The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 731 - Vern Miller - Live
Episode Date: April 28, 2026Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Kansas lawman Vern MillerSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHHIMSQUO - Try for free plus 20% off first six monthsSee Privacy Policy at https...://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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You're listening to the Dallop.
I think I'm still going to sit like this, though.
Like a Murman?
This is an American History podcast, or each week...
I feel like I'm Drew Barrymore on the Tonight Show.
Like as a six-year-old, like, well, I don't know.
I guess they told me E.T. was fake.
Each week, I read a story from American history to Guy.
Gareth Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about.
Okay.
All right, so I took some liberties because I've always wanted to do this subject and part of Kansas cities in Kansas.
So that's why this is about to happen.
December 22nd, 1928.
Vern Miller was born in a house his father built near Bogtown, one of the poorest parts.
of Wichita, Kansas.
You're telling me
Swampsville was shitty?
Young Vern
was best friends with Tony,
the family's borough.
And he would practice
standing on top of Tony's back
as Tony walked.
Oh my God, yes.
Yes.
The streets were...
Who taught him how to ride?
You got it, boy. There you go.
He's an idiot. That's good. Water ski the donkey.
There you go.
He's a dare-dive.
The streets weren't paved and people could only afford anything other than necessities.
That didn't come out right, but you know what I mean.
All they could afford was necessities.
They could only afford anything else, just necessities.
Wow.
So you're telling me we're about to head into our borough era?
We're about to head into 2026.
Yeah.
The year of the borough.
It was a tough neighborhood, quote,
us kids often fought for fun and bragging rights in our neighborhood.
Right, yeah.
We played a lot of rough football without pads or helmets,
and many of the kids from around there
belonged to a real tough bunch called Hoover's Orchard Gang.
Sure, cool.
The Apple Fighters.
I considered it an honor that they frequently reached outside their own ranks
to ask me to represent them in the Friday night bare-knuckle fist fights.
Wait, who's saying this?
This guy, he's a little bit older now.
Not him. He's older now.
Oh, how old is he now?
picturing like an eight-year-old, like, shut up, bitch!
Knock your fucking block off!
He's about, he's about 11 or 12.
No.
Yeah.
Really?
And he's bare-knuckle fighting?
Yeah, didn't that what you did?
No, we smoked cigarettes, man.
The cops left us alone to put knots on each other's heads and chip each other's teeth.
That's how it should be.
Let us figure it out.
Sometimes when business was slow for them, the cops even joined the crowd.
to watch and cheer. Beat the shit out of him.
I fucking hate kids. Kill him!
Let's go!
That is so...
Fight the donkey!
He's saying that like... He's saying it like
it's surprising. Like, of course they did.
Yeah.
Verne was smart for a brawler.
He was valedictorian
of his eighth grade class.
What? Is that because they didn't go
further back then? Validatorian
for the eighth grade class.
Wow, what a bright future. I see a
this room.
It's really not.
It's not.
Eighth grade valedictorian.
No, they did that.
They had that at my kids' eighth grade.
That's very stupid.
That's very stupid.
I mean, look, if you're a parent,
I'll listen to an eighth grader's speech,
but, like, as a person, I'd be like,
this, fuck, you, I'm going to listen to this fucker?
Yeah.
Tell me how to live?
Huh?
Come on.
I've done coke off a toilet.
Tell me how to live?
I think I was the only...
Now, if he was on a...
donkey when he gave the speech. I'd be like, let's shut up. Our God is speaking.
I think I was the only parent who booed the valedictorian.
Booh.
What the fuck out of here with that shit.
Invalidictorian. Fuck this kid.
Can she play baseball?
Boom.
After high school, he joined the army to fight in Korea.
Sure. One of our great wars.
That's where he learned how to really box, and he developed a love for
motorcycles.
Yeah, he probably stood on it like the donkey.
He was like, let's go.
But then he got rheumatic fever and was discharged just before North Korea invaded.
Oh.
Great timing.
The fever almost killed him, but he survived.
He came home, he got married, started looking for work.
It's the right order, always to do this.
Get married, then figure out your life.
It's how to...
Hey, I'm unemployed.
Boy, do you want to get hitched?
Okay.
He saw an ad for motorcycle riders to apply to the local sheriff's department.
Motorcycle riders for the sheriffs?
Yeah.
Okay.
And he was an avid biker who liked punching people, so it sounded like the perfect job.
Yeah, and I'll tell you what, it was.
Absolutely was.
So he goes down to the courthouse, and he is outside, and he bumps into a guy named Captain Jack
Tucker, who was the patrol captain.
And he was like, well,
show off your skills.
We got a new Harleys here the department has.
Ride that bike and kill that guy.
See what you can do.
And he flew around.
I'm afraid you didn't say enough slurs.
Other than that, you pretty much ace this thing.
Come back in a couple years when you get super racist.
He flew around the building really fast,
leaning into every turn with precision,
and Captain Jack hired him on the spot.
No background check.
Shocker.
Where was he writing?
Just around the street.
Okay.
Yeah.
Kim Dick's a good.
All right.
Cool.
Seems like a low threshold for hiring.
Well, I was thinking he probably couldn't see it all.
He probably like came back from around the block and he was like, how to go?
He's like, real good.
He's like, welcome aboard.
So right there, that day, he got a badge.
Wow.
He borrowed a gun.
Borrowed.
Here you go.
Hey, I'm going to be a cop now.
Can I get a?
Absolutely.
You swear to God you're a cop?
Yeah.
There you go.
Awesome.
Welcome aboard.
If you don't believe in my cop, I'll ride my motorcycle.
Yeah, I don't know.
You haven't said a slur this whole time.
You swear to God, you're a cop?
Don't say a slur, though, because that's not how this should go.
Take the gun.
Get out of here.
Don't close your mouth.
Leave.
I don't like...
Nope.
Go.
Careful.
Lymies.
That's fine.
What a cool little thing to say.
So he just had to buy his uniform, and he did,
and at the end of the day, he was an official deputy.
So he's a deputy after like a few hours?
Yeah.
Cool.
What year is this?
Like six?
No, not even.
We're talking like, like the 40s.
1940s?
The 40s, yeah.
Oh, no, it's after Korea, so it's the 50s.
50s.
60s, I got laughed at.
Did you hear that?
Yeah.
10 years off.
Shut up.
Yes.
More stupid.
So he started as a traffic cop.
He was out in intersections, just directing traffic.
Boeing had just moved to town.
Who had?
Boeing, the airplane company,
who are great.
They're a really good company.
They don't kill whistleblowers.
Why did you ask that?
They don't do that.
No.
It's just.
the stress gets to a lot of the people who have the secrets right before they're going to tell people about it.
Consumes them.
And what's so weird is how a lot of times the last thing those people say to loved ones is,
I'm not going to take my own life.
If I do, Boeing killed me.
And then they just succumb to the pressure.
We're in it a million times.
We're lucky to have a company like that.
We really are.
Yeah.
They provide jobs.
Yeah, absolutely.
Boeing, one wing at a time.
Very...
Boeing.
