The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 739 - Silas Soule - part three

Episode Date: June 16, 2026

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine abolitionist Silas Soule Part 3 of 3SOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHHIMSHelix Sleep See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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You killed you. They think that I'm shiny. I am a pie man. I'm Pete Rose and I only go to Gold's Gym, this one specifically. Rumor is that his penis is broke. And show up where the taco bar was. His brain just fucking exploded. River of cheese.

You've been drinking. any gnome juice? No, officer. My dad had a fart chair. Hey, cover me. You're listening to the dollop on the all-thiny comedy network. This biggest is a

sag after a union covered podcast. It's an American history podcast. Each week I read a story from a... What's your name, please? David Anthony. I read a story from American history, Gareth. Reynolds, who has no idea

the topic is going to be about. Christ. I'd really save that. Change it up a little bit. This is part three in an exciting. What do we, Silas Soul, the Silas Soul? Silas Soul. Abolitionist.

Abolitionist. Join the military to fight for the Indian and found himself in the West. Native American Wars. Great. It's good. So where we last left off, he had, him and his side had made a peace deal with Native Americans, which held for about two months,

and then the uppers and the army were like, no, kill them all. And so this guy, Captain, the fighting person, as he's known, commanded the soldiers. Basically,

they're going to go and kill every Native Americans at Sand Creek. And that's on November 29th, 1864. So the first battalion starts shooting a volley into the camp shooting a volley of Oh

Like gunfire Right They're shooting at anything that moves Women, children This is just to be clear A fish in a barrel Situation basically right I mean they're all pretty much

So the warriors are all in another camp Because they can't imagine That you would go and kill About women and kids But again that's That's what gives us an advantage Because you're like Yeah nobody's capable of that

It's like That's what we hit him That's what we do. That's where we get them. Surprise. Yeah. Like if you're in a fight, you don't put a hand over your asshole. Because you're like, nobody's going to punch me right in there.

Oh, yeah? Get ready. Because I'm fucking coming in. I'm going to punch right in the hole. See, this is why I always put my hand. I'll tell you right the brown eye. Made the brown eye black eye. This is why I always put a hand over my asshole.

Always. It's true. It's the first place I hide. Last time you had diarrhea. Go. I was sick like a week ago. Would you have? Go.

diarrhea. Go ahead, back to your story. By the way, you guys, if you want to play last time you had diarrhea at home, you can go to the website, dolloppodcast.com, click on merch and there's nothing there. So the women and children hide in the creek bed hoping for mercy, but the howitzers rain metal down upon them, killing or maiming anything that looked like a native. This is a genocide. I mean, this is what, like a, what do we call it, a mini genocide?

I mean, it's a massacre. The third Calvary couldn't help themselves and charged into the fray before the command. They cut down more peaceful natives, including the chief's wife, shooting her nine times. Around this point in the battle, a major ordered Silas to advance across the creek. Silas is tormented by guilt and morality. He had not. He was like, I've been a loyal soldier for years. gotten accommodations for bravery.

We're doing recruiting, right? Well, in a way, doing something like this is the most brave thing. Yes. Because every fiber of you is saying this is a act of total soulless criminality. I must dig deep enough to be the devil in white flesh. Yeah, for sure. So, yeah, so he's like, you know, I believe in the chain of command that being superior is quote, but as they approached the creek, he saw the situation for what it was, an out-of-control mob,

massacring men, women, and children, rather than risk the loss of his own sanity and morality, he hesitated in following the orders. Instead, he addressed his troops, quote, boys, do you know who you are fighting today? Come on. Silas's man had been with the native since the beginning, experienced the humanity and kindness. No, replied one of the soldiers, quote, well, we are fighting a friendly chief in his band. One trooper replied, well, we won't fire a shot today, and the men cheered and shouted. And Silas knew he couldn't have his men sit out for fear of jail or worse, but he had an idea.

I don't ask you to shoot, but follow me, and we will mix in this fuss and get. go through it. What? What do you mean? We're going to ride around on horses and stuff and not do anything. Pretend. That's really what it is. I was kind of hoping for like a kill.

He's not going to have them shoot. I mean, no, because they can't start shooting their own. Right. That gets really crazy. So just mix in and don't do anything. I might have.

Like, it's okay to kill your own guys. I mean the John Brown version. Yeah. But yeah, okay, so you just kind of ride around and don't really do anything.

Like if I was ever, and this is the problem with the draft when they want to do a draft. The only problem. If I'm in there and you're asking me to kill, you know, innocent people from a country that we're invading. I'm going to start killing us. Right. That's what I'm doing. Yeah. I'm out because my mind is never going to survive massacring a village.

No. I'm done as a human. Like you've ruined. Well, it's funny. If you ever watch any of those like, you know, Vietnam War film, sometimes there is a guy like that. and you were always like, that guy lost his mind. It's like, that's the same guy. That's actually the guy who's like...

