The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 667 - Edgar Allen Poe - Part One

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the writer Edgar Allen Poe. Part one of two. Sound is not great because our host site chose Dave's airpod instead of his mic.  SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Nutrafol - Code: TheDollop Squarespace  Hims 

We're going on tour and this is it's been a while March 2025 is when our tour is happening. First of all, we're going to Tempe, Arizona Maybe our best city of all time. It's the best that is on March 16th And then we go to Albuquerque, New Mexico, maybe our favorite city ever. We really never love the city We've ever gone to that's on March 17th and then we go to Oklahoma City, which is our faith We often say that it's our number one. Yeah, it's our number one. The best city I've ever been to.

That's on March 18th. On March 19th, we're going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Our favorite city without question. And then we head to Dallas, Texas on March 20th. Our favorite city. That's why there's never been a better city. If you don't like it, you're a Dallas asshole. Thank you.

And then we go to Houston, Texas on March 23rd, which is by far the best city. And then we end our tour in Austin, Texas, on March 22nd at the Cap City Comedy Club. It's the best city. In the entire world. Number one city in the world. You can get tickets at dolloppodcast.com Sitting to the dollop on the all

Things comedy network. This is an american history podcast for each week Hey, david, then you read a story from american history to... It's always a new bottom. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. What if this was someone's first episode? Do you think that's good? Do you think that's a good attitude to get someone into the show? Is that a good way to bring the energy?

Jump into the deep end. What I was going to say to you is you would be probably pleasantly alarmed at how many people are really pushing this Benji thing. I knew that would happen, but also wasn't Beanie Baby your choice? Or is it mine? It was mine. I feel like it was your child. Yeah, but why?

Remember we couldn't, because of the fires, we couldn't. Yeah, but what's the point is not that I've released the episode. The point is that you have again, disrespected my actual- I didn't say it. Your mother did. Oh. What are you talking about? I didn't come up with Benji.

That was your mom. Do you want to take a minute to call your mom? Well, she's busy she's busy. Is she yes. She is she's busy. Yes Yes, because I know she's doing something today. I know she's doing something today. She rants are a phone. I Alright fine fine, we'll do it real quick All right. I mean I'm already conceding that this is probably the case. Why would I? How long until how long until they start doing commercials during the phone call until the

person answers? Oh, God, like instead of ringing, it'll just be like, not you should have said that out loud. That's a terrible new ring. That's what they're going to do. Yeah. Yeah. Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. The person you're trying to. Oh, that's a cute. I don't know why it's an English guy.

That doesn't make any sense. But instead of that, it'll just, you know, it'll just be like, get in the zone. Auto zone. Get in the zone. Auto zone. Get in the zone. Auto zone. Get in the zone, auto zone, get in the zone, auto zone, get in the zone, auto zone, get in the zone. Hello. All right. The Dolph is going on tour.

We have two different little week long tours. First in March, we are going to the Improvatepe, Arizona. Then we're going to Ahena's in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Now in Ahena's, we sold out, so we added a second show. The second show will be a Best Of, and it's later that night. We haven't picked the Best Of show yet. What it'll be is we're going to, Dave is going to reread a story from ages ago that I don't remember and he probably doesn't remember.

Are you going to prep yourself? No, I might go through it. You should maybe go through it, but either way, okay, that's great. That's great, okay, great. Yeah. And then we're gonna go to Brick Town Comedy Club in Oklahoma City, then Brick Town Comedy Club in Tulsa,

then the Granada Theater in Dallas, Texas, then House of Blues in Houston, and Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, which is an afternoon show. And then in June, and Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, which is an afternoon show. And then in June, we go to the Sacramento Punchline, the Egyptian Theater in Boise, Bing Crosby Theater in Spokane, Neptune Theater, Aladdin Theater in Portland, Tower Theater in Bend, and the House of Fine Arts in San Francisco.

And go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour to get all your ticket to the link. That's right, babe. That's right, babe. Yeah, so do that. That's right, baby. Keep it sexy. Is that our saying? No, I think you're encroaching

on my favorite murder a little bit, so be careful. Keep it, what do they say? Keep it sexy or? No. Hot boys. Don't. keep it sexy or no hot boys Don't I think I say no, they absolutely don't say that that's 100% the opposite of what they're going for It's a hot boy Stay back these are doing thing. I don't know what they do over there. That's what they're doing. I know come on

jay-ray 19th 1809. You have a Lord J-Town. Sure. What do you mean sure? What do you mean? It's a Christian podcast. It isn't. It's weird.

Every week we thank our sweet J-Town and for all the rat, all the rat things he's given us and the sweet, the sweet like food and beverages. Edgar Poe was born in Boston, Massachusetts. Whoa. You know who that is? Well, I'm wait, I don't want to get fucking catfished again on this show and have it be just some dude named Edgar Poe and then you'll be like Edgar William Poe and I'll be like I thought it's gonna be I've been making Edgar Allan Poe I've been making raven jokes the whole show and then you'll be like look at dumb guy being and then people online be like how did you not know that that was not Edgar Allan Poe?

That's right. Yeah so I know. The people are right is what we're saying. No. In that story the people are right is what we're saying. No in that story. The people are correct. No Born in bosses Massachusetts to actors David Ho jr. And Eliza Poe Eliza child of actors difficult start terrible Particularly with this situation Eliza was one of America's most famous actresses.

She had been since she was a child. She's done her comedic roles. She's known for being gorgeous. And David is a terrible actor. When they were in a play together, a critic noted, quote, The lady was young and pretty and evinced talent, both as a singer and actress. The gentleman was literally nothing. Oh, fuck.

Literally nothing. That's gotta be tough. That's gotta be. He was... Well, because you might, as a significant other, you might start by, like, reading it out loud. You might be like, read... Oh, my God, the review's in.

She's an unbelievable and he's a, what does it say about me, hon? What does it say? You're like a lamp. Huh? Like, you're like, they're saying that you're like a thing on the stage. Ah.

Like one of the couches or like a board, like a board of the background. like a, or like not even that. Like they're also, I guess what they're saying is like, you're not even like a board. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I am glowing and effervescent and exuding energy and light. And then you're like, you're like a mystery man. It's not even, you can see through you. Okay. I feel like there's a lot of that that's not even in the piece. Just like an empty husk of a human. They're not a husk.

He just called me a nothing. So I don't think he should be like vamp. You know, I don't know why you're riffing on this. It's like if the outside of the husk was gone, it was just the inside, which is nothing. That's the first of all, the husk is just, the husk is consistent throughout. I'm not going to nitpick your husk bit. Who's talking? What? I hear a voice.

I'm talking. I'm talking. Your husband. I hear a voice. It's David. Oh, sometimes I don't even notice your voice. Oh my God. Is that you coughing, honey? Darn. Honey.

Oh my God. Choke, choke, die. We're gonna come back to that cough in a sec. He was also called, quote, an abyss of embarrassment. Oh shit, that's way worse. The painter said he had a, quote, mottled face. Oh, what the fuck is going on? that's way worse. The payer said he had a quote, Ma and face. Oh what the fuck is going on? It's not good. It's bad to be an abyss with a muffin face. Muffin face also. Yeah I guess. You got the ground, like flat head. Bumpy.

What's the face? Maybe it has like the, maybe it has the, like, the little doily strips on his face or something. Yeah, might have doily neck area. Yeah. So audiences would regularly hiss at him. Jesus Christ. Now, when Edgar was born, they're very poor.

And when Edgar was two, David, the dad who is now a well-known alcoholic, just leaves. Smart. And he died a few months later. So, I mean, he kind of pulled the dog. He like went off and then passed away. He did, but also like, I mean, it had to have been hard to stay in that marriage everyone loves your wife and you're like Really bad at what you do and well Dave I'm not mad let's come out in the open and say

How we regular the man made the right call men are making these proper decisions off that So it's what I was getting to the guy to go Sometimes you just have to leave your family for a wussy. Yep Dave that's it. How are you feeling right now? I'm fine. Are you sure? Yeah, my dad didn't believe for whiskey. He was a whiskey. He stayed for whiskey What so his dad's out of the picture now. Now Eliza is only 22 and she has very little money to support her older girl. He's also got a four year old brother, Henry, and then she's also pregnant when David leaves.

Shit. On Slater, she comes down with tuberculosis. Oh shit. I start about the coughing. Audiences notice that her good looks are fading, and she's becoming very gaunt and a dull sheen to her. Pretty soon she's bedridden. She can't do anything. She relies on charity,

people who come help, a nursemaid would come and help with the kids. The nursemaid would often give the kids bread soaked in gin to keep them quiet. For sure. Absolutely. And then Eliza died in 1811. Edgar is almost three. He was the most powerful pair of both pairs in a year. And at three years old, he's eating gin bread. Yeah, as you do. Mm-hmm.

Gotta keep quiet. That's the number one rule. Keep him quiet. It's just... Shut him up. It just seems... No, it's... The doctors will tell you that now.

They'll be like... Yeah, right. Make sure you have enough gin and bread. There you go. Let it soak up. There you go. You got it. You need your car seat.

You need some bibs and then just a lot of bread and... Bread with gin. Just really soak it up. So now the kids are young, they're split up. Henry goes with a set of grandparents. A local family takes in the new baby Rosalie. And Anger goes live with this local couple, John and Francis. Alan.

