The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 734 - The Pelican Girls

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine The Pelican Girls of LouisianaSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHNutrafol - Use code: DollopQUO - Try for free plus 20% off first six monthsRocketmoney Helix Sleep See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Every time I've claimed a domain, I do say it like I've just taken over a palace in the 1400s. So I'll be like, this domain is mine. Yeah, I don't know if that's a thing that actually works. I would say once you get one through Squarespace, they make it easy. But then when you get it, you can do stuff like that. I don't think what I'm saying is unhelpful. I think it is. Squarespace gives you everything you need to offer services and get paid right in the same place. From consultants to events and experiences, showcase shopping. You're smiling a little bit because you know what I said is kind of helpful. Customizable website designed to attract clients and grow your business.

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Don't make me do it. We have all of our websites with Squarespace. Every website. I just started a website for my movie. Guess what I did it through, Dave? Squarespace. There you go. All you're going to use.

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My father's dead. You killed you. They think that I'm shiny. I am a pie man. I'm Pete Rose, and I only go to Gold's Gym, this one specifically. Rumor is that his penis is broke. him where the taco bar was. His brain just fucking exploded. River of cheese.

You've been drinking any gnome juice? No, officer. My dad had a fart chair. Hey, cover me. You're listening to the Dallup. It's an American history podcast for each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to

a bad boy who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. Bad boy to bad boy. Can I just tell you? Yeah. Finn's high school baseball season ended, and I'm so fucking happy. So fucking happy.

Why? Because his coaches are fucking. His coaches are awful. Wow. And they just so glad to have that part of my life over. They're fans of the pot or no? I don't care if they are. I'm no longer.

Let's just do first names. I'm Scrap. Scrap's the main guy, yeah. So the name is Scrap? Well, it's his nickname. His name's Scrap. Yeah. Well, I could tell you right off the bat.

that guy's not going to be good at stuff. He's maybe the worst coach I've ever seen. Well, I'll tell you what, scrap is not a good, that's not a, yeah, that's bad. You know, you get that name? By being trash. Because you can't play baseball very well, so you're scrappy. Yeah, right. Yeah, but you're not a good baseball player.

You know who else was scrappy? Who? Pete Rose. We talked about him. But they didn't call him scrap. Nope. What did they call him? Charlie Hustle.

Charlie Hustle. See, that's a guy. Because he could always find a girl's open cocktail. I'm upset now. All right. Anyway, load off my back. All good. Well, I'm happy because we can finally, you know,

we have our days open to work with him. What would you say about a coach who, on a senior's very last at bat, who's a very good player, took him out of the game and put in a junior who's the worst hitter on the team when they need to score two runs? Don't forget. You can't spell scorer. crap without crap.

1534. Yeah. New France. Go ahead. What's New France? Sorry. What? Where's New France?

Where is New France? Where is New France? Either. You're kind of asking. You're asking a bunch of questions. Kind of the same question. In succession here. So what is the...

Where's New France? Let's just do where? New France. What year? 1534. Yeah, well, New France is, it's very close to France, France. It's right next to it. No.

Well, not right next to it, but it's close. It's close to it. Not really. Well, I mean, it's close to it for back then. Because back then there was not as many spots. It's not. So it's, no. Well, it's, it's a bit far.

It's further away than, then I think a lot of, it's, it's close. and it's such a hard one to answer it's not though no it is well what modern day where would it be modern day modern day where would New France be

Japan be Quebec Quebec that area yes yes that's where I would say the center was

New France was colonized by France in North America starting with explorer Jacques Cateer of the watches. There's going to be a lot of butchering or French names, but also I don't care. Sailing into the Gulf of St. Lawrence,

he named it the country of Canada's after an indigenous word meaning village or settlement. And that name stuck. It's interesting that it was a time when you would honor the words and yet not the people. You'd be like,

where you take their name and then you killed them. Well, that is very, I mean, we've done that again. Yeah. And then many times. And then a bunch of years later, thousands of years later, not a hundred years later, you're sitting there going, and we're on the land of this. This performance is taking place on the land of the... Yeah, no, you're building a data center like, we want to respect the indigenous cultures that gave us this land so that we could build a 40,000 acre data center so that we can make as many memes as possible.

I mean, that's going to be the end. Yes. Right? The data centers are, this is the breaking point. This is the straw. This is, are we going to take it? Is it over? Do they build them robots before we can stop the robots?

Yeah, it's now a full race against time. That's right. So with New France, they keep settled. They keep bringing bros over trappers and soldiers and priests. And they start establishing farms in the mid-1600s. And that's when it became apparent that there's a lot of. bros and not a lot of ladies. Yeah.

Is this the story about man wounds? That's right. I'm not recording a backup audio, should I? It looks like it's good, right? You care? Should I do a backup? No, it looks like it's recording. Jack and!

Okay. And so there's too many bros, and a very small number of single women had made their way to New France. That's hell. Because they had to pay their own way. and conditions are super harsh. So it's not a place you want to go.

But if you're a woman who's like, well, this sucks, France. Right. But maybe if you look at the new world, you go, oh, maybe I can do my own thing over there. I'll tell you what, there is no point in time where I would suggest that a few women move to a place of a lot of men. I totally agree. And yet they still go to Alaska.

Sure. Yeah. And officials noticed that the English colonies had a lot more families. So that's problematic because that means they can progress. create and expand. Right. And so those two things together had the new French... It's weird that Texas still believes this.

Oh, yeah. That there's, yeah. I love Texas. Great place. So the officials of New France are like, well, we're worried about the future, the way this is going. So the intendant of New France... Hello!

Intendant! And the intendant! He oversees all administration. Excuse me, let's get that penis inside the pussy. Not exactly. Do hair doggie. No, no, no, don't shoot on our titties. What?

Go, squirt inside. There we go. There we are. Now, rob our belly. Say a prayer. Why was he doing that? Because we're competing with the English colonies, so we've got to be extreme. No, but why was, so he's shitting on the...

I'm not shitting on anything. No, you said... Finish in. Yeah, but you said don't shit on the titties? No, no, no, finish it on the titties. Oh, I thought you said, don't shit on the titty. the titties. No, well, also, there's a separate rule, yes.

It is, if we are no better than the Germans, huh? Which, yeah, no shitting on the titties is another good one. There's a few rules. But my suggestion is I'll walk around with a bit of a baton. And any time I see a guy inside and they tries to do the Mercedes. I will tap, tap, you stay in there. Are you just walking into houses? Walking into houses.

And then I put my foot on his bomb and go, yeah. Now you squirt. Okay, so the Nintendo was the head of administration for the colony. That's exactly right. Okay, I guess it's the same thing. In your mind, keeping eyes on many things. I was being production in a couple of ways. His idea was that the king should pay for a bunch of women to come over.

