The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 704 - The Lady Franklin Bay Expedition

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Lady Bay Franklin Expedition SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Hims  Mint Mobile  Squarespace - use code: Dollop Helix Sleep...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 you know what i don't have a log cabin in the yukon you know what i wish i had right now a log cabin in the yukon because apparently people are flocking up there to see the northern lights like the sky's throwing a rave every night and people need places to stay and not hotels there aren't a ton of hotels up there but if you've got a spare room cozy cabin a yurt you could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host in a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for. Could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip, make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their
Starting point is 00:00:52 belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think find out how much at arbnb.ca slash host go ahead you're listening to the dollop on the all things comedy network you know we do here each week we go through a story from american history yeah i dave anthony lover of shoes burping beast man with over one toilet tells a story from American history
Starting point is 00:01:30 to his idol Gareth Reynolds who has no idea what the topic is going to be about thanks for calling me your idol hey man you really are did I tell you I'm doing Riyadh Dave really I know are you doing Riyadh
Starting point is 00:01:46 you are that's going to be the new put down this is every time this is what I'm going to do from now But if I've ever heard a conversation with comics and a new one walks over, I'll be like, this is the guy who's telling you about who did Riyadh. Hello, governor. Hello, governor. Hello, governor.
Starting point is 00:02:08 It's a big and spicy meatball. Hello, governor. Hello, governor. Hello, governor. Hello, governor. Bang is a man. Hello, governor. Hello, governor.
Starting point is 00:02:19 Hello, governor. Hello, governor. I like a spicy. Meets ball. Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor. Hello, Governor.
Starting point is 00:02:30 Hello, Governor. 14. It's very weird because we all have, we have people we know and friends who did it. And yet, watching it, you're just like, wow, you're, you really blew it. That was really dumb. It's, uh, I don't know. It's, I mean, well, I guess that would be. We will talk about that on Patreon more,
Starting point is 00:02:55 but if people want to, that you can go join our Patreon. We're doing a lot of stuff on Patreon. Luke is doing stuff on Patreon now. He's got his own day, and I've seen some of it while we've been traveling, and it's just like... It's upsetting.
Starting point is 00:03:06 It's not okay. We're putting out a good amount of stuff extra every week. The dollop is now on YouTube, too. If you want to go to our YouTube and check that out, the dollop is the video of the episodes are now on our YouTube page. which is the Dallop Podcast
Starting point is 00:03:27 and that's up there. Also I should point out I just speaking of Luke, I did just go to our website and check out our merch and what he's doing on there is just just more crazy but if you want merch we're now selling merch and we will also be on tour
Starting point is 00:03:45 we've probably promoted it on this show already but go to Dalapodcast.com we're going through the Midwest we're going to hit all the big boys but I wanted to tell you a story, Dave, of what happened yesterday when Luke and I were driving. We were headed to Appleton, Wisconsin. We're selling crime masks?
Starting point is 00:04:09 Yeah, we're just like crazy what's happening there. Honestly, it's just two different kinds of crime masks. Yeah, he's like, we're like, we are going to be in court one day, and we're going to be like, I swear to God, I didn't know what was on our merch. I had no idea. I didn't know we had two types of crime masks. And he's calling him crime masks. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:32 I think we should probably come up with a better name. We should just call them winter headgear. Yeah. Crime masks. No, that's terrible. He's like, like, again, we're not, we're just talking. We're just a couple guys talking, okay? but so he's he's eating um uh sunflower seeds
Starting point is 00:04:58 you know which to me i've if you're outdoors okay you know you want to eat sunflower seeds outdoors go for it whatever it's not the greatest snack obviously but uh you know he's just it's a time consuming snack which i guess is part of the charm yeah it's like a way to like it's it's low yield in a good way yeah but so he's he's he's crushed in this bag of sunflower seeds and I'm uh and we've got our we have a big thing of sparkling water we got the spin drifts and uh i don't like this i don't care about what you're saying no i uh what do you like it's one of the i don't get heartburn at all and it's one of the few things that if i drink two i'll get heartburn hmm i'll start sneaking
Starting point is 00:05:45 them into everything you do what are you doing i'll get you i will take you down I will take power. And so, so whatever, he's, he's eating these, these fucking things, you know. And I, uh, so we have our spin drifts and probably been 15 minutes since I've had a sip. He's got, he's carved out his little can to spit his seeds in. And I take my spin drift that is sitting in the cup holder that I had right next to me. And I take a big rip off it. And you know exactly what happens.
Starting point is 00:06:21 I get a mouthful of spit seeds. And I go, This is, I, I, I, my reaction is pure. I've seen this happen to people with chewing tobacco spit. I've done this with, the last time I had anything like this was cigarette butts. In a can, like, you know, whatever, at a barbecue. And I'm like, ah, that's not the, but this was in a contained environment. My water was where it remained the whole time.
Starting point is 00:06:49 and so I take a sip and I have a mouth full of his spit seed pieces and I obviously don't take it down but I don't know what to do because I'm in a van and I just open my mouth and I go blah Luke and he's like huh and I go you filled the can what he goes oh well that was my spit I go no and then I just tee off on sunflower seeds but here's the great part but here's the great part about look is he won't apologize right did he apologize no he did apologize he i was i was i was i was beside myself i don't even want to say i was mad i just was nauseated and i was mad but i was just like i was like this snack is disgusting the most disgusting snack he was like i'm not there i'm not i'm not with you on that though i'm not with you have
Starting point is 00:07:40 drank refuse you can't blame the snack for one man's crime get out of here you can't You can't blame the snack. The snack is good. I admit that Luke is the problem, but the snack is horrendous. How about this? Let's just have snacks that we eat. Let's not have snacks that part of it gets spit. Let's just have a full snack.
Starting point is 00:08:08 They make snacks that you can just eat. What are we doing? What are we doing? This is not an okay thing. imagine if you were eating Doritos and I just ate half and then the rest of them I just like threw in a bag I imagine that all the time with you shut up
Starting point is 00:08:30 what we're getting along finally so there you go that's the story I mean that's bad and I'm sorry you went through that and your um your partner who I call him your partner is a bad person I see this is what I needed for me yeah this is what they wanted this is that's what we're talking about he's a bad person yes yes um
Starting point is 00:08:54 but also let's let's not blame i'm still mad at sunflower seeds or whatever yeah they are you can be mad at sunflower seeds but you know you're wrong they make a version of those where the seeds are already somebody's already done all that for you you can go get them we're not living in the jungle we don't need to be doing this we i would disagree with that i think we might be living in the jungle a little bit. So then let's enjoy the snacks we have that are fully digestible while we have them. Sometimes you've got to work for your food. Nope. Just like in the olden days. Nope. That's what it feels like.
Starting point is 00:09:35 Well, yeah. March 27th, 1844, year of our Lord, J-Town, he who hath bequeathed a Seas surfboards and sunflower seeds Well, he better take the seeds back Adolphus Washington Greenlee was born into an old established New England family in Newburyport, Massachusetts Okay
Starting point is 00:10:08 Which you have to know because you spent time A newberry port, yeah exactly, yeah Okay, well done The city was a stop on the Underground Railroad And many ex-slaves lived there it was also a big whaling port sure so two great two great things uh adolphus graduated from high school in 1860 and he tried to join the union army twice during the war but was rejected because he was too young uh so wow i didn't i mean i think we've heard of soldiers who were 10
Starting point is 00:10:39 well no you had to be 18 what yeah i know right that's a little bit confusing because we i think it's Stevenfried's state probably. Dude to are marrying like 15 year olds. Yeah, and we still are, but, um, but I do think it was state by state because he was trying to join the Massachusetts whatever, militia volunteer infantry. Okay. Um, because in the south, I think they were taking people much younger. Yeah. Okay. So he's rejected twice and he finally was able to enlist on July 1861. He was 17, but he told them was 18. He told he was 18. And the The legend was he wrote 18 on the bottom of his shoes to prove it. I don't know what that means.
