The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 723 - Garrett Trapnell - part one

Episode Date: March 3, 2026

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine crime man Garrett Trapnell - Part one of two SOURCES TOUR DATES OFFICIAL MERCH   Helix Sleep  Squarespace - use code: Dollop Chewy Hims 

The Dallup will be on tour in March 2026. We are going to be in Buffalo on March 22nd. Then on the 23rd will be in Syracuse. Then on March 24th, we'll be in Boston at the Wilbur. Then on the 25th, we'll be in Bridgeport, and 26th the Gramercy Theater in New York. And then on the 27th, we'll be in Albany. And then on the 28th, we'll be in Pittsburgh. And then on the 29th, will be in Philadelphia.

And then on the 30th, we'll be in Washington, D.C., at the Lincoln Theater. Why would you name a theater after Lincoln? Anyway, that's our March 2026 tour. Go to dolloppodcast.com slash tour for tickets. You're listening to the Dalip on the All Things Comedy Network. This is an American History podcast for each week. I, Dave Anthony to read a story from American history

to a shiny ball of skin. Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. It's called moistizing. Well, it's a bit much. It's scary. I need to be able to look at you without getting glare in my eyes. Yeah, I agree. This is a fair criticism.

One I hear quite regularly. Will you stop moistening? No, first of all, no. We'll not stop moistening. Because currently you are, you're currently nominated for, for moistest man in America. I'm definitely top three shiniest podcasters.

Oh, yeah. And this isn't sweat. This is, this is health. You look like the top of a bald man's head is running. I've thought that. Yeah.

There's some real, I don't know what to, I own it. And I like it. I like to, it's all absorbing in there slowly. And we know how I feel about it. Good.

No. Well, I'll never, it's gotten, way worse. Oh, no, it's terrible. It's gone way worse. But I'll remember when we first started traveling together and I got my bag like searched

at TSA and you were staying and I was like, why is he fucking hovering? Like you were just kind of standing there. I was like, get the fuck dude, go to the gate or whatever. And you were standing there and you were like, my God. And I was like, it's fine, man. I'm really, I can manage this if you want to head to A47.

You're like, what? You're like, we're just going for three days. I was like, it's stuff. I need. So if you can just skiddle, that'd be great. Thank you. There's another round with just like soap, soap and shampoo, buddy, or show. You just do, that's what I do for the show. Just do those two things. And then I'll show up. You're, you just need to accept that you're going to age. It's not going to go well. And you're going to fight this. But man, I'm not even fighting it. Yeah, you're fighting. I am fighting it. You're fighting. But I also like to have healthy skin. So that's another. part of it.

I don't know if I call that kind of shine. Like if you went to, if you went to a baseball game, this is a history show. If you went into a baseball game, this is a center of, I will remind you this is a, they would remove you from,

it's a premise base show. They would remove you from center field. That is a lie. Because it would distract the hitters. You were lying. You were lying. And if Rube was pitching, he would not be able to pitch.

He'd be looking at you. You go, oh, you know, get the fans on your side. Bring up Rube. I'm calling you a spoon. I don't agree with that. I don't think that's fair. January 31st, 1938.

Year of our Lord, J-Town. Kiteman, skateboarder, jet skier, hang glider, longboarder. Garrett Trappnell was born, Garrett, Brock, Garrett, not Gareth. Garrett, Gareth, Gareth. Gareth. Brock Trapnel was born in Brockton, Massachusetts.

to father Walter Scott Kennedy Trappano and mother Elizabeth Brock, whose ancestors were the namesake of the town Brock. I was going to say, okay. So if you're, that's pretty cool. Great. Yeah. You never move. Well, and I do think you're allowed to go around the town and order people a little bit. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. You know. You should be able to. All right. You guys have talked long enough. Go home. Yeah. Come on.

I'm a Brock. I'm calling a Brock on this one, boys. Let's go. All right. Come on now. School's over. Yeah, we're done. Now, is that your wife, Tommy?

Because I'm going to take her tonight. I'm going to have your wife, if that's all right. It's Pramon Brocta. Well, you're shutting them off to Brockton, then, Tommy. And I won't be paying. I'll take those. Hey, I like your house. That's mine now.

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. Drink all that ocean water. Hey, you too. Drink the ocean. Drink it. Tommy, put your face in the ocean. How are you, ma'am?

Shit your pants. Walter was a decorated war hero with family roots in colonial America going back 300 years. So they're those types. Okay. The families were millionaires, part of the uppermost crust of high society, and everybody could not be more proud of Garrett's dad, who had risen to the ranks of Navy and Naval Commander at two years old. He was at two years old.

No, those are different sentences. That's crazy. I know. When did he even get into the Navy? I mean, he must. Two months. Two months old he joined the Navy.

Yeah, but he went in as lieutenant. Wow. Yeah. He was quite a baby. That's unreal. Yeah. That has to be a record. Nobody's ever been younger in the Navy.

No, they were younger. Stop. Teddy Rose. Roosevelt started in the military when he was three days old. At two years old, his father moved the family, including Garrett's infant sister, Rachel, to Panama, where he was stationed. Very similar to rural Massachusetts. Very similar. Hey, kids, would you like malaria?

Garrett grew up idolizing his old man, quote, the dashing commander was rebrand. bald, hard-drinking adventurous, but he was not prepared for cuckoldry. Who wasn't? Garrett? Garrett's dad. Okay, so. Because what I'm saying is, the missus enjoyed. Garrett's dad came home from work one day to find Garrett's mom in bed with his commanding officer. That's tough.

But that's, you know, you're outranked. I mean, he's two. You shouldn't even be married at this point. Mm-hmm. So, Garrett's dad that beat the shit out of his boss. Good. And immediately divorced Elizabeth, sending her and the kids back to Brockton. Okay.