Man. How can I? At least 500. I get a lot of ladies. That's just... And the king's like, yeah, that sounds totally... That makes sense. So basically New France was just a bunch of, like, French dudes.

Yeah. Just in Canada, probably just teeming with testosterone. It's a mess. Just getting ready. Just fucking trees. Yes. And beavers, I would assume. Well, yeah.

Eventually, once the women come over. No. The women chosen were between 12 and 25. I'm going to... Where's a bucket? Their bucket here. 12. I don't think 14, 15 is an uncommon age for marriage at this point.

No, it's, yeah. By the way, we're just getting started over here. The median age is older. 12 is upsetting. Right. 13's upset. 14's upsetting. Yeah.

And to get the gig. DeLea's French. And to get the gig for the show, most had to get a leg. letter of reference from their parish priest. So, okay, so the priest would write a letter of recommendation to come to New France to basically just get fucked and impregnated. That's right. Cool.

All right. Who else would know better? Yeah, no, obviously. Just be like, she's very good. I've been molesting her for years. Yes. Oh, no. What?

I don't know. Oh, okay. As long as you're saying, yes, this is a, this is, you've met father. whoopsie. Now, father, what were you saying? You think that what? Yeah, it's a big, a pig. No, careful now.

It's a slippery slope. You are in an okay spot for a minute. I was saying, there it is. Stick with it. Italian. No, you're not an Italian. No, you're not an Italian. No, you started, and you're from where we are from.

I'm from France. Bres. Yeah, you're okay. As I say, I molested it. No, now. It's creepy, but, yeah. I'm a priest. Yeah.

No, where are you from? Probably. No. So these young women become known as the king's daughters. Awful. The women, because he paid for all their stuff, what you would normally do for your daughter. He provides all the financial. Well, you'd normally do for your daughter, right.

Aside from the fact that you're going to send her to a. send him to get colony to be impregnated. Off to be banged. Yep. They were commoners usually, mostly all from poverty. Sure. The king paid the French East India Company 100 livres for each woman's passage and setting up with a trousseau, which is the dowry box thing.

Okay. And he pays a dowry for each, and the king gave them a dowry between 30 and 50 livres. So it's costly. It's pretty good. Yeah, it is costly. Straight-of-hormoose stuff. Yeah, it's an investment. You're investing in the colony.

Right. Average age was 22. So that's not that bad. It's not that bad. That's very... For the time, sure. Let's all say a prayer.

No, absolutely. Yeah, really, yeah. No, this has a good fire fest energy now. The women chosen were held to high standards based on their morals. And if they were physically fit now, it's so they could... handle the harsh reality of the quality. Okay. Like you couldn't send someone over there who was in bad condition

because they're going to be going into fucking nightmare. Right. Okay. Right. Right. So you got to vet them a little bit physically. You got to squeeze them and poke them. Nope.

We're not doing that. And check them out. Okay. All right, ladies. Okay, boobies. There we are. Let down. I believe they all have to be virgins to.

I would imagine that was part of it. Jesus Christ. By the way, first of all, ridiculous. Second of all, I don't want an answer, but the checking fact. I mean, you just, that had to be honors system. That's the priest is for her.

I mean, that had to be like... Have you never been at church? Oh, Christ. Some of the women were actually sent back by colonial officials because they weren't up to standards of the intendant. No, sorry. Back you're not. Back. I'll get back on the ship.

Turn your sheet around. Get her in the no pile. Most were from Paris, some from Western France. urban areas, though, most, many were orphans and barely littered, all were very poor. Right. The first women sent were in 1663. Okay. Then more are going to arrive over the next 10 years.

Now, rumors spread that the women were prostitutes. Do we know how many guys are there? I think it's like 2,500, if I recall correctly. Okay. So obviously, rumor spread that they cleared out the jail of all the... Okay. Why is that an issue? Oh, because I think they want...

You want a fresh one. That is fucking crazy to be... You know what I mean? That's like being starving and then a restaurant, you're like, I ordered medium will. The whole right wing talks about body counts and those guys can't get fucked. Yeah. Grinder crashes. I mean,

listening to Matt Walsh talk about what makes a perfect woman when you're like, sir. You should want to be talking about a perfect set of balls because that's what you want in your mouth. Well,

fucking a. I mean, exactly. I think like the perfect woman is obviously like, really, Ben? Really, Ben? You're going to fucking sit here

and be like, I mean, look, it's honestly like, it's really important. The female orgasm as big as a myth as a genocide. Remember what he was the dry thing he said about when he'd understand WAP?

Yeah, it's crazy. A pussy is unable to be wet. Biologically speaking. My wife said a chaper. Okay, so the rumors started that women were prostitutes. It started by a French writer and explorer Barande de la Hantin. But the new French governor, came out and said no, and quote, if by chance it happens that there are a few among those who come

who are discovered or that during the crossing they behave badly, they're sent back to France. So if you bone on the ship, I think you get sent back. Who are you boned on the ship? Sailors. Oh, okay. What do you mean? Sailor's Delight. You ever heard of it?

Nope. That's what we're talking about. Nope. Sellers delight is both holes. Stop saying that. What, is that coming from anywhere real? being a horrible pig on your own. Well, the great thing is, is because I am supposed to be the knowledgeable one.

I could tell you that's real. But that's sailors delight. It was successful. The women didn't all get married super quick, taking some took two or three years, and some just said, fuck it, and went single the whole time. But most did get married and started having families. Okay. The Entom Dantant tried to encourage cranking

out Kigs, kids. So he's like, come on, let's get the fucking. There we go. Let's put it in. Oh, you must be exhausted. Now let's pop another inside. No time like the present. And so in 1669, you put out an edict, quote, that all inhabitants having 10 living children born of a lawful marriage will be paid a pension of 300 livres a year. And for those having 12 children, 400 Libre year. Furthermore, all boys who marry at the age of 20 years or less two girls of 16 or less will be paid 20 pounds each on their wedding day. Oh, my God. What happens?

That's so fucking weird. That's great. Ten kids, you get a pension. 12, you get a higher pension, but then on the side, he's selling Lucy's. You're just, he's sold lucies. you're just banging away to get money. That's real. And the point is that the future will just be better taken care of.

I mean, at some point it is also to have living kids to be like they have to be living. Yeah, right. Living helps. Yeah, that's a, because that's hard to have 12 living ones. That's really hard. Time? Yeah. For crazy.

And in 10 years. Oh, nine. Another one's dead. Zutalore. Records aren't great, but it's known... We're going to weaken that baby. We will pretend the baby's alive. Oh, I got you.