Starting point is 00:11:23 I don't know what that means. We're so caught in a two-step verification world now to imagine a time where you could convince people that you were 18 because you just wrote it on your shoes. Like fraud. But who? How does that? I don't. I mean, there's obviously no. You're rolling.
Starting point is 00:11:47 Like, so, no, I'm actually, I'm actually, I'm 18. On the contrary, we've heard that you are 17 years old, so we're not going to be taking you. Look at the bottom, look at the bottom of my shoe. 18. Let me see the other one. Yeah. Yeah, same thing. Those both have 18 on them.
Starting point is 00:12:03 Yeah. Hold on a second. So, would that, yeah. Okay, go ahead. I mean, we know this guy's supposed to be 17. Do you see the bottom of his shoes? Yeah, he's got 18 on both of them. He's clearly 18.
Starting point is 00:12:17 All right, Adolphus, we owe you an apology. You're clearly 18. Both your shoes have the number on it. So, uh, well, yeah, that's how, uh, Lincoln got in. Yeah. Hey, I'm not a big history guy, but, uh, yeah, mind if I. So, yeah, go ahead. That's how he got to be president.
Starting point is 00:12:39 I don't believe that to be. If you, if he, he's not, he's not president yet, but that's how he's going to be. I don't even think we know. Wait, what? I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. Dude, I just took a sip of my drink and there's seeds in it. Adolphus was a private with the 19th Massachusetts volunteer infantry. He fights in some of the most brutal battles of the Civil War.
Starting point is 00:13:10 He is wounded three times. And the whole time he continues the very swift rise in rank. he is eventually put in command of the 81st colored troops. Boy, you don't like that? No. I think it's okay because he is from a, clearly a liberal town where they were okay with black people compared to others. You know, they're on the underground road.
Starting point is 00:13:42 So he probably got, he probably got. Okay, here was my thought early in this one. Underground Railroad doing better in this era or would it do better now in Massachusetts? My guess is back then it did better. Probably back then. By the way, I want to congratulate all of the Americans today who spent years screaming about the Second Amendment and tyranny and today dropped out of Black Hawk helicopters over an apartment building full of black people in Chicago and took children out naked. they had handcuffs. Congratulations. You are what people were when they massacred Native American villagers. Anywho, when the war ended... You know what? My breaks are fun.
Starting point is 00:14:30 When the war ended, Adolphus was a brevet major. He continued to command black troops from 1865 to 1867 in New Orleans. This is a pretty bad assignment. He's occupying a city. which is also being ravaged by yellow fever at the time. So that's not a great one. Right. He becomes a second lieutenant in the 36th infantry, which he studied telegraphy and electricity under the general who founded the Army Signal Corps. So he worked installing telegraph lines across the west.
Starting point is 00:15:11 He then helps organize the U.S. Weather Bureau. Wow. Which we just got rid of. Doing this. Taking an Adolphus. Doing this, he became a knowledgeable meteorologist. So he's a sciencey guy. He's a science he fell out.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Meteorologist back. Now, what year are we dealing with now? Whereabouts are we? Because he's done a lot of stuff. He's like 1870s. Okay. A meteorologist from the 1870s seems absolutely impossible. I think you just look out and go, and there's clouds.
Starting point is 00:15:43 Yeah. You don't do a, they didn't do the five. They're like, and Karen, Bob, I think we're going to have a pretty good Friday. If you look over the hills right there, I can see some clouds. But I think those are going to dissipate a little bit as we get into the afternoon and people can go out there and have a nice picnic. And men who are in their 40s, you can marry a woman under 18. Don't worry about that.
Starting point is 00:16:04 That's not going to be a problem for us. I can see the clouds. I can see them with you. The clouds are over there, but I feel like they'll be dissipating. And remember, the only people who really have rights right now, are us whites. If you see a Native American, lose that native.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Okay. They were not here before us. Don't listen to anything. I'll be back tomorrow with my Saturday cast. Adolphus also became very interested in storm systems. So he's a weather guy. Sure.
Starting point is 00:16:35 In 1881, he's a lieutenant in the 5th U.S. cavalry. He's 37 years old. And he volunteers to command an Arctic weather expedition to set up polar research stations. Wow. This is, Jesus Christ, man. I don't think we've never done a story where someone is going into cold in the 1800s, and it's been like, yeah, that was easy.
Starting point is 00:17:06 He, well, I don't know, this will be fine. He was considered anal retentive, but enthusiastic by, superiors. Okay. So that's kind of a good thing to lead, I guess. I think so. Attention to detail. This is called the Lady Franklin Bay Expedition. Uh, so that's just north of Greenland on Canada's Nera's Strait. Okay. Sure. So you know where that is. Yeah, well, I'm a map freak. Yeah. I'm a big map guy. That's how I, that's, when people ask me what you're like, I, that's what I say. about maps i'm just uh i'm uh i'm a rann mcnally i'm a regular i love i always say where where does a map and gareth begin i don't know well you know what it is i love to i love the map with
Starting point is 00:17:57 the where the mountain ranges are bumpy and you can really run your hand over it and really just kind of feel the topography i love that sometimes it gets late in the office i don't mind on Adolphus and most of his men came right at no no no we're done maybe go to the Himalayas I go to the Himalayas I go to the Himalayas sometimes
Starting point is 00:18:22 at night and let me tell you Him got layered I knew it was going to I knew it was going to end horribly and no one was going to enjoy it Adolvis and most of his men came from the U.S. Army's Signal Corps so they they had been
Starting point is 00:18:37 stringing telegraph lines across the west which has, I don't know if you're aware of this, it has little to nothing to do with the conditions in the Arctic. It's a whole different sort of thing. I'll validate that. Yeah. One guy who was not in the military did have experience of one time visiting Greenland. So no one's been there except for one guy who went to Greenland.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Yeah. Which is not the Arctic. Well, it's pretty, I mean, that should be plenty. That should be plenty. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that should be fine. Yeah, as long as you have one guy who's been somewhere, that's pretty close. And that guy was a doctor, Octave Pavey.
Starting point is 00:19:18 I would definitely call myself Doc Tave. Yeah, he was also an astronomer. There was a, sorry, there was also an astronomer, Edward, Israel, and a photographer, so he got all the bases covered. You need a photographer. By the way, we know who's getting eaten first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Photographer. The photographer's name is George Rice. So all the other is 21 men. And after paying 19,000 for the charter ship Proteus,
Starting point is 00:19:52 wait, where did I go? Adolphus only had 6,000 left over to buy everything else needed for the first year of work and survival in the Arctic. So a lot on transpos. Transpose, it's a big part of the budget. Now, let me ask you, Dave, is someone who's researched a lot of these. When you say something like that, it's fine. I get a little worried. Because it always feels like, it always feels like a horse gets eaten. Gareth, right now, I am optimistic. Do you mean that?
Starting point is 00:20:27 Yeah. Just to me, it seems like they're going to have a lot of flour. They always bring a lot of flour. No, there's no horses. Well, there's not going to be horses. but whatever they're there's good that's why i'm worried about the photographer so they spend it uh they spent it on clothing and camp gear medicine scientific instruments weaponry etc and he he's in a race against the winter so he has to get this all done
Starting point is 00:20:55 in 10 weeks so on july 8th 1881 they sail off from st johns on newfoundland and the water was amazingly ice-free. Just beautiful sailing. And they arrive in Lady Franklin Bay and the ship offloads the party and everybody. Now, unlike almost every single polar expedition, the ship just drops off the men and supplies and sails home. Usually the ship will stay there.
