The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 689 - Larry Craig - live

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Idaho Senator Larry Craig. Recorded live in Boise, Idaho. SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH     Nutrafol - Code: TheDollop Mint Mobile 

Oh, I- You're listening to the dollop! Is there a reason that you two aren't clapp- everyone clapped and then- oh, okay, go ahead, keep going. This is an American history podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history, just me in the eye. And Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about, hashtag Kermin.

Uh. The story. Yeah, that was the. Sure, let's do that. Thanks, man. One, three, nine, seven, one, two, three. July 20th, 1945! July 20th, 1945. Larry Craig. Jenny's dad was born to Dorothy Lenore and Elvin Orin Craig on a ranch 24 miles from

the nearest pave road near Midvale Idaho. Okay. Your story checks out by the way. He's not even from there, he's from like close to there. Okay. Well it is very mid. Very mid. I like that though, I like that space there.

That's what I'm after, that's what we need. Don't acknowledge what I said, keep going. The ranch was homesteaded in 1899 by his grandfather. I mean started. He stole the land from the Native Americans. Okay I am Don Gutfeld next Thursday so chill. Larry grew up on the ranch and was educated in a one-room schoolhouse. Nice, we'll get back to that. We'll get back to that. So he's raised Methodist. He was accepted into the University of Idaho

where he was student body president and a member of the Delta Chi? Delta Chike, the Delta Chike Chi boy. Fraternity. Sure. Whatever, they're all bad. Stop. He became president of the frat.

Nice. That's impressive. That is. His fellow frat members called him Mother Craig. Huh? That doesn't bother me. Well, cause he was so on top of things. You know what I mean?

No. Very on top of things. What do you mean? Just always on top. The way it should be. That's the man's role. A man would come forward years later to say that when he was considering pledging the fraternity,

Larry took him into his bedroom and quote, made what, made what said he, no that's not written right. Made what said. Made what he said, what he,, sorry I'm trying to read this. Here we go, we're okay, everyone back to one. Three, two. Okay, made what he took to be an invitation to sex.

Okay, yeah, now the name rings a bell. Now that we're at that part. During this time he served as Future Farmers of America National Vice President. Mm-hmm. It's fucking sweet. Are there any Future Farmers of America members? You don't need to shout out no.

Somebody yelled, I know someone answered for the whole group and we're like, no! Yeah. No! Well, one woman, one woman he dated on and off for a year said, quote, I don't imagine that he ever held my hand. I always felt like I was an accessory.

I might as well have been his briefcase. It's fucking hot. Some hot shit. Women expect too much from men. I mean, would you just give us a break? Holding your hand, treating you like a perc, come on. We're busy. Just let me put these papers.

We're future farmers. Let me put these papers in you. We're future farmers. They put these papers in you. I'll open you with a code. Larry graduated with a degree in political science. He was trained by an old school speech guy and won speaking contests. His bedroom at the ranch was filled with trophies.

You're a little too impressed by what you just heard. Ooh. Ow, you ever been in someone's room with trophies? You're like, that's a sad little life you got in here, huh? Lot of ribbons. What's your plan? Like, how many college guys in that time are going to speech contests?

It was like him and like a lump of shit. Named Bob. Second place. I keep thinking about why people had a lock on their, like how important you have to think you are to have a lock on your briefcase with your three little digit passcode. The fucking ball's on you to be like, there you go.

Well you don't know, I mean I can't. No one can get my printed papers. You have a lot of stuff in there. Nah. Remember the guy who turned his briefcase into a suck machine? We're not allowed. What? Quit kink shaming that guy.

Man's an American hero. We did get a lot of shit for kink shaming on that one. Don't make fun of the guy who's got a dick sucking briefcase. It was tough. We both were like, I feel okay going back at these people. Look, God bless him, I'm glad he got to do it, but he was married and with his wife in his house, he went to his garage and he was rebuilding a Trans Am,

made a suitcase that sucked his dick. That's funny. That's very funny. That is, that's funny. That's a funny setup. So he, Larry is clearly going to be a politician. And he went to George Washington University in D.C. to pursue a graduate degree, but bailed after just months and came back to the ranch in 1970. Okay, he failed. Okay, so he went back to his trophy room.

Yeah. I can talk good. Yeah. He then joined the Idaho National Guard. Okay. And in 1970... The Ing! I think that's pretty cool. That's what makes it an action verb.

And I think that's pretty cool. It's probably the only thing. I think that's pretty cool. It's probably the only thing you remember. Oh shut up. Last night you gave me like a fucking, you were like, ooh, you know modicum. Ooh. I did.

Yeah. Last night he said modicum and the whole I did. Yeah. Last night he's like, What is that? And the whole place came, it went quiet because everyone's like, wow. That is not what happened. Only you. Only Dave was like, hold on a minute, boy.

Have you been opening those things with pages in them? That's my work. Go work on your Swedish accent, you fool. In 1974, he ran for the state senate and the incumbent had retired, so he runs unopposed. Okay. And he got 700 votes. That's still, that's, why don't, can I do that? Can I run unopposed?

Yeah. Can we make a documentary called Running Unopposed? Yes. Where I just run I run unopposed? Can we make a documentary called Running Unopposed? Yes. Or I just run for something unopposed? All you have to do is be a Republican and no Democrat runs against you anywhere. Ugh. Well, I'm out. He opened a donut shop. Uh-huh, sure.

Oh, sorry. He serves three terms in the state Senate. Okay. And while he was in the state senate, he opened a donut shop called Donut Haus. Donut Haus, like it's like a German, like, okay. The Donut Haus. With two other guys. It went bankrupt in 1978.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. It's okay. He ran for Congress in 1980, pivoting to be more conservative for the Reagan Revolution. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Greatest president.

His damn opponent brought up the bankruptcy because Larry had taken out a $70,000 small business administration loan for the donut shop while being against bailouts. But that's, look, this is what I think people need to understand. If you're in government, you love socialism for yourself. It's just, we don't get it. Right, so they, there's a safety net for for you and when we need it, go fuck yourself. Yeah. I wish they just had a modicum of, oh nevermind.

So Larry won with 54% of the vote because it was a big Reagan landslide. Because he's a Reagan guy, sure. He's a classic Reagan Republican. He wants to sell the public land, make people on food stamps work, balance the budget, et cetera. That just sounds big and beautiful to me. So he did sponsor a bill to ask Reagan to name a week as National Old Time Fiddlers Week.

What the actual fuck are you clapping for? Did it happen? You don't even know if it happened. Listen to you weirdos. Did it happen? Lady who came in super late knows everything. Is there a national fiddler's week? There's what? Jesus Christ.

I was like, what is she talking about? There's a pirate? I mean, he's kind of a pirate. He's an old guy with a line. That is so... That's what we call piracist. Not just any guy who loses an eye as a buccaneer, you asshole. Some of these people don't have fiddles. Like if you don't have a fiddle, you can just be a person getting in the picture.

Excuse me, some of us are here to fuck the fiddlers. No young fiddlers, get the fuck out of here with your young bullshit. In the summer of 1982, CBS broke the news of gay sex between congressmen and underage congressional pages. CBS interviewed a 17 year old male page who said he had sex with congressmen. A male page. There were absolutely no allegations made

that Larry was involved. As far as anyone know, he had absolutely nothing to do with it. And the next day, he issued a public denial. That's awesome. I wasn't there. We have learned that several congressmen are having sex with young people. Well, not me. Excuse me. I wasn't there. We have learned that several congressmen are having sex with... Well, not me. Excuse me.