Is it going to take off?
Boeing.
There's going to be a feed of land.
Boeing.
Why didn't you say wheels were important to you?
That was what was funny about when Trump got the planes for Christenholm,
and he was like, they were like, these planes are from the 1980s.
It was like, you motherfucker, we're flying on planes from like 63.
I know.
We're flying on planes he flew on.
Yes.
The only thing they've made, the only change they've made is getting rid of the
the armrests that had ashtrays in them.
But even then, for like ever they were like,
we just welded them.
Isn't you worth a trillion dollars?
Don't worry.
We still put the no smoking sign on, though.
So Boeing had just come to town,
and so now they brought it a bunch of employees.
There's more people in Wichita than the roads can hold.
So three times a day, he's directing employees
during shift changes.
That's his job.
So what's the deal with traffic lights?
They're not...
Well, there are, but there's too many people.
The roads can't handle all the...
Okay.
Once cars were backed up
at an intersection
for a very long distance,
and a motorcycle flew down the middle
of the lane where he was stopped
by Vern's partner,
and then the biker was like...
The falcon?
Yes.
And the biker was like, fuck it,
and he hit his engine,
popped the clutch, and just took off.
but just before he could,
Vern jumped on the motorcycle behind the guy
like he's a backpack.
Let's get out of here.
Show me Hollywood.
What?
You do a lot of core stuff.
And he pulled the guy off the bike
and then they got into a fist fight
and they punched each other for several minutes
before the partner finally stopped it.
What?
So he ripped a guy off the bike and then beat the shit out.
The partner just was like, well, let him have that for a while.
Imagine sitting there.
I'd be like, if people would be like honky, I'd be like, I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not going anywhere.
What?
Let's go.
One of Vern's buddies complained to him that his license plate had been taken.
And it was probably put on a stolen car.
So he was like, do something about it.
So for months, his buddy was like giving Vern shit, mocking him and the other cops for not being able to
find his license plate. By the way, I'd be like, yeah, dude, we're doing other shit. It's hard.
It's a hard thing to locate. Well, Vern burned that plate number into his mind.
And he can still recall it 60 years later, so he knew the fucking number. And one day, he sees it.
So he... What? What? Who? Okay.
It's another guy in Wichit. It's like his neighbor in Wichita, like, ha, ha.
So he hits the lights on the car.
or on his motorcycle, he hits the lights.
Okay.
The car takes off.
Oh, shit.
Burn chases.
Now they're going 80 miles an hour down surface street.
It's not, this is what I don't understand.
Let it go.
Got to get that guy.
Yeah, he said, fuck it.
Got to get that guy.
My neighbor made fun of me.
He finally manages to corner the car and he jumps off his bike and he sprints over and knocks out the driver with
one punch.
Then he's like, oh, I thought that was a cue.
And that's like big news because it's like
dirty hairy shit. Like it's like,
you know, fun. Sure, it is fun.
It is fun. It's fun. It's a good precedent.
So he's getting pressed, right?
Sure. People are knowing who he is.
Because he's a psycho. He's a psycho.
So he takes a bouncer job
to make a little bit of extra cash.
And he gets
hired at an all-black nightclub
because he has a brawler
reputation. What?
Why?
It's just,
what's our deal?
We just, they're like,
no, that's a good match.
Throw it.
But then all these customers started coming
because they wanted to see
if they could beat up the country white boy.
I don't know where I'm landing, but okay.
That's pretty great.
Show up to beat the shit out of the bouncer.
Who are you here to see?
I want to beat the fuck out of that guy with the big head.
Are you here to,
dance, no, I'm going to fuck that guy up.
I'm going to dump dance with that guy in the streets.
Fuck that guy.
Vernway usually weighed about 40 to 50 pounds less.
But at this point, he was beating up so many guys that people started calling him the
public champ.
The public champ?
Like boxing champ, like the public champ.
He's a cop.
I know.
An old timer who frequented the club said, quote, he was like an oversized jack terrier on steroids.
Wow.
Yep.
He once lifted a guy
230 pounds off his feet
by his front teeth.
That's not.
No.
I don't think he did that.
No.
He's making a point.
So this guy, that guy who got quoted,
was like, uh-huh.
Have you got any good quotes?
I got one.
He one time lifted a 400-pound guy
up by his belly button
and spun him like a beach ball.
Did he really?
Uh-huh.
Then the guy propelled into the sky, he did.
You swear to God, oh yeah.
Then he flew up in the sky and he knocked down a Boeing.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, he shot him right up there.
But then the fella landed.
Oh, yeah.
Well, Vern wasn't done with him.
Okay.
Yeah, no.
He grabbed him by his penis.
I was going to record this, but now I'm not.
He grabbed him by his penis and then he sort of bounced him up and down on his hand like a paddle game.
and this guy was just freaking out
and he'd gained 100 pounds by then.
I guess he'd eaten stuff up in the air.
And then his penis ripped off.
So Vern threw it into the sun.
I don't actually need it.
And then that guy grew another penis.
I don't need a quote.
And then he took that penis
and he lassoed him around.
I don't need it.
And then he threw him into a boyhood enemy.
I don't.
And then they combined into one monstrous freak beast.
And then they came for Vern and they wanted blood.
It was at that point that Vern saw a sword and a stone.
A stone that had a sword, it was called,
and nobody could pull the sword out of there.
But then old Vern walked over.
And he couldn't get the sword out, but he picked the rock up, he did.
And he threw it into the monster, who now bled blue.
and the blue
and it filled the weird canal
that was empty in the streets of this town
and that's how we got the blue
and we thought the day was over
but it was just getting
warmed up
yeah I took a nap
where are we
well I don't remember but I'll go from the beginning
it wasn't very good
at politics
he got into a quote
Donnybrook
A what?
A Donnybrook
Okay
I think that's a fist of cuff
thing
One psycho
With
I know what a Donnybrook is
I'll show you
With a candidate for sheriff
And he broke the other guy's nose
Okay
So Vern felt bad
And drove him to the hospital
Interesting, awkward ride
Sorry about that
But the guy
Still fired Vern when he won
and became sheriff.
Okay.
What a turn.
Yeah.
So, still wanting to be a cop,
Vern ran for County Marshall.
He sometimes campaigned
in his friend's new Chevy,
which was decked out
with Vern for Marshall signs
all over it.
Oh, that worked out well.
Yeah.
You know what?
I actually bought
a Vern for Marshall car recently.
What?
So one day they were out
out in it campaigning,
and at a light, another car started revving its engine,
so of course, Vern had to race.
Yep.
And then the racing turned into yelling,
which turned into them stopping,
and Vern broke the other guy's nose.
And then ran away.
He ran off?
Yeah.
He just, like, ran to the hills?
The hell is he?
So he's just breaking a lot of noses.
But he's a cop, and he wants...
He's not a cop now, and he's running to be...
He wants to be the marshal, though.
Yeah.
Right.
Okay.
And he won the election.
Sure, why not?
It's pretty cool.
This is before.
So before TikTok.
Then he began going behind the sheriff's back to prosecute crimes that the sheriff didn't care about.
