The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 679 - Don the Talking Dog

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Don the Talking Dog. SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   PXG Nutrafol - Code: TheDollop Rocketmoney  Chewy  ...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening to the dollop on the All Things Comedy Network, which Gareth loves. This is an American History podcast, where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a cat owner. That's right. More than that, my boy Gareth Reynolds, who has no stop it and never do that. No idea what the topic is going to be about. Make all things comedy. Great again.
Starting point is 00:00:28 Yeah. Matt. Do you love your cat? Love him. So you're a cat lover? Yeah. All right. I'm a cat lover.
Starting point is 00:00:36 It's just when aggressive types start to say stuff like that, sensitive sweeties got to be careful because the aggressive types might try to use it like that. Sensitive sweeties, got to be careful because the aggressive types might try to use it against them. I would never do that. You have on repeated occasions in a number of ways, and one of your things is doing it, you know, spilling the oil and then saying, how did we get all this oil over here? You're that guy. Do you ever get down between the cat's hind legs at all? Pardon? In the loving things that you do, do you ever get down? No. What
Starting point is 00:01:15 are you suggesting? In his heavier days, I would wipe his bottom with wipes. Is that what you're talking about? Would though... Now he can tongue it himself. Would the wiping... No. Would it stay within that region or would it go forward a little bit? It would stay there. It wouldn't go forward a little bit? It would stay there. It was clinical purely.
Starting point is 00:01:37 And how much did he... See, you're doing the thing. No. How much did he like it? He didn't like it. He hated it. And I hated it. But we love each. Uh, no
Starting point is 00:01:47 I mean no no Be honest like a now it's a call it is jam pad jam pad you can't do that So now we're not gonna now we're not going to play Gareth not Gary. Hi, Gary. Bam, bam, bam, bam. So we're not using the theme song. This is not going to become a tickling podcast. OK. Bam, bam, bam. This is a dollop.
Starting point is 00:02:12 Hey, oh, man, that guy's crazy. The dollop. Bow, wow. The dollop. All right, we're back. The dollop is brought to you by Rock on Money. Gareth tosses his cat salad. We're going to have tour dates in June.
Starting point is 00:02:27 This is the year of our Lord 2025. We are at the Sacramento Punchline on June 3rd. Then we head to Boise on June 4th, Spokane on June 5th, Seattle on June 6th, Portland on June 7th, Bend on June 8th, San Francisco on June 10th. You can get tickets at dolloppodcast.com slash tour. That's where the links are.
Starting point is 00:02:46 You can link and have fun. You know, the whole thing. You know, I know that I think ACDC's touring, you know, the states, so you have to make a choice, but we're the choice. ACDC are old and weird. And we're less old and super weird. Yeah, we're weirder.
Starting point is 00:03:08 Gareth, let's just get into it. Let's just get into the thing. Yeah, you got a mug with your cat on it. You think, hey, just fresh eyes. Am I crazy? On the back of the mug is there a cat anus? Coffee's over. 1905! Year of our Lord Jesus Christo. Sure. Jaytown is he's known to the kids. Right. He by the way he's got some really great merch. He's got headbands, which are rad.
Starting point is 00:03:45 And the kids love him. And the kids are super into Jesus, because he talks the talk. Be quiet and post a picture of a kid in a J-Town headband. A dog was born in Germany. All right. He was named Don by his owner, which is a weird name for a German guy, right? Is that a German name? Don?
Starting point is 00:04:06 Don? It's weird, right? D-O-N? D-O-N. Yeah, it's not Don. No, it's not normal. It's not working for me. Don? No. His owner was game warden Herman Ebers. Now there's a German name. He lived in the small village of Seehut in Germany. Mm-hmm. Don was described as a center or a pointer with dark brown hair and he's medium sized.
Starting point is 00:04:33 Okay, medium build, pointer, got it. Mm-hmm. Right. When Don was six months old, he was in his usual spot while the family ate dinner. Sure. Begging, begging like a fucking asshole. Yeah, sure., you know I mean He's a dog which
Starting point is 00:04:48 Was sitting and begging with his quote wonderfully appealing eyes So pretty eyes. Yeah, dog eyes. Yes, cutie Herman looked at dawn and said quote You want something special? Don't you? That's Germ even if a German is saying that in earnest I'm getting I'm picking up. I'm like I'm nervous You've got something special. Don't you want something special? Yeah Herman was very shocked when Don said back quote want in German, which is hobbit, huh?
Starting point is 00:05:28 quote want in German which is hobbit huh well you don said the dog he replied to the question sure hobbit he want he want hobbit okay want okay so her and repeated the question to make sure he didn't miss here a bark or something right and no it wasn't a normal dog noise. Sure. And Don responded, hobbin, hobbin. Want, want, sure. And it's very clear he's using the word. Don is talking. Huh. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:00 Yeah, you know, that's, yeah. Let's hear a little more, please. The New York Times would write an article about dawn quote then that dawn's education began The game keeper noticed that the dog was Peculiarly apt it was not just long. It was all right It was not long before dawn learned to repeat his name when asked. Don, Don. Don. Don.
Starting point is 00:06:26 Don. You know, it's sort of, he sounds English, Don. It's like a sexy beast, Don. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you want him to be English so you can do the accent, because your German accent is not as good, and so that's what's going on there. Oh, boy, look at that, a beckon strip.
Starting point is 00:06:42 That'll go good with the rest of the things I've been eating today. You don't just get to jump to an island near Germany because you want to do the accent. Wow. You got a stick. Look whose accent. That is German, by the way. What are you speaking of? So, Don love cakes. I like that we have to have insights into it. Yeah, no shit.
Starting point is 00:07:09 Don licked his ass. Do you know, Don liked to sleep anywhere really. Don drank water from the toilet once or twice. So it was a couple of months later when Don was able to say Kuchen, which means cakes. Oh, those are going to be vagina. Cakes. Kuchen. The Times noted, quote, a peculiarly difficult word even for a German child to pronounce
Starting point is 00:07:34 because of the person, of the lips required and the throaty ch of the culture of the guttural German language. Kuchen. Kuchen. I don't know. Cochin. Cochin. Herman's daughter Martha was said to be behind most of the speech training. All right. So the dog is. He's young.
Starting point is 00:07:54 It's parrot. It's parrot-based communication. Well, you know. He's responding to questions. He's. No, I mean, all right. Well, parents do that too, though. I just say you're being a little pessimistic. Pessimistic. Don had a serious weakness for cakes, as I said,
Starting point is 00:08:14 and Martha exploited that with the training. Sure. And she taught Don to say hunger when he was asked what he had. In just weeks, Don was saying, haben hunger. Hunger is basically the same in German. Haben, I have hunger. Haben Hunger.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Haben Hunger. And Kuchen on command. Haben Hunger, Kuchen. Don, Don, haben, hatchen, what's the name, what's the word for cake? Kuchen. Kuchen, ha,, Don Don Cochin. Now he was down coochie and porn director.
