part of the special committee to Congress, he goes to Cambridge to hear General Washington, his strategy, his plans for what they're going to do. And he is also appointed to the Committee of Secret Correspondence. OK. Which is going to gather support for allies and their military aims. The colony doesn't really have much of a Navy or like an industry. It's it's not a lot going on. Sure.

And he's obviously big on committees. Yeah. So he's then assigned to the committee to write the Declaration of Independence. Oh, that's that's a biggie. Yeah, it came out. Yeah, that Independence. Whoa. That's a biggie. Huge. That's a big guy. Yep. That was a big one. Jefferson comes up with the first draft and then everyone gives suggestions and changes. Ben, it sounds like he changed, we hold these truths to be sacred and undeniable to self-evident. Right. So. So he's on his game. He was the one who was like, give it the duh.

Yeah, that's right. It's really fucking crazy to imagine these guys sitting around noting a document that's like, go fuck yourself. Leave us alone. Yeah. Just like, I don't know. Yeah, that's like, go fuck yourself. Leave us alone. Yeah. Just like, I don't know. Yeah, it's not right. Get to the punch. July 1st, it was debated by Congress for nine hours in Pennsylvania.

South Carolina opposed it. Delaware, Delaware is divided. New York isn't sure. And then on July 6th, the phrase the United States of America was used for the first time. Hmm. Yeah. And the world after that was fucked. So on July 8th, the Royal Coat of Arms was torn down and the Liberty Bell was rung. Wow.

Just the bell, right? It's a sound effect from the. Yeah, it's not the actual Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On August by August, Britain has sent more troops in Washington's army of 18,000 are looking at a British army of 32,000. So almost double. So proud of you. And then we're off.

So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. So we're off. And Washington's army of eighteen thousand are looking at a British army of thirty two thousand. So almost double. So proud of you. Admiral Howe is engaged in peace talks with Ben.

Okay. And the King offers pardons to some rebels in exchange for the surrender of American troops. Right. Howe thought the talks would be done in about 10 days. So England's like, we'll just we'll just offer some stuff and then yeah, we'll be done. They're just crying it out. They're mad. Exactly. They want some special stuff.

They're pissy. Look, I don't know if you heard Ben's wife just passed away. What? Yes. Nobody told me. Yeah, no, Ben's wife just passed away. What? Yes. Nobody told me. Yeah, no. He's in the second part. There's a what? He was in the second part. What did she die of? Um. What was her name?

What's the question? What do you mean? I don't think we need to know that she's she's gone. And so once she's gone, we don't need to talk about how she died or her name. I could take a guess at her name if you really wanted me to. Yeah, well, I'd rather not. But what letters to start with. E. I mean, it's close.

And D. D. Did Debbie. Don't worry. All right. Debbie Deborah. And what did you die of? You want me to take a stab at that? Yeah. Not getting fucked by a husband for all those two decades.

Yeah, that's right. And you know, I listen to about two. She had dementia. Yeah. OK, Dems, I feel like we shouldn't quiz you on any more past Benjamin Franklin stuff. I think that's the that's that's the third episode. And you listened to part two. Well, I did what I hate listeners to do.

I did time and a half. OK, so I mean, it has been a little bit. Two or three weeks, three weeks, maybe. Yeah, you know, it's pretty recent. That's a really long time for you. Yeah. So it has been. This is this when I was listening to the second episode, this would have been my nightmare.

Yeah, yeah. As I was making a big potato, being like, man, I just probably paid a little more attention. All right. So Ben is in negotiations and they think it's going to be over quick. But Ben is very blunt and he says, quote, forces have been sent out and towns have been burnt. We cannot now expect happiness under the domination of Great Britain. All former attachments are obliterated. So they're having negotiations, but the British send out troops to fight. And because they did that, they're like, it's over. Fuck you or not. Yeah.

So the British still expected to win. Obviously, they have a lot more men. And by the summer of 1776, Congress knew they have to ask France for help. OK. Awkward. A private company was set up to provide arms and other aid to America. And this is secretly funded by the French and Spanish. OK, so they're in. So it's a it's a secret fund. Right. They're the French and the Spanish are fighting a proxy war,

which America would take note of. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. So they couldn't deny. So I'm sorry, they could deny if France threatened like if France is like, what are you guys doing? Spain and. Oh, nothing, man. It's it's nothing.

Yeah, no shit. Why? For sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, again, America, America was like, that's really cool. That's really cool. That's a really good idea. Really, really. That is really here. Ask us. You do it. No, no, nothing. That's just what come on, man.

They got to go to democracy. Sometimes there's a bunch of fire. What do you mean chemicals? Kids? Yeah, that's OK. OK, that was a weird answer, but OK, we got him. I don't think you did. Yeah. So. So the first American diplomat is sent to France. It's just. So you go in, you go into the recording room.

What do you say? I say I'm going to record. And she says, that's vacuum time. Yeah, there's the you know, sometimes people. Yeah. Don't respect you. No, I know. It's believe me, I've I've had to say to people before, like it is. This is this is our worst episode.

I've had to say to people before, like, this is a job. Like, I'm going to play with hula hoops while I'm in your field of vision. I'm like, that's not. This is a shit show. All right. So. OK, so where were you? You asked me a question. Did you or did that just?

Uh. I don't know. Maybe you didn't. Well, proxy proxy proxy where they can deny, basically. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh buddy, oh buddy. Squarespace is an all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out, succeed online.