There was a lot of killing of officers in Vietnam. Of officer on officer. No, no. Oh, if you have soldiers killing their superiors, yeah, right? Yeah, that was a big thing. So they entered the fray, avoiding bullets, and basically spent the rest of the battle... It is funny to imagine, like, again,

I don't know what the higher power or the higher purposes of this life. But, I mean, for God's sake, The plan was probably like, they'll all be sharing melons. Yeah. And then instead we're like, they have nukes. Kill them. Yeah.

It's pretty cool. When you put it like that. Yeah. It's like, yeah. And then one guy takes all the melons. Silas has managed to the fray of wedding bullets and basically spent the rest of the battle kind of moving up and down the river bank, acting like they were fighting. But mostly just watching in horror knowing they couldn't stop what was happening. So let's describe the massacre in a letter to Wine Coop quote

I tell you Ned it was hard to see little children on their knees having their brains beat out by men professing to be civilized I'm just going to flag the I'll tell you I'm going to leave out all this because this is it's he's just he's just describing the I'll tell you I'll tell you I mean I'd never seen a six year old get her head cut off before I'll tell you it's a little a little too Rodney Dangerfields for me. I'll tell you. They're killing these kids indiscriminately. There's no respect. So, yeah, so the, the description, I'm not going to read it all, but it's basically like

what we've been breeding for two years seeing a video. There was more connage as well. Like, so it's little kids. You mean the chosen people defending their God-given land? Besides just what he saw. There's even more terrible. Like, we're talking about just like gunning. down kids and stuff like three-year-olds like it's like it's like what you it's what you think it's it's it's

interesting because um I think we're getting close to the point where we're all capable of hearing it because if you're online you're like yeah yeah yeah I see it in the end some estimates say 300 natives were killed and the number could be significantly higher compared to 12 soldiers who were killed many by friendly fire and man the fucking Fox News of of those 12 after the battle. They took 12 brave soldiers, those sick fucks. They're savage people. They don't understand.

The monstrous acts didn't stop once the natives were dead. Quote, Buffalo robes and other personal items were the first things collected, soon to be followed by souvenirs of an increasingly bizarre nature. Well, before you get into what's probably going to be a nightmare list, let's just have a little enjoyment in the idea of, again, I wouldn't want to kill the buffalo, but a buffalo robe,

that has to be some fucking luxury. Do you think it has the like buffalo, the tie thing that you have on a robe? I would hope. Yeah, I would imagine. Yeah. I mean, I don't mind either way. Because I've always told you I love the open robe look.

No bottoms open robe to me is a very comfortable look. No, I want. Back warm, penis cold. I'm going to say, If any robe would look great with dick out. Buffalo. Buffalo. Unless, of course, you know, you don't want it to, you know, not cold.

Is this a bathrobe or a night robe? I don't understand your, what? Do you put on the Buffalo robe after a bathrobe or a night robe? What is a night robe? You mean like a smoking jacket? I mean, no, a night robe is like a robe you're not using to get out of the bath. It's like you put on to be more comfortable. I'm pretty indiscriminate with robes.

My bathrobe is... They're very different things. I'm starting to understand what you're talking about a little bit more, and I'm thinking it's a night robe. So more of a sexy robe. Yes, more of a like, Gary, welcome to the Playboy Mansion. There's some soft abuse occurring in here. Playboy Mansion is another one. Jesus Christ.

So, you know, they took off fingers through the rings, and they cut off the air. for the, you know, all that shit. Virtually every, uh, uh, corpse was scalped, uh, quote many repeatedly. Isn't, wasn't that the thing we said that they did? Oh, yeah. Well, that was, you know, a big, that was another, yeah. Lye. Yeah.

Bullshit. We're the ones doing it. I mean, they probably did some, but then we, right. We were like, we'll show you on a scalp. But we also went crazy with like the story. Right, yeah. Right. Right.

Right. Um, they're mutilating private parts. They're, um, would put them as decorations on hats. Oh my God. Or saddles. Now we call that a bachelorette party. I mean, we're fucking, when we call the people savages, we are fucking off the charts.

Like you've said, I mean, we've seen in the past couple years, this idea of like, they did this. And it's like, oh my, wait a minute, what are you doing? This and worse. Chief White Antelope, his privates is used as a tobacco pouch. What? Say, Fred, why are you holding a scrotum? It's actually what I keep my tobacco in now. Oh, that's pretty...

That's kind of a red flag, isn't it? I gotta say you don't seem normal, sir. Anyone want a toot? Hey, friend, you want a to toot? Say, what's that strange-looking satchel? Why, it's a Native American penis. I keep my tobacco in it. That's why I keep my cocaine in this dick.

