The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 708 - Joh Bjelke-Petersen - live with Damien Power and Chris Ryan

Episode Date: November 4, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds are joined by Damien Power and Chris Ryan to examine Joh Bjelke-Petersen.  SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Squarespace - use code: Dollop Rocketmoney  Helix Sleep 

You're listening to the Dallup. This is an American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history, sometimes Australian, to a guy who says terrible things. Gareth Reynolds, who, now that we're recording, I'm out of character. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic. is going to be about. We're having a lot of fun. I would say now you're in character

because before that was the real you. As far as the listener at home is concerned, Dave, this show just started. Just introduce the guests. Okay. We have two guests tonight. You know, a lot of times

we have one guest, but when we come to our favorite city in this beautiful, strange land of yours, we like to bring the hammer down. We have two guests. Please give it up for Chris Ryan and Damien Powers. Let them hear it. Two great guests. No, Damien, no.

Oh, you wore it better than I did. There's sleeves. Who knew? Now that's how you wear a robe you stole from backstage. It's too tempting not to wear a robe. It looks really good. Is this a cape or a robe? It's a cloak and a cape, it's a cloak.

No, it has a name. It's when you graduate. It's got a... Oh, right, it's an official thing. Yeah, yep, that's exactly what it is. A birthing cape? Yep. I think it's a birthing cape.

Yep. A breathin cape? Sure. Yeah, you're going to have a baby. You know, I was just explaining to him how babies get made. Pre-show. Yeah, he's going to learn a lot to know. His mom is really upset.

His mom is furious, without question. But the mom's not supposed to want the kid to learn that. The dad, he gets it. Yeah, I mean... Someone's got to break the seal. Yeah, when your dad takes you to your first glory hole, it's really... Oh, it's the best. I remember when my dad took me to my first one.

I go, are you piss it? And he goes, sit down. And the guy behind it goes, I am. An important moment in any kid's development, the glory hole. So I know I told you about the birds and the bees, but now I've got to explain the bug. Hi, Chris. I think they've turned my mic off.

Yeah, Chris is like, this is not what I wanted to do the fucking podcast to be. All right. Action. This started really bad. January 13th, 1911. Y'all know it's coming. Johannes. Bjelke.

Peterson. Pearson. Peterson or Beerson? Peterson. Peterson. Yohannes, Peterson? Bjelke. Bjelke?

Bjelky. Bjelke. He says it wrong. Peterson. Okay. Joel. You know? Oh, yeah.

No idea. You don't know? Oh, what a compliment. All right, well, hang on, youngsters. He was born in New Zealand to Danish-born parents. Okay. Carland and Marin. They have three kids.

Carl was a Lutheran pastor. Great. And he was transferred to Kangaroo Point, Brisbane. Kangaroo Point. Carl was very poor, but they did buy several acres of jungle-like land. That's great, too. Do you get us a home? No, but what if we lived in the jungle?

Carl. He wasn't really, he was a weak fellow. He wasn't strong enough to clear it. So Marin did it. I like how that's your barometer for stronger week. He couldn't clear a jungle on his own. A real weak, man. Well, he didn't do it at all.

His wife did it. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's, see, he's just good a coercion. What if you did it? They might be good. There's a lot of kangaroos out there. They can fucking get them. She, her brother and father, her brother and father helped.

She's hot. There you go. Rigid. Carl was very rigid, strict, conservative. He had a goiter. Holy fuck. See, we're a little, oh, wow. I got to tell you, the reveal on that is unbelievable.

Shit. You know about next Grotum's Boar? Look at that. Wow, kangaroos are like one of us. You know how you get a goiter? Do I know how you get a goiter? Yeah. I'm going to get some sort of infection.

Gloryhole. No. We like to have fun, but come on. Don't sour the experience for some of the younger generation here. Bullshit. I look at it. it up, but I don't remember and I also don't care.

Are we a lot? We probably can't make fun of a goiter? Yeah. It feels like it's a very old thing that we don't have around anymore. So I could probably say a little bit like if a man were a frog and get away with it. I feel like it's a thyroid thing and all I can have is table salt, something to do with salt.

It's salt related? Iodot. Yeah, yeah. It's an iodine. Yes, there's an iodine. It's a lack of maybe. A lack of iodine. That's a lack of iodine? Boy, would I be pounding iodine. You'd be like, buddy relax. I'm trying to get laid out there. I can't.

Well, you know, it's really... To iodine on iodine tonight. You know, it's really salty. Dave, that's... Now you have to keep it in. Now you have to keep it in. And that's a shame, because my reputation was gold in this town before that.

So he has surgery, but after the surgery, he develops a nervous twitch. Jesus. The surgery. I mean, it'll be like, it went pretty good. There is more bad news, though. Look, your neck's back, but you can be a little thicky, you know? So he became very self-conscious and withdrawn, and he had rage eruptions.

So they end up building Carl a little house away from the main house, because he, quote, could not tolerate any noise. Wow. Wow, fuck it. Heaps of people these days are into that. That's why these earplugs are selling like hotcakes on Instagram. Have you known? No. Everyone's got issues with noise now.

Really? That does terrible for us. Do you guys know this? Does anyone get those fucking loop earplug ads? Right? Have you all got autism like me? Like, no. Does anyone here have ear plugs in tonight?

Liars. You wouldn't have heard the question. No, no, they make them so you can hear the things you have to hear. but everything else gets blocked out. Did that mean they didn't hear the glory hole rent? I hope so. They heard it loud and clear. All right.

Wow, no, I didn't know that. Well, why wouldn't they should just get rage homes like Carl did here? By the way, you have a little garage where you go hang out, right? I wish. God, I wish I did. So they said the homestead had, like a funeral-like feel to it. Jesus.

He's alive, but he's like dead in the back. A funeral-type feel. Yeah. Are we still talking about the same thing? There's so many angles here, isn't it? Yeah. It goes off in so many tangents. This is new.

No, and it is strange that his life got way worse after the goiter surgery. Like, everything became worse. Like, he was like, you know, things were simply when I had that goiter. I miss my neck pal. So at 9, Joe was paralyzed by polio. Jesus, you're really hitting a lot of good stuff up top, huh? Each night, they used electricity for hours to make his legs twitch. What the fuck is going on?

I feel like the joke portion ended. Why are they making the... I think they thought it would, like, help. Because if you got polio, you had a... I mean, it's not a huge chance. You have a chance of being paralyzed? So they thought I would keep the muscles going. Keep him going by electrocuting him.

Yep. Like a little bit. Yeah, they were like, look, his legs still work. Just got to put a thousand volts through him. Look at him. His right leg ended up a half inch shorter. From the electricity? From too little electricity.

You got to juke that boy up a little bit is what you got to do. If you've ever been to a carpenter, everyone has a leg half an inch shorter. You know what? That's very... I can't prove that I don't have that. So he limped, and then he was bullied in school. Yeah. Okay.

By 12, he could work on the farm, and he built a glory hole. Wow. That's awesome. What a great story this is. And good not. Yeah, and that'll be the end of it. So the move was if his legs didn't work just to kind of turn him into a centaur, the old-fashioned way.

Yeah. Stay on that horse, boy. So at 14, he dropped out of school, and his sister continued his education at home. He joined a debating society. He got very into church. Okay. Who isn't at 14?

Yep. Most of us are. Church is fucking rad. They bought more land. I started to become a parent that Chris has not listened to the podcast in a few years. You want to tell her who J-10 is, Dave? J-Town is

Jesus Christ but Jesus is pretty fucking rad and the kids enjoy them you know what I mean? So call him J-Town so the kids get more into him and just kind of know how fucking rat he is.

Nolly. Good. There was no house there at the second property where he moved. Right. So for 15 years he lived in a cowbell

with a leaky roof of mattress and a meat sink. And a meat safe? Yep. A meat safe. An M-E-A-T-Safe? A safe made from meats or it has meats inside of it? No, it's a place where you meet people.

It's a safe. Hello. It's like the old Tindo. That's what a goiter is, a meat safe. As opposed to a meat cute. Yeah. It's a, because I think you're out in the middle of nowhere and there's no, I assume, refrigeration at all.

So it would keep the meat from going bad. the glory hole is out while she's gone we can really get a gloria is a bit like a meat safe if you think about it a hurt locker okay so a safe where there are cured meats it's not even cure me it's just where you put your meat

you put all your meat so it's really so much like so the flies don't get it because Australia's a fly country yeah oh yeah that's what we're called what we always say Dave, there's two of them on stage with us, so just... They know, you guys are, you guys know you have a lot of flies here. Oh, we love flaws.

They're the best. We don't have flies in America. Nope, unless we want them, and then they're the best flies. Nobody's got better flies. Some of our flies have flies, and we welcome it. They're not sending their best flies. I flies on Trump Air. I'm kind of a meat safe.