Starting point is 00:08:51 Now now Don was just often walking around saying, quote, hunger want cakes. Yeah, fucking right away. I'd be like, there was I enjoyed him speaking German for like three days. There is a reason you don't teach dogs to speak. Hunger, want cake, hunger, want cake. You don't want. Hunger, don, don, want cake, hunger, want, want, want,
Starting point is 00:09:12 cake, don, don, don, don. This is why you don't do it. Don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don, don. So, now, sorry, sometimes also Don wanted, he would say want cakes, hunger, he would switch it up a little bit. So it wasn't always in the same order. Oh, good. Don next.
Starting point is 00:09:37 I fully understand. Don next learned how to say yes and no. And it was reported he can use them appropriately when answering questions. Nein. Nein. Kuchen. Nein. Kuchen.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Do you want to go for a walk, Don? Don, nein, kuchen. Cakes. Cakes, kuchen, kuchen. For instance, Don hated the rain, so when it was storming outside and he was asked if he wanted to go out, he'd say no.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Nein. Honestly, that is helpful. That is helpful. That is helpful. when it was storming outside and he was asked if he wanted to go out, he'd say no. Nine. Nine. Honestly, that is helpful. That is helpful. That is helpful. I've definitely been like, with my girlfriend's dogs, like the amount of time where you're trying to lure the dog out, you could just say, but if it was like, nah. Dogs are just so fucking lame.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Oh, you got the three though. Just go outside There's yeah, there's their awful or the quick trip outside where they've like placated you We're like I did it I stood on the porch for a minute. So yeah, it says 10 this and you're like why I'm not Do you want you don't have to? Some people are skeptical that a dog could speak Some people are skeptical that a dog could speak. They believed it was just growling or barking that was being misinterpreted. But the Times answered that belief,
Starting point is 00:10:56 quote, none who have heard him agree with this view. They are unanimous in describing the deep breast tones which escape the animal as unmistakably human in timber and inflection. There you go. He's talking. And this is in the New York Times. When have they ever not told the truth?
Starting point is 00:11:15 Never. The greatest newspaper in the history of mankind. Thank you. Purely factual. The Times said one could stand in another room and clearly hear the word hunger being spoken by the dog in another room. Yeah it's strange that anyone's dubious of... Yeah. Yeah, strange. Though Don did draw out the last syllable quote when he is talking vigorously and proclaiming hunger hunger with particularly eagerness,
Starting point is 00:11:50 his body distends and one gets the impression that the speaking process is not affected without some sort of internal distress. So it's hard, it's hard. It's painful. It's not easy. It's not easy. Are we saying it's painful for him to speak or he's starving? It's just, he's just trying really hard. It's not easy. Are we saying it's painful for him to speak or he's starving? It's just he's just trying really hard.
Starting point is 00:12:07 Walter! Quotient! Oh! Every time he says it, it takes a day off his life. What year is this? This is 19... Like 1910 or so around there. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:26 I'm glad we're getting... Listen, I'm just saying early, I'm glad that this was not during World War times that Don was able to speak. This could go a lot more south. Interesting. Don soon attracted the attention of Carl Hagenbeck who was a famous German Gwen Stefani song. Yeah. Okay. Cause I ain't no hog.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Okay. Yeah. No, go ahead. I ain't no hog back dog. Ain't no hog back dog. Yeah. Yeah. He was a famous German animal trainer and circus founder and he offered the Ebers 2,500 to exhibit Don
Starting point is 00:13:11 in his outdoor menagerie at Hamburg. Nine. So Don's taken off, like people are into him. Sure. The idea, now they want to put him in show business. Absolutely. Others made offers also, one was for 15,000 to just buy Dawn outright.
Starting point is 00:13:28 That's a lot of money back then. It's a lot of money, but it's your dog. I mean, that's, you know what I mean? It's like, as the owner of a pet celebrity, it's- How much would you sell Jose for? I don't want, I genuinely don't want to play this game. What's the number? I don't, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:13:44 What's the number? 500,000. No, it's crazy. 750,000. I loathe this game. No. A million. I don't want to play this game. A million dollars. I love a million dollars. I know. Where's he going? Do I know where he's going? He's going to a great home. He's going to a great home with a big. I get to dollars. I know where's he going? Do I know where he's going home? He's going to a great home with a big to pick. I'm helping to pick or I'm I know No, the people the people are they're a great couple. They're like straight couple that all they want. What's the guy do? He's a good guy. He used to drink. He doesn't drink. He doesn't drink. Smoke weed? A little bit
Starting point is 00:14:26 occasionally but not much. The wife? What's her deal? She just worked for a nonprofit most of her life helping. Is someone home a lot? There's always, they're they're retired now. They're both always home. And they have any other animals? Do they have any other animals? they have some cows and that's it is he going to be indoor well here's the thing they live in a place where there are no coyotes and no wolves and they have an outdoor area explore the outdoor like a pasture yeah they kind of have the mad fara caddy and there's and there's uh there's mice. I mean, here's what...
Starting point is 00:15:07 Now, let me just say this. What you're telling me is that Jose gets a better life. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I get a million dollars. May I visit? May I visit? Yeah, you can visit.
Starting point is 00:15:18 Can I, when I'm back from the road, can I take two weeks and hang out there and be with him? Not two weeks, no. You can come by and say... Could I stay there a couple nights? No, you can't tent. No, you can't tent. Could I stay there a couple nights? You can stay there one night every six months.
Starting point is 00:15:34 Oh, come on. They're buying the cat. How's he doing with the trade-off? He's into it? They're buying the cat. Jose? Yeah. He loves it.
Starting point is 00:15:44 It's like the best. It's like a cat heaven. Is. Jose? Yeah. He loves it. It's like the best. It's like a cat heaven. Is he happier? Yeah. Can he get... His owners are there all the time. Quiet. I'm talking.
Starting point is 00:15:52 They don't run away. Stop. For weeks at a time. Stop. That's not... I don't want to. Do they... Emotionally.