I wasn't even near that. I didn't even know they were doing that. They're gay and with other men gay? I'm saying that we... Who were they? Hold on. No. No.

No. We're not actually talking... We're just saying in Congress, we don't know who any of them. Oh, I don't know who they are either. I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't know anything about it and I wasn't there.

I'm not gay. So let's stop that right now. You know what I'm into? Vagina. That's a passion of mine. When you say it like that, I disagree. No, I love a bit of grandma's old medicine. What?

Vagina, vagina. That's what we used to call it. Did you say grandma's old medicine? Well, it's not grandpa's. That's disgusting. And I just want to make sure you understand, trying to figure out if I was involved in that would be a waste of your time. Because I wasn't. I like ladies.

A lot, actually. And I like men to do stuff to ladies. But I don't want to watch. And if I was, I'd be watching the woman. For you see... No. I'm not a guy who likes to be with men. Quote, I have done nothing that I need to be either publicly

or privately ashamed of. I am guilty of no crime or impropriety. And I am convinced that this is an effort to damage my personal character and destroy my political career. Really? Nobody was saying anything? Nobody said anything to him.

No, I said anything. Of course, this caused the Idaho Statesman newspaper to question why he made that statement. Oh my God. What are you even talking about? I've already cleared this up. Why are you even asking a question when I've already told you?

That's not something I'm into. I like women. A lot. Yeah. Here, go find me one. I'll kiss her right now. Okay, no, we're good. And I love it.

I don't want to do any other stuff with her though. Will you here later? I think I'll figure it out. I don't think you will. Oh, I think I'm gonna be very good with it. Yeah. Don't come a-knackin'. Okay. Larry's district administrator said, quote, we do not know. We do know there is no substance to them. I mean, he's a farmer and rancher from Midvale for God's sake. So what do they think?

He can't be gay out there! Gay is airborne? It's not in the water in Midvale! It's like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. Do you see that mist? Look out. Some of the city gay is coming. It's airborne. Well the corn's ruined.

It's gone gay this year. What are you talking about, Papa? It's inedible. His mom and dad wrote a letter to the Idaho statesman chastising the paper for its coverage. What? This is, okay. Because they were like, why are you saying you're not gay when no one's saying your word? I didn't. for its coverage. What? This is... Okay. Because they were like, why are you saying you're not gay when no one said you were?

I didn't. Why do you keep saying the word gay around me? Larry said he had to come out and deny it because a reporter... I'm coming out and denying it. Let me finish. Good Lord. Can a man take a breath before the rest of his sentence? I've never felt so good and free about coming out as a straight man.

He had to come out and deny it because a reporter had questioned him, but the New York Post said they just asked him standard stuff like, have you heard anything, who have you heard about, any names mentioned? No, no. He denied something no one accused him of. No. Larry now feels boxed in, so he asks the FBI to interview him.

Get your best gay squad on me, not like, hold on, I said that wrong. Get. Can you imagine? Like the FBI probably went from speakerphone to like, hold on, what are you asking for? I want a group of you to come interview me about being gay, which I'm not, and I'll say that.

We're kind of busy with other stuff. Yeah, I just need like two guys down. Doesn't need to be guys, can be girls too, but I don't know if they're ideally guys, younger ones. But come down here, interview me, I'll deny the whole thing. Try me right now, ask me if I'm gay. And they should have mustaches. Yeah.

Ask me if I'm gay. Are you gay? No. The FBI report said Larry went on record stating he had never had sex with either a page or quote engaged in a homosexual relationship with any person. It's a lot of smoke. It's weird. Absolutely weird. Well it gets weirder.

Larry then hired a polygraph examiner to give him a test. I was literally going to suggest that he takes a pa... This is crazy. I mean, I'm not gay. Jesus, what the fuck? I'm from fucking Mid-Val. I'm a farmer. The examiner concluded, quote,

This was weird. This whole thing was super strange. I honestly don't understand it. He asked himself the questions, I just stood there. The examiner concluded, quote, Craig is not a homosexual. Proof. Case fucking closed. Jesus Christ.

He's holding up the paper. Look at that. Look at how balanced I was during that question there. He gets the newspaper headline framed and put on his wall. Well, well, well. holding up the paper. Look at that. Look at how balanced I was during that question there. He gets the newspaper headline framed and put on his wall. Well, well, well. Looks like somebody's not at all gay.

Isn't that right? Larry then sent the statesman his military records to counter rumors that he left the National Guard because he was gay. The record said he was honorably discharged for having flat feet. Which was really disappointing because I couldn't go to the gay clubs and date. Or nothing, nothing. Okay, so just outsider POV, it seems like Larry's not gay.

I mean, at this point, every gay person in America is like, oh my God, he's so fucking gay. And they're like, oh no, he's gay. Oh no, he's gay. He's this. So later, the page, the 17 year old page came forward and said, later he comes out and says he made it all up. Oh, okay. But in 1983, the ethics committee recommended reprimands for two congressmen, a Democrat

and a Republican, for having sex with pages. It wasn't criminal because the age of consent in DC was 16 and the pages were 17. Wait, say that again? Yeah. So two... I think I'm gay. So two, two... I think I'm gay. Two congressmen had sex with pages.

And the pages were 17, page consent in DC 16, legal. I'm not saying it's okay. You're puritanical bullshit. I'm saying, and that was okay, question mark. Jeez, stop talking. I just can't believe you're saying it's okay. No. It's not okay.

Oh, thank you. But the legal age you're saying was 16. So it's, yeah, so they can't kick him out of Congress because I mean, they should have. But, and they're just male pages. I think they were both just male pages. Yeah, because I guarantee you there were like a lot of like underage women who were like, pardon?

No, that's fine. But, so the page bang and 100% happening, a year later, Craig married and adopted, married a woman and adopted her kids, three kids. See? That'd be a pretty crazy move for a gay man to make, wouldn't it be? Look at that. Susan.

Poor Susan. Poor, poor Susan, as Larry's cutting that cake, like, Ha ha. Oh. I'm still gonna get- Maybe I shouldn't have followed Reagan. Ha ha, I'm gonna- I'm gonna get my cake and eat it too,

you know what I mean, honey? Oh. Who was the guy? What? What? The guy who just came up here and handed me wine. Who was he? No one did that. That didn't happen.

Oh dear. No one did that. It was my page? It was pretty cute. Rumors quickly began. Sir, shut up. Rumors quickly began that it was a sham marriage to derail gay rumors. Larry supported any anti-gay legislation that came along.

I mean, that... And he went after Barney Frank. Frank was a Massachusetts congressman who came out as gay in 1987. Now... So what had happened with Barney was he had hired a male escort and they became close over time, as you do. It's like a pretty woman. Well, you finally meet someone who looks at you and is like, I like you.

What? What's it like? You gotta pay. I like you. What's it like? You gotta pay. You gotta pay to play, buddy. I'll pay. I have paid. How much to pretend you like me?

We don't even need to do anything. I just put on the dollop. Will you just enjoy this in front of me? No! Ha ha ha! Oh my God. I'm pausing it. Hiring an escort to- Amp it up a little, will ya?

