The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 740 - Alexander Hamilton - Part One

Episode Date: June 30, 2026

Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine Alexander Hamilton. Part One of FourSOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey, I'm Andrew Santino. And I'm Bobby Lee. And we made something completely insane. We took celebrities. We put them in my mom's basement. We throw trivia at them. We hit them with absurd challenges. And then, just when they think they know what's happening, we blow to ho-ting a pot.

Nobody knows the rules. We barely know the rules. It's chaos. It's comedy. It's The Bad Game Show. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Watch on the Bad Friends YouTube channel. Or on the Bad Game Show feed on Spotify video.

Follow, subscribe, watch. Share, play along. Have fun. My father's dead. You killed him. They think that I'm shiny. I am a pie man. I'm Pete Rose, and I only go to Gold's Gym, this one specifically. Rumor is that his penis is broke. And show up where the taco bar was.

His brain just fucking exploded. River of cheese. You've been drinking any gnome juice? No, officer. My dad had a fart chair. Hey, cover me. Dullab. This is an American history podcast. each week. I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American history to a man I like to call

the white Lionel Richie. Thank you so much. Of course. Gerith Reynolds, who has no idea what the topic is going to be about. That's really nice. What? What era? Oh, now. Fuck! Right now. He had real motion back in the day.

I know, but you've aged. a lot of people are describing you as having aged out now I don't know what that means but it's it's a term that's going on old fucker old fucker come on I'm getting AARP stuff in the mail just complaining about the cloud for an hour

The cloud they made the cloud The cloud was not working for this document We should mention Dave that on Patreon we have a lot of great new stuff including the dollar up. We just shot our first judge Dave. And so if you're interested in extra Dallop stuff, go to the Dallup Patreon. And yeah, we will have a new podcast

launching called Hollywood Hellscapes. That's coming soon. With Alex Burns and Corey Ryan Forrester, and that is a Patreon only show. Corey is very funny. Alex is there. Yes, that's how people describe this. No, yeah, it is. So we're very excited about that. So go to patreon.com, search the dollop.

Yeah, there's some really fun stuff. Also, I had that conversation with the guy about the North Hollywood Bank robbery. And who wrote the book on it. And that was fucking pretty crazy. Oh, I thought it was the Norco. Oh, it was Norco. Sorry. But he, I wasn't listening.

But he, I mean, there are, at first, First of all, he was like, you did a great job. Oh, good. He was like, I don't know how you got all that information, because a lot of it wasn't out yet. But he's like met with everybody from, you know, all the survivors of the robbery and. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. But he was really interesting. So there's that stuff now on Patreon, a few like us a lot, which I do. Which we're calling Patreon now. Yeah, because, do you not know what it is? Let me explain. It's a place for everything. extra content.

Okay, I'm not trying to be Patreonizing, but that's what it is. Do, do, do, but, too, but to be. Uh, anything else? Gentlemen. Uh, I also am selling bait.

Yeah, Dave's a bait guy. Go ahead. Shout the date. January 11th, 1755. Maybe 7057. Okay. That's Bill Byer's birthday. The year, you're about 1715.

No, no. He's, I went to high school with him. What's up? Will. Andrew Hamilton was born. You're going to need to control yourself. I'm going to tell you right now. You need to behave yourself during this podcast.

Oh, no. Wait a minute. I know what you think? Yeah. What do you think? They're little songs. You think he's going to get songy? Yeah.

It's not really a song. It's like a rap talk. Can I just say up front that I knew about him? He's so much worse than I ever imagined. Man, this is great. This is great news. Alexander Hamilton was born in Charlestown. No part of you wants to go.

Alexander Hamilton. None. Okay. I'm a normal human being. Normal. A British island colony in the West Indy. His parents were Rachel Fossett and James Hamilton. Jimmy, I assume.

Jim. Jim. Jim was a failed Scottish merchant. When did Jimbo start? Well, whenever the name got to Australia. It's true. Jimmy was a failed Scottish merchant Rachel had a son from a previous marriage

who was living with the dad Okay So James and Rachel What a rare paternal custody back then seems a little strange Yeah but maybe he was like Learning to be a pirate I mean to be fair

I didn't want him to be with a Scott Yeah No that would be Yeah right But also if he was learning a trade they probably started like six. Yeah, right. James and Rachel had two sons, but they couldn't marry

as she was still technically married. The sons couldn't get married? No. The boys, they couldn't marry each other. James and Rachel. And they have two kids, but they can't marry. The first son was James Jr., and the second was Alexander. Rachel's husband came back to ask for a divorce. And he said Rachel was, quote,

whoring with everyone. I mean, really fair complaint. That's how you get the divorce. Yeah. I mean, look, I don't think that's the right, but I've said that in every one of my relationships. Always. You know, it's just slips.

How does that knock about? That's a bunch of stuff, but you've been horrid with everybody. A judge granted the divorce and punished Rachel ruling that she could never marry again. You know, I, Look, sometimes you go, boy, it really sure seems like women are mad about something

when it comes to men in the world. And then the further you trace it back, it really is, it's like a systemic failure that you can trace throughout history entirely. Well, that's weird because I was thinking dudes rock. Also, fair point. Fair counter. That was what happened in the court. Your Honor, he did this. He did this.

Your Honor, dude's rock. Well, shit, I can't argue with that shit. Tosses him a beer. You woman never get dick again. You've been whoring around? I know you've been horrid with everybody. The judge called her kids, quote, whore children.

I'm so glad you were drinking when I said that. Oh, fuck. That is the most I spilled on an episode. That is, what? I love, it's just like, Like, when someone who's supposed to be wise and with authority is so stupid, it is the funniest. It's really great. Like if a doctor is just like, you get his all tangley.

Ah. Oh, my God. Poor children. So that meant officially they're bastards. Oh, my God. That is a judge. A judge. Now, as a bastard, Alexander is not allowed formal schooling.

Oh my God We can have a bastard running around learning shit Oh my Lord So Rachel educates him With tutors Uh huh But some Christian tutors

Wouldn't teach bastards So his first was a quote Jewish Oh my God You are real I've painted a beautiful world You shouldn't be worried About a song in the first part

They are the whore children Under duress Regular people won't tutor Get a Jewess. Some of the stuff he learned was in Hebrew. Okay. When Alexander was 11, James Bales. Okay.

Scottish Dad? Yeah, he never sees him again, but they did write a little bit. Real Dad, Scottish Dad. His Real Dad. Okay, gotcha. Okay. In 17... By the way, my pilot, Real Dad, Scottish Dad did not get picked up.

See, that's... Because mine Real Dad, Irish Dad did. That sounds a lot. In 17168, Alexander and his mom came down with a fever. She's going to die. They're convalescing in the same bed or illing in the same bed. She... Run DMC.

And then she got an herb to help with the fever, but it caused awful flatulence. Oh, my God. So she's just farting like crazy. Better than deathbed, but... He got enemas and bloodletting. Well, sorry, I just need to be very clear. Go ahead. He's sick from what she has.

They're both sick with the same thing. So they're sharing a bed. She's just... She took the herb. Farting away. Farting like a cow. And he's just getting enemas. And he's 11.

He's getting stuff shoved up his ass. And what are they... It's amazing that enemas have been around that long. What are they putting in you at that time? Water? I assume it's coffee. I would imagine it's the blood they let. They take the blood out and they put it up the butt.

This is going to hurt and be a little weird. Yeah. Wow. That's an awesome. That's great. And then she died. Right. So her ex-husband then comes back in and gets a judge to give her entire estate to their son. Well, she was hoaring around. Can't give it to the whore kids. It is whore property. So now at that time, he called Alexander and Alexander's brother, quote,

obscene children born after the diseased person's divorce. Wow. What the fuck, dude. So. I could hear Kavanaugh saying this, but it's still, it would be news. It's all those guys. They would all say that. Yeah.

This is like straight out of Ben Shapiro's mouth. Right. Very simply, I mean, she's diseased in a horrid. They went, they were sent to live with a cousin. a little while after that he killed himself and then another cousin stepped into help but then he died after a couple weeks. I don't know where this story's actually headed

but it feels that justified for how he turns out so far. Well, it's not a great start. A lot of death. Yeah. If you watch your mom fart to death, that's brutal. That's actually how my dad went.