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and you get 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. Let's get inside those caves with some ropes. Gareth, we are also brought to you by Aura Frames. Oh, Dave. You know, it's it's Christmas shopping time and it's hard to find gifts for everybody, right? There's some people very hard, very hard. Yeah, this gift I recommend for everybody.

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That's H-Y-D-R-O-W.com. Code dollop to save $800. Hydro.com. Code dollop. If I may, have Santa give it to someone and he can say, Rove, Rove, Rove. Mary, you know. It's why does it feel like you're a teenager and your mom doesn't want you recording in the attic?

Yeah, that might be part of it. So she had her headphones on, so that's why it was so loud. She was talking to the dogs. Oh, OK. OK. Because they were in the way while she was trying to clean the more noise. So, right. OK, so. So they need they need a diplomat set to France.

The first guy they send doesn't speak French. Is that smart? It's not helpful when. Yeah. OK. So that's very American to be like, they'll provide a translator or they'll speak English. They speak English right off the bat. We're like, everybody speaks a we speak, right? Come on, you say you're not even formed yet.

So so they send Ben. OK, French. OK, he's 70 now. He has regular gout attacks. It's part of his jam. But he's famous. And the French really dig him. Sure. Also, the speaking French thing helps. John Adams.

They like that too. Yeah, he likes to stick out. John Adams, quote, there was scarcely a peasant or a citizen, a valet, coachman or footman, a ladies chambermaid or a scullion in a kitchen who was not familiar with Ben's name and who did not consider him a friend to humankind. Okay. So, yeah so there you go. He's famous. So, by the way, he really could use a foot man with all that gout. I agree. Helpful.

Or leg man. Yeah. Or stop between 1777 and 1782. Ben commenced the French government to give America 26 million francs. Nice, which is eight dollars. Eight dollars. The English ambassador to France said told the told them Ben's a liar and he would deceive them. But the French are still like, no, we like him.

But you already bigger liars. You're a sheep. Yeah. Ben moved to Passe, which was a Passe, which is a small village outside of France, outside of Paris. And his grandsons were his secretaries. Sure. And he dined several nights per week with local women, with whom he formed close quote friendships. OK, yeah.

The idea that he's getting laid at 70 with Gowd and that look is shocking. I tell you, fame, man. Yeah, no, that's. Yep. He suggested to Madame Briand, who was married, but whose husband was having an affair, that she might like to do the same. You're right. I should find someone who I find sexually appealing to do that with. You're right. He's always cheating on me. So I should probably find a boy who I can,

oh boy, do you hear that noise? That's crazy. Because I sorry, talked to my husband about not doing that while you and I have conversation and yet he continues to do this. So she wasn't into it. Another woman turns down a marriage proposal he makes. He's in his seventies, which is like being in your, it's like being in your nineties today. He's moving quick.

Yeah. So flirting with women, very cool in France. It's it's what you do. So his this reputation of being a fucking lazy only makes him more popular in France that he's they hear that he's hitting on. He's not a ladies man. He's like a weird like, you know, he's like a Joe Biden hair sniffer. He's not what he is.

Well, I don't know. Is he getting laid? Do we know? Yeah, he's getting some action. He's getting some action. He's getting some action. All right. Okay. So Ben has to get used to French culture and fashion, which includes hairstyles that are so...

We say grow it out, Ben. Look, just... We know you got nothing on top, but just grow those sides and back real long. Make you look like you've got a skin bandana. on top, but just grow those sides and back real long. Make you look like you've got the skin bandana. Some of them had hair. It's so complicated that they can't wear a hat. And so they carry the hat out of the arm instead of putting it on their head. Element. I don't. Yeah.

I mean, hair is so complicated. I don't. Yeah. You're so complicated. Like you're it's kind of waved. I mean, think of everything we've seen of like Marie Antoinette with her. Yeah, big, big. Yeah. I mean, the hair is like a thing. Like it's like, I don't know how long it took them to do it. But probably a long time. Yeah. So when he tries to discuss commerce,

including that it would be in France's interest to support America, that is frowned upon. That's what they're like, ehh, come on man. Any discussion of money is considered uncouth. Eat your oysters! It's great that you're hitting on married

women, it's just uncouth to talk's great that you're hitting on married women. It's just uncouth to talk about money. But the whole reason he's there is to do that. So is that like, Ben, come on. You can't come all the way over here and ask us to help you fight a secret war of independence against the British and bring it up to us. I stop it. Yeah. Is that your wife? Just be like the rest of us. Yes, it is. She's pretty hot. She's hot. All right. There we go. See, you're getting it. Look at your beautiful, thin hair from your sides and your back. Oh yeah, that's why I'm carrying my hat. That's cool. Look at you, naked. Look at your wife's tits. Yes. Yeah. See your fight. That's right. Now you're

doing a friend. So can we talk about the money for the, uh, that I need? Oh man, that's on coos, huh? Let's just talk about orgies, popcorn, oysters and wine. Come here, you. So like I said, he's big, big, big celebrity in France. The more he's there, the more of a celebrity his pictures of his face are on mantelpieces, rings, bracelets, snuff boxes, hats and coats. Like he's like a Ben Franklin ring. I mean, he's like a fucking Kardashian.