There we are. By the way, this dick was a famous man. Anyone want to toot from my dick? Jesus. Fucking weird. I mean, really, like to come back to a regular civilization and be like, so if Alfred offers you some tobacco, say no, he's keeping it in a ball bag. He's a bit dumb.

He's not been the same since the massacre. Hello, friends. It's the same thing we see now. When you get there, you are no longer how many humanity left. Yeah. The shit you do is fucking insane. Yeah. It's insane.

No. And there are 800 ways to slice the reason why war on this level should just simply not be occurring. And among them, you can even make the selfish argument, which is, do you want people who have absolutely no value for human life walking amongst you? Reentering your society? Is that really like where you're at? Reentry. You want someone in the grocery store thinking this is a little boring.

Yeah. No, it's like your society is fuck. Yeah. So you, these are all, it all comes home to roost over and over again. That's where the hell's angels came from. I kind of like those guys.

There's a bunch of dudes with fucking PTSD. Okay. Well, I'll just read this. Oh, fuck. Quote, the command also relaxed from the battle. after by shooting at the various now mastel astray dogs lurking around, and one trooper claimed to have seen men throwing them into the fires.

Once they got home, the fighting parson started up as propaganda machine, trying to parlay his actions into a promotion, claiming to his superiors that it was a, quote, glorious victory. Unbelievable. Unbelievable win. He also mentioned... They've never seen dogs thrown in the fire like this before. He also mentioned one soldier by name, Silas Soul.

Oh, that fucking asshole. Quote. Like, he's going to give him credit. I cannot conclude this report without saying that the conduct of Captain Silas Soul, Company D, First Calvary of Colorado, was at least ill-advised, saying he saying that he thanked God he killed no Indians and proving him more in sympathy with the Indians than the whites. Brother, there's not, you just, that is as good as it gets, I guess.

That is what you want. Yeah, of course. The move would have been to be like, boy, this guy was dog tossing like nobody I've ever seen before. I don't think this was his first time taking a penis and turning it into a toothpick sack. I feel like he's got like 30 scrotum tobacco sacs. I'll be honest. I mean, my throat is hoarse from saying, Silas, chill out. Stop with a nuts.

Enough. This dude with him. Salt and pepper shakers out of anuses. This guy was on fuego. That is the way to undermine him. Yes. Instead, he's too dumb to realize that's what you did. This guy really thought it was like a bad call.

This guy hates massacring women and kids. He didn't even kill a pregnant woman. This guy's a weirdo. Silas wrote a letter to his mother where he described, and what are you doing, Ma? Hey, mom. In retrospect, should have just stayed there.

You could. He relented to his mother where he described, quote, I was present at a massacre of 300 Indians, mostly women and children. It was a horrible scene, and I would not let my company fire. He saw little children on their knees begging for their lives, only to have their brains bit out like dogs. Oh, my God. End the letter with reassurance for his mom, quote,

don't get too worried, for there is not the least danger in the world of my getting killed. And as I am the most interested party, you shouldn't fret. I'll be okay, ma. The idea that he's like, mom, I'll be fine. Don't worry, though. They're not going to kill me. While Silas and his company stayed at Fort O'Lyon dealing with paperwork and scouting missions, the maniac killers led by Fighting Parson returned home to O'Hero's welcome.

They even held the prey down the main streets that featured the Fighting Parson flying a live eagle attached to a pole like a kite. I honestly, Dave, it happens a lot. it's so depressing how similar it all remains. Just a hawk on a string, idiots cheering for murder. Yeah. But soon the real accounts of the massacre began to spread. So these people generally thought like that they fought a battle.

Right. And this is also what happens. They get ahead of it with like, wow, the bravery. Yeah. Yeah. Women and children were decimated bodies. mutilated. It was a horrific embarrassment. One colonel who had simply

for the Cheyenne and was involved with the peace process was mortified. He wrote to the bigwigs back east about it. Some were livid that the massacre happened in the first place. And even some anti-Indian superiors were mad because the fighting parson was too scared

to attack the actual band of warriors at Smokey Hill. There's also that, I guess. Yeah. You feckin' little weirdo. We should have really took down this group of women and children. Man, always storm it.

And the Warriors? We left them alone. They're very good with weapons. But we took their loved ones. We blew up the whole. We bombed the girls' school. It was awesome. And dogs, I don't think they'll be a problem.

Why is everyone kind of looking gloomy? What's going on? Hey, you guys want to ban on a mule? Huh? No. Anyone want a rolled cigarette? Here, this urethra spins out beautiful pre-rolls. Some members of Silas's battalion got word to a powerful judge who hated fighting Parson.

The judge wrote a letter that ended up being printed in the New York Herald saying the massacre was, quote, one of the most monstrous in history. Three other prominent East Coast newspapers also reprinted statements condemning the attacks. Congress then erupted with calls for an investigation, which prompted the... That's the difference. That is the difference. That's the difference. Which prompted the Joint Committee on the Conduct of War to spring into action. Senator Booker stood for 25 hours and talked about a bunch of bullshit.

