The Dollop with Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds - 744 - The Oneida Cult - live
Episode Date: July 28, 2026Comedians Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds examine the Oneida Cult. Recorded live in Syracuse. SOURCESTOUR DATESOFFICIAL MERCHHIMSRocketmoney SQUARESPACE - Use OFFER CODE: DOLLOP to save... 10%QUO - Try for free plus 20% off first six monthsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Give ItUpfilm.com is where you can go to see my movie, Give It Up, that will be on tour in August across the country.
Give ItUpfilm.com. We're coming to select theaters for one screening. The director and I will be doing a Q&A after.
So July 28th, you can go to North Hollywood, California at Regal Cinema. August 10th, you can go to San Diego and see the movie.
August 13th is Denver. August 20th is Chicago. August 23rd is New York City.
24th is Philly. August 25th is Raleigh. August 26th, Atlanta, August 27th, Nashville. We might add a couple more,
but this might be your only chance to see it on the big screen. So go to Give ItUpfilm.com.
The director and I will be doing a Q&A after. It's a whole event. There'll be posters. They'll be
Everybody's going to win a bunch of money. It's going to be awesome. So if you want to see my movie,
Give It Up, which really is great, go to Give It Upfilm.com. I will be at all of the
these screenings. We're going to make a special
announcement and we're going to take it from Reddit
because look, this
is a fun. We like to have fun.
No, we don't. Okay.
This is from last night.
Someone posed this on the Dalop subreddit.
Live show tip,
shut the fuck up.
A drunk person at the show tonight
was so damn annoying. Please don't get
so drunk that you can't read the room
and Gareth has to explicitly tell you to stop
exclaiming things. The guys don't like
it. Your fellow audience members don't.
like it. They aren't playing
a show to just you.
Shut the fuck up. So
we're happier here.
But yeah,
you just, just shut up.
The person last night wasn't even
doing anything other than going like,
whoa, really?
And that's just right. So that's your job.
That's my role.
Don't say
that's crazy. Don't do accents.
Don't go, whoa, really.
That's what I do. So don't do that. So don't do
But shut the fuck up.
That's the move.
And also...
So, Dave's a Trump guy.
It's recommended that you...
Go ahead.
What'd you say?
I said, go ahead.
Dave's MAGA. Dark MAGA. Go.
Dark MAGA? Dave's white MAGA.
They're all white MAGA.
I know. Imagine like that there. But we're white MAGA.
And I'm sorry to all of our MAGA fans.
You're listening to the dollar.
This is an American History podcast where each week I, Dave Anthony, read a story from American
History to a creepy dollhead keeper.
Gareth Reynolds, who loves his babies and has no idea what the topic is going to be about.
Now look, it feels like we've never had an audience more distant than this one.
And that's okay.
They're all from Buffalo, so they're mad.
September 3rd, 1811.
John Humphrey Noise was born.
We've got a real power top over there.
What's weird is that guy does not know who this is.
He's just happy the show started finally.
John Humphrey Noise was born to John and Polly Noise in Bataloo, Vermont.
They had very comfortable lives.
John was a minister, teacher, businessman, and a member of the U.S. House of Representatives.
Awesome.
Hell yeah.
Polly was the aunt of future U.S. President Rutherford Hayes.
Oh, Rutherford B. Hayes.
Oh, B. Hayes.
Isn't that what they used to say for him back then?
That's the first joke.
And, uh, O. B. Hayes.
Polly was super religious and shoved that into her kids.
John Humphrey was the fourth of nine kids.
What?
That's how religion is.
You shove it in there.
Could have used a much different action.
Cram it in your kids.
Action verbs have alluded you.
Smash it in them.
We took, it's fine.
It's the best.
Is that going to be a laugh?
Because that's an awesome laugh.
It's an awesome laugh.
It sounds like a mouse jumped.
I'll tell you we can't keep talking about it.
It's an awesome laugh and we encourage you to laugh,
but it does sound like a mouse freaks out when you laugh.
O'B. Hayes.
Bali was also super religious,
shoved that under her kids.
Now, John Humphrey was the fourth of nine kids.
Okay.
John Humphrey was born on the day that his dad was elected
to the state legislature.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.
He was a bit of a weirdo.
Huh, okay.
That's my description because he, quote, was always fond of thinking.
He used to say that he would go to bed early because he wanted to think.
My opposite.
Normal kid.
Yeah, just, well, I'm going to go to the bunk beds and fathom for a while.
He's six.
He loves to think.
If you're bragging about thinking or if it's like you have a real fondness for it,
it's probably you're not the sharpest.
Well, I'm off to go think.
I'll be thinking for a while.
Mom, can I go to bed early to think?
Think's right now.
Shh, honey.
Yeah.
It's time to sleep.
You've been thinking for six hours now.
Oh, my God.
It's 2 a.m.
I know.
I just won't stop.
And then even when I close my eyes, I have weird things.
Did I tell you about any of those?
It's okay.
I was swimming underwater so far that I couldn't breathe.
And then I tried real hard.
and I could breathe.
And then I woke up, and I had a whole bunch of new things to think about.
Like, what was that thinking that happened back there?
And was I in charge of it?
Or was someone else in charge all that thinking?
Oh, I got a lot of thinking to do.
I don't think I can leave bed today.
Think I could leave bed today?
That's a whole new line of thinking outside of the thoughts.
Well, I've been thinking.
What?
I just don't want to be your parent, your parent anymore.
I just don't want to have a child.
I want there to be a void where you are.
A void.
God damn.
Whoa.
God damn it.
That's just like a big space.
Jesus Christ.
That goes on and on and on.
Hey, think about this.
Well, I've been thinking, whoa, I could see your thoughts on the wall.
All the thoughts inside your head splattered for me to collect and process in my hands.
Well, I'm being thinking.
Don't.
When I was a kid, there was a little.
Who at their own show says no to applause?
I don't want people to encourage you.
It's a very strange dynamic.
But I want that to enjoy it.
One guy's a player and the others of the ref.
That makes no sense.
They get enjoy it, but just not too much.
They are allowed to enjoy it.
You get out of it.
You like the thinking kid.
I'm creating a great character.
Oh, God.
And let me tell you, yeah.
No, there's no.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
You know, let me tell you something.
If you, what if I just started bleeding?
So he goes to school in Vermont and then Massachusetts, and in 1822, he went to
Battleboro, Borough Academy.
Battleboro Academy.
It's still there.
They still, I'm sure it's now.
pretentious rich kid school.
Oh, you went to Battleboro.
You're so negative on the rich.
What?
It's just crazy.
Wait, what?
You're so negative on the rich.
Yeah.
I don't get why.
Look around, idiot.
Tring him up from the rafters.
You guys, no.
We can't, look, we can't tax them.
That's right.
Job creators.
As a teen, he was painfully shy around girls.
believing his red hair and freckles made him ugly.
You fight through that face.
Just grab the curtain.
In 1826, he went to Dartmouth, graduating in 1830.
Then he studied law in his brother-in-law's office in New Hampshire.
He lamented his feelings of sexual frustration.
Man, there's a lot of thinking still.
By 20, he was a Yankee dandy.
What does that mean?
Like a fancy Yankee boy.
What does that mean?
You don't even know what it means?