At 22, Joe planted peanuts and got a bank loan to buy an expensive truck. With peanuts, did you say? He planted peanuts and then he got enough money and then he was able to get a bank loan to buy a tractor. A tractor. Oh, I thought you meant like a track. That's what I thought too.

Like, how the fuck do you buy a track? With peanut money. You know what? You pay peanuts. You get monkeys. You mean, that's like a bad thing. But he's like, yep, I made some peanuts. He's like, oh, man, things are bad.

No, no, I'm buying a horse track. So he starts creating businesses. He's adding machinery. He created an improved peanut thresher. God, remember life before that? What did we do? We couldn't thresh them. Go ahead, buddy.

He hired workers who worked Sun, rise to 11 p.m. Whoa, fuck. He learned to fly and started an aircraft seating company. Oh, he'd fly with a plane. So he could make more peanuts?

Is that... No, that is... No, that's so... So he starts... When he starts buying equipment, other stuff, now he's helping other farmers and getting, like, seeding and like... So aerial agriculture or cloud seeding?

Wow, hopefully cloud seeding. Yeah, no, it's... I'm planning peanuts in the cloud. clouds now. How are things going over all? Pretty weird. No, other farms, not cloud seating. At 36,

the local guy, yeah, because he's now a big businessman, so. And his legs are fine? Well, he's got a limp. He's got a limp, okay. Yeah. Well, I could cure that. Little voltage. I thought you meant. The old fashion way to care. Yeah, that sounded very sexual.

Yeah. Look. I really can't. I can't keep. I will not stop. I have to be stopped because I can't stop. Stop. You can't stop glory holing.

I can't stop. No. His mom's still gone. It's just so tempting. I please move on. Eric's from a glory hole. So the local like power guys, you know, in the area are like, this guy is a big businessman. He should be.

he should run for because he's powerful so at 36 he won a county party seat and was a member of the Queensland Parliament so the county party it's gone now

right it hasn't never come back the county party that looks like what Dracula goes to I'm a member of the county party I'm on the other side of the glory hall I want to suck you never mind It was like the Labor Party or whatever else

But not much worse Country Party, that's what I said Oh, it's his county, yeah, you're right, country We don't have county The thing he wrote says county It's his county, I fucked up All right, leave him alone He's a fucking human

Is the country party still around? You know, they used to put volts of electricity through my leg so I could dance And now I'll make peanut money I know who this is now you do you do I had no

wait you do you say you say his name say his name again Joel Belke Peterson How do you say I didn't Did anyone else not get that first

And now you see I know who this dude is I'm in for a hell of a It gets Yeah I'm not even from here and I got it at the start. I've been just

sitting here the whole time going to who the fuck is this guy with a meat safe imagine that role and I'm like oh this guy now the meat safe makes sense right yeah to those of us who just realized who it is the meat safe finally clicks

he's the meat safe guy it'll come back for those you don't know who that is members of parliament gave him a hard time for not educated. They called him a preacher and a wowser. That nerve. Which is a prude or a killjoy. And what are those terms? A church asshole.

Scott Morrison. Ah. A scomo. Thanks Joe what after. Drinking, imported films. The press, working on Sundays, gambling, public broadcasting of horse races. Wow. And socialism. it's quite a fucking list he went after working on Sundays

as in like more working on Sundays no working on Sundays but not for the reasons where yeah you're like I was going to say it sounds all right yeah it does yeah yeah we should bring that back well you gotta sign the contract I gotta say I'm pro like not having horses racing broadcast

I agree or at all yeah no they shouldn't have horse racing at all I think they should just go straight to killing them Make that the event. All right. Better with honey, better with honey coming around. And he's down, all right? Boy, we're having a really depressing race.

They're all dead. Also dead. Shot down, shot down. They're all going to die. Please don't listen to this. Holy fuck. This has taken a depressing little turn, hasn't it? Better off alone.

Where he is? He's gone to. Shot right in the head. shot again to make sure the jockey's gone too. That's two jockeys dead, three ponies down, boys. Man, go back to the glory hole material. This is too much. Round in the corner, glory, glory, glory, hallelujah.

And boy, do we have a hole for someone to fit something in because that horse's brain is gone? That was a long horse killing bit. It's just funny. that she left on a gloryhole joke and sat down on one. She must think that's all we've been talking about this whole time. I wonder if you can hear it in the bathroom. She was like, Jesus Christ.

Boy, there's a lot of pony bodies out here today. He also was against a 40-hour work week. He was against it. Yeah, they're being, yeah, he wanted work as much as... Okay, sometimes, some of these, I'm like, oh, never mind. Wait, he wanted more work, but not on Sundays. No, no limit. No limit on how much employees can work.

I love that. He attacked the labor government for, quote, expecting primary producers to load their pigs and calves onto trains on the Sabbath. Oh. So Sabbath, you can't load your... Yeah, you can't load pigs on the Sabbath. Like, yeah, it's wrong with you.

Did you read the Bible? The Bible's like, no fucking pigs on trains on Sabbath. Wait, no doing what to them? Don't put a pig on a train on the Sabbath. than what you said the first time. You heard God. He was very specific. No pig loaded on the sand, what?

He considered anyone against law in order to be a traitor to the country and empire. This guy's awesome. At 52, he became engaged to Florence Gilmore, a secretary to the main road's command. The Gold Coast Bulletin, quote, As homely as a sponge cake. Oh, wow, what the fuck?

Wait. As comforting as a squatter's chair on a shady veranda. What does that even mean? That almost feels like it could be a compliment. Yeah, that's old-timey Australian shit is really weird. I mean, that's so hard to pin down. They used to cool food. They used to cool food.

What does that mean? What? Food? Food? Yeah, we called it tucker. What other of this? Loads of weird. But what does that one even mean?

Tucker? Well, yeah. You're the one who... I mean, it means food. Like, you tuck in? I mean, I don't know more than that. Yeah. Like, it's just like, have some taka.

Are you guys trying to say taco? No. T-U-C-E-R. Okay. Like fucker tucker. Fucker tucker. You have no idea. And you're a valedictorian, but you don't.

know. Yeah, I mean, I just graduated and I don't even understand what it means. So much left for you. I guess tucking in. Yeah, right. Tucking it, yeah. Fucking tucker. So there's in a squatters chair and you're the... It sounds like a baby made up your word for food. A dingo took that baby.

That story's actually pretty tragic. Yeah, yeah. It's not a joke. It's not really that funny, you're honest with you. Kind of funny. I mean, it's... Do I need to sit in between you two? I mean There's attention

Like a veranda's chair Okay As homely as a sponge cake As comforting as a squatter's chair On a shady Shady veranda As straightforward and practical As a yabby pump

Who's got it? Chris So a yabby pump Gloryhole Are we back to the glory hole? Yeah is a device that I think you use in, like, wet sand. Hmm.

A yabby, okay. Yeah, to pull out the live creatures called yabbies. Live creatures. Gabby's? Yabbies. With a why. From sand. I believe that's right.

And then you spit it out and out come the yabbies. And the yabbies are just any live creature. It's like a, have I got, oh. They're crayfish. Crayfish? Did you say crawfish? Oh, Crawfish. They're like crawdads. Yeah, yeah.

Like a crawdads. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Like, so another sea. Yeah, okay. Yep. Right. We used to just set traps.

Yep. We sucked them out with a pump, so, you know, each to their own. That sounds fucking crazy. I thought you liked the sucking one. Come on now. After the. No, let's not talk about it. It's all we'll talk about.

I mean, first video that came up is called Pumping Yabbies. Pumping Yabbis. Oh, my God. Pumping Yabbis for your talk-off. You are a magical place to us. You're used to it. We are foreigners, and your land is very strange and great to us.

Practical as a Yabby pump. In every way, she is a typical Queensland product, fervently loyal to her husband and all his ideas and to the state. she is in some ways maddening but by golly you can't help liking her who wrote that that was the cold news like today paper yeah that's how they wrote

some paper was like trust me I've been spying on her it's weird like it's hard to wrap your head around so well it doesn't say anything yeah it's very specific and it feels like wrong to be quite honest with you

it's a weirdest description I've ever heard in my fucking life ever leave a sandwich out in the sun she's one of those think about it she's a car that you left some vinegar inside of over a long weekend and then opened it up to feel a bit of relief

but also a slight bit of concern Flo played the organ at his sermons they would end up having four kids and Joe flew to search for oil okay from he flew to search for oil? Yeah, he would look for oil from the...

I don't see any there. None there either. Get the yabby pump. His party took control in 1957 and he got oil rights of a 57 square mile area for two pounds which he then quickly sold for 51%

of it for 12,000 pounds, a 6 million percent profit. And that's good. Yes. That's very good. He's the math guy. It doesn't sound like corruption at all.

No, not to me. He, however, he did not think he should have to pay taxes on that. Nor should he. And so he fought it all the way to the high court who then were like, no, you got to, what? Pay taxes. Like, what are you doing? Yeah, and he did. And he did.