Starting point is 00:21:30 But this one is like, we're going to drop you guys and we'll come back. So they're going to come back within any year. and change personnel and bring more supplies. In one year exactly, they're going to come back with more supplies and men. But wait, wasn't he trying to beat the winter? Wasn't that like what part of the... Well, get there. He was trying to get there before.
Starting point is 00:21:52 So a full year. It's just... If everything's frozen, I'm not trying to be negative. But I just think the year is really... That's just... I'm really optimistic. I don't... I just don't know why you'd be so optimistic.
Starting point is 00:22:10 Well, what if I told you this was a three-year expedition? Would that make you feel better? No. No, but I'm not even mentally going to year three. I'm just year one with no ship, and they just drop you off with the supplies. Well, I can tell you you're mentally going to go to year three. Okay.
Starting point is 00:22:28 So... Weird. Okay. So the ship takes off, drop some of everything. There's an exposed coal deposit that they can use. They build this single-story three-room house like a thing. It's kind of like a big barrack, I guess. Outside, there were some lean tents around it and some small sheds to put the equipment in.
Starting point is 00:22:51 And they call this Fort Conger. It's a great name. Nope. And they get to work. They're doing 19th century science, meteorology, magnetism, weather observations, biology, all the good stuff. take photographs and they have dogs they have a dog sleds to conduct extensive explorations and that means of course caring for the dogs and their pops so they got dogs that's nice yeah no it seems like good it'll be good to have them yes the dogs are good
Starting point is 00:23:27 what they did not know yeah the dogs will be great so what they did not know because they had what's wrong I'm already upset I'm the meteorologist of this story I'll love the five day so what they what they don't know because they have no Arctic experience was that the easy sailing to get there
Starting point is 00:24:02 was really odd because that summer had been especially warm. So the work they're doing, they think they're doing a good job, but the crew is still not happy because it turns out Adolphus
Starting point is 00:24:19 is pretty high-strung and a micromanager. He's really getting up in everybody's business. Sure. Which are not great qualities when you're out in a remote location
Starting point is 00:24:30 living in one building together. truth yeah absolutely you don't want that uh it's like when you're in a van with a guy who spits seeds into your cup yep and you just take a big passionate sip of what you think is spin drift and you end up feeling like you drink shell casings and then you just literally let it all dribble out of your mouth onto your shorts because you don't you say you're soaking for an hour as well covered in the seedy water So the grumbling Adolphus takes as like borderline mutiny. And so he keeps imposing penalties and restrictions on the men.
Starting point is 00:25:16 He's a good boss. So things are getting tense. But they still work. And during the spring of 1882, a small party treks north and manages to reach a mile further north than an earlier British expedition. So this is the furthest north anyone has ever gone in the Arctic. And that gives the United States the honor for about 12 years. Okay.
Starting point is 00:25:41 That's great. Okay. That's good. That's great. The breaking records. Yeah. So worth it. Well, I guess hard for me to say that at this juncture.
Starting point is 00:25:51 I would say worth it. I will wait. So, let's, okay. So a supply ship, like you said, is supposed to come and drop supplies. and we're going to change them in. But like we said, it had been a normal, it had been abnormal.
Starting point is 00:26:06 Abnormal summer. Now it's a normal one, which means there's a lot of ice, thick ice. Yeah. So the area where they went is almost always blocked by heavy flowing ice coming down from the Arctic Ocean. Where the ships went before. Where the ship, where they go into the, yeah. Yep. Now, Dave, still feeling optimistic?
Starting point is 00:26:29 because to me that's a big problem no no i'm optimistic so i don't it'll be fine the previous year um right they've been very lucky or unlucky if you want to say uh to get there and even today even today it's not a place much stronger ships will try to reach it's just considered we're doing everything we can to undo that we are working real hard to get that nasty ice out of there yeah we yeah we are they uh so they did plan for this though if the supply ship couldn't get through they were supposed to drop supplies at a northern point on the east coast of the island that they were on and put a small supply at another point so if no ship arrives they can go over there and get them they can walk over and get the the supplies okay um so there were supplies left from previous expeditions also so there's just like other expeditions have left supplies themselves and they never use them so there's like stuff right it's like when you go up Everest and there's dead bodies it's kind of like that except it's supplies right
Starting point is 00:27:42 yep that's good it's supplicing the first supply ship was the neptune and it stopped 150 miles from fort conger that's so far that's far yeah in the ice snowy area. Really far. For some unknown reason, the captain only left a small amount of rations and then just came home with the rest of the stuff, which wasn't the plan. Well, can we just for a second maybe look at the captain's side of how great this was? He came home with so much stuff. He did.
Starting point is 00:28:21 He had a lot of good stuff. He had so much stuff to light. Like he came back and he was just like, honey, look at all this. She's like, surely there's a downside. Nope. I don't see one, honey. I don't see one at all. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Look at all this name. Look how many rations we have. There's so many. And there's dogs? And we've got all these dogs now. These lamps. So the U.S. Secretary of War apparently is fine with it and wrote quote. Which, by the way, is still a current position.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Not the U.S. Secretary of War. The guy. who wrote to the U.S. Secretary, the guy who was in command wrote to the U.S. Secretary Warren said he was fine with it. He wrote, quote, there's not the slightest reason to suppose that Lieutenant Greenlee's party is suffering. He has his party comfortably and warmly housed and is well supplied. What is he going off of? Well, they do have enough food to get through a while, so they do have food. I mean... Trust me, right now, they're hanging stockings on their shelves and they're waiting for Santa Claus to come visit them. Things are really, really good
Starting point is 00:29:26 right there. They're having a good old holiday party. You can believe me, they're probably having a better time over there than we're having here. I think it could go off vibes on this one. This is, and by the way, I'm going off of vibes. This is a big vibes one for me. Trust me, they're having the
Starting point is 00:29:44 best time ever. They're probably coming up with secret gang hang shakes. God, if it wasn't so impossible to get anywhere near them, I have half a mind to go visit. Well, the men were obviously bummed because they only plan on being their year and then they would get swapped out. So they wanted to be relieved.
Starting point is 00:30:03 Yes. They do have plenty of food. And enough for a couple of years. They do have food. So Secretary of War, Abraham Lincoln, wanted a commander who was a bit better for the next supply run the next year. So the general who chose the commander wrote he had, quote, manly qualities of the first order, sobriety, high intelligence, unflagging energy and zeal, and with faculty to command.
Starting point is 00:30:36 Now, just imagine Trump saying that in front of a bunch of generals forced to come listen to him skew. I've got zeal. The ship was to have a doctor, 10 soldiers, and 18,000 rations. Well, now we're talking. That's a lot of rations. That's like easy on the, go easy on the rations. Doesn't sound like they're even rationing the rations, but that's good.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Let's get it to them. If they could not get through, they were supposed to set up camp on Littleton Island and send a relief party over land to help Adolphus withdraw and take him out. Okay. So, plan. I agree. There is a plan. Ship, once again, is the proteus. It is led by First, Luton.
Starting point is 00:31:26 tenant Ernest Garlington. That name right there gives you tons of confidence. Absolutely. Oh, he's a Garlington? I think we'll be honest. He's doing the full. He's going to do a full Garlington. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:36 And it had an escort ship, the gunboat Yantick, which Lincoln asked for. I just suck this ship's dick. Because what? I don't think you. I'm an escort. But because the Yantick mostly sailed instead of used steam,
Starting point is 00:31:55 because it had all these supplies. What's the thing in there? Oh, just because they're just like efficiency. So they, let me just bottom line what's happening. They don't give a fuck about these people. They do. Do they? They're setting two ships.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Yes, they do. But they're sailing ships. Well, no, the proteus is not a sailing ship. Oh, okay. Well, it is a steam, but they can't, they don't have enough in there to keep the steam engine running because it's full of supplies. Well, that's bad planning. They had to do a trade.
