The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 703 - William Penn Patrick

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine businessman William Penn Patrick. Recorded live at the Sacramento Punchline SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Nutrafol - Use code: Dollop Hydrow - Code: Dollop

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd will be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th will be in Bridgeport and 26th, the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C. at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. Hey, hi. Thank you guys. This is awesome.

We probably should have had them announce us because the energy felt pretty bad, to be honest with you. Everyone felt really confused. But we stopped touching microphones. So, yeah, we do it like a press conference of the enormous. So just imagine if we were giants who are declaring our eligibility for a certain sport. So thank you guys for coming out tonight. And real quick, keep it going for us.

How awesome are we? We voted for Reagan. We started the show when we regretted it. And we're so back. Hello. Yeah. We love being back in Sack. Don't even...

We were driving over, and I was telling us that some parts look like 1996 Russia. And I think that's pretty cool. Just a guy walking across the street. Don't worry about traffic. Just go ahead and have a saunter. No, you had that Indiana Jones last crusade, The Penitentine Shall Pass Walk. Jesus Christ, sir.

There's like a whole city around you. like, I got this. And everyone's like, we don't want to kill a man today. Well, that's how you learn. You do it once, and you're like, they all stop. Totally be careful. Yeah, it's true. And the liquor's right over there.

So you got to... Or have liquor. Crack, meth. Sure. Yeah, no one's doing liquor anymore. It's all... You're listening to the Dallum! Oh, yeah.

So American History Podcasts. Oh, fuck, Luke. I, Dave Anthony. Read a story from American history. Luke went to the sharper image. It got us... Got us a couple room deodorizers. It's like if a shit show...

Right in the middle of the intro is perfect, too. So, so classic Luke. And then he just dropped it. Did you see it? And the bottom came off like, he's like, I'm Luke, smash. How's it going? Good.

Do you want to say anything? Hi Sacramento. Sexy little voice he has. A cute little bitch. Does Christ. All right. Action. Miss Jenny Moore. March 31st.

1930. Jim Penn Patrick was born on a dirt farm in Lees Mill Township, which is a tiny town. In eastern North Carolina. Not much is known about William's childhood, but when he was 15, he dropped out of high school, borrowed five bucks, and left his impoverished home. Okay. What year are we in?

We are in 1930. Okay. So nice. Yeah. Things are good. Five bucks is like, whoa. Holy shit. I'm going to buy a house.

The roaring 20s are back. So in his own words, quote, all I had was the clothes I could get into a cardboard box. Didn't everyone say that in the 30s, and that's how they all say? Like everyone was like, all I had was a handful of clothes, one mitten and five dollars. And now I'm ready.

And now... His father disagreed telling Newsweek, quote, he was no poor boy. See? That's what I'm saying. They all fucking did it. It was like either the snow or it was all I had I had in my arms. His father told Newsweek, he was no poor boy. He left home because he wanted to. Yeah.

So Patrick says that during his adolescence, he was, quote, a very scared young man. I'm still scared about some things, but the only way to remove fear is to attack. Shit. So it started off, I was like, that's every teenager's experience.

I was like, well, that's not how I felt. I was like, I'll do theater. He's like, you need to kill people. Attack. So we're going with Patrick. That's his name. Yeah, yeah, Patrick. So he joins U.S. Air Force.

He served in the Korean War and rose in the ranks to become a staff sergeant. All right. Which is... Like a manager. That's what I worked in restaurants. That's what I would call the manager. You're the staff sergeant. Stop calling me that.

I will disobey your order. So this is probably where he developed his lifelong obsession. Here we go. There it is. Yep. Go ahead. With plane. There we go. Not, all right.

Especially fighter planes. Okay, okay. But Patrick did not fly a single mission in the war because he was in the veterinary service. When he got out, that must have been so confusing for him to be like, I'm a veteran veterinarian. What did you do?

I worked with cats and hands. Yeah, I served in Korea. I was a veteran veteran veterinarian. Call me a vet vet. Yeah, so I was what we call a petarian. It's tough. A lot of... Do I mean you petted the... No, like I worked with house pets, but I have since been discharged.

For... What was I discharged for? Yeah. Being slow at thinking of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Animals were used in the Korean War by the Air Force. By the Air Force, mostly dogs to guard bases.

And they did try a... Mostly don't. What else were they used? It was snakes. Foxes. This turtle. And they did try... Look at all these shells.

That could get confusing. Over time. Think about it. they did try a pigeon guided missile once dude I read I told you about that on an episode that is the craziest shit in the world what they were doing

do you have their what they did they put pigeons in missiles and the pigeons were like trained to like keep pecking towards the X and so like the pigeons be like all right all right doing good it was like you fucking how many how many times would a pigeon fly

a mission. I don't think they did it too many times, because I think... And they were like, they're not focused enough at the end. So, by pecking it, are they... What's the... Is it pigeon

powered by pecking? No. Well, no, it's just dropping. So the pigeons are just in it, but they're, like, moving it closer to the X that it wants to go to, so they drop it, and then the pigeon is like... Someone online is going to be like, Gares Ford Morgan.