That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Hiring an escort to listen to your own podcast with you? Yeah, and then I pay her more to just like laugh harder. Ha ha ha! I'm on a good run. She's like, I can't fake it that much. I'm out of money. All right, so Barney hires a male escort. He falls in love with them, it sounds like.

He moves in with Frank. Frank is paying for the escort's living basically, right? Everything he wants. But then he finds out the escort is still escorting on the side, so Frank gets mad and kicks him out. So the escort now goes and tries to get a bidding war going for his story, but no one bites and the Washington Times ends up printing it for free. Cool. That's cool.

There are then calls for a house investigation into Barney Frank. Some believe he had used public money to pay for the escort. So that's the issue. But it's bullshep. Yeah, they're making it up. Yeah, like he's going to be like, I'm not going to pay this $200. I'm getting this. Someone write me a government check. Yeah.

Make it out to sexy, sexy Bill. Yeah. Yeah. That's gonna be a bit difficult for me to make out that check for you. That's my Barney Franken present. I can't believe that this S-Corp had betrayed me. So House Minority Whip Newt Gingrich

did not want Republicans. The idea, I can't wait for the end of this, go ahead. I guess we're booing Great Americans now, is that what we're doing? Yeah. So he does not want Republicans to go after Frank, but Larry is on the ethics committee and he is demanding that it happen.

Well there's a gay man in the house, we need to stop it. So Republicans start floating rumors that Gingrich is trying to avoid going after Frank because Frank and his people were threatening to name all the closeted gays in Congress in both parties. So they're saying that, yeah, so there's a lot of gay members of Congress that are in the closet, and Frank's like, if you come after me, I'll fucking out all you Republican hypocrites.

Because a Democrat being gay is fine, because they're not passing laws to fuck with gay people. But any time a Republican is gay, they should be outed. And then burned alive. Because they're Republican. Right, not because they're legislating. No, not only because they're gay, because they're Republican. Come on. We only burn Republicans because they're Republican. Come on.

We only burn Republicans alive, you guys. My God. I can't believe anybody... Well, I'm sorry. I'm going to stop you. Why does it sound like every person in the audience also has a microphone? Well, guess what? They used to build theaters better, that's why Gareth. So Gingrich eventually wins and Frank was just censored for fixing parking tickets for

the escort. For fixing parking tickets? Yeah, he got him out of parking tickets. Jesus Christ, pay for the fucking escort's parking tickets. Yeah, he got him out of parking tickets. Jesus Christ, pay for the fucking escorts parking tickets. Also, I'd be like, look, just park closer to where I live. Right? Just fucking park where it's legal. I saved you a spot, I said park me in, you can park behind my car.

But Larry Craig's final vote was for more punishment. So he was like, I'm not gay. Just can't stop. So after four terms in the House, he runs for the Senate in 1989. Now he's all about passing a balanced budget amendment, but was also very opposed to tax increases. He's into guns and digging up minerals and getting more oil and logging the forests. So he won 61% of the vote.

Because you guys love that here. What the fuck? And now he is a senator. The Idaho statesman asked Larry about an allegation that he was gay made by his opponent in the Senate race and Larry said quote, why don't you ask my wife, who I am fucking? Ask my wife if I give her a dick all the time.

Huh? Mr. Paper Man. Ask my wife. I mean, that's what he's saying, right? It's amazing. It's just, he's... Oh, fuck. And look just he's... Oh, fuck. And look, he's a classic Republican.

In 1991, he blamed environmentalists for causing the Exxon Valdez oil spill. Well, to be fair, I mean... Think about it. If they hadn't stopped all the precious pipelines, then they wouldn't have to use ships. Duh. Well, if it's an oil company's fault,

why wasn't the vessel named after an oil company? I don't know what he's talking about. What the fuck is happening tonight? I just want you to have that. Are you just people from the audience? Are we that available to be murdered on stage? Thank you. The Egyptian security is the best.

Like, have you, this is how Caesar dies. Okay, number one, you are not Caesar. Stop it. You're nothing like Caesar. And they all keep going back through that portal back there. Okay. Continue on. No, it's too long. We're not going to read it.

Free it. I'm going to gut you like a pig. Yeah, you know what? We're going to set you like a pig. You know what? We're gonna set that precedent that if someone comes on stage and gives us a letter, we read it like Santa. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, good instincts. Quote, had the environmentalists let a pipeline be built, there would never have been a chance for a drunken captain to get his hands on that oil. Oh, I forgot he was drunk. He's that drunk guy. Yeah, he was ripped. Ah. Yeah.

Well, now I mean I'm not so mad at him. Yeah, I know. You feel sorry for him now, right? He was just a little greased up. He wanted to have a nip. Yeah, he's out there nipping. Larry said he preferred the US drill for oil in Alaska's National Wildlife Refuge.

Oh, he'd rather do that. Yeah, than men. But didn't the X-Man guy came out and he was like, I never had a drink in my life. I'll take a lie detector about it. Because I'm not drunk, I am. If I'm so drunk, ask this half drunk bottle of Jim Beam. If I drank it.

Exactly. Look at all those birds. That's where, that's the first time when I was like, wait, what's, I was like, what are we doing? What's going on? And they were like, we're trying to clean the oil off of all these birds. And you're like, is this a good thing we're doing? Better than solar.

And that's why Dawn now has ducks on their packaging. That's where it started. Dawn was like, for a while Dawn was like, where the oil spill dish washing liquid? And everyone was like, okay. And then that transferred to two ducks are now on their bottle. And you're like, why are there two ducks? It's like, well, when we completely ruin the oceans,

Don really gets the grease out. Right? What are your plastic bottles made out of? Ducks. So, um, so the Idaho Democratic Senator responded to this and said Craig's logic was twisted, but then he immediately praised Larry for working to get the lower Salmon River federally protected because that's a Democrat. They can't just go, no, he's fucking crazy.

They gotta go, he's crazy. But one time he helped a river. discrimination against gays and strongly opposed expanding hate crime legislation to include crimes against gays and strongly supported legislation and a constitutional amendment to prohibit same-sex marriage. Ugh. Yeah. I mean, the manifestation of Thoudoth protests too much. In 1995, at New Hampshire Senator Bob Smith's birthday party, four senators sang Happy Birthday.

And when they were asked to sing at another event, one said no and Larry stepped in. What? Oh my god, and he's with fucking, with John Ashcroft. Who sang, who sang that, like wrote the song about the eagle. Oh, the threesome here. Oh, hi everybody, we're the totally unfuckables. We're here to give you tonight a rendition. This is gonna be unbelievable. Song's called I'm Not Gay, I've never been gay,

and I don't even know what it is. Tren Lott said he formed this singing group to improve relations between right and moderate Republicans. Oh, right. We want to cover the spectrum of complete total fascist lunacy to pretty bad. They were called the singing senators. Oh, fuck me.

They sang Elvira at a Kennedy Center fundraiser. What is that? Elvira. What is that, is that real? Elvira, yeah. Okay, how does it go? Let me see if I can pull it up here. I mean, I can't sing it for you, but.