Starting point is 00:32:25 off so so what the escort ship is going to run the supplies off of the proteus you know the escort ship falls behind because it's it's using sailing but that was that the thinking that they were going to load up on the escort ship the supply the rations and then that that ship would go to shore or go as close so they could no they're no they're both they're no they're both full of supplies so you've got one okay okay well you can't get on me for noting this because it no it's a good idea It's not. It's more supplies for the boys. It's just less,
Starting point is 00:33:00 do the last five guys up there. Do two trips. Well, here's the problem. And I guess you might have clocked this. It's going slower. And it gets separated from the proteus. And then the proteus gets crushed in the ice pack and sinks in late July. So.
Starting point is 00:33:22 But then they got the other ship full of stuff. Which is nowhere, which is also now stranded. They're eating their own supplies now that sailing ships. What that sailing ship is is just a great vacation. So the crew of the Proteus makes for the Upper Navick Island, and they hole up there. But all this means is that there's no supplies for Adolphius for three years. Now, in August of 1883, they still do have a lot of supplies, but orders were that, but orders are if, if no one has come by this time that they abandoned Fort Conger and head south to meet the Proteus because they're like, obviously the ship can't get there. So you got to, you got to walk down to where the ship is.
Starting point is 00:34:19 so they're going to walk down the coast until there's until there's no more ice and then that's where the ship will be like that's the thinking yeah but it's sank gareth they're going to meet it's sank no they're not how would they know that this is i i just so you are you actually have come up you have identified an issue yes the produce doesn't exist any longer the idea that you could just this is like this reminds me of before cell phone it was like before Before cell phones, you used to make, you'd be like Friday 8 p.m. I'll meet you there. Can you imagine four days in between of just, that's where I'm going to be at that time, that night, and you're going to go. This is the Arctic 1800s version of that, but with supplies,
Starting point is 00:35:08 rations, and your existence on the line. I know, I know exactly how this feels because I think it was 1983. I was supposed to be my friends at the Parcade in Fairfax and I thought it was five. I thought it was six, but it was five. And we were going to a Judas Priest concert. So I get down there
Starting point is 00:35:29 at six and they had waited like 20 minutes and left and they're at the concert and I'm just sitting in the parcade for a couple hours with my ticket and I couldn't go to Judas Priest. So I know exactly how this feels. Yes. Yes. It's the same.
Starting point is 00:35:45 It's the same. It's basically the same. That was like, that was like death to me. Yes, and you had no clue. I had no idea. I also didn't know the lead singer was gay because we were.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Okay, now you're fully losing the whole three. You were already thin. Now you're gone. I just thought he was a guy that dressed in leather. Yeah, but it's so, stick to what we're talking about.
Starting point is 00:36:07 It's not about Raj Alperin or whatever his name is. Alford. It's all about Alford. Um, Okay. So they have lots of supplies. They're going to head south. Most of the men, however, think leaving Fort Conger is suicide. They're like, this is really dumb. I think because of the point you brought up. That it's dumb? Because they're like, well, how do we know? Yes. That we're going to go meet a ship. What if it's not there? But he was, Adelvas was given strict orders. So he's like, well, we're following our orders. Like, we follow orders. So they go.
Starting point is 00:36:45 uh like you brought up uh unfortunately the the the proteus is at the the it's at the bottom of the ocean is there not a relief backup backup proteus there is the the other one is the other one's cruising around okay um and and the guys in the proteas where they ended up they were able to walk over to greenland i believe so they're even the guys they're on the proteas because they because when the ship gets crushed they all just get off it on the ice they didn't sink with it. No.
Starting point is 00:37:16 It's also so funny to be like, well, I guess you should walk to Greenland. So they do, Adolphuson's meant to have small boats, 40 days of rations. They can carry 40 days of rations. They brought their scientific instruments. They brought all the record that, you know, they, they, they were doing work. They were doing work. And then on top of that, they have absolutely no morale, just zero morale. negative morale.
Starting point is 00:37:45 Military discipline is in complete tatters. Adolphins, Adolphus's second in command had quit just days after they arrived two years ago. So they had a guy who got to Fort Conger and two days after being there quit. But where does he go? He's just there. He's there? It's like when you, if you're living with someone, your relationship with a girl and you break up with her and you're like we still live together it's that but it's two years in the arctic
Starting point is 00:38:19 oh and he must have just been like well fuck that up again didn't you adolphus shut up oh quitting day two is crazy yeah it really is so he's there um also the doctor had quit two years into the mission. What is he going to do? He's like, I'm looking for other work. I don't know. What else is he going to do? I guess that just means Adelva's can't tell you what to do anymore,
Starting point is 00:38:54 but you're still being fed and there. Yeah. You're just in the corner. You've quit. You're in the corner, corner quitter. Quiet quitting. So, yeah, they have no way to leave, so they're there. So the second guy,
Starting point is 00:39:10 the second the second in command guy he still did some hunting he would go out and hunt and give him food and stuff I retired the doctor if there was an emergency medical situation
Starting point is 00:39:23 the doctor would help but I think he wouldn't help for the smaller he was just like oh I don't care about you're sorry like go fuck yourself I think it's gangrenous
Starting point is 00:39:33 you'll be alright stop I don't do that anymore I'm retired I'm retired I'm a glass blower now. There's no glass. Well, when I get back, I'm going to do that. That's what I'm going to do when I get back, honestly.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Everyone else really could just barely hold back their contempt for Adolphus. His leadership was awful. So they end up traveling for two months. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I remember, they have 40 days of rash. Yeah. they had three small boats and they often had to drag them over ice or ice flows and wait days
Starting point is 00:40:17 or weeks until the ice released them so they could go like another kilometer like it was like god how do you be honest no i just go i go i'm going to die i'm going to actively do everything in my power to die i don't know how a group of them did not stay there i would have been like I'm not going with you guys. You guys are out of your fucking piss. Just waiting three weeks to move a boat, a kilometer. Yeah. Oh.
Starting point is 00:40:48 Gareth the Dallup is brought to you by Helix Leap. Oh, Dave. Gareth and I both big, big, big, big users of Helix mattresses. I'm missing mine. We both have, yeah, you're on the road right now, so you don't have the joy that I'm having, which is my Helix dusk-lux mattress. Same one I have. My
Starting point is 00:41:14 son likes so much that we had to give him ours and we got the new one. He's not getting the new one. But the whole family has Helix sleep mattresses because they make sleeping so much better. They really are great. We've had it for years now, like six years or something. I'm under that, but still.
Starting point is 00:41:31 And I sleep so much better. I used to get really hot on the old mattress I had. And this one, I don't get the little back- I had, I'm just sleeping like a baby, like a little tiny baby. Like literally, a small, small baby. Take it from me who's in a new bed most nights right now. You just, you can't beat it. It's the best. And you can beat. Stop. So we're big fans. And I wear a little sleep watch thing. And my sleep watch is like, congratulations. You did it again. God, it's the best. It is the best.