The War Department was tasked with the settling a three-person committee to hold hearings in Colorado and ultimately make the decision. Wine Coop was put back in charge of Fort Leone and began his own investigation at the behest of the military. less than a month later, the fighting parson was officially discharged, honorably, of course. Of course. Honorably. Of course.

He served. And he was replaced by Colonel Thomas Moonlight. Hello, I'm a fucking weirdo. I won't work in the evening. Night soldier. Hello. The man with a small head that was almost entirely covered by a mustache. Hello.

That is. Such a great description. You can see it. You can see it. What's his name? Colonel Moonlight? I can't wait. So he is also now tasked with investigating Sand Creek.

He also had to deal with the retaliation from the natives. Yeah, because of course. On what grounds? You do something like that. You're 100% getting a lot of white people killed, right? Oh, wow. Let me see. Is it beautiful?

Well, he's definitely... That is a big... He's a lot of hair. He's covered it. He's actually a beautiful head of hair. As the year turned to January, up to a thousand warriors

descended upon the stagecoach town of Julesburg. Yeah, that's a fucking mustache. They ransack the town, killing some soldiers while they're at it. They Cheyenne, in particular, took out their frustration, and the nights were spent in celebration

and scalp dances, as some began to feel some sort of vengeance and closure after Sand Creek. So they did some killing. Yeah. But that is the, we're, that is retaliation. Justified. Justified.

And that is right there is what, in our country, in perpetuity, we used to justify further war and violence and killing. Finally, this is a granted leave from Fort Lear. and got a new assignment in Denver, where he was the chief deputy to the top military cop in the area, and he began a stint policing the soldiers. So his reputation is split among the more bloodthirsty residents, like the terrible, heinous third Calvary division, he was persona non grata.

But he was able to use his natural charm and presumably talent for accents to win some of his haters back. Buddy. I was worried we were going to drop the baton there. I do, like, just like, I understand you're here to try to investigate us. Well, listen, while I'm here to make sure everything's on the up and up, Hey, I said, don't mind a bit of a sip on Irish whiskey. That was me doing.

Wonderful. Yes. Well, I don't also like a bit of vodka. That's another one of my characters. I can't hate you. I try. I can. Yes. So, anyway, let's be friends. Do you do Scottish? Oh, I don't think so. But I don't think so. But I don't. I don't. Don't mind doing a bit of Scottish. Hello, over here. My name's Nigel McClundsman.

And all of these characters are available to you as we go through what can only be a very tough time as we really look in the mirror. And we need to come up with some. But like my aunt would say, Oh, you're not going to get away with that one. That's her. What am I not going to get away with? Well, you're not going to keep an eye on you because that was a really bad thing.

Dead point if I did judge you for killing a bunch of people in closed space and they were just mainly women and children, and then you threw the dogs in the fire. That was no okay. After the end of that, I would want to reach for my vodka too. But it was a war crime. Oh, shit. So we are going to... Because it's weird because you do the funny voices.

We will be bringing you up on a tribunal. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Okay. And hopefully, in fact, you can't say, because what you've done is crazy. I've got to be honest, is making me a little more mad that you keep doing it in the voices, because it's serious. Like, I'm... That is a good chance that this will end in a punishment of your life.

Okay. Yeah, could you not do it with the... I'm a little boy with a balloon. That character I'm working on a little bit. He's a little boy with a balloon. No, he's not great. Okay. I wrote a song about the way that we're going to end your life.

We'll do it with a gun and a knife. Wait, how would be executed with a gun and a knife? In that order, maybe. What? We'll be the way you go. You go shoot me and then stab me? The orders backwards, but that's something that we know. What was it hanging?

we will will use some rope but in the meaning i said nope because i thought that then the shooting and the knife could be more fun to end your life jesus fuck yeah i don't know you didn't write todd one i don't like it at all i'm a little lost in where i am in the process with telling you i understand um it didn't help He's like the patch Adams of like capital punishment. He really is. He's patch Adams of Kirk. I don't know. This guy showed up with a clown nose on and told me I was going to be thrown in water.

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Get it on. Get it, get it going again. It didn't help that one of his first jobs was to confiscate everything that had been taken from the dead natives at San Creek, including the buffalo robes,

livestock, and jewelry. And we're going to need your... We're going to need the dickpacking. We're going to need your tobacco cock. John, could you please just give me the dick. Not that. Not the tobacco cock. Not, come on.

Please. It's so funny at this point It's such a good party thing Everybody always thinks it's awesome When I do it like that Compromise Okay When the pouch is empty

I just don't love those terms And the dick And the asshole The ass we're not taking the assail Yeah you don't need that anymore I do too I heard you're opening bottles with it Well of course I am

It's perfect It just got so hard He was a chief I know and I think that helped. I really think the conviction that he had inside of him made it the perfect bottle opener. I disagree. It just sucks the top right off.

