The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 713 - HenryHudson - part two

Episode Date: December 16, 2025

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine explorer Henry Hudson. Part two of two. SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Aura Frames - Use Code: Dollop Chewy Squarespace - use code: Dollop Download Cash App Today:  CashApp As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures.

I can't wait to see Vancouver this time of year. The brisk refreshing air, autumn leaves scattered across Stanley Park. I'll get to hang out at Granville Island Public Market and try the local delicacy, candied smoked salmon, and best of all, I get to see a crowd of adoring fans at the Rio Theater. While daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb. Might as well, right? Otherwise, it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone.

While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it? Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.c.a. slash host. You're listening to the dollup. This is an American History podcast for each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American History,

to a goober. Gareth Reynolds, who doesn't use stupid terms? I know what the topic is going to be about. You stupid terms constantly. Nuh, I name 51. Named 51 right now. You like this stupid terms guy.

Like what? I'm hip. I'm merging words. Merging words, Reynolds. Oh, portmanteuse. Excuse me. Pardon me. Yeah, let's just get into it.

This is... Well, do you want to... How you've been? I haven't talked to him for a minute. We've been here the entire time doing episodes. This is our 17 episode today. Let me do it. Join our Patreon.

We're having a lot of fun of it about it. I will say, I go on the road, there's a lot of people who like the Patreon more than the... They like the podcast, but a lot of people like, Patreon's the best. This woman came up to Luke the other night and she was like, oh, my God, your Patreon stuff. Luke's, Patreon stuff is insane. Yeah, we should point out that. Luke is doing... We gave him a day. We gave him Tuesdays, and...

It's really upsetting. It's a bit of a major mistake. Yeah, we're going to get arrested. It's crazy what he's doing there. And he's very into it. And he's very proud of it. He did a song. Did you see the last thing he did?

No, I didn't get a chance to look at it, but it... You didn't see any of it? No, the animated thing? Yeah. No. He did a back and forth with the two... It's called brainworms, and it's two worms inside. RFK Junior's ed sure it makes sense and he was showing it to me and I was just like

because we were on the road for a week and I'm just like is this what's been happening in the passenger seat the whole oh no whatever's going on in his mind is just beyond talk about brain worms yeah he has he probably has an RFK Jr. in his brain yeah he definitely has there's some things in his brain that people shouldn't really absolutely anyway that's Tuesdays on the Patreon that I'll Patreon So now back to Henry Hudson. Also, we're going on tour in March, dollar podcast.com. Part two, September 3rd, 1609.

That was the day the Henry Hudson and his crew sailed the New York into New York Harbor and headed up what is now called the Hudson River. So Native American legend says that no, By the way, I'm already on board. Live in the Casgill Mountains. Yes. And one tale says at night, at night when the ship was anchored.

I'm very ready. At the base of the mountains there, at about midnight, Henry and his crew started to hear strange music. Nome jams. So Henry put together a party of men to go shore. and investigate the music as you do when you hear a band.

Without quite, this is... As long as it's not a jam band. If it's a jam band, if it's some oyster head shit, then you don't go. Oysterhead shit? Oysterhead. Oysterhead.

That is... A jam band. Is that a term? That is when the police broke up, the drummer... Oh, the police, the band. Jesus Christ, it's got confusing. The police absolutely did not break up.

That must have been really confusing. using back in the day if like the police showed up to do a gig. Very hard. The police are here. Ron! No, the band that we like. No,

it's good. Oh, they're playing too loud. The police are here. Yeah, they're on stage. No, like the cops.

Oh. So the drummer, because everyone was like, oh, what are they going to do? Like, they'll do their solo projects. So it'll be cool.

Like, you know, and then he joined a jam band and everyone was very sad. Right. Because that's like losing someone. That's like a death in the family. I mean, a jam band.

They, if I'm president, they will be illegal. I think you're going to find that Trump will get there. I think that, I think there should be re-education camps and I think it should be for people in jam bands. No songs will be over five minutes. So he sends a party to investigate, and they follow the music up the mountains where, quote, to their astonishment.

Tell me gnomes. A group of pygmies. with bushy beards, and eyes like pigs were dancing and singing and capering about in the firelight. Hudson realized these creatures were the metalworking gnomes of which the natives have spoken. All right. So what... This is not... You talk to me now because this is not...

This show is normally grounded in reality. What's happening? This is not Henry's tale. This is the Native American... legend of what happened there. Okay. Because as we know, the Native Americans believe that there are gnomes and then them, they're hills. Party gnomes. And night gnomes. You can't have, you can't have like, night gnomes. Native Americans talking about night gnomes. And at the same time, Tolkien writing about mountain gnomes, they're real. Pardon? They're, this is a sign. Are we on

our Patreon Tuesday night? This is a sign that these, these were real. You believe that the two party yeah just saying they probably were real by the way if they were real we would have just eaten all of them well if you're if you're delicious new meat if you're if you're a if you're a tribe and you're unfortunately really short you're probably going to lose yeah it's some battles then i'll be around all right let's go uh we're still going on with the tail one of the bushy bearded chaps spotted the explorer and his men and and welcomed them with a cheer. All right, boys.

Sad enough. Would you like some of our small ale? The short men surrounded the crew and drew them into the firelight and the dance. Here we are. One, two, three, yeah. We represent. Hudson and his men were delighted

by these strange small creatures and with the hard liquor these gnomes had brewed. Okay. This is, right. Yeah. Boos. These gnomes made, these gnomes made some fucking 151. Yeah, so this is a, this is a party.

Some moonshine. They may have come across a tribe in the Catskills, and then they got shit-faced. But this is how you know it's fake, because they would have 100% killed them all. Yes. And like, or taken a couple captive. Yeah. Yeah. Long into the night, the men drank and played nine pin.

Sure. Bowling. Which we've covered, bowling. which the Dutch had. With the gnomes while Henry Hudson sipped at a single glass of spirits and spoke with the chief of the gnomes about many deep and mysterious things.

You know, we've seen many moons over here. This has not been easy for us at all. Thank you for coming to our village. So what would you say is your number one lesson? It's really difficult to be this move. And that's been quite hard for us, to be honest with you. That's right.

No, it's pretty hard. We're tiny. We're very little. How far can we go here? I think we're already dangerously over the Lord. But they're gnomes. They're gnomes, I know. They're gnomes.

But people still get upset. Well, it's the pygmy part. Yeah, but they're not real people. They're mythical people. Right. But, look. we've been very clear we're trying to be allies

as often as possible but they're every now and then in the chess match of being respectful versus comedy comedy takes the queen sometimes a little bit

realizing how late it was Hudson looked around for his men at first he couldn't at first he couldn't locate them all he saw were large groups of gnomes laughing and joking while they sprawled around the fire Oh shit

So we've killed your men Then to his astonishment He recognized several of the gnomes As his crewmen Oh my God It spreads It's infectious It's infectious gnomes

It's infectious gnome virus You've got gnome fumes Wouldn't that be amazing though If this was a thing that could happen You could turn into a gnome You better believe I would be like Wait, you'd want to be a gnome? I think I would.

Really? I'm thinking about it and yes. I'm absolutely not wanting to be a gnome. Of course you're not. They would 100% turn the gnomes into slaves. Buddy, you're like, I can go into a tree and be like, where's he gone? The garden house don't climb trees.

No, in the tree. I have got a little home in there. Where we make cookies. Hello. Why wouldn't they just cut down the tree and pull you out? Oh, no, I didn't think about that. It's not like you can go on the tree and disappear. Hey, knock it off.

No. Did you know that one of them shot their puppy in the back of the head? Jesus Christ. Well, the gnomes have gone really bad. Nomes have had a bad couple years. So the crew... Did you see what she... Oh, fucking I'm going to talk about it.

So the crewman... have undergone a transformation. Their heads had swollen to twice the normal size and their eyes were small and pig-like and their bodies had shortened until they were only a little taller than the gnomes themselves. So their heads are bigger. Yeah. And their bodies are smaller. Yeah. So they've just kind of, they've got balloon heads.

So Hudson is alarmed. Well, it'd be great if they didn't notice. Hey, boss. I don't what? These spirits are pretty good. Hudson is alarmed and asked the chief of the gnomes for an explanation We're killing you What's going on here? Well, we've made a lot of you quite tiny

And you've got big heads Because we want to dominate you It was the chief told Hudson The effect of the magical hard liquor The Gnomes brewed We call it fireball So it is It gets you shit face

To the point where you transform. Am I the only one who feels like we drank so much last night that our bodies are small and our heads have doubled? Yeah, this is good shit. Yeah, honestly, sitting at the bar. I'm so...