So it's the stuff the sheriff's letting go.
He's like, whatever, that's fine.
So he's prosecuting.
He's arresting.
He's arresting people.
Okay.
So it's illegal to serve drinks outside of social clubs in Kansas at that time.
I'm glad we got rid of that law.
So Vern began massive liquor raids like.
Prohibition was still happening.
You know they took all that home.
I mean, come on.
Who gives a shit?
What a weird gripe.
This country's like weird liquor life.
It's just like, look, you're not going to stop it.
No.
Here they're like, we busted up some teenagers.
Awesome.
It's 30 years after Prohibition now, and he's doing this.
So this really upsets the sheriff, and it really upsets the local Democratic Party.
But Verne doesn't care.
he has a black and white view of the law
and he's going to enforce it.
If the law's there, it's going to fucking kick indoors.
Yeah, but he's the same guy
who's just breaking people's noses.
I think that's legal.
Does that not feel a little incongruent?
I think that's legal.
Okay, I feel like, that's not.
All right.
Show me the statute.
We never built a statue about it.
No.
I don't know what to tell you.
It would be a hard thing to convey
through stones.
Maybe we'll try.
We'll figure it out.
Well, we finally built that statue.
Super confusing, actually.
What's it of?
It's supposed to be how you can't break a fella's nose.
But he did.
It melted.
The guy charged us 50 grand and it was just frosting.
I swear if I find him, I'm gonna fucking beat the shit out of that guy.
So he cleared almost every backlogged case from traffic tickets to murder and mayhem,
and he loaned himself, so they've cleared all the cases,
so he starts loaning himself and his men out to go undercover.
But he's, but without the permission of the sheriff at the...
Right, so he's letting himself out to the police force to go undercover.
Which is, but the sheriff is the sheriff of the...
Count the county.
Right.
So he's, without the sheriff knowing,
he's loaning himself at us an undercover cop.
But he's not working for the sheriff.
He's a marshal.
Right.
But when he's doing that, he kind of is working for the sheriff.
No, Marshall's different than the sheriff.
No, but who's he loaning himself out to do undercover work?
The police.
Those of us who love law enforcement understand all the delineations.
Okay, whatever.
And then ICE.
It goes, sheriff, you guys.
Marshall, cop, guy who's taking his divorce out on people who are brown.
Guy with zero experience who's been mad on Twitter for six years and unemployed.
Yeah.
Guy who masturbates to first person shooters.
So they...
The guy who's like, where's a sexual assault button on the Grand Theft Auto Controler?
So right, so he starts hiring him and his men out to go undercover, make a little extra cash, help the police force.
And then Vern finds the pot dealer in all of Kansas.
The, uh, leave this guy alone.
The big pot dealer.
The guy is like, hey man, you swear to God you need that?
It's, you don't have like the haircut of someone who smokes, though, man.
No, I love reefer.
I get boogie with it all the live long day.
Um, okay.
So, he traces the guy's grow operation to a field.
Hey.
What's up, man?
Which happens to be on the property of Fort Leavenworth.
And then he makes the bust.
Good Lord.
Look at all this marijuana.
Oh, mm.
It's 100% weed.
That's the wacky tobacco.
That's the wacky tobacco.
That's the wacky.
You okay?
Vern, you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
No, you're not.
Why are you lying to these guys?
Chill out, Vern.
Compose yourself.
Everybody knows.
Nobody knows.
Shut the fuck up.
These guys had the weed, the pot, maybe.
That sounded weird.
Why did it feel like you were talking through a tube?
Call them yourself.
And?
Huh?
And?
And who?
These guys had the pot, you said.
Yeah, they're absolutely, have the pot.
Oh.
Is it crazy to take our shirts?
Is it crazy to take our shirts off?
Yes.
Yeah.
That's what I was going to say.
Maybe we should just leave this guy alone.
Ask him.
Maybe we should just leave this guy alone.
Which guy?
The guy who had all the pot.
I mean, it's literally, we would spend like a three-week operation to catch him.
Why'd you say, man?
Chill.
Let's get tacos.
Okay.
I'm going to climb that tree for a little bit.
Yeah.
Just get up there.
Watch out. There's clowns up there.
That's fine.
Okay, you didn't go anywhere.
You just made a bird noise.
How do we know it's even pot?
So this was front page news because it's on an army base.
And now the army is fucking pissed.
I tell you who else is pissed.
Some of those cadets who are like, wait, what?
Fuck!
I mean, good.
Glad we got him.
Can we see the area that it was supposedly in?
We've never been over that way before.
You guys need us to cut those down?
Let us go over there, cut them down, and we will burn the shit out of them.
Slowly!
A slow burn operation.
Over a couple of years.
Over a few years, we'll take care of that.
Really, really controlled burns.
Tiny burns.
Tiny controlled burns.
Put each one into a flammable stick form.
And we'll get rid of most of the smoke, too.
Yeah.
Some of them will cut a milk half gallon and half, and we'll fill up a tub.
We'll put it in the bathtub.
And then we'll burn some of it and push it down under the water.
Putting gravity into action.
Do you understand?
Or just leave us with a Diet Coke can.
My buddy can do it with an apple.
Yeah.
Honestly, all I need is a stove in two-knife.
lives.
We will figure this out, okay?
So the army is pissed because Vern did not give them a heads up before the raid.
Vern?
Like a koala.
He's just in the tree, Vern.
I have chlamydia now.
He's just pissing.
That would be great if every time a koala pissed it just screamed.
Well, they've got chlamydia pretty bad.
Ha!
And then they sleep for another 19 hours.
Oh!
So a colonel calls to scream at Vern,
but Vern just said,
tough and hung up.
I get it.
I feel like you like him a little bit.
Well, I did, but...
Okay.
I won't.
Okay.
There were more drug and liquor bus
in Vern's first year as Marci.
than the previous 10 years combined.
Yeah, because he's a psycho.
So he has a signature tactic.
He has a way of doing things.
So his predecessors rarely went in the field,
but he's always out in the field.
He's always leading the raids.
And he's really into the art of surprise.
So he would hide in the trunk
of an undercover cop's car,
and then right at the moment,
he would leap out and shout,
You're under arrest.
So fucking stupid.
Like a cop in a box.
By the way, your under arrest is such a dumb one.
You could do a way better one.
Like?
Hey.
What about?
No, all right, I'll give you some.
Yeah.
I don't think so.
Okay.
Or not so fast.
Bet you didn't count on this.
No.
You booze, you lose.
I still think you're under arrest
is the best one.
I'm a virgin.
For sure.
I'm for sure a virgin.
Okay, that's weird.
I was jacking off in there.
What the fuck?
Now you're under arrest.
Wait.
It's saying.
I could pitch catch phrases all day for him.
What about?
I've got chlamydia.
I don't love it.
I like it.
I like it a lot.
Well, his surprise always worked.
Criminals never expected a gun-wielding man to jump out of a trunk.
Even after everyone knew that it was his thing, it still worked.
Did they know that, like, the cops show up, but they're not in cop cars, obviously.
