The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 677 - Clay Allison - live

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine bad boy Clay Allison. Recorded live in Albuquerque. SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH     Viia - Code Dollop Rocketmoney 

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When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. You're listening to the dollop! It's a good comic book, because they're most of us. Yeah, they do. You can tell right there from the applause. You think he's joking, he's being serious. That's like an act, you guys are very droll. When I walked in I was like, good comic book, you guys.

But will anyone be shitting their pants at the show? It's an American History Podcast, where each week I, Dave Anthony, restore from American history to a thing. Thanks, Dave. Gareth Reynolds has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Woo! to be about. September 2nd 1840. The ever-lowered J-Town. What do you mean no? Just stop already. We're a religious American history. Everything in America is religious now, motherfuckers. Robert Clay Allison was born in Waynesboro, Tennessee to Jeremiah and Mariah Allison.

That's fucked up. Jeremiah. Jeremiah. That's the People magazine. Yeah. Jeremiah. What are they up to? Praying. Oh my god. Is there anybody named Jeremiah who's not religious? I think there probably is, but they're like from it. Yeah. You know you're not just like, that'd be cool. They're disappointed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they left. He had a club foot. Nice. And he got a long line to get into that place.

Slip that bouncer 20, he'll get you in the club foot. Jeremiah was a Presbyterian minister and he also raised cattle and sheep and then he died when Clay was five. Coming out. It's a bad start when you have a clubfoot and you've got no dad at five. Yeah, clubfoot at five. I need this space. Clay was called a restless child as a teen.

He had wild move swings and a big temper. Sure. Now this could have been from a head injury that he apparently got. They're not sure but they believe he got a head injury when he was young. How do they not know his foot's fucked but they don't know about the head? He's fine. Oh, yeah. So he worked on the family farm until the Civil War broke out when he was 21, and he

immediately signed up with the Confederacy on October 15, 1861. Although, don't you want, I mean, when you think of the Confederates, aren't you like, yeah, head injury, club foot, that's our guy. I'm sure they had a whole regiment. Hey, drag, come on! Hey! Hey, Dom and Limpy, what are you doing? I don't know, I'm just fixing to eat this tree!

Idiot. So he's about, he's all about fighting. He loved the fight and sometimes he threatened to kill his superior officers when they didn't pursue Union soldiers who were retreating. Well, listen, you know, either side, you gotta like the idea of like, well you just keep killing them. Yeah. Like the fight is right.

The fight is right. You want that in a war. You want a guy that's like, Never stop killing him! And he can't win. Now club footwise, where is he at? He's still got it? That doesn't go away.

So, so he's just like yelling at the generals to get moving because he's like, some of us can't! Well, I think you, I think you just kind of have a little bit of a tilt. I don't think it's okay. Tilt in battle is not great. It could be an advantage if you think about it. He can do matrix stuff. I'll finish. Well I mean he's got a tilt like you said. I think you don't know what a tilt is is I think you don't know what the matrix is So I think

I guess we'll watch it. Yeah That's what the second show is I mean, I remember this. After a whole two months in the army, he was medically discharged as his quote, emotional or physical excitement produces paroxysmal of a mixed character, partly epileptic and partly maniacal. What the fuck? What? That's how he becomes evil?

Yeah. Real Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde. You know, I think you'd want that in a war. Like a guy just goes back. I mean, he's always killing your guys. I still think, like if you're in a war and you're like, dude, chill the fuck out, do you understand me?

Ah! Ah! Woo! Yes. Ah! I'm in a whole regiment of those guys. Ah! Yeah.

My ankle hurts! Ah! Ah! Ah, close to my ankle! You're holding your head. Ah! Woo! That's your... Ah, my ankle, killing me.

The discharge document said it might have been from a blow to the head he had gotten years before, quote, producing a depression of the skull. Okay, so he's got like CT or something, or are we talking like actual skull damage? He's got a dead. He's got a head dead. That's. He's got a dead. He's got a head dead. That's why he's got a dead, yeah. So that made him not the same as everybody else. Sure.

He was maniacal. No, he's got an evil dead. Yeah. Yeah. So on September 22nd, which is nine months later, Clay enlisted in the 9th Tennessee Cavalry and they took him. And he stays with them until the end of the war. He was a scout and a spy and he grew a Van Dyke beard like his.

What's a Van Dyke beard like the general he was with? It's that guy. Oh, one of those. That's him. Yeah. Oh, wow. It's totally different, right? Yeah. Yeah. It looks like he went to evil school. Yeah. He fully changed.

The time he left here was like, what do you say we just put him on some train tracks? On May 4th, 1865, Allison and his company were captured and he was sentenced to be executed, but escaped after killing a guard. Sorry, those are the rules. You're allowed to do that. Then he went home. And once he got home of booing the Klan. Just to be clear how we all feel.

They're in constant conflict with the Freedmen's Bureau of Wayne County, and they once had an actual battle. So Klay was part of a lot of skirmishes with the Klan and then one day a Union Corporal came to the farm to seize property and Clay calmly got his gun out of the closet and killed him. Jesus Christ. Well don't come for the property bitch. It's the calm. After Clay and his brothers, John and Monroe, and his sister Mary, and her husband headed for Texas. There you go. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. So there was a river they had to cross, and they'd use a ferry to get across it. And the ferryman, Zachary Colbert, told them the price, and Clay thought it was too much, and so Clay beat him unconscious. Jesus Christ. I mean you gotta get across the river. How are you gonna do it if this guy charges you too much? Just steal it and leave him on the shore? No, that's not fun. Okay.