No, he's...
You know what a dandy is?
So he's a fancy Yankee dandy?
Yeah, he's a dandy.
You allowed to say that?
I mean, I just did, and no one's tried to stop me.
Wow, look at you.
Comedy's back!
Saying he was going, quote, to indulge the lust of the eye and the pride of
of life for the present.
One more time, because that's a very perverted.
That is an Epstein email.
To indulge the lust of the eye and the pride of life for the present.
Okay, so he's really going, he's going to fuck everything.
That's what I took from that, yeah.
He's going to bang his way through.
Yeah.
I guess New Hampshire.
The Dartmouth area.
The Dartmouth area.
The greater Dartmouth area.
Dart meat mouth.
It's okay.
in there, sweetie. But he finally
gave into his mother's badgering about
church and went to a tent revival
service by
famous preacher Charles
Finney. Now, while he
actually went to the revival to
pick up on ladies, he ended up
converting. That's
classic. How could you not?
Man, everyone goes to church
to get laid and then he's like, I'm actually a
Christian. Okay, it
was not uncommon to
go to revival to hook up. It wasn't.
No. Okay.
The traveling tent sermons let tight-ass middle-class people sob and yell and tremble and moan and dance,
and then it was not uncommon for them to get fired up and hook up after.
John was one of thousands swept up in God fever, taking over the Northeast called the Second Great Awakening.
He didn't get laid there, but our 20-year-old virgin found he could channel his erotic energy into Christianity.
Crazy. Crazy. What a way to do it? What the fuck?
That is how you do it.
Jesus Christ. I mean, sorry. No.
That's crazy. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. All right. This is going to be how I...
Yes. Now I will teach.
Any difference between this and what Erica...
Eric Kirk?
Stop it.
You know if you say her name three times, she appears.
Careful now.
He bailed on law to become a preacher.
And John went to Andover Theological Seminary in Massachusetts.
He wanted to work as a missionary and joined a society called the Brethren,
which met to examine and support each other's faith with very honest criticism.
That's crazy.
We'll get to that.
Did you say bread ridden?
Brethren.
Brethren.
Oh, I thought he said bread ridden.
Eat a loaf of bread.
You're like, I can't get out of band.
I'm bread ridden.
Too much sourdough.
I'm bread ridden.
Don't say another word. Let me cook. Go.
You just wanted to be breadron.
Very much so.
Well, I was going to crowbar the bid in either way, but it would have been helpful.
Tell me you said bread ridden.
Tell me you said bread ridden.
Oh, you didn't?
Here's the joke anyway.
And then explain to me the thrust of what he's doing?
They get together and they examine and support each other their faith with honest criticism.
Right, okay.
So they criticize each other's faith.
Yeah.
Right, okay.
But a want of spirituality at Annabur had him switched to Yale Divinity School in 1832 where he could spend more time on Bible study.
Okay.
That's why I switched colleges.
Yeah.
No, that shows.
Oh, man, more Bible, please.
Yeah, that's what you've always.
always said. And while he's there, he got involved in activism and he helped organize one of the
first anti-slavery societies in the U.S. in New Haven, Connecticut. There you go. Who would have
thought that? New Haven. Yeah. New Haven. Nothing to knock there? Now it's...
Now what? Whites. New Haven? Now it's newer haven.
No, that's good. It's a good thing. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. We can't be nothing to knock there.
No. He adopted perfectionism.
He adopted perfectionism?
Okay, sure.
Which says that a man has the ability to be spiritually and physically perfect.
Oh, okay, right.
So, or a maxing.
Yes.
Yes.
Like clavicle.
It looks maxing.
Uh-huh?
Yeah, clavicle.
Yeah, like clavicle.
Yeah.
That's who I'll picture now.
Yeah.
That's right.
Well, until I show you a picture of this guy and then you won't.
It can be worse than what I've already seen.
Oh, well...
It really can't be.
Okay.
Naturally, he concluded that he was already perfect
and had achieved complete holiness on earth.
Look at this.
The beard is insane.
The beard?
Yeah, he's got...
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
He's got like a frame around his head.
That is crazy.
You know, all they were doing
was silencing women who the whole time
were biting through their tongue,
like the fuck are you doing right now.
Jesus Christ, your facial hair is insane.
Well, I figured out the best way to show off my head.
I'm going to go for a little tiny Velcro beard
around the whole thing.
And then I think I'm just going to wear some cut-off tassels
as a tie.
I'm off to bang everything with a heartbeat.
I'm going to spread these women like the gospel.
I'm so sorry.
So naturally he concluded he was already perfect
and had achieved complete holiness on earth,
and this was not really popular with others at Yale.
So he's basically like, so I figured out I've...
I'm awesome.
I've pious maxed.
Yeah.
Yeah.
In his second year, he was trying to figure out what the exact date was of the second coming of Jesus.
That could take a while.
Yeah.
Oh, but that wouldn't make sense.
That's a Sunday.
Oh, this is hard.
He read the New Testament ten times.
Oh.
to figure it out and realized it had already happened.
All right, let's say, let's say that is your mission.
Incredible that need ten times to realize that it had already happened.
Like, even outside of all the obvious shit, but to be like, oh, God, it's so obvious.
It was two years ago.
Have you ever read anything twice?
Yeah.
Dude, when I was in fucking school, that was the only way I could participate in class was to read a, I didn't read a,
I didn't read it twice for pleasure.
I literally remember one time in school,
like the teacher was like,
all right, so, and then what happened?
And I was like, well, that was because he went home
for the first time in a while.
And she was like, okay, so this is great.
So I know Gareth did the reading
because he raised his hand to answer.
And even though he's wrong,
it shows that he did it.
And I was just sitting there like, right,
thank you for your compliment.
Wait.
So as a matter of fact, I read most things twice.
And still don't get it.
Get what?
He said the second coming of Jesus happened in 70 AD right after the Romans
sieged and destroyed Jerusalem.
This meant, that was a weird, that was a weird time to laugh.
I think that was a gasp.
He did it in the library.
This meant, quote, mankind was now living in a new age.
So this was a whole new chronology of Christ.
He became increasingly concerned with salvation from sin and perfection.
And this perfectionism mumbo-jumbo led him to conclude that anyone who accepted Christ
as already having established the kingdom of heaven on earth could live totally free of sin.
Oh, what a fucking little loophole.
Oh yeah, we found one.
So wait a minute.
If I'm Christian, I can do whatever the fuck I want.
Holy shit.
I mean, that's like right before a montage.
If I'm Christian, I can do whatever the fuck I want.
What?
Yeah.
Oh.
In perfect holiness, he declared that he was saved from sin on February 20th, 1834.
Now, this doesn't go well with the higher ups at Yale.
who tried and convicted him of heresy.
Yeah.
They, like, put a cigarette out of there for it.
He's like, I've accepted the kingdom of Christ.
Gonna go bang your wives.
Ooh, cartwheels out of the room.
What's up?
Teach.
Can you hear this?
All right.
So they pulled his license to preach, and they expelled him.
Licensed to preach.
What?
You'll be no more preaching.
You're going to have to go back and take the test again.
I mean, yeah, what?
into a town. Do you have a license to preach?
In my other pants.
We're going to need to see that.