This is really the worst. Maybe the worst improvly you've ever stumbled into. Premise was, not fair to... No, it's horrifying, traumatic. Our heart goes out to all those who suffer up for the... Now, records aren't great, but it's known that over the 10 years, 737 of the king's daughters were married in New France. Okay.

So it did pretty well. Yeah. Though a decent amount did cancel their marriage contracts. So I think you had to enter a marriage contract before you got on the ship to get over. But then you would get there and be like, nah. So you had to, you basically were making a, you were saying, you know, you were like, I will marry. Yeah. Right.

You're declaring. Yeah. But then I think you were declaring to a guy, but you get there. Did they do it the way that high school athletes go to show you which place they're going to college? Exactly. Five hats. Exactly the same way. Is it going to be Jacques or...

You ever seen the one where the kid... That's the craziest shit. Then the mom storms off? Oh, I thought you're going to say the one where the kid wasn't even like asked to. Oh, no, that one's hilarious. But there's one where the kid... I think he's like the number one college prospect. And it's between like Miami and Florida State and his mom's each Florida State family.

He didn't tell her. And she's sitting behind him and he picks up the Miami. She just storms off. And he's like, uh-huh. I like the one where the guy like puts the hat and everyone's like, oh! And then the school is like, we've never heard of this guy. This guy is not coming to USC. Okay, so a lot of contracts are canceled.

The first round of women are from the city and they head into farm life. And so that doesn't work that well. So future-wise, you're taken from the rural areas. They're like New France is not Paris I guess they Well they're Well you'll see

But they're They don't know what they're getting into Right I'm sure they were led I saw the fossil of goods But then so now they're going for women Who when they come they'll be like Oh yes

This is very similar I'm gonna make a butter Yes perfectly What did you do I'm a I like a butter You do I make a butter

What is wrong with you With a little meatball No it's not how about it a meat bone in a body? No, that wouldn't be very strange. Do you like it of me to bed? I don't. No, it's not of what we eat normally.

Do you like a spicy meat bowl? Oh my God, it's ever again, huh? About 300 never married. Some went back to France. Some died. Some were actually too nervous to get on the boat in the first place. Yeah, I get that. I get that.

I get that one I get 100%. I didn't like to jump over the high dive when I was that age. You would not be going to new France. To fuck. By 1673, the guy. governor decided they had enough women. The population had doubled since 1663 to 66,600.

Wow. Solid. Only one king's daughter was charged with being a sex worker. Catherine Gwishelin, who had been abandoned by her husband. He went back to France, and then her two kids were adopted by friends, and she was then banished from Quebec City for being a sex worker. Jesus Christ. Get out!

So the dude jumps ship She has two kids She has no way to make money She gives that Yeah right Yeah okay She's got a yeah But overall

The whole thing is very successful People related to This is basically Elon Musk utopia Yeah pretty much People who are related to the king's daughters Hillary Clinton Angelina Jolie Savini

And then a bunch of like dudes You've never heard of I think the guy who hosted Hollywood stars. The most recent one. Hollywood Stars? Hollywood Stars? Hollywood Squares.

Oh, okay. In the late 1600, there was a hockey player named Bam Bam I'd never heard of, but... Okay. Yeah. In the late 1600s, the French began making their way

down North America into what is today the U.S. and arriving in the area we now know as Louisiana. Now, wait, when were they doing this? This is like the late 1600s, very late 1600s. I'll tell you, I got, it's just, I got, I'll be honest with you. I got, I'll be no concept of when we got here.

I'll be totally honest with you. When did we start getting here? Well, when are we, one of the pilgrims coming over, 1500s? Yeah, well, the first guys were late 1500s and then, yeah, and then. Okay. And then, yeah, more and more and more. Okay, and then the, so the French people are starting to move down and they go right to Louisiana? Well, yeah, because I think the English are all over the coast.

Right. So they're kind of going down the middle to get to the Gulf, basically. Okay. So they're like, let's... The Gulf of America. So France is like, let's get all this, the part of the country behind what the English are grabbing. Okay. So...

We will be doing what we call gerrymandering. I remember, if you know this from your history books, because this is... Louisiana is a giant... Boot. A giant piece of land. It's not what it is now. Yeah, so yeah, so Louisiana is not what it is today. When you all are picturing Louisiana the little boot down south, it actually was more like a knee-length stocking at the time.

Yeah, so where does it start? It starts at the bottom. Okay, and that's so Louisiana today, the Gulf of Mexico? Louisiana today, the Gulf of Mexico. And then it goes up to where? Up to, yeah, well, it's hard to say in today's territories, but it goes up high. It's not actually. It went high.

Very specific thing. Yeah. No, it was like a thigh high. Okay. Like where? It was what we would. So for those, yeah. So it is today what we would call a, it was back then a thigh high.

So the Louisiana you see today is very different than it was in this time that we're discussing today on this history show. Louisiana used to be a bit more of a thigh high. And it went up to. Yeah. It was up to the people back then to decide how high it was going to go. but they were doing everything that they could in the time. Now, you got a lot of Fs in D's and Fs. Ds and Fs.

In high school? Bra? It went up to the Great Lakes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The whole boot went up to basically where we would now be calling the Great Lakes, or as they were called back then,

lo de Fabulous. No. So they're the usual, explorers for trappers and traders. There's some, some made settlements. Native American tribes helped them out, traded and shared information with the French. In retrospect. So, yeah, 16 and 69. It's from the Great Lakes all the way down to the Gulf of Mexico.

But we're going to focus on the area that's today considered Louisiana. Yeah. The entire thing. For this episode, we're going to lock into that zone. And what's on either side of it? Land. The entire. The entire thing.

at this point is all about the fur trade. Yep. That's what actually happened when all those women came to New France. It's the Beaver Holocaust, which is also what happened. Like in early New France, I mean, look, in my younger years, I've walked out of parties before and said stuff like that.

That was a freaking Beaver Holocaust. People were like, what? I'm like, that was crazy back there. Is that way no one liked you? That's why it's been really hard for me to have a comeback. Speaking of comebacks, what a great

comeback our boys make it after taking a Magic Johnson joke. That's awesome. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Owen. Owen stole your joke. Yeah.

Made Tucker laugh. Made Tucker Carlson laugh. So I made Tucker Carlson laugh. Yeah. Owen just grabbed that joke and ran with it. Yeah. Yeah,

I just didn't talk. Weird, because that was what he said that was your favorite joke. Yeah, I tried to find the tweet where he tweeted out that it was one of his favorite joke.

And then he just stole it from me. In reference to me. Yeah. Benjamin Owen is what we're talking about. Huh? Benjamin Ellen. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's cool. Interesting. That's cool to see. So he's a thief amongst other things. So like in early France, it's almost all dues. Oh, boy. So we're starting the whole thing over again. That is because...