Starting point is 00:42:07 the pillows too they're doing whatever they're doing whatever they're doing they figured it out and I love that it comes to your house in a box and you open it up and it yeah that is I think in general we could just say the revolution of boxing a man I mean let's go you just cut it out
Starting point is 00:42:26 and you free it like a bed gremlin I used to have a hard time sleeping through the night and I definitely had that little back pain and I'm just not having that stuff anymore do you take it out of the box I've been sleeping on the box oh gareth no it's so much better out of the box i don't think that's possible my man no oh yeah that box is hella comfy that is a hell a comfy box bed i thought that's why they call it a box spring
Starting point is 00:42:50 oh boy so go to helix sleep dot com slash dollop for 20% off statewide that's helixleep dot com slash dollop for 20% off statewide make sure you enter our show name the dollop after checkout so they know we sent you helixlecksleep.com slash dollop. Gareth, we are also brought to you by MintMobile. You want to get rid of those crazy overpriced wireless prices with their insane monthly bills, the stupid, unexpected overage, the dumb hidden fees. Yeah. Get rid of it all.
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Starting point is 00:44:44 speeds may slow above 35 gigabytes on unlimited plan taxes and fees extra cement mobile details details yeah the dollop is also brought to by him oh buddy boy according to the national institutes of health as many 30 million men in the United States of America experience ed that's a lot of dudes it's more common than like a bad night's sleep guess what there's good news gareth there's good news hymns makes getting access to treatment very simple so you can feel like yourself again without the stress the awkwardness that bad situation just get back to it baby just get right back on board yeah baby no shame in the hymns game there is no shame in the hymns game This happens to everybody.
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Starting point is 00:47:04 Very true. It's been, I don't, and this is not Squarespace's fault, but I have been pigeonholed. Traditional routes of entertainment will not have me. But either way, we cannot say enough good stuff about Squarespace. We have just launched our own merch store that we were just looking at during this episode. And we're horrified at what is on there, but not how it's all put together. Because Squarespace makes it so easy. Even Luke did it. All of our websites are Squarespace. We've been with Squarespace from the beginning. We've watched them grow. They are the best. But yeah, we're big fans. So head to Squarespace.com slash dollop for a free trial.
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Starting point is 00:48:07 You know what I don't have, a log cabin in the Yukon? You know what I wish I had right now? A log cabin in the Yukon. Because apparently, people are flocking up there to see the northern lights, like the sky's throwing a rave every night. And people need places to stay. And not hotels. There aren't a ton of hotels up there.
Starting point is 00:48:27 But if you've got a spare room, cozy cabin. a yurt. You could actually be making money by hosting on Airbnb. And here's the thing. It's not about being a super host in a city penthouse. It's about giving people a place to experience something they'll never forget and making a little extra cash while you're at it. And think of what the money could be used for. You could maybe buy a Yeti costume and wear it in the woods during your trip, make people believe in Bigfoot or affirm their belief. I mean, you could even fund a home renovation project you've been dreaming of. So your home might be worth more than you think.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Find out how much at Airbnb.ca. slash host. So Adolphus now seems depressed and he's withdrawn. He's sad. About what? It's not what he pictured. He just pictured that the marriage would be better and now, you know, it's a couple of years in and it's not what he thought.
Starting point is 00:49:28 So now guys who are like, natural leaders start to like kind of just naturally take over right be leaders um david brainyard is one and george rice the photographer george rice is like you know a dude yeah uh the other guys uh are a drag there's other guys that are like they have a drunkard a drunkardness they have i don't i don't know but he's he's called the drunkard the whole time william cross he's drunkard. I don't know how he's drinking, but he must be... You must have promised by a pass.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Maybe he was maybe he was still up there? I guess. I mean, of all, like, it's going to be hilarious. Only everything we need it. He'll be like, and my rum maker. I don't know. I mean, we're really trying to call the herd
Starting point is 00:50:22 as much as possible up here. We're going to bring my still? I don't think we You're still, you're still, well, we would really rather use your strength for the mission, Bill. This is the mission. God damn it. Bill, Bill, I don't know if we can bring this still, okay? I think we might have. Bill, Bill, and his still, that's how it goes. So that's what it's going to be. Why don't you do this? The sooner you help us get the boat on the other side of this and we can meet the proteus, the soon. Sooner we'll be able to have all the drinks when we get back.
Starting point is 00:51:01 So I think it's going to be best if we use your, please stop hitching back. How do you get to the proteas and not be like, boys, we brought the party? We have different. They're thinking about that? No. They're going to be mad.
Starting point is 00:51:16 We have different missions. We have different missions. They're going to be like, you're a dick. They have booze. They have it. So we'll just. Then let's meet in the middle and we're both. Let go of the.
Starting point is 00:51:27 still. This is my friend. Let go of it. Let go of it. I will hit you with it. Let go with a still. Drop the still. I'm not doing this still.
Starting point is 00:51:37 Fuck you. Fuck you. Let it go. God give you. You do you. This is my wife. Did you eat, what? I figured out why he's got the hole in the front.
Starting point is 00:51:49 I've married you. We were up in Fort Condor. Oh my God. My lady, you can't leave her. William. William. William, I don't know why we tried to hire a drunk. I happen to, I'd said drunk for Arctic Expedition.
Starting point is 00:52:07 I know. We just, I think we saw this going a lot better, and we kind of thought you'd be comic relief, but quite frankly, you've become just pathetic. Cheers! Okay. All right. So we'll bring this stuff.
Starting point is 00:52:24 Also, Dr. Peevy hated Adolphus, and Dr. Peeby's a sister. schemer. So he's always in the background trying to get the boys to do stuff against... I'm Dr. Peavy. I'm a little skeevy. Now, some of the guys who have influence, which includes P-V-V-P-V-E-P-V-Y, P-A-V-Y, P-A-V-Y. What are you going to say? P-A-V-Y-Y-A-V-Y, yeah. It's a weird one. And Rice start plotting to declare, officially, by military rules, declare Adolphus insane.
Starting point is 00:52:57 so they can relieve him of command and then head back to Fort Conger where they think it's safer. They're like, we just got to go back there. Say 100% are right, yep. But they need Brainerd to agree because he is like, I think the next in command,
Starting point is 00:53:15 he has a lot of influence, and he refuses to go along. So the mutiny dies. They're not going back to Fort Conger. And in mid-October, they reached land. Now, when did they leave? They left in, I think they left in August.
Starting point is 00:53:31 Oh, my God. Okay, so mid-October, they reached then. Ellis Mear Island, and the sun has now almost disappeared for the winter. Oh. That's eight months of... Hey, it could get bad soon. You guys just prep yourself for things maybe taking a sad, dark turn soon. The sun disappear in ice.
Starting point is 00:53:55 You guys ready to get really? I'm impressed. Hopefully soon because the sun's leaving. Huh? Yeah, the sun goes for a while. You know, the only thing that gives us a tiny bit of daily hope? You know, when it came to nature, our only friend? Yeah, that probably dips for a bit.
Starting point is 00:54:13 Eight months. That dips for eight months. So hopefully the proteus is close. So George, George Rice heads out. I get on my lift turns around. Josh Rice heads out to explore to see what's nearby, and he finds, he finds out what happened to the proteus, uh, because he finds they, they left a note. And he finds the note. Deer fucked guys.
Starting point is 00:54:41 Oh boy. Uh, this is a dear god. They did leave 40 days where the food. So with the note. So he brings that back. And Adolphus and his men. start building winter shelters so they take they build up low stone walls and then um they use the small boats as uh roofs oh jesus christ so a boat it's a boat house as far as i'm concerned
Starting point is 00:55:13 oh um that update and this like reading that what does the notes say well i it's really not great news um I guess I guess um I guess the proteus um sank so what we should do is
Starting point is 00:55:43 we're going to use the boats as roofs for eight months um but we have food for 40 days so that's it's what it's not it's a What's it?