I would love for you to sing it. I don't think this thing is loud enough. I'm not hearing myself enough. Mark. You're a Westerner. This is called a country western song. Okay, so it's already an old man who can't hear. That's how this started, was an old man going,

I can't hear in my, what? Okay. We're going to dedicate this to Elvira, Elvira, my heart's on fire. Elvira. It's pretty good. She's got eyes that look like diamonds, lips like cherry wine. That girl sure enough make my little heart shine. I'm not gay. I'm not mine And I'm singing I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay

Elvira My heart's on fire Elvira Oh my god, end it Giddy up Oh ba ba oh ba ba ba ba Giddy up Oh ba ba oh ba ba ba ba Giddy up, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, oop, o Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries should start something. A poetry jam.

No, they should go singing. It'd be great. That was pretty good. I'm not gonna lie. I mean, aside from everything else outside of there, that was okay. It's a shame they're human demons. So that was Elvira at the Kennedy Center, which was at a fundraiser Which was put on by Ray Ivy of Consolidated Natural Gas. Yeah Well, that's not fun anymore

They perform with the Oak Ridge boys in Branson, Missouri sure So they're you know, he's his life is great. Things are good. Things are good. In 1996 they sang at the Republican convention. In 1998 they released an album called Let Freedom Sing. Fuck this freedom shit. The fuck are you talking about? But when Bush became president, Ashcroft became attorney general, so he left the group in 2001.

So the group ended. Oh, Ashcroft. They ended. Ashcroft was attorney general, so he left the group in 2001. So the group ended. Oh, Ashcroft. They ended. Ashcroft was that good. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Gareth, we are brought to you by Mint Mobile. And with plans starting at just $15 a month,

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Now let me say this Dave, I'm from Milwaukee and all we ever get told when we go to Milwaukee is, eh, people aren't buying. You know how personal that is? We go to San Francisco, the people turn out for you. We go to Milwaukee, nobody cares. Milwaukee, we're calling you out. Thanks Dave. October 28th, Minneapolis, Kansas City, October 29th, and then the 30th, Denver, Colorado,

dolloppodcast.com. Before Bush became president, Bill Clinton was consumed by the Monica Lewinsky scandal in which he got blow jobs from an intern and once put a cigar in a vagina, removed it, put it in his mouth and said, quote, it tastes good. Hey, our hero. and her vagina, removed it, put it in his mouth, and said, quote, it tastes good. Hey, our hero. Democrats. He's like, I didn't put a cigar in her pussy, just ask my wife.

How could I be a sexual assaulter? I'm married. It's impossible. He was 49, she was 22. Oh man, but I bet he was really empathetic and really counseled her through it and that the media didn't ruin her or Jay Leno. Oh, he didn't put it in the thing. Okay. So obviously this consumes everything. Republicans are trying to impeach Clinton.

It's led by Gingrich, who at the time is having an affair with Calista Byssek, a house aide, and told his wife he wanted an open marriage. And didn't he leave his wife on her deathbed? No, I think that was the first wife he did that to. Oh, right, yeah. He said to his wife, quote, you too, not this one. Oh, oh right, yeah. He said to his wife, quote, you want me all to yourself. Calista doesn't care what I do.

Ugh, the idea that he's like, I need to be able to play the field. Look at me! Look at all that cum I have stored in my torso. Ha ha ha! Call me NASA, cause I'm to be shooting rockets all over DC. The idea that this man leaves anyone is shocking, let alone because the new woman will let him fuck others. It's ha ha ha. Oh.

Well, it's not fair to keep that to yourself. Oh, God. God made so much of me to spread around. Ha ha ha ha. Jesus. So, their affair was well known in the house for years. Everybody knew. So now he's.

Yeah, now he's telling us. Now he's going after Clinton. Which again, he's which again he's no fucking hero obviously they're both awful shit so then he marries Calista oh and the representative close to work for was outed gay Republican Steve Gunderson oh okay so what's the connection well just because the whole thing. It's just that they're all legislating against what they actually are. Yeah, it's another level of fucking bullshit. So Larry comes out and says, I can't find it, so he comes out and says terrible things

about Clinton. He's like, you know. Yeah, he's like, he's misca, yeah, he's the institution of marriage, it's un-Christian, it's blah blah blah, all that shit, something like that. The Senate certainly can bring about a censure resolution, and it's a slap on the wrist. It's a bad boy, Bill Clinton, you're a naughty boy.

You're a bad boy, Bill Clinton, you're a naughty... You're a bad boy, Bill, you're a naughty boy. Allow me to use that huge hand. Oh, Bill, you're such a bad boy, Bill. Let me get that cigar. Ew, tastes nasty. He is clearly thinking about... Boy, I mean, again, not that we have to bottom line the idea that who could be gay? Who gives a fuck?

I don't want to. I don't know why. Not you. Oh. Not you. No, but I'm just not gay. Like, I don't have to. I don't know what. Not you. Not you. No, but I'm just not gay. Like I don't have to be gay. But watching this play out over decades in public is torturous. Yeah. You're just like... But he's raised...

He's a farmer. I know he can't be gay. He's a farmer. He can't be gay. But like he's raised very religious. And that's what this comes down to. Yeah, it's wrong. Methodist. Okay, so Larry got an industry partnership award by the Mining and Minerals Education Foundation for his work on behalf of mining companies. Nice. What a great senator.

Yeah. That same year he voted against the bill to extend the federal definition of hate crimes to cover sexual orientation. He took in thousands of dollars in donations from Enron. A year after 9-11, he said there were probably Al-Qaeda cells in Idaho. It's true. It's true. Al-Qaeda cells in Idaho. It's true. It's true. Can you imagine? I mean, honestly, the idea that they would be here. I know, it's so funny. The plan is pretty simple.

We'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons.

And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons.

And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America where we will blend in perfectly at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. And then we'll go to one of the whitest parts of America, where we will blend in perfectly, at their Walgreens, at their Albertsons. He was opposed to Iraq at first, and then he came around saying, quote, Saddam himself is a weapon of mass destruction. A review of the weapons issue is fine,

but not the continued haranguing from war critics who underestimated the prospects for success in Iraq. Yeah, we've been eating a lot of crow. Anti-bigot, yep. In both 2000 and more in 2006, Larry co-sponsored constitutional amendments to ban same-sex marriage. Both failed.

In September 2006, a gay man said he was in a men's restroom at the Denver airport. Yeah! When a man in the next stall moved his hand slowly palm up under the divider. So yeah, which we all know is the universal sign for toilet paper. Freaked out the man waited outside the restroom and recognized the palm upper when he came out. It was Senator Larry Craig.

But wait, didn't he, was this the, is there another incident after this? I don't know. Okay. By the way, imagine going cruising at the Denver airport. Like I've been to the Denver airport, the last place you want to see what's going on in anyone's pants is the airport

Disagree. The sounds coming out of the Denver Airport men's room. So hot. The amount of times where I've been like Oh my god the shit line at the men's room at the Denver Airport I can't go in there and not get hard. Every time I go in there. Hard as a fucking rock. You couldn't you there should be a That heart is a fucking rock. There should be a line of women who want to remain celibate, straight women who want to remain celibate at the Denver airport. And just shove them in there. And just watch the men waiting like,

are you almost done shittin'? It's so hot. It smells like farts inside a urine. It's just sex. Pure sex. It's just sex. Pure sex. Just cattle. And he's there like you wanna fuck? In 2006, Trent Lott and Craig announced they were putting the singing senators quartet back together. Fuck yeah. They had two really solid prospects, Senator Bennett and Senator Thune. Larry quotes, Senator Thune has a lovely tenor voice.