Don't ever say that again. Why? It's upsetting. Oh, come on. Here, let me roll you one. And here, use the vagina light. As Colonel Moonlight Devices planned, the men grew restless. Come February, there was a litany of minor eruptions of violence.

most of them resulting from junk guys playing with their guns. Yeah. And also guys who had done a fucking massacre. Let's make that the flag. Finally word came down. The men who would lead the investigation of the Sand Creek massacre was none other than Samuel Tappen, a longtime mentor of Silas, one of the main guys behind the investigation in the first place.

And the man whose position in Denver was stolen by the fighting parson back in their youth. Deliberations began on February 15, 1865. the first witness to testify, Silas Sol. Silence was grilled for two and a half days by the committee about everything he had witnessed, and Silas spared no details, painting a bloody picture of the gruesome raid on the peaceful village. Then the fighting parsonate is turned with a cross-examination. And they pointed out that wine coop began the peace process on his own without instructions from superiors. They accused the peace party of being drunk the whole time.

Not a crime. No, it's back then. That's like a given. Sorry. What do you mean you were sober? That's disgusting. It's Tuesday. In order to be, you must be inebriated for such violence.

But Tappin quickly got that line of questioning thrown out, and they interrogated him for another day's day trying to pick apart every detail of his story, but Silas held strong. Even though his part was finished, the investigation dragged on for months, and Silas began to worry about how his reputation might lead some of the more deranged Indian haters to murder him. Right. As we call them now, Americans. You know, I guess that's really what, sorry, not to cut you, but I do think that that is the thing that is so absent now, the, like, the satisfaction of an investigation for the wrong, because the wrong is always going to occur with this system. There used to just be some version of investigations, like, where you'd be like, maybe we'll get, like, it was never satisfying enough. But with the things that are going on now, it's just like the Justice Department is.

you know, investigates the justice department and... Yeah, the woman who accused Trump of rape when she was 13 is now being investigated. Yeah, right. Yeah. There you go. Yep.

Perfect. Just someday I hope there will be... It's not going to happen. Even though this part finished, the investigation went over here. Oh, I already did this. Quote, during a buggy ride to Central City, Silas confided in Captain George Price, the district inspector and several-year acquaintance that he fully expected to be killed because of his actions at San Creek and his testimony.

He added that afterward, his character would be further assassinated and his credibility destroyed, something the fighting person was already attempting to do. Sattis was accused of plotting the attack to steal buffalo skin robes. Oh, fuck, that's, dude, this is so fucking now. and lies were... He was really trying to take all the robes. And lies were spread that he planted evidence of brutality at the scene of the massacre before the inspector arrived,

so it would look worse. 100%. Well, I mean, look. It's so dumb. It's so dumb. During like a massacre on that level to be like, he put a bloody knife out there. He came.

What can he do? He came to the battle with 40 ears. Yeah. And he threw them about. He just was scattering fake ears. It's just so crazy. Silas violently denied these falsehood in letters to headquarters

people even took shots at him literally from the guns possibly missing on purpose but instilling the real possibility of death however even though he feared for his life there was one thing Silas could not hide from his love of doing Irish accents this motherfucker

he led the band down the main streets he's probably like down now for the local St. Paddy's Day parade busting out his classic Irish brood singing for the people. The Rocky Mountain News took the time to thank them for their good taste and generosity for a glorious serenade. Oh, and the saints come marching in. Oh, and the saints.

Come marching in when I reshoes are crying. Hirsa Coberley moved with her family to Colorado from, from Iowa in 1860. The Coburleys opened a rest stop for weary soldiers and stagecoaches, which became very popular watering hole for troops going from Denver to the plains. Father and some would play fiddle for the visitors, while Hursa, her mom, and her sister, quote, would serve as waitresses, sing and dance and gently break the arts

of lonely troopers. Hursa was known as an energetic young woman full of life and blessed with a devilish charm and wit. All the boys wanted to dance with her, and Silas was one of those boys. the local papers caught wind and reported quote a captain of the first and a witty young lady at a stopping place implying romance between the two although he's got listen i'm gonna i'm gonna give you i'm gonna peel the curtain back here for a minute okay quiet and tell you that look if you've got the accents you got the wit you can sing a song you get it thaw the the icy outside of it any potential server. But in a situation like this,

it's sorry, buddy. It's just a matter of time, dude. Sorry. What are you sorry about? I'm sorry that you're so offended by this. Yeah, you can go there and fucking depress them about America. I can do a pun in an accent that is maybe a song. You know what I'm saying?