Like he's like the Green Lantern. Yeah, people started making copies of his cane and that became a fashion thing. Wow. The hair, though, why is the hair not catching on? Well, he will get to that. He he always wear or a fur hat outside. OK. And so women start wearing wigs that look like his fur hat. Wow. And it was called the coiffeur a la Franklin. Franklin's wig. The Franklin coiffeur.

The hat is called Franklin's wig. It. Wow. God, the hair is called. Yeah. So the craze that that we crave. Yeah, he is. It that we it goes to England where the famous Wedgwood Partyworks made busts of Ben, even though they're at war with us. Well, we can't resist this perfect sp- I mean, Ben!

Look, I understand that John Lennon's fight a war on peace and love, but he's still one of us. We love him. I mean, he has this American friend would stay with him for a couple of years, Dr. Ben Croft and Brian Ben Croft is is friendly with all the Americans negotiating deals with France. And it was later discovered that he was actually a spy for Britain. Oh, wow. There's a lot of spies. People warn Ben he was he was probably having they're probably in his house. But he just I found a guy in the toilet the other day.

No, you didn't. Oh, wait. Oh. So he's not concerned. Squirrel debates. He's kind of learned he's got a snorkel on. He he doesn't care. OK, Ben just doesn't care that he said, quote, if I was sure that my valet de play place, the plus was a spy, as he probably is, I think I should not discharge him for that.

If in other respects, I liked him. So he's like, if my valet is a spy, I don't care as long as he's doing it. He's very James Bond. Well, what do you want? I mean, good Lord, he was. He's just a guy putting my clothes on like how. What do you think Ben Franklin's accent was like? Because I have no idea.

It's got to be crazy, right? Has to be crazy. Yeah, it has to be crazy. It's got to be so much. I just like we're. Yeah, that has to be crazy. It's got to be all over the fucking place. I mean, I just imagine him being like, that's a very good point. Yeah. He was probably like, it does a very good job. I've had a very good time in France and it was very interesting to experience a lot of this stuff. We'll never know. Yeah.

So so like he doesn't care. There's spies. Ben complained about having to use a cipher to decode letters. So it's kind of like an old guy. I can't work on iPhone like that. So the cipher quote, I cannot understand by the little specimen you have wrote in it. It is too tedious for a whole letter.

It's so funny to imagine him handing that to a spy being like, what is he trying to tell me? I was like, this is so easy. I was like, this is so easy. So some hope that Ben would use his scientific genius to create new weapons. The New Jersey Gazette speculated that he might make, quote, an electric machine of such wonderful force that instead of giving a slight stroke to the elbows of 50 or 100,000 men who are joined hand in hand,

it will give a violent shock even to nature itself. So as to disunite kingdoms, join islands to continents and render men of the same nation, strangers and enemies to each other. What are you talking? I mean, they just they just came up just came up. And they're trying to predict the future, but they're just like, we really are unable to see anything beyond what we have. But imagine a machine that could knock elbows away and give us back Pangea and make Hawaii part of China. You could merge the land together and then nobody could hold hands

because it's a punching machine and it's punched in. It's punching. It's what you don't I mean. Yeah, I get it. It's hard to explain. I guess we just set it off to see sharks. I'm coming up with what's called a punching machine that will attack elbows and form land masses back together. Oh, OK. I like that. What are you going to call it?

It's going to be called the punching machine for. No. Yeah, the punching machine for is that it? The title is for now. Is that it? The title. The title. Well, I don't know how. Are you thinking of licensing this or selling it yourself? My plan.

Well, that's why I wanted to get some of you guys on board because I think that that would be helpful for you to tell me what I have the technology for the idea of a machine that it hits that that will knock people's elbows so they can't hold hands and then potentially could bring lands. So I think I'll give you I'll give you $45 for 99%. That's a good deal. I'll give you $45 for 99%. That's a good deal. Before I take that, because that's a great offer, Mark, I want to hear what some of the other sharks say if that's okay with everyone.

I'm out. I'm out. I'm out. Okay. Did you understand that the punching machine for no could be very big for you? I just, I don't see how, what we would do with it. It'll stop people from holding hands if you don't want them to. Yeah, but I don't see how we'd-

You're not going to need a bridge. This machine that I, it'll eliminate the need for bridges. That I'm not hearing how. Because you're bringing all the lands together. So instead, Jesus Christ, this is a boat. This is a boat disruptor. This eliminates boats. Do you see this in like Walmart's or is this an online? How are you?

Oh, shit. This would be. This is going to go everywhere. This could be everywhere. This is everywhere. OK, that sounds great. Yeah. Once you see it, how about I show it to you? Look under this sheet.

Uh huh. Yeah. You see that? Uh huh. So there you go. Back in looks like a bowl. Is that a bowl? It's a bowl with. Yeah, it's a bowl with some noodles in it. OK. OK. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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OK, so Ben was more about the logistics of trade and propaganda, and he developed what was called black propaganda, which is the creation of news that seems to be from the enemy. So he would fake documents and reports to drum up. So he's what we had to make to confuse the other side. Right. OK. So he's also negotiating the release of American prisoners, and he receives applications from Europeans

who want to join the American military. But that costs money to have recruits. He's just showing so that's good news. So the Americans start complaining that he's sending over too many of these Europeans who want to fight in the war. OK. They can't afford to feed them and house them and kill them all. There's like too many soldiers who want to fight. England, such a strange problem.