You can't just go preaching willy-nilly.
Not in our town.
Not going to be a problem.
I have a passport to Rector.
Excuse me.
I have a
green card to
apostolize?
That is not a thing.
I got a visa for him and?
Now that, yes.
Oh, thank God, all right.
Woo!
After he was expelled, quote,
I was an outcast,
yet I rejoiced and leaped for joy.
So he's gone, but he...
He's figured out a great system.
Yeah.
He did convert one young woman, Abigail Merwin.
He converted one person?
Yeah.
Don't you understand?
She was like, okay, that sounds pretty good.
We could do whatever we want.
Okay.
All right, there we go.
I've been working on a little thing I call 69.
His family begged him to come home, but he decided to live in poverty, a wandering, homeless guy trying to convert others.
He left Merwin, Abigail.
Sure.
In New Haven.
Not the wizard.
That's right.
In May of 1834 and moved to a crime and disease-filled Manhattan neighborhood.
and there he hallucinated a passionate encounter with God's spirit
and imagined he was besieged by the devil.
He was besieged by the devil?
Devil's coming after him.
Fuck me.
That's acid, not true.
For three weeks of devil besiegment.
Where was he?
He was in the Manhattan neighborhood.
He's just in Manhattan?
Like, hey, I don't, I'm still here.
This besiegment isn't over yet.
You are in a lot of trouble.
just want to go home. You're not going
home. You and I are hanging
out. Why do you sound like the South Park
devil? I do not. I do not.
That is a completely
that is a different thing.
Assuming that anyone with a deep voice
is somehow infringing upon a
copyright is, that's a fuck...
That's fucked up, by the way. That's a
sin. That's... I'm gonna besiege
worse than ever before.
Wow. Yeah. I feel like I really
found a little... You have not?
No, you have not. It's fine.
I've heard it before, but whatever.
Everything's derivative of everything.
Quiet.
Be quiet.
I'm a completely different version of this.
It's not even funny.
I'm going to besie you worse when you go to bed tonight.
Shut up.
Do not say that.
I could change my voice if you'd rather.
Okay.
Or be a British devil.
That's right.
You're under a big degree of besiegement.
That doesn't sound like a couple.
I agree. It doesn't feel right either.
Well, we'll find it.
Here's what we'll do.
We'll figure it out together.
Maybe I'm a Russian devil.
Ah, that feels better.
You're in big trouble, you?
Oh.
Yes.
They're all devils.
No, no, that's crap.
You can't do that.
That is a shame to say that.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
No, you like it too much.
No.
No.
I mean, I could just talk like this.
Yeah, that's fine.
All right, yeah, you're in a lot of trouble.
Who am I?
So for three weeks, he's filthy, lacking sleep and food.
He's wandering the streets, warning people, Christ's judgment was nigh.
At the end...
Like Borat?
Yes.
At the end, he thought he defeated the devil.
And his family thought he had completely lost his fucking mind.
Either way, we should just be...
I mean, you celebrate that.
Oh, good.
Come back.
Well, I did it.
Sorry, but I meant out in so long, but I beat the devil's ass.
Cool.
We were having noodles.
Don't you think he was just, like, partying and fucking?
I can't tell.
I mean, look, if we're being honest, people who walk the streets and shout about, you know,
Jesus at times, you go, hey, good luck on your journey.
Not for me.
I wish you the best.
So, uh, he might have been partying.
he might have just been, you know, the kind of guy who grew a chin strap, beard around his weird head.
He said only those who were perfect and free of sin were true Christians.
And he traveled to New England, preaching, debating, and publishing works.
And then he got a new follower.
A new follower.
James Boyle.
James Boyle?
James Boyle?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
The dad from everybody loves Raymond?
Oh, that's Peter Boyle.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I got my boils mixed up.
You know, I heard what you did to the devil back in Manhattan, and I love that for you.
Peter Boyle?
Do we have a picture of James Boyle?
No.
So they started the perfectionist, a religious paper.
The band, the ska band.
Yeah.
Now, there's not many converts, and he falls in love with Abigail Merwin.
Who?
He does?
He does?
He does?
No, John does.
Okay.
Back with her.
Now, she's not in love with him.
and then she gets engaged to someone else.
Well, that's fucked up.
And soon after that, he came up with a new thing.
Now, Dave, this isn't going to be one of those things that's catered specifically to his life.
No.
This is going to be an overarching religious decree.
No, what?
Decree.
It's called spiritual spouses.
And that becomes...
Which is a dating app.
And that would become spiritual polygamy.
And the idea was...
So the idea is, she's...
Can I get a...
Yes, she's taken by that guy, sure. Biblically, they're married.
But as far as in every other way, probably sexually, eventually, she's a free agent.
You get to fuck.
So she can bang him.
Spiritual polygamy, the idea was traditional marriage made everyone the, quote, selfish possessions of one another,
which did not give them the ability to love all men and women equally.
Okay.
By the way, it feels physical, not spiritual.
It feels like quite a physical.
It feels like physical polygamy, which I believe is polygamy.
It's all about the spirit.
Okay.
Connecting spiritually and with God.
Sure.
John started a Bible school in Vermont and converting the townspeople of Putney.
Nope.
Are you a Putney in?
You live near it?
You grew up near it.
Okay.
It sucks.
It sucked.
All right.
I don't know if you know what luing at a city means at a show.
It's normally support.
I've been to it once.
It's horrible.
Putney.
So some of John's family came around as ideas on marriage became famous in 1837 and a letter published.
All the men were like, now hold on.
This spiritual polygamy thing is pretty good.
Some do this.
I get to do it and you shut up about it.
How about that, Abigail?
And you can't practice it either.
It was published in Theodore Gates's Battle Acts,
and he wrote that in a holy community,
there is no occasion for shame,
sexual exclusivity, marriage,
and reason why sexual intercourse should be restrained by law.
Oh, my God.
Thank you.
By the way, this is one of those.
This is like the Patriot Act.
That's a weird...
No, no, let me stick to landing.
It's like a bunch of language
where you're like, well, that could be abused pretty easily.
And then 10 years later, you're like,
what the fuck this is terrible?
What the hell are they doing?
This is going to go great.
Open sexual relationships could bring them closer to God.
A Philadelphia preacher got his hands on the letter
and published it in his Christian zine.
Oh, Christian Zine.
After this, a bunch of people canceled their subscriptions to John's paper,
already went into debt.
Wow.
But it's not just about sex, as you seem to think it is.
No, it is.
It's not.
100%.
Listen, that.
Without question it is.
I will not be convinced otherwise.
Ellen Waylon Smith, quote,
today we have this idea,
we Americans were always these ardent capitalists
who were gung-ho about the free market and individualism.
But when the market economy first got going,
the idea of competition and struggling against your neighbor
to make a living,
horrified Americans.
Oh my God.
Imagine.
They couldn't accept
that the new model for the economy
was going down this path towards selflessness,
a concept that haunted
people. Going towards selflessness.
Yeah, like it being an individual,
like they saw themselves as part of a community.
Yeah, right. So they couldn't even,
the American now, they would be like, what the fuck?
Yeah, and they'd be like, dude,
move, I'm trying to park on that spot.