So, what? No, I got nothing to say. it referred the story referred to Silas as quote that inveterate encyclopedia of antidote and exaggeration if not an amplifier of the truth you're absolutely not an amplifier of the truth I 100% am that's all I do that's never what you do yeah it is

surely before the Sand Creek massacre her father was killed in a skirmish possibly with natives this led to the eldest son this led the eldest son to participate in the massacre This is a tough, hitting on this person is tough. Her father's killed by them. Her brother fought in it. And you're still like, I'm up against the ropes. I know what to do.

Well, I don't know if I like the attitude of your family. So she moved to Denver. And once there, her romance was Silas blossomed. And she brought him home to her mother, who may have been the only person in the world immune to his charms. I've had, I've had that. Likely because it was reputation from Sandy Creek. I've run up against that.

I bet you have. That's happened. But also because you have a terrible reputation for being a... Go ahead. What would it say? A false flag massacre creator. What are you talking about? They're saying that he did a false flag.

Yeah, I don't have that. And that's what you are. No, I'm not. You're a false flag. You pretend... I've never even done a real flag. You pretend there are massacres all the time. You're like the massacre guy.

I mean, I don't... Look, maybe once. I don't remember specifically. I can't tell any times you go on the road and you come with a pocket full of ears. Ready to go. Well, that's for Luke to snack on it. Thursday, March 30th, the couple attended the theater. They saw either Orphan of Geneva Deadshot or Miriam's Crime.

The next day they decided to tie the knot. Married in the morning. Silas, always the jokester, got married at 8 a.m. on April Fool's Day. You've done it to. I don't know if this is a legal marriage. Is that Shatner? I don't know if we're actually what. They quickly moved into a house on Curtis Street where they were the perfect pair.

The news reported that Silas was, quote, doing better, apparently, than ever before. The newspaper further wished the sole name would spread and flourish like the branches of a Green Bay Tree. I love a Green Bay Tree. Gross cheese. Gross. In April of 1865 came the undoing of the Confederacy's War for slavery and leave surrendered. And celebrations filled the streets of Denver, part of years reveling in the end of the bloody affair.

And then suddenly, it was all turned upside down when John Wilkes Booth went out for a night at the theater. That's a fucking guy. Denver, like the rest of the decent parts. of the country, more than the loss of Abraham Lincoln, things slowed down, like the entire union was stuck in molasses for his part. Suss was about to be reassigned to perhaps another promotion, so he was stuck idling for the moment as well. When the, when Wilkes Booth killed Lincoln, that it, it was like the country felt like

it was sort of healing to some extent, and then he did that and then it was like, Jesus Christ, we're never going to be okay. Yeah, we're never going to be okay. Yeah. It's pretty cool. Soar losers. Yeah. This is why we should have killed them all.

Yeah, this is why we should have stopped actors. Starting with the actors, yeah. But would your version of it be where we just, they just all were gone? I mean, it's like. No, I mean, you can't massacre them all. I mean, you could, honestly. But I really believe taking away all their property and giving it to other people, particularly the slaves would have been the way to go. At April 23rd, 1865.

You're calling for a freaky Friday. Free Friday. On April 23rd, 18. In 1665, Silas and Hursa attended a small get-together at a friend's house. At about 9.30, they made the trek back home. Silas was about to encounter perhaps not for the first time, a private of the second Colorado Calvary division and a multiple-time Army dropout in X-Con Charles Squire. This is going to put Silas's ability to use accents and improv to the ultimate test. because it seems like a would-be assassin,

this is a tiny stage, but still one you have to find your way on. Squire was drunk, hanging out with a dark-haired farm boy from Kentucky named Morrow, and they wanted to have some fun. So naturally, they just started shooting their guns all over the place. Sure.

Silas got word and hurried Hursa home so he could deal with it in his capacity as a leader of the military police. As Silas turned the corner, He comes back and puts in like fake teeth and glasses. Honey, you stay here. I'll be right back. Don't worry and don't wait up for me.

Putting on those fake Chinese eye glasses. Honey, I don't know if that's right. Don't do the voice. I won't, babe. As you turn the corner onto Ev Street and Arapaho, the three, I love that they've named a street after the Native Americans. It's just. There's already an Arapahoe street. We really.

Are the fucking worst. The three men came face to face about four feet apart, and they froze. Silas reached down into his pocket and grasped his derringer. Seconds took by that felt like hours and suddenly a flash of movement and two shots fired. One of the bullets ripped through Squire's right hand, obliterating tendons and bone, and he dropped to his gun. He dropped his gun, but he would not need it because Silas soul was dead on the ground. Fuck.

Quote, the Colts bullet hammered into the face of Silas penetrating under the right cheekbone and burrowing deep through his brain cells until it slammed into a halt of the back of his head. Thrown backward by the impact, Silas landed hard on the ground as his brain hammeraged and he took his last breath. His advisory left his gun behind and, sorry, his adversary left his gun behind and joined his already fleeing comrade, his wounded hand, leaving a trail of blood as they fled. Silas Sol, a Jayhawker soldier, nearly wet and not yet 27, lay lifeless on the street,

a victim of moral courage that ruled his life. A crowd started to form, and a doctor was quickly dispatched to help Silas. That's the saddest part. What do you need to do to save him, Doc? We new head. Okay, how long will that take? That's the while.