They're all undercover.
Regular cars, yeah.
Regular cars.
Okay, so they were just like out there like, and what were they're just serving booze out in public?
No, it's, well, they're like serving like speak-isies.
I think it's drugs, usually.
Oh, drugs.
Oh, okay.
All right.
So he did this for years.
The Lawrence Daily Journal, quote, Miller had hidden in the trunk of an undercover agent's car in order to make an arrest.
After hearing a radio-
It's so dumb to have a catch move.
It is.
Yeah.
After hearing a radio signal from Miller, other officers had rushed to the scene.
to find him holding the suspect at gunpoint.
Miller then re-entered the car trunk,
and the agents drove to a second location.
That is a pathetic move.
That is insane.
That's like a magician going back into the trick.
All right, now if you'll excuse me, let's go back in.
Put the swords in again.
Do the swords again.
We're going to do it all one more time.
Next door.
Miller then re-entered the trunk
and took him to the second location.
and Miller remained in the trunk for more than a half an hour.
That is absolutely insane.
Until the suspect was found, and when the suspect fled,
Milo followed a hopper suit,
eventually tacking the suspect after a two-block chase.
There is no advantage to be, like, a half hour?
Imagine being in a truck for a half hour, he'd be like,
just like eating a tuna sandwich, like,
taking so long.
Hurry up.
Well, that surprises the fun part.
You get to see their face.
No, because they're like, wow, what a fucking moron.
Holy shit, this guy's an idiot.
So finally, Vern was elected.
You snooze, you lose.
That's a new pitch.
Finally, Vern was elected sheriff.
So he gets to pick the head of jails as sheriff.
The head of jails.
He chooses a friend.
And the only guy in Kansas history who was a pro wrestling
champion and professional boxer.
Oh, boy.
These two together.
The guy's like, I don't really want the job.
So Vern's like, come on, I'll take you a tour of the jails.
It'll be great.
We can beat the shit out of everyone.
I'm fucking nuts, dude.
And as they were walking through, an inmate pointed at him and said, quote,
hey, sheriff, who's the fat guy?
And the friend was pissed, so pissed that he took the job on the spot.
A few days later, Vern smiled when he learned his friend had
initiated a quote, no holds or punches barred brawl in the prison and come out the victor.
So he beat the shit.
He was fighting him?
Yeah, the guy.
I thought you meant he was like having the inmates fight.
He took the job so he could fight the inmates.
Which one do you call me fat?
Well, they all called you fat.
All right.
An inmate named Mack was waiting to be transferred for a 119 year prison sentence and he escaped jail.
He didn't just want to wait it out?
Vern was very pissed when I heard the guy escaped.
He heard that the escape he went to Omaha,
and he used detective work to trace him to a car dealership
where less than respected guys from Wichita recently had taken jobs.
Oh, he was probably like,
do you mind if I get in one of the trunk?
Why? I'm the sheriff of a different state.
So if I can get out in one of the trunks,
when he's trying to sell the car,
that could be an awesome thing.
and I'll pop, I sort of jacking the box out of there,
and then I say cool stuff when I pop out.
Like what?
You know, I pop out and I'm just sort of like,
hey, with three easy down payments, you're under arrest.
So the workers told Vern they had been forced at gunpoint to hide Mac.
So Vern cased the neighborhood.
Almost immediately, he found the guy walking down the street
while holding a bag of laundry.
Shit, where's it trunk?
He's like Superman with a phone booth.
I need a trunk.
A trunk of a car somewhere.
So Mac instantly recognized Vern and took off running.
So Vern sprinted after him, but Mac was too fast.
So Vern drew his gun and shot at him from behind.
Now, what the fuck?
What else are you going to do?
Let him go.
That idea of like...
That's fucking crazy.
This is such a threat.
He somehow managed only to graze Mac's lip.
What?
Mac was running backwards
and profile.
Well, he had to be turning sideways, right?
Yeah, of course.
This slowed Mac down enough
that Verne was able to pull him
off of a fence when he tried to jump it.
Vern Grinden yelled, quote,
Mack, you son of a bitch,
I love you, but you're coming home.
And then they had...
What?
I'm in fucking love with you, buddy.
You're my best goddamn friend,
but I'm furious.
I am so a lot.
I don't have a life.
I never even thought about building one.
I've just been fueled by hate.
God bless you.
I love you.
I want to kiss the blood off your mouth.
Ha ha.
Let's get into a trunk.
Then they had a 20-minute fist fight
until cops arrived.
And he had a gun?
Yeah, but he, you know,
at that point, the gun part's over.
That's a weird answer.
At that point, he shot him,
in the lip, then he put the gun down and had a 20-minute fight.
Yeah. And then the actual cop showed up. We're like, what are you? He's like,
I'm a sheriff.
Now, nowhere near here.
One day, two murders were on the run from Missouri.
Uh-oh.
Missouri?
They hopped on a bus that was going through Wichita.
Oh, I don't think you should ever do that for Missouri.
You've got to be honest.
Not great.
I've never been there.
Well, don't.
I do love Kansas, though.
But I also like Missouri.
I don't understand what's happening.
As far as I'm concerned, Kansas City is in neither one.
Yeah.
I don't think he meant that as a compliment.
Think you're lucky.
St. Louis is, you know, St. Louis tried.
They tried.
This feels like intro stuff.
Who's our rival?
Who's our rival?
Well, it's certainly not the NFL referees.
and...
How dare you?
How many of them got fired, though?
They only fired the three who kept making calls for them last year.
Got really quiet.
Before...
Before the bus could enter the city, Vern was there waiting.
And he and a deputy boarded and spotted a man...
Can I get into the baggage part of the bus?
Is there a trunk?
Can I talk to the...
Is there any way for me to go under there when these guys come out?
How do you open it?
I know it's a little bit more of a hydraulic.
I would just...
So I'm a sheriff, and I have a whole...
I'm sure you've heard of me.
I'm the trunk top.
And I pop out of stuff to arrest the guys.
I would love to be able to pop out of the little luggage zone under there.
I haven't heard of you.
Oh, well, you probably have.
I've known for a lot of stuff, but I am a big...
I'm the trunk cop.
I'm the...
If there's a drunk, let me out of the trunk.
What is that...
that's pretty good
you're literally just rhyming at this point
and it makes no sense
no I think that made a lot of sense
so anyway we don't have a lot of time
people are debussing
so I'd love to get under the
part of the bus and I'll get them
I have a gun it's loaded
and I'll just shoot them
I'll kill him I'll probably kill you
anyway let me end of that fucking thing
prick
come on
don't be a dickhead
please
Let me under there
Jesus fucking Christ, dude
I'm a passenger
Oh, sorry
You're wearing a hat
I didn't know what
Yeah, a lot of us have hats
Yeah, so is everyone
A driver?
I guess I'm a little
No, it's a bunch of milkmen
Oh
Okay
I'm filled with questions
But I don't have a lot of time
I really would love to get under the luggage part
Of the, yeah
I'm sure you could get in there somehow
You think that's okay?