He was made police minister. At the time, uniform police promoted to plain clothes went to the vice squad. And the reason they went to the vice squad is because they were given the job to pick up bribes from illegal businesses. And if the cop wasn't into it, his file was marked unfit for plain closed duty

and he was sent back to uniform. In uniform means that you either were a regular cop or you had been taken off of the plane clothes because you were not capable of corruption? Yes, if you won't be part of the corruption, then they put you back in a uniform. Right, okay. And so Joe was what, doing the plane?

Joe was the police minister, so he's supposed to be overseeing. Oh, right, so he's overseen the whole thing. He's in charge of all of it. That looks like a hell of a time, though. Let's be honest. Jack Herbert was a head bagman for the Queensland licensing branch, and there are also three corrupt cops who are known as the Rat Pack

what Anthony Murphy Glendon Hallahan and Terry Lewis So the Premier retires in 1968 And Joe shockingly wins The country party's deputy leadership So months later The country party's leader

Suddenly dies and Joe's elected leader Okay The press quote A man who devotes himself Wholeheartedly to his many interests Politician Family man Farmer

pilot, nature lover, and tireless church worker. I mean, they couldn't have given his wife any of those compliments? Like, it feels like they're capable of compliments. Nobody was just like, a sofa that you put cigarettes out on before you in. Got beady eyes like a haunted painting would follow you with. He looks like a sick Rodney Dangerfield. You know him.

So in August 68, Joe is the Premier of Queensland. Congratulations. It's awesome. And things go better from there. Yeah, and things continue to improve. There's a few people said, yay, which surprises me. Yeah, well, they get it. Oh, there's some booze.

I think she just fell, though. No! Get the yubby pump. So his first event as Premier was a body. Bible reading during a Bible read-a-thon. Now, that couldn't happen on Sundays, though. Imagine that. Yeah, I'm a read-a-thon.

I can't even. No, okay, so fuck you. I'm from North America. I'm from North America. This is the best part of the shit. And this is the way Canadians say it. It's the same word. It's a different accent.

I'm not fucking Australian, fuck nuts. Hey, are you on Twitter? Because you're blocked. He's big. I wouldn't fuck with him. He is pretty big Now looking at him Pretty big

We have premieres in Canada And that's how we say it Listen say what he wants Dave He's got big arms We're sorry sir We apologize for everything I don't like if I'm going on South America I don't go

Nicaragra Like I don't change who I am I'm a guy at a different place Yeah Yeah Yeah so cop that It's also it's aluminum See, that one gets me

This is edgy You know, this is some I don't know if this will get through This is probably our last show here It's a shame, it's our favorite city It's tough to hear It's also pronounced burrito And you don't put barbecue

Beef in it So he hired a PR firm And started saying he quote Didn't really mind people drinking It's coming around stuff. Right. He realizes where he is. He's going to the middle. Yeah, it's like Australia. Yeah, right. Yeah, so he's

like, uh-huh, yeah, all right. So there are two companies he had shares in, and they both got six-year oil prospecting leases on the Great Barrier Reef. Oh, nice. It's known for its beautiful oil. Where are those woos now?

Yeah, no downside to that. It seems to be fine. It hasn't been. Huh? It's been pretty good. Yeah. Oh, I like my reef. You can see a white reef better from up in the plane. It's way better. Yep, yep. Wow, feels pretty tense out here, not sure why.

Oh, we like our reef. The press said he was, quote, using deceit to acquire fabulous wealth. So he resigned as director of his company and Flo took over. well that's nice that's a big difference that's what you should do your wife should yeah exactly that's

and then you won't know because it's your wife yes and then it's she can run it it's a totally different scenario it's completely different she's not allowed to talk about business she's a woman like you don't know what she's going to get up to oh good lord yeah at the time Joe's mining minister said oil was protein

and fish could eat it well look we're really used to bullshit in the world we live in but sometimes there's really great bullshit fish love oil okay trust me I'm a bit of an ocean guy

fish are huge into oil that's why you see so many fish eating oil in the ocean have you ever heard of fish oil? Yeah exactly that comes from them sucking that shit down Omega 3s even fish

like fish oil. I think it went pretty good out there. Some of the press seem kind of negative, but I think I vamp my way out of that pretty good. On a TV show, Alan Hogan brought up the shares.

Do you mean Paul Hogan? Yes, he does. No. No, the guy... The comedian? That's not a knife, that's a knife guy? Yeah. No, Alan Hogan. He's like a TV interviewer. You're only allowed one Hogan. I agree.

I must have to be not. Yeah, that's not a joke. This is a joke. He's that guy. That's not quicksand. So he brought up this year during an interview, and Joe snapped, quote, I urge you to mind your own business.

That's a fucking interview show. About the country. Yeah, about the answer. I have made it quite clear what my attitude is. So Hogan just keeps asking, and then Joe storms out on live TV. Nice. Someone shocked my legs.

I'm out of. Here. So he started to lose popularity. And some of his party tries to oust him, but he spends that night calling members and making promises, and the next day, the vote to oust him was 12 to 13, and he's the deciding vote.

So he stays in power. That's the fucking greatest. I mean, our system is... A good old day, eh? Our system is dog shit, but you got to love those. You're like, well, I will sit long and hard with this vote, and I'll get back to you.

On further analysis, I think I'm voting in my favor. He hired 31-year-old journalist Alan Callahan to be his media coach, and Alan turned him from being a country bumpkin into a hardworking man of the people. So in mid-1971, a sex worker is charged with a crime, and she feels betrayed by the cops. So she goes to the media and says she had lied during a police corruption inquiry, and then she names 50 cops who are corrupt. Oh. And then she's going to testify, but 18 days before testifying,

in a safe house in Sydney, she dies of an overdose. Man, oh man. It's called the Boeing move. All the charges were then dismissed but one. Well, look, when someone, the person, when they die, the charges die with them. That's how it works. That's why it would be so smart to kill those who are going to testify against you. But what do I know?

I'm just a simple peanut farmer. In late 71, the South African rugby team came to play in Australia. Oh. And there are huge protests because that's, you know, apartheid. People don't like it. Imagine. Yeah. Joe's fine with apartheid.

He's like, it's great. And he declared a month-long state of emergency to override all civil liberties. What you've got to do. Imagine. Can you imagine? That wouldn't happen in our country. No, sir, ribobo.

I can imagine that, yeah. The leadership. Yeah, not in our great nation. Unbelievable. No, no, America's not. We would never do that. Nope, not a way. Nope, no way.

You're not going to see trains and trucks. No way, sir. You're going to see concentration camps. That's for sure. That's not going to. That's not happening. Nope. We have the right amount of cops.

I'm not going to put people in the desert? What are you talking about? Who's saying that we're going to put? You've got to be careful. That's where the slow sand is. So 40 unions then hold a 24-hour strike. And Joe said the unions and labor party would be a, quote, future of anarchy in the streets.

Yeah. You're right. That is. I'm actually like, okay. Yeah, that sounds pretty good. He also said it would be a climax of violence demonstrations. Sure. During the rugby tournament, the cops attacked and beat protesters.

What else are you going to do? So the Young Labor Association broke away announcing, quote, The Australian Labor Party does not support irresponsible protest. It has no truck with starry-eyed revolutionaries. So that's the labor, guys. Yeah. So a strong man got the backing of supporters and opponents. That's fine. That's cool.

That's fine. So there's no opposition. Yeah, it's all good. That's nice. In the 72 elections, liberals and country got 42% of the vote, and Labor got 47. But Labor had 33 less seats. Sorry, Labor had 33 seats. So they got like nothing compared to what the other two got, even though they had more votes.

As it should be. Because you're fucking lefties. You don't know what you're doing. doing? It's just gerrymandered. The whole place is gerrymandered. It was nicknamed the Beelkemander system.

Rural zones were given more weight. So Callahan now turns Joe into like a quick thinker and a sharp responder, really a captivating public figure. Callahan's typewriter man? Yeah. He teaches him how to perform on TV. And they have like a...

He teaches him how to perform on TV. Okay, cool. Two, three, four. Here we go. Go big, buddy. So they're like a propaganda machine. They have a telex. I don't know what that is.

What is it, telex? Why did you point to me? Because it's exciting. It isn't exciting. I don't know what it is. I felt overwhelmed with that gesture. What's a telex? Like pre-fax.

Prefax. Yeah. What did we do then? Pigeon? Telegs. Yeah, a telex machine sent telegraphs. Am I wrong? I think we all don't know.

I don't think anyone knows. Everyone knows. Everyone was like, nah, you're not wrong. but what is right. Okay, yeah, you're right. Atelex was a major method of sending written messages electronically between businesses

in the post-World War II period. So like Morse? Yeah, kind of. I mean... A little Morse-y? Well, a little Morseys now fascist, but... Yeah, it's true, that's right.