By mid-77, mid-1777, things are not looking good for the Americans. And Ben has to use all of his like social skills, his wit, his charm to keep the French from just pulling out because they're like, you guys are fucked. Well, one thing we really don't enjoy doing is pulling out. No, we don't even commit to a situation. We like to finish the job inside. They're spending more money or split on the belly. And about the face, your face, maybe.

They were sending more money than they could raise. And the British are still advancing. The British occupy Philadelphia at this point. So it looks bad. Yeah. But a British general didn't follow the plan that is set up. And he leaves a section of the army north in Saratoga without any backup, and they all get captured. And this is a huge turning point in the war. OK.

So Ben makes sure everyone knows of this huge victory. Writing letters. Right. And the British tried to make peace, but without offering independence. OK. So they invite Ben to London to try to do a surrender. Yeah, they are a soft runner. So they invite Ben to London to discuss the terms of this. Whatever this is. Yeah. But he won't go.

So France. At this point, decides that it's going to openly support America. It's signing treaties of alliance and commerce. And so then Ben meets with King Louis, the 16th in Versailles to solidify the relationship between the countries, which basically held. We were close with them up until the whole Iraq war. Freedom price. Yeah, right.

Oh, that's fucking great. Freedom potatoes. Yeah. Potatoes for a long, long time are considered. By a lot of people to be awful, poisonous things in France. They had only been declared edible in pair and by the Paris Faculty of Medicine in 1772. So up until 1772, they think that I guess they'll kill you. They'll make you sick. What?

Well, probably because they came out of the ground. And they and I was like, surely they were eating carrots or. Yeah, true. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure someone ate a potato and they're. Human. And then that was it. Yeah. OK. Well, they like Ben Franklin's like a human potato.

They were probably like, yeah. All right. Well, he starts to show them how versatile the little potato is. Yeah, he probably shocks it. He's like, look at that. So he versatile the little potato is. He probably shocks it. He's like, look at that. So he's a big potato proponent. Wow. And in 1778, he inspires a Frenchman named Antoine Augustin Palmitier to host a series of dinners in which all the dishes featured potatoes.

Will die. Dude, this is honestly, this is my ultimate meal. Oh, well, think about all think about all the ways you can have potatoes. Oh, so many ways and all good. Pretty much all it's hard to do a loser. Hard to fuck up a potato. It's hard to fuck up a potato.

It's hard to do a loser. It's hard to fuck up a potato. It's hard to fuck up a potato. So the dinner is a big success, and he keeps hosting potato dinners for seven years. Wow. So the French on the potato. Yeah, the French come around on the potato because of Benjamin Franklin. Wow. That's a that's a bigger legacy. But then they mastered the potato. Wow. That's a that's a bigger legacy. But then they mastered the potato.

Yeah. Mashed potatoes, french fries and au gratin. They they were the supreme makers of Jefferson would eventually when he went to France, he would come back from France with those recipes and then make them popular in America. Well, I mean, french fries, we agree, is the number one. Now I feel like we're. I think I got to say mashed potatoes.

Yeah. I would take talking about mashed potatoes over any anything on earth. I will eat mashed potatoes. It's it's an opinion thing. I wish is wrong to die in a vat of creamy mashed potatoes. That's how I want to go out. Like what if they have an assisted like the joker, an assisted death situation. Yeah. And I'm whatever I have.

I have some terrible disease and I'm not going to make it. Put me in. Just let me just put me in the drop in the people. And I just slowly sink into the mash potatoes yeah I'm going out eating them okay hopefully they're going in every hole at the same time I want full sometimes I have a story so I could start it back up because right now it'd be a good time to jump back in and you're wrong french fries and then and then they take me out of the big mash potato thing and buddy you lick it off because you're my friend. Nope

so We found a mash grave In 1778 one of Ben's fellow commissioners is recalled to America and John Adams is sent to replace him and he his son John Quincy Adams, move into Ben's house together. Okay, father and son.

So he discovers that Ben and the other commissioner, whose name is Lee, are arguing constantly about everything. And Ben once told Lee he had, quote, pity of your sick mind. I had He quote, pity of your sick mind. I quote, pity of your sick mind. OK, Adams complained about Ben's constant visitors, quote, a crowd of carriages came to his lodgings with all sorts of people, some philosophers, academic, academicians,

academics and economists. But the greater part were women and children come to have the honor to see the great Ben and all to have the pleasure of telling stories about his simplicity. These visitors occupied all of his time till it was time to dress to go out to dinner. So he's just having a good time. He loves having a fucking good time. Loves being fucking.

He's an old. He's in his fucking 70s. And his 70s coming to him fucking good time. He loves being fucking he's an old dude. He's in his fucking 70s Coming to him all the time. He's a huge celebrity and every day people come by to either be like Ben I have an idea or they're just like mr. Franklin. It is such an honor and uh, Wow, you're such a great person May I touch your potatoes? Oh, look at you. I wish you weren't naked for these meetings. Well, hello, Marie. Come on in. I was just taking my pants off.

Oh, look at your boy. What's your name? Jean-Luc? Hello, little laddie. Have you ever seen a 70-year-old man who's 90 in today's age naked. So. So now this league, I and Ben and Adams are not getting along. So Adam tells Congress that having three commissioners is just not sustainable, especially for no reason other than they can't get along because they can't get along. Yeah. So Congress dissolves the commission, but he appoints, but they appoint Ben as the only

minister to the court of Versailles. So Adams writes a letter and then Adams has to leave. So he has to go back to Philadelphia. Good point. So he got himself fired. And then Ben Franklin just still sits in that house and people are like, Mr. Franklin, Mr. Franklin. Hello. Well, it's time like Mr. Franklin, Mr. Franklin. Hello.