Beautiful mouth. Around this time there is a gay blogger named Mike Rogers. His blog was called Blogged Active and he outed closeted Republicans who voted against gay rights. Great. So Rogers went on the Ed Schultz show, the radio show, and claimed Larry had gay encounters and accused him of gross hypocrisy, quote, without a doubt in my mind I am absolutely solid about the sources. The greatest defense against libel and slander is the truth.

So, he says he's done extensive research, and he's taken trips to the Pacific Northwest, and he's interviewed men who said they had sex with Larry. But did they talk to his wife? He has a wife! You know, that means you can't be gay! Good for him. By the way, on the Ed Schultz radio show,

Ed Schultz had a show on MSNBC that was canceled when he talked about how going into Iraq was a bad idea. Wow. Way to bum everybody out. So he also said he met a guy in DC who said the same thing and a guy said he'd had sex with Larry in the bathrooms at DC's Union Station. Oh my god it's at where's the Denver Airport. Larry Staff said. What's with Larry? Larry Staff said, Larry is married and the accusations have no basis in fact.

He's married. Yeah, I don't. He took a fucking lie detector test. Now hold on a minute. I bet, now just because I bet there's some people listening who are saying he could be hiding the fact that he's having a gay lifestyle outside of his marriage. No, he can't.

Because we said so. And he made a promise to a woman. He was in hell. And once a year on the anniversary, Larry gets some sort of secret injection into his ball bag so that his penis will stay hard for eight minutes and he fake orgasms inside of this poor lady. He's not gay.

And he married a briefcase! A woman! He's married to a woman! He's married to a woman. For the love of God. It's crazy. The Idaho statesman then began an investigation. Oh, for God's sake, he's married! Idaho's statesman then began an investigation. Oh, for God's sake, he's married! About this time, on the congressional website called Congress Cooks, Larry unveiled the

famous Idaho Super Tuber recipe. Take a whole Idaho potato and core it, then slide an entire hot dog into the wet moist hole from the back and bake it. This guy likes hot dogs too much. I mean, he's just, he's crying to be outed. In May 2007, after several months of investigation, questioning 300 people, the Idaho statesman sat down with Larry and his wife and asked Larry if he had been doing it with dudes. I'm married! He told the paper he had never had sex with a man and you know his wife's right there. So comfortable for her. He said quote, I've been in this business 27 years, in the public eye here, I don't go around hitting on men,

and by God, if I did, I wouldn't do it in Boise, Idaho, Jiminy! I wouldn't do it in Boise, I'd do it in Manzie. I'm not gonna fuck here, I'm gonna fuck at some weird airport or something, I wouldn't do it here. I'd do it in thezies. I'm not gonna fuck here. I'm gonna fuck at some weird airport or something. I wouldn't do it here. I'd do it in the Denver airport and put my hand under the stall like a popper begging for pecker. Terminal 3!

Terminal 3 but outside the Delta... Good lord. Desk! If a man drinks at the water fountain for 30 seconds or more and goes in the bathroom, then maybe you go in and follow him in. Let me ask you this. If you suck a man's dick and picture it as your wife, is that gay? I didn't think so.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to prep for tuber month. I do mouth kegels. Oh stop it. Disgusting. So now Larry plays. I bet he does. Sorry. The statesman plays an audio recording of a man describing having sex with Larry.

It was really bad because he kept saying, this isn't gay. The man was a Republican who said they did blowjobs in bathrooms. I like the way you put that. That's like how eight yearold me would say it. Those guys did blowjobs in bathrooms. Okay. As the recording played, Larry's wife teared up and said, quote, I'm incensed that you would even consider

such a piece of trash as a credible source. And then Larry yelled, Jiminy God! This guy's gotta stop saying Jiminy so fucking much. Jiminy, Jiminy, I'm bringing it back. In June 2007, Larry had been in the Senate for 18 years. Ashcroft, Larry, and Lot put on a performance of the singing senators. Was Santorum one of them? No, Larry said it's now a trio. Lot often compared being gay to alcoholism, kleptomania, and sexual addiction. So that's one of the guys in his singing group. On June 11th, Larry was flying

from D.C. to Idaho and had his stopover at the Minneapolis airport. I love a laid over. He stopped, he stopped a tropid deuce in a bathroom. Did he? But before he went in the stall, as we do, and ladies don't know this, but you're in a male bathroom, you stop and you look through the crack of the stall next to yours for about two minutes. Yeah, and I don't know where you're going, but allow me to jump in. We like to look at it, and if you're in there,

you like it when people see you like that. That's, it's awesome. You like it when people see you like that. That's, it's awesome. We, whether you're the showman or the one watching the performance, both are awesome.

It's you at your best moment and whenever you see that little eyeball, go up there like it's a retinal scan. It's awesome. Yeah. And you go like, no, and someone's like, oh sorry, and you're like, it's fine.

That's cool. That's right. So we do a scan.'s fine. That's cool. That's right. So we do a scan. Go ahead. It's called a man scan. Go ahead. Then he went into the stall next door and sat down. Yeah.

And by the way, just to be clear, if there's other empty stalls, you still want to go as close to the other fellow doing the stuff. Right. It's very important that you kind of, we call it the buddy system in there. And it's not crazy to be a little chatty with your bud. Your colons will sync up.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know, and I don't know if women know, but it's based on the moon. Yeah. That's right. So, he taps his foot several times. Yeah, well he's a showman, he's a music man, he's probably thinking of Elvira. And the man in the other stall would later say, quote,

I could hear several unknown persons in the restroom that appeared to be using the restroom for its intended use. Well that's a great way of putting it. There were other people in there doing what they thought, doing what we are used to doing in there. And then one guy who had a different agenda. So he's in the bathroom, the men are making regular man noises, locker room talk. He bumps feet. With the man in the next stall.

Which happens. It's like the kid in play. That's just like standard bathroom stuff. Anyway, they're tapping feet, which I love. I do that sometimes though, another guy in a stall. Okay, hold on. It's just like a foot five, it's fine. You're like, hey, cool.

Hey, nice shitting over there. And that guy's like, hey man, you'll start shitting soon. That's awesome. And you're like shitting soon. That's awesome. And you're like, thanks brother. That means a lot to me right now. Hey man, I heard that thing flush. Are you done? No man, it just went off on its own.

I dropped my phone and I had to pick it up and that thing thought I was done. Hey man, hang in there. Make sure to wipe your bump cheeks cause they might be wet now. That's a really good point, my man. Okay so Larry bumps feet with the guy in the next stall. Is this who you named your dog after?

Yeah. And then he swipes his hand under the stall like he did in Denver. Yeah. Well he keeps making ones without any TP. Well this is just any toilet paper. You got any TP? And then he does it again. Got any TP? And then he does it a third time. Come on, man. I need some TP. This is just normal stuff. And then Larry said, quote, next thing I I gotta tell you, look, I'm not pro law enforcement, but the under the stall badge drop is fucking awesome.

Just, they let him do three swipes, too. Like, yeah, keep going, motherfucker. And then be like, oh, I get it. Uh-huh. And he's like, am I about to suck a cop's dick? Tell me you're in the YMCA. Tell me you're in the YMCA. Tell me you're Village People guy. Uh.