No
Do you, okay, do you know where the driver is?
No.
I'm pretty sure those guys are gone.
Shit.
I still should go under there, though.
I like little spaces.
My best friend was a donkey.
Sure.
I was a boy.
Well, I feel like I've heard enough.
He had a dog friend.
Thank you.
Thank you for talking.
We're done.
What are you guys doing for, where are you guys going?
I have a suitcase.
Do you want to get in my suitcase?
I'd love to try.
Bye.
So he had a deputy boarded, and they spotted a man grabbing something under his coat.
So Vern walked over and asked him for ID, and the man whipped out a cocked 45.
In that moment, on a crowded bus, Vern and his deputy started a shootout.
Wow.
And the deputy shot the man killing him.
Vern had his gun trained on the other suspect, stopping him from pulling out a
shotgun, and the partner thought Vern had been shot, but was relieved when Vern pointed at the
dead guy and yelled, quote, boy, I sure hope this is the right son of a bitch.
Now, that's a pretty good catchphrase for a cop.
That feels applicable to most situations.
Hey, ICE, it's up for grabs.
Has this, is this a, how much policing is like this at the time? I feel like, I feel like,
They used to be like, get over here.
Yeah, I don't think.
How dare you?
But Burns, like, shooting people.
Yeah, no, I don't think.
I think this is a little bit rare.
I mean...
So he's like inventing this new type of policing,
which will be very catchy and easy to replicate.
He's definitely, uh, eager.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He doesn't mind shooting around people to take out the bad guy.
Yeah.
Right.
And again, they were on a bus.
They were on a bus.
Right.
Right.
But milkmen.
So who cares.
Right.
Now, I think that, I don't believe that part is historically...
It is now.
Okay, wow.
Crazy.
Siri wants to ask me something again.
Siri, go away.
Okay.
Fucking asshole.
All right.
Did someone else is Siri just go off?
Yeah.
Someone else is here.
He was like, fuck you, Dave.
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I don't care for that.
Gareth, if you have a team, right?
So you've got a team and it's operating like a group chat with a lot of issues,
a lot of commitment problems.
That's not going to work for your business.
Nothing kills momentum.
Nothing kills momentum faster.
Garrickor just went through one of these.
Yeah, Garcourt had a real problem with this.
And you lose an opportunity to slip through the cracks because everyone thought someone
else was doing it, which exactly what I would have with Garecourt. You guys had thousands of
cats laying around.
Clark, everyone thought Clark was on it. And no one was moving the cats.
No, but he was moving the cats. Yeah, cats are just sitting around. So eventually, you look
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Oh, we're doing a whole bunch of stuff now.
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Oye, how am I being told legal.
All right.
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Sometimes Vern didn't have to look that hard for a fugitive,
like when a prisoner escaped and ran into a bar to kind of hide.
in with the crowd.
Sure.
But the bar happened to be holding
a private event for cowboys.
Oh my God.
Hell yeah.
I ride the boys who ride the bulls.
I'd like to hide in the baggage area of that, Bussie.
Hello?
Hey.
I think we're doing improv, so what do you ever do to...
Come on.
Get involved, weirdo.
All right.
You like to be the punk in your trunk.
Fuck me.
After a bit, the fugitive was found out, and the cowboys beat him up and left him laying in the street where a taxi ran over him.
What the fuck?
And then Vern popped out of the taxi's trunk.
Ha ha!
Oh, shit.
Taxi!
That's what I'll say when I pop out of the cab.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But the guy was still...
Yellow!
The guy was still alive.
Oh, no.
And somehow mobile, and he ran and hopped a fence to hide in a yard,
but there was a dog that started attacking him.
This guy really didn't know how to pick hideouts.
So then he got out of there, and he ran to a nearby factory.
That was making lava.
Vern accidentally found the guy on a gurney in the ER when he shouted,
quote, God, I'm glad to see you guys.
Who said that?
The guy who'd been attacked.
he doing. He's like, sweet God, cops. It's over.
You guys are my best friends.
One day one of Vern's boxing students got into trouble, and then he got put in Juvie
and escaped from Juvie. Juvi. Cool. So now we're really lowering our standards.
Well, he's trying to help this gig because he has like a boxing, whatever, club.
He's going to, like, shoot him and be like, what are you doing? Yeah. I love you.
I'm your mentor.
So Vern went looking for him in Leavenworth County,
and he's checking bars and dives,
and he keeps noticing that there are flagrant liquor and gambling violations.
It's going to be hard for him to bite his tongue on that one.
So he's incensed.
And a little bit later, he's giving official testimony to the state legislature,
and he uses that to air his grievances of all this shit he saw.
Leavenworth was, quote,
wide open with slot machines
and one-armed bandits all over the place.
What?
It's a slot machine.
Oh, I was like, what?
Just a bunch of guys are like, how are you?
Hello.
This is big news all over the state,
and the prosecuting attorney of Leavenworth County
is really pissed.
So he subpoenas Verne,
thinking that he'll get him under testimony,
and Vern would back off the story
and tell like a lesser version
of what he said.
Right.
And contradict his sworn testimony
in front of the state legislature.
So he's basically trying to entrap Vern into perjury.
You can't trap a dude who lives in a trunk.
True.
And Vern comes
and he brings an FBI agent
turned lawyer
when he shows up,
but the lawyer isn't, the prosecutor
won't allow the lawyer in.
He's not really a lawyer.
Come on.
So Vern refuses to go without him.
So then the prosecutor's like, tells two cops to arrest Vern for refusing to testify.
Okay.
So Vern's not about to go to jail for telling the truth.
And he resists the clearly unlawful arrest.
And he puts a hand on his pistol.
Jesus Christ.
And he shouts very angrily, quote,
If either you move, I'll kill you.
So it's cops.
But I'm very clear.
clear. It's a very clear order.
So the cops don't pull their guns, and Vern and his lawyer slowly back out.
The judge is like, what the fuck?
I'm in charge.
All right. Now we're going to walk out of this courtroom without testifying, you understand?
So then they start heading to their car, and as they are, a deputy's waiting for them and gives them another subpoena.
God damn it.
So now Vern's really pissed.
So instead
going back to Wichita,
they drive straight to the attorney general's office in Topeka.
So they tell this guy the story
and their plan for the next questioning
with the prosecutor, quote,
we'll be returning to honor their subpoena,
but we'll be bringing 30 armed deputies with us.
You fucking psychos.
So crazy.
Yes.
So after they've lived,
leave the office, they get on the turnpike, and an attendant who's like, I guess like a,
it must be like a toll booth type person.
A what?
It's an attendant, but it must be like a toll booth type of person.
How are you?
Hands them a radiogram.
And it basically says, this is canceled.
There's not going to be any questioning.
The toll booth guy hands him?
Yeah, so the fucking, the attorney general must have called ahead to the toll booth after he called
the bus.
He was like,
No, this is the toll booth.
What?
No, I take Nichols.
Huh?
A radio who?
To which one?
No, what?
I don't understand.
To who?
Okay.
There were probably like 30 cars before that where he's like,
you don't have to go to trial.