Well, it's time to go. I have a potato dinner. It's time for the potatoes. I'm going. So Ben has to appear at the French court in Versailles every Tuesday and the British repealed all the laws that the Americans had objected to. Still hoping for peace, but without the independence thing. King George III wanted to end the war.

He also hates Ben. But he's also scared of how much influence Ben has. That's why he hates him. Quote, I think it's so desirable to end the war with that country to avenge the faithless and insolent conduct of France that I think it may be proper to keep open the channel of intercourse with that insidious man. So he's got to use them, right? He hates somebody.

He wants to, he wants revenge from France so bad. He's going to like, he wants to, I mean, he's going to like. He wants to. I mean, he's basically being like, look, America, we can be in an open relationship, but let's fuck France. Yeah, he he doesn't. I think he probably thinks America couldn't fight this war without France. So there's a real devil here. But he hates Ben, but he hates France more because of that. Right.

So they have to keep talking to Ben, basically, even though he can't. They don't think he can be trusted. So the king hates Ben so much that he insisted they change the lightning conductors on Q Palace from a sharp point to a blunt one. Sir John Pringle suggested that, quote, The laws of nature were not changeable at royal pleasure, and then he was fired as the queen's doctor and from the Royal Society. So literally it bends invention.

They just want to change, even though changing it made it not an effective. And John Pringle is just like, I've actually come up with a new way to use potatoes. So in April, an American ship managed to take make it to British shores and raided a small coastal town. I never knew, but I don't remember ever hearing about this, but that's fucking awesome. Yeah, there's no casualties, but the British are just like, oh, fuck the home. No, no. Oh, yeah. And they're shaken.

Ben worked on plans for more ambitious raids. And in June, British troops evacuate Philadelphia and Congress returns to Philadelphia. OK. And Ben is member. They I don't know if you remember the episode that we did on this, but they just trashed all the houses like they would just. Yeah, right. They were put a hole in the floor. Yeah, they were real assholes. Yeah. So Ben is is informed that soldiers quote, stolen carried off with them some of your musical instruments, a Welsh harp ball harp,

the set of tuned bells, which were in a box, and all spare harmonica glasses. They took likewise a few books. So it took us harmonicas. Yeah. And which so there's that plus instruments back then. I mean, just so important books and instruments. That was it. Yeah. That's all you had. Was your escape. Whitland. That was it. Yeah. So a British squadron fires at some French ships and then now France, France officially declares war against Britain.

So Ben is also the accountant for all military aid coming across the Atlantic. And in 1781, he's now 75. He's like, I'm just he's done. He resigns. I'm dying. I am tired. Old man wants to lay down naked in a field or just in a bar. Let me eat fries. He recommends that his grandson take over, you know, the guy who's been the secretary of foreign.

And Congress refuses his resignation. Wow. Wow. 75. Let him go. It's like our Congress now. I was going to say it's like just they just insist we just want to be run by the elderly. Yeah. So he stays in the job for four more years. Oh, my God. I mean, just think of how decrepit Biden is.

I mean, is that awful? Awful. Like it just doesn't want to do it. Because I'm done. I'm I'm done. I can't I'm let me resign. Please let me lay down. I want to lay down. I'm done. Everything hurts.

I'm so old. I have head gout. So throughout the war, Ben was always very clear that non-soldiers should be left alone and not harmed. And he had a list of people who on both sides shouldn't be disturbed. This includes farmers and fishermen and merchants and traders, artists, mechanics. Quote, it is hardly necessary to add that the hospitals of enemies should not be molested. They ought to be assisted. OK, I'm not doing it. It'd be interesting not attacking hospitals. Yeah. So he wanted to do more scientific experiments, but he didn't have any time. Jesus Christ, let this old man retire. Yeah, really.

Just let him let he wants to just go fuck around with his, I know that we're like some of the like whatever. He definitely had to imagine what we could have gotten out of that. Yes. Right. You're wasting your mind making him some bullshit diplomat. Yeah. When you should just allow him to. Come up with ideas of how I could come up with something mechanical like my punch and punch and no, but punch. No, it could have been punching machine. No, that's not the punch machine.

It's not. Oh, well, all right. So. Ben and Ben and I have been talking about a great idea for a thing. Then this is this is a way to stop people from holding hands and bring land masses back together. Okay, stop talking. Those aren't two things that we need. May I show it to you? Hey, hey, what? Nobody has asked to bring land masses together.

You might because it's because you can't see how valuable it's going to be if you can't conceive it. Now it's not valuable. It is. You don't you can't see how valuable it's going to be if you can't conceive it. Now, it's not valuable. Yeah, it is. You don't need boats anymore or bridges. This is a disruptor. Imagine a world where all the land is together and everything else is water. It's terrible. Now you fuse it together. France is part of New Hampshire. China is part of Texas. Come on. Well, why?

Well, and nobody can hold hands if you don't want them to. That part doesn't make sense. It's a Melbo style. Whack them right in the elbow, guy. All right, I'll take 50. We're not going to be able to produce that many. It's way above what we don't even have one. If I'm frank. I will. Can you get back to me when you make one?

