The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 722 - Oregon's Unwritten Law - Live

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the unwritten law of Oregon. Recorded live in Bend, Oregon SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Squarespace - use code: Dollop Mint Mobile 

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd, we'll be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. You're listening to the dollup. Dave, Dave. Those are good acoustics.

What? What happened to the dollhead? You took it off? Yeah, it seems like people keep doing the Gary chant. Maybe it's time for you to set people straight because God knows I've tried. His name is Garfie. No, no.

I do. I got to be honest. I like the counter-hose-chan. That's nice. They're throwing the tear gas back at you, cops. February 27th. They didn't even do the intro. Oh, shit.

Christ. I started it, right? And then they started chanting. That's what happened. You're listening to the Dalip. This is an American History podcast for each week. I, Dame Anthony, read a story from American history to a blah. That's you.

Gerith Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. It's going to be about Oregon. All right. I'll allow it. 27th, 1859. Sickles. Daniel Edgar Sickles. Sickles sounds like a disease where you die from buttons.

So Daniel Edgar Sickles was a congressman from New York and he received an anonymous letter that said his much younger wife, Teresa, was having an affair with a man named Philip Barton Key. So Sickles confronted Teresa and she broke down and said, yeah, no, I was doing it with him. She was meeting Barton in a house and they would go, bang, or quote, what is usual for a wicked woman to do? Yeah.

Oh, girl, what is it usual for a wicked woman to do? Say it again. I can't remember it fully. Sickles grabbed a gun and went out on the street to find Key. And when he saw him, he shouted, quote, Key, you scoundrel, you have disordered my bed. You must die. It's pretty good.

Yeah, so far. It's pretty good. The other, well, neither guy has a leg to stand on, but this guy definitely doesn't have a leg to stand. He's right. In the bed, that's worse. In the bed's worse. I assume he was walking around thinking of what to say,

because that's pretty good. It is pretty good. But the bed is, the bed to me is worse than the banging. Yeah. Cheat on me all you want. But you sleep with another guy in that bed. Oh, boy. And I mean just take a nap.

No. The dollop's brought to you by Helix. So he shot, he shot Key twice. Oh, shit. So he died. Of what? I don't know. Nobody knows. Sickles was arrested and tried for first degree murder.

But your honor, I was just being a naughty boy. No. How could I do? This was the first use of temporary insanity as a defense. and the jury quickly found him not guilty. This is an honor killing, or as it would become known, the unwritten law, which means it's okay to shoot cheaters. Wait, what? So sympathies for men killing cheaters went back a while in the 16th and 17th centuries.

In 1761, England, judges said, well, if you see it happening, go ahead and just kill the guy. Yep. That's fine. And in the 1800s, there were more killings and more sympathy. This is kind of all building. And you could kill someone who, quote, ruined your sister or another relative. Now that's strange. In an 1890 editorial in the Portland Morning Oregonian, just say Oregonian.

Why do you, you got to throw morning in there. No one gives a shit what time of day. I don't know. Who goes to fuck? See, if I answer that question and I'll hear it. No. Overruled. Supported the idea, quote,

there are certain gross offenses against persons, against the family relations, against women, against virginity, and against domestic chastity, against reputation, and the finer sense of moral shame, too impalpable,

to be measured by the core standards of formal law, too profound and far-reaching in individual cases to be punished adequately by any penalties prescribed by the law for all cases alike. All right. So, fucking, fucking under certain circumstances could get you killed because the court would not do...

Out of wedlock to someone's sister or... Will you read that list quickly again? There are certain gross offenses against persons, against the family relations, against women, against family relations, so that means someone in your family or that means incest? Like your sister or your... Okay, so if your sister has sex, you can kill that guy. It's mostly sister or daughter, you know. Your sister or daughter, if they ever have sex, you could kill the guy who fucked him.

If you do it before they're married. Oh, okay, gotcha. Okay. Ever, you can't just go shoot some guy's husband. Oh, yeah, imagine in the 16-year-old. Why did you read the newspaper? Yeah. It's that I can shoot you now.

Okay. Against women, against virginity, against domestic chastity. Against virginity, meaning what? If they took the virginity. Well, isn't that the exact same thing that I was just talking about? No, you were just saying sex in general. But you could, if you took someone's virginity, you could kill the guy who did it. If they're not married.

If they're not married. Right. That's the key. So you're married, then you could take the virginity. Yeah, because then you're not ruining them. Then they're in... Absolutely. We're going back to this.

We exclusively. We have decided that we don't want anyone who's been around the block. Against reputation, so you're hurting the woman's reputation, which is what the ruining part is. is, a finer sense of moral shame, too impalpable to be measured by the core standards of formal law. Okay. Yeah, so you get it.

So the courts can't handle this. You've got to take care of it on your own. Right. You've got to kill a bro. Right. So starting in 1896, there was a huge rise in unwritten law killings, known in other countries as honor killings, and this included Oregon in July. What, are you?

I don't know if I've ever heard a more law. lonely clap, and I'm not kidding. As one guy was like, absolutely right. You want to fuck my sister. You marry her. No, we're not, no? Okay. We're not all. Okay. Well, I'm sure. It looked like that guy was going to clap, too, because I

felt like, but I guess he was just itching his arm. So, in July 1902, Alfred Belding and his wife, Sylvia, were married for seven years. So that's nice. No, it isn't. Something's about to happen. They had a son, Eddie. Sure. Lots of fighting, though, in the marriage.

Sylvia's family had been pushing for her to get a divorce for five years. So, already, that's crazy, because it's the 1890s. She was finally ready, and she moved back into her parents' house. If I have a picture of a house from 1896, really bad shit happened in the house. There's never just a snapshot of a house, and, like, everybody was happy.

Well, because you didn't have a lot of film. There's a pain in the ass to take a picture. If you're going to take a picture, that's what you're going to do. Like, if you were going to, you were going to be like, yeah, that's worth a shot. If I, yeah, if I have a camera. You didn't go to a house like, why the fuck is I doing? My buddy's begging that lady in the barn. Yeah.

Or the haunted forest. So recently, Sylvia had been seen in public with another man, George Gip Woodward. What's his name? Gip. George Gip Woodward. Okay. It didn't matter that Alfred was banging a much much younger woman for years. That's not the problem.

This was unacceptable. Well, what that younger woman did was disgusting. Yes. But what he did was great. Yes. And then what his wife did was horrible. And then what the guy who banged his wife did was awesome. No, bad.

Right. Noddy. Got it. So, Jip had to die. Yeah. Sylvia, too. Also, fuck her parents for taking her in. Well, don't fuck him, but yeah.

On July 11th, he got really shit-faced and got two guns, a colt and a Smith & Wesson, neither fully loaded. He just had some bullets in each, nine shells between him. Interesting. And he went to Sylvia's parents' house, and his son, Eddie was playing on the porch, so he hung out with him and talked for him a little bit. Hi, how you doing? And gave him a kiss a night, as you do before you're about to commit mass murder, and told him to go to bed. At that moment, Jip stepped into the doorway. Hello?

And Alfred shot him in the head. Sure. And then he went inside and he shot and killed Sylvia. And then he killed his mother-in-law, one shot. And his father-in-law now had his pistol, and he ran at Alfred shooting the entire time. And he was really about at shooting. He didn't hit him.

And Alfred was good at shooting. And he shot and nicked him in the neck, then Grace's arm. And then the older man grabbed Alfred. who shot him. This one hit him in the torso because he was holding him. That's nice.

But the man had a pocket watch and the bullet hit it. I can't believe how often that actually had. It really did. We keep hearing that all the time. It's like the dumbest shit in the world. Yeah.

People like, thank God for the old watch. Yeah. Like, what? It happens all the time. Just shooting the head from now on. That's the move. But the father-in-law, he goes down.

He's down for the count. Oh, no, he's still alive. So Alfred turned to Eddie and shot at him. He missed, quote, "'Palfire three times of me, once on my right foot, and then at my left. But the third time, it did not come near me. I was across the street.'"