Uh. Um. So he had the misfortune of bumping feet with an undercover cop who was in a toilet stall because there had been complaints of men having sex in that public restroom in the Lindbergh terminal. The police had already made 41 arrests. I want... That's fucking...

All right. I got a couple things. First of all... There is a forum. There is an internet forum that's like, go to fucking stall four in the Lindbergh terminal. Also, the idea that he probably picked that layover to be like, that's the best place.

And then they were probably like, the travel agent was like, oh, we have a layover of an hour. He's like, is anything like six, seven hours? You got to hang out. Like, I'll hang out there. But on top of that, fucking shout out to anyone who works undercover sitting in an airport

shitter all day. Like, they must have had one of those ceremonies where that dude got some metal and he walked out like... What's going on there with your leg? Unfortunately my leg doesn't work too. I had to sit 20 hours one day in the Lindbergh terminal in Minneapolis bumping feet with people who work in government legislating against their own personal interests because they've been taken into a neo-fascist cult

pretending that that's the only way to survive. He was taken to the airport police station. Also hilarious. Larry... APD! Larry handed the cop his US Senator business card and said, quote, what do you think about that? I think you're a real fucking prick for saying that you don't like gay people.

The cop just was the cop just asked for his driver's license and told him to get plead guilty and go home or plead not guilty and deal with what comes. Oh, so he was charged with peeping and disorderly conduct, a gross misdemeanor. Very gross. Very gross. Look at his flag pin. Fuck, so can we get rid of the flag pin now? That's how I know to fuck him.

He was photographed, fingerprinted, and released, and he went about his way back home to his wife, back to his life. I wonder when he told her. On June 22nd, probably on the return flight, he came back to the airport police station to complain about the way he was treated. And I might be in the bathroom for a little while. And he said he wanted information from them for his lawyer.

And on August 1st, Larry signed and mailed a guilty plea and paid a $575 fine. Which by the way, for whatever they're coming in. Yeah, you're a senator. Yeah. Part of the plea stated that he was not innocent. So he has to say, I'm definitely guilty. Right. And on August 27th, Roll he has to say I'm definitely guilty. Right. And on August 27th, Roll Call published a story

about Larry's arrest. The next day, the Idaho Statements dropped the results of their gay Larry investigation. It included the dude from the fraternity, a guy who said Larry cruised him at the Boise REI in 1994. Boise. Who knew that was such a hot bed? You need a spotter?

Anyone need a spotter? Just put chalk on his hand. He said Larry followed him around REI for about 30 minutes. That's fucking crazy. Like that- You looking at canoes? You looking at canoes? What, what's that? You like can at canoes? You're looking at canoes? What?

What's that? You like canoes? What? You want to get a canoe? You want a bicycle? No, I don't need it. Do you work here? No.

Yeah, no, I'm good. I'm figuring out what I need. I'll, if I need it. You like camping? You want to go camping equipment? You want to check out camping equipment? I'm curious, what is your role? You want to try out this tent here?

What is your role here at REI? Let's see if it's comfortable. See if you can sleep in there. I don't need a tent. I'm not here for tent here? What is your role here at REI? Let's see if it's comfortable, so you can sleep in there and move around. I don't need a tent, I'm not here for a tent. What is your role here at REI? Hi. You know what my role is?

Yeah. Blue eyes. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good, dude, I'm just shopping, okay? Oh, you're good. You've been following me for 30 minutes around REI. Like, that's crazy. You wanna go to the airport?

Why would I go to the airport? I'm in a fucking REI. Just saying, airports are pretty hot right now. I'm just gonna, I'm looking for an algein. You go to the bathroom ever? What do you mean? What is your question? Just asking you the, you ever go to

What? Airport bathrooms? No. No, I don't travel a lot. No, I'm here for rock climbing, so I'm going to get out of here. Leave me alone. For real. REI.

Huh? Just saying. Did you just say REI? Yeah. So do you work here? I don't know, do I? Why do you keep saying REI? Maybe I work here in some ways. Do you work here? I don't know do I? Why do you keep saying REI? Maybe I maybe I work here in some ways. Do you work here?

I'll tell you what you don't look like you work here because you're wearing a fucking suit with a flag pin So I don't think you do work here Should I put the pole up? Put the pole up? Flip the flag over so the poles up should I put it? What, like you're mailing something? The staff, the hard part of the flag, should I put it up? Should I? I'll tell you one thing. Yeah. This is the weirdest REI I've ever been to. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's also a 40- But I'll check out the 10. OK. Also, the 40-year-old Republican who said he had sex at DC's

Union Station. So that day, Larry holds a press conference. Hilarious. Jesus Christ. This dude needs to stop being on record. station so that day Larry holds a press conference hilarious Jesus christ this dude needs to stop being on record hey Larry less is more uh if you just sang Elvira Elvira Elvira Where's Trent Lott? Where are my friends? Thank you all very much for coming out today. We will read a statement. First, please let me apologize for the lack of clarity. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker.

I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker.

I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker.

I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good speaker. I am not a good today. We will read a statement. First, please let me apologize to my family, friends, and staff and fellow Idahoans for the cloud placed over Idaho. The cloud he got over Idaho. Why would he apologize? Can you guys hear it at all? Yeah, you can kind of hear it. So why would you apologize? Can you guys hear it at all? Yeah, you can be good. Kind of. Why would you apologize for you? But you didn't do anything.

Well, I think it's because he was entrapped. Okay. And so he's brought a lot of negativity because of all this gay stuff that he's not involved in. Minneapolis airport. I did nothing wrong and I regret the decision to be guilty and the sadness that decision has brought on my wife, my son, my daughter, my son, my daughter, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son,

my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son, my son the sadness that decision has brought on my wife, my family, friends, staff, and fellow Idahoans. And for that, I apologize. I ever reacted and made a poor decision. While I was not involved in any inappropriate conduct at the Minneapolis airport or anywhere else, I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in hopes of making it go away. I did not seek any counsel, either from an attorney, staff, friends, or family. That was a mistake and I deeply regret it.

Because of that, I have now retained counsel and I am asking counsel to review this matter and to advise me on how to proceed. to advise me on how to proceed. You know, you know who, you know, here's the thing. He opens it by saying he did nothing wrong. And you know who agrees that he did nothing wrong? Are your friends on the left, Larry? We agree. You didn't do anything.

Maybe you're cruising in a bad, but there are people who accept you for you. You just refuse to join the people who actually will give you empathy, and you decide to stick in your fucking weirdo cult and pretend your whole life is something that you're not. So he goes on to blame the Idaho statesman for relentlessly and viciously harassing him. And he ended by saying, quote, I am not gay and never have been gay. That is iconic. I remember that one. I'm not gay.

I never have been gay. Like, one of them will work, Larry. I'm not gay, I never have been gay, I never tried gay, I've never been with a gay. I'm not a gay. But he now has to step down as a senator liaison with Mitt Romney's presidential campaign, Mitt said, quote, he's disappointed the American people.

Which is also, like. Larry, yeah, you know, but Larry. I know. They're fucking, that's who they are. I don't want to ruin anything, but didn't he have an excuse for why he was, didn't he say. We'll get there.