Starting point is 00:16:00 Are they going to get enough? I'll show the picture of your dad again. I will show the picture of your dad again. I will show the golden sons of the Pacific Northwest. That's how Jose feels when he sees a picture of you. Whenever he sees a picture of you, he goes, is daddy leaving? Hey, hey, hey. I'm asking a question here. Now there's a Japanese guy who deals with pets, and he's come up with a vaccine that'll help extend the life of a cat to approximately
Starting point is 00:16:23 30 by eliminating the main cause of most... Kidney? ...diseases, kidney and liver, yeah. So can he get that shot? Will they get him that shot as I'm planning to? Sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:36 And I get a million dollars. You get a million dollars. Now, if I take 750, and then I'll end this, because I guarantee you there's some people listening who are going, isn't this a history show? Yeah. Like if I get 750, can I stay there two weeks out of every three months? No, that's too much.
Starting point is 00:16:52 A week out of every six months if you go 750. He's got a better life. No one's running away on him. The person's always there. Here's why I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it because I'm going to open an area for other animals with that money. It's going to save a lot of other animals' lives. I'm going to call it the hoseaviers of America.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Okay. Feline hoseaviers. I'm going to dedicate it to him. So we have a deal. Josevier's of America. OK, feline Josevier's. And I'm going to dedicate to him. So we have a deal. I fucking. We have a deal. I have a deal.
Starting point is 00:17:33 We have a deal because every there's a lot of good benefit to this. Mm hmm. All right. I was just saying how much it would be anyway. And then once we get them hooked up to the milking machines, it'll be fine. You don't tell me there were milking machines! He won't be milked! Hey, get your damn hands off of me! Couchin, couchin!
Starting point is 00:17:54 So, the public is thrilled by the idea of a talking dog. Of course they are. He does a little bit of touring, but biologist and psychologist Oskar Fungust, I don't know, Fungust, P-F-U-N-G-U-S-T. It's one of the worst names ever. Fungust. Fungust. Fungust.
Starting point is 00:18:19 He's not. He's not into it. In 1912, he is coming off debunking that a horse had been educated. He'd say he'd debunked that. The whole- The tapping kind of dealie. Yeah. The horse's name was Clever Hans.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Of course. And his owner claimed Hans could spell, do math, recognize people from photos, differentiate between music and colors, and answer questions. Right. So, like you say, he would just tap his foot. Yeah. Right hoof to say one, two, et cetera, or he could spell out letters. One for A, two for B, et cetera.
Starting point is 00:18:55 So Hans was said to have a great memory. Right. At one point, Hans met Count Donna, and 30 minutes later, the count was pointed to and asked his name and Hans went to a blackboard filled with the letters and picked out the O-H-N-A. He Ouija'd? He Ouija'd. Wow. Right.
Starting point is 00:19:16 I can't remember how they... Well, he would also pick people in the audience out after seeing their photo. So that's pretty amazing. TV really blew up a lot of grifts. And he did. He became internationally known. Sure. The New York Times wondered if he'd be able to speak.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Quote, Hans has not got so far as that yet, but is well on toward it. And again. And before the cold weather sets in, may be able to hold discourse with his beleaguering professors in some dialect that both can understand. Now, this is not just some garbage rag. This is the New York Times.
Starting point is 00:19:59 That's right. A name you can trust, telling you pretty soon, the horse is gonna to probably be holding Ted Talks and functions, you know, maybe a little more involved. I mean, we're very close to that. I can't see how it won't. You know, Hans would probably be helpful in finding the weapons of mass destruction. This is what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:20:20 It's like, we're pretty sure in two to three months, Hans will be able to locate some of the weapons of mass destruction. Are we still looking for them? It would be amazing if they sent a horse to do it. Why not just spend a little money, if I'm the US, why not just spend a little money at this point and just be like, we found uranium and nerve gas buried deep under one of Saddam's palaces, we find. Just to get people, just to kind of, they don't even bother. They're just like, they're too stupid.
Starting point is 00:20:52 Leave them alone. Yeah, they could have put that stuff in a hole and dug it. They could do it now. If they did it now, you'd be like, oh shit. Yeah, now they probably will. Way to go. And Trump will totally be the one who's like, I was able to find them. I went over there and I bloodhound in the whole desert.
Starting point is 00:21:13 So then along came Professor Oscar Funkst who studied Hans and Cleveland Hans was just reading people and responding like after asking a question, the person will look down at his hoof so then you know to bang his hoof. Right, just subtle gestures. Yeah, and you'd probably do it even if you weren't even thinking you were doing it. You know, you just looked down.
Starting point is 00:21:35 Oh, because other people could do it. I thought there was like one trainer who was kind of doing. No, other people could do it too. Oh shit. But then, you know, but it would be instinctual for you to. I just kind of think he might have been doing it. It'd be sexual for you to look down after you asked a question, right? Not for me. I'm hard eye contact.
Starting point is 00:21:52 I can't believe you sold your cat. So professor. I didn't know he's getting milked by these weirdos. I was told he was going to a happy place. I was told there was a lovely couple who was retired and now they're milking him. And the thing is they're getting gallons. That's, I will avenge, I will avenge my boy. So Professor Afan Alston set his sights on Don the talking dog. Don came to his estate and he recorded Don's speech
Starting point is 00:22:25 on a phonograph and he concluded that Don just responded to. Can you imagine someone putting on a, this is an awesome time in the world. When you could go to someone's house and they put on a dog speaking German the record. Yeah, it just, yeah. Oh my God. I just set my dogs off. Yeah, what are you doing? They've just been running outside. And so he concluded, Don, just respond to questions with noises the way any dog would, but with the power of suggestions, listener
Starting point is 00:23:03 listeners heard what they were expecting to hear. So's like the Paul is dead you hear once you hear what you're supposed to hear yeah yeah I can hear that yeah but people are still thrilled by dawn yeah now American vaudeville is huge from 1880 to 1930, and most shows include an animal or two. Who were definitely treated really well and never milked. That's right. Rats in jockey outfits would ride cats on racetracks.
Starting point is 00:23:46 I kinda wanna see that. I wanna have a minute. I kind of want to see that. Have a minute. I kind of want to see it. I want to see it as long as afterwards. I'm like, oh, they're happy. Well, just now imagine if you could teach the rats to say Yahoo. Look, outside of the jockeying, if you can get a few rats, the Yahooing rat completely changes
Starting point is 00:24:08 the way we perceive rats. That's right. Yeah. I mean, rats haven't had a hit since Pizza Rat. Elephants would waltz or dance the hula. There were boxing kangaroos juggling sea lions, monkeys riding bicycles or smoking cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:24:28 I see a monkey smoke. They love it pains me to say they love it. They love really pains me to think that a monkey is just like and they like Marlboro's. I'm trying to quit. Vaudeville was entertainment for all ages and not as prestigious and legitimate as legitimate theater but it's a step up from burlesque so it's like in between burlesque you know scantily clad ladies dance around. Oh my man I know burlesque.