How do we not learn lessons? Well, this is different because the jurisdiction, the colony, this colony is under the control of the Navy. and the Navy thinks the conditions are too dangerous for women and kids. So they're like, no, you can't have them there because there's a lot of Native Americans. As a man, I'd be like, that's a red flag for me to go there. And instead of being nice than Native Americans, we're going to kill them. So it's going to be a problem for the ladies.

Well, yeah, but like you said, we will be doing land announcements before musicals. That's right. When Louisiana was established in 699, the French population was 82 men and boys. 13 of those had their job listed as Buccaneer. Wow. Yeah. But Buccaneer wasn't a buccaneer? It's a pirate.

Yeah, it was just like an aquatic thief. Yeah, I mean, people usually use the term pirate. Not me. Over aquatic. You're not supposed to use that word anymore. Aquatic thief is a... You're not supposed to use that word anymore. Kind of crazy thing to say.

I don't think you're not supposed to say the... Literally, can I just say no one has said aquatic thief ever? I mean, sure. A lot of people have. Literally not a word. Buddy, people are always calling jellyfish aquatic thief. You know, it's a lot of... Aquatic thief is

Alan Benjamin if he swims When When Okay so it's 82 man and boys And 17th century The French

built a seaport On a Lidu Massacre Or Little Massacre Island Yeah Yes Called that due to

A mound of bones They found When they went there Now to a lot Of people You're not gonna Like some people get the ick when they go roll up

to an island and they see a bunch of bones mound of bones? Yeah. Yeah, that's some people, they get freaked out by that but then other people are like, oh, we'll figure it out. To me, that's a sort of a, it's like a no soliciting sign. If I saw if I saw a mound of bones, I'd be like, oh, dogies have been

putting their bones there. Oh, this is cool. Yeah, this is cool. A dog park. Yes. Oh, cool. A mound of bones. These are human. Mounda bones. These are human. That's strange. Let's go dig a little deeper and see what there is. Oh, whoa.

Well, so they called it a massacre, but it's not, it wasn't actually a massacre. It was a Mississippian burial mound that had broken apart. Mississippi and burial mound that had broken apart during a hurricane. So it's a grave site. Oh, so it's just so it, but it's like a bunch of gravesite. A people, traditional burial site. They just kind of collected together and, yeah, that's cool. The island would later be named Dolphin Island.

Dolphin Island? Dolphin Island? D-A-U-P-H. Right. Jean-Baptiste La Moyette Bionville was born in 1680 and he joined the Navy

when he was young and he fought in campaigns in Canada in 1697 and at 19 he was on the expedition to establish the colony of Louisiana. Get it. He played a big part in charting the coast near Mobile,

Alabama and they eventually came to the site that we'd be known as Baton Rouge. It must be so. funny to be in like mobile Alabama back then and be like someday this land will be beautiful cascading green as far as the eye can see beautiful foliage imagine now be and then you just go there now and it's just like Donaldson they'll go dollar general is that a bad sign in the American landscape when dollar general is probably a really wise place to invest in

no it's good yeah okay yeah sure They set up Fort Maripa or Baloxi at Ocean Springs, Mississippi. And when they learned the English who were up the river a bit, Jean's brother told him to move the settlers to what is now Alabama on the other side of the Mobile River. Because they feared the English. Yeah, which he did. So this became Fort Mobile.

Okay. And this is up right from present-day Mobile, Today it's called Old Mobile. So it's not where Mobile is. Mobile is today. Eventually, that'll be a car. Yeah, it'll be a car at some point. So the men who traded with the Native Americans

were called Coria de Boye, runners of the woods. Sure. Okay. Over time, they became very close with the Indians. They had gone Hans, and they bonded with them, and they married the women. Okay. So in 1704, Jean was acting governor,

and he starts to worry that the runners of the woods were spending a little too much time with the Native Americans and doing the sex and getting married. The downside to this is, that's bad for expansionism? Yeah, and religion. Right, okay.

Yeah. Well, so, Tim, this is a loyalty issue. But you do see now how much better it would have been? Well, no, no, it's just the Native Americans believed in sort of a, ecological balance and respect. Yeah. And that, if you look now, is like,

elephants would have been able to survive that. That, to me, is a trouble. Big turning point right here. Yeah, this to me is, you know. Yeah, the guys who wanted to hang out and marry into the tribe and get to know everybody, those were the right people. The problem. No, the problem.

No, the good people. They want to marry in and just do it. No, no, no, because we need to be able to, you know, open some taco bells. So if we're doing, if we're doing, it's a very tricky situation. It's not, though. It is, though, yeah. It's very obvious that we should have just lived in harmony with the tribes of nature.

I don't know if that would get us Red Robbins. I just don't think that leads to Red Robbins. But I don't think Red Robbins is the goal. No, but just think about how good a Red Robin is. That's true. So we wouldn't have had that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

God knows what it would look like. Yeah. We wouldn't have, be able to have, our data centers. There's just a lot of stuff that we would not have been able to get. Like a segue. Yeah, like a segue or podcast. We wouldn't even, what would we be doing?

I don't know. You know what I mean? Probably just get up in the morning and go fishing and then just play sports and play around and make love. It's aquatic thievery. It's a slippery slope. Yeah. Yeah.

What would my magic Johnson joke have even looked like? Because right now we're all working to just survive daily and giving money to one or two people that just sit on a crown of bones. No, but then you're able to, you know, you can't, it gases so much, you know, and that's, and the gas is, um, it pollutes everything. And that it's just, it's better now because we can, um, you know, get guns and it's, it's, it's dangerous to be. everywhere and that's better because it's you know and then the machines will um machines yeah machines now will be able to tell how much you could pay for something and then they'll you know make you pay more and then eventually you know the options are going to yeah be you know be be a hired assassin die or be on only fans and that is that's that's that's good the other version that you're talking about

right where we just go and yeah fish or hunt in the morning and then spend the rest of the day lounging and having conversations and enjoying each other's company. Yeah, but you wouldn't be able to, you know, where are you going to get your cratum? Not from a gas station? No, that's a good point. So you're not going to be able to get cratum at a shell. No. That's shitty.

No, you make it really good point. Yeah. If you're, hey, if you're not on Patreon, you're missing fantastic stuff like, Dave started the show in Wales by telling the audience, quote, congratulations on whatever the fuck your words mean. for someone who hates America so much you are so American You know what's so funny is that I was

I'm working on a new hour and I was just thinking of the opener and I came up with just one that's just so brutal to the audience Yeah, it's not what you want to do Why not? Because here's why that No, no, I know why.