But they were like, moving it towards the target it was going for by trying to like peck at the X and it was like controlling it a little bit. That's cool. You're allowed to react. You don't have to apologize. That's okay. People are cool. You found it interesting, which I liked. I like the things that humans come up with.

And I feel like B.F. Skitter came up with him. Maybe I'm also crazy. But Patrick didn't have anything to do with the animals. His job was to make sure the food was. was clean. Jesus Christ, what a fuck. This is the job you want in the war. Yeah, cleaning the animals. They're kibbles ready. Yeah.

Did you wash it? For sure. Shined it up good. I shined it up nice. You should see how shiny that wet food is. Once his time in the Air Force was up, he moved to Sacramento to go to college. You're definitely going to do with that. Which he did not love.

Home of the... Quote, we're not... Quote, we're educated not to believe in ourselves and most people are afraid of life. Fortunately, the education didn't take. Swear to God, every time I'm done with this guy, he pulls me back in.

The education did not take. I'm allergic to stuff. So, um, when he was 20 years old, he created, he came up with a master career plan. Here we fucking go.

Which you do at 20. That's how you do it. For sure. First step, become a multi-millionaire. Boom. Step two. Enjoy the fuck out of that. Step three.

Second step, become the governor of California. Boom. Suck it. Third step, the White House. Boom. From there, he began a string of failed business operation. Boom. Step one and a half.

Step point five. Five, fail a bunch. Step four, run this subway into the ground. Five, get asked to leave this subway restaurant. Step six, I stole some baked lane. I'm banging the empty bag of- Step eight, sheriff. A fecal poster?

Do you know what businesses are? Step 11. Step-step. Step dad, won't bail me? So, he sold pots and, pans to people on a military base. What's just... Next president!

Do you guys need any pots and pants? No. What about you guys? Any pots and pans? Buddy, get out of here for the last time. You guys just came back from the war. Would you like a pan? Are you guys looking to baby bake some pastas? or a soup? I can clean your rabbits' food.

Step 15. Oh, no. Is he old now? Oh, yeah. After the pots and pans, he ran a gas station. That's more straightforward. I mean, that's way... Ben, he...

Going on a military base to sell pots and pans. Then he went door to... or selling jewelry. See, now we're back. Then he ran a wig shop. I got to say, as funny as it, it really says a lot about the job market back then,

because now it's like, do you want to do dooredash? Back then he was like, hey, I sell pots of pans, I ran a gas station. Now I'm a wigsman. He failed at everything he tried. A dozen of more ventures. He just kept failing. So Patrick now thinks that he is a loser.

Well, I feel bad for him, but also, you know. Until one day, at the age of 33, when he walked by a garage sale in San Rafael, California. That's where I'm from. Right near where I'm from.

A garage sale changing your life is nice. You ever been to a San Rafael garage sale? No fucking joke. All right. I ask you to calm the fuck down. There's no fucking joke. You guys have your little Wisconsin garage sales. Would you like a casserole pan?

What the fuck? First of all, that's an estate sale. Nobody's selling that when they're alive. People in Wisconsin are laughing so hard at you. Selling a casserole pan. If you sold it, it would be called a casserole, because that's what's rolling in. So some women,

we're selling an industrial amount of fruit-scented cosmetics. What? Where are we at? I thought this guy was going to fly a plane into something. So a fruit-scented cosmetics? Fucking ain't right. Okay. How would you like a banana mascara?

Oh. Step 42. Strawberry lip gloss. So they had a company Zolene, and it was going out of business, so they were liquidating everything. However, despite all of his business failures, Patrick was able to pony up $16,000. What the fuck?

Today's money is about $166,000. This garage sale was like, Jesus, Christ. Act calm, Joyce, act calm. He bought? Yes, that's a fair offer. Absolutely. Good negotiating. Step 51.

Fucking idiots. So he buys all the makeup, starts a new company, Holiday Magic. Holiday Magic had nothing to do with Christmas. Its inventory consisted of fruit-laden products like strawberry frape-cleanser. Strawberry Frape-Cleenser. That is so confusing. It'd be like putting out my fruit.

Like, this is strange. Moon Magic Face Powder. Fruit-Tang Skin Toner. Why does each one of these keep sounding like something below the belt? Wait, the moon powder's for your face. I put on some tang magic. It burns. Of course, lemon, delight, eye, and throat oil.

Throat oil. Yeah, girl. That sounds like a little piece of paper that would be like an ad out of playboy. Throat oil. That's interesting. Hey, what do you do with throat oil? Oh, you just got to throw it down your throat in your throat. It really keeps your throat nice and moist.

Well, it's pretty moist in there already because... Oh, buddy, you think that. I remember I used to be like you and I was like, Yeah, my throat's fine. No. It was like sand in there. Then I started using holiday magic lemon-scented throat oil. Yeah.

I swear to God, I'm swallowing cucumbers without chewing. To the construction side, they're putting an extension on my house for free! What is that in the new truck? Well, it's just it slips down. It's just it slips down there. And those guys are kind of pervy. So sometimes I just go down there and I'll just swallow hot dogs or cucumbers without a bite. Just the things glide down like they're a bullet train.