They lived with Garrett's grandparents until one day when Garrett's grandpa was standing out on the porch and was struck dead by a bolt of lightning. Oh, man. Those are the days. That'll happen. That's the best. But that's why you don't stand out on the porch, just jingling keys. Well, this is before they knew that lightning was bad. That's right.

So I also think that's a great way to go. For a long time, they considered a cure for acne and spina bifida. This is a joke. No. What? You're not doing yourself. It's good for your skin? You're not doing yourself.

You say it's good for your skin? Yes. Gareth. Do not do it. What does it do? It makes you a little bit shinier. How much shiny? Globoax shiny?

The shiniest amount on earth. I think the people who have been struck by lightning are considered to be the shiniest people. it's what the song Shiny People is about by R.A.M. And they're happy, too, by the way. I think mostly shiny. Keep that in mind, though. So with Grandpa dead, they moved on. Grandma, Mom, Sister.

It's been the weirdest way to just be like, where's Grandpa? Your grandfather was killed by lightning just now. He's outside cooking on the porch. What happened to Grandpa? Look, we're not going to pull punches. Grandpa stood outside during a storm. And lightning hit him, and now he has gone.

And he is very, very sizzled. He was weak. All right. Easy does it. He was a weak son of a bitch, ma. Boy, that storm's really moving in, last words. That's looking pretty bad, actually. I don't see lightning.

So they moved to home in Quincy, Massachusetts, and Garrett's mom devolved into an alcoholic mess. She was getting brawls with grandma where, quote, their battles escalated. into screaming fist fights, scratching, clawing, hair pulling, bedlam in the presence of the kids. Garrett's mom insisted on having Garrett sleep with her. He was sick, so that's not terrible. That's not bad. That's, yeah, that's not. Horrifying the grandmother, who would sometimes burst into the bedroom to throw a bucket of water on them.

That's on the grandma. Like, that is strange. If a kid doesn't have a parent. Like, or, no. Are you shaming this woman who's for sure dead? I'm saying, I don't know where the kid was when grandpa got struck by lightning and killed. That's going to put a little bit of scare into the kid. So six years old, sleep on a parent.

It's fine. Yeah. It's just when they're 16, that it gets a little weird. Well, I slept with my mom until recently. You know, it's as weird as me too. Yeah. I slept with your mom until like, well, that hip thing really put a wrench in our, uh, I love making. I turned over the phone because there's pictures over on there.

What's the next word you want to do? It's not a weird. Your dad gave me a blowjob. Okay. That's fine. I don't give a shit. All right. Like, who would care about that?

So, you know, so the situation is not good with mom and the grandma. Garrett would go with her on occasional jaunts with taxi drivers to a room at Boston's Stottler Hilton, paying the cabby to accompany her to her room and even to her bed all in the presence of her son. Wow. Roll over and go to sleep, she would mumble to him in warped desire for privacy. Oh, dear. All right, so now it got a little bit different, didn't it? That's wrong.

That's not okay. Now, can we say the sleep with a six-year-old is actually taking a turn? Well, I mean, no, it seemed maternal. Now this is an issue. Yeah, it's taking a turn. I feel like watching mom get railed by a taxi driver two feet away is not good for me. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Mom! Hold on. Let him get the rest in.

Oh, there we go. Oh. taxi driver? Oh, yeah. Oh, now what was your question, babe? What's happening? Oh, did I say roll to the other side? Yeah.

Okay, try to go to sleep, okay? It's hard, though, the way you were coming. Try to go to sleep, though. Okay. All right. I'm going to walk like I wrote a horse to the bathroom. Still, through all the perversions. That was a big one.

Okay. Still, through all the perversions and drunkenness, he loved his mother, and needed her in his life, but she made it nearly impossible. While at sleep, while at sleep away at camp in New Hampshire, Garrett was falsely accused of stealing a pearl necklace and was forced into a locked cabin until his mom took him home. Fuck me. Quote, there she spoke only with belt and fists,

intoxicated with a need to thrash him beyond any trace of mercy or understanding. She did not stop until she had beaten him unconscious. Good. Good, good, good. Yeah, I mean, I think that's how you handle that, right? Yeah, you have to send

abusive adult messages to children. I think the best way to teach a kid not to steal as a concussion. Yeah, cut their hands off. Yeah. Treat it like a market. Yeah, or head. Sure.

Yeah. So that's what, when the camp director arrived to apologize and the actual thief had confessed. But Garrett... That fucking moment. He wasn't conscious to hear it. That moment after she just beats him unconscious.

Never again! Excuse me, Ms. Brock. Uh-huh. So, this is a big old oopsie-dupsy. One of the other children took the pearl necklace. We found it on him. So Brock didn't actually even do it.

Whenever you wake him up, I don't know if you want to tell him the goodness. Can he have done something else bad? Brock? Yeah, is there another? Well, he, I'll tell you what he did do was he said how important truth is to him throughout the whole thing. We obviously thought he was lying because we thought he took the pearl necklace. That's why we locked in the cabin for a few days. But it was this other kid, Jeremy, who, who's a bad kid.

And Brock's a good kid. Brock's a good kid. We maybe want to get a mirror under that nose just to make sure we're okay. Can I have some tissues for the blood coming out of his ears? Uh, yeah, absolutely, yeah, we'll definitely get around to that. I'm sure boys do, they do something bad. He's a boy. Brock's been enough standing, uh, he's a boy. He's a camera. He probably did something. He's, well, you know, actually, he did do something. This is funny. He washed trays.

The other, because kids spill food on the trays a lot. And Brock insisted on washing the trays. That son of a bitch. Well, it was very helpful to the cafeteria stuff. I don't think so. Yeah, so it's just, you know, he watches me have sex. Oh, well, that's a... With strange cab drivers? That's an interesting choice for a child. Boy, I'll tell you.