It's, uh, yeah, so it's like a communication. It's like text, but for big businesses. Right. to talk to each other. He said, eggplant emoji. Hold on. I don't think I'm supposed to be listening to this one.

Okay, so as a telexie, as a government... L-M-F-A, he's rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. Eggplant emoji. A lot of eggplant emojis. A squirting emoji. Eggplant emoji. There's a... sitting a weird hole.

A hole? No, never mind. It's a lot of egg plant emerges. So they also they have a government-paid cameraman and cinematographer and editing bay and they start a program called The Joe Show. In 74, he destroys labor.

Labor has 11 seats. So they just really figure out propaganda in a quick, efficient way. Yes. Right. Yeah. And they have like a... It's slick. And they have an infrastructure behind them that nobody else has.

Right. Right. So Labor has 11 seats. Liberals have 30 and country has 39. Fuck. But country has the lowest number of votes. Okay. But most seats.

So, because that's how it works. I don't get it. You'll see you in America. The country party then absorbed the Democratic Labor Party, and they formed the National Party. Like the blob. They just sucked them in, okay. Like the blob.

People don't like that. Okay. Really hot reference. Excuse me, almost died. You're okay? See what negativity does? Your body's allergic to it. Unblock that man.

So they reveal the name at a hotel, and young girls' sing before a jazz band and they wore national party t-shirts and they're two huge pictures one of Joe and one of upcoming Doug Anthony Doug Anthony?

Yeah, that's the next thing. Labor's Edward Gough Whitlam became the Australian Prime Minister. That doesn't work out. But we did an episode on that and they unseed him because the queen gets rid of him. The queen gets rid of him. It's fine. No.

And CIA. So now Joe's like, I'm going to defeat that socialist son of a bitch. So, Whitlam said what Queensland needed was, quote, not a full-time queen of Queensland, but a full-time premier of Queensland. Nice. A little fucking, eh, jab, get him, a little poke. That'll teach him.

Joe personally contacted Britain's privy council to have the queen declared queen of Queensland. What a fuck. What a prick. That's just a stupid thing. I suppose I'll do it. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. Yes.

And he wanted to reaffirm that his state was a sovereign state. So their rivalry leads to what's known as the Gare Fair. Which I've been involved in. Which we covered in episode 532. Basically, shenanigans over an empty seat. And Joe and his boys trick Whitlam by delaying a member from voting by offering him whiskey and prawns. Which to an Australian is... Have you ever been able to turn that down?

No. No, you tuck her that right in. I love a bit of talker. Yeah. When was the last time you had shrimp and whiskey? Oh, last night. I'm surprised. I thought it would be breakfast.

Oh, yeah. No, it's a good. It's a delicious combo. It's a common Australian cuisine, the shrimp and whiskey. The best way to get your puke pink. Hmm. What did you say? I haven't talked for about two to three minutes.

Yeah, I didn't understand what you were talking about and then you just turned to me and went, isn't that right, Damien? I was like, fuck yeah. I like to do that. Chris, you know, you agree with that. You know what I'm talking about. You love doing it, don't you?

Yep. Dave, you get it. Caught me off guard. You know what I mean, right? No, yeah, yeah, yeah. All of it. So, because of the whiskey and prongs, Whitlam loses a seat, and then...

It's just not a better way for it to work out. And then Whitlam's really... really irritated, and he says on TV, quote, what makes Joe so nauseating is that he's a Bible-bashing bastard. The man is a paranoid, a bigot, and a fanatical. Yeah. Would have been cool if he had power. Well, unfortunately, a lot of churchgoers were then upset,

including church leaders, except for one religious leader, Father David Anthony. Boy, we really gave him a bunch of shit, and he's awesome. You like him? Yeah, Father Weirdo Anthony. Father David Anthony. That's Dave Anthony? That's right.

Jesus Christ. What a weird... So anyway, Father David Anthony was the only one that advocated for Whitlam. So he's awesome. He's awesome. So then a labor senator dies, and Joe picks the replacement, and he finds a labor guy who opposes Whitlam. So the government just is totally deadlocked, and then Whitlam is removed by a government. General Sir John Kerr at the bidding of the Queen and the CIA.

So normal. Who is he? That's the Governor General. That's the guy who removed Whitlam? Yeah, it's a guy who removed Whitlam. What a little fucking cuck. Now, shouldn't we be allowed to find his, like, younger ancestors and just publicly beat the shit out of them?

Just to, like, to make future dickheads be like, better be careful, because otherwise someone's going to curb stop my grandson. Like we should be able to go find, you know, some guy's like, I didn't do anything. I didn't really do socialism. What if the grandsons are communist? I still think, unfortunately, we have to beat the shit out of him. If anything, it'll just show. It'll be like, look, even if you're not in line with your grandpa's beliefs,

we have to fucking hurt you so badly. Your grandpa was such a cock. What if he's like, I hated that, dude? I'd be like, dude, you sound awesome. And by the way, your grandkids are going to fucking love what you did. Or, or, or my other pitch, we get to bring him out of the ground, we exhume him, and we just do a ton of weird stuff to him. Weird stuff? Weird stuff.

And I'm not even saying sexual. That's what the glory holes are for. We will be empty at that point, but we bring it out and we like drink Vino out of his skull and we like pick our teeth with his ribs, you know. How small are the ribs? Huh? Well, we sharpen the edge. It's like the Flintstones. I'll just be like, eh, you know what I mean?

And we do that in front of his family. But they get to be like, no, you know, but I'll be like, sorry, your grandpa is such a big dickhead. You know? And then we like, yeah, we just like use his femurs as like sporting utensils. Sporting utensils? Yeah, we play like little cricket. This is instead of baiting the ancestors. And if people don't get the message, then we take his commie little kid and we're like, sorry, we've got to beat you with your grandma's fibia.

Yeah. We're going to have to beat the snout out of you with your grandpa's bones. I'm really sorry. I apologize. And I'm afraid I have to beat your son with your grandpa's skull. This is, he sucks so bad. We can't have another him. We believe in democracy.

What happened in your childhood? Well, I was kind of an only child, but I did have an older brother, but he was into drugs, and I just kind of had to watch TV and be raised by it. I think it worked out, okay. It didn't work great, to be honest. But moments like this, it's kind of okay, but I feel like, I'm a lonely boy right now. But that's what I always return to.

Just play with my trains. Let's go to the next photo, shall we? How does this work? We really covered that one. Yeah, yeah, we did. Yeah, and I think we got some more important. Gareth Adollop is brought to you by Helix. I don't know how people are getting ready for the cold season.

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a friend, Mike Breidenstein, who writes, he's a comedian, but he's written some books about comedy and there's a new book coming out called Kansas City Comedy. So it comes out in a couple days. Mike Bridenstein, the book is Kansas City Comedy,

and it's about a history of Kansas City comedy. Go get it. The New York Times has already posted a nice review about it. Do you think he's better than us? Yeah. So new liberal prime minister, Malcolm Frazier, dissolved parliament. And then the election, labor was crushed. It's not Frazier.

It's not? Go. No. It's Fraser. Frazier? Fraser? That sounds dumb. Did you ever get the show

about a psychiatrist over here? Yeah. What'd you call it? Frazier. Frazier. Oh, really? It's where you said it wrong.

But an all-new Frazier. Dr. Frazier-Kroni. They called Miles Kilometers over here. Frazier? Yes, kilometers. Depini. It's a lot of inside Frazier stuff. After all this, Joe is seen as a big hero.

They have a black-tied dinner for his great victory, and everyone sang, for he's a jolly good fellow. A speaker, quote, If there were more great men in Australia like the premier, We would have little to fear from socialism or communism. It's so fucking crazy how long. They have nothing to fear from socialism, communism? It's just like, it's endless.

They've only had power forever. And they keep being like, God, that was close. They almost got rights again. And you're like, buddy, you are fucking killing us. Like, oh, man. So now Joe takes it up a notch. Oh, good. Yeah, 1,000 Queensland University students protest a low weekly allowance.

So cops attack them, and it's total chaos. Cameras filmed the woman student being hit on the head with a baton. Joe then says he's tired of radical groups believing they can take over the streets. Yeah, and like his government. This is police commissioner, Whitrod. Whitrod? Whitrod. So he orders an investigation, so then, Joe.

Joe replaces the police minister to make sure that he's got his guys in place, right? And soon after the cops raid a hippie commune, which happens to burn down during the raid, so Joe accused the hippies of faking evidence and said, quote, the government will believe the police. And he ordered the commissioner not to investigate. Oh, fuck. But the commissioner did. And one cop was charged with arson.