And they come out the same way too. Holiday magic. Okay, dook. Mm-mm. Instead of a more traditional business. model, Patrick went with something different. At the top of his organization were the holiday girls

who would go door to door or throw makeup parties for bored housewives. Oh, wow. What a nightmare. It's upsetting. Ready for a party? Come on, everyone. Let's use some throat oil. Who's that man in your bushes?

Step 61. A holiday girl could spend 4,500 or around 35,000 today to become a master distributor. So it's a pyramid scheme. So he started a holiday magic pyramid scheme. It's just $35,000. And then I just have to get 10 people to do the same thing under me. Doop to do, do. That's the magic.

They had, and then they all had their own team of holiday girls. above them were general distributors who had a team of master distributors. Hold on, what's that for me? No, no, wait. Keep going, because it's sort of starting to slim down, roll wide. And to get there, it would cost you today's equivalent of around 70,000.

Uh-huh. One level up, there is a small group of the best salesmen who were now executives who had salaries of 100,000, which is around a million in 2025 money. Right. And sitting at the very tippy top was Patrick. Right.

So there's one guy at the top. And then a few, and then a dozen, and then a bunch, and then a shitload, and then the rest. Yeah. Structurally, that thing's not going anywhere. That's a foundation I can live with. There's an ad in the Miami News. Quote, how would you like to make

108,000 this year in your spare time? Nonsense? No, magic. Holiday magic to be exact. Okay. Yeah, I'd be like, uh, no, what? Do you want to make $100,000 and $8,000 part time? Sure.

Chug this lemon throat oil. Where do you lost me? You want to go out of my boat? What? No. What do you mean? Hey, keep fucking up this part. Yeah.

Oh, sorry, you can make money. I got confused. Yeah, I don't, I'm not going out on your boat. Are you nodding like... I don't know. No, no, no, I'm certainly out. That was crazy. Hey.

But I'm still here. Because this era's the worst. thanks to this unique business model and it is unique at the time is it that's the fuck you gotta love that the first people that came up with the pyramids came up that's awesome

these people are idiots so Patrick didn't need to give a shit about how much makeup he sold the real money was coming from the people who wanted to sell it oh fucking genius and with the promise of making 100,000 a year they were lining up to pay for the privilege

and he wrote to his employee about their arrangement in a company magazine with a piece called Sovereignty. Sovereignty. Quote, measure your independence against the salaried employee of any company. Compare your growth, your income, and your opportunities with their security. Would you like to be limited to a salaried security and menial mediocrity? I doubt it. A salary, would you like to be limited to a salaried security?

It's so funny. Yeah, would you like security? Yeah, yeah, to know what I'm going to make. Absolutely. That sounds really good. Would you like security? No. No, no.

I want unpredictability. Live out on the edge. Where do you can fall apart in any moment. Give me the security of roulette. You could be really rich but have the floor ripped out from money at any moment. Wow.

Wait, you're the guy about the boat earlier. Now! Did you consider the throat? Yeah, I thought about it. Oil? Yeah, my husband said that's fucking crazy. Not that. I only listen to him.

I'm also very independently minded. I have so many cucumbers to get rid of. This triangle-shaped business model was unbelievably successful. So he started countless other companies with the exact same business model. Oh, fucking awesome. Awesome.

Selling clothing, vitamins, door-to-door fuel additives. Like everything. Door-to-door fuel additives? It's called diesel sprinkles. Ice cream better. That's what diesel sprinkles do. You're going to love that. It's Jimmy's for the car.

You know what your boat needs is some lemon oil. There we go. Times if you wished your exhaust was a rainbow. Well, with the new sherbur. So Patrick instantly becomes a multimillionaire off of the companies, especially holiday magic. And he disavowed writing checks, only spending cash from the wad in his pocket, which was always around, quote, oh, $10,000 or $15,000.

Notice they put a pyramid on money? Because the whole thing's fucking bullshit, dude. Oh, my God. You bought it, hold on. You bought it into a fucking, we're the fucking bottom of the pyramid scheme, dude. And the president's not even the top. He's at the executive level. We don't even know the motherfucker who's at the fucking top selling us

the fucking holiday magic bullshit. So just think about that. Like, we'll get back to the story and enjoy the fuck out of tonight. But when you leave, I want you to think about that a little bit too. Why'd they put a pyramid on this shit? Because we're scum-sucking pieces of shit

who just bought into it. We're sucking the cute... Go ahead. Feels like I'm starting to lose something. Go ahead. At the end of the show, we're going to announce our new dollb coin, by the way. We have to do this.

that. Oh, it would be so funny. It would be the crazy. It would be so funny. Would anyone alienate their fan base faster? Then it would be like, hear us out. The dog coin would just

most coin, when they send them out, they do this, ours would just go, what the fuck? Yeah. What is this shit? I'd be like shit. Having accomplished step one of his career plan,

he turned his sights towards step two, running for governor of California. Wow, he's going for it. Awesome. In 1966, against Ronald Reagan from the right. Oh shit. Well, slow down.

Dare I say that's a little wackadood. And he got under 2% of the vote. That's awesome. It's a heavy number. Huh? It's just a big number. Yeah, that's great. He blamed his electoral disaster on one man.