Starting point is 00:25:01 Let me see those gams lady. Don't mind if I do do do do. How about a sniff of the bottom hose? No, do not say sniff. Jesus Christ. That takes me back. You just took it to a terrible... That's a nickel per yard work, my man.
Starting point is 00:25:14 You took it to a terrible place. What? Come on, can't I have fun? Nobody's sniffing the burlesque dancers. I'm not sniffing the dancer. I just want to have a little sniff of the bottom stocking. Give me a break my guy Pardon me while I blew velvet over here a little bit
Starting point is 00:25:32 By the way call me velvet cuz I'd love a blue. Oh These women I like the one with all flappers chapeau My right guy. I'll tell you what if they put a little area for me to cone off and do my business, I think I might. Oh, hey, wanna be Jack Bros? No. Ah, come on. No.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Let's go hang out. No. You're telling me you're not all horned up? No. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not looking for a size larger in the pants? Why don't we go to the tailor and see if they can widen the crotches?
Starting point is 00:26:05 That seems to be the easiest port of call. Ha ha ha ha. Boy, I love to watch. I really do. I'm gonna buy that one some champagne. You sound like a guy who milks his cat. Hey, come on. I'll milk something.
Starting point is 00:26:18 As long as they don't toss me out of here. Ha ha ha ha. I'll make some. I make trouser milk. If you keep walking away from me, there will be violence. Vaudeville attracted people from all classes, from middle class to newly arrived immigrants, anyone could afford a show. So Vaudeville, very successful in large and small cities. There was a circuit performers would hit going from city to city from East Coast to West Coast and circling back
Starting point is 00:26:47 Yeah, it's stand-up II Some acts also went to Europe Australia and South Africa in New York City at the time There was a large German immigrant population. Here we go and Oscar Hammerstein built the Theatre Republic on West 42nd Street in New York City. In 1901, he leased the theater to David Belasco, but on top, he still had the roof garden that featured vaudeville acts and a replica of a Dutch farm. Okay, so- Where is this?
Starting point is 00:27:21 This is- This is on 42nd Street in New York City. So I found this out doing this. Okay, and Hammerstein is still there, correct? I think it is on 42nd Street in New York City. So I found this is still there. Correct I think it is. I believe it is Famous theater. Well, I think that this theater has been turned up, but I think there's still a Hammerstein's I might be wrong. Yeah, but So I found out doing this that so this is pre AC So they would do tons of rooftop theater shows. Oh
Starting point is 00:27:42 tons of rooftop theater shows. Oh, interesting. So yeah, because in the summer it's so hot that they would do it outside. It's crazy that New York's weather in the summer has always sucked. Yeah. Yeah. Awful. So, and then they had a Dutch farm also on the roof replica. A Dutch farm.
Starting point is 00:28:00 Of a Dutch farm. Of a Dutch farm what? Goats and... Of a Dutch farm. What is it? There was a windmill, a pond with a bridge and two boats, stone houses, a vegetable garden, a donkey, a turkey, a rooster, four hens, a nearsighted monkey, three peanut monkeys, several sheep, one duck and four ducklings.
Starting point is 00:28:19 You asked. Can I just say, I don't know what my favorite part of this show is, but lists, lists, lists are always great. Even in my view that I've done when you hit a good list, like you're like, prisoners were provided. Cake, ham, toilet paper, shredded cheese. Yeah. Always good. We got another list coming up pretty soon. Okay, okay. The biggest attraction was a Holstein cow and a scantily clad Swiss milkmaid. Oh boy, oh boy.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Look at her, huh? Hey, you like her, guy? Hmm? Yeah, you like what you see? She was in, quote, short skirts and pink. Oh, you know what I mean, fella? Hey, don't mind me while I put on the cow outfit and go over there and see if she'll do that.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Hey, don't mind my one udder, it still works. Am I right, fella? Are you a cop, are you? Yeah. Are you a cop? Yes. I'm a cop too. No, you're not.
Starting point is 00:29:21 Yeah, yeah, we're both cops. You're under arrest. Yeah, I'm under cover. I'm working as a pervert on this Dutch roof. Yeah, well, you're doing a really good job. Yeah, well, I're both cops. You're under arrest. Yeah, I'm undercover. I'm working as a pervert on this Dutch roof. Yeah, well, you're doing a really good job. Yeah, well, I'm pretty good. I'm Donnie Brass going right now. So let me go over there and-
Starting point is 00:29:30 What's the point of actually being a pervert? Huh? What's the point of actually being an undercover pervert? I can tell that you're... I can tell that you're... Oh, first of all, it's called Pervert Investigator. And I can tell that you're... Right. I can tell that... Because... Can, first of all, it's called perfect investigator. And I can tell that you're, I can tell that because, can I answer the question? My man?
Starting point is 00:29:49 Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. A lot of fake cops are around this area and I'm trying to make them try to arrest me. But I can tell you're legit. But if I find a fake cop trying to arrest me as being a pervert, you think I want to go over there in a cow outfit with the crotch cut out and say that I'm a one uttered street cow? I don't think so. My guy. I think you very much want to do that. I have no interest
Starting point is 00:30:09 in that. That is a, that is not what I'm doing. Seema. What my utter? I don't think so. I'll show it to you, but I don't want to see your badge. I don't have it. I don't have, I'm the undercover. What are you talking about? Let's say they come over here and search me for a badge and find it. My covers below. What precinct do you work out of? The 941th. And who's your sergeant? Sergeant Dick Clapper. No, that's actually not who that is.
Starting point is 00:30:35 Sergeant Richie Buchanan is the other one. It's the, you know, one of those guys worked there. They're a co-sergeant, they're undercover. They're not co-ser, there's no co-sergeant. Oh my God, do you even... What's your precinct? His name is Sipowicz. What's your precinct, private? I'm at the Fifth.
Starting point is 00:30:52 Fifth what? Fifth precinct. There's no precinct called the Fifth. It's right down the street! That's a steak and shake! Okay, so I'm just going to beat the shit out of you because you're a pervert. Alright, let me... Hey. Hey. That's a steak and shake. Okay, so I'm just going to beat the shit out of you because you're a pervert. All right, let me, hey.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Hey, I'm in too deep. That's my problem. Okay. I chose to believe. I'm going to throw you off the rooftop. Can I do the cow outfit thing before you do that? No, well, you can do it on the way down. I don't think that's the right idea.