No. James was then... That's alive and it's not how he went. James was then apprenticed to a carpenter and Alexander was taken in by a wealthy merchant named Stephen Thomas. Sorry, Thomas Stevens. Okay. It's never, it's never good.

It's never good when a young guy. Goes him with a rich guy. At 14, a merchant firm hired Alexander as a clerk. He had a lot of responsibility for a teen, keeping books, charting the shipping routes, supervising the purchase of merchandise like sugar and wine and people. Great. The three, top three. Big gifts.

Big gifts. He knew he... I never thought about that. They gave him his gifts. 100%. Put it terrible. 100%. Happy Valentine's Day.

What do you think? He was a bit big, isn't he? Yes, I wasn't... He knew he'd never be able to rise higher without a formal education, and he was desperate to make something of himself. That's the four podcast. Yeah, right?

At 14, he was wishing for a war so he could distinguish himself as a soul and used the military to rise up. Right. Sure. I mean, that does make some sense with the nightmarries in. Yeah. Alexander was very smart and he impressed an important man on the island.

Reverend Hugh Knox was especially taken with him and took him under his wing. He let him read in his library, teach him how to hone his writing skills. And Alexander had a talent for poetry and he published pieces in local papers. One was about a devious woman that began, quote, Cilia's an awful Cilia's an artful little slut Oh my God Oh God

Just Terrible What do you mean The fact that it's like It's like worked out It's just hit him so clearly Yes I don't know where that's coming from

My childhood It was full of slander On women A Hurricane at the out and Alexander wrote about it in a letter to his father, which Knox read, and he was so impressed he got it published in a local gazette. This hurricane was a gaping old whore. What a slut.

Oh, my lord. This convinced many of that Alexander had promised, and several businessmen then agreed to finance his education in America. By the way, this all stinks of pedophilia now. Doesn't it? Yeah, we are now hearing that a guy is doing anything for a child out of, goodness or an eye for talent We can't

We absolutely cannot hear it from Without that angle No any rich guy now He was like let me help this child It's like you stay the fuck away You understand me We know what you're doing Nice try asshole

So they wanted him to go to America Hoping that he'd become a doctor And then come back to the island That was their Okay So he leaves for Boston at 18 Which is a bit too old To start university then

Amazing Some biograph You're almost dead, fool. Some biographers believe this led him to take two years off his age. Okay. Great. So he's not an immigrant like those who would later, you know, come to Ellis Island, like the classic immigrant we think of.

Sure. He just moved from one British colony to another. Okay. So he was a British citizen moving to another British colony. So, but consider an immigrant, but not like. Right, not fresh off the boat. the ones that were arresting for... Being immigrants.

Yes. Which is now just fully criminalized. Criminalized, yeah. He moved from Boston. It's interesting. Isn't it? It's just a very strange little time. Scotus just handed down a ruling today.

Yeah. And they said that you can't, you can deny asylum. Mm-hmm. And you can limit the number of people seeking asylum per day. And this is what I find... And you know what's interesting about that is that Trump used...

who'd argue that? Obama because Obama did that. So he got to use that. Please, we all, we love Obama. Stop the stuff. Very big fans of Obama. It's, it's, what I find interesting is that it's a court made up of criminals. Psychopaths. Yeah, total psychopaths who should be institutionalized

and not be in charge of areas. I like a lady who was raising a cult. Well, showered with her dad until 13. I like that. How about a couple of rapists? Oh, my God. One guy who kept a calendar about it. Hey. And me and Squeeb held her down. Jesus.

Fuck. Okay. So he, uh, he moved from Boston to New Jersey, uh, because the guy paying for him they want him to go to Princeton. Mm-hmm. But Princeton rejects him because he has gaps in his education. So he ends up going to a prep school in Elizabeth, New Jersey. Sure.

And he impressed the professors and students. He's very quick. He's very smart. And he climbs the society. society's ladder using introduction letters from Hugh Knox. He's also very good at networking. Okay. He went to many of the same parties as a man,

a young guy named Aaron Burr. Oh, that's interesting. But then he gets rejected again by Princeton, and now he's pissed, and he moves to Manhattan to go to King's College. Okay. Which becomes Columbia. He was desperate to create a new persona for himself in New York, and he really speaks of his past

and once writing, quote, my birth is the subject of the most humiliating criticism. Yeah. They're all from it. Well, I got a sense that it was scarlettered from the beginning. Yeah, I mean, it's not a great story.

That's one of those, it's a very easy thing to just say and take a man down easily despite how my heart he works. So you were a bastard. I'm in the middle of a dissertation. But he wasn't really about. Your mother died from farting because she was so loose.

Isn't that right? You better fart her way to death? How does that work, exactly? What was it like to hear the final... Do you ever think back to the final fart like a last gasp? Was it a sad? Do you think of that last fart, the soul left the asshole? Let me do an impression of your mother's last fart and tell me if it's close.

No. Oh, it's unfamiliar, boy? No. Yes. You're not Princeton material. So he grows up to be a handsome young man. He's 5'7. Tall for the time.

Reddish hair. Tau. Deep blue eyes. Oh, yeah, right. Has a graceful way of moving. Oh, did he? A friend said he moved with a, quote, refinement and grace, which I have never witnessed in any other man.

That is a... He was one of the most elegant of more. Have you ever looked at a friend of yours move and been like, His grace. Luke? It's just. He spent every morning walking outside, muttering lessons to himself to memorize them, talking to himself to organize his thoughts became a lifelong habit when some people

thought he'd lost his mind when he'd do it. Sure. But that's actually a really good way, like really smart people actually talk to themselves, apparently. I do that. I don't know. I'm always talking about it. I just stare myself quietly.

Oh, my God. Turning the lights on and off until the bulbs break. He studied anatomy at first, but was swept into politics after the Boston Tea Party. Same. When the British punished Boston by using the intolerable acts in 1774, Alexander spoke at a large gathering on campus held by the Sons of Liberty. He spoke against taxation without representation and for a boycott on British goods. And the crowd, you know, applause, cheering.

Yeah, and I'm sure it was just like, I mean, that had to be the, he had to do that Hamilton style. No taxation without representation, you know. Oh, no, go on. What are we going to put inside the teapot? I recommend a real. boycott.

What are we going to put in the teapot? I recommend a real boy. If it's not the tea because of the tax. Hold on. I'm trying to make sense of... I think the British are just coming with a tax. Hold on. I'm trying to make sense of the teapot thing.

There's no need to go back and think about it more. Don't talk about my mother. She was a big winner. What? Horror. Winner! You bastard! I'm sorry, that's me.

Uh... So he's playing to the crowd. It became clear that the war with Britain was imminent. And after loyalist Samuel Seabury wrote an article trashing the boycotts, Alexander anonymously published a 35-page pamphlet, a full vindication of the measure of Congress that skillfully rebutted Seber's arguments. So Seabry writes back, and then Alexander does two, and that time he writes an 80-page reply.

That's such a TLDR. That is the, it's like if someone text you and you got to click the more at the bottom, you're like, hell. No, you didn't do it. Sorry, you fucked up. I don't do this anymore. It's the going past 180 characters on Twitter. Yeah, it's like, you look, it's sorry.

And this one calls the farmer refuted. I don't know. He called those opposing Congress bad men and worried that the colonies were under threat of absolute slavery. That is for people who willfully and gladly held slaves. It's ironic, is what you say.

It's strange for him to be like, if we're not careful, they may take away our dignity. More sugar. He agreed dependence on a British king was, quote, just and rational and that war should be avoided.

Did you miss? Did you, yeah. No, I heard it. I mean, I think it's a bad take. His writing was astute, powerful, but also snarky. Also, quote, redundant and overly long. Well, that's when you say the 80 pages, you know, or the 35, I mean, that is... He would do that his whole life. Yeah, it's verbose.

Yeah. His pamphlets made a splash in the very conservative loyalist-leaning New York. Okay. Loyalist, meaning they are. Brits, the pro-Brit. Six weeks later, wore a rubble. Alexander joined a New York militia unit and I drilled before classes. He kept writing opinion pieces

but he wanted but he wanted reconciliation between the colonies and Britain and that seemed behind the times. That is such a Chamberlain-y way like it's just so funny. Guys, we can all get alone.