Quit standing there if not trying to fathom
You fucking idiot
Okay
Because they push their shopping cart
Like far away from where the carts are supposed to go
Ah, out of here
Fascism
So John incorporated the idea of community
That was attractive and he called it
Bible communism
Bible communism
Oh my God, wow
I can't even fucking...
Okay?
There's no doubt in my mind
this ends in the invention of the glory hole.
This has to be the origin story.
Bible communism.
In 1838, he met and married Harriet Holton.
Luckily, she had inherited quite a bit of money
and began funding John's new community.
Oh, boy.
You know, it's always that.
They always get the influx.
It's just like Silicon Valley.
It's just a terrible concept
until some dip shit is like, I'll give you a million dollars.
Yeah, she's a VC fund basically.
Yeah, she's VC, yeah.
Venture Christianity.
No, Via Cong.
Via Cong?
Via Cong?
I don't believe that's what it is.
No, VC means via Kong.
I don't think it does.
No.
I'm in VCVC.
I'm a venture capitalist in Viacong.
Mark Thiessen is like one of our most...
Oh, Anderson.
Sorry, I said it.
Yeah, no, Andresen.
And Dresen.
Yeah, he's great.
He's one of our top Viet Cong.
Yeah, he's great.
Very good.
So, Peter Thiel.
Via Kong.
They're all Viet Cong.
It's going to be...
In a dream scenario, we can send them to Iran,
and they can be the only boots on the ground.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Oh, my God.
Mark!
Mark died falling out of the helicopter.
They would have five...
kids in six years.
Shit.
Only one survived.
She accepted his polygamy beliefs,
but he didn't act on them for years.
So there's now,
he's got 31 adults and 14
kids in his little community.
That's plenty.
And John called it the Society of Inquiry.
The Society, yeah, they're just a bunch.
I mean, right there, I'm out.
Yeah.
It just sounds like a rogue idea.
Here, here we're just here to ask questions.
It's all question-based.
Yeah, I'm out.
No, no, no.
Come here.
No.
Look, we're figuring it out together, and that's the whole point of this.
Imagine if the question mark was a cul-de-sac that we could all live in.
Good fucking bye.
Why don't you come in here and figure some stuff out for yourself, because we're open to figuring it out with you?
No.
Something you've questioned your whole life.
You sound like you're about to start a jam-pad.
Something you've questioned your whole life.
What would it be?
Why I'm here?
Same here, brother.
Why are we here?
What's the point of all this?
What, we're just putting on a big play for God?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, then what's with the rehearsals?
Yeah, exactly, no.
Oh, Jesus.
No, no, no.
I mean, he's here, but listen.
Let me ask you this.
No.
Are you married?
Yeah.
All right.
How's that been?
What?
Is your wife a nine?
She's hot, yeah.
Your wife's hot.
Fuck yeah.
That's awesome.
What if you...
No.
No.
Hold on. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be with my wife?
No.
Okay. Do you have money?
Yeah.
All right. So give me your wife, some of your money, and you can live in one of those little barn huts.
Are you Viet Cong?
I'm a venture con.
So most of the people that he invited in were well off, and they all pulled their resources.
And in 1845, they formed a corporation and started publishing work like the perfectionist and spiritual magazine.
And with the invention of electricity, John said Christ's love was an electric fluid that could be passed through words, both written and spoken, and through touch.
Hey, a question in the back.
What?
You're saying he's electric?
You can feel my electricity if I touch you.
Uh-huh.
Especially if I touch you...
When do we get into the Bible?
In your outlets.
What?
If I touch you in your outlets or put my cord, my prong...
Stop.
...into your outlet.
No.
And then the electricity will flow.
And boy, will my electricity flow.
Why?
Why?
What does that do?
that is a, why, what are we doing that for?
To get my electricity in you.
No.
To make a baby.
What?
Well, that was a twist.
We've got an electric baby.
One of God's little babies.
What?
Yeah.
This is Christ.
This is crazy.
I think I nailed this.
I bet you do.
Give me, write this down.
I think I got a good one.
What?
This was the ultimate way to change up the community's God battery, and that was through sex.
Stop.
If members...
That was good.
You know, there's a reason why nobody's sitting in front of that guy.
There probably were two people, and before the show, they're like, let's get the fuck out of here.
This guy's got a weird energy.
Speaking of weird energy.
If members had enough electric sex.
for Jesus, they could achieve immortality on earth.
And then he would always talk about electricity flowing.
He always talked about it.
In 1846, John acted on open relationship God believes, and he courted the wife of George
Cragan, who was one of his first converts.
That's his first extramarital polygamy situation.
Yeah.
Then John...
I finished.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
I'm going to go to the barn and weep for a little while.
Okay.
But don't come into the barn when I'm in there weeping.
I'll weep outside of it, I guess.
What?
I'll cry outside the barn.
Good.
Okay, great.
All right.
Love you.
Love him.
Yep.
Okay.
I didn't say love you.
I just got to talk to you about it until later.
Bye.
Got to go.
Hey.
Well, you're getting good.
Hey.
You don't see okay.
I'm fine.
That was a lovely session.
Good stuff.
I'm happy we'd, yep.
Hey, sorry I didn't make it all the way.
But, hey, you're really glad we did this.
My husband, my husband goes a lot longer.
Oh, I thought I was your husband.
Like longer than a minute.
Aren't I that guy?
Oh, you are?
Yeah, that's who I thought I was.
Oh, so.
Wait, who are you talking about?
I thought, nothing.
Hold on, let me light a candle.
Oh, my God.
Oh, yeah, it's me.
What did you think was happening?
happening? Nothing. Wait, who are you weeping in the barn after if it's not me? The cows.
What? The cows. I was just crying about the cows. Oh, all right. Have a good night.
That must have been the best way to go to sleep back in the day. All right, see you tomorrow.
Are you done reading? I am. All right. Make a wish. So then John and his wife swapped with the
Gregens.
Okay.
His wife got a little action.
Sure.
Pineapples upside down.
You know what I mean?
Sure, absolutely.
They all moved in together then.
Oh, fucking hell yeah.
Here we go.
The first reality show.
This was the true story.
And then this complex marriage expanded to include John's two sisters and their husbands.
What the fuck?
Like, okay, it was weird.
What is he mean?
By the way, my sister's getting involved.
how awesome is this party
this hot tub just got two people bigger
hell yeah
this is great
so it's five couples now
and two are his sisters
and they're all married to each other now
and two are his sister now there's no evidence
he has sex with his sister
there's no evidence he had sex with his sister
but he wasn't a complex marriage with his sisters
doesn't mean you gotta fuck him
you can fuck their husbands
and the husband
And they can fuck.
This is him saying grace.
And I also did not have sex with my sisters.
I wouldn't.
I could have sex with their husbands.
And the husbands could have sex with our wives.
But not my sisters.
Amen.
The other 25 members of society did not know about the group marriage.
So even in this weird compound of this, they're like, we can't tell people how weird we get it.
Let's not let it out.
I don't want people that don't fucking my sister.
No, but he isn't.
No, he's not, I know.
Do you?
I think he did.
I mean, come on.
Why is the second couple you invite in, your fucking sister?
Hey, it's a family affair.
No, not us, though.
So God wants.