John is a very generous, uh, Scottish merchant. He, he liked to help those. What would you like have it like that sort of guy? Is that who we're going for? Do you do a Scottish accent? Well, what do you like? Would you say anything you like have it? Is it like that?

Yeah. Pick something out, whatever you like you can have. Here you go. Why are our business model is have it. Have it. Just take it. That's all that matters. Have a bit. There you are. Just take it.

That's nice. I can see you're eyeing that ashtray there, sir. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice, you know, I'm not an an astray collector, but I like to look at them like all the time. It's a nice look.

Probably very make a, do you do me a favor? Make an offer and let's see what we'll go from there about. On the astray? I can't afford an astray. I can maybe give you a handshake or a hug or whatever, but I don't need money. I'll do it for a hug or whatever. Brownie money. I'll do it for a hug. Okay. Tell your friends.

Well, I don't think so. That was weird. As I'm comfortable. Yeah. Okay. Don't. So his wife, his wife's wife, she went by Fanny, and she had attended Eliza on her deathbed, she fell in love with Edgar,

and she convinced his John to take him in. But John would never formally adopt him, it's just like an informal and technical situation. John's are pretty well off. And Edgar is a cute little baby. He's very smart, he has big imagination. He started reading newspapers at five years old. Crazy, that's a bread flake.

That's a huge red flag. That's problematic. This one's gonna be a nightmare. Yep. At six, the family moves to London because John, for to expand his business. And it does well. His branch study opens there does well. And Edgar sent to boarding school when he's seven, which he doesn't like.

No, you're not supposed to though. That was the whole, the whole idea. Yeah. The idea was never, it was never to be like, you're going to have a great time. It was like, we liked a parent during the summers Yeah, I don't want you around does that make sense. Yeah My father my father went to boarding school like an English boarding school and dude He he will bring it up like anything that gets mentioned. He'll just be like boarding school was very tough on me

I'm like, are you talking to me? What's going on? Like it was very hard on me. I'm like, are you talking to me? What's going on? Like it was very hard. John worked way too much. Edgar looked at him as a fire. John felt like he was just helping an orphan. Yeah, you're not. You're not my boy. You're an orphan boy. That's what you are. Keep saying that. Daddy. No, no, no, no. Do not. Do not say something like that, boy. I'm not your daddy. No, put your bloody hands down. No, daddy not hold. Daddy not here. You've no daddy. Daddy drank,

daddy took off, daddy gone, daddy not replaced. Daddy this guy, John, not daddy. Daddy different man. Daddy in the ground. Do you understand? Your daddy's not here. I'm not your daddy. No, listen to me. Oh, I get it. Not daddy. I know you said it a bunch. No, I've never said that. I've said, no, I'm saying no.

You said you weren't supposed to say that. No, daddy. No, daddy. No, daddy. Not daddy. No. Fucking cunt. No.

What did you just? What have you just bloody said to me, boy? I might actually be your daddy. I like that piss and vinegar inside of this. I meant it in the English way, we're in England. I know, but I still think it's abrasive. If someone were to be listening to this, overhearing it, I still think they'd find that a bit abrasive.

I mean, you just shouted the C word. Do you know what I mean? They just shouted the bloody C even no matter where we are. I know it. I know it. I know it's the way a bit, but I just don't think I still think even with that caveat to that, it's not like, you know what I mean? By the way, Tony Martin, who is the English comedian gentleman, he has a podcast and sometimes they do, did someone squeak out a fart here

and they played a cut of us thinking we had farted, but it wasn't when I farted. They thought it was- Because I remember them all. Yeah, they thought it was me and they said, this is what he farted. I was like, I really didn't fart there actually. That's not the fart. So I'm making fart noise when I don't even know I'm making fart noises. What?

This is like, I feel, of all the things that have happened to us, I feel like this is, I feel like we've made it based on, if we're being brought into fart conspiracies on other shows, I think that's pretty. Yeah. No, I said I went, they were talking about it on Reddit and I went in and I said, I absolutely didn't. I have farted on the show. Oh, you addressed it on Reddit.

I said, I will, I will telecop to what I fart show if you catch me. But this was not one. Oh man. Um, that's what's going on out there in the world. That's topical stuff. We'll get back to the story. Yeah, right. This is a history show.

Uh, so Fannie really doted on anger, but she is also always ill and, and she has a condition where she's in pain a lot. John thinks that's all in her head. That's cool. By the way, that's very Scottish. Yeah. He said she was complaining like, you know, you're complaining. Every Scotsman I've come into contact with is pretty similar. So that's one of the reasons he was at a boarding school. So five years later, um, the London tobacco market falls and that's a lot of what he sold. So everything just kind of falls apart and they have to come back to Richard in Virginia, but now without they're nearly as not nearly as well off as they were before their financial, it were before. Right. Financial.

Different vibes. It's tough. Yeah. So Edgar did dig well in school. His schoolmaster called him quote, a born poet. And this is when that was good. Yeah. Like whereas now you'd be like, that's not applicable to this economy.

Why here that a lot of Silicon Valley and just a lot of new companies are starting to hire corporate poets? Well, have you ever done an Uber poet? Uber? Yeah, Uber poet's great. Oh, yeah. Uberpo, it's great. Oh, fuck. It's, I gotta tell you, I, it's real dystopian out here now. It's pretty, yeah, yeah, very, it's pretty bad.

Yeah, we're dystopianing. Okay, so he asked, so Edgar asked John if he will pay to publish a book of poems, but John had been warned by one of his professors that it would just give him a big head, so don't do that. So the schoolmaster is the one who's like, yeah, he's really good, but then this professor is like, yeah, no, don't. The one good investment he could be making right now. So Edgar, he's very popular, he's ambitious, he's very competitive, also very athletic. He had, he used to have friends hit him in the chest to show he was fearless. Now I'm gonna- Like a boxer.

I'm gonna, but I'm gonna jump in and say that that to me does not actually that does not venture athleticism No, that's that's that's not a sign of how now, you know If you're gonna be good boxer is you just take endless punches to the chest I don't think anyone I think there's a whole I think there's a lot of other stuff you could be working on besides How hard are you taking? also head to the nose Also head to the nose, a breggo arm. That's the Scottish influence there. Yeah, it is.

So he also was a swimmer, very good swimmer. He once swam six miles in the local river. Jesus, Dave, get out of his ass. Why don't you just marry him? He never became an Alan though. He just remained Edgar Poe and his brother and sister were both adopted by the families they were with. He was kind of close with them.

He'd see Rosalie a lot and then he'd write to Henry a lot. And as a teen, he really loved Fanny. He called Fanny Ma. I love Fanny as a teen too. Jesus. Remember what we were saying about keeping it clean? Yeah, no, but I think that it's listen, every now and then you got to take a bite of the low hanging fruit.

Otherwise, it spoils. We're gonna have to shoot. We're gonna have to check this for explicit box on iTunes for this one. Like crazy explicit. As a teen, I checked a super explicit buck sometimes too. I'm a skimp today. So he calls Fanny ma, but he also is always like seeing mother type figures to be in his life.

He, uh, gets really close with Rosalie's adopted mom. He calls her ma also. So he's gone to women ma. Sure. Uh, he starts seeking affection from his classmates mothers. Okay. Now we're starting now. Well, little troubling. He gets really close with his best friend's mother.

Oh boy. And a lot of people have thought he was infatuated with her calling her quote, angel to my forewarn and darken nature. Oh, I've done that. That's like how, how I talk about my mom. That's just, that's like, that's actually my dad. That's more of my dad. But yeah, you don't, you don't want your friend to be like, forlorn for your mom.

No, no, no, you don't. That's where you're like, hey, nah, you're not coming over anymore, please. She would listen to all his problems and she would encourage his poetry, but she was very depressed, which annoyed her husband who told her to just quote, have a cheerful temper. Now, I can't get over ever the level of which just like all the mental health issues that

women were going through to have a guy be like, shut up, get over it. It's crazy right now. Oh, I know. I see that you're bleeding out of your eye and it's hanging out of the socket. Let's go. Get over it. Pop it. Pop it in. Let's go. Just I all the time. All I think about is how I'm unhappy and everything in the world is just so tough. I really feel overwhelmed. Oh my God, I'm trying to enjoy the day. I know, but I just feel, you're my husband, I just feel overwhelmed by everything. I do not. And honestly, there are times when we go, hold on, there are times when we were going

to go out and I just feel the highest levels of anxiety and I want to be there because I know you want me to be there and you want somebody to be there for you, but it's very tough for me. I did not marry you to hear a bunch of whiny bullshit. I married you because I love you and I like the parts. But the whole thing about when you talk and say things that make me slightly uncomfortable, it makes me feel a little weird.

And I don't appreciate that. And she has to be like, I'm sorry, you're right. That was... Thank you! Was it so hard to apologize? Yeah, I just... No, you're absolutely right. Dudes rock.

I think that's what we're dudes rock. And then, but then it's also like, you got to, it's just thinking of being a man back then would just be like, it would be so easy. Like not that it's hard now, but you'd just be like, stop talking. It's bumming me out. And you're just like drunk all the time in your office. She's like, you drink too much. Oh my God, enough. Let me be a man.

By the way, I've impregnated your sister. You can't go. Um, so she dies at 31 and that crushes Edgar, another mother figure gone. He becomes super withdrawn and it becomes pretty mean. He would go to the cemetery at night and cry at her grave. That's just, that's just how you do it. It's tough. Now, John is irritated. You can do that through an app now.