The journey continued and then they settled near the Brazos River in Texas. Clay was a very skilled cow hand. Well he was a cow. He looked like he was a cow. He wore a cow outfit. That's why. He got work really easily. He would herd cattle through Texas, New Mexico, and Colorado. And then he got into it with a neighbor over some waterhole rights. Sure. And the two guys decided that they would settle it by digging a grave.

What? That is fucking crazy bad. I thought we'd dig a grave and one of us gets in it. You got a deal. And then they both get inside. Oh, what? And have a bowie knife fight. In the grave? Holy fuck! That is a tight quarter for a bowie knife fight.

Guess who won, Clay won. Clay won, yeah. You're talking about him. By the start of the year. Yeah. Holy shit. That's how the podcast is getting. In 1872, big cattle ranchers moved to Colfax County, New Mexico. Yeah, fuck that, Colfax, where you at?

Oh no, I don't care. This whole place is the same. Sorry. I know it's better for us to be like, we love it here. We've been here for five hours, we'll be gone soon. Sorry, I'm sorry, it's not even personal. We've got some great stuff. You guys can get out, there's like, you can get in cars and stuff and get out.

The Allison brothers went with these big cattle mentors and they were given 300 cattle for driving cattle for driving a herd right so I don't understand they're gonna drive 300 cattle where okay okay take it to wherever yeah fuck hole Jackson yeah right so Clay set up a ranch at the Vermeo and Canadian rivers and his ranch it was pretty soon to get money he was bringing in the cash. Cool. Do people know about the murders? No, don't worry about that. Nobody knows about that?

They're like, wow, he's pretty good at this. I meant to look up the name of the city. You know, he fought a guy in a grave before this. His resume. Yeah. A lot of holes in your resume. What were you doing before this? If a guy says I fought a battle to the death in a grave,

you're like, you're hired? Like, you're hired? What the fuck? I'd be like, cool in a grave, you're like, you're hired. You're like, you're hired. What the fuck? I'd be like, cool, all right. Not gonna not say anything. Did you just see me running? Did he leave his own business? Yeah.

The two closest towns were Simaron, is that what it's called? Simaron. Simaron. Simaron. And then also Elizabeth Town was the other big town nearby. And the Alices quickly became part of the scene in both towns. At first they were liked. Everybody liked them. At first?

Well there's no law enforcement yet in the area. Saturday nights the Alices just went off. They drank. They got on the horses. They rode up and down the street yelling and shooting and they went into saloons and into gambling joints and then they started shooting lamps and mirrors and glasses. They liked to also shoot at newcomers feet to make them dance and Clay was known to run around naked. It's just Hollywood baby. But that's really how I picture this time in general. I don't really picture like 90% of the people being like that.

And then there's just a couple people writing it down like, Jesus fucking Christ. Like there's a town of me's and then one you. I'll write this down. This will come in handy later. Gambling and jacking off, you know what I mean? No. Boom!

Are you gambling and jacking off at the same time? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! With dice in my hand, whacking it. Yeah. That's really great, man. Yeah, hey, I'm a good guy.

Yeah, and we all have our different versions of what good means. Yeah. We all have our different versions of what good means. You got this right there. In the fall of 1870, Charles Kennedy, he was arrested for robbing and killing guests who stayed overnight at his cabin. Are you not allowed to? Well, you should be able to. I would just say if it's that time and there's not a lot of people around and someone comes

to your house and is like, may I stay here? You should be able to kill him. Absolutely. It's like verba. Yeah. And so Clay and a group broke into the Elizabeth Town jail and dragged him behind a horse with a rope around his neck up and down the street until he was dead. And then after a while, Clay got off his horse and cut off his head and put it in the sack

and rode 29 miles to Cimarron and ordered the head steak on a fence in front of Lambert's Inn. What? That's right. What? He had 29 miles on horseback to think about this decision? I was like, yeah, it's a good idea. Definitely the right move.

Lambert must have been like, no. No, that's bad. I rode quite a while. I'm never in my head did I calculate you'd say no to something like that. Well, it's just bad for- Well, what am I supposed to do with that? Why did I spend 20 minutes getting it off his body? Well-

It's gonna be very inviting. No, people- Put his head on there. Nobody wants to go to a hotel. I do. It's like a lamp in a window. It's inviting. His head's on a pike or something.

Why would people want that? Cause I'm gonna kill you unless you do it. That's a good argument. Yeah, how about that? Yeah. Little fucking liberal. How many nights do you stay? I don't have much of a plan.

I got a dented head, a clubby foot. I just killed a guy in a grave. He was alive when I went in it. We dug it as a team. Let me explain to you what happened back there. We agreed to dig a grave together. You better believe there was small talk. By the time the grave was dug, I sorta liked the guy.

But rules are rules. We didn't just go out there to form a friendship while hole digging. So one of us had to go and it was him. I lost my best friend that night. Poor guy. Anywho's, put the head on your fence. So, in April, April 30, 1870, Allison and two men were believed to have stolen 12 mules from Fort Union.

He was tried in the fall. It's amazing that that's what got him. They're like, you stole horses. I also just gave a hotel gatekeeper a head. I'm in a mistake here. Anyway. don't tell me it's that the great fight didn't happen. No, no, there was some sort of fight. I don't know how it got there. It's between who? Well, a bunch of... there was chaos. So in the town there was like a bunch of chaos going on and Clay was like trying to escape from like when he got caught for stealing the mules okay and there's other people

shooting and then Clay accidentally shot himself in the foot. He might walk better now. So they still escaped though and they made it to a hideout on the Red River and Clay sent for his friend Davey Crockett, nephew of the famous Crockett. Oh, what? Little Crockett. Little Crockett? I mean you gotta go with David at that point.