Okay, so until John told a new friend about this relationship situation, that's what everyone
knew.
A few months later, John was arrested for adulteress.
Fornification. Fornication. For cheating.
Yes.
That was the only thing they could get him on?
Well, you're not allowed to fuck outside of marriage, so it's illegal at this time.
I know, but he has a fucking compound.
He hasn't done anything else. It's all legal to have a compound.
We're going to have a compound.
It's like what Prince Andrew went down for like, you gave away secrets.
Is that what he went down for?
Yes. Yeah, they were like, you gave away. No, nothing to do with the other stuff.
At least it's better than our country.
I know.
But it's like, they were like,
how dare you tell other governments what we're doing?
He's like, ah, I lived on an island with teenagers.
They're like, and right, but you're going to jail.
Loose lips, shig ships.
So he gets out on bail and he flees to New York City,
and word came that warrants have been issued for other cold members.
And then one of his members bought land on the Oneida Reserve
in Central New York.
York State.
Oh, my God.
It's so funny.
It's not funny.
It's so horrendous that we're like, hey, we'll just go to that Native American land.
That's how we'll escape our polygamist spread.
Well, they all fled there.
Now there's 87 people living there at the end of 1848.
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decided to get rid of ego and exclusiveness.
They had all to live under one roof.
Sure.
They had carpenters who built a three-story building called the mansion house.
Oh, dear.
That is a fuck building.
That is...
No walls.
Not one wall.
Just beds.
Just beds everywhere.
When I was in Miami, like, in my 20s...
Of course you go from all beds to Miami.
I went to a club called...
bed where it was like 90% beds and you had to take your shoes off. It closed down within a year.
Because everyone was like, Jesus Christ, this fucking nightmare. Like you'd be trying to get a drink
and be like, gosh, shit, I spilled it on the bed. They'd be like, don't you drink, can they?
They'd spill on the bed. It seems like a real problem. It was a real bad idea. And then
the hip and club trampoline much better.
So there were many communal.
living experiments going on at this time. But Oneida started with real capital, about 100,000, so about
four million in today's money. One member invented an animal trap, which they manufactured,
and that brought in money, and they kept expanding businesses to keep money coming in. So they changed
the name to the community. It's never a good, that's always...
Now, the more vague, yeah, that's like an offshore account. And John became more eccentric.
And that seems very unlikely.
Rules were adapted on his whims.
He decided new members needed more indoctrination
and had new members live in a house together.
So he had a new member house?
Yes.
Okay, right.
And the old members were just floating around.
Yes.
And anyone could grab them.
Since John wasn't good with emotional attachment,
he discouraged it and told them to devote it to the group.
This is a, once again, this is a
biblical Christian organization?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah.
I just haven't heard the,
sounds like,
haven't heard any of the terms in a while.
No, it feels like, yeah.
This sounds very,
this is how every fucking cult starts.
This is what Jesus did.
Look, we're going to build and plant
and we're going to pray.
Also, we're all going to fuck each other.
And it dogs out Tuesdays, and we drink.
And we steal.
And we live in one house together,
and we all sleep in a big sleeping bag
with sleeping caps on like the three stooges.
And we go head to bush.
Everybody down the row.
Guys, it's in the Bible.
So his belief was that if you showed partiality
to anyone member, the whole commune would fall apart.
So don't get really focused on one.
Just everybody, love everybody.
Equally.
It was a sin to show too much affection to your kids.
It's just...
My dad did that.
Not like this he didn't
Your dad had a drinking problem
This is way different
He's like
Well
Yeah
No I mean look
Your dad
I will not have you
Besmirch the name of him
He brought home a woman
Yeah
On a date
Yeah
And my mom was cooking dinner for them
Okay
Well what do you bring to your own house
A bottle of wine
The guy was a fucking assassin
That doesn't even make sense.
He was the man.
Every time I hung out with him, we had a good time.
Until you killed him.
I didn't kill him.
The bottle did.
I was just there cheering him in a month.
So parents who did show what he called
sticky love towards their own kids.
Is it possible to come up with a different term
that doesn't make me think of fucked lube?
It's just you're too attached.
to your own children.
You stuck to them.
They were barred from seeing their kids
until they could prove they didn't care
for their children more than the other kids.
So you had to...
It looks like you really like your son more than the other.
He's my boy.
Well, that's not okay here.
What?
That's not okay here.
So you can't talk to your son for a little while.
Why don't you talk to Gabe's son over there?
Show him how much you love him
because it feels like you love him more than that guy.
I do. He's my son.
No, he's not your son.
they're all your sons. Go talk to Gabe's kid.
Hey, Gabe's kid.
Wrong.
Love him better.
Hi, little boy.
All right, I'm going to take your wife into the other room.
How good is the Bible?
Giving up sticky love would bring you closer to God.
You know that.
You told me that once.
All the kids lived in the children's house, starting at
18 months up to 12 years old.
Now that is a fine arrangement.
You want babies
living in houses with
new adolescence. That's smart.
Yeah. Some parents
How's everyone doing in this house that's
just for kids and babies?
Ice cream everywhere.
Now some parents would obviously
then hide their affection for their own
children and the kids would do the same
to the parents, but they try to sneak.
Ben, Ben, Ben, I fucking love you. Okay, it's me.
I love you so much.
Sounds like the South Park devil.
Once kids hit puberty, they were assigned to an older opposite sex member for sex.
Wait, what?
You just said sex four times, and I am a little lost.
Don't say no.
What?
Once they hit puberty.
Uh-huh.
So they're ready.
Stop.
They were assigned to an older opposite sex member for sex.
But before the girls were assigned, John would take the, John would be first.
You had to teach.
You had to when writing this be like, maybe I shouldn't put that part in.
I kind of had to, but yeah, you're right.
He was 37 now.
Anyone have a joke?
So the girls would go on interviews with older men and that the older guy would not ask the girl directly.
An older woman would.
So it's a whole thing.
They kept notes of who asked for an interview and what had happened.
So the idea was for holy members to introduce them
to quote the holy pleasures of sex.
Yeah.
Holy, okay.
And then when dudes were 14,
they would go on interviews
with post-menopausal women.
Wow, this arrangement is very bizarre.
Hello.
Because they couldn't get pregnant.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
You know, you see this guy,
and you go, yeah, creepy weirdo,
but he looks like every other guy in like the 1800s.
He does.
But in that weird.
little head of his, he's like, I've got a really good plan.
And then the boys will date the post-metaposal women.
That's why you can't let your kid think too much.
Anytime you see a kid thinking, put an iPad in front of his face.
There's this whole campaign about not putting iPads in front of, put an iPad in front of your kid.
If your kid is ever looking up like that, he's thinking, she's thinking, stop it right away.
iPad.
No.
Bam!
Right like that.
Put them YouTube.
Bam.
If this guy was around today, he'd be a podcaster.
Without question, I would probably be like, so saunas are good?
It's hard to put a hole in your sauna.
So the reason that they went with post-menopausal women was because team boys couldn't control their orgasms.
Gareth, you're asking me why control orgasms?
Well, pulling out was the main birth control method at the time.
What was?
Pulling out was, right.
But in Oneida, the man was not to orgasm at all.
Now, I'll be honest, did you hear what just happened?