Yeah, yeah exactly. It's fine. Let's just have a king. I talk to Hitler. He's gonna fucking chill out. Okay? He signed this fucking thing. He really looked behind the times after Thomas Payne published common sense,

questioning why colonists should bend the need of the king. But Alexander was content for Americans to be subservient to the king as long as they were treated fairly, as kings do. That's the thing about kings. They're very fair. It's the Democrats. Yes. This was in line with the conservative thinking,

but not the majority of Americans. So American soldiers seized King's College to use as a military hospital. And this meant his teenage wish for a war was here and he wants glory. That's right. It's time. Using his connections, he joined the Confederate, sorry, the Continental Army as a captain and a commander of a New York artillery company in 1776.

Okay. He wanted his men to look brave and righteous. The look is important. The look is very important. Right. Quote Uh-huh Nothing is more necessary

than to stimulate the vanity of soldiers To this end Smart dress is essential Oh fuck man No fluvex I forget I was talking to a friend About bands

And he was it's about this And he pointed a picture It was like for a band And they were all dressed The same He was that's what it's about I was just like That's not so crazy

It's about music So crazy the outfits. It's about what they're wearing. Well, you have PTSD from doing a podcast where you had a uniform. Having done this show with you this, like, the idea of ever

insisting or pushing you to wear a costume is the funniest thing that could possibly happen. Yeah, I agree. To be like, where's your clown outfit? Saying that to you and then you doing it is a different version. It shows in 10 minutes when are you going to put your clown stuff on it.

So Alexander ended up raising funds for nice blue and buff uniforms. Hot. It looks sharp. You got to look sharp. A few months later, a huge British fleet encircled the city and invaded. There were a few American casualties. The only ones were several in Alexander's company. Hmm, that's interesting.

As he commanded them to fire cannons, don't get the suits dirty. No ducking. No, no, no. Stand up. Hold on. All right. Oh, we've got blood all over.

Marty. Marty got blood off. Marty. Oh, Sam did too. Marty and Sam have ruined their uniforms. Jesus Christ. Okay, we're done. We lost.

That's it. It's over. The war is over. There's nothing left to say. maybe we'll go to bed and we'll fight another day. Alexander Hamilton. This is what I was talking about. Alexander Hamilton.

So there's a lack of discipline which led to one of the cannons blowing up, killing and injuring several men. It was likely a result of Alexander's poor command, but it seems that he was shielded by important friends and never had to answer for it. So it's close to friendly fire. The earliest American guy getting away with it.

Yeah, right. Right, yeah. Our earliest war cover-up? He and his men were almost trapped twice. By the way, where are those two pilots? Pilots? Never mind. Remember the plane that got downed in Iran?

Oh, yeah. That's funny. He and his men were almost trapped twice in other battles, but they luckily got away. Once they were saved when a young officer led them to safety while evading to test. to rejoin George Washington forces in Harlem Heights.

The soldier who led them was Aaron Burr. Okay. Meat cute. It is a meat cute. There, Alexander came to Washington's attention. He watched Alexander organized soldiers to build defenses, and when

the American army divided, Alexander was picked to join Washington to defend New Jersey. So they're dog by the... What is the... the strategy of war that is so... I mean, you had a fucking musket and it was just kind of like, go over there, stay low.

Well, you're trying to move men around and get into an advantageous place to shoot at the other guy. Right, but that's really what it is. Nobody's just like, we move at six, we're going to go... Well, they're trying to get, right, the important things, forts and supplies. His mother died from forts.

I'm going to take off. I can do it. Just leave the freaking iPad. Leave the freaking iPad. I'll figure it out. So they're being chased by the British. Sometimes Alexander's military company was at the rear, leaving a city as the British entered, and he would attack the British,

then race to rejoin the main army over and over and over again. And he impressed high-ranking officers. So that's kind of what it was. He would leave an area, go back, attack him, then take off again, and they're like, that's... Yeah, he was like the ones left behind to shoot at them to slow him down. Right. Right.

And he impressed high-ranking officers Despite his quote, Delicate frame, which made him look younger than he was. One said he looked like a quote, Mere Striping. Hmm. Who marched apparently lost in thought With his hands resting on a cannon

And every now and then patting it As if it were a favorite horse or a pet play thing. That's super weird, obviously, right? You're a good boy. What have you got there? This is my friend. This is canon. Kenny. Kenny, my boy.

For Washington's famous surprise attack at Trenton on December 26, 1776, Alexander was one of the... He probably said something different and they couldn't understand him. They're like, he's saying, go. I know, I'm talking about it. Go now. Oh, no, no, no, no. What a sneak attack, Washington.

Thank you. Alexander was one of the soul. who quietly crossed the Delaware the preceding night. This victory was a major lift to the American psyche. And Washington stopped to take winter quarters in Morristown.

He pleaded for food and closed from Congress as a soldiers were so malnourished and pathetically clothed that a British secretary referred to them as, quote, ragamuffins. And now we wait to do that

when they come back from combat. That's right. we've changed. That's an advancement. We've come a long way, maybe. After you get back, that's... Now when you get back, you have to beg for clothes and help. That's right.

Yeah. And a flu vaccine. And we are vaccinating them again. Are we? I believe there's some movement in the... They realized that was a problem. Some movement in the direction of that. I can't please.

I'm not sure what happened. That's weird. Illness was rampant and struck down many men, including Alexander, who for weeks had a severe illness. he was one of 25 out of 68 men in his company to survive that first year. Wow. It's pretty good. Pretty weird.

Is it good? It's good in the sense that you make it. I mean, that shows that you're kind of... It's under half. Yeah, but as far as getting close to people, it's bad. I mean, it's a little... It's kind of squid-gamed. It's closer to a third and a half.

Sure. Of livings. Yeah. Yeah. So you've got to feel good about... Yeah. You feel good about yourself. But not...

Because the overall thing is... The numbers are bad. But you feel good about yourself pulling through. Once he was recovered, Washington asked Alexander to become an Ed de Camp. I'd like you to become an Eid de Camp. Alexander said, no. He was chasing glory, and he didn't think he'd find it as an administrative assistant. So funny.

But after a month, he took the job because if the war was won, Washington would be a celebrated leader, and he'd be right there by his side. So he's making a career decision. Yes. Right. It's called a Federman. Wayne? John.

John. Wayne Federman? No, not a Wayne Federman. Did I just pull out the most obscure comedian? Oh, but man, funny. Yeah, he's very funny. God is Wayne Federman funny. John Federman funny too.

In a different way. Just a different kind of sensible humor. So at 22 he's promoted to lieutenant colonel, and he wrote Washington's letters and delivered his messages, and he excelled at it. He became indispensable to Washington, who called him his, quote, principal and most confidential aid.

Is it true that he would sometimes put Washington's teeth in his mouth and suck hard enough so the food would come off? Yeah, that was one of his main jobs. Yeah, thank you. Despite being the youngest of the staff, he began acting as what we'd call a chief of staff today, confident enough to answer Washington to other generals in Congress, sometimes without even running it by Washington.

But Washington, he still held them at arm's length. They worked close a few years, but it was always professional, not a friend. Chief of staff is a little different now. Yeah. Now they kiss. Now they kiss. Now they're supposed to kiss him. Alexander always called him, Your Excellency.

Sure. So we've gotten away from the monarchy stuff. Super glad we fought that thing. Your Highness. Hammed you a crown. Oh, all right. He kind of wore a crown in his mouth. Yeah, a little bit.

Sort of. Yeah. Alexander was loved by his fellow aides and soldiers who called him hammy. Hammy. Hammie. Hammy. Very Australian. Very Australian.

Hammo. He did have some. I'm now going to drink a beer out of my shoe. It's a shooey. Hmm. feels like we've done something big. What's going on over there? What?

He did have some real brushes with danger. Sure. At the Battle of Brandywine, he was by Washington's side as they lost horribly, and he stayed with him until it got dark. Sure. Another time, while destroying flour mills on a river, the British shot at Alexander and other soldiers.

He jumped overboard into the frigid water and was carried away, and the survivors came. survivors came back and said he had died. Man, imagine if he died. A wild celebration erupted later that night when a soaking, shivering Alexander walked through the door. Hello. Wow, that's crazy.