I can't pay the fare. I'll be honest, when I was a boy, I watched my mother have sex a tremendous amount, and it gave me a sense of... Would you like to watch me? Absolutely. It would be an absolute honor. You got any cab drivers? Yeah, I'm sure we can figure that out.

Absolutely. cab and I'll fuck a man in front of you. Okay, great. All right. Well, this is yeah, this has been a great meeting. When Brock's alive again, I think we can work on that. Until then, I'll call a cab right now and let him know the interesting directions.

Thank you, Camp Sheikawa. It went good. It went very good. Like a guardian angel, Garrett and his sister were plucked from this hell by their dad, who brought them back to Panama with him.

Gary loves Panama. He quickly learned... So you thought that that cabby fucked your mom, huh? Your dad fucks way better than any cab driver. You're going to watch him right now. He loves Panama. He quickly learned the language and swelled with immense pride at how powerful and respected his father was.

For the first time in his life, he was happy. Okay. Garrett drove headfirst into military strategy and battle tactics. But those didn't help him. the night his dad came home, shit-faced, and hallucinated that Garrett was a Japanese soldier and strangled him while screaming slurs. Thought we were...

That's like growing up. I thought we were on the good path you were saying. It's called Growing Up with McCain. It's just how it goes. Wow, that is... Yeah, war is hell. Sometimes your kid's got to pay. Oh, my God.

Just the... Other than that incident, the dad could actually... That's a hell of a way to wake up. Yeah. The dad actually... could hold his liquor better than the mom. So it's still a better situation. When Garrett turned 13, his dad gave him $10 and sent him to a whorehouse to become a man. Oh, Christ.

What? Every part of that's bad. It seems like there's some... I'm looking for pussy. It seems like there's some sexual problems in this family that are not great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Garrett was bound...

But I'm not even a cab driver yet, Dad. Garrett was bound for the prestigious West Point Academy Following his father's footsteps He'll get a West Point His whole adolescence had built to going to West Point This was his entire life Painstakingly created by his father to get him to this very moment But right before enrollment

Garrett's kidney failed And it had to be removed And West Point didn't accept boys with just one kidney Sorry. You're out. Your body expelled a kidney. Now, if you find another boy with one kidney, you can fight, and whoever wins gets the other kidney, and then you have two kidneys. It's the West Point option.

Yes. So, Garrett and his dad are crushed, because this has been the whole plan. I love that it's through the prism of not being able to go to West Point, not losing a kidney. I don't know why. He only had one kidney. That could be explained. but yeah uh then things got worse just before christmas in nineteen fifty two his dad died of a massive heart attack a few weeks later he came home to find his stepmom with another man and he yelled at her quote

tramp you damn tramp the stepmom used this as an excuse to kick him out 14 years old kicked out of the house can we just very quickly go ahead bottom line what happened here the dad was bad at sex Hmm. You might be right. Yeah. O for two. These ladies are looking for satisfaction. Yeah.

But the dead's dead now. Yeah, I'm not trying to... God, I mean, I miss him every day, but, you know, very obvious that... Maybe he had a micro penis. Okay, so? Well, that, based on the recent news, where a guy went on TV in England and said they had a micro penis. Wait, what? A guy went on a talk show.

Some show in England. and had the guy with the biggest penis and then the guy with the smallest penis. They had a show, the guy with the biggest penis, and they both had sex problems because the guy's like, it's too big. A lot of ladies can't do it. And the little guy was like, it's not even there.

Oh, man. So I'm just saying if you have a micro- It's a real twins. If you have a micro-penis, you know, don't go on TV. That's a good thing that you can just not tell people. But fortunately, mine's like an enormous baguette. And mine's a crumb.

My one's a bit of dribbly crumb. And neither one of us won't get shagged. I'm shagging him. I don't even know where mine is. It's just like a guy's a... I knew a girl who slept with a dude when we were, we were like in her 20s, and he was a good friend of mine. She goes, it's like a field mushroom.

Oh, I've heard... Yeah, I've definitely heard some stories from women where they're like... By the way, hey, I'm not upset if someone's been with a micropenist man. That, to me, that's phenomenal. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. Like, I can run average speed, but you're telling me, you're like, my last guy, he could only walk.

I'm like, hey, look how fast I am. If you have a microp penis, there's ladies out there. There's people that don't like sex. Like, there's people that don't. There's people who like micropinuses. Yeah, you'll find somebody. You can find someone. It's harder.

The micropinus dating apps is not as popular as the other ones. Tinyander. Well, the. I think it's called Under One. Finder. Shit. We're way off track. Boy, I got to see that show.

So he gets kicked out of the house. Now he was... Imagine, like, sending your application in for the tiny penis version. I honestly don't know how that came about. Yeah, unfortunately, look, you've got an extremely tiny cock, but we found a man who's got basically nothing. Really? Yeah, yours is horrible, but he's...

It's a bit too long. It's the size of the eye of a newt. Yeah, honestly. It's really small. Yeah. We found a bloat with one that looks like a fish eye. So that's what we're going to go with, then. And this one over here, he's got like an elephant foot.

Oh, this is got over here. He's got a funny. This is absolutely shocking what he's got. He's got 5,000 of what you got. How about that? That wild? You believe that? Okay, so he is kicked out of the house.

He is a homeless teen and nobody, you know, nobody there to help him. So he ends up living in a brothel named the House of Love and got a job stacking tires in the, you know, Panama heat for $10 a week. That is got to be top five worst setups we've ever heard on this show. It's pretty bad. He stacks tires in Panama. in the dead heat. And then he goes home to his fuck shack. And then he would steal food.

He would sneak in to his old house to steal food. His sister would help him. Wow. So he worked and worked until he wore down his only pair of shoes. So he helped himself to some penny loafers. He found at the swimming pool and was caught by the cops. Oh, dear. And finally in 1955, he was able to enlist by lying that his kidney scar was from an old

hunting. They put a third in. It was from an old hunting accident. There was a, yeah. Yep. Quote, he was, of course, the finest soldier imaginable gliding through basic training the way a mathematical genius might spit out the multiplication table.