Let me have one more. No, I can't serve you anymore, man. Why not? Your head's too big and your body's shrank. Oh, come on. It would wear off when the liquor did. You're telling me you wouldn't drink this. I might drink it.

I would be like, hey, what do you guys say we get tiny today? I would 100% go out. To be able to tell how drunk your friend is by how small he is? If I got gnomed when I drank at night. Pulling over? Absolutely. You've been drinking any gnome juice?

No, officer. I mean, I had two, but I'm fine to drive. Get out of the car, sir. That's going to be hard. My head's so heavy. Hey, buddy, do you have that beard and that little pony hat before you went out? Oh, yeah. I'm a gnome.

Always a gnome. Oh, yeah. Let me see your driver's license. All right, check it. Fuck. This says human. Um, well, I used to be a human, and then I do a gnomes, but I've only had a little bit. Have you been out gnomin tonight?

No, I'm just on my way, gnome. All right, uh, I would say walk that line, but, uh, that's not going to be doable. I'll be dragging my head. Yeah, we got a couple guys. They're gnomed out. Uh, they're, we're pretty sure they're gnomes. send a log over Jesus Harry

Yeah we got two gnomes down Two gnomes are down Um So Hudson wasn't sure if he could believe The little man, the chief And he was worried about what would happen to him And his crewman if they lingered in such company

I'm basically the chief Sorry I left this out it would wear off when the liquor did. You said that, yeah. Yeah, I did say it. Okay. So Hudson hurriedly took leave of the gnomes and hustled his severely drunken crewman back to the half moon.

They were really good guys. The entire crew slept late into the morning as if they were under the spell of a sleeping potion. And when they awakened, the crewman who had accompanied Hudson up to the Catskill Mountains, aside from a ferocious headache, were back to normal. So it was true, it was just kind of a, it was just the gnome sauce. They got gnomed.

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I would completely drink that. So that's a legend, but that. It's like if Willie Wonka, like, created booze, which, by the way, is a dream. Yeah. So legend has it that every 20 years, Henry's ghost returns to the cat skills to play nine pin bowling with the gnomes.

And his next visit is scheduled to be in 2020. I'm so far away we're not going to make it till man I wonder if anything goes on then I would be amazing if yeah I wonder too I want to be amazing if they if they you know the news covered it like they do like

Haley's comment yeah they say he's returning to get shit canned with gnomes every 20 years Henry Hudson comes back up to this specific spot in the Catskills and gets hammered with a bunch of fucking smurfs. We're not smirfs.

Shut up. We're gnomes. I talked to one little guy who was the worst. Oh, my God, you fucking cunt. So how often does Henry come up here? We hear every 20 years. He comes up whenever he wants to fucking pay. You seem very ascerbic.

Is there a reason you're so negative? I said, tired of this fucking bullshit where you come out here and you point the cameras at us, and then you fucking go. We're just living here in poverty. they were real huge jerks get out from behind the frame you fucking use us okay all right keep hold on guys take their mic up

god damn fucking stories and then you get the fuck out of here we're just stuck here run him over with the news van our factory closed what did you make we made beer and liquor and stuff yeah all right and hats yeah nobody needs that shit and beards and beards yeah fake beards

and these little red pants and these little red pants okay yeah you made costumes to be all right three two one nancy i was up here for a while and i despise the gnomes yeah i'm gonna fucking eat you let me throw back to the studio i'm gonna eat your thigh you son of a bitch you're not gonna be able to do shit fuck you fuck you we got guns what we have we have guns here mace the little guy you have guns i you fucking son of a bitch all right three two one what the fuck so nancy a lot of these gnomes are being real assholes eat my asses you You fucking white, son of a bitch. Let's go down the hill and we'll do the bumps.

We'll do the bumps down there. There's a crazy last thing. I have to. We drove off. They would have every reason to be furious. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They felt crisis to the oxy.

You guys left us with a bunch of pills for injuries we didn't really have. opiates have wiped out the gnome culture so so they so who knows if that caskell thing happened but it's very funny that Native Americans have such a great story way it's just a crazy way to like it would be I mean it's nice that like

they're considering what we did yeah their story is pretty nice yeah it's kind of like a nice it's like a fluff piece So as the ship is heading back A local thief stole some clothes And a pillow from Robert Jewett I don't know maybe on the ship Maybe off the ship I don't know it's a weird thing to

Sure So Jewett's pissed and he grabs his gun And he shot the man twice Killing him instantly Cool Hearing the shots the cook freaked out And gave the nearest native A hatchet between the eyes

Right. By the way, you know, that guy could have chilled out a little bit more, I guess. He heard two gunshots and then he threw a hatchet into a guy's head. Well, if you hear a gunshot, you grab the nearest hatchet and just put it in the guy's eyes. I took him out. Why? I heard two shots. It's safe to say I panicked. He was just reading a book. Yeah. He did not deserve what I did to him. Okay.

I completely freaked out. Yeah. So, yeah, nobody fire any more stuff unless you give me a heads up. Okay, but then the problem with that is if we yell, we're going to shoot someone, then it takes away the element of surprise. It's going to be the better course of action. Okay. I mean, I panicked.

That guy is dead as shit. The rest of the Montauks then fled back to Manhattan, where they wrestled up a hundred more men in canoes and started chasing. the half moon. And then a battle ensues of sorts, kind of. The half moon used its cannons, muskets, and swivel guns to deal crushing damage to the Montauks while a few of the crew were sort of grazed by arrows. Okay. Why you said? Just because they just slaughtered a bunch of... Yeah, I mean, it... It's all their fault. I know. It just... I would be fantastic. It's fantastic to live on the timeline where...

I mean, it's always the bad timeline. We're never... You know, this is the way it is. We just always killed all of them. Yeah, and we don't know how many they killed. Like, there's no, like... You didn't put that in the diary. Yeah.

Dear diary, real big genocide today. Nailed it. So, on October 4th, that's when they officially turned around and they're like, well, we can't get, we can't go across the continent. Yeah. Where are they now?

They're New York. Yeah. So they're like, yeah, it's not, I mean, but he doesn't even know how far it is to the Pacific, but he's like, yeah, this is pretty bad. Yeah. And he wrote, Henry wrote that the native people are mostly friendly. Well, yeah, from his POV.

Jewett wrote, quote, but we just not trust them. Yeah. so yeah um so henry knew he knows he has explicitly broken his contract with the dutch yeah i completely forgot that he yeah and his family well so he's supposed to go back to england supposed to go back to hollum but he goes to england instead so he's just kind of like i mean this is a great way to get it maybe he didn't love his wife yeah it's a good divorce situation just a great way to get out of the marriage. Just sort of be like, well,

uh, dear Dutch, I really partied in America. I completely ignored everything. I sir. It's, uh, it's non-consensual divorce. Yeah. Right. How did it imagine she's in the, has his trip going.

Um, unfortunately, it seems like he's gone to North America. Fuck. Uh, what's he doing? Uh, They drank a bunch of gnome juice, and some of them became gnomes. Okay. So that's sort of where that went to.

Uh, uh, okay. So I'm probably going to have to kill you and the kids. What? Yeah. No. Yeah. No. No.

Why are you saying it like that way? It's so sad for you. It's your tone. It's upsetting. I'm really bothered that you're going to have to go. Is that a that's a accent? I don't get better than what you got. It's so sad for you.

you're gone. We're going to have to cut off. Pull to your hands. Then your hedge are going to go. I eat your kids. Oh. Okay. This is a holiday.

This is how Kinder's daughter. I don't like it. This is how the Kinder Egg starch. Your Christmas is terrified. This is how the Kinder Egg Stub. Name one thinks it's strange. Oh, God. What?

Cranpus or whatever you guys call them. Yeah. It's not good. It's very racist. You don't like a parade where you get beaten? Um, so something that, um, he went to England to get out of trouble with the Dutch East Indian company, but there are other theories that say he may have been an English spy who was using Dutch funding and Dutch maps to benefit the English crown. But he didn't do anything.

I don't believe that. Well, did he did explore. Sort of. He like, did he went like 50 miles. But he didn't explore the right way. Yeah. But then the, but those people. that are like, well, the only way he would have done that.