So that's better. Yeah, absolutely. John is irritated because Edgar, his not real son is now sulky. That's the worst situation for this love. Quote, the boy possesses not a spark of affection, not a particle of gratitude for all my care and kindness toward him. It's awful. He becomes by what he sees as Edgar being unappreciative. Rosalie's dad said John always reminded Edgar that he was dependent upon him.

That's cool. That'll get him out of the dumps. That's great. That's how you treat a kid. Yeah, yeah. Everyone says that. Yep. Edgar falls in love with Elmira Royster and they're secretly engaged as her parents don't

like it. Okay. So the parents start intercepting the letters that he sends. So Elmira thinks he's done with her because she's not hearing from him. And she gets engaged to somebody else. So John gets this big inheritance and they move into a fancy house and Edgar goes to the University of Virginia at 16. Okay.

Other students say he's super moody. Now, he said two moms die. Two moms die and then his letter's intercepted and his girl got engaged to someone else. Yeah. And this still has a really bad culture. And he lost both of his parents and he's been sent to boarding school. I mean... Yeah, it's not good.

Yeah, you were like teeing them up. So the school has a really bad culture and Ed is younger than everyone else, so that's also harder. So there's all these entitled upper-class students. They're very rowdy. They're very cruel. There were campus riots. At one brick, they threw bricks at a professor.

Sure. That's a good, good, great. Absolutely. That's a way, that's one of the ways to go. Don't forget, well, once that's over, they'll clean the slate and nobody, you know. Yeah, yeah, they don't care. Professors won't, they won't be influenced by that, when you threw a brick at their back. One threw a bottle of urine through a professor's window.

Oh, that guy elevated the whole thing. He really did. Being super common at the school, students had drinking and gambling problems. Fights were super common. There were student gangs that just roamed the campus and some professors were even joining in. Can I just be clear that this was a school? Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm proud of it. Okay, because it just sounds like a professor prison. But some of the professors would join in with the gangs. That's the best. We're just like, Mr. Schmidt, like, fuck this place. So Edgar is pretty unnerved by all this. And he would write to John trying to get some reassurance or some hopeful words. Did I?

This guy has nobody. And God, I wish someone would bloody intercept these letters. This is absolute shit. He once wrote John about seeing his head get bashed in with a rock. And at the end, like, sometime soon after one student shoot at another student and he saw a student bite and rip the flesh off another student's arm with his teeth. Oh my god, what the fuck? This sounds like they're in a-

What are they mad about? I think it's just gangs fighting. So there's just really no- Well, what are the crimson bloods mad about? Like that's just generation. Well, no are the crimson bloods mad about? Like, it's just generation. No colors. That makes sense. I mean, that is magic getting a letter from Finn that was like, Hey, I saw

guys. I saw guys head get bashed in with a brick and then another guy got flesh ripped out of his arm. There's roving gangs. Sometimes the professors join in on the brick tossing at the other professors. Yeah, but how's the chemistry class? Pretty bad. Yeah, well, you gotta get it great up. Yeah.

So, like I said, shooting is common. So he writes this letter, and it's a terrifying letter. Edgar, he's just asking, hoping John will like reassure him that it's gonna be okay or whatever. But John doesn't do that. He only visits one time and he just happened to be in town on business. And he becomes annoyed with Edgar

because he doesn't think Edgar's handling his finances well. Edgar's handling his own finances well? No, John would send him money. Oh, okay. Right. I love I mean, I'm again, if you are a heartless piece of shit, life's a lot easier. Like if you're just like, I don't want to go there.

Violent sounds horrible. So he isn't good with his money. Um, he says, John doesn't give him enough money to live. He's like, you give me half the amount that I need. And he starts gambling. And I think he uses not having enough money to start gambling. It was like, I'll make more money to get by whatever he gets into debt. And now John is furious that he has to send Edgar might like books. And then when

Edgar asked the second time for book money, John refuses. He's like, I already gave me fucking book money. So Edgar starts borrowing money from people. And he won. Now here's an example. He's not good with money. He He won spent a year's tuition on fancy waistcoats Oh my god Wow that is just that is an incalculable And a vest. Sorry. I let that out. I don't even know the difference. I Would just to me. I think they're the same thing. I think a waistcoat goes around.

It's a coat that goes around the waist. The vest is a, I feel like that. It's like it sounds. He probably made that distinction as an excuse for why, you know what I mean? He was probably like, oh, I'm plenty waistcoats. And he's like, and vests. And vests. Don't sleep on the vests

At the end of his first year egg or comes home and shame he's two thousand dollars in debt Which is a lot of fucking money for them. I didn't put it but you know, two thousand in the yeah early 18 hundreds And he starts getting taunted by the people that he grew up with who were once his friends. John refuses now to send him back. He's like, you're not going back to fucking school. And he's like, you're awesome. No, he makes he makes him be a clerk in his company. Oh shit. Okay.

One day, Edgar gets invited to a party and he shows up and then he finds out that it's an engagement party for My Myra. Oh Christ So things aren't going well for this is not a good start That's horrible Students now are pursuing him to to make him pay his debts pursuit They are after oh cuz yes Right the gambling and the borrowing they're coming for and again, this is at college you said Pursuit. They are after him. Oh, because he's the giant.

The gambling and the borrowing, they're coming for him. And again, this is at college, you said? No, well, it's like, this would be like this summer after your first year of college. Oh, okay, cool. He is threatened with jail, but John is still like, I'm not fucking covering your debts. Nice. But John is still like, I'm not fucking covering your debt. So they start arguing a lot and John throws Edgar out of the house and then Edgar writes him

a really angry letter saying John humiliated him and said he'd never achieve great things and that he had no affection for Edgar. So John, he basically saying you didn't give me enough money and you made me look like a fool and you keep saying I'm never going to be kind of thing and you don't like me that much. John's like, that's right. I'm glad you're finally picking up on all the things I've been. I felt like my options have been quite clear until this point.

So he sends that at the end of the letter, he asked John for more money. That's the way that but to be fair, Dave, that's that's the way to end it. That's the way to end that letter. Yeah, you butter him down. You're not my real dad. You've never treated me like anything and you'll never amount to anything. And as far as I'm concerned, you're nothing. Can I have a few thousand dollars?

Not for books. Can I have money, man? So John sends back an anger reply and he makes fun of anger for asking for money. Bloody hell! That's the first line. Are you sure you've not had your head bashed in with a concrete brick, boy? You must be out of your bloody tits at this campus. I don't know what I teach in your bed. Certainly not picking up what I'm laying down.

So Ed, you're right. It's back a nicer letter. Yes, for his clothes, letters. I mean, we've talked about this before, but it is so goddamn funny to have to let her really it's it really is the patience between the arguing is so fucking funny. Like to see that letter and be like, I'm gonna have to sit down to read this one.

I mean, you must just be like, because you get a letter and it's like days or weeks where you don't see, you must just be reading the letter over and over and just like pacing back and forth. Yeah, and just thinking, and checking the mailbox, just like, I mean, I'll even do that now over like some stupid shit But like for a response from your father who you're having a letter fight with

Yeah Son of a bitch not even today. Yeah So Edgar writes his night letter and he's asking for his clothes which apparently he didn't get when he got kicked out He says he hasn't eaten in two days and he has nowhere to sleep. But John gets a letter and he doesn't respond. All he does is flip it over and right on the back, pretty letter. That's our sponsor, right?

That is a, now see that's... And he sends that back. Yeah. So that is like... That's actually the worst version. That's worse than a ghost thing. Waiting that long, thinking you have it. Being like, this is my letter. And flipping it over and being like, pretty letter.

Oh my God. So good. So, Edgar goes to Boston. And he gets to work at a merchant house. and in 1827, he's 18 years old, he publishes a book of poems called Tamerlane and Other Poems. It's a great, for those of you who haven't read it, it's a great read. It's a really, yeah. Edgar's name, I don't know why, the name is not on the book, it's just listed as a Bostonian who wrote this. So I don't know why, his name is not on the book. It's just listed as a Bostonian.

So I don't get why that happened. He joins the army for five years, uh, cause he's got nothing else. He's got, what else can he do? And it's peacetime. So he rises to the highest rank a non-commissioned officer can get. But he wants that. to, I could cheer. It's like, I can't do this for five. So he talks to an officer and the option says he can leave, but only

he reconciles with John. What's this sort of loving arm? Look. All right. I understand you want to go away a while and we get that. I do. Yeah. It's really, and of course that makes total sense

There's not much going on. So We're gonna we will we will release you. Thank you. Thank you very much I really she could pick up what I would do is go to the barracks get all your stuff We have your we will discharge you. There's just one thing that We here at the army are looking for an exchange for this understanding is we're gonna need you to, we just want you and your dad to kind of mend fences. Wait, what? We're looking for you and your daddy to have a little bit of a relationship to hug.

This is the United States Army, correct? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I'm your superior and I'm not going to say this is an order because you'll be dismissed but You know, I think just just go talk to your dad and go well Tell him can I just get I can I just get out of the army? I can just leave No, the dad parts bit we all of us have talked about it and we just this whole thing with your dad is just It's cutting us up. We're just all of you have talked about it and we just, this whole thing with your dad is just, it's cutting us up. What do you mean all of you have talked about it?