Well, I mean it depends what your lifestyle is. If he was just like, I'm trying to be an attorney They also sent for a doctor and he helped Clay but Clay would have lived for the rest of his life okay, so a little while after he was boosting it up in a saloon when someone said something he didn't like and That guy runs out but Clay is now in a bad mood that's not good so he went to the county clerk's office where he got mad at the county clerk for saying something what are these in the county clerk said what are you doing you're hammered. Yeah. He fucking told you to be like that. So Clay threw a knife at him. Okay.

It only like caught his sleeve and so his sleeve got stuck to the door. That's fucking crazy. You gotta pretend like you meant to do that. Next one goes in your body, Jack. Psh. Psh. No no no no no no no no no no.

I bet you didn't know you were working with Michael Winslow, did you? Yeah. I felt like I was there and a knife went right by me. Yep. Bum bum bum bum bum bum. Yeah. To the helicopter!

Look at all these kangaroos! So the clerk ran out and clay through his knife at a young lawyer who also ran and they both ran across the street to the doctor's office and then the lawyer grabbed the doctor's gun saying he would kill... What a great era. That we're entering again. Let me go grab my doctor's gun. My lawyer's is unloaded.

And then he said he would kill Clay's self-defense and then Clay rode up outside and the clerk and lawyer bolted out the back door and the doctor went out the side and told Clay he was not behaving well. Is that the end of it? No. Oh, fuck. I was like, oh, that's good. I would have been like, you're the best. And Clay just laughed at him and said he only wanted the guy who upset him in the saloon

and then he wrote off in search of him. Now the lawyer, his name was Melvin Mills and he would hold a grudge forever. Clay is not good with women, but he then met Dora McCullough. Clay and his brother John met Dora and her sister, and the girls had been orphaned during the war, and they now live with guardians, the Youngs, and Mrs. Young does not like Clay. How old are these orphan girls?

I don't know. Uh. They're alone, the two couples alone. How old are these? girls? I'm not sure. They're alone. The two couples alone. How old are these? Doris, 18. Clay's 39. I don't know how old the other one is.

Does it matter? It's not great. They begged the youngs to forgive them, and over time the youngs did. And the youngs came to believe that Clay did not seek trouble but didn't turn away from it when it came his way. Now Clay is not a fast draw but he was just cold ice veins guy. So he was the guy who did. It's like unforgiven. Right. For those of you who don't know that was a dog food. For those who don't know, that was a dog food. That was dog food.

Mace Bowman was very quick and he was from Kentucky and served in the Texas Cavalry and the Rangers. He became a sheriff in Trinidad using the name Matt Mason. As you can do. He changed the whole name for the cop. Alright, sure. It's like SAG. He's like, there's already a Matt Mason shirt. So now he starts calling himself Mack Bowman. Mack Bowman. And Mason and Clay knew each other pretty well and had mock duels.

Mock duels? Yeah, they'd fake it, you know, have a good time. They'd go out like pretend? Yeah. They were larping? Yeah. But then one night things got a bit more serious in a saloon and Clay was very drunk and when he got drunk he became more confident with his skills.

So whatever Clay said to Mace, Mace turned and said quote, Have at it and they bet a gallon of whiskey. Fucking God. All bets are that for me from now on. Want to put a gallon of whiskey on it? For a strike of whiskey on it? I'm trying to control it. Am I? Want to put a gallon of whiskey on that?

The best whiskey comes in gallons. Yeah, it's like Costco. Oh, fuck! Looks like a gallon of McClary. They paced to the walls. Turned and pulled. Mace had his gun pointed at Clay before he could even get his out. They paced to the walls, turned and pulled. Mace had his gun pointed at Clay

before he could even get his out. So Clay paid for the whiskey and apparently they then took off their clothes, down to their underwear and danced. Yep. Now, why can't all duels end like that? It's still part of the West you don't hear about. It's pretty great.

When you win, gahhh. Makes you rethink that grave ending a little bit. Then they shot at each other's feet to see who would flinch, and neither one did. Doesn't sound very fun. None of this sounds fun. After Bowman taught Clay how to pull his gun faster. Why? Why not? They're buddies.

Okay. On JR 7th, 1874, gun finder Chunk Colbert. Oh, come on. So Chunk came looking for a fight with Clay. Colbert believed he was the fastest there was. But he was also the nephew of the ferry boat operator Clay had beaten unconscious nine years before. Nine years, get over it.

Get over it, I don't even remember that. I can't remember who beat the shit out of my uncle last month. Yeah, me. So Chunk could have been there for revenge. Chunk was rumored to have killed six men and was bragging he'd made Clay the seventh. So Chunk arrives in town and finds Clay and then they spend the day drinking together and gambling on horses. And then Chunk asks Clay to dinner at Clifton House.

Buddy, think something's up. Clay does, Clay does, it's weird. Nobody ever wants to sit down and have supper with me. Yeah. So, you know, Colbert's acting a little too friendly, I guess. And so, Chuck puts his gun in his lap, and Clay puts his on the table.

And then they eat. Comfortable, yep. And then, Chuck suddenly pulled his gun in his lap and Clay puts it on the table and then they eat. Comfortable. Yep. And then Chunk suddenly pulled his gun and Clay was ready, does the same. Chunk's revolver clipped the table and the shot was deflected and so Clay shot Chunk Colbert in the head. That's where you do it. And that's just in a restaurant. Yeah, well, it's like, I thought we were in the non-shooting section. Would you like shooting or non? Shooting. We'll do shooting. What? Shooting.

Say he's buried in an unmarked grave behind Clifton House. Why? Why unmarked? What are you going to do? Mark it. We know who he is. Everyone's there. People are like, we don't know who that was. I don't know how to spell Chunk. Yeah. Chunk's friend, Charles Cooper, sees the whole thing.