Wait, what? So Eddie's still on the porch. So it sounds like he's shooting at him to scare him. Right. So sounds like not trying to kill him. So Alfred then dropped his guns and went across the street to the Lake Charles Saloon, and he called the cops.

and he told them what he'd done, and he ordered a drink. I mean, while you're there, completely get that. Might be your last drink for a minute. But he also figures he's going to get off. Right. Okay, so he's celebrating. That's awesome.

I just killed three people. Who wants a shooter? Yeah. No, shot. Sorry. Drink. Oh, God. Oh, man.

I just killed three people across the road. What do you have? Pretzels. It's also possible he just didn't care. His lawyer argued temporary insanity, the unwritten law, but shooting everyone else kind of made it a hard argument? Like if he had just shot Sylvia and the Jip guy, they'd be like, okay, but he also shot the mother-in-law.

And the father? Yeah. And the father died or lived? Go back a couple more pictures. Seriously wooded. Seriously, wooded. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I get that. So it didn't help that when he found out his father-in-law was still alive, he lost his shit. He was furious? Yeah, that was mad. Still, he was going to use the unwritten law for a defense. And he had a trial, and at the trial, a cop testified he'd seen him smoking opium a few times. Nice.

Eddie's testimony heard him, shooting at the kid made no sense with the unwritten law, and nor did calmly having a drink afterwards. And so he has found guilty. So there's limits to the unwritten law. Right. Just kill the woman. Right. Yeah.

Or the dude. You can kill the dude. Kill the dude and the woman. Mostly you kill the dude. Right. Oh. Not enough for me to be honest. I would be...

I want both. But the law is so common, you might as well give a shot, right? Sure did. While waiting for his appeal, Alfred got his mistress to help him. So funny that he was also cheating. Yeah. And he was like, disgusting. You betrayed everything.

This is my girlfriend. She's awesome. She's really cool. My girlfriend helped me plot this whole thing. I love you, babe. You're everything to me. Thank you. You mean so much to me that it's crazy.

Oh, my gosh. Don't you go cheating? You know what I do. I get temp's insaney. My little pudding pie. I'll have to kill your dad. Oh. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. Gr. Okay. Don't do that. Ah. Okay.

He's weird. You're being weird. Mm. So a friend gives Alfred's mistress some cayenne pepper in two blackjacks. Yeah. Show's over. Thanks, everybody. Two blackjacks?

Cigarettes? The things you hit people with. Oh, you hit people with black checks. Yeah. Knock them out. What is it? You knock them out. Hit them over the head.

Okay. Blackjack. Like a... Sure. Yep. Like a flogger. It's not a flogger. A flogger's...

Oh, fuck. It's like hard. It's like hard? It's a flogging. Pillows? I'm not... I never said flogging. I'm just trying to relate to you, dog.

Like, think what a cop would do with something in his hand. He'd take his time? and he would assess and he would think, what's my process here in? How do I keep it cool when other tempers seem to be flaring? What can I do to not exacerbate, but serve and make sure that people feel safe while also maintaining a level of decorum and law

so that nobody leaves here injured? And while I definitely don't want to get hurt in this situation, my work is to make sure that other people are safe before me. So the last thing I'll be doing is shooting and asking questions. I'll be sitting here waiting, and if I take that gun out, it means someone has a gun pointed at me. And nothing short of that will get me to lose my emotional sanity. So anyway, they were flogging. I noted everyone who didn't clap, and I think you're all-fascists.

You're such a cop-hater, dude. Name one thing they're doing that's weird right now. My neighbor's a cop L.A. cop. The friend told her to blow the pepper so go to the jail blow the pepper in the guard's face

and then grab the keys jail used to be really fun. There's a 50% chance I get out of here. It's just crazy. It's like the Epstein guards are always on duty. That was murder. Excuse me. That was a suicide.

Mr. Security Guard. Honey, ma'am. One of my pillows isn't as fluffy as I'd like it. Okay. You reckon I could use one of your keys to make it a little more goose feathery? Sure. There we go. I left.

So blow the pepper in the guard's face. Grab the keys. Blow the pepper in. Grab, then they can't see, I think. Yeah. Grab the keys. Open the cell, let Alfred and his cell met out, and then give them the blackchacks, and then they beat their way to freedom.

Like the pepper in the face. It's very three stooges. Oh, I can't see just long enough for y'all to leave. Okay, so the cops found out about this awesome plan. Also, the paper did. So the Oregonian printed the plans before she arrived at the job. jail. So she fled to San Francisco and Alford

was hung on March 27th, 1903. That's the face you make when you get hanged. When your girl's supposed to come in with pepper. Alfred left the note saying he was not sorry. Quote, why should I not prefer to see Sylvia in the grave than know that she was living

in shame? I mean, dudes. She was living. I was helping her. She needed my help, so I killed her. So they charged $5 to each person who wanted to see the hanging, and the proceeds went to Young Eddie. So that's nice.

Jesus Christ. So there was a happy ending. That is weird. $5 is steep, by the way. That is steep. It's a lot of money. But how much do you want to see a killing, though? That's pretty great.

Nope, not that much. It's for charity. Don't even think about it's watching the killing. You're just doing it for charity. Sure. As a bonus, you get to see a man die. As heard in episode 2017,

Edmund... Go ahead, you tell him. I'll... Yeah, go ahead. Edmund Kremiel arrived in Corvallis in 1903. So this guy arriving would lead to the greatest wife and daughter fucking in Oregon history.

In what way before I celebrate? This gentleman knows how to seduce a lady. Okay. As you can tell. Yeah. Yeah, and he knows that it's seduced soot. Yeah.

He looks like he just went down on dirt. So Edmund started a cult. Well, who wouldn't follow this guy anywhere he told you to go? Yeah. It was begun in the home of O.V. Hurt. So his wife and daughters were having sex with Edmund after he moved in. Wow. All of them.

Yeah. Wow. And rumors swirled that a lot of Nani stuff is going on with all of his young female followers, which is mostly what the cult is. Yeah, we've established, yes. And so Ovi kicked the cult out. He's like, enough of this. Okay.

I get it. Yeah. He was just like, you could stay here. And he's like, eh, I side started a cult. And I'm banging your wife and kids. Yeah. Well, you leave. I'm being cucked in ways that no one thought was possible.

This is crazy. You've cocked me into another dimension. By the way, I've been fucking you. What? What do you mean? Yeah, I've been fucking you. One time I fucked you into her, it's been all...

What? My God, man. You can stay. Just tell me you care about me. A lot of the young ladies refused to return to their homes, though, after they were kicked out of OV's house. Edmund said that, quote,

marriage was not necessary. So, local brothers are not like that. They did not like that. No, that was not that way. How dare you? You could fuck an entire family if you want, but you watch what you say. So the local men are done, and they grab Edmund and they tar and feather him. I've never wanted to fuck a bird so much.

Look at him. He responded by marrying OV's daughter the next day. Jesus Christ Matt hurt Sounds like when a country kid falls off of like a wagon Maude hurt When

You are tart and feathered What is the recovery's a minute Right No it's terrible Yeah it's terrible Yeah it's a while Yeah So the next day

He was like He's not There's no way they get the tar off Right so he shows up So he's probably still covered A little bit of tar He's covered a tar He's like I would like to marry you

And she's like For sure But love sees past feather and feathers. Feathers. Yeah. Do you, Maude, take this chicken to be? Well, honey, you don't have to talk like it.

I think I might have just taken a chicken in my... Okay. Well, he is a sassy little boy, isn't he? The next night, vigilantes went out looking for Edmund, but he was nowhere to be found. Months later, in Portland, Donna Starr had sex with Edmund in a purification ritual. Which is what I call it.

Yeah. So now, maybe we should explain how we... Okay. Yeah. A purification ritual sounds way weirder than it is. It's just a way for us with a penis to absolve you of all the sins. And when we say that, a lot of people think it's strange. Yeah.

But it wipes the slate clean, so to speak. Exactly, Dave. It's a restart. Yes. Yes, it's exactly. It's like, you know, sometimes on an electronic thing where you've got to put a paperclip in it to do the full restart?