I mean, he basically just went there and got hammered and then was like, we've got to get back. But he did explore it. And people are basically saying, like, well, that's the reason he didn't do the Northeast Passage because he was doing what the English wanted him, which was explore North America. And honestly, any motive would be awesome. Because it seems like he was just seeing a woman there or something. Well, it just, yeah, he just seems like out of his fucking tree. Like he's just laya. He said, just he loves America.

Or it could have been that he was just trying to regain favor with. with the monarchy. The journey took seven. That was seven and a half months that they were out there. Just not a lot happened. Now, the Muscovy Company does not,

was not going to send him on another voyage. And after Henry was hanging out with his best friend, who was a priest, who described him as, quote, sunk into the lowest depths

of the humor of melancholy. So he's sad. He's sad. What's he's sad about? I don't know what he's, maybe his family being held hostage? Well, yeah, there's an easy, but he I don't think so. Or no, he's under

he's under house arrest. Oh, he is? Yeah. Okay. So he's sad about, yeah, that is a bummer. I didn't, I didn't say that yet. So he wrote to the Dutch East Indian Company and told them he was in England with their ship and their stuff, but he would happily come back to Amsterdam if they paid for a voyage through

America in Northwest Passage. So he's like, I'll bring your ship. So now he's doing what they're doing. He's holding the ship hostage and all the information. He just went to America. And now he's just like, let me bring your shit back. I'll go through America. Yeah, basically.

And they're like, stop going to America. You know what? I owe you a real apology for going through America. I'll bring it all back. Let me go through America and I'll get their roads away. The Dutch East Indian Company responded, get back to America immediately. We have your wife and kit. Get back to America or Amsterdam?

Amsterdam. Immediately. That's his dream letter. Go. All right. Go to America. And then you can have your wife. So the reason he's under house arrest is because in England,

sailing on another nation's flag is treason. He, I don't, has he made a good decision recently? No, no. Yeah, because he, so he, if he went back to Holland, if you went back to Amsterdam, they would have been mad. And then, but instead he is committing treason. So he goes back to England?

He obviously didn't care about his wife and kid. Yeah. Because if he did, he would have gone west. Yes. Because they were like, don't go. West. No, he wouldn't have gone west, Jimmy. Yeah, yeah. The Dutch were like, he would have tried to go to Asia. Right. The Dutch were like, do not go west. And he's like, gosh. We have your wife and kids. Right. All right. Here we go. All right, boys, we're going west. Yeah. Hope my wife

dies. I'll be single. It's going to be awesome. So, Henry, the British men, uh, were on the ship. And the ship logs were seized by the English and the Dutch sailors were sent back to Holland. Okay. But despite the shame of flying under Dutch flag, his reputation increases after their mission because he did this in the British eyes, a successful tour of America, and he

contacted Native people, even though a lot of them died, but he, there's not a lot of people doing that at this point, right? Sure, so it's a low bar. So the English people are like, yay, he's great. And that led to the governor of the

Virginia Company and the British East India Company, bankrolling a fourth voyage and forming a new company, which also included two of the rich guys and Prince Henry. Prince Henry? Yes. And they called it the company of gentlemen. Absolutely ridiculously stupid.

Completely ridiculous. The company of gentlemen. We are the worst. Now, Prince Henry, future king? I believe so. I don't know anything about it. So they bring it a prince. Monarchy.

Okay. Yes. He's a... And the voyage now is to what? Is just to go explore... Now he actually is getting his dream funded. What about his wife and kid? I think that they were...

I don't know. You know what? I didn't... I would imagine that they were okay because we would probably know if not. They just kind of get dropped off. I'm imagining they're finer else I would have read about it.

Right. But in all this... Like, there's so many different things about him and it's all very like... So now he's going on a fourth or fifth voyage? This is the fourth. Fourth voyage to North America now explicitly. No.

No, are they... Well, no, you're right, because the governor of Virginia company... They're now... So that's... Go to America. He's now like... He's getting what he wants. He's doing.

He wants to go to America. He's getting that. Yeah. It was very hard to keep all the journeys straight by mind. Well, he must be very excited about this hopper. This is the journey. This is what he's wanted as all time. Yeah, yeah.

So other investors jump in. They raise money, a new crew of 23 people. Oh, and since the money was raised and he was going on another voyage, they just let him out of house arrest. They're like, yeah, he's... Well, he kind of outlasted them and the public now loves him. Once the public loves him, you're kind of fucked. Because when you're going to kill a guy who went and explored, like, it's what you're whole thing is.

Yeah. Right. So, yeah. There was an issue with the ship, though. The ship they were to sail on was about as big as a school bus, much smaller than any previous ship Henry had captained.

And you have 23 men to live on it, and there wasn't enough room below decks for them. So a lot had to sleep through icy temperatures on the deck. Okay. So fuck that. I mean, why, why, why, like, so many of these missions in general, It was just like, you're just like, a lot of us are going to die. Like, they didn't, like, try super hard to make sure everyone was going to be okay for long. At all.

There's always times where they're like, um, yes, we'll need room for pelt, so no meat or flour. You're going to die. Despite the tension between them, Henry bought Jewett back as first mate. It's a winning combo. Why? This is the, this is. John and Paul. wrote the best songs together.

Why? There's a spark, dude. Think of all the hits. You need this. Look, look. It's not bad. It's like a good combo. They brought on a new crewmaster named Henry Green.

Hank Green. Hank was a hothead, a gambler, and a regular rapscallion. Good. That's what we need. A total degenerate piece of shit. That's what should be thrown. into the mix here. Yeah.

And just to be safe, we're going to throw in a real nightmare. Green immediately got into a fist fight with the very popular ship barber slash surgeon. What? What's the problem? What do you mean? What's the problem? What? The barber surgeon?

There were a lot of barber surgeons then, just like there were a lot of barber dentists. And I would, why not? And I would just like to say that's obviously going to come back. Anyone could But yes, absolutely Anyone could cut hair Why is that thrown in the mix? Well, I think that you have tools

He's been shot in the stomach I'm going to give him a mop top What about this? We take out the bullet Yeah And then we give him a little bit of a trim He's dead I'm going to

Give him A kind of Spiky way Oh, what about a bob? Yeah, all right, we'll give him a bob. He's dead. We're just trying to figure out what would suit him now that he's gone. You didn't even bother to try to address the wound when he was shot.

We were trying to figure out what a hairstyle he needs. Yeah, we came out with a bob. Yeah, what have you done? Nothing. Yeah, all right. So he's dead and he'll have a bob. That's a nice look. uh so even without investigating henry backed up green saying the surgeon had a short temper okay

but the crew backed the surgeon because he everyone likes the surgeon so once again he's starting out of voyage with a lot of friction and discontent before they even got going yet so jewett starts speculating that the only reason henry brought green in was to spy on the crew okay and Henry was throwing idle threats at Jewett and saying he would kick him off the ship, but he never followed through. But that's not a good leadership. Now, wait, wait. He's saying that green is his, this is what Hudson thinks.

Green, no, Hudson, Hudson thinks green is in the right. Okay. And a good guy. So people think that Hudson, Jewett thinks that Green is Hudson spy. Yes. Okay. That makes sense. Okay.

Yes. And all because everyone likes the barber who, Green got on fight with. The barber surgeon. So they take off and the ice becomes so thick they're basically going zero miles an hour, just softly ping ponging between massive

ice sheets. Okay. And on July 7th, they made it around Greenland and there was another near mutiny as they headed through what is now called the Hudson Strait. But at that time, it was called the Furious Overfurt.

for. Is it dangerous? It sounds like something you would hear in some sort of Viking film. Can we not go in there? What about the name is freaking everyone out? Now, all right. It's a furious, sir. Yeah, all right.

It's not inviting. No, but, all right, yeah. Okay, yeah. I will concede the furious part's bad. Honestly, it's scaring the air out of everybody. Well, what have I called it the Hudson Strait? Oh! Not so scary now, is it, boys?

It's not so scary now. We're going to go through the Hudson Strait. What of the reasons? Look right into our fate, yeah, ho, oh, we're going to call it the Hudson Street. Street, that's not as scary as the furious overpass. One of the reasons that there's so much tension on the ship is because of your fucking songs. Well, we better get moving because as much as we're raging,

it looks like the Hudson Straits are raging. Come on! Bam! Look at the hips. Wham! Look at the moves. Crotch, crotch, crotch. Flipping around.

Bottom, bottom slap. Bending down. Boots scoot, yeah. All right. Now that we're feeling good, let's have the go. So the furious overfall is brutal. And as they entered the mouth...