Starting point is 00:31:26 I'm gonna throw you by your udder. Just be nice to have someone grab it. Okay. All right. The dollop is brought to you by Chewy. You wanna keep your dogs happy, your little pets, your little animals. Animals of any kind, dogs, cats. dogs cats friskies birds whatever kind of
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Starting point is 00:38:05 N-U-T-R-A-F-O-L dot com slash men. Promo code the dollop. That's Nutrivol.com slash men. Promo code the dollop. Boom, baby. So the the biggest attraction is the cow and the milkman. She offered fresh milk and tiny glasses to visitors. There's also a theater on the roof that's seated 1000. Wow. It's a big building by the way. Fuck me. I think it took up like a block. And there was also the much smaller stage
Starting point is 00:38:36 that Hammerstein and his son William used to hold Wednesday and Sunday matinees and that's where the vaudeville shows happen. That acts like Augusta Rohohoff's Flee Circus from Germany, they had jugglers, musicians, freak shows, all kinds of, good animal shows, very popular animal shows. Those included Rukabonas, Horses,
Starting point is 00:38:56 Gillette's Trained Monkey and Dogs, Rosina Caselli's Midget Dogs, and a Boxing Kangaroo, Delita Del Forza's Six Performing Cows, Gullman's Cat and Dog Circus, Uno the Mind Reading Dog, Dogs and a boxing kangaroo deleted del for six performing cows Goulmans cat and dog circus uno the mind reading dog and Roberts trained cats and rats and also a couple years previous Dan the drunken dog was a summer sensation. No. Oh, did you ask me what the Dan the drunken dog show was? I hope. Well, let me tell you. This is from the Sydney Herald, because it, of course, went on tour.
Starting point is 00:39:27 Sure, of course. And right in Australia, they were like, I wish every dog was like this. This is what a dog is like. Quote, the four-footed lairs go through their parts as painstakingly and as cheerfully as they do their biped confrears and they seem to do it's happening so they're saying the animals have parts okay and they
Starting point is 00:39:52 seem to have more fun than the people's and they seem to take real delight in their work the stage is set with special scenery showing the main street of Dogville with business houses and residents. So it's a dog town. So far it's great. So far I'm nervous. All of the incidents of town life are seen from the loftier who hangs about the saloon door and follows each patron into the bar
Starting point is 00:40:24 in hopes of a free drink to the monkey street cleaner and a Simeon policeman. So in this town a monkey street cleaner and a Simeon policeman. SPD drop it! The climax comes when Dan staggers from the saloon with a rolling gait and discovers that navigation is somewhat difficult and he goes back for another drink for which to steady himself and it has the reverse effect. Is he, is he drunk? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:41:01 I don't know what's worse but I think he's. I think he might be drunk. How are they bringing him back into the what like someone walking them surely no no no They're all they're all trained on their own to do their stuff trained This dog is trained to have a drunk walk He could be drunk and then go but then he goes back into the bar to steady himself And he wants another pop and he gets another pop but a trainer. All right buddy over here now steady yourself. All right come here Dan back in one more pop. There you go buddy. Good boy give him a little bone he's got the little clicker. There you go buddy. So yeah but look the biggest draw the biggest draw is still
Starting point is 00:41:43 the cow and the Swiss milking lady. Sure. When he had an ad placed for the milkmaid in the paper, it read, quote, no homely applicants need apply. Oh, man. So get the uglies out of here. What an arrow. You can literally just be like, yeah, no fatties.
Starting point is 00:42:02 She got $40 a month and room and board. I mean, shit. You know what I mean? She also got to keep some of the milk and trust. Hey, by the way, there's a perk that stops being a perk 10 days in. And she didn't have to attend to the ducks, goats and other animals. So she didn't have to take care of any. She might have had to take care of the cow, though. That might have been part of the deal.
Starting point is 00:42:29 I would actually enjoy that part of it. I know. Oscar's son, William Hammershine, had read about Don the dog and decided he wanted him for a garden show. Mm-hmm. And newspapers said he thought Don, quote, was a real necessity as an attraction for his summer program.
Starting point is 00:42:50 You're probably only going for the German demo with a German speaking dog because nobody's going to be like, oh, wow. Yeah, he's going to speak German. There's no, yeah, you can't know you're not. You have a German speaking dog. You're not going to try to make the dog bilingual. No, but there is a way around that There is a way around that interesting. That's interesting
Starting point is 00:43:11 It's a very interesting thing. You've said there sir a Deal was made with Herman Ebers for Don the dog Lloyd's of London refused to ensure Don's passage and life So the Hammerstein's posted a $50,000 bond for Don. 1.25 million today. It would be paid if the dog died on the trip. Okay. Because it's a sea trip. It's not an easy trip for a person, let alone a dog.
Starting point is 00:43:43 And dogs tend to not be seafaring fairing sure. Yep So Herman turned on over to Martha who would be in charge of him on his vaudeville tour Oh, so she's so the daughter's going. Okay. I like that and Martha had just married her Karl Hopeland So they decide to combine their honeymoon and on the dog absolutely tour would yeah absolutely yeah absolutely there's nothing strange about no turning your honey fun plus I'm making the dog free honeymoon I'm making the dog watch no no you're, sir. I'm cucking the dog. No, you're not. 100%.
Starting point is 00:44:27 Couching, couching. He just keeps barking, couching. I mean, one of the worst things, I was once having sex and looked over the edge of the bed and the cat was looking right in my eyes. Oh, dude, I didn't need that. I was trying to joke about it, but it's like, when you shut the door to have sex with dogs and the other, like what the dogs do post-coital is truly where you're like, you are in. Why?
Starting point is 00:45:01 Well, how would you bring that up? Me? You didn't have to bring that up. You brought it up. No, I didn't bring it up. They come in like bloodhounds who just sniffed a convict's clothing. They're just rummaging around sheets and you're like, if it's not bad enough, you turn your head for one quick second and look back and one of the dogs is like licking the area.
Starting point is 00:45:20 Oh, come on, dude. No, because it's relatable. You're a squirter. This is a show it's relatable. You're a squirter. This is a show about relatability and I am a squirter. Get over it. All right. Let's get back to this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:35 All right. Um, so William Hammerstein hyped Don's coming visit by announcing the $50,000 bond. Quote, this makes Don the most valuable dog in the world. So one of the reasons he paid so much for the bond was just to be able to use it as PR. Right. Okay, right, yeah. Right.
Starting point is 00:45:52 And the Times reported, quote, Don will sail on the Con Prince Wilhelm next Wednesday. A special cabin has been engaged in order to ensure his safety. They travel first class on the German steamship SS Prince Frederick Wilhelm because they did not think Don would be safe in the ordinary dog storage. Shh.
Starting point is 00:46:18 Cool for the other dogs. Still applies today. Cool. Uh-huh. When the ship docked in New York, he was greeted by, like he's a visiting celebrity. Always just the dumbest. People are very excited.