Well, we're all talking about it and we're just real cut up about it and we've... What, the whole army? Here's what we're thinking. We're thinking, yes, we're thinking that what we do is you go in and... What? You charge through the door. If he won't let you in through that way, go in through the back. Then we want to load you

up with arms as far as both of your arms. We want them wide open waiting for a hug and you run towards, hold on, and you run towards him and this is operation, Papa love you. And you go up there and you just hug him and you just cry, cry and apologize and tell him how much you love him and tell him how much you care and let him know much you love him, and tell him how much you care, and let him know that you need him, and that you love him, and that we, and, and, and, hold on, hold on, hold on. We wanna send a, we wanna send a sergeant with you

to be there to watch. Sir, it sounds like this is your, you're bringing a lot of your own issues into this? No. Maybe your son or your father or whatever. No. Did you have a dad? No, now listen, when you get back there, no, you have a dad. No now listen when you get back

No, I wouldn't you know and when you get back what I hugged it and you tell him my dad exploded My dad popped my dad popped What does that even mean? It's hard to explain but that's just what the doctor said and you hug him and You love him. And when you're there, you tell him you love him. Uh, okay, uh.

Or you could serve longer, so. I'm gonna do the hug thing, yeah, for sure. Such a... All right, will you send the next guy in? He's got a... Yeah, yeah, no problem. He's got to propose to his wife before we let him go because he's about to let a... Hold on, I'm not done talking.

He's about to let a good one go. So the officer then ends up writing to John and John responded. That's so inappropriate. That's so weird. The John responded gurgly quote, he had better remain as he is until the termination of his enlistment. So he's like, duh, don't even bother. Keep him in there for three more years.

Yeah, no interest. Edgar then writes, he's very calm and he said he's a changed man, he's more mature, but at the end of the letter he includes a threat, quote, if you determined to abandon me, neglected, I will be doubly ambitious and the world shall hear of the son whom you have fought unworthy of your notice. Here's what's great. I love how he's just at the end, he doesn't have a closer. He's like the opposite.

He's just alienating you at the end of the letter. And what's great is to write something like that and then have us bringing it up in a podcast a couple hundred years later. It's like, this motherfucker showed this dude. It's true. Uh, John doesn't respond to that at all. Edgar writes again, again, no response. He writes again. This time he takes responsibility, his past actions at the university and all where, but he also chastises John for not responding, just read his letters.

And then he finds out Franny is sick and he rushes home. But by the time she gets there, she's she was buried the day before. It's tough. He's crushed, even though you didn't write her the whole time. He was well still, he was crushed. Right. John is now surprisingly nice, right? He just lost his wife. So yeah, he's all of a sudden super nice to Edgar. He buys him a new suit and clothes and he agrees to help Edgar leave the army and to get him into West Point.

Okay. Which is what Edgar wants. So John says, he quote, for his all. And he writes the Secretary of War, who apparently he has a relationship with, to help get Edgar into West Point. And then Edgar- We will accept Edgar,

but we just wanna see you guys really hug it up. We're really, we've all been talking about it, and it's just pretty- I'm starting to wonder what you guys do at the- Well, we're in a downtime right now, I'm starting to wonder what you guys do at Martin Luther King's. We're in a downtime right now. So we're sort of, you know, we're in between wars and stuff like that. So we're really trying to-

So it's mostly family relationship things. We're trying to fix a lot of families. Yeah. Is that crazy? Yeah. What I would suggest is go find your dad and give him a big, big, big hug. And don't be afraid to press your face into his neck and then in two years say, I love you daddy.

And see what he says. That's the sort of stuff we're really excited to see here. Sounds good. From cadets. I got to get out of here. I'm uncomfortable. No, and we're excited to have you, but we're just going to need to see you really lay it all emotionally on the line here.

I made bad choices. And tell that to your sweet old dad, John. Tell him, hey, before you go, hey, before you go do that, how about a practice hug on the Commandant? Come here. No, I... Come on. Come here. There you go. Oh, you lost. Oh,

I love you. I love you. God, you got a good smell and set of hair. Yeah, you do though. Get out of here. You know, bugle them out boys. Play the bugle for him. We love you, buddy. We're excited to see a buddy. So Edgar's put on the way list at West Point, but months go by and he's not getting in, and John starts to get suspicious. He takes Edgar's and trying hard enough and doing what he has to do to get in. Gamble.

And they fight. They get into, they start arguing a lot. And one time John gives Edgar $ dollars, but then Edgar's like, Oh, my cousin stole it, right? I have a hundred more. So they really get into it. This is classic. John gets really angry when Edgar says he has written a really long poem called,

uh, Al Aaruf and he's looking for a publisher. But he sees the money jar gave him because publishers will print it in the less they're reimbursed ahead of time in case the poem doesn't sell. It's great. Great insurance policy of these publishers have. So what do you do exactly? I'm the guy who makes it happen, but I'm also, I got a couple of my ass, what are you talking about? Can't just be laying it all the line. If I published every poem I'd be in the fucking hole, a shitload.

Edgar. So he asked John for $100 to do this and John is gonna give money for something that's as unimportant as a poem. And he's annoyed that Edgar is spending any time on poetry. He should be trying to get it to Westlight. But then a famous editor published some excerpts from the poem, and he calls it exquisite nonsense, but says it is a big future.

So weird. Edgar is elated. Now a publisher comes forth and is willing to publish him. And so he publishes this is called alter a tamer lane and minor palm. Any publish under anger a po. A for Alan so he's throwing is do you know why why we did that for you. Do you know why we did that for anybody? Why? Why?

I just think it's a nice thing to do for your Your sorta dad. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean I just feel like everybody is like I just wanna come on now. Come on now. We're just trying to I just wanna just kind of do my own. I'm not I don't like having no we love the we love the we love the work I love the work. We love the work. We love the work. We love the work. To get into my business with my not dad, by the way. With my not dad.

Well, let's come on now. Let's not say stuff we can't take back in front of... All the time. Oh, Edgar, there's no doubt the truth lies somewhere in the middle, but I just think of... What? What man? Let me ask you this. the truth lies somewhere in the middle, but I just think of what man, what man, let me

ask you this. And I'm saying this just as a guy. No, don't shake your head. What man is not going to listen when a man comes to him, even if it's a son is not son, but a guy he helped raise for a long time comes to him hat in hand and says, I'm sorry for the things I did wrong. I love you so much. Have you tried doing something like that?

Okay. Well, the, the knife is put the knife away, put the knife away. Yeah. I've written on some letters saying exactly that he doesn't want to have it, but you're not, can we call you? saying exactly that. He doesn't want to be my dad. But you're not... Can we call you... How would you know? Okay, hold on. How about a poem called Daddy's Baby Boy?

I gotta go. Can you write something like that? Just try it. I'm not writing daddy poems. I write creepy shit. I know. And we love you for it, bud. It's my style.

I'm not gonna switch to daddy stuff. I know it's your, and we love your style, but maybe you kiss your dad a little on the neck. Have you? I'm not gonna kiss my dad on the neck. Why? Because it's weird. He's a good guy.

What the fuck is your problem? Come on, don't be like that. Gosh, artists. The dollot brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is our best friend. It's our best friend. How about this? How about this? Last night I'm doing a show and I don't even remember what I'm talking about and someone shouts out Squarespace. That's how much we love Squarespace. It's public. It's a public company.

And that person was correct. Yes. Squarespace is an all-in-one website, domain, they got everything. Everything you wanna do in one little situation. They got it. We have all of our websites with Squarespace. I personally, your personal, we have the dollup.

Podcast.com where you can get your tour tickets and our sources page. We're all in. Everybody is Squarespace because they're the best because it's super easy to use. 24-7 support. Templates are fantastic. That's why I first started using them.

And I've been working with Squarespace for over 10 years. That's how. So have I. They babysat Finn for a while. I've been with Squarespace for over 10 years. That's how. So have I. They babysat Finn for a while. I've been with Squarespace a lot. I've been with Squarespace since 88. I thought they had a restraining order. Well yeah, but that's, stop.

Let's just skip ahead to the copy. If you want to do like Gareth does and have a video collection, Gareth had a lot of feed stuff up. Bye. You can host video content. You can organize your radio library. You can showcase your content on these really great video pages.

So access to your videos with, with the mirrors area like Gareth does. He's got, I think he was telling you out of the toes, right? Like big toes. Oh, it's toe. P it's all of it, but all the piggies. Yeah. You can have an online store, you can sell your products, where you can fit full digital service products.

They got everything you need to start selling online. And you can do customer, you can sell it and create a passive income stream, if that's what you want to get. And a stream. You can engage the audience. Yeah. You can design your products and production

and inventory and shipping. It's all handled for you right there. Saving time and money. It's all Squarespace. Squarespace is all you need. That's all you need in life. You don't need anyone or anything. Head to squarespace.com for a free trial.

When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop. Save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain. Boom. The dollop also is brought to you by Hems. You think if you're a little boost in the bedroom, Hems is here to help with a little personalized ED treatment. It's all online. Yep.

It's all anonymous. You can do it without going to see someone talk to them in the face. Do it over the phone so you don't have to make it awkward. Comes in a little brown package to your door when you order it. You know, life is stressful. Sometimes a little guy doesn't work out. I know for Garrett it doesn't work a lot. But Hems provides treatments that can help you stay hard and last longer.

There you go. Gives you, gives you a little boost of confidence if you have problems. Who doesn't want that? Who couldn't use a little more? Look man, if you're having problems in that area, honestly, get help. There's no reason to suffer through that. Not in today's world. Absolutely not.