I've been there. So they entered the mouth of what is now Hudson Bay. So it's Hudson, then into Hudson Bay. So you can tell why they thought it's the Northwest Passage because it's 470,000 square miles with 4,000 miles of coast.

470? Yeah, it's huge. And they're basically just inching along until Henry has a realization that this is not a trans-American waterway that they're in a bay and they're about to hit a dead end. Okay.

So he tried to get out by going north, but that's back up the furious overfall. So he's trying to go through it. Which is named for a reason. Right. Yeah, it's a nightmare. It's like impossible to get through. Even if you know exactly where you're going and they don't know where they're going.

In a way, that is an advantage. Yeah, probably. It might be. Maybe because they're like, bye. So it took them one and a half months. of scooting past one ice block trying to remember if they had passed it before and then turning back scoot turn back scoot turn back constantly making inadvertent circles in the freezing weather for a month and a half going absolutely nowhere and why because gareth it is called the furious overfall well and

And I mean, there had to be a way to be able to tell. That they were, yeah. That they're just going. I mean, like you said, he's not a great navigator. But you can look at the stars. I mean, they do use the stars to navigate. You got to keep looking up and going, we're not going anywhere. Yeah, but instead, they're like, wait, oh, fuck.

Ah. So the crew at this point, it's just fucking totally lost it. Yeah. And the animosity between Jewett and Henry explodes. Jewett discovered that Green, a guy who had no experience sailing but got this cushy job on the ship, was just there to spy on the crew for Henry. So he is. He is right.

He is right. Okay. So at that point, Jewett challenges Henry and Henry has him locked up and tried for mutiny. On the ship? Yes. Tried in front of a judge. jury of other people who are making fine on or maybe just you're now a jury well i don't know who they didn't yeah well they have no choice yeah i mean so you just

you you always are just good it's kind of fun it is fun right now we're gonna have a trial this will be great so even though everyone hates henry the testimony against jewett is pretty fucking damning the testimony against jewett well i think that guys are up The guy's on the crew or they must be telling the truth. I don't get any of this. So funny to be like, and have you heard of the ship? Well, yeah, I'm on it.

Yeah. Do you carry any sort of bias in any direction? Yeah, lots of it. I'd like to strike Reggie from the pool. Okay, now I'm Frank. All right. Frank, how are you, mate? How are you?

Yes. Are you familiar with the ship and the expedition? Yeah, well, I'm on it, ain't I? Right, yeah. What do you think of me? Do you like me? No. What about Jewett?

He's a real piece of shit, doesn't he? He's a good. All right. He's a lot. He's hilarious. He's fucking hilarious. No, he's like, no. Striking Frank.

No. I haven't told you the joke about the pig. That was a horrible joke. He stole the piece. The one where he fucks the pig. Yes, it's not even a joke. It's a horrible story about when he had sex with a pig. Yeah.

I'm striking Frank. Striking Frank. You put it like that. Striking Frank. Taylor. Taylor. Taylor. It really makes me laugh.

Taylor, hello. Hello. Hello. Yes. How are you? Good. How are you? Do you know Jewett?

Even guys who got along with Jewett had overheard or straight up been told threats from Jewett towards Henry. Uh-huh. And just about every other crew member on the ship. I mean, Jewett is just a shit-talking guy. Yeah. So Henry has him dead. He's dead to rights. Right.

On his boat jury. On the mutiny boat jury. Right. But he also recognized that he needed as many men as possible to escape the icy hell they're in. He needs experienced men for the fucking ship. Sure. So instead of having Jewett thrown overboard, which would have been the... You're now my slave.

Henry gave him... I sent it you to be cool again. He gave him an any other crew member suspected of any crime. a full pardon in exchange for good behavior from now on. What a weak. It's so true that. That's what I mean. Like, he had no legs to stand on, really, because he needs, so he basically,

your sentence to not being a dick. Come on. I mean, he could have eliminated the trial and just been like, would you please chill out? Exactly. Yeah. I sentenced you to chilling out. Gareth.

the dollop is brought to you by Chewy Chewy of course not the not the thing that you do with the little stick thing that I gave you

I'm talking about the company that sends you a pet stuff and helps you out with your pet situation Okay that's fair Gareth when I think about the holidays I'm thinking about the little moments

with my pets my little guys I get 17 dogs and they make the season because you put a little antlers on and you let them run around haul the sleigh all that stuff that's why sorry they're pulling the sleigh yeah that's why i'm joining chewy claws uh who's out there making pets wishes come true obviously because he's chewy claws so from november 4th until december 24th you can share your pets wish at chewy dot com slash chewy claws and it could become real and also it also helps others so each wish

that you make triggers a donation is my favorite thing that's ever been said in an ad on this show yeah no absolutely uh so each each time you wish it triggers a donation of five meals to shelters and rescues across the country uh so you submit that through the chewy app and they'll double the donation, a wish for a pet. Chewy is the absolute best that it's so hard sometimes to live in a world where companies don't do the right thing. Chewy is the opposite. Chewy is the best.

Even hearing that, you're just like, man, they just rule. Yeah, and then you can send your pet's wishes out there to Chewy Clause. I've never heard of Chewy Clause before, but this is apparently a real clause, not like the other one. And Chewy, Chewy Claus doubles the name. This is real. Chewy Claus is real. So is Santa Claus. No, Santa Claus is not real. Chewy Claus is real. Shelters and rescues can join in on the joy by submitting their own wish list to Chewy Clause also and their community can find their wish list and donate items directly them. So if you have, write a rescuer's shelter that you like and they're on there and they put a list, you can go there and pick stuff out to give to your favorite

a dog or cat or lizard or horse or camel camel yeah probably no no there's probably a lot of a lot of camels of the shelters here is not i hope there's not angeles here's the thing chewy is spreading the joy with your wish that's what i'm trying to say um we of course uh use chewy we both love chewy that's where i get my my food um and then toys and medications and all that good stuff i'm full in i'm full in with chewy i'm a hunter chew so they call us I'm in the club. Sure. Every pet deserves a wish come true.

Send your pet's wish to chew. Deserves a wish come chew. Will you tell them that I was doing that? That I said that. No. Because email-wise, I have some of their- They're not happy. And they're not replying anymore.

Yeah, they want no contact with you. It's only through me now. They keep saying Gareth seems chewed, which. Every pet deserves a wish come true. Send your pet's wish to chewy.com slash chewy claws and it might become a reality. Plus, your wish means chewy will donate five meals to pets in need.

How about that? Gary? Garrett. Come on. It's Gareth. It's Gareth. You know what it is. Gareth, the dollb, is also brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace.

Everybody knows this. It's an all-in-one website platform. which is designed to make you stand out, help you stand out and succeed online. Instead of failing online, succeed. I think they've won the race, but there's nowhere that I could think that anyone else would ever go at this point.

But we don't mind to continue to tell you, go to Squarespace. You want to be a business, go to Squarespace. You know, everything's collapsing all around us. You've got to figure out your own little thing now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry to Squarespace. I should be talking.

Go ahead, Dave. That didn't, that wasn't helpful. That is bad news. So it doesn't matter if you're just starting out. If you've got an older business you want or you just want to get the attention out there for a thing that you got going on. And you can't work it because I'll tell you what, no one has your back, put Squarespace. You can claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, gray brand and get paid, just all in the same place. Squarespace.

They're my best. They're my best friend. Uh, you can, uh, get paid on time, uh, with, uh, sorry, you can get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments, which people enjoy those, people enjoy online payments. How about SEO tools? Yeah. Yeah, Garrett, what's in a SEO tool since you're, you're, uh,

search engine optimization. Uh, yeah, so. They're going to help you with that. They're going to give you the key words to get it to the people find you. What about this? What about video content? back baby what about that what about videos that they're going to make you look more professional what if you want to do donations or you want to be able to sell stuff on your website merch for god's

sakes i mean we have a website that has merch on it through square space all of our websites are through square space now i will say we've had to give some notes to the person who's in charge of the merch part of our website sometimes eight or nine times before a message is clearly relayed that actually penetrates the the liquid that surrounds the brain but that's got nothing to Squarespace. It's got nothing to do with Squarespace. You're bringing in your own personal issues to the app right now. I'm bringing in my own personal stuff to a Squarespace talk. We're just saying if you're going to go online and make yourself a website or get a domain

or whatever, you're going to want to use Squarespace. That's what we're saying. Check out Squarespace.com slash dollop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use Offer Code dollop to save 10% of your first purchase of a website or domain that's Squarespace.com slash dollop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, you use offer code dolep to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Tell them, I'm sorry. I shouldn't know. It's too late for that.