Starting point is 00:46:31 Did you hear? Did you hear? Oh my God, I can't wait to meet that dog. Yes, you're there on the dock because a talking dog is coming. Oh, oh. We're gonna need more police officers. These people are fainting pretty quick.
Starting point is 00:46:45 Now reporters were there to get some quotes from Don. This is sadly the New York Evening World reported he was quote to see sick on the way over to converse with anybody. As yet, therefore, his opinion of the New York skyline and other local sites is unknown. How? Walk me through how we're always able to be the dumbest. How is it like the Germans are believing they have a talking dog and we're like, don't worry, we'll outstupid you. Unfortunately, the dog wasn't feeling too good, so he couldn't comment on the beautiful New York skyline.
Starting point is 00:47:29 When reached for comment, it was a dog. There we go. Interesting. Soon, Don made his debut at Hammerstein's Paradise Roof Garden. Loney Haskell was master of ceremonies for the Don show. So Loney Haskell is- I think it's Baloney. Okay. No, Loney Haskell was master of ceremonies for the Don show. So Loney Haskell is- I think it's Baloney, okay. No, Loney.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Loney Haskell is a well-known, come on, he's like an MC a lot. He does a lot of these shows with animals and he's like the- yeah, he's like- He's the animal MC. That's like Todd Glass, I think. Well, okay. He would also serve as interpreter because of course Don spoke German. So there you go. That's what we were talking about.
Starting point is 00:48:09 You wondered what would happen. You get an interpreter for someone who speaks German, Gareth. Let me tell you. Yeah, go ahead. Let me tell you. You don't need a German dog. Well that's the only dog that talks. No, any dog. And you'd be like, Oh, you could you.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Oh, he doesn't talk. He wants coconuts. This is a German talking dog. You can't just get a dog anywhere that. I believe I paid $20 to watch a dog talk. And there's a guy telling me what it's saying. Don was very nervous. What? So much so that he would not go on stage until all the windows of the rooftop theater were closed. What a
Starting point is 00:48:52 fucking diva. He's a pretty, yeah, he's a total diva. What a fucking diva. Not all reviews were great. Variety wrote quote, the trained growls which emanate from his throat can readily be mistaken for words sort of their what I was full shit no right he is winning out classic anyone with bullshit didn't matter audiences are fucking thrilled they love the show so they're hearing what they want to hear they hear the dogs clear words Haskell told the audience Don had been touring Europe for two years And he also said Don was suffering from the New York heat So his performance might not be great and also the Don had a meager vocabulary
Starting point is 00:49:40 Due to a brief education It's a dog. Who has not gone to the proper schooling. Yeah, I don't think anyone is just like, how far did he go? What college does Don want to go to? I think a lot of us are asking those questions. Those are valid questions at this point. It's a talking dog.
Starting point is 00:50:03 Quote, he pointed out that speaking a totally unfamiliar tongue was a great strain upon its system and it required an hour's rest before every appearance. He's a dog. He requires an hour's rest before an hour's rest. Yeah, he's tired. I mean, it's all very tiring to do this. The audience, the audience then shouted for the dog and Martha let him out. And as reported in the Springfield daily
Starting point is 00:50:32 Republican quote, why haste to do? Hunger, announced the dog. Hunger. The audience applauded wildly. A reporter concluded Don meant it should just this is like what this should be is just like a roof with a trap door and everyone who claps gets moved to a certain zone and we just drop them into the ocean. So people who believe and have hope are the ones that you want. Yep. Get rid of them. We'd probably be in a better zone today.
Starting point is 00:51:16 The reporter concluded Don meant what he was saying due to all the cookies he ate after. The New York Herald. That is a shocking statement. A dog is going to eat biscuit. Like, well, he must've been hungry, he ate a bunch of biscuits. So this is an airtight chatting dog. I need you to try to believe.
Starting point is 00:51:39 I am, I've tried. The New York Herald reported Don said cake rest to have and the name of his director, Miss Haberland. That's not her name. By the way, the headliner at the theater that summer was Harry Houdini. So he was, he was billed with Houdini. So that's a pretty fucking top.
Starting point is 00:51:59 That's a wild, by the way, now that I know he's an opener, I'm a lot more into it, but also if you're Houdini. No, not an opener. They're in the same boat. Houdini's I know he's an opener, I'm a lot more into it, but also if you're a Dini. No, not an opener, they're in the same boat. They're co. Houdini's downstairs and he's upstairs. They're just two different chairs, same building. One reporter was probably just like,
Starting point is 00:52:12 more like, who, Dini? This dog is chatting and he's putting more butts in seats than Harry. Don did many shows in New York for eight weeks. Sure. Moving way more tickets than I or us. He performed at different venues in New York for eight weeks. Sure. He performed- He performed- ...any more tickets than I or us. He performed at different venues around New York, even though rooftop theaters were popular
Starting point is 00:52:31 during the summer, Don preferred indoor theaters because he hated the sound of traffic. Yeah, he said, mm-hmm, I won't do it. So you do crowd work? Well, he probably doesn't want to have to compete vocally with all the noises. Absolutely. It's probably hard on his... Absolutely. If you're a performer, a vocal performer...
Starting point is 00:52:51 Yeah, but at this point, he's probably backstage doing some dog warmups, you know? Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff paid for an exclusive contract. Meanwhile, the dog was a dog. So after eight weeks, Martha and Haskell hit the road with Dawn. He started performing in Boston, and then he went to San Francisco and Boise, tons of cities. Don't fuck this dog.
Starting point is 00:53:41 The Idaho Statements reported he was speaking seven words in November. Wow. So he's picking it up. Picking up, but he's speaking German still. Yeah, he's a German dog. Right. Yep.
Starting point is 00:53:55 I mean, one would think that, well, one would think that, I mean, he's basically repeating, so one would think you could teach him like potatoes or something. He's German. Gotcha. Some performers refuse to share the bill with Don believing it was undignified. Honestly, they were probably like, they would be backstage like, guys, Doug's killing. Can't do that. I got to follow that fucking dog.
Starting point is 00:54:20 It's crazy. Or there's like the headliner's late, so's in the back going to Don, like, stretch. Stretch. Stretch. Moooooooo. Others would not share the stage because they did not like the horrible methods used to train animals.
Starting point is 00:54:36 No, that's just in general. Some people refuse to go on the same stage as animals. I'd be there. That's how French actress Sandra Bernhardt felt and very popular singer Elsie Janis. Janis wrote, quote, any man who earns his money by the hard, cruel work of dumb beasts should not be known. There we go. There we go.