That's the origin of the Lenny and squeaky entrance. Now you're talking about references that are fucking obscure. God, it would have been so... Imagine, where would Lynn Manuel Miranda be without if he died? I would love to see that butterfly. And that's actually the most tragic thing about Hamilton is the success of Miranda. Yeah, well, really the idea that

it's, people are like, fuck yeah, Hamilton. Well, especially when we get to the end of this, it's going to be like, oh. So in the winter of 1777, Washington's Army set up camp at Valley Forge, and it's a horrific situation. Okay. Malnourishment and disease

at Rampett, 2,500 die in three months. Wow. It's a lot. Fuck. And you got to eat everyone that died. No, I think that's part of it. Everyone that dies. Get to eating.

In the army, if a guy dies not from wounds, you got to eat. The ground's too cold to bury. We will eat. Eat the boys. We will eat the bay. Alexander was disgusted with Congress's inability to force states to send aid. And he wished America had a strong, powerful central government to make the state support the war.

It's so funny. Just that just be so great to take these guys to now. Oh, he would love now. He would. Oh. Because it's kind of the perfect combo. He set this all up. This is all his dream.

Literally everything about America now is what he wanted. Literally. I hope he's happy because it's going really good. Oh, he's really happy. Terrorists are attacking ponds with algae bombs. This impacted his political philosophy forever. So seeing all the suffering of the soldiers and not being able to get the aid,

he's like, we need a strong government. I've got it. What? I'll do it. No. But Alexander, Washington, the staff, were not subject to the same conditions. Alexander spent that Valley Forge winter

in a two-story home with a few aids. Washington staff and high-ranking officers never went without meat, vegetables, or wine. Wow. Fucking. It's, you know, it's remarkable, obviously, because you're still in the midst of fighting this shit

for what you, you know, to get away from the sort of tiered society or, you know, having a one, and the second you get, it mean, it really is. You're just like, we all need everything equally. And then you get a bigger slice of the pie, and you're like, second, odd. It's not bad.

I mean, it's got some people, I like it. How do you get away from that? You don't, you cannot get away from the idea that the second someone gets a little bit of something. They want to keep it. Yeah. Like, I mean, again, I'm not going to get into it. But it is very funny to see the transformation of Joe Rogan from guy who wants to know why everything's so fucked up to guy who's like, quit asking. And the difference is like a billion dollars.

It's a million dollars. So during a battle in Philadelphia, the British surprisingly outnumbered the Americans. Batteries are being thrown. And generally. Santa's dead. Then ordered a retreat or a regroup for a regroup. Okay. So a tactical retreat.

It's a retreat. Not a runaway screaming retreat. It's a little very similar. It's not. Well, like you're not giving up, but you're definitely like. Well, it's like some goat. We've got to pull back. It's a time out.

This is a mess. Pull back up to the hill and we'll get information and start over. No, look, it's not a treat. That's how I would do it. That's, no, you wouldn't. Always be retreating and regrouping. You would be like, let's go. No.

I think you would. When Alexander saw this, he was upset, even though it was an orderly retreat. So then Washington rides up. And he scolds Lee and takes away his command. Okay. And then does exactly what Lee was doing. What? He's like, all right, what are we going to do?

Let's go back. Let's figure this out. So Alizanters in the middle of the battle, he makes a very strong impression. Several people recalled his bravery only withdrawing when his horse was shot from under him. Hmm. Even Lee, who really disliked him, admitted that he had fought in a, quote, frenzy of Valor. Okay.

All right. So you like this shit? Well, I feel like it's... I'm looking for the British here. Yeah, it's really in retrospect, who the fuck knows? I don't know. Just save us the headache. We probably, at least we wouldn't have to stand up for the anthem at games.

How much longer can that go on? I don't know, but I just can't stand watching these guys flip out about the scripture on their hat. And then if anybody did that with the military... Wait, what do you mean? You know, the giants who put the scripture on their hats. Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, right.

If you do that with it, if you wouldn't wear a military hat, then lose their fucking minds. Sometimes it does feel like there is a double standard for what kind of outspeak is okay. Yes. And what isn't. Yeah. Are we doing freedom of speech? Capernick.

Yeah. So as a soldiers are suffering in cold huts at the camp, Alexander was parting with officers God, they look cold, huh? More soup? Anyone more soup? Maybe we should I don't know

since they're so cold and freezing out there have... Put another log on our fire? What's it called? The Russian soup thing? Borsh? Borsh, yes.

Should we borsh? We should borsh. Let did it, da, da, da, it, did it. So he's... Covering up your hangover the next morning, You're all like, that's like, so, oh, yeah.

So cold. I still can't feel my. Oh, my head hurts, yeah. Your head hurts? I get it. What did you mean? I can't even feel my head. Do you know where the gatorade is?

What the, what? And I need like a nice, greasy breakfast. When would we get a breakfast? We ate the horse. We ate a cold, we ate a cold horse's penis. Oh, you know what? We ate the cold horse's penis last night. Little tail of a dog, you know what I mean?

of what's up. Bloody Mary's. Bloody Perry's. Good idea. I'm bloody right now. Okay. I'll see you later. My finger just popped up.

Oh, no. I'm going to go get a nice bloody Mary. What the hell is you? I'm going to get it. Boy, they're really going through it out there. You're ruining the morning party. So he wasn't just party with officers, but the officers' sisters and daughters would visit.

So they're like just... Giddy up. Yeah, they're just having full-on fucking, like, mead orgies while these guys are outside. It's not uncommon during fighting lulls for families to visit and for the officers to put on balls and plays. What the fuck? But be just everybody. So wait, the officers, meaning the upper crust of the... So these guys are just on a break, like, hang in there.

We will see through. We just want to. Watch death of a salesman. What are you talking? Oh my God, it was incredible. Unbelievable. You have to see George. Tomorrow, Shakespeare.

We don't know which one. Don't tell us. What are you humming? Aladdin. Have you seen it? Oh, I forgot. You're not one of us. It's phenomenal.

It is phenomenal. Gareth, the Guardian newspaper, or is it a newspaper anymore? Whatever, the Guardian News. You get at this already. Nailing this. It's not owned by a billionaire. which is, I guess, unusual these days. Like, it's something doesn't really...

Well, the idea here is why you bring it up, Dave, is because there's a way to keep journalistic integrity rather than, you know, just kind of being like one guy's little fantasy letter. That's right. So that's why we're excited to tell you about the Guardian's new podcast, stateside with Kai and Carter. That's right, Dave. Kai Wright and Carter Sherman want to slow the news down.

Yeah, so they're going to wrestle with questions that we all have about what is going on in the world. I don't have a lot of questions personally, but they seem to be into it. So stateside with Kai and Carter airs three times per week because there's always something to discuss. Yeah, Kai and Carter, they get access to the Guardian's resources in the U.S. And then reporters around the world

and they deliver you the most relevant information. Think global content. Across news, international coverage, climate culture, sports culture. Culture is on there twice. climate, lifestyle, fashion, wellness. As a media outlet, the Guardian isn't billionaire own, meaning they're free to report the facts. Listen, wherever you get your podcast or watch on YouTube. Gareth, the summer changes how I dress.

I just, I start dressing differently. I want, I want lighter clothes. I want breathable, easy. Looks good, right? You know, I look good. Dude, I know what you're talking about. I've never been someone who is like, hey, you need different clothes for this time. With Quince, it actually makes sense.

The items they're offering, I don't know if it's that I'm getting older, Quince is getting better. I got some shorts and a shirt from Quince for the spring, summer season, and I was like, this is right. Yeah, I got, I got linen pants and shirts. I've kind of got. You're the linen guy. I have a linen to linen now. Lean into linen? I'm a leaning, linen summer guy.

Quince European linen pants and shirts are perfect for the hot summer weather, and they start at just $34. I can't say enough about how much I love quince. I pretty much only wear quince. Yeah, my wife went crazy when she saw that I was quinceing because she's a big quencer. T's very soft, lightweight, cotton sweaters, perfect cool summer nights. Everything at quince, it's going to be priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They're aware of the environment. They work with local people.

It's all cheaper than it would be with other companies. The qualities high. They're having a moment, and I don't mind having them all over my body. So we're quincers, as we said. Elevate your summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash doll for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Hey, listen to the quince tuplets. Now available to Canada, too.