I guess such a dick. It's going to take forever. It doesn't make any sense now that I'm trying to make you don't make any sense. I can hear you. You're still right here. OK, what I can hear you. You're still right here. OK. What I was saying was. OK, well, we're excited to make it happen, and it's going to be very valuable. I don't have the tech to do this thing.

We're screwed, dude. So throughout the war. I already said this, that, you know, innocent people shouldn't be harmed. So he wants to do more scientific experiments. No time. He's frustrated with all with kind of the way science is going. He thinks that there's a lot of frivolous pursuits in science, which leads him to write a sarcastic letter to the Royal Academy of Brussels after they requested scientific papers. So they put a, they put a whatever general thing out. We want

scientific papers, scientific papers. So he sends a letter, which was a call for a deep scientific exploration of farts. Closed. It is universally well known that in digesting our common food, there is created or produced in the bowels of human creatures, a great quantity of wind that. This is permitting this that the permitting this air to escape and mix with the atmosphere is usually offensive to the company from the fetid smell that accompanies it.

That all well bred people, therefore, to avoid such offenses, forcibly restrained the efforts of nature to discharge that wind. And then he went on to call for scientists to develop a drug to stop farting. Oh, my God. What in the name of God? He should be retired. He. Yeah. Even in even if it's in jest to be writing somewhere to be like,

let's figure out how to stop far. I mean, he's totally joking. OK. Gout big diet, probably horrible. He probably was just writing about himself mainly. And it's real bad over here. Real bad. But yeah, he's just doing that because he thinks science has become ridiculous. By the way.

There were a lot of bad idea. Yeah. And then came Bino. I was going to say there is a thing. I don't know if it works. Yeah, we're taking it, but I would imagine. And I'm sorry, my doctor prescribed. Shut up. Oh, my God. That would be the most embarrassing description, Bito. Yeah.

This is pretty awkward. In October, 18,000 British soldiers surrendered in Yorktown and the British prime minister said, quote, Oh, God, it is all over. Wow. Congress creates a five man committee to negotiate peace. And the committee guy, Ben Franklin, is all over. Wow. Congress creates a five man committee to negotiate peace and the committee guy, Ben Franklin, is on it. And also they appointed John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, John Jay, and Henry Lawrence. So big hitters, except for Lawrence. Who the fuck's that?

I don't know. But big hitters. What Congress actually did know at the time was that Lawrence had been captured and was imprisoned in the Tower of London. So he can't be on the committee anyway. It must have been nice for him to hear that, though. He's like, cool. Yeah. Yeah, it's a nice little. Yeah. Thank you.

King George tried to propose that Britain negotiate peace separately with each colony, which didn't didn't fly. Nice try. He then tried to, quote, obtain a separate piece with the French. But both both attempts failed so badly that the the king talked of abdication and even prepared an abdication statement. So he really fucked up. He fucked up so bad. He's like, I can't be.

I can't be king. Yeah. I'm a shit. Amazing to be like, I should know. The British government, all the ministers resigned. Wow. Well, it is a huge fuck up. It is a huge fuck up. They fucked up so bad. They they should have never lost. Yeah. In July 1782, Ben's friend, Lord Shelburne, became prime minister and negotiations start.

So Ben wrote up four essential requirements for peace. No farting. Some other suggestions. So no farting, really a cure for gout. Okay. This is for the new colony country. Yeah, the cure cure for gout. I need this is what everyone's talking about.

America needs a lab, just some place where like an old guy can take around the punching machine for now. And then the machine for now. Come on, you need a fourth to it. There's a guy who's there for what is it? A punching machine that brings a land together. Madness. Sorry, what is it? It is your request.

Everybody holds. No farting. And they'll be nerve-r cure for Goudon laboratory. And you want to think all the punchers out in no farting could potentially overlap. Punching machine for no. But the punching machine that brings out land masses together. And nobody will be out here. Hello. Hi, Hank Lawrence. to handle this. Hello. Hi.

Hank Lawrence, been in a tower for a while. So basically what this is, is it is a machine that'll get rid of people holding hands because it'll punch them in the elbows and then lands. All the lands that are separated can now be kind of together as one no that wasn't what that sounded like then so we would be with the front You could be or we could mix you with India a little bit. Whatever you want. We're really We have a prototype The prototype mm-hmm. Yeah, You want to see it? No.

OK. Awesome. Because it was just a bowl of noodles. So here's the four requirements. Essential ones, complete independence and withdrawal of British troops, settlement along the boundaries of the colonies, confinement of Canadian boundaries and freedoms for Americans to fish in Newfoundland. Wow. Fish is such a big that that fish is always the hardest one for the British. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy.

No, God. There are also suggestions, so not requirements, suggestions with the British pay reparations for burning all the towns and now the parliament to apologize. No, can't know. It was so fun. So the British and and Americans meet in secret in France, the French weren't told.

Well, how bold, even though Ben had promised to keep them in the loop in a move to bolster the need for reparations. Ben creates a fake issue of a real Boston newspaper. It's called the Independent Chronicle, and he writes an article about. The American forces had discovered bags containing more than 700 quote scalps from our unhappy country folks. There were bags of boys, girls, soldiers and even infant scalps, and they were all said to have been taken by names of the American forces.

And they were all said to have been taken by names of the American forces. And they were all said to have been taken by names of the American forces. scalps from our unhappy country folks. There were bags of boys, girls, soldiers, and even infant scalps, and they were all said to have been taken by Native Americans who were working with King George. And there was a note written to King George hoping he would receive these gifts. Oh my God.