Starting point is 00:54:58 For her part, Martha is adamant that Don only did what he wanted and aside from treats was not being coerced. What are the other dog coercions? Well, you're like, do you want a bed? Nice bed? I mean, they're probably like, look, if they're not scaring him with like electricity or reeds or whatever, okay, that's better. But the dog is not, this is not what the dog wants to do. You don't know that? Yes, I do.
Starting point is 00:55:28 It could be, it could be instinctually a show dog. No. Yeah. Don really seemed to have a pretty easy, the act was just answering the same questions every show and each got him a reward of chocolate. By the way, that's Luke's act.
Starting point is 00:55:48 Yeah. Haskell became very attached to dust. So Loney Haskell really starts to like Don. Like he's like, this is my dog. And according to a celebrity columnist, OO McIntyre, quote, in one night stands, he slept in the dog's kennel. In one night stands? Excuse me?
Starting point is 00:56:11 So when they went in and did a show in a town for a night, he was sleeping in the kennel with a dog. Uh-huh, he was sleeping in the kennel. Uh-huh. I feel like maybe Lonnie is- It's different. Trying to avoid pay for a hotel. It's different now.
Starting point is 00:56:23 This just got different. Is it? Yeah, this just got different. Because it sounds like you and Jose a little bit. No. Well, first of all, I sleep with Jose every fucking night and he takes the side closer to the outside of the bed and it's getting pretty frustrating to be quite honest with you. So because I have to hold on because I have to kind of scoot around him to go to the bathroom
Starting point is 00:56:41 in the night and he stays there. He takes up half the bed, maybe more. Anyway, what's up? Well, again, this is another thing you should bring up with your couples therapy. He's not going to the farm that they'll know. The milk farm? You already signed that contract. He's going to the milk farm. No. You already signed that contract. I've spent the money they gave me to have him on that suit the guy wears at the end of Avatar, and I'm gonna go to that farm and demand him back. And they will give him to me, and I will take him in the Avatar suit,
Starting point is 00:57:13 and he will be in there, and he will receive daddy's kisses in the Avatar suit. Well, he's already pretty milked. I will have him refilled. Some people didn't think Don was talking and that Haskell was just making it up I will have him refilled. Some people didn't think Don was talking and that Haskell was just making it up as the interpreter. Why?
Starting point is 00:57:31 I mean, you know what? How about you believe? How about people believe in something? Oh my lord. Have a little imagination. Good lord. Put a tooth under your pillow every once in a while, would you? There's magic coming for you. In April 1913, the Spokane Press reported Don the Talking Dog
Starting point is 00:57:49 was now the highest paid vaudeville performer. He was making 500 a week. Guttin'. But when at Hammerstein's, he was pulling in $1,000 a week, $125 per word. Kind of dumb. He's like Larry the Cable Guy the dog. I've told you that I knew Larry the Cable Guy before.
Starting point is 00:58:13 Yeah, you saw him. Yeah, crazy. Before the change. He steals the mics together and all of a sudden he goes up in a Cable Guy outfit. I'm like, what in the fuck are you doing, Dave? It's so funny to just imagine. Worked. Like he's probably walking in that first night like nervous as shit, no sleeves on. What in the fuck are you doing, Dave? It's so funny to just imagine. Yeah, it worked.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Like, he's probably walking in that first night, like, nervous as shit, no sleeves on, and everyone's like, Nutty, you're going to look back on five years and regret this a lot. What are you doing? His ability to talk was being taken seriously in some academic circles. One reason was because when he was a young man, Alexander Graham Bell had spent hours trying to teach his dog, Truv, to speak. Bell tried to manipulate Truv's mouth and chin
Starting point is 00:58:57 to get him talking. And Bell said he did teach him to say, maman, and then eventually, how are you, grandma mom? What the fuck? This is Alexander Graham Bell. That's right. Thank God the telephone came around. Otherwise, I would have been like what dude How are you a grandma mom? I?
Starting point is 00:59:30 Would I mean look I love dogs if a dog came up to me and said how are you grandma mom? I would punch it or stab it Yeah, you'd have to how are you a grandma mom? Unfortunately true was pretty dumb and never learned to speak on his own, just when prompted. Just one of those things. But that's science. And so people are like, yeah, there's talking. Bell did it. So on April 1913, on a visit to San Francisco, Don Haskell and Martha went to see J.C. Merriman,
Starting point is 00:59:59 Miriam, a respected paleontologist at the University of California, Berkeley. In front of the professor and colleagues, the Oakland Tribune said Don asked for cake, spoke his name, and Martha's. Professor Miriam was, Miriam was convinced Don was extraordinary. He was now speaking eight words, and he had added rubel and dollar. Oh, so he's saying dollar now. Yeah Yeah, very funny that one of the words Don has learned in capital America Capitalist America. That's right dollar
Starting point is 01:00:35 His origin story had now expanded a bit Quote Haverlyn now Quote, Haberlin now, Haberlin told how after Don learned to say kitchen, he would run around to neighbor's houses and ask for cake. She, sorry, Kuchin, sorry, that was, that was Otto, correct, it's the cake word. He would run around to neighbor's houses and ask for cake.
Starting point is 01:01:02 She said that led to people always asking him if he was hungry from which he learned to say hungry. Professor Miriam was astonished. So she made up a lie that she's just, she's... My dog's don't speak English. Kuchen, Kuchen. I hear him saying Kuchen. So she's now come up with lies about how he learned.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Like he went around asking for cakes in people's houses. Like it's a whole... Miriam has come up with this lie. No learned. He went around asking for cakes at people's houses. Like, it's a whole- Miriam has come up with this lie. No, no. This is the harbor. Martha. Martha's come up with it. Okay.
Starting point is 01:01:31 Martha. Right. Right. Martha, I mean. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. So the lore of-
Starting point is 01:01:39 Right. She's building it up. But is he saying kitchen? I mean, is he saying dollar? Is he saying- No. That's cake. He's saying cooching or whatever it is for cake. But I just had an auto correct. Yeah, yeah, no, I understand. But is he saying dollar and stuff like that? He's saying dollar, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:49 He is. So there's something going on, right? I think he's able to mimic a little bit. Well, that's still pretty. I mean, I know that people are like. You've seen it on, if you go on Instagram, you'll see dogs be like, oh, no, really? I love you.