And his defense in court was basically There was a young woman with him And she could have been your daughter So he was acquitted He was acquitted He makes a pretty good case I mean it is It was a woman

Could be anyone's daughter That's why I burned their home to the ground So the cops acquitted Three other cops get off on corruption charges And then Joe picks Rat Pack member Terry Lewis To be assistant commissioner. Commissioner Wittrod,

quote, that is pretty shattering to me. It's widely known on the force that Lewis is a bag man. So the commissioner's not down. Right. So he resigns. The commissioner does. Yeah. That's also the worst fucking thing. Because you're like, we have a good person. But he's disgusted, so he's

like, I can't do this. He can't take it. So he was just seeing cops become increasingly corrupt under Joe, and he compared Joe to, quote, Goering's successful assumption of control of the German police as an essential step towards the establishment of the Nazi state. Holy shit.

Is that bad? For those of us who aren't big into history, we're against that. So Terry Lewis, who's part of the rat pack, is now the police commissioner. And the first press conference, he says he's not corrupt. That's a great way to open.

The best. I am not corrupt. I'm a really great man. I can kill him. He's looking at me weird. As far as the rat pack, quote, to the best of my knowledge, I haven't been connected with it.

I may have been connected with it by the insane rantings of some people in the past, notably one commissioner. Okay. So the guy just retired. Yeah, he's like, he's crazy. I'm fine.

In 1977, an inquiry report suggested the cops were corrupt, but Joe refused to make it public. So Joe is now predicting that Queensland is going to secede. Holy shit. And have its own currency.

Wow. And be one of the richest places on Earth. That's the best. Oh, fuck. Let's do this. It's awesome. He said just once it was free of Canberra, Queensland could drill full oil in the Great Barrier Reef.

Oh, my God. And you're just printing money. I mean, get rid of Canberra. understand but the rest is just so he opposed Aboriginal land rights he banned Playboy magazine he banned he got rid of sex school education

and abortions he believed it's like America this is all very yeah the same he believed in a southern homosexuals conspiracy in a southern homosexuals so down south there's homosexuals

and they're conspiring against the country. Oh, the great homosexual army. Yes. Adelaide. Yeah. We remember that. There's always, these people always, that's another thing, they always have a homosexual conspiracy also.

Because they're gay. The gays are always coming from them. Yeah, and they're gay. This is the reason why Queensland cops so much shit from the southern states now, forever. Like, we never got past this. Nor should you. This guy, yeah, honestly. So for the rest of time, we're always like,

Queensland up there, backwards and shit, just because we thought there was a gay conspiracy that was coming to consumers. Oops, he daisy, everybody. We wanted to mine the Great Barrier Reef. I mean, fucking hell. Is it that bad to secede? Have your own courage to mine the Great Barrier Reef?

Good Lord. We wanted to mine the Barrier Reef and we believed there was a gay army. Our bad. Get over it. So after Commissioner Whitrod resigned, cop harassment of gays massively increased. There are raids on saunas, gay cops had to transfer,

and on and on. It just was like a big crackdown. How about son, like, the idea that sonnas are only for gay, like... They're gay saunas. They're actually gay saunas. They're still, we're definitely straight guys, are like, the fuck's going on!

I love a steam! Wait, what? Oh! That makes a lot of stuff. sense, actually. Because they kept talking about the weird army battle they had coming up. They were like, we will

do this. We will show them. There was actually a guy who owned a bunch of the gay saunas, and he ended up being a big guy fighting against Joe. He had a lot of money, so he fought him. From all the gay sonnas.

Yeah, from gay sonnas. Listen, like I like to say, we're all gay in the sauna. No question. It's like Holy Land. Yeah. All right. Huh?

Buddy, you're reaching and I'm me. It's a meat safe. Yeah. Yeah. It is. In many ways, a meat safe. It's like a meat cute, but weirder. A lot weird.

It's always weird when a guy locks the son of door. We're all gay, right? Okay. So Joe declares, quote, The day of street marches is over. Fuck. And told protesters not to apply for permits because they wouldn't get one.

So the protests then become violent. Why? I don't know. A cop later admitted that undercover cops were instigating the violence. Just the same fucking playbook as always. Get ready, America. I mean, that's been America's...

Yeah, this is forever. Forever. There's just one guy who's like, hey, we should beat the cops up if we want rights for all races. You've got like a butch haircut and a badge on. Me? You mean John Q, regular man?

I'm just saying this nonviolent march should probably turn pretty violent soon. Let's break these bank windows to really get our message across. A few churches backed the protesters, so Joe called them calmly backers. The party president warned Joe he was developing a nearly fascist image.

Good. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Nobody tell him Jesus was a socialist. What? Huh? I need a little more blood. A protest started announcing.

marching marches, but then they wouldn't go on them. And then they would have spot marches with no warning. This is all to just drain police funds. That's great. Do you hear that, America? I love the police showing up, like, well, looks like there's not a march after all. Good. It's working.

Yeah, because if you say there's a, like, if you say you're going to march, then they can surround you and get ready. But, like, in LA, the cops have already said, like, if there's a bunch of 10,000 protesters marches around L.A., we can't control it. Okay, LAPD, we hear you. Does anyone hear LAPD? Let me guess.

My uncle, yeah. Jesus Christ, Damien. So three weeks before, the 77, an election, anti-nuclear protesters are arrested. Anti-nuclear protesters? Yeah. Okay. And what's their deal? They didn't like they were weird about. Jesus Christ. Let's tinker.

Have a little fun. Maybe get some more weird fish that like oil. Fukushima. It worked out awesome. It did. Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah, we got cooked fish. Best sushi. Yeah. Good sushi. Way better. Floats in your mouth. Yeah, flots in your mouth. Fucking awesome. I love it. I love it. A little glowy. Absolutely.

A paper called it Joe's War. His party then won 35 of 82 seats and out-pulled liberals for the first time ever. So he gives cabinet positions that are normally held by liberals to national party members. The Melbourne Age published a profile. Quote,

I give you lethal Lutheran, the Premier of Queensland, Australia's smallest, noisiest, and most irresponsible minority, has kidnapped an entire state. What's happened in Queensland demonstrates the fragility of democracy. He seems nourished by all forms of opposition.

All it does is vindicate him in the dim eyes of those troglodytes who see him as savior. In Peterson, they have someone who inarticulates their aggressions and their resentments. Oh, he probably read that and was like, what does that mean? Feels negative.

Does that sound like anyone? No, not from here? You know, from America. From America. Obama? Barack Obama? Yes. Oh, H-B-A-M-A?

Yeah. Obama. So he formed... What's a troglodyte? Balshit, whatever it is. I'm not it, okay? Unless it's a good thing, then I'm the most troglodyte. that's ever been.

I'm unbelievably. I actually sometimes like it with no sugar, and I call it Traglerlight date. Not a big deal. Who is that? I don't know. Dave Anthony's a problem.

And I'm not talking about the preacher from earlier in the story. Weird man, sad man. Little loser. Showed a picture earlier. He looked much better. I guess he's been smoking since then.

So he forms a foundation to raise money. A brochure called Joe, quote, one of the greatest statesman of all time. I love it's not a, it's a brochure. Not anyone can write those. And they were going to use the money to build a party headquarters. $100,000 would get a building named after you, an oil portrait in the foyer

and a lifetime membership. That barrier refoil. $25,000 got you dinner with Joe. Jesus Christ. 25 grand. Oh, my God. If the second he got up, I'd be like, you're not leaving already, are you?

This better be long. Uh, uh, uh, what? Is happening? What? Now, with more bullshit. What do those little things say? What the... Prime chook fade

Do you know what chook is? This is what you eat when you sit down with him. Do you know what chook is? Do you know what chuk is? Yeah, he looked it up. You know what chook is? Chook? Like chickens? Like you guys...

Oh, you guys don't say chook. No, we don't say chook? No, no, no. I thought chook was like... We call him chickens. You know, you guys don't know what chook is? Nobody knows what chook is. This guy's pissed.

He's like... Anywhere. I just thought chook was... I know what a chook is. Look at him. He's like, fucking hell. Oh, I love a bit of chook. You ever had chicken wings?

Fucking delicious, mate. Anyway, it's chickens. Well, that's abnormal, just so you know. Chook is still, like, that's a common, yeah. That's not an old one for us. Well, it's still not okay, right? I mean, we're, I agree with some of the premier Frazier stuff. I can, I can meet you halfway on that.

You're not down with chook? I'm not down with chook. You're not going to have a barbecue chook with me. Even when you're saying it, I feel like we shouldn't be saying it. I'll be honest. Get a barbecue chook from Worry. Like chickens are just like, stop calling us that. Chicken, no, we are chickens.

Easy chick. We don't have time. So he made chook feed? Or he's living on it? He's a bit beaky. I think he made it. He did used to live in that shed. Yeah.

Maybe he was just missing those days. Do you guys have, is there anything you don't have a nickname for? Even nickname. you like, you mean a Nicky? Talk about a Nicky. I can help. Oh, that's funny. So aside from the people...