Go ahead, calm up. Get right back on the horse, as they say. And if it's a horse, take yourself to the doctor because or the police. Sure. So Hims provides it's got a bunch of different uh doctor trusted eating treatments like Jil Hardmints and Vagra and Cialis uh generic so 95% cheaper which is hard to find like I said no uncomfortable doctor visit where you have to look at a guy like Gareth. So to start your free online No uncomfortable doctor visit where you have to look at a guy like Gareth. So to start your free online visit today at hims.com slash Dalit, that's h-i-m-s dot com slash Dalit.

For your personalized ED treatment options, hims.com slash Dalit. The products mentioned are tubal compounded products which are not approved or verified for safety or fair use by the FDA. Prescriptions require an online consultation with healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information subscription required class varies based on product and subscription. There you go.

And Gareth here brought to you by Nutriful. I take Nutriful. You noticed the difference. Pretty. I did notice it too. So Nutriful is a supplement that helps you with head growth. They've had a women's version of this for a long time that a lot of women really like. So they made a men's one and I started taking it and everybody has noticed the difference.

My wife, my hairdresser, my friend Josh was like, he plugs? Everyone is asking about my hair, it works. It works. It's great. You got a little secret that you can use and sure grows your toe hair too if you're a hobbit. I don't think that nobody's requiring that. No, no, no, I don't even think in the hobbit world.

I don't think in hobbit world that's counting for much. Yeah. Okay. I just thought, well look, thinning hair, it's very common and it's very frustrating for us to deal with. It causes you to be stressed and then you lose more hair. It can be anything from nutritionists to hormones

to lifestyle. So there's a lot of internal factors that come out through a bald head and then you got NatureFold to help you. That's what it is. I mean, look, if you don't like you going bald, try something. There you go. Yeah, we have options today and Nutri-Full is a great one.

Nutri-Full is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one million people. In just three to six months, go from a hack guy to hair guy with thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with biodegrading. Nutri-Full's hair growth supplements are position formulated using 100% drug-free ingredients. Their patented technology provides consistent reliable results. Men also reported no compromise in sexual performance. To start your hair growth journey with Nutrivol,

for a limited time Nutrivol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to nutrivol.com slash men and enter promo code at the dollar. Find out why over 4500 healthcare professionals and stylists recommend a jewel for the health of your hair. nuchwell.com slash men is sold n-u-t-r-a-f-o-l dot com slash men promo code the dollar. nuchwell.com slash men promo code the dollar. Yes. So the it's mostly received as promising, but people think it's a need to see over complicated. He does get accepted into West Point.

He's a very good student, but he'd lies a lot while he's there to make himself seem more exciting than he is. Uh, he says he's traveled the world. He said he graduated from an English university and he said he was Benedict Arnold's grants. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. That's the biggie. That's when you're like, that's a hard one. It's a cocky lie. That's when you're like, man, these are really playing out well. It's a cocky fib.

He also wrote little sort of vicious, uh, little poems about instructors and all the cadets loved it during it. During his first year, John gets remarried to a much younger woman. So John, it turns out I'd also been having an affair with Fanny and he had illegitimate kids. So now he has illegitimate kids and he also has, he's going to have kids with this younger woman. So it doesn't look good for any money John, I mean Edgar will ever get. Right.

So John sends Edgar what he called his final letter saying he wants nothing more to do. He's firing him. Yeah, he's like, I got a new hot lady. I got some side stuff going on. Firing your kind of son. I don't need a weird kid thing going on. You're fired. So, uh, I mean, that's like the last sort of tether of anyone in the world that he, you know, could have relied on.

Right. Edgar wrote back and, uh, oh, he, he, he said he had heard that Edgar was talking shit to an officer at West Point about him. So that was like the final straw for John. It's so like, I mean, I just been talking a lot of shit. So fuck off. I'm done. I've got new ones in her.

So Edgar writes back and says, well, if you do that, I'll quit West Point. And John just doesn't respond because he's like, no, I remember the dump there. I'm done. Yeah. So Edgar stops doing his duties. He starts getting tons of disciplinary, disciplinary infractions. And then they court marshal him for gross neglect of duty and disobedience. And he gets himself kicked out. Is that when you don't flush the toilet? Gross, neglect of duty. Is that when you don't flush the toilet? Is that when you don't flush the gross, neglective duty? Even though he had been, he'd been happy there. Like he was happy, but he blows all up to spite John.

So he has no money and he's out in the world. So he goes south. As he goes south, he becomes sick. And he writes to John quote, my ear discharges and matter continually and asked for money, which is how you do it. You're like, that's not do it. That's how. Fuck.

This is, this is the best money asked yet. Like he's like, man, there is discharging. There's so much blood coming out of my ears. Can I get a 20? What do I have in common with my ear? We've both been discharged. And he's like, I'm bloody fucking hell.. I said, I am done with you. Stop bloody writing me. Hey, dad, so my ear's a bit of a bloody gunk. So he doesn't even respond. John doesn't respond.

He's like, hey, bloody ear, bloody ear guy. I say, done is done, man. Well, to the Scottish, too, that doesn't sound as bad. It's like, dad, I've got a bloody ear. We've all got bloody ears, two of them, God gave them to us. Edgar goes to Baltimore because he has an aunt Maria, who is known as Muddy, and her six-year-old daughter, Virginia,

and they live there, but they're very poor. But he moves in with them. And that's also where his brother Henry is. So he reunites with Henry and they're very close. Oh, but then Henry dies of alcoholism a couple of months later. Jesus Christ. It's just, don't get attacked. Let me just say dying of alcoholism at 24 means you were fucking Ballin like you were killing the alcohol Jim Morrison

Yeah, 24. Yeah, you're really You're you're I mean, yeah gin bread So obviously that doesn't help is already depressed state He gets he gets another pamphlet of his poems published, Palms of Edgar A. Poe, second edition. It doesn't sell at all. Okay.

Yeah. The name's fine. Right. So it doesn't sell. And two reviewers just said it bizarre. Um, but he is deaf. That's a great, like, critic thing. Bizarre.

Well, this is fucking weird. What is this shit? My review is what is this shit? Not good. Super confusing. It's all about death. Now, death, popular literature on death is

usually, it consoles the reader. But Edgar's does not do that. He, so that makes it not popular. So he struggles to make money and he, he writes love poems to young women that he meets, including to a cousin. And he starts seeing Mary Star and then proposes to her, but he can't support himself and then another thing

happened where once he showed up at our house and he was super drunk and he ended up chasing her down an alley so that that's not great for corking well that's I mean that's that's when we all express love differently yes that's what I was gonna say. It's not, you're not chasing to attack, you're chasing to hug and kiss. It's so vastly different. Yeah, they're holding down.

Yeah, I think these alley chases often get framed as predatory, which I just think. Yeah, then they're not, they're just... Yeah, yeah. No. He does become known in Baltimore's literary scene, a paper published one of his stories, but didn't include his name. I don't know why they do that.

It was about, uh, it was about an orphan's revenge. I'm matching. I don't know where that something came from. He published Munich stories, which included a lot of violence. He enters writing contests. He does win best story once. It was published in the paper that ran the contest, The Visitor. But he had also, you know, had ever best poem.

And then he learned best poem lost to the visitor's editor who was using a different name. Oh, wow. So he goes down to the visitor's offices and insults the editor that punches Edgar, and then they get to a little scrap and they get separated. Wow. So in 1833, John dies. Edgar is not in the will. He later wrote to a friend, quote,

the want of parental affection has been the heavy of my trial. Oh, that's sad. I say he's not doing well. I mean, this is a terrible life so far. Yes, I totally agree. A lonely life, a man pining for love in any direction, and it's expressing through his poems that are going so-so.

Every time he attaches to someone, they're dying or whatever. His clothes now are just like old and passion falling apart. A friend invites him to dinner, but he said he can't go because he has nothing to wear. The friend gives him $20 to buy clothes. When he arrived him to dinner, but he said he can't go because he has nothing to wear. And the friend gives him $20 to buy clothes. When he arrives at the dinner, the friend said he felt he'd bought Edgar back from quote the very verge of despair.

So he's just craving anything, right? Yeah. He did have some hope though. He was corresponding with Thomas White, who was editor of the Southern Literary Messenger in Richmond, Virginia, and White offers him $60 a week to write. That's like $2,000. That's good. That's a good salary.

And Edgar Oshold falls in love with his cousin, Virginia. Oh, wow. Who he'd been living with since she was six. She's now twelve. Oh Christ. That is just so, what is that? That's the nature versus nurture shit. But back then, well, it was just like. I know it happens, but I've said this before,

I think on here, I can't imagine watching a girl grow up and then wanting when she's older. She's not even older here, but I can't even imagine that side of it. If you were the same age. Yeah, maybe. I could see something there. I'm talking about an adult looking down

at a child grow up. But that's what I mean. Like, what is that? Like, obviously we still have that, but it just seems like back then you were like, you were like, whatever. It's a complicated. I mean, look, it's complicated. She doesn't have a job.