That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash dollop for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash dollop. Gareth, the one thing that I love about summer, is how easy everything feels, man. The days are more relaxed. I find myself reaching for the same comfortable. Yeah, I said it. Lennons, buddy.

Lennons. And that's why I'm reaching for quince. Babe. Quince. Well-made essentials. Naturally become those everyday staples. You're going to use all season long, and that's what I'm doing. I got quince pants on right now.

We love quince. I wear quince constantly. I'm wearing quince right now, not a joke. Top layer quince, babe. You've got to be honest. It didn't sound like a joke. It could be good. Scott legs.

My wife loves quince. When the first quince package came, she's like, that's my brand. And I love Dave's wife. So, I mean, we're talking about some good stuff here. But, no, Quince really is the best. They do a bunch. They're also a great company. They ethically source things.

They work with, you know, smaller business. so that the savings gets passed along to you. And they look good. They look 100% linen pants. They look good. They got looks for spring. I don't know if other companies did that, but I found out about it with Quince. And I love, I got a new shirt with a collar, Dave, that they sold to me on the DL.

Buddy, it's the greatest. So we're Quince. We're Quince are ermines. So make your summer wardrobe easier. Go to quince.com slash dowd for free shipping on your order. and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash dollop for free shipping

and 365-day returns, quince.com slash dollop. Yeah. Charismatic and handsome, wives tried to play matchmaker between Alexander and eligible young ladies. He was always surrounded by women. He was a huge flirt, but his supposed obsession with women is probably overblown.

Like today, we think he's obsessed, but it's probably overblown. One lie is that Martha Washington was so struck by his promiscuity that she named her Tomcat after him. So that's not true. Her Tomcat? Yeah. What's a Tomcat? It's a dude cat.

Oh, a male cat. It's a, it's a rascally. He's out there looking for business. Sure. Tomcat. Sure. Okay. As a gifted writer, his flowery letters probably didn't mean much other than he was a good writer.

Okay. So he's super close with another. aide, John Lawrence. And when Lawrence went to fight in South Carolina, Alexander really missed him. Are you... Unlike his letters to women.

Really? When he wrote John, he discussed intimate, emotional feelings and longing. Are we framing this as gay? Yes, we are. Because I'll tell you what, I think there is also, I'm not saying it's not true, but there is something to the idea

of like, a woman wouldn't understand emotion. Only another man. Oh, I think, yeah, I think that was actually part of this at the time. Right. They're like, the woman's brain is only able to stir and fuck. You understand. She will otherwise be overwhelmed

and get theories of government that are impermissible. She understands cooking carrots. She's good at stirring, cutting, fucking, and lying. We must be careful. Stop that money out of her hands. Look, I'm not. Imagine if someone put a vagina on a Roomba. That's a woman, boys.

He called John, my dear. But you and I call each other, honey. Yeah. Quote, I am disgusted with everything in this world but yourself. I mean, look, I'm very, listen. Yeah, we're allies. I'm pro, I'm pro him being gay back then. but I also feel like they were very, they were, they felt they had nobody else.

But maybe you're right. He called himself, I mean, he is a musical. A, quote, jealous lover. Hmm. And told John, quote, my heart is set upon you. I wish, my dear Lawrence, that it might be in my power by action rather than words to convince you that I love you. Now we're at. He's gay.

He's gay. I don't know about Lawrence. I don't know about Lawrence, but Hamilton's definitely into him. Yeah. And you should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. Interesting. So he's not gay. He's by.

Right. Interesting. But he sounds very by. Sure. Yeah. Alexander asked Washington if he could go be with Lawrence in South Carolina and Washington refused. Oh.

For what purpose? I've grown in attachment. I just need to help him with his plans. Every day I need to touch his skin. For what purpose? To start the fight against the... What fight? But if he's out there fighting, what is he...

Do you know what the Wonder Twins are? The Water Twins? Wonder Twins? The Wonder Twins? They touch and then the form of ice... A cannon. You stay here. And I...

You stay here. You'll say here because I don't understand There's no purpose for you to go there with him So you will say here with us I want to fuck Fuck what Fuck him

What are you talking about? Like his bros do You want to bro fuck him? Yeah not like But you're surrounded by women You're the big of scenario Not like in a gay way Okay

Like a way soldiers fuck each other What are you talking about? When they're in a tent What? Accidentally What do you mean? Did she never With another dude?

No, it's just Marshall and I Washington, come on. Washington and I have a very, I mean, look. You take those teeth out? Yes, and that's the only thing on you. It wasn't uncommon. For platonic male friends to write each other with more romantic

language than bros you today, which I think is what the point you're making is that they're not going to open up to women because women aren't. Yes, because they're like... It's like, look, you can't tell a mollusk, you love it. Yeah. But his writings to John has led some historians to believe there was more to it. Right, okay.

So we don't know, but it seems like potentially there was something. Years later, his son called it, quote, a deep fondness of friendship which approached the tenderness of feminine attachment. You know what it is? It's a goose maverick. It's a goose maverick. Never seen it. It's a goose maverick.

They are there for each other. They work together. But you know what? They're also going to go out there and respect each other's bodies when they're doing the shirtless volleyball stuff. Much like a deep-fried mozzarella stick. I have never seen that film.

You've never seen a deep-fried mozzarella there? No, I've never seen that movie. You've never eaten a deep fried mozzarella stick. Hot, hot buns. You know, it would be fucking great. I had my, one of my grand uncles was a hot was a top gun. Maybe, maybe we do this. Yeah.

Maybe one afternoon. We can do it for Patreon. We don't have to. I'm going to come over 40 mozzarella sticks. We pop top gun on and we just do this shit. Come over where? Your house here. No.

You're out. You're out. We'll do it here. No, there's nothing. There's no we can't. There's no we can. Can't? No, there's a...

What do you mean? There's a rule against it here. There's not. No, we signed the lease. They were like, no fried mozzarella sticks. You know what we'll do? I'll start giving you a nickname. Cheese stick.

Hey, cheese stick. It's too close to cheese dick. That's my name. Cheese stick and cheese dick. Hey, cheese stick. Me? No, him, you idiot. The two men were also very close

with French General Marquis. de lafayette. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I got to put up the pastimes podcast. By the way, anytime I hear the alarm, it's bad. Whatever PTSD is with an alarm, it does something to me. And I just, I'm like, nah, I hate it. I remember back when you used to have more ringtoney stuff, and my alarm would sometimes be someone's ringtone.

and you'd just be like in a store and someone's phone and ring it'd be like, my lie, that's your ring tone, you fool? You can still do that. I know you can't, but we don't. We don't care. Nobody ever just does that. We're all done.

We're all done. It's over. We're done. I'm not doing cute little things anymore. It's over. We're all going to die real soon. It's going to be real bad. In a biography of his grandfather, Alexander's grandson mentions a note of romance

between Alexander and Lafayette. So some people know. the family clearly think that there's something there. Well, it also seems very specified to, you know, a limited amount of people, so maybe. But I tell my friends I love them. Yeah, it's upsetting.

Steve Berg and I call each other, babe. They love each other at the end of five every phone call. What? The flirtatious language. I love you, Dave. The flirtatious language to John slowed when Alexander, at 25, met 22-year-old Elizabeth Schuller. She was a daughter.

of New York's extremely wealthy and connected Philip Schuller when she's so she visited the camp in 1780s she's one of the people that just came to the war to catch a play Yeah just what's going on here I'll move past this

The walk to the theater can be quite treacherous So he fell for a quote Tenderness black eyes and lovely form Black eyes yeah it's corolling I'm undead You are everything you understand I am here to eat the flesh of man.

Oh gosh, I could just listen to you, blather, all day, darling. I love the way she has no soul. Brain is where you shall give me juice from. They were engaged. Aren't you a goofy little woman? They were engaged before she even left camp. Okay. So, which is kind of not out of the realm of possibility back then.

So you, yeah. They did it fast. So camps like Vegas. It sounds like it was a place where ladies were going to meet. It's such a weird It's weird but again There was nothing to do Or not thing going

2,500 guys died In three months Look I got a fetish too It's just I love being around the dead Not a pull up a picture All of them walking to the place Where they're staying past the guys

Who are freezing in tents I mean right Excuse me It's really Your perfume is beautiful Don't look at me I'm gonna go blow Hamilton.