Is that when you pay $25 grand, you get that with him? I think so. All right, eat your old chook. Get the fuck out. For 25 grand he feed your chook feed. There you go, mate. Well, thanks, sir, Joe. There you are.

Sorry there's not a fork. It's an extra 25. So besides the people who contributed, they kept lists of people who did not contribute. Holy shit. That'd be in trouble. In the 78 election, Joe told voters to support him

over, quote, mob rule in the streets. You mean his government. It's so crazy. I mean, I don't know how. and you guys watch American news, but this is literally what's happening now. Sorry. No, it isn't.

We're doing really good, and it is still the best country on Earth. Don't worry about it. Go ahead. But if you, like, taught to conservatives, they're like, you walked through Los Angeles and lived? They think it's, like, Mad Max.

Like, they... Oh, they're a bunch of chucks. They won't walk anywhere. Let's see him. So, in 79, sex education. in schools became a big debate, Joe would just call it, quote, the funny business.

He's right. Look, you'll figure it out. It'll slip in. She'll help. Don't worry about it. Might switch positions. You'll fall out. She'll put you back in.

Enough. You might try to not slip out. Most likely you will. If you don't, get on you. And if you do, let her figure it out. There's a naughty bit back there. that she doesn't want it in, and neither do you? Keep working.

Think about cricket, on your way. What's fingering? That's how you warm up that little zone, potentially. Look, I'll be honest. Doing the act, she might want a bit of the, you know, fingering and the other one. She obliges, let it happen. If not, don't fucking force it, move on.

Get out. Look, fucking dirty. She'll be over in about three days. seven minutes maximum. Don't push it. All right. After the act, you'll get very sleepy. Sure want to have a gab.

Allow her for a minute. Then see you've got to get up early, on your way. Fucking beautiful. Magic. Just the way the Lord intended. All right. I feel like he hasn't got an out for this. No.

Of course I do. I feel like this is a new podcast. This one. It's what the dollop is. Leave behind. What? Fucking 15 people's and majority in this room. You just gave way a secret.

So he has an expansion built for parliament members. It has a gym, a pool, sauna, gold tag. a theater and a nuclear fallout shelter. That's where I'd be hanging. Yeah. Fucking shelter. That's awesome. The cookware and glassware costs a million. Jesus.

He decided to have a nearby heritage hotel torn down. Good. So 7,000 people protested. One man said the military and construction vehicles rolling in after midnight, protected by cops reminded him of videos he, scene of Nazi Germany destruction. In a good way. Yeah.

They built a lot of really good shit. Yeah, that's what a lot of our senators in the U.S. talk about. That's right. They do, actually, yes. I'm like, look, okay, say what you will, but the Audubon, come on, name a better freeway. Come on. Yeah, so a lot of people were very upset about this. By the end of 79, the protest ban had cost the state $5 million in arrests.

So now the rat pack. Terry Lewis was made an officer of the most excellent order of the British Empire. That's the title? Yeah, what the fuck is that? That's fucking nuts. You guys have, what, it's like, it's like, sometimes it's like a Hobbit world. Like, what is this? Yeah, like we have normal.

That's not a, that's like almost a night, maybe. Is that what? Top bloke. Top bloke. Federal narcotics officers raided Hallahan's farm looking for heroin, but none was found. And then a heroin runner said the rat pack controlled a lot of crime in Queensland. By 1980, there were 42 illegal bookmakers paying 800 a month to cops. Some party members worried Queensland was becoming a police state and moved to oust Joe.

So Joe gets flow. to run for office. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's her actually voting. I like the idea that you're like, nobody's better than my wife. Of course. Makes total sense?

Well, it works because she attracts a ton of swing voters and she gets elected to the Senate. We are all so stupid. It is endless how dumb we really are. Yeah. The swing, you know what else? I'm calling for it now.

We euthanize the swing voters. If you say you're a swing voter, we're fucking done with you. That's it. You're out. Anyone who's like, I mean, I'm kind of like him what his wife says a little bit more than him. I mean, it's just endless. We're going to get the voter registration rolls. We're going to find out who voted for her.

And unfortunately, their grandkids are also going to be put on the list. Well, I've got some bad news. Stop it. No! So he wins his fifth election, and the press calls them the Joe and Flick. show. Oh, fuck me. So Joe forces liberal ministers

to sign their allegiance. Holy fuck. But, I mean, it is remarkable how we are just on the precipice of exactly this. I mean, doing this research, I'm just like, yep, check, check, check, check, check. There are accusation of conflicts of interest

with mining contracts, casino licenses, and development rights. Oh, fuck, it's so close, David hurts. It hurts so good. Joe appointed a racing stable owner as the racing minister. The fact that that's even a position is crazy, and that's buried by what he did. But he's like, you're not putting this on television. A rich Hawaiian partnered with his son, John.

property was bought and quickly sold and John made $310,000. Nice. Yeah, all in the family. On a trip to Japan, Joe said, quote, I am here to say we are not Australians. We are Queenslanders. There's a difference.

They're the better Australia. Yeah, top notch. An ex-cop and a current cop went on ABC TV and made corruption allegations. What? And they talked about the rat pack without using actual names. A little bit later,

the cop's wife and kids were assaulted in their home. And the attackers fled in an unmarked police car. Well, come on. Why would you not do bikes? The fuck. They put the siren on top.

Yeah, boo! That cop then transferred to Tasmania. Rat Pack members Lewis and Murphy sued ABC for defamation and Joe's cabinet funded the lawsuits. Fucking A. It's good, right? It is good, for sure. As cops got more corrupt men in positions, they made more money.

And the licensing bureau take one up 61% from 81 to 82. And they were now making $250,000 a year. The Bielke-Peterson family company, Kiyosem, C-Sum, Kaisem, whatever, bought riverfront property for $1.5 million and got a $3 million loan from a Singapore bank. In August of 1983, of 155 working days,

Parliament had worked only 14. Holy fuck. First of all, 155 total is already shit. Yeah. But 14. 14. We're exhausted. It's kind of impressive.

It is impressive. Yeah, it's awesome. I keep thinking that. Like, I'm just like, I should just get into government. Fuck it. I should just be like, hey, we're going to make, we're going to change the system. And then just be like, shit, what do you want? I own part of the ocean now.

Things are pretty good. Sorry. So some liberal members wanted a committee to look at government spending, but Joe blocked that. Smart. And when a liberal member who voted for it was picked as party leader, Joe denied him the post his deputy premier. And then seven liberals resigned in protest. And so Joe then appointed himself, treasurer, and called an election.

That's why you can't do that. You can't be like, look, this sucks so much. Someone's got to fight it. I'm out of here. Yeah, I guess they assume it'll get people riled up. Yeah, but I think where you're, you're living. learning that we're all just like looking at our phones. So you've got to fucking do it while you're in there.

Well, they didn't have phones. No, they did. That one guy did. So liberals are crushed in the election. And nationals had total power in a state for the first time in Australian history. And Joe was gifted a motorcycle from a brand new Queensland Yamaha dealership.

Now, other states capped political gifts at $100. Unless it's a Yamaha. They're sick. But Joe said restricting gifts would insult donors. It's very true. It's very, not enough people represent the donor class so publicly. He'll be fucking furies.

Think about the bribers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

A rat pack buddy was put on the Supreme Court. Joe was knighted. Fuck. Such a great time to just put a sword through his throat. Was knighted. The cops were now bringing in 543,000 a year, which is 2.5 million today. Ooy, yoie, yoy.

Fucking hell. The courier mail reported, quote, a child pornography and male process. Constitution Racket is operating in Brisbane and on the Gold Coast. Ringleaders pay off crooked policemen so the racket can operate. It's cool. It was alleged Commissioner Lewis had a long time knowledge of a cop involved in child molestation. The captain decided to appoint a judge to look into it.

Now, at the time when they decided to do that, Joe was in London. And so he phoned and told them to shut it down. Fuck. the police minister, quote, the premier often stated a view that an inquiry should never be started unless the result is known beforehand. That's fair. Well, that makes logical sense. That actually does.

I mean, before you do it, know what the answer is. Yeah, otherwise, why even do it if you don't already know the output, the outcome of the inquisition? Without question. No the answer. 100%. That's how math works, too. Like, why ask a question if you don't know the answer?

Makes complete sense. Yeah. That's what this whole podcast is based on. So the cop ends up being arrested. And Joe said he supported... So he calls again, and I guess he tells a report of this or something, but he says he supports Lewis and also that East German assassins are targeting him.

What the fuck? I've got quite a quote for you on this one. German assassin? Ninjas! German ninjas are after me. It's classic right-wing fucking nut-sh, like they're crazy. His conscience must have been in the goiter.

I wonder what the goiter's doing. The goiter's like, I'm a simple farmer now. Live off the land, and don't take more than I have to. We're just a simple goiter family. He's just at a bog on. Yeah, so Joe, I knew him. Goiters, should you be smoking?