What?
You're free to go.
What are you talking about?
I don't know.
Have a radiogram.
Okay.
How are you, ma'am?
Is your radio,
You're Vern?
You don't have to go to court.
What?
I don't know.
The Attorney General...
Go ahead.
Here's your nickel.
I don't need it.
There's your radiogram, sir.
You and your family who are ready to go to the beach
don't have to go to the court.
What?
I don't know.
The Attorney General called a phone that I didn't even
existed at here.
Some fucking toll booth
in like 1968.
58.
So because of this
incident, the state
legislature created
a new law and named it after
Vern and the law
made it illegal to resist a
clearly and obviously
unlawful arrest.
Wait, what?
You heard that right.
That
is one of those moments
that's like, yeah,
that was a huge fuck up.
You can't resist
an unlawful arrest. Right.
Oh, fuck me.
You're under arrest. I didn't do anything,
but okay, let's go.
I plead my case.
Just hand him a radiogram. I'm allowed
to go.
Shit.
Someone said something?
Yeah, shut up.
Don't do that.
In 1971 during Vern's unprecedented third term as sheriff,
Governor Docking asked him to run for Attorney General because he was so popular
and would help the Dems up and down the ticket.
And Vern was on board, but his wife hated politics.
We haven't heard much about her.
Yeah.
She was probably like, I hate him.
Well, he decided to do the right thing for his family and get a divorce.
Holy shit!
So now that he's divorced, he could finally vote.
on campaigning. And in the middle of his first big campaign speech at the Kansas State
Vair, Vern got a call about a race right going on at a local high school. And he rushed over to
see a group of black and white teenagers. Whose side did he take? Duking it out. Vern jumped into
the fray with a couple others. You leave these beautiful white boys alone. He was toppiled.
He knew he only had one move he could do. Punch the children. Punch the children.
Honestly, kind of a dream.
Kind of a dream to just go into a high school fight
and you're like a grown-ass man
and just grown-ass man punch.
As you're going through a divorce,
they can't get that velocity on their punches that he has.
This is the most divorced guy moment ever.
Just like she hears about it,
she's like, boy, did I make the right move.
Did you hear what happened to Vern?
Let me guess he jumped out of it.
He went to a high school
and beat the shit out of 12 high school
What?
You want more, mother-
What are you, 14?
What are you, 12 years old?
I'm 50 fucking 8.
Bam!
Let's go.
He used his legs to power himself.
Are you games, kid?
Yes.
Ha!
Your dad's a very good man.
That is a very good friend of mine.
Why are you punching me?
I didn't know you were a divorce.
Divorce to be the...
I'm the Attorney General.
I should point that I'm the Attorney General.
I should point that out.
I'm running to be the Attorney General.
And I got divorced because of it.
You guys have any...
What's that?
I like to get wet.
What is that?
I like to get wet.
You like to get wet?
Wet.
Wet.
I like to get wet.
I want to get wet.
No, I get it.
I don't know what you mean.
No.
You don't?
What does that mean?
I like to fucking party a little bit.
You guys seem pretty cool.
I'm sorry, I beat the fuck.
of you all.
My best friend was a donkey.
Oh my God.
Peaches?
You guys seen the donkey in the sun too?
Or am I just going through a divorce?
And just fought a bunch of high schools.
How are you?
I know, but I've never been able to figure out
what my purpose really is.
No, I haven't searched as much as I should have, I guess
Because I got so busy getting caught up in the law
I know, I should have respected it
But he was on a bus
That's pretty good
You smell drunk, that's why I'm in the trunk
That's a pretty good pitch
Yeah
When will I see you again?
son donkey.
Sorry, I talked over you. Go ahead.
Well, I look forward to that day.
You kids see that donkey?
He used his legs to power himself up
through the mass of bodies
and pounded whatever faces came at him
while taking a beating himself.
The braw lasted...
Likewise, how great is it to punch the Attorney General?
So he's not the internal.
He's running.
The sheriff.
How great is it to punch the sheriff?
Oh, the best.
Just be like, we are within our rights to fight the sheriff right now.
Yeah.
The brawl lasted an hour.
Vern.
Was there nobody else?
Were they fighting in like a canyon?
Vern fighting mostly black kids, fists and blood and teeth flying.
Finally other cops arrived and broke it up.
They're like, Vern, Vern.
Vern, Vern.
I'll tell you what.
I love high school.
I forgot.
Did I tell you, Carol and I split up?
Vern had a ripped a bloody suit and a big black eye,
and then he went straight back to the state fair.
Can I get a turkey leg?
He's just like throwing softballs into milk jugs?
Come on.
Papers gave him a new campaign a motto.
True grit.
So fucking dumb.
I folded the corner on this one.
I beat up a bunch of teenagers.
Yeah, and they're like, true grit.
Boy, it really is the beautiful romance between stupid media and rogue shitheads has really been a tried and true tradition of this shit pile.
Who's a rogue shithead?
Now, the crime rate in the late 60s, early 70s, Kansas wasn't that bad, but voters needed to be scared of something.
And their fears rested squarely on whatever those degenerate college kids were doing at the University of Kansas.
Drinking Natty Light.
So Verne leaned into it.
His main campaign promise was, quote,
a land in the middle of the drug-ridden hippie commune at Lawrence with both feet.
What a stupid slogan?
Gareth, the billboard has a black eye.
The what?
That's a billboard.
Oh, my God.
He has a black eye.
Oh my God.
What the fuck?
Miller for Attorney General.
He needs help.
He won, of course, and he immediately declared drugs public enemy number one
and focused on drug activity, liquor violations, and gambling, including church bingo.
You will bid his head at good enough.
He personally led raids on clubs, gambling, dens, and churches.
Get in there.
This is first raid at the University of Kansas with 150 cops.
He nailed some low-level dealers with pot and a little bit of LSD,
and the press reported as a resounding success.
They don't focus on how many people ate all the acid once they saw him.
They forgot about the power move that many of the students at Kansas were like,
I've been preparing my whole life for this moment.
Tony, what are you going to do,
eat the sheet.
What?
He's only gonna be here for like,
hey, did you guys,
what's going on here?
We got reports that there were LSD
in the...
Everything is blue.
LSD in the place.
Why did you have the LSD?
You guys...
Ruff.
Rof.
Rof.
Rof.
Rof.
Rof.
Rof.
Oh, fuck.
He's stuck.
Rolf.
This is only gonna last nine days.
Rough.
Rough.
So Vern lived a frugal life.
He drove old Chevy's and Ford's.
He got suits from Sears and he lived in a mobile home.
But that didn't endear him to the ruling elite of Kansas,
but the white suburban and working class voters loved him.
During the next election, the Vietnam protests escalated in the big way.
And Vern vowed to keep the peace.
Yeah, just like we did when we went to Vietnam.
Yeah.
which meant letting the cops beat the shit out of protesters.
So the university chancellor accused Vern of using iron-fisted politics.
Vern got a well-liked ex-governor to say that the university chancellor, quote,
joins chicken fighters, operators of one-armed bandits, private clubs that have gambling and drug peddlers in disliking Vern.