Mervyn D. Field. What? What, that's... What I can't... Cannot wait to find out why this fucking little guy, Mervyn. Wait, what do you mean? He's blaming you.

Why? Mervyn ran the California poll, and Mervyn had Patrick polling at around 1% and Patrick thought the slanted poll was convincing people not to vote for him. Think about it. It's very Trumpy.

That's like that Iowa poll that he like sued over. It's very like, people saw that I was doing shitty, so I did shitty. Besides himself, Patrick started telling people that Mervyn had been paid off to bury him with terrible numbers.

Love that this guy's like, he's foolish, he's taking money, a lie to people. Anyway, here's my lemon-scented throat coat. Go door to door. Mervyn sued Patrick for slander and easily won.

Patrick said that made no difference to him that he couldn't find any evidence. He still believed Mervyn had sold the slanted pole. So Mervyn's lawyer then read aloud a passage from one of Patrick's sales pamphlets, quote, anyone who will not listen to the truth and accept it is dishonest. Not me, I wrote that shit.

Fucking idiots. The jury ordered Patrick to pay $300,000 to Mervyn, which is $3 million today. Just nothing to him, though. No, he's got so much money. Good for Mervin, though. I hope this was pre-3 million because... It looks like a goodwill man again. That's actually about the same amount that Patrick spent on his camera.

of his own money, where he lost to Reagan by one and a half million votes. It's a lot. Well. Patrick May had lost the election, but he wasn't done influencing politics as a rich ultra-right guy. Yeah, see, that's the thing. You don't need to run. You just pay him. Imagine some fucking rich prick.

Isn't it? Very quickly. How fucking crazy do you have this? Shut up, Dave. How fucking crazy do you have to have been? Back to the story. Fuck them. Not just the weird thoughts of a tired boy.

Hurry up. You want to do your little thing that you're anything? Let's do a Squarespace head. He famously declared at the meeting of United Republicans in California that Supreme Court Justice Earl Warren shouldn't be impeached. He should be hanged. That same week, he sued the AFL-CIO for 51 million of damages because they called for a boycott against his company for his right-wing views.

Holy shit. He also started paling around with Robert DePue of the Minutemen, the Cold War's first large-scale right-wing paramilitary crew. Wow. That's fun. You got to get a... You gotta get a paramilitary group or... What a valuable piece of information to the story.

I bet that'll come back. Sure glad I was here for it. I don't know if I've ever seen a lady with a more of a... Who gives a shit? Look on that. She doesn't care. I will be honest. It was startling.

I feel like I walked out on her. her show. So the Minutemann stated... Minutemann. The Minutemann. It's the first reggae parameditary

group. It's the first reggae right-wing paramilitary group in America. I'm Ronald Reggae. Well, pass to the left. Or should I say the right? We're going to fuck

the unions, ma' I don't think you're terrible. Their stated purpose was to use guerrilla warfare to repel the communist invasion that they believe was happening everywhere from the White House to your house.

I just can't... What is it? Like every three years we do it? I mean, they just... Right wing people would just sit down and go, communist! As everything collapses, they're like, you can't let communism come here. Things might get bad.

careful easy doesn't a popular stick it a popular sticker of theirs read quote see that old man at the corner where you see that old man at the corner where you buy your papers

he may have a silencer equipped pistol under his coat that literally is what they ended up doing they just keep they're like the cheating dude who's like, you're cheating on me. Like, you're doing the fucking thing. That's one of those stickers, too.

You'd be driving, and you'd be like, I gotta pull up to read it and be like, why did I do? Fuck this guy. See, that guy on the ride, he's got a sounder pistol under his jacket. That old guy. Oh, that was not done.

That fountain pen in the pocket of the insurance salesman that calls on you might be a cyanide gas gun. What about your milkman? Traders! Beware! Even now the crosshairs are on the backs of your necks. What was

who was this for? This is still the makeup. All patriotic Americans. This is still the guy who's selling like lip gloss and shit? Well this is the group that he's now telling around with. Yeah, but he's like still, yeah, right. Okay, so.

Yeah. So, yeah. So just just saying why. Also, are you interested in buying some lash lifter? Sorry about all that stuff about the fountain pet having cyanide inside of it. DePue introduced Patrick to George Wallace. Oh. At least he had our style of microphones for the show tonight.

Holy fuck. An insanely racist, segregationist, Alabama governor to be his running mate in 1968 under the Patriot Party. ticket. Oh, fuck. But sadly, it fell apart after Patrick didn't make good on his promise to fund the opening of a Patriot Party headquarters

in every major American city. Patrick was a prominent member of the John Birch Society, who's apocalyptic conspiracy theories and unhinged activism radicalized the American right

and it's one of the primary reasons the Republican Party is what it is today. Awesome. Awesome. It turned out great. It's really good. They're all dead. Yeah.

You know how? Why? Commies. Comies. I knew communists. Chelsea Handler was killed by it. Is that Chelsea Hanley? It's hard to tell. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah? Is that Chelsea Han. I don't want to guess anymore. You know it all? white women look the same to me. Oh. I think you're based. I think you fucking just snuck in there.