So he's good. Right. He's a good little soldier. Good. But then he got in trouble for going AWOL because he was trying to woo a young woman and was four hours late back to base. So now he's... So, I mean, give it up.

You can't go a four-hour extra wooing? Sometimes you've got to really go for it. Sure. He's called wounding. I would go another two hours of woo. Uh-huh. But at that point, what are you going to do? Four?

Four is stalking. Four is really pushing it. Woo do you think you are? We were having such a good time. And we're still having a very good time. So he's racked with guilt, fearing he would be kicked out of the service. He felt as though he had dishonored his father and was so distraught that he tried to kill himself by shooting his remaining kidney. What the fuck?

I get it. I get it. By the way, knowing where they both are is amazing. That's a feat. Yeah, that's a feat, but also like, hey, what's the slowest way I could die? Yeah. Brain? Yeah, you get brain's a lot faster.

Through the kidney. Yeah. heart yeah both garrett and the army called it an accidental shooting to cover up the embarrassment to his family name he accidentally shot his other kidney this guy's got a real bad luck when it comes to kidneys he there's it's not just his dad there's other like high-ranking trapnels so garret was transferred to engineering at fort benning in georgia which he hated he began forging passes that allowed him to travel all over the country but was finally caught in california and court-martialed.

Then he was discharged at 19 years old. Shit. So being in the military had been his entire life's purpose, and now he's just like rudderless, doesn't know what to do. He goes back to stay with his mom who's living in Miami. But he just couldn't walk away. But on the military. Yeah.

So he reenlist with another identity lying about his name and background. Wow. I'm getting it. opposite of the draft dodger, Gerith Reynolds. Oh, you're just not shiny enough for this academy, boy. Get out.

You're not shiny, you know, Reynolds. I swear to God. He quickly goes up the ranks to become a basic training instructor, but his lies catch up to him a year later. They learn the truth, and he was thrown in the hole, solitary combined for 30 days

with just bread and water. If he was lucky, a carrot or potato, and then he was released. But soon, after it was thrown back in for a petty infraction. So this time he planned... He might have just loved bread. True.

It's just like the food in the hole is delicious. Can I get a whole wheat today? A carrot. What did I do? Thank you, boys! So now he plans on beating everyone. He's determined to get out of there by any means necessary. And Garrett got a razor blade

smuggled inside of a potato. Right. Which he used to slice. his wrists. Take that. In the hole, someone smuggled in the razor blade and potato

and then he cut, well, that shows him, right? Right. Ha! Yeah. In a flash, he was sent to a psych ward in San Francisco and that's the end of his military career.

It's over. They're like, okay, we get it. Right. Maybe not you think. So now he's just totally adrift. Alienated from military and all they stand for, he finds the one place that he can fight back the hardest.

He joins Fidel Castro's Cuban Revolutionaries. Holy shit. What would you do? Fucking that? Yeah. That's awesome. Doesn't go well. Why?

He almost immediately ended up in one of dictator Batista's jails. Oh, Jesus Christ. And, you know, no one likes to talk about this because they all say Fidel Castro is bad, but go read about dictator Petitza's bad. who they got rid of. Right. It's, uh, who. What are your thoughts on Castro?

Uh, I think that he did some amazing, amazing things. I think he called, uh, climate change in the late 80s, what it would be today. Uh, if we listened to him, the world would have been saved. Uh, the health care is absolutely fucking incredible. Yeah. Um, there's just a lot of social things. They came up with the vaccine for like so fast. They've done so many, uh, good things.

Like, like, They just recently redid their whole constitution, and it took years, and every single town and every single place got to take part of it. And now, like, you know, gay rights and trans rights and everything way past what we have. Like, there's a lot of fucking good things, it turns out. But you can't be here. The nerve of this country putting embargoes out of other places, it's just... They're so funny. I was watching...

We don't want to be a part of you. Yeah, no, we're good, too, Cal. Yeah. I was watching people in Europe talk about how we don't have any freedom and just thinking right wingers brains going, oh. Oh, what are you mean? Yeah, you know, if you don't have health care, you don't have freedom. I mean, we are the micro penis guy putting in the job application for the huge dick. So as a gringo, he is treated differently than the Cubans who he was watching died by the dozens in Batisa's jails.

eventually he was dumped onto a commercial flight back to Miami with gamblers and mobsters who thought he was there to fight against Castro. So he was lauded as a hero by men he just didn't respect. Anyway, Garrett, back at his mom's house, back to square one. That's quite a little to go back to moms. I know. Hi, Mom. What did you do this time?

Do you want some spaghetti? I was with Fidel Castro yesterday. So he decides he's going to go back to San Francisco and reconnect with one of his nurses. But then he just gets bored with that and he drives down to Los Angeles just to check it out. Sure.

He chained smoked in a hotel room until he couldn't stand it anymore and then he drove northeast for no particular reason. He gets to Barstow. He picks up two hitchhikers, like drifter guys. Sure.

But they were just depressing him. He was just not into, they were a bummer. That's a real, like, what do you expect? It could be fun. Sure. Man, I'm so sick of hitchhiking, dude. Everything just, like, sucks now.

Oh, man. It feels like everything around us is just crumbling, you. Yeah, let's listen to music. I can't get the seat. The seat is not comfortable, dude. Okay. I hate when, like, there's a little bit of, um, on the seat, like, the fabric is torn a little and it keeps the pinching the back of your knee.

Yeah, no, I literally gave you right because you wouldn't. Do you have any tape? Maybe I could put a little tape on it. It feels like a crab is pinching the back of my leg, dude. Did you hear how bad crabs are doing, man? Can you? I actually do have genital crabs, but I'm talking about the sea. Sea crabs are doing so bad lately, dude.