A few women in the room went, hmm.
Now, look, there's a lot of downside to this, but hold on a minute.
That would prevent pregnancy.
In post-menopausal women?
This man wasn't much of a doctor.
This is anybody.
This is anybody in the community.
You couldn't finish.
No, you're not supposed to finish.
Boy, oh boy.
It would prevent pregnancy.
Sure will.
Sure the man maintained his vitality, and the woman wasn't just for making babies.
You would drive by there and be like, what happened?
All the men are like, oh.
I'll be fine at 20 minutes.
Ah, awee, owie, owie.
Oh, so close.
So close.
Can we change your name to Blue Balls Community?
Thank God you said Rake.
Leaves.
Okay.
So the woman got to make the choice when she got pregnant,
and the loss of semen also supposedly hurt a man's health
and made sure the woman was optimally pleasureed
for maximum spiritual benefit.
Yeah, see, I'll tell you, that something did change in the room.
There is...
Half of the audience got a lot more open to religion.
Right?
Well...
Hmm, that's interesting.
Now you may finish.
Now, strangely, not all the teens were into it.
But they had to do it until they were old enough to have interview requests with people their own age.
All this was very against the norms and morals of the time.
Really?
Because, you know.
Really? Because what?
You're not supposed to do that.
Because even back then, people were like, wrong.
Okay, but not just because of the sexual abuse part of it.
But John believed the woman's sexuality was healthy and positive and they should enjoy it.
And that was super not normal for the time.
Everyone was just like, what are you doing?
So they were walking in on a room with like a teenager with like a 65-year-old woman,
and they're like, hold on a minute.
What the hell?
Is she having an orgasm?
Finish.
The society functions.
Enjoying herself.
That's disgusted.
This whole place should be condemned.
Burn it to the ground.
Do that.
I don't need to say this because I'm the same person.
Think that.
Excuse me?
me, excuse me, excuse me,
PD.
What?
The police department.
I'm going to go in there for a little while.
Okay.
Okay, excuse me.
I'm going to follow you.
Never mind.
Now, John,
as much as it was great
that he thought women should have orgasms,
he also believed getting pregnant
was the ruin of a woman's existence.
All right, there you go, double-edged.
He thought,
Stopped a woman from fulfilling her spiritual potential, reduced happiness, and harmed their health.
Now, a lot of babies died back then, and he did have five kids already died, so there might be a little bit of trauma.
Right, yeah, right.
It could be quite sad.
Yeah, and so getting pregnant meant more than just having kids, obviously.
So John's all about birth control, and only 40 kids were born from 1848.
When you say he's all about birth control, he's all about pulling up.
and not having, and not finishing.
Yeah, on the face.
Right, okay, yeah.
Sure.
Not like mole skin or something like that.
No.
No.
So there's only 40 kids over 20 years.
There were about 2 to 300 members
having a lot of sex, so that's actually a low number.
Sure.
They fucked each other, believing it, brought them closer to God.
There's no records of sisters or brothers or parents,
there's any incest stuff going on.
Sure.
There's no records.
Nisa's cousins, that's okay.
Writer Lisa Hicks.
Quote, they believe the liquid electricity
of Jesus Christ's spirit
flowed through words and touch
and that a chain of sexual
intercourse would create a
spiritual battery so
charged with God's energy
that the community would transcend
into immortality
creating heaven on earth.
Oh my God.
Prove it, proven wrong.
Yeah, this is
like this is what I was on the back of Nirling.
Now, if a woman and a guy wanted to have a baby, they had to apply.
Oh, my God.
So you had to apply.
A committee.
A committee would...
Yeah, decide if you were...
So why do you think he should be allowed to finish and say that are you?
Well, we want to have a baby.
Interesting.
Why?
Because we love each other.
What?
No.
I'm to charge the battery a lot.
Good.
Okay.
So they wanted to make the best baby, but only nine couples throughout the years were denied.
Denied?
Yeah.
Okay.
It wasn't like, that's a sad.
I know, right?
To be one of them?
No, you'll keep pulling out.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What happened?
It's stamped anal.
You'll go in the back.
Yep.
No, I don't think so.
Uh, no.
But you've approved like everyone.
Yeah, not you.
It's creepy.
Get out.
You could be with her.
That could be fun.
It wasn't the classic eugenics of perfect physical baby that they wanted, but to breed hoping the holiest among them would give birth to a race of immortals,
which John called the stirpicals.
Nobody's going to call it.
correct you. You could literally say pickles.
Sturpicals.
Sturpicals.
Sturpicals.
Those are stirpacolts.
Oh, this is the foundation of the little rascals?
So wait.
Someone is going to give birth to the immortals?
Sturpicals. So they're like closer to God because they were, they came from two people
fucking with the electricity and they were full of the right amount of spiritual
semen.
Those kids.
Sure.
Okay.
Sure.
Absolutely. And that's hastening Christ's kingdom. Right.
Women were encouraged to do work, the same jobs and play sports the same as men.
Okay.
They were even pushed to do, quote, brain work, like writing.
And writing, oh no. Bookkeeping.
By the way, for a woman, this operation makes a lot more sense than anything else.
This is where I can have a bank account.
They had time because their kids were in the...
the child house.
I mean, there's so much
of this that is so close to
like socialism.
And then...
Daycare.
Equality.
Men did household
tasks like laundry, which was insane
for the time? I don't know what I'm doing.
This is crazy.
You wash socks?
I miss when I could ejaculate.
It's like
I don't understand.
Why does God hate us?
Can't have orgasms?
I haven't seen my son in a while because I loved him.
I'm doing laundry.
My wife's coming.
This is the night beef and I hear.
Women cut their hair short and they threw away their corset and wore pantaloons under their dresses.
Wow.
Charles Gittot's father.
Oh, shit.
was one of John's followers.
Oh, shit.
And Charles came to Oneida in 1860.
Do you want to explain who Gatot is to those who don't know?
Charles Gatotot, I believe, is the man who ended up putting goat testicles in his stomach.
Sure.
Oh, he killed Garfield, but I think he also put balls in his stomach.
He definitely cut his nuts off.
Yeah, he cut his nuts off, that's what it is.
But this is the guy who killed Garfield.
The cat.
The guy who put nuts in other people is a doctor.
Yeah, for sure.
I'm sorry.
He's actually the Health and Human Services Director.
Yeah.
If you put some goat balls in your belly,
you can marry the star of curb.
Your enthusiasm.
It's all part of my pamphlet.
Whoops, I'm in charge.
Okay, so this guy killed Garfield.
But not yet.
But he also cut his balls.
Yeah, it's before he killed Garfield.
He hasn't cut his balls off.
either yet. Oh, okay. By the way, my girlfriend and I did watch the
Netflix show about this guy killing Garfield. Oh, you did. And it was great.
Yeah. Never talked about the ball cut off. Never came up in the origin story
of this guy. I mean, come on.
It's a weird scene. It's a fucking great scene for an actor. That's fucking
Emmy shit. Are you kidding me? If you shot that show and then
you were like, someone was like, you know, he cut his balls off. I'd be like,
why is that not in the script?
It was just like...
It's just like when they made Harriet Tubman movies
and never shown her burning down plantations.
Don't compare that to this.