We don't have to... So he's in surgery, right now. We're just trying to find a new head. He had died instantly. Immediately word spread. Several soldiers arrived and lifted his dead body toward the sky, carrying his lifeless corpse to district headquarters.

The killers treated to their company camp or they admitted their crime. But possibly because of Silas' reputation as a native sympathizers, they were not detained. Un-fucking believable, dude. Murrow... A native sympathizer. I mean,

to just simply be like, Yeah, that was like fucking ungodly, devoid of morals. Just an absolute crime against existence. And people are like, this guy's got a soft spot for non-whites. Fuck this guy. He deserved it. You know, one time I offered him a toot from my native's dick and he turned it down. What?

No, I don't, that's just a weird thing to say right now. It's all. Well, it's just, just. You're trying to get me to sympathize with the killer, but then you're bringing up the dick full of what's in it? Well, which one? Which dick? Yeah.

I don't know. This one I got a debacker in. This one's for snooting. Uh-huh. This one's just got just salt. Okay. And then this is various spices here. Okay.

And this one I have actually, I put my dick in it. Thank you. We actually need to question you anymore. Why? We've got all the information we need. I haven't even shown you the one I put my gun in. Thank you. What?

Thank me what? We're good. Want to see my impression of Gonzo? Nope. All right. Did you guys say something? I was leaving? I thought you all would call me back.

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Notion.com slash amp. Uh, Morrill flat. disappeared. We never heard from him again. Squire ran into Mexico. The next morning, the entire city was buzzing about the tragedy. The Rocky Mountain News and Blackhawk Journal both had pieces about the unfairness. It was an untimely end. Winecoop and other friends of Silas were certain that the fighting person had paid Squire to bait Silas with the gunshot so he could assassinate him. Tappan wrote in his diary that, quote, the barbarism of Sandy Creek has culminated in the assassination of Captain Sol. This wasn't just grief-fueled speculation. The fighting parson had actually offered today's equivalent of $10,000 to anyone who killed natives or their sympathizers.

I mean, yeah, just endless, endless nightmares. Yeah, so. The way that we can leverage money for morals. It's really crazy. On April 26th, most of Denver showed up. up to St. John's. As a procession left the church, they were led by Silas' band, playing his favorite Irish songs. That's sad without him being able to do his accent.

It's really a completely different parade. Yeah. Despite the fact that Abe Lincoln's funeral train was also occurring at the same moment, the paper said Silas' funeral was, quote, the finest ever seen in the land. Same day as Lincoln? Yeah. That's a weird call. Yeah.

Give me a day before. after. Right? Yeah, I don't need the same day. You know what I mean? Like, I remember one time I was doing a show in Montana and like, it's feeling good about everything. And then people are like, Trevor Noah's here and he's doing the amphitheater.

I was like, what about when we're on tour in Australia and we're going up against the NFL game? Oh, that won't happen again. The investigation into Sandy Creek Boron, the fighting person brought in men who claimed Silas was drunk and cowardly and even stole a man's blanket. What? A blanket. Then then people were like, blanket.

that's a pretty good idea. The accusations were all plainly false and subsequently thrown out. The hearings finally came to a close on May 30th when it halted with a whimper. The fighting person had already been honorably discharged along with the major who led the massacre. The only man left to face any repercussions was Governor Evans, who was forced to resign. Squire was found in New Mexico by a group of civilians who noticed him acting strange. He was captured with great fanfare and marched back to Denver, stopping along the way at Tappans Fort. What could only be assumed was a massive beating.

Good. Squire was thrown in jail where he waited for what felt like forever for his court martial. It turns out his brother was a big wig in International Railroad, so he called it every favor he could to get Squire off. Soon after, the man who captured Squire, and brought him to Denver was found dead of a morphine overdose and a brothel. Uh-huh. After months of wearing... By the way, though. What a way to go.

What a way to go. You're talking about a way to leave. After months of wearing big iron shackles and being eaten by lice, a court martial date was set. Two nights before the court martial, a few men broke into the back of the jail, pigging the lock. What's inside, they used the chiseled to remove the shackles and spirited Squire out of the door. While two of the accomplices were captured, Squire made it out and a remade. remain free.