Same thing. It's a paper clipping. Golly. I can tell by the reaction to these people that they think it's right. Her husband filed a criminal complaint. Oh, she's married. Oh.

So wait. Okay, you're right, right. Donna. Yeah, you're right. So Donna signed an affidavit stating she and Edmund had, quote, improper relations of the most revolting kind. Wait a minute. Pictures?

What do we? I mean, that's not just straight up, coitus. I think it is probably. Oh, she should be careful. She's just nodding it up. Right, okay. Yeah, she made it sound. Or she did other stuff.

Yeah, I think other stuff maybe happened. It was awful. So now, papers reported Donna was just one of 10 to 15 young ladies having sex with Edmund, so this is like next level unwritten law shit. Like this is like off the chart. Wives and daughters who were

having sex with them were now put in the state asylum. Which looks great. Completely, yeah. You know it's good when they get a bonsai that big. It's not creepy. It's, yay, I'm going to the asylum. How come it has lightning around it always?

Do the trees have leaves? No. No. No. Nothing. everything here leaves. Everything's dead. All right, so he just, he banged him loony. Well, their brothers and husbands

and fathers put them in there. Oh yeah, I was, I was having fun. I was enjoying myself. If they were younger than that, they were sent to the Oregon Boys and Girls' Aid Society for trouble youth. Well,

that included Donna Starr's 50-year-old sister. Edmund was gone, by the way. He vanished. He just bangs a town and rolls. Yeah. And then a kid was looking for worms. What? A kid was looking for worms.

I don't think he should get him. For bait. He's not just... Oh, right. Not like pinworms or something. He wanted night crawlers. I wish you hadn't said that. Why?

That's the worst thing that's been said in this podcast. That's not... Buddy, you are so out of your lane right now. That is so not true. So Killing and Worms for Bate found Edmund under OV's porch in July. He was filthy, bearded, and starving. Help, I need pussy. I need some pussy.

I'm dying under here. I haven't eaten ass in three months. I'm dying under here. Anything will do. I formed a woman out of mud down here. But I couldn't get hard, so I made a mud husband so that it felt wrong. And now I bang my mud woman. Help.

Help me. Uh, no. Help. Literally nobody wants to help you. Anything will do. I'm broken. Find me a woman with a stable relationship. I need to upturn a comfortable life.

Oh, even just talking about it. Oh, and now my cranks are turning. I notice a ring on your finger. I'm a nine-year-old boy. Oh, sorry. My eyes haven't adjusted to the light so much yet. I guess I saw a little ring on your finger. Do you have any brothers or sister?

Oh, geez. Well, boy, you're a weirdo, and that's coming from me. Oh, by the way. I got a mudwife. By the way, I need worms, so hold still. Oh, yeah. Oh, take some out of Kathleen. Most of her's worms. You'd like her. She's full of worms, too. So he'd been living under there. I mean, not live, thriving. And the ladies were coming down and giving him food and water. Hello. I mean, it's shocking. It's shocking. It's amazing. He's got it all. A porch that's not his.

And that's pretty much it. He needs a shave. He's filthy. It's awful. So he was arrested. You know, too, at some point he was like, look, I just don't think this is going to work out. You're kind of clingy.

What? I don't know. It's kind of a turnoff. Well, you're here. So he's arrested, and he's found guilty of adultery and sent to the state prison. He was given two years. And he came back right after he got out.

And talked a bunch of his ladies to leaving with him and starting up in Waldport, Oregon. Same go clap twice. Now, a guy whose wife and daughter were banging Edmund tried to kill him, but the gun misfired. Okay. And so Edmund was freaked out by that, and he fled to Seattle. Sure. So George Mitchell, the brother of Don Astor and Esther, went to Seattle and shot Edmund, and George said, quote,

I got my man. Shot him dead? Yeah. Okay. So the entire town. I bet you women were still like, I'm not going to break up with him. I still love him. He's great.

Everybody pitches in for George's defense. Okay. This is truly the ultimate unwritten law killing. And the post-intelligencer said the vigilante killing was not great. and the Seattle Times was fully on board saying if Edmund was, quote, the debased brute clothed in a cloak of religion, he is said to be George Mitchell deserves immediate freedom. I get it.

Yeah. The Republican paper was very anti-lynching, usually, but still called for Edmund. It's always funny to hear stuff like that. Yeah. Well, they... I know. They called him a human monster. A human monster, okay.

So Mitchell pleaded temporary insanity. And all, then the whole trial was just about sex. So everybody in town was like, So every juror was like, mm-hmm. Can I be on the jury? Permission to approach the bench? Permission to go under the bench for a minute. Can you repeat this?

When they're deliberating. We're going to need to hear her testimony one more time. Can she do it with a French accent? That's always been a thing I have loved. Is that possible? Obie testified his daughter and wife. had sex with Edmund, who was his son-in-law

because he married Maude. Right, quickly, when he was tart and feathered. A man said Edmund was fucking to make a second Jesus Christ. Oh, well, excuse me, why is everyone getting on his ass? He's like Noah's Ark. He's building something.

Just a different way. Still using wood. I was one. Because I wasn't with you with the arc, but then you brought it. Hang in there with me, buddy, boy. 50% of the time I can do something.

Georgia boy collapsed on the defense table, sobbing when his dad testified about all the sex. Wait, wait, wait. His dad's up. It was so crazy. The amount of fucking that they were doing. Dad, that's my sister at bomb. When she told me what he did to her,

She said she'd never felt a ride like that before in her life. Did you know there's other positions besides man on top? There are. There's over four others. And he did them all to her. He did her looking into the pillow with one arm under her chin looking bored. Her on top. Her on top facing the other way.

And a little something. called the 49er. That's where he would go into her behind and dig for gold. And searching he would go. Did he ever find gold, sir? Nuggets for sure. He had a special helmet he wore. And that was just what he did to my wife.

I can't keep going, but I think it's probably a bad idea. I think I should probably be stopped by your collapse, son. cutting me off would be a grand idea now. I'm listening, Dad. All right. He went through my family tree like a lumberjack. So the jury declared George not guilty. A few days later, his younger sister Esther shot and killed him.

Oh, shit. Jesus Christ. Because she loved him so much? Yeah, because she loved him so much. But remember, she's married. her sister is the one who's married to Edmund. Yeah, well, I mean, but not like that really mattered. But this guy was charismatic.

Dude, I mean, he really had something going on. Yeah. He was fucking... He was... That's enough of a sentence, to be honest. He was fucking. And Modd had bought the gun to kill her brother George. The police chief quote,

I wish these Oregon people would kill each other on their own side of the river. That still holds... And by the way, all saying that in the other states just so you know. Yep. Every state around you is like... Do what... Do it. Enough already.

Do it. Ah. Maude then poisoned herself in prison. Jesus. How did she do that? I self-peppered. Like perfume. She got someone to sneak something in. I heard she did that.

Edmund. Esther poisoned herself a couple years later. Esther did a couple years in asylum and then killed herself after she got out five years later when she remarried. She was like, well, you're not as good as Edmund. I can do everything he did and then more.

I can't come without seeing crazy eyes. Well, the female orgasm's a myth. And nobody's going to prove that to you more than I. That's why come I spurt before I don't even get in. You understand? Welcome to another speech by Jordan Peterson. It's an honor. There's no point to even getting inside of her.

I finish on the walk to the boudoir. In 1905, 6-year-old Mary Murray traveled from Portland to... How old? 16. Thank you. Traveled from Portland to Hubbard to work in Hopfields for a week. Been there. A little job, a little summer job.

Sure. What's a hopper? Feele? Sure. Okay. Hop these hops to make beer. Does it kind of look like wheat? Is that what it looks like? It's like a little kind of weedy

They're cousins. It looks like an acorn. Looks like a baby acorn. It grows on a vine. I am way off. Fuck, I'm sorry. Let you guys down. 22-year-old Lincoln Whitney lived in Hubbard. And he seduced young Gary. called out living.