And two weeks later, he and Claire see riding together. And then Cooper is never seen again. OK. So Cimarron is a boom town. So how many deaths are we at right now? We're at a lot. This is a few. 10? and the Cooper's never seen again. Okay, so... So Cimarron is a boom town. So how many deaths are we at right now? Ten? Eight?

Yeah, it's up there. Cimarron was a boom town, as gold had been discovered nearby. It's in an area that was land grant. So originally it was the largest land grant in North America, and it was given by the Spanish government to two guys, thinking that would encourage Mexican settlers, but they didn't come. Smart.

Yeah. It's good to hear. And then later, the US Congress gave the land grant to Lucian Maxwell. So anyway, he's from the Maxwell family, and the Maxwells became the largest landowners in the world for getting the land grab. Okay.

So his operation is headquartered in a Simeron. Simeron? Simeron. Simeron. Simeron. Simeron. Simeron. Simeron.

So Colonel Edmund visits and said the Maxwell house was insane opulence. Would you like a coffee? once. Would you like a coffee? He quote lived in a sort of barbaric splendor akin to that of the nobles of England at the time of the Norman conquest. Oh and we all get that. So he's a rich guy in the middle of New Mexico just living like living like he's not in New Mexico. Right. He had a racetrack built in back and held weekly races. Oh my god. He employed up to 1,000 people but treated them all horribly. Quote, if a Mexican servant didn't suit him or did anything against his orders,

he took a board or plank or anything he could get a hold of and whipped him with it. What the fucking board? I mean, if you can't find a whip, Jesus Christ, you know what, grow up. You better not be looking at me right fucking now. Sometimes you gotta beat the hell out of him. Maxwell was brutal and he flaunted his wealth. Once when told he should get a safe

because he had 30,000 in a drawer, Maxwell just responded by smiling and said, quote, God help the man who attempted to rob me. Okay. Now, copper is discovered. And this makes- That's so funny, doesn't it? And then gold is discovered.

And so this makes Maxwell even richer. Okay. And then also he's getting so this makes Maxwell even richer. Okay. And then also he's getting rich from all the rents he took from the settlers coming to Strangletridge. Then he starts evicting squatters, settlers, farmers and small ranchers. Okay. So he's kind of everybody.

He's good new money. Yeah, right. So there's a new group of rich powerful men behind the grant and they're called the Santa Fe Ring. The lawyer Clay had thrown a knife at Mills, remember that guy? Oh yeah yeah. And the doctor who treated his foot injury. Doctor with the gun? Yeah. Well Longwell were both now part of the Santa Fe Ring. Okay, is that good? Nope. Okay. In 1875, Longwell was elected probate judge

and Mills a state legislature. Okay. And as sheriff's served eviction notices, people start fighting back. Okay. Grant pastures were set on fire. Sure. Cattle rustling went up and officials- Cattle rustling went up and officials...

Cattle rustling went up? Wrestling. Wrestling. No. Cattle wrestling. Wrestling. What are you saying? Wrestling. Wrestling? Wrestling cows. Wrestling then? Wrestling. You know, you steal a cow. I don't even give a shit anymore. I don't even care. Rassle, wrestle, bustle. What did bustle. Do you think it was actually wrestling? I'm not sure what any of it is to be quite honest with you. Stealing cows? Wrestling.

You're throwing away the... Wrestling. You know, you put on a little outfit and you go... Take that. Ding ding ding ding. Woo. I'm gonna take the cow tonight. Cow, you're going down. The belt comes home with humans.

Woo. Enough bullshit. You've been mooing your mouth off long enough. Woo. Just has the American flag wrapped around it. They were also people, officials who were threatening a gunpoint and the Senate ring sent gangs to attack homes at night and threaten people. Okay.

So the people create their own group, the Colfax County Ring and some believe that Clay was the leader. Okay, Clay was in charge of the Colfax County Ring and some believe that Clay was the leader. Okay, Clay was in charge of the Polfax County Ring. Reverend Franklin told me he began giving sermons in towns around the area and Clay liked it. Of course. Yeah, of course. He aligns with the settlers and he openly stated he'd do whatever he could to stop the Santa Fe Ring. And on September 14th, 1875, he was found shot in the back in

a nearby canyon. He was? Yeah. Oh, fuck. And rumor was the new constable, Cruz Vega, was involved in the killing. And another minister, Reverend Oscar Patrick McMains, Oh no, now joins with the settlers. So there's no luck finding the killer so Reverend McMains asked Clay for help and on the evening of October 30th a masked mob rode up on the constable and the constable said he had nothing to do with it and he blamed it on another guy and that guy said he was hired by Francisco Griego. That guy did it. Shit, Finny's eleven dollars for Taco Bell. It doesn't happen a lot at podcast. I don't think it happens on any. You should probably tell the story about Luke having Taco Bell today while we're on halftime.

Which story? The Taco Bell one. Don't say which Taco Bell one. We're almost there. So we stop at Taco Bell because I'm scared of all the food places. Luke gets, first of all we're inside and he goes, he's driving. He goes, I'm going to get hard, cause they're easy. Hard tacos. They're easy to handle when driving things soft.

So he's already fucking crazy. Like it's just like, I didn't say anything cause I'm not gonna like, that's just like, okay. Yeah no, hard tacos, I was like, maybe break it a little bit. He goes, you know what I'm going to do. So, we're driving and he, for some reason he doesn't eat one for like 45 minutes and then he pulls it out of the bag.

Well, you know why? They're tacos. They're wine. Yeah, you let it settle. Let him cook. And he takes out a taco. He's got his hand. And I'm watching him because he looks fast. Because you want to watch him. And a little piece of tomato comes out of the taco and lands on his arm.

And he acts like he hit him in the back. He's like, God! Scared him. The tomato. It's a shower of taco. All the pieces of taco are flying out. His own tomato from his taco fucking freaked him out.