I know why you... But also if you go on the road to do that, like people don't know you, they'll be like, fuck this guy. They never do, dude. So what are you talking about? about it always works it's always fine I right away establish myself as being completely different than other comedians okay uh continuing the quote garrish gareth garris what just

happened garris why did you just say it like a grandparent who can't find their teeth we just did a french episode got like three hours ago uh no not for the the magic of podcasting they think we're doing it right now uh uh oh well the when you just revealed the We're doing it. But you blew it. You blew it double. We're brought to you by Rocket Money. Rocket Money, baby.

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after checkout so they know we sent you, that's helixelipa.com slash dollar. Yes. So he is a little too worried about this. To him, this is a loyalty problem and if fighting starts with the tribes, then which side would the runners be on up there married to someone in the tribe? Right. The Catholic priests were worried because they thought without white wives to breed, it would put the future of Christian

evangelism in the French territory at risk. So everyone's got some really good reasons why. Remember what God wants. What's important? Remember what God wants. So it's both the government and religious concern. Now, Jean sent a message to King Louis the 14th. The son king. The little boy.

Quote, if you want to make something of this country, it is absolutely necessary to send this year some families and a few girls who will be married off shortly after arrival. All right. So now he wants a girl in port this situation. Yeah, bring them. This is what a lot of people would call this sex trafficking. Well, but back then, but it's different because you want the, you want the babies.

And they're not eating the babies. That's the difference. Now we eat, now our elites, eat the babies. Yeah. Yeah. That's good baby. He sent the same message for three or four years and was finally the king was like, okay, you're going to get women.

Got to reinforce Christianity and birth white French people. So the church was put in charge of finding the girls. That's awesome. Yeah. Sort of a Dalai Lamaic search. Specifically, the Bishop of Quebec. The Bishop of Quebec was in charge of finding the girls. Right.

Teen girls. Sure, absolutely. Sort of a 1600s Galane. Yes. He obviously wants nice, fresh women. Fresh women. Not spoiled women. Is this truly what you're reading or you're riffing?

That's not a quote. Okay. But he's looking for freshies. He's looking for fresh ladies. So he goes to France and interviews young women and teens who... So why would you like to be fucked by a lumberjack twice your size and age? In the dirt. Well, yes.

Have you ever seen a man's balls slap into your buttocks while you guys are a lumberjack fucking on cold soil? Now remember, a lot of these men are. tuberculosis. So he goes to find these women and teens who are working in convents. Hypothetical situation. He wants to pull out

and shoot it on the dirt near where your house will eventually be. What do you do? Scream. Hey, whoa. Cut. So it seems like most of the girls are from decent families

from the interviews, the bishop picked 20 girls, age 14 to 19. I'm not going to lie. They're starting ages. It's not great. No, it's not great. Their cutoff age is not great, to be honest.

I mean, yeah, I mean, back then, 19. What do you say? She's 20? That's disgusting. Yeah, 19 back then is very standard. Like, 14s maybe. Now we, Anthony Kedis doesn't. We have a problem with it.

It's crazy. Things are different. All the girls were said to be willing because also the, he's making it sound like it's great. Oh, you're going to love it. Louisiana's really. Oh, no. Sorry, Alabama. Same thing. Well, at this point, it is known as Louisiana.

Oh, okay. So on October 1673, they began the journey, and while in, is that the right date? I think that might be the wrong date. Yeah, I put the wrong date there. So whatever. I think it's 17. Oh, it's got to be 1703. So they started the journey from New France, Paris, basically.

From Paris. while and then they go to a port city in France and while they're there the bishop recruits one more girl so there's 21 now and then they wait for months at the port and as they're there sailors who've been around the world start telling them that no it's actually fucking shit there excuse me what they're you talking about what did you just say to her did I heard you say that that there It's a shit. It's a murder. Excuse me. Get away. Get away.

Get away. Murder. Get away. Get away. Get away. So, let's the program. What did he say to you? Because everything he said about Louisiana is he just jealous.

He said, we'll be fucking in the shit. No, it's no shit. No. She said, um, big spas in me, but no. No, we have to stop it now. We have a beautiful paradise there. Um, you will be having sex on. comfortable tree branches next to Panthers of Black.

Am I a monkey? No, you're not a monkey, but you will be living in harmony with him. And you will notice, oh, these guys, they're really in, like, great physical and mental condition. And you'll find that they're really super okay and that trauma is non-existence in any form. And under waterfalls, you'll bathe your cleavage or your crack. and the men are very clean too and their pubic zones

are completely shorned and soft and very good to all of the men are appropriate age for you and cleaned and hardly damaged. 40? Max. Max 40. There's a couple 60s. But they still are

squirting regular shoots. So their ropes are fine. They are shooting regular ropes. Not helping. Yeah, no, but hold on, I'm just saying, we got a great thing for you. So, get on the ship. Don't make me use the shocker. Okay.

All right. So this is when they realized they had not been told the truth by the bishop who had painted a really pretty picture and America is actually really hard. Lots of poverty and disease and rough living. Quote, the sellers described their future betrothed

as Canadian barbarians. It's not true. Like, you'll see they have butterflies flying out of their cocks. What? Yeah, like, in a great way. It's not a great way. No, but it's like that's where they have gone through the cuckoohing. It seems to what?

It's got, it's a cocoon, huh? It doesn't seem good. But also they're shooting ropes too. So they shoot monarchs and ropes. Every time you say rope, it's not helping. I'm just telling you, like, these guys are clean. Their backs are hairless and their fronts have a little bit of hair, but not too much. Their peck titties are in great conditions.

Just talking about porn you've seen? No, their buttocks are nice, and you guys will be in the pool. And when their wives go out of town, you'll come over to be helping them with a real estate deal. But, you know, then when things turn a bit spicy, when you go upstairs and you see how good they're doing, and you walk in and you see them showering, and you're curious, but they have seen you in their reflection of the mirror. And they know that you want to come into the shower. Then it's going to get steamy. And while we watch it, we can't see your tits until,

They get pushed up against the glass. Then we see it and you're sudzy. And that'll be good for you. And, you know, they're really great guys. Like all of them are super, you know, really good at Frisbee, really smart. And they don't drink. None of these guys are drinking. They are all very straight edge.

And, you know, none of them have trauma. Like I said, there's no trauma. They's not, you know, they've been through very little and they have very little trauma to show for it. It's the other time saying little. That's not true. Say it. Say what? Say little.

Yeah. Say little, yeah. Say it like. Say that, yeah. Say little. They're tiny, yeah. Liddas. Yeah, they're babies.

These are, most of these guys are babies. Yeah, they're shooting robs like, man. Stop saying. No, but that's it. My God, stop saying. They are little. They are little. They are little.