Like the whole ocean is its own thing, but it's not even going to make it anymore, dude. Fuck. Can you? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Hey, we're going to stop. Oh, man. Stop here and you're going to get out and go to the bathroom. I can't, dude.

My legs are asleep. I'm not going to be able to walk for like a day. Can you roll out? No way. Hey, man. What are you talking about? Okay, so I'm going to roll you out. Oh, dude, I got so much dirt in my shoe. Let me empty it here.

Oh, my God. That's crazy. It's a pile. Oh, I got an idea. Maybe I'll build a little castle down here from dirt. Something's not agreeing with me. I ate something bad earlier, man. I'm actually going to shoot this guy.

It feels like I ate a potato with a razor in it, dude. I'm actually going to kill you doing the character. Oh, my God, man. That's where I'm out. All right. Real quick, do you want to hear an original song? You're like a jam band. This is an original song I just wrote.

No, you're not going to do that. We're in the car together, and we're driving in the car, and the cars together, and we're getting in a real affair. No, seat belts are not the regular now. I pooped. But he doesn't, he doesn't ditch the hitchhikers. He comes up. up with a different idea.

Kill him. He pulled the gun out of his bag. Nice. And with the devil's grinned, he smirked, quote, let's rob somebody. I, uh, are you going to go to Victorville? So they hold up a gas station off Route 66. So amazing to be like a hitchhiker, like, all right. Oh, yeah.

Okay. It's on the western outskirts of Gallup, New Mexico. And then they drive east into town as opposed to west, away from it, which fools the cops. Cops are awesome. And he watches as the cops just drive right past him. We believe they went into a Stargate. And they're just, yeah, they're certain that the robbers are good the other way, right?

Into California. That makes sense. So this was the beginning of- Nobody would go deep into New Mexico. What's the point of that? Well, that's impossible. Even the sickest piece of shit isn't going to do that. So this is the beginning of a cross-country robbery spree.

From Des Moines to Maryland, the guys would dress up as tramps and tie their victims up with their own shoelaces, being careful not to hurt anyone or take any money from people, just stores. Okay. Finally, all the way down in Raleigh, North Carolina, Garrett was eating a hamburger when four cops tackled him off his chair and arrested him. They had caught the infamous shoestring bandit. So ready for Home Alone 3.

People don't think about the shoelaces, but if you are, In a pinch. Kidnapping someone or whatever. Shoalaces are very handy. Sure. What are you talking about? Just ideas. Right.

Ways to bind strangers? Yeah. Okay. Say there's a guy with a mask and he's around around in your town. Say there's a guy with a mask. A mask on. A guy who's just a random guy with a mask and armor on and stuff. Sneak up, sneak up underneath him.

Shoalaces don't take out heroes. Sneak underneath him while he's not punished and tie his shoelaces together. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Okay, so his uncle was a prominent attorney and defends him. He helps him plead insanity. A fun era.

So Garrett didn't think he was insane, but he would rather be at the psych ward than in jail for 20 years. Which is what the other part of his gang who was caught got. Jail. Yeah, 20 years. Garrett, quote, so I went to the state hospital and I dug the whole action. I dug the whole action? It's right. Pretty cool.

Got a lot of twisties up here. These people are nuts. This place is awesome. A lot of people doing a lot of stuff, man. You've never met a more independent crew. I read more damn books on psychiatry and psychology than probably any psychology student will in any school in the world. Now, while he's there, he starts mimicking other patients, vacillating, wildly from cold and arrogant to a blubbering fool.

And this led to an eventual diagnosis as a paranoid schizophrenic. Sure. But he's just fully pretending. Allows him to skip any time in prison. And then he gets released after a year. Wow. Well, that's awesome, too. Yeah.

I mean, that was the problem with this, the insanity plea, right? That they were just eventually like, all right, see you later. Yeah. Like a year later, like, well, you don't have schizophrenia anymore, my friend. All right, bye. Bye-bye. Yeah, Garrett. Once out, he went to live with his rich and successful trap-and-nil side, but he was treated like a freak.

Right. He was aghast at the snobbishness and vanity of his rich relatives. He felt suffocated and he wanted to leave, but the family told him that once he made his break with them, they'd never save him again. It's like Rumspringer. Mm-hmm. Exactly. He couldn't take it and he bailed anyway. And then the family rejected him as, quote,

a waste, a washout, a violation of great family tradition. No. Which is what you've been called. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Today. Yeah.

I don't think you're allowed to come back. He knew his life was anything but stable and he went back and forth to mental hospitals and prisons. He'd make it out. He got a woman pregnant. He married her. Then she had a miscarriage and they annulled the wedding. And then he fell in true love with a beautiful woman

a couple years younger than him. And he actually made it work for a bit. He was even moved to try to get back in touch with his Trapnel family. He's like, I'm changed. I'm domesticated. Sure. Well, not for anything. Just because this new love made him want to connect with the family he had once hated.

Right. Okay. But they were completely ignored them. As they said, they were going to have nothing to do with him. Right. It's Rumm Springer. And that makes him snap. Okay.

So he buys a plastic gun. Good. This is a good beginning to a comeback. Yeah. And he went to a police station. That's good, too. Yep. That's the directions.

And pointed it at the sergeant telling him he was going to blow his brains out. Right. So. Absolutely. Right on this is how you do it. Uh-huh. And then he was tackled by a bunch of cops. Sure.

Yeah. And when they found out the gun was fake, he was thrown into an institution. Oh, so he's back? Back in a, yeah. Okay. Gareth, if you are a pet parent like me, I have three dogs, you know about chewy. You're a chewy guy. What?