Gareth, we are also brought to you by Cash as. Oh, David. I think they want to really as long as possible. Hey, what's the, what's the, do you have like a weirdest or craziest scam that you've ever had to deal with? Oh, yeah. you've certainly had them you've had and your parents have had them recently had one of my father

recently got involved in a he's going to be an author the king the king of scams the king of scam the irony that if my father wrote a book about the scam he was on that would have been the book well look here's the thing about about cash app built in card security that keeps your safe from fraud and and the protections you'd expect. The holidays, it's about finding the perfect gift, but not every deal is actually what it seems, right? And scammers are getting more creative to trick people and to share in their payment using methods like fake shopping sites

and giveaways that are like crazy too good. I'm buying you a car right now. And luckily, cash apps 24-7 fraud monitoring helps detect and alert you for unusual card activity should someone gain access to your card so you can act fast and you know if something's offered seems weird I did not get the car Gareth

you can you can also lock or unlock your cash app instantly right in the app it's extra control that's pretty sweet that'll keep you a peace of mind so it's good it's very very helpful with scams hold on my bank's calling me keeping your money secure

what dude that car thing yeah not real you should have used cash app i just lost a hundred million dollars that's a lot for a car so look what we're saying is give yourself the peace of mind this holiday season and download cash app that's what we're saying that's what gareth and i are saying yeah we're big boys so you should listen to us we're the big bad boys and we want you to use cash out for a limited time only new cash app customers can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash for real just download cash app use our exclusive referral code secure 10 in your profile and send

$5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account terms apply that's money that's cash app cash app is a financial services platform not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partners prepaid debit card issued by sutton bank member fdic promotions provided by cash app a block incorporated brand visit app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Gareth, we are also brought to you by aura frames. We both have aura frames. We have both sent aura frames to our mommies.

Yes. My mommy loves her or a frame. I get to send her. I'm going to jump in and ask you to not call her your mommy. My mama gets a, my mom. My mama, my ma gets, my me ma gets frames, gets pictures for me in her aura frame. Yeah. It's very easy.

So you get the aura frame. It's a great gift because of what we're talking about. And you send it to someone and you can upload all the stuff you want into it. You can use the app, the app will go online to send, you just, send your photos to their frame. We're in this weird zone where you no longer have the hard copy. of the picture and yet all we do is take pictures and we still want to have stuff on our walls that's right so aura kind of hacked it and is basically like hey you can have a ton of pictures rotating in a frame it it's like living in back to the future too it's exactly like that

on upload unlimited photos and video preload photos before it ships if you want so you can ship it as a gift and then get it go oh my god here's all the grandkids or the dog or here's a bunch of And if you get one and you go, oh, God, I don't want that many pictures of grandkids, you can swap it out for other pictures. Yeah, yeah, you can. There's no commitment here. You can personalize your gift and add a message before it gets there. You share photos and videos effortlessly.

So, straight from your phone, like I said, all year long. And a gift box comes in a gift box. So it's perfect. Nice packaging, too. Just saying. And you look like a genius. You look like a genius with this one. People love it.

Yeah. So for a limited time, save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get at $35 off ORA's best-selling Carver Matt Frames, named number one by Wirecutter. Wirecutter is the New York Times recommendation thing. That's awesome. It's great. By using promo code doll up at checkout,

that's A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo-code doll. This deal is exclusive to listeners and frames, sell out fast, so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Well, Dave, we should also make sure we let people know that we are on tour. The Dala podcast will be going on tour. This spring, we're hitting some dates, and it's an exciting time.

We want people to come out. We want people to join us. We're very excited. So you can find us in Buffalo on March 22nd, in Syracuse on March 23rd, in Boston on the 24th. March 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, Connecticut against our will. will be in New York City on March 26th will be in Albany

at a place called the egg on the 27th will be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on the 28th, we'll be in Philadelphia on the 29th and then we will be in Washington, D.C. on March 30th. So go to dolloppodcast.com for tickets to that. And if you come to see us in Bridgeport, we'll make love to you.

I can't wait to see Vancouver this time of year. The brisk refreshing air, autumn leaves scattered across, Stanley Park. I'll get to hang out at Granville Island Public Market and try the local delicacy, candied smoked salmon. And best of all, I get to see a crowd of adoring fans at the Rio Theater. While daydreaming of fall travel, I realize my home could be working for me. I'm talking about hosting my home on Airbnb. Might as well, right? Otherwise, it will just be sitting empty while I'm gone. While you're off living your best life, your home could be bringing

in some extra cash. Whether you're off for a work trip or a family vacation, why not make the most of it. Hosting on Airbnb is smart and a practical way to help cover travel costs. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.ca slash host. Henry then immediately killed any goodwill he may have accumulated by meandering around in the ice for another two months. Oh my God.

So they're freezing, obviously. Yes. And they only have the, most of them are sleeping on the deck. Yes. And it's an, October passes by, so they're stuck. The men would be, because it's just ice in?

Yeah, they're iced in. Wow. So the men would be forced to stay in the frozen wasteland until spring. And can you imagine being on the deck when he actually gets to go below deck? Well, all right, guys, this is just, I don't even know how we got here, but I'm as pissed as anyone. but I'm going to turn in. I'll go. I'm sorry?

Oh, God, so I'll tell you where it's cold, below deck. So I'm going to go down there to my quarters and just stay. Oh, I wish I was surrounded by you lot. You could use your body warmth. All I've got down there are a bunch of blankets. Ech. Well, I'm turning in and just know that we're all. Just so pissed.

I'm going to go down there now and just have a try to sleep. Don't know if I will. Ugh. By the way, if I'm not up here early in the morning, let me, it means I didn't get to bed at all, so let me sleep a little bit. This whole thing is totally fucked, by the way. This whole thing is totally fucked. I'm going to, yeah, yeah, I'm going to go,

I'm going to go down there. They don't even look like there's room on the deck for me. Unfortunately. Boy, that's a bummer. Really what? If there are any acting students out there, I want you to do this if you have to do like a solo piece in your acting class.

Do that. Will you please do this? My monologue? I'll be doing Henry, Henry Hudson, my quarters, from the play the Hudson nightmare Well, it's time to turn in, I guess

And I wish I could stay up here with my men But unfortunately, I think I've got to go down to back I could write Because you know I could do another eight minutes Oh, I know, I won't Everybody knows no one's happy about that That's where people worry about your sanity

No, it's the Achilles Yeah, the Achilles heel is that I I do find comedy in going long. I know, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Well. You're the Henry Hudson of improv.

Well, quiet. Well, all right. I'm turning in. I'm going to lock this door just so I don't get out and try to take someone's position. Yeah. Blu. Okay. Oh, by the way, I'm down in my quarters now, and it's bloody awful.

So Preston, just go ahead and cut this part out. Yeah, Preston, cut. Keep this part going. So he must have let them sleep below somehow because they would have fucking died. Like he must have allowed them below deck and the freezing, whatever. I don't know. I'm actually interested. But also, also.

They could have been doing the penguin thing. Also, they now have to, because they're going to be there all winter, they had to build a shelter. They had to hunt. They have to fish. They have to gather firewood. But where are they doing that? Where can they do that? Well, there's, they can walk to the shore.

So they can get off the boat and walk to the shore. Through the ice. Well, um, they also have to ground the ship. So they must have had to somehow pull it up and slide it across and get it. Because they have to get it. Because you can't have the ship. They have to get it out of the ice or else the hole will crack. Just absolute hell.

Um, so it's not like hanging out. Like they got a lot of work to do if they're going to stay there. Um. Henry sent two guys to land to see if there was anywhere they could stay for the winter, and they ended up camping at the mouth of a river. It's fucking miserable. One crewman said that so many things were going wrong, quote, to speak of all our troubles would be tedious.

In the middle of November, a crew member died of exposure to the freezing cold. So they must have been sleeping outside. Well, what a, it's also what a great term for hypothermia. Exposure. He died because he was cold. No, he had exposure to the elements. It's quite different. He was weak. We're all grieving the death of Richard. I'm going to go down to my quarters and just grieve.