From a. Yeah, no. I think you're right. Like, even from a freedom of speech level, there's certain things you just shouldn't be doing. I'm saying, yeah, let's distance ourselves from the baby ropes. No. Yeah, we're not talking about the jungle gym.

We're going to move on. Yeah. We're out of here. You're upsetting. At this point, some of the girls wanted to go back to their lives in Paris, but the bishop gave them gifts and generous allowances and small suitcases called cassettes to put their belongings in. Oh, you're going to leave, but did you...

Logging. You didn't know about the raffle? You didn't know about the raffle where you are going to win the suitcase of goodies? Because everyone wants to be here, you're going to have a great time. These guys are... These guys are in tipped-off condition. There is not a problem with any of these guys. Their skin is just nicely taken care of.

They look like they've had the baths in ivory and they're very clean. Thank you. There's not a smell. Okay. Yeah. Once they take their clothes off, the odor is the same. same as it was before. It doesn't, it's not like a room where it smells like a ghost farted.

Okay. For the record. Thank you. Yes. So open up your little bribe cases. So the girls all agree to still go and they set sail on the ship the Pelican on April 19th. Get in the boat's mouth. 1704.

Okay. The king sends a letter to the colonist quote, His Majesty sends by that ship 20 girls to be married to the Canadians. and others who have begun habitations at Mobile in order that this colony can firmly establish itself. Each of these girls was raised in virtue and piety and know how to work, which will render them useful in the colony by showing the Indian girls what they can do

for this there being no point in sending other than a virtue known and without reproach. So the idea is also that they will be training the Indian women on how to be women. Yeah, they think it, yeah, Yes, that is 100% a part of this. They're like, also get in there and let's fix the native people who seem to be really... Who are a little lost at this point.

They're really pushing this sort of a, you know, balance between land and us. It's great. So there were also some chaperones, including two, quote, orphanage nursing sisters. Not the same. Not the what you're thinking. You're going to love the nursing orphanage sisters. These two. these two are fucking great

you're gonna love this shit this is great I looked up nursing sisters and it turns out that originally Nuns yeah but they originally were wet nurses that's where the term nurse started and then it slowly switched over

to taking care of sick people sick people. Huh, interesting So but at this point at this point they're not wet nurses they're taking care of sick people nurses because things are going good and eventually they switch nursing nursing sisters didn't sound good anymore.

At some point, that term had to go. Not for you, but for normal people. No, I tell you what, that, yeah, I can work with that. With nurses. Okay. There was also midwife and old frail priest, 75 soldiers, workers, and four families. And from those families, during the journey, two daughters were convinced to be

part of the girl pack. So now we've got 23. He's can't believe he's acquiring. They would become known as Pelican Girls. Because of the ship. Not because of the ship. Not because of the bird. Yeah, because of how many fish they could hold. They arrived in Cuba, Cuba.

Cuba. Because you stop in Cuba to get, because Cuba's a happening place. So you stop there to get goods and whatever to bring. And now it's a place where we're starving the people that are going to probably have a military operation there in the next couple of days. Yeah, it's pretty great. Military operation, meaning I take it over and illegally. Yeah, illegally and beta country, much like the Nazis did.

Yeah. We were, they were allowed a week to explore, and Havana sounded really great for the time, very cosmopolitan. They're put up in comfortable housing. But once they set sail on the ship, yellow fever hits, which they probably picked up in Havana. They arrived at Dolphin Island a week later, and half the crew was dead. That's a lot of crew That is bad yeah okay Most of the passengers were sick

But the girls continued on despite their condition It sounds very much like how We contain diseases now You got sick on a ship I get over here, you know? Come on. Whatever you do. We'll figure it out. You want to go to a casino? Whatever you do, don't read about the one solo respiratory contagious version of antivirus

because it's certainly not the one that we're letting hit the whole fucking world. Also, can you believe, like, the USAID stuff continues, even when it happened, we were like, the selfish move is to continue USAID. And Elon pulled the plug. And that was it. And that's it. And now, you know, the millions of people are going to die because of it. and probably more because that was a big part of how we would stop diseases.

Yeah, yeah, it was kind of a big part. But also it's how we over through countries. Anyway. Oh, yeah, there's that. So they keep going. They're taking in smaller boats upriver to Mobile and arrived on August 1st. Only one girl died from yellow fever. Awesome.

The rest recovered. Now, coming from Paris and then stopping in the cosmopolitan city of Havana to this filth hole that is Mobile. is shocking. Pretty cool, huh? Do you like rocks? It's great, huh? There's some dirt. Here you go.

This mentally deranged guy is going to be your husband. He believes that he's fighting elves. Oh. He drinks seawater. Okay. And he's very quick to anger. And his penis doesn't work. He just described Elon Musk.

Yes, that's right. So. Come on these back The houses are shacks With dirt floors And deer skins over the windows Well well well Welcome to Paradise

All of their potential husbands Are wearing animal skins Hey now I know it looks like you're about to have sex With an elk with a human cock That is Bruce Some girls freaked out And tried to run away

Asking boats to take them back to France But the boats refused That is the darkest shit ever Totally fine Talk about being lied to So they're stuck here. And they start to figure out which disgusting man they would marry. Uh-huh.

Of the 50 eligible men, only 25 had a home and land. In early August, 13 marriages were performed quickly, but several Pelican girls held out, and that paid off when they married wealthier French soldiers who were stationed at it. So soldiers were usually from higher-up families. then at the end of August, a yellow fever epidemic hits Mobile. Right. Now probably because they brought it.

Right. The Pelican girls, and after two weeks, incubation period, the mosquitoes start infecting the locals and the epidemic would go on for two months. Ending in early November, two Pelican girls died, two French soldiers who had gotten engaged died. So of those... I mean, you're not even getting to the amount of mosquitoes, the prime. I probably passed away. Oh, yeah.

I don't like to get into that because it makes me sad. Yeah, those numbers are off the charts. Mosquito cost. Yeah. Eventually, all the remaining Pelican girls got married except for one.

Marie Fossa de Bouseron. She was brought, as a chaperan and refused to get married. And a bunch of the dudes were very into her, but she'd just not having it. And she told Jean, the men were unsuitable because of her noble background. but he's like get fucking married lady you're here to who cares about your fucking noble background

you're here to fucking procreate bang and make the babies right um so he's just pushing her for months and there's a lot of tension and then in march 1705 she meets pierre douget brasbaud who was jean's cousin and also his major aide and the king's lieutenant okay there you go you like that you make that move she falls for him okay because she's taking he's wounded in a battle and she's thing, Kerem, and she falls for him. But Jean forbids them to get married. Not him. No.

No. You're about to marry the filthy one. Hello. I've got a penis. Do you like to see my underskin? After a sheet, I use dirt. To cover up the shit and my parts. And water to me is a big problem.