Bye. I I'm in between gigs. Like we don't have the money. I'm a grown fucking man. She's a child. Like we don't have the money. I'm a grown fucking man. She's a child. So he's a marrier, but then he finds out a cousin of theirs, Nielsen Poe, offered to

Tate and Muddy and Virginia, because he wants to save her from marrying Edgar because she fucking 12. Yeah, good. Fine. This is our hero. Bad. It's even then people like, what are you doing? She's 12. Stop it. Come on. But her financial and social standing would improve living in Nielsen's and Edgar

thinks if she does go live with Nielsen, he'd never see her again. He did concede she might be better off. Yeah. But he berates muddy for even considering quote, Oh, Auntie, you love me once. How can you be so cruel now? Oh, fuck. Honestly, this is like that is some really gross shit. Yeah. At least we actually figured out we could just take them and put them on an island. Oh, he includes in the letter to... But he includes a note for Virginia, quote, my love, my own sweetest sissy, my darling

little wifey, think well before you break the heart of your cousin, Eddie. I cannot fucking believe you name drop cousin in that as well. I mean, just seriously, you got a lot of, I mean, you're throwing a lot of weights on this uphill struggle. He lies and he says he has now a very lovely little house in Richmond. This is what dads hug your sons, even if you don't mean. Hug your sons. Give your sons a hug. And then at the end of the day, he says he'll kill himself. So 12 she's 1800s 12. Yes.

Edgar starts drinking heavily at this point and it gets fired from his job. So he goes down to Baltimore and gets a marriage license. It is believed they then secretly wed. Again, because she's way too young. That's why it was really wet because even for fucking 1840s Virginia, she's too fucking young. So he takes Virginia and muddy to Richmond. There he learned.

They learned that he doesn't have a house. Must've been a great all day. I said, he talks white in the given him his job back, but he has to swear not to drink quote. No man is safe who drinks before breakfast. Who's saying that? False. Okay.

I was going to say, I was like, yeah, no shit. Yeah, that's your employee. Yes, absolutely. This is a revelation of the times. So Edgar swears off booze and why I aim Edgar as an editor because he got hurt his reputation but that's basically the job he does. He did publish a lot of work of his own work in the magazine. His stuff is vivid and creepy and very different that White wants to embody in his,

what he called, Virginia simplicity for his well off readers. One Edgar story, Bernice, a tale is about a man becoming infatuated with the female cousin's tea. The cousin is buried alive and he digs her up and rips her teeth out. He stood is like, okay, so what, so he writes what your dreams would be when you're going through, right? So that's, that's the kind of thing that you'd be like, Hey, to your shrinkability.

So I have this dream where I rip out my cousin's teeth. Yeah. Uh, and like, and you go, and then she's like, do you think guys, and you're with you plucking a 12 year old out of her life, uh, to destroy her and marry her. Like, you're not like, Hey, let's print this. Like imagine reading the paper, like I feel fricking sick. It's crazy. People, people wrote in the complaint like what the is it? Shit. So he, uh, he's basically writing in what is a very popular Gothic fiction style, uh,

which is like known for stars with rotting corpses and haunted portraits and stuff like that. People at this time are very terrified of being buried alive because of premature burial. Um, so coffins had bells in case you got, I remember very, yeah, coffins had bells in case you got a wake up very yeah you're right that's like the shark tank of that hi sharks as you all know we're all struggling with this new buried alive thing which is why today I present to you the ring funeral so basically what the ring funeral does is this is a way that if you are in your

coffin and you do wake up and gain total consciousness, you can communicate with those above soil that you are actually in there and should be dug up again. Now, is this something you're looking to license or do you want to? I need a partner. I need a partner. I need somebody. Look, our sales aren't there, but we just haven't gotten the word out just yet. You know, obviously, this is an epidemic right now. So yeah, I mean, I'm concerned about it. I mean, I think we're all concerned about waking up alive in a coffin. And while my margins don't reflect necessarily the growth you want, you have to understand that once I can make these in bulk, I'll be able to save a lot of money right now I'm now a coffin guy a bell maker

Can you do underneath the blood coming out of my ear? That's just that's a separate that's a separate that's a separate pitch that's a Okay Now who's that? Who's that? Young girl by you? Oh Sorry, I should point this out. This is my child wife. Um, he is super helpful. Yeah, go ahead. I hand it around buckets if you guys want to take a look at him. Yeah. Mm hmm. All right. I'm gonna pass. Okay. And there's just one shark in this time. So that's pretty much it, I guess.

And there's just one shark in this time, so that's pretty much it, I guess. So Edgar, Edgar's a big reviewer of other people's work. Like he, in each issue, he would do about 15 pages of reviewing stuff. Over his life. Edgar has more issues than this newspaper. Edgar for the things he wrote, but in his lifetime, he was known for his reviews. He was known as a vicious critic. He'd just rip apart, shame, grammatical errors, whatever, he'd tear it apart. Sometimes he'd rewrite lines to show how the writer could be improved.

So he'd rewrite it with some of the written and be like, you should have done it like this. Right. He came known as the tomahawk man wow. He made fun of david crockett's book or its vulgarity of language there we go i like that finally like you like vulgarity of language i like that he's like taking it to david crockett this pedophile. I'm. Crockett. This pedophile. He called another book a jumble of absurdities, another Crockett book. He loved just tearing apart popular books and authors. He hoped to make American authors become less of an embarrassment on the international scene. Oh, but that's where you- This is the guy who's going to help with that.

Yeah. Okay. That's right. Um, but that's what he is. He's a literary reviewer. That's what he's most famous for. Right. Okay.

He is happy with his family living in a boarding house, not the little house. He promised he, uh, he married Virginia. Publix. She turned 14. So it's time. It's time. You know that things are bad when you're like we've waited long enough. Let's go public. She's for even then even that it's considered too young. Yeah Yeah, that's

Where So yeah, so they get mother Publicly married he tells everyone she's 21 is very here. She is not 21 She she looks okay. This is where it's even creepier if you can get you it get it's about to get career This is I think we're entering no jokes on She looks like a child. She is described as plump and small for her age. So his sister brings Virginia to the school she teaches at, and said Virginia was, quote,

as much a child as any of the pupils, joining in their sports of swinging and skipping rope. So she's a child. pupils joining in their sports of swinging and skipping rope. So, so she's a child. She, she's an M even though she is now 14, she's an immature. She's an immature 14. And part of that might be because, you know, she didn't get a child. Like this guy took her. But as far as sex, Edgar said, he did not act as a husband toward Virginia for two years.

I mean, after this 14 year old wedding, some. Well, I don't know, right? Because officially 14s, maybe that's what he was talking about. Yeah, some historians question whether they ever had sex. And they believe people believe he was impotent and that love for him was more like a brother to a sister. Maybe, maybe, but I don't know. He is a fucking great geoholic. So I don't like this is not. Yeah. Whatever. There's gross. Yeah. Honestly, trying to be be like here's why it's not as bad Yeah, right that he couldn't get his dick hard

So why does very nervous about Edgars pass and all of his brutal reviews and he asks Edgar to resign So Edward Edward doesn't he leaves Richmond completely now. There's no record of Edgar for about two years He muddy in Virginia lived in New York City for a bit, and then they moved to Philadelphia, he took odd jobs as a printer. A friend of the family said Virginia and Muddy waited on him, handed foot as if he had been a child. So he's really drinking now. He's really drinking.

He doesn't publish much, but he did write his only novel, which was the narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym. That got some positive reviews, but didn't make him any money. In 1839, I move outside Philadelphia and I'm living in a completed section of an unfinished home. What the fuck? that is the most,

that is the most like upselling of the space ever. This is a completed section of an unfinished home. So $2,500 a month. Any of the other rooms you can't use because obviously there's no walls. They're just, there's no,. They're just there's no frame This is a this is a room based on floor and furnishings Mm-hmm, and some there's not floor in a lot of yes, right? There is missing floor, but it is

But your area is what we call completed. So it's 2300 a month pretty standard Parking is included because there's nothing around it. So that's $2,300 a month. Pretty standard. Parking is included because there's nothing around it. So that's great. Also, there's no cars. There's no cars, right? There's no cars. So that's not even going to be an issue. Pets are okay. Pets are accepted. I'm trying to think about else. Yeah. I'm sorry? What were you talking about?

What do you mean? When you said parking, you mean you said there's no cars here. So I'm just wondering what a car is? What a car is? Yeah, you said there's no cars yet. Right, but when the cars come, what will the cars do? I guess is what I'm asking. They'll be able to park right around here.

That's what they'll do. Okay. But what, what is parking? Parking is a very, are you a wizard? Are you, are you a real estate wizard? I'm just asking very plainly, as I've heard there have been a lot of real estate wizards around here. And I think you know the punishment.

All right, fine. You figured it out. I'm your father So So he's poor but he does have enough he gets scrapes get enough money to buy a piano So he can hear Virginia play and says it's crazy. Just the absolute the Financial instincts are not good Such a purchase especially putting in a completed section of an unfinished.

Like you don't, I'm guessing you don't have piano space. Yeah. He stopped as an editor at Burton's Gentleman's Magazine run by actor William Evans Berkens. So he has to write about things he doesn't care about like flower painting and using parallel bars and nasty stuff he really doesn't care about. I mean to be fair. But he still wrote in brutal literary reviews even though Berkens told him to stop being so cruel to everybody. Okay.

He called Washington Erving overrated. He accused poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow of plagiarism. Burton is like, stop with this shit. To increase sales of his work, Ed asked Irving for an endorsement. Well, he didn't vote even a word or two and my fortune would be made. This is so drunk. I cannot. Dave, this is one of those ones where I'm like, I don't know much about this guy, obviously, but I'm like what I'm picturing and what he is are just so different.