It became cool, man. You bet you. You bet you. Stop looking at you. One of the Bertusie bankrolled was Dan Smoot, the former FBI agent right-wing propagandist, who once published the newsletter, Fact Forum with H.L. Hunt.

Oh, fuck. moot. Jesus Christ. This is quite a who's who. So throughout it all, Patrick was always writing, everything from pamphlets to poems. Poems? Yeah.

Blueberry mascara. Oh, that'd be great, yeah. This poem is called blueberry mascara. He started veering into the world of self-help, although from an individualist, an Iranian sort of way from his poem resistance quote

the mediocre person the average person is ruled by circumstances this is a guy went to a garage sale and bought makeup he paid $116,000 in today's money for lip shit and he's like

you're surrounded by like weaklings you've got to attack it reminds me at that time I saw a sign for a rummage sale and bought a bunch of rouge. You got to attack. This is the guy who was selling pots and pans.

On a military base. They cook for us. Well, it might be nice to... Fuck. Anyone named me to train a dog? The mediocre person, the average person, is ruled by circumstances. If you are a person of circumstance,

the cure for their disease is courage. Does that mean anything? Yeah, if Bongo's would help that a lot. It's courage. Selfishness is a normal and necessary human quality that everyone has and uses. That's the same... If we as individuals were not selfish,

we would never have anything. That is the same must... Come on, man, it's public. It would be hysterical to go to a poetry night and read his shit. Just people like, I don't know, man. Listen, cats, I got some stuff that's been really scratching at me lately. And I gotta get it out. This next poem is called You're Weak and Poor.

I call this shiny food. Selfishness Is unquality That was the pause Yeah But it's the same shit with the musk Like empathy is a weakness This whole idea of like

You've got to attack to get everything in the world And fuck anyone who stands in your way It's about killing everyone near you So you have the most shit that you don't need And nobody likes you Cats This foray into self-help coincided with the late 60s, early 70s, California's self-empowerment movement, which combined pseudoscience affirmations and sometimes tough love.

One contemporary in this time was El Ron Hubbard. Oh, good. His program was called Scientology. And that went away. I was doing a show here one night and the feature got off stage and he did a joke about Scientology and got off stage and walked back right there

and he's standing there and a guy walks up to him and he goes I heard your Scientology stuff what was your name? Yeah and he tells him he takes out a notebook and writes it down only a fucking feature comic would be like I'll tell you my real name

it's just nice to be singled out some of the video. How was your, how was the show? Someone asked me my name. Bring him into Scientology. This next guy's such a suppressive person. You guys are gonna, you should see this guy in the E-meter.

He's got full of so many Thadens. So, uh, Luke, can you eat a little quieter? You house your chips at a slower rate. The daub is brought to you by Nutrifold. Garrett Neutcheville is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement trusted by over one and a half million people that's a lot of people that's like a country's worth we're among them I don't believe

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Yeah, and it was way under a million. Shut up. I did. Yeah, I started too. I started taking it too. I am still in the early phase of it, but it's easy to. Yeah. For myself, it's worked great. People have noticed it. People in the audience of shows, my friends, my hairdresser, everybody's like Dave.

Well, they also, there's other stuff besides just the oral pills. There's, uh, there's other stuff too. Like it sends, nope, you stop talking about a hair line of products right now, mister. Right now. There's a lot of others. No. Do they have hair suppositories? No. Nobody wants, no. But no, there's like shampoo.

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lost that sponsor because of that. In the best way possible. That's how you go out. We started high with the suppository stuff and then we take out with the absolute low point. Gareth, you know those workouts where you finish and you

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or including Arc. That's H-Y-D-R-O-W.com. Code Dullop. Yeah. So Patrick, he said off of my name, Mind Dynamics. Quote, a program that purported to increase people's IQ, improve their reading speed, relieve pain, speed the healing of injuries, and increase extra sensory perception. Take bigger shit, shoot bigger loads. Everyone's going to like you more. With my new...

You're going to be rich, and your knee's going to stop hurting. Everything will be good, your shitty neighbor will do. Your grass will be taller. You can smoke it if you want. If not, it becomes the police and bust the people who looked at it. So they would do this by teaching clients to turn on their alpha brainwain.

You got to turn on you on the brain. The Joe Rogan... What would you do if Joe Rogan asked to have you on? I don't think I want to give you my answer. By myself to Austin, Mr. Rogan. See that he had Bono on? Yeah, it was... And then Bono said something,

and then he immediately went on Twitter and called him an idiot. I mean, he's right. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. It's like, that's the perfect zone, because you're like, well, I'm not going to stand up for Bono. Bono's charities, he's like, I raise too much money to healthcare AIDS. And it's like, didn't you take most of it? And he's like, uh,

check your iPhone. I put an album in it. You fucking asshole. I'll never forgive them for that. Everyone was like, that's it. Go fuck yourselves. The Edge hasn't spoken since. So people loved mind dynamics.

A senior vice president of Pepsi swore by it, telling the New York Times that he is, quote, now able to give 40-minute speeches without using notes and that his powers of recall of vital information have vastly improved. And you employees are like, ugh, fuck. Thanks to mind dynamics, your lunch is the worst. Oh, fuck. With its success, Patrick set out on a new venture by taking mind dynamics and bringing in the world of business.