Probably not. My goiters got a goiter. So, look, the goiter has a goiter. We remove that goiter and it's running for Senate. So I don't know what to tell you. The goiters' goiter is now smoking. It's not good. In 1985, the Australian dollar began to plummet.

and this caused his company debt to increase so the $3 million loan is now $3.8 million and in 1985 a Joe created new electoral boundaries which a University of Queensland professors said quote was the most criminal act ever perpetrated in politics and the worst zonal gerrymander

in the history of the world that's quite a compliment thank you very much so Alan Callahan the typewriter guy he's now the undersecretary of the Department of Arts National Parks and Sport great I guess put all that together yeah why not

and his wife was removed from the Queensland Day Committee for fraud okay she ended up getting two and a half years for taking $44,000 but she just served three months because she had asthma Well, it is harder with asthma When you're in prison

I don't know if you Can't go to jail Wait, she was on the day committee What is that? It's a Queensland Day committee You know, for Queensland Day For Day For Day

For Day You guys, Queensland Day It's probably pretty great, right? Queensland Day is a thing She got bribed that much For one day Like she's planning one day Yeah, she's planning a day

and made that much money. Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of money in Queens. I mean, it must be crazy here. The river and I'm sure they have sport. That's awesome. He's a lot of it, yeah. Terry Lewis was now taking $2,221 a week in bribes. And he is knighted.

the first time ever for a police commissioner now a prosecutor investigates and finds a lot of police corruption with brothels and gambling and his report gets leaked and around this time a Hong Kong businessman's representative comes to meet Joe to discuss

investing in Queensland and then he leaves and 10 minutes later comes back with $100,000 in a bag and gives it to Joe it's just business absolutely yep politics

that's how we do business up here mate nothing wrong with that so Joe and associates start a new election fund Caldeal which they start getting

anonymous cash donations of like 60,000 and 100,000 and they would just be left in the office so it's all bag-based donations money. I believe it was brown paper bags.

Oh, like lunch. Joe later said nobody knew who donated it. It just showed up. What am I supposed to do? I thought it was cat poo. Chook fade. Chip food. More chok fade. It was a bit of a chook.

The National Party wins the next election. Joe, quote, our assault on camera begins now. Wow. A biography said, Joe believed, quote, God had singled him out to be the person to save Queensland and Australia from socialism, and it was his life's holy mission.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Payments on the Singapore loan are not being paid, and now Alan Callahan is charged with stealing. And he ends up serving four years. So then the Cochin Company, who I think is out of Hong Kong, but they pay Joe's family $150,000 for a six-month auction on Kalin deposits on their property. Okay, another $150,000.

Yeah, this is, yeah. And then months later, they pay them $600,000 or $500,000. And then they just give that all straight to the loan. So it's just a payoff to pay his loan. Right. Just like, it's just bullshit. It's awesome. Joe announced he would stand for the House of Representatives

and said it was time to take over the federal government. In early 87, two journalists, Chris Masters and Phil Dickey. So they break the story of Queensland corruption. And then the federal government filed an official inquiry. Uh-oh. And federal judge, Tony Fitzgerald, heads the commission. Looks like Alan Partridge.

He what? Alan Partridge. Yeah, he does look like Alan Partridge. Yeah. No wonder we love him. I'm on fire. So now Joe ends his run for the House of Representatives. He's like, all right.

Interesting move for someone who's not guilty. Yeah. In June, the Kogan company gives Joe's family another $300,000. He's probably like, look, stop leaving these bags around. We left you a bunch of more money. Right now it's not a great time to be leaving these paper bags of money. The Queensland Health Minister wants condoms and vending machines due to the AIDS crisis. But Joe stops his and says he would get his advice from church leaders about condoms and AIDS.

I think I'll listen to the church on how to not get AIDS, Bill. We're not idiots. Okay? Condoms and vending machines, kids who think they're potato chips, they're going to eat them, it's not good, okay? Trust me, I think we know how to not get AIDS. Pray. And then Joe said he was going to build a chlorine plant at the mouth of the Brisbane River. And he pushes for the world's tallest skyscraper to be built and built.

Brisbane, even though it's not approved by the city council. Jesus. Okay. It's so much bigger. It's crazy. It's insane.

I mean, look at like he's like, I think now I might Godzilla my way through this town later if I feel so inclined. It'll be seven times as big as anything we've ever seen. It will finally reach heaven. It's really insane

He's got to hold it Look in the real construction I will not be holding it up It will there will be a foundation That will do the job for us It's so trumping Here's another bag of 300 Stop handing me bags of fucking money

For a minute Please, Jesus Christ It's just so Trumpy and it's crazy It's gonna be unbelievable I'll hold it It'll be almost as big as I am so cops are now taking immunity and snitching in the inquiry and the country party president tells Joe to retire

and Joe told him to mind his fucking business or he'd start a new party the country business but everyone in the party wants Joe gone so he agrees to retire on the 20th anniversary of his swearing in which would be April 8th 1988.

So it's like a year away. Retirement is not enough of a punishment, though, for this shit. So his party votes to legalize condom vending machines anyway. Because everybody wants those. Yeah, for sure. Joe still forces three ministers to resign for, quote, displaying insufficient loyalty.

The party management committee calls a meeting and votes to dismiss Joe on November 27th at 1987. So early. But he holds up in the executive building and refuses to resign. Oh, shit.

I'm taking myself hostage. Can you do that? No, it's great. You can't. I mean, it's awkward. Yeah. It's crazy. Nobody...

Well, unfortunately, he's unable to resign because he's in one of the executive building suites. until he leaves there he's still technically got a lot of power so our best bet is that at some point he will come outside until then we might have to build that fucking skyscraper

to be honest with you he's just in there with brown paper bags of money so I don't think anybody knows about it like I think it's just the party and like the press doesn't know or anything that he's holed up in there while he's in there

hold up he calls bucking Palace to try to get the queen to save him. The Majesty, I need to... Yes! I need help. What you need? Hello, governor. No, no, no, no.

I... Not what she'd say. Sorry. No. Fuck. It's so ridiculous when your phone a friend is the queen. When you have to call the fuck, like, the cosplayist of

cosplayers. I don't need your help. It's also just like groveling to mommy. It's just so... It's also just keep saying why the monarchy cannot, should just never exist. Yeah, what?

Nothing. I'm sorry. Apologize. I know you guys all love your king. Yes, he's awesome. And the prince... Prince. Well, there's one.

There's one prince now, right? There's two princes. That's right. But one cut loose. Yeah, one... Not a prince anymore? I have no idea. William renounced all of his...

Yeah, so he's just a dude now around town. Is it Harry? Yes. Williams' chilling. Williams' wife is a hologram. Is William... William's the one who looks like a bird in a cartoon who held an explosive object.

Okay. Pretty fucking straightforward. Harry's the best-looking member and he's a ginger. And he lives outside of Los Angeles. He lives in L.A. with his wife who was told to not be part of the family for reasons we know not yet. We'll figure it out eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's definitely nothing to do with anything other than character.

Well, there's nothing different about her. Absolutely not. Don't like your attitude. Keep going. I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. Hurry up. She's, uh... I return not her appearance. She's going to poison the...

We have the very pure beings. Think of what we'd end up looking like. Yee! But he eventually, pretty soon he knows it's over, and he spends the weekend just getting rid of documents. It's always fun. Not on Sunday, though. publicly he says he's going to remain premier and he only needed

all of labor and liberal members to vote for him plus four more and he said he'd even work with the socialists yeah they're going to come back yeah yeah like yeah no we're keen to collaborate actually you do seem pretty chill now that we think about it you police officers bashed us in the street yeah and now we're keen to work together so they start negotiations

to get him out. He ends up getting a car, a driver, a secretary, and an office, plus a job, and then he resigns on December 1st. He gets $150,000 a year, which is what we would call a pension, what you call a super, right? And he's the only member of parliament

who had refused to contribute to the superannuation. It's... It's... It's called winning. It's nuts. It really is. It is cold winning.

The Queensland economy is now the worst in Australia. Not for one guy. And then we won the state of origin. And it all came good. We all had barbecue chooks. It was a fucking great day, wasn't it? They all know what happens after this. Sergeant Jack Herbert had fled to England

but was arrested on February. 11th, 1988, he was the bag man. He had all the info on which cop got what amount. And around this time, so there was this bank robber who had testified in 1972 that a rat pack member

was in on his crime. And so now it's 16 years later and all of a sudden someone slits his throat. Oh, fuck. And it is believed that was a warning to Jack Herbert to not testify. I would take that as a warning. Loud and clear.

But still, he has immunity. He names 26 cops. Terry Lewis loses his salary the next day. No. Still a night. Joe told a reporter corrupt police were, quote, very, very naughty.