Like I'm, I am picturing a guy with like a quill and an inkwell just sitting there being like, this is it. But instead it's just like, this guy is just like such a degenerate piece of shit. Yeah. He's just a drunk asshole. Begging for a word or two. Yes. Oh, So good. But I love that he insults the guy

and then immediately asks him for a Just a word or two. Endorsement. During this time, he wrote The Fall of the House of Usher and he wrote William Wilson, who it's about a man who's followed through life by an exact double of himself that he cannot escape. That's very,

that's an alcoholic thing where they'll say, like, I have a little monster inside of me or something like that. Like that's very like, yeah, I bought him a drink. One for me, one for the monster by me. Okay. Uh, he's not paid much at Burton's. He, he has to take out loans. He did do some freelancing for some family papers, writing stuff, like getting sugar from beats and swimming.

He published puzzles and then he asked readers to stump him by sending in their own puzzles. That became so popular and asked people to stop spitting puzzles. Wow. Okay. Wow. He put out another collection of work, tales of the grotesque and aberriss, uh, arabesque.

He got a mixed reviews on that one. A critic called it quote, one of the most extraordinary narratives ever penned while another said quote, a greater amount of trash within the same compass would be difficult to find. Me. I think I, I think that's common for people who are really good at something.

What? I think that when no one is like, out there on the edge as an artist and doing shit that other people don't want to do, I think that when no one is like out there on the edge as an artist and doing shit that other people don't want to do, I think that there are people that just don't understand it and like it. And other people are like, well, this is fucking amazing. Like, that's really common. Right. Not for everybody.

Yeah. I think that's very true. That's probably one of the things today about trying to be like in the creative space that's so annoying is that it's like You know, it's like you yeah, it's just there's so many critics now that you actually hear it all or it or what's great So he lived for praise he loved praise a friend quote No man living loved the praises of others better than he did and Never really speaks to the fact that he just wanted love

Like he's dying. I mean this they say that all the time about comedians and stuff It's like yours damage to some extent you're looking for the approval of strangers to some extent Yeah, however, then this guy with like social media. We now see that that lives in all of us Yeah, this guy was born in 1990. He would be a spam comedian Yes, and if he was born in 2010, he would be on Instagram and tik-tok and do streams. Yeah He also said whenever I happen to communicate anything to him touching on his abilities as a writer He's both of whatave like a troubled sea Hmm

Wow, it's me. Yeah, no, I give you no Sometimes he anonymously wrote compliments of his own work in birds. I do like that a lot I like that way he got mad at that editor for winning that poetry competition and now he's just doing it but that's like when when Elon gets caught like responding to himself. Yeah, what was that? Adrian Ditman? I think he will say I think they determined that guy's real but but Elon has that guy's real.

Let's just drown him. That guy. That guy can't be real. And when they I think he is but I don't know. drown him. That guy, that guy can't be real. Well, they, I think he is, but I don't know. Like, like, I choose to believe that it's all Ilan. I mean, but you are on, uh, the guys who love me on it. It's not a problem. It's a problem. It's a problem.

Um, he only worked at burdens for one year and they left because of animosity between him and Burton. He pushed friends away. That was kind of his thing. He was a big guy who pushed friends away. As Poe expert Steve Medeiros said, if Poe was knocking on your door, quote, you wouldn't answer the door because he would want something. As much of a genius as he is, charming as he could be,

he could also be a real pain in the ass. So Edgar wants to start his own magazine. That's like, he's like, this is how I'll get out of all this shit. I'll start my own. People like my writing. Figures he can get out of debt. You can speak his mind You can free from being quote forced to model like thoughts at the will of men whose? Invisibility was evidence to all of themselves. So as an idiot. It doesn't work around fucking idiots. Yep. I get it. No He would call it hell magazine. He went to Richmond to get funding promising first issue in six months, starting on January

1st, 1841. So he gets subscribers, he gets investors, but there's no magazine. Is that a January 1st? Is that, do you need that to have one? He said starting, it was a lot harder than he anticipated. And I've also been sick for a little while, but the first issue is coming in March. Right. And you get your sweet fucking app and it's going to be quote, glory.

Great glory. Great. So March comes no Maggie. Okay. So there had been a bank panic, so that's why he didn't. Now he needs, now he needs to get a job. Right. Grav Magazine.

It was owned by George Rex Graham hires Edgar for $800 a year. A year? It's yeah. Wow. It's eight. It's uh, it's very successful. Definitely published Enders kind of stuff. Um, it was known for illustrations of fashion trends and piano music that people play at home. You did get a piano for his child wife. Thank you. So

he knows the world. Yeah. piano for his child wife. Thank you. So he knows the world. Yeah. He, he, he goes back to his cruel reviews, but he just starts doing it in this one. Snarky. Author Henry James would later call his reviews quote pretent pretentious, spiteful, and vulgar,

but they contain a certain deal, they can turn a great deal of sense and discrimination as well. George Bernard Shaw called Edgar the greatest journalistic critic of his time. So people love his reviews. Right. So he's not poor, they love them.

Right. In April, 1841, he published a short story called The Murderers in the Rue Morgue in Graham's magazine. It was about a man who solves two women's murders in Paris. So this is the world's first modern detective story. Ooh, okay. And it's a new genre. People fucking love it. One magazine said, quote, it proved Mr. Poe to be a man of genius.

Graham's subscription rate shoots up. Edgar's now earning more than he ever has. But he complains, quote, I feel more and more disgusted with my situation. Wow, this guy just can't. Let's just say there's been two moments in his life when it's been going well. West Point, he destroyed that. Graham, now he's got it going well.

Especially because he's creatively writing. Yeah. But he was sick of him writing for a magazine he doesn't like and didn't like it when Graham asked him to own it down. Edgar felt he was praising ninis and in April 1842 he quits. Wow. Okay. One day, Virginia is sitting on her piano playing. One blood starts to drip out of her mouth.

Is that? Just to break it loose. It's not good. Okay. You're not supposed to do that. No, that was my question. I wasn't sure if people were doing that or... No, this wasn't good then either.

It's not a time thing. Your body's not supposed to bleed from its mouth. So there's it just to be clear anytime you're doing that that's good. You don't want that. Okay. I just think sometimes people don't know. Yep. Yeah. Right. Okay. No, go to a doctor. Yep. Got it. Okay. Thank you. She has tuberculin. For two weeks. She, you know, they give her rest. They put her in this room. It's so cramped that her head almost touches the ceiling when she's laying on bed. She's probably laying on a piano.

The family also lives across the street from an open sewer lot. What's an open sewer lot, you ask? Well, that's where people bring all of the feces from the outhouses and chamber pots and they spread it out to dry so they can be used as manure. So they're living across the street from, I'm going to say, bad property. All right. How much feces are you dropping off so I know how much I've got to spread out? Get the big knife.

Oh, that job. She can barely breathe. Well, the whole thing, the job to block all of it, the whole- Just bringing it? All right, well, I'm going to go to the shit farm. Doing that where people don't live. Yeah, seriously. That's not option.

Edgar would let anyone discuss the obvious condition she had. Whenever anyone would mention it or say that she was dying, it quote drove him wild. He writes a story called Life and Death in which a painter takes his very young sick cry, makes her pose for hours, and will not accept his wife's death when it happens. He also wrote the map at death describing an illness much like Virginia's. So now he starts drinking again. Hard on a trip to find work in New York. He drank so much that he botched an interview at a newspaper and he blamed

it on others encouraging him to drink. It's not my fault. This guy Larry's like do you want... Who's Larry? Who's Larry? Oh that's why I keep asking so... Well who's Larry? Who's Larry? He's the guy with the whiskey. He was just like... Well why did you let... Why did you consume this before the interview? I can't say no. Well why did you...? That's the problem. This is rude. This isn't Larry's fault. It's Larry's fault.

Well, it's a newspaper. I mean, we need you to be on your game. No, I did hear you. I don't know if you remember the beginning of this interview. Larry? No, I don't need to hear anymore about Larry. No. And Larry was like, No. No, I don't need to hear anymore about Larry. No. And Larry was like, no. Well, then you shouldn't. Don't hang out with Larry. I mean, but a lot of us don't think there's a. I don't. How was he getting the whiskey in you? Explain

that. He was there all the time. Then why would you leave if you knew that a horrible influence like that was there? Maybe he was sent by God. No, but then you believe, then you're working. Are you drinking with him or not? Do you like him or not? He's outside. Well then don't go near him. I don't know. You're not. Listen, you can't be here this drunk and get the job. That's just like, that's just the non-starter. What job, man? The newspaper job that you're interviewing to work at this paper? I'm a newspaper guy

Yes Well, I don't know. I don't think you heard what I just said to you is my I don't know puzzles What are the points to on this people love I? We do You know We do it. I'm sorry. Are you still trying to get the job that I've told you? There's no way you could get because of your relationship with Larry who?

Whether you like it or not is did you just look my crotch? This is their thing. Why is the thing you guys always blame everything on Larry? I know you did you litter. I know, you did. That's literally what you came in here and did. I want to write a story about you. Okay, but not for us. Please go. The black shit of publishing.

Okay, whatever. Why don't you go? Why don't you go? Well, I will leave the room. I don't want to be around you anymore, but you know. You go. Okay, I'll go money left my. Okay i look i'm gonna get out of the office get out of the office i said i don't work. I'm getting out of here is good.

So is new york. Good. So it's New York. And he decides he's gonna go see his old married star. Right, okay. She's married, she's married. So he goes to Mary's husband's work and get her address. I don't know why the husband gave the address, but the husband gave the address in Jersey City.