And then he shat... Then he Lebron'd his taco. And he was like... And then he said to everyone, he's like, that's why you don't hurt shit. Gareth, the dollop is brought to you by Viya. Look, if you haven't, if you haven't tried Viya yet, and I know some of you haven't,

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Rocket money dot com slash dollop today. Use rocket money. Get more pocket money. That is illegal that you're doing that to me. Trademark Dave Anthony. Did you just become Groucho? The dollop is brought to you by Squarespace. Oh Dave. Of course, our friends forever.

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by adding a paywall. You can sell memberships. You can sell courses, whatever. You can sell stuff. I'm doing a ropes course on my website. Is that what we're talking about? I feel like we shouldn't have you on this. Okay, keep going. And if you're a business, you can manage your clients and invoices, vetting and receiving payment. Am I allowed to speak? Cause I think that's a good point. No, go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

And when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I'm gonna say it again, go to squarespace.com for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com stressed all up to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Okay, so Francisco Griego hired the guy to kill the Reverend Crazy Eyes. Uh-huh. to kill the Reverend Crazy Eyes. And he says he hired Francisco Griego who was the constable's uncle.

Okay, he was the constable's uncle. I was picturing the constable older. So the mob beats him up and they hang him from the telephone pole. Francisco, they did it to Francisco? Or the constable? They did it to the Francisco's... The constable. Yes. Okay. Right. I think it's the constable. There's too many people. Hey, imagine being me, motherfucker. Yes. So they killed the constable. Okay. They hang him by the tree. And his last words are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what is going on here then? So that's all a bit much for Reverend McMain's and he's like, aw, and he leaves. Now Francisco Grego, who also goes by Pancho, claims the body the next morning.

Claims it? Claims it. That's mine. Yeah. And it's taken to a Cimarron cemetery for burials. Sure. But before it's in the ground similar cemetery for burial. Sure. But before it's in the ground, Clay and his crew ride up and they told... I wanna fight it. They told Griego the constable could not be buried in the same cemetery as the man that

he killed. That's fair. That's fair. I was gonna say. I'm not... It's crazy, obviously, but I'm, but I'm okay with that one. That's a good rule. I mean, it's wild.

Yeah. But I'd be like, yeah, look, he fucking killed him. I don't want him like his neighbor now. But it's also like, it's the fucking desert. You'll bury him anywhere. It doesn't matter. Yeah. There's a lot of places to bury him.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Anyone. Hitchhikers, your buddy's dad, whatever. You can always find a spud. But then Clay said you can't bury him in city limits, you've got to bury him a half a mile west. Now he's being a bit much. No, I like it. Okay, as he's lost me, I'm like, just down the road. Set boundaries. Yeah, alright. Later that day... Pennsylvania. Later that day, Griego, the constable's son and others start threatening townspeople. And they go to the St. James Hotel, because that's where Clay is. So Clay's there and Griego accuses him of

being part of the mob lynching, right? Which I'm sure he was. And Griego at the time is fannying himself with his hat. Love that. Yeah. Which is apparently an attempt to distract Clay as he's pulling his gun so Clay pulls his and shoots Creago and they have to close the saloon for an inquiry and local said that closing the saloon was the worst thing that happened that day. You know the GM was in the back and he was on like the little whiteboard that says like 31 days without an injury. So Clay and his crew go bananas over the next week. They went into the offices of a paper and threatened the editor with a knife they took

over the St. James Hotel while drinking Clay stripped naked and did a war dance on the spot he killed Griego. What's with him and this stuff? He's having a good time. He likes to be naked. I know but there's like. Everybody's got their thing. I know but we've all like had that friend in this stuff. It's not a good time. He likes to be naked. I know, but there's like-

Everybody's got their thing. I know, but we've all had that friend in our life, and it's like, buddy, this is only for you. Like, what are you, is that a nightmare? Everyone else is just enjoying a can. No, we had a buddy in high school, and then everybody would get drunk, and then also he'd be walking through the party naked,

and be like, crack. I know. Dude, I had a guy in high school and everything would be fine and then he'd be gone for 10 minutes. It would be like super and he'd be like, why isn't Clark Kent in the same room as Superman? And all of a sudden here he'd walk in and be like, Jesus Christ dude. Blacked out naked. Okay.

Hey, sex scribe. blacked out naked. We'd be like, uh huh. Okay. Hey, sex scribe. Um, so, they do a little war dance on the spot. He killed Griego. He, at the time, he just had a red ribbon tied around his junk. I don't know if I'm more out or in now.

I think, I think in. It's hard. Was it the holidays? Yeah. It's gotta be Christmas. Yeah. So... So I don't forget something. On November 10th, he went to court for the shooting but the charges were dropped.

He was probably in the court like, which shooting is this? You're going to have to be a little more specific. Which Griego? Griego. It was ruled that justifiable homicide though. This is the best era. And the court has taken everything into account and he should have been murdered. You're right to kill him. That's alright.

Well it says here in the rules that if he looks at you funny. He was fanning himself with his hat. Oh ho ho! I should have shot him. What took you so long? I'll kill him right now, Ferry. Now this charge of nudity after, I'm also gonna waive because who would have celebrated a kill and have a ribbon? Yep.

You had a bit of a ribbon. You got your rib on. You may leave, sir. Now the guy the constable named, who he said did the killing, was now arrested in Elizabeth Town. And he said the constable was the one who shot the reverend, and also that Mills and Dr. Longwell were behind it. So now the Santa Fe Ring's coming in. Mills is the guy who threw the...