I'm going to go cry in the hot box. I'll be crying in the hot tub. Gosh. They can't bury him because they can't dig a grave. Well, he's probably just to eat him. I'm sure they just covered him stuff. There we are. Henry Green

Let's toss him Henry Green the bad tempered favorite of Henry Henry Green of Henry Hedson Hank Green The guy he brought out to be the spy Yeah

We can call him Hank He wanted the dead Hank Green's a guy online Is awesome Okay That's what But I don't want To think they were being rude

To Hank Green because he's awesome He wanted the dead crewman's coat Wait who did Hank Yes Once again This is not Hank Green So Henry actually took it off the body and gave it to him, which is... Cool.

No, it's... It's like a huge... It's a huge... You support it. Well, no, you do take the dead guy's clothes. Of course you do. But there's a slap... Not the underwear.

It's a slap in the face to the crew. Uh, yeah. You might take the underwear, too. I wouldn't. I would. I think there's a big... I think you could get... If you could get that on eBay, you can make a lot of money.

Once you see the penis, that's where I say this is wrong. Oh, that's weird. Everything up until then I'm okay with it. Because if I see the penis, I'm like, we won. What? Yeah. I mean, we're just from different countries.

Yeah, I guess. It's the cultural stuff. Let's eat sushi off him. It's like Japanese businessmen. Usually when a crewman died, the rest of the men held an auction and the money raised would be sent to the dead crewman's family. So that was the tradition. Right. Sort of the go-fund me.

So that's very normal. Right. It is a go-futney. We raise all that money for that poor Walmart worker. I mean, great, we raised it, but people are just like, it's a feel good story. You're like, no, it's a story of their society is dead. I don't even know where, how, it's a very nuanced. I was trying to do something about it, but it's like, there is a very nuanced,

we're very happy for the man who should have been taken care of by the government and had health care so that it sounds like his wife probably could have lived longer. We're happy that that man's going to be a multi-millionaire. What is annoying is that the government doesn't do that and that a TikToker is being popularized because of filling the holes that the government should be. It's just like, it's one of those ones where I'm like, I might just go run off a cliff.

Hey, we don't take care of our senior citizens. Yay. But this guy's going to be okay. Yay! Now do every other one. So that was how, by taking the guy's clothes and wrap them off or auctioning them off, that was how they dealt with tragedy with honor basically. So now the crew was fucking furious that he just gave him the coat. It's crazy to me that the auction is the like, I mean, it's just very, all right, now,

how much are we thinking for this shirt? Look at this beautiful thing, eh? Lot of buttons, two big pockets. What would you pay for this? I'd say top dollar. Let's do nine farthings. Nine farthings, nine farthings. We've got ten five, nine fiving.

All right. We've got one bone. He's got two bones. Anyone got two bones? Two bones, three bones. I've got this piece of wood. This is very difficult to auction it in this way because I don't know if the wood's better than a bone. But we say it will be for this because a pretty big piece of wood.

All right, we've got a tuna, mate. A can a tuna. Oh, tuna's entered a bag. All right. We've got a can a can of tuna going once? Can anyone outdo a can of tuna? Empty. All right, it's an empty can of tune.

I think the wood's better than the can of tune. And be honest, I'm still not sure if the bones worse than the wood or where that's that. But we'll say the wood's still good because the empty can of tune is nothing in it. So we still got the wood. Anyone got more wood? Big a piece of wood.

Anyone got wood, larger wood. Wood? Big piece of wood going once. Big piece of wood going twice. Can anyone beat the big piece of wood? Think of this guy's lovely wife. But anyone go thinking he's got kids. He's got kids.

He's got a finger. Yeah. Again, no. Are you willing to take it off your hand? I've got, yeah. I still, I don't know if his wife would do the wood. Big piece of wood. Sold for the shirt.

Guys, next round, let's think of things that the woman would like. Nope, put your trousers back on. Sorry. Yeah, it's all right. I saw that coming a mile away. Now, on top of all that, Henry now demanded that the ship's carpenter built him an entire house. He was also the carpenter and the proctologist He just the carpenter to build him out

This is awesome And the carpenter said he couldn't Because he didn't know how to build a house He was not a house building carpenter He only knew about ships Well build me a ship that's shaped like a house So Henry punched him in the face Oh, tensions are high

Imagine telling a guy to build you a house When you're like getting him killed You're actively getting him killed And you're like Say what do you say You build me a big house Big four rooms You know what I mean

Yeah go on So The crew did end up building a structure That sort of resembled the house And During Let me walk you through A call a bouse

It's called a hoat It's called a hoat All right, listen, why has the house got to sail on it? We, yeah, that was a thing we, yeah, we got to do a bit of a debate about that whether or not your house should have a sale or not. Yeah, I only think about boats. Yeah. So I'd wrap my head around it.

Yeah. And I came up with this. And, yeah. She doesn't float. There's no flaw. Mm-mm. I think you need that. Or dirt.

Yeah. So, sorry. about that. Yeah. Anyway. All right. I remember when my dad came to town once, he, like, he was here for work, like, years ago, and he found a sushi restaurant that he loved at us.

My brother and I pulled up, it was a fake boat. And we were both like, we're not eating here. And he was like, it's really good. We're like, yeah, we're good. That's awesome. Okay, so it resembles a house. During the building process, the carpenter became friends with Henry Green. Okay, the spy.

And Henry was super jealous of, sorry, our Henry. Sorry, he became friends with Henry Green. So Henry Hudson is super jealous. Of Henry Green's friendship with the carpenter. Yeah. Okay. And in response to this new bro-ship that's building, Henry took back the dead man's coat from Green and gave it to it somebody else. Oh, my God, like, it's a varsity letter jacket?

Yes. What in the name of Petty? Holy shit. You can just picture, like, the montage of the carpenter and green, like, getting closer, and him just sort of watching from the bushes. And then the one night when he's just had a, like... Yeah, so just I'm going to need the jacket back. What?

Yeah, the... Remember, the guy who passed his jacket. Jacket, yeah, just... No, no. No. Yeah, go on, give it back. No, it's... Yes.

I promised it to Jordan. What? Yeah, Jordan's having it now. What the fuck! Jordan's having it. John's a cunt. Jordan will wear it better. And you, or with that carpenter over there.

Is this about the carpenter? I could be friends with both of you. Oh, yeah, whatever. Looks like you two've built a great friendship. Meanwhile, my house is not finished. We are friends. We're not besties. Give me the jacket.

You. Unbelievable. Thank you. Hope you guys have a lot of fun. By the way, no need to talk to me anymore. I'm not interested in having conversations with you. I've got a new mate.

His name's Jordan. He's over there and he's lovely. Yeah. Come on, Jordan. Now laugh really big like we're having the best time. That's so true. I love your new coat. Your new coat's lovely, Jordan.

Oh, I know. I've never had a better time either. ha ha ha ha ha well jordan and i are going to go uh sleep in the house we're all sleeping in the house oh is that what oh yes everybody i didn't understand that bit all right great well we built you a fucking house sort of what i was hoping for yeah well i don't know what you think we're going to sit out on the tundra i don't know oh jordan stop he didn't say anything yes he did he said it in a secret language when he doesn't use his mouth. We don't need to use our mouths to talk.

Is he using his eyes? He's telepathically telling me stuff. Oh, stop it. I guess I have lost a little weight. That's very nice. We're starving, mate. Oh, I guess I have put on a little weight. Well, my abs are big.

I look good. Fuck me. Oh, well, hmm. So Green and Henry are just never friends again. That's it. They had a huge fight with the coat. By the way, now that's not a great look either because now your spy is like... Your spy hates you.

Well, your spy hates you and he's just like, yeah, he put me here to spy on you all. Sorry, just be, what would you say to them again? So the crew was able to shoot some birds and do a little fishing, at least for a while, but all the animals either migrated south of the winter or became dinner. And at that point, they found themselves stuck with no food. All they could find to eat were frogs and moss, which is actually a nice. salad. The idea.

Would you care for some frogs and moss? Just sitting there eating moss? Frogs and moss. But imagine just like chewing moss. Oh, God.

Oh, horrifying. It's not that bad. It's not. You know, squeeze a little frog on there. There you are. I've put a bowl of moss if you could dip your frog in it.

Jesus Christ. And then they started coming down with scurvy. By the way. this is what I expected in part one Yeah I know So then a native dude Just stumbles across them

And he trades with them some pelts So they could keep warm And so many stories like this The native dude Knows they need food obviously And he would probably have to come back To bring them stuff But Henry

He's just looking at him eating frogs and moss Hey You guys want duck? Why do you guys keep doing this? Like, we keep finding you white people eating rocks and dirt. Have you, just hear me out, have you guys considered not being just obsessed with fucking money? Have you thought about that? We'd rather eat frogs and moss.