And Vern won in a landslide.
But you know what's so fucking, it's so dumb the way that it's,
still works that we're like, we're going to stop the violence with extreme violence.
Like, it's always the fighting the war on drugs or the war on crime or whatever the fuck.
Yeah.
You beat, what?
What?
Excuse me.
Oh, I'm being.
Old preachy lib over here, right?
Excuse me, I'm being woke.
And I, this is a woke space.
No, it ain't.
Yes, it is.
You shut up.
I got ice wetting outside for you.
What?
Bags of it?
You fucking Welsh.
You fucking Welsh bastard.
Comedy ice.
Comedy ice.
How long until there's comedy ice.
Soon.
Excuse me.
You the guy who did the joke about, mm-mm.
What's your whole thing?
I do props.
Now, Kansas, like many backward states, had absurd liquor laws.
Had absurd liquor laws making.
it nearly impossible to know how to drink legally.
Wow.
Several counties were dry,
ones that weren't allowed booze to be sold at liquor stores only,
but taverns could serve 3.2% beer,
and you could buy it at grocery stores.
Bars could not pour liquor, but clubs could,
but only if you bought the bottle yourself.
If you ran out, you had to go buy another bottle
at a liquor store only and give it to the bar.
You could not drink it from somebody else's bottle.
That was Utah.
That was what Utah was
For the longest time
3.2%
And you could go to
Like you had to have a license
To go to a bar
And they'd hold your liquor
And you just walk in
And be like
Have something by a drambouy
Some states you drive around
And you could only get
One of those little tiny bottles
Of liquor
You're like
What the fuck is happening
Right now
That's also the best
Where you're like
All right I'll take 800
Good fucking work
I'll feel like a drunk giant
All night
So since it was Kansas
And things
I hate when people
Drink liquor out of little things
It's so stupid
They look foolish
Oh
What did you got to deal
A little can of gin
We're all laughing at you
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
You tiny little man
We got a big dig a booze
And he's a looking hobo
You shut up
A hobo you
So since it was Kansas
And things were slow
Vernon wondered what to do about alcohol laws when people were traveling through Kansas.
Like what about trains? Amtrak, pretty new. And in Vern's eyes, people were mocking the great
state of Kansas by enjoying a cocktail while passing through the state. That is the dumbest shit. And I'm
not kidding. In this story, that's the dumbest thing I've heard. And he beat up high schoolers.
so he called Amtrak and Amtrak basically laughed at him
they were a federally funded entity
and didn't have to abide by some podunk state's dumb laws
that pissed off Vern so he did what he always does
he punched back he put undercover cops
he put undercover comps on an Amtrak train
and had them order liquor while in the state
And then I'm going to hide under the train.
And I'll pop out through.
Oh, my legs!
It still crawls up.
How are you?
You're under arrest.
We're undercover.
I don't think I thought this.
At the very first Kansas stop,
Vern had a battalion of cops board the train and shut it down.
Wow.
They arrested waitresses who were just doing their jobs.
What a fucking loser.
And when a conductor demanded an explanation, he was also arrested.
So now the train can't move.
And the passengers are stuck.
You need a drink then more than ever.
Yeah.
And they can't get out until a new conductor is flown in from Chicago.
Oh, my God.
It's like air travel.
So Vern afterwards just proudly boasted about the raid.
Even as Amtrak filed an injunction to get him to stop,
quote, we clean them out.
It took several men to carry out all the booze.
The courts were not in their favor.
The 21st Amendment allows states to control the flow of liquor into their boundaries,
and unless it's about protecting immigrants or helping the working class people,
there's nothing the U.S. government loves more than upholding states' rights.
Well.
Well.
Well.
Well.
Well.
Well.
So not everyone is on board.
the Atchinson Daily Globe called it a circus performance.
This did not make one reader happy who responded with a letter.
Quote, you might be interested to know that the circus is the only form of entertainment that is uncensored today,
and it is enjoyed by children of all ages as a member of the Circus Fans Association of America.
I hear by protest the way in which you use the word circus to describe the public seeking antics.
Signed circus fan Julian Jimenez.
Sir.
Sir, sir, sir, sir.
Sir, what, what are you doing?
Respect the circus.
The circus is a nightmare, sir.
God damn.
It's crazy.
And let's say it's not.
What a wildly unhinged letter you wrote in.
No?
Yes, an unhinged letter.
Why are you defending the circus's honor on that level?
are you part of the circus?
Are you part of the circus?
Sir, are you part of the circus?
Have you ever been associated with the circus?
I am head.
Your head clown?
Yes.
I don't, I feel like I don't buy it, sir.
Excuse me?
How did you sign the letter
that you wrote into a publication?
Circus fan Julian Jimenez.
So it's weird to say you're the head clown
and sign it's circus fan.
What am I in circus court?
What's with the grilling?
All right.
Look, I'm just looking out for you.
You seem like super stressed out, so.
You came after circuses.
I didn't.
You're right.
Let me tell you something.
No, you're right.
We use the headline.
I'm not done with just this fucking letter.
I'm going to find you.
I'm standing next to you.
I'm like literally.
I'm going to find your family.
Excuse me?
Aren't you the guy who's...
I'm gonna find everybody you love.
Are you a clown?
You're not very funny.
What is your deal?
And I'm gonna fucking kill him.
I like it.
Vern?
Vern!
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Oh shit.
Hey.
What's up?
Nothing, dude.
I don't know how you figured me out.
Was I too loud talking?
Yeah.
Get out of the car.
With those 18 other people.
The downside to the front.
The raid was so successful.
That airlines stop boozing, serving booze.
Over Kansas?
Over Kansas while flying for a while.
Well, what they think?
He's going to have like a flying squirrels to do that?
Learn control disguise!
I think we can give you one whiskey.
Oh my God.
There's a man on the wing.
Open the door.
Over Kansas now, bitches.
Hey.
Hey, did you serve liquor?
Nope.
Verne also focused on college students smoking weed.
Oh my God.
He did massive bus and confiscated tons.
He targeted rock concerts because, quote,
the noisy trash generating rock concerts were hotbeds for the sale and usage of illegal drugs and alcohol
and were therefore unwelcome in Kansas.
What?
He helped the prosecutor file an injunction to stop a rock concert because of drug trafficking,
specifically hash.
so they stopped it before it happened.
It's so fucking, dude.
Because there might be hash.
You know it's fucking incredible?
How much, I mean, obviously it's all fucking bullshit,
but how much they told us that we couldn't have it,
it's illegal.
And the amount of things that it just cures and helps and, like, forever.
They've just been like, now you can't do that.
And it's like, it stops seizures and like all this shit
and the whole time dickheads like this are like,
stop smoking your pot.
Your content is to be enjoyed soberly.
Not that I've ever tried it.
Law enforcement official called Wichita, the hashish capital of the world.
Fucking pride, dude.
That should be a sash.
His only evidence was that Kansas was central in the U.S. on a map.
So he was like, it's also the central capital for Chlamydia.
The sheriff was...
Trade?