He's the lawyer. Right, right, yeah. So word spreads, and the lawyer and doctor are other hunted. The lawyer barely escapes an angry lynch mob. He bolts out of a coach and he runs off. Dr. Longwell got to Fort Union just ahead of Clay and his brother John who were going after him. But then the guy who the constable named for doing the killing of the

Reverend had a hearing and said Mills and Longwell had nothing to do with it. Oh. They're off scot-free. That's good. Smart. But he only said that because they pointed a gun at him while he was in question. Wait, who was questioning him? The cops? The cops and they were allowed to pull a gun on him? Answer the question, boy. Oh, no, it's the mob. Okay, the mob was, and then he admitted to the mob at gunpoint.

No, they didn't have nothing to do with it. I don't know where anyone got that idea. But anyway, Mills and Longwell are, the doctor and lawyer are clear. They're clear. So, the gang doesn't believe that. idea but anyway Mills and Longwell are the doctor and lawyer clear right so the gang doesn't believe that they're like that's fucking bullshit right little gun story so he is they take him back to jail and then there they shoot him I have a question about taking him back to jail why why why I don't know why I don't know Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? So the sheriff hides Clay at a ranch. Here. And when Clay finally comes back, he was packing a lot of guns and he has 45 cowboys with him. What the fuck?

Yeah. What? And he was just hidden in a ranch? No, yeah, but for a while. For a while, then he was like slowly getting crewed. Now he's like, let's go get the Mexican. And we're like, fuck yeah. Which is what always happens.

Yeah, I was gonna say like part of it, like, we like you, but the other part is racism is something we're big fans of as well. So it's in our blood. So it's total fucking chaos. And there's a ring man and there's settler vigilantes and there's Mexicans. Plus the Mexicans ask the Native Americans to help them out. And Reverend McCain's is recruiting more settlers to fight with Clay, so everyone's working picket sides.

Okay. Guards have to be stationed at every entrance to the town and no one can leave without Clay's permission. Jesus Christ. November 9, 1875, the Santa Fe New Mexicana wrote that Cimarrona was in the hands of a mob. And this is what became known as the Colfax County War. Uh, so now the governor.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Oh now I know! Oh, shimmer on! Oh! Oh! I thought it sounded familiar! Oh yeah! Oh! Yeah, clay! Clay!

Look at that clay! Clay! Look at that clay! Ah! Ah! How many have? Wow! Tough! I didn't know that's where this was going. I didn't either. Wild. I really don't know.

Now the governor governor Uh huh. Governor Axtell? Yep. So the governor officially makes Colfax part of Taos County? Yeah. He said it was

shut the fuck up! You're a good ass boy. I'm gonna send you straight. Yeah, nice house. He said it was a... Shut the fuck up! I am! You're a good ass boy, I don't want to sit you straight. He says he's doing that because it's all about law and order, but he is a Santa Fe ring guy. So the people are fucking pissed. Now in January 19, 1876, the news and press paper wrote a harsh article about Clay leading mob violence. So that night, Clay and two guys broke into the paper's office, Stop talking shit!

set off a charge, and threw the press into the river. Oh my God! Fuck you! Wait, threw the press? Yeah, the printing press. Okay. No, yeah, all the press. Well, that's what I was picturing.

Alright, reporters! One at a time. Alright, now where's this Loch Ness Mont- DOOOOO! Get the chopper! What? No. We need to be taken in!

Absolutely, the wrong year. Oh no! Oh look at that! A bunch of moles. What? What are they? Moles. Moles? Moles.

You know, blind ground rats. Okay, that's what I was worried about why or why? I was gonna do a sound for them. So you just brought them up randomly to do a mole sound? To do a mole sound, yeah. Upon further review, we probably don't know what they sound like, still they never do. what they sound like. Do they hear me? Whee!

Whee! Earth pigs! Whee! Someone in here, someone's listening right now. I don't know what a mole sounds like. By the way, it's not a mole, it's pretty much me. I was, dear

Sudreddit, Dave Anthony's Haiti mole sounds like a little piece. On episode 147, Gareth talked about the star-nosed mole. And the sounded mate. These guys just hate each other's fucking guts now, it's so obvious. David, salt meter, Gareth. Gareth's hot. You guys just hate each other's fucking guts now, it's so obvious.

David, soul meter, Garrett! Garrett's hot. Okay, whatever. So they throw everything into the river. The governor then said he, quote, intended to have Clay Allison indicted and punished or compelled to leave the county. Take that down. This little one's just the county. He's the governor.

You think they can leave the whole fucking... What's happening? What's happening? He's a classic Democrat. I'll show you. You're grounded for the weekend, mister. leave the whole fucking... What's happening? What's happening? He's a classic Democrat. I'll show you. You're grounded for the weekend, mister. And then they get into power.

We're going to exterminate you. Wait, what? What? No, that is decorum. What the fuck? Oh shit. On February 21st, he offered a $500 reward for Clay saying he was, quote, guilty of the crime of murder and the killing of Charles Cooper.

Okay, so that's the guy that he rode off with on the horse after Chunk got killed. And Cooper was Chunk's friend. Oh, the one who had missing. Yeah. Right. We knew he killed him, but now he doesn't. Of all the ones, he's like,

Cooper! That's the one. He's like, Cooper, I don't even think I murdered him! He met a Native American woman and married her! No! I murdered Chunk! Shut the fuck up! What the fuck, you're calling him Chunk?

Shouldn't he be allowed to kill a guy named Chunk? Yes. Yes. Yes. So Cooper was a friend of that guy. Oh good, I was trying to explain that. So that was two years ago that Cooper disappeared. Okay, so yeah. So in May the governor was passing through a similar one on the stage coach.