And quote, be refreshed. Well, I, what the fuck? No, I did not demand Do you matter that look? We're we're bad, but we did not ask for the scouts, boys and girls. I want a bag of baby scouts. Thank you. Thank you. Well, then explain this note. I mean, the note is like

the notes aggressive. Dear King George, we're really happy that we got the 700 scalps you wanted from Native Americans. So obviously, this is like the ultimate version of fake news. Ben even includes a fake letter from naval hero John Paul Jones, who said the colonies must declare independence because the king has quote, engaged savages to murder defenseless farmers women and children. So he's got this thing just this is just a lot of masterful.

It doesn't exist. Yeah, it's a masterful good line. Very effective line. Ben printed and sent copies of the paper to colleagues complaining, claiming it's all true. He's sending it to people because he knows all that he's connected to everybody. Yeah. So he's sending it to all the top dogs going, look at this. This is true. And then that causes that story to be printed in real papers in Jersey and Pennsylvania, Connecticut, New York, Rhode Island.

Surely did the Native Americans a lot of favors. It's I mean, it's mainly for Brits to convince the Brits to to push the king to give reparations. He doesn't care about. Well, and Native Americans. And our own paper. care about the Native Americans. We found our own paper. So you're not.

We found one that said that. Fuck, I don't know. Fuck it. It's really good. Yours is really good. It's yeah. Yeah. I mean, we knocked it out of the park. They've declared a war on cakes and warm babies.

Yeah, it's a little late now. I mean, if you had said that when you first started talking about the paper, they say, oh my God, have you seen this new copy of the Royal Times? Oh my God plans to stop allowing us more than one lump in our teeth. Ow! My stomach is churning. Ow! Oh! God, it's just the scalp on so fucking good.

Really good. A bag of baby stops. A bag of baby stops. A bag of baby stuff. I mean, you can't beat that. No, we're fucked. We found a paper that said you want to keep the tip of your cocks. Ah ha. Eh.

Meh. Meh. God damn. Scalloped. Is that going to be good? So some some Brits immediately saw it was this was just such a good fake and immediately blamed Ben like British prime minister and known author, not British prime British MP and known author Horace Walpole, who said, quote, Dr. Franklin himself, I should think, was the author.

It is certainly written by a first rate pen and not a common man of war. So some people are like, this is clearly frankly hard for him to be like, it was me. Who else comes up with a bag of scouts? It's so brilliant. Whoever did it's a genius. He's like, oh, so they sign an agreement on November 30th.

It's sent to the French So they sign an agreement on November 30th. It's sent to the French and the French now have to negotiate their own agreement with the Brits. But Ben is able to retire. Wow. Finally. At least for one job. He still has work to do, like negotiating trade treaties with European nations.

He keeps writing his autobiography. I don't know if you remember this, but like I brought that one that he started. He started writing. It might have been part two. No, it's part one. Yeah, I think it's part one. He starts writing his autobiography and he does get back to some science experiments. He's very excited to witness the first launch of a manned hot air balloon. Wow. Writing to the head of the Royal Society that it could quote pave the way to some

discoveries in natural philosophy of Which at present we have no conception He writes to his son who he has become estranged from during the war because William is a loyalist William was captured during the war like I said and put under house arrest and after the war he like I said, and put under house arrest. And after the war, he moves to London. And in Ben's letter, he says they've had disagreements. And although William was obviously wrong, perhaps they can put their differences aside for the sake of family.

Yes. Let's agree that you're wrong 100%. Yes. This is all your fault. Now that everything is over, we can agree that you- wrong 100%. Yes, this is all your fault. Now that everything is over, now that we get the justice said, we've had some time to get our thoughts together. You idiot. Wrong prick. You fuck. Look, let's meet in the on my side. I don't even need the apology for your foolishness, Bible. So he said he sends William's son, William Temple, to London to see his father.

So he had his grandson with him the whole time. That was Williams. So in 1784, as Ben gets older, his eyesight becomes worse. He becomes super tired of having to carry two pairs of glasses for reading and long distance. So he slices the lenses from two pairs in half horizontally and puts them together in the glasses with the reading part on the bottom and the long distance on the top. And Ben Franklin and Vince Bifocals. Wow. It's pretty good. Really is. It is pretty good. Yeah.

Bifocals is one of those things where you're like, it's so simple, but nobody thinks of it. Yeah. But that is a very the guy does it, of course. Yeah. It also eventually unleashed that great Brian Regan bit about trifocals. That's all that matters. Yep. In 1784, as I just DM'd Brian Regan to ask him to be on the pastimes. You did yeah He's so fucking funny. He's so

funny On May 2nd 1785 Ben finally received permission to return to the United States Okay, he's 79 and he wanted quote to die in my own country. Yeah Such a simple request. By the way, that would be England, right? Because the native, never mind. Whoa. Not cool, man. So when he leaves that town, he lives in Passy or Pase, whatever.

It felt like they had lost their patriarch, the village. Yeah. At the point at the port in Lahav, where they waited for a ship, Ben meets with William. But it's not it's cold and not great. These Williams like, no, he's still a loyalist. He's like, no, I was right. So who's hanging on to that shit? I don't know.