So that's fine. So here's the problem. Henry is such a fucking dick to the native guy that he never comes back. Yeah, like they were all probably like, oh, right. He's going to bring us, yeah, we're good, dude. We're like totally good, okay? Now I'm picturing him as James Corden. Yeah, dude, like, we're all set, okay?

Yeah, like, we're good. Can you imagine how much of a dick you have to be for a guy to just leave you to die? He was probably like in his head. It's probably like I can give them a bunch of really good meats. Yeah, dude, we got moss and frogs like, fuck on. Do you believe the nerve of that, guys? We need help. Cook up some more frogs.

No, we're not cooking the frogs. Frogsicals. By the way, am I the only one who's got really bad diarrhea? Wait, would it be better to eat a frozen frog or a cooked frog? Cooked. No, I'm not. From, yeah, but if you ate it frozen, it wouldn't taste really that. Cooked.

What the fuck? Imagine getting like brain freeze with frog. Yeah. No. You want it cooked. So Henry now decides he- Who wants an icy treat? Surprise.

So Henry decides he's going to go out of his own and find the native camp to get food. So he's going to go in the direction the guy walks. He's going to find their camp. Oh, talk about hat and hand. But he... Hey! Hey! I'm sorry.

I was so shouty back there. Sometimes I get all froggy. I get a bit. Oh, gosh. I was a real prick. So he goes out in a boat and he somehow finds them. Wow. And the natives see him coming.

Now... Shoot him. They instantly know who it is because the guy came back to the village and said, man, let me tell you about this. piece of shit. So they all know there's a starving group of men. And that guy was such a dick that they're all on board with like, fuck him. For Native Americans to be like, I know, right, this guy's a dick. Without understanding the language. Yeah. And also with knowing white people. Yeah. So just be like, this guy sucks ass. So they see him coming. Hello. And they set fire to the forest

near the shore so he can't get anywhere near. Hey. Hey. Hey, no. What are you doing? Excuse me. What are you doing? No, I'm going to come through there. We hate you so much. We're burning down our own forest. No, no, no. I was going to come through the forest. No, hey. I brought you a bunch of moths. I've got so much moth to bless you with.

Have you got other supply? No. Oh, Jesus. Coming back, out of it go. A bit of a mixed bag, a bit of a mixed bag. You know, by the way, didn't lose any moss. So that's the good news. I'm coming back with all the moss I left with. So spring slowly arrives, which means more food.

Oh, just when you're like, uh, yes, weather. But at this point, Jewett and the crew are convinced that Henry is hoarding food. Oh. And Henry, for his part... He's putting on weight. Started... He's getting chubby. Not helping out.

Gosh, I'm starving, too. He starts thinking aloud about marooning some of the more troublesome men on the land because the food would last longer without them. He's saying that out loud? He's just... Is he losing his mind? He's running through the processes in his mind. He could do.

But he's talking about them. Just leave a lot of them to die. And then I... be fine and I could take my favourite five and the five and I would have a good time. That could be good and then a lot of them die. Hey. And then they'd be dead. Mate.

Hold on. And then I'd be the king. I'll take the ones who are nice to me. Not the ones who I don't like. Mate. But the problem is I don't like most of them. I don't even think I like five of them. We can hear you, mate.

I could take three. Hey. Three would be good. Hey, shit. I could even start killing them now. Yes, what's going on? We can fucking hear you. You're talking out loud.

Oh my God. I hope none of them heard that. We fucking heard that. If they heard that, that could be bad for me. What's wrong with you? That's it. I should probably kill all of them. And I'll eat.

By the way, I've been hoarding all the food. And they don't know that. So eight months after it all started, the ice begins to crack. And they prepare to go home. And in a shockingly against character move, Henry evenly distributed the rest of what little food they had. Some of that was spoiled. But every good deed goes punished.

So his ex BFF, Henry Green, Hank Green, and a handful of other men ate their food way too fast and then accused Henry of hoarding extra food for himself. Was he? No, in this case, he actually wasn't. I think. You got to love housing the food. Oh, so good.

You've got more. Right the fact? You've been hiding it. I'm not. I'm not. Didn't give us any. Yes, you just ate at all. No.

The men swore they saw extra food being hidden from the rest of the guys. And technically they were right. But the reason it wasn't distributed is because the food was rancid and in edible. So he did leave some food, but it's not edible. Just like piles of meat with flies on it. Look at that. What's out there? He's got delicious meat.

You wouldn't eat that. Look, the flies like it. That's nice. It's got to be good. Let's have a bite. Look, it's all runny. Oh, he's got beef soupy stuff. Do not eat that.

Look, it falls apart in your hand. My hand's burning just from touching it. This good meat he's got here So the crew is adamant That it is time to go home Which considering everything they've been through It's probably the right idea Well is he putting up a fight

Well he had other plans Hey What do you say now that we've got momentum We get on the road Let's get going All right All right Canada

Gentlemen that was step one Now that we're really finding our groove, six are dead. Oh, hold on. All right. Enough. He is dead set on finding the Northwest Passage to the Pacific Ocean. This motherfucker.

At least that's what he said he wanted, but he spent an inordinate amount of time just kind of farting around the bay. Dude. So this leads to... He's lonely. Well, this leads to... that he's not just looking for the passage, but was looking for secret treasure.

Oh. That honestly, something has to make sense. It, I, he, he, I'm going to go off and do another one of my fundings. And again, not a big thing. He meticulously sounded and mapped the coast four more times. Oh, my God. Do we know if he was looking for treasure?

Maybe he's just lost it. I mean, that's what some of, but we don't know well some some there was a theory that he did succumb to like a type of madness yeah which is but we don't know but it sounds i if i first of all i can't believe we're naming waters after this guy but also a lot of waters treasure would be treasure would make a lot of sense yeah right wouldn't that be in his journal but yeah no not necessarily i mean well also his journals don't make it. Oh, okay.

On the 22nd of June... Just a recipe book for moss and frog. On the 22nd of June... A frog's entreat. The 22nd of June, the grumblers could no longer take it and it's mutiny time. Good.

And they leapt into it and they tied up Henry and his son John, plus a few other crew members who sort of seemed like they were loyal to Henry. A few were probably just too weak to fight and may have just died

on the journey back anyway, so they may have, that's why they may have. Well, I got no problem with taking the week and saying they're part of the problem. At this point? I'm big into that. Yeah, I know you are. They forced...

Twiggy! Get on the fire! I'm dying anyway. Yeah, go on. They force Henry and the other prisoners onto a small boat, and with some closed, swords, gunpowder, and shot a cooking pot and a little bit of food and drink, and a course a Bible.

Although some versions have them putting Henry in the small boat, it with no supplies and just telling them to fuck off. That makes way more sense. And as the shit... Why are you doing like a top chef episode? Yeah, it's very weird. I don't think they... Based on what these guys have done,

I don't think they gave them anything. Yeah. It's crazy to just be like, all right, and here's your severance. There you are. A pot and some ingredients. Have a good stew. I mean, you have the guys that you hate, right?

Henry de Sun, and then... And you're low on everything. And the other guys they're putting in there because they're basically like, well, they're going to die anyway. Sure. Right? So why would they give them... Would you like some coffee? Johnson, what's the plan?

I probably will die this afternoon, sir. All right. All right, let's give you. You'll be my first mate. Let's give him some peppermint bark. All right, here we are. Oh, come on, boys. I feel the blood returning to my loins.

Anyone else? She's dead, sir. I don't have loins anymore. Most of us who have died already, sir. Phil ate me loins Right Momentum So now the ships

Are drifting apart, right? And Henry shouts To the mutineers That they should beware of Jewett and his deceitful nature What Jewett's the problem He's a fucking muppet

He sucks But the men shouted back That Jewett had nothing to do with it it was green who led the mutiny. So that's his fault. Does he want the jacket back? You don't take the jacket back. You also don't, you fucking,

you treat your spy like a queen. Right? Yes. I mean, so bad. Yeah, he's got the fucking, you know what I, yeah. Or you Epstein. So the guys tried to follow the big ship back to England using just the oars and paddling as much as they could themselves.