And the new project was called Leadership Dynamics. Oh, fuck. It's so great. Now, obviously, this became mandatory for anyone at Holiday Magic who wanted promotion to attend. I can't believe that business still exists. Okay So everyone I do attend For one three-day course In today's money, $10,000

I mean Do you want to get to the top of Blueberry Mountain? What are you talking about? Lippon Mountain Lippon

Okay, blueberry lip bombs That's different Blueberry lotion Are you talking about a mountain made of blueberries? Blueberry dandruff What's going on? Shampoo Blueberry dandruff shampoo

It gives you dandruff? Blueberry eye drops Blueberry eye drops? Yeah. I don't think you're... Have you looked at the product wine lately? That's Christ. I bought a lot of blueberries.

They don't know what to do with them. Blueberry lung fluid. Leadership dynamics was first and foremost about radical honesty, bearing your deepest fears in front of a room of mostly strangers when confronting that fear with courage and attacking it. Like we do here. You first Well

Come on you weak bitch Okay Blueberry Mountain is a strange But they took it a little too far Of course Now Percentage wise

What are we talking men to women Oh I'm sure It's 95% Yeah it's got to be at this point. Like the 5% of women were like, okay. This is insane.

Is that door locked too? Now you eat my blood. For example, a London hotel banned them claiming they set the dance floor on fire. Disco had just started, Dave. How else are you going to learn to lead? Imagine.

How did their business meeting go? The room burned. When attendees were asked to bear everything, they were asked to do it literally by getting fully nude. Once nude, some say they were then made to beat the shit out of each other. Yeah, beautiful.

How great is a naked fight club? I think we're losing the threat of what the purpose of this organization is. Well, do you mind if at least I be naked? You can wear whatever you want, but I'll be nude. At some point, they just start punching more because they're getting hard. Yeah.

This isn't happening. Now put some watermelon serum on it. One student, quote, I was black and blue from head to toe. My cheekbone was sticking out over an eighth of an inch. Not that much. Dizzy spells, continuous pain in the chest, and ribs and stomach.

My wrists were infected, and I had continuous nightmares. No, long, no, that's not. That's not an injury. Your wrist is broken. What's it infected with doctor? Look at it. It's infected. My wrists are infected. Oh, no.

And I had continuous nightmares. Oh, well, that I do it. According to the book The Pit, a group encounter defiled, participants were locked in cages. I cannot. I'm so fucking tired of saying this. How else can you become a leader,

except we put in a cage and have another man pee on you. We're not peeing at each other. Whipped and peed on. No! To eat their own vomit. Do you want to be CEO or not? Oh my God.

Just imagine when this land was colonized. Just taking the Native Americans to this and being like, So basically this is the plan. Seems like you guys are doing pretty good with crops and stuff. But watch this guy eat that guy's puke. It's mixed with some of his piss.

But he can't reach all of it because some of it's out of his cage. This costs $10,000. I can't believe they're pissing and eating puke. They're eating puke. There's nowhere left to go in this story, sir. This is, to me, as funny as it gets, when guys are in cages, all right, now eat your puke.

Yeah, yeah. All right, good, good, good. That's some self-made gruel there, boy. Oh, shut the fuck up. This is insane. I'm not writing it. This happened. I literally saying what they did.

But how great to piss on a guy in a cage, if I'm being honest. You like that, you little weirdo? There's a little lemon-scented throat coat for you. Some were told they thought they were dead to the possibilities of life, so to confront that, they were shoved into a coffin. Imagine the luggage carts when they're bringing them in? What is this again? It's a business seminar.

You teach sort of CEO techniques. And those coffins? Well, just ten for the guys you think they're no longer. breathing. That's after they eat their puke and they've been pissed on. In their cage. Can we light a fire in that room? I think we're in conference room B and C. Are we allowed to let a fire

in there? No, it's a no fire room. Okay, that's fine. We'll just like some of the cops. Incidentally, you actually can't pee in there? Well, we have tarps. We're not going to pee in the room. The guys will drink most of the pee. It's called birdbathing. Once again, I don't know why they're having that reaction. I'm merely taking a very simple reality and moving it two degrees to the right.

I really think I've done very little. I had to just keep that deposit. You were not going to be getting that back. When Patrick was finally sued over leadership dynamics, he told his questioner that the coffins were, quote, very nice. You would like it. I'm not getting inside of one of your coffins. Patrick.

When asked if anyone with claustrophobia had been placed in a coffin, his response was, quote, well, let me say this. If they did, they got over it. Nope. No, they didn't. Some of his employees were tied to a cross.

It's called... Of course a woman doesn't understand. This is called being a business person. How many times are they? to say, do you want to run shit like Jesus did? No, no wait, no wait.

Look at America. It's working. We got it. Patrick made sure to tell the court that no one was nailed to the cross. By the way, hours and hours. I'm going to do my impression of the lawyer of his lawyer when he said that.

In one session, a man was forced to perform a blowjob on a dildo while women who were attending a separate class were brought in to watch. What was their class. A lot of you, a lot of you would do that. Surviving Hilton.