Okay. Okay. Uh, Larry would he say? We'll get there. Okay. Larry would later say Mitt threw him under his campaign bus and quote, backed up and ran over me again. Well, it'd still rather be that than the dog he left on the roof for six hours driving through the mountains. The statesman called for him to resign. The Minneapolis airport cops then released the audio

of his interview and that made the story go fucking crazy. One big reason being that during the interview Larry said when he shit he had a wide stance to keep his pants from falling down. I have a wide stance. Which may have been wide as he touched. Like he's at the fucking combine.

Like he's at training camp. I have a wide stance. I have a wide stance when going to the bathroom. What are you, I mean the idea, yeah, I'm launching. I sort of, I really. When I go to the bathroom it's like this. Yeah. Mostly. I either. I go to the bathroom, it's like yeah I either I do it. I call it the bird. I do a I do a wide chaplain or sometimes I do the catcher

You ever you don't do the catcher? Not in that way I have a wide stance. I'm I do what they call sumoing so some Republicans now start turning on him and saying he should resign. McCain, Susan Collins, but Arlen Spector. But I'm not sure if he should resign. Arlen Spector said he should withdraw the guilty plea and fight it. McConnell and Lott asked him to step down as the top Republican in three committees,

which he did. Right. So stay in the party, just don't be prominent. Yeah. On September 1st, he held another press conference and said he would resign as of September 30th. What year? This is 2006, I think. Maybe seven.

But on September 10, his lawyers filed a motion to withdraw his guilty plea, saying it was, quote, not knowing and intelligent, and therefore was in violation of his constitutional rights. So the New York Times is now running headlines about Republicans who are saying they're disowning him. They're like done with him. and they're disowning him. They're like done with him.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Um. Craig is not gay, he's a pervert. The late night shows and other shows made endless jokes about Larry's wide stance. Larry got two of his kids to go on, well adopted kids, on ABC's Good Morning America, and they said their dad isn't gay. That is fucking child abuse. No, they're adults now. That is fucking child abuse. No, they're adults now. That's still child abuse.

Making your fucking kid, your kid, my dad has never fucking jerked a guy off. What? I can't say that. Talk about a Hail Mary, yeah. I mean, honestly. Imagine like if you were with, if your dad was like, will you tell these people that I'm not gay?

I feel like it's gonna be possible. Okay, what I think it what are they start grilling me? Like I didn't know he's not gay because my dad's my dad begs the shit out of my mom. I Hear it. I hear Time he's talking shit. he's telling her to change because he's a fucking alpha in there, dude. Trust me, dude. There's no, bye at most. So his son Michael Craig said his dad was a victim

of circumstance who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Over and over again. And the two kids said they sat down with their dad and he told them the truth and looked them in the eye. Looked them in the eye, yep. Michael now probably not a great character witness because two women had restraining orders against him. One for breaking a woman's nose and he was once charged with statutory rape. Larry's other kid, Shay, had a warrant out for her arrest for breaking into her ex-husband's house

and destroying his property. Well, look, that, look. What does that prove besides their characters completely in question? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, you've been pretty unfair, my guy. Then Larry and his wife had to issue a statement to ABC News, quote, Let her stop. Senator Craig and his wife said, raising children and their teens and as they become adults, it's never an easy task. Few people have gone through life without a few bumps. So now he's thrown his kids into like... He's just ruined his kids' lives.

This guy's truly, this is what's crazy. This guy's in charge of like government strategy. And all he's doing is screaming without words, actions that he's gay, and then throwing his kids under the bus. Yeah, Michael broke a woman's nose but hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Kids go through a few bumps. He's a couple bumps okay we've all been there. But the scandal helped Salmon. What? Salmon. Salmon? Larry was a very powerful politician

who backed big oil and big timber and leaving the committees left a void so Democrats were able to push legislation to preserve endangered salmon. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. That's why the world is dying! Uh-uh. The Minneapolis airport announced the bathroom where Larry was arrested That's why the world is dying! The Minneapolis airport announced the bathroom where Larry was arrested would get stall partitions

down to the floor. By the way, okay, that's the best thing he got done in Congress and Senate. That is a way better experience. And some places they ended up putting like little ways to cover the little slit there. Which is the best. I know how to pop it out. Yeah, I know. I definitely, yeah.

But that was because the bathroom had become a tourist destination. A common question at the information counter at the airport was, quote, can you please tell me where the Larry Craig bathroom is? I want to visit it. Okay, so here's my question, though. So how are you having sex in there? Like, is one guy getting up on the toilet? But then the other guy, so the other guy, is he supposed to look like he's peeing?

That's how it works. Actually, I will tell you. Somebody really knows. Oh, I know. My friend, my gay hairdresser buddy told me one time about a Macy's that was a total cruising destination and what he said was that you would buy something cheap and get a big bag and you'd get two big bags and then you'd put your feet

in the bags so if someone looked they'd just see two bags and both fits that the feet were in the bags. To which I said, that's why the gays should be running everything and not these gays. That's the real genius. Genius. He was like, you buy a fucking pair of socks, he's like, you're up there, you bank fucking in, because they were looking. So if anyone looks in there, they're like,

oh, those bags are just shuffling around a little bit. Ha ha ha ha! Hey, that Macy's bag is squirting. Ha ha ha. Guy's really enjoying what he's trying on in there. Oh! Ha ha ha ha! But yeah, because you can moan, because you might be The guy's really enjoying what he's trying on in there. Oh.

But yeah, because you can moan because you might be... Yeah, you're trying... I can't fit into this anymore. Okay. Okay, so... So the guy who ran the nearby shoeshine shop said, quote, people have been going inside, taking pictures of the stall, taking pictures outside the bathroom door. Man, it's been crazy.

That's also horrible if you don't know about that and you're just there dropping a deuce and you're like, alright, now do one of me saying cheese. Hey, no, hey, no. Oh, fuck. So on September 26th, after officially filing his motion to withdraw the guilty plea, Larry said he would not resign and would wait for the court's judgment. A week later, the judge denied it.

All right, now I'm out of here. Larry then said he's still not going to resign and would serve out his term and then retire because he had to clear his name in the Senate and the only way to do that is to remain in the Senate. And I think that tonight is good proof that that did happen. Yes. His name was definitely cleared.

He also appealed to the Minnesota Court of Appeals. In December, the statesman reported eight men said they'd had sex with Larry. This is... Eight men in. This is why... And out. Eight men in, eight men out. This is why, this is truly, this is, this is why his strategy is unbelievably stupid in all this. He's like, I will clear my name by making you never forget about what my name is associated with.

Yeah, I mean he made it worse the longer he stayed in the more attention it was. So one was an ex-sex worker Mike Jones who had, he's the guy who took down the Reverend Ted Haggard. Larry paid him two dollars for a bang in Denver. By the by. I know, but it was years ago we've had inflation. There was probably a lot of inflation that night. Another was an Idaho Republican who was an IT guy and a bear. He met Larry at a DC strip club and they went back to a house on Capitol Hill and Larry took off his suit coat and then blew the guy and then the guy blew Larry and then Larry

left the room and came back with condoms and lube and then they had anal sex and then blew the guy, and then the guy blew Larry, and then Larry left the room and came back with condoms and lube, and then they had anal sex, and then Larry became agitated, quote, after the sex, he just wanted me to get out of there. Larry put $20 in my pocket and said, quote, I can buy and sell your ass a thousand times over. You were never here. Jesus Christ. You were never here. That Christ. You were never here.