In just in under a week, he seduced young Mary and by promising to marry her. That's all it took to seduce a woman. I'll marry you. Well, part one of my evil plan has started. I lied about marrying her. And then you'd just have sex. Yeah, and then you have sex.

But once he was done, he ghosted her. A few weeks, no, I mean, he haunted. He passed away, yeah, the original ghosting. Yeah. He died in a grain elevator. Oh, quit ghosting me. A few weeks later, Mary realized she was pregnant. So her dad went up to Hubbard to talk to Lincoln

and his father about marriage. Okay. Got to do the right thing. Sure. Well, contraception-wise, what do we... Put it in there. Got it. I think it's probably just pull-out at that point.

No, they had to have something. They had to have condoms. They had like a mole skin or something. I think it's a whole, an entire mole you put... You're missing it. Sorry, it's blind. Wrong haul! This is what you do on a farm!

Jesus Christ, what are you doing? I think it's making a nest! Jesus Christ, get over it! A whole mole! Now, these are called mole-skin cone. That looks like an entire mole. Sure does! You ain't gonna feel shit.

You. You gonna last forever with a full-all mole on there. I got a whole line of vermin rubbers. I've been using a golfer for a while. Oh, yeah. Man, give you the old squirrel curl. This thing's gonna bury your nuts deeper than you even imagine, boy.

It's stealing things away for the winter months. By the time you're done with this thing, it won't even remember where some of them are. Wait, what? I don't fucking, I don't know. By the way, show's gonna be a little, Even the mic keeps trying to move away from it. I get it.

The mic is constantly like, I'm not super into what he's going with. So from the Oregonian quote, the father talked it over with the elder Whitney and then called the young man himself. Whitney laughed in my father's face. Jesus. And said he would not marry my sister. Miss Whitney then came out, called my sister a vile name,

and insulted my father. Jesus Christ. So it's a good family. So it's the genetics. The whole family's kind of shit. Yeah, the whole family's just like, yeah, they're not great. So Mary's brother, Orlando, her's, the whole story. I love it.

Was there in Orlando back then? Most, I would say 30% of kids were named Orlando. At least in Oregon. I'm okay with it back then. Naming your kid Orlando now is fucking bonkers. To name them after Orlando Bloom. It's an insane thing to do. What about it?

Orlando and Dawn. What are you even talking about? To name your kid Orlando now is remarkably strange. If you've ever been to Orlando, you're like, oh man, imagine if we could have a kid this cool. This is little Orlando.

You know my son's name. And here's Dubuque. You know my son's name is Finning on Orlando Anthony, right? Yeah, yeah, but that's different. Hey, the dog will be right back. He's named after the city, Because it's one of the greatest cities in America.

Hey. If you ever seen meth as a city. Yeah. Orlando. Yeah. No, someone went to Orlando and was like, it'd be cooler if a dolphin could do bath salts. Is there any way to merge drug abuse and aquatic nightmares?

The dollop is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Mm-mm. Look, we both know. that there are groups out there who just really love doing things the hard way. You have that guy who still wants to pay for the subscription that they forgot they had or doesn't want to update their phone because it still works. What about the guy who's doing the square tires? Square tire guy, that guy's just crazy.

So I used to... Guy who's only drinking pond water? I think we got enough of them. I got to be honest, I think we... Well, I'm just saying, I think to your point, there's a lot of people holding on a... double monocle guy? Yeah, I think probably not.

The Blacksmith. So there's the people who refuse to update their phone because it still works. That was me. I was that guy. And especially when it came to overpaying for wireless. And then now, what am I on, Gareth? What's my phone company?

I believe you're doing Mint Mobile, my friend. Doing Mint Mobile, it's a lot cheaper. It is just as good of service. There's no reason not to switch, basically. it's same coverage, same speed, without the huge price tag. You pay less for the same thing. Premium wireless you're expected. It's unlimited talk, text, and data, but way less than the other guys charge.

And for just a little bit of time, you can get 50% off, 3, 6th, or 12-month plans of unlimited premium wireless. Go 12. On your phone, take your own number, that's it. I took your number. Did I tell you that? That's weird. Yeah. I didn't know that that was part of the thing.

All thing. Have you been getting any text from my mom? And we've been going back and forth, and there's a lot of stuff that you need to get together because you are way behind on a bunch of stuff. So, Gareth and I both do it. Love it. We've stopped numbers. We've stopped lives.

Ready to stop paying more than you have to. New customers can make the switch today. And for a limited time, get unlimited premium wireless for just $15 a month. Switch now at mintmobile.com slash dollup. That's mintmobile.com slash dollup. upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or $180 for a 12-month plan required, $15 a month equivalent. Taxes and fees extra initial plan term only. Over 50 gigabytes may slow when network is busy, capable device required, availability, speed, and coverage varies.

Additional terms apply. C-Mintomobile.com. Garrett-Dadellup was also brought to you by Square. Oh, buddy, boy. Square Space. All in one. platform, it's going to help you stand out and succeed online. It doesn't matter if you just start now, if you're trying to scale up your business,

whatever you're doing, Squarespace gives you everything you need. Claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a personal, professional website or a professional website. By the way, bring your brand, get paid. Every time I've claimed a domain, I do say it like I've just taken over a palace in the 1400s. So I'll be like, this domain is mine. Yeah, I don't know if that's a thing that actually works.

I would say once you get one through Squarespace, they make it easy. But then when you get it, you can do stuff like that. I don't think what I'm saying is unhelpful. I think it is. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid right in the same place. From consultants to events and experiences, showcase shopping. You're smiling a little bit because you know what I said is kind of helpful. Customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm smiling. And then like if someone claims mine, I go, I've taken my, oh, me. Get paid on time with professional on-branded invoices and online payments. Don't forget SEO tools. Don't make me do it.

Don't make me do it. We have all of our websites with Squarespace. Every website. I just started a website for my movie. Guess what I did it through, Dave. Squarespace. There you go. All you're going to use.

We have, you go to dollpodcast.com right now and go to our tour page. You can see our tour of the East Coast in March. Go to the merch site. It's no longer available, but it was. We were able to shut it down easily. Squarespace makes that easy for you. Yeah, if you have a guy that's not putting out merch, then you've got to take down the merch page. It's an issue for the merch page. That's a user issue. Yeah. So check out Squarespace.com slash doll for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code dollop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com slash dollop for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code dollop to save 10%.

off your first purchase of a website or domain. As domain is mine. Okay, Mary's brother Orlando heard the whole story and goes to C. Lincoln, who still refuses to marry her. He's like, no, I'm not marrying her. So then Orlando offers him money. He goes, like...

What a weird... This is so fucking ridiculous. Jesus, here's some cash. Here, marry her. And he's like, fuck now. You had sex with her. It's over. You are married, basically.

He's still like, no. So Orlando pulled a gun. And even then, Lincoln's like, I'm not going to do it. By the way, if your name's Lincoln and someone has a gun, you listen. Back down, now. So Orlando shot him three times. That would I tell you? Lincoln is now a dead Lincoln.

He's dead. One of the many dead Lincoln. But that was the alive, that's Orlando's version, is that he gave money, you know, and kept trying to talk him into it. It's probably just arguing and yelling at each other and then murder. So Orlando goes, after that, he goes to the sheriff and he turned so many. I was insane for a minute. Now I'm better.

Can I go home? I killed Alfredi Newman. I killed that guy. Can I go home now? I killed a guy who had a race car tie. Can I go home now? I met a guy who had a bone for a tie. Can I go home now?

I killed him. He's dead. I was so crazy back there. Now I'm better. So papers started reporting on this crazy affair. And the unwritten law is, it's tantalizing reading. Everyone's like, ooh, who, who, who. Wow, a hot, swinging sack of meat like that.

Mm. So he pleads not guilty by reason of temporary insanity, the unwritten law. And Lincoln... So it feels like at some point you would write some version of the law down. But for a long time, they're just like, it's the unwritten law. And then the legal system is like, ah, yes, the unwritten law, which we recognize in the legal system. Which feels a little bit like a law, but it isn't. Yeah.