Starting point is 00:56:01 More food than we had. Mm. Uh-huh. So. Yeah. Well, fine. If you think about eight months and 40 days, I think that's the same. We're just looking for what I call is a edible Hanukkah.
Starting point is 00:56:23 so they got their little boathouses they name it eskimo point um which is now called wade point because that's extremely offensive yeah and when when rice comes back and tells them about the proteus and the food that was left behind they they decide hey what kind of shape is she in boys how's she looking over there hopefully they got those dicks cleaned i'll tell you what i'm going to eat a goose as soon as we get on board i can't wait to get back and meet my sweet phyllis she's probably ready for a rodering like you wouldn't believe uh imagine being oh i can't wait to be upon the ship the prudious side of the ship oh i cannot wait i didn't know we were going to do a song ah i thought we were all singing did you guys got to i didn't know i didn't
Starting point is 00:57:16 i didn't i didn't know we were singing a song this one's called relationship it's not a great time for a song because we just found out. Well, hold on. Now, before you tell us what kind of shape the proteus is in, let's finish the song. We're about to go to heaven. Heaven on a ship. We're about to ride to heaven. This will never dip where we're excited as a crew, and I will say I love you.
Starting point is 00:57:41 My boys, my chums, my friends, my guys, we're going on a ride. The proteus, the proteus, the proteus it exists for sure. And then we're going to take it to. The shore's spell different. Hey, the proteus, you're our glorious. We're definitely riding on the ship real soon. It sunk. The walk here's been hell.
Starting point is 00:58:06 So this will be real. What did you say? It sunk. Sweet mother of fucking God. All the guys who were saying, let's go back to Fort Kong where we're right, you fucking asshole. we're going to eat the dogs aren't we we're going to eat the dogs aren't we're going to eat the dogs we're eating a little dog I mean the co the puppies are good because they're fresh
Starting point is 00:58:37 yeah so yeah so he comes back he tells him about the proteus and they decide let's go a little bit north to Prim Island. I don't know. I don't know. So Prim Island is a fucking hellhole, which is super exposed to awful weather from the open ocean. Hey, let's go there. If they got 30 kilometers further, there was a fjord and in there pretty calm.
Starting point is 00:59:07 And also tons of hunting in the fjord, so much hunting that a later expedition would go through there and set up a hunting camp to go back and get food there. Like it's like a, like they would have been fine if they just. When they found out about that, that must have been a fjordias. I don't. I need another co-host. So on Pim Island,
Starting point is 00:59:26 they built stone walls and they put the biggest boat over it. So it's a big, it's a big boathouse. They covered it with a plastic cover-like thing, tarpaulin, whatever it's called. Whatever, whatever that is. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:59:44 It wouldn't be plastic back then, but whatever it's going to. they insulate with snow and then they hunker down for the winter they're like this is going to be a winter house no yeah that's like a yeah yeah you do that get that in here um what's cold bring it in now tons of them a science guys so they're all writing journals over 50,000 rations had been shipped north by the army in those three resupply ships between july 1882 and august 1883 so they were
Starting point is 01:00:16 supposed to have left much of that if not all of it in different places for these guys to find but in reality out of the 50,000 rations only 1,000 had been put ashore all the rest have either been brought back or sunk with the proteus well what's cool is that they think it's there so they'll just be able to look for it forever and the the second ship the whatever it is the what's it called the whatever the guns boat thing yeah that also left very little supplies that went back like it also didn't uh so it's yeah it's not it's not good okay but the ones who had made those decisions or their bosses were now saying it's all good and we're very confident that the men are fine
Starting point is 01:01:10 uh uh because why wouldn't they be because i did it They're like, they're eating deer and rabbits and they have the canned blueberries. You're going to be them than us. Yeah, they got canned blueberries. Like, it's great. They even had some cake, which they brought up in 1881. But Jesus Christ, we left them a cake. Could you guys relax?
Starting point is 01:01:35 They have a cake. But Adolphus does the math. And he realizes with very strict rationing, they only have enough food to last into March and that's months before local water local waters would lose the ice
Starting point is 01:01:55 and reopen again for them to take their boats. So the plan is for them to wait and take the boats they have back to Cape Sabine. So on the 16th of October so we're in October and November, December, January February, March. So we're six months out from just that.
Starting point is 01:02:11 Commander Wilds wrote, Secretary of the Navy William Chandler, quote, have no fears for Lieutenant Greeley, who is living in a region reportedly well-stocked with game, has economized on his provisions. The rocks and waters abound in walrus. On the neighboring mainland, reindeer are reported numerous. Trust me, they're basically in Santa's backyard. And when they don't want to eat reindeer, they're going to be eating beautiful walrus.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Eating? What is, so they're put, trust me, it's pretty easy to take. down a walrus. Don't worry about that. That's an easy kill. They're tiny. That'll be easy. That is such a way to just get away from any culpability.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Trust me, boys. They're eating a lot of walrus. Yeah, they're fine up there. Would I have left them if they weren't just covered in reindeer? As you're just carving into some beef? Trust me. I'm sure they're having a delightful time. So a court of inquiry, a court of
Starting point is 01:03:16 inquiry was held in November, and the commander in charge, Hazen said they had enough between dropped off supplies and native food to live comfortably through the winter. But still, on the 17th of December, President Arthur created a military board to make rescue recommendations. So even though a bunch of the guys are like, they're fine, they're fine, they're still like, we probably shouldn't just leave on which probably in the off that they're not tit deep and
Starting point is 01:03:48 walrus blubber so this would be the first time since Adolphus left that explorers with actual Arctic experience were consulted oh my God
Starting point is 01:04:04 so it's we're like how long have they been there? They've been there almost two years I think it's two years at this point they're probably fucked no stop very negative so Adolphus it turns out was better at commanding men who
Starting point is 01:04:25 were going through hardship than during peaceful happy times and he does his best to maintain discipline as his manner slowly deteriorating through starvation he even tried to distract them by putting on a lecture series with topics like the grain products of the United States.
Starting point is 01:04:45 So it's sort of like an Arctic Patch Adams. Like, uh, how fucking how mad. Let's take me. How mad am I at the grain lecture? Uh, just the level of what. All right, man,
Starting point is 01:05:09 just relax. I'm just trying to tell you, bit about grain. Hey, here's a fucking idea. Let's not talk about shit we can't eat. And now the roast beef of the Midwest. Now, let me walk you through another tasty soup. Welcome to my soup talks. A hot, oh, a hot, well-flavored goulash, my boys. Stew, stew, stew, studio. My lecture is called mashed potatoes with gravy. All right.
Starting point is 01:05:43 Now, on installment nine of how good mashed potatoes and gravy are. Now, what I want to talk about today are the little bigger chunks of potatoes that are sometimes in the mashed potatoes. And why that really works well for me. Of course, the guys who hated Adolphus still hate Adolphus. Yeah. Because of how he treated them at Fort Conger. And they're never going to forgive them. So there's always this, you know, underlying thing of hatred.
Starting point is 01:06:13 One guy, Ellison, gets his fingers so frostbitten that Dr. Peavy has to amputate them. So from that point on, others had to feed him by hand. And they gave him extra rations to make up for it. Hey, I know you lost your finger. Want a little more cheese? He had to cut his fingers off. Jesus Christ. May I have another cracker considering I just have the base of the hand now?
Starting point is 01:06:52 Absolutely. You've earned it, my mind. Yes. There you go. Now I'm going to throw it up in here. You just catch it with your mouth. There you go. You know how we've never been able to kill a walrus?