And Clay gets in. Oh shit. Oh Clay! I was just hoping to see you! Oh! Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Ah ha ha ha ha! I was just writing your pardon! He rode with the governor all the way to-

Kiss me, my dad will be furious. He rode with the governor all the way to Trinidad, Colorado, and Clay questioned him about trying to end his freedom and put him in jail. And the governor asked Clay why he didn't just surrender and face trial like a man. Clay said if he thought it would be a fair trial, he would, but he wouldn't quote, submit to a real trial in Taos County by greasers. So he's racist. Oh.

I can't believe the guy who's in the Confederate army is... Non-progressive. I don't know, but who's he being racist against? Mexicans. Okay. Thank you. I was picturing like John Travolta. No, it's like what does he even have against us? We're just trying to fix cars.

What a crazy summer. So the governor said he'd demand a fair trial and a little while later Clay turned himself in. And the trial was held and his defense was that there was nobody so it was just an assumption he was dead and he was acquitted. I get it. Yeah, but you can't really... He's happy somewhere. In December, Clay and his brother John crashed a social in Las Animas, Colorado, and they were very drunk.

And they forced some of the women to dance. And, oh, you like it, get to dance. Forcing to dance is also... Come on! So, but like... Ah! Ah! Ah! Now you dip me! Ah! Ah. Tango. Zambada. Limbo. Bunga.

A local deputy told them to remove their weapons and they refused. So the deputy and I, so he deputized two more guys. I love that ability to just do that. Yeah. Hey, you, you, you're cops now. Yeah, well, like, it's just the power to just be like, you three cops, you two also cops. Cops! I'm the guy you were arresting.

Oh shit. I'll deputize you. Oh no! You two bad guys also deputized. Ha ha ha ha. I undeputize you! Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo shoot moles out of your hands? Just keep reading. Sorry, element, when it comes to hand mole stuff. I believe it's called mole, actually. So these three deputies now walk back into the party and someone yells Those two guys are pretty fucking cool with deputies We didn't do shit

Someone yells look out, John goes for his gun and the deputy shoots him in the chest and arm and then Clay shoots and kills the deputy That means we're no longer deputies because you killed the man who made us deputies Deputy law is very strange It's much like vampire Much like vampire codes because you killed the man who made us deputies. Deputy law is very strange. It's much like vampire. Much like vampire codes. You are now back to your undeputy.

Is this the deputy that sired you? The deputy that sired you is past your record regular man. Now you're the one who killed the deputy who was deputizing on the new deputizer. CBS Thursdays. I didn't ask for this power. You're gonna deputize a boy.

John, come to bed. What are you doing? You're a deputy. Oh gosh. Why? I don't know. This pilot's long. We're gonna have to get that farmer guy out of here. So the deputy falls, because he's been shot and killed, and that causes, he falls down and his shotgun goes off, and his shotgun shoots John in the leg. And the two newly deputized guys just run away.

Yeah, I mean, they didn't train us for this. They didn't train us for anything. We were just getting drinks. So Clay goes after them, but they got away. He comes back and he yells for a doctor. You two are also doctors. Come on, you're a nurse! You're a scalpel. Get here. He pulls the deputy's body over to John and said, quote, Look here John, this is the SOB that shot you. Everything's gonna be alright. You will be

well soon. I don't know how him dying helps. You take his life force. No, he doesn't have any. He doesn't have any. He doesn't have any life force. They're both arrested, but the charges will be dismissed on the grounds of self-defense. And John recovers. Wow. He was right.

Now, Clay might have been tired of all the chaos. And John recovers. Wow. He was right. Yeah. Now, Clay might have been tired of all the chaos. Sure. So he sells his ranch on March 3rd, 1877 to John for $700 and he goes to Hayes City, Kansas where he settles down as a cattle broker. Cattle broker? Yeah, she's a beef. Oh, Jesus Christ. Is there she's meat. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Is there anywhere to get meat around here? Does anyone know of a place that holds meat? I'm looking for city meat. Do you have any meat that's mostly from the city? Hello, I'm the assurance gent. I'm next door. You might want to have a look over here. I'm the meat mall.

I'm upstairs. Assurance gent and meat mall don't get along. We're finally having it out in the streets. Your Assurance Jet. Your Assurance Jet. When our powers combine, they just form one big guy. Meat. Assurance Jet go.

Meat Maw. Sure as Jets go! Meet Ma! For those of you listening, it's also not killing here. Oh, this is from Legends of America too. Oh, you can see him on there. I can see all of them. He was at this point very well known and feared all over the West. The papers always wrote when he visited Dodge City about a hundred miles away. A local paper wrote, quote, his appearance is striking, tall, straight as an arrow, dark complexion, carries himself with ease and grace, gentlemanly and courteous in manner,

never betraying by word or action the history of his eventful life. Always naked, got a ribbon around his nuts head. Super weird, likes to tuck it, walk backwards, he says doesn't remind you of Gonzo from The Muppets? So Dodge City is obviously well known, everybody knows Dodge City. So Wyatt and Herbert and all that shit. Cattlemen were often robbed and shot and beaten up. And the cattlemen said the marshals were pimps and gamblers and saloon men. So the law took cowboys guns when they came to town.

And the Dodge marshals had no problem shooting you if you got one through. So it sounds like on one occasion Clay came to town with his crew and they went from saloon to saloon drinking as they do. So clothes are coming off at some point. Of course, absolutely. And so Wyatt Earp and his marshals got ready. But a big cattle owner who also owned a saloon got involved

and talked Clay's gang gang hanging over their guns which stopped an inevitable shootout with the wider gang. So in 1880, Clay moved to Hemphill County, Texas next door to his brother-in-law, Lewis, and they had ranches and there were often reports of the nonsense that Clay was up to. He's still doing the bullshit. So sure enough, he rode, new, through the streets, yelling that he was buying drinks at the slu. We're good! And the sheriff told Clay to get off his horse, but he spurred it to speed up and rode down Main Street.