Starting point is 01:02:03 You can get them to mimic stuff, some dogs, yeah. Stop making me do this. Yeah. So weird. Professor Merriam was astonished and said, as far as he knew, this was the first dog who ever talked. He deduced that Don's vocal cords must somehow be similar to a man's.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Quote. This guy. Just with his fucking pipe and his elbow patches. My first guess is that he's probably got the vocal cords of a man. I have no doubt that if Don had been taken at an early age by scientists who would have devoted their entire time to the dog's education, he would be able to speak many words and perhaps carry on simple conversations. Just, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Remove the professor title ASAP. Don now became a pioneering celebrity endorser, at least for animals. He endorsed milk bone dog biscuits. Milk bone, that's the only one I'll eat. Boat? The newspaper ads called him, quote, the most valuable money-making dog in the world and said he's only fed on maltoid milk bone,
Starting point is 01:03:22 the best food for your dogs too. So. fed on maltoid milk bone the best food for your dogs too. So Don returns to the stage at Hammerstein's in 1913 and later that summer he went to do shows at the Hotel Shelburne in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn. Sure, big. One day, a waiter at the hotel was swimming as Don was frolicking in the waves. Okay. Oh no.
Starting point is 01:03:46 But Don noticed the waiter is flamboyant about in the ocean. Oh my god. Stop. And according to the son, Don yelled a new word. Help. What the fuck? Help Garrett. Uh, he is the Beatles.
Starting point is 01:04:02 Which startled people on the beach. Uh huh. Don then swam over to the drawing. Hey honey is on the beach. Uh-huh. Don then swam over to the drowning. Hey, is it just me or is that dog in the ocean shouting help? Or is this LSD finally kicking in? Don then swam over to the drowning waiter. I like that nobody else.
Starting point is 01:04:22 No, everyone else was like, huh. And began pulling on his bathing suit, but the waiter was so panicked that he threw his arms around Don, and now both of them were drowning. No. Just this is tense. Idiot.
Starting point is 01:04:35 A cop is passing by on a horse. And the horse is like, hey officer, over there, it looks like one of those guys might be in trouble along with that chatty dog. The New York Sun said the cop quote understands German when spoken by a dog. So he jumped. What? Just keep going or I'm going to blow everything up.
Starting point is 01:05:00 The cop understood. German dog only. Well, there's a lot of German immigrants in New York, so he understands German. The cop is. German dog only. Well, there's a lot of German immigrants in New York, so he understands German. The cop is probably. He understands German. He's probably got German parents, or he's from Germany.
Starting point is 01:05:11 Is that German I hear? So he jumped off the horse. He jumped the horse off. He jumped the horse off an embankment into the water, and tried to rescue both Don and the waiter. Quote, he had just as he caught a hold of the waiter's hand. A huge roller knocked him from his horse assistant. This is intense. This is nuts.
Starting point is 01:05:34 So now we got three people, probably three people are not. And maybe a horse in danger. Then three lifeguards came in a boat and say, what the fuck? By the way, hey, lifeguards, it ain't boat time. What about your training? Get in there. Don the cop and the horse then swam ashore. Quote, Don then frisked about just as if nothing had happened.
Starting point is 01:05:58 Because he's that humble. No, he's a... He's that, he's just like, I'm going to go sniff some butts and whatever now. He's humble. Cake? Anyone want some cake? gonna go sniff some butts and whatever now. He's humble Cake anyone want some cake. He doesn't need the accolades. He just is just like I'm gonna do dog stuff now. Sure We've got a frisbee. What three lifeguards in a boat The new york tribune headline was quote talking dog. No braggart Wow Don is missed the mark with that one.
Starting point is 01:06:27 Don is a hero of Surf Rescue, but doesn't say a word. We asked Don how we felt about the whole thing. No comment was basically the statement. And then coincidentally, this is very good PR for the show. Right, yeah. Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. So Don performed about two years in the US,
Starting point is 01:06:49 and then he retired and returned to Germany. He retired. Haskell calculated their stage performances, paid Don $92 a word, the equivalent of about $2,300 a word today. This meant his full eight-word performances would have returned the modern equivalent of 18 18,400
Starting point is 01:07:08 So he's just rolling in good money bonds for life. That's like yeah Don died at home near Dresden in late 1915 He would have been about 12 his last words if any were not recorded even though the evening news reported They were quote say goodbye to my old pal Loni Haskell. Huh? What are you saying? words, if any, were not recorded, even though the evening news reported they were, quote, say goodbye to my old pal, Loney Haskell. Huh? What are you saying? I'm saying there is, that they actually didn't, there were not actually last words, but the
Starting point is 01:07:34 evening news, no, the evening news reported. That there were? That he said, quote, say goodbye to my old pal, Loney Haskell. The evening news. Those are the last. I mean, it's like Newsmax level. that he said, quote, say goodbye to my old pal, Loney Haskell. What's the evening news? Should those last be revoked? I mean, it's like Newsmax level. No, that's, either one could be true.
Starting point is 01:07:51 No, no. He could have said that. No, by the way, it would be great if he was just like, actually, all of a sudden, I'm overcome with a complete feeling of no stress. I'm seeing the light, the proverbial light that they always speak of, and up there I see friends of past and friends of future or something like that.
Starting point is 01:08:10 I'm covered in a deep, deep sense of calm, like that time you bathed me with all the liquid soap for the dishes. Suddenly I feel so free, so good. My achy legs are no longer achy. I'm able to run and frolic. Excuse me, good friends. I believe this chapter down here is done. There would be other talking dogs,
Starting point is 01:08:37 including Rolls, the German-born terrier, who supposedly communicated by a sort of Morse code of his own invention and also saw the addition of subtraction problems. A Morse code of his own invention and also solved additional subtraction problems. The Morse code of his own invention. That's right, that's right. Is a lot of bullshit. There's a lot of lifting going on there.
Starting point is 01:08:51 It's not, that sounds very scientific. And Queen, positively the only dog in the world that speaks the English language in 1918, singing dogs had their day too, they were also singing dogs. The phenomena was gradually die out as vaudeville yielded the stage to other forms of entertainment, mostly motion pictures.
Starting point is 01:09:10 Author Trey Esty, who pays attention to such matters, said he isn't aware of any talking dog acts around today. However, there are plenty of amateurs to be seen and heard on YouTube and Instagram and whatnot. But no dog, however vocally gifted, is likely to capture America's public imagination quite like Don. A top dog, the top dog.
Starting point is 01:09:33 Don sources the Springfield Daily Republican, the Idaho Statesman, the Spokane Press, the Oakland Tribune, the Poverty Bay Herald, the New York Tribune, The New York Times, WeirdHistorian.com, BoweryBoysHistory.com, Hatching Cat in New York City, and Smithsonian Magazine. Well, Dave, crazy. We all win.
Starting point is 01:10:01 We all win. I'm still a little dubious. We all win. We're all winners. Not all of us. We are all winners. Not all of us. Every single one of us. Episode ended quite a while ago.
Starting point is 01:10:18 Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the Dollop. You love listening to the Dollop. Do you want to watch the Dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-part animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation
Starting point is 01:10:42 on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. The more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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