So we hear your unwritten law, and yeah, it works pretty good here in this world of law. Because you're putting the victims on trial, right? That's what it is. For the most part. And then you're asking for jury nullification, essentially. Yeah, but it feels very pedestrian to just be like, hey, I killed a guy. I was pissed off. Whoopsie, bang my sister. Can I go home? Yes, you can.

Can I go home now? Yeah. Okay, bye. So Lincoln had been bragging about screwing Mary. So after he was all over town, just telling everybody. Boy, you should say what I pulled off the other day. You know how all cultures completely backwards? Well, I manipulated a poor girl into believe in something that was fake.

And now because our system's so backwards and messed up, she's totally ruined. And I'm at a tavern boasting about it. So the mom testifies Orlando's mom. and says insanity runs in the family. Oh, yeah, we've all been having it pretty bad. We're crazy. Yeah, there's going to be a lot more killings from this crew. So all this press makes Mary very popular with the fellas who are reading about it.

All so awful. Because this is going to be like girl watching. Well, marriage proposals are just flowing in. These people, guys are riding like, I want to marry you. I heard you have sex. I buy that, yeah. I hear you have sex. I'll marry you.

What else? Why else would they be? But what the, wasn't that the whole thing? you got married and then you fucked? No, now they want to marry her and then sex with her. Isn't that the order that every... They know that she could do it.

What do you mean? It's so weird. It's like the suicide bomber, you go to heaven and you get like 118 virgin. That's true though. I know that is. By the way, what an awkward heaven that is.

How's everyone doing? I've got butterflies too. Eat more grapes, drink a little more. Let's loosen up before we get into the vile acts that are going to be... What a cool little zone we have up here. It's just Austin Powers Heaven. Yeah, baby.

Yeah, that's a nightmare, it sounds like. Sounds crazy. What? Sounds crazy. Yeah, no, who would want that? I don't know. No, I can't think of a... Sounds funny.

You're going to go up to... Heaven be strata by 72 versions. Yeah. No? No? Including me. What about like you're going to go to heaven. There's going to be 72 women are really good at sex. Oh, that's different. Also weird, but also weird. Also bad. Also that's just like, I'm tired. Stop it. 72.

Where's the room where there's a TV? You just pitched Mormonism, basically. It all is fucking crazy. It's that this idea. It's like, oh, fuck. It's just insane. Just like, so many women. It's like you would eventually... I mean, you've seen it with like any Mormon documentary where the guy's like, Jesus Christ, what did I do?

Fun loophole, you can't ever pull out or use contraception. I have 800 kids, nine wives, and no time. Is that true they can never... Well, they're, I mean, they're meant to just fucking procreate. Like, fucking... Hold my hand when we talk about this. Okay, so...

Let me walk. a little religion that I like to call perfect. So, Mary is a 16-year-old... Forgot that part. Oh, Christ. ...a lady who had sex once, and now the entire state of Oregon is talking about how she felt. Oh, I'd really like to marry you. And the trial is about the sex. What the court should do is just collect those letters and go find each guy.

Well, for what? Your letter was super weird. Oh. So she spent the trial in a, quote, hysterical breakdown. or at home in bed while the court discussed her. In what kind of bed? God damn, I just would think I could... It's a sleep in bed.

Oh, okay. I could tweak my letter. The trial was very heated, a lot of tension. Orlando's lawyer said if the prosecutor died, quote, that a considerable interval would lapse between the date of his death and the hour when people would be saying good things about him. Wait. About the prosecuting attorney?

Yeah. He was like, by the way, if you die, then there's going to be a break from when people are saying good things. Yeah, he's saying it's a... All right, should we keep going? By the way, here's a human scope. Oh, hi. Why? I'll allow it.

Orlando's lawyer punched a relative of Lincoln's, which set off a huge courtroom brawl in which the sheriff was decked. Anyway, the verdict was innocent. Wait, what happened? There was a huge... The attorneys are punching people? An attorney punched a relative of the fucker. Your honor, I play tipper and standing my wife banged a guy right before I hit him. It's the unwritten law.

So the verdict ended up being innocent. And when it was read, an old woman yelled, quote, Thank God for it! And then the entire courtroom applauded. And people rushed to congratulate Orlando. Oh, he's in your look of a fellow. and the celebration of the verdict made some papers start to turn against the unwritten law. They're like, well, maybe this is not great.

Right. So in 1907, Melvin Bradley argued with his wife, Kate. Jesus Christ. And the morning Oregonian said it led to, quote, a beating administered to Miss Bradley by her husband in a fit of drunken jealousy. In the morning? Well, it's just, yeah. He's morning hammered?

Uh, no, the morning Oregonian said that. Oh, right. Sorry. I keep... You're right. They shouldn't call it that. It's not helping anything. So then after... Good morning. After Melville goes to a local bar

and Kate goes to her brother, Joe, and she's like, this fucker just did this. So Joe goes to the bar to kick the shit out of his brother-in-law, Melville. Good. And he brings a Portland cop with him. That he knows, that the family knows, John Giddings.

And the cop hangs outside. So Joe goes inside and he finds Melville and he says, quote, come outside. I want to see you. And Melville, very happy to take the invitation. He said, quote, you do, do you? Well, I can't wait. Well, I can't see you any too damn quick.

Then he like, he did one of these. He was like, well, I can't see you too damn quick. You shit, damn it. That wasn't clean. No, it could have been worded differently. I can't see you quick enough. Try a different one. Well, I can't.

Yeah, yeah. From the, okay. Come outside, I want to see you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Say it again. Come outside, I want to see you. Well, I quickly go outside to see me, see a guy with it. Yeah.

God, well, I don't even know what that means. What are we doing? You want me doing it again? All right. Ah, Fudgee Brownie, yeah. Melville, come outside. I want to see you. Well, quickly see me while I see you with your eyes inside of myself.

Are we going to get outside? We will get outside. No, I know what I'm trying to say. It's just you can feel the energy of what I'm trying to go with. Melville, come outside. Well, let me turn my back. Back to what? Jesus fucking Christ.

Give me a minute to get my shit together. Uh, yeah. Melville, come outside. I want to see you. Well, see me. All I see is me when I be the quickest seer who had a... Different, hold on. Let me give me a second,

stick this. When I had the eye, one time, why don't I take my eyeballs out, put them in your skull and see myself for the first time going in from the beginning? Do you want me to write it down?

No, you don't even write it down? No, you don't know, but you're turning into a big thing and it's getting stoop, please. That one was on you. Don't interrupt when I do it. Come on. By the way, good to see you.

You lost 10 pounds. You look great. Melville, come outside. I want to see you. See me? The letter C? That's after B and before D. Well, well,

Well, looks like someone just made alphabet soup out of this whole arrangement. Are we going with that? What was the second one? Can we... Can we... Let's just go outside now, because it... Okay. Yeah, we'll go outside.

But I would say that this is going to be printed the paper after what happens outside. Well, I'll tell you. It's been good to see you, even though I'd like to go outside and see you again to see myself. It's all right. I'll see myself out. Yeah. Well, we're going outside together. Wait, what?

It's a whole thing. I did not have. understand that part. Why? Yeah, bad stuff's going to happen. Wait. I'm going to do to you what you did to my sister. I had six to your sister. No. And, well...

Well, I think I see you in a way I haven't seen you before. My God, your eyes. Stop it. Do not even. So as soon as they stepped outside, Joe punched Melville in the face. So Melville pulled a gun and shot twice, missing both times.

Who was good with guns back then? Nobody. It felt like it was all gun culture and nobody could fucking, when you watch a movie and you see like the guy running up the fire escape and the guy's like misses 18 times, always felt very, but in this time that was just like what you did. Yeah. I shoot to miss. So then Joe starts to run, but he slips and falls in the mud.