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dollarpodcast.com. Yeah, we're going to be out on the road starting March, late March 21st, I think it starts in Buffalo. 22nd, I think, in Buffalo. And then we go all over the East Coast. And in D.C. We're all over the place. Yep, yep, yep. So Squarespace

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Yet he never stayed long, and once he was out, he went back to Miami with his mom. So he had the system beat as far as like, I'm Seems like the system was crazy. A little faulty. And next, Garrett got a job as an assisted personal trainer of the

Molino Hardware Chain of stores and was actually a very good employee. Okay. And he worked his way up to a top management position in no time because of his work ethic and his competency. He's a bright young man.

But then they discovered the truth about his past and swiftly kicked him out. Right. The one kidney. This time, however, he took vengeance. Shit. Handing over the extensive list of Molino's employees to the Teamsters Union to assist in their organized drive. He also gave the company's hiring code its form showing

a race and religion to the Miami News Press to expose the discriminatory hiring practices against blacks and Jews. What was the form? The form was what? Like? Which form? What do you mean? They just, oh, basically just their...

No, the farm meaning like... Right. The practice. Yeah. Right. As a result, the Molino Company was... I'm afraid you're just too much of a Jew. As a result, the Molino Company was unionized in members of Myronerner.

groups subsequently hired. Okay. So that's good. Sure. Although just done for vengeance purposes, not for... Well, listen, I think that's pretty much where America's matched out anyway. America has decided. Nothing.

Well, yeah, nothing. Yeah. It gets married again. All right. As a kid. Good. He just can't... He just can't do the domestic.

He can't stay... What does he want? I feel like he doesn't... I mean, he wanted to be in the military. He's searching. Yeah. It's tough. Yeah.

It's hard to find that thing. He moved around Miami, L.A., and then he ends up in Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. And there he stole a boat. Okay. And sailed it to Boston for seemingly no reason at all. I get it. I get it, too. Just go.

Something to do. He likes that he wanted to be in the Navy. Yeah. He gets put into mental institution. and within months he's back out. So they don't ever think this is crime? No part of them is ever like he's a criminal. Do you think it's because he's in the system of having mental issues?

So, okay. And also, if you now... We know why you took the boat. Because you have a mental problem. That's right. Yeah. How'd you know? Well, we don't want to steal.

It's just a bunch of little voices in your hands telling you steal. I hear all kinds of voices. Yeah. that's tough there you go does the door yeah you should probably get going now that we've had our chat bye bye see you real soon Garrett I wonder part of this is that if a couple of bencil institutions have let you go and you and then it goes to a new one if that doctor's like well I can't let this guy go I'm throwing the other guys under the bus the other psychiatrists like I wonder if there's some sort of like code of code of like that kind of thing wait what do you mean exactly

there's a man solicitation to let you go. Yeah. Another man's solution to let you go. The third one's like, if I say he's actually... If I hold on to him, that makes them look bad. Yeah, that makes the other guys look like they... That is the dream scenario.

We're going to need you to be here for a while. I think it's going to make your colleagues look like shit. All right, you should just get going. Shit. He's really troubled. So now he decides that he really wants to have a family life and be a family man. Yes. So he set up a home and a steady job in Houston.

He called his wife to relocate away from her family, just moved to him. But she waffled. She's like, nah. And that was dude all those times he had freaked out and ended up in a mental institution. Yeah. So you. Well, women are fickle. Yeah, right?

I mean, they are. How about you have my back? Yeah. I mean, do you remember the ceremony? Yeah. Through sickness and health. Yeah. And this is, yeah.

Sickness. Yeah. So get over here. Leave your family. I've got some real weird plans. Giddy up. Real weird. Yeah.

So fittingly, he instantly snapped on her and told her to fuck off. And in that moment, he was done being a husband and a father. He had tried, though, right? He'd given it the best. Yeah. All of his effort. Aside from just taking a boat to go to Boston. It's not his fault though, is it?

It seems like he really was trying. Is that his fault or isn't somebody else's fault? I would say that that is not his fault. Right. That's right. Anyone who's been to Chesapeake Bay, you know. You want to get out of there as fast as possible. Boat the shit out of it. And Boston's beautiful.

Yeah. Now. Like that argument with your wife is so easy to lose. You tuck a boat. I know. Okay. You keep begging. it was fucking crazy.

It was one day. It was crazy. It was beautiful out. It was a great sailing. Oh my God. Yes, I stole a boat and went to Boston. Christ. So to deal with his motion, or I don't know, not to deal with his motion, he went

looking for trouble. And he purposely got caught speeding so he can see if it was possible to bribe a cop. Sometimes you just want to do. like a sociological experiment. He's a sociologist. Yeah, he's trying to figure out what makes everybody tick. It's just, he's a curious man. That's a very, I mean, if you have,

it's almost a superpower to be in the mental institution database. It's house money everywhere you go. I'm going to shoot a cop and see what happens. But wouldn't you like to know if you could bribe a cop, like, isn't that sort of an interesting thing? I know the answer. I'm quite confident. That's science. I've never tried that. That would be a good one

to try. It's science. It's a sociological experiment. It turns out $20 got the job done. Wow. And then a light bulb flash in his head. Quote, this could be a glorious hustle. Hmm.

Quote, he had a rubber stamp made to print his own traffic tickets. He bought illuminated gold tape which he would use to letter state police on his car. He added to this a yellow star, a phony rear antenna. Well, here we go.

Oh, dear. A $4.49 cent red searchlight plugged into the cigarette lighter in the dashboard, and he dressed himself in a Sam Brown belt, a $1.98 sheriff's badge, 98 cent toy pistol, gray straw hat from the drugstore, workman's tan twill, blacks and shirt. Wow. So he's a highway patrolman. At night, he would drive west on Route 66, which is the main highway through New Mexico,

and he park off the road, put his gear in order, dress up his car with all the stuff we just talked about, make it look exactly like a sheriff's car. Did he have a siren? We had the... The spotlight, basically. Yeah. By the way, that's a hard thing to communicate, though. It is.