I mean, honestly, that one of the problems with Hamilton is now when you try to look it up it's just all the Hamilton actors. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's over. Yeah, like, you guys...

You know what we should do? We should just start making more musicals for the evil people. You know? The evils. Yeah, we should just like all... Like the bad people from America's history,

we should just do. Kissinger, the musical. That is why we will not tell us. them the way it was and the real Kithinger. Whoa, what are you, she had black fucking eyes. What the fuck? Let me see that.

What is going on here? Oh my God. Jesus Christ, that's like banging a mitten. That is really wild. She is so wrapped up. She must have been cold at that point. I mean, we've all had. I don't know why you'd wear like the bonnet thing for a painting,

Yeah, it's weird. Well, yeah. But, I mean, we've all, you've had cold sex, right? What do you mean? It's cold out? Yeah, like you're having a vagina's cold. No. All right.

So if there's any officers of the law or investigators listening, it's time to obviously open something up here to Mr. Anthony, who seems to be treating this podcast as a confession hole. No, like, you know, it's cold and you're fucking. Yeah. It's very strange. Yeah, it is. I agree.

It's like a weird. You're both blue. Yeah. Steam's coming off. Where were you fucking? Huh? Antarctica? Yeah.

Was you banging penguins? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so they're... March of shame. So they're immediately... They're immediately into each other. They were engaged before she left camp a few weeks later.

His letters to Eliza were emotional and tender in a way his letters were not to win before. Hmm. Okay. He did not tell Johnny he was engaged for... months. Interesting. Interesting. So that, to me, that's the one.

That's the one that puts it over the edge from me. Because you just tell a bro. Yeah. A med a lady. Meta lady. Awesome. She's covered in fabric and wool. You wouldn't tell your other piece, though.

That's the one you delay it. No, yeah, yeah. And when he did tell him, he called her, quote, not a genius, but having... That's great. That's also a tell to me. See really nothing, but, you know what I mean? I don't know, dude. All good.

But having sense enough to be agreeable and someone he didn't think would nag but, quote, not a beauty. Like, wow. Honey, what's this letter? Don't read that. Not a beauty. You know, she's not going to crawl up my ass.

Not going to nag. These other broads. Speaking of crawling up my ass. How are you, Jen? They continued exchanging letters, but John never wants many. mentioned Eliza. Eliza or Elizabeth?

She goes by... He calls her Eliza. So they're banging. Okay. John, him and John, they had to have been. Yeah, great. That part right there

puts it over the top for me. All this stuff, you could be like, okay, it's a weird time. Dudes, he writes flowery letters, but this is like, you're not talking about her. All it really does

is highlight, again, the irrational hypocrisy that this country is not only founded on, but continues to double down on all the fucking time. I mean, watching Mike Johnson go up there and be like, here's what we're going to do

and here's how we're going to. It's like, bro, just say it. Just say it. Yeah. Take the load off. Take the load off. Eliza returns to Albany. Albany.

Albany. Albany. When he could get away after seven months, Alexander rode Albany and married her on December 14th. 1780. Okay. He had hit the marriage jackpot.

She was devoted to him, and he joined a powerful political family in New York. The Schullers were not above doing whatever it took to remain on top. For example, when her brother, John, sexually assaulted a woman to stop her from testifying, they paid her off and banished her to Quebec. Now that's called a civil suit. now that's called a trumper it's the eugen carol

there's there's been a better he just has to pay him off and then yeah I like the woman that he keeps having to pay out because he keeps talking about her yeah that's fucking amazing um well the good news is

he's got endless amounts of money because it's good to go yeah Alexander was warming amazing he won yeah how bad do you have to be to not beat that guy

it's like the whole time we were like everyone was like Trust this. He's the most beatable guy. It ain't happening. Don't worry. And now everyone's like, well, that's a shame.

That ended pretty bad, huh? Alexander was warmly welcomed by her family. His charm, intelligence, and accomplishments made up for his low birth and lack of money. His low birth. That's what I say about you. I'm definitely a low birth. My brother's a bastard. Eliza was one of eight kids, including five.

sisters. Alexander was especially drawn to Eliza's... Do you think back then, if you kind of wanted to break up with a woman, you're like, I'm going to keep getting her pregnant

because eventually she won't make it. Eventually, she's not going to make it through one of these fucking things. Every time she's like, that was close. I lost a lot of blood. He's like, let's run it back. Let's run it back.

What? Run it back. He, he, Jailant seemed like he loved her. Like it wasn't. Yeah. Yeah. So Alexander's especially drawn to Eliza's sister Angelica, who was married, beautiful, and witty.

She was also very opinionated and direct, unlike Eliza was very quiet. We'll just go along with this. Don't love that. By the way, opinionated back then was like, it is a bit cold. Woman, enough. I like blue. Enough. No, you don't.

That's it. Go to the chair. Sit in the chair. If you got all these thoughts, go to the chair. Some believe Alexander and Angelica had an affair, but there's no evidence. Angelica was attracted to him, once jokingly asking her sister, if she would, quote, lend him to me for a little while. I'm just kidding. Could I, I'm so, hey, Eliza, hey, why don't you let him sleep in my bed tonight?

What do you think of something like that? I'm kidding, yeah, fool. Have you heard of swinging sisters? You know what could be funny? Let him sleep in my bed. bed and then I'll just make love to him all night. It's a joke, right? I'm having a goof with you.

I'm having a goof with you. I'm having a goof with you. Yeah, no, it sounded really real. And I will let him do it. Doggy and missionary. And then we're going to do a wheelbarrow. We don't do that. A sister, I'm having a laugh.

He's yours, obviously. But before he finishes, I'm going to take it out and say, finish on my chest, you dirty dog. That's a lot. Allow that to happen. It's a lot. It's a lot to hear from your sister about your husband. It's a lot.

But right before he finishes, I'll stop him and I'll say, you owe me one more or not yet. And I'll dominate him and I'll say, you wait, wait a second, because when it happens, it's going to feel fucking incredible. It's going to feel unbelievable and I'll hold the shaft. And then once I let go, I'll put him back in one more time. And I'll just tell him to go as fast as fucking possible.

And then I'll feel, I'll feel it when it's over. and it'll just be tonight. I'm having a giggle. Now a message from our sponsors. And now it's Squarespace. It's got hot in here. He returned to Washington. Not the place, the guy.

But he was losing faith in America's ability to win the war. Washington had no money to feed his men so he can't attack. His forces are sitting there and starving as the British. are just ringing up victories in the South. Okay. He was disgusted that states weren't pulling their weight and that Congress couldn't make them. And America's governing charter,

the Articles of Confederation, didn't allow Congress to tax sales to fund the military or anything else. So... Bugger. The Continental Army was, quote, a mob rather than an army without clothing, without pay,

without provisions, without morals, and without discipline. So it's a bunch of dudes. Sounds like a bunch of naked guys without anything. It's like they took a bunch of guys out into the woods to have them die. Yeah. All right, now sit down and perish. Are we

an army? We're not sure. There you go. We're going to go in the house right now. You could be. We're doing Spider-Man. Also, the state of the U.S. currency was dire. Congress had printed so much that it was nearly worthless.

Come on. At one point, half of the value of the continental dollar was wiped away, was wiped away, in a month. That's good. That's now. Any day now. He wanted

a strong central government with a national bank and a powerful Congress that could tax citizens. He also believed in a national debt. Quote, a national debt,

if not excessive, will be to us a national blessing. It will be a powerful cement of our nation. I mean, look, not wrong.

It's good to have a credit card. Yeah. Not wrong to fund things that will eventually you know, it's investing. Explode. Well, you could do it as an investment in ways and then at this point it is up. I mean, what are you?

So my one thing is like, what about not spending it all on stupid shit? I guess I'm a little... Hmm. I don't know. You're starting to sound like Dave Hughes. He wrote a 31-page letter to a powerful man in Philadelphia.

Jesus Christ, bro. I know, right? I mean, he just needs someone to be like, God love you. Yeah. Hey, trim it. Can we do this as six pages? Trim that shit. Trim that shit.

Yeah. Imagine getting that letter. You're like, fuck, I got another fucking, hey, I'll see in a month. I got another letter from Alexander. He's saying the same shit. She must be getting letters. Like, I get it.