Is that Frank? To become the manager of McDonald's. That's vomiting piss. Everybody's You take that tildo out of your mouth we are leaving out, sucking it, and then we're leaving. Don't bring the cross, you idiot.

Untie him. Is he nailed? No. That would be ludicrous. We're not crazy. We're not crazy here. When asked about the blow job, Patrick said, quote,

well, to put it bluntly, there are a lot of men that come to class that have forgotten how to use theirs. What? You libt dick, motherfucker. Suck that dildo. Is this guy sucking his own dick? I don't know, but that doesn't make sense at all.

A lot of guys don't remember how to suck their own dick because it's really hard. But they've all. tried. No matter what they say, they've all tried. No matter what they said. Here's what they said. Here's what's crazy. A few of them have gotten to the time. And those are reactions we'd love to see. This reminds me of this this read-it post where a guy said he fucked up because he went over to partake at a threesome. And then during the discussion beforehand, And he said he could blow himself.

So he did, and they were like, okay, leave. Who the fuck goes anywhere when you could suck your own dick? Are you kidding me? People are like, you see Gareth? Yeah, he don't come out anymore. Ever since he mastered that yoga class, we haven't seen him. Nah, I think I'm going to smoke weight and suck my dick again. Sorry.

Nobody can beat what I'm doing here. So the lawsuit starts. start piling up. And they became too much of a headache, and the Leadership Dynamics Institute closed its doors. And that's why we have no fucking leaders in America. Because you're all too woke! Boom.

But the legal problems didn't end there. People began asking more questions and seeking more information about holiday magic. I can't believe. I know. It's still. It sounds, by the way, for people who are eating puke and sucking dildos in a business center in a hotel, holiday magic is a pretty good name. Sounds like where they stayed.

It used to be a holiday inn. Then Patrick came to town. A Canadian college student felt duped and immediately asked for his money back. Of course, it's a Canadian. Go back up there then if you don't like it. what we're doing. Down here's for showman. Go back there if you want to move this stuff around.

He went back, he went to the Better Business Bureau who wrote a letter to Holiday Magic on his behalf. A few days later, the student went into the offices to see about his refund, but a man held up the letter, quote,

he held it in front of me and then tore it in half and threw it away. He said that showed what the company thought of the better Business Bureau and the government. By the way, back then probably not great, but now... Yep, working. The person at the Better Business

Bureau who was typing was like, sorry, can you go back a little bit more? A little lost. When an undercover reported attended a sales pitch meeting to recruit new members, he asked if it was a pyramid scheme and the head salesman laughed.

Quote, Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ Yeah Hear him out He was a pyramid scheme He had 12 master distributors And Christianity has not become The number one religion yet

Christ's pyramid scheme has never reached A point of saturation like ours has What literally Go go find your point What are you even So the apostle, like, and the whole thing's myr, man! It's, this is not normal. No, no, it's indefensible.

So he's like, the more I talk, the longer I'm getting away with it. In 1973, a judge found the company guilty of running an unfair and deceptive marketing scheme and ordered them to refund investors. a.k.a. all the people who had thought they were signing up for a job. On top of that... That's just for the... Holiday Magic. The Holiday Magic one.

So all the people who went to their business training seminars are like, are we going to... That was like $10,000 to be getting that back, or... On top of that, the Securities and Exchange Commission said they defrauded their workers of about $1.6 billion in today's money, and that Holiday Magic's promise of making $100,000 a year was fraudulent. In fact, they said that in order for all the investors

to bring in six figures a year, every single person in America would need to be recruited. Well, that's the plan before a bunch of fucking nerds got in the way. Patrick's obsession with fighter planes and his unlimited amount of cash led him to start a company called Spectrum Air, which rented out vintage aircraft and repaired

private planes. How is he still out there? What do you mean? He's got money. It's time to fucking get into a new business. I mean, but is nobody like, dude, dude, look, you pay two C. Buk at a holiday inn. Like, that's criminal.

But he made money from that. I see your point. Shortly after a spectrum, so this is, everybody get that? So they rent out vintage aircraft and repair private planes. Right.

So shortly after a spectrum repair job, one plane immediately fell out of the sky, killing the pilot. They're not supposed to do that, by the way. On the contrary, my friend, that's a big part of the business model. Patrick was ordered to pay the widow about $6.5 million in today's

cash. Imagine. And in 1972, an employee got in a Korean War era F-86 fighter plane plane from Spectrum and promptly crashed into an ice cream parlor, killing 22 people, mostly kids. I like

how the ice cream part really affected people more. People have been dying. Oh my God, while they were eating ice cream? No, no, no, no, no. Did any of the... The plane wasn't supposed to be flown in the first place. Oh, good.

It was supposed to be used as part of a memorial in front of a town hall in Canada. Why the fuck was the guy in it? It was like one of those planes they put in front of airports. He was like, all right, clear for takeoff. Now, 141, you are actually just a model attacks to the ground. All right, we're turning out a bunch of the stuff here, Captain. Ready to go.

Runway forward clear. We're about to head out of here. Once again, you are not a real claim. You should not be taking off. You are basically a goddamn statue. I'm surprised the gear's even working in there. This is 149. Mayday.