See, what is he doing? I think it's the Well, it's a red searchlight So maybe it is on top But he's just probably there like Woo! Oh, you know what? This is when you could probably put it on

This is the dashboard thing. Remember the dashboard sirens? No. So if there was like an undercover Like car, they had like a little siren that they would put on the dash. Not the think the...

They could put it on top too. That's the guy you're talking about. But it's like with your hand. Yeah, right. I always like the look of those. Yeah. So it's probably what he had. Okay.

Something like that. So at night he's driving through New Mexico. He parked off the road. He put his gear in order, dress up the car. And it looks like a sheriff's car. And then he'd suit himself up as a highway patrolman, and he's ready. He's ready for a night's work. He targeted cars that had out-of-state plates and would put on a fake Southern accent.

All righty, partner. Yeah, yeah, damn. Let's see a license. You need a day wine pon, you out there? I have no idea with that. And where are y'all from? Where are you out from? Absolutely none of this is what you're supposed to be.

Where are you from? Well, where are you from? Right here in this place. Now, where did you go from? Mexico? Yeah, that's right. That's not, what's the accent you're doing? Y'all, or you're out of here from it?

Y'all, where, y'all got a pipe? What do you? You're from the East? Where are you from? Your big city folk, you're coming to my little town and to thank you yourself. I'm about, I'm about to get a beer, but I'm on... Where are you from, exactly?

Man, you was scooting faster than a raccoon with nail diarrhea. So which state are you from? Right here, right here. In Mexico. Well, I don't see an old Mexico ran here. Okay. Man, you were flying fast. Okay.

Why'd they going so fast? I don't know. Here, $20. Okay. All right, bye. Well, hold on. Can you tell me where state you're from? I'm from here in the state.

I'm here from New Mexico. The accent is... I'm from a New Mexico. The accent is not New Mexican. He's gone real quick. What? You just going real quick. He's another 20.

You're going faster than a rat looking for a cheese trail near the... Where the fuck are you from? Here. Okay. Yeah. You skin faster than an astronaut with a moon boot. What the fuck? Yeah, it's pretty crazy, y'all, dude.

That's not very fast. You're going about to 70. Bad. So, um... Why would he do a southern accent? He didn't know what New Mexico said. I don't know why he did a southern accent. Okay.

So he offered the driver as a choice. A court date or a one-time $20 feet. Now, that actually is what they did in Montana for a long time. Montana was a kick-ass for a while. You would just pay the cop right there. Let's go. Yeah. I mean, it's not great, obviously, but the, and the bullshit.

So everybody pays. They just hand him cash. Yep. He worked from midnight to 3 a.m. He was pulling in over 10 to 15,000 bucks a week in today's money. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Yeah.

Oh, what a grift. Yeah. Y'all are going by big, big, big, you got a going, y'all's going, yeah, I'll shoot. more fight tied than a sick boy went into the chili competition. He was selective about the cars he pulled over and never picking on a working class family in a second-rate car or a black guy or person or lady.

But then it started to crumble. When a doctor he pulled over got popped just a half hour later by a real New Mexico patrolman and when the guy protested that he'd just been stopped, the real cop was shocked because he was the only cop on that stretch of the highway. You'd know this guy. He had a very strange southern accent. What it sounded like? Well, he just kept, so he was talking about, first of all, I wasn't speeding, I didn't think.

But when he pulled me over, he said something to the effect, um, y'all, y'all was sprinting faster than a, uh, last place dog at a greyhound event. Okay. I mean, I think I've heard enough. So, I don't really want to hear anymore. So that talked to your partner? Yeah, no, I'll get right on that. Where's your accent, by the way?

It's right here. Like, none of your business. I'm from here. I don't have an accent. We don't have accents here. Y'all want to understand that? Like, when I... Well, the last guy had a very thick accent.

Okay, well... I didn't care. I cared. He was... Okay. So... I want to talk to your... No, I don't have one.

So, in the end of his... was reported in the newspaper and then Garrett sees that. But he doesn't stop. What the fuck? Go to a different state. He's making money. Go to a different state and do it. He's making real money.

Go to a different state. Go to a southern state. Of course not. It makes it more exciting also. Like you're like, yeah, this is fucking, he's living on the edge, Garrett. You know what living on the edge is? Dangerous.

Scary. Not a good idea. So he keeps doing it for another month. Playing cat masks with the troopers until finally, he woke up one night with a flashlight in his face and a battalion of cops surrounding the car. The arresting officer gleefully beat the living shit out of him. Of course they did. Yeah.

Yeah, you're going to get beaten up if you do that. And then they threw him in jail. He got six months. No, I don't, I'm not at jail. Have you guys done the background thing? If you put me, put me through those bars and see what happens. You're going to make a lot of doctors look bad if you do. this.

So after six months, Garrett headed back to Houston, where he passed enough bad checks to accumulate the equivalent of $150,000 in 2025 money. Nice. Then again, for basically no discernible reason, he bought a bunch of guns and put them in a car. Good.

And took off, this time to Montreal. Oh, good. Good. Head to for the border. But he was almost immediately caught speeding and had his arsenal rated, so he ends up in a Canadian prison. But they're way better.

So go when you want, come back when you're done. Right? We trust you know. Again, he didn't let the conditions jail. So he chose to go to the mental hospital way. I don't think that's how that works. No, I'm crazy. Well, all right.

Have a good day. I don't like hockey. Where did I sell nine goal? He took off. He was, uh, he didn't. He's saying he didn't like hockey? So we were like, this guy's nuts.

So he left. The problem was he didn't want to slash his wrists again, so instead he shaved off the handle of a spoon and swallowed it whole. And I got him into the... So yeah, we're...