You love me. Oh, yeah. Honestly. So he said this to Congress's Superintendent of Finance, Robert Morris. Now, Morris had financed much of the war. He's also an arms dealer, so he's profiting.

He was the wealthiest man in the colonies. And his theory on the role of government was called the money connection, basically how the government could be used to enrich oneself. Look on your face. Well, I'm used to the wind being kicked out of the sales, but it's just, you know, you just, grow up with such propaganda and you're like we got away from what we were meant to do. And you're like, no, this is what we were meant to do. From the very fucking beginning, it was rich pricks lying to poor people and trying to make them not know as much as possible.

That's right. So the letter that, the 31 page letter that he wrote to Morris was about having a National Bank modeled after the Bank of England. So just a fun letter. Right, yeah. Just a fun. Historian William Hogland said the Bank of England, quote, integrated the public force of imperial government with the private wealth of the

country's richest investors and depositors. So Morris now becomes a mentor to Alexander and everything financial. This is his guy. Good. Alexander is still worried for his chance for glory. He hasn't had it on the battlefield, and he's worried it's going to slip away, it's the war.

Sure. It could be over soon, and the odds... By the way, this would be a good musical. This would be a great real musical, honestly. Writing, like, letters to his by-lover as he's in a relationship with a woman who's dressed like a serviette. Why wouldn't you do that in that musical?

But we said that about all the stuff on this show for the most part. It's based on Chernow and Chernow like jerks off Hamilton, so it's not. Yeah, but with everything, you're like, wait, not the interesting part? No, that's the part that keeps you quiet so you go to work. So the war's probably going to be over-send. The odds of winning aren't seeming great at this point. Alexander is depressed writing, quote, I hate Congress, I hate the army, I hate the world, I hate myself.

Oh, gosh. Good Lord. He was also feeling some animosity towards Washington. Ooh. Quote, I have felt no friendship for him and have professed none.

I discovered he was neither remarkable for delicacy nor good temper. Now, this could be because he kept turning down Alexander for a field command. Right, right. He just being like, no. Because he wants Alexander's,

he thinks he's smart, so he wants him close to him. He doesn't want to lose him on the battlefield. Alexander wants to go to the battlefield to carve out a name for himself. Yes. Alexander's resentment boils over. He wants him to be an on-set writer. He wants to be in front of the camera.

That's right. Alexander, his resentment boils over. They're in a building, and they pass each other on a stairway. Bitch. What did you say? Good morning, bitch. Sorry. Sorry.

How are you? Your teeth look good. So, Alexander, so Washington says, I want to speak with you, and he's walking up. And he assumes Washington is going to go to his office

and wait. But when he heads up, Washington is standing at the top of the stairs, furious, quote, Colonel Hamilton, you have kept me waiting at the head of the stairs these ten minutes.

I must tell you, sir, you treat me with disrespect. Alexander, quote, I am not conscious of it, sir, but since you have thought it necessary to tell me so, we part. Washington, quote, very well, it be your choice,

and Alexander left. That's it. The boys broke up. Wow. Now, after a little while, Alexander, I'm sorry, Washington apologizes first. So this was a, okay. Squabble.

Yeah, and he asked Alexander to return and have a talk. Talk it out. You have a little talk-y-talk with me? I'm sorry, I talk. I was staring. case, Matt. I'm sorry. So Alexander agrees to come back, but said he didn't want to or see the point. Okay. So he's mad. He's mad. He's mad. He's mad. By the way, that's what you do when someone makes a concession like Washington.

I don't know. You don't deserve you. Once you know, you got a little bit of the upper hand. I don't be a prick about it. You don't deserve me. You don't deserve. Nah, I think I'm still going to piece up. Washington at the meeting asked him to reconsider resigning. And Alexander, refuses, but... Do you want me to design? He agrees to stay on as an aide until a new one could be found. Okay, right.

This way, he'd be able to... Two weeks, basically. He'd be able to leave if an artillery command opens up, and with no official position, he feels he can go and visit Eliza whenever he wants. Okay, kind of great. She's pregnant at this point. Right, of course.

But when Alexander heard the French army was marching to meet Washington's forces in New York, he returns and was given a light infantry command. Okay, so now his dream. What's happening? They could sense this battle would be decisive. This is the fucking one.

And in Yorktown, Virginia, he reunites with John Lawrence. Hi, baby. No, they're watching. So where's they're kissing with tongue? We should take that. And also Lafayette, who's, you were just doing. So fighting begins, and they

They trapped British general Cornwallis. And there were two British small military fortifications in the way. And they couldn't advance because of them. Okay. So Washington named Lafayette to lead the assault on one. And he said, you pick who's going to lead the assault on the other. And Alexander Hamilton. Now, Alexander has men dig a trench.

And then he celebrates. and he celebrates in an area that's exposed to British fire. What the fuck? And he's having them run parade drills. Dave. Wait. I'm fucking insane. Wait.

During an active war. I mean, they're not, it's probably a lot. It's a battle. They're all in their positions. Look, he's been thinking about the glory and all that the whole time. And then his men dig a trench and he's like, doing a touchdown celebration? Can I just say

every once in a while it's time to dance. Just like, it's really strange. He's going to celebrate. He was happy. All right, sir, the trench is stuck. We should be okay. A zip, a zip.

Come on, everybody do the zip. Two, three, one, two, three, four. He's perfect for a musical. My name is Alexander Hamilton, trench. No one could believe how he'd endangered his men for something so idiotic.

But luckily no one got shot. Still. Like, they could have just picked him off. It would have been the best. So after that, Lafayette chose a French aide to leave the other assault on the fortification. Why? I don't know. What did I do?

Alexander begs Lafayette, but he refuses to give him the command. Yeah. So Alexander... Like, when you win a battle, he's like, what are you going to do when you win a battle? I mean, we can't possibly... I'm taking streamers, confetti? It's a whole thing. Fireworks.

I have a guy with drugs. It's going to be awesome. What kind of drums? Well, Blue Man Group ones. Show him the marshmallow stuff. Well, I'm from the Caribbean, so a steel drum. He'll be doing steel drums. Okay.

It's actually going to turn into Trench Town Rock. Bungos. Hello. So Alexander goes over Lafayette's head straight to Washington, who gives him command of the assault. Okay. Three infantry battalions. the lead.

All right. So now he's fucking rolling. He races, after being told that, he races back to his tent, shouting, we have it! We have it! That is so fucking annoying. Like, if you saw the person in charge of your battalions doing a celebration after a trench, then going to the big bad boss and being like, please give me it, and then you get more, and then the whole way back being like, huzzah, hooray, I did it today.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he's awful. All right. Now, how does war work? Anyone know? What do we do now?

What do we do? More trenches? Let's keep digging. Now, they were going to be fighting with bayonuts in close quarters. That's what it was. Fucking nightmare. That is it.

Yeah, it's the worst. All right, so here's what we're going to do. We're all going to clump and stab. The night before the assault, Alexander wrote to a lies. about how excited he was to see her and the baby doing weeks. He told her that she needed to give him a boy rather than a girl because with her mother's charms and her father's nature,

a girl would, quote, enslave, tantalize, and plague one half the sex. Very weird. Very Trumpian. Everyone's going to be, yes. My daughter's got to be fucking hot. We need to do another boy. Otherwise, everyone's going to try to fuck her. I need a new sex girl.

Oh, yeah. Unlike that pool of slime, Eric. The deep one did I do wrong. As Alexander and his men approached the fortification under the cover of darkness, some fell into holes alerting the British, who fired killing several. But it didn't stop his men from breaching. Alexander was one of the first through. For ten minutes, they fought a vicious bloody battle in cramped quarters,

stabbing, choking, and clubbing. In a few moments, it was over. We're in the room where it happened. That's the song. After while walking around the fortification with a very fat general named Henry Knox, a soldier screamed, a shell! And Alexander leapt behind Big Boy Knox

to use him as a shield. Oh, yes. Knox wrestled them off and yelled to never use him as a defense wall again. Oh, my God. That's so awkward. That is so awkward. To use the fattest guy as a human shield,

you don't need to. And then he's like, I'm dare you use me as a shield. Get off of me, you fool. Why do you think I'm so fat that I can be, I'm a wall for you? No, I was just, I was trying to move you out of the way, Knox. I was trying to move you out of the way a little bit.

bit, Knox? You understand? I jump behind you to move you a little bit. No? Yes, I did. I was trying to move you. Get you out of the way. You yelled Big Boy. I yelled Big Boy. I hide behind Big Boy. I said I hide behind Big Boy in the sense that I'm going to hide and move you so that you're out of, honestly, can I be, I'm trying to get in front of you a little bit to protect you. But there's a lot of surface area because of all your muscles. So I was trying to hide behind you, Big Boy, and get you, get your moving a little bit. So I just, that was great. Hey, can we just be thankful the thing didn't go off?