No, no. And then he just lays there. scared he's scared stiff yeah we did the mud thing yeah I just become the mud he's like Rambo in the first rambo yo I wasn't even anyone knew any of this stuff ladies that's a that's a movie we love we're sorry so then he sees the cop Giddings and the cop probably could have been pulling his gun at that point because he has a gun out right he was brought with the other guy so he's well he's he's he's sure he's shooting at the other guy, so the cop could have been pulling his gun, right? But he sees the cop. Either way, he shoots at the cop now, four shots, and they all hit Giddings. The cop, Giddings, shoots five times and misses with every shot. Wouldn't that be great if that's how cops were now? Then Melville runs off, and Joe goes over to Giddings, who said, quote, I'm afraid I'm done

for. Why? Send for a doctor at once. Here's my gun. There's only one shot left. Take it and get him if you can. Do you have any more ammo? No, I said, I said there's one shot left.

I don't have any. Well, it just seems like the site might be off a little. You missed a lot back there. I might need more. What kind of gun is it? Can you take it? My arm is getting tired. I don't want to get my fingerprints all over it.

It feels like. I'm a cop You can What? I need you to get them How do you not have more bullets They're inside of me Take a couple out

I don't think they work like that How does it work? Well there's a shell I'm going to be up front I'm not comfortable With how you're forcing that gun on me You are pushing And I'm trying to create a boundary

So no I'm not going to take the gun I am sorry my friend Thank you for coming down here By the way I got a good feeling you're going to be all right. It's just five bullets in like 1900, probably. 1905. You're all muddy.

Thank you, man. So Giddings got up, took two steps, and collapsed. Joe ran home, grabbed his hat, and disappeared. Well, what a weird thing to have to get, as usual. So everyone's very shocked by the crazy unwritten law. shooting that has happened. But the next day, the Oregonian reported evidence of previous bad blood

between Melville and Getting the cop. Okay. Quote, getting was friendly with Kate Bradley. Okay. And Giddings was friendly to, and in

sympathy with the members of Miss Bradley's family who were on bad terms with Bradley. Okay, so the cop and the guy who hit his wife he was the cop was friendly with that guy's wife

and also the whole family right so that's kind of an unwritten law problem the whole fucking unwritten how about this write a fucking law down is that so crazy it's been a long time

at the end of Giddings funeral you see because he was friendly with the family too, which makes the unwritten law a little more unwritten. Huh? It's pretty crazy. What?

I'm reading law time. What? Time to look into the unwritten law, but I don't know if it goes all the way there, or maybe it's more unwritten than it used to be. And it already wasn't written down. You see? No.

Well, again, this is outside of any sort of legal argument, but not written down. Okay. That's interesting. No, what? Well, I'll just say. He's friends with her and the friendly with her.

What is that? Well, he did it. And then the family, friends with the family probably. What is that mean? Are you saying he's fucking the family? All I'm saying is the law is not written down, but okay. A little invisible ink on it, maybe.

Think about it. I am. What am I saying to you? I'd have no idea. Well, okay. Think about it a little bit. I'm not.

Okay. So, at the end of Giddings' funeral the next day, Kate, her sister and another woman, entered wearing heavy veils. Now, they shouldn't even be at the funeral because there's no reason for them to be there because they're not supposed to, whatever. Right.

Because nobody knows what. Yeah. So the sister, Kate's sister is sobbing, quote, My God, are we too late? What? He died a while ago. It's been like four or five days. What?

Kate asked where the burial would be, and then they headed out to go to get to the cemetery first before the procession. I love that move, by the way. I've always tried to do that. Get there first. It's a nice move. Steak it out.

It is. Yeah, absolutely. So they got there. They waited by the open grave. The procession arrives. and as the widow stood quietly sobbing at the head of the grave, Kate and the other two women were sobbing and wailing way more loudly. It was a sob off.

Oh my God, he's gone, he's gone. Oh, no! The funeral director later told the Oregonian that Kate's sister had come to see the body twice and once had, quote, cried over the body until requested. to leave. Wow, getting cut off from weeping. Man, you've had enough. Leave.

The next day, she threw herself on the casket and sobbed until she was kicked out and permanently banned from the funeral home. Holy shit. That's what I want. That's what I want. Enough.

Jesus, lady. You don't come back here anymore. Now, that's obviously the weird thing for the sister of the wife of the cop the killer of the cop to do. But it turned out, Kate's sister, Aggie, lived next door to the Giddings and hated Mrs. Giddings, quote,

Giddings spent much of her time in her company, much of his time in her company. Then the Oregonian reported that, quote, Miss Aggie Vanders demanded of the policeman's widow that she read a certain papers said to be in Giddings' pocketbook. also asked for his watch and his gun and Mrs. Giddings said no.

So now she's just asking that's very invasive. That's weird. Yeah. Can I have his hair? How about some of his undies? So the Oregonian has absolutely fucking loved this. All the Portland, they're just loving the story. It's fucking amazing.

Right. Like there's nothing happening at all. Ever. But this had more merciness than the usual unwritten loss situation. It's obvious that the cop who was killed is having an affair with the murderer's wife's sister. Jesus Christ.

Sounds like Ricky Lake. Okay. Though the shooting part is straightforward, right? Yes. Guy beats his guy beats his wife. Brother comes to beat him up and brought a cop who the family knew and the guy killed the guy. By the way, I love how that sounds straightforward. That's not.

So reporters are now going crazy and they're digging into Giddings. His home was... The grave? Yeah. his home was described as quote a deplorable little shack cold forbidding I still live here

leaky I'm still here and unpaid for it's what do you want we didn't buy it the fuck out what you're just a reporter leave

they were focusing on the home as a way to show Giddings wasn't taking care of his wife and three kids quote Giddings got a hundred dollars a month from the city but his family did not get so much from Giddings. There's no evidence that they ever got anything.

The widow is measurably clothed and his three little children actually look cold. Oh my God. That's my favorite thing. You're a reporter. You're like, you boys feel cold? We don't know. You certainly do look cold.

I mean, it's okay. Why? They're shaking. Oh, my goodness. See those nipples through their shirts. These boys are freezing. Nipples are hot. Nibbles are hot. Teeth are chattering.

The turkey's done six times over in these kids. Turkey's done six times over in the... What the fuck am I writing? Keep going. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah, that's right. I looked at these boys and realized they were frigid. The boys are frigid.

I hadn't seen three blue kids like this since I went to Boston and watched grown men toss marshmallows into each other's mouths. Blue man group they called them. I don't. Repeat that back. Blue. No, all of it.

All of it. From the top. Ben, I haven't seen anybody this blue since I went to that. Three boys this blue. That shell and boss are with the three boys this blue. Eating bags of marshmallows. Yeah. Well.

And they were blue. Like a toilet bowl. I wish I never ghosted this guy. Anywho. Someone should, someone, not me, should give these boys a jacket. So the papers are now pushing a narrative that would lead. So they try to make the cop the bad guy. So they're pushing a narrative that would make it okay to shoot a cop.

Sure. Stop. Which never happened again in America. So cops started taking a collection to take care of the family. It's Christmas time. So the community pulls together, gets the family into and pays for a very nice house with a cow and chickens. This house has everything No doors, no beds

It's not furnished But if you go out back, you'll see a cow and a chicken Unbelievable, huh? One chicken! All right, settle down, Doug Sorry Doug fought real hard for the one chicken We wanted to get you two

But he's worried they'll be coyness Fornication With the cow Yeah I don't know how anything works Okay That was the chicken. Three months later

Joe, the brother who went to the bar for Fistikovs to protect the sister and then... Got the cop killed. And then ran. Was arrested for forging checks. Okay. So he's a good guy. So they're upset people.

They're like, no, this guy's bad. Right. And so they're very confused. He's supposed to be good. Great for papers, though. Yeah. Everyone's like, the papers are great. but now they're like, is this guy a swindler? A year later, another twist.

Kate is arrested for prostitution at Third and Everett. Third Never? Everett. Okay. Not Third and Everett. Stop it. A very rough neighborhood. Stop.

Okay. The waterfront full of sailors and boarding houses and brothels and Shanghai saloons. It's a bad place. So now people are upset at her. So they're like, well, this whole thing is... It's all falling apart. Yeah, there's no good... No heroes.