Starting point is 01:07:03 How they eat? So the food is in a. small separate storehouse outside the main shelter and the storehouse is locked but each day sergeant brainard handed every man his ration which was weighed to a fraction of an ounce oh but the storehouse as you can imagine was super easy to break into even with the lock and at night which is all the time people are stealing food oh i can't you just imagine where you're just like got a bit of a sweet tooth just going in there just fucking like
Starting point is 01:07:41 a housing whatever dehydrated things are in there when it's dark I'm going in there to get all the cheese it's only dark it's just so after two and a half months William Cross
Starting point is 01:07:58 the drunk died and they buried him in some loose rock and gravel which is like a high dry portion of a river valley where the water no longer flowed so i think you can picture that it's like a long what i'm hearing is that it's accessible right they called this cemetery ridge okay and they scraped out a shallow hole in the frozen ground and then covered the body with what gravel they could find i mean i guarantee you like so it was like let's dig him a grave and
Starting point is 01:08:30 then it was like impossible to dig and one of the guys was like what the fuck are we doing it doesn't matter just put rocks over him it's a good idea we'll just put rocks over him uh there were some animals around uh they shot a fox here and there but arctic foxes are tiny yeah once divided up each arctic fox was basically just a mouthful of meat for each guy enjoy it boys they did manage to kill a polar bear holy shit and while that was a nice bit of food It just basically extended the suffering for a couple more weeks. Yeah. They were near open water, so they tried to catch shrimp with nets.
Starting point is 01:09:17 That water was so cold. And they were able to for a bit. Each guy suddenly found himself eating a pound of shrimp a day. Is this the story of Red Lobster? But they're oily little buggers, and they have a lot of fat. So this leads to digestive problems. So everyone is diarrhea-ing as an addition to the awesomeness and your stomach, your tum-tum hurts all the time.
Starting point is 01:09:48 The shrimp shits? This is the story of sizzling. It is. But even with the, the diarrhea, Arctic diarrhea, the shrimp does keep them alive for longer. Arctic diarrhea is something they serve a dairy queen. and then the dogs need to be groomed of their meat right yes eaten yeah at some point the dogs were not going to make it the dogs are now food oh wow your dogs heard that yeah and as they grow more
Starting point is 01:10:32 desperate, Rice and another guy decide to try to walk across the ice to Greenland and hope to find some Inuit who would save everyone. But once they get out there... It's just comical. The plight of the white is so comical.
Starting point is 01:10:48 Give us everything, you piece of shit. Hey, could you teach us how to survive on the land? We're sorry. We're sorry. Yeah. So they get out there, they walk away, so then they come to open water. This is called the Pollyanna, which is an area of permanently open water.
Starting point is 01:11:14 So it's a place that just doesn't freeze. And they had no idea that if they'd walked a little bit north, that would have ended, just 30 kilometers north, and then they could have just crossed. But they didn't know. So they went back. but rice isn't like the photographer is like the biggest badass he's not going to give up and he and a different guy then decide that they're going to go 50 kilometers south where there's supposed to be a cachet of food at cape isabella which had been left by an earlier
Starting point is 01:11:48 British expedition and they get there they walk the 50 kilometers but rice is now exhausted he's been walking so much and he dies in the other guy's arms on the way back and then that guy doesn't have the strength to drag all of that what was essentially meat alone so he just leaves it on the ice with Rice's body oh Jesus Christ how to go he gets back where's where's rice behind you how close is rice you guys get any meats we're hungry rice was what i left him he looked like a a kernel of rice he was very small where's the meat and the meat is with rice boy that sounds good that sounds like a really good order man i put i left the meat on rice uh it sounds like a halal and though and there was water splashing
Starting point is 01:12:54 over it like gravy. Hey, you know, either way, we're doing good here, so yeah, you want to eat a puppy's tooth? We're doing good here too. That's interesting, I do actually. Chew that a little bit. That'll be fun. So, now
Starting point is 01:13:14 they're just dying one by one. Each guy who dies, they bury on Cemetery Ridge. The lecture series is stopped. I am retiring my grain series. We'll do my master class on quinoa when we get back. Now they're pretty much just talking about food. You know, that's just a good food.
Starting point is 01:13:38 I'd eat so many of those right now. I eat all of them. They're discussing the best. Each guy says the best food they've ever eaten. You know what else is good? Pie. I love pie. Pye is really good.
Starting point is 01:13:52 Pumpkin pie is really good. They talk about dream meals that they'd have if they lived. Oh, that's so sad. It's kind of all some of them had thought about. They were just sitting around thinking about food. Yeah, I get it. Of course. In Brainerd's journal, he has an entire page devoted to his food obsessions,
Starting point is 01:14:14 as well as the favorite dishes of other men. Oh, my God, just so hungry. They are still rationing what they had, and men are still stealing food. And then there's a secret that some men are doing. They're cutting pieces of meat off dead bodies and having a snack. I knew it. Oh, cricky. Oh, they're going to the ridge.
Starting point is 01:14:51 How else are you going to live? Look, Gareth, if I ever die, you are totally free to eat me. I will eat you. Start with the ass. Ass first. Everyone kind of knew that Dr. Peavy was stealing some of Ellison's extra rations when he fed the fingerless. It probably ate those fingers. So he's like, he's like feeding him, but he's like, one for you, one for me.
Starting point is 01:15:16 One for the doctor. Are you eating my fingers, doctor? Now, the biggest, most shameless food theft was done by Charles Henry. If we're shaving meat off of dead guys that we were on this journey with and there's a larger food crime? Henry is, he was a big boy when everything's, like, when they got there, Henry was a big boy at the beginning of the expedition. and when he was at Fort Conger, he somehow put on another 10 kilograms, which is 22 pounds. Jesus Christ. So he gained weight.
Starting point is 01:15:59 So he was like, bring me another walrus. Like he is, he's eating. He's our big guy. He's a stress eater. Sure. Yeah. So Adolphus keeps warning him to not steal food. He's like, you have to stop stealing food.
Starting point is 01:16:16 But for some reason, Henry thought that. he would be the last guy alive well if he's stealing all the food so he thought he could come up with a narrative to tell the rescuers when they came because he'd be the only guy alive and he must have thought a lie of like just like alive he thought he'd be the only guy alive at the end he must have thought because
Starting point is 01:16:36 he had more fat on him or whatever that he would do you know this through the journal yeah okay so so he must have thought that he has more fat on him so he'll last I think, I would think that that makes some bit of sense. In these situations, the skinnier guys usually die first.
Starting point is 01:16:57 Like, that's a good thing. Yeah, I would think a lot of fat would be helpful. So he's just ignoring. Just start kind of little shavings off yourself. I'm delicious. That got really upsetting. Hey, want to know a little secret? I've been eating my back fat.
Starting point is 01:17:17 Well, that's not. Nothing's surprising. You want us here? You want a piece? Mm. Remember that. So he's just ignoring Adolphus when Adolphus is like, stop eating, stop stealing fucking food. So in early June, Adolphus was done.
Starting point is 01:17:37 He writes a note to three of the strongest men remaining. And there's not that many guys left. I feel like there's like nine or ten left at this point. And the note, it says that they. are to execute Henry for continually stealing food. So he gives three of the men bullets, but one of them is blanks, so they won't know who kills him. And when they're outside, they start to move on Henry, but Henry sees them and rushes at
Starting point is 01:18:07 them, and they shoot him and they kill him. Jesus Christ. The blank bullet thing is wild. Isn't it? Yeah, because I would imagine you'd be like, actually, saw where mine went in, I killed and be like, all right, well, whatever. Sorry. I'm glad he's dead. So most guys have died. It's going to save a lot of food. It is going to save a lot of food. So most guys have died. Like I said, the alive guys are barely alive. Winter ends. And it starts
Starting point is 01:18:40 warming. And they, the plan is that they were going to row 50 kilometers to Greenland. That was the plan the whole time, hunker down in the row. But they have no strength. Yeah. So they burn the wood in the boat. Wow. And as the snow melts, their shelter is flooded.