It's very naughty. Can you argue with that? I could go further. Very, very naughty, but we had no suspicions at all. Oh, it's just incredible. He testifies, Joe, on December 1st for two hours. Oh, my God, it must have been amazing. Well, he basically says, I don't recall, 39 times.

Right, yep. And he had no idea who gave him huge sums of money. He said the money just showed up. So that's a new rule is if you say you don't know more than 10 times in an inquiry, we guillotine you. That's another one. Sorry.

No, you're okay. This is not grandkids. This is the person in the deposition. Yeah. Oh, so his slush fund still has $270,000 in it. That's cool. Finally, the national party is crushed in the 89 elections. So little.

How fucking embarrassing is it to go through all this shit? And then this is, you finally, like they were those corrupt fuckers ever. They're like, you know what? I'm not voting for him. Yeah, that'll teach him. He has 150 grand a year and a driver. Labor takes control. And everything got good.

All together, 250 people are charged with crimes. Herbert had immunity and confessed to everything. So he's now we know all those little numbers I was given out of, like, yeah, exact specific numbers. Terry Lewis, guilty of 15 charges and gets 14 years for each. Oh, shit. Great. It's a big one.

I'm not a big math guy, but that's old. His life. That's the rest of his life. It's like 28 or something. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Joe is tried in September 1991 for one counted corruption and two of perjury. He was corrupt that once. The one time.

It was a time I didn't want to... We got him. One time he did it. So this group forms called the Friends of Joe. Yeah. We're going to get their grandkids. It's funny. My uncle actually ran that.

For fuck sake, Damien. Friends group. Fuck. And they start immediate blitz. They start a media blitz. They started immediate. Okay. And they said he's innocent. He's poor.

he's being attacked by the forces of evil such a weird like I get like poor and innocent but the forces of evil like it's it's the goiter like comes out of the ground like not yet

you just got like you're daddy I want to come back we'll let you go if you reattach the goiter motherfucker what put it back on like a

St. Bernard Cider. So they start, they're seeking donations for his defense. Donations. If they didn't call it that, it's crazy. They hold a big benefit lunch where the keynote speaker is Alan Jones. It's their Rush Limbaugh. That fucking guy. Oh, it's their Rush Limbaugh.

Oh, cool. Queensland juries needed to be unanimous fucking stupid jury lists are available to attorneys a week before selection okay that's dangerous too so jurist Luke Shaw

comes to court in a white t-shirt jeans and long hair and he is the first person accepted onto the jury. And then once he has picked his jury foreman, the next day he shows up in a suit, a tie, and short hair because he is in the Friends of Joe. Oh, fuck. Fucking A.

During deliberation, the jurors were, quote, screaming their lungs out at Mr. Shaw. So the jury's hung. And then they don't want to try Joe again due to his age. Fuck that. What, fuck that. I know. Joe is making at this point, he said, $245,000 a year doing speeches.

And he retires to his farm, but soon develops progressive super nuclear palsy, which is like Parkinson's. And that's all we get for victory. In 2003, he filed. a $330 million claim against the Queensland Labor government saying the Fitzgerald Inquiry caused him to lose business opportunities.

That's fucking insane. I can't... That has to be the craziest thing of all of it, I reckon. That's fucking nuts. It's so... It's so crazy. You created a man who's like, feels comfortable

doing that. The case was dismissed. Joe died in April of 2005 at 94 years old. I don't agree. It's 94 years old. He lived 94 years and died of natural causes. It's so horrible. There's no justice.

There's no justice. No, it's like fucking... The world just kept turning. Yes. Even though we made fun of his goiter and he looked dumb half the time We were the fucking idiots Yes, that's exactly the thing

That's why it's like, I get like I get a clap because it's like he died But it's like this man He lived He lived more than he died He's probably going to live more than all of us Yes, he lived more than anyone He benefited from all the corruption

They continue to do it They continue to get away with it And the small little concessions and victories we get are the fact that we're like, well, they died. Yeah. Like, we're all going to die. He killed way more people. You know what I mean?

Like, he ruined so many lives. He had the fucking, I mean, his goiter must have been fulled with, like, nuts in order for him to sue the government on his behalf. It's... I don't think you know, goreter's work. So, next scrotum. When your scrotum is too full, it goes to your throat. he got a state funeral like even in death

yeah sitting prime minister John Howard and Queensland Premier Peter Beatty spoke and then he was buried on his family property and tonight we're going to go there as a group and we're getting his

bones out and then we're We're going to find his children on Facebook and figure out where they live. I can't make it. Yes, you can. And you're wearing that. And we're just going to wrap on the door. Hello?

Why? We hate your grandpa. My granddad voted for Joe. That's no joke. Remember, because like that generation, they fucking loved him. I remember my granddad saying, like, you'll vote for Joe one day, won't you? You're like, dad, I'm a child. Grandpa, I'm a child.

And all the power was, the power was off all the time. We love, we love, we, our country looks back on Ronald Reagan as like, the greatest president. I mean, there's the fondness for that, but we do. And I think if you go to the UK, they're like, Thatcher was, like, there's no connection to reality with these figures for what. It's like Stalin, the death of Stalin, the movie, you know, everyone's like, oh, you know, they go into the streets, they miss him and stuff. Yeah. He was killing them. Yeah.

I think would they... It's like a weird nostalgia. Yeah, you do. They just... And when they die, the media does a great job of being like, look, he was controversial.

It's like, he wasn't controversial. He was the biggest fucking asshole in the world and he should not be celebrated in any way. Literally, we should get their bodies and be able to do what we want with them.

And that's not enough at all. That's just like a morsel. I feel like this whole podcast has been about you wanting to beat me with a body part. Not you. Like in a weird... Not you, not you, not you, not you and your family.

Right, right, right, yeah. And all those related to any of the people in the stories. You just prop it up on the other side of the glory hole? I'm listening. His family did sell the property and they also like auctioned off tons of shit. So they must have had some sort of money issues at some point. That's crazy. So that's helpful.

Yeah, I don't know. It is, it's funny because it's all. Also, like, this was happening right around the time of Reagan. Yeah. It's maybe a little more out in the open, would you say? If you can imagine a time in which the right wing took over different countries at once and they were celebrated. And yet they still are able to make socialism the enemy. Yeah.

Like, we're going to get Trump and it's still going to be our fault. Yeah, but yeah, they'll blame us. but they also don't know what socialism is. Like, that's the exciting thing about them. Because when Fox News would, like, put up what AOC wanted, Republicans would be like, that sounds pretty good. Oh, yeah, they're like 70%, 80% popularity. But if, like, they're positive, but they really,

anything they don't like, they call it socialism, but it's not actually socialism. Yeah, because, like, Bernie Sanders or whatever would be moderate here. Yeah. That's extreme in your country, hey, Bernie Sanders. They call him like a socialist. Complete out of... He's a complete outlier.

Yeah. No. Yeah. No. They want, like, it is. You're like, well, what about if we gave you health care and we taxed the shit out of billionaires? People are like, great. And then you're like, a socialist.

Like, fuck that. No fucking way. Do you think that's a hangover from the Cold War era where that just got drilled? Those terms still, we still have the ghosts. I mean, most people don't know what... Most people have no fucking clue what those terms... Like, even populism. Like, populism.

It's so obvious what it means. You're just like, it's popular. You run on popular shit. People are like, fuck him, he's a populist. You're like, he's fucking wants you, give you the popular shit. People like, nah, I'm good. Give me that shit that makes his life better. That's who I care about.

Like, we're all fucking dumb as shit. We deserve it. But we should still be allowed to get their goddamn bones. We should be allowed to have access to their bones. And here's what I'm pitching. I'm not pitching we get to just wrap on the door. It's one day. We purge it.

We do purge style one day a year. It's Queensland Day. One day a year, we get to go out, and we just get to take their bones. Are you seriously pitching the purge right now? Well, I think I am. But it's not a purge. It's not a purge on anybody. It's just we get, it's like Halloween, but it's with their grandpa's bones.

And we get their bones, and we get to go to their houses. And, yeah, it's one day a year, and we could even announce it. but they can't leave, hold on, and we get to find them, and anyone related to them, we get to beat them with their bones. You're going to love, when I tell you about Mousie Tongue,

you're going to... He didn't like landlords. Well, I'm listening. I'm fucking way down for that. Great would that be when your landlord's like, where's the rent? And you're like, so this is your grandpa's spine.

Yeah. I'm going to beat you. All right. So, Gareth, he's gone really left. I'll do it for free, too. I don't care. Pro bono. Oh, that's the end of the show.

Thank you so much for joining us, Chris and Damien. Give it up for them. How about for Drake Anthony, everybody? He works real hard on these. Thank you for coming. Enjoy your rugby, and God bless. And if you're related, that guy's fucking out of here. And if you're related to this man, run.

Thank you. Bye. Hey, dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gary.

It's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation, and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube. You can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube.

It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them. We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.