Yeah, there's no... So, obviously, this is not where an innocent wife sister would find herself. On top of all this, reporters are putting together that the man Melville believed was screwing. His wife was Giddings, so he was screwing Kate and her sister. So now the situation is that a guy beats up his wife or screwing another guy goes to a bar. The wife's brother comes and brings the cop. She's screwing. Fight happens.

Guy shoots the cop who's banging his wife. So it's all very, it's a very different from the original story. Everyone's just like... If it wasn't for the beating of her at the beginning, we could have close to a hero, but he really screwed it. I don't think you're allowed to request that at a show. It honestly doesn't matter because it's all fucked up. Sorry, Dave, I hate to be.

Carol, from the audience. Yeah, go ahead. Can we do it one more time, please? Which part? The whole show, please. What was the... Just go back to the picture where the werewolf was banging the woman in the... Sleepy Hollow. Go back to the Sleepy Hollow.

Yeah. Now, Dave, can we just admit that this story was a lot simpler then? How about this? Here's my only note. You're having your fun. But is it possible to just do that story of those two? From three, two, one, that story. Once again, Carol, on behalf of the audience. So we have our first storyboard for Game of Thrones

So everyone involved in the story is bananas That's how everybody thinks Everybody in Portland is just like I can't keep I can't even people who just love Unlit and Ross stories like I can't I can't You guys are out of it This is terrible Right

So the supposed good guys A swindler the damsel in distress A prostitute and now bigamist The Bistiner cop is a serial cheater, terrible family man, and possibly there to murder. The sister is having an affair with the cop. So the Oregonian now reports that Melville also beat his kids too.

So the paper clearly held onto that information. Right. And wait until Melville was arrested, and he was being sent back to Portland from Idaho to face trial. But Portland's just like, these people are exhausting freaks. They're exhausting freaks. There's no good guy. So everyone just stopped caring.

and then the cops realized they actually had not arrested Melville. It was some other guy. But Kate had gotten married again so now they're like, well, let's arrest her for bigamy. Melville was never, because she never divorced him because he was gone.

Right. And she got remarried, so they arrested her for bigamy, and Melvo was never found. Well, there's... Okay. All right. There's a good lesson. Never mind. So the whole thing made people start to think that like maybe...

Write down the law? Might be time to get a pen on paper with the law. Maybe life is a little too complicated for like the unwritten law? Yeah, it might be... It really might just be time to allow sex to just have people have sex. Don't wink at me.

And also Oregon now starts to see a lot fewer honor killings. They're definitely going on around the country. In Oregon, it doesn't end completely, but it's dwindling. It's still happening in rural areas. It still is. So Charles Reynolds and his wife, Lulu, were living in Portland.

They just moved from Colorado. They ran a bathhouse. So Charles Reynolds is a U.S. Army vet, and he's in his 50s. Lulu is in her mid-20s. She wanted to be a songwriter, and she had met a music teacher in Colorado named George Hibbons. So when she moves to Portland and they start writing letters to each other.

And the letters start to become more and more familiar. Throwing out that, like, throwing out the first flirty letter feeling like it's unrequited for like, you know. Oh yeah, because it's going to be... Well, it's like, even with text, if it was like a day later, you'd be like, ah, fucking creeped her out.

I was just trying to be like, what's up? Like a letter, it'd be like three weeks later. What the fuck is I saying? Why is they saying there? Well, I was not explaining my undergarments. I shouldn't have you complained about my undergarments? She didn't want to know about that and that she's like, my undergarments are also sometimes a little different.

Oh, oh, oh, here we go. Well, well, well. Now, are you talking about long underwear? No. Get out of here. I'm in the middle of something. Yeah. Well, it's just based on the ear, like, what are your undergarments like at that time?

Panties. Are you wearing panties? back then. Are you wearing panties? I wear a panty, yeah. Okay. I love a panty. I was just checking.

Go ahead. Shame me. Get canceled. I'm not shaming. No, no, go ahead. No, do it. You fucking gay shamer. I just think for the time... All right, so all the listeners out there

who are wearing panties, men or women, Dave doesn't support you. I do. I got your back. I like a panty. Thank you. I'm starting a sixth podcast called the Panny Pod. Is that funny?

No. Is it? No. Why are you smiling, kind of giggling a little bit? I'm not. I'm just... When you talk about panties, I uncomfortably touch my mustache. Who doesn't do that? That's quite a Pavlovian response.

Jeez. Are you clearing a surface? So, their writing letters becoming more and more familiar, Charles at one point finds a letter that she'd written that says, quote, My heart belongs to you. That's not good. That's not good.

That's not good. So George moves to San Diego. and he tells Lulu she should come join him down there. He's married, by the way. After they both get a divorce. Oh, then one day, George just shows up to Portland not announced. Hey, hey. So there's two creeps in the story.

That's how I'm seeing it. Offbeat Oregon, quote, he told her that she had given herself to him and he had come to take what was rightfully his. Oh, man. It's just being a cute. Like When I was on Tinder, that was my initiating message.

I'm glad we matched. The next part is me coming to take what is rightfully mine. Hello. I'm here to brand you. I also love old country from old man. Now it's my time to take you. Lulu wasn't sure what to do. So she put him up in a room in the bathhouse that they own.

And when Charles was out, she would go and they would do naughty things. So George buys her an expensive engagement ring and puts it on her finger. I don't believe that's how proposals, I believe you're supposed to ask. Well, he did.

Oh, he did. He didn't just go like, aha! Ha, got you. Come on, sucker! I got it on your mind! There was actually nothing to reach for. So she just wears it around. Sure. She's married, so that's weird.

Yeah. So Charles starts to notice change in her because he picks up on things. I noticed you're wearing another ring. That seems strange to me. And he asked his kids, he's got an

18 year old and a 6 year old. He asked them if they've seen anything and his 6 year old son goes, yeah, she's visiting some dude when you're at work and I saw them kissing. Okay, time to talk about the family communication. So

if your mom, if she's kissing, other men, that's something I want to know. Okay. It's kind of not my business? But it's my business. Okay. So that's it. You've seen her kissing

a little. Okay. Well, in future, you let me know if you see anything, okay? Because I got to talk to her now about that kissing. Because that's not okay. Why not? Because I'm... She's ours. She's ours. I mean, I don't want to put it like that, but that's... She's a good

kisser. Yeah. When she kisses him, she's a good kisser? No, I mean... Nope. Have a good day, boy. So, right after that, Lulu asked for a divorce. And Charles decides he's going to win back his lady, and he takes her to a day at an amusement park.

How fun is this, huh? Whoa! Look at all these rides! Aren't I fun? Aren't we having the best time? More cotton candy? How about some taffy? Hey, let's go win a little stuffed animal.

Let's go on the Ferris wheel again. How great was that? Oh, I love you. I love you. I love us. I love us. Nothing can ever come between us. I love you so much.

Let's go play some more game. Hey, how about I'll hit the hammer into the thing. I'll show you how strong I am. Oh, big son of hand. And even if I don't hit it on the highest level, it's just that we're having fun while we're finding out stuff like that. Oh, my God. Listen to us.

it's like we just are on our first date again. I'm also having the best time with you. Sometimes when I'm on the rides, I feel a little nauseous, but I know that you're there for me. And that's what's awesome about all of this is how we're on the same page. I could stay here all day. I tell you, the best part, it's the bond.

Between us, there's a ride I want to give you later when we get home, by the way. And you don't need one of the carnival tickets for it. But if you want to hand me one, I suppose I'll take it. How about a caramel apple? Caramel apple!

Let's have two each. Let's share one. Let's share one. Let's share one. Let's share a fucking caramel apple. How about the popping corn? Oh! That'll be the best.