Fucker water. I don't like when women talk or look. Water make me mad! Spicy people. Go, but fucking, no, stay here. What? No, stay here. What?

Don't do that one. He's a man. Who do you think the chef is that? What the fucking, like French people can't. French cuisine is very popular. They always bring an Italian fella. No, they don't. The French have great pride in their country.

Michelin Star, you think that's fucking Italian, you fucking idiot? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Chao I've ever seen you more disgusted It is terrible Lots of good French stuff happening Lots of good

And you bring this fucking idiot Fucking meat of bullet Italian Not even Italian I didn't know you were racist It's not even He doesn't want his major aid Marrying a woman Who is one of his biggest

critics so the marriage doesn't happen and Marie would remain living there but never got married. Okay. One big reason was probably because she, because the Pelican Girls living conditions were such shit. So what was the point of getting married? Oh, sweet baby Dave. Listen, you know how news is. We're basically a news show and it's overwhelming. Yeah.

But this is different. News is nonstop. It's coming at you all the time. You know it's like living in this day and age. I do. I live here. One hour, you're talking about one thing, the next hour. You've completely forgotten about that thing because your brain cannot catch up.

You know, we need, Gareth? Say it. A podcast. Yes. That is not panic-inducing. It slows things down. Yes. I'm talking about stateside with Kai and-

Carter. That's exactly what I was going to say. It's a Guardian podcast. State Side with Kai and Carter airs three times per week because there's always something to discuss. Kai and Carter get access to the Guardian's resources in the U.S. and reporters around the world, and David, they deliver the most relevant information right to you. We should say it's journalists, Kai Wright, and Carter Sherman.

But we're talking global content across news, international coverage, climate, culture, sports, lifestyle, fashion, wellness. And they're not a billionaire owned over there at The Guardian, Dave, which is something you and I can get behind. I like that. So, Kai and Carter wrestle with all the questions we have of what's going on in the world. So listen wherever you get your podcast or watch on YouTube. Stateside with Kai and Carter. She eventually would move to New Orleans a year later and get married.

But for now, the Pelican girls who did get hitched were dealing with reality, which is fucking sucked. Their husbands are runners of the woods, so they keep running off into wilderness to trade with tribes. And the trappers are gone for long periods, getting furs, and then selling them to export, and the traders brought goods shipped in from Europe, from ports to farms and plantation.

So they're always gone. They're just always working. Well, and also, when they come back, you're probably like, just covered in guts. And also just like, you know, I'm hungry. Keep me. Lift up your skirt. Clean up after me.

Go wash my clothes in that fucking river. Well, some didn't. Some were still going back to their native wife. Because that's what they loved. That's what they loved. That's fine. So the newly married Pelican Girls took over running, the households, babies start being born.

They're seriously disillusioned by how little concerns their husbands actually had for them. And the men are refusing to plant gardens for their wives and food's becoming scarce. Some of them having to eat acorns to survive. And that's normal. You're tasty. That's a fine thing to be. It's good. And that's a message for America in the next four to five years.

Yeah, learn with the acorn trees are. Acorns are, you're allowed to eat those. And that's okay to eat. And that's going to be happening. As foretold by Olivia Butler. So the Pelican girls banded together organized for action. And they denied. They denied their husbands, quote, bed and bored.

So these students come back for the wild, and they're not allowed into their homes and they're not getting any sex. Again, part of the problem is now in cell culture, but there's still as great power and just fucking cutting off the spigot.

Yeah. Their demand is better homes and to have gardens planted. The idea that it's just, I'm not fucking you till we have cucumbers. Oh, this is difficult. Actually seeing dudes out there like gardening, like, I'm going to get fucking late quickly. Till the soil.

It totally worked. Right. But. How's your squash? Now let me fuck you. Please. But John is now pissed because he thinks that the women are creating unnecessary problems. Well, they're demanding rights.

Food. Yeah. They are requesting certain qualities to live by. Oh, you want a floor in your house? Floor and food. Shut up. Eat your air cards and pull your panties down. This is crazy.

He said the women were panties. You have any idea how many other women these fucking in the woods? He said the women were pampered. I gave you a suit cast full of goodies. He said the women were pampered city girls. didn't want to do the required work. And he sent letters back to France telling his superiors that they should only send hardworking girls from the country.

I swear to God, it's starting, everything's starting to sound like an Epstein email. This became known as the Petticoat Rebellion. It is the first women's protest movement in what would become the U.S. Good. Over the next couple of years, the population grew to 281 by 17. And then another yellow fever hit plague and they went down. 178. And then came a really great flood.

And Jean has the settlement moved downriver to the present site of Mobile, Alabama in 1711. And in 1713, a new dude is put in charge of Louisiana. Antoine de la Montc Cadillac. Cadillac. It's the Cadillac guy. But he kept arguing with the investors, because this is still a private, right,

the whole colony privacy. It's a private... Okay. Whatever. He keeps arguing and doing stupid shit. Like he said he found a copper mine that didn't actually exist. Love that. And he was cut loose in 1716, and Jean was put back in charge.

For just a year. And then again, he's out, and a new guy was brought in. Jean-Michael de Lepenet, but John has a lot of sway. He's using his power in the colony. And in a year, Lepiné's out. and John's back in charge. Jesus Christ. So the next year,

Jean establishes New Orleans, which he said was safe from tidal surges and hurricanes. Hilarious, obviously. Trust me, this is secure. But it's probably just like, this will be a beautiful farming community where everyone will come together

and share goods. This will be utopia, as far as we can see. I call it New Orleans. eventually people will walk down the street and they'll smell like someone puke shit just vomit everywhere

just vomit and trash every single night the first time you go to Burma Street you're like oh God why doesn't anybody go here I remember the first day walking around the French quarter the day after and being like oh my God it's horrifying it's crazy

it's the worst it's terrible so that he wants to be the new capital of the colony and the settlement is approved by the king and by 1719 huts and storage houses are built and Jean begins moving troops and supplies from Mobile. Oh, and then it floods

while they're building it also. Not from a hurricane. It's a thing I said about the... That's fine. They'll figure it out. They would be levees. What could go wrong here? Nothing. There was also war with Spain 1718 to 1719

and he ended up moving the French Louisiana capital to Biloxi away from the battlefront. So it didn't end up being New Orleans like he wanted. So at this point, New Orleans is just an outpost, and Sean had surveys done to expand it outside the fort, and civilians start building homes. So it's building up.