That's some fucking. Look, that's fucking alpha shit, man. That's some. Who's the dad in that fucking. That's some mad pillow talk. $20. Yeah, fuck you, buddy. Why can't he just say, why can't he just say yes to get up early in the morning?

Like everybody, I mean. Yeah, you could also just be like, hey man, I'm a senator. Can you not tell people about this? Yeah. I could buy and sell you could also just be like, hey man, I'm the center, can you not tell people about this? Yeah, I could buy and sell you. Here's 20 bucks, motherfucker. But there is probably some weird, he's probably got some, it has to be so distorted at this point, what he's going through when he's fucking.

Yeah, oh yeah. Like, he's probably just like, I'm a big, brave, straight man now. Yeah! Rawr, rawr, rawr, and the guy's like, bro, what the fuck, we just sucked each other, what are you talking about? No, you get out of here.

My wife will tell you I'm not gay. Really, like, I see your cum still. Senator, I can see your cum still. Ah, that's not mine, this is all a trap. I have a wide loogie. I'm crazy. And that's why we donate in public. The paper reported a lawyer for one of the pages, okay, so now we're back to the 1982

sex scandal. Yep. Where he first flipped out. Where he freaked out. Here's why. So the lawyer of that page now said Larry was named by his client and was in a December 1982 health ethics committee report as Congressman C. But nobody knows who the fuck Congressman C is, right? No, because they're keeping him anonymous at that time.

Even in the internal investigation? Yes, this is the- So nobody knows his name? No, the House Ethics Committee is only reporting him as Congressman C. So he has no, so he's just completely fucking freaked out. Yeah, so he flipped out for no, yeah. Yeah, he was named, like he was told he was named but nobody else did and then he was like I will take a polygraph

And they're like are you congressman C? That's cuckoo I'm married soon Quote Williams said he had sex with him two or three times. I can't remember two or three Good the statesman compared travel records and sex times and It all synced up. So they I love sex time. So the so the So the guys like I fucked him in a airport Bathroom and then like let me see your, and they show him the travel records.

And then they would look at Larry's travel records and they were there at the same time. So. That's so fucking funny. That's when you're like, that's why I'm a reporter. Checking boarding passes like this, their layers matched. Some Ronan Farrow shit.

Larry said the statesman had lowered itself to tabloid journalism and then he had a college girlfriend, but he wouldn't name her. But even if he did, that's all he does. I was with a woman. A woman was in the room. In February 2008, the Senate Ethics Committee admonished Larry for improper conduct and

trying to evade legal consequences. On top of the gay stuff, he used campaign funds to pay his legal fees. And you could only use campaign funds to pay legal fees if they are official senator duties. And most of the 200,000 had gone to the appeal. So in November, it was announced the defense fund Larry had set up six months earlier

had only raised $4,645. Too much still. The St. Louis Saints, a minor league baseball team in Minnesota announced Larry Craig Bobblefoot night. I take it I'm gonna add an addendum to my pitch of gays should run everything and whoever came up with that. Quote the keepsakes consist of a miniature bathroom stall with a couple of lower legs

and feet. One of the feet is spring loaded and taps. That is so fucking good. Fantastic. Through all of this, the Idaho Republican Party does not call for Larry's resignation. And he retired in January 2009 when his term ended, and in 2012 the FEC sued him for misusing campaign donations. Larry argued it was official business and reimbursable because he was traveling between

Idaho and D.C. Quote, he cites a U.S. Senate rule in which reimbursable per damn expenses include all charges for meals, lodging, hotel fans, cleaning, dressing of clothing, and bathrooms. And bathrooms? What is he talking about? What does that even mean? What does he tie in bathrooms? Sounds like he found a loophole.

By the way, you put that one in the middle if you're going to have it in there. Cover your tracks a little bit better. Larry was fined $45,000 in order to return $198,000 to Treasury. Now out of government, he starts a lobbying firm, New West Strategies. It's basically for mining companies. He keeps dipping into his old campaign funds for expenses. He gave his wife Suzanne $1,000 a few times using vague descriptions, which is wildly illegal.

FEC rules state ex-lawmakers should close down their accounts six months after leaving office, but he's far from the only one who broke that law. Larry, to this day, continues to work far from the only one who broke that law. Yeah. Larry, to this day, continues to work as a lobbyist on behalf of mining interests. I was hoping he was gone. The bathroom was demolished around 2015. That's a shame.

That is a shame. In 2016, the bathroom that replaced it won the 15th annual America's Best Restroom Contest hosted by Cintas, a company that cleans and provides supplies to bathrooms. A happy ending. Which Larry loves. Oh my God, what a fucking piece of shit. Just what an abysmal piece of shit. Outside of even all that, like the leading the double life and legislating, even outside

of that, all the ethical illegalities and lapses that just don't ever get punished and you just now we are we still deal with this they are never actually punished for shit and if they are it's so rare and so small and that's why we live in what we live in now which is just like and it's a great country exactly thank you for bottom-lining it it's a great country. Thank you for bottom lining it. It's a great country. It's a great country. But, you know, fucking, what a huge piece of shit. What an enormous piece of shit who sets, just sets the whole movement back as far as possible,

and yet he's one of the people who would benefit from the rights of it the most. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.er. Okay. Sir, this would be a very strange thing to read. Okay. The sources are the Eidos Statesman, the Spokesman Review, the Times News, a lot of Eidos Statesmen,

ABC News, Mining Education Foundation dot org, KTVB dot com, NPR News, USA Today, Fox News, CNN, Rolling Stone, Entertainment Now, The Smoking Gun, TowlerRoad.com, Gainesville.com, and Allison, Dagnus Sex Scandals in American Politics, a multidisciplinary approach to the construction and aftermath of contemporary political sex scandals. Shorten that shit, Allison. Well, Dave, we're not gonna ever read anything. Anyone hands us on stage again. But maybe we end with this because this one might have a little bit of value.

As a 14 yearyear-old, I participated in a federally funded civics education program. It was essentially civics debate. We did competitions, and as a junior in high school, we won the state of Idaho. We got paid, funded to compete in Washington, D.C. against others as the youngest team to make it to D.C. During our trip, we got the privilege to meet senators and representatives in their DC capital offices. Craig insisted on meeting our eight student team.

One by one, 14 to 15 year olds, allegedly, alone in his DC office. I entered, he put his arm uncomfortably around me and told me how important it was to tell my parents to vote for him. While I tried to put physical distance from him, read this, I have a lawyer on retainer and don't really care.

This should have been on the Behind the Bastards. That's the full truth. Wow. Well, that's an ending. Well, have a good night everybody. Thank you for coming out. Appreciate it. Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the Dollop.

You love listening to the Dollop. Do you want to watch the Dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate the Dollop. We're going to be doing a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little

bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit dollop you love listening to the dollop do you want to watch the dollop you're like Gareth what are you talking about by the way it's not Gary it's Gareth well we have partnered with Lakeside Animation and we are starting to animate some of our episodes so if you want to go watch a five-part animation which is actually like a 22 minute episode or 30 minute episode I can't remember of the Rube you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside,

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