Starting point is 01:19:05 And well, this can't get worse. Oh, man. I'll tell you what. They ate the dogs like five months ago. Oh. So they have to move to a dry beach between their camp and cemetery ridge, and they put up a tent, and they're just waiting to die now. Like, they're just like, fuck it. Now, Adolphus was married to a woman named Henrietta, and Henrietta from the beginning didn't like the sound of no food or supplies getting there.
Starting point is 01:19:40 So she never stopped lobbying politicians in D.C. she's like send a rescue ship. She's just constantly being like, hey, what are you guys doing? Stop. One problem was his Secretary Lincoln from the beginning had despised and neglected
Starting point is 01:19:57 the Greeley mission the entire time. I don't know why he didn't like it. He hated the idea of the mission. And when that board was put together to recommend a rescue mission and they did and they said how to do it, then the resistance kind of ended. And everyone was like,
Starting point is 01:20:15 All right. So they send two small, fully equipped ships, the fetus and the bear. Sure. Whatever. All right. And then I'm going to let my two-year-old name one. Bear. Bear.
Starting point is 01:20:34 Bail. All right. So they headed up and they got to that latitude in the third week of June. This is very early in the season. and the men on one of the ships was looking at land for any indication or a message or anything. You know, they're just kind of scanning that.
Starting point is 01:20:53 Well, where the fuck are they? Well, they were just going up and down. Yeah, they were just going up and down the area. And then they see a guy out on a beach waving a tattered pair of underwear. Hey, there's a skeleton showing us laundry. What do you think that is?
Starting point is 01:21:13 hey look i found the island for pirates of the caribbean i know i think that's a pervert he's just got yeah that's a pervert he's got underwear that's a sexual ghost is what that is you fuck you creep yeah nice try yeah he wants us to come there then he's going to eat us help help help so i've eaten man guess how many are alive five twenty twenty five to start with oh
Starting point is 01:21:48 five twenty five seven seven seven Jesus Christ seven but they are they're literally all like they're hours from death they're like there's no way any of them would have lasted two more days
Starting point is 01:22:04 like they are like hours from death so they get them on the ship, they also take the bodies on Cemetery Ridge and in doing so, they notice that there are chunks of flesh carved out with some of their bodies. What happened to the guys? Squirrels.
Starting point is 01:22:23 Meet squirrels. Did they have knives? They're very neat. Yeah, the meat squirrels here. They're very clever. They're neat little. They have knife hands. The meat squirrels.
Starting point is 01:22:38 I don't have fingers. so the men said they had cut off pieces of the dead to use for bait when they were fishing yeah it was for fishing nothing fish is better than a little human flesh but honestly who in the world is like how dare you eat other people when you're starving stuff like it's the thing I never get like I'm like yeah you eat the guy it's a matter of time i think really put yourself in that position i mean i i don't know i think survival instinct kicks in you i will start yeah i guess what i lowered my standards out there when i was dying
Starting point is 01:23:21 so figureless allison had made it this far but he was not going to make it back on the ship he had survived because the men had given him extra rations to make up for his suffering in the final weeks they had tied a spoon to the stump of his hands so he could feed himself if everyone else died first that is so top 10 darkest things set on this show he's doing kind of the best out of a lot of him because he was getting extra rations and then they're like well because that guy when you're like picking everyone up and then one of the guys comes over with his spoon hand i mean he's literally a sound garden song. Hey, got room for
Starting point is 01:24:13 one more? Jesus Christ. Oh my God, this ghost has spoon hands. Oh my, golly, golly, golly. Hi. Imagine the conversation where they're like, you know, Ellison probably might outlive us because they got extra rations.
Starting point is 01:24:30 Do you think we should tie spoons to his hands? Calories are low. We'll just tie a spoon to his hand. Is there a fat of pudding around? What are you going to use a spoon for? He's just trying to call. of meat out of the dead. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:24:44 Listen, this is for when you want to eat dirt. Maybe one of them could be a knife. No. We'll do spoons on each. Once he was on the rescue ship and being fred properly and in a warm cabin, his circulation increased, which led to gangrene setting in and he died three days after rescue. from gangrene. Remember what you said it was dark
Starting point is 01:25:14 when they were just putting spoons on his hand? Oh. He got warm and died. You know, it turns out the weather was doing him a real favor. Yeah. Oh, my Lord. One of the worst
Starting point is 01:25:29 deaths ever in the history of the dollop. That's crazy. Right? I just, it's the saddest, the saddest, yes. The idea that he was, he had spooning, and then they they they the second that they that he feels warmth that probably feels good they're like well the infections everywhere that'll be a wrap on you so when they get back the eating each other
Starting point is 01:25:55 thing of course makes the front page of the papers the new york times um it's a big deal but you know everyone loves a cannibalism story so that's going to make news um in the end six guys make it back and live that included Adolphus and Brainerd the crazy thing about Adolphus is he was super skinny at the beginning and skinny ones usually die first but somehow he
Starting point is 01:26:21 survived. Wow. So Adolphus stayed in the army and eventually became a general. Brainerd also became a general. Every year on June 22nd the anniversary of their rescue Adolphus and Brainerd got together to eat one of
Starting point is 01:26:37 the menus that they and the man had fantased. Listen to what you just said. They got together to eat one of the men. That was where I know, men, you know. What I was like, what? They had stored the guys in ice and every year
Starting point is 01:26:53 they ate one of the guys. Like a bottle of wine. So they ate one of the they cooked and ate one of the menus that the other men had fantasized at about Camp Clay. When Adelves Greenly died, in 1935 at the age of 91,
Starting point is 01:27:11 Brainer became the last survivor of the expedition, quote, to be the last man is a lonesome job. Oh, my God. Like, who, I just, I can never get over the guys who are like, I'm going to go explore the Arctic. Like, have you heard the fucking story? Have you heard the stories?
Starting point is 01:27:34 Let me ask you this. Were a lot of these missions successful, I know we focus on the terror, terrible there had to be like some good ones but it just seems like yeah like it wasn't like air travel you weren't like most likely i'll make you were like this could go south real bad it goes south for a lot of them a shitload of them uh and yeah there's a lot that go i mean there's it's still a ton more that didn't go well but there are ones that went fine and they made it back and you know the famous ones are the ones that didn't as they should be there's that yeah i just
Starting point is 01:28:09 It really, even hearing it, you just feel, I would wilt so quickly. I would not make it. I would not. Yeah. I would die. Yeah. Sources, the U.S. Naval Institute Disaster at Lady Franklin Bay by Andrew Jempler. Explorers Web, which I know is you're a big.
Starting point is 01:28:38 that's the magazine i do a lot of their big reader of yeah great survival stories the greeley expedition by jerry cabalenko and uh the uh national park service adelves screen the washington is the name of that one that's uh that's a bad one that's a bad one i'll never forget the one where we did it in australia live where one of the guys looked at another guy and ate his finger in front bit his finger off like he was mad and had frostbite but I don't know given a guy spoon paw is pretty fucking dark spoon paws uh first of all it's the name of the that's the name of the book but his book it is just on the cover with a spoon on one hand and a pen and the other my book
Starting point is 01:29:30 spoon paw spoon paw is the best uh Sound garden song, though. Boom, pa. Hey, Dullop fans. I know you love the Dallop. You love listening to the Dullop. Do you want to watch the Dullop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:29:49 By the way, it's not Gary. It's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on,
Starting point is 01:30:08 YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch the Rube.

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