Now that you saw your poop, you can go. He shaved off the handle of a spoon and ate it. Yeah, and then they're like, well, this guy's out of his tree. It works. That sure does.

It turned out to be a great idea, because there he met a gorgeous nurse and they fell in love. Wow, that is... Once he was released, he was deported back. So, you know the guy who ate the spoon? Yeah. I know, right? He's so cute. Very cute.

Plus, if you can sit a spoon in your mouth, like... Oh, yeah. All the way down your throat? Oh, yeah. There's a lot of advantages to that. It's fair. A lot of advantages. I can't think of one downside to that.

No, I can't either. He could probably eat my whole... Yeah. What are the other advantage? of that of the... Well, you're the one who said that you really liked it, so why don't you walk me through it? Well, I could put a live snake down. Yeah, all right.

I'm going to go to the other side of the room. Okay, I'm going to walk with you. Good. That's what I was initiating. Can I call you Spoon? Yes, all right. Go back to the other side. So they released him that deport him back to the U.S.,

but he can't stand. Dan being away from his new love, the nurse. There was only one way he knew for sure to get back across the Canadian border. Stolen Valor. Oh. He bought an army uniform, complete with medals, put it on, and marched to his beloved, and it worked. So he just went to the border? Just put on a Canadian...

Hello, I'm Sergeant McRield. I'm a Mountie. Oh, so he pretended he was a Canadian. And hero. Okay. Yeah. And it works. They get married. She knew his criminal past, but didn't care because she loved him and knew that he had a good heart in there.

I'm going to... Very good heart. I'm going to... So they head... I'm flagging it. So then now they head to Houston, the two of them. Jesus Christ. So there's only one problem.

Her father finds out, and he sent the Mounties after Garrett, who tipped off the Houston. the Houston cops, which led to the worst case scenario. And Garrett ended up in a horror show that is a Texas prison. So it didn't work out. The Texas prison in particular, just absolute hell. Especially the captain there who was totally a monster. So Garrett has to figure out how to get out. So he fakes insanity, making people believe that he thought he was a Pentagon

on operator. But, man, it, can you imagine a time when, like, the prison system actually had some level of empathy towards your mental status? Yeah. Now they're like, shut the fuck up.

But these are guys, these guys like this are why it's, that's not, that's one of the reasons. Well, also, there's a lot of other reasons, but also they were just like, people leaving hurts the business.

But this doesn't help. No. Um, so, there's a big trial and the state pulls out all the stops and try to prove, you know, uh, his,

he's sane. But Garrett was able to expertly string along the court psychologists who proved to the jury that he was indeed insane. At the end of the trial, he in a moment of like carefully disguised clarity, listed a detailed account of the captain's abuses, murders of inmates that have been covered up, and other heinous crimes, and the captain got fired.

Wow. So Garrett gets transferred to a mental hospital, but this one's not good. So this, it's Texas. This one's like right out of the one flu of the cuckus nest. It's not a fun place to be. And like his former prison captain, his real life nurse Ratchet had also just covered up a murder.

Christ. So in the institution, he met a very large, o'fish guy named George Padilla. Okay. Yeah, like chief. Even though George was bigger than everyone, he was constantly getting bullied and never fought back. So Garrett

hated to see this like the innocent boob guy get pushed around. So he stepped in and stopped anyone from fucking with him. And he taught him all the tricks that he used to trick shrinks into thinking he was crazy. And he also

taught George how to stand up for himself because Garrett wasn't always going to be there, right? And Garrett felt he had no choice, and he makes his escape, which was basically a three, a climb down a three-story drop and then landing on a tree. But it didn't work. What do you mean? I don't know why.

It sounds like, yeah. It sounds like a great plan. Yeah, it does to me. Yeah. Well, because you're falling. Yeah, well, it's all you're out. Yeah. All right.

That's right. Yeah, but then you're laying on the ground going, ah! Yeah. Okay. So it ends up in another mental institution where he took him away from that one? Put him into another one, yeah. Well, legally you can't come back in.

Where he bribes a janitor to make him a key. He also lets out 16 other inmates, then picked up $25,000 in fake checks, bought a nice suit, rented a T-bird, Rove to Los Angeles. What about the woman? The nurse. That was in love of his life.

She's out. They come and they go, buddy. That is the end of part one. Part two gets crazy. I seriously forgot this was two. Holy shit. What's the name? Garrett Trappinal.

Garrett Trappinal. Yeah. Research by Josh And Drowsky. Sources, the main one. The Fox is Crazy to. true story of Garrett Trappinal, Adventure, skyjacker, oops, bank robber, a con man lover by Elliot Asanoff,

Fort Lauderdale News, New York Times, Associated Press. Wow. Wow. Everybody loses. Not Garrett. Hey, what's up, Dollheads? This is Gareth Reynolds from the Dollop, the podcast you're listening to. Hey, I've got some very exciting information. If you like movies and you're in the San Jose area,

I made a movie. It's called Give It Up, and it will be at the CineQuest Film Festival. You can go to Give It Up Film.com for tickets and information. It'll be March 15th is the main screening. So go to Give ItUpfilm.com. Also, if you like stand-up comedy, February 4th, I'll be in Spokane, February 5th, Bend, Oregon. Then I'll be in Portland, February 6th, and February 7th. Three shows that night. Then I'll be at Flappers and Burbank, February 21st, Bakersfield, February 27th for two shows. I will be in Albuquerque, New Mexico, April 19th, Tulsa, Oklahoma, April 21st, Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City, April 22nd, Dallas, Texas, April 23rd, Tyler, Texas,

April 24th, finally. Houston, April 25th, two shows, Austin at the Great Cap City, April 26th, and then San Antonio, April 28th, and Tucson, April 29th. Gareth Reynolds.com for tickets and information, but also if you want to go see my movie and you're in the San Jose area, give itupfilm.com.