You know what I mean? You, you never forget that if you're a big boy. If you're that guy, you're like, You never forget that. Oh, well, if there's a bomb coming, don't be next to Hamilton. He tries to use everybody as a shield. Everyone get behind this big fat fuck! Why did you say that?

I want to go into battle. with the fatty. The other fortification was taken... Get behind the skin tank! The other fortification was taken by Lafayette. On October 19th, 1781, General Cornwallis surrendered. Now, the war's not over yet,

but Alexander is done. He made it back to Albany in time for the birth of his first son, Philip. A few weeks later, he wrote Washington a sulky letter, complaining about how long it took him to get a field command. and ending their military partnership

saying he planned on retaining his rank as colonel unless there was an objection. So he is... He is the American dream. He is a... He's smart, but he's a fucking whiny,

but he is... You know what he is? He's the guy at the airport who goes up, complains nonstop, everyone's so fucking sick of him that they just give him the shit. Yes. That's exactly what he is.

And he's just that, and that is how it works here. Yeah. he needed a way to provide for his family and began studying law or as he joked, quote, studying the art of fleecing my neighbors. But seriously, we charge for an email. If he was going to go into politics,

the law was the best profession. Okay. He's living in the Schuller mansion and he takes advantage of a loophole that a guy named Aaron Burr. A Schuller's loop. Aaron Burr created. Okay.

Which lessened apprenticeship requirements for veterans. He really... Took advantage of it all? Well, and it's like him and Burr had multiple... Oh, yeah. He takes a job collecting state taxes. Okay. But only after he was promised,

a cut of the money that was owed instead of what he collected. So tax collectors at that time as a profession you would take a percentage of the money collected. Okay, so almost like a bounty hunter's commission. Yes. Okay. He is demanding that he get a cut of the money that is owed.

Right. He wants to tax the gross. He wants to fuck over his own state. Right. For his personal game. Right. an angry Alexander learned that the state was keeping funds that should go to the national treasury. Do you remember when I said a while back that he was keeping funds that should go to the state as an individual? Yes, that was recent.

Well, now he's mad that the state is keeping funds that should go. I fucking hate him with a burning passion that will never die. It's weird. It seems like he's based on his ideology is based on personal interest. I mean, doesn't that sum up the conservative mind right there? Yeah. Well, to be honest, yes. And then also that's obviously bled into the governmental mind.

Oh, it's a retired society. Yeah, it's at this point. Yeah. He and Morris wrote to one another complaining about petty states that only cared about their own interests. Oh, my God. I know. It's the worst. Anyway, I have to go.

I'm going to go fight City Hall. It's really ridiculous what they're trying to do. do. Also, I'm doing what they're trying to do. Also, yeah. They believe Congress needed the power to tax, and without that, the nation was doomed. In 1792 at 27, he was elected by the New York Assembly to be in the delegation going to Congress in Philadelphia. His big goal was to convince members that Congress needed a federal tax, and he and Morris

figured if they could get states to agree on one federal tax, it would be a gateway for many federal taxes. Okay. So precedent, basically. Alexander teamed up with James Madison from Virginia to argue for a 5% federal tax on all imports. Now, they're opposites. Alexander is vivacious and charming. He wears colorful clothing.

Madison, shy, quiet, wears all black. He's a goth. Sure. Do you want a clove? They campaigned hard for federal tax. Alexander. Alexander then pushes a conspiracy to encourage a mutiny in the army

over unpaid wages. The first person who came over the conspiracy had to be great. What if we just tell him to believe a thing that makes their personal interests shift? Most officers went without steady pay, if any pay at all, for years. And it's partly Morris is doing

because he's the guy who funded most of the war. and he insists on prioritizing paying rich bondholders first before soldiers. Sure, as it should be. They should make the money, yeah. If the angry officers threatened the government with a mutiny, this is Alexander's thinking, Congress would have to approve the import tax to raise funds to pay them. So he's trying to put a gun to the government's head.

It's also just giving the game away of don't do shit unless we're scared. Yes, yes. he and Madison wrote that the Army's patients may have fatal effects so this is called the Newburgh conspiracy and they use the threat of a mutiny to scare states into giving Congress greater powers of taxation

thousands of officers and soldiers had reasons to be furious with Congress for not paying wages but also for leaving them to starve and die of disease honestly hoping that they die and starve of disease really I mean that's helpful to the business model on March 15th, 1783, a meeting of officers

was held to actually discuss a mutiny and Washington made a surprise appearance. Hello, what are we chatting about? I asked to speak. How are we? How are you guys doing? He gave like a, I gave so much and they all sort of crying

like it was like a total fucking, he worked him. He'd been alert. Friends, I'm going to tell you. He was alerted, of course, by Alexander who told them to go there. We need you to come do some bullshit. Because Alexander didn't actually want a coop.

just wanted the threat of a coup, of a coup, sorry, of a coup. And now he's getting worried about how angry the officers are actually getting. So he created it, but now he's getting a little freaked out. He's like, I just can get real. I wanted to warm my hands by the fire. I just want a tax. I want a tax. All right.

I think we've made our point. So Washington ends up talking them out of a mutiny. And his speech stops it, and Alexander's plan is foiled. because Congress pays the officers some of their pay. Now we call that neoliberalism. Without passing a tax. Okay. All right.

The deal added millions to the federal debt. So he likes that. So it's not a complete waste of time. Uh-huh. God, he would really love government. Later, Washington, who felt Alexander's hand in the conspiracy, warned him that the army was a, quote, dangerous instrument to play with.

So he's like, buddy, that's fucking. crazy what you just did. By the way, pretty awesome. If I'm being honest. Also, kind of a business model in a way. Bad but cool. But Alexander is now emerging as a leader. He's good at networking. He has limitless

ambition and he drafts a resolution. Those are two very negative things. I agree. He drafts a resolution for a constitutional convention and proposed a national government with the three branches of government we have today. And that is the end of part one. God damn it.

yeah just already not into it already you can just tell he sucks obviously what is he going to do over a constitutional convention if he danced for a trench he's going to be lowered down like Lady Gaga he turns out to a little crying little baby he's going to be like a little butterfly

the research and written by Brittany Cohen Brown sources Jefferson Hamilton the rivalry that forged nation by John Furling Radical Hamilton, economic lessons from a misunderstood founder by Christian Parenti. The Price of Greatness, Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and the Creation of America by American oligarchy by Jay Cost. The Whiskey Rebellion, George Washington, Alexander, and the Frontier Rebels who challenged America's newfound sovereignty by William Hogland, not a nation of immigrants, set of

colonialism, white supremacy, and the history of erasure and exclusion by Roxanne Dunbar Ortiz. Hamilton's curse How Jefferson's Ark enemy Arch Enemy Betrayed the American Revolution By Thomas D. Lorenzo Alexander Hamilton by Ron Chernow

Your boy Alexander The Hamilton Scheme An epic tale of money and power In the American Founding By William Hogland Follow the founder The Life of Aaron Burr by Nancy Eisenberg

One Nation Under Dead Hamilton Jefferson In the History of What We O By Robert Wright Dule God damn do that one yet. Bring you for the Odeus and Immoral Thing by Jesse Sir Philippi, Schuller Mansion State, historic site.

That time when Alexander Hamilton almost dual James Mrow, Smithsonian Magazine Online. Alexander Hamilton in Slaver question mark, a new research says yes, the New York Times, the pistol that killed the founding father by the New York Historical Society and various primary sources available on Founders.archives.gov. A lot of stuff. A lot of shit. Oh, he gets worse. Nah, not my boy.