Mayday. Absolutely, Mayday. All right, we're getting ready to go here. Ladies and gentlemen, buckle your seatbelts. I know you're a bunch of dolls that have brought from my ex-wife's house. I'm having what they call a clinical meltdown right now. I drank a bunch of bleach and get ready. We're all...

We're up in the beautiful skies. Today's movie will be Mission Impossible 3. Mission Impossible 3 brought to you by a man who believes that aliens live inside of his belly. Just have to consider that Tom Cruise is just trying to kill himself and none of us are stepping in. So now both the Canadian and U.S. governments had no idea how it was taken from storage and Canada and ended up in Patrick's hands. So he's like paying people to steal planes. We don't even know.

That don't work. He's just getting planes that are like out of commission. And by 1973, this incident had cost Patrick today's equivalent of around $64 million and it's still going up all the time because lawsuits are still happening. So lawsuits are totally piling up. He's getting sued or had injunctions against him in Arkansas. Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, and New York. When's he become the president?

Step 1,428. Sell decommissioned claims to victims. Striking distance of a Baskin-Robbins. Stick to the... The Attorney General of California, Avelle Younger, hit him with a series of suits that attacked the pyramid scheme business model in all of his companies. Patrick went after Younger then, suing him alleging harassment, intimidation, and deprivation of property rights for the money he had stolen from his workers.

The best. I do love that counters. You broke the law. I'm taking you to court. Well, that's making people think I'm a fucking asshole. I'm taking you to court. He took out full-page ads in papers charging that Younger was using lawsuits against him to get attention in advance of a run for governor. The ads had headlines like, is lynching legal in California with a cartoon of himself with a noose around his neck?

These, man, they just... Money is cancer. What are you talking about? It's great. You know what? That's the fucking thing about you fucking libs. You hear the story of a guy who's wildly successful

creates many businesses and you're like and you're like, he peat on people like it's fucking crazy. You know what's fucking... He created jobs, man. It's so funny that for a minute

I forgot he peed on people pee on people in fucking kennels. All right, Doug, go to your crate. Andy piss on Doug. Sunday's gonna be wild, everybody. We're just wrapping up Saturday. As the walls closed in, Patrick took to this guy. He's flying.

He's flying. He's got money. He's got planes. He's flying. He loved doing aerobatic tricks, aerobatic tricks, especially when a newbie was in the cockpit with him. So he likes to show off. He's like, look at what I can do.

I can't. Dave, I'm hoping. No. I'm hoping this ends. Why would it? What? It has to. This is a guy

who's fucking enjoying himself. Give me what I need, please. So he and a buddy jumped into a PF1 Mustang plane and took off. This is great. Nobody knows what happened next or why, but in the middle of the worst moment

of his personal and professional life, Patrick's plane crashed into a field 80 miles north of San Francisco, killing him and his passenger. cheering death. Yeah, we need to start normalize, like we need to be very, we need to normalize the death of motherfuckers.

We have to be allowed to cheer when they die. It just keeps, like, the news when this happened would be like, it's such a billionaire. Had it passed away today. Known for some strange techniques when it came to making money, he's a winner by a family, and dogs with the cleanest food.

of the world. Certainly strange, but there's no need to be rude to the man who died and made a guy eat his own piss puk. In Patrick's own words, quote, Did he hit a Mr. Freeze? Quote, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being wealthy.

God, you have made me an eagle, and I will break the shackles of fear and ignorance which have bound my wings. That... By the way, should have broken out of those a little harder. That with the freedom of truth, I will soar above the mountains and clouds

and see the wonders of the earth. And the great wealth and happiness you have made available. But you've got to use less like skyy in your window if you're going to die in a plane crash. I will fly high in the sky on the wings of my money. Unable to be brought down unless I'm ready.

Maybe we shouldn't have put all those jimmies in the fuel tank. He was great. That's it? He's dead? Oh, fuck. Well, yeah, he died. He crashed. Research by Josh Androsky. Sources.

Mental floss. Shell shock. The pyramid schemer was convinced his targets to climb at a coppins. New York Times fringe the strange and terrible history of the far aid in high weirdness. New Times twins. Falls, Idaho, Sacramento, Bean, Miami News, Ottawa Citizen, Daily Independent Journal, and the Anaheim Bulletin.

Did you, how much did you know about this guy before? Yeah, I told him, I read a tiny bit, and I was like, see what you can find? Yeah, I was, because the headlines were like, so there was once a really crazy fucking lunatic right wing, and I was like, yeah, so that guy will be good. He said, Avon. Oh, because they were a rival makeup company,

so he was like, fuck you! All right, you can do door-to-door makeup sales, but you can't make dudes piss on each other. Well, I mean, obviously, it's just like, this is the fucking problem. Like, when are we going to stamp out this behavior, these humans? When are we going to... Success? No, no. The idea that, like, you know what I mean?

Like, it has to stop. Like, when do we stop? Success? Oh, fuck. Will it ever end? No. No. Oh, God, no.

If it would have ended, it would have ended a while ago. But we're just wrapping up. We're ramping up again. We're about to all enter the hotel banquet room together. It feels like the lesson was go bigger. Yeah. Take care of the servers, whoever helped you tonight. Come back to the next show.

We appreciate it. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes.

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