Oh, am I getting it confused?
Oh, it's Boston Corbett cut his balls off.
Fuck, I'm wrong.
You've got to cut your balls off.
Dallop law.
You get a fact wrong, you have to do what the person didn't do.
Boston Corbett, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But he did not...
Charles did not fit in at Oneida
because he was fucking bananas.
Literally.
They practiced mutual criticism
which was to get into groups
to break the sin out of each other
and that did not go great for Charles.
You will fuck you.
Fuck you back.
He also did not like doing
menial labor and wasn't into
free love because
absolutely no one would
fuck him at the community.
I got to be honest, of everyone I've seen, the most fuckable.
Well, you haven't seen that many.
Yeah, I mean, he's hot, is all I'm saying.
That is the most fuckable guy at the thing.
Those are crazy eyes.
And I got a thing for that.
I also love shaving that little line right between your beard and your hair.
That is a sign of, I'm not okay.
I hate sideburns, but I'm,
I want a beard.
I don't think that's an option.
It is now.
I cut my balls off.
Oh, I didn't?
Oh.
Whoops.
So Charles Gittot started to be called by the other Oneida members, Charles Get Out.
It's like a Trump truth social right there.
I call him Charles Get Out.
He needs to go.
Okay, this is the part that gets me.
What?
What the fuck kind of set up as that?
After everything we've heard?
He left after five years.
That is a...
Read the room, bro.
Five years.
This place sucks.
Everybody is fucking each other except for him.
Maybe one night I'll get some run off.
But then he came back again.
But then he left again.
He was like, no, no, no, not working.
I realized I shouldn't have left.
Oh, no.
What about this?
I got Cologne.
No.
My eyes.
No.
Charles Goto.
No.
No.
Stop doing it.
Go.
Stop.
That was just a blink.
Stop blinking like that.
Just go.
That's a horrible...
Stop.
Get out.
What is that sound?
What is that supposed to be?
That's not...
Have you ever made it?
What?
It doesn't make a sound like that.
I'm being sexy.
Get out.
Hey, Charles.
We're letting children fuck grandmas, but...
Just let me have one post-menaposal one.
No.
Not to come or.
What?
No.
I won't come.
Stop saying that.
Get out.
I won't come.
I'll never come.
Just get out.
I'm going to cut Boston Corbett's balls off.
That makes any sense.
I don't know if you're around at the same time.
I don't either.
I'm going to go back in time and cut his balls off.
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Okay, Montreal is a city I've always wanted to proper.
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best musicians in the world are just playing outside for free in the middle of the city. Maybe sitting
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home is just sitting empty. And that's the thing that actually clicked for me. While I'm away,
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playing outside for free in the middle of the city. Maybe sitting in Mount Royal Park with absolutely
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Okay, so after he left, he sued John for not paying him for work and then he killed the president.
Should have fucked him.
That's like the story of Stephen Miller.
He's the only guy in America who's seen him as black.
So.
And comes out in one.
He comes dark ghosts.
Oh, Katie Miller's like,
another baby, sire.
Stevens in there having sex.
Unbelievable.
So while they started with money,
and hundreds of members by 1860,
they were struggling financially, and they needed to bring money in quick.
Their very first attempt at business was growing fruit.
This is, but this is, this is, this also hits a lot of cults like,
it's like, now we need a financial plan, and you're like, this is over.
We're going to sell peaches.
Well, the problem with fruit is New York State has harsh winters, so, you know,
oranges aren't going to work.
Then they took a shot at making leather bags.
So we're now a handbag community.
They started making fur coats, which were, they made, they caught the fur for the fur coats
because fur was a big huge fat at this time.
So the traps sold well.
Over years, they built a farm, a sawmill, a flour mill, a canning plant, and factories
that made a candy plant?
Canning.
Okay.
Canning.
And factories that made chains and suitcases and silverware and woolen goods and silk
thread.
Take back what I said.
They built a library, a school,
a theater, a Turkish bath?
I mean, yeah.
The best kind.
A fucking Turkish bath. I mean, yeah. I mean, let's make a bath, but where we can all fuck.
For anyone who hasn't bathed in Turkey, it is the ultimate luxury.
What did you say?
The Turkish bath, the way that the gravy hits the turkey when you slip in it.
100%.
I think you're thinking of a turkey bath.
Yeah, that's it.
And that is an unbelievable thing.
Oh, that feeling when you jump into that slab?
No, no, you shouldn't be in there with the turkey.
No, well, it's cut.
No, the turkey, you...
Oh, that feeling when you come up for air?
Nope.
Underneath pounds of boar's head turkey.
I don't think this is a thing.
Yeah, yeah, it is a thing.
I've been in a bunch of turkey baths.
Is it the best?
Oh.
This says Turkish bath.
Yeah, it's a typo.
It's auto-correct.
So members were assigned jobs, and they could rotate.
Prosperity, let them build and play.
They made time for religious study.
Everyone played a musical instrument.
They had nightly dances in concert.
Each night, there was a novel reading, and many came to attend.
Holy shit.
But nighttime was also for mutual criticism.
I love that.
that. I do like that.
You suck.
That's when they got harsh feedback on everything
from how they walked to taking part
in sticky love. You got a wide-ass gate.
I don't care for it.
You walk like a fucking weird-ass penguin.
Fuck you.
Stupid fuck.
I don't like the way you got a little
jaunt to your shit.
Fucking loser. Fuck that.
I'm done with that shit.
You suck.
Your walk is stupid.
Hey.
Put your feet closer together.
What are you showing off?
Looks like you rode a goddamn horse all weekend, you piece of shit.
I hate you and your dumb walk.
You walk like a weir-
What the fuck?
Fuck off.
What the fuck is-
I love nights.
You're really bad at this.
You're really bad at this.
Your walk sucks.
What?
You walk sucks.
sucks.
You walk wide.
Okay, we get it, man.
We get it, man.
Moving on to the next.
Always looks when you're walking like
you're moving down a balance beam
that only you can see.
You look like you haven't come in 10 years.
What's your problem?
I haven't.
The baby board denied my petition.
Oh, that's right.
I've been pitching it off at the chode.
You walk sucks.
Perfect.
It walks the worst.
You walk like you
have a family.
All right.
The sun's coming up, so we should, yeah.
You should wrap it up, yeah.
Good session, everybody.
Not you, but everyone's.
Yeah.
Gonna get through this.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had an orgasm.
So criticism was done by a small community that rotated, so everyone got to be in on it.
Everyone was criticized, except John.
Of course, children were criticized as well.
Hey, you walk funny, you little shit.
That is an eight-month-old baby.
I keep back on my legs, you fucking loser.
That's a baby.
I don't believe babies should be open to the criticizing evening.
Get up!
Walk.
Loser.
But their idealist of work conditions didn't create enough product to make money that they needed,
so they had to do what they abhorred.
higher wage laborer to work in their factories.
They call them hirelings.
Should go back to that.
We are.
They work 12-hour work days, and the Oneidians just work four hours.
Wow.
Well, we've got to go.
See you later.
I'm going to go.
Fucking rest.
Get those spoons made.
You'll be finished in 12 hours.
I'll never finish.
They hired 10 to 16-year-old girls for the thread factory
because they had tiny fingers for the thin silk strands.