That is shit ever. They must have been laughing and watching that. Wait up! But that effort was completely insane and they quickly found out that it absolutely would not work. So Green takes over his captain, even though he's not a sailor at all,

but he's like the mutiny. After a month... We should go to North America. What? It's a good idea. After a month of just kind of meandering all over the place, trying to figure out which way England was.

they managed to come upon an Inuit settlement and bartered for food and Green and five men took a boat to the village to get more food when someone said something that was super insulting and then the Inuits attacked them. Okay. Only two of the men survived.

One who did not survive was new captain, gambler, non-sailer, Henry Green. Oh, damn it. He had a hell of a run though. Yeah. Jewett died a grisly death from starvation on the ship

every single leader of the mutiny also died in some form or fashion only eight crew members made it back to the UK alive landing in Ireland on September 6th 1611 when they did they were also all very close to death

and it only been surviving by eating bird bones fried candle grease that might that that really outside of cannibalism that might be the worst thing ever eaten on the show

Bird bones fighting candle grease That's actually a food truck I'm opening up here That sounds like a candle scent from Dollar General Bird bones They finally made it home

to London on October 20th after a year in five months of just total nightmarish catastrophe. Like nothing was good. The men had a different homecoming that they, than they expected. They were immediately charged

with mutiny. But the trial doesn't happen for seven years. But also what are you supposed to do in that situation? Well, I think if you were... Like you're just supposed to... If you, if you roll back

in and the You don't have your captain. The captain is gone and the sun. It's very obvious what happened. So anybody that rolls in that situation. So you had to bring them with you? But they're going to, just for future journeys, they're going to try the crew. Right.

Just for, just to like. Make sure that doesn't keep happening. People know, don't fuck around. But the trial doesn't happen for seven years. So in that time period, several of the men died. And because there were only a few survivors and nobody could really refute their story, the guys were acquitted. One reason they were let off the hook,

they had valuable information about the new world. So these were some of the only guys to go. See all that shit. By the way, I mean, did they have a lot of information? Well, they went to Delaware and New York and like a decent amount. Sure. And this is an extremely valuable amount of information.

Henry's logs and maps spurred massive interest and investment in colonizing America. Awesome. So we owe him a real debt. So we got a bunch of dead whales and we got America. Yeah. Two of the survivors,

whether from guilt or just wanting another paying gig, return to America to try and find Henry. Oh, my God. He's with the gnomes. That had to have been guilty. He's with the gnomes. Man, Henry, welcome back.

Every 20 years. Holy shit. I'm not feeling good. Yeah. Would you like a frog and moss? But no evidence of him or the... He's covered in sores. No evidence of him or the other doomed crewmates were ever found.

Wow. The assumption is they all died from freezing cold. Yes. After Hudson's death, his wife, Catherine, was completely broke. And she convinced the company of gentlemen to send a rescue ship, but it found nothing. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She also tried...

Why would she want him back? I don't know. Well, because she has a... She has a woman in the 1600s, like, without him, she can't do anything. Yeah, but she can't own anything. She can't get a job, like, I mean, okay. She also tried, she also tried desperately to get some sort of payout since her husband died for the prince and his mission. But in response, she was called, quote, that troublesome and impatient woman.

Yeah. Well, look, lady, fate dealt you a shit hand. Sorry. That's it. Your life's over. Wrap it up. he's dead your life is ended stop whining you attach yourself to this fucking anchor not if you got such an issue with it why did you have a penis in response uh sorry but she refused

to back down and finally received some compensation which she used to invest in a journey to india to find some riches of her own and apparently she strikes paid her apparently about any approval she used the ship's credit to buy a shit ton of indigo and extremely valuable textiles. So she made much, she made cash. It's just. But good. She should have used the ship to fucking do that.

Like, fuck them. It also is just, it just, it's just, this is such an encapsulation of all of the bullshit. It's just these, it's like a rich white dip shit with a bunch of other, like, idiot whites, goes all over the place trying to be in charge fucking everything up along the way and just creating chaos and murder

and burning bridges all over the place the whole thing they're doing is to find great riches he's putting his wife in peril and at the end of the day he and all of them basically die or their lives are ruined and then she goes off

with one idea and strikes that's right and we saw that and went the moral of this story is don't trust the natives and women shouldn't be allowed to do shit that's right she sued the company

to get them to pay for everything and wanting her go away forever they agreed to a settlement and then she sold all her wares for an absurd amount of money and retired incredibly rich love it with any story

like the mutiny and leaving them at sea in a boat some legends have sprung up because if you don't have a body then people go crazy with the stories like the velvis some of the men some have the men settling on the land and thriving in partnership with the local natives uh nope but one local one intuit folk tale may shed light on a possible outcome it says that a group of natives came upon a boat of dead white guys and there was a single survivor, a young man, probably John. Henry's son John. Not knowing what the

hell to do with this kid, they came to the only conclusion that made sense for the little white boy. They tied him up outside their huts with the dogs and treated him as a pet until he died. Oh my God. You had a bad dad. my god oh man so maybe we let him go maybe we bring him in and we teach him our culture maybe we tie him up and make him a dog yeah okay oh my god can you imagine so i'm their dog um henry obviously never found a path to asia but his adventures sparked an appetite for

exploring and colonizing north america and despite the fact that he was a huge failure as a captain and a total incomplete dick his name is fucking everywhere yeah what the fuck and there are memorials of him and his sacklers and his crew all across america and canada hudson bay hudson river etc on and on thanks to henry hudson the dutch went into a fervor of exploration of the era they called new amsterdam and what we now call new york also the whaling industry walrus ivory industry and fur trade up in canada is pretty much all because of Henry Hudson. Nice. If Hudson had never defied his orders and undertaken a doomed quest that ultimately

ended in a freezing, starving death, both America and the UK may not have been as powerful as they become from the 17th century all the way to now. And as a memorial, he is the number one guy in history with the most water named after him. Wow. Yeah, it's, yeah, think of all the things named Hudson. It's crazy. Yeah, there's, there's But where? Remember the Hudson Bay Company? The Hudson Strait is enormous. And then the Hudson Bay Company becomes the big fucking company in North America.

Hudson River Valley. Hudson River Valley. There's so many. So I'm trying to determine if there's like a festival for the cat skills and the gnomes. Oh, shit, yeah. Well, let me read the sources. Okay. Half Moon by Douglas Hunter, Fatal Journey, by,

Peter Mancall, Ian Chadwick, folklore, American folklore.net, thieves, rogues, and renegades, and world history. org, Henry Hudson, and research by Josh Androsky.

Such a fucking... That is so fucking crazy. Isn't it? I didn't even, you know what? I didn't even know, and Josh was like, what should we do next? And I was just like,

I bet Henry Hudson's a crazy story. I had no idea. I didn't even read anything about it. I was just like, I bet Henry Hudson's nuts. And I just had him do it. And he sent it to me, and I was like, what the fuck? That's, it's insane.

It's insane how much of our things are named after half-wit, half-wit, douchebag assholes. Like, so much of America is named, just named after fuckheads. But, but like, so history is written down by the winners. Yes. Well, right. So in this case. But this guy is a fucking loser. But he wasn't, though, because he spurred.

Yeah, because he's, the rush for money. He's the seed for... Yeah, there's money over there. Yeah. That's what he is. He's the seed for, hey, you can make money. So if we go back at time and we want to really pull the plug on being colonizing fox... But I think...

If he doesn't do it, another guy does it. Someone else does it. Yeah, it's a when not it. You're not going to stop it. Once they have the ships and the means, they're going to send wave after wave of dude. Which, by the way, wave after wave of dude is what we're calling our next... tour. It's just an alt title for Point Break. But

in 2029, we will be doing a live show at the Catskills if America still exists. We will be doing the Catskills show. It's called the Half Home Gnome. That is wild, man.

Yeah. That's some weird wild stuff. Hey, Dollop fans. I know you love the dollop. You love listening to the Dollop. Do you want to watch the dollop? You're like, Gareth, what are you talking about? By the way, it's not Gerey, it's Gareth. Well, we have partnered with Lakeside Animation,

and we are starting to animate some of our episodes. So if you want to go watch a five-partner animation, which is actually like a 22-minute episode or 30-minute episode, I can't remember, of the Rube, you can go to Lakeside Animation on YouTube and watch a really awesome animation of the Rube. It really genuinely kicks ass, and we're very proud of it. And the more you share it, the more you give it to people, the more you follow Lakeside, all that stuff, the better chance we have of making a lot more of them.

We're already making a second one, so go there and watch The Rube.