We'll share the pop bag of popping corn. Don't talk for the rest of the day. I haven't said anything. in four hours. I know, I know. And I want to hear your voice, but it's just, I also have the voices inside of myself, and those are torturing me. Oh, how about this? We'll go over to the game where you throw the ping pong bowl, and you try to get it into the bowl. And if I hit it, we're together forever, soulmate. Is that too far? That ping pong balls haven't been

invented yet. This is why we're not together. We, and, and I'll, I'll, I'll tell you. Either way. I'm cool with whatever. I don't need it, but I would love it. But, hey, you want to do whatever you want to do. Maybe we should have our hands burned together. That's the worst thing anyone's ever said. So, when they're at the amusement park for their, oh, aren't we in love in day, he just starts interrogating her. quote. Then he noticed the ring. And he... How the fuck? What? That's so man.

What? She's wearing an engagement ring? I know. And forever he's like, Oh, what the fuck? Hey. I suppose I haven't looked at you in a while. Well, George's only been there for a week. Still. Day one, I'd be like,

yeah, I would notice if my wife had an engagement ring on. If your wife added another ring? Hey, who's the fella? Oh, I'm also... I've taken a fiance. Then he noticed the ring. He asked where I got it, and I told him that maybe he would know someday. So she's pretty awesome. Okay.

A couple of days later, George notices a picture of George on her... So they're still... She wants a divorce. They're still living together. And she now has put... She's wearing a engagement ring. She now has put a picture of George on her bureau. Awful.

And he knows George from Colorado. Hey. He somehow figured out through his son that George is at the boarding house and he runs there 15 blocks. Probably walked a little. Yeah. And she and George at that point are preparing to take a walk in the park. And Charles Burson and yelled, quote, I'm on to you! He had 15 blocks to nail it. Hold on.

Let me go back from the beginning. I got a better one. Hold on. Okay, go ahead. All right. here we go. Oh, well, well, well. Seems like, uh, this boarding house is the only thing you've been inside lately. A little wordy. Yeah, nice. Great.

Charles, well. No, no, you're Charles. I know. I'm looking into a mirror. Oh, you're, you're just talking to a mirror now. Yeah. Are you practicing? Yes. Okay.

Now I'll even come back. Okay. Your name again? George? That's right. Whoa. Haven't seen you in a while. But that's not something that my wife could say.

On account of you have seen her in a while. She's right here. I'm holding your hand. We're going to the park. I'm engaged to her. Yeah. Well, she... Hold on.

Hey, George. Hey. What about a thruple? Could be cool. Have you heard... We could do stuff or we don't have to. Have you heard of a cuck? I'm okay with that role.

I've been looking at chairs. So anyway, he shot George three times. That's better. George stumbled into a drugstore, a bullet had cut his intestines, and he died that night. Do you have gatorade? No, sorry, Pepto. Do you have Pepto? So Charles was arrested, and he said to the cops, quote, I was with General Custer for a long time as a scout.

By the way, that from now on should be when you get arrested what you say. Yeah, use the Custer card. I was General Custer as a scout, you fool. The guy who got killed because he sucked. Think that now when my home was in danger from a despoiler, I would show the white feather, I will stand by my home. Okay. Everyone's just like, all right.

So, okay, you're still arrested. I don't know what's going on. What do you mean white feather? I think that's surrender. It's a lot harder to see than a flag. Hello! We got a sick bird over there, sir. Keep fighting.

We've got a weird dove over there, sir. That's a parakeet feather. Let's get like a bigger one. Let's go. Let's get them. Lulu said George was innocent and helping her with her music, and that's it, and Charles had just lost his mind. Before George died, he confirmed her version.

So they asked Lulu to identify the body, and when she saw it, she just completely lost it and was sobbing. All right, you're cut off. You don't have to go home, but you can't grieve here. That's enough. Man, you really like that music teacher. Get out of here. Enough grieving. Jesus Christ.

It's with all these women freaking out over these dead guys they like. She threw herself on George's corpse and started, quote, kissing his cold lips passionately. Ma'am, he's dead. Ma'am, he died. That's how I like it. Ma'am. Ma'am. I didn't know.

All right, keep going. And at that point, she realized she had blown her cover story because she's making out with a corpse. And she confessed that she had been having an affair with George, and the media goes fucking nuts. So her love letters are printed in the papers, and Charles says he's innocent due to... The unwritten law.

Written law. What the fuck? The other invisible man was at the trial? That's her. So they say, I'm actually just a beekeeper. Yeah, so she covered up for the trial, I guess. Sure did. It's a cover-up. He also said Lulu had to be, so Charles says Lulu must have been hypnotized by George.

For sure. Quote, under that influence, she was helpless. I will never believe anything else. He still loves her, and he wants her back. Jeez, dude. Take a, take a, take it. Read the room, honestly. Lula said she could never live with him again, and she wasn't hypnotized. She's still hypnotized.

She was hypnotized the disdain. She wasn't hypnotized. Yeah, you are. You're under his spell. I'm not. You looked at a watch, didn't you? Crazy asshole. You'll live with me again.

Custer made you nuts. Well, come on now. We raised the white feather together. She wasn't hypnotized, quote, we were just attracted to each other. The jury took 30 minutes to declare Charles innocent. But cases like this made people really rethink the

unwritten law. They're like, duh, okay, this is really fucked up. In 1909, the owner of a stable shot one of his teamsters five times and then claimed the man... Yo, it's unwritten law. You can kill a teamster. Whatever. He took my sandwich, unwritten law.

He said that the guy was having an affair with his wife. Unwritten law. But she had filed for a divorce and it turns out You can't do that, unwritten law. It turns out they've been separated once

and the wife was using the Teamster as a witness. Unwritten law. And then there were also documents of being violent and a drunk and shooting shooting his house

in his house. So papers wrote about the trial is if the unwritten laws at stake. They're like, this is the one. If this one doesn't happened, it's over. And the defense attorney told the jury, quote, I do not

think you men will declare your verdict to, oh, by the way, the jury... All men. The juries are men. Yeah, all men. You know, the unwritten law seems pretty good to us. On account that we can maybe kill guys sometimes. On written law.

So, they write as if the unwritten law is at stake. And the defense attorney told the jury quote, I do not think you men will declare by your verdict that the seducer of women and smasher of homes can ply his wicked vocation unrebuked right here in Portland

and they voted five for acquittal and seven for murder on the first vote so that shows that the underwritten law is like falling apart and then they voted 11 times and finally settled on manslaughter

and when he heard the verdict he was like what the fuck? I did not slaughter a man. It's offensive. He got three years, but now the unwritten law couldn't easily be used to just kill people, so that

meant less dudes killing, and it remained a common defense until World War I when it just kind of ended, and newspapers turned against it, and by the 1920s unwritten law honor killings in Oregon were rare,

if at all. It's hit. Well, I think the point is, is that men are fucking cool. Right? It is. It's just a lot to enable men in some way sometimes for murder. Right? Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. Dudes are, you know, we were kind of running shit and not very well. Yeah, we were. We were. Now it's over. Yeah, we used. By the way, now...

A lot of people who are in history busts, men used to be in charge and shit was bad. We used to run stuff. And then things changed. And now... Things are good again. Pretty stand up. Certainly, don't mind talking. Buddy, you weren't ruling.

It was other dudes. Anyway, Trump's president. And at least all the laws are written down for that guy. Yeah. It's going to be fine. Yeah It's good It's fun and it's fine

Got sources you want to talk about Or you want to talk about Yeah I don't know Offbeat Oregon That's actually called beat off Oregon It's different And I write for it Friedman Lawrence Eminemann

William E The Rise and Followed the Unwritten Law Sex, Patriarchy and Vigilante Justice in the American courts, the Oregonian illegal history, miscellany,

and that's it. Well, we gotta go. Unwritten law. Thank you very much for coming out. I appreciate it. Hey, what's up, Dahlheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Dallup, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information.

If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area, I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the CineQuest film festival. You can go to Give It Up Film.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening.

So go to Give ItUpfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th, and February 7th. Three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers in Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27.

for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas, April 24th, finally, Houston, April 25th, two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th, and then San Antonio April 28th, and Tucson, April 29th. Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information, but also, So if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, give itupfilm.com.