The sheriff was super...
pissed of the accusation, yet he still checked up an enforcement.
By the way, the weed they were smoking back then was pine needles.
Like, you had to like, it's like when eating, you had to eat the roach to like feel it.
You were just smoking like 19 bags of weed to be like, keep going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So local hash dealers went underground.
It's so dumb.
Vern treated everyone equally in the eyes of the law.
no matter how rich or powerful tic-e-tac violation, they'd get arrested.
That's good.
This was most obvious when he went after gambling.
The town of Great Bend had a, quote,
small social-political empire of elites
who thought they could get away with anything.
And regular people kept calling Vernsavus
complaining about leaders blatantly acting
as if they were above the law
by playing Vegas-style games and slot machines in their social clubs.
So Vern had to teach him a lesson.
And this included some of his friends
and peers. He and 60 cops drove back county roads with their headlights off at night to arrive
undetected. Just getting into accidents. Jesus Christ. I went off the road, sir. Sir, I went off the road
again. Sir, I can't see anything. Keep going. We're a little far away. Can we put the lights on
for a little while, maybe, sir? No. I don't think I'm behind you anymore, sir. What was that? My tires.
Okay, keep going.
Right. Are you, sir, are you in the trunk?
I don't know. Okay, hold on. Where are we?
It's dark. We're so lost.
Ah, hey, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
He's right. He's wrong. He's right. He's wrong. He's wrong. I don't like that he used his hands to make the boo louder.
He's in the front. He needs to feel this in his bones.
Boo.
It's so funny to do.
get booed at your own show.
Like, well over an hour
into it to be booed.
What about your co-host agrees
with the booing? It's tough. It's pretty hard.
It's pretty hard.
I think that's why they do it.
So he knew the police chief and sheriff were
in on it, so he
didn't want to tip them off. That's why they drove, you know,
in the dark. Forever.
At 11.45 p.m.,
they hit every club in an ambush,
and Verna scored to the chief and sheriff,
to the places to show them he knew why they were in on it, right?
And at one, Vern came upon one of us officers holding a fistful of cash,
and Vern told them to, quote, take good care of it because it's going to the school fund.
It did, by the way.
It didn't?
It did.
It did.
What a weird time.
The money went to the schools and teachers?
Yeah.
For what?
I don't know.
Vern was like, put it in the middle of the auditorium.
I'm going to fight them for it.
At this moment, a wasted city attorney rolled up
and ordered the police chief to arrest Vern and his guys
for disturbing the peace.
Vern then told the city attorney he was under arrest for gambling,
and things got really tense until the senior officer,
who had the fistful of money, said, quote,
don't worry, general, if we go to jail, I've got bail money,
and everyone laughed.
and everyone realized Vern was actually about to get very punchy,
so they hustled the attorney out of there before he had two black eyes.
Holy shit.
What a loser.
So because of his popularity, the Democratic Party now wants him to run for governor.
You've got to love him.
You got to love him.
So he got his campaign up and running.
So Vern caught, so while he's running for governor,
he caught the current governor and other Dems in a bribery scandal
to give a no-bid construction contract in exchange for 30,000 in campaign donations.
Now, Verne's also...
Now, see, now I'm into it.
Now he's also a Dem, so this doesn't go over well with his fellow party members,
and the press go nuts, and the governor, who was running for Senate,
has to bow out and disgrace, and the entire party turns on Vern.
Now I like him.
So they withdraw all their support,
and Vern is alone running only on name and reputation,
and he only lost by 2,500 votes.
Wow.
So now at office, Vern did what most men in his position
could only dream of, marry his secretary,
and build a house in the country.
You're a weird guy.
He opened a private practice,
but got bored of DUIs and divorces,
so he ran for and became Sedrick County prosecuting attorney.
Not too exciting, not like popping out of trunks with a rifle.
Sure.
There were some moments like headlining a local anti-pornography event
with anti-gay bigot Anita Bryant.
You're telling me that woman didn't like porn?
I've seen the video.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
Did you explain it to?
me? I believe they call it a cream pie.
Two young people protested by
streaking across the stage.
Unfortunately, Vern Miller was there,
and he leapt out of the car and spear
tackled a nude man.
Oh, that must have been the weirdest thing for him.
He's like, his penis is on my khakis.
His bare penis is on my khakis.
And I don't hate it.
Vern retired shortly after
and spent time riding
motorcycles up the
Alaskan highway.
Oh.
He went arving across the country
where the secretary slash wife.
She's his wife now.
Well, he went to the Sturgis motorcycle
rally where he enjoyed the show, which is...
Now, you know what? You've got to be a
purist. That's not a circus.
I wrote a letter
30 years ago to the paper.
I know you did.
We know.
Now my life's ending.
Okay.
I'm almost dead, and I did it all for the circus.
What?
I love the circus.
Three rings is, okay.
The big top.
Okay.
I'm now going to put my head in this lion's mouth.
Oh, please.
Please.
I'm on a rope.
Please.
I'm on a rope high up.
Put your head in the lion's mouth, please.
Oh, no.
Let me finish.
Hold on, let me cover it in ground beef.
What?
Your head.
Oh, no, you're not, no, that's a thing they did at the circus.
I'm not going to do that, and why would I put beef on my head before I, you know.
I've not enjoyed our talk.
Okay, bye.
Bye.
You're going on to your thing now?
Yeah, I'm done with you.
After four years, he missed the action in unretired, and he worked in private practice,
making a few cases here and there until he died on June 11th, 2021 at 92 years old.
This is written by Josh Androwski.
The source is Vern Miller, legendary Kansas law man by Mike Danford.
When I originally read about him, I was like, well, this guy sounds crazy.
And then I got this book, and this guy was like, wow, he's the best law man ever.
And he's like reading, he's fucking crazy.
The Wichita Eagle, the Lawrence Daily Journal
World, and the Atchinson Daily Globe.
Was Dirty Harry based on him or anything?
I don't think Dirty Harry...
Or like any of those shows?
I don't think so.
Does it not feel...
Was he like an escalatory character
when it comes to the way that policing worked?
Because he was like celebrated for a bit of his unhinged violence.
Yeah, I mean, probably.
Like shooting people.
I feel like,
Back in the day, the police were like, chase him.
And then eventually it was like, shoot him.
Like when they were running away, which just became this insane trend.
It changed when the Supreme Court was like, yeah, you can shoot them if they're running away.
Like, that's why that changed.
And that happened before he started shooting them.
Yeah, they, I think it was the 60s, like 68 or something, or maybe a little bit later
when the Supreme Court was like, yeah, you can just shoot them if they're running away.
It's no big deal.
Yeah, that was a really, that was a bad one.
That was another bad one.
I'll tell you what, the Supreme Court.
I'm not a fan.
I'll tell you, the last 80 years,
I'm not really feeling it.
I'm not really, I'm not into it.
All right, thank you, everybody.
Appreciate it.
Thanks for coming out.
Kansas City, thank you.
Bye, love you.
Dave's Shoes.
Give it up for Dave's Shoes, everybody.
Thank you.