It's awesome that he's wearing the boots. It's a great look. Then he got off, pointed his gun at this, so he's also holding his gun naked. Holding his gun, holding his gun while riding naked with spurs on. Yeah. Then he got off, pointed his gun at the, sorry, he's also holding his gun naked. Holding his gun, holding his gun while riding naked with spurs on. Yeah. Hey, you stop that.

He got off, he pointed his gun at the sheriff and told him to go to the bar. And then he made the sheriff drink until he couldn't stand and then he rode off. I think that's pretty good. I mean, I'd rather that than what we're dealing with now with cops. That's like, just like if you could just fill him full of whiskey, be's pretty good. I mean, I'd rather that than what we're dealing with now with cops. That's like, just like if you could just fill them full of whiskey, be like,

Ah, yeah, you little bit of a clown. In October 1833, he sold his ranch, and he and Dora moved to the Seven Rivers. I can't believe him. Him and Dora made it. Please, just play. As if she could leave. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You mean because he's so appealing. Yeah.

Yeah. They moved to the Seven Rivers region in New Mexico and on August 9th, 1885, they had a daughter, Hattie Dora. In the summer of 1886, he finished a cattle drive to Cheyenne, Wyoming. And he had a toothache though, and he went to a local dentist.

Oh no. That guy's gonna die. Yeah. Call the cabin. Like, fuck it is. The dentist was scared shitless because it was Clay Allison. And as he started working, Clay realized it was the wrong tooth and bolted it out of the office

and went to find a different dentist. That dentist managed to pull the correct tooth. And after Clay went back to the first dentist and held him down in the chair and pulled a molar with a pair of forceps. Well, how do you teach him a lesson? How does he learn? Wow. That's fucking great revenge.

I'm not gonna lie. Just on like a base level, that's pretty great. Also, how the fuck, like, wouldn't you be like, no, that one doesn't hurt. Like this one? His next dentist was like, I'm pretty sure it's this one.

Get it right. So then he started trying to pull a second molar and the dentist was screaming. Oh the fuck, oh my god! Once plenty. I'm gonna take your wisdom teeth out otherwise they're gonna get all janky up front. You'll thank me later.

So the dentist was screaming and a bunch of men came running and pulled Clay off the dentist. But obviously no punishment. They were like, alright, thanks for coming to town. Do you want to book your next appointment? The Allison's moved once more to Pecos, Texas, 50 miles south of the New Mexico border. On July 1st, 1887, Clay was taking supplies on a wagon to his ranch when a big sack of grain fell. Clay tried to stop it, but ended up falling off the wagon, and the wheels of the wagon rolled over Clay and broke his neck. Can you do that to the tune of the Wheels on the Bus Go Round? And the wheels on the wagon went over Clayton, over Clayton,

over Clayton, and the wheels on the wagon went over Clayton, over Clayton. He died from grain. Do you think of all the fucking shit this dude went through? A bag of grain killed him? A fucking bag of grain. You get the fuck off me, Grant? He was like shooting it.

And the grain was a clump of time. And then cut to him as a little boy, his dad takes his last breath, and he looks at his father, his head falls on a bag of grain. Clay goes, I hate you grain. And then the horse is reared up and this caused the wagon, which was almost just like a seat on a board, it almost decapitates him basically.

So broken neck and then almost decapitates him basically. Broken neck and then almost decapitate him. I love the horses like back up to it again. What more? I've won the horse you son of a bitch. I'm gonna fucking throw people. Sorry what? There's some Mexican horses from South Dakota. Oh okay.

Getting a little bit of a rematch. You know what? They were playing a long game. Are you talking to me or? Yes! Oh, okay. It feels like you were, okay, sorry. He died 40 miles outside of Pankos and he was 47.

Wow, that is a rough, that is a rough 47. He's probably like 43 there or something. Oh, wowee. Jesus Christ. Apparently, hundreds of people went to his funeral, and his second daughter, Pearl Clay, was born seven months after... Pearl Clay? Pearl Clay.

Seven months after he died. And Doria ended up getting remarried. She did? Yeah. That was her. And she's only 20 or whatever. And she's literally 25. Cool.

That's awesome that he's dead. That was crazy. Now I can pick someone. Sources, Legends of America. Clay Allison, torture of a shootist by Chuck Parsons, a sudden death in Simiru by Philip Rush, and the Ford County Historical Society. And the Ribboncock. The Ribboncock. Ribboncock's gonna come back. Tie a ribbon around the old man's car.

Wow. How can that be? Those are your people. Yeah. Wow. That was a lot of murder. That's a lot of murder. That's a lot of murder. That's a lot of murder.

All justified. It's kind of crazy how many Confederates and stuff moved to the West and just started doing the same nice as shit here. Crazy. Ahhhhh! I don't have help. I need help. So what happens when you go around and talk to that area? Now that...

I think that was the mall bird? What the fuck? Mall bird. Oh fuck. Um, well we should probably get out of here because we do have a second show, right? What time does the second show end? Uh, ten. Eight minutes.

Oh. Wait, is that clock wrong? Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. They're for us. The only thing you're like, yeah, we've been watching it the whole time. Well, I'll tell you what, we drove around today and Daylight Savings was like,

we actually don't work here. So, fucking clocks are going backwards. It's like we were in a dolly painting. We were like, wait, what time is it? We lost an hour. Yeah. They were like, you're on Hawaiian time. Arizona does really good time. Arizona does Hawaiian time.

So, fuck it. Um, but uh, well we have another show next. We're doing an old story but uh, we really don't remember shit from it. So, if you're so inclined stick around. If not, appreciate you all coming out. Thank you guys very much. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Hey, dollop fans! I know you love the dollop.

You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-part animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation

on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one so go there and watch the Rube.