He's a cool guy. It might have been because Edgar was the address. He's a cool guy. He's a cool guy. It might've been cause Edgar was very drunk. He's a cool guy. Now Edgar is so dry that he gets, he gets on the ferry to go over to Jersey city and he can't remember the address. So he's on the ferry. He just keeps asking people on the ferry if they know where Mary Star lives. The ferry just goes back and forth with him asking people.

Oh my God. He somehow figures out where she is, goes to her house, and is just yelling outside that he loves her. He doesn't really love her husband. He only leaves after she agrees to play his favorite song on the piano. That is a great that is some real pathetic shit. What a great negotiation. Just go I go but

that Just play my favorite song Okay Just play my favorite song. Okay. Are we in? So sad. I mean, this guy is just a nightmare. This guy's a nightmare. It's bad.

But he doesn't go back home. He's just in New York somewhere. He doesn't tell Virginia or Muddy anything. He just doesn't come back. So Muddy goes to New York and tries to find him. She goes to Mary. Mary doesn't know where he is. She So Muddy goes to New York and try to find him. She goes to Mary, Mary doesn't know where he is. She's just going all around New York asking if anybody knows where he is. And then they finally find him wandering around in the woods in New Jersey.

Oh my God. Jesus Christ, look at him. What a search you have to go through for that. Wow. Anyway, are artists tortured? Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes, yes. Oh God, what a fun, just, I mean, just. So, oh my God. So he made light of this whole situation, which people go about,

because he's relatively well known now. Right. So he writes about it, he says that Mary's just a worrywart and she's overbearing, and he made fun of Virginia for, quote, "'What a thing to be pestered with a what?' Oh, this guy. I was just lost in the woods for a day. You married a child. Married a child. What a thing to be pestered with a what? This guy I Was married a child

Married a child. It's like bye. Don't get married. They're right up your ass. She was 12. Oh, come on Man wander on like some sort of bush. Can't a man get lost in the woods for a week and a half on a blackout? man get lost in the woods for a week and a half on a blackout? Uh, he, he now promises he's like, all right, I'm going to stay sober. Doesn't last. See, he was, he's the type of, uh, alcoholic that even just the tiniest amount of alcohol, bad, he's gone. So it touches his lips and then off he goes. His drinking becomes widely joked about in Philadelphia, a Baltimore relative wrote

him to warn him about how destructive alcohol was on their family. Now, I mean, his brother died at 24. Right. So he's 33. He is desperate for a job. A friend puts in a good word for him for a government job at a customs house. I was going to say get him involved in government. Yeah. But they tell him repeatedly that he's not going to get the job. They're like,

yeah, we're going to hire you. Still, he's getting. He goes to DC where he's going to talk to the president. This isn't set up. He's just going to do it. Okay. That makes a lot more sense about the job. He's like, if you want to get a custom job, you go straight to the. No, I would say a presidential endorsement is pretty good. It's a lot easier to get into the White House then.

Like you could just just walk in. I'm going to get a job. Just not. Yeah, just walk in. I'm going to get a job. On the trip, he decides to find another backer for his magazine that he still hasn't started. And he says he's going to change the name. It's not going to be called parents, going to become the stylist. And he does.

He has one partner. So in D.C., he is he had a friend who says he's giving juice and introducing to the president. At least this is his story. And then the friend got sick and couldn't. So that's just, you just bail. I can't introduce you to the president. I'm sick.

I don't feel good. Top. My top. So I don't exist. He's like, wow, I'll just get drunk here. Also, I don't exist. He's like, wow, I'll just get drunk here. He gets introduced to poet and journalist, Jesse Dow, who can help him find a job because he's super can I, but Ed gets so drunk that he wears

his cloak inside out, then he gets a haircut and doesn't pay. Then he insults Dow and his wife, insults his six friend, insults the president's son. He insults everyone who could maybe get him a government job. It's an interesting tactic. Dow writes to Edgar's new magazine partner, his name is Clark, that he's worried about getting Edgar back to Philadelphia safely.

Wow. Now, Clark is surprised a couple of days later when he goes in with us and there's Edgar and he looks fine. He's not. How have you been? Have you ever died in the Jersey woods? I have. I'm fine.

I didn't disappear, but I'm good. Yeah. I'm fine. I didn't disappear, but I'm good. Edgar tells me just, I was just a little sick. And then he writes these playful letters to Dow and another friend in DC asking them to pass on his apologies to everybody for quote, making such a fool of myself and blamed being drunk on being offered rummy coffee. It's those damn rummy coffees. So it's Larry, man. He. Well, what did Larry do?

What did he do? He had rummy coffee. What does that mean? What does that mean? That's just rum and coffee. Yeah. Why did you drink it? Why did you drink it? Well, that doesn't. Why did you drink it? Why did you drink it? Yeah, yeah. Well, that doesn't mean you have to drink it though. Well, Larry had it, so.

Why did you drink Larry's rummy coffees? First of all, stop hanging out with Larry. Well, don't be around him. Don't be around him. No. What do you mean you don't know? Well, this is the disconnect. Don't be around him.

You know he's gonna have rummy co- He's a good guy. No he's not, he's ruining your life. Again, we would love to get eyes on him, but if he is real, don't hang out with him. He's real. Okay, so stop hanging out with him. There's several, there's a lot of them.

Okay, just- A lot of Larrys, they're all over. Oh, there's more than one? I hear. Wow, a lot of Larry's there all over. Oh, there's more than one? I hear. Okay. A lot of Larry's there. So much whiskey and rum and coffee. Yeah, well that's a big problem for you.

You have a drinking problem, do you understand? No, no. Yeah, yeah. If it wasn't for Larry, I'd be fine. Exactly. I think you're accidentally making our point very clearly Jenis Is your name now?

No, no, no, no Yeah No, what the fuck this is what we're saying to not do. I'm not doing it. And there's no Larry around. Sure. OK, all right. You know what? I don't even remember what this was, but I'm leaving.

Yep, we're going. No, you stay here. You're fired. I don't work for you, idiot. Now you're really fired. You don't work for you, idiot. Now you're really fired. You don't call your boss an idiot. You fucking Larry son of a bitch. Your cloak's inside out, idiot.

Yeah, it's called fashion. I work for Fashion Magazine. All right. Okay. Okay. All right. It's Larry guys. So it's too much for Clark.

Clark, he pulls his money, the backing he was going to put into the stylus and Edgar said he was, quote, being deprived through the imbecility or rather idiocy of my partner. Okay. So he's got to fix his reputation. It's just people know now. of my partner. Okay. So he's got to fix his reputation. Sure. Because people know now. So he gets short autobiographies published in two magazines, friends who have magazines.

They're filled with embellishments and lies about him. Said he was adopted by John, he graduated from the University of Virginia with first honors, he did the top of his class at West Point, he once leapt 21 and a half feet. What the fuck is that one? I mean, you start, you start drinking and then they get.

That's such an 1800s brag. Went to University of Virginia, graduated. That's great. Plausible. I went to West Point. Graduated. That's great. Plausible. I went to West Point, graduated. I can jump 21 and a half feet, motherfuckers. The other two are probably a lie. But when they printed it, he was upset by the illustration that accompanied the piece,

because he thought it made him look fat. That's in an illustration. He's like us. It's like, you'll be this. He's like, he was drawn by Fosdyke. That was my favorite. That was my favorite email exchange before we went to Australia on the last trip. James sent the art and you wrote back, James, you made me look fat.

And his reply was, I made you look powerful. His reply was, I made you look powerful. Edgar published some of his most well-known tales, like The Pit and The Pendulum, about a prisoner being tortured during the Spanish Inquisition, The Telltale Heart about a murderer being driven insane by the sign of his victim's beating heart. He won $100 in a short story contest with the gold bug. It was incredibly popular, but with no copyright protections. It was repeatedly stolen and reprinted 300,000 copies and he did not make a dime. Damn it.

That's crazy. And Gareth, that's the end of part one. Oh my God. It's a two parter. Oh yeah. Oh buddy. Wait until he gets into the ladies. Oh no, no, no, no. Oh, wait until he gets into the ladies. Oh no. Because it is his. Oh no. Look, alcohol is in this progressive disease and this dude goes full progressive. Oh shit. I had no idea.

You didn't have any idea, did you? No. You had absolutely no idea. Holy shit. I mean, yeah, it's, it's, uh, it's fantastic. So, um, sources for this Edgar Allen, Oh, a mournful and never ending remember by Karen Silverman, the mystery of mysteries, the death and life of Ender Poe by Mark Dowinziak Edgar Allen Poe is life to see by John

Dauidziak, Edgar Allan Poe is Life of the Sea by Jeffery Myers, Quoth Raven, More More by Molly Langmere in New York Magazine, and all the research that was done by Brittany Cohen Brown, who is working on something fantastic for us. She's already worked on a sound other. who is working on something fantastic for us. She's already work on a seven hundred. Wow. And seven hundred is going number we had. Six sixty seven. Wow. It is in seven hundred. Seven is what I want you for a long, long, long. He's one of the OG OG go-fors

Hmm. Okay All right. Say what it is. I'll just say what it is now. Why not? Why not? Because that's the whole this the whole thing You're gonna know it the minute I read the name Well, then wait till then Well then wait till then. Stop looking at me. Alright, that's the end of the show. The show's over.