That's just look, you lost, bro. In seven in September, on September 13th, they arrive in Delaware Bay, and he steps out onto Margaret Street wharf, and there's a huge crowd there waiting for him. He had hoped to be, quote, free from politics the rest of my life, but he takes the role on the Supreme Executive Council of Pennsylvania. His health is declining, so he doesn't engage in a lot else. He did notice that the top of the lightning rod on his house had almost melted away,

so it must have protected his house from lightning at least one time. So he invents a fan, which is attached to his study chair and would fan him with just a slight movement of one foot. Oh, wow. So like a like sewing fan, a moving fan. He bends fucking was an 80 years old in the 1700s. It's like isolation. Isolation. He invented a way to lock his door from bed, so he didn't need to get up.

What is it? Some it's called being a Jedi. I can do it with my eyes. I don't know. I guess I could look it up. I don't know. Wow. What the fuck? He designed his bath so that he could bathe, bathe and read a book without getting wet. It's called no water.

He took part in the convention to write the constitution. He felt it wasn't perfect, but the best they could expect. Yeah. Quote, I confess that there are several parts of this constitution, which I do not at present approve, but I am not sure I shall never approve them. For having lived long, I've experienced many instances of being obliged by better information or fuller consideration to change opinions. And the older I go, the more apt I am to doubt my own judgment and pay more respect to the judgment of others. But he thought it was close to perfection.

He was wrong, obviously. It's not great. Oh, come on. Time is not on. Time. Not kind. Yeah. In 1787, he became president of the Pennsylvania Society for Promoting the Abolition of Slavery. His last public act was to send Congress a petition to end slavery. They requested that Congress quote devised means for removing the inconsistency from the character of the American people and to promote mercy and justice towards this distressed race. It was immediately criticized

by pro-slavery congressmen and then there was a heated debate. So it took no action on his petition and referred it to a committee, which concluded that the constitution didn't allow them to restrict the trade in slavery. It's it. What a it's always such a the lesson is like, yeah, look, yeah, can use this thing for things that are fucking terrible. So don't be a full on.

Uh huh. you know. By 1788, Ben has been written. He can't write. He dictates letters, including one to a friend in France. He said he was, you know, satisfied with his life and happy with the Constitution. Although who could say if it would last, quote, in this world, nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes. And my gas. Whoo boy.

I fought more as I get older. I got a cure. Okay. Read that back to me. The fights are forever. Forever. Okay. You're sending this to Louis the 16th.

The world. The world needs to hear it. OK. I'm drowning in air farts. A letter to the world. My God, help me. God help me. I'm drowning in air farts.

OK. It feels like we've really... I'm suffocating. It feels like we've gotten the message out there pretty well. So OK. Is there anything we need to say at the end there? We've said a lot about that. Do you want to talk about that? Oh my God. They're like a...

Leg... No, I think maybe another direction. Maybe... It's like air poo. It's like air. Oh, those are my last words. Okay. Do we want to sign it or anything? How do you want to sign off? Air poo? Air poo poo Franklin. Then Mr. Franklin, with all due respect, this is your legacy. Oh my God, he died.

Air poo Franklin. On April 17, 1790, an abscess on his lung burst and he died at the age of 84. The House of Representatives wore morning clothes for a month, but the Senate refused. Oh, wow. Wow. There's they're mad. And Americans are always. Yeah, there's a group of twats. Yeah.

So even with all the inventions that he made and he made a ton of inventions, he never applied for patents for any of them, believing that knowledge should be shared freely. And believe me, I also made that mistake when I came up with the punching machine for now. I should have just thankfully nobody tried to take it, but I also didn't apply for a patent. But in retrospect, imagine the world without the punching machine for now.

In 1791, after his death, a year after his death, the United States of America elected Ben Franklin to be their president. So it did happen. Are you fucking kidding me? I have. Why do you think he's on the 100? So that I've been making that point for over 10 years. We're almost at the 10 year anniversary of me saying that. Are you kidding me?

It happened, man. It happened. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Well, a research by Charlotte George, two main sources the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, Benjamin Franklin, a biography by Ronald Clark, Benjamin Franklin House Museum, Reuters, archives.gov, Franklin in the wagon affair by Whitfield Bell and Leonard Labarie. From Ben Franklin to Jacques Barbeau, the bull. July, it's a letter. Atlas Obscura, Spoon University, Ben Franklin's

corner contributions that make him a founding foodie. Washington Post, L.A. Times, History.net, and all things Liberty.com, and also Philadelphia Magazine. Wow. Wild. Wild, wild, wild. Now, let me ask you this very quickly before we leave, Dave. The story of America's independence, hearing it that way, because obviously I've heard

it, but you hear that and you are like, yeah, it makes me like it, like America more. But to what I was saying before, you can't get over how bad it goes and how genocide it gets, because any time I'm like, man, that's pretty fucking cool. Like, man, fuck them. Like, fuck the monarchy. Dumbass King George cocky prick. You know, we outdid them. They had almost twice as many troops.

We fucking fought them. But then you're just going. But also. We fucking fought them. But then you're just going. But also, yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, it's great to fight the British and throw off, you know, that shit. But, you know, we we haven't been a great we've been bad. We're bad. We're bad. We're bad. But yeah, we've been we've been really bad. We're the we're the just by far the most dangerous country. Now, there's not anything close. But there. But back then it was like, all right, this is a new shot.

Yeah. Yeah. And I like that. But then I'm like, that's just the genocide. Yeah, it's tough. But yeah. Well, there you go. There you go. A little bit of sweet, a, there you go. There you go. Little bit of sweet a little bit of sour Cheerio pip pip pip pip cheerio

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