And then the old issue rises up again, not enough women. Because you expand, and it's all dudes, and it just keeps happening. So the men of New Orleans need brides as they were having affairs with, and this is different. So they're having affairs. now with enslaved women and free black women. So you can't have that also. You can't have them sleeping with Native Americans

because they're not, right, Christian, good women, and now black women again. Whoa, we can't have that either. You really start to see how the, you know, it's just a land of, it's like mistake jenga. Like we've just decided to continue to just build mistake upon mistake would never looking back and be like, should we just try to figure out?

Can everybody just fuck who they want? Can we just kind of go back and think about what we need and what's right? Instead of just endlessly being like, shut up. Well, it's just, there's just this crazy thing where you're just like,

just let people hang out what they want. I mean, it's just crazy. They're like, no. No, no. No. Because Mitch McConnell needs, trust Mitch McConnell's vision for the future and also the same time

Jean said the men were the scum of France and only debauchery on their minds right so yeah they're dudes and they're the frontier they're absolutely they're drinking and fucking yeah so to put a stop to all this

once again he wants women a nice big injection of women And he requested, quote, good virgin women. That part to me, the whole thing is fucking disgusting. But that part is really fucking weird. Who wants a virgin? That's really a weird request to be like.

No, absolutely not. Give me some with experience. Well, I mean, even like, just don't even talk about it. Just let it go. Just be like if you're insisting on women moving to hell, just be like, whoever. Whoever. Yeah.

So the King of France gladly agrees, but this time he turns to the Hospital General de la Salpeltier, a charity hospital, once for beggars, children, and orphans, but they added a wing for prostitutes. Okay. 300. So the virgin request is... Well, no. So, Jean is expecting young, pure virgins.

Right. And he gets some bad. Nice. 88 women arrive on January 8th, 1721, and John quickly discovered all women had been destitute and most were prostitutes. Okay. So he was hoping that this new influx of young, good virgin women

would turn the scum men around and provide structure and family life, stop the lawlessness. That's how that works. That is absolutely. They're going to turn the dudes from bad to good. But now you brought in what he thinks are bad women. Bad.

Bad. So now it's a bad and a bad. Yeah. Yeah, basically. That's going to be bad. So the debauch environment in New Orleans just increased. So that's how we get New Orleans? I mean, yes.

I mean, everybody, basically everyone, it just was like, everyone's like, yeah, let's fucking have fun and a party. Like, that's what you're talking about. No, what do you're doing? calls this the Eiffel Tower. No, no. Shit. What's with all these beads?

King Louis the 15th decided one way to fix the mess of debauchery was to send over some nuns. Just swear to God. It's just like, it's really just like someone spilled grape juice on a carpet and you're just like, get a new carpet. No, put orange juice on it.

This is like when they have an island and they're like, there's too many rats. bring in the cats. And they go, oh my God, there's some of the cats, bringing dogs. And they keep just like, oh shit. Now we have an island that's crazy

with dogs, cats, rats. Bringing birds. So Ursuline nuns were sent to New Orleans to care for sick and provide an education to the daughters of the well off. And the sisters arrived in July 1727. There's 12.

They founded a school immediately after arriving. And again, not enough women. for all the bros. We still have that problem. Because this is now six years after the last batch of the sex workers came, right? Yeah. Okay. So, Jean is not happy with the last batch, and he asked for more, and they are sent in 1728,

the year after the nuns got there. Okay. These are more refined. Okay. Many attended the Ursuline's school until they got married. Uh-huh. Perfect. These girls were taught housekeeping selling and basically,

literacy skills so they could be wives and run in the household. Sure. Now, these girls are officially the cassette girls. While the Louisiana girls, the 23, are known as the Pelican girls. Right. But they had cassettes. What? They did have cassettes.

But these ones, there's a little bit of a murkiness in there, but officially these are the casket girls. Okay. They were named after the cassette that they brought with them, which really just looks like what we'd call a trunk. It just is going to get a trunk. Okay. Cassette morphed into casket, which

eventually became casket. Wow. So today they are called casket girls. That's a different vibe. Well, the trunks were actually pretty small, but rumors... My trunk is full of junk. And legends over the years, the caskets got bigger and bigger until people were saying

they're large enough to hypothetically hold a body. And legend says when the men saw the women for the first time When they got off the ship They found them unnaturally pale So much so that their skin blistered and reddened From the subtropical sun within moments Yeah That along with the distorting of cassettes to caskets led to stories

And those trucks Those trucks We brought dead women Were caskets And each large enough to hold the body And each casket was a vamp of all the body in each casket was a vampire, and the vampires were kept in the sealed off

third story of the old Ursuline convent where the shutters were closed and secured with nails, blessed by a pope. There's another version that says the casket girls were actually vampires themselves, and this is why there are so many vampire stories and movies

about vampires from New Orleans. That's fucking crazy. Because if you go to New Orleans, it's so much of it is that. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. too pale for these fucking piggy lumberjacks do the avenue with a darker skin tone

the order of St. Ursula continues their mission of educating women in New Orleans to this day and Jean was governor until 1843 when he returned to France and he's often called the father of Louisiana well he shouldn't be he should be called Louisiana's pimp I mean it is fucking gross yeah it's gross it's just gross I mean, you know, it's a different time.

I know. It's not like women had an awesome wherever they were. So there were women. Well, and also, get me the fuck out of her. But you did lie to the women. A lot of it was like, you know, get your numbers up. But like you said, or like we were talking about it, that was naturally going to happen. If the whole, the.

There were women there already. They're just Native American women. This level of forced white development is so. The fact that, the fact that like, in this. happen with slaves, too. They would go and merge into a tribe, and trappers were friends with tribes. Like, if they had just, if that had been

the natural route. If you just let, yeah. That would have been. We'd all just be like one basic color and just, you know, chilling. Basically. Instead. Instead, this. Trump. Sources, all that's interesting.com. You saw him in the wind in China, right?

Yeah, his hair. Spectacular. Just awesome. Roads Magazine.com, New Orleans.com, NolaDefender.com, Nola.com. And then Wikipedia

and encyclopedia of Alabama.org. Good, go, good, good. Well, that's fucking crazy.

I mean, that is really, that's, that's some strange shit. What was the last one we did? We did, uh, uh,

actual one or live one? No, the last dollop that we didn't hear. It was, um, Seabrook. because I just did vampires and last time I did

there's a theme that I just did last time it was monsters it was dog people it was a dog man you did the dog man of Seabrook oh yeah that was

I was trying to think of what he led to what was his I can't remember People are screaming. No, it wasn't Dracula. It was... Frankenstein. Oh, no, it wasn't Franks.

Wolfman. Isn't it culting? Mothra. He became Mothra, remember? Because they turned on the big light of Seabrook, the lighthouse at Seabrook, and he flew to it in that suit that he made. People are like, that was two weeks ago.

Yeah, we know. Oh, zombies. Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. Mothra, man. It's a big. Fucking face.