Silas Sol is remembered with a plaque at the site of his murder. It honors how he, quote, disobeyed orders by refusing to fire on Chief Black Kettle's peaceful Cheyenne and Arapo Village. It ends. His murders were never brought to justice. Written by Josh Androski sources Solis Silas Soul, a short eventful life of moral courage by Tom Bencing, the Rocky Mountain News, the Commonwealth, and the Black Hawk Daily Minor. man it's just so yeah i don't know i don't how do you maintain a sense of and i'm not even

asking you because i know that it's you don't you're you're done but every now and then i i do kind of hover around some version of not optimism but a little like hope of something but when you realize how repetitive it all is. There's no different. Well, okay, so a great sort of modern day version of this is Colin Powell. Right? The massacre, Meli, he was the guy who hit it and made sure nothing came of it and made sure that no one was ever really punished.

Like he's that guy and there he is, right? Living large hero. But he's... Leading us into more war. But he's the guy who made sure that Sandy... St. Creek wasn't like a terrible... Well, and it's also like if, you know, when there are things... Like, in our recent history, when there are things like the Panama Papers or...

you know, like water, any of those things, those, the moment of, hey, let's actually have this kind of come to Jesus as a country where, you know, wow, things are so fucked up. It is immediately the forces of evil are pretending that they're taking note, but meanwhile, they're just simply planning better for the future. And, you know, when you get to like, like, I was talking about Abu Ghraib the other day. somebody and you're just like man that fuck that was such a moment to to just say hey

this is fucking this is not like this is fuck off you're going to jail for the things that you've now you've put us in this position for these sort of things and instead the evil side is able to lie their way out of it and then we never have any cleanup or any reflection

and it's just repeating to the point now where you just go, yeah, I mean, like, this fucking guy is just going to be able to do whatever the fuck he wants because we've never done the re, we've never done the correction version of this shit in my lifetime. Well, there, you know, there's all this stuff about like, you know, Trump profiting off of all this bullshit, right? He hasn't made a dime. But, but like, Democrats could have made a big debt in this stuff if, like, they punished

Cheney for his Halliburton contracts and destroying a fucking country to make money and rebuild it with the profits or even his buddies like whatever it was but like you know he he was the fucking

CEO or vice president of Hallibur partner it was and then he like leaves but you know then Halliburton gets all the contracts well it's the same shit it's the same fucking shit it's the line it's the line it's the line it's the line is smaller in between now, but it all, it was so obvious then. And another big problem is like, I, like, Newsom tweeted something out yesterday, like, listing like all this corruption shit that Trump has done.

And he goes, that's just the last week. And it's like, buddy, I watched your corruption on full display during COVID. You delayed the shots for everybody. So your fucking Blue Cross could end up to get in the contracts and making all the money. So you, now you're in a quantification. you're like, that guy's cropped and all the people that you need to convention. Like, yeah, so are you. Because he is.

Sorry, you're on a different level of corruption. Your side of the street needs to be clean. Your side of the street needs to be clean. Yes. You need to point it out. Yes. That's it. Yes.

And if your side of the street isn't clean, you don't get to point it out. So all, but all this stuff with like, it's very easy. With these war crimes that are now talking about, the side we need to do something, their side of the street's not clean either. Yeah. So you have these. massacres happening all the fucking time now. Yeah.

Well, you can't, I mean, it's difficult. Like, the, you, we would, if your side profits off of insider trading and your side is also getting mad at the other side for, yeah, unfettered corruption. Yeah. You still are unable, you're not going to be on, you can't have that argument. You can't make argument. If someone makes $200 million when they're in fucking office,

yeah. That's all so. not okay. Yeah. But the Cheney point is true because there is every time a war criminal dies of natural causes, it's a loss. The ability to get society or anything back on track moves further and further away from our grasp. Absolutely.

And it's like the fact that Henry Kissinger was able to just die. The number one. That Dick Cheney was just able to die. Yeah. That George W. Bush is just going to die painting. dogs. Yeah. That all these things, it's just... And when Bush dies, he'll be... It'll be, it is going to be an intolerable experience. Totally. It's going to be impossible for people like us to be involved in media. Yeah. Because the news will eulogize him, elevate. I mean, it truly,

if Hitler ran America and he died in the year 2026, we would simply... call him like a man, a controversial figure who reinvented the mustache and had a passion for dogs. Yeah, pretty much. Patreon.com slash the dollop. Uh, you have any dates you want to promote or?

No, I'm not going on any dates. I'm married. Some of us aren't too happy about it either. What? It's become a bit of a problem. All right. Well, there you go. That's, uh, yeah.

So we'll just move on with our lives and... Yeah, it all goes on. It's fine and, you know, gas. That's been a real... Yeah. Fun. What do you think is the deal with French dressing? They don't have that dressing over there and we call it French.

Why is it called French? It's the same thing with Russian dressing. Yeah, no, I agree completely. Yeah. That is so funny you said that. Yeah. And are there really a thousand islands? I don't think there are.

Hey, where's that hidden valley? There's an address on the bottle. What are you putting, what are you putting Greeks in the actual, like actual Greek people? You lost me, sister.