They have little fingers, which we like.
Author Anthony Wonderly argues that once they brought in wage labor,
a decline crept in, and the communal feeling keeping the community together was gone.
In 1877, an Oneida kid was sitting.
on the banks of the river and saw a silver factory.
And he figured since the community was on the same river,
they could also make silverware and ship it on the river.
He saw a silverware factory and he was like,
we could do that.
It's called being a genius.
I had an idea.
From that.
Let's do that.
It's called an idea.
So they built a factory and started,
making 10 spoons.
Ten, they started.
At first, that was all they made.
Spoons. By 1879,
the United community was making all
the silverware.
Next.
We're at the point where I'm wondering if
Oneida silverware still exists,
and I'm worried that it does.
Like, I feel like I have an Oneida fork
somewhere, and I was just like,
dump-da-dab-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
Without realizing
this was made from the sweat and non-semen of generations of men petitioning for a child,
while women were happily orgasming.
So Fishers began in the community.
John was old and he was going deaf.
What?
He couldn't speak at meetings anymore.
He was no longer the glue of the society or a sex magnet.
Some children had grown and were.
sent to Yale and they came back with
skepticism of John's prophet
status.
We're here because of the
prophet, John. You guys all
don't, you guys don't think John is
the prophet? Wait, what?
Yale poisoning
more minds. That's insane.
Some
petition John to replace Bible
communism with democracy and
embrace individualism and
capitalism. A new
Christian crusade was rising
in the U.S., and in 1878,
the Supreme Court banned polygamy
in Utah.
Such bullshit. Right?
It's all they had.
That and the jazz.
A minister wrote an op-ed in the New York Times,
making fun of lawmakers for going after
Mormons, but ignoring the Oneida community.
Fair.
A paper soon after
reported authorities were going to arrest John,
and in the middle of the night, he fled to Canada.
And Canada's the best.
We'll take you.
Yeah.
He was like, and what brings you to Canada?
Ah?
Why are you coming to Canada?
What was that?
Why are you coming to Canada?
I don't understand.
Why are you coming to Canada?
Ah, that, yeah.
Uh, all right.
Okay.
With no leader, everything started to fall apart.
Members paired off with their favorite partner into traditional relationship.
Horrifying.
Uh.
Many of the women had had kids with multiple partners.
In the outside world, the single women were called adulteresses and their kids bastards.
A group formed, okay, then a group formed who wanted to have sex without getting approval.
They were called regular people.
Can I fuck, Linda, without asking you guys, can we just?
You're asking us right now.
Fuck.
Yeah.
You're so used to...
Linda!
Yes.
I would like to...
I would like to bang you without other people knowing.
Yeah, just get the certificate stamped.
No!
I want to do it without them knowing.
Like, we are out...
Who's approving it?
On the lawn, and then we go by in a bush, and we just do it, and nobody knows.
It's just you and I...
As long as you don't have an orgasm, yeah.
No, I'm going to come all of it.
over the place.
What?
Oh, no.
This sounds like the manosphere.
I don't think I like this very well.
Fuck.
Start a podcast.
But loyal followers objected to that,
saying it destroyed the holy purpose of lovemaking.
You've got to get approval.
We've got to go to these old men and ask him if we can do it.
You sound crazy.
John sent a notice from Niagara Falls calling for a vote to be held to end complex marriage to protect women and children.
So they voted for it and complex marriage was over on August 28, 1879.
But...
That day, one woman had sex with three men because she loved sex so much and was
Polly. Quote, the Oneidians called her a social magnet because she liked having sex with lots of
different partners. It worked for her. The sex magnet is John's niece, Terza Miller, Miss Miller, if you're
nasty. Hell yeah. John had called for if they got rid of complex marriage for people to be
celibate before they got married. Okay. So we're very close to just traditional. He just flit. He just
Flip.
The total opposite.
He's like, we're going to do Christianity regular.
Sorry about all that weird diversion.
I kind of figured it all out.
We'll just go.
The regular ones were right.
Now that I'm not around, everyone should really stop fucking.
Yeah, yeah.
But if I ever come to town, we'll go back to what we had.
For a couple days.
Okay.
But all the people just blew that off.
The whole thing had collapsed in August 1880, and it was decided
the community could break up and restructure as a joint stock company.
Oneida Community Limited.
We're now, we're now, we're now, we're now just a bunch of bonds.
I know, we've all been fucking each other, but what about a corporation?
Have you heard about going public?
Shares were decided based on original investment and the amount of labor put in over the years.
Wow.
Some of these people had never handled money in their life.
Waylon Smith, quote,
Some had grown, having never even seen it.
John Humphrey-Noy's son, Pierpont.
What?
Pierpont?
Pierpont?
Okay, Pierpont, sure.
Was a boy when the community broke up.
And he wrote that it seems strange that you would have possession of something like a snow sled,
and it wouldn't be shared with a larger group.
So he was like, how could you own something on your own?
You've got to share.
Everyone should be able to ride it.
But get permission first.
Oh boy, a lot of the boys are having orgasms on the toboggan.
That's for the snowman's pipe.
So everyone was pairing up quickly and marrying.
Some women, however, were left without anyone, and they struggled.
And they ended up quasi-destitute.
One of the bastard kids returned when he was older to help run the business.
and he took over from older members in 1895,
and he didn't give a shit about any of the spiritual bullshit.
Sure.
And then he invited some other stirpacult kids,
and they took over the whole board.
Before them, nothing had ever made a profit.
And he cut a lot of stuff, and it became just a silverware company.
Below sterling silver, there was an open market for common folk to have
nice middle-class silverware, and the company took off.
They got in celebrity endorsements like Princess Margaret of Denmark.
Hello, I'm Margaret.
And the silverware became attached to the idea of a high-class home.
They were the largest seller of silverware in the United States.
In the middle of the 1900s, people kept asking questions about the Oneida community.
So in 1947, all the documents were taken.
out of the mansion and burned.
That is so fucking hysterical.
I cannot believe.
Silverware, they sell at Target.
I mean, it was...
It started from men not being able to have orgasms
and salacious partner swapping.
The company kept going strong
until filing for bankruptcy in 2006,
but Oneida's silverware is still sold today.
Wow.
It's weird that it's still out there.
They know.
How do they not have a company and they're still making it?
I'm still making it.
I'm sure they were just bought by someone else, right?
Big silver came in.
Yeah.
Big spoon.
Here we go, yeah.
It's funny because every time I've used that silverware,
I've never actually, I take it to my mouth and I won't open.
And then I've watched women use it and they just shovel it in.
And I've always wondered why.
There you go.
That's the story.
Fuck me.
Well,
yep.
The main source of Collectorsweekly.com,
the polyamorous Christian socialist
utopia that made civil for
proper Americans.
Well, is that the title?
Yeah.
That's the article.
Also, epsco.com,
blueoceanthinking.
Blue ocean thinking was like,
this is under our umbrella.
Crime reads.com,
the ranker.com,
and lapmansquarterly.
dot org. Also, I believe
pinch it off.u.a.
Pinch it off.
Don't come.com.
Christianity.com.
Bingo.
All right, everybody. Thank you very much for coming out.
We appreciate it. Thank you.
